F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 94 - The Dream Gambit

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

We bring some real bad energy at the top of this episode because sometimes you just got to let it all out, but don't worry, we get to that good stuff in no time.  Topics include not allowed to be good at video games, contrary boners, manufacturing a broken heart, looking sexy tied up, mother-daughter dildo bonding and a fun new game!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Al Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. Welcome to the podcast.

I don't really, I usually talk about current events and stuff like that. And like, I've just been taking a hard break from it all. I can't because it's everywhere and the world is just upsetting me. Yeah, it's not great. So yeah, I've just been like, I've just put a real hard pause on news for a while because every time I see a headline, I'm like, this can't be real life. Yeah. Like today, Amanda showed me a thing being like, Colorado has confirmed cases of the bubonic plague in squirrels. I'm just like, cool.

Who had plague for July? Yeah, well, that happened happened there were outbreaks of it like in Europe like a week or two ago yeah I know there was a bunch in like Africa as well so like that's a real neat thing to be happening and they found the black death in China right nice

we're like it's just pandemic year I don't know it's pandemic pandemorama I don't know to be fair if it was ever to happen now is probably a very good time because people have health at the well unless you're america because they just don't give a shit apparently but uh like lockdown protocols of you know people are used to it masks are a thing people are hyper vigilant when they're washing their hands again kind of in general not everybody obviously but like so realistically if we were ever to have the plague again is the best time for it yeah i mean fuck it why not like let's get it all just out of the way you know what i mean

like let's just do a hard just you know cleanse of of whatever nature wants to hit us with and then you know give us like a good hundred years of... Do you want Sharknadoes? Because that's how you get Sharknadoes. I mean, at this point, like, would I be surprised? Would I be surprised? No.

Probably not. I promise you within the... By the end of this year, we're going to hear of like a tsunami or something that has thrown, you know, all sorts of poisonous fish. Yeah. Or, you know all sorts of poisonous fish yeah or you know whatever um in mainland and are now like just ravaging you know small coastal towns in china or something

probably anyway this is depressing let's move on yeah welcome to the show guys were you in a good mood because fuck that yeah i'm gonna beat the shit out of your mood with my words no it's fine you know what people are making it through there are some cool people around that's the important thing we should be focusing on right now yeah it's times like this where it's like it's it's it's nice to see those shining beacons of hope like it's it's a time where you can be reminded that like we as a collective can work towards better things i think like the majority of people are great it's just unfortunately well the minority the shitty people are the ones who are they stick out right squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that

shit so it's like sometimes it can seem like everybody sucks, but in my experience, it is outliers. Yeah, 100%. Do you have a question for me? Yeah. I'm not allowed to be good at video games? This is by FiosAshling11. I feel like I can already tell you what this question is about. Oh, just...

It's so good in a terrible way. Like, it's worse than what you think. So a little bit of background for the topic. I recently started playing the game Dead by Daylight with some friends on PlayStation. In a matter of less than a month, I've climbed from rank 20 to rank one. During this time, I've soloed, played with friends,

even played with strangers from groups, met in communities. I admit playing with friends helps immensely and I do win a lot of games with people I play with regularly. However, I win and climb, I would say just as much when soloing. Ultimately, this didn't sit well with my boyfriend. I suppose because as I sent him my excited rank one Snapchat, he responded with a message like this.

Maybe it's just me being selfish asshole, but it's annoying to me. I know jealousy is stupid. It's just hard for me not to get frustrated watching someone be handed something I've failed to work for. So either you're boosted or I suck. And you're saying you're not boosted. So then I fucking suck. I'm not going to argue with this because it's fucking dumb. I'm just upset. You are absolutely convinced that your skill is the only reason you are where you are. Because this correctly implies you're better than me. Oh, sorry. This directly implies you're better than me. So fine. You're better. You rock and I suck. Let's just stop fucking talking about this. And please stop sending me updates on how high you're climbing. I just have

no clue why you're adverse to the idea of you being so boosted maybe this is something we need to agree to disagree on but to me you are literally the textbook case of boosted you justify it by saying you work hard and put effort in of course you do and doing so in no way means you aren't boosted just bothers me because you act like all you need is determination skill to get up the ranks whereas i put immense amounts of determination for game i consider myself skilled player you still struggle to climb it's fucking annoying i worked really skill to get up the ranks, whereas I've put immense amounts of determination into the game. I consider myself a skilled player. I still struggle to climb. It's fucking annoying. I worked really hard to get what you have and still haven't gotten it. I've seen you play. I know you aren't exponentially better than me. There is no massive disparity to explain why you're such a higher rank. Every time you try to justify it to me, explain why you aren't boosted,

you're literally just arguing that you're better than me, and that's frustrating to me, because I put a lot of time and effort into being good at the game and playing it a lot. And I have you sitting here telling me what you did, but I couldn't in a 10th of the time, not, and that's just cause you're awesome. I'm fucking angry.

I'm upset. Not just at this, but everything. I hate my fucking life and I want to die. We have a history. Holy shit. We have a history of communication like this over small to large issues. This one specifically has occurred similarly with Overwatch,

with him ranking in Platinum and myself in Masters. He usually refused to play with me, but now I'm not even allowed to share these small achievements I'm proud of. I receive what I feel is a major overreaction. Any advice? Jesus. Told you. You know what?

I honestly thought this was going to be about Mario Kart, because I feel like these things are always about fucking Mario Kart or Smash smash brothers so i mean like even if you want let's put the fucking video games aside because i think the underlying root problem here is your boyfriend is mentally unwell there is there's no reason why you being good at video games would make him want to kill himself unless there is like a severe depression or mental illness that is impacting his life. That makes him feel this way. Um, I,

I would hard guess that it is depression. I assume that he is dealing with something, whether it's quarantine based or whether it's something that he's, you know, dealing with on his own, um, obvious, you know, signs of, of, uh's dealing with on his own. Obvious signs of

dealing with inadequacy, which has led to this jealousy, because it doesn't matter what it would be. If you got a really good promotion, I bet it would be the same thing. It would be a direct comparison to him being like, well, I work a shitty job, and you're doing

great. And that is not the foundation of a healthy relationship, no matter what you're doing. Yeah, this is clearly a massively unhealthy relationship, but I'm not sure if I I do agree that like this person isn't going to be not jealous and shitty about other things but i think like i'm imagining this person is just he has this fragile male ego where games are probably his thing inverted commas right like he he's the gamer and that's like his domain and like girls probably shouldn't get in his opinion and i'm imagining that the fact that his domain is no longer his thing, he's not the best at it, and then that a girl of all people would come in and be better than him, I think it's killing him.

I think it probably, because a lot of people are really shitty about women in gaming, and I think it's a lot to do with that, not so much him being depressed. I think the fact that he's so insecure that your success is this threatening and upsetting to him, it could also be depression i don't know it's it's it's fucking wild it is a wild reaction and it is super shitty

you shouldn't be in a relationship with this person yeah i mean like anytime again like putting aside the context of like the video game or whatever anytime you want to celebrate something and your partner reacts with like so what or like anything other than mutual joy it's not a good it's not a healthy relationship like the whole point of being with someone the whole point of sharing good news with someone is so you can celebrate together like if you know if you ever get a book published or you know if one of my movies gets picked up in a thing imagine if i was just like oh hey one of my films got put into a film festival and you were like well it's kind of shitty that your film got

put in and you know it's like if that was your reaction i wouldn't want to be friends with you well you're just boosted dane what the hell does that even mean i don't even fucking know i assume it's like well that's i think one of my favorite parts of this and like by that i mean obviously i fucking hate it but like his like manipulation in this message is that like there's two options and one is either that she is like you know somehow getting like special treatment i don't know how that's supposed to happen but like she's either cheating or you know i don't know what boosted means i guess it's but like she's either cheating or you know i don't know what boosted means i guess it's just like she's getting handouts for some reason or like yeah or maybe like easily like a pay to win sort of model yeah something like that um and then the only other

option is that she's saying he's shit so it's like which one is it are you cheating or are you saying i'm shit it's like what that's a real shit option bud yeah yeah it's like which one is it are you cheating or are you saying i'm shit it's like well that's a real shit option bud yeah yeah it's like you know the the whole flip of the coin and it's like you know yeah like you've he set up a situation where no matter what answer you choose it's bad for him and he gets to the you know keep playing the fucking little violin that he's playing yeah either way he's the victim and either way you're an asshole um i would definitely like i would lay down the law i would be like hey going forward you need to understand that like it's not a direct competition like our lives we're partners and the the way that partnership works is working together not directly competing with each other and the second one of us gets ahead you try to like either make me feel super guilty about it or

you know you are unhappy about it like those those two things of like because like she's just supposed to chill and be mediocre yeah and like what level is going to be okay does he have to be half as good can she be just a little bit less good or does she have to just be terrible like what's what's the level that will make him not want to die because like i said i i don't think this is i highly doubt this would be video game exclusive i imagine that like no matter with this kind of like toxic jealousy is, is going to probably have a bleed over into other things. Cause I imagine it like,

it's going to like seep into like relationships too, where like, if you're hanging out, like if you, you know, let's say you prefer going fucking surfing with your buddy Todd. And then your boyfriend's like, well,

why don't you want to go surfing with me? Is he better? Like you spend more time with him there. It's like, why don't you ever invite me to go surfing? It's like, well, you don't like surfing. You know what I mean? boyfriend's like well why don't you want to go surfing with me is he better like you spend more time with him there it's like why don't you ever invite me to go surfing it's like well you don't like surfing you know i mean it's like it's those kind of things even where i can see i can imagine this would be the kind of person that's like oh you spend so much time with your friends like why don't i spend time with my friends like he would be that kind of jealous person where like he would put his own issues with his friends on like you guys so it's like if you have a good relationship with somebody he would be upset if he doesn't have a good

relationship with somebody yes you know like that that kind of level of jealousy not even like why aren't you spending time with me it's like why don't i have what you have it doesn't even have to involve me there's there's so much entitlement here that like it is it is painful see i would i would lay down the law i would have this conversation and be like hey this is not great and i'm super unhappy about this and i'm also worried about you if if me being better at video games one singular video game makes you want to kill yourself or it makes you think that your life is the worst then there's there's an issue here that we need to address so like either we need to go get you help or you need to talk to me what this overreaction is about. Like, what is this really about?

Yeah, something needs to be fucking solved. And honestly, I would probably break up with this person because that is just so shit. And like any amount of time spent with this person, if something this minimal has this much of a shitty like manipulative guilty attack like he's attacking you as well the whole thing fucking sucks get out of there you know what i mean like unless he immediately is like oh my god what am i doing i'm so sorry and kind of explains himself and immediately starts to get better i do not think it's worth it and even then judging from what we've seen i think it's going to take him a little longer than you should be willing to stick around for 100 i i think it's it's a conversation like

again if you want to save the relationship which presumably you do because you're asking for advice that's that is how i think the only way this should go forward like you said i highly doubt it's gonna go well um and i think that I don't think that this is something that you should stick around for. I think you should discuss whatever you need and that can be whatever it is. You know, obviously that this needs to end, but whatever the parameters of of your negotiation is, is like you put it down. And if the second he starts pulling bullshit, be like, OK, cool, then this isn't going to work. Yeah. And you move on.

Um, I think you put it really well earlier when you said that you're a team in a relationship and that's true. You should be supporting and helping each other's achievements. You should never be belittling them. And like, I deserve that good thing, but you don't like, fuck you.

Now I do have some advice for the guy. Get good. Yeah. Get good, man. Why don't you just get good, bro you. Now I do have some advice for the guy. Get good. Yeah. Get good, man. Why don't you just get good, but fucking scrub. No fucking loser.

Fucking level 20. Copshite. No, no, just get good, man. You know what you should do? Introduce him to like the souls games. Oh man.

Yeah. I'd just be like, Oh, you haven't been that boss yet. You know, here's the trick. Oh, you know what you should do is like secretly download a game and get really good at it.

And then pretend you've never played it, download it with him and be like, oh, give me a shot. And then just fucking, like, one shot the entire game without getting hit. Yeah. Or find a game that he's really good at, get on his computer and mod it so it's the hardest possible fucking. So it's just, like like absolutely unplayable all right hit me what is a normal erection this comes from reddit user boston kids 617 i really hope that's the whole question it's i yeah i'm not sure if i have ed i need to be stimulated during sex or i'll lose my erection in about 60 seconds. I try not to change positions because it will cause my erection to die down.

Okay. Yeah, I would imagine that's not great. No, here's my, like, a minute's a pretty long time. Yeah, that's the thing. If I was having sex and I stood up and nothing happened to my penis for 60 seconds, I don't think I would not be as hard as i started now it all depends but yeah like 60 seconds is a long time and there's kind of a disconnect between him saying 60 seconds and him saying changing positions because changing positions shouldn't take 60

seconds that's the thing if the second you like you, you know, are outside of the vagina and are, you know, by the time you've, she's gotten on top or the, by the time you've switched to doggy, you are flaccid. Then yes, I would say that is concern.

Yes. Um, there could be a lot of reasons for it. Could be, you know, you're overthinking things or whatever. And I'm sure once this happens, it's just going to like,

we've talked about before. It's like a self-defeating cycle where like the worse the scared more scared you are of it happening the more often it'll happen etc um but yeah like yeah if you're not doing sexy things and you're waiting or you're whatever like let's say you guys are like having a shower and you start to like you know do whatever and you're like hey we should get out of the shower and go fuck and she's like okay one second i'm gonna wash my hair and you get out 60 seconds go by yeah by the time she gets in there you probably won't be rock hard yeah you'll need a little attention yeah and that's fine there's nothing wrong with that of course um although switching positions either you're

really bad at it or or you're doing like massively complicated positions like if you're swapping swipping swapping if you're switching like missionary to like you know tie some complex knots to suspend her from your wall um sure like that's except like that's okay if you you know lose some interest in the middle of that um but if it is literally like you're out of a vagina and the second you're like flip her over and that's like oh it's gone i think that's probably something you gotta look into and you you i think you hit the nail on the head it's like it probably happened once and you're so scared of it happening again you're in your head the second you're switching positions,

and the body is the greatest thing, and it's also the biggest asshole. You know what I mean? Because your brain gets so caught up, and it's running through being like, hopefully it doesn't happen, hopefully it doesn't happen. And that's more or less telling your body to make it happen. I don't know why it happens. I don't know why we're built this way but like well even like do you remember when you were

younger it was like don't get a boner because i have to go speak in front of the class and your dick's like wait you said boner and you're like no dick shut the fuck up and then why are you doing this to me yeah like it it's that kind of contrariness where i think like your body just isn't good at speaking language so it's like you're saying something and it's like, wait, there's a key word in there. Boner. Okay. Got it. Like, no. Yeah. I did. There's also no harm in just being like, I need, I need a hand here for a second. You know what I mean?

Like it's a little more difficult if you're using condoms. Cause I don't think anyone really wants to put their mouth on a condom. But like there's or just no harm in taking some time to like get your work back up. I mean, sometimes you got to like there are times where women need the same thing or you like you might have to run and grab some lube for women who are who are drying out for prolonged lovemaking or even not prolonged lovemaking just as a necessity of having sex, all of our bodies are different. So if you, if you need a little extra work in between, that's fine too.

But if it's, if it's a consistent problem and if you think it's not because you're getting so up in your head, there's no harm in going to talk to a doctor or urologist or, you know what I mean? I think in general, it's like, there is no harm.

Like, um, but you can always like simulate yourself as well. Yeah. I mean, like if it's, if it's a few seconds but you can always like simulate yourself as well yeah i mean like if it's a few seconds you just have like a hand down there giving a little little casual tug you know i mean no one's gonna be like whoa what the fuck are you doing no you know um so i think it's about learning your limits and like how up in your own head you are about it um and then just being open with your partner like because i guess half the fear is that they're gonna see that and get upset or you know trying to

hide it or whatever so it's like if you're open and honest with people i guess just like make sure you're using the right size condom and make sure like a bunch of stuff right make sure you're not jumping into to sex too soon uh if you haven't done the foreplay like maybe you're not into it right just because you're a guy doesn't mean you can avoid all that shit right or make sure you're not masturbating too much right like if you fucking had like seven wanks that day and all of a sudden you're gonna go fuck like there are a lot of things that can kind of like build into this so um i would like strongly consider and i think we talked about this before it's but like direct your focus towards your partner

because this takes a lot of the mental pressure off of you worrying about performance whether it's stamina or you know maintaining your direction if you focus like 100% of your focus on like her pleasure what's she doing the way she's breathing you know what I mean like look at her eyes look at her lips enjoy her body you know what i mean like focus entirely on her and you will have less time to get in your head and like be all freaked out and chances are you'll also be more aroused yeah also like nothing gets me going than like you know me like taking a getting a little further back and just taking in my my whole partner because like if you're having depending on like what position you're in like if you're in missionary whole partner. Because, like, if you're having, depending on, like, what position you're in,

like, if you're a missionary and you're sort of, like, making out while you have sex, you don't get to see all the good stuff. So take a second and, like, pop back, you know what I mean? Get on your knees, sit up, and enjoy everything. And, like, really take it all in. Yeah.

Or if you need a second to, like, you know, recoup or reignite stuff, maybe just go down on them for a second. They're not going to be unhappy. It'll give you half a second to like, you know, recoup or reignite stuff. Maybe just go down on them for a second. They're not going to be unhappy. It'll give you half a second. Maybe you could even send your own wandering hand downstairs just to wake them up. Or even maybe the act of like focusing as Dan was saying on somebody and

doing something that is super hot. Cause I love fucking eating people out. We'll re arouse you. You know, like there are a lot of things you could do. If you're attracted to your partner there's nothing sexier than seeing them enjoy themselves like there's nothing sexier than pleasure in your partner at least there shouldn't be that should be sort of like

number one on the on the docket when you're having sex is taking care of your partner um and on top of that one of i think the most terrifying things about having any kind of like, you know, penis softening is like the embarrassment or the shame or the anger or whatever. And guess what? People aren't embarrassed, ashamed or angry when they've just come a whole bunch. So even if worse comes to worst or whatever, you've made them come with your mouth or your hands or whatever you're doing. That's going to help you because you're going to realize they're not going to be as upset about the situation. Right. Or even aware because they're gonna be so fucking distracted because you're just gonna be

bringing them to pleasure town. And I do want to throw in this as well. If you're someone who is, you know, who sleeps with people with penises, relax. Like, don't get fucking weird about it. It's not necessarily, very rarely is it about you if anything like this happens.

You know what I mean? It is oftentimes so internalized in your partner, and that's why it's happening. It's not because they're not attracted to you. It doesn't mean they're unhealthy. There are so many things. So don't make these people feel bad because you're just going to make it fucking worse. Don't make a big deal out of it.

Don't be like, oh, am I not sexy enough? Because I don't make yourself feel bad either. Yeah. Just understand that, like, sometimes this happens the same way that like sometimes women just dry up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, like, it's all things that happen to our bodies that are natural things that are

all different so i i want to stress and be like hey just chill when it comes to penises just like any other genitalia and just like any other body part sometimes it gets complicated sometimes it's not cooperative and like no one has any choice in the matter either which is you know good and bad it means that they're not consciously like oh don't like this person or whatever but it unfortunately means they can't just flick a switch in their head and change it yeah no dude is like having sex and was like hey you know it'd be really awesome right now if i was soft yeah and the thing is like if people didn't want to have sex with you it wouldn't come out through their penis it would come out before they got in this situation with you yeah like it's a lot easier

just to be like i'm busy or no than it is to be like well i'm gonna go in get hard then get soft then sit in this awkward horrible mess i've made that's the ticket yeah so like honestly the best thing you can do for everybody if you are with someone who has a penis and that penis is not performing or functioning just be chill and even like, if they come too soon or if they, whatever, like just, if you can be a cool person, support them and be like, oh, don't worry about it. And like creating a comfortable

and like positive environment is going to be just so amazing for this person and amazing for you to do. And it'll only just lead to better stuff because then it'll be a lot easier to get back. Yeah better stuff because then it'll be a lot easier to get back. Yeah, exactly. And it'll be a lot easier to get back to the sexy times. Like clearly you wanted to get to or you wouldn't be in that position.

So just to chill. I think one of the best phrases you can ever have as a sexual partner is, is there anything I can do? Because that allows them to know, be like, Hey, I know it's not my fault. I know it's not your fault, but if I can help, I'm willing to do that. So please tell me, open up, let me know. If you say no, not really, you know, this just happened sometimes. It's like, okay, great. You know, that's the weight off my shoulders.

I know it's not my fault. And I know there's no burden on me to maintain this. And then they, you know, that they're not fucking weird about it. Yeah. It's, it's a, it's such a powerful phrase that I encourage everyone to use. Even like after sex, you know what I mean? Like, is there anything I can do for you? Cause sometimes, uh, you, you might need a little something extra.

You know what I mean? Maybe, uh, especially with like, I know a lot of my female partners, it's like, you, you might need a little something extra. You know what I mean? Maybe, uh, especially with like, I know a lot of my female partners, it's like, you know, they might need a, my finger or my mouth to really just kind of tip them over the edge. Yeah.

That's saying it should, it should be all about being, being honest and open. And like, most importantly about the, is there anything I could do, believe them when they say yes or no. You know what I mean?

If they're like, yeah, cool. And if they're like, yeah, cool. And if they're like, no, don't then be like, are you sure? If they're not comfortable enough to say something, that's a damn issue, not you. You know what I mean? Because you're the one making these overtures, you're doing what's

right, but it's only going to get worse if you then start to be like, shit, what if nice? What if that? Just take them at their word. Yep. All right, hear me. start to be like shit what are what if what if what if nice what if that you know just just take them at their word yep all right hit me all right we what where are we where are we going i got 14 questions i you just you know you know you know okay you want to you want to go into this horrendous horrendous bullshit sure this is by hypnoticronic. The person who I was most intimate and shared everything for over a year, who knew I loved her to death,

just asked me if I would feel happy to see her date someone. This is my first post on Reddit, but it's driving me insane, and I feel like making a post will help me see past this and get over the issue anyway. I'm an 18-year-old guy who's never had a girlfriend, and to be honest, don't know how to act when one is around. Two years ago, I met this incredible girl. At first, she was just a friend, but suddenly I fell in love with her. We texted all times of the day, leaving the chat open so the scene would appear immediately. We tried being together as much as we could and all that good stuff.

One day, I decided to make a move and confess my feelings, so I did. She was happy to hear and felt the same, however, told me with her parents it would be tough to date as they didn't allow it. I tried to make her as comfortable as possible, saying there's no rush and that I'd wait as much time as she needed. Some things happen, and we have a heated discussion. I was deeply hurt and didn't want to do with her after that, until a month passed, saying she missed me so much. We ended up being okay with each other again and stronger than ever. We were closer than before. It was truly amazing and the happiest days of my life. That kept for a year. We sent messages telling how much we loved each other in huge texts,

hugged and kissed while together. From that moment onwards, I naturally saw her as my girlfriend. And well, as it seems, she didn't feel the same. One day I wake up and she tells me about this dream she had of her dating a guy and me being angry about it in her dream. She, after proceeding to tell the story, tried to laugh it off, but you wouldn't do that, would you? I thought she was messing with me, so I didn't give it much importance until a few hours later and thus developing in the process. She told me, wait, you think I was

joking? You know, I don't love you like this, don't you? Followed by, if I get a boyfriend, won't you be happy for me? You see, I'm into this guy. And she kept talking as my heart shattered in a million pieces. I've been deeply depressed. Thanks to this. I don't know guys. I don't know guys. I guess it was maybe my fault for not figuring out. She felt like this. I'm extremely sad and angry, but yeah,

if you made it this far, thanks for listening. My story already puts a smile on my face. Oh man. Okay. So this took a bit of a 90 degree turn on me. I thought this was going to be like, uh,

you know, you've projected your feelings onto someone, but like if they're making out and hugging and be like, you know, you've projected your feelings onto someone. But like if they're making out and hugging and kissing and, you know, spending all this time together and telling each other that they love each other. Granted, I know they haven't had that. Like, the big thing is you never had that talk. Yeah. You know what I mean? You never had the talk of being like, hey, we're in a relationship.

But to go out and say, you know, I don't feel that way about you is a strange thing to say to someone yeah see like that's that's where i'm getting hung up on it seems so i don't know if there's like a filter bias from him telling the story but like to say that you love someone and then to be physically intimate with that person and like have all of this sort of like romantic overtone to your relationship and then say that they don't feel that way about them it seems confusing to me yeah i would love to know what kind of kissing they are talking about because it seems yeah like very like this person and i don't know if it's a translation issue or something but the way they talk it sounds almost like you know when you're like 14

and you meet or like 12 or 10 and you like meet someone and you're like oh my god like we're so close like you know like the little things mean so much like that we would hug and we would send large texts it's like if you're making out i think like hugging and big texts mean a lot less you know what i mean like you don't need to also be like we also did those things to kind of like you know fill that gap it's like yeah we're fucking making out all the time so i'm wondering if it was like they kissed each other on the cheek or like on the you know and i think unfortunately that's that's where i'm going with this. I'm thinking that's what happened. And I think whether she enjoyed it and knew exactly what was happening or somehow thought that they were innocent.

Friend kisses. I don't know whether either she slowly realized, oh, fuck, this person hasn't gotten over me and still 100 wants to make this work or if she just had it going for quite a while and then suddenly had someone on the horizon was like i kind of need to make sure this ends yeah it's it's really hard because i can see this playing out any number of ways as in like she enjoyed the attention and just wanted to keep this guy in the hook until someone came along or this guy completely misunderstood what was going on she was very clear throughout and like you said it was like you know when they would see each other they would hug and she gave him a little kiss on the cheek

and that meant the world to him um so like there's a lot of a lot of different really key information that's tough to discern really how this plays out. But I think the whole jokingly being like, oh, I had a dream. We all know the dream was bullshit, right? Yeah. Anytime anyone says like, oh, I had a dream that like this situation happened this thing that's really pertinent to our current this hypothetical situation that's really pertinent to our current situation hmm yeah if it's like yo i had a dream and like there was a duck and he chased me and we were in a like a museum and then the lights went out sure that's a real dream

yeah my my general ruling is like if the dream like if someone's telling you about your dream and it doesn't mean anything to you that's a real dream if it's hyper specific and tends to end with the question of being like what wouldn't that be cool wouldn't that be fun you know what i mean it's like how many boyfriends do you think have been like oh i had a dream that we had a threesome yeah isn't that isn't that crazy is that crazy like oh my god i had a dream like we were dating isn't that wild that's crazy we were married that's so nuts it's like yeah those are bullshit those are like you know testing the waters people who are afraid to have the conversation but want to bring up the conversation yeah which exactly happened here because he just kind of didn't reply

and later on she was like oh but how about i just bring that up again and be like, wait a minute. Like, yeah, I think that's that's some strong advice right there. Beware of the dream trap. Yeah, it's like the Freddy Krueger technique. Yeah. Good old dream gambit. Yeah. So I guess like never assume you're in a relationship.

You have to have to have to you have to i think so here's how i'm gonna play it for him i think you should be like hey this is how i feel this is how i viewed our relationship and these are the reasons why i viewed it that way i don't think you should don't accuse her or anything. Don't, you know, be like, you did this. I think there's no harm in being like, I misunderstood things. I saw we were doing this. I thought we were a little closer than we are. If,

if you don't feel that way about me, why did we do these things? And then maybe get a little clarity because if it's just like, Hey dude, like they were kisses on the cheek and they don't mean that much. that's her answer then like that's something you can put in your back pocket and remember yeah for your your you know your whole life ahead of you because he's 18 right yeah and unless at any point in this conversation she goes oh my god i didn't realize you felt that way i do too let's make it official or whatever unless that happens you need to end

this conversation by okay well and like let it go you know what i mean like you need to be like i felt this way blah blah she goes i didn't you go okay well best of luck with this guy and then you gotta move on there's no there's no other very important thing a hundred percent you need to finish this with like saying hey i 100 support you in pursuing this guy and even if that means like you might have to like for your own mental health you might have to be like hey i i might need some time apart yeah you know i mean because i i have all these feelings for you and it would be difficult for me to see you with another guy right now know that i'm happy for you and i want i want nothing but the best for you but i can't be present until I sort of deal with my feelings.

Yeah. And the thing is when you're cool about it in this way, if they're being like straight up and legitimate and like a good person and still want to be friends with you, then you can continue that. And if they were trying to be shitty and like pull a fast one on you or like, you know, make you jealous or whatever,

then you win because you're being cool and they don't get what they wanted. So either way, it's a win win. Yeah. And like I said, like this is these are valuable life lessons you're learning here. You like you you've got to have the conversation if you feel if you think you're someone's boyfriend, you're not. Yes. until until those words have been uttered and they don't have to necessarily be like boyfriend it could be any partner you know whatever but there can't be room for doubt yes if you're not sure if you think it's it's not a real relationship until you've had the conversation to say hey we're going to be in a relationship and then you define the parameters of that relationship yeah it's not a relationship yeah and also you do probably need to consult them

at some point like you can't just be certain but have not had talked to them just as a caveat for that because i'm sure there's people out there who've done it yeah there's also a really important thing and this is again i'm pretty sure i've talked about it where it's don't like as as romantic and as you know hollywood as it is as to like falling in love with someone and blah blah blah it's also very unfair to someone um he said the the thing that i i can't remember whose question it was, but I think it was Ancient Kingdom who was like, oh, I'll wait for you as long as you want. That's the red flag.

That's bad behavior. And I won't go into it because we talked about it. But don't put your life on hold for people. Yeah. If they don't want to be with you, they don't want to be with you. And you have to assume that's not going to change putting like banking on that

changing is a waste of time yeah there's a difference between being like i have exams this week can we go on a date next week and like you know my parents forbid me from doing x y or z because you're just going to hurt yourself and And like, if at any point that changes and they don't immediately be lying for you, you're going to feel betrayed. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah, don't do that either.

So just just chill on like the whole huge, big romantic notions, because like life doesn't work like a movie. Most of the time, sometimes maybe. But like the whole idea of like just falling madly in love with someone especially when it's unrequited is just gonna get you hurt yeah and like you actually can't love them that much anyway because you don't know them well enough yeah you know i mean like you need to be with someone like i think quite for quite a long time in an intimate setting

like as a partner or as like you know maybe a best friend or whatever to really start to get to know someone. It doesn't just kind of happen. That's just lust. Yeah. Infatuation. Anyway, hit me. This comes from Reddit user Fantasy Plant. How do I look sexy while tied up?

My partner, Em, and I, female, like to experiment with bondage, mostly just rope tying two or four limbs to our bed. What I need advice on is how do I stay sexy the whole time? And what are sexy things to do while I'm tied up? Like I'm quite confident in the bedroom, so anything is welcome. It's just I can't touch him or bite or anything, really. So how do I stay looking sexy? I think I struggle with feeling very vulnerable, and that makes me feel very self-conscious. So if anyone has any tips on how to look and stay looking sexy while in bonds that would be amazing so i think one of the key things in staying sexy is like you put on something sexy say for example ropes the very fact that you're tied up is sexy for this person yes you're good you're there yes i will i will go one step further and be like allow yourself to be be vulnerable. Like the whole part of this.

Yeah. The whole point of tying someone up is making them, you know, quote unquote helpless in a very safe way. So like, if you still want to like touch them and be sexy and bite them and like, that is still you having control and like a power in, but like the whole point of tying someone down is like,

you're taking that power away from again in a safe way and respectful and consensual way. And that's like, that's the fun of it is like, you know, you're safe with your partner. So let him take control. And when you're in charge,

like hopefully he's going to like let himself be vulnerable. And that's sexy. Yeah. If, if I tied someone up and they were still like giving me orders i'm like well this this whole dynamic is not working because like i'm not like i'm supposed to be in charge right now or if you're constantly like it was to then ignore those orders you know what i mean yes um but if like if you're still trying to like

run the show or you know be part of the show it's like no no like still trying to like run the show or, you know, be part of the show, it's like, no, no. Like you have to submit. And that's that's how you stay sexy in this situation, I think. Yeah, I think like you're doing this because it's hot and you both enjoy it, presumably. So like there's there's no need for like self-consciousness. And maybe it is the fact that you are, like, it is hard to be vulnerable. It's hard to be, because you don't really get to act when you're tied up.

So the fact that all of a sudden you're not acting feels like you're not being sexy, probably because to be sexy, you act. So I get where you're coming from, but I feel like, I don't think there is like an unattractive position you could be tied up in you know what i mean it's like there's no way that like just having an

arm somewhere a leg or like being bent over some these are all hot things it's fine yeah like another thing you could do is tell your partner be like hey i'm having a little you know i'm i'm having trouble feeling sexy when I'm tied up. Can you give me direction? Because he's going to tell you what he wants to see. He's also probably say, what? Are you crazy? You look great.

Yeah. So, you know, I mean, like if you need him to sort of be like, don't talk, let him drive the show and tell him that you're having trouble feeling sexy. And he will and, you know, be like, give me direction direction because then you know exactly what he wants you don't have to think about it you just follow orders yeah maybe try like wearing a blindfold you know like that might take you out of being kind of hyper conscious of your own self because you won't be able to see yourself you won't be able to see him you'll just kind of have to focus on like the moment and your sensations.

It could be, you know, it's always a little fun addition to being tied up as well. But yeah, definitely. Like if he's a supportive partner, like talk to him and he will work with you to make you feel comfortable. And it might even be as easy as him just being like,

no, you look great when you're tied up. Yeah, they might be as simple as that because I can't imagine him being like, oh, thank God. Like I hate when i tie you up it's so gross yeah and for some reason it changes your entire body and now you're just not sex no it's it's silly but adorable uh opinions on buying daughter a sex toy okay that's my throwaway telegraph i 39 year old femaleyear-old female, took my kid, 15-year-old female, for her yearly checkup

at the doc. When she asked, is there anything you'd like to discuss without your mom in the room, my kid looked at me and said, yes, please. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I was pretty shocked because I'd worked really hard to have the kind of relationship with her where she knows she can come to me for anything. I most definitely did not have this with my mom. I went back in the room and the doc said it was just normal teenage stuff and I was doing a great job being open with my kid about stuff and she told the doc she's super comfortable talking to me. When we got in the car though, curiosity got the best of me and I reminded her that she can talk to me about anything and she said she asked about her sex drive because it's super high. She's not sexually active but in her words is super

horny all the time and thought maybe something was wrong with her. So we talked about it and she admitted to using a non-traditional object to experiment with masturbation. I want her to be safe and smart and continue to explore sexuality alone for as long as possible. Would I be a terrible mom if I picked out a size appropriate toy for her? Should I allow her to buy it herself? I want there to be a healthy boundary, but I also want her to know I am fully supportive of her learning her body and that this is perfectly normal. For information, i had purchased a massage wand about a year ago in this first frozen conversation as that was the height of my level of comfort but she asked if she could get something better like no this would make you an awesome mom this

doesn't make you a bad mom at all right i mean like maybe at the fucking you know soccer mom pta meeting where everyone's fucking shitty maybe yeah you know what i mean but like in the realm of your relationship with your daughter which seems incredible yeah and in the realm of fostering a positive sexual uh you know lifestyle this is exactly what you should do if i if i had a kid who was like hey i i'm interested in masturbation and kind of want to explore that i would be like yes i will talk to you about it i will get you pamphlets i will you know direct you to resources whatever um and then knowing she has something safe like the last thing you want to doing is you know putting something up there that could

hurt her or give her an infection like or even like because even if it doesn't go that far it might just be very uncomfortable or painful at which point she might then start to associate sex with like pain and badness and masturbation as well and that could like fuck her up for years you know what i mean even if it's not on the far end of like splinters in the vagina or a fucking object getting stuck somewhere. It shouldn't. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I,

you can discuss with her about boundaries and stuff, but like any sex shop, they've seen the weirdest fucking shit. And I promise you a mother bringing her teenage daughter into buy a toy is not the weirdest thing. It's probably the sweetest thing. Yeah. They are probably going to like gush over how cool you are so like no one at the sex shop is gonna be like i can't believe this no one's shopping

yeah like they're gonna be like this is awesome you have the best mom i wish my mom was like this i promise you someone is going to say that to you during this endeavor and the thing is like as a 15 year old kid it's probably not going to be very possible for her to get a sex toy without you. Because sex shops are intimidating as hell. Most of them are 18 plus as well. True. And on top of that I doubt she has a credit card. She can't even order it online.

And even if she did she'd probably be worried that you know someone would open it. So it's like it's not even necessarily that this can go through without you. You know. And also you've already gotten a massage wand so i feel like this isn't even a hard a hard like leap you know what i mean yeah you already have this kind of like relationship you guys are already really open with her and she even went a minute to you almost immediately after what she talked about before which is really great like i think it's really cool that you guys have this uh this relationship like it's super positive and that's how it should be right 100 so i think just you you mention or you'd be like hey you mentioned before you want to get something better how about

we you know get a pot of tea we'll throw on some sex websites we'll uh you tell me what you're thinking yeah you know if you want it like a dildo or if you want to vibrate you know i mean like yeah get them all get them both whatever like and honestly if at any point she seems uncomfortable maybe see if there's a way you can buy like a gift card for a certain website so that you don't have to be beside her and you don't have to pick it and you don't have to you know put in your credit card details maybe you could buy something that gives her the opportunity to to get it delivered and you could tell her hey when it comes in i won't open it you know what i mean like if if she's uncomfortable in that sense you can still be open and you can still provide the service for your daughter and you know and

keep the the positivity going right yeah because i tell you like the what you're doing now is amazing. And what you're fostering is because at some point in time, she's going to have sex. And you want her to be able to ask you questions or, you know, I mean, like if if she feels uncomfortable doing things with, say, a boyfriend or whatever, or if she feels pressured, she's going to go to you. And she knows that she can talk to you about these things um and those are really important to like because a lot of people go through with things because they feel like they don't have any other choice yeah they don't have they don't and they don't have support and they don't yeah or they don't have the experience like you've presumably been through way more than she has when it comes to sex so like giving her the tools and knowing

that she can come to you for those tools whether they are you know physical sex toys or advice it's like i can't get over how good this question is and how upsetting it is that you think this is gonna make you a bad mom yeah and i just want to stress like that is society's fault yeah that's the thing i feel like that is a's fault yeah that's the thing i feel like that is a hangover from other people's shitty relationships around sex and like the reason you're thinking that is the reason we need this question to to happen you know what i mean like we need people being positive because you have so many people out there who are so negative all the people who have like you know like pulled back sex education and stuff from

schools being like kids shouldn't learn that kids shouldn't learn this it's like well no 100 like when else are they gonna learn it well the thing is that's how you help people by never letting them understand the things that they're gonna go through all right imagine if people were like whoa whoa whoa learning about math is just a sleep slope to debt. Let's not teach them that. Like, what are you talking about? Like, like imagine the whole reason.

I've never heard about drugs, like ever. And then you like, you know, graduate high school or whatever. And someone's like, Hey, you want drugs?

And you're like, what are those? What are they? You want some meth? What's that? Oh, it's just like candy. You take it and you feel good.

What? Why didn't they hear about this yeah put it in yeah uh but cool you're an awesome mom and i'm very happy that you exist do you want to play a pseudo game well we don't have a whole lot of time so let's do this game idea okay i'm interested so the question is what are some things people write in their profiles they probably don't realize are deterrents slash red flags right and? And I want to just read out the comments, and we say whether we agree or not. Okay.

Instead of us doing our stuff. So the poster themselves has a few. I'm going to read them out. You tell me your opinion. Not looking for a hookup. I'm saying red flag or not red flag? Sure. That's tough.

I'm going to say that's a red flag. Okay. I'm going to say it means they are looking for a hookup. Um, that's tough. I'm going to say that's a red flag. Okay. I'm going to say it means they are looking for a hookup. Um, so here's my thing is like, I I've said that before in the past and people have told me that is, uh, diminishing of women's agency. It is, but I know you're speaking from experience and I think, you know, I am too. It's not like me. I'm not making a statement. I'm making a inside joke, which I guess you're right it is an important thing to to state to clarify yeah um so my problem with this and the reason why i think it's a red flag is because you've already predetermined what's gonna happen and you've

like taken this air out of any sales of any spontaneity because like maybe you're gonna meet this person and you're so turned on by them and you don't really want to see them again but you would love to fuck them like that's a legit thing you're allowed to do that you're allowed to have one night stand so like to like automatically say like i'm not into i'm not into hookups then it's like all right cool and if you're not you don't need to broadcast that because exactly like you you aren't obligated to hook up yeah so there's no point in saying it also i feel like then you're almost tacitly agreeing to something if you then go out with them because they've already said they're not looking for a hookup so if you then bail before it becomes a fully

fledged relationship maybe they're like oh they just wanted to use me uh okay not not into playing games oh 100% red flag okay joking negativity such as i hate online dating or not sure why i'm on here but or not expecting to find anything on here but i don't really care about that i kind of don't like it shows an insecurity yeah i think it's i think it's a knee-jerk reaction i think it's uh yeah you're right it's an insecure thing it's sort of like a throwaway when like you make a joke on something you really want to talk about yeah i do it's a dream trap all over again it is yeah it's like the dream gambit i think i hate online dating is better than not sure why i'm on here but or not expecting to find anything on here.

But yeah, but yeah, it's not great. It's not a great start. I would say that's an, uh, a pink flag, not a red flag,

but it's not great. It's so common. Like pretty much everyone ever has had that on their profile at some point in time that I think if you put that in the red flag pile, you would never date anyone ever. Okay. How about this? I know the date is going well when my dog likes you.

Or, you know I like you when I introduce you to my dog. I'm fine with that. This person, it's their most hated one. It's cliche, but like, whatever. Yeah, you know what? I'm so down with this because like, I want to meet your dog. I don't care. That's the thing. It's like, it's it's a humble brag yeah you're humble bragging that you have a dog and i'm fine

with that also i fucking love me so i know i'm already gonna kill that test how about i probably won't message first again i don't really care about that one way or the other because like especially with women like they get so many fucking matches that I know that I should probably initiate contact because otherwise I'm just going to get lost in a sea of other dudes. Yeah. I don't, because the thing is everyone knows they pretty much have to message first

if they're the guy anyway. So like, I don't see the need to put it in there, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing either because again, it's so well established. So for me, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing either because again it's so well established so for me i don't know where i'm at on that one it seems yeah it's necessary i wish there was like a redundant flag because like it doesn't need to be said but like it's so fucking again cliche and commonplace that like you just kind of expect it i wonder like does that

mean it's nice like they're letting you know in case you don't or is it just like shitty like i probably won't yeah i don't know i don't know where it is given that a great flag okay anything you want to know just ask yeah no i hate this i don't at all because i'm like well yes again i'm putting this in the redundant flag pile because like that's how dating works i will even go further and say that's how conversation works yeah i that's i totally agree with you it's so unnecessary but i feel like it gives it presents almost as like openness you know what i mean like but here's the thing i would rather you give me a snapshot like if that's all you have on your profile, I fucking hate it. I'd rather you say like into surfing, board games and cats, anything else.

Just ask like, okay, cool. I'm fine with that. But if all your profile is like, want to know something, just ask. Yes.

A hundred percent. If that's all it is, then you suck because like what, what narrow it in on? Like, do we just ask you questions until am I playing like a fucking game of guess who? Yeah. Like battleship battleship you like

yeah uh b7 uh any phrase where they say then swipe left it depends if it's funny okay what if it's politics uh i don't know it's tough because like i think it'd be funny like i would if a girl was like if you like pineapple on pizza, swipe left. I'm like, that's not a serious thing. You are joking. You know what I mean?

But I don't know. I also don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Like if someone's like, if you're a homophobic, yeah, swipe left. Exactly. I'm fine with that because like,

that's, that's a clear value statement that, and like, if someone also was like, if you don't believe that trump is the best swipe left i'm like cool i don't want to get involved in this yeah i think almost like yeah that's not a red flag because by itself it is nothing it all depends on context and context as you say it could be funny it can be positive or it could be super negative so i think it's

totally fine because it just helps you figure it out a little bit more. Yeah. It's a clear indicator of like what kind of person you're dealing with. Yeah. I have no problems with that one. Any use of the word drama in any context. Oh,

a hundred percent. Right. Unless it's, unless it's done ironically and it's a joke. Um, but like, yeah, no,

anyone who's talks about drama. Absolutely not. Yeah. That's a, that's definitely a red. But like, yeah, no, anyone who's talks about drama. Absolutely not. Yeah, that's that's definitely a red flag for me. Please don't be boring. I'm also going to say that's a red flag, too, because like that means they're boring. That usually means you're reliant on like you have to come up with everything. It's like I like that's how a conversation works. I don't have to fucking jump through hoops to be entertaining for you i i totally agree i think that is a red flag a b a burning one

i'm overly competitive about everything uh no i don't really care about that one i think that's not a red flag i'm giving the pink flag status that's it's not great i feel like i guess it like if you have to say it already i think they're pre-warning you that they suck like if one of their main personality traits is they're overly competitive then it's like yeah like if you have to say that if that's the first thing that comes to mind when you're listing like the four things about you you probably yeah that's fair right yeah i'm just saying i wouldn't i wouldn't say no because of that line not on that alone probably not yeah but pair that with drama or playing games oh god and

that's i'm throwing my whole phone to the left okay here's one you can't handle me at my worst you know absolutely goddamn no it's a black flag that is probably the worst quote in the history of time and i cannot stand anyone who thinks that it's a viable life motto yeah it's a very shit i love how it's like it's making your shitness somebody else's problem yeah it's like i i don't have to deal with your you know bullshit in order to be rewarded with you being a normal fucking person. If I can't be as terrible as I can be, I shouldn't have to be good to you either. Yeah. What?

It's just a stupid thing to say. Not looking for a pen pal. No, I'm fine with that. I don't, like, I'm not crazy about the fucking terminology, but, like, I understand the, like. Yeah. You know, I mean, I also don't want to fucking text back and forth forever. I assume that's more of a thing guys put on their profiles. Yes.

Yeah. Though I've definitely seen it on women's Tinder. Fair. OK. All photos are Snapchat filtered selfies. Absolutely no. Yeah. The fucking the second I see those dog ears.

Yeah. Or like the deer fucking thing yeah yeah i'm out like i don't understand like if you're so insecure that you need like a fake cartoon obscuring half your face while the rest of it is airbrushed to the point that you almost aren't visible no just like if you want to put on like the trucker one with the aviators and like if that's one of your photos. All right, that's fine. But like, yeah, if every one of them is like the beauty one that makes your eyes bigger and like softens everything and the fucking dog ears.

I don't know why anyone thinks the fucking dog ears are a reasonable thing to put on a dating profile. I assume that only works for furries. I don't know. Looking for my partner in crime. I think that's harmless. Yeah, I have no issues with that with that oh my friends created this profile yeah i mean that falls back to the like uh insecurity yeah i don't i don't look for anything on here that's that's a right because even if they did create it it doesn't fucking matter yeah you're on it presumably okay i think this might be the last one good vibes only yeah i don't mind that now

out i mean i can i guess it depends like i'm looking at like i'm from such a like cynical and like sarcastic nature that like i read that and i think it depends on yeah i think it depends on who the person is like if all of your pictures are like on beaches with like you know bottle service shit then i'm like okay you legit mean that but if like you know you seem like a chill person if all your pictures are not like club pictures i assume you mean it ironically i would hope so but i don't think anyone who uses that does i've never seen someone use ironically and i think it's hard to get across ironically too yeah i think that uh i think that's probably heavily used by dudes really i think dude i think so i don't think so i don't know i feel i feel like a lot of fucking like you know kyle's

say good vibes only fair maybe all right this is the last one i am not your average girl yeah no that's a red flag yeah i like how the first comment on that was followed by six pictures of them being the most average girl yeah looking for a real man uh also yeah no pass okay that's it i'm done there's so many more but yeah i think that's also a big red flag for me yeah for me that's like oh you've you've got defined definition of like what masculinity is and that probably is like you pay for all the things and yeah it's like it's probably like 1950s americana like you're the breadwinner no one's like i'm like i want a real man and then they're like i want you to be good with your emotions and kind and like totally available to just do whatever you feel like because gender roles are bullshit i want you to fight

people at clubs if they look at me yeah exactly um okay let's let's finish this boy up uh thank you very much for listening um if you have a question that you would like to send to us or if you have if you want us to review your tinder profile and tell you what's a red flag oh man please send us your tinder profiles yeah send tell you what's a red flag or not. Oh man, please send us your Tinder profiles. Yeah, send us a screenshot either on like Twitter or whatever. You can reach out to us at Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast on Facebook.

You can find us on fck underscore buddies on Twitter. That's probably the best way to tweet us pictures of things. Or you can email us if you have a question at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com or you can visit us online at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca and there's a little contact form you can fill out

and send us our question and we will answer it. Hell yeah. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. Do you have some bad sex writing for us? No, I do. This is Murakami again. Don't you think my breasts are too big? She asked, Ehmi. Not at all. They're beautiful. Sure, but I don't know. Big boobs make

you look stupid, don't you think? Mine bounce when I run, and I'm too embarrassed to hang my bras out to dry. They're like two big salad bowls. Men seem to like them like that. And even my nipples are big. Ayumi unbuttoned her pajama top and pulled out a breast. Look, this is a big nipple. Don't you think it's odd? Ayo-Memi looked at Ayumi's nipple. It was certainly not small, but not so big as to cause concern. Maybe a little bit bigger than Tamaki's.

It's nice. Did someone tell you your nipples are too big? Yeah, one guy. He said they're the biggest he's ever seen in his life. I'm sure he hadn't seen very many. Yours are extraordinary. Mine are too small. No, I like your breasts. They're very elegantly shaped and they give this intellectual impression. That's ridiculous. They're too small and they're different sizes. I have trouble buying bras because one size is bigger than the other. Really guess we all have our issues exactly now go to sleep ayamami said

ayumi stretched her arm down and started to put a finger into ayamami's pajamas ayomi grabbed her hand no i thought this was that was between a man and a woman and he was just like she whipped out her big old boob. And then he was like, take a look at these little nipples. No, I just like, beginning to wonder if Murakami has even ever seen porn. Like his stuff is so bad that it just doesn't hold any resemblance to real life or even fake real life. Hey, we don't know what it's like in Japan. I'm assuming he's Japanese.

Yes. Maybe this is, maybe that's the thing. I love the idea of like the bigger your boobs, the dumber you are. Yeah. That's, that's an interesting,

but like, here's the thing. I'm not going to put it past that being like a societal or like cultural, like some assholes out there who are like, yup. I, on the topic of porn, deep dive onto Pornhub every week to find the choices comments.

And this week, um, comes from Domino's, the pizza place, official Australian account. Okay. And it says a hundred likes and I'll tell my boss to go fuck himself. Thank you very much

for listening my name is Dane Miller and I'm Miles Bain send us on your tinder profiles we're not joking please do it and we've been

your fuck buddies we love you