F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Investment Girlfriend

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

If you're not shorting your relationships then you're an absolute idiot. BUY LOW, SELL HIGH! Topics include smart investments, tired of the word clingy, Irish tantric humiliation, delaying sexy times for medical reasons.Support the show on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name is Day Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. Whoa. My name's, no, what we've done names. Damn, instantly. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. We find them online. We find them roaming the wilds of your twisted minds. And you send them into us and we answer them right here right now every Monday. And one extra time every month on Patreon, go support us there.

I don't know if you can say that. I sorry. It was D-Y-E. Oh, yes. Or dye your hair. Yeah, you gotta change your hair color if you don't. Was that not clear? Did you not read the subtitles?

I didn't. And I won't. This week, we're gonna start off with some sex news. Are you ready? Yeah. Just brace yourself. Marcus has humongous balls. His ball sack he claims is bigger than an apple.

Bigger than a mango. According to his own measurements, Marcus says he's got his scrotal sack up to 14.5 inches. About the size of small cantaloupe melon by injecting surgolube, a surgical lubricant made from natural water-soluble gums into the region. It's the latest in over 30 years of scrodle experiments, which include pumping and saline infusions. I'm astonished at how flexible the testicles are, he tells me. They just expand.

You might call it ball-maxing, the pursuit of bigger and bigger balls by fluid infusions. And according to scrotal stretching obsessives, it's an exhilarating endeavor. On the subreddit salient inflation, which is over 8,700 followers, members share photos of exorbitantly enlarged scrotums, taught near-translucent, regaling the prismatic pleasures of the medically risky procedure. Near translucent?

Near-trace. Yeah, because they're stretched so big. Now, are they talking about the scrotum or the testicles? The scrotum? Okay. No, it doesn't make any of this better. No, it's all bad. I, why? Well, Dan, I'm glad you asked.

There's a lot. There's a lot of stuff. You may feel a burning sensation as a saline fills your scrotal sack, but for some ball expansion officionados, this is part of the appeal. Watching it happen and feeling it in real time is intense, Jack says. The whole buildup is electric. It's similar to really good foreplay. Have you had forplay, Jack? Is it? Burning balls and a risky medical procedure? No. I don't think I've ever been like, hey, this blowjob is setting my balls a blaze. Yeah. And also, I may hurt myself for life. It's, I mean, like, I guess, I guess my thing is like, who wants this, right? But I guess they're not doing it. I guess they're not doing it for anyone else. Right. Well, that's the funny thing. In this article, people were saying, like, they want to get bigger

dicks, but it's a lot harder. So they're like, well, people will appreciate if I've got bigger balls. I don't think it's a one-to-one transference there. That's where I think, yeah, like if... I think it would actually have the opposite effect where now my dick would look smaller next to my gargantuan balls. Yes. Yeah. Right? This is...

How much... Hey, Dane. How much liquid do you think they're putting in there volume was? Also, it says that they're injecting into the scrotal sack and not the testicles? Yeah. Or is it... Are they just inflating their scrotum and not? their balls? Yes.

Oh. Still bad. Hey, not great. Because, like, yeah. Again, the scrotum doesn't have a shape. The scrotum shape is from the testicles. So are they just kind of fucking Bing bang and a little wrong there? Because like the whole point of the scrotum is to protect.

Yeah. Testicles, right? Yeah. So if you, like, I'm just imagining. Do you ever like close your legs or like sit in your balls kind of deal? Imagine that, but your balls are the size of a fucking FIFA grade World Cup football. But again, it's not balls. It's just scrotum?

It's the whole area. Because it's weird. I think, look, I don't think it's better depending on which way they're going. But I do think that if you're just making your scrotum huge, you fucked up. I think that's worse than like trying to make your balls bigger. I don't know that your balls have the laxity to be able to stretch like that. What's confusing me. Okay.

No, I think it is just the skin of your scrotum. Because I'm thinking, the way I'm picturing this is like, imagine you have a blue, a balloon. and like you've attached two marbles like in strings you've descended them into the balloon and the bigger the balloon is the more the marbles are just kind of dangling and knocking around but they're probably not knocking around because there's so much the pressure

of the amount of liquid that you've put in there they're not going nowhere they're probably getting crushed they're like two billionaires in a fucking submarine are they not nice are they not thank you like I would be terrified of testicular tors Yeah, dude, do you want me to...

So in the article, there's like two paragraphs of the various injuries that can occur. And I was copying and pasting them into my little document. And I said, no. No. I'm not going to do that to you. I'm not going to do that to our listeners. It's not good. Some of the injuries people have reported are horrific.

Yeah. Give me that answer on volume. How much you think they're putting in there? How much you think you could put in your balls? Like, if this is a video game and you had to bet an amount, you had to put a meter and when did your balls and if you fucked up, your balls exploded. How much would you put in? But you also had to do enough to impress people with your huge balls.

I mean, it's got to be ounces, right? Like, it's not... One liter, Dane. It takes upwards of 30 minutes for a bag to fill the scrotal sack, according to a guide for beginners. A leader is said to inflate your scrotal sack for 24 to 42 hours. And the more fluid inserted, the longer the effects will last. Once enlarged, it will feel heavier than usual. No shit

Yeah dude You put you put fucking a liter of salt water in there Also have you heard of Scrotox Is this the opposite? No it also apparently makes it temporarily appear bigger But it is injecting Botox into the scrotum To smooth out the like ball wrinkles And I hate it but I love the name

The name is yeah That sounds like we came up with the name Yeah it's I don't think No I can't can't even say that because there's some dirty dogs out there. I was going to say, I don't think anyone's looked at a scrotum enough in order to like ever have any feelings about this one way. No, but anyone who is probably likes them, right? No one's doing that kind of examination out of

hate. Yeah, no one's looking at a scrotum and being like, it's too wrinkly. I bet the wrinkly are better, right? Because it's like, you know, when you're when you're doing like life drawings, You don't want a super skinny person. You want some fold. So it's like, I bet it is kind of the situation where like talking about the scrotum, the more folds it has, the more appealing it is to look at.

Specifically not. People. What? These are life drawings. You want various types of everything. You don't just want. No, you want them big, man.

Sure. Sure. That's what you want. You want movement. I don't want to see. I don't want ribs are actually really. It's actually a very. interesting thing to draw the variety.

Incorrect. Anyway, if you're out there and you want a ball max, please be careful. Don't read. Don't do it at all. Don't encourage his behavior. I'm not encouraging it, but like I don't want someone who's super into that to listen to us and have us yuck their yum. I feel like it's almost like a kink.

It is a kink, right? So it's like. Yes. I want you to go find that men's health article and read the very long paragraphs of all the injuries. And doctors saying, please stop. Please don't do this.

But that's it, right? I think that's it. I'm not going to sit here and be like, I'm not going to yuck your yum when it's incredibly dangerous. Right? Like if someone was like, my kink is eating tidepods, I'm not going to be like, just have a little nice. No, the government lied to you.

They're delicious. They're not. Guys, don't, don't. Nope, take it out. I think I can firmly stand. And hey, if you want to blast. me for kink shaming, that's fine. I'll take the heat on that one.

I'm gonna say don't do it. Yeah, but. Nile, however, strongly encourages you. I said, give her the shot. No, just if you're gonna do anything. Just make sure you send pictures to Nile. Just be careful. Yeah, his email address is.

Um, yeah. What are we doing this week? We're gonna talk about ROI on girlfriend. I'm so sick of the word clingy. I practice tantra. Will I be harassed or teased in Ireland? How do I tell my partner we can't have sex yet? All right, this is by Purple PBJ, ROI on girlfriend.

Imagine you're dating a woman with a full-time career. You spend money courting her, which leads you to a four-year relationship with her, during which you pay for, let's say, 75% of your couple expenses, e.g. food, drinks, gifts, travel, rent, car, etc. After four years of dating, you get legally married. At that point, she earns 300K per year pre-tax, and plans to continue to work for their foreseeable future. As a man, I would consider that a pretty great ROI, financially speaking.

Of course, non-financially speaking, seeking love and partnership is always a worthy ROI on time, money, effort, etc. Curious to hear how others think about this. You will never have to worry about this. And I don't mean to be mean, but maybe a little bit, I do. If you look at women or people or the human experience through the lens of finance bro acronyms. You're doing everything incorrectly. Yes. Yes, 100%. Like not once in my illustrious dating career. Have I ever thought, hope this pays off. Yeah. Like, wait, well, like every year, though,

you go back to your Excel doc on all your, your girlfriend accounts and you go, fuck, man, I really got a cut back in the third quarter at a, you know, big loss on Beth. Yeah, Sarah Corp. is really doing poorly after that steak dinner. I'm really going to have to, I don't know, get her to give me money or what are you talking about? Can we? What are you fucking talking about? Hey, hey, hey, hey. What if we all got together and shorted on Stephanie?

I sometimes I wish we could short people that other people were dating, right? That would be so good. I don't really know what shorting means. I believe you just bet money that they will do poorly. And when they do poorly, you make money. but if they don't, you go incredibly bankrupt and then you owe like $8 billion. There's no way of knowing, really.

This is terrible human behavior. Just get a woman. Put her in the GIC for a year. It's safe? That's what you got to do, right? You're playing a volatile market. You got to maybe lock into like a five, 10 year commitment in order to, sure,

are you going to make the big dollars? No, you're never going to see huge growth, but you're going to see consistent. growth, reliable growth. And maybe you could start siphoning off some of that woman and putting her into higher risk situations. Just slice a little bits of her off. When she starts to grow a little, you take that bit, you put in something else.

Yeah. A little higher risk, because now you're not losing any of your principle. You're taking some of what you've earned. Exactly. Exactly. So you still got that nest egg. Exactly. It blows up.

Great. And they got little parts of Steph that are developing their own thing. Do you hear. Steph, how crazy this sounds, because that's what you said. I know we're being a little goofy boys, but that's, that's what you did. That is what you did with your human brain in regards to your human experience. Yeah. That's absolutely insane. It's terrible and wrong and bad and embarrassing. It's like when, when like AI bros discover thinking once more, when they're like, oh, in the process of writing my prompt, I solve the problem. That's how it's like, that's thought. Yeah, you've, you've

You thought about it. Well done. You had a quick little think and your brain is still functional. Good for you. Probably because of a menial task or some sort of like mundane problem that you solved. And instead of just thinking about it for two seconds, you were running to chat GPT. This is how it feels, right? It feels like, oh, I don't understand how humans work.

So I am going to do the thing I do understand, which is boring as finance shit. Also, it's like you're then essentially, like just unrelated but related, you're kind of like giving money with like an unspoken agreement that like, oh, I'm getting this money back. And that's a really bad way because an investment is that I'm giving you the money for gain, right? They're probably not aware of that, right? If I just buy someone like dinner and they like they don't expect me to come knocking a couple years later and being like, where's my money? What have we earned?

It's been 10 years. Surely that $50 dinner is a $70 dinner at this point. So that's already fucked up. It's like buying something and expecting sex. That's not how it works. It does have a very similar sort of correlation of that of being like, well, I took her out for dinner. So I get, I paid money.

So now I get something in return. And it's like, thankfully I haven't seen too much of that rhetoric for a very long time. I'm sure it still exists. But it's not a prevalent thing. As much as I feel like it used to be, That used to be a huge shitty dude talking point of being like, well, if I have to spend all the money, like, where's the given table? I've really seen that lately. I'm sure it's probably just buried underneath the even more garbage shit that men are doing.

But yeah, it does have that energy of being like, well, if I'm going to spend all this time and energy and money on this person, I better get something back out of it. And like, look, is that the nature of relationships? Kind of, right? You invest time, you invest your emotions, you invest whatever, and you hope that it rewards you in some way. But like to think about it so transactionally kind of cheapens the whole experience and cheapens the whole relationship. And especially when you then like instead of looking back of four years of relationship and four years of time and laps and dates and whatever, you think this investment paid off, that's horrible. Or this investment didn't pay off, which is also horrible, right? because it's like the date should be a date.

It should be fun, right? Like you're going out to dinner to have dinner. You're not going out to dinner to one day claim a piece of your future wife's 300k salary. Like that's insane. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's not even a metaphor here either. Right.

Like if this was if this was a dude's metaphor of like trying to rationalize how to. But he does like it does come down to money being like, oh, well, it's a financial ROI because she built over this time that I was investing in her. or she was investing in her career. And now I've got this big old payout. It's just, I do feel like it is an attempt to try to rationalize. Like, this person clearly doesn't enjoy spending money and is like, but wait. Or the person he's dating. Yeah, obviously.

And I would say that if you are uncomfortable spending money, a better way to do this would be to have an open communication with your partner and not spend money in ways that you don't enjoy rather than framing them as a weird investment and being a bizarre man. Yeah, if you're paying 75% of all expenses in a relationship, that's crazy. That's wild. That's not really a relationship. Again, unless you have the means to do so, unless you are well off and like your partner isn't and or, you know, there's circumstances where your partner loses a job and you

pick up the slack for a little bit. Like those are all fine. But like if your sort of role is like, I'm going to pay for everything in the hopes that I can weaponize this later to my advantage. Also, let's be fair, anybody having a partner earning 300k is incredibly rare. So if in this hypothetical situation, you're like, well, I did this, like, sure, but in a normal situation, that's not going to happen probably. So where's your investment then, bro? And how are you going to be? Are you going to be unfucking bearable? Because you're like, I've been investing in you for years. Then you make 90K. Yeah. I'd love to know what he

makes. I'd love to know if he could take all that money and invest in, say, an at home shrimp farm how well he would do. At home shrimp farm? Damn, Dan, you don't look at the reels I sent you, do you? I sent you about 10 reels this week about at home shrimp farms because for some reason my Instagram is just giving me at home shrimp farm content for some reason and I don't know why. And I'm terribly worried. Well, but he keeps telling me to put my money into an at home shrimp farm. It's a big bucket you put shrimp in. guess my brain was just actively like rejecting the psychic lure you were trying to bully my algorithm into.

We could be shrimp buddies instead of fuck buddies. That's all I'm saying. That's pretty cool. I'm so sick of the word clingy by flaky boys and berry. What is wrong with just wanting to spend time with someone you like instead of just texting all the time or going two weeks without seeing each other? Why is it clingy for wanting a genuinely build a relationship instead of constant living a state of, let's see where it goes. I don't know how I feel yet. I don't even know them yet. Impress me.

Why do I feel, or why do people say I'm clinging just because I want to have some romance and to actually see the person and touch the person that I like? I know there's a line where it can be too much where if you abandon your own life, I want to see them 24-7, but geez, why can't some people just be excited to see each other anymore? I met this person I liked, and I'm motivated and intentional about finding a partner, and I felt good with them. So I want to see them again two days from now when I'm free and made plans for the next weekend. And you know what? I have a long lunch tomorrow and seeing them for 10 minutes would be really nice.

Why do we have to be all cold, distance, slow moving, instead of just leaning into feelings and just have some goddamn romance without seeming clingy. There's a lot of energy coming off this post. It might be the way I read it, but I don't know that it is. And the thing is, it's like, I kind of was like, oh, yeah, they're bad. And then they kind of took it back a bit. And then it did in fact seem that they were in fact bad. It's like if you just met someone for the first time and then you're saying, I want to see you for 10 minutes tomorrow during my lunch break and I want to see you in two days from now and I also want to see you on the weekend.

Like that's, that's a lot. Make a plan and that's fine. And maybe that plan shouldn't be 10 minutes during lunch because that's a lot of effort for maybe not that much return. But I do want to hang a lantern. Not so much what? Got a boy. It's me. Money bags.

Shit. Hold on. I got to really sit with that. that one. No. The thing, my whole bean. No, I did it on purpose, Dan, it's called comedy. Yeah, callback. Yeah. Set up payoff. Yeah. Pay off. God. But being, um, no, the, the fact that she's like, why can't we just give into feelings? You're doing the thing I find guys do a lot with bad first or first dates that go nowhere.

We're like, we had an amazing time. It was perfect. Why did she ghost me? You had an amazing time. Things were perfect for you. You are putting your feelings on them. So you being like, well, I can't they give into feelings. Like we want to see each other. No, you want to see them. You have these big feelings. They may not.

So just because you want to have a whirlwind romance and a 10 minute lunch break and the blah, blah, blah, blah, doesn't mean they feel the same way. And that's fine because you also just met. Yeah, you also say it's like, what's wrong with wanting romance? Well, unfortunately, like wanting romance and having romance are two very different things, right? I've had plenty of instances where the romance of a relationship whirlwind and very intense and very quick and very fire burny fast. Those don't last typically. I'm not saying that they can't or don't, but like the people that I've like seen multiple days in a row and it hasn't been to like hold hands and stare lovingly into each other.

It's to fuck each other senseless and like it's like a holiday romance. It's like it's just raw and primal. It's not like, wow. And then we watch the sunset. Yeah, because I feel I would be very uncomfortable if like within a single date, someone wanted to like just gaze into my eyes for hours or. And I'm not saying that again, it can't happen. It could.

You know, maybe you do just like really click with someone. Like staring into my eyes for hours, I would go absolutely crazy. I wouldn't be able to sit still long enough. Yes. but you seem to be, as Nile said, like you seem to be looking for this romance and then wanting it from anyone who gives you an ounce of it. Right?

Like you're like, oh, you've opened the romance store. I want all of it right now. It needs to be. And it's like, you, you kind of have to earn that. And like, let's be fair. Like romance isn't just a constant, right? It's not like everybody knows what romance is. Like, to me, romance might be like somebody making me lunch

or like somebody putting the coffee on when they go to get their coffee. You know what I mean. Like there's it's not all movie romance. And I think a lot of what this person is doing is trying to look at movie romance as well. And also just because somebody isn't willing to see you every minute that they have free doesn't mean they're not into you. Doesn't mean they're not romantic. Doesn't mean any of that shit. And also like at one point in time she's like, I assume it's a she.

I'm sorry if that's bad. I also did. I don't know. They say in their list of like things that they don't want. want to be living in. It's like, let's see where this goes. I don't know how I feel yet. I don't know them yet. Yeah, it's like those are all very, very valid and very real things to feel when you first meet someone. I never let not knowing somebody like get in the way of things. I want to go into your house. Whatever. Why are we living in a world where you don't know me and I'm a stranger and I'm in

your home and you're calling the cops? Like, yeah. What's wrong with like? I don't know them yet. is a very, very real and understandable position to take when dating. Because, like, yeah, I don't really want to commit all of my time to you because I don't know you. Yeah. And also, it's funny that you're like, oh, I understand that it gets bad if they have to give up their life for you. But also, they should see me every free minute, girl. Yeah, I want to see them two days from now and I want to make plans for next weekend. And I also want to see them for 10 minutes on my lunch break.

Like, look, I get that. Right. I understand. Like, it is nice when every now and then someone messages you when you're dating someone and they say, hey, I got 30 minutes. Are you around? Like, sure. That's great. But like to try to navigate or orchestrate these. Like if someone tried to make plans with me for three separate occasion at one time, I would be overwhelmed. Yes. And it is a lot. It is a lot. And the thing is, I wouldn't be flattered. And even if I wanted to see that person three times. Yeah. I just don't think like, like, And maybe this is just because my life is a fucking nightmare, or at least it used to be a lot more chaotic in terms of my schedule, where like if someone was like, hey, what are you doing on Thursday and also next Wednesday and also they, it's like, I don't know. Like, I'm not sure. The funny thing is, like, if I met you on Thursday and you wanted to hang out next Wednesday and then I met you on Wednesday and you wanted to hang out on Friday, I think that would be far. It would maybe be the same three days, but it's far more acceptable to be like, are you free? Yeah, exactly. So look, is there a world in which you meet men and or women or people and they say you're clingy when you're not and it's like a them issue or they're just being weird or whatever? Yes, there is a world in that. However, if this is a thing you keep running into, I think you got to look at yourself, right? If eight people call you clingy in a row, it's probably less likely that you met eight people who are weird about like seeing people.

It's more likely that guess what girl and or guy, you clingy. Yeah, that's it, right? Like, if you're saying, I'm so sick of the word, clingy, yeah. Chances are you're hearing this on a pretty regular basis, which maybe, as we always say, if the common denominator is you, if an action keeps repeating through different people, different circumstances, but it's the same result. It's about time you need to, like, maybe pump the brakes and take a look at what you're doing. And try to see it from a, I think, what. what you should do, and I think it's kind of useful exercise to do a few times, be like, if someone I wasn't interested in was doing this to me, would it be a lot, right?

If someone I wasn't like head over heels the way that I do the second I get a date, if it was just like a random dude that I went on one date with and kind of was like lukewarm about, if they were doing what I'm doing to me, would it, would it bum me out? Would it freak me out? Would it make me feel weird? Because if it does, then you have to to assume that other people aren't at your level of intensity after a first date or whatever and therefore are feeling that way about you. Yeah, it's, it's like, it's not a romance thing and it's not a whatever. It's like, it's tact, right? And it's like just being like a good member of society where it's like you have to take people's feelings and lives into account and not

then turn around and be like, oh, they've done a completely rational thing. I'm going to romance is dead. Oh, it's all they hate me. It's like, no, they could. quite like you and you're just burning this bridge because you're being too much and like let's just point this is nothing to do with anything but people who are like oh I'm too much go find less it's like you can be too much I'm sorry you can be too much that is a thing everybody can be too much and we all know it so stop acting like someone saying that is like they're an idiot no you can be too much yeah I do not willing to to sort of like tone it down because of you know for whatever really like not everyone wants to be yelled at constantly.

And no one wants someone at 10 all the time. It's a lot. That's a whole different question. But also like imagine on the flip side. Imagine it was a guy being like, oh, I want to have sex. Like everybody wants to have sex. Sure. Yes.

So why is it that when I message a woman saying, let's fuck, let's fuck, let's fuck. And I try to touch her and we're in public and I'm groping her and I'm blah, blah, blah. It's like you would be like, yo, you got to calm the fuck down. And maybe you had wanted to sleep with that person. But now they want to touch you. and grope you and fuck you and all they're talking about the sex, you would be like, yo, that's way too much, right? So why is it not the same with other stuff, right?

Yeah, that's a good point. I do want to say that I don't want to confuse people in the sense that like being excited about a partner is not what we're talking about here, especially at the beginning. I think it's important to emphasize to people that you enjoy spending time with them and that you, you enjoy your date, right? especially for like guys. I feel like we are meant to like play it aloof and play it smooth and play it whatever

because we're worried about looking clingy. But I think like- I just feel like women are meant to do that too. Yeah, they're supposed to be hard to get as well. Yeah, yeah. Right. It's like, fuck that shit. It's the same coin, right?

Of like we both have to like play it cool, but for two different reasons. I think there is a strength. And I think there's a value to being honest with people and be like, hey, I actually really like spending time with you and I'm, I would like to do this more if you aren't seeing someone as much as you would like to or whatever and be like, hey, I, I, I, you know, I'd love to see you more. I really like spending time with you for whatever reason. If you're just hooking up or if you're doing cute dates, whatever.

We're also not saying to like, oh, I just saw them. I have to wait a week or I have to wait three weeks or whatever. Not at all. I think there's such a world of difference. Like, by all means, if you want to see somebody, ask them out. If you enjoyed having time, spending time with them. Fucking tell them. If you're excited, be excited. But there is a world of difference between that and this, right? And that's what we need to emphasize here.

It's like, be chill. And I see, that sounds bad because I don't mean like be aloof. A loof. Yeah. I mean genuinely just like take it down a notch, right? Just relax. Take a breath. Yeah.

Don't overburden somebody. Don't be authentic. Yes. Yeah. Right. Like find a truth in what you're looking for. and don't try to make it performative. Don't try to make it anything more than it isn't, right?

Find what you enjoy and who you enjoy it with and enjoy it without trying to, again, manufacture this world win romance or manufacture this sort of like intensity. Because if the other person is, it only works when both people are fucking on fire, right? If one person is just dating casually and seeing what's out there and where things are going to go, you're gonna burn out way faster than they are, right? Like that's a flash. Or you're gonna scare them the fuck away. Yeah.

And the thing is it's not even about like, it's about like politeness as well, right? It's like when someone says, hey, how are you? You say, oh, pretty good. You don't go, I'm having the worst time and my, my friend just died like to a stranger. You don't unburden on them.

You, like, there's a level of just like tact and civility where like, if you just drop this chaotic fucking like frenzy energy on someone's like, yeah, of course you're going to kind of worry them and scare them off. So like, just work within the bounds of civility. And there's ways to like, you know, there have been times where in my dating days, I would meet someone and like the sex was just real good. Right. And like, you're like, oh, I want to do that again.

There are ways to approach that subtly and without every day being like, hey, you want to come over. Hey, you want to come over. You can do it in ways of being like, I'm thinking about you. I can't wait to get my hands on you again. I'm looking forward to whatever, right? Like, you can send little messages of being like thinking about you bent over my bet, whatever, right? Like, it doesn't have to be that explicit.

But like, you can send messages letting them know that you're thinking about seeing them again. Within reason. Within reason. Right. And if they say something along the lines of like, well, I'm free right now, great. Then you know that the interest is there, right? Yeah. If they say, yeah, like me too, then maybe pump the brakes a little bit.

Right. Like, there's, they obviously are into you, great, but they don't have the same intensity to see you right now or whatever, right? Like, trust people's responses. Trust how people behave with you. And like, there's such a power in leaving the ball in their court as well. By all means, invite someone over or try to set something up. And if they're busy, be like, okay, cool, let me know when you're free. And that's also giving you a little gauge on how they feel. Yeah. Just don't. I mean, there's also like some people like I will, I will jokingly who are, you know, have jokingly. and be like, you have permission to like, you have 24-7 booty call privileges, right? Like, you can, like, I've enjoyed what we've done enough that, like, if you put up that bat signal on, I will swing. If you need to throw the bad signal up, I would be interested. And that's also like a fun, flirty way to go about it,

to be like, I'm really into you. And I don't do this with everyone, but I really like what we do. So here you go. And then, again, it's a fun, playful way to leave the ball their court. I had a conversation with that the other day with someone. It was an MRI office. I was like, hey, you say the word,

I'll be there. You got 24-7 MRI privileges because I don't want to wait two months. You can scan these bones whenever you want. Speaking, scanning bones, we're going to take a quick second to give you guys a break, you know, just like... To scan your bones. Yeah, and to, you know, give us

some distance, give us an opportunity to miss each other. So romance is fucking dead. We'll be right back. We back. Where'd your bones go? I don't know, man. I'm just a puddle of mush now. This is by Clipmaster 69420 posted in casual Ireland.

I practice tantra. Will I be harassed or teased in Ireland? I try to sustain a high level of tantric state throughout the week. So people get a little unnerved until I explain tantra's origins and purposes. So what the fuck does that mean? So like I don't really, I mean, I don't want to get yelled at by the tantric people again. We can't get yelled up by that tantric Twitter page again. Please, you didn't have to deal with that day.

But like tantric sex, as far as I know, is the act of prolonging sex and enjoying multiple releases and blah, blah, blah. And as far as I know, right, that's kind of the main core tenets of tantra is sort of like living in a constant sustained state of pleasure roughly. Sure. I guess, I think. I'm unwilling to commit to any stance in case that Twitter page comes for me again, Dane. Yeah. Okay, here it is. Tantra is an ancient Indian philosophical and spiritual tradition emerging from the 6th century

aimed at achieving enlightenment by interweaving physical and spiritual energies rooted in the Sanskrit to weave or system. It treats body as temple and uses ritual, meditation, yoga, and sometimes sexuality to transform daily life into a pathway for divine consciousness. Okay, so maybe not entirely sexual. related. But look, I think, and God, tantric people leave me alone. I think if this is a large part of your personality, you're going to be made fun of, right? Yeah, 100%. Look, if your tantric state is you walking around like zooted out of it. Yeah, dude. Or rock hard, depending on what you mean by like tantric. Like, are you constantly stimulating yourself? Like, I need to know what you mean by the things that you were saying, right? If you were just like, you know, a dude who's into meditation and yoga and

occasionally lasts really long during sex and listens to Sting albums, cool, that's fine. But if you're like overtly sexual and constantly talking about it or trying to in public, stay erect and aroused and like in a state of sexual like elevation, not only are you going to get made fun of, you're going to be a rest. Well, the funny thing is like people get on nerve. Okay, well, if you're unnerving people, it's obviously not great. It's a problem. Until I explain Tetra's origins and purposes, I do this for sex. Okay.

Like, do they not get unnerved then because they've gone? They've laughed. Like, they're unwilling to hold a conversation with you at this point. Yeah, I think that like if anyone, like, if you describe your behavior as unnerving to most people, I think there's, I think that should tell you all the, all the things you need to hear. And also, look, I love the Irish. best friend is Irish. But you think that these motherfuckers aren't going to make fun of you for any goddamn reason. They will find any reason to make fun of you. And it doesn't even have to be something to me. Oh, it's like, oh, look at denim boy over here. And then all of a sudden, you're just going to be

made fun of because you're wearing jeans. Even if everyone else in the bars are jeans. Almost like, even more so if everyone else is wearing jeans, because that's actually funnier. Yeah. So like you're already fucked, especially if you're not from Ireland, they are going to bully you in the way that the Irish do. A lot of it is fun and kind and playful, which I think if you're already so worried about being mocked or teased or whatever, I think maybe it's not the country for you. Yeah. Alternatively, also, flip it around.

Like, if any of my friends started to constantly talk about tantric sex or just being. in a state of tantra, I would mock them mercilessly. Unless you're a really cool account on Twitter, okay? And it's not, this is just, it's just what friends do. Like, we all make fun of each other for, like, our friend group has like a cyclical, like, thing that we all kind of like make fun of each other for or rib each other for or tease each other for. Like, we have a friend who is constantly bullied by Uber.

And we, we gang up on him. With Uber to continue the bullying. And we love to make fun of that. In the same way that, like, y'all like to make fun of my intolerance for certain dairy products. It's just a natural thing that happens with groups of friends. So I think, like, one, if you're unnerving people, just general public, that's a bad sign. Terrible sign.

Stop doing what you're doing. Two, if you're going to find a friend group, specifically an Irish friend group, you've got to know this is coming your way. You gotta know you're gonna get fucking made fun of. And every chance they get to embarrass you in public using this information. So yeah, you might get mocked. But if you're willing to be in this state of tantra, surely you should be, you should develop the ability to deal with this. This is one of your tests. You want to find enlightenment?

You can't get to enlightenment without a challenge without a, without a, you know, two out lads in the pub calling you a fucking dozy or something. I mean, they would call you Sting, right? I think everyone knows Sting is the Tantra guy. I think they would be, that's where I would go. I would be going, leaning heavily into the police and sting references. For example, telling people not to stand so close to me. Oh. Oh.

Thank you. Yeah, one more for me. Yeah, I do. How do I tell my new partner, we can't have sex yet? This is just evade me eight. Hey, we can't have sex yet. Well, there's more to it. 39-year-old male, recently starting a 32-year-old female.

We've been dating very early stages and have hinted that sex is very much in the cards. We've only been dating a couple of weeks and have already engaged in sexy chat. I can feel that she wants to have sex when we meet next. But we've agreed that we shouldn't rush into it. The other issue is I have a genital wart that I've been getting treatment for and will most likely not resolve in the coming weeks. Up to 10 weeks, I believe. We're meeting at her place on Saturday, and I think it was.

will happen. How do I tell her we can't because of the war without putting her off? I also don't want to put her at risk. Okay. Well, I was going to say the timeline is crazy. Like 10 weeks is a lot. Yeah, you just got to be straight up and honest being like, hey, I really enjoy having all these sexy chats and stuff, but like I'm not ready to have sex right now. And then just be like, I'm actually undergoing like treatment for a general war right now. And so if we did have sex, we put you at, you know, risk. But once that's done, I'm good to go. So here's the thing. As far as I know, there are two ways to get general warts, herpes and HPV. As far as I'm where herpes doesn't give you gentle warts.

It gives you sores. Lesions? Yeah, and they're not treatable. I mean, you can get the like the creams and the, I think there's a shot now for. If it's a ward and it's 10 weeks, I assume they're actually getting it like burned off and shit. Yeah. So I'm assuming it's, it's HPP. Just because you've removed the wart does not mean that you don't still have HPV.

PV. It's a virus that can live into your body. You know, you can get rid of it fairly quickly, or it can live for a year, two years. It really depends on how long your immune system takes to process it. So just because you've removed the visual sign of symptoms doesn't mean that your body still doesn't have the virus. So I think it's irresponsible to not disclose what you have that is causing these general awards. I think it's very important to let them know and have all the information. And look, the stigmas of sexually transmitted diseases suck. I think a lot of people don't understand HPV specifically in the sense that like if you're in your 30s and you've had sex in a fairly regular fashion, chances are you've had HPV. It is, I think it's like you're 80 to 90

percent likely to have had HBV at some point in your life if you are sexually active. It is the common cold of sexually transmitted diseases. In a lot of places, especially in Canada at least, there's a huge vaccination campaign

against HPV, so especially for women. So there's a very good chance that she has been vaccinated against this and that takes a lot of fear out of the situation. But I think just sort of being like, A, being like, Ooh, I can't have sex yet because I want to take it slow and not telling her.

No, I don't think that's appropriate. And the reason I didn't. To clear the virus. Delve into the medical stuff is because if you're getting it treated, I assume you're going to get the information off this person, right? I would hope so. And if not, do, like, have all your medical facts there because, as Dane said, just because, like, it is way more contagious when the wart is present.

But, like, if the dormant virus is still an issue or other things, are there, that needs to be conveyed. And then dealt with either by proper safety protocols or whatever. But again, we're not doctors. So the best thing to do would be get that advice straight from the horse's mouth. But from us, the advice is

to be genuine, to be honest, and never put anybody else at risk. Yeah. And let people make their own decisions, right? It always sucks if stigma ruins. Like there are even things like herpes that doesn't have a traditional cure or vaccine or whatever. People

still have plenty of sexual relationships and romantic relationships. Like, it's not a death sentence that I think a lot of people think that it is. And when it comes to HPV and stuff like that, like there's a ton of resources. As now said, speak to the clinic that you're going to and the doctor that you're going to and ask, in my opinion, two questions. Like, what do I need to know? What do my partners need to know. Yeah. I think that's a great way to discuss how to bring it up. Because like there might be stuff that's only important to you. And there's no need to sort of like info dump on a new partner, a bunch of scary medical stuff. Whereas like it might just be something as simple as like by the clinic has told me as long as we wear condoms will be okay. I don't necessarily

think that's true for HPV just because of the nature of the virus. But again, that's why you talk to your doctor and not. Yeah. If she says, hey, I've already been vaccinated. then you guys can breathe a little easier, right? It doesn't. And also, like, I don't know, is the vaccine 100% effective? Or is it only against certain strains? I believe it's against certain strains. Yeah.

So these are all questions for your doctor. And then you convey that information appropriately to your partner. But in no world do you, like, flub it with the, I'm not ready, and then put them at risk because that's fucked up. Yeah. And, you know, you have the conversation and they get to decide. They get to make the choice of being like, well, I don't know if I'm willing to take that risk.

Yeah, which is fair. Yeah, it's a, yeah, it's a tough situation and it's never a fun situation. You don't necessarily, I think that you can like, you can little white lie it a little bit in the sense of saying like, oh, we were getting a little hot and heavy. So I went to go get an SDD check or an SDI check, a screening. And during that examination, they found a wart and I'm getting it treated, blah, blah, blah. That way it's not like, you know, it's an easier way to bring it up than just being like, I've had this the whole time. Yeah.

It is also kind of a wild move to be like, let's start getting real hot and heavy sexting, but also 10 weeks. Yeah. So just be honest, be open, be compassionate, and hopefully you guys can come to an arrangement. But really don't rely on the fact that like, because you've had one war removed or a couple of warts removed,

that you are in the free and clear. get the information from your doctor and make sure that they have all the information to make a a valid decision. So I think that's going to do it for us. I got a pretty long bad sex writing today. Okay, cool. Yeah. The construction in my next door apartment has, I don't know what the hell they're doing right now, but I'm sure it's not an audio delight.

They're building a rival podcast. Damn it. Yeah. Bastards. We love you. Thank you for coming along on this. wild little ride. If you want to support us,

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Like us, review us wherever you can. Give us all five stars on Spotify. Find our social media and comment and share. And also, if you're a tantric Twitter account, Don't come at us, please. We love you.

Yeah. Thanks, Josh Eagle and the harvest season for song, paper stars. You ready, Dane? This was a Reddit post where someone basically asked like, oh, men who like casual relationships, like over, you know, being committed. Why? This is, hey, spud, I see you. Relationships are work for man and the only reward is sex.

Romance is for her. She will make you entirely responsible for emotional well-being while ignoring yours. Your needs are inconsequential compared to hers. Think about the stereotype of a woman doing something wrong, then the fight becoming the fight, or the fight becoming the fact that he made her feel bad about it. I'll tell you from experience. That didn't come out of nowhere. There's a reason why every extremely attractive man, six foot plus fit, good features, usually wealthy, is likely single, keeping a roster of women he meets up with rather than married or in a serious relationship. He already gets the benefit most women offer.

Yes, ladies. Most of you only offer sex while talking much more. Do some introspection about your own relationships before you shoot the message. here. Without paying the cost, most men have to in order to be not to be touch-starved. And hell, most of those men end up touch-served anyway. In loveless dead bedroom marriages, they can't leave giving up their kids and the lives they built. Any guy who tells you he wouldn't do casual overcommitment given the choice is lying to you. There's a reason your husband, but not hookup material is the gravest insult a woman can say to a man. It's basically,

I will use you to get my emotional, financial, practical needs met, but sex is a favor you'll have to earn and will eventually go away when I'm tired of making effort. no man in his right mind would choose that. I'm sure this guy is a blast at parties. Yeah, I wonder why he hasn't had wonderful relationships. Yeah, I can't imagine why this dude has had challenging times in relationships. If you ever have said the word loneliness epidemic, just read this post and understand that this is the mindset that most men have going into relationships and why no one. wants to fuck them. Yeah. Well, well, it's women's only reward is sex, right? I also love it's like

wouldn't be in a relationship for anything else, right? Yeah, why would they? Well, for your ROI. It's true. This idiot, this guy, you can also make money off women. This guy, he's, he dropped the ball. Everyone knows that the reward isn't just sex. It's financial security when you make a good investment. My name is Day Miller. And I'm Nass Bay. You can take that financial advice to the bank.