F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - First Date Debt Consolidation

Episode Date: October 19, 2026

This episode almost had too many people in it. Topics include substitute anniversary trip, third date humiliation, long distance tantrums, and finding your date's terminal disease.Support the show on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. We're your fuck buddies. That's some energy you're coming with. You're so angry. Yeah. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations. Turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Stick them all. Oh, God.

You robbing you? We find questions either roaming the wilds of the internet or in your brains. And we answer them right here right now every Monday. Welcome. Welcome. It's nice to have you. Thanks, ma'am. You too. Yeah, it's always good to see you and hang out with you when we're working. Yeah. It's better when there's a cat like yesterday.

That did kick ass. I went over and picked up these fancy new lights I have, which if you're listening, you can't see. But if you're watching, how'd you get this? You can see. If you're watching, how'd you get this? Hold on. How did you see this? I did almost send this the like invite link to my karaoke group chat.

So this was almost possibly one of the wildest episodes. 28 people of, of, yeah, dubious podcast. experience on one episode? Why not, man? Or how about how about we do a thing? Like a lot of shows they do like a, oh,

this is our Patreon goal list where if we get X amount of listeners, we're gonna like do this cool thing. How about we flip that? And it's like if you don't get us to a Patreon fucking level that we want, we're gonna have 28 people in one episode. It's gonna be awful.

Yeah, we're just gonna send it. We're just gonna post this link in a Reddit. On Reddit. So for it and be like, drop in and say, come on in. It's your,

time to tell us what you think about dating. Yeah. I don't remember, oh, we, I, I picked up these, these lights from Niles' place because he's my post office. Yeah. And as we were just chatting, a little cat came out of nowhere and was like, yo, what up? Very much demanded that we pet them. And it was great.

It was wonderful. Yeah. It was very nice. You ready for some questions? You want to hear what we're talking about this week? Or do you want to talk about snuckie a little bit before we get into it? No, I think I'm all snookied out. I'm snookered.

Did you watch the show? No. Okay. And I'm going to tell you right now, I probably never will. I have gone my entire life consuming zero snooky content. I don't think. True. But consider, consider for a moment how funny it would be if the only snooky content you'd ever

consumed was snooky paranormal rookie. Yeah. It's really funny. I mean. And that's all I have consumed. So I've, you know how I am about like not ruining streaks as you. I know you are about being a difficult motherfucker. Yeah, I do.

Yeah. All right. Let's get into it. This week we're going to talk about girl I'm dating wants to take me to her exas place on her anniversary trip. My date introduced me to someone who humiliated me. Mashed on Bumble three days ago. He traveled to my city, expected to stay over and then threw a tantrum when I said, no, am I overreacting? I found my date's cancer. I have that one too. Damn you. Uh, girl I'm dating wants me to take her exus place on their anniversary trip. This is by Old Land, 71,47. I had this one or I saw this one and I thought, When I first read the title, I was like, damn, the ex is just, like, he's just going to take his apartment? Like, I thought it was like ex's place. I thought it was take me to her ex's place. And I did misread it a second ago when I read out the question. But you know what?

Don't come at me. Internet. Yeah. Girl, I'm dating. I already said that part. I'm 29. She's 27. We've been dating for around seven weeks.

Things have been going great so far. Recently, she invited me on a four-day trip to Quebec City next month. It's not fun until she explained it was originally booked for her anniversary with her ex. They broke up in August and most of the reservations are non-refundable. She booked and paid for the hotel on a couple of massage as a gift for him while he was supposed to cover transportation and meals. Everything's still in her name and she'd rather use the reservations than let them go to waste. I'd just have to pay for my own transportation and meals, which I've already budgeted for.

Weird thing is, she wants to keep the exact itinerary they plant together, including the couple's a massage, a pretty expensive romantic dinner. I suggested we'd just go somewhere else for a weekend, but she thinks that's pointless when everything is already arranged. I do like her, but the idea of basically replacing another guy in his an Aesnaver, trip feels strange. Would you go or is this moving too fast? Is it moving too fast? I, that seems like the weird, usually you weigh the couple years before you replace their axe on a trip they bought together. You know, I usually don't do it until three. That doesn't seem to be the

question you're asking. That doesn't seem to be what's bothering you is the speed in which you are taking this man's spot. I, here's, first off, knee jerk reaction. Would you go on this trip? If, like, you had the finances to cover? Yeah, probably. Yes. There is, like, it's infinitely reasonable that it's already booked and to not go would be to waste it and to go would be fun if you can get out of your own way. Yeah. The idea. I mean, like, maybe this is just the scamp in me, but there's something kind of fun about like being like, ha ha, idiot.

You fucked up. Now I'm in your spot. You're not wrong. Uh, because I look, there is something scampy as well about almost like feigning that you're this like couple. that you're not. Yeah. Like, it's kind of fun. Like,

once everyone's on the same page. I remember there is a woman I was seeing who, uh, once I got to know her, it was a very much like a right to hook up situation off of like one of the dating apps. Uh, but once we like started talking and actually like getting to know each other.

I was really like that sounded like you were making like a political statement. They're right. The right to hook up. Yeah. Uh, it's the platform I believe it. Yeah. Well, um,

she was telling me about how like shitty her ex. was and like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And how was, like, she finally got him, like, kicked him out and blah, blah, blah. And there was one day where she was like, oh, I'm kind of in the neighborhood because I'm picking up some of my stuff from his place. And I was like, okay, well, like, swing by because there's something that I enjoy of being like, we're going to fuck each other's brains out. And then you're going to go to your shitty ex's place, knowing that you just had great sex.

Yeah. And you're feeling good. And they're not going to know, but they're going to know. Yeah. There's something. There's something fun. And there's like that element of this as well. Granted, I don't know how they broke up or why they broke up or whether this guy is shitty or not.

But you're right. There is something like fun about sort of like kind of talented Mr. Ripleying this this date. Yeah. It's like even just on the face of it, you're going on a little trip together. You're going to get a massage, have fun, probably bone a whole bunch. And like that's cool. She's not asking you to replace her ex. She's not like, she's not honoring her ex in this way.

she's not, there's nothing about the ex other than the fact that this exists because he no longer does. Yeah. Yes. So I don't. Really, that's what it comes down to, right? It's like, oh, she has this opportunity and you're not a replacement or you're who she wants to now spend this trip with.

That's kind of nice. And I think, I understand where the majority of dudes will get hung up on it of being like, she's going to be thinking about her ex. But chances are you're going to be thinking about her ex far more than she is. Yeah. The thing is, if I was On a thing like this, I wouldn't be thinking of my ex.

Yeah, I'd be thinking about the person I'm with because I'm like, oh, this is kind of fun and exciting and new because it's like in a way more exciting because you're at the start of a new thing and you're still in the honeymoon phase and like you're doing this brand new thing for the first time together that's kind of risque versus like the person I know for a long time and presumably love who we've been on trips before. It's a different kind of nice. But it's, you know, I think that's what helps is like instead of this solid long term

relationship comfortable thing. It's this new, exciting, like, oh, fuck. So I don't think I would be thinking about them. No, not at all. And like I said, like, you're going to be so hung up on this that that's where the problem is. If you can't get over the X thing, don't go on the trip. That's

my suggestion. If you can't, if all you're going to be doing is spiraling about being the replacement X or thinking that she's going to be thinking about the X, save yourself the trouble on the time and like blowing up this, this relationship. Because you will. You'll be weird and it'll be very obvious. Now, I do understand that like the idea of wanting to change some of the dinner

reservations, right? Like, do I want to go on a fancy dinner that's going to cost me like $400 when the original plan was to like, oh, I'm going to book the hotel and I'm going to book, then there is a bit of a financial onus to spend at equal or whatever amount when you're the X and this is your anniversary trip. But like, you're now kind of doing her a solid of being like, yeah, I'll go on this trip with you. Yeah, I'll help you not waste this money. Yeah, I don't know that it's fair to take over the ex's duty. That's a good point of like, are you now required to pay for the fancy dinner? Yes.

Because if so, that's a little strange. And then I think you definitely could be like, oh, yeah, I'm happy to go, but like, I don't know if I want to spend all this money, here's an alternative. And like if they're dead set on this one dinner for some reason, that does seem weird, because it seems like they're either trying to live out this fantasy that they had with the X or they're trying to just use you for your money or something else. but it's like if they're unwilling to meet you halfway, you know? And I also think it would be unfair if they were to be like, well, I paid for the hotel. It's like, it doesn't count. Yeah. Also, you're still going to pay for the hotel regardless of whether or not I come.

Yeah. So I think it's not a strong bargaining position. Look at why it is that you're upset about the dinner and the massage. Is it because there's the stink of the X over it? Or is it because you're not into massages? You think it's too intimate or it's not like a restaurant you want to go to or whatever. sure like why your rationale is there for not being down for it and then suggest alternatives. And if they can't explain why they want to do it, I understand why she might want to go get a

massage. I also understand why she might want to go for this dinner. Like if it's this fucking sick restaurant, like that by itself. Yeah, it's a restaurant that like you have to make a reservation you know, six months in advance. Like, sure, I understand why she would want to go. But, you know, I also understand that you may not want to pay for. And like the amount of money I'm going to spend on dinner for a fifth anniversary or. whatever is higher than what I would want to spend on a six day. Now, I don't know that she's asking him to pay for it because she did say he has to pay for

his transportation and meals. So on those, is it his transportation his meals or is it his transportation and all meals? Yeah, but if it's a really expensive thing, even still, like, yeah, do you want to pay $100 for your own meal, right? Like it's,

I get it. And I think that would be, that would be my only thing of, can I hang up. Well, yeah, yeah. I think step one, you got to figure out,

why you're hung up on it. If it's for reasonable reasons and it's not just the X thing, just communicate those. And like, if she's like, fuck you, we have to do this thing, then that's kind of all you need to know. The X doesn't even play into it. But go. Fucking that bad. Go. Have fun. Where he should be. And he's also a hotel.

Yeah. Hotel sucks is great. This is from a bunch of letters. Kenny Powers. She introduced me to a friend who humiliated me in front of her on our third date. We had two lovely dates. She asked me on our second date. If I wanted to go to a new restaurant we had discussed earlier, I agreed to go on a third date with her.

It's so ominous. Why is it written like that? We had some wine and a few beers during and after the meal. And then suddenly her friends showed up at the restaurant who asked us if we wanted to go to a bar with him afterwards. I said it was cool. And then she gave me a little discuss. Is he the narrator is a guy? I assume so.

Okay. So guy girl day, guy friends show up. They had wine and a beer. Okay. Well, just the date. Just him the date had wine and beer. Then French shows up. I said I was cool with that.

And then she gave me a little disclaimer about his shitty personality. I thought to myself, how bad can it be? Turns out the guy's the kind of type that uses every chance to belittle and criticize you. He very much did that to me, but he was very sneaky about it. He mostly did it with my date didn't hear it and made me look like an idiot and the bad guy for giving him shit back. We kissed and held hands during the date and had a good night. Now I'm assuming this is back with the date. And not the dude.

I hope it is with the dude. But your transitions, your work could, or your wording could use a little work. But I left the bar for a while and came back only to say goodbye. I had to withdraw from the situation to contain myself. She texted me later that night when I was already home and asleep that she was confused by why I left. I told her my reasons and she seemed to understand, but texted me the next day she didn't feel like continue dating. I feel kind of bad for leaving her, but also kind of mad for putting me in the situation when she was. knew about his character. Was I wrong for leaving? And this is, and did she end it because of it?

This is a tough one because I don't think you should really have to put up with abuse or like aggression or like an uncomfortable situation like that ever. But on the flip side, I, I find it very like cathartic to injure those because I'm very good at. Like, you know what I mean? Like if, if there was a guy there trying to put me down, it just wouldn't work because I wouldn't care. You know what I mean? Because who the fuck is this person. And like, I almost want to give you the advice of not letting somebody like this get under your skin and not giving them the like power over you that you seem to have given them. But at the same time, maybe it's better just to get the fuck out of there and not have to deal with that because if this is her friend and she's willingly admitting that this person fucking sucks,

do you really want to be around someone who's like, oh yeah, this is my shithead friend that I love to hang out with? Like, why the fuck are you hanging out with them? So it's like, I guess I'm torn is what I'm trying to say. One part of my advice is would be how to deal with a situation like this rather than just bailing. But another part of my advice is maybe you did the right thing by bailing because do you want to hang out with someone who's willingly

hanging out with shitty people and then subjecting you to them and then not understanding when you're obviously not loving that? It's very strange to me. And this is something I've noticed a lot lately. Especially at the bar where people will openly come back to the bar and apologize and be like, hey,

we're really sorry to my friend. He's sucks. Then why are you friends with him? Yeah. Like I don't understand it. Like if I was going out, like if our core group, like if we went out and one of us was just dog shit and like rude and you know, shitty, I wouldn't hang out with them. No, I think if someone just suddenly started to be weird and rude and shitty, we'd all be like, yo, what's going on? What's happening? Yes, of course. Very swiftly followed by a let's not invite that person around because like just as a good person, I don't want to subject other people to that or be involved or like tarred by association with that because you are right.

If you're a group with one shithead, your group is shitheads because your job is to either stop them or not hang out with them. And you're fully just being like, ha ha, he's a dick. No, that means you're a fucking dick. Yeah, there was a group who, this is a while back who one of the guys was like really rude to my other bartender. And I had to like sort of slide in and be like, hi, you're dealing with me now. And to the point where and they were like, weren't even.

They were like sitting at a table in the dining room with a server. So there was no reason for him to even like be talking to us. And at one point in time, a couple came over and they were like, oh, we're really sorry about Todd or whatever the fuck his name was. They were like, oh, he's a great friend, but just the worst person. And I was like, what a horrible thing to say about someone and spend time with. Imagine you had a dog and your dog was super nice. But when you brought it out, it attacked people. Like, I wouldn't bring the dog out.

I wouldn't just bring him to a patio and be like, oh, yeah. taught in a crate at home. Yeah, I would either like train the dog to the point where the dog wouldn't be like that, or I would make a lot of, you know, and the thing is I'm stuck with the dog. The dog I love and it is my family and I'm taking care of it. I'm not stuck with fucking Greg. Greg can get the fuck over himself and become a real human. All this to say, if your friend fucking sucks, deal with it by either telling them that

and hopefully they get over it or not hanging out with them because you don't get to just get a pass or being like, oh, they're just. garbage. That means your garbage. I mean, this is the thing I kind of like, do I think you handled it the best? Maybe. I don't know what this guy was saying to you, right? Like, I need a little bit more context of what this guy was doing. That's also kind of the thing. It's like, are you the kind of guy that's like, how dare he say anything to me? Like, I'm about to flip my lid. I've got to go. It's like, are you being toxic? Like, are you taking things way too far? Because like, I can't, like, I don't know. I don't know that you should be in a situation where some guy is razing you and

you're like, oh, I'm gonna fucking blow. Like, he's cutting me down. Also, it's like, if he's saying shit to you where like the date can't hear, you seem to be upset that the date would think those things. Like, I don't know. You also say he humiliated you in front of your date, but it seems very specifically that he wasn't. He was chirping you sort of privately where she couldn't hear.

So it sounds like he got under your skin and you embarrassed yourself in front of your date, which, again, I'm not saying is great. I'm not saying that this guy is, you know, like, that one thing is better than the other because someone purposely winding you up and aggravating you and yeah they suck like there's no treating you like shit to get a reaction out of you is still

shit like it's bad uh but I also you're in control of your emotions or at least you should be as an adult and if this guy truly sucked and if this dude was truly being shitty and she told you that he was shitty I mean there's two I have two trains of thought right now one if I was on a date and a dude that I

did not like rolled in and invited me to a second location. I would be like, oh, I'm really sorry. Never go to a second location with a shitty person. I would, I would stand up for my date because, like, he was in a bad place, right? He can't be like, I don't want to go with you. Because then you seem kind of jealous. You seem kind of shitty and whatever, right?

Also, presumably, after they said yes was when she was like, by the way, he sucks. It's like, oh, look it too late. Like, what are we doing? Yeah, it's on them. you, you the person who knows of shitty person is your job to be like, no, actually, we're on a date. We want to, we want to spend some time together. But thank you for the invitation. And hopefully that guy's like, okay, I'll fuck off. Granted, he's probably going to stay there and be an asshole based on what we've learned about him. Oh, we're going to go somewhere

else. And like, I've been in situations where like, I'll be like talking to someone we bump into and I'll be being nice or whatever, because I am nice. And they're like, oh, you want to come here? And I'm like, oh, no, it's blah, blah, we have a thing to do. And like, my partner will, like, look at me. And I know she knows that we don't have a thing. And then after they leave, she'll be like, oh, what's up? They seem nice. And I'm like, here's what's actually happening.

And they just, you know, suck. Or like, I just don't want to spend time or whatever. Yeah, sometimes you just don't want to spend time with someone you weren't planning on spending time with. Sometimes it could be fun. Sometimes it's going to be great. But, like, also sometimes people, like, they can be fine enough for me to be polite and nice to them if I bump into walking down the street.

But I don't want to spend any time. with them. Yeah. What 100% this guy was thrown out of the bus for this decision? Yeah. And the thing is, one of three things happened here, right? It's either one, she actually does like the guy, which seems likely because why the fuck would you go hang out with them? She's just like

absolving herself of any consequence of this guy's sucking shit, which again, I don't think you can do. You're tired by association no matter what. Or two, she has no like spine. I was just like, oh, yeah, we'll come hang out. And like, do you know how to say no, which is its own kind of shittness? Or,

three wanted to use this asshole as kind of like a test for you. Yeah. None of those three are great. Yeah. So already you, you kind of were in a position where no matter what choice was made was the bad one. Because I mean, other than like maybe just calmly saying like, oh, we're actually on a date right now. So thank you for the invite. I guess he could do that. But like. But again, without the knowledge, why would you do that? You'd probably be like, yeah, cool, let's hang out with your friend. Like, we're having fun. So I think when you got to this bar, because again, like, I don't know. I would love to know how embarrassed you actually were, like, with regards to her because I can't imagine.

I need to know what this guy said to you. Like, I also need to know what she, how she was acting. Because if she knows this guy sucks, I can't imagine she would turn around then and be like, whoa, wait, you're getting upset at the guy I told you sucks. Like, if he is being weird to you, I'm sure she fucking gets it. So did you get in your head for no reason? Yeah, because he said he mostly did it when my date didn't hear it. made me look like an idiot and the bad guy for giving him shit back.

It's like, well, I feel like you overreacted in your response to this. Because there is no scenario in which someone was giving me shit and I was giving them shit back. Would it come across as me being the bad guy? Yes, yes. I would be able to frame it as retorts and obviously I'm responding to something that you just said. Yeah. Or again, I'm an adult. And I would just be like, okay, and just ignore him.

And I think that's kind of the way to go. It's like if in general someone you don't care about is trying to like give you shit, they don't matter, right? If a guy walking down the street goes, you're a bad person. They don't fucking know you. So you're not like, why would you take that to heart, right? If he's just trying to rag you, but you specifically know this is what he does, why are you letting it bother you? You're literally told, oh, that's asshole Greg.

He's going to be an asshole to you. And then when he was an asshole, you were like, I gotta fight this guy you're like yeah what's happening again I don't know how aggressive this is but I'm assuming he was just being like shitty and like

blah like I can't imagine he was really like I don't know especially yeah especially we was doing the way that she wasn't yeah she wasn't aware of but in my head at that point in time the guy's like oh hey nice shirt and then you were standing up being like hey fuck you and everyone's like that's kind of the vibe

that were I'm picking up too but like this is the point in time where you lean over you're dating. You're like, hey, you're right. This guy sucks shit. Greg does suck shit. Do you want to get out of here? Like, I don't want to listen. Like, all he's doing is talking shit. And like, this isn't fun. And I've way rather spend the time with you. Yeah. And then if that's when you gauge her reaction, right? If she's like, oh, I actually, maybe I'll stay here. Then it's like, okay, great, you and Greg have a great time. I'm out. And I don't think at that point in time, you've done anything wrong. And I also don't think at that point in time when if she calls it and doesn't want to see you anymore,

you have got the glimpse of what her. her friend group is like. Yeah, exactly. Also, how she's going to treat you in uncomfortable situations. This is all under the pretense that you're not being a psychopath. Yes, and that's it. And I do think just bailing without talking to anybody, which it seems like you did, isn't the move. I mean, granted, he did go back and say goodbye.

Did you explain? You should have explained yourself then come back. Then bail. How long were you gone? Where, like, if my date just disappeared for like 30 minutes, I would be concerned and embarrassed and upset. even if they then came back and was like, oh, actually, like, that's kind of a weird move. Yeah.

So, the fact that you had to like, you were getting so heated that you had to like walk away. Like the level I have to be at in order to walk away is like hour 11 of a endless shift of absolute nightmare people. That's usually my walk away point. That's usually when my, my bartender tells me to like my coworkers like, you want to go have bench time? And then I go have bench time to cool down. Yeah. I pretty much don't hit that limit unless it's like, like real bad,

like life or death bad. You know what I mean? Like be going after my friends. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. If it's for me, it's like,

I don't know, man, like what are you gonna fuck? Yeah. Anyway, anyway, there's no point in me. One or off a duck's back.

I just think like if someone sucks like this, it doesn't matter. You've also, and the funny thing is, it's like you have all the ammunition to discuss this with your partner because they've already pre cleared it. It's not like, she was like,

oh, my friend's amazing. And then the friend sucks. and you were like, oh, fuck, this is going to be really awkward to bring up. Yeah. You just go, hey, remember when you said he sucks shit? He does suck shit. Why are we here?

This really is not fun. And again, I think it's how she acts. That would be the make or break for me. And I've been in situations like that. Like, I've been hanging out with like the guy friend who's like very clearly trying to get in with them. And like everything they say, he's like, yeah, oh my God. And everything you say, he's like, ugh. Or like, you know, trying to cut you down or say things, which again, I don't care.

But if I'm then like, yo, this guy. is really fucking annoying. Like, let's move on or I say something. And she's like, well, he's not that bad. Or like, really? I think he's not. That's when it becomes annoying where it's like, okay, you're just ignoring reality right now. And like, I don't know that I want to spend all day just not having fun.

I remember there was there was these two guys. I believe I've talked about them before. When I broke up with my like first, like the college long term girlfriend, I was hanging out with, you know, kind of our mutual friends. And there was these two dudes. they were pickup artists. They were just like, just absolute douchebags.

And I remember one day where we were, we met up at a bar because we were going to a concert or a show or something. And I had mentioned that I had just did a workout or something. And or no, I mentioned I had gone for a run. And one of the guys looked at me and was like, how long did you run for? As if that like there wasn't an immediate impact on my,

like as if like I should have been shredded from this one run. And I was just like. That works. I was like, what do you mean? I was like, it was one run. Like, believe it or not, you're not going to see a fucking, like,

result out of that. And they were so confused that I didn't like crumple. Yeah, or go like, yeah, well, how much you fucking,

like, it is so easy to, because you just either don't go nuclear or you don't fall into yourself. You just be like, okay, explain. Or like anything,

because they're not smart people, usually, and they're not confident people. I think the funniest one, I saw was I went to a party with a friend from work who like was a friend. Like I had a partner at home, but a guy at the party, I guess, didn't know that and saw us talking and came up and was like, hey, nice Frank and Oak shirt, buddy. And I was like, oh, thanks. Yeah, Frank gave it to me. He's like, yeah, all basic fucking people wear their frank and oak shirt to like impress people at the party.

And I was like, okay, like, I like I'm wearing a frank and oak shirt. He was like, oh, well, I mean like, you know, like guys and blah, blah. And she was like, well, what's your shirt? Is that better? And he's like, oh, look, just like completely broke down like immediately. And then like ran away and everyone was like, the fuck was that? You know what might have worked just coming over me and like, oh, hey. Or even better.

Say you like my shirt. And people are going to think you're nicer. It's like, it's just, it doesn't work. No one's going to be like, yo, that fucking badass guy. Have you met the guy who's going around and he's fucking ragged on people's shirts? Yeah. My God. No one's like, oh, God.

It's like, sure, could your provocation make another guy look bad to take him out of contention? Maybe. Absolutely. Maybe. But that doesn't, you know, you don't switch spots. You know what I mean? Like, there isn't a fucking like mortal combat style tower of. Yeah.

You've knocked down Luke Hank. So now you're in now you're in. At best, you're like, I think the best you can hope for is like mutual destruction where you piss them off enough that they lose the rag. And I've, hey, I've seen that happen. Um, it's like, you didn't win. If I can't win, no one does. Sure, that's a, that's a tactic.

But it's not going to put you in the graces. The Elon Musk interview where he's like, uh, like here's the coolest thing you can do. Like if you go to a party and you say like, Hey guys, guys, I can do. Make it dirty.

The sick crude burn. The epic crude diss. Like, that's what people are like when they're like, oh, I'm going to fucking mock this guy's shirt and they're going to think I'm so fucking cool. And it's like, nobody does. You look like the biggest fucking loser.

So anyway, all that to say, don't let this guy get in your fucking head when not only is everybody know he's a dick, but he's also just a fucking dick that means nothing to you. Talk to your date, calmly rationally. If they don't care that you're not having a good time, if they defend this person they admit is a shithead, you know what you need to know. If they're choosing them over you, and granted, they know him longer probably. But at the beginning stages of a relationship, and even like at the beginning stages of like a friendship, I want that person to feel safe. I want that person to like there's an extra level of care you have to present to people of being like, I want to put best foot forward. I want you to feel safe and comfortable and included, even if it is just, you know, first date, second date. If I was on a date and my date looked uncomfortable based on the situation that we're in, I would for sure,

try to change that as quickly as possible. 100%. Also, I don't think they would have to tell me because I would be paying attention to them and my friends. And if I wasn't, what am I doing here? There was a, there was a time where I went into a bar. We had, it was one of those perfect moments where you arrive at the same time. And I was like, great. There isn't that awkward moment of like sitting and waiting and looking at the door or them waiting on you. And the second we walked into the bar, she like, just like dropped. And I was like, what's up? And she's like, my shitty ex is the bartender here.

And I didn't know that. And I was like, great, we'll go somewhere else. Like, it's that easy. So, Dane, you, okay, this is cool because it's not often I get to really give you advice. Oh. And look, I guess you were probably young. Probably didn't know what was going on. Should have freaked out.

You have an ex? You have a fucking ex? You were taking someone before me? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. And then just kind of make it a whole thing, sit at the bar, throw a few chairs. I don't know. Yeah.

It's, you gotta calm down. And you know what? We're gonna take a second to calm down. Yeah, just a quick little break to calm down. I'm gonna dis-janged shirt. No, I like my shirt. And we're back. There'd you get at the toilet store?

Oh, I mean, hey. This is what I have to deal with off air. It's just nothing but bad Anchorman references. What do you mean bad? What do you mean? Who's Anchorman? Anchorman is the worst movie that's ever been made. It doesn't have a single quotable line.

I did go see Anchorman, too, with my. parents and my mom walked out. Hey, let me tell you. I agree with your mom. Your mom made the right choice. She made the right choice, but for the wrong reasons. I don't know. I think not watching Anchorman too is, it doesn't matter why you made that choice.

It's annoying because we were like so embarrassed by the fact that she did that, but then the movie was so bad. I'm like, oh, now I have to stay. You ready? Marshall Bumble three days ago. He traveled to my city, expected to stay over and threw a tantrum when I said, no. Am I overreacting? is by special top 3579. A new perspective, I'm still shaking off

weird energy from this. Three days ago, match with the guy on Bumble. He's in Newcastle for work. I jokingly said, you should visit Liverpool next time. Maybe we can plan it for next time. He immediately locked onto it and insisted on coming right away. Next day, he called me when I was busy and then texted saying he's already on his way.

When he arrived, I asked where he was staying. He said he assumed he was staying up my apartment for the whole weekend. We'd only been talking for three days. I told him I wasn't comfortable hosting a stranger. He took it horribly. It came incredibly cold. Gil trip me saying he'd just go back home to Birmingham and even insulted my decision-making abilities when we were looking for a restaurant.

Called him out, told him it was weird to assume he could stay on my place. He snapped that he wanted to leave, so I told him to go ahead. We went our separate ways and I blocked him immediately. I feel good about standing my ground, but I want to ask, this behavior normal on Bumble? Or did I overreact? Does anyone else experience someone moving this fast and getting angry and you set a basic safety boundary? I mean, I can't say if it's common behavior on Bumble or in general, but...

I think we can. I think we could just say no. Right? Like it can't be. It cannot be normal. It can no, it cannot Dane. Don't you shrug at me. Don't, hey, put those shoulders back down. Put them down. They're higher. Put them down further. That perfect. No, you, you, it can't be. It isn't. That is not normal human behavior. And I think like we don't know. Because they're in, they're in England. I don't care. People aren't doing this shit. And that's the fucking thing that really grinds my gears is. People being like the English. That true. Yeah. You know, thanks for the genocide fuckers. No, to be like, is it normal behavior on X?

And by X, I mean, not the shitty thing that Twitter became. Yeah, you don't I really fucked that shit up, didn't he? It's pretty much the only time I've ever thought about as X, you know, but to specify a certain platform be like, oh, is him busting through my front door with his car and then taking all my stuff normal on it doesn't matter about the fucking platform. We don't just shrug off the laws of human decency. You mother. You did a great job. Yes. In my opinion.

You stood your ground. You didn't lean into the crazy behavior of this person. And let's be fair, the pressure, right? Because I think there are people who, despite the misgivings, would feel guilty that this person came all this way and were in this city and now didn't have somewhere to stay. I think that's part and parcel of why they did it because certain people would fold under the politeness and the pressure and the whatever. And that's so shitty.

And I'm sure it felt bad. I think that's why you're writing this post is you're like, oh, fuck. Like he was in the city and he didn't have anywhere to stay. And he was so angry. Like, did I do something wrong when you know you didn't? You have to know you didn't. Yeah. I mean, this guy shows all the sort of like the hallmarks of a abuser to be, right?

For sure. It is abusive, actually. The assumptions, the willingness to like take up your space, the like negging that happens with the restaurant or whatever. Making abilities, yeah. Yeah, it all lines up to someone who's going to then weaponize all this stuff later on down the road to abuse you. To take steps and leaps greater than he should be allowed to and take up space in your life that he hasn't earned yet. Yeah.

And the thing is, people just jumping steps, that's a red flag. Him being like, oh, I'm not even going to tell you, I'm just going to book a fucking ticket. I mean, like, I'm on my way. Like, that's Red Flag City. That's all you need to know. Even before he assumes that he's going to stay at your place, it's all building a profile of this person. And people need to be aware of that shit. Like, there are unwritten steps and conventions and rules and shit.

There's politeness and respect. And like, when people bypass that so aggressively, you need to be on guard. And luckily, this person showed you exactly who he was by freaking out because if they had gotten a hotel and we're like, oh, no worries. Maybe you would have still gone out with them. And I don't think that would have been safe. So luckily, they're a psychopath and they just continue to show you. But the very fact that you're kind of like even slightly thinking back to be like, did I do too much? Girl, you did too little, if anything.

You bring up a good point of being like there are conventions, right? There are rules. And we talk a lot about how there aren't rules. And we talk a lot about how there aren't day X and date two and date three. These are the things that are supposed to happen on these times. But there are landmarks. There are milestones that need to be achieved. I think the milestone of inviting someone back to your place is one where it happens when you feel safe and when you feel comfortable about the person.

And sometimes when you want to make a bad decision and are just horny. But been there. Yeah. I mean, we all have. But I think there's also, there's a flip side to it where like coming from this guy's perspective of you need to be aware of people's private space and their willingness to include a stranger into that private space. I remember having people who maybe I went on one date or maybe I hooked up with once and I would mention that like, oh, you know, can't wait to see you again. Can't wait to hook up again? Something like that. And they'd be like, okay, I'm on my way. And it's like, that's not what I was

saying. That's not it. That wasn't an invitation. That was me letting you know that I'm looking forward to the opportunity. And then having to explain being like, well, I'm not home right now or I'm able to leave for work or I don't want you. plans. I'm tired. Yeah. Also people who like I've hooked up with people go first date next morning. I'm like, oh, I got to go to work. And they're like, okay, you can like leave me a key. And I'm like, I'm like, what? I'm not going to let you sit here and sleep for another hour or two in my place while I'm not around. Like, do you want to get robbed? That's how you get fucking robbed. And then I'm like, no, you have to leave. And they like look offended. That's happened to me multiple times. I've also

had people be like, oh, you could just stay. And I'm like, I don't want to stay purely because I shouldn't be. You know? So don't do that. Don't assume that. Don't get offended. Appreciate the you can stay. It's late. You're welcome to stay. I appreciate that. That's a very nice offer. But I won't be. No, I'm talking in the morning. They have to leave for work and they're like rushing at the door. And as I get up, they're like, you can stay. And I'm like, that's crazy behavior, girl. Yeah, no. I'm not going to rob you, but you shouldn't leave me here. Yeah, I'm a strange man. Yeah. You should not leave me alone in your apartment. And it's weird when I have to be Like, no, for your safety, I'm leaving.

Not that I'm doing anything or will do anything, but I mean, just so like maybe you get in the pattern so that next time, like, yeah, you have chosen the safest person to say this to. Yeah. But it's still a bad decision. Yeah. And I'm going to let you know that. So, yeah. Just you did the right thing. You need to stop second guessing it.

And you need to like you did. And maybe you didn't do it enough. When people start transgressing in these ways, when they're just displaying red flags, see them for what they are. and cut them off. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Although it doesn't sound like this guy gave her much of a,

she just casually threw out a playful, used to swing by Liverpool sometime. And then he was like, I will do this. But she does say that like she was picking out restaurants with him when he got there. So it's like. I was like, I'm on the way.

Even if there was on the way to my house from down the road without me having cleared it, I'd be like, ah. Yeah, yeah. She fucking flew in from a different city. Like, no, girl. Yeah. This is from

Deep Fail found dates cancer on first date. So I went on a date with the guy I met on Facebook dating. He seemed nice. We texted a bit before and he mentioned he had a mild genetic condition but didn't say which one, as was his right. During the date, he told me it was my ootonic. Man, I don't know why I chose this question. Myotonic dystrophy type one,

but it didn't affect him much. I noticed a swollen lymph node on his neck and asked him to get it checked out. The weeks that followed were a bit. of a blur. We kept talking and making plans for the future. Turns out that swollen liftode is thyroid cancer. I went with him to his first appointment with the surgeon. Turns out his myotonic is not as mild as he said. He is impotent because of it, has severe muscle weakness, memory problems, and another genetic heart condition called arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyphathy or ARVC. So he has cancer plus two rare genetic conditions. For context, he doesn't

seem very close with his family and has no close friends. So I stepped into attend appointments with him. His doctor told me, or told him he might not wake up from surgery. He's trying to put his affairs in order and wants to borrow $21,000 from my line of credit to pay off a high interest loan. The interest rate on his loan is 25%. The interest rate on my loan and credit is 8%. He says, it makes sense for me to lend him as we are so compatible, and he's sure we're going to have a long future together. I said no and stop talking to him. He has since apologized and realized how selfish it was for him to try to put me in debt to get himself out of it, and he really needs my support during this time in his life.

I feel bad breaking up with someone shortly after they found out they have cancer, but I'm completely turned off by him trying to borrow money from me. For context, he makes over $200,000 per year and got into debt due to some bad investments. Like, it's such a wild move to be like, it give me $22,000. Especially, like, I think there's a very rare time where that ever makes sense for anybody at any point. And I think it's like you two are committed to building a life together in a very,

we got married, we owned a home way and your combined finances, you're looking at a way to bring down their debt willingly to benefit the both of you. And even then, I think it's a pretty big choice to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's pretty much the only time that's okay. What's not okay is a person you do not know. And what's very funny is the person who was just told they might not wake up next week saying, I think we're going to have a long life together, girl.

And also, hey, pay off my debt. Yeah. What happens if he fucking dies and you're out $22,000? Yeah, you're $21,000 in debt to a guy you meant on Facebook dating. Yeah. And like, look, like, I understand that it sucks that this person has a really bad diagnosis right now and is going through it. But like, I think a thing we've said before is like your safety and your like mental capacity and emotional load and blah, blah, blah, blah. They all kind of come first because you're not going to be a good support to this person if you are absolutely overwhelmed.

You're not going to be a good partner if you're reluctantly getting into something just because they have cancer. So it's like while it may feel shit to break up with someone, one, you're not necessarily doing it because they have cancer. You're doing it because they tried to get $21,000 off. Yeah, they tried to flee to $21,000. Pure bot behavior. And two, if you just say yes, you're going to be net negative overall because That's not a reason to say yes to somebody. So the money thing, I feel like, look, that's the nail in the coffin.

Sorry to use that. And it's the coffin too. But you also started dating someone who said they had a mild genetic disorder. But then it actually turned out that he was impotent, muscle weakness, memory issues. You know what I mean? And those aren't things that are like hidden symptoms, right? It's not like, oh, last time I got checked, I was, I was fine. I just got a little whatever.

Seems like it progressed, which would be beyond his control, whereas full ass lying to you about it fully in his control. Yeah, it's not like this guy didn't know he was imputed, didn't know that he had memory issues, didn't know that he had muscle weakness. Like that's stuff that, it's a good point. That's stuff that that is very obvious and, you know, would be apparent without medical tests.

Also, so right off the pad. This is our knowledge for dating somebody. This dude has lied to you about something pretty important. Then you take into account if you are correct, and that he does make $200,000 here. And that's not just a lie he's told you. Yeah. You're telling me this guy can't,

this guy can't spend 10% of his income to clear his debt. You're telling me that that's not something that he can do. And even out of that, you're telling me this guy can't come up with a fucking four month, $5,000 payment plan to clear this debt or $7,000 with interest, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. That's an unmanageable thing for this man who's making $200,000 a year.

go to a death debt consolidation thing and move it off a 25%. Like there are things you can do. Why doesn't he have a line of credit? Yeah, exactly. Probably because who the fuck would. I had a line of credit when I was fucking 18 and I've been growing that bitch. So what I there's a lot here. It's right like city.

He's lying to you. Also, is this a real doctor? Is this a real big scam? You imagine they're like, oh, here's not my friend Dave, who's not just wearing a medical coat and telling me all these things to build simple. Like, I don't believe anything he's saying. Yeah, there's so much lying on his part. And again, if all this is true, sucks.

I hate that someone is going through, as now said, a terrible diagnosis and has been told essentially, this could kill you. You might die from his basic surgery that you need to get done. Horrible. Horrible things to hear. I think you did a great thing in going to these appointments with him. So he wasn't alone. Now, why are you the person that?

has to go. Where's everybody else in his life? That also seems like a fucking red flag, right? Red flag. Doesn't have any close friends? Yeah. Doesn't have any family. Well, they're suspicious. It's a little suss.

So if he's choosing you over these people, that's weird. If there's nobody else to choose, that's weird, right? And it's like, yes, people can be lovely and unlucky or whatever. But it's just all of this stuff together, you are in the right. This is a bad situation. Yeah. It sucks, but you've got to do what's safe for you. And between the lying and the money, it's bad.

Yeah. Because again, worst case scenario, this guy goes into surgery, doesn't make it. Now you have a $21,000 loan on. And that should be, if this man is trying to get his affairs order, that's a conversation that he should be ready to have. Right. If you're trying to get your affairs in order, that's you accepting the mortality. The mortality of your being. So that's when you say, hey, what's the plan if you don't make it through?

I take, let's say I take this debt. I take $21,000 under my line of credit and you don't make it through this surgery. What happens? Am I just fucked? I'm just done? I'm cooked. Pretty sure if he dies, they just get rid of the debt. Like, so you're fine.

No, I believe it does get passed off to, like your dick gets passed off to next to kin, I believe. I don't believe it does actually. Or there's certain debts that don't. Because anyway, a friend of mine went through something where it did, but only because of certain things. It's a whole fucking thing. But I believe, also, if he is. next to Kim, where are they?

Who's at the fucking appointments? Yeah. I'm just saying, that's a conversation that a man who's trying to get his affairs in order should be able to have. And if he can't, that's another problem. If he can't look at your, you know, the potential downsides of the contract that you guys are entering into the deal of, hey, what's going to happen to me if you die during the surgery and I have all this debt now?

Where does that leave me? And if he's all of a sudden, I can't have this conversation. It's too tough to think about. I can't. It's like, well, motherfucker, you're thinking about it because you're trying to get rid of it now. Yeah. Also, even if he doesn't, his like assurances to you are, I'm sure we're going to have a long happy life together. It's like even a death out of the equation, you might just break up.

How's your ass covered at all? And let me tell you, they've gone on one date. Yeah. Now, girl, like, come on. One date. I wouldn't say. What do you mean? I wouldn't ask you for 20.

$22,000. I wouldn't ask a first date for $21. Yeah. It's, you did, you did good. And you know what? We did good. We did. We don't say that enough.

We don't say that enough. Hey, good job, Dan. Thank you. Good job now. We love you. Thanks for coming along. If you want to support us so we don't make a 28 person podcast and force it down your ears, go to our Patreon.

You can, there's three little separate tiers. There's a lot of bonuses. There's extra content. But most importantly, you're helping keep the lights on. And if enough of you do this, maybe we can actually have a career of podcasting. Instead of working like it's a career and just making the money as if it isn't. Yeah. Yeah.

We're putting in the hours. So now you've got to put in the dollars. It's going to be our new slogan. Or we'll just start charging to get on the podcast. And then we get 50 people in there, 10 bucks a pop. Let's go. That's a profitable episode. You know what?

The amount of fucking spam emails we get for people wanting to guest on the show, selling, let's say, dodgy things. Maybe we should just be like, yeah, $500. And then you have to listen to us peddle fucking awful boner pills. But you know what? You've done it to yourself. No, we love you.

Thank you, Josh Eagle on the Harvest City for their song, Paper Stars. And if you do want to support us, but you don't want to do it monetarily, that's totally okay. We do not mind. Contrary to the violence I was bringing to the conversation just a minute ago.

You can like us, share us, review us, rate us, tell a friend, tell people on Reddit, tell people on whatever, you know, if someone's being shithead, you go, hey, check these guys out. If someone's being lovely, we actually want them more. But the other one needs us more. Either way, there are a myriad of ways you can support us. And we appreciate all them. Are you ready for some bad sex writing? There is, I promise you. I promise you you have a friend who is for sure frustrated with dating, frustrated with the state of the world.

Or you see a male friend who's struggling just kind of in general and needs to hear a positive male voice. You want to steer them away from the Andrew Tates of the world. Send them our way. We're happy to have them. That's what we're here for. We want to embrace people who are looking for guidance. And also at the same time, entertain them.

So it's win-win. You don't tell them, hey, you're struggling or you're a shithead. You say, oh, I check these guys out. They're real funny. Yeah. And then we miaggi them. This is just one big miaggi scheme. It's true.

But now you've ruined by telling them. Don't get to listen to this episode. They'll know they've been me. Yeah, they'll know. They'll know. They'll know. But, you know, they'll be on a date. And then they'll be like, oh, wait, I should be chill.

They know that now. Whereas before, it's like, you know, it's like they've learned date karate. Yeah. They'll walk into a bar. She'll seem sad and say, oh, my ex is bartending. And the rage will start to bubble up in them that other man have existed. And then you'll hear Dane's voice being like, it's cool. Strike first.

Strike heart. No mercy. Damn. I want to end the episode there because that was really funny. But I am going to read this about sex writing to you. Okay. Or we can. Get me with some sex writing.

We've already ruined the button. This is a man who needs to listen to the show. This is there. You could edit, Dane. You could edit it so you didn't run the button. No way. No way. This is a Tinder profile for a man.

I pretty much hate everything. I will die alone. But I like to gamble. Maybe someone will come around eventually that isn't a time wasteer shrug emoji. If you're going to laugh at me being honest and call men entitled, just swipe left. This is fucking Facebook dating LMAO. Why match if you've zero intentions, unless you're bored. Low life by neck deep sums up my life all too well.

Thumbs up emoji. Do you know that's on? He didn't even mention his genetic disease in that profile. I know, yeah. Because it certainly sounds like the same guy. Facebook dating sounds rad. Should I become single just so I can? So I don't know how to stop Facebook dating and it keeps like begging me to come back.

And I don't know how to like turn it off or like get off it. I got it out of morbid curiosity during my last stint of being single. As, you know, I owe it to the podcast to investigate these things. The 22 grand you brought him really helps us keep going. Yeah. And let me tell you, it's a scary, scary place. My name is Day Miller. And I'm now Spain.

We've been your fuck buddies. Strike first. Strike first. Strike on.