F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Looking for Guts

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

What's longer?  The length of a grown adult's intestines or the road trip to your evil, wizard boyfriend?  Topics include real sour, jealous energy, when do you stop having sex, doing your own inside research, communicating with your wife via text. Support the show on Patreon!

My name's Day Miller. Hey there. Now Spain here. I'm not sure if you knew, but me and that guy over there, we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, questions are found by me or that guy over there. And we answer them right here on the podcast for you every Monday on the topics of sex, but also the topics of dating. That is correct.

That is what we do. Yeah. And it is Monday, as you're listening to this. you're not listening to this on the Monday. Unless you're doing it on any other day other than Monday. Shit. Shit.

The future does exist. It was easier, I imagine, when it was like TV was only on, like, no VHS, no VCR, no TIVO,

no DVRs, no streaming. And it was just like, I could, if I wanted to, be like, you're listening to this on this date at this time.

And you have no other way of doing it. People were like, wow, how did he know? Then, reruns happen. I know. You've ruined everything.

You know what we're going to talk about this week, though? Started the void in my boyfriend and my bad luck disappeared. What does it mean when they say they last 10 minutes? Is there a reason why he would want to look into my vagina slash asshole? Do you communicate with your spouse by text? You ready? Yeah. Are you ready?

Are your loins girded? They're turbo-girded. Whoa. Holy shit. I, 24-year-old female, just started avoiding my... boyfriend, twin three-year-old male, and my bad luck suddenly disappeared. Every time we make plans, he expects me to drive all the way to pick him up, then drive us back again. Whenever I tried to say no or suggest we meet somewhere halfway, the mood completely shifts. He doesn't necessarily

argue that he sends off this really heavy negative energy. It's more than just sulking. It feels uncomfortable and tense. Over time, I started noticing a strange pattern of my mind. Whenever we argued or he didn't get his way, something bad what happened to me afterwards. Small things, but enough to make me uneasy. At one point I even caught myself worrying that if I refused to pick him up, the stress of negativity from the situation might somehow lead to me getting in a car accident. That's the point where he seriously thinking about telling him a big lie, like I'd sold my car to my neighbor to buy a motorcycle, just so he could stop expecting me driving him all the time. He felt easier in dealing with the tension that comes whenever I say no and his negative energy.

But lately I've been keeping my distance from him, avoiding seeing him for a while. Strangely enough, since doing that, things my life have been going really well. The streak of bad luck, I felt, seems to have disappeared. Everything feels lighter. A few weeks ago, after saying no to picking him up, I literally reversed into my neighbor's car and had to pay him $100 for that. First time it's ever happened. I was straight after arguing with him. There are many other instances I won't name, but I get this extremely sour energy and jealousy from him. I don't know what it is. Is it because I have a car and he doesn't? Because my parents support me more? I can't put my finger on it. My parents recently did something amazing for me and particularly told me not to tell my boyfriend

as he will send out negative energy and bad things will happen. It's come to a point where I can't even share good news. I know I'm not imagining it as I haven't seen them in a month. I've been making any excuse under the sun not to see him. Now I didn't notice how much better I feel in the good energy of my life. Has anyone felt such energy before? Why are you dating this? This evil energy, man.

I mean, like, barring all of the woo-woo, like, mystical energy vibes. Like, if you feel incredible when you don't spend any time and actively avoid the person you're dating, it's a pretty bad sign. When your parents do something so nice to you, they specifically say, don't tell Derek about this. You cannot. Please, don't tell Derek. Derek's bad energy is so powerful. Other people fear it. That's crazy. That's bad shit.

Is this man magic? Is he a witch? Has he been hexing the moon? Yeah, the reason he can't have a car and you have to go pick him up is because he's in his giant wizard's tower. There's no parking. No parking. Now where to park a Rav 4 beside his wizard tower. Can you imagine you would throw off the whole vibe of your tower?

This is what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, he's like, yeah, I could get on the steed, my spectral steed. It takes, conjuring is so much energy. And I have to focus all of that energy into making slightly bad things happen to you. I because my initial suspicion was like she was going to be like oh he fucks with my shit when he's upset with me right like oh he'll you know pour out my milk or I'll do whatever because she mentions all these small things that happen when he's angry but then she never gets into it and I'm really annoyed because I'm like is it just his magic is it just his like grim exuding aura or is he actually actively doing bad things to you because both are bad one is worse it doesn't really sound like they spend any time So I don't know how he would do any of this. That's fair. It doesn't sound like he's like,

it doesn't sound like they're hanging out at their place or like, no. Also, how do you avoid them for a month? How do you avoid your partner for a month? It's, well, I mean, obviously he lives miles and miles away. Still. Also, the idea of lying about losing your car is out of your car. I got a motor ride.

Cool, pick me up on that. Shit. This is a terrible lie. And also like eventually, like surely, at some point in time, he's going to come over. Yeah. Or you're going to drive something. Like you just never going to see him again because you'd lied about your car.

There's an easier way to do that. Why are you dating him? Just break up with him. You don't need to have elaborate car lies. It's absolutely unhinged all of this. All of this is so crazy. Let's think about this. What if you flip things around and you go, hey, baby, I'm here waiting, hand in foot.

I'm going to be there whenever you need a ride. I'm going to get you. chauffeur. I'm your personal chauffeur, which obviously is what you want, and I'll make you happy. Please do the opposite. I make good things happen for me. Please use your magic for good. Because if he's some benevolent god or malevolent currently God, turn them into a benevolent one. Use his powers for good. Although, I don't know if becoming a subservient chauffeur is necessarily turning someone to a benevolent God. Well, if he gives you that positive energy, you know what I'm saying? Like, if he can do this when he's unhappy.

At what cost? Nile, at what cost? I know. That's the thing. I want to remind you that it's little inconveniences, right? So it's not like, she might, you know, after months, eventually win $100. Because that's what she spent, right? Other than that, it's like, oh, cool.

Like, you know, I took a walk the other day and I got to see a little puppy. It must be my boyfriend's good energy. That's fucking sick, though. Let's be fair. It is pretty sick. Man, I saw a puppy the other day and it was so fucking fat. It was just like, it was very obviously like going to be a real big dog, but it was just

like chubby, just this little chubby guy. And I was like, I want to kick you into traffic. You're so cute. No, Dane. There was a very little puppy walk by a coffee shop. I was in the other day. And I guess another dog had like dropped their like dog boot on the ground. And it was like a puppy and it was just like do, do do do do like not doing much.

And then it saw this thing. And like you could see it like eye it and not react as it. got closer and closer and closer and then it jumped on it, grabbed it, like threw it up in the air and like started jumping around like crazy and then just walked on. It was just this one moment of like frantic fucking play. And then like, okay, let's continue the walk. And I was like, that was adorable. I've gone pretty obsessed with. My partner has shown me this like vet who's who's very cute. She's she's adorable and she like just loves the animals that come in. But that has put into my algorithm, a dog washer, who is also very funny. And it's just like puppies getting washed and

being cute. And like, that's a great, that's a great hit at the end of the day. Just seeing animals. Animals be good, man. Yeah. The dogs were good again this week. I should, you know that guy, right? The dogs were good again this week, that guy? No. Oh, man. I should clip that just so that people stay because he's way more popular than us. And then when they go wait, but then I don't talk about dogs. And then they're like, I hate these guys. Yeah. But maybe. Maybe I should check out their podcast. Quick. Give us sex and dating advice so they hear it.

Don't be bad to your partner. Don't cast evil hexes on your partner. Perfect. Nailed it. Yeah, this is a slam-dunk case in breaking up with this man. You hate him. Your life is better without him. Your parents fear him.

Although, if this is what you get when you don't drive him somewhere, what happens when you break up with him? You got a good point. This man is going to crumble your house to dust. Yeah, you need to find a wizard who's at least slightly better than him and get them to take you under their protection first. We don't encourage like, what is it, back burnering or whatever, like you're lining up your next partner. We don't encourage that. I think it's scummy.

It's a bad thing to do to your partner. You should always just be honest and end in a relationship. However. Except for cases in which. When you have a dark arts practitioner. Yes. When you have someone dabbling in the most foul of the arts. cane. I think you do need to line yourself up with a, with a good aligned practitioner.

Or at the very least, a less evil one who's still proficient enough in hexus. And then after him, you get another slightly less evil wizard. Eventually you'll get like a medium one and he'll just, I don't know, egg your house. Yeah, like a morally gray kind of, you know, devil make care kind of. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Break up with this fucking guy. Why would you stay with him? You hate him and your life sucks. And you're also driving across the country every two days to pick up his ungrateful ass. Yeah. And like multiple times in this question, you're like, ever since I've completely cut him out of my life, it's gotten so much better. That should tell you everything you need to know.

If you, if you're, the removal of your partner makes your life significantly better, you probably shouldn't be dating that person. Like it just, that should be a common sense. How was I getting that with James the other day? Oh, you know, the usual hit. They're a real sour, jealous energy. And he made me crash my car. Dump him. Yeah.

This is from reasonable dingo. What do people even mean when they say they last 10 minutes? What does that even mean? You mean if you start penetration and never stop once, you'd last 10 minutes? That's what you mean? Or do you mean including pauses? But if you mean including pauses, then you could last forever, not just 10 minutes. I'm confused by all of this.

What? Including pauses you could last forever. Because it doesn't specify how long the pause is. So technically, I'm on a pause from the last time I had sex, which means I'm still last. Not only do I last forever. I'm still fucking. That's it. Right.

I think that's the, it's all about perspective. And I've been trying to work on this lately. Lately, I've been really struggling at work. It's been, yeah, it's been very challenging. I think you and I, I mean, you're in a much more, your situation is a lot worse than mine. mine is i'm just getting to the point where like like it's it's it's just not that like the vibe anymore right like i mean you and i we both have like injuries that make our this very specific body movements that we require to do our job difficult like walk yeah it's like i i can't lift

or hold things correctly and like the specific turning motion of my arm to pour a drink is exactly what causes pretty bad pain. And, and like, I've just found that, like, this is a hard judgment on the younger generation. They're bad. They're just terrible to deal with. Yeah. Let's, let's be fair.

It's just gotten so worse. Like, in terms of, like, behavior in public, they're, like, dog shit takes the way they treat other people. Like, having to listen, like, the amount of times I've had to, like, tell people who are, like, in there, like, the 19 to 20. range to stop using slurs at my bar or like just full on kicking them out. Like it's like I shouldn't have to in the Lord's year of 2026 explain to you why using homophobic slurs in public loudly is a bad idea.

And I'm a bartender. That's not my fucking job. But I will make it my problem. Um, so anyway, it's been, it's been tough. And I was getting pretty grim about it all.

But I've, I've tried to re. Wait, switch. Sorry. Before you say something positive. You guys should join our Patreon and help me and Dane not have to work at our hellhole jobs. If a hundred of you guys joined at the lowest tier, we could maybe take a day off work a week.

I think maybe we'd pay some of our bills. Yeah. But if 200, if just, I'm saying, all I'm saying, you could help us out. We love you. And then we'll do more of this. So I've restructured. I've refocused. Wait, wait, wait.

James, don't be too positive or they won't join the Patreon. And I've used the three days that I'm behind the bar as my like motivator of being like, I don't like this. Yeah. And then so yesterday, Sunday, my last day of the week, I was like, I'm really excited for Monday. I'm really excited for the week to come because I'm excited to work on the things that I've been, I need to work on. Right.

Like I'm excited to work on NoQuest. I'm excited to record these episodes. I'm excited to do some of the writing I'm working on. And I'm more motivated now than I have been. And that's the whole point that I brought this up for was jumping on to your point. You don't need to think about how long you're lasting and when it ends. You just need to consider that as long as you don't finish, you could fuck forever. Honestly, I disagree.

I do think when you lose your erection, it's done. That's when it's over. Or when you come. Or if you come, but you just. all this direction is it over? I don't think it's oh, I think it's the boner. Okay. I think it's the boner for me. But, but then again, we're now also saying that sex is

only penetrative sex. I say it's over for me. Not over for them. They're still going. They're still going. I think this is a more challenging question that I originally realized. If you're a woman, then you can have multiple, again, okay, I got to caveat this

because that tantric sex account did yell at us. I think it's the angriest any person has ever got Yeah. They got so upset when I said, man, like come once and they're done. Sure, I come once and I'm done. I would love to keep coming. So if that tantric sex account wants to hit me up and give me their secrets of the trade,

they will let me know. They will never. They will never. They will yell at me. Yeah. But, you know, you could convert me as all I'm saying. They're casting sour jealous energy towards you. That would explain a lot of things that makes a lot of sense, actually.

Yeah. So, you know, if you're a person, shall we say, who can have multiple orgasms. who does not need to rely on the frailty of a penis, do you ever stop fucking? Or is it just it ends them when you're way too sensitive to do another one? I think that's probably it. I think it's when you put on clothes and do a mundane task. I think the second you put on clothing and cover up the sexual and, you know,

pleasurable zones. Yeah. And pick up a broom or make a sandwich or, you know. That's really unfair to witches, man. Big of a broom, really? Okay. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry.

Oh, I can feel, I can see little shockwaves of negative energy raining down. I love sour shit, though. I was literally about to say, like, I love sour candy. Give me that sour energy. Yeah. I'm sorry. I made that mouth sound to a microphone that's in your ears. I'm so sorry.

We're getting a little carried away here. I think it's pretty obvious that we've recorded these in the same day as last week. This is a you, this is strong second energy. The strong second episode episode. And the thing is, if you like this energy, join our Patriots. They're all second episodes, baby. If you don't like the energy, don't worry, they're different enough. That's fine.

Yeah, if you don't like it, they're nothing like this. Yeah, I think there is no common rubric of like, okay, wait, going back, I think it ends when you're, you walk around someone like your parent or a child where, it would be a crime for you to be having sex. It certainly ends once you're in public. Yes. Certainly. It's done.

It's done. School near a, near a child. A stranger's pet that you're not minding. Someone, someone that hasn't consented to be a part of the sexual experience. Yes. Yes. Right.

I think that's absolutely when it's done. I think it could end earlier. But the second that happens, the second you go down and get your fucking Uber eats, your post fuck Uber eats, done. Don't put him in it. He's not a part of it. I love.

Unless. Unless. What you Uber? I had the nicest Uber. Breeds driver the other day. He gave me a salute and I saluted the back. We just stood there like a good good like probably like five seconds just saluting each other. And I was like I'm not going to be the one to break this dude. You started this. You have to end it. Stolen valor, bro. I actually did hack your Uber account and I put you in as lieutenant Dane. Sorry. I think a couple things about

this question. One, why the fuck do you care? Yeah, what's the problem? What do you care? What's going on? What? What problem on I fixing for you. Is it that you're like 10 minutes? Literally I couldn't do that. Obviously, everyone else is lying because, okay, I don't think 10 minutes is an irrational amount of time. So it shouldn't really take you by surprise. I also wonder what you keep saying breaks. Who's taking that much breaks when they're like penetrating someone? No, no, incorrect. Not breaks. Pauses. Pauses. Yeah. So it's like if you're so familiar with pauses, I'm assuming you're also familiar with coming in a short time period, which is fine. So I'm guessing that's where you're coming from this question at,

being like, people actually last 10 minutes. Some people do. Some people don't. It also, I don't think anybody who's like, yeah, we fucked all night long meant it was penetrative, start to finish, no pauses. And if it was, that's a nightmare. And no one should want to do that. It pisses me off so much when people like think that's a brag.

I'm like, that sounds fucking horrible, my dude. No one has that physicality. And if they do. do. No. It's a one and done. They will be so sore forever and we'll never do that again. Like I'm sorry. But like maintaining an erection for let's say eight hours, eight hours of sleep. That's what you've done. Instead of sleeping, you fucked. Eight hours of an erection hurts. Yeah. Even if you didn't do anything with it, it would hurt if it was just there. Right. But then the friction. Friction, the moving. Yeah. The pulsing. The hip thruster. And that that poor receiver.

I poor receiver. Whoever it is, wherever it is. I ain't going to be fun. It ain't going to be fun. So I also don't think everybody when they say, oh, we are less 10 minutes, I think it's just like activity or if they're talking about sex, it probably includes everything.

But more importantly, you don't have to worry about what anyone else is doing. No. Right? If you, I hear someone that lasts four hours, that doesn't matter to you. Sex should last as long as it takes

for everyone to be satisfied. And I say satisfied and not come because sometimes you just don't come and that's fine. And some like there are times where I am like especially like morning sex in the summer or whatever when it's just like I'm groggy and you know, it's nice, but I'm hot and I'm sweaty and I'm sticky and I'm like and sometimes it just doesn't happen. Sometimes I'm real tired. Sometimes I'm stressed. Like sometimes it just a habit. But that doesn't mean I'm not satisfied. I'm, you know, sometimes and the same thing. It's like sometimes you don't come. But sometimes it's

nice to just have been part of the experience. Been along for the ride. And that. And that's, That's when sex is done. That's how long you need to last. As long as it takes to make everyone feel, ha, ha, that's nice. Let's share a cold glass of water, do a little cuddling. If it's not too hot. It's not too hot. And, you know, shoot the shit for like five minutes before we go about our day.

Yeah. And then it ends because we're picking up brooms. And then the second you pick up a household cleaning object, it's over. Done. Chlorox by the bed. That's actually my safe word. I just touch it. And it's like, it's done.

It's like a home free. like a tag. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. Now, are we still podcasting? Because we took a pause, right? So. Oh, shit. Is this a second? Is this another episode?

Hi, my name is Dame Miller. Wait, no, you're not. Uh, you ready? Stolen dollar. Did it, Jane Miller to you? Sorry, Lieutenant, sir. This is my worth spread, 649. Is there reasoning into why a partner would want to look into my vagina slash asshole

question mark? I'm not inexperienced, nor am I uneducated in things like kink and fetishes. This isn't me being completely unaccustomed to how heterosexual sex works. I want to be very clear. I'm not turned off by this particular interest. I've just never met someone so specifically interested in this one type of thing before. I don't want to make my partner feel judged by bringing it up out of nowhere. But anyways, my current situation ship is very interested in seeing my insides, as he puts it.

Meaning he wants me either to gape my ass or pull my labia far apart so he can see into my vagina. I've had all sorts of requests of poses for nudes before, but his are extremely specific. And when we have had sex, he responded to me spreading myself apart. As a bisexual woman, I do see the aesthetic and sexual appeal of both the ass and vagina. But it's like he wants to see inside me, which I guess is new. And I don't fully get. I probably ask him about directly. I'm more curious to see if other people have experienced this are into this and can explain the specific appeal.

I'm autistic and extremely sex positive, so I prefer blunt explanations. If it's possible to explain the appeal of a king, right? Like, it's, it's kind of like, why do you like hamburgers? Because they're tasty. Like, I like, I like how they taste, right? Like, it's the same sort of thing of being like, I can't explain to someone like, if I like to be spanked to be like, well, I like the way it feels. Yeah. Like, and that's it.

Right. Like, it's hard to, it's not like, you can explain things art is a good way to explain why you, why you like things. Right. you can be like, well, you know, I appreciate like in music you can appreciate like harmonies, melodies, blah, blah, blah. There's, there's things like elements that you can pull apart and like explain why you like and how it makes you feel. But like then there are other things where it's just like eating a hamburger tastes good and that's why I like it. And like if you then bite into a hamburger, you're like, I don't like this. I can't tell you you you're wrong. You can't. And nor can

I tell you why my tastes are the way they are. You know what I mean? Like there are, there are some things that you just kind of can't explain. So I don't really know if you're going to get an answer of being like, I got one. Okay. He's just looking for guts. He's just looking for guts. He's just looking for guts. What if he's just, he's doing his own research, right? Biology class. They said all that stuff's up there. He haven't ever seen it. He's doing his own research. And guess what? He ain't seen none of it. What am I going to do? Believe big science? Big science. Big science. Big school. Oh, yeah, big science is saying there's like a you know 120 foot

line of fucking tube in me exactly I'm a fucking bag full of things but I know they're long I think it's a lot longer than 120 foot how long intestines how long intestines eight kilometers that's how far that person has to drive to pick up their wizard boyfriend an adult's attestants on average are 25 feet

25 feet damn I very confidently said it was longer than 120 20 feet. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. We don't know because you got to look. Isn't it crazy that the small intestine is 15 to 22 feet, but the large intestine is only 5 feet?

Not very large to me. Why? Why the small intestine big and the large intestine is small? No, but small intestine is small so you can fit so many of it in there. Oh, it's like, damn, we got fucking boom, we just put it in. It's a chungus. Yeah. we need to ruin

that's the chongous yeah uh intestine the chongus testine and then we got the itty bitty test time um i think he's just looking for guts you know a little gut that's fair

right but again you can't explain why he looking for guts if that's what he wants to do he doesn't trust big science he's doing his own research it's very clear it's yeah I mean like I made a face and I felt bad for doing it

I didn't like how it was described of being like wants to see inside. Like that sounds. Yeah, my inside. She does say though, he wants to see my insides. Gut hunt theory is getting stronger. Yeah, gut hunt theory is pretty strong. The, yeah, I just, I feel like if this is his answer to you, like, if you've asked him why he's into it and he's just like, I want to see inside you. I mean, that's it.

Right. Like, I think that's the, I don't get it. Yeah. But I'm not here to yuck anyone's yums. the thing I don't like about it is saying I want to see inside you or I want to see your insides I feel like it is a slippery slope to being cut open yeah right like there is an inherent threat to it and I don't know what it is I just think if that's the case it may be phrasing you know change the wording a little bit you know how like serial killers start with like small animals

and be any people start by looking through the keyhole um yeah this is a slippery slope. This is what I'm worried about. I'm worried he's going to be in your belly or something. Right? Like, I don't know. It's tough. I think the phrasing is a is a challenging thing for me. And it makes me a little nervous. I'm assuming it is something to do with like the intimacy of it and the vulnerability of it and the like exclusivity. Exactly. Yeah. Not everyone gets to look deep into your butthole. And the fact that he is in the position. And you are trusting him enough to, to open the gates of anus to, for him to then peer inside. That's, that's a pretty intimate thing. That's a pretty trusting, intimate thing between two people. And if y'all are into it, fucking, I think this is one of the least harmful, as long as you are not spreading too wide.

Don't spread too wide. Don't even, don't even put that in my brain, Dane. That hurt my butt to even. Yeah, I know. You know, just be safe with that aspect of things. But if you're okay with the man peering, let the man peer. Let them peer. Also, we haven't been able to suggest a series of mirrors in a while.

This is true. Maybe, maybe you can implement that while you're doing other stuff and get them, and get an eye full and a cock full. Yeah. This is my turn. So I immediately clicked on this question and pulled it in because the title is spelled incorrectly. It says, do you communicate with your spice by text?

I do imagine he means spouse. But I do also want to imagine that he's talking about spice, the like drug from Dune. Yeah, yeah. So I just want you to, while I read this question, just imagine this is Duncan, Idaho. Yeah. Talking about his wife, Sandra Nebraska. Sandra Nebraska, the hottest woman on all of Dune. All of Iraqis?

No, that's the house. Oh, yes, that's foracas. What's the planet? Dune? Planet Dune. Planet Dune. Yeah. Fremen?

I know that's a word. Fremen is the people. Called Jbar. I think it's also a thing. It's funny because I read these books when I was like nine. So it's been a long time. I bet it kicked ass as a nine-year-old. It did kick ass.

I was like, Dukkin, Idaho. Deep as fuck, man. Spice. Yeah. Yeah. Pissing in their suits and drinking it. His eyes going.

Blue? Yeah. Yeah. The Gom jabar. I will never, anytime anyone talks about Dune, I will never not yell Gob Jabar, which I believe is the pain box. Is that it? Is that the Gomb Javier? I genuinely have no idea.

Well, time to replace my how long is a long intestine, Google search to Gomb Jabar. In Frank Herbert's Dune, the Gomb Jabar, or high-handed enemy, is a poison needle used by the Ben-Egeseret to test human awareness. So that's it. Gamabar. Pain box. It's a needle box. I'm going to poke you.

Okay, let's get this. Arachus is the planet as well. Informally known as Dune. If you're friends with the planet, you call it Dune. Yeah. Mr. Arachas, please, please call me Dune. Please, call me, call me Dune.

Mr. Arachis is my father. I think I need to have a conversation with my wife about intimacy and connection. I want to share that I'm having a hard time with the frequency, and I'm feeling I'm always initiating. Also, that is difficult for me to even know what she enjoys and what she's feeling. Is she doing it just to make me feel better, et cetera? I feel that after 10 plus years of marriage, we are at risk of just growing apart. At this point, I would be surprised if she's not cheating on me, not physically, but emotionally.

Here's the thing. We live together. We both work from home, but I'm unable to start the conversation with her as I don't know how. And in the past, we've had these conversations often didn't quite work out. I'm ready to take the blame and I'm probably not doing a great job of sharing my feelings without her feeling attacked. Has anyone been successful having these conversations and trying to resolve the issues by text? Text is asynchronous, so I feel like it would give me more time to modulate my message so that I don't come out as accusatory or at least less accusatory, I think he means there? Any suggestions?

I worry that we're growing apart and not communicating. Should I text? are famously intimate texting. That's why people really love when you break up with them that way. Yeah. Yeah. Let's look at the things I appreciate about this idea. If something isn't working, you're going to shake it up.

Okay. You're trying a new route. I appreciate that. If people get heated in the moment and you come across accusatory, maybe you should just work on not being as accusatory. If you think text will help with that, sure. Maybe take that idea, wrap up the very. different ideas that are positive and turn that into writing a letter as opposed to texting,

which is again, famously, I think just so remote and like could seem disrespectful and weird, especially if you guys are at home. Maybe you just be like, hey, I wanted to have a conversation with you. I'm worried that like blah, blah, blah, or like, I don't want to put you under any pressure. So I thought I just write my notes, like, write my thoughts down, give you time to like look over it. You can write back to me or you can talk to me, whatever you'd feel. But like, I just didn't want to like come at you. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah.

I have a hard time in the, in the heat of the moment, expressing how I feel without, you know, I didn't want it to come across as angry or accusatory. I, but like, this is a good way for me to take my time and think through my thoughts and get it out the way that I wanted it to without being, you know, affected by, you know, things you were saying or whatever. It's a good idea. Yeah. And then, like, and then you don't have to feel pressure in time.

Like, you know, take your time and write me your response or come talk to me. Now, the thing is, I think you really need to think about a few things. One, you need to be able to have that conversation with her. Yeah. Right? Because I think if you just hand her a note and mutely walk away. You cannot. Awful.

Two, you need to give her the note when she is ready and willing to read it. Because if she's at work and you slip that and like, hey, I wrote my thoughts down, she's got a fucking spiral until she gets to read your fucking note. And that's going to be awful. The text from your parents call me when you can. Oh, hey, guess what just happened to me before we. hopped on this fucking recording. I get a message being like,

are you free for a quick chat? And like, I'm freaking out now. And I'm like, no, I don't. I got to record for two hours. So now I have to fucking call them after this.

And it's either going to be terrible news or the most mundane bullshit you've ever heard in your life. Nothing in between, right? Like, yeah, someone's dead or they fucking, I don't know.

They saw squirrel. They saw a squirrel. Like genuinely. Yeah. Good luck to me, I guess. Yeah. My mom did that to me once.

And this is when I, I had a very harsh. conversation with them because the like the stray cats they were looking at or taking care of in the backyard did something and I was like mom mom please you are of the age

now where things can happen and you texting me when you know I'm at work on a Friday night call me when you can with no context and a period like I assume dad is dead right like that's what you've told me or you know some horrible accident has happened

Like this is unacceptable She was like, I'm seeing them in two days So the odds are It's bad news I don't know anyway No, it's probably like Do you want these blankets or these blankets On your bed?

I don't know, we'll see We'll see But anyway, don't do that to your partner It fucking sucks So yeah You gotta be like be fucking conscientious Please You need to be as now said

You need to have a speech prepared to explain What is happening and why you're doing it And you need to be drop it when they're free and ready and willing as well. It's like, oh, you just got off work and you want to relax. Read a fucking heavy letter that's going to ruin your night. No, like you need to try to be kind as to when you're going to drop this on her. Right.

Also, maybe it's worth just trying to get your fucking communication order before you go the letter route because you will have to talk about it eventually. Right. And I do think the letter is good groundwork. Even if you never give it, right? Like I think it might be good to, if you're worried about sort of like the thought processes and that kind of stuff, I think writing it out and journaling it out or whatever, I would say if you don't want your partner to find this letter, destroy it afterwards, right? Like I don't think having that floating around, especially if it's raw and incredibly vulnerable and you're you're just working through thoughts. Yeah. I think could be pretty devastating to find like if I found a note that my partner had written of.

of, you know, complaints or problems. And I think that would be a very challenging thing to find. So I think it would also be worrying because I'd be like, what is this for? If I wasn't given this and I just came upon it, you know? Yeah. So I would maybe not hang on to it for sentimental reasons. But I think it would be worth, you know, if you struggle with this kind of stuff, I think writing it down to sort of lay out your points and be like, now that I've written five pages of

of thoughts, here's actually the three things that matter to me. Here's what I want to talk about and why I want to talk about it. I think it's very useful. But like you've been together for 10 years, you said? Like it just baffles me that you wouldn't be able to talk to them about this. Because you say, I don't know how to bring it up. Be like, hey, can we talk? Boom.

Again, do that when they're ready and free and available to talk. Not like, we need to talk after your nine-hour shift at work. Like, and just bring them and be like, hey, like start with how you feel. be like, I've been a little upset lately or I've been worried lately or, you know, I'm worried we're drifting apart or something and then just lay out your concerns. And like, don't be accused of story or vicious or violent or, you know, aggressive. And state that ahead of time, right? Like, like, we talk about this all the time. It's like, we're not perfect people. We're subject to our emotions and our, you know, baggage and our trauma and our whatever. So say like, hey, I do not want this to be an argument. Why are you saying that? Because I always make an argument. You know, and it's just like preface things and be like if you start feeling like I'm getting accusatory or frustrated, can we take a break? Like tell me that you start to feel like that and we'll take a breather. We'll take a second. I'll take a lap around the house or out in the yard or something. Like I will cool down and we can start from fresh again. If like if we have to reset, we have to reset. But like this is a conversation I really want to have. I think it's also important to know. And I know now has kind of said a little bit of the opposite. But it's like there really isn't a good time to have these conversations, right?

Like waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring this up, it's never going to happen. It's never a point in time where she's like she's going to kick her feet up and be like, I wish we had a really serious chat about our relationship right now. It's not going to happen. Boy, am I mentally ready for some challenging talks. Yeah. It's never going to pose itself as the best time to have a conversation of some like really difficult conversations.

However, with that being said, which you're. Totally right. There are bad times. There are specifically bad times. That's the thing. There aren't perfect times. There can be okay times. I think that's the best you're going to get is okay. But what the worst you're going to get is awful, terrible, horrendous, the worst. You can definitely beef it. Is she heading out to like a girl's night? And as she's leaving, you say, hey, when you get home, we need to talk. Terrible. Terrible. It's a little horrible thing to do it to a person. She's in the middle of a performance review at work. And you're like tapping her on the shoulder. And she mutes and it's like, I'm on this calling.

Like, yeah, yeah, here's a really serious, Larry. You have to read later when you get off. Okay. Or just a sign you're holding up like love actually sell that just we need to talk. Actually, fuck a letter. Love actually. Fuck a letter. Love actually this girl.

You get a series of boards there in front of you. You play some music. If you don't want her to find that letter, you cannot let her find the giant sideboards of your fears of your crumbling relationship. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Especially if I found something in the closet. And it's 48 boards of. There's a board here that says,

I wouldn't be surprised if she's cheating on me. But babe, did you move it and find the other one that says no, only emotionally cheating? Does that make it better? Also, that's a wild thing to say. And maybe don't come in to the conversation with that energy. With that energy. Because guess what?

Little accusatory. Pretty sour. Oh, sour dark. Yeah. You got to maintain that sour. energy or suppress the sour energy. You can't maintain it, Dane. Don't maintain it.

Yeah. So if you really don't trust yourself to talk, maybe try letter, letter gambit as opposed to text, because text does seem very, you know, the only way texts can work is if for some reason you are going to be a part for a very long time, right? Like if that's the only way I think you could, you could do it. But I think it's like if you're just going out for groceries and then you go and just park in the parking lot and be like, well, this is good as time as any and start. Like that's, that's bad. Especially because you do stay, you're always kind of together, which maybe that's part

of the issue, by the way. But you're like at home working and you work from home and you blow, blah, blah. So it's like, you're just texting from across the room. That's kind of strange. Especially if like, if I got the text, I would want to be like, hey, what's going on? I wouldn't be like reply. But if you leave or if they're doing so. they're out with a friend, not a good time to fucking start texting.

The grocery short, also not a good time to start texting. I also think these kind of conversations need a little bit of preamble, need a little bit of like preface, like a context. I don't think you can just like, hey, let's have a conversation. I'm worried our relationship is crumbling. That's not how it works, right? Like, I think you do need to sort of like, be like, hey, this is something I really need to talk about.

And I want to make sure we have the time to talk about it because it might be, you You know, like, there is, like, a little bit of work that you have to do to ease someone into it. And I feel like you can't really do that with text. Yeah, unless you're, yeah, no, I just, I don't like text. I really don't. It's also not built for, like, long form chat. Like, you kind of have to be reductive. Like, you have to be short or it's walls.

It's just not great. It's just not great. Don't do it text. And I think there's a certain element of, like, it being stored. That's like maybe antithetical to like honesty, right? Like it's the text is going to still be there, you know? Yeah. And like text messages are famous for being misconstrued in terms of like tone, right?

Also like, do you really want to have a serious chat and then throw in some emojis? Like, yes. Is you got it? You do have to do like a winky face when you're just so they know you're not angry. You got to make sure you use the right color heart. That's the important thing. Yeah. And the accurate amount of exclamation marks and periods.

Yeah, I get so scared when people send me hearts of different colors because I'm like, I don't know if you're just being quirky or if there's a meaning. And I'm just sending them back a red one. It's branding, baby. I refuse to believe anything else. Yeah, that's what I want to think. Because there are people who send the same color heart every time. Yeah.

And I assume. They're just like, I'm an orange girl. Great. Yeah. You do that. Hopefully it isn't the color I'm missing. I think that's it. That's going to do it.

Yeah. I think that's the end of the show. If you want to save me and Dane for misery and physical torture, go to our Patreon. The good thing is, on top of saving us, you'll be saving yourself by giving yourself dozens of episodes. Yeah, like 48 hours plus worth of the two full days. But the next time you're like at a family function you want to avoid. Yeah. Or the next time you're at like a work retreat that you need to like tune out of.

Really boring wedding. Really boring wedding. Yeah. think of it this way, right? You know the way you look at a person. You want to open them up and have a peek inside and you're like, how do they fit so much intestines in there? That's what we're like.

Our Patreon, how do we fit so much content in there? No one knows. Big science can't describe it, but you should do your own research, gape our Patreon and see what's in there. And I will tell you, whenever we say we're releasing a big episode, it's only five minutes.

It's real thick. It's real thick. Yeah, the big episodes are dendip. five minute heavy motherfuckers. The eight hour episodes, we just talk about snails. Yeah. Thanks for hanging out with us. Yeah. You can also like, share, review,

tell a friend, we love you. Are you ready for some bad sex writing? I pivoted. Midway, I found this bad sex writing midway through the episode. And you might think, Nile, you should be looking at things while we're recording. You should be focused. It was a work thing. Don't fire me. This was in the comments of our gaping question.

And it's apparently a song by a band called The Cramps. And they say, what's inside the girl? Ain't no hotter question in the so-called civilized world. Can't see it by satellite, baby. That's cheating. The president's calling an emergency meeting. King of Siam sent to tell you're saying, Wap, bap, a loop, a loop, bum, bam.

Wooee. What's that inside a girl? Something's telling me, there's a whole other world. Maybe that's why he's looking. Hey, let me tell you right now, if that doesn't help an artistic person, I don't know what will My name is Dane Miller And I'm now Spain

I'm sorry My name is Lieutenant Dane Miller Reporting for duty And I'm now Spain And Dean has me a gunpoint You speak your fun buddies