F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Pull Her Head Off (Sub-Zero Style)

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Dain's New Year's Resolution is to stop suggesting that performing Mortal Kombat fatalities is a solution to your problems.  Topics include dude, where's my car?  The important of ball play, a pre-exclusivity fling, and bringing a cool vibe to a sex party.

I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello, my name is Dame Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. Guess what? What? We're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast. And guess what?

What? We take your sticky, sexy situations. and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Well, you know where else we find them? Guess where? Where? I'm in the wild of the internet. They're sent in by our wonderful listeners,

answering them right here right now, every Monday, and also on our Patreon. Welcome back, guys. It's been a week. If you listened to us last week, if not, it's kind of been a couple minutes, hasn't it? Or as long as you took to listen to the other episodes. Maybe you're coming back.

Maybe you're a new listener. Maybe you've never listened to us. If you're a new listener, I'm sorry, we're taking so long to get to the questions. But you know what? This week, We're going to talk about, am I overreacting to my one-night stand stealing my car? How important is bowl play?

Girlfriend admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. Am I reacting? Sex parties. Yay or nay? Yay. Yay. I take that back depending on the question. Nope, that's it.

We're just going to skip that question. Now I'll answer it. Yeah, you're welcome. This is by Top Hawk, 9813. Am I overreacting to a one-night stand who stole my car? So I met this guy at a bar, we instantly clicked. A few years older than me, he's 28 while I'm 21. Initial attraction was strong and he seemed like a normal guy.

I thought he was out of my league. He stood alone, watching the band. When they picked up a white powder baggie near his feet out of drunken curiosity, he laughed. Start making conversation, and soon thereafter kissed me. He ends up making friends to the people I was with, and we all ended up going to my house to make a really late night dinner. Spence and I mentioned he has to work early. Morning comes, is 5.30. I wake up to him writing his number in my diary.

He leaves and I believe he's gone for good. Slightly relieved as I don't usually have one-night stands and felt plagued with a really horrible and uneasy feeling. But I wake up to him coming back to my room at 8 a.m. I'm shocked and speechless. I wonder why he'd come all the way back here if he just went to work. I live deep in the valley and it costs a pretty penny to go back and forth. He ignores my startled. He ignores my startled. He ignores my startled and says he got lost on the way back. He said he'd come all the way back for me. He said, well, I had to return the car. He said that he realized the fare to get to the city be expensive. So he just grabbed my keys and took my car. He left me on gaslight and said he got lost on the way back. I thought he was. was pranking me as he said all this as I don't let anyone borrow my car. Don't roast me, but it's unregistered, which I knows they're responsible, but that's another story. If he was pulled over, it would have been very bad. Once he sees how upset I am, he starts to look guilty. I tell him it's time to leave and I drive him home. He starts getting crazier by the second. I realized maybe the normal guy I met was so normal because I was so drunk. Start saying how

he fucked everything up, how otherwise he'd want to have kids with me and date me. I kept on whining on how beautiful I was and how much we like each other and even said I love you. I persistently tell him I do not share the same feelings and I would not like to see him again. But he is too persistent and quite apologetic. Honestly, I lost all traction and respect on any kind thoughts I had towards him. Am I crazy or is this act unforgivable? I can never tell if my boundaries are too firm. But I want to know if I'm overreacting or if this is a psycho thing to do.

You know what? Like, look, if this guy was a action hero and was like, shit, you know, the president, well, the president calling isn't even cool anymore. Fuck the who cares about the president. Let's be fair. It's like, before it was like, oh, the president called me. And like, I needed to go. But it's like, if Trump calls you, you're.

a piece of shit and no one cares. And probably also, yeah, like also it's probably something dumb. So horrifying in the legal. Yeah. Also, very quick interjection. Have you played the DLC for cyberpunk? Do you know what it's about? No. Well, never. Other than Idraselba being Adriselba.

So I was like, maybe this guy was like, oh shit, my mom is dying. And I have to take this car and I have to rescue. Even then. Like genuinely, for sure. I think I would be like, yeah, I can't just steal this stranger's fucking automobile. For sure. Absolutely. But at least then I could be like, look, this dude thought it was life or death and made a call.

It's the wrong call and you have every right to be upset. But I get where he's coming from. The fact that he didn't even explain what he did with the car. Because he certainly didn't go to work for three hours. That's, yeah, especially if it takes this long to get out of the valley. Surprise, surprise. A drug dealer. There's no better meat cute than I found a bag of white powder at his feet while he was alone of the concert.

Yeah. Like, just every step of this, you know what? We talked about the what do you mean theory. I think in this case, I think we also need to employ the, what are you doing theory? No, in this one you have to employ the I also have to go to work theory and then block him and never speak to him again. Get him out of your house until you're safe. This is one of the times you don't ask him what you're doing. You don't ask him anything because he is a dangerous weird man. And you just get him out of there. You don't drive him home. the way. I'm, when I say, what are you doing? I mean to the person asking the question. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is where I grab this person by the fucking face, the ears, and I say, what the fuck are you doing? Why would you invite the solo Coke man back to your home? Did they even hook up? I know she says one night stand. I assume they did. They didn't like get into it, unless they have no idea what a one night stand is. Um, either, like, look. And like, look, Hey, you bring a guy who likes Coke back to your house, whatever. But like, to then have him steal your car, come back to your home and let himself back in, presumably also with your keys.

Breaking and entering. Yeah, get it to your bed and then say he loves you once a baby's with you. And then have the audacity, frankly, to come to this podcast and ask us if you're overreacting. My girl, you are underreacting. Yeah, just the idea that you are like, maybe my. boundaries are too high. Hey, these aren't, these should be the boundaries that every person has. Yeah. Like, this shouldn't be a, maybe my boundaries, maybe my expectations are a little too high that the Coke-fueled solo man at a concert shouldn't steal my car, then break into my home,

and then tell me he wants to have children with me after knowing me for 12 hours, less than 12 hours. Yeah. Also, sorry, you think that there are, that this is, you know, potentially a good thing, right? Like, that's what you're saying. You're saying, hey, should I pursue this? Like, are my boundaries too high or should I, should I let this slide? Am I a bit of a prude? Because thing is, like, boundaries, right? Boundaries are kind of like a fence that you've built at the edge of your property, right? And maybe you build them real high with barbed wire and fences and really far out. And maybe you just got a little wall near your home. Those are boundaries. This is more like the foundation your home is built on. If you're

unsure whether a man robbing your car, breaking into your home is a bad thing. That's not a boundary. That's a foundational issue. That's a crime. What you're asking is, should I ignore the several crimes that this man has committed in the brief period of time in which I knew him? Like, let's also consider. Here, say, him saying he loves you and wants to have kids with you, also a crime. Maybe not a real crime, but it's a social crime. It certainly is, should be punishable by, by some means of the law. So, like, Here's, here's what I would say is where you could be like, are my boundaries too high? Am I, am I overreacting?

Is if you caught him writing his number in your diary and you thought, hey, this man that I don't know just opened my diary and, and was writing in it. That's my band, bitch. That I think is, is an appropriate sort of conversation to have of being like, am I being, am I being unreasonable? Am I boundaries too high that, like, he should have found a scrap piece of paper and not gone into my diary? that I think we could We could talk about Did he read your diary? Another crime

Sure That's what I'm saying It's right Like I think there is a You know Because we could argue Like oh he just needed a piece of paper That was the closest thing there

He cracked it open to a blank page And wrote it down Great You know But the list of things that this man did Should at no point in time I don't think one of them Like each individual action

Is a problem on its own The fact that it constantly compounds Into insanity And you're still wondering am I overreacting? We need to take that, like, out of the vocabulary of, I feel like mostly women. I feel like the majority of the questions that we get about, like, am I overreacting? Are women asking this about usually the most unhinged shit?

Which I think is a, like, it's not women's fault necessarily, right? I think it's men do the worst shit all the time that it's like, unfortunately, it's just hard to be like, what's bad now? You know what I mean? Yeah. It sucks. It makes me sad. You know what's very, I don't know if funny is the word. But remember the story we were talking about a while ago where my face got bit. I don't remember if I said it on the podcast before. But the last communication I had from this person was a couple weeks after that where she messaged me and was like, hey, did you take my car? And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? One, I can't drive. Two, I've never been to your home. Three, she wasn't upset. It seemed like a very normal like, oh, do you have my car? Why would I have your car? Why would anyone have your car? So I think we found. the perfect man for this woman. Yeah. Because their energies, I think, like, to her, that's a normal thing.

Now, here's the thing. We have to keep them apart for the sake of humanity. Because I feel like... They have a child? Imagine that... A face-biting, car stealing, co-dealing, fucking housebreaking.

He'll just be biting cars. Just be biting, yeah. It's just Godzilla. I... Like, you know, right? Like, you must know. You must know that if your question is, am I being unreasonable

that a man committed a crime? twice. If you're asking that question, you must know deep down inside your, your heart of hearts that you are not being unreasonable and that you are not overreacting. Someone taking, you even said, oh, I don't lend my car out. Bad. Yeah. Right. Like already, if, because like, here's the thing. If he had asked, you would have said no. Yes. So the facts. Because like, you would assume that this man would steal your car. And look, not to be a fearmonger here. You cannot drive from the valley to wherever he was going to, to do a day. work in that amount of time. 530 to 8, they're back, blah, blah, blah. That's impossible. You know what you could

do? Get some keys cut. He has your car keys. He has your house keys. I don't know, man. I would be uncomfortable with that situation. Rob a convenience store. Because your car is a good way. He's like, this is perfect. Not only is it unregistered. It's not even mine. Also, register your car, girl. What are we doing here? Yeah, there's a lot of problems here. I think deep down. You know. Again, again, again, here's, we're telling you. Here's the thing. We don't believe in hard and fast rules. We don't believe in saying that like blanket statements and that kind of stuff. However, I think that if someone has committed a crime, I don't think it is overreacting to not want to see them again. Yes. Right. I think we can all. What is that crime is jaywalking, man.

Yeah. Maybe a felony. Sure. If someone commits a felony. That's fair. That's fair. It's like you, you got to know these things. And I got to like I need you. And if you don't, we're telling you right now, you're not overreacting. You're underreacting. drive very quickly away from this man one so you can make distance and two so he doesn't take your car again yeah it's it's so bad and it's i think what's worse despite all the horrible things and crazy things that this man did i think it's actually worse that you are considering to like see him again like if like are you actually telling me that if everyone answers this question if you had a overwhelming reaction you are overreacting you're overreacting it's fine

it's totally normal. You'd be like, oh, okay, I'm fine with this now. Are, like, is that what your stance would be? Because that's a crazy stance to have. Yeah. Also, like, if everything else had gone perfectly and you woke up the next day, he didn't rob you or break into your home, et cetera. And then as you left him, he was like,

I'm in love with you. I want to have your babies. That should be it. That should be it right there. That would be, we're done forever and you're a lunatic, let alone, as stated, the fucking crimes. Yeah, we can't. We got to go.

Next question. We've got to go. We're moving on. Hold on. Let me just steal this person's car and we'll drive to the next question. Damn, we're so deep in the valley. This is from Flowers care. How important is ball play during a blow job?

I've always focused mostly on the head and shaft and use the balls as kind of a pause button to keep them from finishing too fast. But do most guys actually want a lot of attention on the balls? Licking, sucking, tongue under them while stroking? Or is it just a nice extra and the shaft is still 90% of what gets you off? I don't think anybody can answer a question in terms of. absolutes. Like, I don't think we can be like, this is how every man wants it. For me, the balls are a, they're like a nice little extra. You know, more like what they were saying, where like the main show is everything else. They just add a little, the seasoning, the spice.

A little, a little now and then can really make it. I don't think it's good to just completely ignore it. But if someone was like, this is going to be a real ball-centric blowjob, I would be sad. Also, I think, like, as you said, everybody is different. In the same way that, like, you can't say this is how to go down on someone, you know, this is how to perform oral sex on a woman because every woman likes this. Everyone is different. Everyone has different sensitivities. Myself, I have quite sensitive balls in the sense that not that like touching them feels very, very good. Usually it's, it's very unpleasant for me and actually really detracts. I think I've had maybe like four or five people in my entire sexual career who has

handled my bowls with a level of, I don't know, expertise. Fashionism. Yeah. That has actually felt good and I've actually enjoyed. Nine times out of ten, like, you know, even like, I'm not saying that people are being rough, but it's just like a, if someone sucks.

It just feels bad to me, which I'm sure other dudes would go fucking absolutely abyshit for. Like, it's tough to say what's, what's going to play. So what we can say is communication. Yes. I will also say, when you say using the balls as a pause button so they don't come that sounds really sore like are you are you stopping and just having a little ball time or are you squeezing them so you're like you can't

come yet like which what are you doing i assume it's like they take a break from sucking to like sort of like come down and give the balls some attention maybe maybe i hope so but again for me that would that would decrease my my arousal i mean i guess that is the point of it but i but in a bad way not in a stop you going up, more a keep you going down kind of way. Yeah. Yeah. So communication is key.

No men aren't a monolith. Like, again, for me, it's kind of a mid to low, like thing. I don't think I'm quite as negative on it as Dane, but like it's, like I could take it or leave it.

And like, if you do it well, sure, it does add to the experience, but like too much definitely like detracts as well. Like I've been with people and I'm like, when they've done way too much with them, I'm like,

do you think this is like a clear or something? Like, this is just, what are we doing? Get to the good stuff. And then you could have people who are very sensitive about it or find uncomfortable or people who want you to step on them on high heels, I'm sure. So, yeah, could I give you a clean answer? No. Excellent point is that, like, for me, it takes a very practiced, very measured hand

to really hit the spot that I enjoy and feels good for me and elevates the experience. And then there are people, as now said, who wants their balls just like use like a punching bag. That would kill me. I would hate it. Like, I would cease to be on this mortal coil. I don't, I think that would be, like, as quick of a way to ruin my erection as, like, any other way. Obviously.

But, but other people, I think that's the only way they can get hard. No. Yeah. So, that's the thing. There's this spectrum. So it's like, yeah. You got to communicate. But, like, I think, you know, a light cautionary touch is, is acceptable.

But then just, like, follow your partner's cues. And, again, talk to them if you're unsure. Be like, hey, does this feel good? Do you want more? Do you want less? Do you want it harder, softer, blah, blah, blah. It's simple. It's simple.

I've had to, like, I've had someone who, who's very ball interested, who's very, like, really into balls. And I was like, look, I want you to enjoy this as much as I'm enjoying it. So if you do want to take a detour to Balltown to satisfy your ball cravings, then, like, you know, keep stroking me so that I'm still receiving a pleasurable stimulation at the same time. So it's not just balls. Yeah. Yeah, because like for me, it's not going to do much for me.

And no, I think if it was just balls, I'd be like, well, they're doing here. But at the same time, if this is something you're really into and I can accommodate that and it's not coming at a detriment or unpleasantness to me, let's, let's meet the middle. Let's find something that works for us. Yeah. So it really does really depend on what your partner wants and how interested in the balls you are. And then finding a middle ground of being like, yeah. and maybe something as simple as

like when he's ready to to sort of like move the show around maybe he just grabs you by the hair and sort of like gets you back to it whatever it is that you guys have agreed on or maybe you just need a small be like you know when you're ready or need something like tell me or

or or you know pull my my head off or whatever so it's I realize I just said pull my head off which I don't mean praying mantis style I don't mean like a sub zero finisher and Mortal Kombat we've talked about this you can't keep saying people to fucking do this, man.

I have to stop encouraging our producers are fucking, dude, can you hear them? They're yelling at me. Again, they're like, he didn't do it, did he? I see that look on your face. I'm like, no, man, it's not. I'm lying for you. And they can hear me say that. So now I guess I'm not lying. Yeah, they're really bad producers. They don't listen to do a single thing. They just kind of guess. They read our lips.

Yeah, yeah, that's their whole bag. Not even our lips, just our expressions. My girlfriend, 25-year-old female, admitted she slept with someone hours before agreeing to be exclusive. I, 26-year-old male, can't tell if I'm overreacting. what's the move here what do you think day look do i think it's kind of weird to to be like i'm gonna get one last fuck in before i start dating this person yes i think i think i think well wait wait till you the why why is that what you assume is what happened i mean that's what it seems to say was that like they fuck someone hours before they agreed to become exclusive right yeah but that could

it could be you whatever it'll make more sense when i read the thing it's just very funny that that's the interpretation you went with um because when i read this i was like oh yeah this guy is just being a fucking jealous fuck, like always. My girlfriend, two years now, recently having a drunk tell me something shocking conversations, everything was lighthearted until she dropped something that completely rewrote the origin story of how we became a couple, something I've always held as romantic and somewhat dramatic beginning. Little over a month into dating, I told her I wanted to be exclusive. Up to that point, everything between us, behavior, connection, the way she talked about us,

made me feel like she was on the same page. But during the conversation, she suddenly got overwhelmed, said she needed to leave, and basically walked out. I was confused and pretty upset. I went home thinking maybe that was it. A few hours later, she called, said she wanted to talk and drove to my place. That night, outside my apartment, in the rain, she told me she did want to be in a committed relationship that she just needed time to meditate and collect her thoughts. I took it as a cinematic beginning to our relationship.

That story changed during a recent conversation. She told me she didn't go home to reflect. She went to have sex with a dude. She met this guy at a party the week before we started going out. They hooked up the sex apparently good enough. She'd been hitting them up every few days after. She's usually pretty blunt, but this one hurt to hear, especially in context. According to her, when I brought up exclusivity, she suddenly realized if she agreed on the spot,

she wouldn't be able to sleep with them anymore without it being cheating. So she got up, left, went to his place. They had sex for a few hours to get out of her system. Then she drove straight to my place to start our relationship. She says it wasn't cheating because, technically speaking, we weren't exclusive yet. She also said she never felt guilty about it, but didn't say anything until now because she didn't want to ruin the mythology. I built around our relationship origin story. Story I loved bringing up whenever anyone asked how we met.

I feel completely blindsided. Even if it wasn't cheating in the strictness. a sense, feels like a massive betrayal. It was the fact she effectively scheduled one last hookup before agreeing to be what me makes the beginning of our relationship feel tainted and it makes me question how she views commitment and honesty. So you kind of nailed it. For me, I figured it was like she hooked up with someone and then later on you guys

met up and you go, hey, do you want to be exclusive? And she said yes, which is a very possible thing if you guys aren't exclusive, right? Yeah. And far less grimy than this, which is, you know, again, sure. We like to say, if you're allowed, hook up with people, hook up with them kind of deal. I do think this isn't a great situation. Yeah, it just, it shows that like, I don't know, like, look, did she technically do anything wrong? No, she's correct.

She did not break any rules. She didn't, she wasn't unfaithful. But there is, like, as with everything, there's nuance, there's subtext, there's intention. There's, there's, like, what you said was like, I do want to date you, but not enough to, give up fucking this dude. So I am going to, like, go fuck this dude real quick and then come back. It is, it's weird. And it's, let's be fair.

Yeah, like you said. She did also lie to him. She said, oh, I was overwhelmed. Then I came back. And it's like, no. No, you were overwhelmed. You were just orty, I guess. Yeah.

And like, it is weird to like, it does taint the relationship or at least color the relationship of the fact that of being like, when I asked you, hey, do you want to be exclusive? The first thought you had was, I'm not going to get to fuck this dude again. Yeah. Which kind of sucks, right? Yeah, for sure. I understand why this dude, like, usually we'd be like, oh, you're being jealous.

You're being blah, blah, blah, blah, but I think that does really suck to hear of being like, oh, your first instinct wasn't, yeah, I want to be with you or happiness or even if it is like, oh, shit, that's a big decision. I need to take some time to think about it because you are really reflecting on the weight of this decision, how important it is. you were like, no, actually, I do want to get dick down by this one dude one more time. Like, that was your first initial reaction. Your immediate reaction was to lie and go focus upon for a couple of hours. Yeah. And then to continue that lie and then like, like, how embarrassing it is to realize kind of after the fact that you've been going around and like spreading this story that you love. But that's not it?

Like, it sucks. It does, again, like there's a lot of stuff where we've had so many parallel questions where it's like, she hooked up with someone. like a day before we became exclusive and I'm like well it wasn't planned there wasn't like premeditated and I think that's the difference here where it's like it was premeditated it was you were lied to you were deceived and then you kind of were like led through this deception for like years yeah yeah it's it's it's shit is gross it's I would understand why like and again like technically nobody did anything on paper wrong yeah but I do understand if

You didn't break a relationship rule in that you didn't break an agreement. Yes. You did lie and you were a little slimy. Those are things that could be considered wrong. I understand if you would want to reevaluate this relationship with this person. I would get it, right? Like, I would understand it being like, well, when I asked you to be exclusive, I was hoping that that would be the thought in your head.

And it really does show priority that you didn't think about us. You didn't think about me. you didn't think about the relationship we could have. What you thought about was the dick you were missing out on. And that is kind of shitty. And it sucks and hurts my feelings. And it's like she says she never felt guilty about it. But it's like if she actually didn't think it was a bad thing to do, why'd she lie about it?

Correct. You know, why'd you wait this long to tell them about? Why'd you tell them about it in general? Like, it's just, it's all weird. And I think I would definitely reevaluate someone I don't think you're overreacting for being upset, which is genuinely not the response I thought it was going to have coming into a question with a title like this. So, you know, nuance, man. I do think it is pretty grimy.

I think if you have a conversation with her and she can't understand where you're coming from and why you're upset, maybe this isn't the relationship for you. I think her lack of guilt, I think, is also pretty shitty. She obviously waited long enough to tell you that she felt like safe. And it also must be weighing on her mind if she told you at all. So it's like, don't then pretend that it's not a big deal when clearly it's big enough deal for you to lie about, hold off on telling the truth about for a long time and then, you know, have to tell me anyway. Yeah, I think it's, I think you nailed it, right? I think if you want this

relationship to continue, I think having that conversation and having her understand empathetically why you are upset, like, if she doesn't get that, if she's like, I didn't do anything wrong, I was allowed to do this. It was perfectly fine. I think that would be enough for me to be like, okay, well, maybe you don't have the emotional intelligence that I would want in a partner. If she says, yes look I know what I did was kind of shitty at the time but you know I was kind of overwhelmed and I panicked and I whatever I understand that it was bad I understand that it was shitty and I'm sorry for lying to you then I think okay there might be hope moving forward especially if your relationship is strong and has been going X amount of time without like you noticing that she's

either like callous or shitty or a cheater or whatever this was a momentary lapse in judgment where like again technically she didn't do anything wrong but also like if she is going to stick to that gun. I don't think you want a partner that's like, well, technicality is I didn't do anything wrong. It's like there's more to shit than that. Yeah. And also like I want someone to feel bad if they hurt me. Not in like a malicious way or a weaponized way. But like if I if they've hurt me and I have a justified reason as to why they hurt me and I can, you know, articulate that to them. I want them to be like, oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't want that for you. I that makes me feel bad and I'm sorry that it, it does. If I tell someone that they've hurt me and here's the reason why and someone just

says, me. Yeah. Then like I don't know. It's a bad relationship. Yeah, going forward if I'm not going to feel safe or secure that if they do make a mistake or hurt me in the future, that they're going to care enough to rectify it or try to fix it. And that is kind of like the core of a relationship. Like, no one can be perfect. We can't guarantee that I'm not going to hurt someone that I'm in a relationship, but what I can do is promise that like, yeah, if I fuck up, I will, I will try to make that right. 100%.

I like also, like, I don't know, it makes me feel like that if you guys do break up, she's gonna booty call someone. Like, that's kind of the vibe I'm getting and being like, well, also like weird that like you're just, if we break up, you have someone like ready to go. That's just projecting, but like, yeah, I have no reason to believe that.

Even if that's the case, like, I don't know. Who cares? But again, it's like, I don't understand being in a position of wanting to be exclusive with someone genuinely and still wanting to hook up with somebody else. Like, is the sex bad? Because that's not great. Or does she just not care enough about you? Because that's also not great.

Anyway, I think you're not overreacting. I think a honest conversation is needed. And if she can't see why you're upset and, like, meet you halfway and, like, try to be cool about it. I don't think it's worth staying in this relationship. Let her go back to Grimy Steve. Yeah. This is cartographer. Hey, look. He might not be grimy. Steve might just be living his life, right? Like, he doesn't know any of this, probably. For some reason, Steve was the guy from question one in my head, you know? Photographer, okay, has asked sex parties, yay or nay? It's something me and my partner thought about exploring, but we don't know enough about them. There's a high end one in our city and looks fun. Has anyone had experienced with them? How did it go? Was it fun? Was it scary? What would you have done differently? Thanks. Now, I'm bringing this.

Okay. With the, I don't know if you've been to a sex party or like a sex club. I've been to a sex club, but I didn't really like participate. Like I was there with the monogynist partner. We were just kind of doing our own thing. Um, it wasn't that busy, you know. So this is exactly why I brought this question. When you went to the sex club and you were there with your partner, you, I assume didn't engage

in any group sex activity. That's fine. Yeah. Right? Like that's an option. You can, you can go. and like suss things out. And if you're in a good spot,

if you're at a real sex party where people are behaving by sort of like the agreed upon community rules that almost everyone follows, no one is going to be upset if you just come and kind of fly at that. Whereas like on the flip side,

if you go in half cocked, I'm weird and just start doing shit without knowing, that's going to get you far more in trouble with anybody. Or if you go and people are weird that you're around, that's also a big red flag. That's a red flag. their behalf, but if you just go in and just start fucking just doing shit before you're ready and comfortable and knowledgeable, I think you'll raise red flags with everybody else. I promise

you that any place sex club or sex party that is established and is legit will probably have a website or some sort of online community that has their rules posted publicly. It is a given. And if you don't, go to like just Google any sex club that has an actual website and you will probably find them. And if you can't go into places like Reddit or any sort of like online community that deals with group sex or sex parties or sex clubs and ask like, hey, what are the common best practices? What are the, you know, community rules that are often? And like, look, I'm going to give you the basics. Consent. That's kind of it. Right. Like, don't do anything without asking for permission. And if someone says no, that's a no. Leave

them alone. Really, like, other than that, it's kind of what you're up to. And if you want to. Yeah, I think one thing that's very key. And like, I have friends who've gone through stuff like this, whereas like if you're going as a couple, one, I think go slow. Don't expect day one to go in and have fucking eight person orgy when you walk in. Because I think that's very porn brained. I also think it's a very quick way to like get hurt, right? Go slowly. Maybe don't even participate the first time. Have safe words. Have safe gestures. Be aware of what you guys think you're comfortable with and be ready to update what you're comfortable with when you get there because you don't want to be stuck in a position where you think it's okay for, you know, your partner to kiss another guy. But then she starts and all of a sudden you feel very upset, but then you don't feel like you can kind of take back that consent. So you just get more and more upset as the night goes on. And then by the time you get home, they had a great night and you're absolutely heartbroken and living and furious. But you're also kind of holding it against them because you've had to sit there all through the night and be more and more

upset. You need to make sure if something does start to turn, you have that communication opens. You can cut it off before it gets bad because that's the only way you'll be able to build forward. You know what I mean? Things can change in the moment. You might want to move further. You might want to move back. You need to be able to communicate that. And if you don't think you're going to be able to, you shouldn't go to a sex party. Yeah. 100%. There's also, like, you're entering into a community that probably a lot of people know each other, especially if it's like an ongoing in-city sex party that happens regularly. Chances are there are some regular. Chances are there are some people who know there. And chances are there's a lot of

people who are experienced in that scene. There's probably also people like you who don't really know what they're doing and are nervous and are shy and whatever. You don't want to be one of those people who walks into a space that you are unfamiliar with and act like you know everything, right? We've talked about those questions before where like someone is a virgin hasn't had sex before but they talk this big game and then when it comes down to you know go time they get weird and they get panicked and they get they don't they get cash in the the chips that they have uh or the checks that they've written right and i think a lot of people want to talk this big game to like make up for how nervous they are and it's like you're i'd be nervous i think everyone's going to

understand because everyone's been in the same boat and again people who go to sex parties regularly are pretty fucking chill because if they weren't they wouldn't be invited back right so it's like you'll probably find someone willing to take you under their wing, introduce you a few people, take you around, talk to you, show you the ropes. And again, not in a sexual way, just in the like cool, friendly, calm, like they've been there and they know everybody and they're going to make sure you have a good time, everyone else is a good time. That's great. Depending on you need to be open for that. Whether you mean sex party as in like hosted at a private residence or a sex club that is like open to the public, there is going to be staff there or a host or multiple hosts, right, who are making sure everyone's safe. who are making sure people are following the rules and making sure people are comfortable. So, like, by all means, if you want to go, either message the host ahead of time or the staff ahead of time and be like,

hey, we're new, we're interested. What are some things we should bring? What are some things that we should know? What is the, like, you know, what's the dress code? What's the whatever? Ask your questions. And again, if anyone gets weird about that, then pull the ripcord and know that you're not safe there.

Yeah. It's like communication, as we say all the time is the most important thing. And if you're going into a situation, it's kind of like when you're talking to someone, you're getting to know them and someone's like, oh, I'm a big fan of football or I'm a big fan of, you know, this band and people panic and don't want to seem lame. Yeah. And so they're like, oh, I love football too.

And then all of a sudden, I'm Renal. I don't know what I think of, I don't know what I think about football. Like there, there's more pleasure and more excitement in showing someone something new and introducing them to something that's important to you than there is someone who pretends like they already know the thing, but refuses to engage in it because they don't want to reveal that they don't know anything. So as Nal said, I promise you, if you find a couple, like, if you go with your partner and you find a couple at the bar or lounging or whatever and you strike up a conversation and you tell them like, hey, we're new, we don't really know what we're doing and we're kind of just testing the waters, it's going to be way more exciting for them to be like, great, we will happily show you. You know, if they're interested, that's a way sexier encounter than sitting down with this couple who's like, oh, yeah. Oh, we're big shots.

We do this all the time, but we're not going to do anything. It's just kind of hide and be weird about it the whole time. You know, like, what's the vibe? It's better. You come in with like that, you know, openness and like willingness to learn and willingness to engage. As Dane said, you're going to get to one, learn things, but two, you're going to make connections and people are going to like understand if you do make a faux pa or whatever

and help you and it'll be sexy. You'll make friends. And most importantly, you will learn and become confident. if you come in and pretend you already know what you're doing, they're either going to see right through that and be like, these guys suck or they'll think you actually go places and do this toxic shit on the regular, and then they're not going to want you to come back.

And either one's pretty bad, right? So do things safely, do things responsibly. Do them cool. And with the point that you made about sort of like having these boundaries and having these like signals and stuff to indicate to your partner that you might not be feeling comfortable or whatever, if you let people know so again if say you meet a couple or a single person or whatever and you're just say hey we're new to this we have discussed our boundaries but we we do have a safe word in case

we get kind of weird or or whatever you can let them know and be like hey this is what this is going to be the thing maybe check in with us as well and again if this person is cool they will if they're kissing your wife might be like hey you all right great here's here's what I'm going to do next or here's what I would like to do are we cool? And then everyone either says yes or no and you move forward. You're going to have a way better time than if you go in, as now said, like half cocked, not discussed anything, don't have any sort of like boundary set or signal set or safe word set. And all of a sudden, everything is all weird and it's quagmire and you don't want to seem uncool and you don't want to ruin your wife's night. But you're also going to be fucking weird and like shitty about it afterwards. Yeah, because like you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of all these strangers at a sex party. Your wife's having fun. They're with. a partner, you just feel terrible. And it's like, if you don't have those avenues, that's just going to compound to get worse and worse and worse and you're going to have the worst night of your fucking life, right?

So it's like even if you discuss boundaries, which you should do before you go in, you just need to be ready for those to change, right? To get bigger, to get smaller, to get more specific. If you don't have those avenues of communication up, you're fucking set to fail. Yeah. I mean, like, I remember the first time I ever went to a sex club, I've never been big on group sex, mostly because, like, I'm not into dudes. So I feel like it might be weird to, like, be surrounded by dudes and not want to engage in them, which I know that plenty of people do.

But we were watching sort of like an orgy, I guess, is happening. And we were like, it does look kind of fun. And we would like to kind of like get in there. But we noticed that no one was wearing protection. And we were like, this doesn't seem like the time to have the conversation about right. Like it just didn't seem right to be like, hey, guys, can we jump on in here? also could we all put on condoms just to to make sure everything is cool.

Or even like the two of you going to be like, oh, like do we, do we not? Like it's the 10, 20 seconds you have to, to join isn't a proper like, you know. If someone grabbed my partner and was like going to be like, oh, hey, can we put up like like, yeah, it just seemed strange. So we were just like, you know what? We won't do this.

We will just sit back and enjoy having fun. But, but we, we won't engage in this. And then maybe if we wanted to, after the fact, approach some of the people afterwards and be like, hey, like if we wanted to jump in, what's the rule on protection? Or, you know, would you have just been like, well, we all know we all test regularly. So we know we wouldn't really want to include you. Yeah, that's the thing, right? Like they might have their own kind of like dedicated group there, which makes sense if they're all not using protection. So it's like they may not have wanted you guys to anyway, right? Yeah. Yeah. So it's it's all talking. It's all. communication. Just assume everyone has the same level of like knowledge as you and just ask questions. Because if they do have the same questions as you, you guys can figure it out together. And if they have more knowledge than you, they'll answer it. And it'll just be so much more fun than than trying to pretend like your hot shots or you know what you want or being weird. And the people you want to learn from are going to be the people who will be the most

open, honest, unashamed kind. They're the people that go. two sex parties like regularly and often in a healthy way. So if you find one of those, take you under your wing you'll feel fine in no time. Yeah. And time in place. Again. Right.

Like if someone's deep in the paint of an orgy, maybe now's not the time. Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. Then you click, click your fingers. If we wanted to get involved in something like this of our own, if we want, what do we do? What's the step one?

Like, yeah. Can you look at me? Can you look at me when I'm talking to you? I got a little quick one here from character. 1784. Is this guy single or taken? So I'm crushing on my coworker from different team for a while now. We have a good friendship. We play ping pong together and talk when free. When doing this for a while, I still do not know if he's single or taken. Last week he left early though. Others insisted him to stay and his friend replied saying his girlfriend is calling. Start following on Instagram two days

ago and he is also following me back. I put a story of me cycling and today he asked me details about it. When I said, why? Do you want to take your girlfriend there? He replied saying, no, not like that. One of his colleagues was there too. I always see him texting someone. I don't know whom. So I saw a name with heart emoji beside it and he was full on texting. But there was less response from the other end. Please help me understand this guy. Come on. No, dang. Okay, hold on. On one column, we got ping pong, right? That's really important. But he was also full on texting. Like not just texting. Yes. Full on. But they weren't really replying. Which as we know, might not mean that they're, you know, busy at that time.

does have a lot of ramifications. He was interested in her cycling, you know? But she did do a really sly, weird response to that, which was unclear. So, fuck, man, I'm stumped. Yeah. Really? If only there was a way. I mean, like, I don't even, someone was like, oh, his girlfriend is called.

Like, I, if someone said that to me, if, if, you know, I was hanging out with someone and I didn't really know that well, but their friends were like, oh, he has to go to go hang out with his girlfriend or, you know, his girlfriend needs him at home or whatever. Yeah. I wouldn't be like, huh, I wonder if you're all lying and making that up and maybe he doesn't actually have a girlfriend. Maybe I'll follow him on Instagram, this person that I regularly hang out with and talk to you sometimes.

Oh, he's following me back. Weird. Nobody would do that normally. He asked me about cycling. Hmm. What does it mean? Fucking ask him. Don't again.

Like, the only, the only, the only. The only reason I would not believe the like, oh, his girlfriends is if it was like someone fully like, if he was like, oh, I got to go and someone's like, is it your girlfriend? Like, and it was some kind of weird 17 year old joke. Right. That's the only like, you know, like, oh, hold on. I got a call. Oh, it's your girlfriend. Like if it was someone just being a fucking 17.

If there was a 17 year old in this office trying to rag on this guy. But also, there's a very simple way forward. And you just go, hey, like, are you seeing anybody? Or just like, oh, what did you get up to last night? If you talk to someone about their life, their partner will probably come up pretty quickly. But just ask if you if you still can't get to that granule of truth. I mean, I had someone recently at the bar, I think, kind of like. See, you don't even know if they were at the bar.

Life is so hard. What does it mean? Like, I think they were kind of like putting the moves on me. And I'm a naturally kind of like flirtatious, chatty person anyway. But like, that's also my job. like I'm meant to engage into people sitting at my bar. And then I was, I got the vibe and I was like, oh, I need to, I need to drop the old girlfriend line real quick before this gets unfair or weird or creepy or whatever.

And I'm like anyone who like if you start kind of like putting the moves on this dude, I would hope that at some point in time he would casually mention the fact that they have a girlfriend. But again, it's like if, as not said, if you talk to this dude enough about life, eventually, I assume it will be, you know, he'll mention them. And if he doesn't, that's fucking weird. This person's whole gambit was, why, do you want to take your girlfriend here?

Which is such a weird, aggressive response to someone like asking you about cycling, especially when you don't know whether they have a girlfriend or not. So it's like, I don't trust that this person's flirting is open and, you know, I imagine they're like, I looked at him. He's got to know. While we were working, we had to work. together. He's got to know. We played ping pong. He frequently emails me work memos. What does that

mean? Well, man, I was, I was at an event that it was like a Magong event thing. Um, but what I didn't realize was it was meant to be like a friendship mixer thing. So like, I went with my partner. They were like, we have to split you up, put you on different teams. You could like make new friends. I was like, I don't want to make new friends. I don't want to talk to strangers. And I was so awkward and unhappy. But then I was with these really cool people and it was great. Um, but like again similar thing where I was like these three people kept like talking to me and like we're like getting very like intense. I was like am I being weird? Like am I just assuming that because people are being friendly that they're like hitting on me because like you know the way sometimes

you can't you're not quite at the overt stage. But then at one point we're all dumb with our games and mingling and I was like oh, it's my partner. And then like all three of them just fucked off. I was like, okay. Well, thought I made friends. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty much what happened with this person out of the bar where I was just like, oh yeah, my girlfriend likes that as well. and they were like, down the drink, gone. I'll just get a shot

in my bill, please. Yeah. Okay. Well, but it was like, it was really funny to me because it was actually kind of like rude.

Like if I was talking to someone and they say they have a boyfriend and I was like flirting with them, I never was just like, um, even if I felt internally like, okay, well, I should,

you know, put my effort somewhere. I still would like continue the talk for at least a little bit just to not be a dick because it's like, yeah. If I like them, I like them for more than just the chance of maybe getting, you know,

a hundred percent. Like if you're flirting with someone, you should be enjoying the conversation and not just because they're hot or whatever especially if you're talking to me you're enjoying the hell out of that conversation keep talking about my podcast oh yeah

strangers love maybe that's why they ran away yeah I remember there was a night when we were out in our single night out days and like someone was like yeah I got a boyfriend and but like I don't remember what they did but they had a cool ass job and I was just like I just kept

ask some questions about their like crazy job And, like, we just, we ended, like, I didn't, I don't think I'd talk to, like, anyone else that night. But I was just like, this is fine because you're cool as fuck. And I had a great time like this. But this was a great conversation. That's also the mentality that will do well for you on nights out because it's genuine, right? It's like, if I'm engaging with you in a non-genuine fashion and then the second your, like, little box to tick isn't ticked, I'm fucking out. Like, people are going to sense that.

And it's not just going to be this conversation. So, yeah, that's going to do it for us today. And we love you. Thanks for swinging by. We are almost at the end of the year. Crazy. And that's pretty cool. I don't really have anything else to say about that.

We almost made it one more year, guys. We love you guys. Thanks for being here. As always, if you want to help us out, send us to a friend, post us, interact with our stuff. TikTok's being real weird. They're trying to silence your boys. Now it keeps trying to sneak dicks in like Tyler Durdon style. There's like one frame of his dick in all of our TikToks.

Yeah. So maybe go and watch and see, like, you know, keep watching. spot him. It's like where's Wally. If you can find his dick, yeah. And it is red and white striped. Yes, he has Christmifized all of it. Yeah, I don't know. They're trying to silence us. They're trying to censor us. So help us not

be censored by sharing our stuff and commenting and joining us on Patreon. So we get enough money to sue TikTok. So we can buy TikTok, well, TikTok, like Netflix bought HBO. Yeah, yeah. We can put them off. The merger. The big merger. And we'll call it Dick

Doc. Dick Doc. Dick Cock We love you guys You want ready for some bad Oh thank you Josh Eagle And Harvesties for the song Paper Stars Ready for some bad sex writing

Yeah Just be a quick one This is the quick red fox By John McDonald Her big breast bounced Very firmly under the denim Her classic nose was shiny I lost her when my horse

moved up from a canter Into a full run This is a man who I think is describing One of those like new sex dolls Yeah maybe Like one of those like You know meant to be like hyper realistic

Because like perfect nose shiny classic bouncing classic firm shiny does sound like what you click

one of the options that you click when you're getting it made if you were like ordering like a ceramic Rudolph or something you could be like I want classic

no shiny and also boobs bouncing firmly under denim that's my Rudolph give me that big titty reindeer my name is Day Miller

and I'm Nal Spain and we have been your fuck buddies Thank you.