F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - My $1200 First Date

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

If you're not going to drop at least $1.2 MILLION dollars on me PER DATE, I'm going to doubt your commitment.  Topics include how to hunt down your set up, blowjob pains, a very expensive first date, to use hands or not to use hands. 

I put my trust in you and then I trust in love. Hello friends. My name is Day Miller. My name's Nile Spain and we are your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, Dickies is your word. We find them online. We find them for our wonderful listeners. We corral them and then we point guns at them and say,

yo, tell us your issues in a little cattle ranch that they're in. We let's sew them. We pull them out and then guess what? They're like, oh, no, we've been hunted. We've been taken. And then we just answer them and then they're solved. And then we use those like that bolt gun thing that they use. That's how we answer them.

We put those questions out of their misery. Now, we answer your questions right here right now every Monday and also on Patreon. That's an extra episode. face better when they're scared. It's true. It's true. Which is why Dane always goes, blah, at the start of every episode.

Yeah, I cut it out of the final episode, but I do, I'm like, I'm always like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom, and then I go off camera, and then I'm like, yeah. And you know what? The questions fall for it every time. Every time. Every time. So this week, we're going to talk about how not to be creepy. Blow job hurts.

Spent 500 on Lakers tickets and dinner. Now she's mad at question spending $6.50 night on her birthday. Should I use hands? I'll start you off with this. This is by personal evening. 422. How not to be creepy. Going with a buddy to a concert tonight. Apparently his sister worked with a woman who will be there as a bartender. She told him she wants to set him up with her and he should check her out and talk to her. He knows her name on what she looks like. Sister compared

her to a particular singer. So the goal is to find her tonight at the concert and talk to her. The question is, what does he say? I told him to keep it simple. Hi, are you X? My sister said if I ran into a woman that looks like singer and her name is X to say hi from her. My wife thinks that no matter what he says it's creepy thoughts yeah it's i mean like look i i'm all four if you think two people are going to vibe to like you know set them on the path in which they but like if if the path is a scavenger hunt in a crowd of a thousand people in which he could potentially pick the wrong person or even be like hello i have sought you out in this large group of people uh i i'm supposed to say hello to you there's no let let's be all

also very clear that when you find this woman, she will be, one, working, two, it's going to be loud as fuck. And three, there's going to be a crowd of people. So you're going to be like, are you? And they're just going to be like, all right, I'm out. Like, next one.

Or like, what did you say? Yeah. Vodka? Like, it's the worst way to do this. I wasn't sure. When they said that like they weren't like, I wasn't sure if they were going to be on shift or if like they were just going to be at that.

Like, I didn't know if it was related. If they're working, just abandon ship all together. like yeah I thought it was a way that there's bar isn't going to be absolutely fucked like concert bars are fucked beginning to end it even if it's not busy there's just too many people and it's a concert it's fucking loud yeah you're she's not going to hear what you're saying it's going to be weird and like if it uh the idea of you running around I want to know which singer it is because like I don't know if I would trust someone to be like oh it looks like X singer unless that singer looks really distinctive we're gonna do a three to one

and say what singer came into your head like when it heard her okay ready three two one Sabrina Carlin okay now if she looks like either of those you gotta do it regardless my friend

hey look I get it man you gotta be an idiot no look if your sister wants to set you up with this person get her to set you up with this person yeah be like hey invite her out to a night when we're like at a pub

and we can actually talk to each other or be like hey I have this dude here's his Instagram if you're interested, reach out to him. Exactly. Like a normal good way for this to happen instead of absolutely sabotaging you. Because chances are, if you're a dude and this is a famous singer, she hot, right? Chances are you are going to be at least physically interested in this person. Or you're like, she's hot. So we'll give it a go. Right. Whereas chances are this guy doesn't look

like a celebrity or movie star because I feel like that would have been mentioned. So she's like, Hey, when you're bartender tonight, some really ugly guys going to come up to you. So, some dude, it looks like every other dude in the place is going to come up to you. So it's, it's so much. My goblin brother's going to slither up and hit on you. I hope you enjoy it. It's so much better if she gives the ball to the lady in this sense. Because like, yes.

Again, like I said, chances are if she's a, if she looks like a famous person, she's probably attracted. So that, like that requirement. And obviously this guy is also interested because he's like, I'm going to go find her and talk to her. I want to do that. So be like, hey, instead of this crazy scavenger hunt for a person in a massive place whilst they're working, can you just be like, here's my Instagram, give it to her, and if she's interested, she can reach out to me. Let her know that I think she's cute or whatever.

Big me up when you mention it. And then it's in her court. And then it's like, she doesn't have to worry about a weird, creepy dude messaging her out of the blue. If she's interested, she has full agency of being like, hey, Stacey said you were interested. I also think you're kind of cute. Let's chat. Let's grab a drink. Let's do whatever. But like to do this to this poor guy, like the friend's wife is absolutely correct. There's no way this goes well. No. And even on a different level, it's like you're at the concert with your friend. No, you're not. You're running around looking at every single bar

hoping, is that her? You're not going to enjoy the concert because you're running around being a crazy person. Yeah. Right. Even if you find her, you get to talk to her. She's able to hear you and you're both willing to chat. She can't talk for long, so it's going to be a nothing conversation. At best, it's going to be like, hey, my sister's open to find you. How's the night going? Oh, you're working and it sucks. Oh, cool. You've got a hundred people that need an overpriced beer and I am ruining your life right now by talking to you. Cool, well, nice to meet you. Like, that's nothing. And that's the best, the absolute best you could hope for. Yeah. So it's, it's, no way. This isn't it? Uh, listen to your friend's wife and ask the,

sister or whoever it was, I lost kind of the plot of who was setting up who. But yeah, just just ask them to make a proper formal introduction instead of being like somewhere in the city, there's a woman who looks like Sabrina Carpenter. And if you see her, it's your responsibility to go up and say hello to her. What the fuck does that mean? It's not setting someone up. Let's just be like, I can say that to anyone, be like, hey, man, uh, somewhere in the city, there's someone who I think you'd get along with. And when you see her, maybe talk to her. But, but. Then you make it more difficult by putting into the crowd of thousands and making her very busy, definitely everyone in the radiate. Yeah, no, it's, don't enjoy your fucking concert.

Get your sister to set you up. And if she won't, it's probably for a reason, right? She's like, oh, I don't want to tell her. It's like, okay, so she's not going to be into me because you can save us both some trouble and I won't hit her up. Yeah. Or it's like your friend is weird or you think I'm weird or, you know what I mean? It's like somewhere in this equation is like if I think two people would be good for each other, I'm going to talk to both of them. I'm not going to ambush one side or the other because presumably I like both these people

because I wouldn't be setting them either one up. Ambishing people isn't a good thing to do, which is why the army does it, to other people they don't like. Yes. It's why it's a traditional warfare tactic. Exactly. Don't ambush your friends. Just don't do it.

I've seen so many. There was someone at the bar the other day that was on, I believe, a blind date. Because it was one of those things where it's like they came in and they obviously didn't know like who they were looking for. And then eventually they kind of like linked up. And it was very obvious like I that someone was just like, oh, you're single and you are also single and you are relatively attractive.

Perhaps, but like they had nothing in common. They like they had like the complete different five. I was like put a little bit of effort. If you're going to hook up your friends, if you're going to like try to match make, put a little bit of effort and try to like choose someone that we could actually get along with.

And not to say that like they didn't seem they weren't rude or like bad or anything. It was just like just a complete mismatch of energy and vibe. And like, it's like even I can tell that you guys wouldn't go well together and I've known you for like three seconds. Yeah, it's fair. Uh, this is from blowjob hurts. What to do? Uh, from eggplant birthday cake. My friend with

benefit got a super sensitive penis. Whenever I give him a blow job, it hurts slash doesn't feel good. No matter how gentle I am, they also don't like hand jobs. They are uncut and the skin sits over the head, even when erect. Penetrative sex is fine and doesn't hurt, but they need a long time to reach orgasm, at least 20 minutes. I'd just like to be able to please them in some other way as well. I like giving blow jobs and being in control. Is there something I can do or keep in mind to do? Is there something we could try, like using loop or oil?

Of course, I won't do anything they don't want to. I just like to know if there's something I slash we could do differently. So my concern is if the skin sits over the head, even when they're wrecked, did they have like an issue where their foreskin is like too tight and won't retract? In which case, I could fully understand why they're in pain. And it's, it's definitely an issue that you can't solve, least of all with lube. Yeah, like the two things that, I mean, like, I don't have foreskin. I'm circumcised. So I can't really speak on experience. But like, from what I understand, it shouldn't hurt regardless. Like it, like, arguably the having a foreskin should make it easier to give someone a hand job without hurting them. And I remember when I was younger and growing up, there was a

point where like going through puberty and shit i had skin that wouldn't retract fully and it was really painful um but i just kind of like i guess did it enough that it did i don't know if that was the way maybe i should have gone to a doctor i was a kid and that was terrifying to me to go to a doctor but uh eventually it like loosened probably through just repeated stretching probably terrible for me but it was fine and then it grew normally and everything's fine and i assume this is maybe one of those things where they had that and it just never got fixed and I know some people do have to have like adult circumcisions if that can be

the case. Yeah. So my concern is it's that. My other concern is like if you're giving him a handjob without lube and his foreskin doesn't retract, yeah, that does sound painful. Because if you're not using the foreskin and you're just dry bawling the top of his dick out. Thirdly

like are you sure you're not using your teeth if the blow job is painful? Because that's the only way blowjubs have ever hurt me if people are like either clumsy with their teeth or like can't get their mouth, like, open far enough. So I would make sure that it's not the teeth. I would try the lube, but I'm going medical on this one.

Yeah, I would also say, like, if the foreskin retracting is a problem across the board, I would also worry that, like, perhaps there is a, like, cleanliness issue, like an infection of some sort as well. Like, if he's not being able to retract his foreskin to clean, then... That's it. It's also, like, you might not be able to, like, retract it, but things are probably still collecting in there. So maybe retracting it is a thing that should happen when you're not there because it's going to be better for them if they have to deal with that end or go to a doctor as opposed to you witness, you know, smeg city.

Yeah. That's my concern is that there are there's like a numerous or numerous things that are happening here or potentially happening here that I don't think it is advised to you guys to like kind of wing it. If it is a problem and a consistent problem, which it seems to be, as now said, I think it might be time to visit. it a doctor and just be like, hey, this is what's happening or even like consult with there's, there's a lot of like avenues now, especially for kind of anonymous sexual health lines and tips and stuff like that where you don't need to go in and talk to someone face to face. You can do like an e-call or like a webcam interview or whatever. See what they suggest and then that will help inform you if you do need to go in just because I know

it can be a lot to commit to and it can be scary to like go and be like, oh, my junk. But at the same time, like, it is just a. part of being an adult that you do need to take responsibility for your health, both junk wise and otherwise. And the sooner you're able to kind of like get out of your own way and let that happen and be mature and healthy and take the right steps for yourself, the better. And also like this is coming through filtered of like, you don't have a penis, let alone foreskin. So he's just saying it hurts. But like he might be able to explain it a lot more succinctly and clearly in terms of like specifics as to what is hurting, what's happening. And a medical professional might

be able to translate that into actual information and diagnosis as opposed to like if someone just says my leg hurts like that doesn't really mean much if you don't know I know I know exactly how to fix it. You don't look at it's like it could be anything from like you've you know shattered there's like a fucking shin splints or you know anything that that could like a fracture or whatever right like or you're tired maybe you ran too much or yeah or you just like kind of bunked it somewhere and it's got a little bit of a bruise. So I would I would also add Like, you raise a good point. It hurts is not very helpful.

So it's like, is he, you know, are you doing a certain thing when it hurts? Are you irritating a certain area? Is it just that he's incredibly sensitive? And like, if so, how does he masturbate? Maybe have that conversation with him because I assume he jerks off in some capacity. And if so, like, how does he do that? Right. And if he doesn't, like, that's a pretty, you know, if he's like, oh, no, Antibate's just agony.

Like, how are you expected then to magically be able to make it feel good? So there is a conversation that can be had that isn't just damn he hurts. Got to go ask credit, you know? Like, see, is it teeth? Is it pressure? Is it, like, you trying to move the foreskin? Is it too dry? Like, does he use lube when he masturbates?

Can he masturbate just fine? Like, these are all things because, like, maybe he's being kind and, like, you're just doing a bad job. Like, we've all been there. People have done painful things to my penis. And maybe he's just being kind and not telling you, you really are beefing it. So I think, like, step one is, is checking with him and be like, hey, what is it that hurts? How does it hurt?

Is it a teeth thing or whatever? And then, like, if he's just, like, yeah, hers, be like, how do you masturbate? And, like, see what he does. And, again, if he's doing something really strange, that's probably an indication that, like, he needs to be a doctor. He just holds it at the base and punches it. Yeah, right? Like, maybe that's it. So, it hurts from the punching.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, this is, this is a bit of a long one. So buckle up. This is about Jace Lakers 95. Spent $500 on Laker tickets and dinner for a first date. Now she's mad at question spending $650 a night for her birthday trip. I, 30-year-old male, slid into this gorgeous girl, 24-year-old female DMs on Instagram a few months ago after seeing my cousin follows her.

They went to middle school together. So I'm messaging her, but she was pretty cold at first, just one word responses to my compliments. I asked her out, but she mentioned she lived in Arizona. I said, hit me up if you're ever in L.A. Kept up light flirting for about two months, nothing serious. Then out of nowhere, she messed me saying she's coming to L.A. and wants to go on a date. I was surprised, but excited. The date.

She landed Sunday, invites me to dinner with her friend in Woodland Hills. I say I'm tired. let's do Monday or Tuesday instead. Monday, she sees my Instagram story where I'm selling Lakers tickets, side hustle, and asked to go to the game. It doesn't offer to pay. I say, sure. And a few hours later, she asked for a friend can come to since she's staying with her.

I agree. Mistake. Should have asked a friend to pay for her ticket. We're texting all night Monday, viving hard, finding tons in common. Tuesday, game day, her friend backs out with just us. I'd already sold my three tickets as a set, so I had to buy two new ones. She never offers to chip in. Tickets cost me about $400.

Once to pick her up, she's in Northbridge. 40 minutes, oh, one hour 40 away with traffic. I suggest meeting halfway at UCLA and she asked me to Uber her to a whole foods to save time. In my head, I'm like, I just dropped 400 on tickets, right? I tell her I'll pick her up late, no worries, and she eventually says she'll order the Uber herself. Shows up in an Uber black SUV, red flag for high maintenance, but whatever. Then the actual date was incredible. Amazing chemistry in the car, holding hands, kissed on the cheek like 25 times, tons of cute photos, sang a thousand miles together during a timeout.

super touchy and affection at the entire game. She mentioned being hungry after. I asked what near her friend's place. She picks a spot and we go. Dinner was smooth, more great convo. She never offers to pay her split the $100 bell. Then starts planning when I'll visit her in Arizona, sends me her work schedule, sits next to me and said, you haven't found anyone in L.A.

I haven't found anyone in Arizona. We should make this work. While we're leaving, she points out a girl with a huge rose. I joke, you should get me one of those, wink, to see if she'd do something for me. But she didn't get the joke. Go to kiss her good night. She politely says she wants to take it slow since she sees. that is long term. Fair enough, even though we'd been all over each other all night. Drop her off at 2am

text me lovey-dovey stuff. Wednesday to Saturday, relationship speed run. We're texting FaceTime and constantly. She's more into it than me. I miss you, babe. Cudy. I wish I could be with you right now. Ask me 20 times to plan a visit. Sunday night, she basically says, if I'm coming to stay at her place, we need to be exclusive because it looks bad to our family otherwise. I then says, but I'm not going to be the one to ask you to be my boyfriend. So please ask me and I'll say yes. Weird but cute. So Monday, I ask her over FaceTime. And she screams, Yes. Here's where it goes south. We're planning my visit during her birthday. She mentions going to Sedona and going to a nice resort. I'm thinking maybe a day trip with dinner. Then she says,

too far so we have to stay a night. I look up the resort, 650 a night. I asked she stayed there before and what she paid. She said, yeah, it's like 1,200 a night, but it's a good deal. I pause and say, hey, can I ask you something? We're moving fast and I kind of dig it, but don't you think it's a bit too fast? It hasn't even been a week since we met and we're already planning an expensive hotel trip and she lost it. She said she's offended. that she's a nurse who could easily pay for herself, that she needs someone who can support her, then she hung up on me,

wouldn't FaceTime me to sleep like we had every other night. Next morning, I get this text. After our last night conversation, you want me to take care of our getaway for my birthday, I decide it's definitely not a good idea for you to come to see me. I'm looking for someone independent. I honestly got offended of you thinking I will pay for you to come and stay in my place

and pay for our getaway. I'm not interested in seeing you anymore. It was rude and offensive. I'm no longer interested in getting to know you. I never said I wouldn't pay. Just questioned if the pace was fast. So I'm out 500 plus on a first date. Apparently, I'm the problem.

Did I dodge a bullet or did I mess up? Look, my feelings aside here, and I have feelings. Really? But you know whether you dodged a bullet or messed up, right? Like, you raised concerns and then the, I just, I don't understand when people, like, how someone could, like, go through this and be like, what, did I make a mistake? It's like, what do you mean? Like, well, like, you, in a way, men are socialized.

to be like you're the provider you have to pay for shit you women are going to want money off you and you've got to take them out and pay for things right so i think this person is torn between the toxic ideal of that and what they personally feel and they're like well shit should i have just paid for everything i guess but like even at all that like you've known each other for a week and you're going to spend over two thousand dollars i think like if the hotel was 1200 and the tickets were 400 plus ubers plus dinner like that's almost two grand over the course of a week of knowing the US that's like 8,000 Canadian yeah and not only that but it's like you are now exclusive and you've been on one day. That's also crazy. So yeah and there's just like layers of like flag

city you're like oh I hit her up because she's hot on Instagram because my cousin went to school with her. I'm like okay that's nothing but all right she was one word answers to my flirting. Yeah dude you hit up a hot girl on Instagram and just started flirting with her or leaving compliments like whatever she was just like this guy's rich I guess because you it seems like you might be the kind of person to put forward that that image

because you're also just like oh he has something expensive that I want yeah right like it's like I don't think she gave a shit one way the other if he was rich or not like just like oh you're going to spend this money on me great cool or like I want to go to this Laker game you have tickets take me

yeah and like it's just it's all red flags one it's like where's your backbone you could be like hey yeah sorry this is my business i'm selling them but no you're like yeah i'll take you and like don't do that if you're not willing to eat that cost right you can't do that and then be like i'm upset i spent 500 you have to stand by what you do if you're going to be upset about spending 500 dollars don't spend 500 dollars is the easiest way to not get upset right well it's also weird because he was like i have the tickets but then i sold the tickets so i had to buy tickets like

i don't know what that was even at that point right like did you you sell tickets for a loss and then went and paid more for tickets that you already had. That made no sense to me. But again, even if he's up, I think it's the principle. And it's like, would you have been okay if you guys had hooked up, right? Or are you just sad that like you didn't really even get to kiss and then all of a sudden you're paying for more stuff, right? Like, were you like, you just need to be okay for your own mental health and like life satisfaction and not being taken advantage of and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're going on a date, you need to be okay with you doing the thing that you're planning to do.

whether or not it goes wrong, right? You can't bring someone out for something really expensive. And then if they don't sleep with you, be like, oh, I never should have done it. That's shitty for you. It's shitty for them. It's shitty for everybody. There's definitely a like a lingering stink on everything he was saying as well. Whereas like, she was obviously taking advantage of him. You got marked, right? Like it's very obviously that's the case. Like also like showing up in an Uber black SUV is I laugh so hard every time I see that option in Uber. I'm like, who is so lame that they need to be like, oh, just in case someone sees me get out of a car, they need to see that it's like, that I for some reason spent more money.

It's like, $40 more on this car. It's so fucking weird. No one's like, oh, yeah, that's, he's so fucking cool. He came here on an Uber XL instead of a regular Uber. It's so cool. He spent all this money for no reason. Especially if it's like someone who like, you don't know, right? like people just coming out of cars like is you might as well just you know put horse blinders

on me i'm not paying attention to any these motherfuckers but we're saying normal people for the most part i mean here's the thing is like there i've realized as as i've done this show and as i've just like existed as a 30 something year old in the world of being like i don't know what's normal i don't i feel like there are times where like i'm the outlier of things because my friend group is so normal and so like well adjusted we're like we're joking about this but there could be a whole like thing about not showing up to the club in anything under a an uber black and like that's normal fuck that's fair that's sure absolutely yes i agree but like it might not we're sitting here being like it's crazy that this but it might not be crazy well like in the norm just to do a quick

segue which is totally going to derail everything like a friend of mine got texted by a friend of hers because that friend found out that their boyfriend apparently started following these four new women in Toronto, right? Which how the hell do you find out that your boyfriend is following new people?

It doesn't even pop up anymore as far as I think back in the day you could look at likes and activity and shit but like that was like a decade ago right? So I don't know one, that's crazy. Two, she was reaching out to be like, do you know this girl? Is she an only fan's model? And it's like, would that make it better or worse?

So then she was like, no, I just worked with her. And then she was basically just like trying to be like, what's this girl's vibe? As if it's this girl's fault that this man, this man, by the way, 40-ish. This girl, by the way, 20-ish, right? So, of course, she's the one of the fault. And then she was the friend of the friend was like, well, okay, I'm going to reach out to her. I'm going to like ask her to like tell my boyfriend not doing all the shit. And I'm like, why are you doing this the weirdest, craziest, most roundabout route instead of just talking to your partner maybe?

because like the problem here is one you're obviously surveilling him which is a problem with both of you or at least you right because if he is doing stuff that warrants this why are you still together if he isn't doing stuff that warrants this like maybe they work together like she's a bartender so it's like they and i believe he works in the bar industry so it's like maybe they just work together but like the surveillance the roundabout reaching the weird only fans judgment and then the putting the problem solidly on this girl instead of your partner i'm like cool that's not normal the the whole like idea of like checking to see if your partner has like certain photos or checking to see who they follow like that to me just like if if that's your vibe if that's

something that you do on the regular stop dating just don't date right like if this is something that you feel is necessary and is a vital part of a relationship is to micro like stock your partners and seeing who they're following and who they're liking and like all that's like Like, you're not ready to date. You either having crazy trust issues or you're dating pieces of shit that or shitty people who are doing terrible things to you behind your back, which you shouldn't be dating. Like, you need to get your shit together so that you date better people. Like, there's no reason enough to let them manage their own fucking Instagram.

Either they suck so much shit that you shouldn't date them or you're so insecure that you shouldn't date anyone. Yeah. And I mean this. I don't think there's hyperbole involved here. I don't think there's a caveat that we use. kind of have to put out. I think that if you're doing this, if this is part of your life, you are not ready to date across the board. There's something in there that has made you not

a eligible partner in the dating sphere. Because again, as we said, you're either dating the worst people, and that's on you. Like, if you continually date the same people who do the same thing to you over and over and over again, that's a choice that you're making. And I'm sorry that it might be happening. And I'm sorry that those people are hurting you. But dating is a way street you are you are finding these people you are ignoring the signs or you're you're just like you know there's there's a reason why this keeps happening to the common denominator is you you're choosing bad partners and then alternatively or you just have such crippling self-esteem or insecurity or whatever that you have to do this to feel good or to weaponize against

your partner in which case you're a piece of shit and well i mean not the self-esteem but if Self-esteem, that's something you need to work on. But if you're doing it to weaponize. If you're acting on it in this toxic way. Yeah. I don't even think if you're just doing it. If this is something, if you... That is acting on it, right?

I mean, instead of being like, oh, I'm super insecure, I should maybe like work on myself and not pin these things on my partner and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're like, well, I guess I'm Sherlock Holmes of Instagram now, you know? Like... Yeah. It's always so funny to me when people are like, oh, they looked at my story. I'm like, I don't think I have ever won. looked at who has looked at my stories.

I don't think I've ever opened that, except maybe on the times where I've asked people to like, like, like, like, as a vote or, or whatever. And I needed to see, like, you have to, like, click on that to see who, who, uh, sent the, like, message or whatever. Um, I think that's the only time I ever use that feature. When I post something, and I, I also know that I'm a bit of a fucking rogue agent when it comes to using my social media, man, because I just fucking post things and like,

don't really think about it. I remember my partner, uh, I, I hard launched us without any sort of discussion about it and apparently like heard our friends like spiraled because it. And it was just like one of those things where it was like we took a cute picture when we were out spiral about that. Who cares? I guess it's just like, you know, it's like we're casual. We were seeing other people and like I guess there's a little bit of like a etiquette of being like, I'm going to post a picture of us together or whatever. Again, I don't know.

Obviously you don't care. You wouldn't have done it. Right. So I was just like, it's a cute picture. And we had a great night. And I have this picture. So I'm going to post it on my Instagram. But she was just like, damn, okay, you just did that.

Okay. Yeah. So what you should have done is post a series of photos with just her hand on your shoulder. Soft launch. Or like, exactly, her purse in the background. That's so sad, genuinely. Anyone who does that, like, actively. It's so sad.

I don't know. I mean, it's, it's a strange thing. And like, I didn't think one second about it other than like, cute picture. As I like this girl. As it should be. also all the people I was seeing like I knew were cool yeah and if they weren't then that's a problem I'm going to have to have with them and not me right you know it's going to be like if if someone who knows I'm seeing other people and I know are seeing other people are going to get upset that I'm seeing other people then like that's a conversation that needs to be had regardless of of what photos I'm posting if you've talked to someone and you're like oh yeah we're seeing other people but then they're like and you posted a picture of someone like okay no that's right flag city again So back to this guy, you need to be okay with what you spend on dates going forward. That's what you got to do, right?

But also, it's like, if you want something, ask for it, don't just get bitter about it. When you're like, oh, I should have asked her to pay for this. I should ask her to do this. Be like, hey, I got the tickets. You want to cover dinner? Like, if that's the thing you want, ask for it. Don't just expect them to do this. But also, read the red flags because I'm seeing like a lack of self-respect here because

you're so willing to do all these things that you don't like and get put in these bad situations only to like kind of be like hey maybe could you not make me spend a thousand dollars and then she's like you idiot and you're like oh no did i fuck up it's like get that self-respect and like be willing to put your foot down and also when someone's like you have to ask me to be exclusive because it'll look bad to my parents if like what that's not a reason i want to be exclusive uh but also i'm not going to ask you you have to ask me like all that stuff are you 12 and she's like oh i'm looking for someone independent and like well it's like but you aren't like any any strong independent woman isn't going to sit and wait for and by that I mean any

real strong independent woman is not going to sit by and wait passively for another person to make an action that they want also I just refuse to believe you can come at me all you want with that one but if you're someone who considers themselves a strong independent person you will not wait passively to go after what you want it just it's completely antithesis to the Also, she's like, I'm independent, pay for everything. And if you don't, I'll freak out. It's like, that's the opposite of that, actually. So, look, you didn't fuck up.

You did the, well, maybe you fucked up by going this far. You probably should have stood your ground earlier. You shouldn't have gotten into a situation that you are unhappy about. Don't just bend over backwards because a pretty girl asks you to do something. I mean, that's the, that's it, right? That's the crux of it, is would you have done this for someone that you didn't think was an absolute smoke show? You wouldn't. So you compromised sort of your, your ethics.

your backbone, your sense of self-worth. You compromised all this because an Instagram baddie wanted to spend time with you. That sucks. That's lame. And that's sad. So don't do that. Because like, are you going to go and then brag about this? Like, what's the outcome of like, are you going to be like, hey, look at this chick I

spent one night with and spend $1,000 on? Like, if that's what you want, like, it made me really sad. And I wasted all this time. And then she was mean to me. Hire a sex worker. at least they're good at their job and will make you feel good and will, you know, be nice to you, right? Like, if you're going to spend that money and you just want some absolute bombshell, there are people out there who that's their job. Like, if that's, if you're willing to put that

money up, treat yourself, man, and spend time with someone who's, who's a good person who knows how to, like, make you feel good. Yeah. Yeah. It's just you, you, you didn't fuck up, but you did. Yeah, because, like, you knew she lived in Arizona. So, like, already it's going to be a long distance thing. So you know you're not going to see each other that often. So you know it's going to be a every once in a while. And if you're going out there, it's going to cost you a bunch of money just to see her, just to get in physical space with her. So it's like you already know that this is going to be a money sink. So if you're willing to drop this much money on this person that quickly, I don't know.

It just, it makes no sense to me. You, you got fucking blinded by the Instagram allure of someone who is attractive that you probably, I guess, maybe thought was out of your, because that's what he's asking, right? Like, should I? Should I suck this up? continue to suffer just so I can get crumbs from this like now the fact that you raised a incredibly rational point of being like hey maybe I shouldn't spend like a million dollars the second time we see each other having already spent so much money and she lost her shit at you and broke up with you that's pretty indicative of what she's looking for and how things

were going to go so yeah because like okay even if she doesn't think that you have the grounds to stand on for this argument even if even if she was upset this is her reaction So later on down the road, right, like, I always try to like encourage people to look at like the extrapolation of a fight, right? If this is what she's going to, how she reacts at this stage of your relationship about this issue, think of five years from now when you guys are talking about buying a home or starting a family or move relocating for a job or something. Or a very big decision in three months when you're bankrupt. Yeah. Yeah. When you have to move in with her because you've spent all of your.

your money and you can no longer buy tickets to resell. Yeah. It's, it's just like, just think, just look in the future and be like, is this the kind of reaction and kind of fight I want to get in with the person who's supposed to love me over and over and over again? Is this the reaction of someone that I want to spend time with? And if the answer is no, then why keep doing it? And I want to make it clear. It's fine if you get in an argument at some point or disagreement at some point. What I'm saying is you've got to gauge reaction and what you're getting, what reaction you're getting about what argument, right? Exactly. If it's something a simple argument, huge reaction, unfairness, yelling, slamming,

name calling, blah, blah, blah. Like, it's pretty indicative. If it's a reasonable argument handled reasonably, good, good sign. Yeah. Yeah, because like, you guys might, maybe, you know, you have a conversation. It's almost like, oh, I don't really want to sleep with someone like very quickly. So I, and it's like, okay, well, that's kind of important to me. And you have a very civil, rational conversation and you come to an agreement that works for both of you. That's great. That's with the extrapolation to be like, oh, great, when it comes later, like later on down the road, when we have a sensitive conversation we need to have, I know I can have it with you. Whereas with this one, it's like, oh, when there's a problem, we're both going to, like, bury our face in the fucking sand because we don't want to deal with this. Yeah.

And that sucks. This is from throwaway elastic. Nope, I lied. It's from cream pie cleaner. God. Should I use my hands when giving a blowjob? I enjoy sucking cock a lot. I love trying to make it deep in my mouth when a guy's about to come.

When I'm sucking, I never use my hands. I see people in porn using their hands often. That usually ends in a facial. So by definition, can't be deep in mouth. I guess my question is, do guys enjoy it more of hands are used to jerk or something else? Even if it means not as deep in mouth? Or do they generally prefer as deep in mouth as possible? At least we're coming.

I, like, there's a time and the place for everything. I think never using hands is not the call. the look you nailed it on the head there right this is this is the question of being like do guys like steak or pasta yeah it's you're i want to have a a smorgasborg I want to be able to enjoy different things at different times so like kind of like the question we had last week where it's like is face fucking worth it it's like there's a time in a place where a good face fucking is is great you're you know elevated and heart rate we're all fucking like hyped up for it and sometimes a nice slow blow job it's great sometimes a real like it's it's there's there's a time and a place for everything the same thing is like sometimes it's really nice to just have like a really lazy slow fuck and sometimes it's fun to like just absolutely fucking hammer each other barely close off just like whatever surfaces nearby yeah yeah i would rather like i would hate to just live in a world where i was

doing one thing even if that one thing was great i don't think anyone thing is so great that I wouldn't want to do the other things, too. If someone said, hey, I could, I could remove your lactose intolerance and you could eat chicken parmesan every day for the rest of your life with a big old thing of Fetachini Alfredo Bisset. If someone said, like, that was an option, I'd be like, no, it's my favorite meal. I miss it so much because I can't eat it. But I don't, as you said, like, I don't want the same thing every day.

I don't want that. It's, it removes the importance and the joy of things. When, if that's all you get, you don't have the variety of other things. So it's not important anymore. It's mundane. It's boring. I feel like this person is putting so much emphasis on weight on depth. And it's like, that's not the most important thing.

It's like just having something be deep. It's like if you're not retracting and, you know, if you're not going up and down on that thing, are you just putting it in deep? Because that's boring. And if you are going up and down, you have times when you could use your hands. So I don't understand the argument of like, well, I could use hands, but won't be deep. It's like, is it not going in and out? The question it seems, I think, I think there's a syntax error here where it seems like they're also asking sort of like a finishing move,

whereas like, do people prefer to be finished with hand or be preferred to be finished deep while you're coming? Like, because as I would say, it's like, oh, is it. So if that's the case, again, it's more or less the same answer where it's like, yeah, different things feel differently. And it's the same way as like, you know, finishing on someone's chest or finishing. inside or finishing you know what I mean like any there's there's a different sensation to all these things even just different positions also feel differently when you finish there's a different like there's a different like even if it's not just a pure physical sensation there's like a mentality thing to finishing on someone's chest or face or inside them or whatever like

they're all different flavors and they can all be different fun and I wouldn't want a world in which I only did want just because you jerking someone off doesn't mean that like it has to end on your face right like you could still jerk them off into your mouth or onto your boobs or or whatever, right? Like, you have a little hand action between mouth action. Or again, like we talked about as you're going in or I'm just going to keep visually doing this. But there's just so much variety that you could do. And I think you should do.

So. Yes. And also talk to your partner. Like if they're loving what you do, maybe you don't need to change it, you know? Yeah. Simple as that. Use your hands on the balls. If you're, if the mouth, if like, if their dick is so deep in your mouth that you can't fit a hand on it, they still got balls, don't they?

Maybe. That's all I'm saying. Maybe they do. Are you ready? Yeah. One more? Yeah, we could do one more. Okay.

People who have given up on dating. How do you enjoy city life? And this is from Ask Toronto by Key Assignment 44. I'm 27, South Asian guy. I'm 5-5 and I've given up on dating. I've been single for over seven years and I feel like I'm hitting a wall. It's tough not to care when it feels like couples are everywhere I go. All my friends are dating.

I can even hear my neighbors living their lives, which serves as a constant reminder. I know my stats aren't ideal for Toronto, but I feel like I've maxed out everything I can control. I have a high-paying job, fun hobbies. I'm in shape. I dress well and my friends think I'm funny and good company. I've tried everything. Dating apps, social events, single mixers, hobby-based groups, run clubs, you name it. I've been there. Nothing has worked and I'm tired of feeling like I'm failing. So I'm looking for a new perspective. For those who I've also thrown in the towel on dating, how do you find joy and fulfillment in a city like Toronto? How do you stop the constant comparison, just enjoy your own life? Context, the things I enjoy doing

solo are watching movies, playing video games, music and guitar, working from home, going for long walks by myself. Look at it to build on that and create a life. I'm genuinely excited to live, single or not. I'd love to hear your stories and any advice you have. I mean, you're doing all the things that we normally tell you to do. Join clubs, go to events, blah, blah, blah. You seem to have friends, which is also very good. I find that usually goes hand in hand where people who are like, I'm alone and I don't have a partner, but also I've put no effort into having tonic friends. But it seems like you say your friends think you're funny. So obviously you're spending time with them and hanging out with them. So like, I hope.

We hope, but, like, judging by, you know, I'm going to go by based on what you've said. So, like, well, the only thing that gives me pause to that is like, you talk about your friends, but then you talk about how you're given up and you don't know how to enjoy city life, hang out with your friends. That's so, I mean, like, the problem, yeah, where I get hung up is the jealousy comparison thing. And also just like, you're saying, oh, how do I enjoy life? Like, you're living a pretty full life. And so it seems like the missing piece of the puzzle. you is like you would like companionship, you'd like to find a partner. And that's not going to go away just by adding more things to your schedule, right? Like that's a very human thing. Wanting companionship and wanting intimacy and wanting a person to spend your life with is a very normal human common feeling. And it's not one to be ashamed of or try to like beat out of you. So trying to like replace that feeling with another rub and club or, you know, even longer walks or something.

isn't going to work. You can't, you can't like eternal sunshine it out of your brain. It's one of those things where it's like it's just going to be a part of and also like you're a human. Unfortunately, we can't live these lives that are devoid of disappointment and sadness and failure and guilt and, you know, that's part of being alive. So unfortunately, those are feelings that will always be felt whether you have the tool set. And that's kind of what you need to, I think, start working on rather than distracting yourself or trying to replace things or, you know, trying to be like, how do I, how do I move on from this? I think what you need to do is start building a tool set and a tool kit of how to process the feelings of things like loneliness,

how to process the feelings of things like incompetency or inadequacy and put together a sort of rip cord. So when you're feeling this bad, you can remind yourself, instead of being like, I've done all these things and they haven't worked. You can reframe it as something like, I've done all these things and I do all these things and they're fulfilling. And despite the fact that I don't currently have a partner, I have all these great things in my life. I've got friends who think I'm funny and enjoy spending time with me.

I have all these hobbies. I'm in shape. I have my health. You don't have that. Yeah. You're beating so many people in a lot of ways. So I think for me, it's a few different things. firstly your mindset. I think maybe therapy could help with this. And if not, at the very

least, really focusing on the fact that you do this and trying to step away from it. Like, stop being bitter when you see couples or when you hear people like your neighbors living your life. Like, I can't imagine anything sad or sitting in your home listening to a couple watching TV and being miserable about it. Like, and that sucks. I'm sorry you're there, but that's incredibly unhealthy. And like, I don't think that's ever going to stand to you. I think if you are weird like this, like and are upset about these things and let them bother you to that degree that's going to affect you when you do start dating because that bitterness is really hard to hide right and I think it will just you know if you're hanging out with your friends and they mentioned stuff are you upset about

that it really sounds like you are from this too are you doing fun stuff with your friends because if you're having phone with your friends and you're doing things you enjoy I don't understand why you're asking how to enjoy life and city life because that's part of it that is city life that's almost as much if not more than like like that's a constant whereas a partner isn't necessarily right you might date you might date someone for a year or two you might be single for a year or two you might be couldn't think of what else to add to that list you like my dude's doing more than I am yeah it's like like when I was single it was great because I was hanging out with my friends and when I'm not single it's still great because I'm also hanging out with

my friends it's like that's the backbone that's the core that's the foundation so if you don't have that or if you feel like that's not enough, are you genuinely friends with these people? Are you not putting in your side of things? Are you not allowing yourself to have fun with them? Do you only see your friends as either one, like a source of jealousy or two, like a medium to try and get people through? In which case, maybe your priorities are skew. And I think three, you said you did the clubs. But did you do clubs that you wanted to join? Or did you join and then you didn't get a girlfriend in like, you know, five weeks and you gave up and felt bad about it. Because, like, if you really like archery and you join an archery club and you don't get a

date, I don't think you'd feel like you failed. I think you'd be like, hell yeah, I joined a sick archery club. Yeah. I mean, we've talked about it a bunch of times about like, but maybe this person has aired it, you know? Yeah, yeah. No, it's like when people are like, oh, I know you need hobbies to meet people. But it's like being genuine is 100% of the battle. So if you're going in and doing these things and the reason you're there,

there is to find a partner and not shoot bows and arrows or climb the rock wall or skate around, like, whatever the, the activity is that the club is meant to be doing. If you're not there to do that, then it's so fucking obvious. It's so, it's so, because like, instead of lining up and shooting your arrows at the target, you're lurking around creepily by the girl that you think is cute, trying to have a forced conversation and not letting them shoot their fucking bow and arrow, right? And that puts people off. So of course you're not going to.

Yeah. And you're not going to have fun either because you're not doing a thing you enjoy. You're doing a thing to get a thing. But by doing it, you're kind of sabotaging yourself. But then you're wasting your time and your money. And it's like, yeah, that's going to be a cycle. Whereas if you join something you were generally into, surely that's now a fun new thing that's making you enjoy city life.

And the bonus being maybe you'll meet new people. Yeah. Right. And I think that's what it needs to be. If you are doing all these things and there's still. a part of you that like gets bummed out, then go do something that's not what you're doing in the sense of if I was completely unattached, if I didn't have an old ass cat who needed medicine, but I didn't have a partner, I'd travel, right? Like, not to say that you can't travel

with a partner, but it's like if I could just like with a drop of the hat, not have to worry about anyone else's finances or anyone else's schedule or anything else. If I was just like free and hours and hours of podcasting, hours and hours of podcasting, like you, you are untethered And there may be a time where that's not the case. And I hope that there is. I hope eventually you find someone, you have a full schedule in which you can't just be like, you know what? I get paid time off.

I have a two weeks worth of vacation. So this month, I'm going to go fuck off to Portugal for a week. And you don't have to worry about anything, right? You don't have to worry about, you know, oh, can my partner take the time off? Oh, does my partner have a project coming up? Do I have this happening? Do, can they afford to take the time off? Like, you don't need to worry about that.

It's just you. go and do a thing that is so specifically and fulfilling and good and for you and like it will build you up as a person you'll be more interesting you'll have been to newer places you'll have like fun i hope i just want to make sure when you do this you don't go cool i'm going to portugal to pick up i'm going to sleep with someone because that's going to be difficult especially if that's your aim it's super important here of if you're going to do this and you go and you go to Portugal and you see all the incredible things and you eat all the incredible food and you have an incredible time and you have an amazing time and you get home and you're still not fulfilled and you still feel like shit and you still feel like something is missing go to therapy right because there's there isn't a solution here in which someone can be like do this thing pick up darts enjoy craft beer right there's no aspect of city living and city life that's going to make you feel better if when you're already spending time with your friends hobby in shape you like spending time by yourself playing video games and stuff like you have a well-rounded

life on paper and if you're still miserable that's something that you need to deal with with tools that you obviously don't have and the only way to get those tools is to talk to a mental health professional and be given perspective uh you know tools to to reframe your perspective on things and how you deal with stuff that's the only way this is going to get better because strangers on the internet telling you to do a thing in the city isn't going to change change the crushing loneliness that you seem to feel. Yeah. So try to step away from those feelings of jealousy and like, because that's just not going to serve you, right? You're going to get more bitter. You're going to not be fun to hang around. You're going to start having like ill intentions

towards people. That sucks. Try to spend genuine fun time with your friends because it sounds like you're not. Try to do things genuinely for you. And the benefit being, if you don't meet someone there, you've still done a thing you want to do and you're having fun, right? Like that's the aim, which I think people miss right and travel and therapy try yeah I can't imagine if we had a friend who like we're all wiped up at this point in time but if even when one of us was single like when I was single or one of our friends was single and we weren't uh imagine if like you me and your partner went somewhere and every time you said babe I was like uh yeah rolling my eyes or or being like shitty about it it's like you'd stop wanting to hang out with me and that would be completely

valid. Like, for sure. I wouldn't want to mention, like, imagine if I mentioned anything about me and my partner or, you know, I'm like, oh, my partner says hi and you're like, ugh, like, or if you were having trouble and you came to me for advice. And I was like, I don't want to hear about your perfect life. You know, you should be happy you have a partner instead of like being an actual sounding board and friend. It's, which I hope this person isn't, but people can really develop into this quite easily. So, look, I don't think you will have a problem. There is always hope out there. A lot of the time it is just getting yourself out of your own way. And unfortunately, it isn't one of those things that we can just say do X and you'll be fine or do Y and you'll be fine. Or like, you know, it is one of those things. It may happen tomorrow. It may happen next year. You can't put a timer on it. But what you can do is try to be your best self for when that time comes. So you don't miss it. And so you make the most of it. And I'm going to tell you right now is the Shark Kings are on the rise right now. The amount of people like couples that I see,

currently and recently where the woman is taller and there's no like it's so common now that and I think a lot of people are realizing that like oh if my if my only dating requirement is that

you're six foot tall or taller I'm not going to have a good time I might need to look a little bit more into the character of the person that I want to spend my life with and let me tell you being a short dude you gotta have character I don't know a single short guy

who's had difficulty dating because of their shortness Let's say that. Yeah. You know? So, anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear that. But you got this and we got you. And thank you all for coming.

Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song paper stars. And please go support us on Patreon if you could because we need all the support we can get. Keep this show going. And to keep us. And to keep us buying new questions so that we can keep our ranch going. Because I got this bolt gun. And let me tell you, if I've run out of questions. Oh.

The general public is in a lot of danger. Yeah, we did pick a really weird thing to farm because, like, when we've seen. slaughtered a question. There's nothing we could do with it. Like, we just kind of throw them in a pit. And then I eat the essence of knowledge. Wait, what? Yeah, that's how I sustained myself.

Well, I kept finding these empty questions. And I was like, oh, I guess there's nothing worth consuming. I'm 800 years old. Shit, man. I'm seven. I was bored when this podcast started. Man, we should do an episode where we just hire two children to read the most obscene questions and talk about it.

Go to jail. There's worse things on the internet, I'm sure. Sure. I'll hit you with a quick, bad sex writing. This is from Thought Catalog, and it's a snippet about Vanessa Kirby. Honestly, Vanessa Kirby has the frame and demeanor of a Balenciaga model, even when she's just wearing a t-shirt. Her shoulders jet out at the most alluring angle, and her lower back appears to be entirely

free of scoliosis. I might have a low standard for what impresses me in 30-year-old women these days. Can I just tell you, I had to frantically Google Vanessa Kirby because all I could think of was Vanessa Carlton and Kirby. And then in my head It was Kirby playing the piano for Hey, I look at Kirby's back You know what I think? No scoliosis

I mean he is just a giant round ball So his spine might be actually real fucked up Got a healthy curve to it Although I will tell you If I was Kirby and I could just inflate myself I feel like that would be real good on the bones Probably yeah If I could just like stretch my ribs

And everything just like outwards That should probably be bad I was thinking more like you blow yourself up So all of a sudden gravity isn't dragging you down like it does every fucking day. Fuck you, gravity. I mean, thankfully, at least when I swallow someone whole and crouch, I do get their powers. I don't use my hands.

My name is Dave Miller. And I'm now Spain. Goodbye. We've been your fuck buddies.