F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Our Work is Done

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

I know it's hard to believe, but prior to this episode... we weren't perfect. But we have shed our flawed mortal forms and stand before as shimmering beams of pure light. Topics include a Minion disclaimer, boobs: what do they mean, doing the work, the futility of being a short king, and a new Hinge feature.Support the show on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name is Damila. And my name's Nile Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations. And then we flip them, turn them upside down. And it flurblubber de... Into?

I did. I flipped it upside down. I don't... If you don't understand backwards... Yeah, it was a Missy Elliott reference. A topical one. Do we know what that means? What she said?

Literally her saying it backwards. Really? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. I'm like 90% sure. I don't think so. Okay, guys, sorry, this is the episode now. We're going to look this up.

Basically, we find your questions. Either sent in for our wonderful listeners. We find them roaming the internet. We answer them right here right now, award winningly on the topics of sex and dating. And this week, we've got a doozy for you. It's a scorcher outside. It's going to be a scorcher in your ears when you listen to what we're going to say because we're going to discuss irreparable harm. Boyfriend used chat GPT to talk about my boobs.

What is it meant by doing the work? Boyfriend won't let me hang my IUD up in the bathroom. And a new hinge feature. Now, would you like to complain about the heat now or later? Let's, I, you know what? I had this bad boy on. I know it's a podcast and you can't see it, but maybe we'll clip it. It's a nightmare freezer mask.

It's, I believe I've busted this out before. I do like the way that the strap is does make me look like a doctor sous style. Yeah, like you have a mustache or something. Yeah, I look kind of like a lorax a little bit right now. but that was my plan. I was like, while I wait and get set up, I'm going to throw this bad boy on to regulate my temperature.

I got an ice cold, bellini, bubbly. Hell, yeah. No, I'm pretty upset because I had a fan on that was not only blowing through the room, but then also a vent fan that was pumping cold air out from AAC, but because of audio quality, I've turned them both off. You're welcome, Madman. Would you want me to put them on?

I would love to. No, actually. I would. Okay, if I don't get any sort of airflow in here, neither to you. First, before we get going, there has been something that's been on my mind. And I think collectively the people's mind for a very long time. And now this doesn't really have anything to do with sex and dating.

I do think ultimately it's important to talk about. It's our rival strats. Oh, my feed just refreshed. I can't remember his name. I believe his name is Pierre Coffin. Pierre Coffin? He was the director of the Despicable Me, Minions franchise. Interested where this goes.

He has officially confirmed that not a single minion has ever fucked. No, has worked for Hitler. Good to know. So, yeah, he said the reasoning was they were frozen in that cave. So I guess minions, you know, famously helping villains and what bigger villain is there than Hitler, minions had no part in it. I'm sorry. I'm going to admit something to people have been asking for a while.

Never seen minions. Yeah. Never seen single minions. I think I think I've seen the first two despicable me's. And then I'm sorry, I've never seen the despicable me either. I didn't know that was what they came from. They were, they were the mini, they were like the little henchmen of, I believe his name is grew. Gru Hitler.

And yeah, I love that like, I don't know. There must have been like an online meme being like minions work for Hitler. And they had to come out and say it. Yeah, it had to be like, hey, I'll bet you Disney. Is it Disney or a dream works? No, Dreamworks or Illumination. or something. I think it's illumination. They probably didn't ever want him to mention Hitler

and the minions in the same sentence. And then it got so bad that he had to. They were like, you know what? Gloves are off. Just go for it. Please confirm this. You can't. They were like our SEO is going to be absolutely fucked if you do say the words minions in Hitler. But you got it. We need to say something. We got to get

out in front of this. Yeah. Yeah. Also like maybe maybe something worse happened because it feels like if they had to deny it, there was maybe a grain of truth there. Yeah. Right? I don't know. photo of Hitler with a dude in like yellow overalls. Like a yellow shirt, blue overalls.

And like a silly little goggles. And they're like, fuck. That guy has strong minion energy. We need to confirm that he is not a mannion. All right. We're going into it. We're getting, we're getting there. This by accomplished Mark 415. Boyfriend, 35 year old male, use chat GPT

to ask about my 30 year old female boobs. Boyfriend was showing me his chat, something chat GPT told him. And I noticed his recent searches. Tagline was girlfriend's body question? I asked what it was and he went a little stiff, asked him to open it. I saw he explained my breasts to chat GPT

and asked what that meant. Obviously, Chad came back with generic bodies are all unique answer and that was it. I was hurt by this because his online activity and comments around breasts has already made me feel incredibly insecure for references, but made clear he's a boob guy and I have A-cubs.

I'm not really sure how to process this. Have you used AI to ask about bodies? Would you question your partner's body? Am I reading too much into this? I don't think you're reading enough into this. I don't understand what this man asked. He just said, I think he described her boobs to chat GPT and said, what does this mean? Right. Hey, I got a question. What does that mean? What fuck is that mean? What are you looking for? What answer could chat GPT offer you to to a

end that you would be like, oh, I see. I understand now. AI brain rot has got this man. That's all I can assume is like one, the cringe of being like, hey, hey, Come look what ChachupT told me. Like, I'm sorry. End me now. Drop a tree on me if I ever say that, right? Two, what do you mean? What does this mean?

What they're boobs? I would also love, like, I was talking to somebody earlier about police sketch artists. And like, it's probably pretty hard to describe somebody. Like, I don't think I would do a great job describing somebody, even somebody I knew to a police sketch artist. The idea of describing boobs to Chet UPT in any successful form, I don't think I would be great at it. Yeah. I mean, like, outside of sort of. If you know the bra size.

Yeah. Or like the way they, like, nipple type. Yeah. Or like the way they like swell with anger or like quiver with like, you know. How receptive they are to. Emendent emotions. Exactly. Um,

I genuinely feel like I do a very bad job. I hate doing it. But I do need to just in case we have a new listener. I do need to note that what we're talking about there is in reference to the way that men write breasts in. Yes. I was going to say romance novels, but it's not romance novels. It's quite literally any literature.

And yeah, we do a segment at the end of the show called Bad Sex Writing, and I'm making a fun off. I'm making a fun off of that. You know what sucks is us having to kill the comedy by explaining the jokes. Yeah, I just, I'm always so worried that like our show is very easy to jump in, right? Like you can, you can hop in anytime. It's like a nice cool pool on a hot day. Yeah.

And I just don't want someone to jump in and like, you know, they're waiting around in the pool and then they're like, oh, this area is kind of warm. Like, is that turd? No, it's, it's a floaty. And it fell in some paint. Not a floater. I don't like you're calling it floaty. Yeah.

Not a floater or importantly. Look. What the fuck? Look, here's where I stand on. I pretty much all AI, right? I think it's very clear. At this point in time, we don't like AI. We think it's dumb.

We think the use of it is dumb. We think if you're using it for anything, like unless you're a doctor using it to find cancer, chances are. We're talking of AI, all right? Like, you know, we're not talking cancer finding. AI. Like, come on, don't be a fucking dickbag. We're talking generative, steal from artists and give you really bad search engines AI. But the thing is, I just want to know how you continued this conversation slash relationship without being like, what did you want from this? What were you trying to find out?

What answer could you possibly like, what do my boobs mean? What do you mean? What do my boobs mean? What do my boobs are my boobs? Do you, what were you searching for? You did a quest. What was the end goal of said quest. What is your query? Like, clearly you're confused by something. And I wouldn't leave that conversation until I had any kind of idea what the fuck they were on. Because if they couldn't give me an answer, I think the chaos of not knowing would make me break up with them regardless of anything else. Yeah, I'm trying to think like right now, like if someone, if I was dating someone who used AI and I saw in their, you know, history or whatever I own, it said like, boyfriend's penis and then a description on my penis and then it said, what does it mean?

I would spiral so hard. I would, yeah, I would crash out. What do you mean? I would absolutely. It's not a riddle. Yeah. It's not a poem. It's not a puzzle for you to solve.

What does it mean? It's genitals. Yes, it is, it is a sexual organ that I have. That I was born with. Even if it was like, is this good or like, how does this rate in the average or whatever? At least that's a question and answer. Like, is the size big? Is the thickness?

whatever, it still find that a little icky and weird. And let me tell you, AI, there's a pretty solid chance. It tells you something completely incorrect in that regard. It's the big, well, first it'll be like, well, it depends on your preference. What is your preference? And you're like, I like big boobs. They are the smallest boobs that have ever exist. Or if you're like, I like small boobs, they're perfect.

It's like, okay, thank you. Or it'll just be like, did you know it should eat glue? So, but there is no answer. Like, body parts don't mean anything. Unless they do. What if each part of our body is a piece of, of a puzzle. Whoa.

And we're just never looking. It needs to be understood in order to know how they go together. Like what if we're not correctly put together? Whoa. And until we finally figure out the right configuration, it's kind of like the limitless pill. Except our bodies are the pill. Damn. Or nipples is braille.

Nipples is braille. What would that say? I bet it just says, ah, ah, ah, ah. Well, there's like one dot of braille. Well, I think also where the dot is. I don't know. As far as I know. Oh, true.

Yeah. Yeah. So, like, maybe Morse code. Morse code has a single dot, right? Maybe two dots, depending on how close the boobs are together. I don't know. How much space is enough to consider them two singular dots and not two double dots. A single dot is apparently the letter E.

E. E. We solved it. There we go. To be fair. Chet UPT couldn't do. That feels right to me. That feels like a noise that breasts would make, especially.

Yeah, because when you need smaller breasts, right? I think I like it. Look, this man has a lot. already made you feel bad about your body. Now he's doing weird AI shit that's also kind of like showing that he isn't over that that period of making you feel bad about your body. And also maybe he's a fucking idiot. So I do think this ship has sailed. I'm sorry. Between everything. That's going to be a no for me, dog. Yeah. I mean, look, look, everyone can, I don't like the idea that like breastman, but man. And then like that's the only thing that that a man can possibly be interested in. Same thing with

like women and dick sizes or whatever, you know, being like, oh, she's a size queen. And it's like, well, I have an average size dick. So she couldn't possibly be happy with it. It's like, none of that shit matters. Right. Because if someone actually likes you, then like they'll date you regardless of what they, you know, have been classified as. And that's not to say that like they won't look at porn with big boobs to, you know, scratch and itch every now and then, whatever. But if they're making you feel bad because of it or comparing you to it or always sort of like making references to you would look big or nicer with bigger boob like shit like that right they're ever weaponizing what they like or what type of man they are then it's a problem but i do like i don't know i've had a friend who notoriously

loves butts and you know very very on my brand i everyone knows friend has a two podcasts uh he's very sweaty right now i like butts i like big butts but a friend of mine like you know posts a lot of butt-centric memes, has a lot of butt jokes, that kind of stuff. And then he started dating a very petite woman who doesn't have a bad butt, but I guess in her brain,

it wasn't a big butt in terms of what she thought he liked. And it was like a constant battle of, you know, and to his credit, he stopped. He didn't make any of those posts like when he was dating her, like didn't keep doing the bit, didn't keep making the jokes,

didn't keep posting the memes, whatever. And it was like a thing of being like every day it was like a new being like my butt's not big enough and he's like I don't care and like it is a joke and I don't like I like you more than I like the joke of being like I'm a butt man. And it was like it blew up the relationship. So you know it's it's always strange to me when people like drill that in their head and they're just like no they like big boobs and I don't have big boobs therefore to be fair. It sounds like this person made it a large part of their

personality which this dude is to me kind of weird. Like I I think if you've made your, like, I can't imagine getting up and posting like boob memes or something once, let alone constantly. But whatever. I think in this point, it's like what you were saying is completely true. If somebody is just making, one, if it's a large part of the personality, I think that's kind of an orange flag at best, right? Two, if they're making you feel bad about it or anything, you know, if they're like, you could be thinner. Like, fuck them. Don't date them.

You don't need that energy in your life. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, unless who you are is, you know, a very evil, mean person. Unless you are maybe someone who's never had a minion work for you. Yeah, exactly. Then fuck them. And by that, I mean, do not fuck them. Also, this is weird and gross and sad in so many levels. Just don't this person.

Like, what's next? That's the thing, right? If he's already like, what does her boobs mean? What's next? Also, like, I would make sure that you have not sent him any dudes because the next thing, you know, he's going to uploading photos into it and being like, can you analyze this for boobs or whatever I can be used for. And then you're going to

see it just pop up in someone else's fucking generated image. Yeah, you're going to find someone else's AI nudes. And it'll be your boobs and you'll be like, fuck. I know those E's anywhere. What do those mean? What could this mean? Look, just one final thing. Maybe have a look at your boobs in the mirror

and see if there is a question to be asked. Right? Maybe we're being unfair. Very, very, very quickly. I don't know if I read this out. He's 35 and she's 30. That's crazy. It makes it so much worse. Sorry, I don't think I read that out earlier because I think I were saving it because it was too painful to do all at once. But like, you know, just crazy. Just crazy. Crazy behavior. This is from Last D donut. What does it mean by doing the work? I've been in therapy for about nine months now. We've had some progress. Maybe not as much compared to others, but still notable to me. One thing I've heard from countless women in the dating scene has been how they've done the work and how most guys haven't. What exactly do they mean by doing the work? Why is it always said with such finality? In my sessions, we talk about things. like things going on in my life, what may be troubling me, self-reflections, etc.

And we set small goals for the near future. One is simply setting up a dating profile, for example. After nine months, I'm finally considering the possibility of putting myself back out there socially, dating would be nice, but the thought does make me have pause. My ex was also one of those people that used to use the phrase, and in my biased opinion, there was still issues there, which was fine at the time. I let certain things slide without directly addressing them for various reasons, and short story shorter.

We aren't together anymore. or talking anymore after our first real argument. Lessons learned, but what I'm afraid of doing is going to the next relationship with hardened boundaries and pushing that person away to not repeat the past. I've been really good at keeping people at distance, so of course my instinct is to not put myself out there, but that's what's easy and comfortable. I've improved parts of my life. I'm in the process of revamping my social circle. However, I'm still aware of ways I'm lacking. I'm probably always going to have some baggage for the foreseeable future. I'm probably always going to bristle hearing the term non-negotiables, but I wait for a magical time when I

don't have any more work to do or I'll never date again. That's it. Okay. I don't think there is such a time where you don't have more work to do. You don't just achieve perfect personhood and you're like, did it, done. So let's start there. You're always going to be able to have to put in work. You're always going to be building or you should always be building on yourself, getting better, developing, honing, you know, etc. Two, it's weird to me that you're scared about putting up boundaries and driving people away, but it's like, that is surely you learning from previous, like, lessons, right? So it's like, if you've put the work in and you realize that something is, you know,

a non-negotiable, even though you hate that term, you should push that person away, right? Like, you shouldn't be like, oh, no, I have to accept everything. So I don't know why you're upset at the thought of maybe, setting boundaries that will push people away later on. That seems strange to me. If boundaries is the wrong word and they're talking about sort of like emotional walls. Maybe because they did kind of seem to be like, I'll push people away. Yeah.

I think I don't think they're talking about boundaries in the sense of being like, this is what I want. This is what I'm looking for. This is what I don't want to deal with. I don't think that seems because it does seem like they're talking about sort of like, I'm going to put up boundaries in terms of like protections that I won't allow people to get close to me. And lastly, like I don't know, like maybe it's a term that you're ex weaponized. but like I think what you need to learn going forward is there is nothing wrong with non-negotiables. Like if somebody shows you a non-negotiable, you just need to be honest about whether or not that works for you, right?

So if someone's like this is a non-negotiable for me and that, you know, like let's say having sex, they don't want to do it, non-negotiable. But you want to have sex. Hopefully you've developed to the point where now instead of getting into the relationship and suffering and going along with their non-negotiable even though it's something you want, you just go, oh, yeah, I guess we won't work out. because at that point, why does it matter? I'm also really worried that when they think of non-negotiable, they mean it as like, you have to do it, right? That's one. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, so they hear, they don't like the word non-negotiables because, as you said, they're ex-weaponized it and been like, oh, well, you know, you going out and doing all the guard work every day as a non-negotiable, even if you don't want to, I'm going to force you to do it. And now it's like, well, I don't like that. Yeah. That's the thing.

Hopefully you've learned going forward that if that is how someone views them, then you don't just suffer. You go, okay, well, if that's where you stand, I'm not going to be in that position and you move on, right? Like, this is putting in the work. This is developing, learning to put up boundaries, and those boundaries should be not letting people weaponize that shit, right? So if somebody wants you to do something you don't like,

you say, no, sorry. You are doing the work specifically in this post, right? Like, you're recognizing problems and trying to solve them. I don't think going to therapy. And asking questions like this is necessarily the best way. way to do it because there's a lot of people, as you said, who use the phrase doing the work incorrectly. Or again, if you hear it being said with finality, then you know that like, as now said, like, you don't, you should always be trying to improve yourself. You should never

just sit and be like, well, I'm a perfect person. Did it. I have no more work to do. I am exactly the way that I should be. And because like, even if you are content, like, I'm a pretty content person. I'm pretty happy with who I am. I'm pretty happy with my life. I'm pretty happy with my friend's circles. So like, I'm not actively making big strides or huge changes, but I do recognize that there are times where like sometimes maybe I don't communicate as well with my friends or my partner. And that's a moment in which I need to learn and work on. Right. Maybe I've become too complacent. Maybe I've become too passive and be like, okay. But if I was like, oh, well, I've already done the work. I've worked on my communication skills. I've worked on my insecurities. So therefore, any problem

that arises after that, somebody else. Yeah. I've done. You know, if you, if there's a blind spot. Like maybe you didn't realize you're a little, you know, dismissive of a certain issue or you're a little like unknowledgeable in another or something. It's like the idea of just being like, I've done it. It's is insane and it's incorrect. So let's just get that out of the way. You're going to introduce yourself to brand new people who have brand new ways in which they want to communicate and which they want to hang out, which they want to spend time with you. There may be people who are like, hey, you send way too many texts. And I, it's really overwhelming. if you're going to send me a message by all means, but like, you know, give me a second to

respond. Don't just bombard me with text, stream of consciousness. And that may be something you need to learn and deal with with this new friend or whatever, right? Like, there's always going to be something new when you add new people to your life. And dating is just a constant stream of learning new things about new people and how that interacts with you as a person. And sometimes, as now said, you're going to run into things and being like, well, that doesn't work for me. I don't like that. And that's when you make your choice being like, I don't think it's going to work. And then there are other times for you being like, oh, I didn't think about it like that. And I like you and I want to respect the, this, whatever this new thing is, this new information. So I'm going to start working on it.

And that's you doing the work. Yes. And the thing is going to therapy, doing the work, right? Thinking about things like this doing the work, right? So I would worry less about what other people are saying about it and just worry more about becoming better, opening up. But again, it sounds like you're doing the work. I think the main thing is just, just like the work doesn't end. And that's not a bad thing. And I also want to really stress, like, doing the work isn't a selling feature, right? Like, don't put that on your dating profile.

I did the work. Right. Yeah. Like, and I know that, like, some people do think that. And like, look, I think when it comes out that you're a man in therapy, that's going to be a huge bonus for you. But I don't think that using it as a, like, I'm going to therapy. I'm doing the work.

That's weird. That's gross. And I think it trivializes the work that you're doing. and the effort that you're putting into it. It also makes it stand on its own. Yeah. It makes it feel less like legit. Yeah.

Right? Like almost like you've done it for this, right? Yeah. So let it speak for itself. If it comes up, it comes up, whatever. But like, yeah, leading with it, putting in your dating profile. Weird. Weird.

I would also maybe consider, I don't know if you've done this and if you've talked about it, but like you come into some pretty specific things in this post in terms of like the non-negotiable stuff, right? That seems like a very specific issue. That might be worth. worth bringing up to your therapist and being like, I like, I'm setting up this dating profile. It's a small goal that you've made me with a therapist. That's great. But like, have you been like, hey, that actually kind of scares me. And here are the reasons why. Here are the thing. Like, I'm worried I'm going to repeat, you know, behavior and like put up, put up barriers and put up

walls and not let people in. Because then you can start working on that. Right. Like, that's, that seems to be something that requires the work and is almost exclusively what a therapist is for and therapy is for. Right. So like, I'm worried that you've, you're keeping it real broad, but you know what you need to work on, but like you're not focusing on it. Yeah. I guess we don't know, but if you're listening, bring that up because it's very clear you are hanging a hat on that. The hat of this is an issue.

And it goes for anyone going to therapy. Like if you go to therapy and you're just going and going through the motions, you're not going to get as much out of it as you war if you bring the specifics of being like, I'm worried about people using non-negotiable and me either pushing away because of that or falling into the trap in which I do it, whether I want to or not. that's a lot to mind there. That's a very rich vein to to work on and dig into as opposed to being like, I'm nervous about dating. Those are two very different things, right?

Now, me and Dayton, they're going to go work on ourselves real quick. I'll be right back. We are back. We did it. All done. Perfect people. We have a new golden aura. We're just radiating light.

We're hovering right in front of the mic, which is annoying. So we have to like re, re, you know, jig up our mics and make sure they were like where we're floating and the aura is messing with all of our like camera gear yeah all of our lights are flickering as well just because we are just yeah just radiating positive energy it's crazy i was one sit up away that was it oh see i just i just had some water i just i just drank a glass of water that's yeah back to my peach bliss or my bellini bliss bubbly we're not sponsored by bubbly dan you better bleep out every time you talk about this this is my happy dimension 86 53 my 23 year old male boyfriend, 26-year-old male, will not let me hang up my framed IUD in the bathroom.

My boyfriend, three years, doesn't want me to hang up my framed IUD in the bathroom. Got my IUD replaced today? Asked my doctor if I could keep the one she removed as a memento. It's my first IUD ever and was easily, easily, the most physically painful experience I've ever had. See a couple women keep their IUD and other medical devices as a way to feel proud of what they've done, but also as a fun keepsake. Now I've gone through a second insertion, have my original in my possession. I can be fun and silly to make a mini frame and hang it up in our bathroom. We don't have roommates. It's just us too, but he thinks it's weird for me to hang it up instead of keeping it tucked away. I don't think it's that big of a deal. If anything, it's a reminder

of what women have to go through for pregnancy prevention. It's like a trophy for me. Is it weird if I hang up my IUD in our bathroom? Your IED? Yes, please, for the love of God, don't do. You almost did at the end there, I think. When I almost did at the end, I was like, did I say it this whole time? No. Look, do I think it's an idea? Sure. An IUDia. An IUDia. I don't know if I would love the idea of a medical contraption that was inside you for X amount of time framed and put on the wall. Like if it was, if there was a significance to it, right? Like if there was like a real important something happened other than just like, this sucked. Like it hurt.

Yeah. I empathize with. But I don't like if your boyfriend passes a kidney stone, are you going to let him fucking frame it? And like, where's the line of like what you can frame and put on your wall? Is it just pain? Is that the nature of, are you going to let him start framing all of his used condoms? Yeah, like, I don't really mind.

Like, it doesn't really, like, ping for me, like, that it's gross that was inside them or whatever. But it's definitely a very understandable thing. So, like, somebody saying that, I'm like, yes, I fully understand where you're coming from. And I assume that's where he's coming from. So, like, that's a very reasonable thing to say. And it's in your bathroom.

So any guests that come over are going to be in that space with it right there. And like, is that weird for them? Very possibly. If it means something to you and you want to frame it when you put it like on the side of your bed or in your room or something where at least it's a little bit more private. And like if it really means that much to you, I think you can have that conversation with your partner. But like I do think there's a reasonable expectation of like guests will be over and see this. So is it even if he doesn't, I don't know, I get it.

I think he's coming from a reasonable point. And like, I think you should. should understand. Yeah, I don't think asking you not to frame your old contraceptives is a strange thing, especially like with something that like someone is probably definitely going to interact with at some point in time. Like you don't know other people's history with this kind of stuff, right? So it's like for all you know, someone had like a really traumatic IUD thing. And like now every time they go to the bathroom, they're kind of like it's in their face. Whereas I don't know, maybe I'm being a little too precious about it. And you're right. Like, I think if my partner was like, I really want to do this,

I would probably be like, okay, sure, like, I want to put on the record that I'm not a fan of this and I don't really like it and I don't really want to. But if this is like the most important thing in the world to you, if this is something that really, really, really, really matters to you, then cool, let's do it right. Let's get a good frame. Let's maybe put it somewhere a little like not right in front of the toilet. You know what I mean? Like, well, I think bedroom is a pretty firm. compromise. Like, because again, get a tabletop frame and put it on your bedside table or your dresser or something. Because then it's more about you guys than it is about a stranger. I think it's, it's, I think that's my, my crux on this argument is like what he's saying is really reasonable. And she doesn't seem to

recognize that at all. Yeah. Like it seems like you don't understand that like this is a, a pretty intimate piece of technology or like item that like, I don't know if everyone's going to be weird about it. Right. And like, look. If someone's weird about it just because it's something that women use, then fuck them, right? Like that I don't really care about that. Yeah. But I do think that like there needs to be a line of like what is publicly put in front of people in your home and how challenging that might be for them. Right.

That is something that you do need to think about. Right. Like I wouldn't be okay with someone. If someone was like, I want to frame my first tampon or my first like pad or whatever. Right. Like that's weird or like the underwear I stained in my first period. Like, I was put that up. Yeah.

That's fucking gross. All that is kind of weird and I don't like it. So as now said, like the boyfriend isn't being unreasonable. Yes. And that's it. I think if you guys have a conversation where you just come at this being like, you know what? They're making a fair point. That's all I want.

Because he is. He's making a fair point. You want to do this. I'm wondering, is there more to this than you're letting on? Because it was really painful and what women have to go through to not be pregnant. I, sure. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, there's other ways that you. stepping away from your hyper religious family and it was the victory. Even then, put it in your room. I think that's a fair compromise and then you don't have to worry about guests, which, again, is a reasonable thing. Now, here's one of those, this is one of those questions where I would really like to hear not from men. Yeah. I would like to know what like other women think about this because maybe there's just something we're missing, right? Like maybe there is a piece of the puzzle that we don't have as dudes.

But the thing is, even if there is, I don't know that that gets rid of the putting it in public thing. And on top of that, like, if we get rid of the politics of it being a medical item and it being a feminine item and, you know, if it was just like, I want to put this art up and he didn't want to, I think you could still have a very reasonable conversation about that. Like, I don't think you should steamroll it just because, oh, it's a thing women use, so I get to just carte blanche do it or just steamroll anything. I think if someone was like, I won't put this painting up and your partner didn't want to, I still think that's a reasonable conversation you can have. And it could be that either you're, don't put it up or you put it somewhere else. Like, you know, it is a shared space. And I think that's very important. Yeah. Here's some, this is a little something different. I guess this is kind of sex news a little bit.

I'm going to read a question first. And then we'll talk about what it means. This is from our Reddit dating subreddit thing. Hi, everyone. I wanted to get your opinion on the new hinge feature after I share mine. I personally think this is the worst feature I've ever seen in a date. dating out for so many reasons. I genuinely don't see the point in it. Why would I want a notification informing me that the person I matched with is currently talking to someone else? I understand that

in the early stages of dating, everything is fair game, but why would I need that throne in my face? It's very off-putting, and I don't want the person I'm dating to know that I'm talking to other people, either. I also believe that it's a disservice to people who have not had the best luck getting matches. Not having a badge could signal that some people that you're not desirable, even though it's not the case at all. I think Hinge needs to delete this feature considering people have a negative perception of dating apps. What do you think this feature does? Presumably, as this person has laid it out, it lets the second you start talking to another person, it messages all their other people being like, well, they're talking to someone. No. Okay. Believe it or not, that's not. Wait, wait, wait,

somebody overreacting and being really weird? Not at all what this does. So this is, I believe it's just called signals. Okay. And what it is. It sends up a flare every time you make a new match. Yes. You have to attach it to your phone. No, you, it's a badge that goes on your profile. You cannot buy it.

And anyone using it, you don't have to be a subscriber. Free apps or free users still get it as well. And can you, is it optional? I don't believe. Okay. I believe it just happens no matter what. It is, here's, I'll read the little description. Signals highlights a data, thoughtful participation on Hinge over time,

including how they explore profiles, respond to interest, and follow-thru in conversations. When a data's recent activity on the app reflects these indicators, a signals badge may appear on their profile. By adding the badge to these profiles, signals makes it easier to recognize data

who show signs of thoughtfulness and follow-through. So essentially, it is a like little green flag being like, oh, this person is using the app correctly. Okay. So like not just spamming through swipes, not just sending like one-word things. Correct. Here's a little bit more information.

When a data signal badge is active, it means that the recent activity on Hinge reflects thoughtful participation and follow through and that their profile makes the baseline requirements of the badge. Eligibility is determined on regular basis, so whether a signals badge appears on the data, our data profile may change over time. Data's cannot purchase the badge.

It is based on requirements related to their participation on Hinge. Signals don't guarantee responsiveness, blah, blah, blah, blah. So here's how it works. First, you have to do sort of like your, the basic, like your whole profile needs to be completed. Nothing left empty. So, you know, fully, fully completed, which is great. That's a, that's a great way to encourage people to do that. You also have to verify your account with a selfie. So to ensure that like, you're a real person, cool. And then the way it works is over 30 days, when four of these conditions are met,

it becomes active. And the things is the verification, sending comments along with your likes so that you're not just like, like, like, like, like, reviewing your likes.

So going in and clearing your backlog, instead of just leaving people in limbo. And when you match with someone sending a message to them. It all seem pretty basic. Pretty good. Non-problematic. Yeah. You also get bonuses for being in good standing.

So using the, like community guidelines. And then also for hinges of things that let you like, we met, we went on a date. Here's my, they were nice. They were safe.

Blah, blah, blah. So filling those out and getting rated highly as well as like, just engaging in that feature marks you as, you know, thoughtful follow through. And to me, that's great.

It's one of the few times I've heard a like dating app do a thing and been like, yeah, especially because there's no pay. So it's like you're just, they're encouraging people to just, engage with the app properly and you get like a little bonus great good and if you're a neurotic crazy person who spirals over every match and over every unresponded like message if they don't have the badge you can be like oh they don't really use the app correctly or you know this is this is common behavior for them now I understand there may be some people on the flip side who don't get a

message back from someone with the heart yeah and then spiral even more and spiral even more a third option where they see this and go, people are going to know I'm dating. I don't want to know that they're dating. And that's crazy. And but like the thing is, is that's not even like, there's at no point in time does this say that you need to be messaging every person, right? Like, yeah, it's, it's just, it literally just means you're using the app, which guess what? If they're on the app, odds are pretty good.

Odds are pretty, especially guess what? If they're talking to you, I hate to break it to you. That is them using the app. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I just love that people will see something that is arguably. good and then just be like, how about I twist this into, like, last week when they were like,

does he want me to fuck other guys? And it's like, what? Yeah, I would like to know if this person, right, who made this post, what they're worried about. Are they worried that they're not going to get the heart and therefore not going to get any matches? Or are they worried that like they're so bad at using, they're, they're so volatile and like toxic with using the app that they're going to get this badge immediately. And then everyone's going to know that they're mess.

every... You know what I mean? Like... That's more... It sounds like they're just worried they'll get the badge and everyone will be like

oh my God, they're dating. Wow. Well, disgraceful, disgusting. The thing that makes me thing is I understand that in the early stages

everything is fair game but why would I want that notification thrown in my fakes? So it sounds like they think that like every time they get a match hot Dave is...

They're going to get a message on Haines being like hot Dave is messaging someone better than you. It seems to be their fear and it literally is just from... This person's using the app correctly. Yeah. There we go. In 30

days, they've done two of these very normal regular conditions. And like everyone, they say it themselves in the post being like, oh, dating apps suck. Everyone hates dating apps. It's like this is an attempt to fix that better that. Right? Like, it is an attempt to stop the, you know, the hinge

or the Tinder just da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Right? Like, if Tinder had a profile or a feature like that, I think it would get better too. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like a no-brainer. and it is insane to me that this person took no brainer and went the other way by not using their brain and just panicking about it for no reason. Because even thinking about now, it's like when I started losing interest in online dating, like towards the end of my recent stint of being a bachelor, I would just send a like and not really put much effort into a comment. But like knowing that this is a feature now, I would probably be like, well, I want that badge.

Yeah, I want to get that. Exactly. And even just just a little bit more thoughtfulness. it's actually a pretty good feature as far as I'm aware. Again, I'm sure there's some secret evil, terrible thing. But you know what? Yeah, there's a whole thing being like subscriber experience. But you can, if you're a subscriber,

you can filter people based on whether or not they have the signals thing, which is fine. Yeah. If you're paying for it. I want people who use the app correctly. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

One more? You know one more? You want one more? It even says, oh, final thing. Well, signals eligibility updates. daily, the feature does not reflect any real-time activity. So there you go. You're fine. You've got a whole

30 months of wiggle room. And I believe in order to see if you have the badge, you have to like go to their profile. So you would have to obsessively check every person that your messaging's profile. Let me tell you, this person they are doing that. I know that

for a fact. There is no doubt in my fucking mind that they're analyzing any change, any behavior, every single thing. every single thing. All right. This is by C of D, 24-7, by On Seduction. If I'm talking to tall girls, I have taller guys approached the same group and set. Should I leave? Because clearly women prefer taller guys and I think I become a block between them. I feel girls might be upset with me because of that. They just don't show it on their face. I am five foot four, by the way.

Okay. I mean, we've talked about it before where I think me, you and all of our friends in our friend group all kind of went through a tall girl phase in which it's just tall girls were into us. Like I don't know. And it's not like we're lying about our height on dating apps. It was all in person. I never had my height on the dating app ever. So like it's I don't what are you worried about? Like obviously this is like tall guys and they're secretly angry and also he's worthless because of his height. That's specifically what he's worried about. Yeah. Look, anytime someone says

something along the lines of like, even though they made no reference to it, even though they didn't show it on their face, even though they didn't tell me, even though they didn't say it or feel it or think it. It's like, cool, you made that up. If someone has done nothing to make you think this way, you're making it up. You're

creating this scenario in your head. Like if they, you know, the second a dude who was taller than you rolled in and they turned away. They just grab you by the face and they shoved you to the side. Yeah. Like picked you up like a fucking jablin and threw you away. then sure, I would understand.

That sucks. That would hurt my feelings too. But to just be like, well, tall guy showed up. And now I'm going to get real fucking weird about it. I'm just going to look down and slink away sadly. Like, that's weird. And that's unfair. Like, if these people are enjoying talking to you, it's kind of making them worthless.

Because it's not about them. It's about tall guy, right? You're just, they're not even in the equation. It was about you and them. And then it's about you and the tall guy. And they're like, okay, fuck me, I guess. Yeah. It's like, oh, cool.

You think I'm a shallow piece of shit who, despite our real great conversation that we were having, a tall guy has showed up, and now you're slinking into the shadows, like fucking Quasimodo. Also, it kind of means you're a shallow piece of shit, because it's like you didn't like them for them. You just like them as like a conquest almost.

Yeah, they were giving you attention, so therefore they're worth your time. And now you've decided that, for whatever reason, they don't want to spend time with you anymore. So now you hate them. Like, what? I would say, like, the only way I would say that you should leave is like,

you know, if you're there and all of a sudden nobody's paying attention to you, like you're just being ignored, they're talking over you literally, then yeah, like read the room, but you're just specifically saying that they don't show it. They don't show it. Nothing has changed. And like, or conversely, if once tall guys show up, you get like weird and aggressive or something and start being like trying to talk them down or like interrupt or like be rude to like, yeah, if you're still having a good conversation with these people, and somebody's trying to butt in, it's going to go one of two ways. Either it's going to be weird and, or I'd say one of three ways. It's going to be weird and awkward and they'll

probably get the picture or the girl will be like, do you guys want to go over here to get away? Two, that they just ignore you and talk to this guy in which case, yeah, fuck it, leave. It doesn't, it's no skin off your back if they like this person more or if they know this person more, right? Because for all you know, that was their friend who was at the bar, right? they could be buds and them liking that friend more than you, a stranger, is very reasonable. Or three, like, you guys all have a good conversation, right? The tall guys and you and the girl. And then it's still ball in their court, whether they like you more or tall guy more.

And fuck it. Yeah. Look, I understand the insecurity of being a shorter dude and the idea that, like, women only want to, only while tall guys and tall guys have an advantage. And I'm sure to a degree there is a truth in that. Um, but you're, I will also say, you're five four. The majority of dudes who are going to be walking up into this are going to be taller than you. Even just like marginally, right?

Like, I got four inches on you. And that's not much. Like, I'm not exactly like, I wouldn't call myself tall. I'm, I'm a very average guy. If not on like the slightly shorter side, if you're looking at like, you know, the six foot plus crowd. Yeah, like, are you just leaving anytime any man comes in unless they're five three. If a five three guy comes up, you're like, yes. Yeah.

Finally. But like, yeah, it's like almost statistically most guys are going to be bigger than you. Are you getting weird about that? Or is it just like, is it just the six foot dudes that you're getting weird about? Either way, if you're getting weird about something, that's what's going to turn people off. Yes. So you need to just rely on the fact that like you're having a conversation. They're showing no indication that it bothers them that you are the height that you are.

And maybe I don't throw that out there. Don't go up to the girl who's six to if this is that much of a problem. right? Like if you're that like freaked out by it and upset by it, like, just don't go. But it's funny because he doesn't seem to care about them being taller until a tall guy comes over. And like, look, once you're not being weird, have the fucking conversation. If they like tall guys, whatever. But the thing is, I don't think there's many people out there who are going to pick somebody because they're taller. And that's the only reason.

If they suck, but they're taller and you're there and you're cool, I don't think many people are going to be like, well, got to do it. And I also just think going as like women like taller man as a just blanket statement. I know it may feel that way from social media, but it's not necessarily true. So you need to just take a step back from that. You also need to like temper your expectations based on the scenario in the sense that if you're at like a mixer and it's pretty well behaved and everyone is kind of like chill and you're having a cool chat, that means more than like if you're at a fucking bar at 1.45 a.m. and everyone's fucking hammered. The amount of times, like, as a bartender, I'm watching these two people who have been making it all night,

who have been like all over each other all night flirting. They've been working, you know, my guy's been trying to best. You're going to give this guy a complex if you finish this story. And then just at the end of the night, that guy goes to the bathroom and some other dude wanders in and just starts making out with her and then they leave together. Like, it's, you know, you can't get upset about that kind of shit either.

Because like once people are drunk, like right now, horny brain is taken over for, this person and like they don't care they they have no commitment to you the guy they just met two hours ago it's just like I'm drunk I'm horny and this guy hot so doesn't matter that other hot guy is gone like I don't like yeah if if I has walked away every time a taller or hotter or more objectively successful person walked over and talked to someone I was talking to I probably wouldn't have had sex half the times I had sex but like I'm more fun they can come over especially the best thing is if it's a guy who's

actually quite tall and like that's his thing that's all he got it's all he got he goes over and like if he's like shit I'm six two and he didn't run away the second I came over oh no they're talking oh no they're having fun ah like he'll spiral he runs away his eyes are downcast and that's a far way to look down it's scary so far right what if he falls over and when he's looking down walking away what's the last thing he sees you yeah this the first time he notices me actually hello yeah You're going to take a breath. You're okay.

Yeah. Nobody cares as much about how tall men are as the internet thinks people care as much about how tall men's are. That was a bad way to say, but you get it. I get it. Thank you very much for listening this week. Friends, it's been a blast. It's been a pleasure, as always. It's been a sweaty mess.

It's been hot. I hope your ears are okay after how much hotness we just poured into them. I think this might be the heat that Rob Thomas is talking about and smooth. I'm trying to think. Miguel, maybe a hot. me, no, where,

what's the heat? Well, he says it's a hot one. It's a hot one. Yes. Like 20 inches from the midday. So yeah, I feel that way.

Yeah. That's every time. That should be our new, that should be our new fucking intro. Because it's so hot every time we record. I could, I'm gonna, I could email Rob Thomas.

Although I do believe Santana is, is the actual artist. I think it's featuring Rob Thomas. But either way, I'll message Rob Thomas. He was in that episode of it's always sunny. He seems chill. Yeah,

do it. Just be like, can we use that part of the song? We'll just, It's a hot one. Like 20 years from the midday sun. That's it. And we'll be like, hey, we only want to use it between June.

Yes. Like September. If me and Dana are recording in tank tops, we'll use it. Yeah. Yes, exactly. I say reach out. We'll see. And you know what would help us with a little clout reaching out?

If we had a thousand Patreon followers, so if you want to help us get smooth by Rob Thomas and or Santana, please join our Patreon. And you'll get extra episodes too. You do get extra episodes. But most importantly, be able to get us smooth. Yes.

Like Carlos Santano featuring Rob Thomas. This is very likely impossible. This is really the only thing that matters to be. Patreon. Yeah. Did you have someone to thank? Not that we're going to replace you. And also Rob Thomas for the use of our theme song smooth.

Thank you, Josh, you can buy her sister song paper stars. You were about to say something. Am I just going to ignore you and go into bad sex, I think? Yeah. I don't know what I was going to say. It was probably something dumb. Several customers sitting in the immediate neighborhood of the bar. We're listening attentively.

to a caustic exchange. The women were frowning, but the men were grinning, secretly envying the speechless male who was trapped in the no-man's land of the sex battle. Pit was adequately odd. It was a new experience to have two lovely ladies, or sorry, two lovely females, trading barbs over his possession. His ego basked in the sheer exhilaration of the moment. Pitt stared in rapt fascination as both pairs of rounded hips, as they rotated in a fluid-like motion that was, or so Pitt imagined, suggestive of two beach balls caught in the same swirling whirlpool. This is Pacific Vortex by Clive Custler. As these two women are yelling at each other,

he's just staring center mass, just looking right of their hips and being like, those are beach balls. Also just like, a whirlpool not known for being calm. And beach ball is known for being very movable. That's kind of their whole thing. So it's like the swirling,

they must be like hula hooping. These two, yeah, these two women just hula hooping hips as they fight, which is typically how females do fight. That's how I scare off taller men. I hate the fact that I just said females. It felt so bad.

My name is Dave Biller. And I'm not a Spain. We've been your fuck buddies.