F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Hot Flash, Buddy!

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

We\re going to take all of the idioms and make them incorrect and there's nothing you can do about it. Topics include do women care about lots of Instagram followers, checking off the boxes on being dateable, what does spitting on your partner mean, uninteresting and unattractive hobbies.Support the show on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions roaming the wilds or roaming the wilds of your brain. So the internet or your brain, really, is where they come from. And we ask them right here, right now.

And once a month on Patreon and you should pause the podcast. Go join us right there. Support the show. Get yourself more show. And then come right back to what we're talking about this week, which is going to be. Do girls care? I was going to say plan or play all, all the episodes at once all the time. Oh, okay.

Damn. That would be, it would be, ooh. I bet if you do that, it would sound great. I'm sure that would be a sonic nightmare. Key view a mental disorder. 100%. There is, so at my work every now and then, the audio will desync from like the upstairs source audio. So it does, though, it's like behind by like maybe like four seconds.

And it's all I can hear No matter how loud anything else is All I can hear is just like the Back and forth of a song Usually a terrible song Yeah, perfect Nightmare Anyway, what are we talking about this week?

Well, no, am I allowed fucking talk to him? Actually, do girls care If you've a ton of followers? I feel like having good quality Makes no difference in the world of dating What is spitting on your partner mean? I can't get over a guy dated for six weeks Is this the same person?

Okay, we'll get to that This is by should I work remote? Do girls care if you have a ton of followers? Is this seen as the same realm as wealth and status? I have about 100K followers on IG and I wonder if I should show a girl that when I'm getting to know them or not. I mean, look, if we're going to talk personally, I couldn't care less. I think actually I would be if someone was a huge Instagram follower or like influencer, I think I would probably be more turned off than excited by it because I know people who do that pretty regularly and pretty seriously and it is annoying.

That's why I only do a mid job with our socials, so Dane will still hang out with me. If I did a good job, it'd be over. People who are like constantly on their phone and constantly checking their analytics and constantly like, you know, trying reels and filming reels and needing to be in, but it's like, okay. It wouldn't be for me. Yeah. And I think it generally isn't for people. I think the caveat here is like, if you have 100K followers because you're super fucking

hot, they probably care about the fact that you're super fucking hot. So it's like the end. Instagram may not factor into it or if it does, it'll be about your hotness and not about your number, right? Or like if your Instagram is 100K because you do really cool fucking skateboard tricks. Maybe they're going to think your cool skateboard tricks are cool, but I don't think that's going to be like, well, the skateboard's mid, buddy, has 100,000 followers. Like, I'm sure there's someone you can find out there who's like, oh my God, I'm dating somebody with 100,000 followers.

I think those people are going to be few and far between. And I think what's more likely is you be like, hey, I'm just going to stop this conversation. The point that this number on my Instagram is going to just be embarrassing and weird. Yeah, because eventually, I assume if this is someone you're going to spend any amount of time, they're eventually going to follow you and they will see it. Right. Like, it will be an organic discovery for them.

And if it is a wild amount, and I'm sure they'll be like, yo, why do you have this many followers? Yeah. I also think it's important to know as Colin and how I was talking about. It's like, why do you have these followers? Are you a far right wing influencer who? Yeah. Has a bunch of, you got a bunch of followers during COVID because you were anti-mask or anti-fax? Like, what is the, what is the source of your followers?

Because if it is just like you look great without a shirt on, cool, whatever. I don't think it's going to matter. If you make adorable puppy videos, cool, great. I'm sure they would love to see puppy videos. If every week you do the, the Monday, kill the woke roundup, like maybe, maybe, not it. Yeah, yeah. That's, that's it. I think, I think very few people are going to just look at a number.

be like, I want to date this man now. I think a lot of people will actually look at that number and be like, Jesus Christ, because either it's box and it's weird that you're trying to flex off that. Or as Dane said, oh, that's your life. This is your career or your life or your whatever. And it's like, do I really want to be with someone who's like, you cannot eat for 17 minutes after we get our food? Because I got to set up my lights.

I got to do a video. You got to video me taking a bite and going, yummy. Yeah. At times, we can't do that, you know? Or on the very final end of this thought, the thing that got you those followers is the impressive thing, not the followers. So it's like, again, if you're Tony Hawk, that's hot. Yeah.

I say it every week. It's also like if you, if you are weird about your numbers, like if you think that having a lot of Instagram followers means you're an interesting person or means you're a cool person or means you're an attractive person or whatever, right? Like if you think that having an X amount of followers elevates you in sort of like a I'm better than you position is also a red flag. So I think like I think bringing this up outside. side of a very natural connection. Like if someone says like, I just hit a thousand followers or, you know what I mean? Like if it, if the conversation. And then you absolutely slam them because you're like a thousand, you idiot.

A thousand rookie numbers. Or if there's like a funny story as to like how like did you go viral for doing something? Like there's ways you can bring it up. But if your thing is just like, hey girl, I have a hundred thousand followers. Yeah. I don't think anyone's going to give a shit unless they want to use your platform to boost their social media. Right.

Like it's the thing. Like do you want that? Like, do you want someone who's going to be wowed by this? I don't think you do because then that's kind of devaluing all the other things you have to offer. And in Dane's cool point about you going viral, even then the numbers don't fucking matter. It's the video and the story that would be interested. Yes. Right.

Yeah. If someone went viral for, you know, singing a beautiful karaoke song and, you know, fucking Brian Adams saw me and reshared me and I went viral because of it. Like, cool. That's way more interesting than I have 100,000 followers. Yeah. Short answer. No one gives a shit. No one gives a shit.

This is from Radio Dude. I really feel like having good qualities makes no difference in the world of dating. They always seem to choose someone else. I wanted to share this as a 31 year old guy who has always had a hard time dating. While I've had one relationship before, that's been the extent of my experience with dating. And now I can't help but feel like I'm behind everyone else. My friends and families really don't understand it.

They consistently tell me that it should be easy for me, since I have desirable qualities that a partner would want. But none of that ever seems to translate into success with dating. Frankly, I can't name a time where anybody has ever been interested in me before. To illustrate this issue a bit better. One, I think of myself as being a very sociable, open, funny person. While I don't make a lot of friends who are men, I do make a lot of friends who are women. They think I'm great, but not, and then in brackets, but making a friendship isn't the same as creating a relationship where there's shared romantic interest.

I'm a well-educated person who has an advanced degree and a really good career. career. I did sacrifice my 20s to study hard, go to grad school, but I think I'm becoming successful now. Three, I think I have interesting and pretty unique hobbies and interests. I like to write books, perform stand-up comedy, and prepare cars. Four, I think I'm pretty attractive overall. I may not have an active career as a male model, but I'm six foot six. In good shape, have good hair, dressed well, don't have any notable insecurities. But despite hearing that these are all physical traits that potential partners want in my entire life, it's anything but a slam duck. I guess I want to know if anyone can relate to what I described.

Maybe you feel like you have the right things going for you, but maybe it hasn't made any difference. I wonder if anyone else can relate to the experience of trying to get someone to know, trying to get someone you're interested in to know you, only to have them choose someone else in the end. I hope it isn't just me. So this is a very good snapshot of why a lot of the seduction bullshit is wrong, where they love box sticking, right?

And it's like, yeah, on paper, six foot six, dress as well, works out. But like, I'm sure there are people who, if they read this from seduction, their minds would implode. But I think the key here is, I think three things really jump out to me. One is you lost your 20s because you were focusing on work. That's a lot of the time where you socialize and you kind of grow your personality and you learn to be fun and around people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's like, it's highly possible you missing out on all that development has meant that you aren't as fun to hang out with as you think you are, right? Like if you've missed this period, right? Two, you're like, oh, my family and my friends say, yeah, that's kind of their job, right?

It's like my mom thinks I'm cool. Not to say you shouldn't believe that, but like you can't just be like, but they said it because, you know, they're here to be nice to you, right? And if you already have a pre-established relationship with them, maybe that happened before X, Y, and Z or maybe you've, whatever. And the third thing is, I think I have this. I think I have this. Yeah. That doesn't mean you have them, right? if you think you're super outgoing and sociable and attractive, that doesn't mean you are super

outgoing sociable and attractive, right? So I think it's funny. Those are things that I didn't, like there are two glaring things, which I think are funny that you didn't mention. Okay. But I think everything that you just said is absolutely correct. Like I mean things that I didn't clock. One, you say, uh, I don't have any noticeable insecurities. My guy, you are on Reddit, literally listing why you can't get a date. This is the biggest insecurity, right? You think like, why am I undidable is a massive insecurity and one that shapes your entire approach on how you date. And private behavior on said dates, I'm sure as well. And that exudes out of you. It is so obvious when someone is bitter. It's so obvious when someone is not confident. Like, you can list all these things. You can say you're 6.6.

You can say you're attractive. You say you good hair. But if you're not confident, it doesn't matter. None of those qualities mean anything without the confidence and the self security to wear the. those clothes confidently. To stand at your full height. Like, none of that matters. Like, there is a certain bitterness as well that comes from,

I should, I deserve these dates, but I'm not getting them as well. Yes. You have your list and you're like, no, I should be doing better. There is a very particular flavor of bitterness that comes from that as well,

which I think is, it's just, I deserve this. Yeah, right? It's not good. It's like, but I have all of this.

So therefore, I should have this. It, that reads so obviously. and is, I would say, probably one of the biggest turnoffs for a lot of people, right? Like, entitlement and insecurity. Sorry, man. And bitterness.

You've got it. You've got it bad to quote, Usher. What was the other one? The other one is, you talk about doing stand-up comedy. You talk about writing books, but why and how and what, right? I think a lot of people are overlooking the importance of politics in relationships these days, right? Are you using AI to write? shitty AI slop novels.

Because hey, that's going to turn away a lot of people. Are you writing really shitty stuff that puts women in bad, like, are you writing horrible misogynistic literature? Are you telling racist jokes, misogynistic jokes, right-wing jokes? Like, are you making trans jokes? Because if this is, if someone goes on your Instagram and they see your stand-up where you do an absolute fucking slam dunk on a trans person, I'm going to tell you right now, the quality of person that you're going to get interested in you.

And typically, women tend to lean more left wing, more liberal, more... More towards the party that doesn't fucking hate them. Yeah. Right? So like what... You could say all these things. But if you go up on stage and you act like an asshole and you tell asshole jokes and your stances, no one can tell jokes anymore.

What's illegal to tell a joke now? Everyone's so sensitive. If that's your personality and your bit, yeah, no wonder no one fucking wants to date you, dude? 100%. That's the thing. It's like, I don't like, people ask like, oh, what's the cool hobbies? And I'll get to that.

I have a question about that today. It's like nothing is cool in and of itself. Like if you, yeah, you stand up a comedian, cool. But like if you get up on bomb or say super shit things, just because it's standup comedy technically doesn't mean it's good. Doesn't mean it's cool. Right. If you write books, but like if someone talks you about it and you're just like hyper dushy

or it's incredibly like, you know, racist or something like, yeah, it doesn't fucking matter that you're a writer, you're a piece of shit. So it's like, trying to find cool hobby doesn't matter because it's how you interact with and do that. Like, if you're a dancer, but all you do is Jojo Siwa dances. I don't know. It's not cool. Yeah. Right. Like, it's, there's so much to the what you're, like, what you think. And as now says, like, what you're putting down on the table. Like, you could be like, I've prepared a three course feast, like our five course feast. It's, it's everything everyone wants. This. is rotten garbage. This is racist. Like it's you just because you're offering things doesn't mean that

the offering is a good one or one that is desirable or whatever. Again, like if I was dating someone or I met someone and I look at them immediately and I'm like, oh shit, you are physically, you check all my boxes. But then you're like saying homophobic shit, saying racist shit, telling really stupid jokes being like, I love AI. I will never pay an actor or a writer or I'm magician ever again. I don't think anyone should get paid. Like, if that's your fucking Stee's, I don't care how hot you are. So you could be like, but I'm, you know, I'm fit. I'm in shape. I got big boobs. I got a big ass. I have 100,000 Instagram followers. Why is no one want to date me? Wait, 100,000 Instagram followers. Oh, I'm in. I'm in. On top of that,

it's like, even on a less dramatic level, if like you're hot and cool hypothetically, but then I hang out with you and it's just dead air or you're just not. fun or you're kind of weird or like, you know, like that, that is it. That's enough. Like, and that's the thing. Look, if you have all the boxes ticked, but you're not getting somebody, there isn't a conspiracy. Something is going wrong somewhere. Yeah, there is something missing. Yeah, there's something is going around. And that's, that's great. It's so easy. I can tell you that with pure confidence. Something has gone wrong somewhere. It is either you are not quite the package you believe you are, or all the things that make you the package you believe you are are either

under inspection, not great, such as, you know, racist stand-up comics. Or you don't have the confidence or personality or like fun to pull it off in person. Maybe you're really nervous on dates. Maybe you have a chip on your shoulder because you believe you deserve all these dates. Maybe you're just awkward, like, which is fine because that's the thing you can work on, right? Maybe you're choosing the wrong people. Maybe you're super liberal and you keep going to like conservative religious meetups. And then they're like, oh, he made a joke about how we shouldn't have data centers.

I don't want to date him because I love losing all the water and electricity in the planet. There are a million things. What matters is that something has gone wrong. So rather than being like, I deserve this because hot news flash, I almost just said hot flash buddy, that's not it. Hot flash buddy. You don't deserve shit. I could be perfect and I don't deserve a woman. I don't deserve anybody or anything.

It's on them to decide whether or not they want to be with me. And it's on me to try to make myself worthwhile for that, right? I don't get to fill out a box and just get. Yeah. To present the best version. of yourself. Look, if you think the best version of yourself is a shitty, transphobic, homophobic, racist comic, sure, that's your choice.

By all means, chase your bliss. Just don't be shocked when you fucking, I mean, don't. Don't do it at all. Don't do it all, you piece of shit. But I'm hoping that this person isn't that. But that is definitely an avenue to go down and be like, am I? What am I doing? What fucking faux paws do I make a part of my life?

Am I a shitty hateful person? Am I unconfident? Am I weird? Am I whatever? But again, you aren't owed shit? So looking at this list and being like, wow, look how much women I'm owed is not going to be helpful to you. It's going to make you bitter. It's going to make you weird.

It's going to put a little chip on your shoulder. And like, people are going to sense that. So get that mindset gone and just try to focus on where things might be going wrong. Like, are your dates going well? Because you never say like, oh, dates go well, but then they don't like they choose somebody else, right? It seems just like. Are you even getting dates? It seems like they are.

But it's like, are your dates bad? There's conversation flowing. Are people laughing? Also, why did your last relationship end? Like these there's there's a, are you over it? Like, yeah. Also, it's kind of strange to me that you only make friends with women,

but then you kind of bitterly say like, and that doesn't go anywhere. Like, is that why you're making friends with women? Is that why you're not making friends with guys? Like, are you purely only surrounding yourself by women because you think that's kind of the way to go? Because if all your friends are just people you tried to fuck and failed and keep around but are kind of bitter about it, then yeah, dude, I'm not going to have fun hanging out with you.

I don't think a potential date is. Yeah, yeah. Right? And it's like, look, if, if, if, if, if, if, all your friends are also like, why are you single? Like, then like, but then they're not hooking up with your friends or their friends or like trying to set you up or trying to help you out or trying to wingman you, trying to whatever. Like, they're not putting in any effort to help you in this endeavor.

Yeah. I don't know. It, it all seems to me like there's some personal growth and some self-reflection that needs to happen. Yes. And some like acknowledgement that like you may think you have a lot of boxes checked, but that doesn't translate into anything other than, you know, you might look good on paper, but that's not how the world works. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because I imagine. I hand them a car to be like, there you go.

If someone was to like write my like my shit down on paper, they probably wouldn't be like, oh yeah, he cleaned up like every time he went out, right? Like it was, it's just one of those things where like, if you look at me and you like for like the years where we were going out and getting lots of dates like hucking up with a lot of people like a lot of very like fulfilling positive of relationships with incredibly attractive people, blah, blah, blah, blah. If we had a little stat card, people would be like, the fuck is happening here. These people that work in a bar who don't drive, who aren't wealthy, like, no one's over six foot.

It's like, yeah, yeah. Wait, whether they're hobbies, they got to have cool hobbies. D&D, this guy writes fantasy novels. And we'll turn down people on Monday nights. Like, they will choose D&D over any date with anyone. Wait, they got to be shredded. They're fine. They're fine.

I don't fine. Yeah. Yeah, like, it doesn't matter. It's like, yeah. So get rid of the bitterness, do some self-reflection. Yeah, good luck. On the plus side, Nail and I have to do a little self-reflection because that's how we were successful. So we're going to take a quick break. We're going to reflect. We're going to, you know, take it all in, think about things. And we'll be right back. We've returned. On self-reflection, I should really go and do anything but recording the dark hot attic right now. So yeah, I'm going to goodbye. Oh, damn. He's making Stardoo Valley 8bit walking away sounds. There it is. Our producer pulled a gun on me, so I'm back. Yeah, goddamn. Yeah. I remember we gave the name, but I don't know where it was. It wasn't flippant. Ready for the next question? Yeah. This is by Strict Elk 5271. What does spitting on your partner mean in sex? Questions asked to genuinely understand the attention of my partner who did it. It was originally asked on whatever. I know spitting is degradation and humiliation, but liking the guy or being in love with the guy confuses me because I will ignore. more any red flags. I want to know what it could mean from a male perspective.

I'm female. I want to know what you guys think about spitting on your partner during sex. Do you do it? If you do it, what does it mean for you? Do you do it to grade a person? This is out of BDSM play. No BDSM involved. Would you do that to your partner while having normal sex?

Would you do it to the woman you're in love with or just to your casual sexual partner? What does it mean when done in no BDSM play? Please do not send DMs. I'm so confused by all of this. I Yeah, I mean, you're right. Like, spitting on someone tends to be a level of degradation, a level of humiliation, a level of dominance being like, whatever.

Like, that's what it means. That's what it is. I can't speak for everyone else. But like, one, I hope this dude isn't just hauling off and hock and lugies on you without consent or previous conversation. But it does seem. Certainly seems that way. It certainly seems like that.

And much like any act during sex, you should probably have a conversation about it and get consent. That, that I think is the crux of this entire thing, where it's like, this isn't a, I need to go and ask random man on Reddit to decide how I feel about this thing. If you're unsure, if it makes you feel, for example, degraded or you think it might be a red flag or you're not comfortable with it, which again, doesn't seem like you are because if you were super chill with it, I don't think you'd be making this post, right? Yeah, or liked it. Yeah. So you say, hey, I don't really like that. Or you say, when you do this, it actually makes me feel like a little bad. Like, and then maybe they go, oh, I'm so sorry.

Like, that was not my intent. I just find it really hot or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, which is the point of that consent conversation. And also, I don't think you get to be like, it's not BDSM. Yeah, I mean, that's it. Right. Like, you can't, like, if someone is, if someone's like, oh, hey, we're not going to have any kinky sex or BDSM today. I am going to whip you, though.

Yeah, I'm whipping you. I'm tying you up, but those aren't the BDSM playing. It's not BDSM though. It ain't. That's not it. Yeah. Yeah, you don't really sort of like get to, like, it's not like there's a switch that like when you start having sex, you go over and you throw the lever up into like BDSM mode. And now everything that you're doing is in, it's like, no, like, there's a lot of this

that's really upsetting to me in the sense of like, if your partner does something you don't like, which again, I assume is what happened here because like. Or even confuses you, let's be fair. is specifically what's happening here. Like you haven't written a question being like, what does it mean? I know that putting your penis inside of vagina is sex, but what does it mean when you do it?

Yeah. Right? Like you're not making these posts. So obviously this is either upset you, confuse you, you don't like it. You're not sure how you stand on it. This isn't,

like as now said, this isn't a conversation for random people who don't know anything about you or your partner or your relationship. This is a conversation you have with your partner and you say, and if you don't like it, you say, hey,

I don't like that. And if he says, I don't care. or keeps doing it, you leave them. Consent is the most important part in a sexual relationship. If someone is going to repeatedly do something you don't like and you've asked them not to do, then you should not be with them. I also like, if you don't tell a part, if he does this and you don't say anything about it,

then he still should have asked and he should have talked about introducing a kink. But if you don't say anything about it, he has no idea you don't like it. So where his mind is right now, and I'm not saying it's the proper state of mind, but he thinks you're into it. or at the very least, we'll tolerate it, which is, seems to be incorrect. Also, can we stop with the, what does this mean? Like, I don't think things have meanings in the way everybody thinks. You know, we had fucking chaty PT guy being like, what do boobs mean?

Like, the question is, like, is he being disrespectful or does he not like me, right? Because she seems to be like, would you do? This is someone you want a relationship with? Or is it just for casual sex partners, right? Like, I don't know that there's meaning. If he finds this as a, like, a turn on, that's probably what it means is this is, this is, taught. I like doing this, right? If he's doing it specifically to convey to you that he doesn't want to date you, that's a wild world in which case this person, one, sucks at two, you need to

get out of this relationship, right? But that doesn't seem likely. If you think he's doing it to disrespect you, what's really happening is you feel disrespected and that's a conversation, right? And if he is doing it to disrespect you, you're not going to figure that out by asking random people online. There's also a world of difference between like spitting in someone's mouth, spitting on their face and like spitting on an area to provide lubrication. is such a realm of spit-based play that like if he's just spitting on his hand and that's I think far more acceptable. I want to touch on the fact that like you think that degradation play can't be done with someone that you love as well. Right. Exactly. Like also that. Love doesn't

preclude certain sexual activity. So like it's like saying like oh, I like to be spanked but I'm in love with my husband. So certainly we can't do that anymore. It's like no like love and that's Love and being in love and feeling someone and respecting someone and being with them doesn't all of a sudden take a list of. And I think you shouldn't be doing them if that's the case. Right. Like I think if you if you look at a certain person, say like a casual sexual partner and you say, I will slap you. I will spank you. I will tie you up. I will spit on your face. But if I find something I love, I won't do that. Yeah. And I think I think that's harmful as fuck. Problematic. Yeah. That's that's really, really bad because you're not playing in a space of humiliation or degradation. you're actually doing it. You think less of this person, whether it's a personal thing or a sexual thing or whatever, to treat someone as a lower status than you because you don't have, because you're not in love with them, is incredibly problematic and incredibly.

And that's not to say that like because you're with one partner and you like to do one thing, that now that you're dating someone, you have to do that. Like every sexual relationship can be different in terms of what you do. Yeah, but if you're assigning values to them based on. how, because you're saying, oh, I like this person, I won't do a bad thing to them, which means you think you're doing a bad thing to somebody else, which is fucked up. Yes, exactly. You know what I mean?

So don't be shitty and maybe grow your sexual repertoire. And I don't mean in terms of pick up new techniques. I mean, like, learn that there's nothing inherently wrong with a sexual act unless it is a fucking crime or something. There is no meaning. There's no value. You could degrade somebody you love because that's what they're into or that's what you're into if everyone's consenting and happy and you're doing it the right way and it doesn't mean

you think less of them it's play it's you know please please please i'm yeah i'll no i think this one i'm pivoting i'm doing a different question again yeah i think i mean last time i think i did the question i this is from oceanic endeavors this is kind of something that we've talked about and it kind of ties in with my last question um i think it fits better um is there anything wrong with not being interesting i'll be honest i don't think i'm a particularly interesting person i work a low-paying job, don't have hobbies, don't have much of a social life. My interests are very stereotypical and banal. I haven't done a lot of interesting and fascinating things in my life. Is there anything wrong with this? Is it possible for every guy and girl to be interesting? And what's wrong

with, let's say, the gym being your main hobby or hiking or sports for that matter? I'm sure we all are interesting to some people and terribly boring to others. What do you guys think? Does I don't feel the same way? So I don't want to talk about, we've talked about like the not being interesting thing. I want to talk about the like, what's wrong with this being my main interest? And like, do you think everyone can be interesting? And is some people who are interesting could be boring to other people. Like, I want to talk about that dynamic. That kind of dovetails with a question I have. So maybe I'll read the question. We just talk in general about the two. Yeah. Let's do this. What do you do if you have unattractive hobbies? Are you still learned cosplay is considered one of the

most unattractive hobbies a man can have. When I published my profile for review, I got a lot of DMs, ask if I was gay or that I should delete any photos showing my hobby. Several women even commented that cosplay photos are an instant left swipe for 99% of people. I feel like if I delete them, I'm not really representing who I am, and deleting something that brings me enjoyment in an otherwise mundane life. If I sanitize every idiosyncrasy about me, how am I supposed to stand out? I feel like that comic where people say they want to meet someone who isn't just, I like to eat food, read books and visit cities, but then the moment they see someone

quirky, they say, ew, not like that. So I think the two opposite sides, one is, I'm too interesting. of a person too boring. Yeah. So like the reason I brought that the question is you're not wrong in the sense that certain people are interesting to other people and certain people are boring to other people. I know there is a lot of people that are considered like I would never be able to date like a finance girl. Right. Like if if the only thing you had going for you was was business, business, business numbers, investments, crypto.

Like I know that's broad. You see a lot more douchey behavior from dudes. But like, I'm sure there are ladies out there who are all about crypto and shit. Like, that would be such a turnoff for me. And I would be so uninterested. But then I'm sure there are other dudes who would be dialed in and walked in and so fucking happy that they found someone who was like that. And it's like that I imagine for everyone. Like, same thing.

Also, if like, let's be fair, if somebody works in finance, that doesn't mean that's what they're all about, right? Yes. No, I want to make that very clear because I have a very good friend who's very attractive and very, you know, we've gotten along for a very long time who is she works in a bank. And so like, I don't want to be like, I would never, I could never find that person attractive or whatever. Like, I'm not trying to come for you for your job. But what I'm saying is if that's your personality, if that's like, well, that's, and I think that's a really important part is like, I think no matter what it is if you're one note, you're boring. Right. And I think that is one of the most important things.

If I was like, oh, I'm fucking, I do some crazy mushroom botany or something, you might be like, damn, that guy's so so interesting. But if every time you talk to me, all I talk about is mushrooms. Yeah, you're going to be bored as fuck, no matter how cool it might seem to an outside person or whatever. Like, you know, if I have a weird thing going on and that's all I do, it doesn't matter, right? If your thing is just gym, yeah, I'm sorry, that's probably going to get fucking boring. Yeah. But if you go to the gym and you also like Netflix, but you talk about the TVs, like the shows you do in an exciting way, and you also like travel. Like, you can have depth in things that are, you know, like, like, you can have depth in things that are, you know,

Like we talk about shows. We talk about traveling. Not really talk about the gym because, I don't know. We don't go to the gym that much. But like, it doesn't matter. I also think that there is a world where you could meet someone who gym is also their whole world. Right. And I don't think necessarily that's a bad relationship.

If you find someone who like you guys are just dialed in and gym, gym boyfriend girlfriend, in the sense that like that's all you guys want to do. You go and work out together. You get fit together. You run together. And like, and you're happy and you're both content with that. Fuck yeah. And like, like now said, I could look at that.

be like, that looks horrible. But I'm not dating you. They are. And if you guys are happy, then fuck it. It's the same way with like this guy with the cosplay. It's like, yes, you are in a pretty niche like fandom. I also think it's pretty specific as to what you're cosplaying as. Yeah.

Because I know, a lot of guys I know who are cosplay are highly sought after because they're incredibly hot people who cosplay, hard characters. If you're, you know, are you cross-dressing the cosplay? Because that might project a certain image. Little girl anime characters Because like yeah I would understand that a lot of people Who aren't in that sphere

Even in like who don't watch anime Who don't watch cartoons who aren't nerdy Would be like the fuck is happy Why are you wearing a school girl outfit And like wearing a wig and makeup Like yeah I would understand that Some people just wouldn't understand that And you can't be like

I'm in this tiny sliver of a niche And people aren't cool with it Like but I promise you that there are people Who are into it For him specifically Or for people like on the opposite the scale. I do think it is, like, I don't ever want anybody to, like, hide their flame, hide their fire under a bushel or whatever. I think putting yourself out there and giving people the real you

is super awesome because they're going to find that anyway. It's like you're not really gaining anything by hiding while you're into, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If it is a divisive thing or whatever, the soon you get out there, the better. But I also do think there is a level of, like, self-preservation in terms of like, again, if you are cosplaying like young female characters, that probably involves context to people that don't understand cosplay, right? And you're not able to give context

if it's just a picture in your like dating profile. So maybe not including that, it's not hiding yourself, it's just being smart about how things look when context is gone. It's like if you were an actor in Django Unchained and you were one of the KKK members. Yeah.

And just using that still from the movie would be very misleading. Yeah. So it's like you just because you're into something doesn't mean you have to put it front and center all the time. Maybe getting on a date and bringing that up later or just having like, oh, I like to cosplay and being able to talk about it.

You can be smart about these things and just understand how people can take it without having to devalue what you're into or betray it. You know what I mean? It's the same way. And like my partner and I have talked about this because they come from like a very hippie,

very art. Her dad was like a like a weird dude who did weird things. And like in the sense of like, you know, he he ran like a cross-dressing like burles show thing at in their tiny little town. And like he put on stage production. He was very artsy. He was very like creative. He was very expressive. And her mom was as well.

And so like they were very like, be yourself. Be your own person. Like do your thing. And my partner like reflects back and being like, I kind of wish that maybe when I was a kid getting bullied at school. they would say, hey, maybe leave the cowboy outfit at home. And, you know, and there is that level. And it's why a big reason why I would never want to be a parent is like that that gap of like grade one to like high school of being like, there is no easy way to tell your child to be like, hey, you're a little fucking weirdo freak. And I love that about you.

I don't want you to ever change. But you maybe don't be that in a place where people will pick on you for it. It's like back to the future. Being like, you know, maybe you're not ready for that kind of music, but your kids are going to love it. It's like these people are dumb, idiot children. When you get to university, people are going to appreciate that a little bit more. Right now, we're in like Lord of the Flies.

We pick the weak ones that we gang up on, you know. But it sucks. I never want to give advice that's like, hey, hide your shit or like try to conform. But like there is a level of conforming that you kind of have to do on a daily basis just to be like one, like kind to other people. Because I can do whatever the fuck I want. Like I can run down the road blaring speaker if I want really loud of music. But like just because I'm into that doesn't mean everybody around me is.

You know what I mean? In the same way that like, I don't know. Anyway. So I'm just saying you could be a little bit tactical or a little bit more in tune with like how things are viewed and either pick which ones you're going to show or don't show it initially. And get to a point where you can give more context. So I think there is a split the difference of being like maybe don't show a picture. Maybe just say you're in a cosplay. That's why.

That's why I said they're right. Right? Yeah. So it's like... Then if they talk to you, you can explain it. So I think, one, don't be afraid to think of how your, your, like, things look, right? For example, what Dane said about the actors. If there's a still from a movie, you look great in, but you're wearing a Nazi uniform,

that needs context, right? Even though being an actor is cool, you know, et cetera. So be smart when you're showing your cool niche hobbies. On the flip side, try not to be one note, right? If your whole life is one thing, maybe do a little self-reflection. maybe developed. There's nothing wrong with developing as a person. And if you feel so against that, that's kind of weird, right? But at the same time, there are probably people out there who have the same hobbies as you. And it's like being interesting for interesting sake is probably going to

fall flat, right? Like, I don't go out there and go like, what's a quirky thing I could do today? It's like, that would be weird. So it's like if what you are is a cozy homebody who likes Netflix and go into the gym, someone's going to like that because that's also most people. Let's be fair. right? Yeah. And look, I look at my parents who are the sweetest, loveliest people. I've been absolutely blessed to have them as my parents. I feel very lucky. This is a big segment where he rubs in how awesome his parents are. So everybody out there with normal parents, I'm sorry. My parents have never left Canada. They've barely left Ontario. They've done very little traveling. They've done very little. My parents travel everywhere. I win. Yeah. And it's one of those things where I'm just like,

but they're happy, right? Like, they like they like their life. They like the fact that they have their routine. They watch their shows. They do they go out for dinner on Friday nights and like blah, blah, blah. Like they enjoy that routine. And that's not to say that like if I look at it or if you put it down on paper, you could be like, yeah, that's a pretty boring life. But if it's a happy life and it's a fulfilling life for them, then what does it matter?

Right? Like I think as much as what we're saying is true, there is also a level of being like, you don't need to be interesting in the eyes of the world to be happy. Right. Like if if you find someone and you are as now said, perfectly content going to work, hitting the gym with your partner afterwards and then going home and making a nice dinner and watching TV, if that is a routine that you do every day, but you guys are happy together, then fucking, who cares if Nile and I are like, oh, that's all you do? Weird. That's boring, whatever. No, it doesn't fucking matter. Like, and I think this is really important. Doing a weird hobby isn't

necessarily interesting. You are interested, right? If somebody goes to the gym with you and you, you know, you're really focused on a certain muscle set. And it's like, well, why that? And it's like, oh, I want to make sure I have like, you know, really strong back because of blah, blah, blah. Or you're watching a show and your favorite character isn't actually the top two or three. It's this side character. And like, oh, why?

Oh, you know, the librarian's super fucking cool. They're always the one that comes in clutch with the information. And like, you know, everything you do and your brain and the way you take information in and your preferences, those are interesting. Maybe you really like pickle, Brian, but you hate pickles. That's interesting. The things that make you you are interesting. And I very much doubt that anybody listening to this is like,

I do gym and Netflix and also have no thoughts that are in any way personalized to me whatsoever. I am the pure median. You're interesting regardless of your fucking hobbies. So that's it. And a final touch on, you say I haven't done anything or I haven't done a lot of interesting or fascinating things in my life. Do you want to? Because it's not that hard to book a plane ticket, especially nowadays.

Right? like finances aside. But if you feel like there is something missing, I know it can kind of be a challenge to break out of the mold that you've set for yourself. But like if you want to go on an adventure, maybe find a friend to go on an adventure with or do something really low stakes and like go to a resort. Like book yourself this winter, you know, go to the fucking Dominican and sit on a beach for a couple days and just great.

That's fine. Like if you want to do something, do something, find something to do it. But if you are just again, like comparing yourself up against the person who wants to travel 24-7 and never wants to be at home and like doesn't want roots, like to me, that doesn't sound very fun either. Like I wouldn't want to like be home like four weeks out of the year. I like being at home with my cat and my partner and, you know, my friends and stuff like that. So it's it's all through context and it's all through what you want to do and what makes you happy and whether you are happy. So like focus on those things. On either end, there's somebody.

who has similar or similar interest to you, whether it's cosplay or whether it's the gym. And you'll find those people and it'll be better for you to have found those people than it will be to either

falsely change or misrepresent yourself. You start doing going on trips but you fucking hate it. You're burning time, money, effort just to deliver a lame like, yeah, I was in Thailand. And they're like, yeah, we fucking hated it.

That's interesting though. It's interesting. It's interesting. You did something so weird. If you're like, oh, I travel once a month. And I hate it. I fucking hate it.

It's the worst. experience I've ever had in my life every time I go. Uh, I hit you with one last question before we get into the bad sex rat. This is by a slurpy patch. Is it a red flag of your date complains of forced diversity? Last night, I went on the date with a former co-work. We got talking about movies and TV. I brought up the pit on HBO Max and went on my own little monologue about how much I love

the show. I asked her if she'd seen it. She said, I tried watching it, but I gave up halfway through the first episode because of all the forced diversity. I didn't press her to elaborate, so we switched subjects. This was the only potential blemish on what would have been an otherwise fine walk through local part. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nagging at me, but now I want to get other opinions. What do you guys think?

It's so easy. The easiest way to do this. Mention the Odyssey and see where she goes. Just say, hey, I'm really looking forward to the Odyssey. I think they've made some incredible casting choices and just see where she goes because that is a minefield for these people where they got everything, right? They got people in color. They have a black woman portraying the most beautiful woman in the world. That seems to have upset a lot of people.

We've got trans actors of a man playing a man, which has made everyone very upset. You know, there's a whole, I believe there's an Indian man in there. It's freaking everyone's being out. So it's so easy. If you really want to do a litmus test, just be like, hey, want to go see the Odyssey? To be fair, I think this is done. The test is done here. already.

Yeah, I haven't seen the flag. But what force cyber is it possibly? Like, so someone in the comments was delving deep into it and being like, hey, if you want to get really factual about this,

and they were like, it's a suburban, like hospital or like, like a hospital in the middle of, I forget the city, but they were just like. It's Pittsburgh, right? I don't know if it is.

Isn't that why it's called the pit? That's what I thought. And I remember being surprised. Either way, they were just like, no, they actually have the diversity actually pretty fucking on point.

If anything, there's probably more white people bumbling around. And they were like, yeah, so fuck this. But even if... It is Pittsburgh. Okay, that would make sense. I thought it was in hell, the pit. I don't think there's any situation that I've seen where like, short of like, I guess

Hamilton, where they, you know, turned into an all-black version of the founding fathers. I guess that's the only egregious use of forced diversity, I guess. But also it's rad as fuck and it doesn't fucking matter. So why the fuck would you give a shit? So you're really going to look at a medical drama and rather than, because apparently it's great. I haven't seen the pit. Rather than being like, oh, it's so realistic. It's so well done. It's heartwarming. The actors are

incredible. Blah, blah, blah. You're like, well, not enough white people. And you're really saying that out loud. Or it's like, it could be any number of things of being like, you know, you've watched a show. And instead of cluing in on script, pacing, dialogue, characters, actors, actors, whatever, you're like, that's a gay person? Exactly. That's a, that's a woman? Hold on. A black person?

And just like that's what you, like when you watch media, that's what you're clocking. Like, I don't like none of that shit matters unless it's done poorly, right? Yes. And also like this person I will fucking bet you isn't upset when a trans character is played by someone who's not trans, when a gay character is played by someone straight or when things are massively whitewashed. I'll bet you. I'll bet you.

all the money I have that they're not like, my God, they didn't accurately represent this person. I'm upset. No, they're going to be like, fuck yeah, a white person. Like, go fuck yourself. It is a red flag. I don't think there's a world in which this isn't such a big red flag that I would be out of. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just using the word force diversity, like, regardless of what, even if you are correct, even if there is a show where someone walks in and says, like, I'm a strong black man with every time they started a segment or a sentence. To be fair, that actually would probably deserve criticism. That's what I mean. Like, even if that was the, I still wouldn't be, I would be like, this is a shit show. But I wouldn't be like, the forced diversity.

No, I wouldn't be talking about forced diversity. I'd be talking about bad writing. Yes. I would, like, the, it's just such a non-issue in my brain of being like, like, like, the idea of getting upset about over a TV show casting certain people. I mean, if there's any problem, it's, do we not remember? I remember Scarlett Johansson and Emma Stone. There was a period of time where they were playing only Asian characters.

And it was just like, like Scarlett Johansson, I believe, played the lead and ghost in the shell. Like, you know, and then Emma Stone, I believe was also played a Pacific Islander in some book that got turned into a movie. And it's just like, that's been happening for years. And now all of a sudden, there's just black people exist or trans people exist or gay characters exist. within the narrative of a show. And it's not even like we've taken a beloved white character and turn them. So who gives a fuck? Like, who cares?

The Warriors, one of my favorite 80s movies, one of my favorite movies in general, they, Lee Manuel Miranda made a gender swapped version where the Warriors are all women and it's a musical. And people were losing their mind. And there's like, but why? It's the same plot. It's the same, you know, it's the same shit. It's like, does it matter if they're men or women?

because I miss that memo because I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm not like, well, I love the plot. I love the idea of these, like, gangs in New York. I love the having to fight back to where they came from and like, blah, blah, blah.

But now that they're female, like, what does it fucking change? It's, it's just, you need to fucking stop. This is a red flag. It is a red flag. There's no way this isn't a red flag. 100%.

It's also one of those baffling things, but it's like, the Odyssey, especially, even in Marvel and stuff where it's just like, people lose their mind when certain people are cast. And I'm just like,

you're worried about historical accuracy. Hey, let me tell you, did they get the Cyclops to be played by a Cyclops? Oh, wait, no, it's a mythical creature that doesn't fucking exist. Yeah, yeah. It's so stupid. It's so stupid.

So dump anybody who says this. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for the song Paper Stars. Are you ready for some bad sex running? I guess. And before we leave, thanks for coming along. Please, a lot of friend, though.

Please like us, review us, share us, post about us on Reddit. or anyone you're talking to. If you have a friend who's a big hot advertiser and you want to just get them a slide in our DMs, hell yeah. And if you want to just help support the show, we have our Patreon and it helps keep the lights on.

So we appreciate you. This is, so there's a thing called the Little Lytton contest. And it is a collection of the worst first lines in the book. Okay. And we got a few sexy ones. I think a lot of these are self-published, but I don't know.

I haven't delved that deeply into it because I'm not a journalist. I'm a guy I talks about dicks. So I hit you with this. Chat, Vanessa wailed as she gazed upon the throbbing M-Dash, which would soon be thrust into her sopping wet data center. Okay. Doesn't really make sense.

It's, the MDASH should be coming out of the data center. Yeah, that has strong chuck tingle energy. It does. Now, I end with this one. As she lustfully stared at me. My loins exploded like the Titan submersible. And she, the ocean I wanted to be so deep into. Now, these are our first lines in a book.

Apparently, yes. I can't imagine starting any. I mean, like, obviously these are joke books. I can't imagine these are real literature. But I can't even, like, where do you go from there? But also, like, look, point of order. The Titan submersible imploded. Yeah.

And like, you can't. You're really hooked up on the semantics of these ones, huh? Of course. Words are there for a reason, Dane. Words matter. Yeah, you're right. Right? But like, you know, you explode.

Yeah, I can get behind that being like you're coming or whatever. But to implode, that's not good. I don't think there's a world in which imploding is good, especially not your dick. No, your dick imploding would be bad. That would be really bad. Unless your dick is filled with a bunch of billionaires. Yeah, I'll take that. In which case, I think it's a noble sacrifice.

Me crying, pressing the implode button. Yeah. Dane crying, saluting me from across the room. Yeah. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm now Spain. Will implode your dicks