F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Lemme See That Hog, Bestie!

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

I think we can all agree that we've ALL wanted to see our friend's penis before... right?  Right?  Topics include your friend is undergoing a slutification,  constructing the perfect text to ask him out, drunken genital requests, dating when you're a trainwreck.

I put my trust in you And then I trust in love Oh friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Nal Spang And we're your fuck buddies We are a sex and dating advice podcast Where we take your sticky, sexy situations And turn them into sexy sticky sticky

situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or roaming the wilds of the internet or sent in from our wonderful listeners, and we answer them right here, right now. And this week we're going to talk about help. My friend is becoming a slut. Asking a guy out via text. I was drunk with my best friend. I asked to see his penis. And dating when you don't have your life together. Hell yeah. All right, this is by struggling immensely. I didn't know I wrote a question in this week. My best friend, both 20. 25, one's male, one female. Sorry, my 25-year-old male, best friend, 25-year-old female, went through a couple

breakups this year. Almost immediately after the first, she started sexting and hooking up with random guys, ranging from old college friends to random men from dating sites. To clarify, I am not seeking to slut shame or anything. She told me several times she hates the attention, but feels like she needs it to fill a void. Eventually, she started seeing this guy she had high hopes for, but he broke things off after a couple weeks. She began to spiral again, but so much worse.

What started with old school friends and Tinder dates turned into her sexting and having affairs with married men from her work, including one twice her age. Again, I'm in no way trying to slut shame. I'm worried about her mental health being the catalyst for these actions that could have horrible repercussions. She specifically asked me for help, but I feel like I'm out of loss. I worry about what will happen if she continues down this path. I've talked her through her emotions, encourage her to start going back to therapy and start reconnecting with herself before giving herself to anyone else. I know she hears me, but she's getting worse and I'm scared to death. Have I done all I can do?

And if not, what more can I do? Where do I possibly go from here? Yeah, that's tough. It's hard to be friends with someone who is very obviously, like, self-sabotaging and, like, on a path of self-destruction. That's a very difficult... And, like, you can have all the chats you want, and you can be as smart and as caring and as empathetic as possible.

But, like, sometimes people just are just on that path. and it sucks because that's the question let's I mean like you know I have a friend who's like this where they'll come to me like hey I need advice and I give it to them and then the next day they're like hey I didn't listen to anything that you said and everything that you said would happen happened and now I'm miserable it's like yeah well I don't know what you want then like what do I do here because I specifically told you not to do this thing and I told you if you did do

this thing this would happen and now you're a upset that you're in the exact situation I told you to avoid and how to specifically avoid it. I wonder sometimes, do people like that, are they blown away at how other people can seemingly tell the future? No, because I think, I think they always seem so surprised. Because you're like, this is going to happen. And they're like, okay. And then they put themselves in the situation.

Like, oh, my God, this happened. Yeah, I think, I think ultimately, I think they want that situation to happen. I guess, yeah. I think that's, I think, I think, I think. there's a part of them for whatever reason when they hear that that's the the end trajectory that you're predicting that's kind of what they want like they want to get hurt in a way like it's it's um and again i'm not a psychiatrist we're not a psychiatrist we're not mental health professional so i'm not going to try to like figure out why that is because i'm sure there are

plenty of reasons um but i mean what what's worked for me in the past is telling people that I won't engage in it anymore just being like no I don't want to hear about it anymore like I've told you X Y and Z

you every time I tell you you don't have to do something you do it so like why like you don't care about what I have to say yeah right and like I think you have to do a little tough love no I think that is very important but I think that comes at a point

right I don't know if we're there yet but I do think like if nothing else is working. Why are you this person's like emotional punching bag? Why are you putting in the emotional like load and effort of trying to help them if they're not going to? So there definitely is a point where I think it can be beneficial to be like, hey, we've done this dance a million times. You are not listening. You are not changing. Like I don't know if you actually care or if I'm just like almost like a crutch for you where you get to be like, no, I am trying. I went and I talk to Dave. You know, it's like I'm not going to help kind of like facilitate you because obviously it's not

working. But I do think that comes at a point where nothing else is working. So I'd like to just in this specific scenario, try to workshop it a little bit. And I think step one, I don't know if this was just you trying to do a catchy title, but being like, my friend's becoming a slut. I don't want to shame her. It's like, well, you've started off. This is a real like, I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful. Damn, she's a sexy bitch. Like, you've kind of failed right off the bat. So maybe. step one is like scale it back and it's not that she's becoming a slut because one what the fuck is a slut too well it's more is as defined by it's more that like my friend is engaging in

harmful behaviors that like she also finds harmful right because i think it's important that she's like yo this is bad and not just that you have decided it's bad for her right but i would also love to know if you have these views is it possible that she's acting like this is worse than it is for your benefit so you don't judge her? What if she's just actively doing these things that she wants to do them, but you're judgy and she's like, oh yeah, it's hard.

It's filling a void. That's a possibility. I don't think it's the most likely possibility, but I think it is something to consider. If someone isn't taking any steps to fix their situation, it's possible that they're just like worried that you're going to judge them or something. Also,

and I hate to be this guy, but it is a male female relationship, do you have feelings for this person? Yes, yes. Right? Are you harboring some sort of like, why is she doing this when I, the nice guy, am right here? And is that also coloring your perspective?

Because I think that is something you need to, like, how much of the advice are you giving is being given out of altruism and empathy? And how much of it is steering her towards you? Yes. And I think that is a tricky thing, right? Because if every time she comes to you for help, your help is like putting her, like moving her off, you know, train wreck track onto your track. And she doesn't want to be there either. Yeah. Then, you know, it might seem like her only options right now are self-destructive behavior. Yeah. Or I guess I date this guy who I don't really want to and I just want him to be a friend. Which will be self-destructive in a different way. But yeah. So maybe, maybe figure out what kind of advice you're giving her. See how much of a spin you're putting on it. Yes.

Because I think that is something that could also just be, like, detrimental. You want to help your friend. You need to do it without ulterior motives. Yes. Even, and again, even if you're not kind of going back to what you just said, like, even if you're not trying to, like, convince this person to date you or whatever, fall in love with you, even if you're just putting your, your, like, values. Yeah.

Like trying to, you have to understand what she's about and what she's going through. And then try to give her the advice. It's good for her and not the ideal perfect situation for you. Yeah. And that's the thing. That's my concern is that one, he's in it for ulterior reasons. And two, he has judgments. Because again, the coming in hot and heavy with slut, but then being like, I'm not

shaming. But if you get past those two things, I think it's like I would love to know the level of conversation you've had. Like you talk to her about emotions and therapy and blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, have you really sat down with her and been like, hey, you keep telling us? me that this is really harmful for you. Keep telling me that, you know, you're not having a good time. You're trying to fill this void. But like, obviously it's not working, right? So if you can recognize that what you're doing is harmful and what you're doing isn't helping, like, can we,

can we try to talk about not doing that? And then maybe be a fucking good friend and be like, hey, next time you're feeling lonely or next time you're feeling worthless, give me a call. We'll go to see a movie. We'll go for a walk. We'll join a class. Like, like, be there for friend in a way that isn't just the aftermath? Like, where are you these times where they're feeling so miserable, right? Where they're feeling so worthless, where they're making these bad decisions. And again, this is all assuming we're past the shaming and we're past the ulterior motives and we're actually having a full chat about it. And we're sure that she's actually suffering and it's not just you and fairing it or her making excuses. Sit down and be like, look, you've said this is bad.

I think it's bad. What would go about fixing this? Because obviously this isn't. Like, why do do you feel this way? Is there something I can do? And it could be as simple as going on a walk every week at a certain time, joining a class together or just like being available to do platonic friends things that are going to make her feel better because somebody with a full life doesn't need to fill this void as much. There might still be other factors of play, but the more full and the more like we've talked about this before. I mean, this is exactly what happened to me in my 20s, right? Like I was, I had rock bottom self-esteem and the only thing that validated me was, you know, if I didn't go in a Tinder date every like five days or, you know, sleep with someone or sleep with someone like I hadn't slept with before every X amount of time, I would start to get depressed. I would start to feel shitty. And that, how I got out of that was specifically like engaging in and, you know, enriching my life with platonic friendship, right?

Like it was when I started hanging out with you and the guys and playing D&D every Monday and just realizing that like, oh, like, no, the. I do have self-worth, and these people are validating that just by spending time with me. And I stopped needing that sort of exterior validation because I had it sort of like all around me. Like when you're happy and secure, yeah, like there's less of a void to fill. You're like not saying you guys walking once a week is going to fix everything. It's fucking going to help unless you suck. And hard-pressed some of the things that you think are going to help the most.

like you say like oh I brought up that she should go back to therapy like really really ask her why she isn't and because there might be something as simple as like it's too fucking expensive because I know that is a and then like maybe try to find you know outreach programs and stuff like that that are cheaper like do do a little bit of the legwork as opposed to just being like here's the solution here's this here's that because like I had a friend who was really struggling and he was like I want to go to therapy but I just. can't afford it. Like, it's just too expensive. Mm-hmm. So I went and looked and found, you know, some, some, you know, city like Toronto-based, uh, counseling that was either free or very, very cheap or like, you got a rebate or something. Like, you, you paid for it, but then it got, like, it came back to you. Um, and I was like, well, here's a bunch of options for you. Like, if you're rock bottom right now, like, I got you. Like, yeah, these might not be the best. It might be a wait list. There might be whatever, but it's like,

yeah, it's something's better. nothing yeah right and he was able to like go and do it and and you know got back on the the path to the upswing so it's like it's it's easy to sit back and kind of like give advice yeah like backseat therapy two idiots sitting here just giving advice like it's easy um but i think you know there comes a point in time if you're very like actually really worried about someone that you might have to like put little little elbow grease in in in and helping with a solution outside of just being like, well, I told her what to do and why didn't she do it? Yeah. It's like, well, yeah, that's like going up to someone who, who, you know,

is thinking about self-harm being like, don't do it. Yeah. Boom. Solved it. Oh, you're sad. Don't be. You're depressed. Be happy. Smile more. Just be happy. Yeah. It's very easy to give advice. Look at us. Look at us go. It's a lot harder to take advice. And sometimes there are things in the way, whether it's pure exhaustion, fear, depression, money. And again, if you've done all this stuff and nothing's working and it feels like they are dead set on going down this path and you're just kind of this punching bag for them or like this like outlet they can like dump and then walk off and change nothing, there comes a point where you might have to be like, look, we've done this.

I've tried. You don't want to listen to what I'm saying. So I'm done giving advice. I'm done being this like font for you to just like load off on. so yeah yeah i think it's important to be yes yeah i think it's important to be like look i i'm still here for you please call me if you need me and we'll still do things but i don't want to hear about this anymore like yeah you've told me i you know where i stand you know the things i'm trying to say to you you've heard me you've listened to me you've greed with me but you refuse to

follow through on any of the things we talk about so it seems like this is what you want and no matter what I say, you're going to do it anyway. So let's just sort of like hands off it and like when you're ready to actually listen, I'm happy to talk to you. But right now, like, yeah, I don't want to hear the same story every fucking, you know, two days. Because again, as someone who's gone through that, it's very fucking annoying. Uh, this is from accurate scratch. Hey guys. So I'm basically, uh, they're a twin. Huh? That's, that's how I assume they were wrote, hey guys. Damn.

The stink. So basically I'm... No, read the whole question like that. Huh? Read the whole question like that. Nope. So basically I'm a 22-year-old female. Gonna ask this guy out in brackets,

college. And I have a different versions from the POV of a guy, which is better. Okay. Hi. I thought you were really cute and sweet. If you were single,

would you want to get coffee or something sometime? Hi, I thought you're really funny and sweet. If you're single, Would you want to get coffee or something sometime? Hi, are you single? Do any of these sound too pushy or come on too strong? I have a friend that says not to include the cute part because she thinks guys thinking you're chasing them

or their ego will get inflated. Any advice is appreciated. So I assume she doesn't know this person. Hey, I don't know, man. Yeah, I do love that they're like, please choose between these three. And it's like, I guess like a yellow shirt, a yellow shirt with like a slightly longer collar

and like a slightly lighter yellow shirt. My advice is, if you're single, would you, like, don't make it too complex? Yeah. Like, if you're single, would you? Like, maybe they're thinking about the first part and then they, you know, just one, you should probably know them. I think just a random girl popping out of nowhere to be like, hey, do you want to go on a date? It's like, you're going to think it's a trap.

I mean, my guess is they... She's seen them in class, but that's it. Or they've recently met in exchange numbers. Because, like, saying I thought you were really funny and sweet, I thought you're really cute and sweet. Seems like they've had some sort of interaction. Is it a text or is it in person? It says via text. Okay. Okay. So they do have the number. All right. Sorry. I don't know why I blanked on that. So that does change. Because the thing is, I do understand that they want to get the are you single up like in there. So it's not just a platonic coffee. Right.

I think that's essential. I think that's a good thing to do. But it is a little weird just to be like, are you single? You know a other coffee shop? Yeah. See, here's the thing. I think being direct with your intentions is a good idea. I think if someone hits me up with, I thought you were really cute and funny. I thought you're really funny and cute. I thought you were, like, if someone hits me with that and then asks me to a coffee shop. Yeah, that's fair. I, right, like, I think it would be crazy of me to be like, this is nothing.

This is, this is a fun little coffee time. Like, it seems very obvious that if someone is, like, complimenting both my physical appearance and another quality of me, and then asking me to a thing, there's a romantic interest there or some sort of... Do we love cute? I would like to be called cute. True, but I think with, because the two options were cute and sweet, right? We're like two things that they...

Cute and sweet and funny and sweet. So I worry that a man may not think, because people can be dumb, especially, man. The cute and sweet could be seen as somewhat platonic. Maybe. Yeah. Like, I think that it's a failing on there as a boy's partner. Believe me, I'm not, I'm not excusing it. I'm just saying. If a dude is going to fumble it because he doesn't want to be called cute, I think that's a benefit for her. What about hunky and a real protector? I would be that, now that sounds like I'm going to get killed. That sounds like you're actually a like a 46-year-old mom. You seem like a masculine bulwark against the horrors of the world. Would you like to go for coffee? You look like you've listened to multiple episodes of Joe Rogan. Oh, okay. Well, then that's her killing herself.

She's going to like, hey, I'm done with the world. And you look like you listen to a lot of Joe Rogan. Let's go to coffee? Who isn't, man? Who isn't? Yeah. So I think I was about to take a brief break and talk about how awful the air quality is and that I've just been ingesting wildfire smug all weekend.

But I was like, no, he said we'd not be negative. No negative. So you're going to have to hit me with a positivity after. this question just to bring us back around. I think, yes, Dan, you make a really good point where you don't need to, like, double down and be like, are you single? I think you're cute.

Like, you're saying, hey, I thought you're really cute or like, whatever, it's a pretty good high, a 90% probability indicator that this is a date and not just a whatever. Yeah. So hit them with the compliment. Fuck your friend who's like, man, freak out if they're being pursued.

Men fucking love being complimented and being, like, it's so nice. It's a good thing. isn't a fucking idiot or an asshole yeah like the only people who are like she's asking me out is a piece of shit and it's going to be like that for the whole relationship right he's got screwed up fucking gender views he's got fucking really dumb ideas of like where what his role is as a man like I don't want a woman pursuing me then fuck that dude let him let you know male loneliness epidemic if he wants to be alone a willing like soldier in the fight you know he's

just going to go join that. That's great. He wants to be lonely. If he's upset that he's being pursued, then like, let him be lonely. If this dude isn't a piece of shit and if, you know what I mean? Like, if I get cold called by, like, I loved when women asked me out. Yes. Why? Like, think about it women. Why would we not? Would you like? She, she's, like, her friend isn't wrong. Like, there are lots of dudes out there who are fucking idiots. Yes, but not enough. Not enough for this to be prevalent logic. No. No. You do. You do. do know. You do know. It's a dumb

thing that is not realistic. There are some people out there sure. It's all swinging. It's all on the upswing. Like, it's all coming back. Like, I feel like there was a point in time where we were and now. These lonely motherfuckers who've never had a date, they're dying for a girl to say it. No, that's why it's, that's why it's happening. It's because these guys are sabotaging themselves. Well, that's good. Let them sabotage themselves. It's a litmus test at best. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. But I just think it's bullshit advice because either in my

reality or Dane's reality, you're either litmus testing them or you're being nice. And both are great. Yeah. Yes. That's it, right? Like, you might run into the situation where, like, yes, this dude may be completely turned off by the fact that you're being forward and you're pursuing. And, but like, that is, that is all

you need to know to know that, like, you don't want to date this guy. So, or, you know, he just might not be into you, which, you know, is also fine. So, but I feel like at that point in time, if he was a decent dude, be like, hey, that's very nice. I'm very flattered, but, you know, I'm not interested. Or, you know, I mean, like, that's What I'm saying is, like, when you get those messages, you never know, like, oh, are they taken? Oh, do they not like me?

Oh, did I freak them out? Because I compliment them. What I'm saying is it doesn't fucking matter because it all comes the same way where, like, if they don't want to date you, be it shitty reasons, respectable reasons, they're just not into you. The important point is they don't want to date you. That's all that really matters, right? So do it. Compliment this man.

And I also hate this thing because like the whole like, oh, don't chase the guys. it's a slippery slope towards like oh pretend you're not interested and etc etc and it's all bad for you for men for the world tend to just say you think they're cute attractive funny whatever you want to say and then invite them out for coffee and go from there and while you're on we don't get many compliments so so to start off with a compliment already you've made this dude's day and you know hopefully by the the fact that you've exchanged numbers you've vibed on some level yeah right like there's so yeah shoot your shot be direct like i i don't worry don't worry about the verbiage keep it simple yes keep it keep it fun keep it light and if he says then be like

all right great no worries you know have a good like don't get weird don't be don't upset get like too upset it always sucks to get rejected but like but understand that like there isn't a obligation on anyone's part to find you attractive right like there's a lot of people in the world. There's going to be a lot of people who do find you attractive. And there's going to be a lot of people who don't. Also, you have no idea why, right? Like, they could be gay, right? They could be busy. They could hate coffee and be dumb. I don't know. Like, you literally have no idea. So you just got to be like, oh, I was a badass. I reached out. I didn't sit around thinking, oh, whoa, because like doing it and it going poorly, again, once doesn't go crazy poorly. But if it goes poorly in a normal

way, like you just get rejected, it's much better than you see. sitting there being like, fuck, I should have sent him that fucking message. Like, oh, blah, blah, blah. So once you're chill and things don't go catastrophically wrong, which is just a caveat I don't even need to add, you're fine. And you did a badass thing. And then hopefully you'll be a little bit more confident the next time. And it's all gravy.

It is, in fact, all gravy. Let's be a little positive. Hell, yeah. Recently, we got to do a little movie night. Which was very, very nice. It was very nice. We had just went over to a friend's house who we don't really get to see a lot in person. Or at least I don't.

I feel like you get to see our friend a little bit more because of like weekend stuff. Very, very rarely. I'm usually so wrecked on the weekend. But yeah, like a little bit more than you. All our schedules are fucking balls. Yeah. So it was nice to see him and his partner who is also from out of town. So we don't get to see her nearly as much as anyone would like to.

So it was nice to just like sit and like watch a movie and hang out and shoot the shit, have dinner together. Like it was, it was a really nice. what I would consider mundane treat in terms of like there was nothing really special about it we weren't celebrating anything we weren't doing anything we weren't hopping on a plane to go somewhere we were just sitting on a carpet

and it was something that we did a lot like this is where we we started our sort of like D&D adventure essentially so like we played there at his place every Monday for years long time yeah so it was nice like there is like a level of like friendship feelings in his space. And it was very nice to sort of like return to that and, you know,

basking them. Yeah, eat some snacks, watch some dumb movies. We watched a very good creature feature, uh, deep blue sea, classic. And a very bad creature feature. And then we watched a horrible robot movie called hardware, which I do not recommend to anybody. I do not recommend. No offense to anyone who's a big lover of hardware. Yeah.

Um, it was shit. But it was fun. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. And it was, it was just one of those things. where it was just like a nice, like, little reset. It was, it was nice to sort of take a moment and, and all of our partners were there. It was real nice, real sweet.

It was a nice moment of normalcy. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed it a lot. But do I enjoy this question? This is by Rotten Fleur. I, 18 year old female, was drunk with my best friend, 19 year old male, and asked to see his penis. So my best friend was having a little party at his house, and obviously I went.

There was alcohol. We're in Canada. It's okay. And I kind of tried to hold back on drinking because I tend to. to go overboard, but I still drank enough to get in the situation this post is about. Eventually things fizzled and people left one by one until it was just me and him. He didn't trust me to get back home when the state I was in, so I just stayed at his, which I've done a bunch of times before, so nothing new there.

We just sat in the couch and talked about stuff. Not much of note, but we eventually got to talking about sex stuff. I joked about guys we know having small dick energy. Then he goes and asks if I think he has small dick energy, and I think, and I say no, which is true, he doesn't. This isn't verbatim, but then I ask him something like, if he can show me if I'm right or not. I'm not sure if I meant it as a joke or not, but a minute later, he was actually doing it. He was a good bit less drunk than me, but I guess enough to do something like that.

I won't go into detail, but we didn't have sex or anything. We just hung out some more and slapped. I guess it felt fine in the moment, but waking up, I was mortified that I'd asked my friend that. He was acting all normal in the morning, but I left quick. Not because he made me uncomfortable or anything. I just felt gross slash embarrassed. I still feel like that. I can't believe I did that. I've never done that. I've never even seen a guy naked before. And there I go asking him randomly. I have no idea what the hell to do. How do I go forward with him?

Like, did I just kill the friendship by making things weird? Okay. It's cool that you acknowledge that this was kind of a weird thing to do. However, it seems like he was picking up what you were putting down. Right? I think he might have thought. I like the picking up what he's putting down. There's an element of like gray area, right?

There's like, I see what you're doing as opposed to like, show me your dick. It's pretty direct. But like nothing happened, right? Yes. I think it was kind of cool on his part as well to be like, here it is. And then her being like, there it is. And then him not sort of like being like, well, now you got to do something. Right.

Like, yeah, I think a lot of people would take that as a come on. And maybe he did. But at least it seems like if he did, he had the wherewithal following that to be like, or maybe not. And put it away. And then I went normal because this, you know, I think this could very easily have morphed into a super creepy situation. Right.

Maybe he realized how drunk she was. Maybe like any number of things could have happened. I appreciate that this dick guy didn't try to initiate anything further. Or if he slightly hinted at it, dropped it to the point where like she didn't think. Yeah, there's right. Nothing has been raised in terms of uncomfortableness in that regard, which is nice. Do I think you've ruined the friendship? No, because if he was going to get weird about this, he wouldn't have shown you his dick.

If anything, I think you might have maybe chipped away at the marble a little bit revealed more the friendship, more of the Da Vinci hidden, hidden friendship in the marble. And it is dix, much like Da Vinci. Yeah. Uh, maybe this is a indication that like perhaps he is a little more interested in you than you thought and perhaps. Or maybe you're a little bit more interesting because you has to see his fucking dick. Yeah.

And I think, I think the like sort of drunken sort of like washing away the, the, the barriers and the filters and stuff, it's like, I think you might also be a little, little. interested in this gentleman as well. So maybe there's a conversation to be had there. I think if there isn't, if like now in the cold light of sobriety, you think back and you're like,

what the fuck was I doing? Then you, I think a conversation is warranted regardless and be like, look, I was at a line. I'm really sorry I asked you that. I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable. Like, I don't think you need to mention his dick at all. I think you just need to bring, like, if it's about you, make it about you.

Right? Like, yeah, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I was drunk. I feel like it was inappropriate. I'm sorry I put you in that position. I think that would be like, if it was me, because it opens up the opportunity being like, he could be like, actually, I was kind of flattered that you asked.

I was, you know, I'm happy to show you again if you're interested. Like, yeah, there's a lot of ways you can go. And if he wasn't comfortable, that would be really great to hear, right? Someone acknowledging it and apologizing without being prompted for it, I think is also, if you, if you, if I was feeling weird about something and someone took the initiative to do that, I would be like, hey, that's, that's really cool. Great. I felt a little weird doing it. I'm glad you're not upset. Yeah. Also, and I think bringing up whether or not she's upset and how he feels right now is very important because like, I'm sure when you woke up this morning and we're

really weird and ran off, there's no way he didn't notice. So he's probably a home being like, shit. She asked me and did the thing and that. was really dumb and like, you know, for all he knows or for all you know, he's freaking out right now. He's probably also being like, I showed my friend my dick. Yeah, there's actually another post right here. Yeah. So I think like bringing it up, one, obviously you're, you're bothered by it. I think you need to clear the air.

And I don't know if you're going to be able to without bringing it up in some way. So bring it up for your sake, for their sake. And just again, like make sure you're clear about what you want to say, you know. So if you did like it and you do want to do anything else, like now is kind of the time to be like, hey, you know, sorry to put you in that position like, blah, like talk about it. And if he's like, yeah, that was really weird,

maybe don't be like, let's do it again. But if he is like, hey, no, it's whatever, you could just be like, hey, it was actually kind of hot. Or I got to show you mine, ha ha, wink face or whatever you want to do. Or if it was just a cool friend thing, you just be like, yeah, that was crazy. But I'm glad our friendship is so strong. We can do like that we,

have this weird situation that in another, you know, couple of people would be this awkward, like, sexualized thing, but for us, it's just chill. And like, that's a pretty good way to dump cold water on this scenario. You're such a good friend that even with your dick out, it's not sexual. Yeah. Yeah. So I think you got to bring it up. For your sake, his sake, moving forward, clarity's sake. And, you know, as now said, there's a lot of ways you can, you can maneuver it. You can go sort of any direction. You can keep it friendly. You can keep it neutral. You can keep it it you know you can maybe try to like navigate into a more sexually charged conversation you can you can maneuver this in multiple ways but I I think

ignoring it is the worst thing you can do because that's how it's going to get weird because even if you guys are both cool with it pretending like it didn't happen is always going to be a a weird like essentially like pylon in the middle of the road that you're constantly having to swerve around it yeah it's not going to ruin anything. It's not going to really ultimately change things, but it is going to get annoying. It is, yeah. Like, it is going to be weird to do it when, like, one of you could just pull over and move the

pylon and then you're good. Also, the pylon does get bigger the longer you do it. Sometimes it gets a little bigger and it's stuff, but no, it's not. It's just like ignoring the elephant in the room, like does give the elephant more power. Yeah, 100%. Sometimes that's unlimited power. Sometimes it just gets a little more strong and that's fine. And the last thing you want to do is like, Nate, like you start off with a level one elephant

and then next you know you got like a level five elephant and no set of cast fireball. Exactly. And level one elephant, like already pretty strong. They start with some great feats. They can never forget anything. So that's a good one. They remember everything. And hey, this is a terrible situation in which it will remember the dick thing.

Yeah. So kill the elephant, I guess. Kill the elephant. Get the pylon, put it in the rocket launcher, shoot at the elephant. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of pye out there that'll be like, we need to save the bees, we need to save these whales. We're here. Fuck the elephants. Fuck the elephants.

We're here to say it loud and proud. Kill them all. Yeah. Kill the elephants. What the hell are they doing out there? Neither will we. Little baby's always getting stuck in holes and shit. Oh no.

Yeah. That's just my murder hole. Pop, pop, pop. Can't get away if you're in my elephant hole. Oh, no. I think about the elephant. I've turned on this idea. Yeah.

I can't pretend, man. They're adorable. I know. I do really like elephants. They're great. This is from JSS and a bunch of numbers. Hey, JSS and a bunch of numbers. How's it going, man?

Dating when you don't have your life together. So I've been seeing this guy I actually met on Reddit for about a month now. It's supposed to be just a friend's situation, but I progressed into more. Now we are officially in a relationship. We got drunk if they asked to see my dick. I tried to tell him multiple times that I was in no way ready for a relationship. But of course, everyone wants to find love eventually, myself included. But right now, just doesn't feel like a good time for me.

He treats me really well. He's a great boyfriend overall. I just can't get out of my head about feeling like a complete failure. My life's a mess. I just recently quit my job with no two weeks notice because I'm holding out hope that a job I had three interviews for. Hoping I hear something by Thursday or Friday. That's what the lady I interviewed with the place told me. I know it was a stupid thing to do to just quit my job before having another one lined up. I always do this. I quit a job and then deal with the consequences later. I don't have a car. However, I do have my license. I'm living with an ex. The ex doesn't care if my boyfriend comes over. My boyfriend doesn't mind that I live with my ex. I don't know. I'm just feeling like I don't need to be in a relationship right now because I have nothing to offer someone. My boyfriend is okay with all these things. I tell him from time to time that I think it's a right person wrong time situation. I would be sad if I lost him, but I just feel like I'm in a really low spot in my life right now and I feel the last thing I need to worry about is a relationship. Am I stupid for continuing to try and make this work? Ooh, I'm totally.

on this one is the boyfriend just another job you're leaving too early damn damn damn like you seem a little self-sabotagey because you're just like whoop no job like you could have waited a fucking week girl yeah you could have waited a fucking week what are you doing in this economy way the week like or the two weeks that you need to give yeah yeah this like I would try to examine the root cause because again it's like our first question you would admit this is bad if you just did it and you were like oh whatever that would be one thing but the fact that you're like oh always do this it's like you have full autonomy here like you're the one making these decisions you don't just get to look back and be like who did that me who's

that never met them like like take a second take a breath right look inward because it feels like you're just not taking responsibility for anything that you're doing like you're just kind of careening through life being like damn that happened you're doing it like you have have an option to do it or not do it. And obviously, you're choosing to do it. And I would love to know why when you're able to recognize that you're making bad decisions and you're doing it like consistently. So like you've recognized there's a pattern.

Why are you not then stopping that? And the thing is with this, it's like, oh, I don't have anything to offer. Well, you must because you're in a relationship and they want to be in that relationship. Do they give a shit that you don't have a car? I don't think so. and if they do, weird person to date in both regards, one, who gives a fuck if they have a car, and two, if he wants

a person with a car, why is he dating you? You don't have a job right now. That could be negative, but again, it's less of a, they need you to have a job thing, and more just like, you need a job to live, and you need to live to have a boyfriend. I think ultimately, what's happening

here, you've touched on it, right? Like, you're choosing arbitrary things that you think give you worth right? Like, there's a lot of things that you bring up that make no sense. I have a license. Yeah, that doesn't make you worthy

of being dated. Like, you're choosing these sort of like markers of success, I guess. Yeah. And attributing that to your worth. For whatever reason, presumably you're a decent person. You're a caring person. This dude

wants to date you and is putting in effort to date you. He's treating you well. He's being a good boyfriend. That by itself should make you feel like you are worth dating because he's putting in the effort. Right. Like he you he sees that you're worth dating. So like you might not be stacking up to what you want. Right. Like you might not be stacking up to your expectations of yourself. And that's fine. I think we all feel that at some point. Right. Like we all feel like I should be doing more. I feel a little little little stuck in my situation. I feel like this. I should be doing this. I should be doing that. I'm down here when I want to be up here.

That's fine, but that's not the outside world. That also has no bearing on you being lovable, deserving being allowed to have love. You, nothing that has no bearing. And that's the thing. I feel like you don't think you deserve to have this. A hundred percent. And again, you're kind of like clutching at straws to try to figure this out. And the thing is, I don't want to go too hard on telling this person to be in this relationship

because sometimes you just are not in a position to be in a relationship. That is good to know and to do. However, none of the reasons you're giving seem to equate with that. So it's like, I want to get at least that bullshit out of your head. So you can decide whether or not you are, aren't able for a relationship right now. But you're allowed to be loved even if you're not perfect. And even if you feel like you have a lot of growing to do, there isn't any rule in the rule book that says you can't grow with a person. You can't grow because of the nurturing of another person, really?

Like, sometimes you need, you need someone to water you, right? Also, and I'm not saying it's, it's someone else's job to do that, right? Like, if you, if you are dependent on someone, but sometimes someone comes into your life and you guys, you know, cross paths for a reason, and that elevates you. And that's fine. If the only way you're elevated is because of someone else's, then I think you have a problem. That's a negative. Right.

And it's like earlier when we talked about like having platonic friendship so that the whole in your life is like not as like dismal relationships can totally work that way too if you're trying if you want love and you want a relationship and you want your job and you're blah blah blah like you're dealing with like a million things if one of those things is now a good solid positive thing you have support and you have more energy for this thing it's like if you have a partner that's great and like even just at the end of the day you get to spend some time together and now like not be worried and relax and have fun that's a good thing you know which could help you then maybe with your next job or you're getting a car or whatever.

Like, like it's, it can be a super positive to help you with these things and help you grow. And again, these things aren't necessary for a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. I've chosen arbitrary things to be markers of success and to be markers of worth.

And I think you will quickly realize that if you do a more thorough and more sort of honest inventory of the things that matter and things that are important to you, maybe have a conversation with your partner and be like, hey, this is a tough conversation and I don't want of like really be that person. But I want to know why you're with me. Like what like let's let's like and be full up and be honest. Because like you've told him that like this is a right person, wrong time thing. You're like, look, I'm really struggling here. I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship because I don't feel like I have anything to offer, right? Like, tell him this. Like, have you said this or have you just been like, I'm not good enough for you or whatever? Like,

you know what I mean? Or have you just been like, I shouldn't be in this relationship. Yeah. And he doesn't know why. Tell him. Be like, hey, I'm really struggling with myself worth. I feel like I'm, I don't deserve to be in this relationship because I'm not good enough for it. And I just be like, I just need to know, like, what you see in me to maybe. And like, I don't think is something you can do all the time. I think this is kind of a limited use for sure. Yeah. Because I think if you become codependent, if you start needing to hear like a list of like five things every day that this

person loves about you. Yeah. But it might be helpful to one time just get into that conversation because I'm going to tell you he's not going to be like, well, I really wish you had a car and you didn't give your two weeks. You know what I mean? Like again, unless you're relying on him for rides 24-7 or the job was with his dad or now you have no money you're making him pay like those are ways that your job or car affect the relationship yeah but if you're vibin if you're still able to do your day to day life without needing them to fucking supplement you who the fuck cares yeah you might

hear things that like you take for granted things that like him being like you know you're very nice to people when we're out and about you're very generous and like and then you might actually start seeing the qualities of you that matter and that that's are sort of like benchmarks in relationships and like things that people look for in their partners. Yeah. Because again,

as Nell said, it's like when I think of my perfect partner, their job, their car status, their license. Like none of those things even cross my mind, let alone make it on the list,

even at the bottom of the list. Like they're not even included because they don't matter. If someone popped in and was like, hey, I'm a genie. You can craft, it's a character,

creation screen you get to make your perfect and you can put anything you want there you can go as detailed as you want i would not even think of putting in a car like like we'd finish and they'd be like oh you didn't fill a car i'd be like ah yeah yeah whatever actually wouldn't even be disappointed i'd be like who cares yeah no like i wouldn't look would i pick jobless no because that's probably bad maybe they're wealthy i don't know maybe i'll leave it up to them yeah it's it's something as simple as you need reassurance somehow somewhere right like you you need to hear that you are worthy of love so either hear from us and listen to us or maybe hear why your partner loves you and is willing to be with you and look if you don't

think those answers are good if you just says you're hot you're nice you're sweet you're funny like if you if you find that he's just kind of saying the things that everyone says about everyone then maybe you're right maybe you're not ready to be in this relationship and maybe this relationship is a crutch that you're using and it's unfair to both of you to be in. I'm not here to tell you, as now said, like, we're not here to say, like, stay in this relationship because you sound miserable otherwise. And that's the thing. It's like you also just might not be ready. Like if you're incapable of putting in the energy of being a good partner of like blah, blah, if you got too much going on, that is totally fine. But have it be for those reasons, not because

you don't have a fucking car. Because again, no one gives a shit and think for yourself. Imagine you get your job and you get your car and you find someone and they value you based on those two things. Do you want to date that person? It's like it comes down to the fact of being if you don't think you're in the relationship for the right reasons. If you don't find that his reasons are compelling enough for you to be in a relationship, yeah, that's fine. Then maybe it is right person wrong time. But also, think of a world in which you find a person that values you on those things. that sucks like someone who's like that like materialistic like you don't want that so why are you trying to angle yourself into a world where that's why you're worthy and ultimately that's what

I'm going to get at is no matter what you're going through no matter what you're feeling no matter how bad you feel and how much of a loser you feel you are always worthy of being loved yes your worth of a person and and as a partner is not indicative to outside circumstances you as long as you are trying to be a good person and you are treating people good and well, then you, you deserve to be loved. Yeah. And it might be harder to love you at certain points in times because of certain situations. And that's just being human. So don't think that you're not worth being loved simply because you're not perfect or simply because you're struggling with X, Y, and Z. You're, you are. So maybe you might just have to like get that out of your head and be like, no, I do deserve this.

This person makes me happy, and I deserve to be happy, and there are things that are budding heads with the idea of happiness right now, but I'll figure it out. Yeah, and I'll find a job. Maybe you'll get a car. But like, you don't need a car. You don't need a car. But if that's, if that's something that was a benchmark for you of success, then work towards it.

Start putting money away. Very quickly. One, the whole job leaving thing and the destructive patterns repeating itself, think about that. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Like, yes, therapy is probably the. best way to go, but you can still make active conscious choices in the right direction. And like, if you don't have the money or time or ability to go to therapy right this second, that doesn't mean you just go, oh, well, you can still try. Even a baby step in the right

direction is a better fucking direction. And secondly, at good thought experiment, if you like this guy, why? Is it his job on his car? If it is, maybe you got to reevaluate your priorities. If it's that he's nice, that you feel safe, that you have fun, that, like, he's fucking hot. Like, why would it not be the same for you? Yeah. Like, why is the world different rules for you, right? So it's easy to get in that mindset of just like, I fall down because of X, Y, or Z. But if you ever put that onto the person you love, you'll realize it's ridiculous.

Yeah. I mean, it's always easy to be harder on yourself. It's like when you look in the mirror and you see that ugly piece of shit, whatever, whatever you're fixated on and be like, oh, this is. And then you, like, mention it. And someone's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Like, there are times where like, I'll be like, oh, there's like, I got a dot on my forehead or whatever. And my partner is just like, I, there's nothing there.

You're crazy. And that's, that's just like how it is. Right. Like, we amplify our failures. Yeah, we're terrible to ourselves. Yeah. Anyway, I think we could just go in circles about how important it is to let yourself forever. For the rest of our lives.

That's going to do it for us this week, friends. The takeaway for this episode is love yourselves. As much as we love you. Yeah, which is a lot. There's a lot. Like maybe unhealthy. Yeah. We both have problems.

We fucking love you. Unless you don't have a job or a car, in which case, get the fuck off this podcast. No, we love you. Thank you for coming by. Please tell a friend, share us, join our Patreon. In a world where there's a lot of weird stuff happening around the ideas of NSFW, content and, like, sexual content right now. People are getting delisted.

People are getting shadow banned. People are being hidden. So, like, podcasts like ourselves need your support kind of more than ever because, like, that, like, organic growth and that organic, like, presentation just isn't happening. So, you know, make sure you stand up for the creators that you, you know, trust and believe in and support. Make sure that support includes sharing and stuff because the world fucked. World fucked.

they want us all to have bad sex that sucks yeah lame shitty boring sex and every time you do it it's a baby that's what they want is that is that the world we want to live in no no no it's too many babies or too little sex yeah or both both thank you geogging on the harvest is for the song paper stars which is actually written about this whole issue the babies are the paper stars because they're so weak and crumpleable like paper it's so easy to just put a bunch of water and make it mushy. Okay, it's time for bad sex rating.

This is off-season by Jack Ketchum, which is really funny because it kind of sounds like the guy from Pokemon. Her hands were filthy. Her face was streaked with dirt and her hair was filled with dust. Halloween gear slipped onto an otherwise neat and clean and estimable. Oh wait,

I've fucked this all up. Her hands were filthy. Her face was streaked with dirt and her hair was filled with dust. It looked as if the hands and head were rubber Halloween gear slipped onto an otherwise neat and clean and estimable body. At 32, she looked nearly as good as she had a 20. The ass had a bit more sag to it. Yes, but then again, her skin was a whole lot better.

Another trade-off, she turned to the side. Her small breasts quivered. Nice lines, she taught. Why, what is it with people and boobs independently? Has anyone ever seen a boob quiver? I don't know what you're talking about, man, because, like, women can show emotion. I know you're, you hate that, but like, I hate it. They're allowed.

And, like, how else are they going to do it? If not, their boobs heaving in, in anger or firming in anticipation or wriggling with, like, rage or, like, imagine if you're just sitting there talking to your partner. Even in a sexual situation and just, like, just independently, just like, for no reason. Just like, like, what's happening? Are you okay? Hey, like, it would be so unnerving. Like, have you ever seen a woman, dude? If they're quivering, she's obviously looked in the mirror and thought nice lines.

Yeah. It makes me think of, like, jiggle physics in early, like, video games where they, but it's like, for some reason, like, every movement, a woman's breasts are just going in all different directions, just like, like, that's, I just, do you think male writers are just like, shit? I really want to talk about boobs, but I don't know how to. And it's like, wait, if I make the boobs react to emotions. Yeah, if they have independent motion, then I can always be talking about what they're doing because no one ever knows what they're doing. Yeah. Because they're always doing something.

They're always hitting. That's what brass are for. Bras aren't for support. They're literally so it's like, I don't know what you're thinking now. I can play poker with you and you'll win. Reverse mind control. Yeah. Yeah.

That's why you'll never see a woman play poker without a bra. Exactly. My name is Day Miller. And I'm the house been. And we've been your fuck buddies. And we're quivering. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.