F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 96 - Horny Milk (feat. Shakun Sethi)

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

This week we have an exciting guest, Shakun Sethi, the founder and CEO of Tickle.Life, a website that can only be described as a sexuality megasite.  Topics include parent safe glory hole descriptions, sex when you're not feeling sexy, starting a conversation from nothing, the leaky boob betrayal, a third-party DM inquiry.   Visit www.tickle.life for more sex and sexuality wellness material!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spang, and we are your fuck buddies. Welcome back. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we take questions from Reddit, usually, or from our dear listeners, and we answer them on the topics of sex and dating. We talked about it last week. We have a special, special guest this week. And we're not going to talk about any bummer issues like we have been doing recently. Well, maybe I should just point out that demon semen is trending as we speak. Yes, demon semen is happening. I'm going to leave it at that. So this week we have a very exciting guest. We've talked about the site in the past, Tickle Life. We've mentioned it last week and when we first started it. But this week, we are lucky enough to have the CEO and founder of the site,

Shakun, joining us to answer some questions. And again, you are our second real life sexpert. So thank you very much for joining us really that's a lot of pressure yeah you'll be fine yeah but thank you so much for having me here no worries i'm sorry it is so late uh i guess we didn't factor in the time difference well enough ah i've become a night bird so it's absolutely absolutely fine. I hear you. I'm pretty much the same. But yeah, I figured if you'd like, maybe you could begin with just a little bit of an introduction to Tickle

because I feel like however we describe it, it's never going to be as good as it coming from your own mouth. Sure. So Tickle.life is the world's first discovery platform for sexual well-being. What we are trying to create is a single ecosystem for anything and everything about sexuality, sex, sexual well-being that you can find in this universe. And in this journey, we already do have over 350 collaborators who are from this industry uh we do have over

1000 podcasts and you guys i love your podcast is one of them yeah and we have um new features that we keep on rolling out like we have a market space which was just launched last to last like two weeks back called shop so yeah so a lot is happening so overall it's something to make you discover what you're looking out for where your sexuality is concerned um so one of the questions when i was talking about it um with people i know and on social media and stuff is um what what sort of like what's your background in the industry that made you inspired to do this? Because this is a huge undertaking and you've done a very good job at it.

So what sort of like, what was the catalyst for all this? I think the biggest catalyst was I'm an outsider. And I do not have any qualification where sexuality is concerned. All I come with is inquisitiveness i was inquisitive i went to a sex toy shop and i was so scared to go inside one because i did not know what if i offend or what if i end up saying something completely wrong so so what do i do i lie and i give a fabricated reason that i'm going to buy something for my aunt who's like 65.

And I really have, I still am trying to figure out who is that aunt or what, you know, subconsciously my being is trying to tell me. And, you know, the biggest catalyst was when the person asked me,

what does she like? So the interesting thing is Shakun doesn't like what she you know Shakun doesn't know what she likes so pretty sure that she would not like what this fabricated aunt would you know so it's just it's just interesting and and when I started with this journey of exploring i just realized that there are a lot and lot and lot of people in the same state as i am like we are okay to talk about it we get to travel we get to see we get to read we get to talk but still we are not ready to because what if we end up offending offending someone since we do not know? And that is why Tickle.life was started. Nice.

Yeah, I feel like sex and dating is one of those things where like when we started this, I kind of figured I was like, we're going to run out of questions at some point. But you just don't. And that's why I think it's such a good thing to like Tickle is great because from what I've seen, it's always something new. It's always something from a different perspective. It's on topics that either like I definitely want to know more about or topics that I didn't know I needed to know more about, you know. It's always something new.

And I think it's actually a really cool kind of like collaborative space. Yeah, absolutely. So we make it a point that it gets updated every day. So every single day you will see something new on the platform. That's an undertaking that we have taken, but it was only possible because of the industry. And there's so many people who are doing such fabulous work. I just think that, you know, we all just needed to come together and that's what's happening. And it's just a fascinating time to be alive in when people are ready to collaborate yeah yeah well yeah you made a good point where it's like it's it's one of

those things where no matter how inquisitive you are if you don't have resources to sort of pull from it kind of goes to waste or you start making things up and you know you you are misinformed as opposed to informing yourself so it's really cool to be like you know you can have that inquisitive and now pull from a resource of authentic experiences and you know real world applications of things like one of the big things for me is i it drives me crazy when you look up a topic or you see someone share an article and it's about um other certain kink or you know about trans rights or something and the author isn't trans or but there's there's so many things on tickle where it's like if you want to learn about you know trans sexuality and trans sexual health and stuff like that there are trans writers contributing. And so you're getting like the most authentic information that you possibly

can. Yeah. I, you know, the, the biggest thing there is that people want to share and they were just looking out for a place and somehow they just stumbled upon Tickle.life and they started sharing.

So there, we also do have, when you're talking about trans people we also I think we do have few open diaries that are being written by people who are transitioning. So whenever some major milestone happens in their life they write it down for other people that you know they they can also learn something from it or take some support from it. So it's just interesting. Like for me, I love going through Tickle.life because I get to learn. And especially when I'm in a stage when I myself am trying to explore what I am, what my sexuality is,

it just makes it easier to get a plethora of information together for me to pick. Because when I was trying to figure out what I'm thinking or why I'm thinking in this direction, I just realized that people from different sexualities, they work in different silos. And you just don't know what's happening. And I always say that you know something which is unknown leads to skepticism and skepticism leads to fear and that's why a lot of fear has been

created so why not have a platform or a place where everything and anything that you can think of is put together so that if a person comes here at least that person gets assurance or support to choose what they are comfortable with rather than us telling them what you are comfortable with. That's nice because like the safety of it being online and like easily accessible

means you don't have to fabricate, you know, a sexually involved ant. Absolutely. I would love to know how deep the backstory of this aunt went like when you were what did you fall down the hole of like just continually building this this character or or you know we kind of touched the surface you know i must have gone through approximately 100 sex toy shops all across the world and i must have fabricated so many of my relatives after

so I'm pretty sure a lot of these people or people must have been talking in the circle that there's this strange Indian woman whose entire family is horny so but it's so funny because you know even if you say you know my i'm looking out for something from my brother father mother sister aunt the answer is same still the same what do they like um so on the the topic of uh informing are you ready to answer some questions with us oh absolutely okay uh now do you want to kick us off uh sure i'll kick us off with a user submitted question okay um it's it's a it's a pretty easy one uh it's it's uh it's not gonna involve anything too in-depth or or it may i don't know um but this this kind of came about like not because

of last week's episode but in conjunction with last week's episode when uh so the province of bc and canada released covid sex guidelines where they advocated for the use of glory holes uh so one of our listeners uh their mother asked them in pure innocence what a glory hole was and they don't know how to explain it to their mother nor do they want to and they thought they'd come to us to do it for them oh my god i have no idea um it's like a wall so it's it's like a wall but there's there's a very interesting part in between which is open for people like if i'm talking to my mom right

so I still can't like you know use the term um so a place in between for private parts to mingle with each other to interact with each other and then in this state you don't have to use a mask which is the best part because you're not touching each other there so it's for your own safety extra protection i'm really glad i don't have to explain this to my mom this is literally the reason we brought you on the podcast neither of us wanted to explain to our parents yeah i you better not listen to this Yeah, I feel like I definitely wouldn't use either mingle or interact. I don't know. I feel like mingle is a very, you know, it's a loaded term.

I don't know. Yeah, it is. It is playful. I'm like, I don't want to be playful and I'm discussing sex with my parents. I don't know. I feel like I would go as clinical as possible or it's just removed. It'd just be like, it's a wall you can have sex through. See, now you have to understand I come from India and we do not use the term sex.

Okay. It is actually an Indian family this comes from. Oh, really? Yeah. You should give that person my number. I'm going to have a call because I still remember I thought my parents are going to disown me once they got to know about Tickle.life.

They surprised me because they were super excited about it. Okay, nice. So yeah, so what's the next question? This is exciting. I'm getting excited. Okay, so this one is going to be I think a little bit more discussion This comes from a Reddit user Horrorbird

And they say sex when you're not sexy anymore In the past three years my husband and I Have had two babies I'm now thoroughly disgusted with my body I've always been naturally thin So I lost the weight really easily But my stomach is wrinkly and saggy My boobs aren't perky and firm My nipples are too big my waist is non-existent I just want to know

is my husband as disgusted with my body as I am I don't want to pat on the back or lecture about involving or involving loving my stretch marks I'm just trying to wrap my head around never wanting to him to see me naked again wow um for me I think the most important thing would be still to talk to the husband you have to communicate because what if what not is not a good state to be in it's better to know what's happening because once you know what the problem is then you can find solutions but if you do not know the problems then you then that's the worst place. Yeah. And like suffering in silence, it's always going to bleed out somehow. So instead of him knowing that you're upset, or you're insecure, or you know, you're dealing with some body image

problems, he might just think that you're annoyed at him or you're disinterested in sex or like, and then he's gonna maybe have a negative reaction that she's going to attribute to her body and it's just going to be this cycle of not opening up and like each person internalizing the other person's issues and there's also the assumption that like he doesn't find her attractive like at no point in time does it say that he's you know expressed any of that she's upset with her body which is you know a fair thing to feel, especially after birth. It's, it's a very common thing to go through.

But like, there's a very good chance that this man still finds her incredibly attractive. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone goes like everyone who has a kid goes through this and like, you know, their partners generally make it out fine.

So totally understandable where she's coming from. But another thing is is it's like she says how to deal with not being sexy anymore when that's not necessarily true it's she doesn't feel sexy anymore yeah you know and like unfortunately like in this case i guess like being sexy is it's a lot involved with like your attitude and your confidence um and unfortunately when you are you know down about your appearance and not feeling it that's also going to come out so you know unfortunately i know it sounds like really typical and cliche just to be like you know you've got to love yourself and whatever like she even says she doesn't really want that but

that's kind of more sexy than anything see but i I also think that she's alone because if she's going on Reddit and she's not even able to talk to her partner so it still boils down to the same thing that she has to start communicating to find a solution. Yeah communication. Absolutely yeah absolutely it's okay about you know loving yourself but how will you start loving yourself? You would not even reach that stage unless you're completely sure of what is wrong. Maybe it's not even about how your body looks anymore. Maybe it's something much deeper. Yeah. I mean, like, depending on how soon these, I mean, like, past three years, like, postpartum depression is very much a real thing that could be you know she's struggling with as well yeah yeah I even just like having a kid is is

tough so like even like on an energy level and like on a free time basis like you might not feel sexy in those ways as well because you're exhausted or you've spent the whole day you know running around after a child and like you know having a kid is messy and it's it's tough and it's tiring so like these things could also contribute also imagine being in quarantine with a three-year-old yeah yeah so talk go and talk if you're not comfortable to talk to your partner right now talk to a friend if you're not comfortable to talk to your partner right now, talk to a friend. If you're not able to talk to a friend, go and hire a good therapist. Or a coach or anyone, but just go and talk. I'm sure there are a lot of like resources like for online, like new moms and stuff. Maybe you'll find support.

And because I can bet you every piece of money i own that other people have gone through this issue and finding support in that sense is always going to be invaluable but what you said is i think the best advice is that if you don't tell your partner they're not going to be able to help you you know and if they don't know what's wrong like they might be inadvertently making things worse just because, you know, they're seeing the results of how you feel and not why you feel how you feel. Yeah. This is from user Chunky Large Toe on Reddit. How do I message a girl that I am not close to out of the blue?

So short story short, there's a female in my school. We are acquainted. So now that I'm two months into summer, it would be kind of awkward. I just felt like I would regret not taking initiative and starting a conversation. I think just saying, hey, what's up will suffice. But something just bubbles up inside me and prevents me from messaging her. I can't really describe the emotion because it's new to me. But I'm still insistent on trying to strike something up.

So my first question is, what's the most optimal way to start a friendly conversation? Secondly, how to convince myself or gain the confidence to click that send button? Oh, it's such an oh question. How would I do it? I think the easiest thing to do it like, hey, what's up? How did your summer go? Like, you know, what are you doing in summers?

That's it. Simple. Keep it open-ended and and if uh if the girl responds in i think like in two days then take it up and if not then forget it for now and when you guys meet then you can re-initiate your discussions uh and then the second thing is uh you don't have anything to lose so it's fine even if you message somebody it's better than just thinking about it again i'm more of a doer than you know than a thinker so usually what i do is i just say and i just do and then you think about

you know whatever happens later on like part of me wants to ask the like instead of asking how you do it maybe you should ask should you do it but i also think that once your message is inoffensive enough and you do which i think was very important that you messaged the part that you mentioned is the uh leave it alone if it doesn't go anywhere part so i think if he does those two then if there's not too much possibility for harm. Um, but I do think like just a, Hey,

what's up? Like if you don't know them well enough to send them a message, then I think something so bland isn't going to go down very well. So like if they have something on, like, let's say you have them on Instagram or Facebook or whatever, and they post something, you can always engage them about that.

Like, let's say they say, well, I was going to say like, I'm going to a a concert but we don't live in a world where that happens anymore so you know if they post something about like a new show or a new book or they cooked food or something like maybe take them up on that topic because at least then you have something to talk about and your initial response won't be so clearly like hey yeah fuck yeah and and to add to that just don't say hey you know what nice picture that's not a response you know that's that's not one either like take them up on

something that's not just hey i want to fuck because they know what you're doing but at least the other way around you're giving them like you're treating them more like a person than that fucking object you know yeah instagram stories are like a godsend like i wish that when i was dating instagram stories were as like a day-to-day life activity um because like you're literally getting up to date sort of like beat by beat minute by minute updates on like what people are interested in so if if you're scrolling through and you're like oh hey that's something I'm interested in. You now all of a sudden have something to talk about.

Yeah. So it's like, you're, you're golden. I, I don't think there's anything wrong with the, Hey, what's up.

But if I, again, like if you're not that close with this person, I don't know if there's enough ammunition in there into, cause it's, it could fall into the trap of like the, Hey, what's up?

Not much. You not much. Yeah. And then you're straight. Then you're like, you got nowhere to go. Whereas like, if again, because it could fall into the trap of like the hey what's up not much you not much yeah and then you're straight then you're like you got nowhere to go whereas like if again like if they're talking about a show or you know if they post a picture being like finally watching hamilton you got something to talk about hamilton was so good though just on the side so you guys are good i'm pretty sure you guys, you guys, like seriously, you guys have your game up.

We try. I'm impressed. I should ask you questions next time. If I send a message to you. We're always open. Just send us any questions you want. Absolutely. I'll do that.

This question comes from Malcompre off Reddit. They're a 21 year old male. I want to have a threesome with my friends, but I'm in a relationship. I made friends with a couple three months ago and we hit it off immediately. We had a threesome together while I was casually talking to my now girlfriend.

These friends aren't from my area and will be in town for a week. They asked me if I want to have another threesome, but they know I have a girlfriend now and don't want to pressure me. For the past week, I've been battling with my moral compass, but my desire to experience this pleasure again is overwhelming. I want to have the threesome and stay with my girlfriend, but I know

this will break her heart if she ever found out. What are your thoughts? I want to hear what you guys think. What you guys think first. I say you can't have it both ways. you can either break up and have a threesome or you can stay faithful to the person you're in a committed relationship with because i think you're just being an asshole if you if you try and do it the other way

you know like sex is great and all but people's feelings are i think more important you know like you can have sex again you can have this threesome another time. It sounds like, you know, it's not like this is the only time. Um, and even if it was, you can't just throw someone's feelings out the window like that.

Personally, I say one or the other can have both. Well, I mean, there, I, I think there is a situation in which you can have both. Um,

and that is including your girlfriend. If she's into conversation, like you can have both um and that is including your girlfriend if she's into i'm so this is a conversation yeah like you can have a conversation with her and be like hey um so before we got together i had a threesome with these people uh they've offered to do it again but you know they know i'm with someone would you be interested in the situation and if she says no then okay sorry you then have to make your choice like you said you either do it or you don't um but there is also the potential that this could be a really fun experience for both of you i'm so with on this because something similar had once happened to me so my my boyfriend actually told me that you know this this couple they they want

us to have like threesome. And the thing is like, I was not comfortable with it, but at least we had this discussion rather than him, him going. And it just complicates things. It's better. You know,

you just discuss, you never know what happens and people surprise you. Yeah. I think like, depending, like you're never going to know, like. I know I've been in relationships where if I ever broached that conversation, they wouldn't take it as an honest question with no ulterior motive. And they would think either I'm trying to... So you know yourself how your

partner is going to react to that question, but there's definitely no harm in asking. If they say yes, great. If if they say no you're back to square one which is make a choice the only thing i'm saying is i don't think you should cheat because that's just a thing to do absolutely not that's a big no yeah i don't think anything's really worth that so no that's out the window you make that choice if you're sitting there and you're debating whether your relationship is worth not having this threesome. It's like, you need to reevaluate how much this relationship means to you. Like either you want to continue to explore sexually, or you want to be with this person,

or you try to, you know, instigated a situation where you can explore together. But like you make that call, you don't get to be like, I want to be with this person, but I also want to do all these other things at the expense of this person's feelings.

Yeah. Cause that's super not nice. And it's also probably going to be like, cause the couple sounds really nice. Like they sound like they've considered that person. So if you don't, they're going to be under the assumption that you're either allowed to, you know,

they, they might feel pretty shitty about it too. Cause then they're complicit. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The bottom line is do not cheat yes and if you're scared about you know what if you will be single again it's fine yeah be going into singlehood with a threesome that's a great way

to do it yeah and like if you're if you're single again because of you wanting to experience threesomes then like that's kind of what you wanted yeah you know what i mean like that's that's kind of the door you opened and now you're walking through it yeah if you're single enough to want or if you want to have this enough to be single then you can't complain about being single because you're making the choice i think we could probably do one more do you have you have one more question in you i do i have a few i'm not sure where we want to go. Like, how are we feeling?

Do we want something light? Do we want something light on details? Do we want something heavy? Do we want something bizarre? Let's do a bizarre, because I think we haven't done that. Okay. We'll go with this one. So this is by ThrowRAMyLifeIsAMess on Reddit.

My boyfriend, male, 20 years old, thinks I'm gaslighting him because nothing comes out of my boobs when I'm horny. Honestly, my life is a fucking mess. My boyfriend is a bit of a loner, but it's never been a problem before. We both love video games, and to him I'm a catch, because it's not often you find a pretty girl who likes games. Now that statement can be taken a lot of ways, but it looks like a compliment to me, so... Most of his life experiences come from the internet, which is fine, I guess, but he really doesn't have that balance. Since we started dating, I've been dragging him around with me and taking him to try new things.

We've had a couple obstacles, a period of time where he spent literally no attention to me and just played video games, which ended in March, thank God, and convincing him that smelling nice isn't a capitalist scheme. Lol. So I, 19-year-old female, was ready to lose my virginity to this guy. I really love him, and overall he's amazing. He was also a virgin, so we were comfortable to just

mess around. Next day, he's all standoffish and pissed at me. I asked why, and he asked if I was just pretending to be into it i say no i was wet you saw that i love you etc and this god i'm so fucking pissed about it he says you're lying if you are actually horny milk would come out of your boobs oh no i just can't express how goddamn infuriating angry awful i don't know i just that seriously like he'd never been in reality or whatever but dude for fuck's sake i'm in stunned silence and he's like i guess it's true if you have nothing to say i thought you weren't like other women but you're all the same thought you

love me blah blah blah and i don't know it's like i have the man i love and i have this bumbling idiot who also have to deal with and it's shitty obviously he's only experienced sex from porn never thought it out of the ordinary because he never talked to girls and only has brothers additionally people he used to role play with would do it too so he took it as fact i tried so hard to explain but it was like talking to a brick wall he claimed i was gaslighting him that i'm abusive i'm gonna cheat on him and he was upset and believed i was an evil bitch we haven't talked we've both been crying his friends are all yes man i think they've convinced him that it's a fact because he was chatting with them so much and they didn't like me so it's not that hard to believe i was just an outsider in their eyes flexing on them by going walks and

joining clubs i guess uh and it just kind of goes on like that for a little bit and then it's such a stupid fucking idea why the fuck would i lactate during sex i want the boyfriend i love back and dumping him because liquid didn't dribble out my boobs is just embarrassing. What do I do? I want to see that guy search history for porn. Right?

Seriously, what do you type? I think you'd have to type something very specific to find porn, where you're lactating while having sex. That doesn't even sound like something like maybe you could accidentally come across it. No pun intended. But I don't imagine you could consistently do that by accident.

Hey, there's algorithms, man. If you're watching one thing, they may be. So, like, I mean, he's not wrong in the sense that she is like every other woman. Yes. And that she doesn't lactate when horny. I feel like there's a very simple solution to this. And that is sending him like a YouTube video. To tickle where he can learn about anatomy and sex.

Yeah. Like, also, I've been watching porn since I was like 13. And at no point in time have I ever seen in like mainstream porn lactation or lactation play. I know it exists. I've seen it. But I've never seen it in mainstream. Like any of the big names in porn I don't think has ever broached into that territory. So I can't imagine that this dude, a 19 year old dude has like,

hasn't seen porn where this doesn't happen. So like one of my bits of advice would be that, like, you know, we've said it before, but porn is not real life and porn should not be, you know, anyone's like sexual compass.

But like, what if he knew that advice and then one time he saw this one porn that had this and he was like now that's the real stuff maybe that's what he thought it meant this whole time was like all that stuff where it's not lactating isn't real and he saw this one and he was like there we go that's the real shit but come on if you think about it i I'm assuming they know how to read. You would hope so. Yeah, and there are descriptions on the videos. Yeah, like you would imagine

that would be the whole point of the video. And if it was the whole point of the video, then surely that would itself just prove that it's rare. You know, if they're making such a big deal out of it, if the whole video is that point. I mean, I also feel like sure, you might be gaslighting it.

From his point of view, sure. But a very, very, very easy Google search. Who could solve this whole conundrum? Now, he did think smelling nice was a capitalist scheme. So maybe he thinks the internet is also a capitalist scheme and it's lying to him. And the truth is out there.

And that truth is horny milk. Other than sort of like providing him like Wikipedia articles and stuff and being like, this isn't a thing. But I think, unfortunately, like this reaction to this, I think is an indication that maybe he's not ready for a real relationship and especially not ready to have sex. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Like if someone's wrong, that's fine. People can be wrong. In fact, being wrong and being able to admit you're wrong is a really great thing. But if someone's wrong, and then when you talk to them, they flip out, disbelieve you and like, say you're evil. That's, that's a pretty good indication that you

should not date or fuck this person. Absolutely. And right now, because there's so much information around, it just doesn't fit. That's the thing, like, there's no excuse, you know, and again, if they're wrong, and you sent them a link, and they were like, wow, I messed up and you had a good laugh about it and moved on. That would be one thing. Yeah. I mean, I think there's also there's like that pride of being a guy who doesn't know how women work. And I like I've seen a lot of dudes become very sour over that kind of shit. As opposed to being like oh shit okay now i

know that you're not supposed to leak out of your nipples when you're aroused most people are going to take that as like that is a shame he will never live down but i also have a feeling that he's insecure about other things and he's like finding some excuse because obviously after this fight he must have gone and searched you would hope so that's like a normal reaction of any human being that at least you will ask five people or two people at least and while you're asking and if

they're still saying it so maybe the problem is something else and he's just using it as an excuse so what I'm going to say is like just run and and there's no but just point into the distance be like she's lactating and when he turns around you fucking run the other way just tall ass yeah you're right because even like the lack of knowledge is one thing but like the reaction and just the whole trend there is indicative of how the rest of your relationship

is going to go yeah it's not this one thing yeah because like if every disagreement you have and again this isn't a disagreement there is science involved and reality there's science and reality on one side and there's just like i guess weird porn on the other you know i was talking to a few people from the porn industry i i think i'm going to share this with them and we might be creating few um informative videos we we need this this was like this was never in the even in like you know even in our dreams but this this needs to be there yeah and hey at the same time maybe make some some lactating videos there's a market for it apparently but i need the right search search terms then so we need to connect with that

guy yeah like it's it's the one like i found it a few days ago and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it i'm just like oh god but it's always funny when i find a question like this i'm like oh man can't wait to read this to dane on while we're recording just watch you laugh i think we have time to do one more question so i'm gonna hit you with this one's a little longer as well but but i'll get through um this comes from reddit user just uh just a straight throwaway i dm'd a girl but she never replied should i ask her best friend also my friend to see what's up uh please hear me out i know this sounds desperate but there's a bit of a backstory to it a girl let's call her gertrude was posted on a dating group

that i'm part of on facebook about a month ago. Her post became really popular, so no doubt she had a lot of guys DMing her, but she seems to have a lot of the same interests as me, so I wanted to get to know her. However, I had only seen her post about a week ago, so I followed her on Instagram and DMed her there. Since then, she either hasn't seen my message because it got mixed up with the rest of the DMs she probably received, or she wasn't interested and ignored it. The thing is, back in high school, about 10 years ago, I was good friends with Gertrude's best friend. Let's call her Bertha. Gertrude and Bertha have been best friends since they were young. I've seen Bertha a handful of times since then, and it's always been chill catching up with her. I'm pretty

certain Gertrude knows who I am and would have told Bertha about my DM to her if she had seen it. My question is, should I message Bertha to see if she knows about my DM to her if she had seen it. My question is, should I message Bertha to see if she knows about my DM to Gertrude? If she does know about it, I'll just assume that she didn't answer because she wasn't interested and leave it at that. Oh my god, why is he so fixated on DM?

He's not a boo. Just directly ask if he's not comfortable asking directly to Gertrude to ask Martha that, hey Martha, can you just ask her if she's not comfortable asking directly to go through to ask Martha that hey Martha can you just like ask her if she's interested and maybe we can catch up for coffee drink whatever now do you think as a woman do you think that is like overreaching boundaries like if someone if I were to dm you a proposition or being like hey I would love to you know I'd love to catch up with you or I'd love to take you out.

And you didn't respond to me because for whatever reason, I then went and asked your good friend, be like, hey, so about Shakur. Do you think that's a breach of sort of like an overreach of boundaries? Not really. See, I'm on a dating app or on a dating group, right? So at that point, I'm already up to date someone. If the person does not start stalking me, that's a separate question altogether. And it's also not about consent

because we don't even know why did she not see the DM. So you're just asking once the friend to just check. If, hey, I'm interested interested in her would she like to go out with me that's all i feel like i was on the same page as you when it was read out initially you know and it was like is it okay if i ask a mutual friend who's friend with her but then as the question went on it doesn't sound like he knows bertha all that much either no he knew her 10 years ago yeah so like if they were close you know what i mean like if i had messaged a friend of yours dan i would have no hesitation being like hey dan like i messaged whatever like did she say anything to you or

whatever you know what i mean because like we're close and it would be fine but if someone i barely knew messaged me or someone i knew 10 years ago was like hey i messaged jay in the dating app why didn't he respond i'd probably be like you're a crazy person because like it seems like the amount of effort and stuff you know like if someone didn't respond like they could have if they wanted to you know i think at the risk like i think you could risk seeming really creepy um and like on the other side they either didn't see it which you know whatever it's a it's a bit of a loss i guess but no harm or they saw it and didn't like you or didn't want to pursue it and now you've made it

weird um but it also depends on how how badly you want to go out with her yeah if you really really like that person, then there's no harm in just trying it out. But if it's just like, oh, she's single and I'm single and she's here and I've known her 10 years back and I know a common friend, then that's a different thing altogether. Because even you, you end up doing the same thing

if you keep on sending same dms again and again so i just think that you know if you have some solution why not just try it out but just don't start haggling martha you know other friend and keep on you know harping on the fact hey what did she say what did she say what did she say just ask her once that you know what this is what it is. I'm interested. Can you just check? By the way, you know, it's like, just depends on,

you know, how do you take it? But you're just asking, it's just a proposition. You're not asking like, hey, you know what? Like after 10 years,

by the way, I would like to marry her. No, that's not happening here. You're just asking about a coffee or a drink. I do think it is also very important, like with the question earlier, one and done. Like if you have to do it, and if you do do it, you get one. You don't get to do any follow-ups or any, you know, it's you ask and you take that answer and that's it.

You don't harass them because at that point it's 100%. Because there's kind of a gray zone. And I think the gray zone right now hinges a lot on how well you know the mutual friend. But once you've asked that, that has to be it. Yeah. And it's also about how do you ask the friend. Also true. Yeah.

So you still have to understand that because if you've not been in touch for 10 years, how do you initiate the discussion? Are you also talking about the person or you're making the person feel as if, you know what, this guy just connected with me because of this reason? Or there's something, you know, a mutual friendship that they can start from here as well. And that happens. Yeah. It's funny. Cause like, I,

I don't know if I would have a big problem with this as a man, because like generally I'm not at as much risk as women are in terms of like creepy internet shit. So it's, it's interesting that you've taken a, taken a stance. Cause I thought for sure you were, you were going to be more hesitant. So it's interesting that you've taken a stance because I thought for sure you were going to be more hesitant. So it's cool that you have this optimist look because I don't know if I were to sort of empathize with the situation,

I don't know how comfortable I would be if I was Bertha to give any information about my friend to a dude I barely know. Yeah, but it's also about you know, Bertha, she's in a position to take the call. Whether she wants to go and tell the friend, and if she does not want to tell,

she doesn't want to tell. The guy doesn't need to follow up. The guy just needs to ask once, and that's all that I'm asking for. That's fair yeah I think the thing we can all agree on for sure is that

you don't get to the if Bertha doesn't respond to you you don't get to go to Martha and ask if Martha knows if Bertha got your message about Gertrude that's true. It's one message and it's one point of separation.

You can't go any further than that. You're not Kevin Bacon. I wouldn't go for her otherwise. Because that's what, like, I don't know. This sort of mentality is what I would worry would lead to that kind of behavior. Where it's like, oh, any time, anything. There's like, you know, you know,

Gertrude, let's say they connect the goal for a drink. Is this guy now going to be, and like Gertrude doesn't want a second date is, you know, Bertha now on the line to be like, give a post date review to this guy to be like, well, did she say anything?

Why she didn't want to see me again? Well, all of a sudden now Bertha is Gertrude's agent. And this guy's trying to get her in for new passion of the Christ. That's what it sounds like now. she didn't want to see me again? Well, all of a sudden now, Bertha is Gertrude's agent. And this guy's trying to get her in for new Passion of the Christ. That's what it sounds like now. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. You know, it's just like, you just get one chance or one question or one favor to ask.

That's it. So once you've asked, it's done. Yeah, and like, no matter what answer, unless the answer is a resounding yes it's a no and if it's a yes then you move on and you know that you cut bertha out of this position of awkwardness in between and you you just talk face to face right yeah you know it's similar like you know how on linkedin you ask somebody to refer you for a job but you don't actually start giving you an update hey you know what This was what was offered to me.

This is my package. Or these were like 10 questions that were asked. And we don't do that. Don't send birth of your package. No. Oh my God. Don't send birth of your package. So thank you very much, Jakun, for joining us.

Yeah. Do you have, is it easy to read a link for the shop and the marketplace? Absolutely. Or should we just, yeah, perfect. So please pitch us, pitch us Tickle Life again, because I think after this episode, people are going to be very interested in visiting. So I think if you're looking out for answers,

the kind of questions that were asked, or if you actually have no questions, but you want to have like really interesting question from you from sexuality point of view then you need to be on tickle.life which is a resource center for a lot and lot and lot of content but just not content if you're trying to figure out more you want to buy books you want to attend events you want to buy books, you want to attend events, you want to buy merchandise, you want to buy products, you want to buy art, which is sex positive, which is sexuality centric, then please visit www.tickle.E. So that will take you to the main platform. And from there, you can go on to the shop section. Perfect.

So again, thank you very much for joining us. I know it is very, very early and or late for you. It's like that perfect time between early and late, really. I can go for a run after this. True. The sun will be up. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining us. This has been a lot of fun. I can go for a run after this true the sun will be up yeah absolutely yeah thank you so much for joining us

this has been a lot of fun and like Tickle's great everyone I've kind of interacted with like over Twitter and through it like either reading their stuff or like you know between comments or what they posted or whatever everyone seems so positive and like inclusive and nice so it's been it's been really fun

like kind of being a little part of it. So thanks for, thanks for that as well. Thanks so much guys. No worries. Well, have a lovely morning slash night. You guys have a good night.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you. Bye. All right. So before we go, I figured we'd do another installment of our Tinder Red Flag series.

We didn't want to subject Shakuna to that. You know what? I think we probably should have. I think she would have been so down. Let me see what I've got for everyone this week. Again, thank you to everybody who

sent these in because y'all are great. Do you want one for me or do you want me to just... No, you go. So again, I'm going to read it to you. You tell me what you think. This is Felicia. 30. I don't think guys really read this crap lol,

but sure, I am female. I do have to awesome ass boys. I assume she to i do have to awesome ass boys i assume she means i do have two awesome ass boys but it's to i'm not sure i shouldn't delve into this i should let you do this i'm extremely sarcastic don't know how to take a damn thing seriously enjoys random fun don't really need a guy just looking for a guy to have fun with i was told i should look for a chef because all i seem to do is eat all the time no bloody vegans it's just not right well okay um there's like it's a roller coaster right like where i'm just like

okay you you've disclosed that you have two children which is fine and i think important to get out there um but then the like i like i don't like i remember dipping again after that where it was like oh the random fun thing yeah enjoys random fun i can't take anything seriously i'm like well you are a mother so i hope you i hope you take a few things seriously. Well, not spelling, clearly. Sarcasm usually means bad things. Usually when someone's like, oh, I'm sarcastic. It's like, okay, you're annoying, most likely. People who are sarcastic don't need to broadcast it.

Yeah. Generally. people who are sarcastic don't need to broadcast it yeah generally um i you know what i'm gonna say bye felicia oh yeah i think there's like the the vegan thing was a weird departure i'm not yeah i'm not even gonna touch that because like yeah i don't know it's such a weird fucking thing to to bring up yeah right either you are you're not and fucking let people do it it'd be like choosing literally any other social or you know lifestyle preference but like even like even if it came up at some point and you were like oh i'm out that would be weird but like it hasn't come up you're the one bringing it up that's how

strongly you feel about vegans that's really strange felicia what are you doing yeah yeah i think there was like a nice little peppering of red flags throughout and then they just nailed the coffin home at the end all right how about this this is maybe I shouldn't use people's actual names. I guess it doesn't really matter. It's just their first name. This is Blaine. Oh no. All right. Red flag already.

Strictly reviewing girlfriend applications to get through this Corona situation. Must be funny, adventurous, symptom free, and not interested in touching their own face. Some stuff about me. I have toilet paper, food,

a crib, an abundance of firewood, I really like to squat and deadlift, and I can sing a song or two occasionally. Oh, and trees are the best ever. He's an arborist. With all the health guidelines, we can easily skip right to the point in the relationship where we never touch.

Huh. That's actually pretty good. Right? He brought it back! I actually really like this one. I judge blaine too harshly first you know what he he had to live through decades of being blaine he's he's he's evened out he's lost his edges i'm saying no it's green flights yeah it's pretty funny i was set this one i was like this is good date him um all right how wild do you want the next one to get i want it as wild as you got all right oh that's not it uh my self-summary hey i'm looking for an

owner someone who 100 owns my body and can do anything they want with it make me your 24 7 slave abuse me do anything i want someone who wants to cut me piss on me break my bones beat me black and blue drown me drain the life out of my eyes forever if you're interested in that last part let me know smiley face yes i'm serious i know it's extremely fucked up but it's what i'm looking for whoa yeah i mean i was at first i was like oh that's that's intense but that's okay, because, like... Yeah. It's, like, confident and sexy and then terrifying.

Yeah, like, Dom Sub stuff exists, and that's totally fine. And usually that kind of talk is, like, you know, exaggerated, embellished. Yeah. But when you get into bone-breaking territory... And then, you know, death? Yeah, I mean, that's, that's sort of like the slippery slope,

right. Where, you know, the, the whole point of Dom sub is like, it's no, it's not really like a lasting pain. You do it safely.

Like no one is getting into these Dom sub relationships, at least not healthy ones. And like actually hurting their, their partners. That's not the point of it. No. Yeah, it was really... It got me.

I don't know. It's super dark. So I was considering not reading that one out, but it just took that turn, right? Yeah, and I want to talk about... Because if this is something that you're interested in, okay, I think there might be some mental health issues if you want to be cut by people. But there's a danger inherently of doing this with someone who absolutely has no idea what they're doing or someone who is absolutely no regard for your safety, which apparently you don't either.

And this could end very badly. Yeah, with the wrong person, like you, you know, some people will take that literally. And like, I don't think you should want that literally. Cause death is pretty,

that's a pretty big deal. But yeah, I don't know. But yeah, red flags everywhere there for themselves, for us. Yeah. Like I'm,

I'm just genuinely concerned for this person though. Yeah. Can you imagine like you're one of those people that just like you know swipes really quickly and didn't really pay attention and then saw their picture and was like okay cool and like never read that and ended up on a first date okay and you're just being really nice with them like oh yeah more for them flowers yeah they keep thinking everything you're doing is gonna like lead to somewhere sinister so they're just like waiting yeah you walk them home and just be like hey just so you know like i don't

i don't like kissing on the first date so uh i'm just gonna give you a really nice hug and then you get like an ass out hug and then that's it and you get like a text being like hey i'm home safe had a great night let me know when you're home safe but then you read it all sinister like oh i'm not gonna make it home it's like no this was a lovely date all right last one yep let me baptize you in this pussy alternatively let's have depression naps on my futon my anthem pretty girls put boys in cemeteries oh Oh, wow. I definitely thought the baptism was going to be semen and not vaginas.

Also, we all know that if you're really horny, you'd be baptizing me in boob juice. In horny milk. Yeah, please. It's one of those things where it could just be funny you know what i mean um i think anytime anyone jokes about depression it's a bit unnerving one either because like you have it or two you're making light of a very serious mental illness

also it's just like the kind of people I find who are, who like tend to like almost fetishize depression in that kind of way. Like, oh, I'm so depressed. Let's be depressed together. Let's have depression now. You know, like if they, if they do have depression and this is their way of kind of like making light of it or like coming to terms with it, that's fine. But if you are just one of those people who's like, you know, some people like really like

depression is like a personality trait almost. And when they don't like you know some people like really like depression is like a personality trait almost and when they don't you know what i mean i'm probably wording this wrong but i'm sure you get what i mean i have so that always drives me off a little bit so yeah red flag if that otherwise it's a pretty funny one yeah um no no no all right so thank you guys thank you very much for joining us um thank you very much for joining us are you just are you just echoing me now the fuck is happening have we finally reached that point in our we have we have i guess thanks again to shakun from tickle.life for joining us um it was a pleasure and uh please go and take a second to look into the site and i promise you you'll spend more than a second there because there is literally so much to to look at read and and shop and and do

everything you want to do on that site if you If you enjoy our podcast and you enjoy sex-positive atmospheres and communities, I don't think you would be able to find a better one than Tickle.life online. Yeah, it's great. And I mentioned earlier, but like all our experiences have been overwhelmingly positive. Obviously, Shakun is great.

Like, yeah, couldn't recommend enough. And we're on it. So that's always a nice bonus. If you have a question and you want to send it in to us for us to answer for you, you can hit us up on Facebook at FCK Buddies Podcast. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies. You can email us at F Buddies Podcast at gmail.com, or you can visit us online at F Buddies Podcast dot com or plenty of beef dot ca.

Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song paper stars all right I'm gonna hit you with a quick bad sex writing yeah let's do it okay so this is by Didier de coin which I believe we've had on before Katsuro moaned as a bulge formed beneath the material of his kimono. A bulge Miyuki seized, kneaded, massaged, squashed, and crushed. With the fondling, Katsuro's penis and testicles became one single mound that rolled around beneath the grip of her hand. Miyuki felt as though she was manipulating a small monkey that was curling up its paws. The f- I don't even know how that small monkey

what what's the paws the balls i don't i don't know but the ball shouldn't be like they're not dexterous i well she turned them into one mound one one single mound somehow. And she crushed them, squashed them. Yeah. I don't know. It's probably one of the most uncomfortable I've been reading one of these. Because I'm just imagining it and my balls hurt thinking about it. Yeah. When I think kimonos, I think of freedom.

You know what I mean? I think of testicular liberation. And this is the opposite punishment. I don't want anyone to ever treat my penis and testicles like a monkey curling his paws. No. Also, I don't think you should crush a monkey, especially when it's doing something cute that sounds like it's curling up its paws. If it's a small monkey, it deserves to be crushed. Have you seen gorillas?

They'd crush us in a second. It's true. But I don't think they should. That's fair. To finish us off, I've got a choice comment from Pornhub. This comes from Pornhub user Pacific Donuts. And they say, wait, if that's the stepdaughter of the mother, doesn't that mean that that's the biological father of the daughter?

My name is now Spain, but my name and my name is Dane Miller. We've been your fuck buddies. Goodbye. How dare you? you