F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Sam Raimi's Dating Advice

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

You idiots are hitting the gym, developing a personality, and trying new hobbies. I'm getting taken over by an evil alien slime. We are NOT the same. Topics include the reality of symbiote infection, how to stop being so good, lying about how you met, and are they an ex or a friend? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name's Dave Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into your sticky sexy situations. So close. Simply put, we find questions either online from our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here, right now, every Monday. And once a month, also secret bonus episode on Patreon that you can go get right now by joining our Patreon. Did I just say the same thing twice in that intro? No, you said you take them and turn them into your stick. You just added a your.

It was weird. I do. So everyone's problems. Hmm. I turn them into my sexual conquests. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's just something I'm trying out this summer.

Well, you know what we're going to try out this episode is how realistic is Peter Parker's transformation in Spider-Man 3? How to stop being so good. Girl I'm seeing wants me to lie to we're friends about how we met. An ex or a friend. Hmm. You're going to love this because this is. is the intersection of your two favorite things, Spider-Man and Seduction. This is by Vast Poetry 50.

And you might be thinking, Nile, why didn't you bring this last week when you kept talking about Spider-Man? I didn't plan on talking about Spider-Man. It just kind of happened, okay? And I didn't have this question prepped. And yeah, it would have been great. And yeah, I suck. I get it.

Yeah. How realistic is Peter Parker's transformation in Spider-Man 3? Would you want to go into this before? Do you want to guess what the question's about? I'm going to guess, like, his, like, shitty emo dancing down. the street one and not like any other cool part of Spider-Man. I've been thinking about Spider-Man 3. Wondering how much of Peter Parker's transformation reflects real life.

The game of the trilogy, he's portrayed as a shy, awkward, kind-hearted teenager with a long-time crush on MJ. He's intelligent but socially timid, often gets pushed around and struggles to get what he wants. Then he bonds with the black suit, Venom symbiote, his personality changes completely. It's far more confident, arrogant, selfish, and confrontational. During that period, he seems to get a lot of things he previously struggled with. He gets more attention, bags Gwen Stacey and Ms. Brandt and becomes much more assertive in his career and personal life. I know it's a movie. I'm not asking whether it's literally true. While I'm wondering is how much this reflects real life. People often say girls like bad boys and that nice guy's finished last. Was Peter actually becoming attractive

because he became more of an asshole or was it because he was more confident and assertive? This movie making a point about confidence rather than being a jerk or was there truth to the idea that people respond by it to someone who's less nice and more dominant. One thing I'd like to clarify, I'm not looking for moral advice about why being rude or treating people badly is wrong. I understand that. I'm just interested in the practical and psychological side of it.

Does this dynamic have any basis in real life? If it does, why? Imagine looking at arguably like one of the worst superhero movies. And this is coming from someone who loves Spider-Man. I almost walked out of Spider-Man 3, and I've only walked out of one movie in my entire life. It is King Kong. I walked out of the King Kong.

Yeah. Movie, which I was like, why is this movie never ending? It was, yeah. Like the, not like the skull. No, I don't remember. It was the older one, not the most recent one. Like the first new King Kong. No.

Dan hates the original King Kong? Either way. It was one of those things where like, I went with a friend and we were just like, this is so long and they're not even in New York yet. Anyway, Spider-Man 3 is a garbage movie and everyone knows this. Didn't Sam Ramey Spreemy. Specifically tank the movie? Specifically. So to get into the lore of Spider-Man 3,

Sam Ramey wanted to tease Venom in Spider-Man 3, and he wanted, I believe, the vulture to be the main villain in Spider-Man 3, Volture and Sandman, and then tease Venom and then do Venom in the fourth movie. Kind of like what the MCU does now, where like everything leads up to a thing, right? But because Venom is such a popular character, and especially at that point in time, Venom was like pretty big. the studio was like, no, you're doing Venom now.

We're doing the symbiote story now. We're doing the black suit now. And so Sam Ramey, be the piece of shit that he is. Or lovely, incredible filmmaker is like, cool. If you want to ruin the franchise, then I will help you. And then purposely out of spite made the movie terrible. Worst movie that how he got away with this, how no one was like, hey, I don't want to do this. How Toby McIre wasn't like, hey, Spider-Man is a beloved character and probably the best role I will ever have in my life.

Yeah. I don't want to disco dance down the streets of Manhattan. It's like an emo hair and like, yeah. Bad eyeliner. Yeah, look, I don't want to do that because this sucks. I don't know how it got made. It's crazy. It should never have happened.

And I will always complain about it. But the best part is somebody not even, again, it's not even I, my opinion is that it's bad. My opinion is that it's bad. And the opinion of the person that made it is that it's bad. So it's just on all sides, we agree that it's bad. And this person is like, I should take dating advice. from this scene. Not even that, but like, look at it and be like, this has any bearing on anything in the real world. You said it yourself, my guy, Peter goes to his transformation because he

bonds with an alien ooze. And you're like, hey, maybe I should act like I've bonded with an alien ooze. And if you, like, again, if you want to focus on, I know he doesn't want to talk like morality, but it's like, if you want to focus on what actually happens when Peter bonds with the symbiote, he becomes more aggressive. He becomes more violent. And sure, does he, like, attract Gwen Stacy, does he, whatever? But, like, he's in love with MJ. And what does he do with MJ?

Like, look at the relationship between Peter and MJ during this. He pushes her away because he becomes an asshole, it becomes someone who he isn't. So if you want to take anything away from the whole symbiote transformation is that the people that you most care about and most care about you will hate you for doing this. So, sure. Could you manipulate people who do? don't know you into thinking that you are confident? Yeah, for sure. But if that's not who you are, then the people who do like you aren't going to like you anymore. And the people who don't know

you might temporary like you until there's a crack in the armor. Maybe. Yeah. And that's the thing. There is, there is also like a certain, like if you want to talk about the fact that jerks can get women, there's still a certain way. You can't just be a straight up asshole. Like it still needs a certain level of finesse and tact and like knowing your limits and being just enough of an asshole. And like if you can't, if you have so many problems not being an asshole, I'm just going to guess that you're also going to have problems being an asshole because you don't have that balance. You don't have that tact. You don't have that social finesse that stops you from just being a super unpleasant person.

So it's like if you're going to put the time and effort in to make it work, why not do that while not being an asshole? Because either one I think is probably going to take some work for you. So don't be an asshole and then it's going to win all around. By all means, be more confident, but they are very distinct things. You can be confident and not an asshole. In fact, being an asshole usually speaks of a lack of confidence, right? Because you're trying to make up for something, right?

You're so bad at an insecure. Yeah, exactly. Right? Yeah. It is insane to pull this from, like, this is what you got. And I feel like this is one seduction's problem, but also I feel like dudes problems in general where they look at the result of something and they say, oh, this guy did this

and ended up dating a porn star, dating a supermodel, pulling all these hot women at bars, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But they don't like zoom out just a little bit to see the whole picture, which is sure, yeah, he might have been dating a supermodel,

but like, is that supermodel in love with him? Are those women that he is sleeping with on a nightly basis? Do they care about him? Is he happy? Is he fulfilled? Does he feel good about himself? Or has he racked with so much insecurity and is his life to shit? Symbiot energy.

Yeah, because he treats people poorly and he has no real connections. Like, that's the problem with all these. That's the point. Yeah. The movie wasn't he got symbiote. Hell yeah. The movie was, he got symbiote and it's bad. Like, yeah.

Like, literally the point of it. The extremes in which he goes to get rid of it. So, like, nobody goes to the gym and is like, hell yeah. I've worked out for a year. I've eaten better. I put myself on a diet. I've done strict training. And I've gotten into incredible shape.

I'm confident. I feel I, you know, I'm secure with myself. I'm happy with myself. I am now going to go through extreme lengths to ruin this because it's so good for me. Like, that's not how it works.

Usually when people do good things for themselves, they try very hard to maintain it. Whereas in Spider-Man 3, he literally brings himself up. to a bell tower rings it real loud while screaming. Yeah. Do you, that's, that's not happening. Just think about how much his ears hurt in that moment, right?

Think of the pain of his ears when that big bell rang. Yeah. Damn. And your selfishness is going to trickle down to the Eddie Brock's of the world. Yeah. And now it's his problem. And you don't have the more. He, you are like, oh, I understand.

I have the moral compass to know that this is bad. Eddie Brock, don't. Yeah. Eddie Brock don't. Now he's at him. And you're going to get your fucking whole series. He's cancelled. Yeah.

You're going to have to fight a sand monster who just wants to save his dying daughter. Yeah. Is that what you want? Is it? Do you want kids to die? Whoa. Cool. You hate healthcare and you love dead kids.

That's what I'm hearing from you. Yeah. Oh, next question. Yeah. Anyway, it's just, it's dumb. It's dumb to like look at it.

And again, I think this is the bigger picture of like, understand that all of this like machismo, all this fucking bullshit is hurting men. And it does not work. So don't. this is this is even just such a like a like farcical view of a confident man like it's so ridiculous like he's literally discoing in the street he's got this like his hair is this does he play an instrument or why i'm mixing him up with anchor i feel like at some point he does take someone's

instrument but i am also thinking that the jazz flint scene yeah i i think it might have also happened but like it's just so funny that this is such a joke of a scene commonly held by most people as absolutely ridiculous. And this person's like, but maybe. And if it does remember correctly, people aren't into it. Yeah, a lot of people down the street are like, ooh. I think the women on the street are repulsed by it during the scene. Like, I don't think people are throwing themselves at him.

And you're forgetting, the other thing is when Stacey is into Peter Parker prior to the Venom symbiote. So all it is like now, instead of focusing on MJ, Peter is now like playing the field. so he's giving people who are already attracted to him more attention. Yeah. That's the only difference. Yeah. Don't be it again.

Yeah, I hit me with the next question. Yeah, I will yell about Spider-Man and Spider-Man 3 in particular because Spider-Man 2 is just so good. This is from Rise of Art. How to stop being too good. Since I, a 29-year-old male, started dating again. I've consistently run into this issue. At some point, within a week or six months of dating someone, they pull away, stop putting an effort. And always, they say the reason of one of two things.

Either they say that it's because I treat them so good and perfectly and that they're not used to a healthy dynamic so they self-sabotage or that I'm so authentic and big-hearted that they realize they have to work on themselves more before dating. I like being a good partner, but I'm so tired of being told that I'm so perfect and no one has ever treated me as good as you have, only for that to be the reason I lose potential relationships. So has anyone had similar experience and what they do? And what would they do to clarify? Not asking how to be a bad partner. I just, it's very silver to the other guy. Just what can I do that would consider me being too good of a partner? Doesn't scare the lack or scare for lack of it or people off.

I genuinely had a crossroads. Hmm. See, this is weird because I do feel like that, oh, you're too good to me is like, or too good for me or whatever, is a polite way to let someone down. But if you're always just hearing that, there's got to be some truth in it. Like, it's not just an excuse, right? If it's always the same thing. My worry is that they're doing way too much, right?

A little lovebombie. A little overbearing, a little lovebombie, little intense, right? That's the only thing it could be. Unless, counterpoint, you're picking the most damaged people. And they're genuinely freaked out. Yeah. I mean, like, that is very much a, and we use damage in a loving way. We're not being judgmental.

or you know, the thing is, is like I've, I've, I've been through kind of this in a little bit in the sense of like when I'm in the early stages of dating someone, I treat people well and I invest in people, even if I know I want to stay casual, like I want to know how people's days are. I want to know, you know, we've talked about this before because we believe that being casual doesn't preclude being nice and kind and loving and whatever. And it is we how many people do get freaked out by that. A lot of the time, it's more of a, whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought we were being casual than it is a you're being too good.

I can't handle this. For what I've experienced, it's been that. And then you have the chat and usually it's fine. But there have definitely been people who've gotten freaked out over like being treated well. Yes. So like I understand like the, but I don't think the solution is to change who you are. If no. If you're doing a healthy level.

If you're, yes, I think you do need to do a self-reflection. Again, anytime there's a situation where people are saying the same thing to you over and over and over again, the first thing you need to do is a hard self-reflection and a hard look at yourself and what you're doing from their point of view. And also from your point of view, because sometimes we lie to ourselves, right? And we're like, yeah, I do normal things. And then really you're kind of being a little manipulative or you're kind of being a little desperate or you're kind of being a little whatever. right so look inward look outward but if yeah disparate people in different situations that don't know each other all giving you the same feedback there's something to it and that could be how you're acting or it could be the type of people you're meeting and date right um i think a really good question to ask

and this is something that i typically ask myself if i'm feeling a bit iffy about something particularly how someone is treating me or how i'm treating someone is i will ask like what what what do i want from this like what am i trying to achieve with this and would I do it if I wasn't trying to achieve that, right? So it's like if, if, for example, if I want to sleep with someone, I'm attracted to them. We're kind of peripheral and they ask me to come to an event that I'm not really interested in. I would ask myself, I'd be like, well, would I go to this event as a friend or am I only going to because I want to sleep with them? And then like, just things. And I'm not saying that necessarily a bad thing,

but it does get you in the mindset. Yeah. Yeah. You get in the mindset of being like, I'm specifically changing my behavior in order to try to sleep with this person. And that's good information to know, right? The same way that like, are you changing your behavior? Like, are you going out of your way to be like, I've learned their favorite chocolate bar and I know their favorite drink. So on date number two, I'm going to put together a little care package with everything. And the reason you're trying to do that is so that you seem nice. So that you show that you've been listening.

Because if that's the case, then like you are being manipulative. It might not be bad. It might be kind of like whatever, but or even if it's mostly good, it still can be a little bad, you know? Yeah. It's disingenuine in a little bit because you are trying to achieve something by doing behavior that you wouldn't normally do if you weren't trying to achieve that. Also, like, it can be. I know that's kind of heady, but it could be like suffocating and like almost like smarmy. If like they're just living their normal dating life and you're like, oh, hey, we went in this date and you don't have anything but I brought flowers and a bottle of wine and your favorite.

chocolate and oh you don't have anything it's fine it's like you're kind of making somebody feel bad right it's like saying oh we're not going to get presents and you get them a present you know so i would look and just they mentioned their family tree and you've like you memorize everyone so you know their brother like after her first date it's like you know the brother's name you know the sister's name you know all their jobs you know everything like you know what I mean and then all of a sudden it's like whoa why do you know all this yeah like hypothetically is it nice that you know about their family sure at that point to that level has it gone too far yes right like there are limits and there are levels. So Dane's making, Dane said that perfectly earlier. Don't change

yourself. Don't try to be worse. Don't try to be whatever. But do look and see if what you're doing is overbearing weird too much in genuine. Again, in terms of like you're aiming for a particular like outcome. And if it is, just maybe dial it back. Or are you always finding people who had like really, really traumatic relationships? Like are those the people you're bonding with? because that can happen. Like you can fall into patterns, but if that's the case, then all this niceness is also going to just come down

particularly, like, heavily on someone, which could be good, could be bad. But it's like if that's a pattern that you're noticing, maybe examine that too. Also, sometimes like, people are just weird too, right?

Like, people are just strange. Like, the amount of times that, you know, you and I both have dealt with it where it's, we make it very clear, our intentions, we're just looking for something casual. We're happy to see where it goes, but we're not actively

pursuing an exclusive relationship. And then two weeks later, it's someone's freaking out or spiraling or vice versa. You know, like they're lying about what they want so that to match up what you are. You're just like, you're just like, well, we could have avoided all of this mess is if you just believe me and if you told me the truth. Yeah. So, you know, some people are fucking weird. And also I've had people, again, not to humble brag, but like, be like, oh, I enjoy the sex that

we have too much, which means I'm not going to try to date anyone else. And therefore, I'm not going to find someone because you're not looking for someone. So therefore, I have to stop seeing you so I can start dating other people. And just like, and have bad sex. Okay. Yeah, it's like, okay. Because like, then that's what you need, girl. That's what you need.

I guess you'll find someone eventually who will date you, but the sex sucks or whatever the reason is. Like, cool. I guess you'll find someone that will treat you worse than me in this guy's scenario. Like, great. So, you know, some people, sometimes people just be strange. And if someone says this stuff as well, like, you could have a conversation in the moment. Again, hopefully you've looked inward and you know why you're doing the things that you're doing. But you could just be like, hey, like, I'm sorry.

Like was any particular thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, if they give you specifics and they kind of delve into it, maybe you could reassure them in the moment or maybe you can learn for next time what particularly is weird. But like, if someone's saying like you're too good to me, I don't think the answer is ever, I'll be worse. So I think there is an edit. Okay. Or like an addition. I feel like I have to clarify.

I'm told this after I'm the one who ends things after they push me away and then try to explain why they did so after. That's weird. I think it's different if you're the one that ended the relationship. I guess like they get distant. They push him away. They put guards up and then he's like,

all right, well, I guess that's it. You know what I think is too good. I think a problem here is, are you dating these people way too fast? Because I'll bet you are. I'll bet it's like very quick, like, will you be my partner and a very quick like love, again, love.

Bami kind of like being good, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, the second you're in a relationship. And I think a lot of people will say yes to a relationship that they don't necessarily want. And I think that's what's happening here. So I think maybe peripheral advice, slow it down, like see people a little bit more casually for a little bit longer. And maybe one, that won't give you the license to kind of like overdo it. And two, you'll get to actually know them more before you can both decide you actually want a relationship.

Because if you both decide after dating for a while that you both want a relationship and then all of a sudden they're weirded out by you being good to them. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I would also like to know how old you're dating. You're 29. You're closing in on 30. Are you dating like 19, 20, 21 year old who would be freaked out by an older person being, like you have more experience. You have sort of the power imbalance of age experience. So are you dating people who are younger than you and they're freaked out because they've only dealt with idiot teenagers and shit? You know, like are you skipping, like, they don't have a chance to sort of like figure out who they are in a relationship outside of high school or college. And you as a full grown adult being like, hello, I'm a

adjusted person who treats people well. Or are you really just trying to lock it down with people younger than you and as a result are kind of slamming the shackles shut once they're in a relationship with you? Like, are you really just trying to like, there's something off here and it's probably you. Yeah. That's the thing. I would say the odds of you finding these people who have so much like trauma that somebody being good to them is overbearing, I think are low. I think it's possible, but I think the majority case rules here, in which case, you're doing something. So I would look inward.

I would make sure you're not moving too fast in terms of dating, in terms of like, just it's you. You got to take a breath. Speaking of taking a breath, we're going to take a quick break. We will be right back. We have returned. Hello. Yeah, we walked up and down the street, disco dancing, and it went great.

I take back everything I said in the first question. We just got a million new listeners. And a million dollars. Everyone of those listeners gave us a dollar. And we both have a date with Gwen Stacy next week. And we're both going to turn her down because our eyeliner is so thick. Yeah. Because we're you.

It's true. I'm trying to remember who was Gwen Stacy in that one. Was it a little of banks? Does he finally hook up with the neighbor when he's fandom? I don't think he hooks up with her, but he like flirts with her. He's sexually suggestive with her, I believe. She's too good for him. I think it is Elizabeth Banks, maybe.

I don't know. I know it's Emma Stone in the Andrew Garfield once. We never got to MJ in the Andrew Garfield movies. Bryce Dallas Howard? Oh, it is Bryce Dallas Howard, yes. Yeah, I didn't look it up. I know actors. Are you ready for another question?

Yes. This is by Escape Training 1517. Girl I'm seeing wants me to lie to her friends about how we met. 29. I've been seeing a 27-year-old female for a few weeks. We met in a dating app and I've gone out four times. Everything's been pretty easy so far and are starting to think it could actually go

somewhere. She invited me to a regular trivia night with her friends. Does I say regular trivier? Yeah, you said something crazy. Regular trivia night with her friends. I said yes, but then she told me that when I meet them, we should say we met while waiting in line to the coffee shop. Apparently her friends make fun of dating apps. She already told them she deleted them months ago. Plus, she was joking, but she gave me a whole version of the story, including which coffee shop that supposedly happened at. It says it's harmless and she just doesn't want them making comments all night. I don't care if her friends know we met online, but being introduced them for the first time while helping her maintain a made-up story feels weird.

Is it something small I should go along with, or is it fair to tell her I'm not comfortable lying before I've even met these people? I'm torn on this because call me Natalie and Bruglia. I will, Natalie, in Bruglia? Here's my thought. I don't think it matters, right? Like, who cares? On the same side.

The lying doesn't matter? Yeah, I don't think. Like, if someone wants to, like, hide where they met, I don't give a fun. I really don't. Now, on the other side, I also don't think it matters. So it's weird that you care, right? Like, I'm of two minds of being like, I don't like lying about. I kind of agree, right?

Yeah. But I think, I think I'm not torn because I think like not, like meeting on a dating site matters far less than lying. Like, I don't really think it matters. Like, but it matters so much less that it almost by contrast makes the lying matter. It's also, to me, it's kind of embarrassing and lame and stupid. We don't know how weird. And lame their friends are. But that's a reflection of you too, right?

That's the thing. It's like either you're so weird, lame and cringe or your friends are so weird, lame and cringe. Either way, do I want to be in this relationship? Probably not. Yeah, that's true. Here's my hang up on it. I don't like life.

I don't like telling stories and shit like that, right? So I'm worried that if we start dating and I'm around these people more, that I'm going to just casually mention the truth. Right? So the idea, the stress, the anxiety I would have. have every time around these people of maintaining the cover story. What if I forget the name of the coffee shop? What if like, you're asking me to construct a false. I'm also a, you know, writer and creative person. So like the, I don't want to fuck with my brain chemistry to not

remember how we actually met, right? Like, the more I tell a lie, the more I will like sort of intercept myself into thinking that like maybe. Now you've got a new favorite coffee shop, but you've never been there. Yeah. It's, that's what I'm saying. It's like, what if we go to the coffee shop with a friend? I'm like, like, oh, this is a cool spot. And they're like, well, this is where you met. I'm like, uh, fuck. Right.

So like, it, it's kind of hard meeting someone's friends for the first time, right? Especially if you care about them and you want your relationship to go forward. Right. So that's already a high stress important meeting. And now you're sullying it by lying. You're not going to be at your best if you have to come up with this fake story and lie and bullshit. Probably not going to have fun.

Maybe they're going to think you're weird because you're probably going to be being weird because you're fucking lying. Like, it's not. great and then as Dane said when does it end also if if your partner is the kind of person to come up with a full ass fake details included story for their friends now it also their friends should they like exactly one like them and two trust them and be their their people they're not their people yeah look i mean i don't think i could be friends with people who are like dating apps are dumb so but such a sad take and like are they all coupled up and they're just bullying their one single friend i bet these are like

High school sweethearts that never went on the apps. Also lame. Yeah. But I hate these people. It's the onus is on her to be like, hey, I really like this guy. We met on an app. Can you not be fucking weird about it? I know you want like tease me for sure.

I don't give a shit. But like don't be weird with him because he didn't do. You know what I mean? Like she's clearly been lying about this guy to this point as well. That's, I mean, like the stress of like if they ask any details, any questions. I don't know how much you've told. Right. I don't know how much you were we reading a book. What did we bond over? Like now all of a sudden, I have to ask all these questions to sort my story out. And the second, we go off script and they ask me something I haven't prepared. I'm going to have to either make something up or give the, the fucking grift away and look at you for like a whole, like, yeah, babe, I don't remember what I was reading that day. I don't remember what I was wearing that day. Well, that was the book I had in my other hand. I'm an ambi reader. Shit. I was, I was dual wielding books. I was dual wielding books. It looks far, yeah.

It's so dumb. It's so dumb. It's so bad. No one's going to enjoy this. And it, again, this is over the least important thing ever. And if it is important, her friends fucking suck. Like, who's out here mocking dating apps? They're so ubiquitous.

Yeah, in 2026. 2026? Well, people are dating apps? Are you fucked? Yeah. Again, somebody. Someone here is terrible. It's either her or it's them.

I think. Maybe everybody. forward is exactly what you said, right? Like this idea of being like, hey, I don't really want my first interactions with your friends to be a lie. That's a lot of stress for me. And it kind of like sets the tone of both our relationship and me interacting with your friends. It's like now I'm the liar. Right. Now, now we've lied. And our whole foundation is is built on a swamp of lies. And that sucks. I don't want to do that. And if she is like, well, I don't want to be mocked.

Then maybe, maybe you just kind of get a glimpse of like who this person really is. Right. Because like those four dates, it's just them trying to be on the best behavior. Now you're starting to see the behind the curve. This is the first peak. And it's, there's something so weird going on here, right? Because either she cannot take a joke. And her friends made a comment once about.

But also, wait, she's still lying to her friends. Because she lied about deleting the dating apps. Like, it's just weird. Why are you hanging out with these people you have to lie to? Yeah. Oh, it's bad. It's bad. And you know what?

Have you ever had to do anything like this? I think me and someone did lie about where we met, but to be scamps and not to be, like, misleading. Like, there was no genuine intention to hide where we met. We just thought it would be fun. It was just funny. And that's different. Yeah. I was one spouty called late night, probably like one, 1.30.

I was out. They were out. And it was a girl I've been shanked. on Tinder had never met up. She was very attractive and she was like, hey, you want to come? Were me and my friends? I believe they were down at the rhino. And I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah. So I'm on the way there. And, you know, five minutes out, she messed from me being like, hey, by the way, it's a birthday party. All my friends are here. My brother's here. You have to lie and say that like we met on holidays. Like, you're my friend from Germany. We didn't meet on a dating

app. And I was like pretty drunk. And also this wasn't a thing that was going to be serious in my eyes. So I was like, whatever. I can fucking pretend they met someone in Germany. Like, I don't give a shit. Still wasn't good. But then when I got there, the vibes were so weird.

Everyone was weird. She was weird. And I was like, yeah, I think this was the very first indicator that everything was going to be fucking weird was when you were like, you have to lie. So it's just not a good scene.

I don't recommend it. That went nowhere. Also, look, a lot of people are bad liars, right? So the likelihood that her brother and her friends didn't know that she was on Tinder. Hey, let me tell you, judging by her brother's very aggressive energy, he knew something was up. Yeah, right?

Like he, like most people, sorry, this drunk Irish man arrives just about last call that you've invited. He knows he's going to fuck your sister. And that's why he's unhappy. Like, no one was unaware as to what was happening here. Also, meeting in German, anyway, anyway, yeah, it's bad. It's, it's dumb. It's dumb to lie about things, especially as non. important about this, right?

Like, who cares? Who cares? And again, I think you should say exactly what you said in this post. Explain to her that you don't want to start a relationship off lying and it makes you feel uncomfortable. And if she's like, well, lying's a part of who we are. Yeah, right. Then maybe it's time to move on.

Because as Nell said, where does it stop? Where does the domino's stop? Because all of a sudden, you're four years into this relationship and you're like, okay, we're going over to Carols for a barbecue. but we didn't go to her birthday party because we said we were going to the Dominican, but we didn't go to the Dominican. And then it's just a it's a whole fucking towering card tower of just one wrong move and it all comes crumbling down to no importance.

Yeah. Right? It's like, oh, it all, it's all come down to we met on Hinge. Yeah, like everybody. Okay. People get so weird about it and it's just embarrassing. Stop. If you went on dating app, you're fine.

Guess what? I met my partner and a dating app and it was rad. I met my partner on a dating app. Oh my God. It's almost like we live in the year 2026. I want you, if you are out there and you're listening to this, and you think that meeting someone on a dating app is cringe or dumb or lesser or whatever, just stop, stop it.

Take it from us who go through pages and pages and pages of dating questions. Yep. And genuine professionals, Nile Spain and Day Miller, by the way. Award winning professionals. Yeah. And you know you're professional. have to say it yeah just chill because it doesn't matter hey if you didn't have to find you go on the the apps to find your partner that kicks ass congratulations you know what it doesn't make you any better

no it doesn't it really doesn't and if that's your thing if you're like ha ha i win because no you're sad i'm sorry by all means meet them that's fine but if you if it's your thing if that's like a part of your personality now i'm sorry and if it's a if it's a like pro column in your relationship you're the cringe one sorry that's cringier if someone was like and we didn't have to use a dating app as opposed to someone was like, yeah, we met on Bumble. I would be like, you're weird, you're fine. Yeah, exactly. Right?

Like, yeah. This is from, I realize I described this question terribly in the little teaser intro. I was so excited about Spider-Man. I didn't even listen. That's fair. This is from life lawlessness. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know why I keep putting so much stink on the fucking time.

Make this the stinkiest question. Brough, I just caught my girlfriend. doing something that has me really hurt and confused. It's 4 a.m. right now, and I can't sleep. I don't even know if I should, I should call it cheating, but she definitely lied to me. There was this guy I asked her about because something felt off. She told me she was her friend's ex, but I was confused because she was liking all posts and stuff.

When I brought it up, she reacted really quickly, brushed it off, which made me feel like something wasn't right. Fast forward to now. I looked through her phone because I couldn't shake the feeling. And I found out that every time she said she was hanging out with one of her female friends, It was actually this guy. They'd been going out together, calling, spending time together. I also found older pictures of them kissing and holding each other.

The thing that's messing with me the most is that she was telling me she was with her friend when she was actually with him. I don't know what to do or how I should confront her. I'm just hurt and confused right now. The worst part is we're currently out of town together. And I'm three hours away from home and with her right now. I'm supposed to be driving us back, but I haven't slept and my mind is racing. I'm stuck here trying to process everything and I don't know what my next move should be.

I felt like I was about to go into stand by Eminem towards the end there. I'm supposed to drive us back, but I haven't slept and my mind is racing. Doesn't that feel like a stand lyric? How old these photos? Like they were together before you guys like got together or it was last week while you guys were together. I'm assuming it was before. I'm guessing it was a prior to situation because if like he says, I don't know if I should call it cheating because if I found pictures of my girlfriend making out with someone, I would be like, that's true. cheating. Look, would I be okay with any of this? No, I would not be okay with this. Somebody lying,

saying they're out with one person when they're out with a different person, that person being someone they lied to me about who they are. I don't really know that I would care whether or not they were actually doing something physical at that point. It would be if for me. What's great now is that you get to go say, hi, I look through your phone, and then she's going to try to make the argument all about that. This is the thing that sucks. Like, I hate, I don't. I don't. I don't think you should ever go to someone's phone. I'll be very clear about that. The thing that sucks is you usually find some incriminating evidence. And then it's like, well, this sucks because now I'm privy to information that I have to admit I was shitty in order to get. And as you said,

like, the good thing is it doesn't matter, right? Because like, fuck it. It's, I don't think there's really a relationship worth salvaging here. And also what you found is too important to ignore anyway. So it's like, you just got to suck it up and take your. your digs and those digs are going to be like, you piece shit, you went through my stuff. And it's like, yeah,

it was bad. But guess what? What you've done is worse. So you're going to just have to try to bypass that bump in the road. And that bump is that you did a bad thing. But again, it's far worse what they have done. So.

Yeah, the alternative is you like stake her out and try to follow her and catch her in the act, which is that's how people get murdered. Right. That's how crimes of passion happen. And I don't recommend it. So I think, as now said,

I think you you take your fucking slap on the wrist for doing something. I don't think you should ever do. You invaded her privacy. But you did find damning evidence that she is being incredibly shitty to you. So it sucks. And I'm sure you're going to have an uphill battle kind of going. But I think you need to go into this knowing what your end goal is. Right.

If you just need to go in there and be like, hey, I know that this is what's happening and I'm not cool with it. I'm out. If you do for whatever reason want to salvage this. Yeah. I don't know that you should. Because like personally, I wouldn't. Yeah. Well, when you say, hey, you guys are hanging out, she'd be like, we didn't do anything.

Do you believe that? Like, all the rest is lies, but this one's not, right? The trust is so fucked that I don't know if I would ever trust that person again, which means I couldn't date them. Yeah. And the thing is, it's like, I think there are lies and there are lies, right? If she had lied about who the guy was and they were interacting and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I think her saying the guy was a friend's ex when it was actually her ex or someone she hooked up with, it's not great. but it's not damning, but like pretending to be with someone while being with somebody else, like that's a huge and like evil, shitty, active, like, purely just malicious lie.

There is no, like, gray area to that. There's nothing. It's just pure trying to get one over on you and being shit. Manipulation. It's shit. It would be for me, absolute deal breaker. Now, Dane, the real question here, do you tell her pre post or during drive? Yeah, man, I think, Look, I don't know. I would hope that I would have the willpower to give her sort of the silent treatment and drive us home and then have this conversation. I don't know that that's possible. I think.

Or would I have a really shitty reaction and be like, hey, I'm driving. You can call buddy to come get you because you're obviously very keen on spending time with him. And a three hour drive is a great way to spend time with him. I'm going home. This is your problem now. Peace. And like, look, that's not the best option, but I, well, it might be. Is it a very kind option?

No, but the thing is, look, if you drive home without talking about this, no way you're not being weird in which point she's going to be like, what's going on? What's going on? Like, well, you probably have the argument midway through. That's how cars get crashed when people die, right? Also, if you're distracted and upset on your driving and you haven't talked about it. If you do talk about it and then you got to get in the car, especially after you just broke up, that fucking sucks.

That's how you start like, you know, you're fighting or fighting. then like you start driving faster and faster and she's like Steven you have to slow down and you're like don't tell me what to do and then you drive off like a fucking cliff and then we have to wait till next season to find out you're both magically unharmed but now it's basketball time that you're haunting the highway yes yes depending with like a hook hand or something yeah yeah yeah do you have a hook hand

that's actually really important before we do you know if you have a hook hand right now yeah are you a spider man villain yeah uh you know what maybe it is time to just dump her leather find her own way home i don't know Is it the nicest thing you can do? No, but your options aren't great here. Yeah, I mean, like, that's it, right? You either fight in the car, don't fight in the car, but feel real fucking weird and shitty and like be distracted and whatever and risk your and her safety driving without sleep and upset and blah, blah, blah. Like, I think, yeah, I think you in the morning have a real hard conversation. You get yourself another hotel or motel or

wherever you're saying. The only thing I would say is, if there isn't a way for her to safely get home. Yeah. Then, yeah. Yeah. If this is like a major city and there's a bus line from there, yeah, fine. If you're in the middle of nowhere, like, you may feel shitty. It may be a bad situation.

It's never an excuse to actually like have somebody be in peril or danger or hurt, right? Does that mean you have to bend over backwards to accommodate someone who's been fucking over? No. If she can get home from that place, fine. Let her. Yeah. Drive her to the nearest bus stop and get out in a populated area.

Again, we're not trying to get anyone killed by a hook hand, man. No. Ready for one more? even though this one's long. Sure. I'm just going to blow through it, right? Okay. Actually, you know what?

Maybe this will count as bad text, right? And we'll see. I sent him a historical handmade condom on a handwritten note. Would you assume I was interested? It's by naive fix 73-4. Curious how other people interpret this conversation. For eight months, I have known a man,

61-year-old male, through our shared academic professional field. She is 34. We see each other every month or two at conferences and similar events, exchanged fairly long emails, about 80 since mid-December. I have a playful dynamic.

At first, our emails were most about history, culture, and society. By spring, they had shifted towards sex in history, sex and culture, and sex in society. We tease each other, enjoy intellectual discussions, and usually end up talking one-on-one when we meet. When we meet, he tends to initiate light physical contact. I have quite a crush on him. A few weeks ago, I heard from one of his colleagues that he had apparently mocked one particular object in a museum exhibition I curated, a historical condom made from sheep intestine. I was genuinely a little hurt by that.

Instead of confronting him directly, I mailed a small package. It contained the sheep intestine condom I've made myself, a short article from the 1930s explaining these condoms were historically real and handwritten note. Note acknowledged what I'd heard, said or sending him the condom for his personal use, research, or reconciliation. Quoted one of his own sayings back to him and ended with the sentence, the most interesting relationships often begin with mutual distrust. Instead of signing it with best wishes or anything similarly neutral, I ended it with cheek kiss.

For context, in my culture, this is not something people normally write to colleagues or casual male friends. more intimate, although obviously not as explicit as saying, I love you, or directly confessing romantic feelings. My attention was communicate romantic and sexual interest without explicitly saying so. The question is, if you'd been the recipient, would you have understood this what I was trying to communicate, or could you still reasonably have interpreted as unusually eccentric, but platonic gesture?

This is, I need to know way more about who you are as a person to answer this question. I think we know all we need to know. Yeah, like, I think it seems very obvious that the two of you are flirty, flirty, and that's cool. I think this is a weird gift, but I actually also think it's kind of cool, right? Like, I think it's, I think where I get weirded out is your saying of like for your own personal use or whatever of a sheepskin condom. That to me is strange. But I think it is kind of funny to be like, all strange, man. Like, yeah, but I mean, like, they're fucking weird academics.

What else do they got going on for? It's, look, and if this was written into a rom-com, it could have been made cute. If I got this, I would think you're pissed at me. Because you literally say, I heard you shit-talked me. This could be reconciliation. So I think, I would think you're annoyed. This is what I would think, when I got this letter, I wouldn't think, is she trying to fuck? I would think, uh-oh.

It says cheek kiss. Cheek-kiss, the most sexual of kisses. Also, no one writes that. I assume it's a translation or something, but like, cheek-kiss. That's so I could decide all my professional emails. It is cute as hell, but I just don't, I've never seen it. Yeah, but like, I would think a reasonable person would take that you are annoyed by this and not be like... But she was annoyed.

Okay, that's fine. But why would you take this as I want to fuck? I get flirty undertones from this. I certainly think that this would, I don't think I would get that like, oh, I've irreparably damaged this fun little thing. I don't think irreparably damaged, but I don't think I would read this and go, ooh, I think I read this and go, oh, shit. I kind of fucked up, but she's a little annoyed. No, I think, I mean, I think the, uh, I think Cheek Kiss would do it. for me. I think she kiss would... You're so weird. Yeah, I don't think I would, I would be worried that she

hates me or that she's like annoyed to the point of undoing any sort of... I'm not saying, dang, look out of fucking listen to me. I'm not saying it's undoing anything. But it's not progressing anything. It's at the very least a, I'm upset, roadblock, period. Like, this is a stop. This is a cessation of, in my opinion, if I got a letter from someone being like, I heard you should talk my thing, distrust, like they mentioned distrust. They say it's for your own personal use or reconciliation. And education.

Yeah, but they're nerds. Education's always looming like a spectre. But education's sexy to them. Right? You have to look it through. You have to put yourself. I'm not an academic thing? You have to put yourself in a 61-year-old man's body

who's getting a condom from a 30-something-year-old woman. And he's going, oh, he's like, yeah. Hell yeah. I wish I get hit on this young. just paying attention to me. Yeah, and he's like, I wish I could hit on this young academic, but there's no way. Look, Ball's in your court, girl. This is a 61-year-old man in his field. He does not want to be kicked out of whatever university he's phoning it in that. If you want to flirt with him, there's a really easy way to do it. It's not this convoluted,

weird-ass shit. It's at a conference when you're sitting at a bar and he's drinking in scotch and you're having a martini you probably don't like. And you say the most interesting relationships begin with mutual distrust. What a wild fucking thing to say. to someone and in no way sex. But that's quoting him, right? No, she quoted him, but then also said that. That's not his quote? No, I quoted one of his own sayings back to them. I ended with the sentence, this. Hmm, I thought that was a core, like a, I quoted it. That's why I ended it with it. No, I don't believe so. It could be, but the way its phrase doesn't sound like it. It just, if someone was like, hey, our relationship, distrust, I'd be like, uh-oh. Someone's like, hey, this could be reconciliation.

Or like, for your own personally, it almost seems like, yeah, go jerk off in this fucking sheep. I just think, girl, if you're aiming for like, does he want to, does he know I want to fuck? You have missed the mark. I think you are correct in saying that this is the, probably one of the worst ways to do this. Thank you. I don't think it's a, I don't think it's a, I think it could work. I think there is a potential that with these weird old man who's, I shouldn't say 60 is, 60 is not that old. But, you know, like, I think.

Pretty old. I think there's a, hey, I'm, I'm closer to 60 than I am to 20 right now. So I think, no, no, I'm not. You're very bad at math, though. Yeah. I'm creeping close to that, though. Yeah, yeah. It's, so I'm trying to reconcile with age right now.

My relationship with age is distrust right now. I don't know. I get your point. I get how the average person would be like, the fuck is this? I do think that perhaps, based on their relationship prior and their nerdy, nerdiness that this could be a fun thing to mention like next time. I do think you need to, as now said, you need to follow up. Right.

Like you've, I feel like this is the set. The next time you see them, you have to fucking spike or. And nothing's happening. This isn't even the set. This is a, you took the ball off. You guys were playing and you took the ball off the pitch because you got upset. No, it's what it feels like. No.

A weird move, right? Like it's a weird like, oh, oh, this could, you could be, you could have just like launched that ball. off the court, but maybe last second, bang, it's a butterfly. Back over, right? I think what you should have done is when like,

I hear you shit talk to my condom. How about you come over? We'll see whether the old style or the new style works better. I mean, yes, the option of playing with the condom motif is, there is way better ways to do this. I agree. Instead of just being like,

I don't know, jerk off of it or maybe it'll make us friends again. Crazy girl. But I hope this weird, fucking nerdy-ass love story finds it's a good. I hope it works out. That's going to do it for us, friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us this week.

It means the world to us. Do you think he should talk to because he was young enough to have used one back in the day? So he really is first-hand experience. What? In the 1970s. 60s? 60s, right? Pretty old, man.

Almost the 70s. Pretty old. Yeah. I'm closer to 1970 then. We appreciate you. We love you. If you want to support us, please join our Patreon. on, you will get a shit ton of bonus episodes and most importantly, we'll be able to keep the lights on

on so me and Dane don't go poor. We don't have to beg for sheepskin condoms in the streets. And also thank you to the Sonar Network for having us on the network. Yeah. We don't say that enough. We don't really talk about that. I don't know if we've made an announcement about that. But we're on the Soar network. Yeah, I feel like we were waiting for like an official like. We did it. We have mentioned them. But you know what? No time better than the present. Thank you, Sonar. We are happy to be a part of the Sonar network. A lot of really cool shows on there. If you like us, maybe check some of them out. If you like some of those, maybe check us out. Although I don't know how you'd hear this. Yeah, I don't know how you'd be hearing this.

Checking us out. Yeah. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard States for a song, paper stars. Any ready for his bad sex, right? Yeah. After a few violent jolts, the train began to pick up speed, wheels clattered furiously on rails and the long-forgotten feeling of confusion and acute embarrassment took hold of her as her full, heavy breasts start to throb and burn under the man's fixed, uncontrollable, threatening gaze. Her arms, which she could have at least covered them with, simply refused to obey her. It's like she'd been specially selected, helpless to cover the shame of her exposure. As a consequence, she felt ever more vulnerable, ever more naked, ever more conscious of the fact that the more she yearned to conceal her

thrusting womanhood, the more drew attention to itself. Yeah, I feel that way about my thrusting manhood. You know what? I will say, first time I've ever heard thrusting womanhood. That was ours. Give it back. Yeah. Give that back. That's ours. That's literally all we can do with it. Yeah. I guess we could waggle it. Waggling manhood. We could flop it. Yeah, I guess we've got some verbs. Flopping's not as good. No.

It's flopping is certainly the least flattering, I think. I could probably come up with, with a less flattering, but. Squanching. Squanching a word? It is now. Gross. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Nal Spain.

And we've been your flop buddies.