F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 95 - Semi-Full Time Cowboy

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

This week Dain confronts Niall about a terrible crime and a whole new conspiracy reveals itself.  Topics include astral hexing, expectations for a romantic picnic, emotional cheating, the right time to state intentions, escaping Scientology, dating profile review.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niall Spain And we are your fuck buddies, welcome back Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. Welcome back.

Hello, we are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we answer questions from either our lovely listeners such as yourself or off social media. And we answer them for you. We delve into them deeply. We ponder them. Last week, I came in with some heavy energy. With a lot of negativity. And I'm sorry, but I gotta do it again this week. Oh man.

Is it about the moon? It's not about the moon. It is about last episode. Okay. And the way that I have not felt joy since last episode because you took something from me what did I take for this is our episode 95 which is fucking wild but it's episode 95 for 94 episodes I finished the podcast with and we are your fuck buddies but last episode you said it get wrecked get wrecked scrub

i've been planning this coup for almost two years i know you have i put my men in place uh i restructured the economy i even had to make sure this virus hit so that we weren't in the same closets you couldn't get retribution i knew it i knew you were behind covid yeah i'm bill gates i've been bill gates this whole time god damn it i knew it every time i was like hey what's your name hey dang like i saw you struggle saying i'm nile spain 95 what's nine upside down that's six yeah but also kind of looks like a g doesn't it? 5G. Oh, shit. I got some fucking... What the hell are you talking about? Oh, I see. Episode 95.

Yeah. 6-5. I couldn't piece together that line. It makes more sense than most conspiracy theories. I've just got so many things to start us off with. If you rearrange the letters in Nile, Spain, you can spell bill gates it's true it's true and actually i don't have doors in my apartment what do i have

windows gates bill gates but also i have windows so i don't use them as doors you fool i don't know man where do you where do you want to go with this you want to join well firstly the moon you heard about the moon right what the hell are you talking about the moon i sent you extensive messages about this during the week what so have you ever heard of witch talk dane no so that was the big drama this week on twitter which as you know i handle our twitter page usually and uh unfortunately i i find out all about these things so witch talk are witches on tiktok and a bunch of them banded together and upset everybody because they decided to hex the moon. Hell yeah. What did the moon do?

Well, apparently the moon is going to send a bloodline curse back to them and the fae are very pissed off. And they're upset because the moon represents Artemis and the brother of Artemis is Apollo. And Apollo is in charge of medicine and it's during a pandemic. So they were like, damn it, of all times to hex the moon, now is not the time. So that's... Wait, hold on. Hold on, sorry.

The general public is mad at the witches for hexing the moon for that reason. Yes. Who the fuck knows? No, people who know, like, fucking Greek mythology or Roman mythology are mad at witches. Like no normal person. Witches are mad at witches.

So sorry, the witch talk community, which apparently is 99% proper witches. There are what we call baby witches who are new witches who don't have the proper respect for the powers. So those are the ones that banded together and hexed the moon. Apparently the sun is next in their firing line. And the rest of the witches are upset. I'm not joking. There's a lot of, like, people are very upset. Okay, well, you keep saying people.

And I keep thinking it's the general public. And not the collection of TikTok witches. No, it's like, when I tell you there were thousands of people responding to these tweets, I'm not joking. So that's one thing. Second thing, this is a bit more uplifting. So I'm going to go up a bit. Do you remember when we were talking about jerk it, maybe take a picture?

That's what Toronto said in those exact words to everybody in their text guidelines. Yeah. So BC just released theirs where they advocate for glory holes. Oh, yes. No, I know a bunch of places in the States have been doing the same thing. So glory holes are now trending in Canada, which everyone's saying is a nice heritage moment. There's also a serial phone, a fur coat phone masturbator in Toronto, apparently. Okay, hold on.

I understood the words that you said, but not in relation to each other. Can you say it one more time? It's a serial fur coat phone masturbator. So apparently there's someone, and there's been a lot of these stories being shared. Okay, hold on, hold on. Let me... Okay, you tell me what's happening. Never mind.

I kind of ruined it. I thought you were saying that either, one, he was in a fur coat, and he would turn around and jizz on your phone. Or alternatively, he was masturbating phones and kind of like jerking them off somehow. With the antenna, obviously. Yeah. Making 5G spread out.

All the phones that we have that have it still uh no he apparently calls stores and asks about a fur coat with a silk liner and then asks you to repeat him and say the words fur coat with a silk liner damn it we're falling into his trap he's masturbating to this right now and apparently he loudly masturbates to you saying that and apparently it's a thing and it's been going on for like years and no one's caught him yet I okay so that's a thing how do we okay how do we know he's masturbating um maybe he's a time traveler or like in a groundhog day situation

where like if he doesn't find this fur coat at a specific time he like unravels and maybe that sound of like heavy breathing is him sort of being erased from the universe maybe maybe because it's a very specific request and a very specific kink yeah it's possible he does also shout and i masturbate well apparently so if you want me to read if you want me to read this right i can read the whole post the first one i saw

someone just called the store and i'm in the office so i answered and and this guy is like, hi, can you help me with something? And I'm like, sure. He's like, my sister has a long fur coat with a silk liner. And I'm like, okay. And he's like, can you repeat what I said? So I know you heard me. And I'm like, you're asking about a fur coat with a silk lining. And he repeats the question.

And he's like, can you repeat it back to me again? I just need to know you heard me. And I was like, what exactly are you looking for? And then he starts moaning in the background. So I'm like, are you looking for something from our store? Kept asking me to repeat what he said. And I'm like, you're not calling about something regarding our store. I can't help you.

And then he screams, I want you to come on me while I wear silk. And starts moaning. Crying face. He was jacking off. Separate message. And he finished. All caps. All right.

And then a bunch of other people were like, yeah. So lastly, 14% of men masturbate to Alexa. Okay. And I'm assuming you mean the Amazon robot and not just someone named Alexa. I do. And I do indeed mean the Amazon cylinder. I was going to say cylinder. Yeah.

Which is arguably the sexiest shape. It is definitely yeah um so apparently during uh covid there's a survey went out only a thousand people mind you but 14 percent of people have just done one at least to alexa yeah i mean like what are they getting uh they're making it say long things uh that dude that's beyond me i don't know are you just like turned on by the device itself maybe the infinite possibilities of ai and technology just really gets people off i would love to know like what you say that like what does she like repeat back that is arousing i guess you could ask her to say give me a silk coat with a fur lining or fur coat

with a silk lining that'd be perfect for this person oh my god we've solved your problem getting alexa she's sexy and she will say what you're saying back to you yeah damn it then we just solved it we didn't even oh man didn't even need to police what are you even doing well don't ask that yeah i guess i guess it's a broader question for the times. Well, I'm pretty sure shit's so fucked in America that even the police are now upset at what's happening. They're like, yo, feds, what the fuck? Too far.

I think they're just sad they're being left out now. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, let's do a question. This comes from Reddit user Papa Pussy Puncher. Oh, God. Am I wrong to hope something more will come out of a meetup with an old co-worker? I am 18. Used to work with a girl. Female 18.

He's an 18-year-old male. She's a female. Who I'll call Layella for this post. Layella and I got along super well. Also, it is a very specific, like, we'll just throw, like it's spelled L-E-Y-E-L-L-A. Yeah, I was going to say, and I was like, maybe it's like, you know, I don't know where they're from. And maybe it's like a more common name. I don't know.

But yeah, what the fuck? Like, I was about to say, why isn't it Clara? That's the name everybody uses all the time. Yeah. Anyway, Leal and I got along super well. We just vibed every shift we worked together. We even went out together a couple times not necessarily a date, but just a friendly lunch

well, some shit happened and Layella went through a rough spot and we ended up saying some hurtful shit to one another for unrelated reasons, she transferred to another store and we lost contact for a good while a few days ago, however, I got sentimental for the good old days and hit her up, asking if she wanted to meet up again she gladly agreed

and now, tomorrow night, after I get off work we're going for a little starlet picnic to shoot the bull and catch up on life however part of me has greater feelings for her and hopes that something more will come out of the meetup am i wrong for it should i lower my expectations is it wrong that i think they should lower their expectations because their name is Papa Pussy Puncher? Like, I'm sorry, I can't I can't imagine anybody's. No, I say, like, by all means, go into this and try to, you know, move it forward. I hesitate. I'm hesitant to say yes, have expectations because expectations seems like too strong of a word. You know what I mean? Like by all means, if you want to try and have it go somewhere, go for it. You know what I mean? Once you do it in

a kind way, you know what I mean? Once you're not being a creep or aggressive or whatever, but also be fully prepared to not have a go there. then i don't think there's an issue yeah i would say my my big thing would be like on the first granted like a starlet picnic is a pretty romantic backdrop you know what i mean like that's that's a pretty uh romantic setting um but i wouldn't go into it at least not this meeting you guys have some things to talk about and whether you discuss the like hurtful shit you say to one another it might just be one of those things where you can kind of like understand that you guys both made mistakes and sort of like unspokenly agree to move past it um depending on what's said of course i think this i think the first meeting

that's happening right now should be about reconnecting and it should be about you know checking in with the other getting along having fun having a good time i don't necessarily think it's the best idea to sort of like push anything romantic right away because i think if it goes well and you have a great time and that chemistry is still there there's no harm at the end of it or you know means setting up another thing because then you're in a position to be like hey i had a really great time i'd love to take you out on a date you know what i mean because presumably you didn't you didn't specifically ask her on a date for this this seems to just sort of be like a catch-up time so that gives you like a stronger

position to ask her specifically out on a date and And that gives her a chance to be like, oh, okay, I understand the intentions now. Because it would suck to be really excited to like meet up with a friend that you haven't seen in ages and realize it's mostly like, it could just be a hook up or like an attempt to like, bang you. Yeah, again, like when I say, like, don't have expectations, but by all means be open to the possibility of going like, that's kind of what I mean is like, show up, focus on what you were saying, which is like reconnecting, reestablishing contact and you know, whatever. And if it goes well, then either, yeah, the second date or the second time you guys meet up, why not? Or you never know if this time might, you know what I mean? I feel like you got to be like open to going with the tide, you know what

I mean? Going with the the punches whereas like if they if they pick up on your positive energy and like you guys are having fun and it starts to go one way by all means go with it and if it's clear that things are staying friendly or distant then also go with that you know what i mean like don't you don't want to come down too heavy-handed because like it just sucks if if they're just trying to catch up with you and you're being like all you know, creepy. Yeah, 100%. But so like that's why I didn't want to say expectations. I wouldn't have any, but I would be ready to go the way you'd like it to go if it goes that way.

Yeah, of course. I would also say like not having expectations is just going to make it easier for you to shoot do you know shoot your shot if you if you get a chance to because like if the whole time you're hanging out you're wondering when like is this the time i should kiss her is this the time i should like hold her hand is this because you're gonna be so detached and you'll be so fucking weird because that's like what you're fixated on whereas like if you're just sort of like like you said in the moment and open you will know when those opportunities arise and whether you take it or not is up to you um but the moment and open you will know when those opportunities arise and whether you take it or not is up to you um but if that's all you're looking for you're definitely not going to be fun to talk to yeah exactly and if you're so kind of worried about that point when you shoot

your shot you're probably not going to listen to the conversation leading up to it and no one's going to enjoy that so by the time you do no matter what her feelings were they're probably going to be on the more negative side of things. Yep. So just like go into it, try and have fun and see where it takes you and be open to, to either possibility. And if it doesn't work out,

don't be a dick. Yeah. Understand that like this might just, maybe she never had any romantic feelings for you. Maybe you just guys got along. And that is a rare thing to find someone you connect with on that level whether it's romantic or not to have like someone who's just a cool friend is valuable so like don't discount it because it's not going sort of like the way you want it to

yeah 100 all right hit me i'll do i'll do our user question before before we get forgetful this is from agent falchry does emotional cheating exist that's tough because i think it depends strongly on the relationship like i think that is a very specifically a case-to-case basis but i think i think i would i would lead on the yes i think it does exist um and I think that it manifests in a way of if usually like the end of relationships where you've kind of checked out yeah whether both parties have or not but it's like you've kind of and it's like at that point you're more or less like sowing the seeds for your future before you break up with someone who might not be aware of what's happening or who's actively trying to repair or work on the relationship. And that that sucks to be like, oh, cool.

You just kept me around long enough to make sure that you're like your next gig is is ready. You know what? That's a really good way of putting it. Because earlier on, I had this conversation with the question asker, like briefly. And initially, I was saying yes. And as I was kind of describing what I thought emotional cheating was, I kind of realized that like, also, I agreed with no. Because kind of like what you're saying, I don't think it just exists in and of itself. It's usually paired with a deficit. You know what I mean? So it's like in your relationship,

you are withdrawing that emotion, like that emotional connection while you're kind of giving it out elsewhere. And in my case, in my opinion at the time, that's not necessarily the emotional cheating. That's the problem. It's the breakdown of the relationship, which is a different issue. Realist, like kind of the same issue, but like, I feel like a more appropriate term to put on it.

Um, but you make a really good point if you're doing it almost for the express purpose of kind of like fanning the flames of a relationship before you leave your own while, you know, still hiding under the claws of, Oh, it wasn't physical.

Um, so I think that's actually a really good way to to put it but i do feel like it doesn't exist outside of like either jealousy or like a deficit in one side of the relationship like if you guys are super well connected and emotional and like share everything and you share also something with you know one of your friends i don't think that's necessarily emotional cheating but i guess again you're right though if you if you are doing it to like build up a relationship after you leave i don't know i think it 100 depends on the nature of the relation like the outside relationship because i i think you're right i think there is a a chance for jealousy to sink its claws in here and for like if you're just parties even with yeah even one of the gender

you're attracted to i'm sure a lot of people might see that as emotionally cheating when realistically you could just be you know if it was a guy you were that close with and you're not into guys i don't think they'd feel the same way yeah exactly and like i think it's i think it would be very easy to fall into the trap of both parties maybe feeling it you know what i mean because like if and by that i mean like like you said if if i had a close female confidant which i kind of do um and i was speaking candidly with her and for some reason amanda didn't like that i think i would even though i know i've done nothing wrong i think i would instinctively feel like maybe i had done something wrong if my partner was that upset well i think yeah your partner gets upset

it's hard not to feel that um so i think i think that is a probably like the trickiest aspect of the concept of emotional cheating uh is like where are the boundaries because i think i think the the line is drawn so differently because like a lot of people can agree it's like if you're in a committed monogamous relationship and you have sex with someone you've cheated yeah and that's like a pretty clear line that most people can agree to yeah whereas with this it's very different and the thing is it's like i feel like because it's a gray area a lot of people can use it as like if they're jealous or if they don't like somebody that you're friends with they can start be like oh i feel like you're emotionally cheating on you

know it's almost like a little bit of ammunition that you can use to get what can sometimes be like an abusive like you're not allowed to talk to that person you know um and it is this kind of unprovable stance which i think is why a lot of people don't feel that it's very real because it can be used in these kind of negative ways because like the entire like burden of proof is on the person doing it which like how do you prove that the person like your partner doesn't feel emotionally cheated on you know what i mean because like that's that's really what it comes down to is like you could stand there and say like well i feel like i've done nothing wrong but the other person can say like and and you can't tell them that they're wrong yeah it's it's a weird one for sure um so yeah i think again i think it's one of those

things where it kind of only really rears its head uh seriously if there is a problem in the foundation of a relationship um and i think it's also if if you lack the communication to discuss boundaries and to discuss issues and problems and like all that kind of stuff if you don't do that on a regular basis with your partner if you don't check in and have that that strong communication base that we talk about literally in every question i think that's when emotional cheating becomes a, a play, like a factor in play. I would almost think that like,

unless you're being more open with someone than your partner, uh, for like malicious reasons, then it's not emotional cheating. And even then it's like, you know, if you're being more open with someone than your partner, I imagine there's probably an issue there anyway.

You know what I mean? So like the emotional cheating isn't itself the problem, you know, I feel like it's usually like a by-product of an existing problem than a problem in and of itself. You know, if your relationship is smoothly and you're just jealous of someone that they're close with,

it's probably not emotional cheating. You know what I mean? Yeah. It is definitely like a cause and effect situation i don't think emotional cheating can exist without a very serious problem within your relationship yeah because like your partner should be allowed to have close relationships with people of whatever gender they want you know what i mean and like that shouldn't and most of the time isn't a threat to you but yeah it's it's a bit of a gray area that one i guess yeah and i like i said i think it's you ask like 10 different couples and and even

within that relationship i think you'll get very different answers yeah you know i mean i think you'd get you know 20 different answers and then you know 10 different couple answers and then, you know, 10 different couple answers. Yeah. And I'm sure like if, I don't know, if anyone is like feeling like they're on either side of this issue, I guess like firstly, you need to like communicate obviously and like nail down. Like if you think someone's emotionally cheating on you, you really need to be able to verbalize what that means. You know what I mean? Like, cause, cause if you can't set boundaries, then how's that other person going to be able to know and like, try not to be unreasonable, obviously easier said than done. But like, again, people are allowed and should be

close to people, um, regardless of gender or orientation. Um, and also as the person, like, obviously if someone's accusing you of emotionally cheating, they're hurting in some way. I think it's definitely worth listening to and trying to figure out like their perspective and again look at what you're doing and feel like if you do truly believe that what you're doing is fair yeah i think much like we've discussed jealousy a bunch of times and like you have to ask yourself the question of is the person doing this specifically to make me feel bad? Or is there a reason why I don't like this outside of them? Whether it's like a past trauma or baggage or, you know, you don't like this person or whatever. Like some sort of insecurity that's informing this feeling.

Or do you actually feel like this person is doing something they're either unaware of or doing intentionally? Nine times out of ten, any time I feel jealous, I need to be like, okay, cool, why do I feel this way? And it's usually like, oh, because this has happened before and it's manifested this way. I'm like, okay, cool, but that's not happening here, so I'm going to fucking chill. Yeah, I feel like it's usually on the person feeling jealous.

It's some kind of rep, like rearing its head. Oh, 100%. All right. Thanks for the question. Hit us up, Dane. What we got next? This comes from North Photograph from Reddit. Is the second date too soon to ask someone what they're looking for?

Why or why not? As a general question, especially pertaining pertaining to dating not just out of life lol um i would almost say it is too soon you know because it's like i feel like it just should be a general rule of thumb but like second date everybody's looking for the same thing in the second date really you know um or you should, in my opinion, because you don't know somebody well enough to make an opinion one way or another. Um, and also, and that means if they're looking for something super casual and never want to go any further, that's fine. Because at this point you haven't made your mind up about them either

and vice versa. Um, because I feel like you get in this weird trap where if you ask someone that early and it's like if you say you're looking for a relationship i don't know it can almost like the quest the question's happening too too quickly you know what i mean it's like they could be like okay yeah me too and it's like well we're not going to start now it's day two but if you say you're looking for something casual and they want something serious that might just end the whole thing immediately i just feel like it's too soon for anyone to know where they're at with regards to that current situation and i think that current situation is the only thing that should matter when you're talking to somebody so i think i'm on the flip side of things i don't think there is really a too soon to sort of like

i think i think the big problem is asking the question i think there should be a you know onus on people when they're dating uh especially like sort of like before it all kind of kicks off to sort of be like here's kind of like my vibe right now um because like there are people who specifically date to find someone to be monogamous with and there are some people who like date because they you know want to experience things with people but don't necessarily like become exclusive with anyone because like when I was dating and I wasn't actively looking for a relationship I made sure to tell people that because like there's some people who like just don't want to deal with that um and that's fine that's cool but i think i think there is

you know some something to be said about stating intentions um i don't think you necessarily like you said like i don't think you necessarily have to be like hey just so you know i want kids and i want to get married like i think that's a wild thing to do. Yeah. But like for me, so when I am like, I've never been looking for a relationship because I think that's fucking dumb. It's like, there's no point looking for a relationship.

You want the person before you want the relationship. You know what I mean? Like looking for a relationship just sounds like you're, like that's more important than the person you're going to have it with. And I know we were on the same page on that. So for me, it's like the only two moods I've ever really been in are like, you know, not willing to have anything long term currently or anything like serious or open to the idea. But open to the idea, it's really hard to explain succinctly because people tend to operate in wild extremes. And it's either like, I want nothing or I want everything. And it's like, if you say you want nothing to someone who wants everything, they're going to be upset.

If you say you want everything to someone who wants nothing, they're going to be upset. But no one seems to be able to understand that middle ground, is why i don't like these conversations because to me it seems like the only logical way to date is to get into something see if you enjoy the person and make the decision then but it's so hard to explain to people that's why i personally don't like it yeah that's that's a fair point i and like it. Like, I wish we could be in a state where like, like you said, we just kind of like free flow it and just be like, hey, let's date. And then whatever happens happens. But like, realistically, unfortunately, that's not the situation. Like, I don't like it would be ideal.

It would be the best sort of healthy dating situation. So like, but i guess you're right though it's like if you do drop it on day two how they react is gonna do like it's gonna go a long way in your relationship anyway so like if it does go badly it's you're not in the loss because it would have gone badly anyway and if it goes well then you're starting off on a pretty good foot that's that's kind of my thing is like it kind of negates the what are we question two weeks later no it definitely does not anybody who's gonna start hopes i bet you like legitimately asking like saying you could

say whatever you want on day two and unless it ends right there you're still gonna get the what arm are we very shortly after yeah i mean yes um so like i don't know for me i personally wouldn't drop a date two i don't think it's particularly weird to do um depending on again how you drop it i think i what are we question date two is fucking terrible i don't know what you fucking are and it's nothing. Um, if you have like a casual, like, Oh,

like where are you at? And they are just like, I'm a hundred percent looking for something casual or I, I could, I could be down to date. I think that's cool. Cause it gives you at least a good idea of, of where everybody's at. And if you,

if one person is a hundred percent casual and one person just really wants a date, like to date somebody, then you probably know either to temper your expectations in that particular relationship or end it. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I do think you got to take people at their word, though. Mm hmm. Yeah, that's why I think like we should get away from like asking the questions and putting people on the spot, because at that point they're going to try to guess the answer that you want. Yeah, nobody wants especially that early in the relationship

you know what i mean because like no one's again we say it all the time where it's like no one's dating to not sleep with you so like at that stage of the game unless you guys have slept together it's like you're trying to to say the right things which which usually aren't the, the true things are the honest things. So like, if we all sort of take it upon ourselves to put it like volunteer the information, because at some point early on at best, even if you're not like being downright duplicitous,

you're still hedging your bets somewhat. You know what I mean? It's not even like a bad thing. It's just, you're going to err on the side of what they might want to hear. Yeah, exactly. Um, I i do i will say uh i very i don't think i've ever been asked like on date one two or three but i did have to tell someone date one once and they started to ball crying and continue to for the rest of the date in the middle of the bar we were in which they used to work at and knew every

single person in the place so it was one of the worst dates i've ever been on and that's just my maybe that's why i'm so against it maybe yeah because you're feeling your past traumas well yeah it was like they were being so overly like i don't even want to say affectionate because affectionate sounds physical they were were being very emotionally aggressive. Invested? Yeah, invested. Aggressively emotionally invested. And I felt to make sure that they weren't on the wrong page, I would just put out, again, what I

usually was like, I'm not looking for an immediate relationship. It's not how I do things. So I'm willing to keep things going and see see if we do kind of like mesh but like for now I would like to keep things casual and then they start crying for a long time yeah I think there is always that one like tip off for most people within the beginning of dating usually like date one or two where like most people should say something you know what I mean? Of like being like,

Oh, just like, just so you know, I'm not really looking for it. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like there's usually like one, one phrase or something that someone says and you're like,

Oh, you're looking for that. And at that point in time, I think you should volunteer like, Oh, Hey, just so you know. And like realistically situational, you're not going to waste your own time, which is good.

If you're honest. Yeah. And hopefully they are, too. So, yeah, I don't really think again, depending on how you broach the subject, I don't think it is too soon because like unless you're weird. Then then they shouldn't be worried about. And if they are, then you probably got your answer right there anyway. There's some sweet ignorance in this. So 27-year-old male, Swiss. My American girlfriend invites me to join a weird cult. Stefan Dulcaprive. Actung. First of all, I'm not racist

and English is not my primary language, smiley face. I've been dating her for approximately a year. We met in St. Regis when I visited New York City before COVID pandemic. And two weeks ago, she just revealed she's a member of the Church of Scientology or something similar to a spiritual enlightenment religious cult. Start to ask me if I truly understand the meaning of life followed by these questions. Do you think you are you? Do you want to be free, etc. Confusing and odd questions. Let's be clear. I'm an atheist and a nihilist. I don't believe in celestial beings or any bullshit stuffs, but she does. Her behavior has become extremely weird and weirder as I want to transform myself into a

Panzerkampfwagen. What? In the meantime, when she talks, I think he wants to become a Volkswagen when she wants to talk about her belief. I don't know. However, I fall for her angelic voice. I loved her, but her weirdo behavior into that cult dot, dot, dot. Should he stay or should he go? I think if you stay,

there will be trouble. If he goes, however, I think you're going to be a sacrifice to this cult. I would love to know, like, is it actually church of Scientology or is it some like i'm pretty sure so this got deleted i'd read it before and he hadn't mentioned scientology i think later on someone got more information and told him what it was and apparently he just hadn't

had no idea what it was so it was actually a funnier question before he edited it because he was just like i don't know what scientology is but but now he knows. But before I figured we could just warn this guy about Scientology. Yeah. I mean, like there's a danger in every religion, really. Like whether it's a fringe one, like Scientology or,

you know, some of the, like the bigger ones. Like we had a question the other day about the fucking like religious, you know, sex party. And like the woman who had to go get fucking checked to see if she was a virgin so like there are there are inherent dangers of dating someone

who is heavily indoctrinated into any religion but also um does it say run yeah does it say... Yeah, does it say how long they've been dating? Over a year. Do they live together? I don't know. I don't think so. I think he might currently be in Switzerland. Yeah. Why did he say he wasn't racist as well?

That's a weird... I think he was worried about making a joke about America. A religion? Or something. I think he was worried about making a joke about America. Or so. Oh, I don't really know. I thought it was going to be something about like, like a race and not a religion. Anyway, it's. I don't like if you feel like this is something like you want to be with someone for a long time.

That's the whole reason you get in a relationship is You don't get in a relationship to be like. Well this will last two years. That's a weird thing to fucking do. I don't think. Someone is going to give up. Especially in a thing like Scientology. If you've bought into that. Chances are you're in it for life.

Yeah people don't usually get let go from. Scientology. Also it's like. It seems weird that after a year this would come in. You know what I mean? So it's either she was waiting until things have progressed far enough to spring it on you or

things have been kind of accelerating for her in that department. Neither of which I think is a good thing. But like also in general, somebody kind of wanting to trust their beliefs on you to maintain a relationship seems is a red flag. You know? Especially if it's a crazy cult that's illegal in certain countries.

That's the thing. Even if we just strip off the name Scientology, if you just make it religion, like if this question was, my girlfriend wants to indoctrinate me into her religion, it's bad news yeah it's like it's not good like we if you can't be with someone without that like having to convert them or you know what i mean like make them assimilate into whatever you believe then you're not with the

right person unless you hear that immediately and like hell yeah i've always wanted to do that but i guess by the fact that you put this online and are concerned that's not the case yeah um because like i know like a bunch of people who who have been like oh i can't marry my husband until i you know get blessed or or you know brought into the church and it's like well that's not you though like yeah but i need to do it to marry the the man i love it's like well that's not you though like yeah buddy i need to do it to marry the the man i love it's like okay it's a bit weird with me i don't like it yeah like it just like it should be enough you should be enough as you yeah it's just very strange that you need to sort of like slice off a piece of you to replace with a piece of them in order to you know i mean to

make the pieces fit together it's weird and i don't like it so i my my answer to this is have a conversation with your partner be like hey i'm not into this i'm an atheist i'm a nihilist i don't believe in any of this if that's going to be an issue then we did our best let's move on best of luck to you and i'm out yeah i think it's the only thing you can do and again if their reply is oh i totally understand maybe give it a second chance but i'm gonna say with scientology that's that second chance ain't gonna last for long before you know also just like do you believe you're you would you like to be free those are those are like drink the poison kool-aid questions so speaking of red flags is it time to do our

new tinder section yeah we probably should because we're we're closing in yeah we're getting there i have a i have a whole like fucking smorgasbord yeah i've got I've got a few that people sent in. So, I'm going to start with one that we were actually... So, a lot of people seem to send the ones they found in the wild, which I am 100% here for. We did get one or two

that were from our own listeners for us to judge. I'm going to send you a screenshot, Dane, and you're going gonna tell me because i forget like which uh like dating service i don't know if it's hinge or bumble this looks like it's hinge because i asked uh we got another one sent into us on instagram and i was like is this what tinder looks like now because i haven't been on it um all right yes this looks like this looks like bum or our hinge okay i will say... We'll do the text first.

I'm going to read it out. You can tell me what your opinions are at the end. So, I'm rarely in the same place. I travel often. Airplane. My emoji. I love adventure. You might want to specify

that's an emoji. I don't know why there was such a long pause. I love adventure, so get creative. Upside down, smiley face. Branch? Emoji? Stuck in London for a while, dot, dot, dot. We have their height, active, Aries, graduate degree, drinks socially, I guess, smokes never, dogs, something casual, atheist, and liberal.

All right, so I've got my first red flag favorite quality in the person sense of humor and self-awareness if you can talk positives if you can talk politics even better and then like a side eye face yeah one of them smirky faces and then just their location so that's all the text any thoughts so far no i mean like i i have no i don't know what your red flag is yeah no i like I pretty much like them all. It does give a more casual vibe, which is fine, because they specifically state they want something casual. So, you know, it all checks out.

The pictures are all great, apart from there's one where she's surrounded by two men. Yes. Who are kind of, one is buff enough in a vest, and the other one, you know. I feel like that's an odd choice choice and I wouldn't go with it. Cause I feel like I also would not go with it. I feel like it could be intimidating to some men, which like whatever,

maybe that's, maybe you want to weed them out. The other pictures are fucking great. However, my red flag is the Aries. Why do they need to know your star sign? Yeah. I mean,

that's my only red flag. If I, if I had to delve because the whole thing's great you're looking great it's all awesome but aries why why do we need to know that that would be my only some people care about that shit i it's fair i think it's usually nonsense but again like i don't give a fuck that's not enough i would definitely not say no to this person because of that well god no if i'm saying if i had to delve those are the only two criticisms

it's a good profile good job these were all sent to me in like individual like instagram things okay so i won't be able to send them to you but i'll i'll read them i know um so I know. So the profile, again, I think it's from Hinge. And the first one is I geek out on Game of Thrones and anything regarding food or craft beer. The descriptors are age, height, location, job. There's more that it looks like I can scroll to, but I can't see it because I'm not on the thing. Give me travel tips for six months in Spain. Okay. Two truths and a lie.

I have a third degree black belt in Taekwondo. I have tryptophobia. I lived in Mexico City for two years. Okay. Fun. It's a good conversation starter. And then there's a picture of a dog. Is it a cute dog?

It is a cute dog, but it does look a touch psychotic. Okay. But in a very cute way. And then the pictures are like, there's one of her looking cute in a hat. There's one in front of a streetcar. There's one with her and a friend being silly, the dog, and then her in like a formal setting. Okay. So like all the pictures are fine and I don't,

I don't have any questions or like comments about the text. I don't think. I guess the only thing I could even point to is that like game of Thrones, that's been over for a while. You got nothing new on there. You're still hung up on that. One thing is even the books to be fair. I think you're right.

This. Yeah. I mean, maybe it's time to update if i had to be hyper critical like it almost seems a little boring if you're still that hung up on game of thrones like what a year and a half two years after it ended but when's the winter is coming so we've been told it's true it's never gonna happen it might be it might be more relevant in a few months and by that i mean four more years at least again if that's me reaching like that's the only thing i could criticize really although what's yeah phobia is that the thing where you're scared of holes it is interesting do you think i i'm actually what do you think is the the lie i'm guessing it's the black belt one but i'm probably wrong yeah i'm gonna guess i'm gonna guess mexico

city yeah because i'm assuming trypophobia is so weird that it's definitely true also i know a lot of people with trypophobia it's fair do you have we got two solid ones right yeah thankfully there are people who actually listen to the podcast so uh good because those are it's nice to see good ones and like you know maybe we have to reach to find some not even red flags but pink flags but now i'm gonna i'm gonna quick fire a few select choices that have been sent to me if you don't mind okay this is from irish tinder oh no. I'm just going to read out their profile and you tell me what you think. Love in the time of Corona.

I'm a banker, investment banker actually, who loves to travel around the world. I work in three diff countries, which makes that little easier, but the pandemic limits my possibilities now. On a writing process during COVID times, just something casual, love to hear your stories. Don a writing process during COVID times, just something casual. Love to hear your stories.

Don't know where is takes us. Can be an end or beginning. All that you are is all that I'll ever need. Swipe, you can't fall asleep because the reality is finally better than your dreams, four exclamation marks. I was up to it until he went on like that journey at the end.

You know, whatever. I don't really care. But the whole, up to it until he went on like that journey at the end you know whatever I don't really care but the whole it just kind of like went on a very steep downhill spiral of just I don't know lunacy and self-absorbed nonsense I think it started bad and went worse

like love in the time of Corona exclamation mark is your first line I mean I don't know. That's fucking weird. No, it's a funny reference to the book. I like how he specifies he's a banker and then immediately says he's an investment banker, just so you know that he's a banker who's also an investment banker. Yeah, it just sort of exudes douchiness kind of at the top,

which is like, you know what? Fine. Maybe that's your fucking vibe yeah again it's not great but it's still in the realm of like sanity and then it's like want to hear your stories don't know where it takes us could be an end or beginning all that you what does that mean all that i'll ever need what is what does it mean i don't know could be an end or could be a beginning. Are you going to murder them? Cause that's what it sounds like.

It sounds like you're going to murder them. Maybe he's down for very old people and also babies. Uh, and then swipe, you can't fall asleep because the reality is finally better than your dreams. That's a wild thing to say. Yeah. Again,

like, is he, I'm assuming he's saying that he exude or like, you know what I mean? He's better than anything you could ever dream up i guess which is i'm giving that a one out of ten and you know what i'm gonna give it a two out of ten because i'm sure there's gonna be worse well let me hit you with this okay um this is chris he's on tinder i'm a single father of three and then there's like a baby emoji and another one on the way. God,

they are my world world emoji. If you don't have what it takes to help me raise my kids, then move aside and let a real woman step up. Must have your own car, preferably a minivan must be able to cook clean and be submissive. No taller than five, five must be fit. Have your own source of income and no kids of your

own that's gotta be a joke right that's the that's so bad that's that's so bad yeah i like how anyone who's not willing to look after four kids that aren't theirs is not a real woman uh yeah that's wild that's a great claim there fucking chris uh must be submissive and have a certain car dude no also emojis just in case you don't get what he's talking about yeah and it's like it makes me feel like you need a minivan because you don't have one yourself yeah you know what i mean to be like oh you have to have a minivan it's like okay like why yeah that's very specific It's like, okay, like why? Yeah, that's very specific.

It's like if you had a car that was able to fit your many children, surely you wouldn't need anyone else to have one. Yeah, unless, quote, you know, maybe you're looking for like a nanny and not like a partner. Because it sounds like you're looking for someone to take care of your kids and then also like to fuck yeah it sounds more like a weirdly strict job application than yeah anything like must be able to cook clean and be submissive yeah that's like a zero out of ten yeah that's a hard zero chris zero chris you fucking suck all right you ready for ivo probably not so his job is listed as social case, no job at mama's pension. Oh boy.

My passion? No passion. A very boring guy, not creative. Fun is not my cup of tea. I prefer more to be depressed, pill emoji. Sport is in my lifestyle unacceptable. Nature? No. I love the warmness of a dirty city asphalt.

And then it's a car emoji, a better than symbol, and a panda emoji. No rhythm for music. I dream of a family house without children and pets next to an international airport. Okay, there is something what I love. Food. I just started to explore the little microwave burgers. Cow emoji. Excellent.

Swipe right if you're looking for love or one night stand okay that's a joke like there's like i kind of love it i hope yeah it is i assume that is like a very toning cheek like cynical dating profile i don't think that's real i'm giving it a five because I'm not certain. That's fair. Yeah, we'll put it right on the middle because like if it's if it's real, it can go on the good side. If it's or sorry, if it's real, goes on the bad side. If it's a fake joke account, it goes on the good side.

Well, the thing is, if it's a joke, I do appreciate it. It's funny. Like even just the like I dream of living next to an international airport. That's pretty fucking funny. However, and the little burgers the microwave burgers great like there's still nothing about this person at all yeah you know what i mean so it's like yeah it's a funny joke but even if that's the case you don't get anything you know yeah i feel like you've got to be very attractive i'm guessing from the half a screenshot i got of them they are not yeah that also tracks I think okay do you have

more or do you want me to quick fire another one no quick fire okay this is Owen the only information apart from his frantic picture is full time cowboy at Campbell building services so he's a cowboy construction worker I guess which like honestly it's selling

it the fuck are you doing there i'm giving that a four out of ten is that all it's well yeah it's a it's a like they only have the like the job home and like distance they obviously didn't fill in their bio so it's their name their age their job their home and their distance and their job is full-time cowboy and their place of work is campbell building services hell yeah so make with that what you will but they get a four which is still worlds above you chris yeah okay now this is this is joe you ready 35 5 foot 7 171 centimeters. No baggage. No psycho exes. Easygoing. Well-traveled, brackets, not finished yet.

Spiritual. Positive vibes. Love my fitness, but love my weekends to help keep the universe in a fine balance. Traveling. Animals. Music. European festivals. Family.

Cryptocurrency. Beach halls and city break dmt and then he gives a snapchat oh you know what i was i wasn't super against everything until he said cryptocurrency right cryptocurrency was a big one for me there i didn't love no baggage no psycho x's because i feel like the only person that says that is someone that has both of those things. Yeah. And that was he saying that's what he's looking for.

Or was that a descriptor? I assume he's saying he doesn't have those things, which means he a hundred percent has those things. Yeah. I did not enjoy spiritual or positive vibes. I do. Remember when I said that guys use it, you know what you,

you hit it. I haven't had a single girl's profile yet but cryptocurrency terrible i don't know why i didn't realize that was going to be one but the second i heard it i was like i know 100 that is not good no but dmt that's a great one just super into drugs yeah i think like you know I think it's putting 420 friendly and shit like that on a dating profile. Cool. I'm cool with that. Whatever. But to like list hard narcotics.

Granted, I don't know a whole lot about DMT. I'm pretty sure it's up there. But like, imagine just being like, just throw meth on there or like heroin. Like, oh, all right cool i guess like that that is so important in your life that you need to list it on your dating profile as yeah a representative snapshot or a snapshot of yourself yeah i'm giving that again i think a four not even a three out of ten i'm giving it a yeah i'm giving it a hard like two or three and mostly on cryptocurrency i feel like we need to start rating these out of 20 because like there's just not enough variety

there's so much difference between that and chris that doesn't seem like a two and a zero are far enough apart so this one it's it's pretty standard aside from they say they work in sales semi full-time if only there was a word for that that just reeks of insecurity to me yeah just say part-time just say part-time i don't think the joke don't say it at all everything else put in yeah yeah so that for me is actually a red flag like a legitimate just like you get a snapshot into this person's confidence and it's not great. I have a treasure trove. Three, three quick more. If you don't mind. Quickest way to my heart is anti-PC humor, right-leaning politics, authenticity, and

being stupidly optimistic, uh, sapling emoji and a peace hands emoji. I mean, like, I hope, is this a guy or girl? Girl. I hope it's ironic. I don't think so. Probably not, though. Red flag's all over for me. That's a 3 out of 10 right there.

Yeah. This one's golden. This is from our very own city here. Perfect. Your mother warned you about bad girls like me. Cali girl. Fly between LA and Toronto regularly, but live in LA brackets for now. I do a lot of drugs.

I get into all sorts of trouble. Me. I had a daughter of 14, so be okay with that. I hate nice guys. Assholes wanted. Cool. Yeah, I don't think I could get on real.

Oh no, she has a kid. Damn it. Yeah, no, absolutely not. Also, she doesn't sound like she's submissive. I don't think I could swipe left on someone harder or faster than like that kind of profile. Yeah, that would my finger would go right through my phone. I remember I had this. This person reminds me I had a date set up with with someone someone that i'd met i think at a bar or whatever and then i had made a joke being like i remember when i used to have like a whole laundry

list of like things i looked for in an ideal partner but you know dating in toronto has made me realize that the only thing i want to do is like dietary isn't just cocaine or something like that it was just a throwaway thing being like, please don't do cocaine all the time. And I would like to date you. And she sent me a message just being like, I'm high on cocaine right now. I do lots of it.

Just FYI. I'm like neat. Cool. Well, what am I? One of my favorite Tinder dates I ever went on was with this person who, uh, like she, it was great. I'm not going to go into details just in case anyone knows them because they're pretty specific details.

But they seemed really fucking cool, really fun. We had a great date. You know, it was awesome. And I was, like, really looking forward to the second one. And then one day she, like, messaged me and was like, don't judge me, but I just dropped a bunch of acid. Or, like, I did a bunch of ecstasy with, like, some 15-year-olds or something. me and was like, don't judge me. But I just dropped a bunch of acid or like I did a bunch of ecstasy with like some 15 year olds or something. I was like, what? I'm 100% judging you for that.

Yeah. Like that. That's not that's not good. To be fair, if I'm going to do a bunch of drugs, it's especially like hallucinogens. I definitely want to be surrounded by arguably the worst age for human beings. Yeah, no,

no, thank you. All right. I will take it back. I I'm taking back. I'm thinking about when we were teenagers, but like the zoomers, they seemed like they got a pretty good head on their shoulders.

So maybe that's cool. They've definitely done speed before, but then you're embarrassing yourself. Oh yeah. No, let me be clear. No zoomer would want to hang out with me they are way too fucking cool for me and way too busy hexing the moon yeah you

loser you've got a podcast i'm busy fighting artemis in space and this is the last one and this might be my favorite this is daniella also from toronto if you buy me a couch you can fuck me on it god how many coaches this girl need maybe just i promise you i promise you someone's already done this yeah but what's what's funny is and i don't know what this is but i guess like my anthem is young and dumb by cigarettes after sex and you know what checks out yeah out. Yeah. Hey. Keep it on brand. So thank you, everyone, for sending these in. Please send in some more because it's wild. One person in particular sent us in a whole trove,

and you're incredible, and we will do some more next week. Thank you. We have a bunch of things to talk about, too. We got distracted, and we went a little long, but there is some important and exciting things. First, our good friend some important and exciting things. Um, first, uh, our good friend Kyle. Oh yeah.

It's his own, uh, not podcast, but like his own kind of thing now. So, um, you know, I'm from fucking the episodes here.

Obviously he's incredible. Uh, he's one of the best people in the world. And on top of being an incredible guest in person, he is just so good at being a chef cooking. It's fucking ridiculous. Uh, he is just so good at being a chef, cooking. It's fucking ridiculous. He was on TV a while ago and, like, ended up progressing.

Got robbed. He got robbed, but he still ended up progressing through the ranks. And then, like, as the competition progressed, like, he didn't just even go out. You know, he's great. Sorry, I feel like you had something planned to say, and I've just jumped over it. No, I don't. It's Drizzle, right? Yeah. So it's Drizzle. It's an app. It's only out on iOS right now, but it is

D-R-Y, like not Drizzle with a Y, not an I. And basically there's 10 chefs have been chosen to as like the hosts of this app. And effectively what it is, is each one of those chefs once a week releases and uh like a recipe so there's pictures of the recipe there's the

actual recipe itself but each recipe has a podcast episode associated with it so for example the first one kyle did is a like a seafood like party dip uh or dinner dip depending on when you want to have it and he basically just like delves into, you know, the process of making it, like where it came from and like kind of alternate things you can do. So it's actually like, they're like eight minutes, I think that one was.

So it's really handy. Just throw on. His food's incredible. And like the recipes are so good. I haven't looked at the other people on the app. I assume they're good too. But even if it was just Kyle, it would be worth doing.

So download that favorite and like him and tell your friends on the app i assume they're good too but even if it was just kyle it would be worth doing so download that favorite and like him and tell your friends and cook some good fucking food well uh we'll put the link up on our our usual channels twitter and facebook and all that kind of stuff um and just to clarify again it is uh d-r-y-z-z-l-e drizzle find it on uh the ios app store um also we haven't mentioned it or talked about it in a while um but we are part of a collective called uh tickle dot life it is a website that fosters positive sexuality um they're also killing on instagram and twitter right now as well um they have so many resources for uh mental and sexual health especially now in covid like some of the stuff

i've read um and i've been seeing posted is it's so topical and it's so well written and so well researched um and so like it's things i normally wouldn't think about yeah there's also just such a great variety of stuff that goes up on on like the website that like there's always something new and i i love that yeah you i i would be hard pressed to find uh a you know a subculture or a group of people that aren't represented on there like i've seen everything from like trans kinks all the way to like monogamy or polyamory um like everything they've they've discussed everything and it's fucking cool and they have authors it's not just like straight people writing about this kind of stuff they have trans authors they have authors of color they have all kinds of people working together and writing from their perspective um independently, stuff to really help either understand things

or to incorporate in your own life. Yeah, and it's all like super sex positive. And even just like everyone we've interacted with, like throughout the, like who are either like readers and listeners or contributors to the website or people who work at it, they've all been super lovely, super great.

Which importantly, the founder and CEO is actually going to be our guest next week. So if you have any questions, hit us up. Yeah. And it does. I think we can like definitely branch out as well from our usual sex and dating advice. If you have any questions about sort of like fostering a community like this,

I think she'd be a great resource and a great person to talk to and ask about that. So if you have any questions about that kind of stuff, don't feel like it has to be necessarily just about your relationship or just about sex. You can talk about sort of the, the semantics of building a community like she has from the ground up. Yeah.

And I guess lastly, we're coming up on episode 100. So if anybody has any ideas or anything you think we should do for the big old 1-0-0, just let us know. Okay, we're running long. So hit me with some...

Oh, actually, if you have any questions or want to send them in to us, either for us or for our guest expert next week, you can hit us up on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast

or you can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com or you can find us online at plentyofbeef.ca or fbuddiespodcast.com. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song paper stars. All right.

Now hit me with some sex writing. So I had one, but then I read it and it's so fucked up. I actually can't. So cool. I don't know who this is and I don't need to. Okay. I have black hair with flashes of Auburn cut into a curved fringe over my

forehead and drawn into a French pleat at the back green eyes, a pointy, slightly sharp face, which was described as unattractive when I was a little girl. I remember crying for ages one day when a cousin referred to me as an abominable parrot. I was left with awareness that some people might think I look like a bird. Even if I do have a slightly hooked nose, I actually have full, very cushiony lips. I think my complexion is more like peaches than feathers. To get back to my body, my neck rises tall above my shoulders.

My arms are slim. My waist is slim. My breasts are nicely separated. A little too copious for my chest, granted. But I found this to be a considerable asset in plenty of situations, having managed to view it as a disadvantage for a long time. Men riding women is just, it's never. Yeah, I love the idea that like, like oh women think about how spaced their breasts are

well that's the thing it's like if you look at everything else they describe it's like the breasts are like five lines and her back body neck arms shoulders waist are like one and a half to finish this off i have um delved intohub and found the choicest comment for this week. And it comes from a Pornhub user, xxdarkxgodxx. And they say this is going to

need some participation from both of us, and you'll understand what we need. That is super huge, but you want to know what's huger than that? My love for Jesus. Can I get an amen? Amen. Amen. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Fane.

And we have been your fuck buddies. I'll kill you. I'll kill you. Damn you, Phil Gates.