F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 97 - Wish.com's James Franco

Episode Date: August 10, 2020

We got a break from the scorching heat here in Toronto, so we took advantage by using our very big brains to answer your questions with perfect clarity this week.  Topics include Pokemon passion problems, communication tactics, keeping it SIMP-le, anal inclinations, saving your tongue for marriage, and we review more of your submitted Tinder profiles.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies, and name is Dave Miller. And I'm now Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. And welcome to the podcast.

We are a dating and sex advice show where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Basically, we answer questions on sex and dating that we either get off our lovely listeners or from Reddit. Have you ever had a thing where like, say you've been like having, for example, neck pain? I my neck has been hurting for, you know, a week or two ago. And then it got better. And then I was like, huh, it's nice that my neck doesn't hurt anymore. And then within a few hours, it's like, hey, fuck you. Does that ever happen to you?

Sure. Yeah, I guess. But it seems I mean, like when you like sort of like think be like oh thank god this isn't happening anymore and then it's like i'm back maybe it's one of those phantom pains you're just making it happen i think it is i think i like manifest instead of you know manifesting money and positive vibes i manifest body injuries that, really. It's the worst superpower. Yeah. How would that superpower ever help you?

Because, like, you can't ever prove pain or whatever, really. So it's like, it's not even like as a kid, you could be like, oh, I'm in so much pain, I gotta go home. They'd be like, okay. Like, you'd be as good as the kid that's just lying. Yeah. I mean, I guess you're living truth, right? Like, you're just methodically like you just like you're slightly

better at lying oh yeah you could be a really good actor it's like you get shot in a movie and you're like oh god everyone's like well okay can you tone it down hey man that's not believable um are we are we gonna just throw it right in there yeah let's let's get right in there this This is by Thraaray Rakoko. My, male 21, girlfriend, 23, obsession with Pokemon is embarrassing me. So my girlfriend loves Pokemon. Sometimes when we go out, she will ask me if it's alright if she checks for some Pokestops on Pokemon Go. When someone we know talks about Pokemon, my girlfriend gets really excited and wants to be friends on Pokemon Go right away. She also has many Pokemon plushies, all of them in our shared bedroom. At first it was cute, but my friends are starting to make fun of me for dating a child. My girlfriend is very mature and an amazing partner, but when I

brought up how her obsession with Pokemon is embarrassing for her age, she felt insulted and told me her liking of playing Pokemon is no different than me playing LOL and Minecraft. Still, my buddies are making fun of us and I'm afraid she will get hurt once she hears them. What to do? How to convince her she should maybe tone it down a little. My friends are visiting us and I'm sure they will make fun of her once they see her plushies. So I'm on the fence on this one because one,

if this is something she likes, then yeah, it literally is no different than you playing Minecraft or League of Legends or literally anything. You know what I mean? Any sort of pastime is a pastime and anything you're passionate about, you're passionate about. If you had a record collection or you were

super into a band, if you were super into Nickelback, you know what I mean? That's different. Who gives a fuck? It's nice that she's sort of unabashedly her the the plushies i can understand because it is a shared space and depending on how many she has it might be a bit overwhelming in terms of like the you know the feng shui of the room

yeah well we've had a question kind of similar you know what i mean where it's like we had someone whose bed was entirely taken over by by teddy's um and you're right like if it's one or two or whatever that's fine if there's a lot of them then maybe you can come up with some sort of system if that's your issue but that's not what you're talking about here really it's just a side um well let you finish and then i will yeah like it's you're putting a like a value judgment on what she's cool with um like if this was something deemed you know a little more mature like if she was you know super into fucking i don't know i can't think of something i was gonna say like call of

duty and therefore like had a bunch of like collectible guns and stuff that's also it's unsettling um but you're right like he wouldn't be embarrassed you know what i mean it's because it's a cartoon right yeah and like you know demographically is targeted towards kids or it used to be i don't know at this point it's like pretty much everyone i know either still plays or has played pokemon go yeah because like the thing is is like it's something from our generation's childhood yeah so it makes sense that we've continued to play it. Like, I haven't played a Pokemon game other than Pokemon Go in fucking decades, but

it's still like, if you know, if I had access to it, it's just because I've never bought a Nintendo console in ages. Yeah, and you probably went and saw fucking Detective Pikachu. Hell yeah. Didn't we go together actually? We probably did. Yeah, it was pretty good.

Yeah, I think your friends suck. Not you, but the question asked me. It sounds like you wouldn't be upset about this if it wasn't for your friends. So, in this case, what's the fucking issue? Your friends. You know what I mean? Like, you clearly didn't have an issue with it

until you started getting... Like, embarrassment is kind of like, it's all related to other people. You don't just get embarrassed in the vacuum you know like you're worried about your friends coming over you're worried about this seems to me like they're the shitty people in this situation you know it's like it's awesome that she's passionate about stuff like they passionate people are the best people once it's not a passion for murder or like you know pedophilia um so it's great that she's into stuff because I tell you, if this relationship blows up, next person you find will probably just be like,

I like Netflix and seeing my friends. I pop music. I like hanging out and like anything but country. Yeah. Oh man. Anything but country is like the new, I like music. And they don't even like music.

Ironically. It's a, I listened to Taylor Swift. Yeah. Ironically she is, country is like the new i like music and they don't even like music ironically it's i listen to taylor swift yeah ironically she is or was i guess a country artist um yeah i think you've made a very good point in the fact that like it's this guy's worried about his friends and like he says she's an amazing person she he says she's a great partner he says she's an amazing person. She, he says she's a great partner. He says she's mature. Like I would understand if she still, you know, manifested herself as, or,

or, you know, held herself as immature. Like if she still acted like a kid, if she wanted to be the very best, you know, like no one ever was. And like her,

like true test was to catch them and to train them was our cause. You know what I mean? If those were, you know, if she's out traveling across the land searching far and wide. Well, I guess she kind of is. She really is. To be fair, it does sound like she is straight up trying to be a Pokemon master. Which doesn't mean you're immature. No, I just really want to speak out the words of the song.

Yeah, no, I see no issue with this if it's something like you mentioned earlier where it's like a little too many plushies that's that's a manageable issue it's like hey you have too many of this one thing in this one space or whatever but that's not i'm embarrassed by the fact you're passionate about this thing and like arguably pokemon is more mature than fucking minecraft so yeah i mean i know more well i don't know if that's true i was gonna say i know more kids who play minecraft or like more you know more adults that play pokemon than they do minecraft um like minecraft's great too like don't get me wrong i love them both the thing is is like there really isn't an age limit on most entertainment you know

what i mean it's like it would be weird if you were sitting down watching like Dora the Explorer as a 30 year old man because that is very tailored to an intelligence level of like children. Whereas like Pokemon there's fucking

equations and shit on how to figure out how to get the strongest Pokemon and stuff. That is not meant for kids. You know what I mean? Like they, like there are, there is adult sides to all this entertainment. The same thing with like Minecraft. Like I've seen people build crazy shit in Minecraft. And that is so I, what you're saying is correct. I think this is a time for you to stand up for your girlfriend um and be like if someone makes fun of her you could be like what's what's your problem like yeah she's into pokemon that's that's cool like you probably have something that you're into like fuck off yeah especially when

they're also into minecraft with you now again minecraft's great but it's like if she turned around started mocking your friends you're like you guys are, you play fucking Minecraft, that wouldn't be cool. So for them to turn around and do the same to your girlfriend is not cool. Get the fuck rid of your friends. Have a chat with them. If you're never defending it, maybe they think it's like a joke between you guys, or at the very least,

they just think it's okay to say. If you tell them it's not okay, there's a very good chance that they don't give a fuck that she likes Pokemon. They're saying it because it riles you up. Or they don't like her. That's kind of like their way to get it across.

Maybe. But how many times have we fucking ribbed each other about stupid bullshit? Where it's like, we're doing it to make fun of her. We also wouldn't do it in a way like this you know what i mean like i don't think either of us would actually get upset i think we'd both be pretty careful not to upset the other person like not that it would be easy to do but just because we

are good friends you know because there's definitely a difference between like messing with someone and saying something that could actually potentially hurt somebody and uh you know i think like trying to find that line you might be right like maybe it is like genuinely like good hearted on one side and they don't know but again it's like you gotta talk to them

and also like if you love this person and you really don't give a fuck that they're playing Pokemon like and which you shouldn't fucking stand up for them like that is the point like if anyone ever said mean shit about amanda the same way if they if anyone said mean shit about any of my friends or anyone that i care about i'm gonna like tell them knock it off or set them straight yeah or at least let them know that i'm not gonna tolerate that kind of fucking bullshit in my presence it's like you, you can't stop people from thinking what they think

or saying what they say, but like, I can definitely be like, hey, you're not saying that bullshit around me, or we're done. Yeah. 100%. Alright, hit me. This kind of actually ties in quite nicely. Men of Reddit,

how do you prefer your significant other to bring up difficult issues in the relationship to you what does good communication look like to you well first you gotta send them a text so you have to be not make sure you're not home and you gotta send that text and the text just needs to say we need to talk full stop oh yeah absolutely but you also have to do it at a time where you can't talk for at least another day, like 24 hours minimum. Yeah, you need to say that and then literally throw your phone as far as you can into a field. Yeah, like a wheat field, acid, a lake, like anything like that that will prevent you from responding to any other text.

Just a lot of already chewed up chewing gum. So it'll gum up the whole place and you just can't really, you know. And you know, a great time to do this is the start of like a trip. Like if you're going on a trip and they're staying at home and you're going to be gone for like seven weeks.

Day one. Actually, just when you get on the airplane. And then don't even take your phone. Yes. But they have an interview or their parents funeral yeah or you know like the beginning of a shift like right before you know they're about to start a long shift at work hit them with that even better if it's like the christmas season because they're busy and now they're worried about getting you presents too um like no don't do any of those things i feel like it's such a like general question that I don't know where to start.

I think I'll throw some things out and maybe you can bounce off that. So a big thing for me is I think there is a time and a place. Well, I think talking about things as they come up is super, super important. I also think there's a time and a place to do that. True. Um, I absolutely like if there's a time and a place to do that. True. I absolutely, like if there's ever any tension between me and my partner, I don't want to have that discussion

in the back of an Uber. No. You know what I mean? Because one, that sucks for the Uber driver or the third person. If you're getting an Uber pool. Yeah. Like my big thing is like,

I'm a fairly empathetic person. And, like, I've worked as a bartender for most of my adult life. And the amount of people that have had, like, their whisper fights at my bar, it's so uncomfortable. It sucks. Because I'm like, your pints are empty, but, like, I'm pretty sure you're breaking up right now. So I don't know if I should be doing my job or if i just sort of like let your lives unravel yeah and inevitably like no one who just got dumped is like oh here's a nice tip or like the guy who just yeah like then you're just taking out your misery on somebody else who's just trying to fucking work it's christmas season um so that's my thing it's like

and i i know a lot of people don't like that. Like a lot of people want to like, if, if they know there's a problem, want to get right into it. And I fucking hate it. It's like, this can wait 10 minutes while we're in a public space or like with my friend,

you know what I mean? It's like, I want to have this conversation and I don't want to have that awkward, like nagging feeling of like making things uncomfortable for people or, you know, just being all over like ruining something for everyone else if it doesn't need to happen yeah like definitely like having a bit of consideration for other people also it's like once you start a conversation like that your partner

kind of has to engage because like to not do so seems really whatever so like now you're trapping them in an awkward position as well so it's like if they're in that uber driver if they're at that restaurant they can't just be like hey let's let's not talk about this once you start really because if it's important then they're probably gonna get in more trouble for that meanwhile they then have to be complicit you know yeah so i get that yeah time time and place is definitely a thing maybe don't do it right before bed or an interview or they have to go to work because if you guys don't finish your chat, that might be shitty.

Yeah. Um, and I also, I think like one of the most important things is to like, not make it a fight, you know, because I feel like we've given out this, this advice before and it's,

it's all too easy to like, you know, say things the wrong way or like rile people up. And it's all too easy for people to kind of like respond defensively kind of off the bat um so like to always try and like come into it knowing that there's a possibility for that and try to keep things on the productive and like kind side than actually getting all all pissy you know yeah i mean like i fall into the the pit trap of i have been in relationships in the past where uh i kind of like i was i hadn't really found my voice yet so i kind of

like just took the abuse uh um yes i did there was a period of my life where I did trade my voice to an evil sea witch for just an extra set of legs. I had four legs for a while. Yeah. You might notice there was like an audio kind of differential when we started the podcast. That was mainly just Dane's extra legs getting in the way.

But yeah, I would just sort of like take the abuse and now i'm very i'm very much against that so if any at any point in time if i'm having a argument with someone and it starts becoming manipulative i like i can sense that like immediately and i put a stop to immediately and i think i know i get very aggressive about it and i know that puts a lot of people on the defensive and it's one of those things where like i try to like really give myself a count of three to be like okay i hear you but here's what's happening this is what i'm feeling

this is how i feel you're approaching it and i'm not going to continue this conversation if that's how it's going to go. That's fair. Otherwise, I get impulsive, and that's never a good thing for a serious relationship chat. I think also, don't do it when you're drunk or when one person is drunk. Yeah, because that's just unfair. If one person is drunk and the other person isn't, then it's like, one, you almost have that carte blanche

of the next day, like, oh, I was drunk. That's not fair on the person you're talking to because arguably, you're not going to be like, sorry, I was really kind, I was drunk. It's usually the opposite. On top of that, it's that, if someone doesn't remember, it's just never going to go well. You're not at your full capacity in terms of

emotions and logic and everything. The potential for it just going so badly is very much there. The amount of times I've had to have a fight twice. That's just worse. Fights in general suck. Having them twice is just

ridiculous um and other than that it's like you know if you if you want to make a point i guess like know your point like if you want to bring something up but then like you start this conversation and then once it kind of moves to like how do we move forward and you don't have any idea you know what I mean? Like, not that that's unacceptable because like sometimes conversations like you need two people and like, you know, sometimes fixes aren't easy, all that totally get it.

But if you start a big thing and then have like nothing to contribute, that's not great. Yeah. And like, I think you need to get out of the mindset of like, another thing I learned is don't have like this big rehearsed speech. Cause one, it's not going to work to don't have an expected answer.

Yeah. Yeah. So like when I say like, it almost sounds like I'm saying prepare. I'm definitely not saying any of those things, you know, you should know what you want. Yes.

But like, yeah, don't come in just being like, just check yourself out because you brought it up. So now it's not your problem, you know, you should know what you want. Yes. But like, yeah, don't come in just being like, I'm really upset. Just check yourself out because you brought it up. So now it's not your problem, you know? But yeah, definitely. Like, you know, if you try and script right at any point,

it's probably not going to go well for anyone involved either. So we've done a lot of like, don'ts. I think the most important thing is, and here's like one of the things I struggled with is it's scary. A lot of like don'ts i i think the most important thing is and here like one of the things i struggled with is it's scary a lot of times it is it is scary to bring up things um and so i don't a lot of people are like well i didn't talk about it you know the couple days after it happened now i feel like it's too late it's not too late if it's something that is actually bothering you it's worth talking about because that person might just gloss over it because it didn't really affect them but like that's going to be something that's going to stew in you and

like just get all fucking tangled up and and you know bad yeah that's a pretty like very similar to what i was going to say which is that maybe don't jump into it immediately, but also don't leave it too long either. Because like, as you're saying, like you might feel that it's been too long or whatever. But I feel like if something is an actual issue, the longer you have it inside of you, the more it's going to come out in like, you know, just you being like a little distant or cold or petty or, you know they they will sense it if you're feeling something and not saying it like that is just kind of like the road to like a shitty relationship if you're like if you have a bottled up because it's almost impossible not to act on it in some way and like they're gonna know something's up i've i've been in relationships where that's happened and it sucks you know so like don't leave it till like three weeks later and like have that as like a

little chip on your shoulder for three weeks. Yeah. And if like, if you guys don't live together or whatever, like, I don't think if it's something that you're really having a hard time sort of like mustering up the courage to say, I don't necessarily think a text or whatever is a bad idea.

Like if that's the only way you think you can get it out then do it but make sure that you're ready to have that conversation like don't don't like i know we joked about it like don't hit them with the fucking we need to talk yeah also maybe just be sure when you again like i i agree i don't really think there's any issue with text or phone call you know what i mean like you're not dumping them presumably you know i think obviously on the serious scale like the further you go towards dumping somebody yeah the more you should do it in person but uh make make sure you know where they are kind of when you're texting them because like if they're with their friends and all of a sudden you're dropping

like 18 pages of messages on them that sucks because either they ruin their night and their friends feel awkward and like you know everything sucks or they don't and then you feel like a piece of shit because they're not responding to you yeah so yeah you need to make sure however you do it that like they're available to to talk yeah yeah and it's like it's a very simple thing to just kind of like give a shit about their perspective as well and i think that in general is the most important thing it's like you have your perspective but they have theirs so you should definitely try and be empathetic like before during and after these conversations don't only think about things from your perspective

and like at some point try and like put yourself in their shoes you know and be like oh okay and like listen to what they're saying. And don't be afraid to if things are heating up, like take a break. You know what I mean? Like be like, look, I'm getting upset. You're getting upset or whatever. And just be like, look, I'm going to go for a short walk. I'm going to come back because that having a break and recollecting your thoughts is going to be better than you guys just like blowing up at each other. Yeah, because what happens then is like you start spiraling so far away from what you're actually upset about and now you're like fighting about you know how often the kitchen gets cleaned as opposed to

fighting about fighting instead of you know yeah talking about the stray you just tuck in exactly all your beans well that's not acceptable. No, no. Then they become beans. Alright, hit me. This is by Seashell1975. My 19-year-old female boyfriend, 22-year-old male, will do anything to avoid being a simp.

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months, and it's been great. I joined his friend group and befriended the other two girlfriends in the group, one who was dating T. T is a lovely guy. For example, if his girlfriend asked for a glass of water, he'll say, sure thing, and get one for her. My boyfriend and his friends make fun of T constantly for being a simp. They insist that doing anything nice for your girlfriend or admitting any love at all for her means you're a simp. It's getting to the point where my boyfriend will not hold my hand while on the

walk because he doesn't want to be a simp he's affectionate at home or when he just with me and i know he loves me but if i ask him to do a face mask with me he declined without giving it a shot because that's being a simp what is going on when did showing any affection or being nice to your girlfriend become being a simp how can i get him to stop thinking being a simp is a bad thing can Can you remind me what a simp means? So a simp is right. Oh, sucker who idolizes mediocre pussy. Yeah, cool.

So like that there, that definition, whether she knows it or not, should be all you need to hear from your boyfriend. Because if he's worried that holding your hand makes him a simp, that implies that you are, quote unquote, mediocre pussy. Yeah. Like, you should be like, hey, hey, hey, let's sit down and look at this definition for a second. And then you look at him. And if he says, oh, shit. Sure. But if he says what? You say, really? I'm mediocre pussy and then if he

answers anything but fuck no dump his ass because your pussy is not mediocre yeah like it's it's the wildest thing like i i would understand if this you know i mean like i get the fucking guys who are trying to do it to like like single dudes who are trying to boost their ego because they're not getting laid. And they're like, oh, well, I'm just not looking for mediocre pussy, blah, blah, blah. It's like, cool. I understand the fucking psychology behind that. But to be in a relationship

and declare yourself not a simp because you're not going to do things like, oh, if I do something for my girlfriend, I'm a simp. you're not going to do things like oh if i do something for my girlfriend i'm a simp then one shit too like i said it's like one you're calling her a mediocre pussy and two you've apparently already settled for mediocre pussy like if you're looking at it from like through that lens through like the male lens it's like you are one if she is quote unquote again i hate the fucking term yeah you know what i mean it's like it's it's like when guys go on

tinder and they're like hey you want to fuck no well you're ugly anyway yeah it's like no they weren't because you wanted to fuck them you idiot what are you talking about it's like okay cool like obviously like i don't like the the the mental math there it does not work out whatsoever because it's like if what you're worried about is possible you've already failed and if it isn't then what are you doing also it's just a fucking so i think the term itself was like coined for people who would like you know spend a lot of money online for like cam models and stuff so it's like you were a simp if you who would like you know spend a lot of money online for like cam models and stuff so it's like you were a simp if you just would like you know the second they would like post up

on twitter being like oh i wish i had a new fridge and you just buy them a new fridge like instantly because it was like you're doing all these like very kind of like damaging things that like don't really take your own financial or like life situation into account all for people who you're never going to encounter in real life and nothing's ever gonna happen you know what i mean so it's like that's i think that is how it got coined and it does sound like that's now become like you know when we were kids i'm sure you heard whipped you know yeah and it's like yeah if you were 15 and your girlfriend's like hey do this like oh you're whipped but one if they're actually your friends they didn't mean it unless you were no um and two it's like one you should like you should grow out of that by the time you're 21 and

secondly it's like if you're in a relationship you're in a relationship you can't just be like hey i'm not gonna do nice things because i'm worried about my friends because that makes you a shitty partner and an idiot and it's not even like nice things like well you be like hey i'm not gonna do nice things because i'm worried about my friends because that makes you a shitty partner and an idiot and it's not even like nice things like well you're like hey i'm not gonna hold your hand like that's that's not doing someone a favor you're not like providing a service to your girlfriend for holding her hand well i meant like also just nice in terms of like it's nice to hold your girlfriend's hand fucking do it you weirdo yeah i mean this whole thing like like i said i think what you said is the way to go about it be like hey can you define the simp for me just break it down for me and when he does he either doesn't

know what it actually means and it's just saying it yeah you know i mean it's like when you're when you're kids and like there's that one guy who keeps saying something, usually a racial slur or a homophobic slur or something, and he keeps calling everyone that because he heard it either from his parents or on a TV show or something. And then he has to have that sat down and be like, hey, do you know what that means? When I was a kid, one of the slightly older kids in our neighborhood

was one day kind of strode older kids on our in our like neighborhood was like one day like kind of strode into like we were like fucking young or cycling around our little neighborhood and he was like oh i found out what a pyramid is and we were like what he was like yeah it's a thing that happens to girls and like he never really like described it because you know he liked having the knowledge and we wouldn't get it because we were younger and blah blah and everyone was like oh shit so that he meant period uh so he also didn't really know what they were but he heard someone talking about pyramids as he thought um so yeah that's probably what this guy's doing and if not hey you get to just turn to him and get a very swift answer to this problem i imagine by how he answers the question of you saying,

am I mediocre pussy? Because there are very few ways to answer that, and most of them are very bad. Yeah, because if he's like, no, no, please, and it's like, well, then cool. Then nothing you can do with me makes you a simp.

Yeah, so boom. Alternatively, or you know what I mean? It's like, he's like, well, yeah, if i'm doing it's like cool then i'm out yeah because if you think this is mediocre then you don't want it anymore i just fucking you know irish jig out of there yeah and even even if he's like no you are you're great but like there is no but it's like if you're in a relationship you're in a relationship it's like if you don't want to put a face mask on for some reason that's fine you're not forced to be whatever but like grow grow like grow up and actually tell her why you don't want to do that you know what i mean instead of hiding behind this bullshit term that like like kind of your get out of jail card if you're just worried it's too feminine then you kind of suck but But also, like, at least say that.

You know what I mean? Don't, or whatever reason you don't want to do a face mask. If it's just you don't want to spend quality time with your partner, let her know that. Because she needs to make the decision to get the fuck out of there. Yeah, I mean, like, I'm already going to wager that, like, this guy's a toxic bullshit piece of shit. That, like, you need to just sort of, like, put them in a catapult launch them into the fucking lake imagine like being like my friend got his girlfriend a glass of water what an idiot yeah like oh next time we can actually hang out or see each other like next time you know we go over to

your place for dinner if at any point in time you get like your girlfriend to drink, I'm going to fucking roast you. No, please. I don't want to be a simp. But like the thing is, I can't even joke about that because I would look like such an idiot. You know what I mean? Like there's no one in that room who's going to be like,

oh damn, he got you, Niall. Everyone's going to be like, the fuck is wrong with you dane it's gonna be so bad that people probably won't even get annoyed at it because it won't make sense so they'll just think you're missing like they'll just be confused you know no one's gonna be like you're being an asshole but no one also will be like oh you're being funny they'll be like huh yeah yeah like i don't think there's any possible way to do that it like even if i tried my fucking hardest i think people would still think i was joking because of just how fucking absurd it is all right hit me um this comes from reddit user unicorn hunter my 23 year old female boyfriend 20 or 33 year old male assumes shark week means anal week so i tried

anal with my boyfriend for the first time recently and we both enjoyed it i've been having anal whenever he's requested it during sex but he seems to assume that shark week means that that's what he's getting when i'm on my period sometimes i don't feel well emotionally physically gastro intestinally and the last thing i want is something in my ass. He has to have sex and I told him the other day since I didn't feel like it and I was on my period, I never turn him down and he keeps pressing the issue saying that my period is no problem since he can just fuck me in the ass since I enjoyed it

or I can blow him. I like almost never say no to sex and so it's not like he's being deprived. I also typically let him do whatever he wants. How can I get him to understand that just because there are other holes doesn't mean he's obligated to use or always use them so i laughed at the start because i thought you were saying he thought the euphemism shark week meant anal ah and i was like that doesn't even make sense. Not laughing that he thought he could, you know. Because that's pretty fucked up.

I think just blanket statement here. You never have a carte blanche to just have sex with someone, no matter what way it is, ever. There is just no, you know what I mean? Unless you very specifically decide to, as a partner, set out something like that. But even then, it can be revoked at any point sure um so like there is no but wait i know you already said that but hold on like no

um secondly it's like maybe do a little like research on periods dude because like yeah just because she still has a butthole doesn't mean she's feeling great have you heard of period poops have you heard of just like massive cramps and like just feeling like shit like in general even if you had a cold it's not like oh you have a cold i get to fuck you in the ass now it's like if you're not feeling well like sex is generally off the table you know for anybody um so like, I really hope that it just stems from like pure blind ignorance. But even if it does, it's like, there's kind of no excuse to press the issue

after you've been given a pretty specific no. The thing that really upsets me is that she's 23 and he's 33. Oh God. So he has a decade of, so like if he was 23 and this was sort of like his first you know sexual relationship not that it you know he still could be his first sexual relationship but even then like 23 i would almost say is too old and that's why i thought you said at the start

because it like it cut out 33 um so i think i think this is a great time to put to use all the things we just talked about in my last question and have a talk with them and be like, Hey, just so you know, it's like, you're not obligated or I'm not obligated to have sex with you. And like, when it comes up, be like, Hey, I don't feel well. And that means I don't want to have sex. And it's like, I understand that, you know, the, the, you know, vagina is off the table currently, which doesn't even necessarily have to be if you're okay with period sex for both partners.

Um, it doesn't mean that like my ass is, you know, forced open for business. Yeah. Um, so I think it's, I think it's really important to sort of like drive that concept home because

like you said, he, it could just be fucking willful ignorance and like just like playful banter that just kind of misses the mark in the sense of like hey do you want to have sex no i'm on my period it's like well you got a butthole you know what i mean like yeah that's the thing like if he's kind of like jokingly bringing it up in a like half serious way and you said no and he was like okay cool that would be fine i guess right like once he did it and you know like it could be done in a inside joke kind of relationship

way that's not skeezy but like the fact that it seems like she said no and he isn't getting the picture you know is is the main thing it's like you're never obligated to have sex with them it doesn't matter if you know your mouth is fine like maybe your tummy feels on unwell but oh you could still give me a blow job it's like yeah i could give you a blow job whenever i want but like it doesn't mean i do 24 7 just because i'm on my period doesn't mean you like i have to go out of my way and do that if i if you don't feel like you don't feel like and that's all that matters yes it's it's one of those things where you have to understand that no one wants to have sex if they don't feel good you know what i mean like i can't imagine if you know there was ever a point

where like you know my stomach was upset for whatever reason maybe i just ate an entire brick of cheese that's a lot like i do not want to have sex after that i i think it's really important again to drive home that point the next time he acts or if you want to sit him down and talk to him right away but yeah there needs to be the understanding of like when you say i'm not in the mood that doesn't mean that like one specific orifice is not in the mood yeah yeah 100 just like let them know be like, and like, again, try and approach it in a non aggressive sense, because you're gonna see better results. You know what I mean? Like, if you're literally just like, hey, just, you know, the other time, like when, when I said I wasn't feeling well, I was on my period, and you were bringing that up. It's like, I appreciate, you know, obviously, I want to have sex with you. I'm sexually attracted to you. But like, it's not just that I that i'm on my period like it's not just that my vagina is closed off it's like i'm not feeling well and it's like when i'm trying to tell you about this and you're ignoring me like that makes me feel like shit and i just want to kind of like clear the air and like let you know that it's not that simple it's not just like well vagina's closed down everywhere else is still open

like i just might not want to have sex and that's that has to be okay or else this is a really fucked up relationship yeah so you gotta you gotta lay him down maybe let him know about period poops you know maybe he won't want to have sex with you then uh this is by user kg273 friends with benefits refuses to go down on me says he's saving his tongue for his wife 27 year old female oh boy you think you hear them all yeah that's almost a hundred episodes and you think oh i i would love to know the point at which things will stop surprising me and i honestly do not think it'll ever happen i don't think so man when it comes to like sex people are real weird yeah i mean because like if if you told me before last week that someone thought that

you know boobs leaked milk when women are aroused i would say you're an idiot. I wouldn't believe it. But there is a man who more or less imploded his relationship over the issue. He aggressively believes that. Anyway, tell me about this virgin tongue. Alright. Mate, 27-year-old female, is dated a guy, 26-year-old male, for a few

days, brought him over for some friends with benefits fun. When we were getting hot and heavy, I gestured down there, and he says he does not do that. He gave me an example of how when someone asks him if he wants to smoke, he doesn't smoke and never has. He says no, and it's a hard no. So when I gestured for him to go down south, he said it was no, and it was a hard no. I asked him why, and he said it's not something he does or ever wants to do, and will only do it for his wife, maybe on her birthday he then asked for head and when i said no he got so offended and asked me if i was a lesbian because no girl has

ever refused him head and i was so keen on asking him to go down there that he was wondering if i preferred girls it got kind of awkward i said i was hungry and that he should go which he did he texts me the next day to hang out again and i want to tell them that without a trip to the lady pond it's never going to happen is this a deal breaker or not why is this even a question because like the sad thing is a lot of guys are

weird about going down on women so it's like it's not like it's a wild departure from where it should be but it's probably not too far of a departure from where a lot of people are at, unfortunately. But the thing is, it's not even just the oral sex thing. That's one thing. If the question was just like, oh, he doesn't want to go down on me.

If that was full stop period, he was just like, no, I don't do that. Then, okay, great. I can understand maybe the like uh should i see him again but he then told you that it was because he wanted to save his tongue for his wife and maybe maybe on their birthday this guy's generous it's nice that he's already planning his future wife's birthdays so was he saying for his future wife's birthdays. So was he saying for his future wife's birthday or for this particular woman's birthday? No, his future wife's birthday. Okay. So, I mean, like, right off the bat,

that's wild as hell. No, he then he's a very sensitive man. He's planning out his future wife's birthdays already. Like, that's a keeper. Yeah. But then when you were like, when he was like, oh, give um but then when you were like when he was like oh give me head and you're like oh no thank you his immediate action is are you a lesbian the fuck does that mean like yeah and then also because he was asked to go down on her

that's making him question whether he prefers girls what men have tongues too bud yeah like literally she just asked you to yeah no he's saying because she was I understand yeah the very fact that she was like hey

man do this thing yeah yes man person please go down on me. I was like, oh, you must like women then. Yeah. The like, but then like, oh, my God. Just why would you want to see the skin? How is this not a deal breaker?

Like, this person sucks so much. Yeah. Like, I just don't understand. Like, what do you want out of the next, like you, okay.

You meet up with him again and he doesn't go, he's not going to go down on you. You know that he's going to ask you to blow him again. You're probably going to say no. Okay, great. Like, are you just going to do this infinitely?

Yeah. I'm just going to judge from everything else that this guy also isn't great in bed like i don't know what's telling me that but i've just i've really put it together and like maybe it's possible that he is my bed my bet is his only move is jackhammering oh yeah i bet he just goes as hard and as fast as he can for as long as he can i bet he finishes five bucks says he also doesn't use condoms oh probably they they make him feel bad and yeah oh i just don't feel anything and he forgets them and oh he doesn't trust the brand you have um yeah i like of course this is a red flag he's the kind of guy who's gonna take you into the kitchen do pull-ups while you're waiting on your pizza to arrive in the middle of fucking i'm surprised that wasn't the fucking move when she said she was hungry maybe it was i wouldn't be

surprised it's the same guy because the thing is this apparently based in san francisco i'm pretty sure the other one was as well it's so i've been with like people so i've i've been with women where um you know it's gotten very hot and heavy and i've gone down on them and i've you know completed my task and then i'd come up and you know sort of try to initiate the the next step and then i've been told oh it's like oh i don't really want to have sex tonight it's like okay that's fine and be like you know maybe something my way and it's like oh I don't do that either

it's like alright well that's pretty neat because I was just down there for a considerable amount of time and so like I'm just I'm just out of luck tonight if I brought a girl home and was like yeah blow me or whatever obviously it's different for guys because it's like if i brought a girl home and was like yeah blow me or whatever and like obviously it's different for guys because it's like harder to get it back up you know what i

mean but if i like went home with a girl was like oh yeah blow me and she did and i was like well i don't do that and also buy no sex they'd be like hey he's the fucking worst like i i just i don't know what the plan is there you know what i mean like if you're not feeling up to things and there are things you don't do i don't understand why you would then accept them yeah you know what i mean like i i don't understand guys who are like blow me but also i don't go down on people yeah that's such a fucking shitty thing to do or say it's like being like hey buy me a present it's like okay it's like sorry i don't buy presents for people what yeah like i like hey on my birthday you're gonna you know get a restaurant and like get all my friends together and organize everything and then like it comes

your birthday's like sorry i don't i don't get involved in my girlfriend's birthday yeah sorry i don't celebrate birthdays yeah uh this guy fucking sucks there shouldn't be a question none of it like even just the fact that he's saving his tongue for his wife wild maybe on her birthday wild then immediately asking for head wild getting offended wild calling you a lesbian for this person no just no yeah i mean like and you need to tell him you need to be like hey i'm sorry we're never gonna see each other again before i go let me just break it down a little bit you're a red flag factory like you're spewing them everywhere to the point where i almost want to keep seeing you just to see what's next like that's that's the only advice i would give that's kind of contrary

to logic is like please see this person again. I just let us know what their next move is going to be. He's playing like chess, but all the pieces are grenades. I don't know. It's a fucking lunatic. Yeah, I don't,

I don't get it, man. It's just, he doesn't deserve any sex, not even like the possibility of sex. Yeah, I mean like I'd love to know if this guy's just really good looking. Because why would this

why does this play out? In my mind he's horrendously unattractive, but that's just because I'm imagining him and reading all his things. I assume he's at least decently attractive, right? You know who I'm picturing? I'm picturing the bad guy

from Kindergarten Cop. I'm going to look that up. I assume the bad guy is not a child. It is not a child, no. You know what? That makes sense. But like him

from Kindergarten Cop? Yeah. That's all I looked up. I looked up Kindergarten Cop bad guy. you know what that makes sense like but but like him from from kindergarten cop yeah i yeah that's all i looked up i looked up kindergarten cop bad guy okay he got arrested actually yeah for public intoxication he's not looking great these days he's he's like poor man's val kilmer he really is yes he's walmart val kilmer yeah he's Wish.com's Val Kilmer. That's exactly what I imagine this guy is. I am imagining he is Wish.com's celebrity. You know what I mean? Maybe like a James Franco.

Like a Wish.com's James Franco. Or like a Wish.com's Zach Morris. I can see that. Zach Morris? Like from Saved by the Bell? I don't know. I keep seeing a lot of stuff about him on the internet. Okay. Are we calling it here? Yeah.

Do you have any Tinders? Oh, you know I got Tinders. All right. Let's do some Tinders. So the first one literally just got sent to us while we were recording. And it is just a picture. So a little bit more difficult for an audio medium

but it is of a man with a hoodie and a beanie on sitting I think in a restaurant or a big person's house or a big house a big person's house sitting in a really big chair either a large room

in a house or a restaurant it's kind of unclear but he's leaning he's leaning his head back his eyes are as wide as they could be he's showing teeth and in his hand he has a quite a large knife oh good and uh that's that's it that's pretty good yeah they said the knife really adds to the appeal in my opinion it's actually kind of horrifying hey man he's gotta protect himself from those big people

it's true alright pick a number between 1 and 10 seems like this could be an interesting time to date crying laughing face no longer relevant interests include homoerotic recreational sports, karaoke, and live music. Still all about 420, my dog, frolicking outdoors, reading sci-fi slash fantasy slash memoir slash poetry, decadent eats, rad Jewish communities, and queer kink. Yeah, I got nothing.

I'm not sure what home erotic sports is. Homo erotic. Oh, homo erotic. Yes. I thought you said home erotic sports. And I was like, is that just like we fit but naked? That sounds great. Yeah, I like that one.

It's playful. I like, you know, no longer relevant interests include. Yeah. That's a good one. And hey, anyone who's into karaoke is probably chill. Okay. Pick another number then. Yeah, that one, I didn't see any red flags. I liked it. Yeah. I mean, unless she has a picture

of, I'm assuming it's a woman, not a woman? It was a woman, yeah, and she had two knives, so they can't see each other out. She didn't have any knives. Hit me with a three. Ooh, three's big. Okay, you ready? Yes. I'm i'm not average okay i'm creative and impulsive i'm dedicated and hardworking i want to make things different somehow for the future

if you do not meet the following criteria do not message i hope oh boy i hope to save your time i am a lovely person i'm just picky and do not is in all caps uh must not be religious religion separates us all and is way more of an issue than racism is in my eyes beliefs are another story as i was raised jewish there are beliefs and customs i agree with but i'm an atheist must be caucasian okay must have a job truthfully i don't care what it is. But you must wake up before 9am and want to do something. Must love animals. Must drive. No criminal, legal, or other background that will haunt you.

Because I will find it. Neat. Must live in Toronto. No Brampton. No Scarborough. No Mississauga. Oh, I live in Midtown. I'm looking for someone who lives close by as I'm working 24-7. What? No Scarborough, no Mississauga. Oh, I live in Midtown.

I'm looking for someone who lives close by as I'm working 24-7. What? What? This is... This one's terrible. I love how he starts with, like, religion divides... Oh, this is a girl. Sorry, this is a girl. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. This is a 29 year old joey

uh-huh yeah it's like oh religion divides us it's worse than racism you have to be white okay all right well now i know why racism doesn't bother you yeah oh my god also just like no other background info that will haunt you because i will find this i'll find it that's also what is she doing 24 7 that's working apparently she's a pi and she will find out all your dirty background info yeah jesus yeah see would, I would be worried that there is something in my past that even I don't know. Hey, you know what? Maybe like she could provide a nice service. Cause it's like you date her for a week and if nothing happens, you're like, Oh, few I'm clean. Hey, did you know your dad had an affair? Did you know your chosen one nine months before you were born? And you're

probably not your mother's? Wait, no, that doesn't make any sense. You're not your mother's. That's not how that works. And no one knew. Somebody snuck a different baby into your mom? Yeah. Or maybe it's like an Ed Sark John Snow situation.

You know, my dad came home with a mysterious baby. Yeah, and your mother claimed you as her own to be fair she really likes clowns you don't i hear that's hereditary what i have nothing against clowns you don't like oh you love you like clowns i know i'm not scared of clowns like everyone's like oh clowns are so scary it's like i like them i have no feelings one way or the other. Yeah, but guess what? The opposite of really liking them is just I'm numb nothing. I'm numb to clowns. That's the opposite of really liking them.

Right? Do you want more? Sure. I've got a few lined up here. Five. Okay. Starts off great. X like big red X emoji. I'm expensive, baby. Big red X emoji i'm expensive baby big red x emoji again looking to network boss lady looking for some boss ass ladies to kick it with cat cat 420 friendly three fart emojis i could

probably move my waistline better than your ex shrugging emoji crying emoji salsa emoji okay i mean nothing like this was also sent to a guy it seems to me she's into women right you would imagine that i don't so i don't know if she's on like women and men but even then it's like why are you just saying possibly looking for some boss ass ladies yeah maybe she's just looking for like lady friends but also looking for male i guess maybe i guess i don't know again like you know it's all fucking bravado i don't like the i'm expensive is the only real red flag for me that's a wild that's honestly i feel like people who describe themselves as boss ass people are generally not boss ass people because i think if you're a boss

ass person it speaks for itself yeah it's usually no one's going around being like i'm confident i'm confident i i'm confident and hey have you seen how confident i am yeah um i'm attractive hello yeah i'm expensive is a horrendous opener and a terrible red flag, in my opinion. Yeah, I don't want it. I think that's going to do us. Hell yeah. Thank you very much for listening.

We are closing in on episode 100 and we still don't have any idea what we're going to do. So if you, I don't know, want to send us something fun to do on episode 100, please let us know um if you have a question that you would like us to answer on the podcast you can hit us up at on facebook at facebook.com fck buddies podcast you can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies you can hit us up on gmail at f buddies podcast at gmail.com or you can visit us, visit us online at F buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca. Hell yeah. Thank you.

Josh Eagle and the harvesters for their song paper stars. Thank you. Everybody who submitted, uh, with all the tenders. Cause they're excellent. Thank you. And I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

Um, do you have some bad sex already? Uh, yeah. And this is going to be a Do you have some bad sex already? Yeah. And this is going to be a quick one. Okay. All right. Linda, his 14-year-old daughter,

was just going out the door in a flick of skirt on the flip of her ponytail, tied this morning with a sexy velvet ribbon. Why would you think about your daughter that way, who's also 14? Also the sexy velvet ribbon. That's a weird thing. To be sexied. Well stop sexualizing ribbons.

You got some Pornhub comments? Oh you better believe I do. This one I'm only going to read half of it. Because the other half isn't great. But this comes from France Thomas. And he says. Place your order now. With top high

pure cocaine buds, carts, pills, and guns available now. Ooh. Thank you very much

for listening. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we have been your fuck buddies. Have a good one. you