F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - I Hate My Stupid, Secret Son

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Don't you hate it when your stupid kid just exists and totally blows up your spot?  Topics include pirate re-population, sex inhibiting breast size, a surprise son, date burn out.

I put my trust in you And then I trust in love Hello Hello friends my name is Dane Miller And my name is Nile Spain And we're your fuck buddies We're a sex and dating advice podcast Where we take your sticky sexy situations

turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we're sexual alchemists transforming sexy sticky situation. We find questions online or from our wonderful listeners. We answer them right here, right now, for you. And we also predict movie trends. Yeah, how'd we do that?

Tron, it's bombing. Who knew? Well, I don't know if we could take credit for that. There's 40 years of precedent of Tron movies bombing. Dane, do you not remember what our podcast therapist said to us? Always take credit for. Jared Lettow's crumbling career. No, they never undercut yourself.

We could have taken credit and you're here downplaying our achievements and they said that you should stop doing that. Well, my personal therapist has told me to set higher goals and not to settle for the bottom tier of what is a therapist is a hack. It's true. It is my cat. It is your cat. Yeah.

It is my cat when I'm half asleep and I pretend that he's talking to me. Yeah, when Dane's had his sleepy chicken. Yeah. Um, so my cat has started doing this very cool thing while we're talking about my cat and my, any excuse, uh, any excuse. Um, so he likes to sleep on, it's hard to describe it, but like he essentially sleeps on a pillow above my girlfriend's head in the bed. So it's like us sleeping normally, but then we've got. Yeah, we've got a little, a little like additional pillow underneath my partner's pillow that he sleeps on. It's very cute. But in the morning, he describes as a pillow throne. I honestly do believe that's what he thinks. Yeah. Um, um, but in the morning he likes to gorge himself on food do a big eat and then he comes in and lies his face as close to my nose as possible so the amount of times that I wake up with just overpowering like medicated cat food too so it's even more special and I'm just like look what you've done to me father the best is like there's always a part in the dream that I'm currently having in which like there's a weird smell and then I wake up and I'm like oh it's just Oliver's mouth just his stinky little mouth.

It's a stinky little cat mouth. It's incredibly adorable. Also, sounds like a great morning. Sleep on a throne, wake up, have a good feed, and then bully someone. Hell yeah. Yeah. And then assault someone with your stinky mouth. Yeah.

But this week we're going to talk about. Is this why pirates went extinct? My boobs are too big to have good sex. Um, the husband just introduced me to his child. What a do after four or five dates. Is it true that pirates have gone extinct? because they were men and couldn't have babies. Is that the whole question?

Yeah, pretty much. No, this is, you know what, this is what I love about, uh, the, the, like, idea that gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Mm-hmm. Because if they do, they'll make more gay babies. Yeah. As if the most common way to have a gay child is from a, you know, heterosexual, heteronormative couple.

because that's the way babies are made. Typically. And it's, it's, I like the idea that thinking that like, oh, pirates can only be born from pirates. And all pirates are men. Yeah. As if pirate is like a species that like died out one wrong. Two, that they couldn't just go on shore and have kids. Three, that there weren't female pirates ever.

And four, that pirates are extinct. They're not. Also, like, like, like, Where did the original pirates come from? Exactly. Well, that's a chicken egg situation, you know, which came first, a human or a pirate. It's pirate, obviously. Yeah.

Yeah, God made us in his image, and his image is, yeah, ar. His image is long beard, syphilis, and scurvy. I could see it. Yeah. Two eye patches, which is why he doesn't see all the bullshit that's going on. See no evil. Hear no evil, speak no evil. Rob your boat.

Steal from the British. Hey. We're not against that. The British have done plenty of stealing, and now it's our turn. But yeah, there are still pirates out there. Yeah. This question just couldn't be more wrong in every single way. I don't really know if it's our area of expertise.

It's Saks, Dane. I guess. It's Bay-Bays. Bay-Base. I would love to. I want to posit this to like a anthropologist or a historian or someone who like really like knows a lot about pirates and just ask them this question and watch them just unraveled.

Yeah. Just absolutely crumble mentally and emotionally. Yeah. No, I've got to know. I got to know. Where was this posted? Reddit. Well, yes.

It is posted in no stupid question or stupid questions. So at least they're self-aware. Okay. But the mods deleted it. Which is so funny because it's like. Your question is so stupid. Or stupid questions, but you've done such a bad job. Yeah.

This question was too stupid for the stupid question. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. Okay. Do you have a real question? What do you mean? Okay.

Then I'll do mine. What do you? Wait, what the fuck do you mean? This is from Freya Phelian, Valian, Phelan. I never get to do my favorite position because my boobs are too big. I love doggy and my husband will humor me for a few minutes, but flips me over. First chance he gets. I have large tits.

And he said that he, the reason he is. doing this is because he likes the feeling of laying on me. But the only other guy I've been with also would never do doggy. Is this the price of having a large rack? Like passionate missionaries romantic, but sometimes a girl just wants to get fucked. Like he said, like I said, he will do it for me. Anyway, I can get him to see the benefits of doggy. This makes me really sad because what you're telling me is I have a thing I like. He is a thing he likes and we do the thing he likes all the time. Like, if you take out everything else, you're just like, hey, his needs matter more than mine. That sucks. It's, I'm also like, if we're going to boil it down to, uh, it's crassist

tax, it's funny that this dude isn't even like, I want to see. Yeah. Those giant boobs bouncing or or playing with the bra. I just want to lie on them. I just want to just genuinely. That part took me by surprise. Um, uh, and I want to like, typically, are you always doing like chest to chest to chest missionary because like that sounds boring yeah and and look i don't i'm trying to be not too crass here but it seems like a waste of big boobs as well right like if you're if you're covering big boobs you're not seeing them and you can't see them or really yeah or really touch them you're just kind of like laying on them you're you're missing the whole world of the the joys of big boobs what you thought it was i thought it was going to be i want to see them and i

was going to be mirror. Doggy, mirror, boobs, 10 out of 10. But yeah, he just wants this. And the thing is, this is great. It makes an easier question because this isn't anything other than his needs are more important than yours. And it might not be his fault because I don't know if you've really laid down, hey, I really like doggy. I want to do doggy. Have you just been like, oh, let's do doggy? And then he does it for a bit and then flips you over. And there's no discussion because he may not know. And this is the most charitable answer. Because if he doesn't know, you have to talk you have to ask you have to just say hey this is the thing i really want let's introduce it occasionally not instead of not all the time just occasionally because this is a thing

i want will still do the things you want but this is a thing i really really want if you have had that conversation and he's like no i got to lay on i'm dump this book yeah um there is also like are you and i'm trying not to victim blame here in the sense of like but it's like is there a difference in how much you enjoy it like are you still like like coming like crazy while he's fucking missionary because there may be a misunderstanding of levels of enjoyment right like if you're still like going fucking crazy and moaning and coming and enjoying it just as much he might not understand just how good doggy feels in comparison to other positions so it might be worth maybe given a little extra during doggy just to sort

of differentiate, just so we can see and hear and, like, experience the difference between the two, uh, not that I really ever encourage people to fake things or manipulate people, but I think in, in situations like this, I think there, uh, there is a benefit to seeing a tangible and, like, distinct difference of when someone's like, oh, I really like this. And it's like, well, yeah, but you're really like this too. So like, I'm, I'm doing the things you really like, right? And I think that it's easy to get out of a mindset of, of like different things, like different positions serve different needs. And it's not just dick in, but dick in also this position. So, Dick in regardless, who cares? In which case, then let's change it to

doggy. But I think it boils down to communication. If you haven't explicitly let this person know that this is a thing you want to do, I don't think we can really fault them for not having just magically done it, right? So lay it down. Be cool. Be like, hey, this feels amazing. I really want to do that. Again, always, like, lead with the positives, the excitement, the compliments. If they refuse to do a thing that you want slash need slash have requested, that's a huge issue. So that's a whole different scenario. But I think you really got to make sure have I fully laid out that this is a thing I want, need, blah, blah, blah. And like, again, in no uncertain terms, not like a, let's do doggy. And then you've done Doggy, he's just then switched.

And you never said, like, hey, I want this more. Make sure you lay it out. Yeah. And if you really want to sell Doggy, when he's fucking, you just be like, damn, your dick feels huge in this position. You're good. You're golden. He'll never want to do another position again. Well, it could also open the door to wait.

So it doesn't previously? Yeah. And be like, in missionary, when specifically when you're lying on top of me, I don't feel anything. Where is it? What is it? All right. What is penis? I forget.

Did the Roman phalanx go extinct because they were all men? No. I mean, they were definitely fucking. Yeah, exactly. But they couldn't have kids. This by Sakura slut, my husband, 38-year-old male, just introduced me, 30, female, to his 18-year-old child after three months of marriage. I'll know how to process it right now. My husband, Charles, 38, introduced me, 30, to his 18-year-old son, Philip after three months of our marriage.

We've been married. for three months, but before we started dating, we were co-workers, worked the same shift, and we were pretty close friends. Along the line, feelings developed and we eventually got married. Yesterday, out of nowhere, he told me there's something he's been hiding from me. He introduced me to a young boy of 18-year-olds, Philip, who he had when he was 20. I was completely shocked. He said the reason he never told me before is because back when we were just friends,

I once mentioned I couldn't date or marry a man who already has a child. He claimed he truly loves me and didn't want to lose me, but at the same time didn't want me to hear her from someone else later on. I don't know how to feel. I feel betrayed. This is something I should have known. before getting married, but at the same time, he genuinely loves me. What is your advice?

Do you think it's suspicious that it's Charles and Philip names of the royal family? Nah, it's just mid-white guy names. Yeah, just, I, you know what, I would break up with this man simply because he named his child in what, 2004, Philip? Yeah. Right? You named, you named a kid in the 2000s, Philip. Mm-hmm.

That's us. Searcy was right there. Yeah. Why don't you name him? Danaris, or sorry, Calisi. Yeah. You couldn't name them Tyrion.

Okay. There's a lot here because you said, oh, before we got married, we were co-workers and feelings developed. How long did you date? Because you seem to skip over how long you dated. Did you, it does sound like you kind of just like, you work together and then you were like, oh, we actually kind of vibe. You want to get married?

Like, there doesn't really seem to be a dating period because, like, the dating period is kind of when you get to learn to know people. That's when you learn of the secret children and the, you know, second family and all that kind of stuff. Two, is he completely devoid and, and, like, absent from this child's life? That's kind of what I was thinking, where it's like, if you've somehow gotten this far without knowing, it's like, he'll bad dad. Yeah, does you not talk to this kid?

Does he not spend time with this kid? Like, where are you when he's out having father time? Is he living solely with the mom? Like, do you guys not live together? Like, what's, I don't understand because you, like, if this guy is a decent father, there's no way he could have kept it. Either he's an incredible liar and has made up something as to like, oh, every Saturday and Sunday, every other week, I have hockey practice.

D, D, guys, for two full days. Or you're also. Or you're oblivious. Like, I just, I don't understand how someone can keep a, and like, in my opinion, those are the two options, right? Like, he's either a great liar doesn't. Terrible dad. Or terrible dad.

Right. Or you're really. Or you're gullible. Yeah, you're oblivious, right? Like, those are really the three paths. I'm sure there are. I guess the fourth one is that you did rush things. Like, you dated for a couple weeks or months.

And then you were like, let's get married, which again, bad for many reasons, including this one. Yeah. And like there's there's going to be little offshoots, little side streets, little alleys on those four paths. But I think at the end of the day, you can, we can probably put how this is shaken out down one of these, these roots. And all of them are like doomed to a bad relationship, right? Like all of it is, because like, do you not want children or do you just want someone who doesn't have previous children so you can have your own pure family is that the the nature like or do you just not want children like do you just not want the responsibility of children at all because well already that's out the window because he has a kid the thing is like does it matter like like we we don't need to really go into specifics you had a non-negotiable and he was like cool I'm going to hoodwink this person and lie to them until it's too late and then I'm just going to be like lol like kidding he loves me does Was he? He made a conscious decision to betray you and like an active conscious effort to lie to you multiple, multiple times.

Yeah, this is not an easy thing to hide. Yeah. And then he was like, I didn't want anyone else to tell you. It's like, no, you waited until it was too late. And now you get to like take it off your conscience. He's a scumback. He lied to you. And he literally crossed a non-negotiable line that you expressed. And now that's pretty unforgivable. That's it, right? It's if you're willing to, like, if you, you, you, you, you, you, close. clarify this boundary early in your relationship or he was aware of it at the very least right like regardless of whether you told him when you were intentionally dating or it just came up in casual conversation because I'm not really sure about your courting and dating you know history but he was he knew about it that's the reason why he lied about it yeah it's why he actively

chose to be like well betrayal time so he had he he's planned this betraying and lie for a considerable amount of time and has put in an extreme amount of work, presumably, in maintaining that lie. So it's not like, there's one thing to be like, you make up a, you make a mistake in the heat of a moment and you cross a boundary, things like cheating or, you know, you get drunk at a work party and you kiss one of your coworkers. That's something where it's like, yes, that is a betrayal of trust. And if you lie about it, that's terrible.

But it is something that kind of like happened, right? and you're panicking or whatever. You, you, it was a spur of the moment, heat of the moment thing. This is premeditated. Yeah. This required a ton of plans. It's manslaughter versus like premeditation and or serial killing, you know? Yeah.

So he made it part of your guy's relationship. It is ingrained in the foundation of your relationship that he is willing to go to extreme lengths. Mm-hmm. To lie to you and to disregard the most important things about you. to ignore boundaries that you've set, lie, manipulate, and, like, again, wait until you've committed to him in a way that, like, now is a nightmare to untangle, legally, emotionally, like socially. Yeah, financially.

Extreme manipulation, abuse, everything. Although, if you just got married, three months, I think you could get in an old. Yeah. Which maybe, I'm sorry, not maybe. Yeah, that's the route forward. Fuck this, dude. Fuck, Phil. Yeah. It's so easy to get blinded by the fact that someone has been nice to you in other aspects. And we talk about this all the time, right? When people are like, the bed room is great, but he treats me like shit. And vice versa, people being like, we love each other, but our sex is terrible and he abuses me in bed. Like, they're not different spheres, right? You can't purposely lie to someone and betray them and know that you're doing that.

and love someone. No. I fundamentally believe that. And I know a lot of people would probably argue against that and be like, well, love is an amorphous concept and can be, but like, I really don't think that if you truly care about someone, that you can, you can purposely hurt them over a prolonged period of time. Yeah. I mean, you actively work against them in a very evil way.

Like, I can't imagine having like an extended, thought out, planned, active manipulation, deceit. For months, if not years, against someone I hate, let alone someone I love. You know what I mean? Yeah, someone I want to spend my life with. Yeah. Not time and effort. If I had to put that into an enemy, like, I would hope one of my friends took me aside and was like, yo, this is bad.

This is so bad. Like, nobody really deserves this. Now, what if that person killed all your friends so you don't have any friends? That's fine. Like, there are extremes. I think if someone has murdered all your friends or your family or done something, then I'm totally down for the months long. For the conspiracy of the yes, okay.

No, I do genuinely mean that. But I think if I'm... That's a warning to the person who's been threatening me. For real. You come for dang? You get the horns. You come for Dane. You get the Spain.

Um, it, oh, damn. I like doing this every now and then now. Just like, let's go. Well, if we do this, it almost feels like we're like anonymous or like hackers. Yeah. like communicate, make sure this is communicate well with your partner. Terrible for the actual podcast, but incredibly. Yeah, sorry, I turn my lights off, so I'm a dark, a dark boy.

Yeah, we're just in shadow boys. We're just shadow boys right now. But the visual people are loving it. Yeah, the, the people who see this on TikTok will fucking lose their minds. Not even just their gut. They're going to bust. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

So, yeah, you have a relationship built. on the foundation of a massive lie. Do you not feel bad for this child? Yeah, his name's Philip. This like secret closet child that he's like kept hidden because of, he's like, look,

little Philip. I know I haven't seen you in two years but I had to hoodwink this woman. Yeah, I kind of love you, Philip, but I do love this woman more. So you're going to have to pretend like you don't exist for a little while. So, but just until I marry her.

And then, I'm mistreating. you, but I love you, which seems to be his line. Yeah. It's like, but then I will reveal you to a woman who's going to be immediately angry at you. And not just you, but the concept of your existence as well, Philip, your very existence will infuriate this woman and taint my happiness and her happiness for years to come. Yeah, and like, I'll ignore you for a couple of years, but then I'll also need to step away from you while we're navigating that for a couple of years.

But then in your, in your late 20s, we can. get a beer, bro? And every holiday is going to be unbearably awkward. Don't worry, Phil. When you bring your wife, who hopefully you've been lying to for years. And if not, I got that handle. Don't worry. I got something in the works for her. If you want me to pretend to be you for two years to find you a wife and then be like, surprise, it's Philip you're married to. That's fine. I'll do that for you, son. Because I love you. I live my life a quarter lie at a time. yeah it's it's unbearable what else that that's it's it right at the end of the day if he's willing to lie about this crazy thing the fact that he has a child and has had a child for almost 20 fucking years yeah

the fact that he has his kid and has hidden it from you knowing that you don't want a kid what do you think he's you don't think he's gonna lie about like i don't know being unfaithful or guy is just anything for the love of the game at this like at the very like no one this level and isn't playing casual mode too. He's not just ranked. He's still, he's got to hone these skills. Like, he's lying to you on the fucking daily. Also,

it's so much worse that you were co-workers and friends prior to this because also no one in the office found out about this kid or his friends. Like, bad dad. Yeah, does this guy not have a photo of his kid on his desk? Fuck no. Right? Like, there's absolutely,

the fact that there's no trace of this kid in this guy's life that you stumble across. Surely he went to his home. Does he have no fucking pictures of him and his child? And if he did, did he remove them to further perpetuate this lie? Like, that's crazy. How do you not realize that that is crazy? I don't care what you think this man feels for you. He has chosen lying as his love of his life. That is his true soul. Yeah. Yeah. He's definitely got like aura frames all over his house and he just like presses like sun mode, girlfriend mode, mistress mode. See, Aura, we can bring a different level of advertising and marketing to your campaign.

A lot of people, they aim for like the families. We're aiming for the narcissists, the cheaters. Yeah. Fuck grandma. She's got two. Yeah. You know who doesn't have one? Charles.

Charles and his mystery son, Philip. Yeah. And Charles probably has two apartments. So he will need two hour frames, minimum. For sure. Oh, man, this guy definitely has different apartments. I'm multiple phones. Imagine, imagine having a conversation.

with this man and being like, hey, did you take out the garbage? And he's like, yep. And you're like, I don't know if you did, actually. Yeah. But like, his real thing would be like he wanted to take out the garbage or he didn't want to, but he knew you wanted him to. So he dumped it like in a closet in your house. So the bin is empty, but he did take it out. And then in a couple

weeks, you'd be like, why does it smell like a fucking dumpster? And he'll sheepishly pull back the closet and there's like eight weeks worth of trash. And then you're like, well, I knew you wanted me to take it out. but I love you I just love you too much to take out the garbage

He's just got boarded up wall That he's like removing and placing it It's like oh we do Oh this house does have a basement I just snuck in before our first viewing Bordered it up so that I can have a secret basement to throw all the garbage in that I don't want to take Trash of my son in there

You never know what's going to happen when I open this wall Is it going to be Philip? Is it going to be trash? Just kidding They're the same thing Because I hate my child. I hate my child and you. I hate this marriage. I hate trash.

Yeah. And taking up the garbage. Loves lying. So good. It's the only way I see you feel a... You know, they put the word lie in alive. Think about it. Charles 2025.

I love you so much. Bad. Terrible. Dump this man. What other question did I say? Oh, right. This one. This is zoink but doyke.

Now this question is... Uh, interesting. I can never figure out. what to do after the first four or five dates. The way dating usually goes for me is that the first few dates we go and get drinks or take walks or sometimes we'll go check out a festival or whatnot and then around the third date or so start inviting her over, making dinner, having sex, etc. Planning and going through the proper dates takes an enormous amount of time and energy out of me. So after a four or five of these, I always start feeling burnt out on ideas for

dates. I feel like I just want to get into the routine of hanging out at our places after work with no pressure to keep conversations going, watching shows, etc. But I'm worried she'll think this is too lame. How long does it usually take before you settle into a routine life or into a routine life after dating? Is it typically things calmed down after the first four or five dates? The funny thing is that I've been a few long-term relations before this, but I just can't remember when and how we transition to routine life. I think in my past relationship, I was with people who had things they wanted to do and I just happily followed them around. And now I'm someone who isn't like that and I'm lost. It's interesting because like I don't believe in putting a timeline.

on things. So it's like the time when dates stop being always kind of like exciting out date events and start becoming like more casual. It's such a nebulous thing that I genuinely couldn't even begin to take a stab at it. I will say I don't think it's three or four because I think you, sorry, continue. I just think people move at a weird timeline on on the internet where they're like three dates, we're married. And I'm like, oh God. You don't even know they have kids yet. Um, do you remember like so for me I also don't remember like what I do after the that period of time where you're actually like going out like planning a thing and do like that it I started thinking about it I was just like I don't know man especially because like there was a period of time where I was seeing

a handful of people and each one of them I'm like I don't really know like I don't yeah it did kind of freak my being a little bit where I was like I should be able to like put a rough idea on it yeah I should be able to sort of like at least circle the general area, but like, I don't, and I wonder if it's, because I certainly date differently than I think the average person does, because at least when I was younger and single, I was dating not really to find a relationship. Like I, I, you know, you and I think were both in the same sort of like mentality of being like, well, we'll, we'll date people and we'll hook up with people and we'll see people. And if anything catches, then great, we'll, we'll,

pull that thread. Yeah, I was definitely open to a relationship most of the time. But not like, I don't think searching for one is ever healthy. You know what I mean? It's like you meet someone that they're good or they're not. And it's like, I think the only thing that matters is if you're not looking for a relationship. But like, yeah, a lot of the time, some people, it wasn't really dates. It was just like we'd go fuck. Other times it was like dates.

And yeah, I don't ever remember that transition period clearly. And I think that's a good thing because it is natural. And I think it's the kind of thing that you just like feel through in the moment. but I also never remember being stressed out by making dates. The only time I can remember that is there was someone who, and this is a hundred percent projecting on my part, right? There was someone who I had had a crush on for a very long time. And I thought was wildly out of my league.

I think I hit her up on like Instagram and we got like flirty and chatty. And she was, you know, I was just like, well, fuck it. I'll shoot my shot. And she was like, yeah, I'll go like, yeah, well, we can grab a date or like go on a date. and that like I panicked and I thought that like because this was someone I had such a high huge crush on and someone who I needed the perfect spot yeah and that like I needed to do so much more because of you know how I had elevated this person in my in my mind bro never put her on a pedestal right um hot and fresh out of seduction yeah uh but I mean like it is funny that like at the end of the sort of like she was like like, yeah, I really just wanted to bone. And I was like, okay, cool. Like, I didn't need to do any of this, like, extra extra work.

It was fun and everything. But, like, I think that's the only time I've ever been, like, stressed out about sort of, like, planning. Yeah. And that's a different situation, too, to just, like, I got four dates in me and I'm toast. And I do think, like, that's one of two things. That's either you need to figure something out about yourself, which is, like, why is it you don't have this energy or this kind of like interest or you're dating the wrong

person and you don't have things in common they're not adding to your kind of like life because like if you're dating someone where's their input of like oh I want to do this or I want to do this you should be excited to do stuff together it shouldn't be a task right like I don't remember it ever I don't ever remember being like oh god like I like this person what the fuck do I do life's so boring no it was like we did flying trapeze and rock climbing dates and fucking comedy shows and bar nights and concerts and like walks in the park we went to the zoo we watched a fucking longboard race down a hill like it was so easy like it was great and there's nothing wrong with like you all you could do all those things but you don't have to do any

a date can just be going to a bar that you like and introducing a person that you are viking with to a place that you really like right like that was that was always sort of like what i did was just sort of like, I would always be like, okay, cool, like first date, I'm asking you out. So I'm choosing the place. I'm going to do that unless they like were weird about having, not weird. Sorry, I don't want to put stink on it. But like, they wanted to have a little bit more say in sort of like the location of the date for safety purposes and comfort reasons. Or didn't want to drink or whatever.

Yeah. So it was always fun. I like ping ponging back and forth. And one, that takes the stress off your shoulders, right? Like, you shouldn't be one person should never be responsible for all the decisions in a relationship. And again, if you are, you're taking. the wrong person or you're putting the pressure that I was doing right you're putting way too much pressure on yourself to impress someone and not because again it's like if I had just said like date

two been like hey you want to come from my place she would have been like yeah that's what I'm looking for or like day two what do you want to do that's that's what I'm saying right like you you should be going on date should be a conversation I think there's a time and a place to take the reins and like plan a date especially if you have a really great idea or they've hinted at something and you've picked up on it and you want to sort of like be sweet. Absolutely. And I think that's awesome.

Yeah. But there's no reason why you shouldn't be like, hey, I would love to see you this weekend. Anything you want to do, right? Or like, is there a bar that you love? Like, I took you to X. Do you want, like, is there, do you have the equivalent? And, you know, have you guys talked about that you both like pool or that you both. Yeah.

Like comedy. Like, that's the thing that I feel like is missing here is like, where are your conjoined interests or the interest they have that you're interested in learning more about or vice versa, right? Like, these should be the things informing your dates. Yeah. And there's also something new with be, yeah, or try something new together. Like, that's what's dating. That's why it's easy is because you're both exciting. You're both learning new things. Like, it should be just, you visit the things you've already talked about. And like, like, I really want to, I think a lot of people struggle with this idea that like dates should be, as now said, it's like, now I went on these like

big sort of event dates. And that's great and that's cool. If the opportunity is there. If you listen to the list, some of them weren't. I was like, like, we watched the longboard race down the hill, which meant we literally stood at a street corner and watched longboards go by. Yeah. Like, that was it. We got a coffee. We watched that.

That was the whole date. Like, it was nothing. You know what I mean? So, like, there are things. And some of them are big. And some of them sound big, but aren't. And some of them are mundane like comedy shows. Some of them are bars.

Some of them where we went for a walk to a nearby big building. Like, you can do everything. I think you should. Like, I don't think you should only do big events for sure. I also don't think maybe you should only do small events but maybe there's a reason for that but there's a gamut of things out there and there's also like hey let's start a new show

come over and like having a regular show to watch together where you can just crush two or three episodes and like it's low key it's at home and then you fuck that's gold yeah and if you are getting like sort of like burnt out or overwhelmed or whatever like I don't think like if someone was just like hey I want to see you but I'm also kind of like wiped

do you want to grab a chill drink somewhere Do you want to come over? Yeah. Do you, like, I'll order takeout or like, you pick the movie. I'll, I'll pick the food. Like, whatever, whatever the, that's nice. I always like those dates where those are just like, you know, yeah, like, I would love to like hang out and see you, but like I am also brain dead.

So if we want to go just, you know, eat wings somewhere and chill. Those are some of the best dates. And I think there's such a nice thing of like getting to that point when you're dating where you're like, oh, great. Like you're not even that the way. is off, but just that like you're so comfortable and like this person has now become like almost like comfort to you. And like there's something lovely about that. So I just think if you have this problem, you're very possibly dating the wrong person because you should have

exciting things you want to do together and you should have shared interests and you should have someone who's also like willing to meet you in the middle and you should also be able to take it chill. So if you're not able to do those things, is it them? Are you putting unrealistic expectations on yourself? Yeah. I don't know if there's a third option. I think you need to reflect and be like, am I assuming that I need to take the mantle and like produce these incredible dates simply because that's what I'm told that I need to do or because I feel like people won't, won't find me attractive or see my quote unquote worth if I don't do these things. And I think that if you are dating people who aren't going

to continue to see you because you're not taking into fancy restaurants and planning these big extravagant dates, then I agree with Nile. I think you're dating the wrong person. If this is something that you don't want to do or it seems like work. Dating shouldn't be work. Dating should require effort but not work. Right? Like I think there shouldn't phone it in, but it shouldn't feel like you're toiling in the minds. Yeah. And you shouldn't be like spiraling because you're you're closing it on date four and five and your your date idea reservoir is is empty and you're like, ah, fuck, but I haven't I haven't started the transition protocol into into the like, hangout time and like that shouldn't be the case and also don't be afraid to ask your date especially

as a man to to be like what would you like to do it should be a give and take it shouldn't be the responsibility shouldn't be entirely on you to and if someone's weird about that that's a huge red person yeah exclusive with no label am i a cheater and it's a bunch of it's a lot of details we don't really care but i will just give you this snippet he told me he'd be mad if i ever did anything with another man. He has been very adamant that he does not want a label. He acts as though he is my boyfriend. I mean, label or not label, relationships require parameters and boundaries. And if you don't have those, then there are none. Yeah, like, exclusive with no label. Exclusive is a label. So if you're exclusive, you're exclusive, right? And the whole exclusive,

no boyfriend, that's fucking stupid because boyfriend is just you're exclusive. I mean, boyfriend is like a nebulous term as well, right? Like, boyfriend could mean a bunch of of different things like you could have a boyfriend and be not exclusive sure it's very pot like boyfriend doesn't however i will say the most the common parlance of of boyfriend does mean exclusive sure but it's boyfriend to me is the most useless label yeah and also labels aren't one word right so saying i don't want you to sleep with other people is a label you have like that's a that's a label that you've put on this relationship labels don't even say that he said i'd get mad if you did which is a threat, actually.

Yes. Right. Like labels aren't just like exclusive, non-monogamous. Like those are nice and neat and easy to understand. Yeah. But labels can be anything that you have put onto a relationship as a parameter. Yeah. So labels, even though you have literally be you're allowed make out with girls when we're out

of the bar, but not if I'm not with you and you can't do anything further. That's a label. Exactly. It's a wordy one. But it's, it's still a. parameter set to the relationship that is a rule that is a boundary that you guys have set together hopefully that you've agreed upon together so the fact that like you haven't put a label on it but you want to be exclusive but he wants to be your boyfriend but hasn't like

it's all this idea that labels and I understand like it's that's a long history of labels has been a a thing in in dating for fucking ever and clothing and it's dumb it's stupid and people who think that like labels are you know limited to sort of easy bite size clear defined things it's just not the truth well i will say like set labels when you have a conversation right easy clear defined commonly known labels incredibly helpful everyone knows who exclusive for sure yes although apparently not so the thing here is like communicate again i can't imagine this conversation where you're like hey are we exclusive are we not and and you get like this oh put the label, I'll be mad, and you just go, well, I'm really confused, and I'm going to go to

Reddit, but I won't continue this conversation with you. Yeah. Why? Are you worried? Are you scared? In which case, why are you dating this piece of shit? Yeah. If you're not, why are you not standing up for yourself? Why are you not clarifying? Because do you want them to cheat on you or upset you? Or do you want to cheat on them or upset them? No, you want to know where you're at. So why are you leaving this conversation without knowing where you're at? And if you're with someone who refuses to give you the clarity of that, why the fuck are you with them? And don't ask for, like, this is why the question of like, what are we is

useless. It's terrible. Yeah. It's what do you want? Here's what I want. What are you looking for? And that's another thing is like, you shouldn't also just rely on what they want, like, that's so passive. Be like, I want this. Like, do you want to be exclusive? Do you want to see other people? Yeah. Tell them. And that's it, right? See what they,

you know. It's like, be like, oh, are we exclusive? And someone's like, well, I don't want to put labels on it. It's like, great. Are you sleeping with other people? Can I sleep? with other people that's not if they if they want to think of labels as little neat whatever's then the question of are you sleeping with other people isn't a label to them right that's a question and a parameter that should be defined yeah if they say no and i would like for you to also not be then sure you haven't put the exclusive label on it but you know what

you're fucking are right like you know that you are with also you have put the exclusive label on you have for sure but if that scares people or if people don't want to be that like definitive about stuff, you still have to set boundaries and parameters. And that's fine. And I think that's like, I think that's why we should shift away from this idea of being like, are we exclusive? What are we? I don't think so because I think in this circumstance, the only reason someone's not putting a label on it is for manipulation purposes. I bet you this person is doing this so that if you sleep with someone, you can be like, I told you I'd be mad. I told you blah, blah, blah, blah. But if they sleep with someone, they can be like, well, I told, we aren't boyfriend, girlfriend, we didn't

put a label on it. And that's what I mean. I agree with you. And that's why I think like moving away from this idea of having these labels that we then can hide behind or use to deflect, you can't deflect. If you say, hey, are you sleeping with other people? Like, is that allowed? And they say, like, they can't be like, hey, I don't know. Because then you're like, okay, well, then that's not an answer. Yeah, but that requires communication, which most people apparently do not have. And the thing is, In your prior for it, in your prior thing, you were saying, are you sleeping with other people, which I bet they would say no. And then they would be like, well, I wasn't at the time. See, it's, it's come. Yeah. So you got to be, you got to nail that. I think we're both coming at the same thing from different angles is like, communicate, but don't leave it vague. Yes. Get a firm answer. Make sure you know what the rules are of your relationship. Whatever they are. They can be, as now said. It's like, they can be like, yes, you can make out with other women while we're hanging out as long as I'm in the room with you. That's fine. That's a parameter that you. can have. I don't give a fuck if that's what you want to choose to do. If you agree on it and it's not hurting other people, doesn't matter if your parameters fucking weird. Yeah, who cares? You both want

to do it. Have it clearly defined and aren't hurting each other, other people, you know, whatever. Once you're not like being abused, right? But like, yes. Not having it is just going to make you confused, upset, make them confused upset, leave the room open for abuse manipulation. So just don't do it. Because like, if you don't sleep with someone and you find out he's sleeping with someone, you're going to be upset. If you sleep with someone, you're going to be upset. If you sleep with someone, I'll bet you he's going to be upset. Whereas if you clear the air, then you know how to move going forward. So just don't leave it for these half fucking measures. If you're confused, keep talking. Yes. And if someone starts dodging your question and doesn't want to answer,

it be like, I don't know where we stand right now. And if you are unable to give me an answer, then I'm going to assume that we don't have a boundary regarding this, right? If he's being all fucking wishy-washy and well, blah, blah, blah, blah, while you're asking about your state of like exclusivity or what you're allowed to do within your relationship. If he's being all fucking bleh about it and being very vague, then be like, great. He's doing a politician? Yeah. Then just say like, okay, you seem to not have a firm boundary or parameter regarding this.

So I'm going to assume that we don't have one. And if he says, well, I don't want you sleeping with someone else. It's like, well, is that, then are we going forward with that? Because it's, I don't, like, if you feel jealous, that's fine. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. Yeah. If you're just expressing, you'll be sad and trying to manipulate. me that way, but not refusing, like, refusing to set up a boundary, then I guess they, okay, I'm

sorry you'll be sad, but maybe you should work on that. I'm sorry you're going to feel sad. I can not tell you if you'd like. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you, if that's the parameter you want to set that like, we're allowed to sleep with other people. We just won't talk about it. Great. Now you're not going to feel jealous about it. Yeah, you being like preempting that you'll be upset but refusing to set a boundary is you being a piece of shit. You're just being abusive. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Because again, the only reason they're not setting a boundary is so they have free reign. Yeah. And deniability. And as now said, it's like the, well, we never really, I never clear. We didn't do this. It's like, well, you know, if you talk it through and try to avoid the classic label talk and the classic what are we talk and just have a conversation about what's allowed and what you can do and like have a normal human conversation about that kind of stuff, you'll find that people are, you'll see a lot more reality and a lot more truth in what people are. for instead of being like, what are we? Are we exclusive? Where do we stand? Like those questions

put forward your fucking position always. Yes. Yeah. These conversations are for you. They're not for the other person, right? It works out that it is eventually in the long run. But when you're having these questions or these conversations, you're asking these questions and you're setting parameters and you're establishing boundaries, those are for you. You have to trust that they're going to advocate for their own, you know, mental health and safety and everything. You have to know. And And so it's like you have to understand that the person you're talking to and assume they're not advocating for you. So you have to do that. Relationships are two people advocating for their wants and their needs, meeting in the middle and finding a place that works for both of them. And I bet you anything. If you stick to being like super communicative and straightforward, you're going to start to weed people out far earlier than you would have because that one guy who's like, oh, I don't want to put the label on and you say like, oh, like, are we sleeping with other people?

He's like, why, you want to sleep with other people? You're fucking slut or some shit. Like, you're going to get that. Or he won't actually like nail down any proper communication because it's like anathema to what he's trying to do, which is manipulate you. So it's like if you can't get there and if he's getting upset at you saying reasonable things like I don't know where we're at. So I'm going to continue with the baseline, which is that I'm single for want of a better

word. And then he gets upset. Like he's trying to get one over on you. Whereas if he's just like, yeah, cool. You've got someone. you've communicated, he understands life. So you're going to start to weed people out far sooner. And it's going to be before they do that shitty thing to you.

So do it. You're going to find that the, the dating pool may get smaller, but the quality is going to get. You're going to go from like the, the pissed in public pool to the, you know, saltwater jacuzzi. Yeah. Smaller. It's going to do wonders for your skin. It's going to do wonders for your skin.

And it's, it's going to be great all year around. So it's, it's fine. Like, don't be afraid to limit your pool if the quality of that pool gets significantly better. Yeah. Just by asking questions and advocating for yourself. Like, you might see, oh, no, I might have less dates or less potential partners. Yeah, but you have less shitheads. Like, way less shitheads.

That's the thing. You're only missing out on the shitheads. So it's like, did you want shitheads? Because that's how you get shitheads. And I highly recommend if someone ever starts talking about like, oh, I don't want to put labels on it, be like, great. I don't believe in labels. Let's set parameters. Yeah.

And watch them fucking panic. Watch them freak the fuck out when they're like, oh, God, I wasn't prepared for this. Yeah, exactly. And some people might do that not in a bad way. Some people might just not have been approached with honesty and clarity and might need a second to digest. And that's fine, right? Like, give people a bit of a learning curve of being taken aback by this idea and concept.

If they don't meet you at the table, that's when you get concerned. But if someone's just like, hey, you asked me a lot of questions today. and I need to take a second and think about them because they are good questions and I don't want to say something I don't mean that's totally fine

although like I think where you're at and what you want from a relationship they're pretty easy questions but you'll probably be able to tell is someone engaging with you honestly and genuinely

or is someone like oh shit they took away my little bag of tricks and I do understand if some people don't like the term boyfriend for example but like regardless of the word you still need to know where you're at

Yeah. And it's as simple as that. And that's what I say is like, boyfriend, partner, like all those things kind of like don't mean anything if if you like open the file and there's nothing else in there. Yeah. Or every time you open it, it's just notes and everybody gets to fill in their own. Like my version of boyfriend versus someone else's version of boyfriend, et cetera. So I understand what you were saying, I think, where it's like just that isn't that helpful. Boyfriend means fucking nothing. Yeah, it comes with assumptions and each person's assumption is is different. So you still should be having that chat regardless. Regardless, anyway, communicate, guys. We've talked about it. We've done it. That's going to do it for this week.

And we really appreciate you coming in and saying hi. And we fucking love you. Deal with it. We do, in fact, love you. Thank you, Josh Eagle. And also thank you to the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. Yeah. Thank you.

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Hell yeah. Behind me in the mirror above the dresser, I glimps sexy Pam, peeling off her crescent bra, revealing a sensuous chest, as her tangy titties bounced into view. As she rubbed them on my hapless head, I gently squeezed her popping fresh breasts. Nice. I, genuinely, I've made it. it this far in life without referring to breasts as poppin fresh and I or tangy or tangy titties and I really feel like I have fucked up look I understand that this is bad in the sense that it is not very good but I will say I think I prefer this over 90% of the other things you because

there's a playfulness right there's a there's a reverence to it and there's an irreverence to it yeah maybe uh I I would rather this be the prevailing thing as opposed to the terrible shit that we normally get. There's, it's like the room of, like it's undeniably bad, but it's also great. Yeah. Damn you sexy Pam. Damn you sexy Pam. You know what?

Sexy Pam is, I think we all have a sexy Pam in our life. Yeah, it's me. And I think we should just take a second to say, thanks, Pam. Thanks, Pam. My name is Dave Miller. I'm Nall Spain. We've been your sexy pams. Thank you.

We're going to be.