F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Scrunch Your Nuts

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Last week we fixed your finances, this week we're getting your nuts SCRUNCHED. Topics include more than one way to incorrectly use social media, doing everything (including finger stuff), recovering from a bad experience.Support the show on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name is Dan Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. We find them either roaming the wiles of the internet or from your wonderful listener brains. And we answer them right here right now every Monday and once a month on Patreon. True. Hey, guess what? It's hot.

It's that time of the year where we complain about how hot it is in our respective recording locations. We did it. We found it. We finally got there. Everyone said we wouldn't do it. Everyone said we couldn't get there. And here we are proof. Boys of summer are back.

Proof that if you really believe in yourself, that you can accomplish anything, which is the same thing we've accomplished since 2018. Which is being alive with its warm. Yes. Not bad, though. Originally, when we started, it was, I feel like we're getting there, right? Like, when we first started, we were incredibly warm. Because we were in.

Just one closet, no space, no air, just heat. About like, I don't know, like eight by eight by four closet, two boys, and we are hot boys. Yeah. And I'm not just saying physical attractiveness. I'm talking my partner frequently talks about how much heat I just radiate, just existing. It's the pot energy. Yeah. If we didn't, we're like radiators that need to be like let siphoned off every now and then.

They're all still explode. If we didn't let this pot energy out every week, we. We would become walking thermonuclear bombs. It sucks because if we were bosses in like a robot-based game, we would have to like vent and expose our weak point after every like major attack. Well, that's why we chose podcasting instead of being super villains because we have to expose our weak vents. And that's not good for us. We would have to expose ourselves and let the heat out.

It just makes us vulnerable to counter attacks. Also, like, I mean, secure when you get to see my glowing parts, you know? Yeah, I hate what I have to show my glowing parts. It's just like just a big sort of neon sign being like, hey, hit my most vulnerable areas. Hit me in the worst. The worst part of me is hitable right now. Yeah.

Terrible. One day, but the thing is we are, you're right, we're getting better. We're getting progressively. Now we're in different rooms. So that's already, it's a big, big plus for us. But one day we'll be in somewhere with air conditioning that won't ruin the quality of the recording. And you can make that happen by joining our Patreon. I don't know how much money we need for that to happen,

but I do know it will cost money. So if at all possible, then you will have to listen to us do this bullshit. It'll be other bullshit. Don't get me wrong. We'll be like, oh, it's so comfortable in here. It's so cold. I feel so good.

This temperature is so perfect. Yeah. It would be like goalie locks of podcasters. Anyway, should we start the show? We probably should. This time I'm bringing a bevy of questions that are very social media based, such as stalked my gym crush on Instagram and it ended badly. Is there a way to improve my sexual performance or exercise?

Had insane chemistry with a girl on my flight, did not ask for her IG, found it later. Should I message her? Girlfriend says she's had a bad experience and needs time between us. Okay, this is by Los Angeles models. I stalked my gym crush on Instagram and it ended badly. So we go into the gym for one year now, but I don't have good genetics. I started from a very low point, so I'm like still a bit skinny fat, although it's much better than before. What the fuck is skinny fat

Skinny fat is like When you're when you're not like dumpy Like you're not overweight But you're not toned So like you So normal Normal A normal person

Okay perfect It's another way for the Beauty Complex To just really trample on you Mostly target men Men are I believe the main Because like a skinny fat For women is

They just call them fat They just It's fair yeah So wait is it better worse for men. I'm just saying skinny fat is the way to attack men with average bodies. That's the way that fat is used to attack women with average bodies. Yeah, with anybody. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Uh, though it's much better than before. Anyway, for the past month, I've changed my gym hours and like, I've noticed this girl. She's like super locked in. Anyways, we did lock eyes a few times.

So went on my gym's IG and looked through all the followers till I found her Instagram and added her. Thankfully, it only had about 100 followers. Also, I don't pull say anything on my Instagram. So she asked who I was, tanned with a stubble and early 20s. I described, I tried to describe myself physically. She was like, all happy. But then when she said I was so tall, I immediately realized she thought there was another guy at the gym who does share my physical

attributes, except he's like a whole head taller and much more muscular than me. So I realized that I just blocked her. And now fuck my life, because tomorrow I might see her again. What do I do? I like the idea that this man has just set this other dude up for absolute success. Worldwind romance. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what you were thinking was going to happen with an account that I assume is that little gray, like default profile.

That's not the move. Everything you did here is weird. And like, to explain it, like, surely you must know, having said this now out loud, like, writing out the sequence of events, do not realize that this is a weird thing to do. especially with like the added circumstances of being like, I'm a faceless empty Instagram account. That's what murderers do. What do you think is the worst part of this? Is it the empty account or is it the, oh, you're so tall, block?

Like maybe maybe you're tall to her, man. Maybe she knew who you were. I, the, it's hard to say. I think the blocking is the worst because there's literally no way to come back from this, right? you can't ever talk to this woman again because if she ever figures out, oh, wait, are you that guy who had a faceless Instagram account and then blocked me immediately after being the one who added me? Like, you can't ever talk to this person. No, no. You've gone the only, the only way out of this. And I mean just like the bare minimum is if you very swiftly unblock her before she realizes,

because what the fuck are you doing, dude? This is the worst. Blocking her? What are you doing? What is you doing? What does that gain you? The only way out of this, really, is the next time you see the other dude at the gym, you say loudly, even though you're not talking, you just go up while he's like filling his water bottle or like wiping down his bed. You walk over and you go and then you blocked her and you just go crazy, bro, crazy move and walk away. He'll have no idea what you're talking about. No, no, no, no. Instead, you say, why'd you block me? And then you make a big fuss and you storm off and you take the machine next to the girl.

And she goes, what was that? me like he added me on this weird faceless profile start describing himself to me in vivid terms and then when I said he was tall he blocked me yeah and then when she's like that's so weird me like whoa we've a lot in common don't we yeah we're both targets of crazy internet per yes mr musselty tall steve over there so weird wouldn't you want to be someone with with someone who's not weird yeah let's never let's never talk to him about let's never clarify what he did or why That would be giving him more attention. We need to set boundaries right now and say that we will never talk to this man ever.

If we do, it'll be nothing but politeness. It will not be to clarify what he did and why or to make sure it was, in fact, him who did it. We will pretend like that never happened. Because we both know it was him. He described himself perfectly. His physical description was spot on, especially his height. I would have a very hard time describing myself to. somebody else. Look, you and I both, we like we're white guys. Like if we're just someone didn't like

when they did the character selector at that the RPG of life, they just hit like race white. And then they were like class podcaster. And that was it. They didn't change anything. They just did the preset. They they did like type one, uh, face a yeah body skinny fat. Skiddy fat. Yeah. Uh, it's Like if I were to describe myself, I, there is, there is nothing exciting about my physical description. I wouldn't describe myself because I wouldn't want to talk to someone if I didn't have something else to describe. Like if I wasn't like, oh, I was the guy who was talking to you about, I don't know, fucking D&D at the water cooler the other day. Then they'd be like, oh yes, you, the person I've interacted with as opposed to, oh, wait, are you the guy who stares at me sometimes? Like, that's not good.

You've set yourself up for failure that you weren't able to say, oh, we had this chat. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. I mean, looking at someone at the gym, that is the only indicator you've shown that she has, quote, unquote, interest in you. And that is, she's, you've locked eyes a few times, which means you were probably staring at her. And she noticed and looked at you like awkwardly. That doesn't mean, unless, like, like, you. like there's a moment of like, you know, a little coy hair flip. Yeah, if it's really like,

oh damn, why does this never work on wanted to? Uh, yeah. It'd be, if it, if it, now's trying to do the zoom. It's, I'm not going to do it. It's an audio medium. It just would have been a good time for it. I like that you've scold yourself now. Yeah. Without me. Just imagine if it had zoomed in and I did real good, fuck me eyes, right? That would have been funny, right? It would have been good. Yeah. It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a simple. thing is like if you go to a bar and you're like oh she was really nice to me that's their job dude yeah there it is their job to be fun be engaging be involved and in like active chatting with you and being nice to you because they want your money yeah uh and also that's just

and not getting fired job yes and like you know and also yeah yeah there's there's infinite reasons why they are nice to you and they're all very sensible and we know them all and that's probably more likely than that they're super flirting with you but maybe are, but either way, you got to be fucking chill, in which case you were not in this instance. Yeah. You, if you're going to make the move of following people on Instagram to then shoot your shot, there's a whole laundry list of things you need to prepare. And one of them is have content on your Instagram. One of them is pictures. Yeah. Yeah. You cannot have an Instagram account that has no content and go around following women that you don't know and see in public spaces. That is weird.

It's so weird. Who gets mad at me for saying it? It is strange to have a little gray face because you don't have a profile picture and you have no posts and going around and hunting women down that you see in public spaces by knowing where they were. Like, do you not understand that that sounds weird being like, I know where this woman was at a specific time. So I'm going to go to that place's location or Instagram account and scroll through the followers of that location, hoping. that I can follow her to what, my dude? Yeah. Do what?

Do what? Also, it's like, oh, they only had 100, thankfully. That kind of makes it seem like you've done this when there was more than 100. And like, my bud, my dude, you, like, every part of this is bad. Because then you have a chat and it seems to be going somewhat well. The fact that they talks to you at all and then responded to you at all wild. You've been getting the way, you should have bought a lottery ticket that day. I don't know if it went well.

Starting with who are you. It went well in that like that's what he wanted is an interaction. And he got one. And the fact that it didn't start with either an immediate block. Like if someone followed me with a blank profile, I wouldn't say who are you. I'd be like, that's weird. And then I would move on with my life. I don't give a shit.

Like I, it wouldn't come up. So the fact that she did that. But then when he said something, was like, wait, which guy are you? Like, it's not great, but it's not terrible. Given what's happened, it's a miracle. And then you went and absolutely ruined up by blocking them like a crazy person. What are you doing? So step one, you need pictures on your fucking Instagram, right?

Step two. Especially if this is what you're doing. Yes. I don't condone what you're doing. Yes. I don't condone this action. But I also don't like, you know, if you have chats with someone, I think you do need to establish some sort of rapport before you just.

That was going to be my step three is you. need to talk to them in person so that you don't have to describe yourself because as proven, that's not very effective, right? Now I will say in sort of a defense of this man, I went to, I used to go to a boxing gym and there was a woman in my... Is it the one we both went to? Yeah. Yeah. And there was a woman in my class who was very cute And I liked looking at her. Said that like a real normal guy. Yeah, she was a cutie.

But like when I went to the gym, I was not, you know, we're all sweaty. We're all gross. I don't believe in hitting on people in the gym. We exchanged a few like pleasantries before or after a class, whatever. And I was also very keen on like not really muddying the waters of a place that I wanted to work out and be sort of like a safe place to be. Is another thing this person should have maybe taken account of, but whatever, continue. this was way back in the day too. So I can only imagine it's even more invasive than it was in terms of like my phone was like,

you're in a place and you follow the same gym and you're in the same place every week. So I'm going to suggest this person as a like thing. And I followed them from there and we, you know, we chatted and kind of flirted. But we both kind of at one point in time agreed. Yeah, like we don't really want to muddy things up. And if if one of us stops going or whatever, maybe we'll grab a drink. And I ran into her a bunch of times after that in in the wild and it was fine. But so like that I think is a kind of okay thing to do if like if if the the internet algorithm gods have kind of like served up someone to be like, hey, you might know this person.

Sure, maybe. But like, look, you. I have a question that's actually going to be very similar to this later. So we'll come back to this. But like I don't necessarily think the adding. of her is wrong. Even if you did do it a little stalkery, right? But I think you shouldn't have been adding them unless you had had interactions prior, right? Because I think that's the stalkery part. If you had found her and you guys have been chatting and you added her and she was like,

hey, I understand who it is because you have pictures. And I like this because we've talked. Like, that's a fucking different world. So that's the main fucking problem here. But I also think the fact that you got to where you were at and they were like, oh, you're so tall and you freaked out and block them. If she thought you were somebody else, why is that a bad thing? Like, why can't you come back from that? Why can't you then, when you meet them, be like, oh, you thought there was that guy, like, ha ha, ha. And I think that is such a key part of dating, is being chill and being like funny, being able to roll with the punches, being able to, like, not take everything so seriously. So it's like, if you met them at the gym or like, you talk to you were like, oh, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. Or even if you were just like, oh, no, I think you're thinking of that guy, I'm a little shorter, ha, ha, ha. Like, yeah. Those are ways to be chill. cool, funny, blah, blah, blah. Whereas now you've done a crazy thing. And the person is going to be scared of you. Something as simple is just like, oh, I'm not that tall. I'm only your actual height, right?

And like, if they get all weird about your height, then that is something that they're going to feel regardless of anything, right? Like, if they don't want to date someone who's 5,8, or only want to date someone over a six foot and you're not six foot, guess what? Them knowing that at any point in time doesn't change how they feel about that, right? So like for all you know, they were hoping it was you, right? Yeah.

Again, you have no idea. You could be tall to them. Yes. Right. Two, like this is just the worst way to handle that. Or they've only ever seen you like on the treadmill. So you look tall. Right.

You're on the stair master. Guess what? It's stairs. Yeah. It's a crazy move that you did. And I think at this point in time, you need to do two things. One, give it up. Stop.

Just don't do it anymore. Two, if you're going to make a move. move on someone and I you know I kind of respect you not making a move at the gym but I don't think it's for the reasons why I would commend I think it's because you were too scared to do it if you're gonna make a move on people online through this way you need to put a little bit of work even just a friendly hello even just like a you know have a good day or hold the door for them or something right like any sort of contact in in a way to be like I exist in real space and I've made contact with you

then like you know and I'm not a big freaky weird And then also you need fucking pictures. Yes. And the other thing is you also need to understand that this is a place that Jim specifically are a place that people go to feel secure to work out to, you know, fucking take their mind off, blow off some steam,

feel good, feel, you know, do a thing that is good for them. You run the risk of making that not true for them. Yes. So really think about how you're going to behave. Right.

Yes. Yeah. Like are you going to be super confident and comfortable going and working out when you know that she's there, are you going to start changing your schedules specifically so you don't run into her anymore? Like, that's all shitty behavior and sucks for everyone involved.

Yeah. Now you're wasting time, money, maybe not working out. You're always going to be skinny fat now. And now you've also like inadvertently fuck this dude over too because she's now going to think this guy's a creep. Right? Yeah, yeah.

Like, I don't know. This poor dude who's probably just doing his own shit, working out, being tall. And now she's going to be like, oh, this fucking weirdo. Like, and he's going to be like, why is she being so weird with me? Yeah, it's, it's just like, you've done a bad job and you've done a bad thing. And I, look, you can do better.

And we've told you how. So do it. This is from profile, Greg. Is there any way I can improve my sexual performance and or exercise? Anything from your personal experience would be greatly appreciated. Hello, I am male of 21 years of age. I have had many sexual experiences in my time. I've gone as far as oral, finger stuff and insertion.

but I still feel like I lack some in some areas. So I'm seeking advice from people with heavy experience, whom can be my mentor, as it were, and help me out. What I need help on exactly? I can ask, I can last a few rounds, but I'd like to know how I can prove that other than a lot of foreplay. I've done most positions, but is there more that I can consider? I've heard of exercise.

If you've only done most, there definitely are more. I've heard of exercises you can do, but I don't think that they are real at all. I've had like five girlfriends in my life who have been satisfied with me, but like I said, I still think there's need for improvement in some areas. I don't own any sex toys or anything else.

I didn't read that. I don't own any sex toys or anything else. My dick size is eight inches and I keep it shaved. Fuck is this question. Like, I can go multiple rounds. How do I? that except for four play. What are you talking about?

Improve. Improve that. He wants to improve it. You want to improve going for more than multiple rounds? What are you? I can last a few rounds, but I'd like to know how I can improve that. Like,

yeah, man. It feels very like the one guy who read the Kama Sutra and thought he was the best at sex, even though he's never had sex. The fact that I've had lots of sex, I've even done insertion and finger stuff. I'm like, okay, okay.

Sounds like you haven't had any sex. I have gone as far. as oral, finger stuff and insertion. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's it. That's pretty much it in terms of like, you know, you can get. If you want to get very broad, that's kind of the, the, those are basic things you can do. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just so much. I like the idea that you don't own anything. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's step one is maybe, you know. But like, I kind of respect like a non-capitalistic king, you know. Well, look, if you want to improve sex.

I would say furniture is kind of a bed, a couch, a counter, like things to surfaces in which to have sex upon, I think is going to really elevate your, because as of right now, you're just fucking on the floor. On the floor. No blankets, no pillows, nothing. Because you don't own them. Yeah. Well, maybe he borrows them, rents them even. How is he keeping his eight inch dick shaved if he doesn't own a razor? You don't want to know.

You do not want to know. and rip. Yeah, I, I genuinely want to answer this question, but I do not know what they're asking. What are the exercises you might? Like, Kegels? Yeah. I mean, like, there's the problem. They seem to say they can go multiple rounds.

Seems good. You got a big all eight eight inch dick. Great. Your partners are satisfied. Wonderful. Like, what is your problem? Yeah, it seems to me like you have the, the problem of sort of like the modern male of, I find that it's one of two ways, right?

Where most dudes feel like they're never good enough and always need to be doing more. And like no matter what they have and what they can do, it's not enough. And the insecurity is there. Or they don't care. And they don't put in any effort at all. Like that's kind of the two.

Which is making up a fake question just to brag. This is it. This is a humble brag question. Oh my God. I go so many rounds. I'm so much heavy experience. Like come at me with a real fucking problem and we'll talk. It's going to be the tagline of the show from now on.

If you want, look, here, let's give some experience from our, I would consider us two men with heavy sexual experience. We've had sex. I don't know if people know that. Hey, I've gone as far as insertion. It's true. I actually never told you this before, but I have dumb finger stuff. What? Yeah.

That's fucking crazy, dude. I know, man. That's crazy. My mom's not listening. Did I, have I mentioned this on? My mom, the other day I was talking to her on the, phone for Mother's Day and she was like, I started listening to your podcast. I was like, I wish you wouldn't. But she was talking about No Quest for the Wicked, which is, I was like,

okay, that's fine. You're not going to know anything of what's going on. I highly doubt you're not going to understand what's going or, you know, what's happening, but that's fine. That's way better than you listening to any episode of this. You know, we should do is we should craft one episode of fuck buddies. That's mom friendly. And I mean that in terms of like, it's just enough that they never want to listen again, but not enough that I do get ejected from my home so that they can listen, understand it, but then they will never search out more. Yeah. And we don't say like moist, oozy cunt or whatever we usually say. We don't say, like, drippy cum bags.

I mean, we probably say cum bags for sure. Drippy cum bags? I probably. Yeah. Okay. Some rapid fire experience, heavy experience questions or advice. Yeah. My big thing is your partner's satisfaction is paramount.

In terms of your satisfaction is also important. But if you focus on them and you really dial into what they are enjoying, you're going to last longer. You're going to get more repeat customers, as it were. People are going to want to keep sleeping with you. And your self-esteem is going to go up because nothing boosts your sexual self-esteem like someone unable to speak when you're done with them. You're also going to be head and shoulders above most other men out there, which is a sad fact. But for the people that give a shit, it's a good reality, unfortunately. I have a question about that, which we might not get to today.

Do you have any heavy experience question or any advice? I think it's like pretty much piggybacking off what you were saying is like you're saying your partners are satisfied. So what is it that you feel like you're lacking, right? My worry is that you're getting caught up in something like porny or something like, Like you feel like you're missing something just for the simple fact that you're not doing something like you saw on euphoria or on porn or whatever. Like if your partner's satisfied, they're satisfied. And if they're not, they're not. So it's like what do you feel is lacking?

Because going multiple rounds and doing weird mystical exercises are things that feel fictional and feel tryhardy. Whereas like if they're satisfied, you are good. So what are you looking for? Yes. And that's pretty much it. We believe in you. I don't know if I believe you. But give me a real.

question and I'll give you a real fucking answer. He needs to know how to be competitor at sex in every way. Also, he doesn't believe that the exercises are real. Well, it's weird because me and Dane actually have to go do those exercises right now, but we'll be back right after we don't scrunch our nuts.

And 21. Thousands. People don't know this, but the perfect number for nut scrunches is 21. A lot of people think, oh, keep it even. Keep it a round number. No.

Incorrect. Because the thing is the balls are all wed, already wound. Already wound. They're already wound. Yeah. You got to keep your balls guessing, right? If they,

if they know, oh, they're like, yeah, 20, 20 scrunches, yeah, I get it.

And then you throw that last one at them. Yeah. They explode. You know the way two wrongs make a right. Two round things like balls and a round number actually make a triangle and you don't want triangular balls. Don't want spiky balls. Are you ready for a next question?

I mentioned the balls were like a D4? That would be 10. Terrible. Sucks. Yeah, hit me. This is by Melodic Bug, 8596, had insane chemistry with a girl on my flight. Did not ask for IG, found it later.

Should I message her? On a flight today. Next to me sat a girl I found really attractive. She studied almost the whole flight. And when she finally took a break, I jokingly asked her something about her exam, and we started talking. The vibe was there.

We did not stop talking until we landed. The biggest mistake I made was not to ask for her numbers slash Instagram directly. I'll be frank. I felt uncomfortable asking her. her that knowing that everyone around us was able to hear us. That's on me. I know it's bad. After left the airplane went for passport control, I thought I meant ask her there, but I wasn't able to find her. Came back home and I was devastated. I didn't ask her. But I knew a couple things

that she said she did. She was part of a sports club. So I was able to find her Instagram. No FBI work here. I'm not a creep. I promise. They simply had an Instagram page and I looked for her name in the followers list. Do you guys think it would be creepy if I sent her a follow request? If not, what should be my opener? Okay. Look, this is, you've done the things that we told you earlier about being like, you have rapport, you have history, you seem to have vibed, you, you got along.

I don't necessarily think it's super bad. If you do follow her with a fake opener of being like, hey, I was really hoping to get your Instagram. And when I didn't, I was bummed, but Instagram, you know, suggested you. And, you know, I've never been happier for, surveillance state algorithm. Yes, yes.

That's what I was going to say. And look, is it a lie? Yes. Is it a harmful lie? No. The only trip up I see here is, did you really have that much report? Maybe really dial down and revisit was this woman who was forced to sit beside you? Really viable with you.

And if she was, if you think so, by all means, give her a little white lie that you found her. Her Instagram was suggested and make that surveillance state crack. and then just be normal and cool. Yeah. And it's a white lie. It's harmless. Here's where I stand.

I think they probably were viving because she had a, she had such an easy out of a conversation, right? She could be like, hey, really nice chatting with you. I have to get back to studying this exam is very important, right? She could have done that. And I don't think any, I think there's a very safe way getting out of it. I think it's a very polite way to get out of it. So I think.

What if she hated studying more than she hated this guy? Well, got a chance. Yeah, I think you have the office. opportunity here. Again, I don't love having to like scrounge around on the internet to find someone. It's weird that it was also pretty much the exact same way the other guy did it. Yeah. But I also don't think like, you know, she told you this piece of information herself, presumably. You know what I mean? Like it's not like you noticed that she had a background on her laptop of a sports team. And then you use that sports. You know what I mean? Like this is all like

Sherlock her. You didn't Moriarty her. You yeah you it's a look it's a little weird but it's it's one of those things where it's like if things go well in a couple years you could tell her the real truth and it's going to be cute if things don't go well you'll never get to tell her anyway which would be a little weirder if you had told her in that instance so i think once you yourself are not weird once you reach out and i'm trusting you on this right you're gonna not be weird okay that's fine that's fine Yeah. It's one of those things where if this works out and you guys get along and you're not a fucking weirdo, it's kind of a romantic story. If you are a fucking weirdo and you act poorly and treat her badly in terms of like, you know, if she says, oh, you know, I'm not really interested and you're like, well, you're a fat ugly bitch anyway, then you're a creep and you suck. Yeah. And I don't really think that the act of finding her is the deciding factor of whether or not you are a creep or it's cute. I think it really depends. on how you behave and how you act and how this goes, that decides that. And I feel strongly. With the caveat of you guys actually vibing, right? I'm also trusting you enough to know that to hope that

there wasn't like a really forced, strained, awkward conversation that you took poorly and now you found her, which is like, oh, but I'm trusting you on that too. So if it was a good chat and you have found this, I think a little white lie is fine, but you then have to continue to be cool. Yeah, because it is a way in which you find people, right? Like the amount of times that I've had my phone and Instagram suggest regulars from my bar to me. Like, it knows. Also, the amount of women that have shown up recently on my Instagram of people that I went on Tinder dates, like, like two relationships ago. Like when I was in my fucking 20s of just being like, I was like, I know that person.

I remember going on a date with them or hooking up with them or whatever. I was like, why are you showing them to me? now. I think it's like, Instagram's like, hey, hear the suggest to people. No,

what about fucking these guys? And at this point, it's like, what about these? A couple years ago, what about them? And you're like, like Instagram,

I don't give a fuck. Yeah, relax Instagram. Chill out. So yeah, it's okay for now, but we will yell at you if we get a question

about being stalked on an airplane. Yes. This is from, uh, power, a bunch of numbers. Girlfriend says she needs. time after a bad sexual experience between us, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Me, 23-year-old male, and my girlfriend, a 21-year-old female, had been together for about six months. A while ago, we tried to have sex for the first time, and I couldn't stay hard long enough to actually get it in. We eventually stopped trying, and honestly, never really spoke about it after that. After that happened, whenever I tried to initiate anything sexual, she would usually reject it. At first, I just assumed maybe the timing was bad, or I wasn't approaching it, right? One time, I tried being a bit more direct slash confident, and she flat out rejected me again, which started making me feel like maybe she just wasn't attracted to me. She could tell it was affecting me and eventually asked if we could have an open conversation

about it. She explained that her last sexual experience before me was really bad. And then after things didn't work out with us for the first time, she started seriously overthinking sex in general, now feels like she needs a bit of time to get over it mentally. Honestly, after you explained it, a lot of her behavior started making a lot more sense to me. The problem is, I now have no idea what I'm supposed to do. She's not really the type to initiate sex or bring the topic up herself. So now it feels like we both avoid the subject and completely, both physically and conversationally.

I don't want to pressure her or make her feel worse. But at the same time, I also don't know how long I'm supposed to leave things alone without taking or talking about it. I care a lot about her. And I'm trying to be understanding. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't affecting my confidence as well. Has anyone been in a situation like this poor? What's the right balance between giving someone space and avoiding the issue entirely? The space was more on the physical act than talking about it, right?

Like it seems to me more like I need space before we do it again, not I need space before we talk about it, right? Yeah, I guess he does say something along the like she's not typically the type to initiate sakes and bring the topic up herself. So I think, but it seemed to me almost like he's like, I'm trying to leave it alone, but I want to have clarification. And it's like feels to me like a chat could be an order. Like, because I don't know if you're being vague for the sake of the question or if you guys spoke in such vague terms. but it's like if you don't know what exactly happened with their previous partner or what exactly is upsetting them about this situation, it's going to be hard for you to move forward. So I think having a conversation being like, hey, I really appreciate that you opened up for me. Like, I'm sorry that things aren't going great for you, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Just being like, I would like to know, like what it is that's affecting you. And like, if there's anything I could do to help or, you know, if there's anything I could do going forward. And like, I know you need some time. That's totally fine. I'm willing to wait or help, but like, you know, when, like, will you bring it up when it's done? Or like, how do you like setting away for you guys to communicate when she is ready or making it clear that like the ball is in her court. So like when she's ready, she can let you know and that you won't be trying, you know, just so that like things are clear. Yeah.

And, you know, you can also bring up. You talk about how it's affecting your confidence. Like you can bring that up as well. Like I don't think it's not useful to have our conversation, especially. especially with someone who's like dealing with stuff to hide information. I don't think. And it might seem kind of dickish if she's depending on what the bad situation is to be like, well,

this is this is hurting my self-esteem. It's not like that, right? You have to approach it with compassion. You have to approach it with understanding that her problem might be way more serious and way more worthy of attention than yours. But that doesn't make things that you're dealing with insignificant. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. So I think it's worth being like, I want to bring this up because it's kind of fucking with my self-esteem. And the reason I'm bringing it up is because I care about you. And I want to take care of you. And I want to make sure that I do this correctly for you. But, you know, I also need to take care of my mental health and my, how I feel about the relationship.

And I want some clarification on whatever you need clarifying, right? And as now said, having that conversation where you lay out sort of how do you want me to proceed, right? that seems to what you're confused with. So ask it. Have that conversation. Be like, do you want us to just sort of be completely hands off when it comes to sexual stuff? Or, you know, I'm also very willing to, if you want to just do sensual stuff, right, like making out, cuddling. And I won't try to move things forward without your explicit.

Like, you will have to say, hey, let's try taking off our clothes. Hey, let's try. It's like, I'm willing to go that slow for you and that granular for you. Like, if that will help you, I want to help. you. And I promise that no matter how, you know, worked up or whatever I get, I won't try to move to another stage or elevate things to another, you know, category of intimacy without you being the one to, to initiate it, to verbally say you're okay with it. Because that might also be it, right? Like, she might not be really sure how it's going to work. And that's also fine. Right. Like, if you're

dealing with stuff, like, you might not know. Like, it's kind of like asking someone who has, like, the pressure, be like, when are you going to feel better? Yeah, yeah. Right? Like, depending on how bad this is, this might take months, years, who knows, right? And that might not be something that works for you as well. But also, it might be helpful to have a supportive, active partner in the process versus just a, I'm not going to bring it up, talk about it, touch her, and then I'm going to be like, look at my watch every day. Like, I don't think that is what she wants when she says she means space. And I also think, like, Dane, you bring up a really good point. Obviously, that could be something

really bad, but it also might not be something as bad in terms of like, if all that happened with you is that you couldn't maintain an erection, like, is that what she's freaking out about? Because then that also deserves a conversation because a lot of people take that to heart or or get very self-conscious about that or like almost like punish you for it. But like that's super unfair. And like maybe she just needs a little education on how dicks work. So it's like if that's the problem, it actually might be something actionable that could still be very upsetting for her, just be like a lack of knowledge or whatever, right? So like conversations, that's kind of why I brought up, like really communicating getting to the root of the issue, because if it is, like Dan said,

something way worse, your approach is going to be way different than if it is something like that where you actually might be able to like talk through it and like add your perspective, right? Where it could be so bad that it might need therapy or years of work, right? And I think you deserve to know, obviously if they're not willing to tell you stuff, that's fine. But like at least you'll have a better idea what kind of like court you're in. Yeah, because if she's like, oh, you know, it was a really bad thing and I have all this trauma and I have no idea when I'm going to be good and I don't know, you know, I don't know when I'm going to be able to process it. And like, I understand like you might be like, look, this might not work out then. Like I don't know

if necessarily this is a time to be in a relationship when you have all this work you need to do with intimacy. And I don't think that makes you a bad person. Do it with compassion, do it with understanding, really explain and be like, hey, look, I want you to feel better and I want you to heal and I want you to process. And I don't think you're going to be able to do that efficiently with someone, you know, no matter how nice you are about it, like kind of waiting around. Yeah. Right. There's an extra pressure when there's a ticking clock. Like if every morning you wake up, you're like, well, I'm still not ready. So here's another day we're not going to do anything. There's another day where he's not going to touch me. Like that's a whole extra can of worms on top of the

stuff that you're already dealing with. Yeah. And that's the thing. You shouldn't have to put your life or relationship goals on hold to help somebody out. Yeah. So if you want to by all means, but you have to do it very genuinely. And you also need to know what you're getting in for, which is why the communication part happens. But try to see if there's things you can do. Try to be maybe like an active help rather than just a passive. I don't know, we'll see if she gets over it by yourself. Because like that's not being a partner, is it? Right. Like you should shoulder to load together if you can. So have a chat. Bring it up. And this is a really good practice for you guys to be able to openly talk about sex versus it seems like you prior to this you've been kind of just ignoring things, right?

Yeah. You guys are young, right? Like early 20s. So this is a really good and sort of formative time in your life, especially in sort of like your sexual career of getting comfortable and confident about talking about things that suck and things that are difficult, things that are hard and things that like make you feel a little like bad about. yourself or each other. It's going to drastically improve your life, even if in the short term, it's kind of sad. Like if you guys have to break up or if you guys need to do certain things that aren't particularly fun or sexy, those might be challenges that you deal with now, but you'll see it pay off way more in the future, knowing that, oh, I can trust her and she can trust me.

And I know that like when things come up, we'll work through them together and we will come up with a plan as opposed to, as now said, just sitting back and being like, we'll see. I guess we'll wait and see. I guess we'll see what happens. Like, that's not a strategy that works for like, no. No. It's not being active. It's not being a partner.

You know, have a chat. Try to try to hammer home the details. All right. I'm going to take some time to thank Josh Eagle and the Harvard States for the songpaper stars because I've got a very long bad sex writing for you today. Okay. You might have seen it. It's, uh, it's been a little viral right now.

So I'm going to read it. because I hope you haven't seen it. And I want to get your experience of this beautiful piece of art. But we love you all. So please, if you love us also, join us on Patreon. Support us in other ways as well by sharing us, telling a friend, I don't know, telling someone to give us lots of money, making us a cool room to podcast in, reviewing us, commenting on posts.

You know, it all helps. And we appreciate everybody who does any part of it. So thank you very much. And thank you for being here for this episode. Get comfy, dang. Ready? As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized interfaces, and I would prefer them evolutionarily eradicated. It's the name of the post.

I like that? No. I'm a straight man. Bad start. I love women. I'm not closeted. I'm not trolling. I'm just done pretending that vaginas are these sacred, sexy temples of divine femininity.

They're not. They're a mess. Both in design and function. If evolution at any sense of symmetry, women would have ended up with penises and the world will be better. Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They hardly make any sense. There's no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic. Folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits, inconsistent shapes.

Compare it to the penis, sleek, functional, symmetrical. Flaccid are hard, it has a cohesive structure. Viginos look like they're trying to be secretive. The clitoris is great, so why is it buried? I like that this guy sounds like he's Brian Fellows, which is a deep cut S&L reference. But like, so it was Tracy Morgan and his whole thing was just like he, he was like a guy who loved animals but had no scientific training.

So he would literally be like, you know, why is that spiky pig looking at me? And it's like a porcupine or something. Like that's what this guy sounds like. If the clitor is so great, why it hit him? Why it hidden? Yeah. The main engine of female pleasure, which is the clodorus, is basically buried treasure with map prerequisite and terms conditions,

slash wall of text, you have to read to and agree. You need to spread folds, shift skin. Sometimes that's for direction. Women had small penises instead, like literally just the clip externalized, it makes so much more sense. Easy to find, stimulate, and please. No, we're pretending we all instinctively know the move. Looking at you, Helen. It would make mutual pleasure so much more straightforward than honest.

Who's Helen? Cool. But I should not need a PhD and female anatomy to deliver whatever she expects me to deliver. Then, speaking of health, vaginas are a high maintenance liability. I don't know who Helen is, presumably an X. I don't know why cats keep pretending like the vagina's low effort. It's an internal organ exposed to the outside. Constant discharge, blood once a month, pH balance issues, yeast infections,

bacterial vaginosis, UTI from having sex too rough or wiping the wrong direction. It's like maintaining a biohazard you can't even fully see. I just wash penis with soap. Done. If women had external genitalia, of medical aisle would be obsolete. Veggies are reasoned sex is less satisfying than should be. As straight man, I want to love vaginal sex, but it's unpredictable. Sometimes it's too tight. Sometimes there's no sensation. Sometimes the angle is wrong and it just hurts her. Meanwhile,

if both partners had penises, it'd be clear stimulation, shared mechanics, and direct communication. Sex would be more mutual instead of this asymmetrical guessing game, where one person is always hoping they did enough. Society would function differently and better at that, because a lot of toxic gender dynamics come from the invisibility of female desire. If women had visible arousal, like a literal bulge when turned on, people might actually take their sexuality seriously. No more she's playing hard to get. No more stigma around women initiating. If she's hard, she's horny. Simple, equal, transparent. That alone could kill half of patriarchy's sexual double standards. This guy has a dick. That's not how it works for men though, right? No one's going

around me like, look at my bulge. And there is a physical indication of women's arousal. My guy? Many. I mean, look, there's so much about this that's just so incorrect. I'm still going. Don't you worry. Oh, Christ. Why shame?

Women's clothes are designed all around hiding a secret. Pads, tampons, panty liners, or what it's called, they are all shame, silence. I just walk without having to pretend I'm shy of my anatomy. Imagine if women had external genitalia, there'd be no cultural obsession with tightness or virginity. No more locker room myths, just genital equality out in the open. No more euphemisms. No more taboo. Just body parts. Even porn would benefit. You ever notice how weird vaginas look in porn unless the ankle is just right?

It's often just some weird fleshy portal. Cammas trying to make a way to find it look like anything other than what it is. So a small feminine phallus would solve that. Final thought is, I'm not saying we scrap vaginas tomorrow. Well, that's good because we're going to need some time to wrap up to this. I'm saying if you remove emotion, social programming, and 200,000 years of conditioning, The vagina is badly optimized the interface, high maintenance, hard to navigate, visually chaotic. The penis, despite its own disadvantages, is a superior design.

If women had it streamlined, sensitive and functional, the world would be simpler, sex would be clearer, and culture would be more honest. This is not about being gay and secure our onto some shit. It's about seeing past the worship, calling out a flawed design when I see one. Is this imposed to God? Hey, hey, bro. Bad design. One star. You really fuck this one up, Jesus.

Give them dicks. I'm not gay. I just wish they all had dicks. I just wish every time I was having sex with a woman that they had a penis. But he does say a feminine penis. Yes. So there's that. I mean, like him being like, oh, you know, no more mystery.

Right. Because no one has ever wondered or made a rumor about a dude's dick. Never has happened. At no point in time is the size of a man's penis. Like, you, what do you mean? No one knows, like, the, the inconsistencies of a penis is a far greater than the inconsistencies of a vagina. I know vagina, whole right there, you don't know if a penis is going to be circumcised or uncircised. You don't know how big it is.

You don't know how wide it is. You don't know. Like, there's so many things that are different. There's nothing. It's a perfect interface. It's sleek, Dane. Why, you want chaos incarnate, a biohazard that's secretive? Look.

Hey, I will say I do agree with the idea that genitals are chaos incarnate. I'm all for that. But in the best way. In the best way. My name's Dave Miller. And I'm chaos incarnate. Have been your exterior feminine fallacies.