F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Fart Promises

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

This week's episode is a little shorter than usual due to technical difficulties and Dain being bad at math.  Topics include missing the giant hint, getting to the sex phase, deciding to break wind or a promise, and the value of rough oral sex.

I put my trust in you And then I trust in love Hello Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller I'm Nile Spain and we are your fuck buddies We are a sex and dating advice podcast Where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky, sticky situations.

Simply Pope, we find questions either roaming the barren wilds of the internet, or you send them into us. And we ask them right here right now, in your ears, Mundaily. I realized, very good. I realized that I did not make myself presentable for the podcast, because I am just wearing a sweater, like a hoodie with no shirt underneath. You know what? That's a little gift for me.

That's just for you. We'll get some chest hair action here. Yeah, I'm just too tired for life But you know what? I'm not too tired to do this for you guys We're listening because I love you You ready? This week we're going to talk about

Girls sent me two selfies before going to sleep How do I get to the sex phase? Won't ask me to be his girlfriend Until I fart in front of them Is Facebooking actually good? I saw that question Uh, let's start off This is my bulky movie 1661

Girl sent me two selfies before going to sleep A girl I'm talking to sent me a selfie And her cleavage was noticeable I did not mention it. I just told her she was cute. Then she said, were they cute? To which I said, I did not say they. I said, you are cute, but you have a cute eyes and nice eyebrows.

Then she sent a second selfie showing mostly her cleavage, but then she erased it. That was a hint, right? Oh, boy. I didn't know which direction this was going to go in the sense of like, I, so men are insane when it comes to even the hint of cleavage. a friend of mine who is I believe she works in film she showed me her LinkedIn profile and she was like what do you think what do you think people lose their fucking mind over

in my profile and I would say like she's a very attractive young lady and the her headshot is sort of like from you know I would say like mid height or like mid chest and up there is I would say maybe like two centimeters like a fraction of an inch of the the line of cleavage

and the amount of, she showed me the amount of messages that she got being like a kind of unprofessional pitcher and it's like absolutely not. LinkedIn is a wild place to be. I don't know why it exists because it's just the most unhinged people

saying the most unhinged shit all the time. And then like can't even be just unhinged money shit. Then it's also people just shooting their shot and it's like, no sir. Yeah. This is the subway of the internet. Don't approach me here. No woman wants to be picked up on LinkedIn, but my point being, the fact that you were like, I'm not going to dignify this cleavage response or this cleavage depiction in this photo with a response. I will instead say nice eyebrows. I do think, however, we've gone the wrong direction here. This is like, look, there's nothing wrong with being sexual. Some people need to learn that. And this person is obviously like, well, whoa, whoa, whoa, I almost fell into her trap of, of admitting that I saw her cleavage because

you got it, you noticed it. You were like, oh, she's showing cleavage. But then you were like, I'm pretending I didn't know. Like, you're not winning any points there. I think there is something to be said. If your, if your game or your joke is going to be like, oh, I didn't notice. And that's sort of like the angle that you're playing of being, but making it clear that you did. If you're being coy to play a game, but that's, you know, that's not what happening That's not what's happening. No, I'm just saying I don't want to, I want to cover bases. You know what I mean? Like, what we do here is not anything that we can give a solid answer. So I just want to say it's like, you can playfully go around the subject or, you know, whatever the intent is here. She was obviously trying to send you a sexy photo. If you're, if you're sorry, if you're a little nervous, be coy. Be playful. Be like, hmm, what are you talking about? Wink? Yeah. Because look, it's going to benefit you because nine times out of 10, you're probably going to get an even sexier picture. out of it, which you did. That's what happened. You did, but you were so

weird about it that they said it and then they're like, I don't know, actually, and then deleted it. Well, that might have just been someone self-conscious or you know, teasing or... You saw the response they got. That's a nude killer right there. Well, I, it was,

he didn't respond to the actual picture though, right? No, but he responded initially. I'm saying he did a terrible job. Sure, but she wouldn't send it and then delete it? She did, Dane. no but what I'm saying is she's not deleting it because of what he said prior I will bet she did she would have not sent it in the first place no I'll bet she did I'll bet she was like well maybe I'll push it and she was like you know what not worth it uh look was this a hint no it wasn't a hint are subtle hints are vague your this was not a hint this was a full on flirt it was a come on it was a her being provocative it was a and you missed it that was the sound of it going over your head it wasn't even that you missed it you know you rejected it. You refused it. You ignored it. And in a weird way, you didn't ignore it because you didn't want it. You ignored it because you thought it was like rude to have seen it, which again,

back to my original point, there's nothing wrong with being sexy or sexual or getting into it. There is. I guess it all depends on like, I'm sure there's cultural things at play here as well because like it definitely didn't seem like English was a first language. So I'm going to guess that they're not from North America, which we don't understand. the cultures and dating customs of wherever you're from. So, you know, maybe you're supposed to be a little bit more coy.

Maybe you're not used to this sort of forward, uh, attention or, they are, sure, yes. Uh, you bungled it badly.

Yeah, yeah. You need to now repair the damage with a photo of your own. Yes. Your own. I'm not saying send a dick pick. I'm not saying just whip out shaft and show it. I'm saying you need to send a equally as flirty photo to

them to sort of mend the bridges that you've burned or a little that second photo was even cuter well I mean that ship sailed that's well you still saw it yeah well if it's been two weeks yes you can't if it's been anything other than like 10 seconds

you can't like you can't so I should ask is actually in the room with me it just happened they're sitting over there shaking yeah yeah they're like why are you why you be so mean about me bro yeah you you it's One of the things I'm noticing is that, especially with like younger men, I've seen it at the bar a lot, where when they don't, when the time to make a move is available, they don't.

When it's absolutely not the right time to make a move. They do. They do. Right? Like the men who make moves have no idea when to do it. And the men who should be making moves have no idea when to do it. And it just all it does is like create a absolute vacuum of women not getting what they want. or

no attention for the people they want attention from and all the attention from the people they don't want attention from and it just

I think there's a combination of things that are like decent dudes want to be mindful of the space of what they say of not to be

offensive of not to objectify and sexualize and that's great that means that what society is sort of like teaching and what

we're trying to push out to men is working but you do also have to understand that like women are also participating in dating culture and sex horny and are sexual yeah so it's like and again there's nothing wrong with being sexual once you're doing it appropriately and it's like when someone opens the door you're allowed to enter like it couldn't be a clearer way or time to be allowed to enter as opposed just being like

I'm not falling for your trap card like and I just want people to know that it is okay like you're not winning points by awkwardly shying away from what is a genuine and probably hard thing to do for them to like to put forward like you're the one who also has a problem like finding the time to make these moves and being sexual so it's like you should see it from their standpoint as well they made a move they're play to them but you shut the door in their face right so it's like if you're ever unclear be coy be playful try to figure out what they mean because you can be flirty that way don't just be like i'm playing safe no I never, I never even looked below your chin.

Yeah. Because I think there's, there's also like the, you're leaning now into almost a like reverse purity culture in which you are now before we expected women to be chased and and virginal and untouched and unsullied and perfect demure innocent beings. And now it's almost like you are forcing them to be that way due to a lack of engagement. Right. So it's like, well, no, I want to keep you this. I don't want to sexualize you. I don't want. It's like,

sexualization is fine if you're in a sexual context, right? Like, people want to be viewed sexually in a sexual relationship or in a relationship that people are trying to get into, to be a sexual relationship. Like, I. The appropriate sphere done appropriately with consent and engagements. Yeah. Hey, me. This is from recent relative.

How do I get to the sex phase? Been with this girl for a while now. Kind of want to have sex with her. We're both virgins. And I don't think any of us really understand. understand when we have sex. Feel pretty ready now, though. I assume they mean when we want to have sex.

I guess it's just like at what point do we? You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, really understand. When we have sex? Yeah, okay, yeah. Yeah. So when?

How does it happen? Is it my job as the guy to engage first? If so, then how? Ages? Okay. I remember when I was 15 and I was dating someone and then she turned around and was like, we should have sex. And I was like, we can just do that?

I think, damn, I guess we can. It was like, I don't know, it was just, I think, similar to our last question asker, I think for me, it was like, impure, improper for me to, like, suggest it. And it just kind of, I don't know. It was just crazy. She was like, we should do that. And I was like, yeah, we fucking can't. So just do that. Be like, hey, I want to have sex with you. How are you feel about that? Because, like, you've been seeing them for a while, right? So, I mean, that's a short, a while is also a relative term. Like, we don't know. Like, again, if they're 16 years old, then, like, a while could be like two months.

Still, I think like if you haven't, if you're not comfortable enough to have the chat with them, you're not ready to have sex with them, right? So that's going to be your first kind of like, yeah, that's your first benchmark. If you don't know how to bring this up, how are you going to be able to have sex, right? This is going to be less scary, this conversation than the actual act, right? And you need to be able to trust each other to do it properly and happily, right? So bring it up with them. I just don't pressure them.

Don't force them. Don't spring it on them. Don't try to like, say we should have sex right now because that's not great. It's not giving them time to prepare to get comfortable with the idea, et cetera. Just bring it up and be like, hey, I've been thinking, like, I really want to have sex with you. We're both virgins, like, how are you feeling about it? And like, go from there. It shouldn't be an in the moment thing.

It shouldn't be a pressure thing. It should give you guys time to prepare mentally, physically, safely, to get condoms, to get lube if you need it, et cetera. And if you're younger, to figure out a place to have sex as well. Yeah, I would say you need to figure out and like maybe look up stuff. In terms of what makes safe sex, look up sort of what kind of condoms you should get. Maybe if it's your first time, get a number of different condoms because nothing is worse than putting it on and be like, oh, cool, didn't know I was allergic to latex or cool, this is too small or cool, this is too big. Having a different, a wide selection is a good thing. I would say if you're in a position where you need to, if you're young and you don't have a like a safe place to do it, I would consider maybe pumping the brakes until you do because nothing's worse than getting like an indecent exposure or like fucking up shit because you wanted to like have sex in the back of a car and a, you know, grocery parking lot.

Like it's just not worth it in terms of the long run, especially if you're in like a place where those kind of crimes kind of linger on or or, you know, It's just, it's going to go poorly for you. Well, it's definitely something to consider, right? To not just let horny brain be like, hell yeah. Yeah. You've got to be safe. You got to be smart. Even if you're doing it at home and like someone's parents are out, maybe you do the old,

we don't take off all our close sex just in case they suddenly arrive home. Like, we've all been there and it's just shit you got to do, right? What I will say is you, as now said, if you're not ready to have that conversation, if talking about sex is going to freak you out, then you're not ready for it. Because I promise you, there's not a zero chance that you won't be able to perform or they won't be able to perform or they'll have to stop you because it hurts or whatever reason, right? And if you're not ready to address those problems and if you're not ready to be able to approach those maturely and honestly and safely, then what's what's the point of even trying to do this? I think you also need to like really set the scene for her as well and be like, hey, I am ready. And if you're ready to start talking about it or, you know, start thinking about it, let's talk about the things. And like maybe come up with lists. It'd be like, what are your concerns? Here are my concerns. You know, if if you're both like pregnancy, then yes, that's a great idea to be like, good. Okay, we both know that like this is something we want to be super cautious from. So maybe we wear a condom and also pull out because we're extra cautious until you get sort of the handle of the rhythm. She can get on birth control because birth control usually takes a couple months to work effectively.

You can't just sort of like take a pill and be like, ha ha, we're good. So maybe you want to ramp up to it and wait for however long it takes for whatever birth control they're on to become fully effective. And maybe you're just going to do hand stuff and mouth stuff until then. It's all those things are things you need to think about and all those things you need to plan for because sex, as much as we love to think of it as passionate and spontaneous, there is a level of intellect that goes into it.

There is a level of thinking and a level of emotion that goes. goes into it to to plan for it. And I don't think there's any, I don't think it cheapens the experience if you have taken the necessary precautions and you both feel safe and happy and comfortable. It's only going to be better for you. There's no benefit to, like, if you do it unsafely and the worst thing happens, like cool, goodbye rest of life. Not really, but goodbye large portion of life at best. Good hello to life changing event. You don't want to get someone pregnant, especially if you're worried about having sex and having that chat, guess what? Having a baby, so much worse. So like, it's so easy to give in to horny brain and to do dumb shit. Don't do

that. And by the way to not do that is to plan ahead. If you're super horny and you're, I don't know what age you are. Maybe you've had a couple beers. Maybe you guys are alone, but you don't have condoms. You might be tempted to just be like, fuck it. It's not good. Don't do it. And that happened to me on my first time. And it was really stupid. And then I had a heart attack for a month being like, yeah, I'm going to have a baby with this person at the age of 15 and my life's going to be fucking ruined. and everything's going to be awful. And I was lucky, but I might not have been. And let me tell you, I wouldn't have a podcast if that was the case.

It's important to also remember that virginity is a social construct. We talk about it a lot. There isn't any inherent value to being a virgin. So while it is sort of a big deal to make the choice to have sex for some people, some people might not think about it at all. And that's fine. But to put excess weight on it and make decisions based on sort of like, we need it to be special.

It has to be special. It has to be this. And you force sort of like a Hollywood idea of virginity and losing your virginity over what the two of you actually need and want, then I think you're also going to have a bad time. If you're not going to take the steps to make this important, safe and good for you and your partner, because you want to put the rose petals down on the bed and light the candles and have the music and, you know, not talk about condoms or latex allergy. or whatever, right? Like, if it makes no sense to do that and you might think it's cinematic, you might think it's romantic, but at the end of the day, the number one way to be romantic and be, is to be a good partner and the best way to be a good partner is to talk about it and

communicate. 100%. And provide a safe space for your partner. Yeah. Bring it up, but make sure, because like you've made your mind up, right? You say you're ready. They may not be. This might come out of the left field for them.

You just need to make sure that you are not pressuring them. make sure that they know you are not pressuring. And if you are pressuring them or if you make them feel that way, you're a shithead. So don't fucking do that. Yeah. And you never know. Like they may say something that changes your mind. They may have like a point of view or something. A what?

Like hubby doby doby. Whoby? Yeah. Why do we know that? What is that? To throw back to a question a couple weeks ago day. He said whoby doby during sex? Right. Yeah. Yes. It would have been a real funny moment. Don't worry. Hey, listeners with memories are loving it. Yeah. I was going to say, if you expect me

to catalog everything that we do on this show, you're parking up the wrong tree. I don't even remember what we've talked about in this episode. So hit me with a new question. I will. He won't ask me to be his girlfriend until I fart in front of him. This is by math too. It's been a month since seeing this guy 29 male.

I really like him. There's been no red flags at all. Very normal and beautiful relationship that has flourished and I really want him to ask me out. But when we were drunk, he made me a promise that he wouldn't ask me to be his girlfriend until I fart in front of him. Sounds weird, but his reasoning is he wants me to feel comfortable

and says it shows I'm comfortable, and since he does it all the time, lull, he thinks I should be able to too. Truth is, I feel very uncomfortable doing that in front of anyone, especially a guy I really, really like. I feel like this is a future relationship territory, and the fact, he literally won't ask me to be his girlfriend until I fart in front of him joke about it a lot. Sounds like a weird fetish, but I don't think it is. It's kind of a joke that's gone too far, and I don't think he'll genuinely ask me till I do, but now I'm waiting for a moment, and either my farts are quiet. I'm too embarrassed to tell him there's one coming, or I'm just simply not flatulent. I've said to him, I think it's kind of weird and unfair, but he says, we promised, which we did.

But now it's been a week when we spent so much time together, sleeping around each other's houses. I just feel like it's kind of weird and obviously very unromantic. By the way, this makes him sound so weird, but I promise he's actually a really normal guy, and I like him so much. I've ever felt like this in my life. I feel like I'm genuinely falling in love. This all seems like a bit of a joke, but still kind of seems like he will not ask me until it happens, which I find weird. I just want no thoughts. Maybe I need to bite the bullet and let one rip up my earliest convenience, but I don't know.

Is this normal? You have found a comedy king. You have found a man who, let me tell you, I recently sent this to my partner because I think it pretty much sums up my views of romance. And it was a meme that just said, your boyfriend and girlfriend should be the second priority. Your first priority should always be the bit. And that is the most true thing I've ever heard in my life. And this man has committed to said bit.

Let's be fair, you did two because you both made promises. yeah this is the thing look let's say i'm gonna derail you real quick why'd you why'd you make a promise that you don't intend to keep it's true maybe that's maybe that's why he doesn't want to date you you made a promise he's seeing if you can keep a promise no matter how crazy it is what is dating but no i wouldn't trust someone who who would make a promise and now look i don't give a shit if you fart in front of me if you don't want to do that that's fine that's your body your choice if if you're uncomfortable with it that's fine whatever i don't care so yes however i would feel really bad if my partner felt uncomfortable

to do that because like what's what life is that like I know people whose partners won't talk about periods or like stomach issues or farts or whatever and I'm just like that sucks like imagine being with someone and like you're having a bad day you've got diarrhea you're fucking like I don't know and you just have

to like pretend it's not happening and like it's just sad yeah it's sad life but like if you're if it's your thing and not inflicted on your partner right like it's different if like if I didn't want to talk about it that's fine right but if I didn't want my partner to talk about it that shit

yeah that's definitely worse but it's still just it's not that's not way to live I just feel bad for those people yeah look if you want to here's my solution for you you go on to free sound dot org and you type in just wet fart fat fart whatever right you get yourself

just a real high quality high bit rate dot mp3 fart and you get a free audio program like audacity and you do a lot of silence and then fart noise and then a lot of silence. It's like a half hour audio thing. I can't sit here and recommend lying to people, especially of all things this. I can't do it, man.

Not in good conscience. I can because I think it would be very funny if you don't know when that fart is coming. If you generate X amount of silence and you are just hanging out and then all of a sudden while you're hanging out and watching a movie, it goes off because it would scare you too. And that would be fucking funny. that also yeah I think it's an incredible bit because it would be really funny because it would come and like even better if they realize it's fake because they're like you fucking made a 38 minute track just to play a fart like that's funny and he seems like he love it you just have to keep your phone in your back pocket because then it's coming from the right area right it's coming from the it or freak him out put in the front pocket it put it across the room tell him you have a butt ventriloquist but ventriloquist yeah fart but ventriloquist fart trilliquist fart trilliques or fart trilliques Yeah, we got vent triloquist Because your ass is kind of a vent

Yeah I think you Uno Reversum I won't say that you won't fart until you date me I thought you were gonna say I won't date you if you have fart again And then he has to Then he's got to cork it up

No, that's bad That could be unhealthy But I think I'm not gonna fart in front of you Unless you ask me out But that breaks a promise It's just changing the promise The promise is what It's changing the promise

You can't change a promise Yes you can I mean you can And you only need your own permission to do it. No, I, look, if you're genuinely upset about this, one, it was a drunken joke, two, it was a joke, three, it's kind of a running thing. Like, I think you could talk to this person because I think it is weird if he's actually going to like 100% like, it's dead serious hold you to this. But if you talk to them, if you're like, hey, look, this joke is really funny,

but like, I actually really want to date you. And I haven't, I tried to fart, but I'm not that flatulent, I guess. And it's like, it's kind of a bummer. Like, I'm, I would hope that if you really liked me, you would ask me anyway or something. Just go up straight out, be like, I want to date you. I think it could be cute. I think it could be fun because it could be that he's bringing up dating you in this joking manner to, like, gauge your reaction. Like, oh, I won't ask you out till this.

But, like, he's, maybe he's testing the waters because sometimes it could be scary to ask somebody out. And he's making a joke, but the joke is really, do you want this? And, hey, there's no greater way to be like, yes, I do want this. Now, here is farts. Yeah. I could you fart a yes, right? Yeah, could you learn how to, yeah.

Like, what's the absolute movement of your ass that needs to, there's got to be a way to clench to say, yeah, someone out there, I bet if I looked up fart. There's no way that there isn't a Fox show for like the Guinness World Record show in which someone's like, he can fart a whole sentence. Yeah. And then there's some stuffy British man with like a clipboard being like, that does constitute as a word, he did it. If you even put a period in. Yeah. So look, fart if you want to. I think it will be funny. I think it'll be liberating for you. And genuinely, when you're going out with someone, I think to be that kind of withheld and like have to always like be on your guard and like leave the room if you have to fart and blah, blah, blah. I don't think that's going to be good for you long term. So like if this is a thing you can get over, great. I think it'll make your life infinitely better. If you don't want to do it, have a chat with them. Also, do Dan's fun joke because that's great. It's so good. Have the longest fucking audio clip and just. Just never know what it's coming. Better yet, do it when you're at a movie theater and you're watching a movie.

That'd be real good, too. Squishiest fart. Yeah. This comes from beautiful milk. I hate that. They didn't realize that was the name of this question. They ask, is face fucking actually good? I'm reading this romance novel, lull.

And the guy and girl like to fuck a lot. But she also likes to get face fucked, like eyes watering, saliva dripping out of the mouth, dick all the way the back of her throat, like face fucking. Now, if I were a guy, I'd like that. Sounds kind of a feeling. Can women do this to men? Anyway, do girls actually like that? My gag reflex is horrible, but I like, or I like it, and I kind of want my boyfriend

to face fuck me. But like, what would I be signing up for, you know? Well, I think importantly, what you're signing up for is whatever you want. So, like, you, it's not just like a tick box and everybody who face fucks does X. You get to say, hey, I want to do X, Y, and Z. And then you say, my gag reflex isn't great. So here is a nonverbal safe word in case things get, you know, too dramatic or you don't go too deep or like, you know, there's, you get to set what you're comfortable with and

you should always start on the, you know, the kinder end of anything anyway and like ramp it up from there, you know, just jump in the deep end and go, hey, ravage me and we'll see what happens. Like, yeah, I have a really bad like fucking gag reflex. Let's try deep throating. Like, it's not going to go well for it. really isn't, I don't think. What you're signing up for is a conversation between you and your partner. That's it. It could be literally like he, you don't move. He holds your head and just kind of like not forcefully has sex with you, like your head, your face. Like you could do that and

that's still constitution. You don't have to be absolutely ramming someone. You don't have to be like deep throating. You know, there's there's a whole kind of like world. If he's just like, if you're not moving and he's just kind of like guiding it, that counts. So there's that too. Like does your partner want this? Yeah. I mean, there's there's a lot of things that you seem to be forgetting that that sex is a conversation, sex is a two-way street and sex is like involves another person. Specifically in this act, you kind of require a, a dude to do it with you or someone with a penis. I think some things that you should think about, like just some things to sort of like safely try out. If you have a dildo, you can try to see what it's like and simulate it in

a safe space with yourself. You have full control over everything, right? Like, you know how deep that's going to go because you're in control of it. And if you do, if you're like, oh, no, I'm going to throw up immediately. You're not embarrassed with your partner. Yeah. Also, there's, okay, this is, this is just not something I can do. This is off the table. And you're not going to learn that by throwing up all over this dude's dick and shoes and whatever, right? Like, I love that he's still wearing his shoes in this. Also, you're not going to like have that moment. We're like, obviously, I think safe words, safe gesture is fucking necessary for a lot of things, especially this, but like you're not going to even be in any danger of like, oh, something's happened between

it happening and you signaling for it to stop. There's still that moment of like badness because you're controlling every part of it. So good practice run. Two, look into the act itself and figure out what it encompasses, what things you like, what things you don't like, what things you think are possible, what things you don't think are possible. All of this with the caveat that your partner actually wants to do this. and that you actually want to do this.

Yeah. And there's some other, like, safety things that you do. If your gag reflex is bad, I think we've mentioned it before, you have a hand and you can use that as sort of like the safety guide. You find out how deep it can go without triggering your gag reflex and you hold your hand there. And that stops like your, and essentially, so what's going to happen is the, your partner's pelvis is going to hit your hand and stop it from getting further. So even if it's going in an inch or a fraction of an inch, the,

If the idea of being face fucked is, oh, I want it to be fast. I want it to be sort of vigorous. I want it to be in and out. And with me to have minimal control, you could still do that and simulate that just as easily with the hand as a protective guard. It's also like extending your mouth out really. So like he's not going to lose out in a way. So you can do so many things. Excellent vehicle if you want to actually like if you want to sort of like live the sloppy face fuck life.

like you can use the hand to to make more of a mess as well like you your your saliva is is going to be spread about easier with a hand churn in it yeah um i but like there's as now said like a facebook doesn't necessarily have to be an aggressive or it could it can be dominant and still quite tame in at the same time like it doesn't need to be you know you choking and gagging and and making a mess it could be something as simple as you know he tells you to put his your hands behind your back, he holds your ponytail and he guides it, or he thrusts while you don't move. Like, there's a number of different things you can do, even if you're just like lying down on the bed, he's beside you. And there's lots of ways.

And you get to negotiate how that world is entered. And it upsets me that you're like, what do I get? Like, it's, you don't just open a box and face fucking jumps out. You get to craft your own box. That would be terrifying. And open it at your leisure. I hate when I open the box and face fucking jumps out

He's such a little asshole Remember when they figured out anthrax And then so instead they started sending face fucking through the mail Yeah, yeah It was terrible And that's how Bubba and You ready for the next one? Yeah

Rude Tarrow 9572 She said no when I asked to kiss her To kiss her Then texted saying she wished I hadn't asked Genuinely confused about what I did wrong here And could use some perspective Met up with someone I've been talking to online. First hangout during the day went great.

She suggested we meet again that evening. Grab drinks at a little bar near my place. Everything felt natural, good conversation, lots of laughing, definite chemistry. When I walked her to her car, I asked if I could kiss her. She said no. I respected it, obviously, but felt pretty deflated. Senta Polite had a great time text later, mostly out of courtesy, and figured that was the end of it. She texts back later saying she was conflicted and wished I had just gone for it instead of asking,

that I killed the moment by requesting permission. I'm 34 and she's younger and I thought I. was doing the respectful thing. I always believe you should ask, especially on the first date, but now I'm being told the asking was a mistake. We've seen each other since that things have been good, but this is messing with my head. How are you supposed to navigate this? I don't want to assume consent, but apparently asking can also ruin things. Is there a middle ground I'm missing? Do people actually prefer when you just read the room and go for it? I feel like I'm getting mixed signals about what's appropriate and I don't want to mess this up with someone in the future.

What's the right move here? So you remember what I was talking about earlier when I was like, oh, hey, men are starting to understand consent and men are starting to, you know, take the lessons that people have been teaching them over the past, you know, decade or so, this is where things get fucked up because he didn't do anything wrong. And to get the ick for someone, specifically a man asking a woman consent to do a thing in a dark parking lot when you guys are alone is not wrong. And if that's, if you're getting fucking weirded out by that, if you're a woman who doesn't want that. If he killed the mood, come on. Don't fucking date. Don't fucking date. I'm sorry. If you're going to be upset, like, you may want, you may think, like, kind of wish you went for it.

That's fine. If that's, if that's what you think, okay, cool. But if you're going to be upset that someone was like, hey, I want to make sure this person feels safe. So I'm going to ask before I make a move, if that turns you off, get the fuck out of the dating pool and figure you're the problem. You're making things worse for everybody. You're exacerbating things and you're perpetuating like terrible dating stereotypes. You're bad. And like, there's a not zero chance that this person.

got nervous, said no in the moment, and then just found a thing to blame that wasn't that. That is going to be my guess. I've definitely been on dates like that where I've tried to go for a kiss and they've said no. And then like, they got weird about it. And I'm like, it's fine. I'm not upset. My feelings aren't hurt. You're allowed to say no. And that's fine. But like now that like the direction you're taking it now after the fact is strange to me. That's the thing. That would be especially now. Like obviously when I was younger, I was a lot more dumb and horny. Actually, probably not more horny, but it's, it may not have been a red flag for me back then. It would have been a pretty bad one. But now I would just be like, really? What's the next thing? Are you going to be like,

oh, I don't want to have sex? Okay. And then the next day, well, why didn't you have sex with me? Well, we've talked about this on the show a lot too, where it's, you're the problem. We've both had instances. And I imagine a lot of men who have had sex have run into people being like, oh, I don't want to sleep with you tonight. And then you're like, all right. Get upset when you don't be more aggressive or push a little harder or you know take control and like to what you're doing like you can't be upset that men don't understand boundaries when you are also teaching men that your boundaries are meant to be pushed because of whatever fucking dumb game that you're playing is a no is a no and if you're upset that anyone accepts that as fact then again stop dating because there's something

seriously wrong with the way that you are approaching this and you need to get help yeah Just, yeah, you're the problem. Let's like, I can't say it enough. So if you're someone listening who doesn't like being asked, fuck off. Like, what are you doing? But if you are someone who is worried about asking, I think I'm 100% sure we've said it before, but there is a middle ground. And the middle ground is saying, I really want to kiss you. That's the thing.

You're not asking, but you're not forcing the issue either. You're just stating a fact. I'm sure someone out there is fucking upset about that too, but they can also go fuck themselves. I don't think, because we talk about a lot as well where we advocate for being honest about your desires. When it comes to sex, when it comes to dating, when it comes to whatever, it doesn't help to say, what do you want, right? What is this? When there's something that you're trying to get. If it's something as simple as I would like to kiss you, then the other person can say yes, no, whatever, but they know where you stand.

And that's fine. I think it's, in my mind, it is the exact same thing as asking consent. I don't think there's, you know what I mean? Like, in my mind, they are the same actions. Yeah, essentially, I will say, like, what you kind of lose is like a clear, like, if you ask a question, there's a clear answer. If you say, I want to kiss you and they don't want to, they just be like, I don't want to kiss you or no, it's slightly more difficult, but it, you're still giving them

warning. You're still giving them communication and all this. So it's really essentially the same. Don't do what I did, which is, I said, would you mind if I kissed you? And someone said, yes. And I was like, yeah, no worries. But they, in their head kind of heard, can I kiss you and said yes? And then we're waiting for me to kiss them.

And then I was like, well, do you want to go over here? And she's like, but. And I was like, yeah. I said, would you mind? She was like, oh, no, kiss me. And I was like, hell yeah. So it was funny. Like, we laughed it off because she was a cool person.

So it's not big deal. We can communicate. We're all fucking adults here, right? But not this person. This person is not. adult. It should not be dating. Get your shit together and stop being part of the fucking problem. Yes. Because at one point in time, like, where is your boundary, right? If when you guys start having sex and he chokes you, should he have asked for permission then? If he, you know,

slap your ass. Kill the mood. Because you're, should he ask permission then someone. If he wants to have anal sex, does he need to ask permission then? Or is it like, because the second you say, oh, I wish you hadn't asked for permission, I wish you had just done that. You're like, where does it, where do you end it? And how do you expect anyone to know that? Also, like, literally, when you're turning to him being like, you killed the mood, like, you're not, you're being like, you fucked up. You did something wrong. You were unsexy. Like, it's, it's a punishment, right? It's like, you fucked up. So, like, what are you doing? Don't do this. And so what you're doing, and like, to put it in the grand scheme of things, if you're just like, well, that's just who I am,

that's just what I'm doing. What you've done now is you've now introduced this man to the idea that asking for consent could mean that I've done the wrong thing, which means I don't get to have sex. So if I'm just as likely to not have sex, I've upset someone that I like. Yeah. But it's like, it's not even, I don't even like, the real danger is the fact that you've made asking for consent a punishment, right? You've told them you, you fucked up because you ask for consent. So what you're now doing is encouraging men to not ask for consent because if they're going to get pushed off, they're going to get pushed off or they're going to get kissed off or they're going to get kissed because they're. they didn't want to be asked right so it's like or they just don't want to be embarrassing or they

want to be sexy or whatever so like they're going to now move forward being like well this is how I be sexy this is how I don't embarrass people this is how I don't kill the mood and it's like you're teaching the wrong fucking lessons yeah because guys we have a you know lonely or loneliness epidemic so men are going to do whatever they think they need to do in order to to cure that and if they're being taught that asking for consent is a better way to kiss a woman then what do you they're going to start doing. Yeah. So just don't, you're part of the problem and you shouldn't be. Chill the fuck out. But you did nothing wrong, guy. You keep doing it. We love you. You didn't do anything wrong. If you're ever unclear, there is nothing wrong with asking for consent. And this goes for

literally people that you could be married to. There is never a bad time to clarify if something is okay. If you aren't sure, I would 100% of the time prefer someone ask if something is okay than to just assume based on anything else whether we've done it before like why not anyone who's upset that you're asking is an insecure loser that's that um was it 18 minutes the first time or 10 about that yeah we're pretty much done okay should we do one more just nah let's finish it guys it's been beautiful we love you thanks for coming along uh very quickly please if you haven't done it already please give us a rating on whatever pod catcher you listen to us on please give us review please tell a friend Please post about us.

Please interact with our videos on social media. We're on TikTok. We're on Instagram. We're on YouTube, importantly. Just do what you can't support the show, please, because we like making it for you guys. And we would like to be able to make it better and make it more. Join our Patreon. If you really want to support us, because that helps keep the lights on in the studio here.

It helps keep us from going destitute. And, you know, the more we can, you know, get support, the more we can grow. And yeah, it'll be great. We love you. Thanks for coming along. send in some questions as well send them right in they're anonymous unless you don't want them to be we'll shout your name out if you want we'll give them your entire home address if you we won't we won't we won't do that i won't let dain do it i've never let them this far and i

still every episode i have so many addresses that i could read and i haven't been allowed to yeah yeah i've been blue balling him yeah but yes thank you thank you josh eagle and the harvice for song paper stars and dan would you like to settle in for some bad sex writing yeah i guess ready this is a question on reddit do you guys wash your balls Help. I hadn't washed mine for eight months and decided to finally do it because it had a really bad odor. But I got to be honest, I regretted it. I regretted this decision immediately. It was just slippery and slimy afterward. I wasn't able to handle it as well. I don't know. I couldn't even shoot that day. And to be honest, smells even worse now. Nothing what you just read makes any sense to me. This is from beginning to end. This is from the basketball tip subreddit. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's pretty good though. It's pretty good. Popped up. And I was like, what am I reading? And there's like, oh.

I love that you're part of the basketball subred And I think that's the craziest part of this story It just got suggested I think it was because people were making like Ah balls and they're like well This podcast loves this shit These guys love slippery balls It's true

My name is Day Miller And I'm Nile Spain We've been your fuck buddies I'm gonna slip out of here on my balls Thank you. Thank you.