F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - No Sex in the Mole Zone

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Please, for the love of God, if you listen to ANY of our advice: do not put soil inside you.  It's dirt.  It's literal dirt.  Topics include abandonment issues, cuddle boners, focusing on yourself is a lie, holy mole-y.

Hello friends. My name is Day Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. We are your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy, sexy situation to turn into sexy, sticky situations. Say a boy put. Questions online. Questions answered here in your ears every Monday. And you know what? Shout out to Germany. Okay. We got a bunch of Germans last week. Cool. Just a big old influx of Germans. And I want to say, welcome. Do best talk my al-a-best friend. Yeah. That is the one German. phrase Nell knows and he says it every time anyone mentions Jervi. Yes, I definitely will. That's a great one. Um, how's it going? You know, it's, I just got a notification on my phone that it's, we're expected to get 25 centimeters of snow, which is cool. When? I don't know. My phone was just like, I hate that

your phone comes up with, like, I guess can be helpful, but like, it is very annoying when you're just chilling and it's like, weather's going to suck and you're like, yeah, everything's going to get real bed. It looks like everything already sucks. Over the course of the night. Yeah. To the morning.

So this has been your weather update for me, Dane. Yeah. A weekly by the time this episode comes out. Yeah. Look, if you're here for weather, you're here for the wrong thing.

Should we just get into this? Should we just do this? Should we just do this damn thing? You know what? This week we're going to talk about wife leaves me at work for hours every weekend. How to stop getting a boner while cuddling?

Unpopular opinion. Focus on yourself and women will come is a lie. pretending to be a mole. But you know what? Fuck the other three. Let's go straight to that one. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to say too much else because it's crazy.

I, Dane, I have no interest now in anything but moles. Well, that's why we're teasing it now. Shit. You got to do it. All right. This is from Innocent Lil Redditor. My wife, 29-year-old female, of four years, leaves me 27-year-old male at work for hours every weekend. My wife is my ride to and from my second job on the weekends. We first got together. I sold my vehicle to pay for my apartment, which she moved into and agreed to be my ride everywhere.

Well, since she decided to never get a job, I've been the pair of bills on rent and leisure activities. I work at a gym overnight, Fridays and Saturdays, 10 till 6 a.m. Getting there isn't too much of an issue unless she's mad, but getting home is impossible. I'm about a 20-minute drive away. I get off at 6 a.m., so I'll typically start calling her a 5 a.m., because she'll take at least 30-plus minutes to get up and get out the door, plus the 20-minute drive. She doesn't set any alarms, so I typically end up calling her between 8. at 100 times before she answers. I've been working here for five and a half months and only three times as you've been here

close to 6 a.m. Every weekend I have to leave, walk to a McDonald's and sit there until about 11. The latest I've had to sit there was until 3 p.m. But I'm averaging 10 hours of sitting per weekend. She refuses to drive me any further away for a different job and jobs are extremely limited in my location. I don't know what to do. Paranoia has been hanging hard recently and I'm resenting her a lot more.

Does she just hate me? Is she cheating me? Is it the drug she's on? It's so hard to save money when I'm the villain for not spending every. everything on her. My parents and uncle have said they helped me purchase a vehicle soon. There are many more factors unrelated to this situation, but I'm not sure if I should even stay with her after I get my vehicle. There's so many things in this question where I'm just, like, one, why can't you drive her car? Yeah. Right. If you're, if you're gone while she's asleep and

she's not waking up until 3 p.m. Why can you drive it at night? Like, where is she going at night? Yeah. It's like you have a standing appointment, which is your job, during hours, most people are, you know, not up and about. And like, if she is up and about, surely the odd time she's out getting a taxi or Uber comes down to a lot less stress effort money than after to get up of 5 a.m. when you clearly don't want to. There's, I mean, there's a lot, right? One, it sounds like she's not paying rent at all. She's not paying any of the bills. So the least you could do is lend this dude your fucking car twice a week. Yeah. And, you know, let him, even if you want to be a piece of shame, be like, well, you have to fill it up. You have to pay for

gas. Well, he's already doing that, presumably. Yeah, I guess he's doing that too. She doesn't work. It's insane that then, like, you have one responsibility in this relationship, it seems like, and it's to, to drive this dude to work four times a week, you know, there and back twice. And then, like, he's like, oh, I'm also the villain because I don't spend every cent on her. I imagine there's probably some level of his, his anger being. Mitterness. dealt through in this moment. But I mean like the solution is so simple. Just be like, hey, add me to your insurance and you will no longer have to stay up until 10 a.m.

Or 10 p.m. and you won't have to get up at 5 a.m. And I won't have to sit in McDonald's for 10 hours a week. Yeah. Like that's insane. Like there's no world. Like I want to know, have you talked to her about this? Because at no point does it seem to be that you've talked to her about this. But like, if I had to sit in McDonald's until 3 p.m., I would be like, hey,

there's a problem here. Also, at that point in time, surely you could walk home. Unless you like... 20 minute drive? Unless it's, yeah. Unless it's the fucking auto ban and there's no fucking speed limit and you can just bomb to your fucking gym. Walk home. Get a bike, bro.

Like, what are you doing? Yeah. Like, I understand that like, because like my work is about a 20 minute drive with average traffic. And I could walk there in an hour. It was a little under an hour at like a leisurely normal pace. So it's like, I would rather do that than wait an hour, right? Like if I have to wait, I understand that you then set the precedent of being like, well, I don't need to drive you to work anymore.

Now you just have to walk there. And it's like, yeah, I also would not be thrilled about walking home at 6 a.m. after a full night show. I get it. I will say, though, it takes me 15 minutes to bike to my work, more than 20 minutes to drive there and an hour to walk there. So get a bike. Not great during the winter. I'll say that. So I don't know.

there are options and it seems like instead of exploring a single one, you've done nothing. Yes. Like, step one, conversation, being like, hey, you don't set an alarm. Maybe you should set an alarm. Like that seems like a non-negotiable for waking up, for getting out of bed. If you need to get up, you need set an alarm. That's just it. If she doesn't want to do that, obviously she doesn't want to pick you up, which, again,

I kind of get because it's early. But if this is your arrangement, you need the yes or a no. You can't have a kind of, a maybe like I'll get there. I feel like, again, if she's not. contributing any way financially to, then she needs to do something, right? She needs to add something to the equation. Otherwise, like, what the fuck is she doing there? Like, I guess, like, you know, you love her and, you know, maybe sex and companionship or whatever. But, like, there still needs to be, like, you can't just, like, sit there and be like, I don't want to participate in this relationship

or any of the responsibilities of, like, being in a relationship. So, like, you're just going to pay everything for me. And I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want. Also, sometimes I won't drive you to work because I'm mad. Like, that's also not negotiable. Like, I understand having an argument sucks, but, like, work isn't one of those things you can jeopardize. Especially because if he doesn't have a job, they're homeless. Yeah. Because, like, you know, the flip side of things are, like, I would understand that if she worked Monday to Friday, a grueling, or even just a nine to five, like, even just a regular job of being like, well, now on the day I'm supposed to rest, like, the beginning of my weekend, I have to, you know,

drive you late. And then on my other day, like my whole weekend, essentially my time to rest is fucked because I'm doing this. I would get that. I would understand that would upset me as well. But she's not doing anything. So this is kind of her job. She has a job that is two days long. It's Monday and Saturday or whatever the fuck he said. 40 minutes long a day for two days. Yeah. Yeah. She's working about two hours a week to remain housed. If she doesn't want to do this, which sure, why are you? not get in the car. That, again, just seems like a very easy thing. And I understand completely where Dane's going from. She doesn't want to do this. Whatever, I get it. It's early in the morning.

Less excuses considering she apparently does nothing. But, like, she still needs to contribute massively in other ways. Like, I couldn't imagine a world where I live in someone's home with them paying for my shit. And I don't go above and beyond with regards to, like, doing, I would assume at that point, every chore, but some people just suck, I guess. Yeah. So those are your three things, right? You have a conversation to be like, hey, this is a, a responsibility that I have. And if you're going to commit to helping me, you also have that responsibility. It's not a whether you feel like it or not. If you're going to drive me to and from work, then I need you to set an alarm, you know, however long or however early you need to do so that

you're here at six o'clock to pick me up after my shift. And when you don't do it, it's disrespectful, it's rude and it sucks. I don't want to sit here for X amount of time waiting for you to pick me up. If you're agreeing to do it, then that's the agreement. If something, comes up, you let me know as soon as possible, I'll figure it out, but like, you can't just leave me sitting. Like, that day where you're waiting until 3 p.m., how did you not freak the fuck out? Like, I'm a pretty, I would have lost it. I'm a pretty level-headed dude. I'm a pretty, like, I don't tend to like getting into fights. I don't like conflict. I usually get really worked up in my head and then talk myself down. I don't think I would do that in this situation.

I'll fucking shout. I get pissed all the time. I'd be like, like, what the fuck? But, Because again, is there an excuse? And if there is an excuse, surely like there, again, we don't know the full situation. Things happen, right? If it was like, hey, my car exploded. Yeah, okay, I get it. You took till three to build a new car. Totally fair.

But like, it just seems like there's no communication here. Like, how do you live a life where she leaves you in the McDonald's until 3 p.m.? And then you just get in the car and go home and go, that was horrendous. And just don't come to an arrangement or an agreement. Because again, it needs to be a yes or a no. It can't be a maybe. And so far with no alarm, calling someone 80 to 100 times, that should be illegal. That's insane.

For everyone involved. Shut down and never turn back on if you do that. Someone should show up and just take your phone, stamp on it and put you in jail. Like, I know you're doing it to wake her up. It's still so fucked. I cannot imagine the agony of doing that. Yes. And also, like, it seems to say he's doing it an hour before.

So an hour before you leave work. So the last hour of your actual working shift is just you. sitting at the front desk fucking spamming. It's, uh, why is like that on you? Her, if she's waking up, it shouldn't be on you. It should be like,

ugh, I'm so hungry. It just, again, it needs to be a yes or a no. If it's a yes, she needs to set an alarm, she needs to be there,

right? Again, things happen. Traffic. Maybe she doesn't wake up on time once. And those are conversations if it becomes a pattern, which currently is. But like, and if it's a no,

then you need the car. Yeah. Simple. We've done it. And if she's like, no, it's my car. I don't want to share it.

and be like, cool, this is my house. I don't want to share it. Leave. These are, this is my paycheck. I don't want to share it. Like, also, maybe talk about her getting a second job because you're working, or sorry, a job. Because you're working too. I mean, he does say jobs are limited.

So like, maybe it's a can't get one. Like, I don't know. It doesn't. He did also say she decided not to get a job, right? Yeah. She decided to never get a job. Hey, I would love to decide that. Hey, is that something I can do?

Can I just decide to not work? Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely like there's like a whole string of conversations you need to have, right? Like, and this I feel like is towards the end of things. Like first you have to be like, hey, it's tough out here economy wise to pay for everything when you aren't financially contributing. I need you to do something. I need you to add to this equation somehow. And like maybe she does. Maybe she does the cooking. Maybe she does the cleaning. We don't know. That's kind of outside the scope of the question. And then be like, and then we're. And then we're. And we're. Maybe she does the cooking. Maybe she does the cleaning. We don't know. That's kind of outside the scope of the question. And then be like, and then we're. And we're. And we're. Work your way up to being like, cool. So now that we've established that I am doing all of the financial heavy lifting and I require this second job so that you can have X, Y, and Z that we just talked about, you need to drive me to fucking work or give me the car. Yeah. And then at the end of that, she's like, no, I don't want to do that or no, it's my car. You can't have it. But I think you definitely need to be like, okay, well, then the money I'm, it's like if she leaves, you're in no worse financial.

straight. It's not like she's paying half rent, but still not doing anything else. It's like, it's not like you're going to need a lift to work. Because guess what? She's not picking you up, bud. So yeah, I think you need to look and be like, hey, is this person a net positive on my life? Or is everything that I'm doing in that negative? I'm working two jobs. I'm stressed. I'm miserable. I'm being left for half a day in the McDonald's. Is that how you want to live your life? Because it's not how I want to live mine. So if someone is making your life first, dump them. Doesn't matter if you love them. Doesn't matter if you like having sex with them. You're going to like live. If you're working two jobs, your free time is already at a limited, like, quantity.

I can't imagine being like, oh, I just worked a full shift. I could sleep. I could rest. I could play a video game. I could watch a movie. But no, instead, I will be chilling at this McDonald's. Yeah, for like nine hours. For I'll do a cluck in a whole other shift of sitting in McDonald's.

Bad. Not it. This is from Hot Bus. How does stop getting a bono? Hot Bus. Yeah. I've always been a little excitable. And often when I'm snuggling with my girlfriend, I get a boner.

She always tells me she's sick of it. But half the time, it leads to dry humping or sex. So I don't entirely think she's annoyed by it as she says. But if it bothers her that much, we just can't cuddle and watch stupid movies. And then I want to be able to give her that. But sometimes it's hard. Pun intended. Fuck you.

Pun intended. When she does that little move where she scoots her ass against my crotch, sometimes she doesn't even wear pants. She's just wearing a 5xL shirt that she got from a T-T. shirt can in a curling match and then she still gets annoyed when it happens. I don't know if it's some weird humiliation ritual or what and with all the respect possible. I'm not sure why she would expect to be able to press her half bare ass against my penis and I just remain completely flaccid. Two, two roots. Two paths lie before you. To the east, my liege is you are now little spoon

hiding the boner by pointing it away or maybe not even getting it because there's no ass rubbing up on it. To the west is the root of I don't control. my boners and you let them know how boners work, which is that you have no control over them and they are bound to happen. Yeah, it's like, do we, are we still at this point in time in our lives where if you are romantic sexual partners, why are you getting upset that your romantic sexual partner is aroused by you? Even, look, I would get it if like, you know, you were having a really tough day and, you know, your guys are sitting next to each other on the couch and she's like, this horrible thing and at work happened. It was really traumatizing. It was really tough for me. And he's just sitting there.

Leg spread rocking a full erection. I would get being annoyed by that because that seems a little like, why is this turning you on? What's happening? Even then, I think that would be a less of a, I can't believe you have a boner right now and more of a why do you have a boner right now. Yeah, what's happening. It's still not his fault that there's a boner. It is worrying as to why there's the bone. What the stimuli is there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you are physically. intimate. You are physically close. You are, you know, in states of undress and there's friction. You got the recipe for Boner City, right? Like, you've got- Literally, if you look up the cookbook for Boners, that's right there. It's right there. So I don't know, like, why, I just don't understand why people are, like, weird about it. And, like, look, I assume. I assume it's, it's like a level,

like, one, pure ignorance of not understanding or never, like, really consciously thinking about the fact that boners are literally not a conscious decision, right? That's one. Two, I think it's a lot of people maybe like from your past or whatever either have dealt with people who every time they get a boner, it's like, well, now it's your problem. So they may just be like defensive or like traumatized. And I don't mean that in the giant like sphere of things. I mean, just in general, it's like if you're used to that pattern of behavior, you might kind of be like, oh, for fuck's sake, really? Or are you then doing something, right? Like if every time you get a boner, you're kind of like trying to act on it, right? But it seems like you're not trying to act on it. So you have the two other roots, which are either just explains or be like, look, I do not have a say in when I get a boner. You're pressed up against me. I find you really attractive. Sorry. Don't worry. Like if I have a boner, it does not mean I need to have sex or I want you to take care of it. It is just a biological thing. So don't feel pressure to taking care of it or like doing anything sexual with me. I just like lay that out. And I can't imagine that the upset. will continue unless it is like a weird game that she's playing, which it kind of sounds like it is at some

points. But again, maybe she does feel this like responsibility, which I think is shit because that's not the way you feel. But I think making sure that's clear is important. Yeah. It's just a simple conversation that you need to have and explain. Be like, hey, I don't know what to tell you. You be impressed up against this gets me hard. And it's in no way meant to be an insult. As I said, it's no way an obligation. It's just the thing that happens. And honestly, I'm kind of happy that, you know what I mean? Like, just like make a joke of it and be like, you know, it's, it's not like I'm forcing it or thrusting it upon you. It is just the thing that happens. I like cuddling you. And sometimes it makes me hard. And that's, like, I don't know what else you want me to do about it. Yeah. I think just be clear that like,

it's beyond your control and that she doesn't have to do anything about it. And then if the problem continues, be like, hey, why does this bother you so much? I already told you you you don't need to worry about it and you know it's not my fault. So what's going on? And it's simple as that. Easy. This is by Just Oil 2162. Unpopular opinion.

Focus on yourself and women will come as mostly a lie. A male 20 in college. And I've noticed something weird. Whenever a guy struggles with dating, the advice is never practical. It's philosophical. Don't chase woman. Become your best self.

Get rich. Get jacked. And they'll find you. But no one says this about literally any other skill. You don't become good at sales by focusing on yourself. You don't get good at public speaking by lifting weights. So why do you pretend dating is different? Is focus on yourself, just a socially acceptable way of telling men to stop trying so we don't have to acknowledge how brutal modern

dating actually is, but does it really work? Way to make false equivalencies that make no fucking sense. Yep. When someone is saying, oh, I'm having trouble dating, it's usually because that person is so fucking focused on dating that that's become their personality. And to undo that, you need to reflect inward. You need to work on yourself. You need to better yourself. You need to unlearn or learn things. You need to go to therapy. You need to deal with your insecurity and your jealousy. Those are the things that people are talking about. When people say work on yourself, why is the two things that you go to immediately make money get jacked? That's not what it's like, if you want to, if you think focusing on your career will give you more drive and less,

you know, more focus in your day-to-day life? Sure. Will that make you more money? Probably. And if you want to focus on your physical fitness, that's also great. You don't need to get jacked. I have not once ever in my life been jacked. So it doesn't matter. Yeah, I love that the false equivalencies here are like, oh, when you want to get better at sales, they don't tell you to go lift weights. And it's like, okay. But like focusing on yourself and say lifting weights or whatever, you realize those are improving yourself in the ways that people may find you attractive. So like, if you're in better shape, one, it'll probably help with your confidence. And two, people are attracted to people who like, you know, look good, right? So it's like if you're improving your physique,

that is a way to become more physically attractive. But mainly, I think, a way for you to feel more comfortable in your skin and build confidence, right? If you're working on yourself by becoming more confident, happy, secure, those are things that are building skills because they're building the things that people look for in a partner. And I love that you somehow don't understand that and think that this is just advice where it's like, we could flip it the other way around to be like, oh, you know, for sales, you need to learn how to like your product

inside and out so that you can, you know, talk to somebody about the refrigerator you're selling and being like, if I want to date, someone wouldn't tell me to know about a refrigerator. Yeah, dude. There's also, like, dating isn't a skill, right? I think, I mean, maybe you can make the argument that it is, but it's not like, it's not like you can pay,

dating shouldn't be like a hobby, right? Like painting. That is something that you can practice and get better at. Dating, the more you date, you can be a serial dater and have a different girlfriend every week and still be absolute dog shit at dating. And I promise you, there are a lot of people out there who are like that. People who are sleeping with lots of people who don't treat their partners well, who you might say are successful at dating because they're having lots of sex with lots of different women. But those women hate them. They're leaving unsatisfied.

They feel unsafe. They feel uncomfortable. they never talk to them again? Is that success? Would you consider that a successful dating career? What is your metric of success, right? And I think that's where all starts with your getting better as well. Because if you're looking at dating and being like,

dating is a quantifiable thing that I can be good at. And the way I'm good at it is by sleeping with multiple different women, regardless of quality of time spent, regardless of satisfaction for both parties. Or even looking at it like, oh, the skill I need is cold. approach or the skill I need is like keynote or whatever the fuck. It's dating is less of a skill

and more of like who you are, right? It's not what you can do. It's who you are. People need to want to date you because you are a fun, nice, comforting, confident, like exciting person, you know, pick and choose whatever ones those are. But it's like you're building yourself up to be

a person somebody wants to date, not necessarily learning dating as a skill, right? And there are things that factor into that, right? Like, at at a first date, being able to have a conversation is a skill, isn't necessarily dating, but it is intrinsically linked, I think. But you can still get away with that. If you're a little awkward or if you're a little whatever, but you're not a dick and you are like a nice person, like you can still get away with not being perfect at that. But I think the base is like you need

that foundation of being a person someone wants to date, which is kind of what people are telling you to do when they're saying like work on yourself, become yourself, like grow into yourself. Because kind of touching on what you just said, the thing that make people good at dating, and by that I mean like datable, people that people want to date, aren't skills, their qualities, right? And you can't teach someone to be kind. You either are or you aren't. Nunchucks. Nunchucks is a skill people want to date you for. Yeah. But if you're going in and being like, oh, people want people who are kind, great. I'm not, but I will pretend to be kind in order to seem like I'm kind. People can, that's fake, right? And people. People can sense when you're being fake. The same way it's like, you can't be, you can't, if you're not charming, you can't pretend to be charming because it's going to be fucking weird. If you're not empathetic and you want to pretend to be empathetic, it's going to fall flat because

you don't have the, the natural, whatever it is to be. So like, those are the things that people are telling you to work on. Those are the skills. You can build on those. You just have to be genuine about it, right? Yes. So it's like, you know, with painting, I can go and I can paint 10 hours a day or, you know, Two hours a day for 10 years and I'll probably be better from when I started to when I finish.

But if you go in being like, I'm not a kind person, but I'm going to pretend to be kind, you're at the end, you're still an unkind person pretending to be kind, right? Like there's at no point in time have you actually changed. You haven't developed anything. You might have developed more ways to be manipulative. Again, not a good thing to be to want to be a datable person. And it might work in the short term, maybe, but it won't. blast in any kind of long way

and you know it's just not a way to live and that's the I think that's the problem with like what people think about this kind of stuff right people think that like oh I got a girlfriend oh I can have sex but they don't realize that like the second that initial lust or whatever wears off and people get to know them as a person

you're like oh you actually suck shit oh you're actually not empathetic oh you're actually not adventurous you had canned lines and now that I'm peeling back the layers. I'm revealing that you're not who you said you were. And that's when relationships fall apart. That's when people don't want to date you. So it's like, great. Are you successful because you slept with five women this year? Are you successful because you tricked X amount of women into doing X amount of things with you? You know what I mean? Like, what are you looking for? Is it to find someone

that you enjoy the company of and you love and who cares about you and you care about them? Because I think that should be the goal. Even if it is just casual sex, you should still, All of those things. You should still like the person you're casually hooking up with. You should still care about them. You should still want them to be happy and kind and satisfied. Like, those are all things that you should want regardless of sort of the end goal.

And if you're not looking for that, then I think you're a bad person. And therefore, you're not going to have any luck dating because people don't want to date bad people. Yeah. And it's like people who are telling you, oh, you know, work on yourself, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They will come to you kind of deal. They're basically telling you to get better. And they're also telling you you're doing too much, right? Because if you're always just pursuing and you're blah, blah, blah, it's like, that's where the, oh, they'll come to you. Like, it'll happen naturally if you expand. Like, if you work on yourself, parts of that is like going and doing, you know, joining a club or a hobby or going out with your friends and doing things that normal humans do and not just being like, I need a girl. I need a fucking moment. Like, and that brings in that kind of like naturalness

of like you doing normal things in a normal natural way. And then people will come to you because you're interacting with them and hopefully at that point you've kind of like chipped those edges off and you are a more confident genuine person or even like whittling it down to something even like being like you've joined clubs you've gone to hobbies because we've had those questions of people being like I've done all these things and like I'm still not meeting anyone and it's like that's a very reasonable and possible situation right you might go to these clubs and just not click with any of them there might not be any attractive people there that you or people that you find attracted there. Even with all that aside, it's just having the full life experience that you're on

the apps, you're on Tinder, you're on Bumble, you're on Hinge, to use them passively and eventually match with someone that you click with, right? Being able to allow yourself the time and the patience to scroll through and say yes and no and be ghosted and go on one date that's not great and whatever. And just let that unfold naturally as well. And within an organ, slow pace. Because I think a lot of people who do this stuff, they get on the apps and they get on the dating services and stuff. And when they don't get immediate satisfaction or when they don't have immediate success, that's when we see people getting bitter and we see them getting angry. And we see them having these questions of being like, everything they're telling you is a lie. There's no, it's all bad. Right. Like he says, oh, the dating sphere is just garbage and horrible. And it's like, well, yeah, are you going on? Are you spending, you know, $47 a month for Tinder premium? and not getting any matches. Because if that's, if that's your metric of success,

of course you're going to be fucking miserable. Of course you are. And even just like if you're at the point where you think, oh, okay, I tick box of not looking for woman for however long, like a day.

I tick box for going to club. I tick box for joining group. Still no woman. It's like you're kind of missing the point still. It's like life isn't that simple. It's not just tick box, tick box woman, right? And like that mindset,

I think probably got you into your problem in the first place, and you're importing that toxic mindset into valid advice, which, look, I understand that it's not, not that's not great advice. It's not easy advice, because there isn't a clear-cut solution. It isn't tick box three times woman appears, right? But that's just fucking life. It would be like therapy, right? Everyone tells people to go to therapy. And when you go to therapy, it's not like, well, I've gone to therapy for two days, two weeks, and I don't have anxiety anymore. Never be depressed ever again. I won't. Twice. Take box.

Don't need to worry about insecurity. I went to therapy. That's not how it works. All these things are processes. And again, if you keep thinking of things as skills and whatever, it's like going to therapy isn't a skill. It's a process. And it's usually a pretty slow one.

And usually one that requires quite a bit of commitment on your behalf to be successful. Because like, I could meet someone and be like, hey, I really think you need to, like, I will not date you unless you go to therapy. If I'm going to therapy, just because this person will continue. to date me because I'm going to therapy, but I have no effort in actually healing or whatever the process is, then it's the same thing as when people are like, but I went to club. I went to, I went out with friends. I have friend groups.

I have hobbies. I've joined clubs. Yeah. Look at my punch card. I made my friends punch it twice last week. So you know I got my friend points in. And that's a very good, I think, analogy is like if you go to therapy and don't actually buy in and give it effort, yeah, it's not going to work.

Same with this bullshit, where it's like, if you're skeptical of it. Yeah. Right. Like, if you go in and be like, therapy's bullshit. Why didn't it work? If you just shut down all your walls, it's not going to work. So, yeah, it's a very similar thing where you kind of have to do it genuinely. And I think the sad part is the people who try it because they've been having such like

kind of bad luck elsewhere come in this bitter, like toxic kind of mentality, I get it. And then you don't give it a proper go. And then you turn on and go, ha, ha, I solved it. It's a lie. And you're like, well, no. Yeah. It's, it's the same. as anything, right? Like, if you go in

refusing to want to be a part of it, it's going to suck. If you go to a movie and you're like, this is going to be a terrible movie, I'm going to hate it. It's going to suck. Chances are you're not going to enjoy it. Or if you go to a party and you're like, I don't want to go to a party. I don't like the people. I don't like the house. And it's like, yeah, you're going to

have a miserable time. It's the same way with dating. If your default position is, it's bad, it sucks. It's horrible. It's a nightmare. That's going to radiate out of you. And it's going to come across as bitter. It's karma across shitty, it's going to come across as unattractive. And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. So stop. I don't know what else to tell you. We just don't do it anymore. Yeah. And the thing is

prior to that, you're probably failing in relationships because you come off so desperate and like, I need a girlfriend. I need a whatever. Yeah. And now you're going to fail in this because you're coming into it with that same energy of like, oh, I need to do this to get a great. It's not. I'm doing this because I want to do it. So people can sense that shit. Yeah. And it's like I've talked about it a lot in terms of my issues with insecurity and my issues of like not feeling good enough for a very long time. Do you think just one day I was like, I'm not going to do this anymore. This is my new skill, not being insecure. No, it took a lot of fucking work.

And it took a lot of really hard conversations with people who were, you know, I cared a lot about and who cared a lot about me. And like, it took a substantial, I would say about a year of really hard self-reflection. And I don't want to say that in terms of like, that's how long it's. takes. You only need one year. But I'm saying it's like that's how long the concerted effort on my part was to really come to terms with my insecurity and listening to people when they told me nice things and validating myself when people are, you know, when I have a core group of friends and they're incredibly lovely. And that isn't something to weaponize against myself. It was a lot of really, really hard work. I think, yeah, I'm sure after a year, it wasn't just like job done. It's

gone forever. It's still an ongoing process as well, right? Yeah. It's, it's just how these things work. It's how the human experience should be. It should be dealt with on a day-to-day basis, on a sliding scale of what's important to you. And I think a lot of people lost track of the sense of like, we should, we should actively be trying to better ourselves and the people around us and our communities and our world. Like, that should be an active thing that we're all trying to do in some regard every day, whether it's holding the door for, someone or you know donating when you have the extra cash to a cause that you believe in or if someone's going through a tough time just be like hey if you ever need to talk let me know like those are the things those are the steps that you need to take and if you're not actively trying to do that if you're just inward on yourself and thinking that shit this is shit why are they doing this why are they successful and why aren't why aren't i successful why do they have money when i don't have money why are they dating when i'm not dating like do not see the difference of like why that would affect who you are going to attract if If one by hand you have someone who is actively giving to the world and another person who is actively like removing themselves from the world, of course you're not going to be successful.

Now please tell me about these moles. I think unfortunately we're at a time. I will fucking lose my shit. Hey, let me tell you this. I. So a little peek behind the curtain just because I really want to milk this mole anticipation. for whatever reason my my question

didn't copy into the dock it didn't sink or whatever or maybe I put them at a different dock so right before we started recording I was like oh fuck I don't have any questions so I just hopped on Reddit

and I haven't read this question so it could not be fun this is well what should be the most depressing thing ever it could be real fucking gross it could be real sad but the title is

partner 21 year old male likes to pretend his penis is a hole a mole digging a hole into dirt so already Pretty powerful energy to start. Pretty powerful, yeah. This is from Aveca.

Now, wait, wait, wait, before he goes, before he goes, do we think it's a diglet? Or do we think it's like a real human mole? And by human mole, I mean, real world. You mean the animal mole? Yeah, yeah. Or do we think it's a diglet? And she's just like, I don't know, a mole? I'm going to guess mole.

I'm going to go diglet, the Pokemon. Because I imagine, if you're rope laying your penis is a diglet, you'd be saying diglet a lot. But she might not know what that is. Sure. Okay. That's fair. I've been dating my partner for a few months now, and he's recently started to get more comfortable during sex. Oh, has he ever?

He's always loved moles. He has pictures of moles as his lock screen, posters hanging up of moles digging in his room, etc. But I've been confused about him bringing this animal into our sex life. He likes having sex in the dark and pretends to be have trouble seeing, saying things like, Where's My Hole in reference to my vagina? I've been realizing he seems to enjoy the concept that, My vagina is a hole that his penis, the mole, has dug. He sniffs like a mole, makes mole sounds, and says things like, let's hope there's worms in here when he penetrates me.

Let's not. Let's actually never hope. He made a joke recently about how it could feel nice for soil to be inserted into me. And I'm honestly neutral about this king. So I'm hoping to find ways to bring him this enjoyment. I'm hoping for advice. How are you neutral about soil? I'm hoping for advice on how to ensure.

incorporate soil into our sex life in a safe way. And other ideas on how to make our bed feel more like a mole habitat. I just want to sit in this question for a second and just enjoy the mole energy. I don't know enough about moles is what I'm realizing. When I think of moles, I think of the character from Banjo Cazui that is a mole. Do I remember what he does? Do I remember what his role is? No.

But when I think of moles, that is the immediate thought that comes into my head. They are like weird-looking little guys. They're incredibly cute. Let's be fair. Okay. Is there a soil or soil-like substance you can insert in your vagina safely? I'm going to say no. I mean, certainly do not put soil in there.

Do not put soil or dirt in there at all. That shit is filthy. It is literal dirt. Yeah, yeah. If you wanted to, you could maybe. put soil on a flashlight. But I genuinely also fear for the, the sanctity of the penis that way. I don't know that's going to be good for, like, how do you get clean soil? How do you clean dirt? You, you, I mean, that's the thing, right? Like, I think the, the, the amount of like just minerals

and stuff that little rocks, bugs. I also imagine just like bacteria, right? Like, probably, yeah. Like little baby bacteria and introducing that into sensitive parts is a bad idea. So right off the bat, I think we can all just emphatically say no soil in the sex zones. I, hey, never thought we'd have to say it. But it's always a new day here on fuck buddies. And yeah, please no soil in the sex zones. Dane's writing it down because he's making that the episode title. I'm trying to be more proactive about when we say things that I'm like, that's the episode title.

So I don't have to be like, what the fuck was I going to do? Just call it the mole incident. The mole hole. I'm really sad that it wasn't a dicklet. So I'm sorry. Yeah. How to make, look, if I'm being honest, and I'm not, again, we're not here to yuck anyone's yums. We're not here to kink shame.

I think you have embraced this kink as far as it can or should go. Because let me tell you, if someone enthusiastically said that they hope that there are worms inside of me in a sexual manner, I think I would immediately become the opposite of Rock Hard. I would become liquid flaccid. I would become soil soft. It's so bad. Yeah. I just love that this person is like, yeah, I'm kind of neutral on it. How?

Does that mean you were hype and then the inevitably disgusting, I hope there are worms in here? And also, can I put soil in here? Took you to neutral? Because I can't imagine those two utterances not affecting you. Yeah. You've got to look. No soil. Don't.

No soil. I see you. I see you buying mulch. Don't do it. it. If you really wanted to. No, gummy worms, no, you can't. No, don't, again, do not put anything inside you that is foreign. Is not sort of like cleared and for the explicit purpose of being inside you.

Sex toys are fine. If it's clear and I'm meant to be inside you, but it's from Goop, also don't put it inside. Also, don't put it inside you. Yeah. If Guadip Paltero has looked at anything, don't put that inside you. Maybe. Here's a thing. Hit up something like Bad Dragon and see if they have a worm dildo, right?

or like a snake dildo. If that's something that might be of interest, he could use that and he could pretend that like, but like that would be really, that'd be really scary for the mole of the worms the size of him. Sure, but maybe he can like remove it, right? Like,

remove himself from mole territory and be like, this is worm going in. He hates worms, bro. He takes a second, gets into mole persona, mole persona. And then, you know,

goes to, goes to mole hunting territory. What about a mole left? it for him. Have we thought about that? Is this man a candidate for being a furry? Yeah, that's expensive though. A good mole suit? You know, it's more expensive? All the diseases

this soil has caused you. So I think if we can direct energy elsewhere, look, blanket fort, pillow for it, like a mole hole. I think that's the best option here because it's super fun. Everybody wants to fuck in the blanket for it. So we're already having fun. The problem is, is that his penis

is the mole and the vagina is the whole, right? So he can't go inside a hole to get into a hole. Maybe it's crazy. A mole in a hole not hole. Another, look, another thing that you can do. And again, I really want to stress that this is a separate situation is lay down a tarp, put some dirt on it, roll around in the dirt, but make sure you're not having sex on the dirt because that's bad.

We've established that. But if you really want to have like a dirt-centric... Dirt time. Yeah. You know, get a little plastic tarp, lie it down on the floor, buy some, like, gardening soil, put it down and like make out wear, make sure you're still wearing underwear. You can be wearing sexy lingerie if you'd like. Or you could have sex, but it's beach rules where you got to be real careful that no sand or dirt gets where you don't want it. And you do need to agree with this

soil enthusiast that he's not going to accidentally smear dirt somewhere. Yeah. If you want, you can like get a secondary blanket and put it down in the sensitive areas so that, you know, there's dirt in his toes and dirt in his hands, but not inside of you, none in the danger zone. None coding the mole. Yeah, but please love of God, do not put dirt inside you.

Moles are blind, right? So I guess you're already in the dark, but maybe you blindfold him and you hide and he really has to find the whole. Or like, you blindfold him and you could like feed him gummy work. Again, he's the mole in that case.

Yeah. Maybe that's what he's into. Now, how is he's saying it? Maybe he's really into the Mexican dish, Mollay. It is funny when I search mole to see what what these little guys look like. It is like a picture of a mole, picture of a mole and a sauce dish. Yeah.

Yeah. It's maybe, maybe as now said, you get a couple different fleshlights and now he has different holes to explore, right? Like you blindfold them completely dark. You've got two hands, right? So you can hold them in different places and he has to find them. And then he can like, you know, you're using the fleshlights in different ways. you can have different sizes. Yeah, you could call them up and be like,

which is the one that most feels like soil on the inside? Yeah. Do you have a dirty one? Honestly, there is probably ones inside that have like different textures, right? For sure. I imagine. I imagine there's insane to me. Like you've seen like, so they do like fleshlights that are like,

oh, this is this porn star's flashlight. And I'm like, no one's insides have silicone spikes, thankfully. But okay. So I'm sure you just find one that has some mad inside. It'll be like a soil. Or again, maybe it's like the various like textures will will simulate different little. Yeah. I imagine like if you get those like, have you ever used those like rubber brushes used to like brush sauce onto meat?

Oh, have I ever? Come on. I imagine if you got like little little ones like that inside, that would probably be pretty soily, right? Yeah. I don't know, man. I'm reaching. But I appreciate that you're willing to indulge your, your friend's kink. and I also appreciate that you did say, hey, let's do this safely and just rush into it.

So I think you're asking the right questions. You're doing the right thing. Here's one question they should ask. And I said that like I'm about to hate you with a really funny joke. And it's very much the least funny thing I'm going to say this entire segment. Maybe just ask him like, hey, obviously you're into this. Is there anything you would like to explore without me putting soil inside myself? Because that's not going to happen.

I think you need to like above all else, I think you need to really lay down and be like, hey, I am on board with encouraging this kink. I'm on board with participating in this kink. And I'm on board with, you know, fostering this with you. Um, at no point in time will I ever want to or accept you putting soil inside me. And I think that like, because, you know, if you introduced soil, if he carried away, could be on his hands. He might want to finger you. Like, I think if you, you got to lay it down real simple, real clear and be like, this will never happen. And I don't ever want it to happen. And that is like, the line I'm drawing right now about this kink. Yeah. And you'd be like it's not even just a preference thing. It's also just a health and safety thing. Like mainly I do not want to be injured or yeah. Oh man. That's so good. Man, that's pretty much bad sex writing. But don't worry. I have the longest one we've ever read possibly. Jesus. Even longer than the cookie monster one? Probably not. Yeah. I was going to say that was pretty long. Thank you. Thank you guys for coming. We love you. welcome to MoulTown.

If you like us and if you like sex and if you like fun, we have a very fun Patreon episode that just came out where we basically went over the dating and sex trends of 2025. We deep delved into the porn hub stats, Tinder stats, looked at kind of like trends and how pop culture affected porn searches and was actually really interesting. There's some very crazy stuff on there.

So if you want to both, you know, really just, intrigue yourself and have fun and also help us out, please go join our Patreon and listen to it. It'll help keep this show going and we love you. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for the song, Paper, Stars. You guys ready? Yeah. This is a Facebook post that I saw in the wild by a real person. Every time I'm out in public, I'm reminded why the world feels like it's falling apart, not because of politics, not because of the system, but because the average man has completely checked out of his own life, I look around, I don't see protectors, I don't see leaders, I don't see men who could sprint 60 seconds if their child was in danger or carry someone out of a bad situation or hold

the line when things get hard. I don't see anyone formidable or even remotely capable of being dangerous if the circumstances called for it. I see beer bellies hanging over shorts, soft shoulders, sunken chas and pajamas in public, flip-flops of dead eyes, shirts that don't fit because discipline doesn't exist. Man, you get winded walking. Not a single one looks like they've done something hard on purpose and years. Comfort ate their edge. Convenience smothered their instinct. A screen replaced their backbone. Worse part, they're not even embarrassed about it. We've built a cultural weakness is normal. Softness is celebrated. The idea of being dangerous but disciplined while being capable, strong and prepared, is treated like some relic from the past. Men used to train because

life demanded it. Now most can't even lift their arms out their guts spilling out. This isn't about vanity, but being able to move, to act and to protect, to endure hard things when life stops being comfortable. The world doesn't need more helpless, half-awake, sedated men drifting through life, and sweat pads and excuses. And these men who show up, are strong in body and spirit, men who are dangerous when necessary, but disciplined enough to control it.

Stop telling yourself you'd step up if something happened. You wouldn't. You can't step up to a life you've been avoiding. If you can't control your body, you won't control your emotions. If you can't endure discomfort, you won't endure a crisis. If you can't do hard things on purpose,

you won't survive them by accident. Strength is not built in emergencies. It's built in the quiet, boring, disciplined choices no one applauds. And right now, most men got nothing in the tank. No grit, no edge, no readiness, just softness wrapped in excuses.

You don't need motivation. You need to look in the mirror and admit this. You either becoming someone your children can rely on or someone they'll have to compensate for. Choose. Become the man. People are glad as in the room when things go wrong because pretending you're ready doesn't make you formidable.

Becoming it does. That sounds like a speech from a like football movie or like a fight club. Like one of those movies that like really. penetrates a generation of men and that would then be shared on TikTok for years to come with like music like a really shitty like dramatic song put to it

and probably split up into like three different parts it feels like Andrew Tate tried to write a inspirational football movie and just like really hate shorts I don't know man shorts unforgivable and like also someone who maybe just I don't know was in Vietnam and came back and was like we're still at war

Like, what's happening here? I love when, uh, you see people complaining about men not being dangerous enough and then you go on their profile and be like, dude, the only danger you're opposing to anyone is like maybe a school yard full of children. Uh, I didn't go into their profile, but it is a picture of him on the horse. So. Damn. Okay.

I take it back. I'm listening to everything he says. He's doing hard things on purpose. Like, fuck off, buddy. Like, men are dangerous enough. Look at the murder statistics. Thank you very much. Look at all the schools they're shooting.

Thank you very much. If there's one thing we need in 2026, it's more dangerous men. Women have been saying that for years. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies. Go be dangerous.