F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Mr. Beast's Guillotine Games

Episode Date: November 17, 2025

It's time once again to beg at the Altar of Beast in order to be thrown just enough scraps to continue our meager existence.  Topics include a beastly missed opportunity, creating a safe sexual environment, budget conscious condoms, the boy ain't alright.

I put my trust in you And when I trust in love Hello Hello friends My name is Dame Miller And I'm Nile Spain And guess what We're your fuck buddies

Damn Yeah We are dating and sex advice podcast Where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. We find questions from our wonderful listener. That's you. Send them in. We also find them online.

That's maybe you also, by a secret name. But we don't know. But it's fine, because we do anonymously anyway. And guess what? We answer them right here, right now, in your ears, collaboratively, positively, excitedly. Inflammatorily, apparently, if you're any person on the internet ever. We're ruffling some feathers. And I think maybe that's, I don't think we should be.

I don't think anything we're saying should be ruffling any feathers, but there are particular feathers that are being ruffled. I think it's just like, for some reason, the algorithm is like, yes, you guys. And we're just being put out to people. And people are wild and just wild. Like, we released a clip from last week where we talked about, you should know where the clip is. And someone commented, oh, so gay guys should never have sex?

I'm like, sure. Yeah, that's what we were saying. We were being super homophobic. You're right. And I'm sorry, guys. Look, to all the gay people listening, you got to stop. To be fair, we didn't say you shouldn't have sex. We said, if you're not willing to learn where the clitoris is, you shouldn't be having sex.

So gay men, we're not saying gay men shouldn't be having sex. We're saying that you still need to know where the clitoris is. And what is the prostate but the clit of the ass. So that's what I'm saying. Everyone's got a clit. It's just a different thing. Yeah, it's just wild. But you know what?

That's fine. Give me that. Give me that engagement. I'll take it. So this episode, we're only going to say out of pocket things to rage bait people. Just a heads up. It's not. We just need to say definitive things.

We just need to say things with no nuance and say things like, if you're walking down the street, you should stay on the sidewalk. And then someone would be like, okay, so, so fuck cars, fuck people in third world countries where maybe there aren't sidewalks, Dane, fuck the countryside. We don't have sidewalks in my town. I guess I shouldn't walk anywhere. Yeah, farmers can't fucking harvest their crops now or just build fucking pavements in the fields, Dane. Jesus Christ, I'm done. I'm a help. Is that, is that not how farms work?

Are there not sidewalks everywhere in farms? I don't know how farms work. Yeah. Well, you should because we played a lot of farm simulator. But you know what? This week we're going to talk about, is there a logical reason for my girlfriend to say stuff like this? My girlfriend flinched really hard. What do I do?

Girl wanted me to use open condoms that she brought from home and got mad when I didn't want to. Why does she ask if I'm all right? If you're all right? I don't know. I think I got summoned to the farm there and got a little bit of a drawl. I'm all right. Maybe you became part animal. Ready?

Yeah. Am I overreacting? is there a logical reason for my girlfriend to say stuff like this? This is by No Thoughts, 6169. I, 24-year-old and my girlfriend, 23-year-old female, will go from some of the sweetest combos to her saying stuff like this out of the blue. I will hit you up with what she said at the end. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's dealt with something like this,

but honestly, just trying to get an answer from both sides. Have you done this before and why? And if it's happened to you, how'd you go about the issue? Feels disrespectful to hear from someone that states they may want to marry me, or sorry, that they want to be married to me one day. Her reasoning is that someone famous, to worry about, but I don't see it as a reason to be able to tell my partner I wish I could be with somebody else. Am I ever reacting? Which celebrity? Three guesses, quick. Hit me.

Timothy Salome. No. Chris Pratt. No. Wait, wait. Before you do the third one, let's say it's unconventional. Not ostracizing. That's pretty conventional. Yeah. The guy who plays Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I would say even weirdly, I would say less conventional than that, but you can, you could tell me whether you agree or not. So she texted him saying, I'm so mad Mr. Beast is engaged. How the fuck did he have no girl for when I first watched him? Got one. I got lucky enough. They broke up. He surely

got another one later and then quickly proposed crying face. Yeah, I feel like you have to be, like, regardless of sort of relationship status, I think you have to be an absolute either robot or psychopath or a psychopath robot

to find anything that Mr. Beast does attractive. Maybe it's his dead eyes. Like the eyes that may remind you of a psychopath robot maybe it's ever hitting poor people against each other so they could survive and she's really a hunger games uh a theme park with slave labor in the middle east perfect yeah but don't worry that's after he gave like a bunch of people hypothermia in canada yeah and also like i'm pretty sure someone really hurt themselves during like one of his like don't pee challenges as well they're not the woman who died for the we uh but like yeah sorry i'm

sorry um well did you hear he came out against ma'm dany and was like no Things shouldn't be more affordable. It's like, yeah, because you need poverty to fuel your kindness. People can afford basic necessities. They no longer need to run in your little like mad scientist lab rat machines. Yeah. He is like one Netflix deal away from making a human sized mouse trap game in which he literally launches them like into tubs of water and stuff.

Have you seen the the interview he did? I can't remember who the third person is. But it's him, Logan Paul, and someone else. And the, whatever the, there's charisma and stage presence and, and, and sort of like, you know, and, and, and, you know, banter and being able to sort of like, you know, chemistry. When you're a podcaster. Yeah. The, the, the three of these people are the opposite of that. It is like, it is like someone figured out how to suck, uh, engagement out of a room.

And it is, it is just like, it is just sort of like dead horse. size across the board of just these like three people who grew up in social media churning out content for numbers not knowing how to act like a human being around other human beings or sorry human beings yeah of course i don't believe mr beast is a real person true and they also don't consider us human beings so he calls himself mr beast how much more on the nose the greatest trick the devil ever pulled i have never seen i have never seen anything to do with Mr. Beast, to be fair. I don't think I've ever seen a video they've done. I don't think I've ever seen an interview with them. I've never watched his nightmare game

show. Yeah. No, I've never ever consumed any. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'll look one day. I'll be like, wow, this guy's real compelling. Or maybe one day we'll look back on this clip when we've become soulless podcasters who just are, we're Joe Roganing it up. We're saying, hey, that's a kill everybody. That's a fair point. Yeah. I hope that if we ever do get to that point, that this is in fact the clip in which our like ghost of Christmas past brings us to to sort our asses out. I hope past me kicks the shit out of future shitty me. You know what?

If I ever get to that point, I hope someone guillottings me in the street. Yeah. Hopefully my death can further the cause. That is my statement to you guys as. No, some crazy person's going to be like, we'll finally make like a decent amount of money one day. Like, we'll be like, oh, we got like a cool like Netflix show or something. And so we were like, well, time to kill them. Time to drag data and guillotied him in the street.

Yeah, wait, they made more than $50 on Patreon. Dead. Back to the original question. Again, I don't even want, like, I think if this was other people, if this was anyone else, if this was the guy who played Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. Or let's say Oscar Isaac. Or Oscar Isaac. Then I think we'd have a conversation.

I think the fact that it is Mr. Beast, I think is, like, there's nothing about that man that should warrant this response. I'm assuming it's someone who grew up with him. Sure. And I guess maybe I can understand if you had like, you know, you watched them in your formative years. Maybe it was your show or whatever. I don't fucking know.

Maybe you might have crush on him. I think it's so fucking weird. Like if I had a crush on a celebrity any further than being like, they're hot, I think that's strange. So to be upset that they're engaged or to be like, oh, thank God they broke up like with their partner, now I have a chance. If I was like that even with a person. and I know. That's pretty weird. But like a celebrity to be like, yes, they're single. Now's

my time. Fuck. They got another girlfriend. Damn it. Like, what? Yeah, unless you worked in that sphere, like, unless you were like a head, like a top executive at YouTube. If you were the guy. Or Netflix or whatever. If you're the person that delivers the hypothermia to his show, like, you know. Sure, maybe like if you interacted with Mr. Beast, then like maybe you do have a shot of like, but yes, I agree. This was something that I never understood, especially in high. school. High school was, and it's like, I understand that, like, this is a high school thing. Can I say, especially in high school? I think it's far worse if you're like 24. No, I mean like, it like I noticed it especially in high school, right? Like, where I had, I've mentioned before,

like predominantly lady friends. Like I pretty much only had women friends in high school, uh, outside of a select few. And so like I was privy to a lot of the girl talk. And it was like girls who thought that they like could marry johnny dep or they could date you know gerard way or you know whoever the fuck it was that they were obsessed with and it like like literal serious conversations and i feel i don't know if that like but yes and then it's for whatever reason some people just don't grow out of it and still become like parisocially attached to these celebrities and like you see it a lot with like taylor swift right like people crying when she got engaged Hey, Dane.

Hey, TikTok. Hey, TikTok. Oh, no. What up? What up? I'm going to say, hey, I have a very interesting bad sex writing about Taylor Swift later. It's not really sex writing, but it's just funny that you mentioned this. So continue. I'm already nervous.

But yeah, it's like, I think that like if you, if you can get that emotionally engaged with someone who doesn't know you exist and you will never probably ever meet. Regardless of how important, like there are not whatever is. Yeah, it's like, it's weird to me. It would be the same thing. I was like if I broke down in tears when I walked past someone getting like if I saw like a wedding at a church across the street and I got so overwhelmed. That's not a normal response. And I think it's even less normal when it's being packaged and delivered to you via the media machine to be like, look how fairy tale-esque this wedding is. Look how romantic this like newborn baby birth is.

It's not even that. Like they're not like, oh my God, it's so beautiful. They're like, fuck. there goes my chance. And I think, like, even if you, like, let's say you have a friend or someone you hooked up with or someone you went to school with or someone you worked with, someone you kind of know, and you're upset, like, you're in tears that they're getting married. There's something wrong with you. You're doing it wrong, right? That just goes so much more so for a celebrity because, again, you have no idea who they are. They have no idea who you are. Probably never going to

happen. Also, probably shouldn't happen because all the things you know about them are like false. Yeah, you, this is the weird thing. Like, I, I try to keep a very level head. There are some people who, like, I really hope are cool. Yeah. And I try not to put expectations on people because I understand that, and maybe this is just because I've worked in media almost my entire, like, adult life of being like, everything you see is fake. And I just don't understand why people don't still, even now when we have access to social media. And it's like, you know what you're posting on your social media.

And it's probably very curated. Do you not think that the person who makes millions of dollars has a person curating their image on social media and the same way that like everybody does this to one extent or the other? That's the thing. It's like the average person is going to do it a little bit and even that little bit portrays their life wholly differently. Then there's people way above that, people who like are obsessively doing this and then there's people that do it again for a living professionally and they can change anything. They can give you whatever perception they want. So it's just, I think it's a red flag.

I think it's a huge red flag. I think it is, if someone pulled that out to me, I would be like, hmm, okay, we are, I would, I don't know if I would dump them, but I'd be like, what's going on here? This is a strange behavior to have. And triply so if it was Mr. Bees. So much more so it's Mr. Bees. If someone hit me with a, I'm so upset that I don't have the opportunity to marry Mr. Bees and that Mr. Bees is, Mr. Bees's marital status is causing me emotional distress is upset. upsetting. Other than like the fact that someone has decided to marry Mr. Beast, that upset. Which is its own level of upset. Yeah. Who is it? Do we know who this is? Who's marrying Mr. Beast? No. My guess would be probably some influencer, some Instagram influencer would my guess. You know, it'd be funny if it's just some random fucking like 52 year old school teacher from Idaho. That'd be incredible. Maybe I would respect. Oh, he, you know, it's funny. He proposed on Christmas Day apparently. And we have a whole thing about why you shouldn't do that. Yeah. She's listed as a. At someone else's Internet celebrity.

Yeah, shocking. Yeah. Oh, weird. Okay. Her name is Thea Beastie on, like, social medias. And I'm like, was she inspired by Mr. Beast? Because that's how... But did she change that after the fact?

Maybe. I don't know. She changed it now that she's engaged. I refuse. Because, like, Mr. Beast obviously has to be Mrs. Beast. Yes, of course. Right. Anyway, I don't want to talk about Mr. Beast anymore.

This is from I would like some help. Girlfriend Flint's really hard. How do I approach this situation? I, a 21-year-old male, have been with quite a few. girls. None I have loved apart from my girlfriend, Lila, fake name, 19 female. Uh, I've known Lila for quite a while. We've been together for six months. Yesterday night, me and Lila got intimate for the first time. Well, we were about to. She hasn't been intimate with anyone before and I was guiding her through it. She wanted to give me a blowjob to start. Everything was

going smoothly, but when I used my hand to move hair out of her face, Lila flinched extremely hard. I've never seen anyone flinched that hard. I was immediately worried and confused. She was apologizing profusely saying that she thought my hand was a bug, but I wasn't buying it, obviously. The night ended a bit awkwardly because she wouldn't stop apologizing and wanting to continue, but she was literally shaking. I just could not continue after that. She hasn't even ever spoken too deeply about her past and anything or anything and doesn't want to, which I don't mind, but of course I would like to know, especially after what happened. Does anyone know how it can approach this whole situation without upsetting her? Man, well, if she did think it was a bug.

Yeah, right? That sucks. It sucks because then you're like, oh, shit, a bug. I'm feeling vulnerable. That's a bad time for a bug to be around, right? Like, I was once getting changed, and the biggest spider I've ever seen walks across the road when I, or the road, Jesus, the room. That's a huge spider, dude. Holy shit. And like, I have my dick out and there's like, ah, not now. Of all times, let me at least, like, get that tucked away.

I'll get some boxers on minimum, and I feel a lot more safe. I felt very vulnerable. I don't even mind spiders, but not when I got my dick out. Yeah, there was a real big point of time in which I was really scared. And look, don't get me wrong. I'm still quite scared of it. this, but of bugs climbing into my urethra. Yeah.

Right? Like, obviously still not okay with it. But for whatever reason, there was a period of time where I was like really scared it was going to happen. Yeah, this was, you talked about this before, I think it was used to like sell a tape, used to use mouth tape, but on the head of your dick every night. It was, yeah,

it was just a Ziploc bag and a lot of tape. Nothing was getting in there. Apart from the one time, you used your wrong Ziploc bag, the one full of ants. And yeah. My bug bag, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I hate when you mix those up. Okay. This is time for a follow-up conversation because sometimes in the moment, emotions are high. People are upset. People are scared. People are nervous. People blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You didn't get anywhere in the moment. That's okay. It seems like you did the right thing. You stopped. You asked questions. You were concerned. You were a good person. And understandably, you looked a little deeper into what was happening. And I think that's a reasonable thing in a situation like this. I think what you need to do now, that the, you know, heat has died down, is just reach out and you and be like, hey, so the other night, I really just want to check in with you. I want to make sure everything's okay. You know, obviously,

I didn't mean to cause you any alarm, but if there is something you want to talk about, you can definitely bring it up and just, just open that door. And then if she's like, no, honestly, it was a bug. Like, don't worry about it. I think you just have to like take that. Like I, because again, one, maybe it is, right? Emotions are high and like nerves. If she's giving a blowjob for the first time, she thinks she's about to have sex for the first time, That can be a really scary moment. So it could be that, like, for whatever reason. Like, again, maybe she did think it was a bug.

Maybe she flinched and then got so embarrassed and then thought you were upset and then was like, oh, fuck, this is meant to be the moment. There's a cascading effect that's embarrassing. Like, oh, my God, he's still asking me. I've ruined the whole thing. Like, because this could be one of those things that people really, like, people put a lot of like importance on virginity and shit. So she could be super highly strong at that point.

And then this just, again, as Dane said, it was like a cascade. So just got to reach out after the fact. leave room. And again, also on the flip side, if something has happened in her past that she doesn't want to talk about, she doesn't have to, right? So if she's telling you it's a bug, either way, you have to let it go, I think. I think you're, sorry, just very quickly, your job is just to be open and be kind and make that safe, that space safe for her if she does want to reach out. That's, that was what I was going to add on. It was like, do the extra step and try to talk. And as Nell said, like, there's, there's bedroom time and then there's outside of

bedroom time. And this is one of those situations where I think you're going to get a lot more ground covered outside of the moment after everything has passed. But outside, as Nell said, it's like if she's not ready to talk about it, you're not a therapist. You're not a mental health professional. Presumably, you're 19, I think. So chances are you're not a doctor. But what you do need to do is make sure that she knows that she's safe with you and to mean what you say when you say it, right? Like to actually be a safe space, uh, both. in in your relationship and and sexually so you need to even if it's just something as simple as like she's like well something did happen I don't really want to talk about it or you notice that

she's being hesitant about bringing things up maybe ask her to be like hey going forward I would like a list of things that may that I should avoid or things that like or whenever you do feel unsafe or if something just just let her know and be like look I will never be upset about this so at any point in time if you ever feel unsafe or ever feel scared or ever whatever just please tell me and we will stop and I won't be mad at you and we don't have to talk about it but I don't want you to feel like you have to push through things to satisfy me because you're worried that I will you know lose interest or whatever I want you to know that like if you get scared again it's okay please let me know and please know that there is a ripcord

to pull at any point in time um great and like look am I saying that that's a sustainable thing forever no because at some point in time if if you guys do want to have a sexual relationship, and there is something happening, she will have to go work through this one way or another. If this is a consistent thing that every time you try to do something, something like this happens or whatever, that's not the kind of thing you just ignore. And it's also not the kind of thing you could probably deal with because, as Dan said, you're too young to be a licensed mental health professional, I assume.

So maybe this will be a thing that they have to seek professional help for, or maybe it was a blip or something. You don't know. You just need to make sure that you are a safe, comforting space. And then that's kind of the best situation. And if it can work from there, it will. And if it can't, then you try to be patient while they seek mental help. Or, you know, if it's not working out long term, then maybe you guys break up.

But I will say, just a little addition to what I were saying earlier, when you do reach out, make sure you hammer home the fact that you do not mind. You are not upset. It wasn't embarrassing. And that everything's cool. You know, because it sounds like it is. It sounds like you don't mind. You're just concerned about their well-being.

so it'll help them feel better about the situation if you are just like, hey, just a heads up. Like, I am not annoyed. I am not upset. It doesn't matter to me. It's totally fine. I'm just concerned about you and I want to make sure you're okay.

Yeah. And there you go. As by Majestic Middle, 874, girl wanted me to use opened condoms she brought and got mad when I insisted I want to use mine. So I, 20 year old male, was hanging up with this girl, 19 year old female. I've been talking to you for a few weeks.

Things got heated and we were about to have sex. But she pulled out a couple of condoms that were already opened and said she brought them from home, I was like, uh, I've got new ones in my drawer. I wasn't trying to accuse her of anything, just felt weird using open ones that weren't mine. Told her I'd feel more comfortable using fresh ones from my pack, but then she kind of snapped and said I was making it awkward and killing the vibe. Now she's not replying to my text. I'm low-key confused.

Like, was I wrong for insisting on using my own? I thought it was common sense to use new condoms, especially ones you know haven't been tampered with. Hey, dude, run as far and as fast away from this as you possibly can. of course don't use open condoms. I would like sometimes like if you tore a pack and like one would like rip a little, even that sometimes for me was like I don't know about this one. Even though I was like almost like 90% sure that there wasn't like any exposed.

It was just, but like I was always overly cautious with my like if I ever felt that like maybe my apartment got too hot or if I left my drawer open in the like anything of like I had a couple of my leather coat. that I had left over the, like, you know, the seasons, I would always take the precaution to be like, if I'm not 100% sure about the integrity of this condom, it's not being used because I'd much rather pay the $20 for another pack of condoms than for a plan B or a child. Have a baby. Yeah. Or a disease. Also, like, there's things where like, oh, that, that is a maybe. This is a definitely. If they've been open for any extent of amount of time, they are not good

anymore. I'm pretty sure they will dry out. The rubber will be bad. Like, it's just not good. So it is not a, oh, it might be whatever. It's fully just been compromised. And also, like, what is she carrying it in? Like, the second there's any sort of particulate, dirt, dust, yeah, fluff, anything like that. The second that's added into the mix. That is a thing that's, that's a great way to get an infection for her. That's a great way to cause, uh, any sort of like, like, even just like, have you ever had sex on a beach? Have you ever had sand in your vagina? Like, the, the, the smallest little particulate can do a ton of damage. The insides and genitals are very,

very sensitive. So just the idea for her point of view of being like, yes, please use this potentially incredibly dirty condom. And again, not dirty in the sense of like it's been used before, but dirty in the sense that it has been exposed to the elements. And God only knows what's on that.

That's gross. It's insane. My, like what I want to know is why and when, right? Like is this the fourth guy She's pulled this same open condom out Because she took him home presumably

She's gonna be like hey next person I still got him I don't want to waste them I can't even begin to guess what the The play is here Is it to like just see if you can find a guy Who will do whatever like you say And like if you find a guy who will use these And he's going to be very easy to manipulate otherwise

Like maybe is that the play Because that's the only thing I can think of Or you are that insane That you've tampered with these condoms And Yeah, that's the worst case scenario, but at the same time, it's like if you're going to do something this wildly unsafe, like we all know that this is not okay, but then you're going to freak out when someone brings it up. Like, I don't know, man, I'm erring on the side of maybe you're doing something nefarious.

And I want to, I want to bring a touch on this subject as well. I don't think that you should ever use having a discussion about safe sex or even just your safety in a sexual situation as bringing down the vibe or bringing a ruining the, like that's such a toxic manipulation. statement of someone be safe and comfortable I'm not horny now okay like that's what men have used for fucking years to avoid using a condom during sex and it's shitty then it's shitty now

it sucks it don't do it so like if someone starts talking about like precautions in the heat of the moment that shouldn't be if you get turned off by someone being like hey I would like to use a condom or I have a latex allergy so I would like to use my condom so that I don't feel terrible during

this interaction If that's like, if you're like, ew, I hate that. Don't talk about sexual safety and health around me when we're about to have sex. You're not ready to have sex if that's the case. So are you saying that just no one should have sex now? Yes, I am. No, get back. Get back home.

Go home and go on the internet and listen to this podcast until you're ready to have sex again because you're not. It's so bad. It's so bad. If you think that you can use condoms that are not perfectly sealed and that haven't been expired, you're crazy. And also, I have, if someone wanted to be, like a specific condom to be used, I have no problem with that. Also, I think specifically, it should be the person wearing the, like, I know there's like a little bit of fluff here. I think you could see it either way. But if someone was adamant that I used a specific condom, I think that would weird me out.

If someone was like, no, it's got to be this one. I'd be like, yeah. It would be different. If it was like, I have a latex allergy, here are latex three condoms. Sure. Yes. But to be like, no, this specific one, not the one on the left, not the one. on the right, the one with the hole in. I mean, the one in the middle. We have two identical

brands, identical latex free, allergen free condoms, but this is the one you have to use. I would be a little suss to that. That would make me a little nervous. And again, like, if people do this, don't fuck them. It's not worth it. I know we can all be horny. We can all make bad decisions. But like, if someone pulls this bullshit or if they're going to try to guilt you or like manipulate you into doing things that you don't want to do, do not have sex with them. Tell them to Get the fuck out. For your safety, for theirs, for everybody's. It's bad.

This is from specific conscious. Why does she ask if I'm all right? Started seeing this girl recently. We've done hand stuff a couple times. And right after I finished, she asks if I'm all right. I mean, yeah, I'm all right. I just finished. Is there some reason you think I'm not all right?

It's kind of off-putting. I don't act weird or anything when I'm finishing, other than the obvious thing dudes do when they're finishing. Ball and crying, yelling. So why does she get- knees in the rain, rearing for Jesus. So here's my thing with this question. I need to know, when you say, other than the obvious things, I need to know what you're

doing. Because are, like, this woman in the past question probably thinks that using open condoms is a, is a normal thing. Yeah. It's the obvious thing. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm practicing safe sex. It's obviously how you do it. They say, make sure you have your condoms ready.

And I did. Yeah. They're as ready as they could be. She's also unrolled it for you. So I'm, I'm going to like, keep. searching to see if he has any uh any indication of like him doing anything like weird but so far i don't see him saying anything of like you know so like what age are they again uh they are doesn't say okay so the thing is for me it could be one you could just say hey why do you always

ask if i'm all right when we're done i'm very clearly all right i just bust my nut um or like if we want to brainstorm what could be going on. I think, like, maybe she wants to just know, did you enjoy it? Which, yes, you might say, well, I did come. But, like, I think sometimes people can be, like, self-conscious in their own head. Maybe they just want you to say that was fucking awesome. And it's always nice to tell people things are awesome. So I would do that. Next time, she says, you all right, be like, yeah, that was awesome. Maybe next time it won't be the same thing. But I do think there's nothing, nothing to be, nothing wrong with just being like, hey, you always ask for all right. I just want to double check. And look, maybe you got a weird

go face, dude. Maybe you make a weird noise. Maybe you clench up real tight. Like, maybe you do do something that if you guys are younger, she hasn't come across yet. And I think it's like, you know, as you expand your sexual horizons and your repertoire, you get kind of used to. There's, there's things that like the first time I came across, I was like, are you all right? And it's like, yeah, no, I'm okay. I know it looks like I'm about to like blow up, but it's, I just don't make any noise when I'm coming. Yeah. And it's like, oh, okay, great. Cool. Now that I know that it's, I know you're not somehow choking on your own tongue or something. I didn't get possessed, I promise.

Now, here's, I know we don't usually go into the comment section, but this one really boggled me. Someone said, what did you say when you ask her this question? And his response was, she told me it's super weird and awkward question to ask. Or at least that's what I imagine her saying, which is why I haven't asked her. Okay, well, buddy, I'm beginning to think maybe what you think is normal, isn't normal. That's kind of my point. I think that perhaps you.

need to take conversations are are a given take of of cues social cues right so if someone says hey are you all right TikTok's going to like a blow up man uh if someone asks you hey are you all right you may be kick them in the face until they leave yeah you may be exhibiting signs that you aren't all right so maybe you're breathing very heavily maybe you're really out of breath maybe you're making weird faces point your face maybe maybe you're yeah maybe you're all sort of bunched up like maybe you go like super rigid and you think that like because you haven't seen a whole lot of dudes come presumably that you think this is normal because it's what you do right we all think that the like the thing that we do is normal until you mention and someone's like yeah i don't do that yeah so

do you think this guy is on the spectrum of quiet or really loud like do you think he's like weirdly silent and like tensey or do you think he's like like willhelm scream kind of that's an internet yeah i'm not sure i'm going to i'm going to wait a that he's probably on the quiet side and the the like trying to be masculine about it and not moan or not whimper or not like make any sounds of enjoyment so it's it it is like uh like a right like it's like one of those like trying to internalize everything and make it manly as opposed to to to just letting release happen however it happens well if it comes out red you mean it's come yeah she's like are you all right he's like help hey normal stuff. My dude, if your cub is red, yeah. If your cum is red, go to a hospital bed.

That's what we always say. That's what we say. That's what our merch says. But just talk to them. And again, like, if you can't talk to the person you're hucking up with, maybe you're not ready to have sex. That, I think, is the final sort of lesson here is if someone is asking you a question, they're checking in with you.

There's a reason they're asking you this. So whatever it may be, maybe you have a weird old face, maybe you don't make any noise, whatever. Maybe there is, she's, again, maybe she's just wants you to say that was fucking good, which again, maybe you don't think needs to be said because you just did a come. That's right. Like, I think a lot of people miss that step of being like, well, of course it was good. I just came. But people need more than that.

Also, not every cum is the same. You can have like real good orgasms. You can just have like a, hey, we got there. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, there are definitely scales of orgasms of like from, that was a serviceable. That was, she just about pushed the boulder over the line before, you know, and then there's the, oh, they fucking jet dashed all the way to the finish line. And it was spectacular. You grabbed me like Bowser at the end of Mario 64 and spun my ass around and threw me into the lava.

Hell yeah. Damn. That's, that's my 10. If I had to describe my coming, you are jet dashed. I am getting thrown around like Bowser at the end of Mars. Well, now I feel bad because I didn't really get to delve into my. mine, but it's fine. Into your jet dash. You want to talk more about your jet dash? It would be like Sonic with the KS Emeralds, probably. Okay.

Are you Sonic or is she Sonic? Does she go golden? We're both Sonic, man. The dream. Talk to her. What the fuck are you doing? Talk to her. Don't imagine this conversation.

That's also such a disservice to your partner. That's the craziest thing. I think out of everything, you putting words into her mouth and then refusing to talk to her because of a made up thing that you, What do you do? Yeah. That is the, as now said, complete disservice and so unfair to your partner. And just are you going to, like, if you keep dating her and say she does something that you

don't agree with, instead of having a conversation with her, which may lead to a fight or whatever, are you just going to have it in your head and then get pissed off at her? And she has no idea what the fuck is happening because the made up her said something you didn't like? Yeah. What do you mean? What if you need to bring up a safety concern, either for? for you or for her.

Like, if you have to talk about safe words, if you talk about whatever, like, how are you going to have those conversations if you can't have this conversation? Also, how is you asking, hey, why do you always ask if I'm all right? Weirder than her asking if you're all right. You're fine, bro. And again, if they are like that and they do think it's really weird of you to ask, that's probably something you want to know because you don't want to hook up with this person if simple conversation is off the table.

We're back to the last question where it's like, if you ask this question and she freaks out, then, like, you've dodged a bullet because you don't want to date someone who refuses to have the most basic conversations about sexual health. Despite throre sorbet, 1941, my 32-year-old female fiancé, 37-year-old male, is a homicide detective. I'm starting to feel like he treats me more like a suspect than a partner. We've been together for almost four years. He's a homicide detective.

My friends immediately started side-eyeing me. They said, don't date a cop. It's not worth it. They're all abusive, et cetera. None of them have actually dated the cop, so I found their opinions more annoying than anything else. I just felt like they were basing the judgment off a stereotype. My mom said similar things, but she dated a cop who was former military with PTSD 49 years ago and based everything off that.

Lately, though, some things have started to bother me. I don't know if it's just these instances seem to be more frequent or if I was willfully blind to it before, and I'm just bothered now. He records our arguments. I've known about that for a while. He told me it was to make sure we remember things correctly and communicate better, and I believed him at first. Didn't like it and thought it was petty and stupid.

And I asked if he saved the recordings and he said he deletes them once the argument's resolved. But I've since found a folder on his computer labeled with dates and times and the recording of arguments or other conversations we've had going back over a year. He notices tiny changes in my behavior and ask questions a way that feels more like an interrogation than concern. I've also discovered he does background checks on my friends and coworkers. Sometimes his phone buzzes and he steps out for hours without explanation. But he just says he's handling work stuff and makes cryptic comments like, I only trust what I can verify, or I like to know everything that might matter when it comes to things

between us. Not strictly talking about work, then he laughs it off. But the word stick, it's hard to tell when he's joking and when he's serious. I love him, but it feels like he's treating me like a suspect. He doesn't seem to trust anyone, including me. Even disagreements, every little disagreement feels like it's evidence. We recently made some comments relate to having kids about having a tracker on them at all times and never letting them spend the night of friends. This came after I told him people at work were saying their kids don't have sleepovers like we used to have. He said he'll never let his kids spend the night at someone else's house and he'll do background checks on every parent of our kids, friends, and teachers.

I feel like these comments are becoming more frequent and escalating. How do I handle this? How do I discuss this in a way that won't turn into a dumb argument that he inevitably records? I honestly don't know how to bring it up. I've considered telling him he needs therapy because we cannot continue to live life so suspicious and paranoid about everything and everyone, but I'm sure he'll refuse that.

Okay, there's a lot here. First, it's not anecdotal evidence to coincide domestic abuse with law enforcement. There are statistics out there. they are not in the favor of law enforcement. It is a pretty well-known stat that there is a high degree of domestic abuse when it comes to law enforcement workers and their partners. Typically, men abusing women. So don't just poo-poo your friends who are saying these things because you think that they, because they've never dated it or because your mom dated someone 40 years ago that it's not accurate information. You can look up these statistics. They are readily available. It's, it's there. So there. So there. There is an elephant in the room in this question, unfortunately, whether or not it pertains to this question or not, maybe. But in this case, it's there and it's looking at you dead in the eyes. You are, I think, like, you're touching on dangerous territory because I think the second you accuse this person of these things, you are in danger, which is, I think, fundamentally a bad place to be in a relationship where if, if you, if you. you, if you are scared to bring up conversations, thankfully it doesn't seem like you are scared.

You're just worried that he won't give a shit, right? It doesn't seem like she's worried that, like, if I say this, he's going to kill me or anything like that. Like, there doesn't seem to be imminent threat of physical danger, but you do seem very unhappy with this scenario. It sounds at best, completely and utterly depressing and exhausting, at best. At worst, it is full-on abuse, right? there was something else you said in there that I that like really pinged for me and I don't

remember what it was now um I don't know he does background checks on all their like friends and co-workers that's pretty weird I think an abuse of power um the like I would love to know have you ever won an argument right I'm putting that in in quotations because you know does he just record these so that he can be like hi you said this is there ever a moment where he's like oh you're right I said this or like I looked back and I was annoyed because like it doesn't really make it better. I don't think you should be recording your fucking arguments. I think it's a different beast, I think,

if it's like a equal opportunities recording as opposed to a fuck you, ha ha, here's my proof. And then if you're ever like, oh, there's this thing and he's like, I don't know, where's that recording? Loll. I also would love to know, like, imagine you guys start fighting. He's like, hold on, runs off and gets his recorder, comes back, continue.

Like, I don't think he's like recording it. I think he's making a record of it. No, he's recording it, like audio recording. Oh, I thought. I thought he meant like she found like a record as in like he's he's keeping track of them and not well it said saved the recordings. So it seems to me that it is an audio recording. And again, it's like if he's like, if he's a stenographer and he's just there like, you know, he has it like written down at work at best and recorded, which it seems to be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's terrible.

Yeah. Are you aware of this? Like does he do it in front of you? Is it? secretive. Well, it must be. They've talked about it, right? Where he was like, hey, he explained what he did it. And she said, do you delete them? And he said, yes, but then also lied about that. So, like, I think there's enough things here to bring up me like, hey, you lied about this. Right. And also to be like, I don't want to do this anymore. And I mean, most people don't do this. We should be able to figure out our arguments ourselves. And it's like, the only way to record it is if you don't trust yourself or you don't trust me. Yeah. I like, I will give, here's my leeway to this dude.

homicide detective is probably fucked up, right? You, you probably see some pretty horrible shit and deal with some, like, the most depraved people and see people at their worst, right? Like, having to tell someone that they lost a loved one because they have been murdered is probably very difficult. Also, probably coming upon the scene of said issue and, yes, there's probably some fucked up shit, which is clearly manifesting itself in this. So I understand, like, I agree with you, it's an abuse of power.

I think it's an overstep. and all that, but I do understand the instinctual need to protect when, when this is, when the bulk of your life is seeing the absolute cruelty and evil that we can commit

upon one another. I understand, do I agree with it? Do I think it's right? No. Do I understand, is there, is there a sort of a, like, I understand why your brain wants to not, like, I can understand that the trauma is, is coming in this way, but at the same time, it's like, you recording your arguments with your wife isn't protecting anybody?

That's crazy. Yeah. You know? I mean more like the background checks and the like, I don't want my kids staying over at someone else's house because I'm sure he's had a case where a child was smothered to death by one of the parents. Like, I'm sure there's that shit. But again, that that is cause for therapy because which situation like, you know, can't

leave the house, can't stay in the house. 100% can't be born. Not, not excusing, but. No, I see what you're coming from. It's like, I think we both know that. the trauma of the job is definitely intruding on this life. But I think that warrants a loving conversation. You know what I mean?

Hey, I know you deal with some fucked up shit, but like we can't live like this. If you feel safe enough and you feel like and again, it does seem that way. At no point in time does she seem to say that like he's physically abusive and she seems to sort of push back on that. So hopefully this is one of the good ones and she is not in any physical danger. So I do think that like, as you said, like a loving conversation in which you you say like, hey, like, I understand that what you go through is very tough. And you may have the walls and like the machismo up to not reveal that or or ever admit it. Like, you may

never actually say out loud how fucked up this is and how hard it is to do because you can't admit it. And if you do, you fucking crumble. But I don't want to live my life like a case by case, you know, I don't want that. And that's not fun for me. And that doesn't seem good for you either. So if you can't leave work at work, then I don't know if this is going to be a very successful relationship. And the other thing of, like, her being like, he takes phone calls. It's like, he's a cop and he's a homicide detective. That's the least suspicious thing I think he does.

It's like, sure, but I think you could also, you could be like, hey, you do this thing. You just walk off without telling me, you couldn't let me know. Yeah, she says there's no explanation. He just like gets a call and is gone, right? So you could be like, oh, it's work. He doesn't have to be like, well, the smotherer's back. Yeah, I, again, like, it could, I would understand. that like as a as a cop like if you get called and you disappear like again I guess it does

depend if like if he's like literally middle middle of conversation saying oh blah blah blah blah and he's just like full like 180s and just walks away yes that's very rude don't do that like just at very minimum be like it's work I gotta take this yeah yeah if he's not doing that then yes that's very rude but if he is doing that and you're like but what is he doing on the phone for it's like he's dealing with like I'm sure there's a bunch of shit that's terrible and like he steps outside so you don't have to hear him being like talking about the depravity of humankind and also probably legally you probably can't hear some of the stuff or is cheating on you who knows but I'm saying you just got to have this conversation

you can't live like this so try to talk and see how it goes if there's instant pushback and like just a full on no like because the thing is I feel like this will be the telling part of your relationship does this go well do you move forward or does do things get worse because if things get worse, I think that's a very good sign that things are never going to get better and things will continue to escalate until you are maybe one of those statistics we mentioned earlier, right? And just a flag on the ground of being like, no, this is who I am and I'm right and you're wrong and I'm never going to change. If that's, if like, that's just as bad of a stance as it getting worse, because you've proven that it's not going to get better. Yeah. So I would be careful,

but I would be loving and, and just see how they react. But you got to bring it up. You can't live like that. Yeah. And at like the very least, it's like if you can't live like that, then you do need to get out. Like persisting in a relationship that doesn't serve you is pointless. And it just, all you're doing is increasing the odds that this is going to go poorly for you in a much more serious way. Yeah. Just statistically. Yeah. Well, I think that's going to do it for us today. That's it. We love you. We do. Thanks for coming by. Thank you. If you want to support the show, please find us on whichever podcatcher that you use, give us a good rating. give us a review, give us a comment, whatever you can do. If you want to find us on social

media, don't yell at me. Just leave me a nice comment. There's enough idiots out there yelling at me. It would be nice. It would be cool to get more followers, get more shares, have some rad people in the comments backing us up. We can make positive change in this world and you can be a part of it. Or find us on Patreon. Send us a little bit of money. Get a little extra episodes in your life. We'll keep doing what we do and it'll be great. And we appreciate the heck out of you. Thank you, Josh Eagle in the Harvesties for their song Paper Stars. That was me thanking Josh Eagle, silently on a podcast. Are you ready for, it's not bad sex writing, really.

I'm not sure what it is, but it felt right. It felt right. So there's a picture of Taylor Swift when she was Times 2023 person of the year. She's just kind of like gazing off into the distance. And somebody retweeted it and said, I think in a past life, she was a farmer and I was her cow. I believe she hit me, milked me, and stole my calves from me. there's something that breaks in my heart every time I see her name or face.

I imagine this is probably how Mr. Beast feels about everyone. I feel like Mr. Beast feels like he was one of those stolen calves and him now has the opportunity to rain hellfire upon us with his billions and billions of dollars. He looks at us the way that this psychopath looks at Taylor Swift. Yeah, damn. Imagine seeing that. Imagine being Taylor Swift and seeing that.

I mean like, oh, for fuck, like, cool. Great. Yeah, another thing, right? Like, there's probably, there's so much shit about Taylor Swift. There's so many people being so mean to her for so, no fucking reason. And just coming across and being like, I didn't even do that. What I mean? What the fuck?

Now that we're getting yelled at for talking about small talk, I get it, Taylor. We're the same. We're the same, Taylor. And let me tell you, my heart breaks that you're getting married. I thought I had a chance. My name is Dave Miller. Is she not already married? I think they're just engaged.

Who fucking cares? Bye, Nile. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.