F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - New Guys - S03E01: All In

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

We finally got there, (one of) Dain's favourite episode(s)!  We go 'ALL IN' to the season three premiere after the cliff-hanger ending of season two and start talking about our least favourite parts of the series, how Winston becomes Dain's favourite character and the downfall of Schmidt as well as all the big things to come.  Grab your most difficult puzzle, a pile of almonds and let's do this episode as dirty as we can.

Hey Dane, where are you going? Hey Niall, whatcha doing? Who are those guys? It's us! Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we are your new guys. Welcome back.

We are a weekly New Girl fan cast where we go through episode by episode the entire series of the best sitcom ever. Oh yeah. New Girl Fan Cast, where we go through episode by episode the entire series of the best sitcom ever. Oh, yeah. New Girl. Thanks for coming back. And I know you're probably all as excited for this one as we are, because it's a big one.

Yeah. Season three. Season three. It's the season premiere. Yeah. That's a big one. It is, yeah. Like, a lot of things happened at the end of season two.

Yeah, we got into a lot of stuff last week, and I think, fuck it, this episode speaks for itself. Let's just start anew. Yeah, we will say, as always, this will probably contain spoilers, because we've seen all of New Girl. So if you haven't, if you're watching it, like, with us, please know that this is, like, a retrospective and not an episode-to-episode thing. So if you haven't seen All of New Girl, please watch it first and then come and join us and listen to our commentary. So this is Season 3, Episode 1. As usual, we don't want to spoil anything for you, so just be aware. But you know the drill by now.

Yeah, you've got to be all in. Oh. I see that little throwback being done there. By throwback, I mean just stating, you know, things that happened got to be all in. Oh, I see that little throwback. My throwback. I mean, just stating, you know, the episode. Yeah. So where do we start with this one? Like, it's kind of momentous, you know, like two of the biggest things that have been building in the series just happened.

Yeah. CC's marriage got called off. I feel bad. I don't want to spoil it for anybody. So we warned you. So I feel like after and you already saw it last week with us. So like 40 something episodes. If you if you don't know, we're going to have spoilers in it by now.

Yeah. Like we've already spoiled plenty of shit for you. True. And also you knew it was getting called off last episode. So. Yep. And then Nick and Jess. Finally.

Unfortunately. Yeah. We all know how I feel about Nick and Jess's relationship. True. At least this, like, in this juncture of the show. This is when it's good, so. No, this is when it's shit. Well, this episode's good.

Yeah, this episode's fine. Yeah. But, like, this enters in, like, the boring Nick era of just, like. Yeah. It becomes sort of like the Schmidt and Winston show. To be fair, Nick's pretty great in this episode. He is, but. He threatens to strangle a child. Schmidt and Winston. Oh winston oh it's peak definitely yeah i think it is entirely peak

and big reveals there but we'll get to that later i think another thing that i absolutely hate which we'll get into that yeah it's like one of my least favorite things can we just talk about it now sure fuck it makes no sense that he's colorblind. How does it just come up now? It's like a 30-something-year-old man. I think that's the best part, though. But it's like, he's, like, there's so many things, like, that are indicative, like, money and grass. Like, the grass is always greener.

He's never heard that and been like, that's weird. Grass is brown. Actually makes sense for the show. I love how they're not afraid to just go batshit. What I don't remember is whether this actually gets referenced later on or not i don't think it does and that's the thing i don't think it's ever been hinted at prior to this and i don't think it's ever been referenced again because we haven't noticed it on our rewatch um i know i kind of like absolutely forgot another one i know i

completely forgot to see if winston ever references. Yeah. I think like from now on, we can keep an eye out. Like as the weeks go by, see if they keep referencing it or not. Um, I do think I'll be a little disappointed if they don't. I'm almost positive they don't. Cause like,

I'm a pretty big, like nerd when it comes to running jokes, like community and arrested development or, or also like we have a new girl fan cast, so we're not going to miss that. But I know it's true. And if we do feel free to tweet us. Yeah. Yeah. If you guys see anything, uh, usual stuff, you know, if we missed anything, if you have anything to add to our episode analysis, let us know.

Yeah. Because, you know, we are your new guys, but we are not infallible. It's true. We will make mistakes, and we want this to be a conversation. Yeah. Well, as per usual, right? Yeah. Cool.

So where do we start? It is the right? Yeah. Cool. So where do we start? I guess the beginning. Yeah. So I do love this scene where they decide to go to Mexico. Yeah. Because I thought, even like rewatching it, I kind of misremembered. And I thought they just decided to drive straight there. I didn't realize they had that stopover back at the apartment.

And they're just like fucking just bullied by uh schmidt until they leave basically it's i think it's pretty priceless um and they always kind of show nick is getting so many texts from schmidt i think it's the first time someone's actually called it out and just been like how much like their interdependency is really highlighted that yeah uh which is Also, the fact that everyone has smartphones except for Nick, who has that shitty flip phone, I think is also really good. Just like, that comes up later on when Nick's pep talk with the kid. It's just like, one day you'll like a girl. You won't give her everything. But then you won't be able to afford it because you have no money.

Yeah. You have the credit score of a homeless ghost. He's like, one of my favorite train wrecks. He's so good. Okay. Nick Miller. Dane Miller. Vacation Nick.

Or sorry, Paradise Nick. Vacation Dane. Because there is a Vacation Dane. There is. And it's beautiful. And also not too dissimilar. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't put it past me to threaten a child with strangulation.

No, I'm pretty sure you have. I'm pretty sure I have. You're easy breezy, beautiful. You know, you'd never wear any sleeves. It's tough to get me into sleeves on vacation. Yep. And you got a usual white to flower, like shirt, like palette. Yeah.

That's great. So I don't know. It's something I'm realizing is you guys may have something more in common than I thought. Everyone always draws the comparison to me and Nick, I think, because of the last names. But I think I'm more like Schmidt. And I said this like a thousand times. But I really do think I am more Schmidt than Nick. I'm certainly not Winston.

You're more Winston. You're 100% more Winston. So here's the thing. I think there's an equal part of me. You're 100% more Winston. I mean, so here's the thing. I think there's like an equal part of me. Winston's obsessed with cats. Winston's the cat man. And he's also a bit weird and obsessive. And no offense, you're a little weird and obsessive.

I know. Whereas Schmidt is more just like douchey and like hyper overbearing. But that's like his projected persona though. I mean, let's get to the meat and potatoes of the episode. Oh, it's the puzzle. Winston's puzzle. It's the best part. Yeah.

It's peak Winston, and I love it. I think this is like actually when Winston becomes my favorite character. Like, I think this is sort of the upward swing of Winston's stupid bullshit. Yeah, I feel like they didn't really know what to do with him. And then I'd love to know how it happened. Like they were just in a fucking boardroom somewhere and they're like, let's just fucking go bat shit. The way the show was written, like originally, uh, Nick and Jess were meant to be like antagonists. Like they were never meant to be romantic partners. And it was just sort of like that chemistry on screen that sort of like guided it that way. Yeah.

After following Lamorne on Instagram, I'm almost positive that like, like he does the weirdest shit and his Instagram posts are so sort of like absurd and like bullshitty. And like, I can't remember the name of it, but it's like a Trinidad Jones or something, which is just like his rap persona, which is bullshit again.

So I really think that this like absurd winston is literally like a a reflection of his own like absurd humor yeah and i honestly think that like that's how this all came about was like i don't think they really wanted to write him this way but i think his like actions and and sort of like he probably just like acted like that on set all the time and they were like fuck it that's hilarious i have a hard time believing that like he wasn't actually doing a puzzle at one point being like you're fucking terrible at puzzles also you're weird when you do them and they were just like yeah put it in the show yeah that's so good and yeah like it this is kind of like the golden era of winston from here on out because he just starts getting fucking ridiculous uh it is the start of like the whole

prank sinatra thing and like it's it's leading into cc and winston mess arounds it's oh yeah the classic cc winston mess around yeah it's so good it's so good um schmidt is always on point in this episode although i think like his personal plot not the best but his reactions just everyone around him yeah comedically he's like i don't think he's ever missed a beat, but like this is, it really upsets me because like Schmidt's, like I feel like this is sort of like a black mark on, like if you look at like the whole series, you're like, oh, but he has kind of, he did do some shitty things.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't think it's really in character either. No. Like I think the kind of the funny like, oh shit, I have to commit. Like I don't want to hurt people. Yeah they're kind of the funny like oh shit i have to commit like i don't want to hurt people yeah that kind of feeds in but i really don't think that would happen at the expense of like him being good to people and because he's being real shit yeah like he literally cheating on people for like a week oh longer than that like this goes on for a while but pretty sure like internally i can't remember it's a couple episodes okay let's not jump ahead

right so there's gonna be spoilers yeah um uh yeah Let's not jump ahead. Right. So there's going to be spoilers. Yeah. Uh, yeah. It's, it's one of those things where you're just like, but like, like later on you see how good Schmidt is. Yeah. And like, you see those, like, there's like those little moments, especially when like he first like kind of hooks up with CC. Um, I think there's still not, it's usually like performative douchebaggery, right. At the start.

Exactly. Whereas this is just him being an actual asshole. Yeah. And I do feel like it's kind of out of keeping with everything else. And I don't know. I feel like they just wanted extra drama. I think it's, I think it's them being afraid to leave the douchebag persona. I think they're still kind of leaning on that, that a little too hard.

And they were, I think they felt like everyone was getting a little too hard and they were i think they felt like everyone was getting a little too nice yeah you know what i mean like like nick's gonna calm down because he's with jess um and then if like puzzles yeah and if fucking if fucking smit also settles down with one of the other girls then it's like there's really no sort of like conflict anymore other than like the same thing over and over again of like Nick and Jess fighting or Schmidt and Cece fighting. I do think it was kind of clumsy and not necessarily in keeping with those characters. Yeah. Kind of my least favorite part of this episode.

A hundred percent. Yeah. I think this is, I think this is entering sort of, I think season three is probably my least favorite season. It has moments, but yeah. Which will like, I don't know. It's nice to do this. Cause it'll be a nice retrospective to be like,

if, cause I remember. Like, is it as bad as you remember? Yeah. Cause sometimes you look back and you're like, wait, this episode and this episode were in season three.

Exactly. I know we had parts of that in season two. Yeah. Um, which, you know, I was actually really surprised by like the conclusions we came to by the end. Like it was actually a pretty cool moment.

Yeah. Especially when you like, you remember something a certain way and it's really just sort of a reflection of like what you were doing yeah first watch it also it's it's a different experience to watch a show that like we used to wait a week to see the next part of and then being able to just watch it all in one chunk i just thought it was kind of cool how like you had that revelation last week about like when you were watching it at the time. Like, so if you were going through. And I kind of had the, like, not the same one, but, like, the way they just met up.

And, like, it was really cool. I don't know. It was a nice moment. But, uh. But you're right. There is one of those things where you're just like, oh, maybe this isn't as bad. Like, it was me when I watched, uh, I re-watched, uh, Lost with Amanda. And I was like, oh like season 2 is the fucking worst

and then I remembered like oh okay it's actually not that bad and then I watched season 3 and I was like no season 3 is the bad one I was like I got shit okay no this is actually kind of good

so on the topic of Schmidt what is your I know this is a segment we're doing a little early this week what is your best Schmidtism this week oh Japanese Garden 100% 100% that like to this day

i quote it like out of context for no reason it's pretty good yeah i have that one i have that one as well um also what have you been doing just driving around kissing like a couple of dutch huckers is that is that hickey That's disgusting! Or, of course, I had to look down at this girl to see if she's wearing shoes and if those shoes had their shoelaces tied together because this girl's just straight tripping, yo. That one took a while to type out.

Yeah. Yeah, no, Japanese Garden, 100%. Yeah. Just because it sets the tone for winston's absolute lunacy with this puzzle again i will never stop talking about this fucking puzzle it's okay um just like straight off the bat where he's just like what's it gonna look like it's like the whole point of doing a puzzle is you know what it looks like and you're trying to recreate that image so like just that fundamental lack of understanding of what puzzles are like, you know, it's going to be absolute fucking chaos.

Is that an almond? Are you eating them? Are you using them as pieces? I almost could have swore that they referenced it, but they don't actually make a reference to the fact that he's wearing a sweatshirt as pants at one point. Like I could have swore there was a moment where like someone called him like obviously schmick because he deals with them but no they just but no they don't and i think it's like i remember that sticking out and being like oh there's that moment but it's like nope it just flies under the radar he's just he's just fucking wearing a sweatshirt as pants yeah also

like the undertones that he may or may not be fucking the puzzles yeah like why does he get naked i don't know yeah and he does at one point say puzzle i'm gonna do yeah as nasty as you want to do yeah yeah so i don't know i mean yeah in that scene he like it literally ends with like him pulling his pants yeah but like in a sneaky sultry way yeah in sort of a like well we're gonna get this done what's he doing to these puzzles is he the missing piece this whole time i mean there's a reason they stick together when they're not in the right spot it's fair how else he's getting almonds in there yeah best winston moment or quote oh fuck this whole episode i honestly don't know oh i want to i want to go back to best schmidt i think my second second one is when he asked Winston what color he thinks he is.

That's so good. Also, it's such a throwaway line that I wonder, even just the way he says it, I wonder if he didn't just ad-lib it. I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Yeah. If you watch the bloopers, which we do at the end, the end, like, when we did Season 2's bloopers last week. So, unfortunately, we'll have a few episodes to get to before we get this one. This one's the 22. Yeah.

That's a few. It is a few. But, like, the Season 3 bloopers are so good. I do want to, like, mention it because it's, again, a really good moment is when winston's wearing the fucking sweatshirt pants and they're like circling around each other fighting so good uh winston kicks the chair and that's completely not yeah there's like an extended cut of that scene where he like actually reveals that like he literally just fucking smashed his toe on a chair yeah just kept going i love that he kept going and that like also schmidt works around it and like it's

just such a good fucking moment yeah they both just kind of committed to it which is great because it's it's gold it's kind of gold i think what's especially gold is the uh winston schmidt showdown over cc oh my god which i think leads to my favorite winston line which is i needed your underwear to sew into my underwear i so here's the thing. It's like the puzzle overshadowed it so much. I completely forgot about that. And that also like, it's so good.

There's so many golden moments in this episode that, yeah, it is like legitimately hard to, like you almost skip over them just to get, you know, the next bit. And it's also like really good foreshadowing of like realizing that Nick and Jess are going to be the least funny part of the show. Yeah. The next bit. And it's also like really good foreshadowing of like realizing that Nick and Jess are going to be the least funny part of the show. Yeah. When I was like, this isn't going to work.

And Schmidt and Winston are like, yeah, it's not. Yeah. Yeah. It's like flat out. Like, well, you've called it boys. Cause yeah, it's, it definitely does take a dip. Unfortunately. Yeah.

Cause they deal with the same fucking bullshit. It's like Nick's a man, baby. And Jess is a little too controlled. And it's like that for, I can't remember how many episodes, but two fucking bullshit. It's like, Nick's a man, baby, and Jess is a little too controlled. And it's like that for, I can't remember how many episodes, but too fucking many. Yeah. And like,

it really does become the Schmidt-Winston show. Oh, 100%. Which, again, I'm okay with because they're fucking hilarious. And this is the thing, it really wasn't

much different before because like, when I first watched the show, I thought it was going to be sort of like, about Jess. Yeah then I think very quickly it shifted yeah and we've obviously discussed this before but yeah and it's still one of those things that like I am you know it is interesting how it developed yeah but like again now I feel like once Nick and Jess start dating they'd like kind of

get put on the back burner because it's not really that interesting what to do with it and it's like i i've studied like sitcom writing shit and like one of the the most like one of the most dangerous things to do in sitcom writing is put your two leads in a relationship together because like if that's what they wanted that's sort of like what everyone wants it's, well, then what are we doing other than waiting for them to break up? Although I do feel like you could definitely have handled it better than they did. Oh, yeah. They just seemed to shrug and again.

Yeah. Put like Schmidt and Winston to the forefront. Best Nick moment? Strangling the kid. Yeah. Or threatening to strangle the kid. Threatening to strangle the kid. Yeah.

So good. Point break moment? Also pretty kid. Yeah. Or threatening to strangle a kid. Threatening to strangle a kid. Yeah. So good. Point break moment. Also pretty good. Yep. Or also the revelation that he has never had a key to the apartment. I don't carry a key. I just jimmy the lock open. So good.

Yeah. Also the line, I'm really fighting the urge to buy you a lobster dinner right now. That is a pretty solid thing to say to someone after sex. Oh, hell yeah. I'm going to use that all the time. It wouldn't work with my vegan girlfriend, but. It's even better. Please, please say it next time.

Uh, now this one I think is an interesting illustration of what we were just talking about. What's the, that's so Jess moment of this week oh man uh kind of none right yeah she doesn't do anything particularly jesse which i'm okay with yeah no she doesn't really do anything she doesn't and like again that's kind of the problem with this whole yeah story. Yeah. And a lot of season three is, like, she becomes almost sort of, like, a really boring villain to Nick sometimes or a really whiny girlfriend to Nick. Like, she doesn't really have her own, like, story anymore.

And, like, neither does Nick. It's just sort of, like, them being the worst versions of themselves simply to create drama and, like, conflict between the two characters. Yeah. Kind of a pity. But yeah, I don't really think she does much in this episode, which is a bit of a pity. Other than looking real cute in her like messed up Indian, sorry, wedding garment.

It's true. It's true. I also think of special note is the Winston Schmidt discussion of how Nick would fare in prison. Yeah. I mean, I think if there ever was a Jess moment in this one, it's probably her getting confused as to what a sissy is. Yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah, overall, I think it's your favorite episode. It's definitely up there.

It's, it's certainly like as much as I hate sort of like what this leads into, I think just the puzzle shit. Like, I remember watching this when it fucking came out and like, to this day, I still think about how funny that is. Yeah. Like I will actually every now and then Google or, like, YouTube that clip of Schmidt being like, It's a Japanese garden. It's on the box.

It's on the box. Yeah, it was so good. I also just forgot to mention the... I was like, is he a sissy or a bitch? And then he's like, he's a chubby gringo. Oh, so good. Yeah,

it is, it is nice to know that like, even sort of like the worst episodes still have plenty of fucking joke. Cause like there's a lot of sitcoms that suffer from, uh, like joke drought. Yeah. Like how I met your mother.

The last season of how I met your mother was fucking rough. And like, it just kind of became sort of like really basic sort of like paint by number sitcom stuff in between like really heavy melodrama. And you're just like, that's not why I'm here. I feel like, yeah.

Like Schmidt is always just fucking hilarious. Yeah. And feel like, yeah, like, Schmidt is always just fucking hilarious. Yeah. And Nick usually. I think, like, even when him and Jess are being weird, just, like, the sheer shambles of a man that he is and throwing in references to that, so good. Winston's incredible. Cece really starts to come into her own after this as well, I think. Yes. Yeah.

Like, she starts to actually kind of of getting on the bullshit instead of being that like straight character yeah and it's also like she's pretty like together and like yeah she rarely had any punch lines it was usually like she was just sort of like that you know fifth party sort of like observer kind of had it together chaos you know yeah um but when she starts to kind of devolve, it's great. Yeah. Which is nice because, like, later on, she becomes a real fucking good character. Oh, yeah. Especially paired with Winston.

Yeah. No. Whoever came up with them doing the stuff together, so good. And then, of course, we also have fucking Schmidt trying to shred himself. See, there like yeah there's so much that's the problem like that's a really good sort of like juxtaposition of him cheating on these women and then him willingly trying to shred himself to like save nick you know what i mean it's like he's got that sort of like almost stupid innocent pureness that really doesn't make me think that he's like he's got that sort of like almost stupid innocent pureness that really doesn't make me think that he's capable of cheating and lying on these like to these women

especially like with cc yeah i mean he like genuinely cares about yeah i do think if they had done it like he wouldn't break up with either of them but didn't do anything right and just avoided them yeah yeah and i don't see the need for them to have written in the other stuff because i feel like it doesn't heighten the tension it just kind of sucks i also don't remember if he like ever really redeemed himself i think it's just kind of forgotten yeah i mean we'll get to that but like yeah i don't well that'll be over the next few episodes yeah it's gonna be a big one. Because that's pretty important. And, like, I don't remember actually that happening.

And so looking back, I was kind of bummed out that this kind of, like, exciting, hopeful moment of Cece not going through with her marriage. Yeah. Is now marred by him being a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. It's like, cool, poor girl. Her marriage kind of fell apart. And now she's also being cheated on right off the bat. Super.

Like, that's fucked. Yeah. Like, I really don't. Which is weird because I've watched the bat super like that's fucked yeah i like i really don't which is weird because i've watched the series like two or three times now and i don't remember how winston or sorry schmidt uh like redeems himself or if he does or if it's just one of those things that like goes on long enough that we just kind of yeah forget about it no well that'll be something to look for over the coming weeks. That's, I'll put that in my notebook.

Yeah. Our notebooks, I actually just had to start a new one now after season one and two. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, that's a pretty exciting time. Because we're on, what, our 45th episode of this fan cast, which is pretty exciting. So, New Guys is five away from the 50. Yeah, it's big. which is pretty exciting. So New Guys is five away from the 50. Yeah, it's big. It's pretty exciting.

And you know what we have planned for episode 50? Champagne! Oh, yeah. But also the venue is now in line and I think tickets are up. They go up when... Yeah, they'll be up the Monday that this airs. So if you're listening to this,

tickets are on sale. Yeah, you can probably get your tickets that this airs. So if you're listening to this, tickets are on sale. Yeah, you can probably get your tickets. Just go on the usual website. You'll see the link. It's fucking gigantic. Also, remember Gunna Marley because it went fast last time. Yeah, yeah. Like episode 25's party was a fucking shit show.

Yeah. And again, we don't sell them. It's through the venue. So if things happen, it's not our fault. And if you have trouble with them, please contact the vendor, not us. Yeah. Because we don't sell them it's it's through the venue so yeah so if things happen it's not our fault and if you have trouble with them please contact uh the the vendor not us yeah we don't have anything we we just show up when we're supposed to show up yeah we've kind of made a deal with them they they cover kind of all the back end stuff um anything else to say about the episode i don't think so it was fucking okay well you know what time it is then. It is our usual ending. Yeah, so every week we end with two things.

And I think I'm going to get us started with Dane's favorite part, which is New Girl fanfic. Oh, yeah. Let me get comfortable. Oh, yeah. Okay. So this one's a little long. I think, you know, you give me the sign if you want me to stop at any point. Okay.

Uh, and this is called Root Beer Rag. Oh, God. And this is by Innie. Alright. Her Smilax Regali print didn't survive Schmidt's ritual cleansing of her room. You understand, Jess, that while my room should be estrogen-welcoming as befits the lair of a genius, it shouldn't be out-butched by Sadie's Estromax office, and is in a box under Nick's bed, gathering dust and maybe centipedes.

The print is in no way necessary for her upcoming unit on Prohibition, when Root Beer had become especially profitable, but Jess is nothing if not an ardent advocate for audiovisual aids in the classroom. She resigns herself to seeing the dust of years on her black tights, sinks ungracefully to the floor, whatever Nick said about his room wanting to feel like an old-timey saloon, bedroom floor shouldn't be gritty, and pulls out her big cardboard box,

all of the flaps neatly tucked into each other in a way that had mystified Nick. Down at the bottom of the box, forming a stable base, are outdated successive editions of the MLA style manual, and on top of them are the framed prints that didn't fit on Nick's walls between his duct-taped and thumb-tacked posters, duct-taped and thumb-tacked posters, and assorted miscellanea stuffed out in one corner is a jumble of black elastic that might be the starfish a couple of cc's stretchy stretchy headbands or the waist of her emergency pair of black tights sarsaparilla print is as bright and pristine now as the day nick had hung it on her wall when he'd been her brand new boyfriend and she'd still

fumbled for words to describe the insane attraction his wrists held for her having him in her bed hadn't made her any more elegant it had been easier to say a lifetime before that when they've been stuck in that time of swirling uncertainty that his habit of gargling his beer turned her on easier to omit that much and let him laugh and make incredulous faces at her than to enumerate in lusty detail all of the reasons his beer gargling got her wet because it wasn't just his wrists as they flexed when he popped the cap off a heisler and it wasn't just his throat as it elongated when his head tapped languoriously back looking as strong and yet vulnerable as a heavy flower stem and it wasn't just his eyes fixed on her like they were heavy doozy magnets pulling at

the iron in her blood so that she shivered and stepped closer it was all of him okay i'm gonna save you there can i just tell you that like this is pretty good writing this is horrible i mean content-wise but, I've heard worse. Okay, well, I'm going to keep going. Oh, no. Okay. It was all of him, and all she'd been able to say even months later, on the day he'd use a golf pencil on the level to hang up her print, was that he had hairy arms and nice wrists.

She had a better vocabulary than that, she swore she did. She could have busted at her stute or virile or flexion, but the sight of his serious little frown as he measured just where he could drive the nail for her print had gotten her remembering what they'd done hours earlier. He'd stripped her bare and set her down on the bed, careful, so careful with her, before sinking inexorably down and planting his face against her, licking and teasing and stroking at her until she was out of her mind. Her souls had clapped together, making that same sound Nick made when he fumbled one of his thick-fingered clumsy snaps. And then Nick had slid one of those thick fingers inside her, and she'd choked on his

name. She'd run her fingers up and down his forearms, which were anchoring her hips securely to the bed and her cunt to his mouth, relishing the silky feel of the hair okay all right softer than the mop on his head okay we're calling it when he finally moved his mouth off her she'd sighed in relief that so much heat wasn't pressed up against her anymore was only a breather before he slotted his hips into the space his shoulders had forged between her thighs and skin was hot and he dove into her core exquisitely ruthlessly just right can we just talk about what what's our thing with wrists i know right how fucking weird is that i

read this and the whole wrist thing uh like does she mean forearms because like i understand there's like that no there's like that thing about forearms but like wrists themselves literally really have nothing going for them. One paragraph later, and she's watching his wrists again as he pops the top off like the last bottle of root beer. Like, all she does is look at his wrists and get real weird. Yeah. Do you have, I know we said three, but we, or two, we usually do three. Do you have our, do you have our listener question?

We do have a user question this week. So they didn't want to be named. Okay. And their question is, what do we do for people who don't want to get named? Because usually everyone's cool with it. I don't know. It's weird that they don't want to be yeah

i guess we'll give them a schmidtism so they can be garbage kids because i'm pretty sure he calls nick that in this episode uh or winston i think he calls winston after he he got real oh yes yeah yeah yeah dirty garbage child yeah uh so this is agent garbage child um and this is Agent Garbage Child. And they ask, how do you break up with somebody over text? That's weird. That has nothing to do with New Girl. I know. Are they talking about Schmidt?

Are they talking about Schmidt? That he maybe should? I don't know. I don't think we can answer that if it has nothing to do with New Girl. This is a New Girl podcast. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't think we can answer that if it has nothing to do with New Girl. This is a New Girl podcast. Yeah, well, I don't know. Maybe we should do a sex and dating advice podcast. Yeah. No.

No. That would be stupid. Yeah. Also, we have no time with this, I guess. This is pretty much a full-time job. Yeah. Okay, hit me with the last and final bit. Actually, we should say our goodbyes first.

We should. Before we go, yeah. Thanks for listening, guys. Yeah. We've done two whole seasons. This is the first of season three. Big, big times. Yeah.

As Niall mentioned, we're nearing 50. Yeah. Which is... Crazy. Which is our big party. Our second big party. This one's going to be even bigger because we had about 300 people turn out last time. We're going to at least double that this time, which is fucking crazy.

Yeah. So we've got a new venue. Should we announce that or should we wait until Monday? We'll do Monday. Okay. Yeah. So we'll let you guys know on Monday. That'll be fun.

And yeah, just thank you for everyone for sticking with us uh it's nice to know there are people who are as big fans of new girl as we are out there um and yeah we've been putting in the work and we appreciate you guys sticking around yeah it's usually asking pertinent questions yeah try to keep your try to keep your questions on point with uh with new girl yeah things Again, if she just said like, should Nick or Schmidt break up with someone? But like,

we're not experts here. And honestly, if that was the question, yeah, I think it would be preferable to what he's doing I mean, yeah, if he doesn't have the

fucking strength to break up with them in person, yeah, do it over text. Yeah, fucking anything to get rid of this shitty plot line. I don't like it.

I know, it's the worst. Makes me sad. But thank you very much. We're going to be, if you want to watch along with us, it's season three, episode two,

next week. Feel free to tweet us your favorite moments of the episode. As always, we're going to live stream the next watch. Yeah.

So you can find us at vimeo.com forward slash, uh, new guys. And I think it's three, six, seven,

you guys, three, six, seven. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah.

So we'll be there, you know, same time next week. Um, show up, say hi, watch with us. Yeah.

All right. Now take us a, okay. You know, the last bit we do every week is we have a nice word from Dan. Yeah. All right. Now, take us a... Okay, you know, the last bit we do every week is we have a nice word from Dan. Yeah, pretty much probably our favorite person on Twitter. Yeah, pretty much. And Dan says, be good to people and make sure you treat your significant other right.

Hell yeah. Happy April Fool's. April Fool's, bitches!