F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Patreon Feed Drop - Fury of a Thousand Tongues

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

This week was absolutely insane with our live show and being at Comicon all week, so we decided we'd treat you all to one of the bonus Pillow Talk episodes from our patreon!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Bain, and this is Pillow Talk 2, The Squeak Wall. Stop this. We're really excited to do this again for you.

It is our second official, super secret, top secret, only exclusive VIP members only episode. Which means, hold on, let me just get this red rope and click on the side. And yeah, you come in. You? Fuck off. These guys, they're cool. Not you. Not yet.

Click. You're in. Welcome. Give me a hug. Come here. Ah, wow. You smell great. Wait, hold on.

We do need to see your vaccine passport, though, before you're in here. I've got some things prepared for you i don't know there's no telling when it's gonna happen but i i'm gonna do some things today and because we we still are kind of in the process of figuring out what pillow talk is what it looks like and which is funny because it doesn't have physical form so it's very hard to see what it looks like yeah at least not because it doesn't have physical form so it's very hard to see what it looks like yeah at least not yet we don't know what's gonna happen with this bad boy damn we could conjure something into reality accidentally i can only assume it's like a gibbering pillow a gibbering flesh pillow i don't like the word gibbering well one bit then be careful spooky season It is spooky season.

It's my favorite season because it's like I can actually sleep and my apartment isn't inundated by the monstrous sounds of my standing AC unit. It's one of the few times in the year that I can actually sleep too. Let's get to questions though. They don't want to hear about us sleeping. It's pillow talk. We're all drowsy. We're all lying there staring at each other's eyes.

But you know what we really want to know? We want to know why my friends with benefits does not have feelings for me. So why was he so mad when I slept with someone else? This is by Jthrowaway7. I use this account always. Please don't remove. I, female, have a friends with benefits, male, both 21.

I slept with someone else as we are long distance. He got really mad and refused to talk to me for a while. I've asked for advice and looked at similar stories and they all say it's because he has feelings for me. I know he doesn't. Edit, he knows I used a condom with this person. He has outright told me he never felt a spark or connection. He doesn't like parts of my personality. I'm self-admittedly negative and lazy, and does not find me attractive. Wait, wait, what? I'm so bewildered by this question. This guy super, like, sounds like he's not into you, or lying, which is most likely the case, but like, why would you actively enter into a specifically physical relationship, almost exclusively physical relationship, with someone you're not attracted to?

Spoiler warning, you wouldn't. Yeah. But why would you, one, why would you ever say that to someone? And two, why would you believe it? And three, why would you stay with this person? I mean, look, I'm not going to believe that there aren't people out there who use people specifically for sex, regardless of their attraction or, you know what I mean? Like, I'm sure there are some dirtbags out there who are just like, I gotta fuck and, you know, misuse people in that regard. But this doesn't sound like that.

This sounds like this guy is trying to convince himself as much as he is trying to convince you that there are no, you know, feelings. Or it just like to me, it sounds like he's a very manipulative. Words are hard. A manipulative person, because not only is he belittling you, probably to make you stay with him. You know what I mean? Like if you're so unattractive and you're so terrible, you need him because he's the one who i guess will put up with you regardless you know if you sleep with someone he's angry but doesn't like you that's because it's about control like he wants you these are all things where he wants you to be his and his alone

um which is super toxic and shitty especially if like he's he doesn't want you to be his in a you know conventional manner such as dating you yeah i mean everything about this seems suspicious as all hell um i mean a friends with benefit situation this is it all comes down to like what we've talked about a bunch of times it It's like I do want to remind you that the first word is friends. Right. Like you should enjoy the person you're having sex with, regardless of whether or not you want to have strong emotional connections with them or fall in love with them or date them. You don't need to do any of those things. But you should, at the bare minimum, be able to treat this person like a friend and that is and people get weird about this all the time of being like oh they hold they held my hand

or oh he asked me about my day or does this mean he's catching it's like no friends with benefits it that should allow you some degree of familiarity and some degree of like being able to treat that yeah being able to treat that person like a human being. I don't know when we decided that friends with benefits means, you know, we are only allowed to use the very small section of our body that, you know, we use for sex and, and we're not allowed to do anything else or acknowledge any other facet of

our personality or relationship other than sex. It's so fucking weird. It awful it's the worst like i don't know where that idea came from and i hate it every time there's any kind of because it's one of those things you have to navigate on tiptoes because some people are so freaked out by any kind of kindness or closeness in sex that like or like if you have a friends with benefits thing that's like you do something and they're like whoa whoa whoa whoa and you're like it's or closeness in sex that like, or like if you have a friends with benefits thing, that's like you do something and they're like, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa. And you're like, it's cool. Don't worry. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of it stems from sort of the initial idea of hookup culture

before it really became kind of a slightly more socially acceptable thing of people being like, I do want to have like i'm going to agree to this casual sex thing but secretly i have feelings for you or people you know what i mean and and it was never like people were very dishonest about their intentions when entering into a casual sexual relationship where that wasn't what they wanted but it was as close to what they could or what they wanted as they could get so they you know i mean like happily anyway quote unquote

settled for it which is super dishonest and super shitty to both of you but yeah so let's one let's get away with this whole like cannot be close if you're friends with benefits thing throw it out the window why is this guy getting angry dane i i think it's it's two things and i think we both talked one jealousy you know what i mean he does have these feelings for you and he's actively desperately trying to convince himself and you that he doesn't or two as you mentioned it is a manipulation control thing where he is trying to belittle you and gaslight you into thinking you're not worthy of other affection from anyone else.

And now that he sees that you are getting affection from someone else, he feels like his power dynamic has been threatened. A hundred percent. So it's as simple as that. It's, it's either one of those or both, but like, regardless,

if you're in a friends of benefits situation and you're allowed sleep with other people, then you're not allowed to get angry with your partner for sleeping with other people. And like, look, are we really going to believe that this guy isn't either trying to have sex with or already having sex with other people? Well, yeah. Like, again, you don't tell someone you don't like them and don't find them attractive and then don't go fuck other people, you know? Yeah. So this guy is a hypocrite and an asshole. And like, honestly, my advice here, not the actual question, but fuck this person. And by that, I mean, stop fucking this person.

Find someone who's going to treat you better. Yeah. Here's what I would literally do is lay it down and be like, hey, we need to decide our parameters. If we're going to be a long distance fuck buddy situation, I want to maintain my independence and have the right to sleep with other people. If that doesn't fit what you're looking for,

so long. Good luck. Have a great day. Otherwise, you don't get to fucking be weird when we do exactly what we've agreed to do. Yeah, and just tell them that because what we do exactly what we've agreed to do yeah and just tell them that like because you know what we're saying is like we shouldn't take x y and z out of fuck buddy situations you know we should take out of fuck buddy situations bullshit like this you know i mean like this isn't a relationship you don't have time for someone throwing little

shit fit you know what i mean like no one has time for that so tell them be like cool like i don't have time for this this is not part of it like if you want to be like this it's done because it's not worth it you know what i mean because you're your fuck buddies you're not seeing each other all that often so it's like for them to have a little like grumpy tantrum that you are picking up on it must have gone on in quite for quite a while in quite a way you don't need that re-establish your parameters and like don't put up with this shit. Don't let them exert this weird manipulation on you. If you're doing what's within the parameters

of your agreement, they can't be pissy at you. Alright, hit me. This comes from HungryCaregiver371. Can you train your jaw not to hurt while eating pussy? If so, how? Every time I eat at my wife, after like five minutes, I feel like my jaw is going to split open. It's annoying because her pussy tastes so fucking

good, and I want to go for hours. Well, there's a number of things. Practice, firstly. The more you do it, the better you're going to be in terms of, you know, just general, you know, jaw strength. Uh, secondly, speed. You don't need to just go ham. Yeah, start doing speed.

Yeah, do speed. You'll even feel it. Watch the movie Speed. You'll be so distracted by Tom Cruise's bus antics that, you know. That's not Tom Cruise. It's not? It's Keanu Reeves. What?

God, I gotta watch these. I'm almost positive it's Keanu Reeves. And hey, let me tell you right now, it's really, really, really important that we get the distinction between Keanu Reeves and Tom Cruise this is a later thing you know what you know what fucked me up the second movie is Cruise Control I thought it was Tom Cruise Control the second speed after the lead actor obviously it was the 90s they did mad shit man i gotta watch speed the only thing i remember about speed is the very beginning where like the bad guy fucking murders a dude with a screwdriver on the ear and speed yeah he's they're like rigging an elevator because like his the the kiddler's whole thing is like he's kind of like saw right he would

like be like oh I've done something, you know, spooky to this elevator. Um, and like he rigs this elevator to fall or snap or something. And he like kills the repair guy and he jams a screwdriver in his ear. Wait, like is speed three where he's just in an elevator.

And if the elevator goes any faster, if it goes faster than three floors per second um i i do like how it's like people also ask and want to just be the bad movie and if you click on it it says no it's a good movie thanks google it's a well-made fantastic movie with a great scale of action and crime hell yeah uh all right back to the question speed uh while you're watching tom cruise control there's no way you'll feel the pain in your no um go slow because you can ramp it up and i i do feel like that's often the best way it's like i feel like as a younger man i used to always think i had to like go into every lick out with like you know my power tongue revan and it's like that the fury of a thousand sons

exactly fury of a thousand tongues um and that's not the way to do it i don't think it's like everything when you go to like finger someone you're not just like you know you don't just fucking kick it into 11th gear so go slow do a little tease like it's all about foreplay it's all about like building it up and it's like then engage those tongue thrusters thrusters man mom i'm having a hard time today um when it's getting towards the end of things you know what i mean when when you can maintain it for the length of time that you're going to need to third option shake it up use your tongue but then kiss like sub in your fingers right sub in your hands do a bit of both do one or the other like you can do all these things to kind of like let your tongue rest let your jaw rest those are my

three yeah those are all very very good suggestions here's where i'm coming from i've never had this problem and i think it is specifically to quote uh nicholas cage in another 90s action movie i believe i could eat a peach for hours. And I think it's specifically because I went to school for acting and I had a class specifically for strengthening my tongue and jaw. So what I would say is look up some vocal exercises, look up some jaw exercises, look up some articulation exercises. Things like that are going to, our jaw and our tongue are very, very powerful muscles. And the only way to strengthen a muscle is to work them out. So start looking up, get on YouTube and look up like

articulation exercises, tongue strengthening exercises. All these things are super, super important for voiceover artists, singers, people who do like audio books and like all that shit. There are, there's, I've recently had to start doing vocal warmups and breathing exercises to help some vocal strain I've been dealing with. And there is an infinite resource on the internet in which you can like access and start strengthening your jaw and strengthening your tongue. And let me tell you, it's,

there's no downside to it. One, you're going to have a very powerful mouth to do the sexy things with, and you'll have better articulation. What's, what's no downside to it one you're gonna have a very powerful mouth to do the sexy things with and you'll have better articulation what's what's the downside here well if you get too muscly and you close over your own mouth with muscle you can't breathe you just can't breathe you get like a pimple jaw yeah and i mean the dog not mr worldwide i was 100 thinking mr worldwide though hey if i had a jawline like that man I actually don't know if he has a jawline. I think he's got more of a round face, does he not?

He does. I think it's good to be just, he looks rounder, because he's, he is, I don't know, maybe. I can't remember his face. Can't remember anything today. Yeah, I'll have to, I'll Google, does Pitbull have a good jawline? Because I think it's like worlds, worlds are round, and you think of him, you think of Mr. Worldwide, and then you think of his head as a globe, and then his head is i do think of pitbull's head as a globe right 100 no yeah i i agree like do that i've never done that um so i can't speak to its you know veracity but like one doesn't sound like he can harm and then two

sprinkle in what i said and you'll be good yeah also another thing that i think a lot of people are afraid to do is don't be afraid to get your mouth right up on that a lot of people i think whenever i hear people talk about like oh my jaw hurts i'm like are you like are you trying to like do it from are you doing it with just your tongue because they need your tongue a lot more there's like if you from, are you doing it with just your tongue? Cause then you're doing your tongue a lot more. You're doing a lot of work. If you just get right up on it, like flatten that tongue. There's also the old, like make your tongue soft.

Like you're licking an ice cream cone and not rigid. Like, I don't know. But a lot of people suffer from the rigid tongue problem. And it's like, that doesn't feel as good either. Whereas like you make it soft, like you're licking an ice cream cone. You're not tensing it the whole time. And like, you know, move your head too. Don't just your tongue. Like, that's another thing. You have a neck. It doesn't have to be all like, if you need a back and forth motion. I know there are plenty of women I know that once once you find that rhythm, it needs a pretty sustained effort in order to, you know, finish the job. And if if you're relying 100 on just your tongue going back and forth yeah you're gonna fucking burn out you don't have to fucking motorboat her you know labia

or anything like that but subtle back and forth movement with your neck is all you really need to give yourself a little extra juice without emptying your tank and you want a juicy tongue you want a juicy tongue you want juicy a juicy tongue. You want juicy everything. Everything needs to be juicy during sex. You can also always just get her to go on top and sit in your face and grind on your tongue when you stick it out. You know what I mean?

There are workarounds. You got this. But yeah, don't be afraid to literally put your whole mouth on her vagina. Don't be afraid. You're going to get messy anyway. And if you love the way she tastes. Which as long as she's keeping it clean.

Most women smell and taste delicious. So don't be afraid. You should get your fucking face and nose in there. And go to town. Don't try to be like. And this is coming from a guy who's always had a fairly substantial beard. It gets messy. For sure.

But that's fine. That's not even fine. It's great. Yeah. And on top of that, it's like, you know, you can maximize what you're getting out of it. Like peel back that clitoral hood, unveil the clit. Like it's the most sensitive part. You're not going to need that much.

That's another thing is like you, you're going to have to power. If you're not using your hands, you're just like going to town on like the whole vagina or like you're trying to like get through the hood and like really you know do all this shit but it's like if you peel it back and you're like literally like pinpoint targeting the most sensitive parts you won't need to go to fucking town you know what i mean not necessarily so you know give yourself a fighting chance put everything we've said in a little box and then download it into your Tom Cruise control so we're

calling tongues now? yes your sexual libido? Tom Cruise control Tom Cruise control uh oh uh oh friends there was a troubling accident in which the second half of this episode just doesn't exist at least on my end

Niles recording worked fine but for some reason my recording only captured up to what you just heard and then nothing. So you're just going to be listening to me speaking to dead air for the next 30 minutes?

It's a podcast version of the Garfield Without Garfield comic strip in which Niall descends further into insanity by just talking to himself. Let me tell you the ending. It's going to be very strange. Yeah.

I'm just saying Jason Statham nine times in a row. So I guess we're going to redo, redo some of it and put entirely new things. And some of that recording will just be, you know, it'll be between us and Jesus. Yep. Awesome.

The Lord. So we do have that was our ultra level where you just get to be jesus in here yeah after the recording jesus take our patreon yeah uh but yeah ready for next question then yes this is by jim 334015578 girl expects me to pay for every meal after first few dates so i've been seeing this girl for around two months and we've gone on about 10 plus dates at this point it's come to a point where i've been paying for every date drinks and dinners for the most part and got frustrated about it so i brought up to her and she says she expects guys to pay for dinner for guys to pay for every dinner and date and that doesn't feel chivalrous or romantic to split a dinner i said i personally

think it's ridiculous and she said every guy she's dated has done this. Apparently it's the norm for many guys. To me, it's a massive red flag. She says that unless we're in a serious relationship, I'm expected to pay for nearly everything. She did say she likes to get her guys in the past random treats, but I've never experienced that. I was raised where I should be a gentleman and pay for the first few dates, and I know some girls expect that, but I think that past that we should be splitting at least some of the expenses.

Am I in the wrong here? No no you're not in the wrong not even slightly it's ridiculous to think that you should be spending until you're in a committed non-monogamous or a committed monogamous relationship whatever it may be for a serious relationship for these people at least uh that you should be spending like thousands of dollars. You know what I mean? Like 10 dates, it would be about a thousand bucks if we're, if we're assuming that it's a hundred dollars a dinner, which isn't an unreasonable assumption.

That's pretty standard. Again, unless you live somewhere magical. Yeah. It's, that's a lot of money to put in and get nothing in return from. And that's not to say that, like,

I think, you know, we, we live in a society where we're trying to step away from the idea of being like, well, I paid for dinner. So you owe me sex now,

but this seems to be sort of like the world that she wants to live in. Yeah. Also just like, it's just such a shitty attitude. It's like, she doesn't give a fuck about you. You know what I mean? Like,

Hey, props for bringing it up. We're all about communication here we're all about like you know doing what's best for you so you're you're scoring points there and she's scoring minus points by being like yeah it's not chivalrous or romantic to split a dinner guess what's not fucking chivalrous or romantic forcing your partner to pay for everything because you're i don't know an asshole nothing says romance like financially burdening your partner with the responsibility of paying for everything. Yeah, it's completely wild.

And like, it's such a shitty, toxic, like thing to think is okay to say. It's, this is a hard question too. The whole like, who should pay on a date is tough. And I think I've mentioned it before, I'm pretty sure, where I think that like, if I invite you out, and it's usually me being the instigator to ask someone out, if I invite you out for drinks, then I should pay for the first date. It was my invitation. That's fine now we've also discussed times where like i've been with women who have been very much like no it makes me very uncomfortable to do this i would like to pay split i'll usually insist once be like no please it's my treat don't worry about it this means nothing you know thanks for coming out i had a great time if again they state that they're uncomfortable i will split with them

because it's and i understand why a lot of women do insist on the split because they know at that point there is no money, you know, dollar sign hanging over their head. You don't have to feel burdened by that. But also, I think some people are just chill and get it. You know what I mean? And I appreciate that because like if like this situation sucks, this poor dude, like that's a lot of money. And again, it's like to just so callously be like, no, fuck you i'd also like to know like what treats are what is yeah also that's such a demeaning like term it's like you pay everything you might get a little treat like a dog it's like yeah okay super it kind of sounds like alexis from uh fucking schitt's creek oh you might get a treat yeah it's pretty garbage now i think

something we might point out is that if you're going for drinks and dinners maybe do a different type of date maybe do something that's less expensive you know maybe do a fucking walk maybe fucking have her over and watch a movie you know like there are other things you can do especially if you've been out 10 plus times you don't need to keep doing this and the funny thing about this person is i'll bet if you suggest something that isn't you know got a monetary sign attached to it they're probably gonna bail i'm gonna guess this person is in this mostly just for the fact that you're taking care of you know the money aspect of shit i imagine once it gets anywhere else she's going to be a lot more reluctant i would also like to know if there's a flip side to this in the sense of like maybe they do have at-home dates and she cooks you know these

extravagant meals for or is like or are you in charge of planning the date paying for the date taking her out like is there any is there any semblance of balance on this not to say that this is how a balanced relationship is of the woman cooking and cleaning and the man paying for everything, because that's bullshit. But is there at least the illusion that she's putting in the same amount of effort as you?

Because if she isn't, if there's nothing on her end that seems to be maybe not a monetary equivalency but like an effort equivalency if there isn't that there then like i wouldn't i would be so far out of this yeah that's the thing it's like if that's not the case because again like for all we know and maybe she has an internship right now she's not getting a lot of money and he's a high paid lawyer, highly paid lawyer. And like every time she organized a date, it's like, come over. Like she's an incredible chef.

She cooks you some stuff. And then when you're like, no, I want to take you out. Like if that was the case, that would be better. So much better. Infinitely better. In fact, because like, yeah, sure. Maybe your money to money amount isn't the same, but like, you know, you're making more money than her.

She's making less. She's still putting in the effort. It's like in that situation, I imagine the conversation would have gone differently because she probably would have been like yeah we can just do more low-key stuff and that definitely was not the case here but yeah you know there are ways around this it's not like everything you put in has to be matched the exact same way but you do need a bit of fucking give and take you can't just have a one-sided relationship because that's not relationship that's a parasite you know what i mean that's being used that's shitty and it's like you're just a walking wallet to this person and that's fucked yeah and like what what do you

then get like what are the the boundaries of of what you can now pull of being like and again i'm not suggesting this but if this is her if she wants to go to such strict sort of like gender roles and be like well as a man you have to pay for everything it's like if you guys do get into a serious relationship and move in together do you then get to be like well i don't have to cook and clean because that's not it's not romantic to ask me to cook and clean oh yeah that's not a man romantic chivalrous thing. Like, and that's the thing. It's like you shouldn't want to reinforce this bullshit gender role because then you're opening the door for all this other bullshit. That's like, what's to stop them from turning around and saying that?

It's like it's fucked. Either way, don't do this. People be fair to your fucking partners, like have the respect. You know what I mean? And on top of that, it's like if someone does this just fucking dump them it's like cool other guys will pay for great let her go find those other guys let there be a monetary burden on them i'm sure after a short while they're gonna be pretty upset about it too so i can't imagine like does it say how long they've been dating uh two months

imagine like i can't imagine thinking anyone at the beginning of relationship would be worth dropping five hundred dollars a month like almost half my rent in a month just to date you know what i mean like just to just to hang out with the price of admission is i'm paying almost you know like a half my rent to hang out with you that fucking sucks that's just for the uh the you know the privilege of your company yeah i love that and again like the comments are horrendous a lot of them are like no this is fine this should be it it's like she's it's not toxic that she says this this is fine that she says this like women pay for hair and nails so it it's the least he can do to to make

up for that it's like what that's a crazy stance to take yeah and again we we've mentioned it earlier where it's like you don't want to get into these equivalences of like well i did my hair and nails so therefore you have to pay for dinner because then you can turn around and be like well i paid for dinner so now you have to give me a blow job yeah because like if we're if we're gonna keep going like tit for tat equivalent to equivalent like every time i do an act i am going to expect something in return for that act yeah it just opens up the shittiest of doors it's like and it should just never be a thing so guys just don't know no and dump this person let them go make someone else miserable yeah and roll around in a bathtub full of cash because you will be

saving 500 a month you are obviously upset you don't need us to tell you you know what i mean like i get that it's one of those things that's so ingrained in us like this whole like chivalrousness and like paying and a lot of gender roles are like kind of baked into our generation we're trying to like extract them now painfully i get why you might be like oh shit am i wrong but like you're not one but two it's like you know you're unhappy so it's like you shouldn't be forced to put up with something if you're unhappy yeah the steady name being like going to go broke because, you know what I mean? Like, I think society, this is how society is supposed to work is don't do it. Don't, don't put yourself in financial straits.

Even if you're not putting it, like, even if you have the money to spend, you're frustrated and you're upset. Like that's not a way to live and you're being taken advantage of. So it's like, fuck this person. And by that, I mean, do not fuck this person. And by that I mean do not fuck this person. Yeet them to the wayside and get back on with your life. You'll find someone cool, and you'll have more

money for, like, PlayStation shit. Yeah. You could have bought two PS5s if you found them. Yeah. I tell ya. It won't ask for anything in return. It'll love you equally. It will always be there for you. Uh-oh.

Oh, no. Did you hear that sound? Bow-chicka-wow-wow. Oh, my gosh. Bow-chicka-wow-wow. That's right. I went back into the reserves, the archives, and found some porn reviews.

I didn't know I missed it, but I did. It is, unfortunately, the site I was originally using no longer exists. I guess porn reviews, not a big. It's a booming industry. Apparently not. Maybe it just got too big. Maybe they did.

Maybe they got like a bigger domain. Maybe they changed their name, rebranded. I don't know. But the bookmarks that I had did not work. But thankfully I did find another site that so gracefully provided us with some porn reviews. So I've got a couple of them for you. I'm not going to read all

of them. I will be selecting and picking and choosing sections because a lot of it is really just a very graphic play-by-play of a porn scene, which unless there's some real great turns of phrases, I don't want a grown adult describing

how people are fucking. That's fair. Even though I do it at the end of every episode, but... It's true. So we're going to start with Jackie Daytona's review of Roadside XXX8. Perfect. Now... Okay, I assume he's going to bring us through a run-through of 1-7.

Well, nobody likes getting stuck on the side of the road, especially the dreaded call for roadside assistance help. I shudder every time I have to renew my AAA membership, imagining the next scenario when my battery dies or the transmission goes. Well, bang, got a revolutionary business model. Roadside XXXVIII follows in the steps of his predecessor and features gorgeous, full-assed, stranded woman

generously riding dick in exchange. Full-assed. None of that half-assed women. Not quarter-assed. Not even two-thirds-assed. They do in fact have full buttocks. They have an entire an entire ass. Generously writing dick in exchange

for roadside assistance. This is my first roadside XXX film, but I have to say I love the idea. He's not going to get the context if he's missed the first seven. The nuance? Yeah, exactly. The plot. We're going to be lost as people listening to his review. He does give a scene

by scene breakdown. I want to read one. This is Lily hall's roadside assistance emphasis on the ass how i had not seen lily hall's beautiful caboose before it's fat it's juicy and it's round can we just talk about caboose for a minute it's the worst term it's what you call like a child's butt rightly i don't even know it's like i feel like you have to be old and you have to be talking about someone young or something you have to be too old for bad words and then just i don't know it's fucked i don't like it yeah no when i hear the word caboose i think of like a like midwestern aunt like old great aunt like you know buying their very young you know grandchild or whatever a like a set of overalls with like a fun something on the butt and she's like oh look at that caboose

there's a beaver on the caboose um but let's let's return our focus to lily hall's lily hall's uh fat juicy and. Delightfully generous with it. Giving us a full shake and close up before sitting on that lucky mechanic's dick. The ass is charming. Like a frosted popsicle on a hot day. And after that performance, you can bet he'll make sure her car is running great. Now, do you ever have the opposite where you have a frosted popsicle on a hot day? And you're like, damn, this is like a generous caboose.

This frosted, also, frosted popsicle doesn't mean anything. How old is Jackie Daytona? Because he's saying caboose. He's talking about frosted popsicles like they're a thing that exists. Hey, you know what? The man's reviewing porn DVDs so I would not be surprised

if he's an elderly gentleman. I also, Jackie Daytona could be a woman. Oh shit. It could be. Jackie Daytona could be this Midwestern great aunt that we're talking about. Damn. That's powerful.

It's going to be my new Pathfinder character. Jackie Daytona, Midwestern aunt. Midwestern pervert aunt. Roadside XX8 final thoughts. A lot of these reviews have final thoughts, kind of like Jerry Springer8 final thoughts a lot of these reviews have final thoughts kind of like jerry springer's final thoughts uh just like a summary of how they personally felt about it roadside xxx final or eight final thoughts it's hard to find much to dislike about this movie it's a relatively creative plot concept and scene settings seem to add to the kink it'd be potentially gratifying

to have some setup to the sex scenes, showing them stranded first, etc. But little in life is perfect. And ultimately, the movie fulfills its purpose and then some. These kind of innovative ideas are what our society truly needs now. How many more roadside assistance drivers and mechanics would we get in this

world if this was real life? Apply this to any field. Many people, much more likely to learn a profession if there were thick bodied women waiting to fuck on the other end. You know the way we talk about not mistaking porn for real life? I feel like

Jackie Daytel and I miss the memo quite a bit. It reminds me of the 20 year olds who recap like wrestling events, like WD, WWE events and treated like it is real. Still. Yeah. It like,

this is, it's with the same sort of passion and fervor that wrestling fans talk about wrestling. Jackie Daytona brings to porn reviews. Yeah, but I do. I want to spotlight something because 20 because this review was done in 2021, in the summer of 2021. It doesn't sound like it was any way recent and this upsets me further.

The phrase, these kind of innovative ideas are what our society truly needs right now. So Jackie Daytona, I don't know if you noticed what 2020 what all happened there we had a global pandemic we had an economic crisis we had a social uprising because of the mistreatment of you know bipoc people it's there's a lot going on right now jackie and i really don't think having women fucking our skilled laborers is what society truly needs now i'm not an economist i'm not some sort of social engineer so i don't know but you know what jackie daytona probably is no like you know by the way he uh enunciates his verbiage i can i can see it yeah to be fair and here's the other thing i think about they keep talking about like creative but like the whole concept of a service worker getting fucked in terms of payment

is not a new porn concept in fact i would say it's it's probably one of the oldest it's literally like the meme like the pizza guy meme the fucking pool boy it's it's a plumber i i just don't understand where's he been for the last 80 years or 100 years or like ever, I guess? Is this like not only did he skip one to seven, he's never seen porn before? It's upsetting because it really like you're a porn reviewer. Surely you must have seen another porn where the woman can't pay for her pizza or doesn't have the cash to to fix her plumbing like surely it's innovative ideas like this that could really revolutionize the pizza industry just think of how many more pizza delivery boys we have if thick caboose to generous women were able to sit on their dicks on the regular but now here's another thing imagine being a pizza guy and being like every time someone orders a pizza you're like god god damn it i have to fuck someone and i just just pay me please just a few dollars

even or like you know you look at your mechanic and you look at your list you have seven appointments and you're like none of these people are gonna bring bring cash. My poor dick. My dick is so sore. I'm so tired. It's red. It's quivering. I'm dehydrated. And neither sense is good. So please, please just pay.

He's just coughing out dust now, like a sick snake. Look, just tell me how much money you have. Do you have $10? Okay, $10. Surely you have $10. Please, stop sucking my dick. Please, leave it alone it would get exhausting because i used to think i'd be like oh that would be like actually really

fucking cool like you know once a year with a really hot person i'd be like okay this is a neat neat little surprise but if it was every fucking time you had to do your job yeah if they just revolutionized the industry it's like every time you were done with your job. Yeah, if they just revolutionized the industry, it's like every time you were done with a table or every time a customer at the bar was done, you're like, oh, no. No. Please.

Also, it would put you so much in the weeds. Can you imagine? You're like, hey, can I get a cocktail? Hold on. I've got to finish fucking this person. God damn it. I'm so busy. Just please let me finish.

Please tell me it's one bill. Nah, separate bills, bud. No. Please, no. Now, I have one more review, and this is by another reviewer, just by the name of Chase. Kind of like Cher, or Madonna. Just a one word. Jackie Daytona and Chase, both porn names.

They have to be, right? Yeah, I mean, it is specifically noted that these are in-house reviews. So it could be they're just kind of outsourcing to porn actors who are you know just take it easy but like hey chase you're not doing anything right now watch this you know what i would imagine that jackie daytona were he in porn would maybe have some inkling as to maybe he doesn't realize that this is also porn and thinks it's just actual footage of actual car mechanics and like like, he's been in porn. He knows that's porn because he's in it,

but he can't extrapolate and figure out that there are other things that are also porn. He's way too seriously, or he's just in a house and has never been let outside. Well, let's, let's see if chase does any better. All right.

And what's this one called? Uh, it slipped in. Oh, charming. Uh, it slipped in. What a great title.

The title alone makes me want to watch this film. I mean, this happens. Mistakes happen and sometimes it slips in. This film is a new release from Pure Taboo, featuring some of my favorite stars. Whitney Wright, Carolina Sweets, Kiss of Sins, Gracie Mae Green. I'm compelled and excited to check out this exciting fantasy film directed by Brie Mills. Um, again, there um again there's there's like scene to scene breakdowns but i'm only going to read a bit of the first scene uh cute girl

needs a ride and gets more the background music of this film makes it seem like someone's always about to die in the next minute that's horrifying no man oops it slipped in is like playful and you know then there's a murder jaws soundtrack no death though instead it's happy things a sexy young girl andy played by gracie may green gets picked up by a husband and wife interesting i'm assuming it's interestingly the husband lets the wife take over the driving and he sits next to andy in the back seat she admits that she's only 19 and they take her back to the house i noticed the license plate on the car is personalized tag that says pure taboo. Very clever detail. I like

it. Ooh, they've got the fucking Easter eggs and everything. Yeah. Damn. This is gonna pay off in the fucking, it slipped in MCU. 100%. I just can't wait for the extended scenes after the fucking credits. Yeah. They're just gonna like do a throwback

to that at the shawarma place yeah they they definitely are going to tease the you know the future villains of the series uh final thoughts watch it the only disappointment you will have is that there's only two scenes to fill this albeit they are nice long scenes i wanted more and would have taken more so let's have a sequel in the works. See, he already knows. Chase already knows that they're building this cinematic universe. The only other slight miss, I would say, is with the title.

When I think it slipped in, my expectations were totally different. I had in my head a remembrance of those teenage high school days when you were getting hot and heavy with your girlfriend and the plan plan was to not have sex. One thing leads to another, and it slipped in. The good old days. All the sex in this film was pre-planned by most parties, but it's really just a minor detail. So that's Chase's. That's what Chase thought about it slipped in, because it seems he just really wanted

I guess like banana peels lying on the fucking floor? Oh! Oh no! Ah, beans. It's inside ya. Yeah, he wanted it a little bit more slapdash, you know, a little more like I want to say Hardy Bros, but they're the detectives. That's the detectives, yes.

I don't know. Or the funny ones that get stuck indoors. The Marx Brothers? Is it? Aren't they the guys that flew the plane? Groucho Marx? No, Groucho Marx, right? You know what I'm talking about. You're thinking of the Wright Brothers, who are the... Man, you are...

I'm on fire these days. I'm sleepy as hell. No, the Marx Brothers are the old comedic slapstick duos. He wants it more like that. Like, whoopsies, doo-doo-doo, and then like, boing. Yeah. Someone's got a ladder, and they're like ducking yeah some someone's got a ladder and they're like ducking underneath as they turn around to avoid being hit and then next thing you know the ladder

is inside someone yeah they're like that's not a dick but it feels like wood oh yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry it didn't really meet up to your it slipped in expectations chase also let's have you ever has it ever just slipped in for you yeah Also let's have you ever, has it ever just slipped in for you? Yeah. I don't know. Oh wait. Are you talking about for me?

Are you like what? What are you talking to me? Are you talking to chase? No, I'm talking to you. Okay. I was going to say like, yeah,

I doubt that to chase, but then I realized halfway through that you were talking to me. Um, like, yeah, for sure. Like, like you were just making out. And then all of a sudden, don't mean that like like it just kind of oops like oh no how'd that happen

with some like heavy grinding when people are like ultra wet there's definitely been some you know like oh you know popped in there like better put a condom on fair okay you know but like not quite in the way that he's you know know, maybe, maybe that's what he means, but sounds a little more like he might've. Yeah. I'm not really sure what he was looking for, but it wasn't, it wasn't this. Cause it really, to be fair, the scene description does sound like it was just kind of, you know, it was just a couple meets girl and they're like, Hey, let's go back to ours and fuck.

And she's like, okay. Yeah. Like that. Yeah. Like that. Yeah. I don't understand where the oops, it slipped in thing came from. But hey, you know, I hope I hope the first penetration of every scene, the guy just looks directly down the lens of the camera and says, oops, it slipped in. I hope so.

It just resumed. But it just sounds like it doesn't. That's probably why he was disappointed, because Chase had the same thought you had and just wanted it to be more like that. And hey, yeah, I agree. why he was disappointed because chase had the same thought you had i just wanted it to be more like that and hey yeah i agree porn execs because we know there's like eight that listen um one hit us up on that sugar daddy like uh fucking tear that we have because you're rich enough to get it going get the real like one chase calling for a sequel we want to know that it slipped in the verse like how it all works out and three it's like just just put that in we want to know that it slipped in the verse like how it all works out and three it's like just just put that in i want to see that oops all right now we're running out

of time here okay so again we did have technical difficulties we played this game the first time and niall fuck me he won somehow so this is this is a chance for him to double whammy me. So the game is, I'm more or less stealing this entire concept from podcast royalty, the McElroys of My Brother, My Brother and Me fame. They play a game called Minion Quotes, in which they, specifically Justin, will pull a meme from a page called million quotes which is usually like a really cringy thing of being like forget morning coffee i need morning wine and then there's a

cartoon character for some reason arbitrarily attributed to this like completely inexplicably like tweety bird or you know like lilo from Lilo and Stitch is there who's a child and that sort of thing and the game is you have to guess who the character is that is currently saying this you guess the image based on the quote if I win

basically Dane has to post it to his Facebook and Instagram with absolutely no context which as you'll hear is a pretty bad thing considering these quotes which I believe we're calling man quotes. Man quotes. Are just hot garbage, mostly. So I've ironically and now unironically fallen in love with these little boys, these little bad boys, these black and white juicy nuggets of cringe.

They are these like, you'll see the quotes that I'm saying, but they're almost always paired with a very stern black and white photo of what is traditionally regarded as a very manly man. I'm not going to give any examples because I don't want to put any names in your head, but I'm going to start

reading out some quotes that exist and you're going to try to guess which Hollywood hunk is saying this to us. Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence. Mike Tyson.

Hmm. I like where your head's at, but no, that, my friend is Daniel Craig, Mr. James Bond himself. Okay. Typical, known jailbird. Yeah. Now I do, I do want to stress to you and our audience that these rarely have any

correlation between the picture and the quote. Very rarely. I know this, but I still can't stop trying to make some sense of it. You know, like, I don't know. Mike Tyson just it it spoke

to me yeah no that's great uh cutting people out of my life doesn't mean i hate them means i respect myself okay edward scissorhands no um although i will go johnny depp yeah okay uh another very good guess but this one's Tom Hardy okay all right again don't see the correlation but sure uh this is gonna be a tough one and I I really do not think I'm gonna I'm gonna go this far if you get this one correct I will post all of the ones that I've read today damn okay a person who trusts no one once trusted someone too much oh i want you to really think i want you to go through your rolodex of men your manodex when i've been thinking of them it's like not many come up, to be fair. I'm like, God, there's like got to be a few super manly men somewhere that like just a list. I got like five in me.

Yeah, you do. Yeah. I think now he's got five men inside of him. Read it again. I'm going to I'm going to hear the truth of in your voice. Yeah. OK. A person who trusts no one

once trusted someone too much. So it's very angsty. And I'm assuming the kind of person that likes this angstiness is going to get, you know what, maybe I'm just going to go swing for the fences, Jason Momoa. No. I got real nervous when you started with the J.

It's Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh, okay. That's why I knew it was going to be a tough one. I don't think a lot of people directly think Jake. He's a rugged looking dude. He's not like an action hero superstar necessarily. Yeah. Okay, I've got one more.

Okay. And this is your chance to... You clutched it on the last one. I know, and then you deleted the recording. I didn't delete it. I only deleted half of it. To be fair, that was my only saving grace. Now people think I posted that picture of the rock on purpose.

Yeah, that's fair. Now, I'm worried I did this one last time. So if I did, you have to be honest and tell me. I will never be honest. Be careful what you tolerate. You're teaching people how to treat you. Yeah, you did that one last time. Yeah, okay.

Never ignore someone who cares for you, because someday you'll realize you've lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones. I really want you to post this. I was about to give you a hint, but I was like, no, why would I do that? No, give me a hint. Want me to read it again for you? I do. Never ignore someone who cares for you, because someday you'll realize you've lost a diamond

while you were busy collecting stones. Jason Statham. No, it is Ryan Goslingosling damn it typically mistreated i was gonna say this is the this is one that like you could actually maybe form a correlation because it is kind of romantic it's got like that spurned lover kind of thing of or you know forlorn forlorn lover well i managed to escape that one unscathed currently you are one for one or one for two you got a 50 success rating okay but i i'll tell you i'm glad this is this is a win for me i don't know if my my social cred could have withstand i think even like one so soon would

have been back to back weirder yeah back to back people would be concerned especially with that one yeah i think that one was definitely it's they all sound like a cry for help and also like maybe you've kind of been broken yes again we've done it we've lost dane he's gone for good that's it yeah yep he's he's finally gone down the rabbit hole now the thing is when i so the last one we did which got deleted was it was a quote from the rock well it was a picture of the rock with a quote on top of it yeah like importantly none of these are actual quotes for many of these people i'm pretty sure now it's funny i was out with drink or out for drinks with a friend and i gave them i gave them them the same quote and they also guessed the rock.

Damn. They got it correct. So maybe that, maybe that one is just too easy. Maybe that one just screams the rock. I really don't think it even does though. But I was, I lost my mind.

I almost went home. I hope you guys have enjoyed it. And more importantly, we hope you've enjoyed this episode because we are just about done for the day. Yeah. Again, you guys are part of this secret club, the secret society, and part of the people that support us the most.

And we fucking love that. So thank you so much. Really cannot say it enough. Y'all are amazing. Now, I don't think this will go up late, but if it did, for whatever reason, I apologize in advance The technical difficulties really Fucked us

But it's a one time thing Hopefully this doesn't happen again We still have no idea what happened So it's a big mystery But I'm going to do my best to get this out On schedule and in your Beautiful little hands But if it isn't it's probably going

to be a day late at most uh so i apologize i i will live in shame forever importantly it is not dane's fault it just was one of those things that happened and again even like the system is telling us they have it and then giving us something else and we've been on to the provider and they don't know so i don't know so it's one of those blameless crimes and hopefully we can have a victimless crime too we'll do our best yeah we love you guys thank you for your patience if you have

any suggestions or something you want to see or a question or something you want us to do on pillow talk this is our free form kind of like get wild we can do whatever we want so if there is something that form kind of like get wild we can do whatever we want uh so if there is something that you kind of want to see us try or talk about or discuss even if it isn't necessarily sex and dating related if it's a more personal question or whatever uh we'll be happy to tackle

it this is this is something this is our direct communication with you so please feel free to either uh post on the patreon or uh send us an email by going to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the connect or the contact form or any of our social medias are always open for you guys to reach out to us. Yeah, 100%. Let us know anything because like this, we want to get a little loosey-goosey with this. We want to have fun with you guys. So anything you want us to do, just fucking message us. We'll figure it out. Ready for a little bad sex writing.

Yeah. Now this is obviously very honest and you'll, you'll see why it's a, a post on Reddit. I am Japanese woman and we'll tell you exactly why you're not happy. You Western white woman have abandoned your role and place and allowed a toxic and dishonest movement to manipulate you and turn you into man hating monsters that see yourself as a man's equivalent, even though you can't function in society, Sounds legit. and privileged women of this earth. Shame on you for creating such a toxic western environment for not honoring the sacrifices men make historically and currently.

Sounds legit. Definitely definitely a Japanese woman. Definitely not a unhappy white man posting as one. I particularly love how they start off with this weirdly racist like broken English and completely abandon it almost immediately.

Yeah as they get more fired up about the injustices that men have to endure from the ruling matriarchal class. You say male privilege when men have none, but women have it all. They have all the male privilege. They have every male privilege. But you know what? We're here to honor the sacrifices men make historically,

but also currently. Yeah, I'm pouring one out for all of my sacrifices that I have to make as a man. This is a bag of shit, and this is not a Japanese woman. I will bet you everything. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm now Spain. And let's hope this one recorded. Yeah, really. you