F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Sleepy Time Clit Sucker

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

If you saw me outside your home staring into your windows from the street... no, you didn't.  Topics include a drive-by creeping, an exciting new masturbation technique, channeling your inner Moody, and pity sex.

I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you and when I'm trusting I love. I put my trust in love. Hello friends. My name is Dane Miller. And my name is Nile Spain. And we're your fuck buddies.

We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situation and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either roaming the dark wiles of the internet or sent in by our delightful, bright listeners, and we answer them right here, right now, in your ears. I've changed my setup, and I feel so strange. And I know, like, visually, it probably doesn't look at it. Nile didn't even notice that I changed my setup.

Dan kept saying, like, I'm front and I was like. I'm a front boy now. I don't know what you're... For me, I feel like everything is different. Everything is wild and new. And I know that when I see the clips of these, it's going to look, there's going to be no difference. Yeah, mostly. The challenge will be, you have to fail.

Actually, it's going to be pretty obvious, which ones are which. This week, we're going to talk about, I drove by my situation's house late at night and he saw me. Oh, no. A dangerous new masturbation technique. How realistic is Californication? Is pity fucking a thing? This is by Snew Eagles 4252. I drove by my situation ship's house last night, late, and he saw me.

Last night when I was out with my sister, I got this random urge to drive by my situation's house. We live a good 30 minutes away from each other. We have this weird on and off history for the last five years. And we just started seeing each other again a month ago for the third time. He's very private and has never actually told me where he lives. I unfortunately know where he lives from my own research, loll. It was midnight, and he lives on a very quiet street. I stopped at the stop sign beside his building while I had my head turned out the window

staring at his unit. When I looked up, he was standing across the street with his dog going to the washroom. We made direct eye contact. I just drove off as fast as I could. I know he saw me, and I'm not sure if I should say something or leave it. Mind you, we don't talk unless we're making plans to hang out, and I leave it up to him to make the plans. He left me on red earlier that day, so I'm just super mortified.

Do I block him, never talk to him again? do I say something or do I just leave it all together? I know it's a super messed up situation. I definitely learned a good lesson and the advice is super helpful. There's so many weird things in this that isn't the fact that you drove by the house. I think that's the

least weird thing about all this. Which is bad because it's pretty fucking weird. I do like the way that it was phrased sounds like he was going to the bathroom with his dog. His dog's sitting there waiting for him and he's like scooting. Pissing in a bush.

first I like the phrase unfortunately from my own research I like as if it was an accident or as if like you you know typed in your password to open up your laptop and then just like pop up windows of personal information about this show you're in university you're like trying to do your research on your geography course and then oh no this research led me to uncovering his address and like you that's not easy to come across. I imagine, right? Either this man has a terrible on, maybe he was on the T app. Yeah. I, like,

I don't understand, like you, I mean, I hope the lesson that you are talking about learning is that you're crazy and that you need to bring it back. Like you need to, you need to bring it so back,

like so far back. But let me tell you, I don't think that's the lesson they learned. I, okay, one thing. I would love to know is like were you in the neighborhood 30 minutes away. I know, but she said she was driving with her sister.

So like maybe she was dropping her sister off somewhere and like the 30 minutes away is like I'm not usually in the neighborhood but I was this time because I was driving my sister. Like I couldn't get the vibe of that or was it just like I was already in the car and I thought I would just drive 30 minutes out of my way to look at like it would be one thing if your plan was to kind of get a sneaky hookup in

unannounced right which even then it's like you should announce right 100% still not cool to do but it just seems like your joel your your your like goal here was just have a little creep see the building because because if he wasn't even like the the odd scenario here is that he was he happened to be out of his building but otherwise pissing in the bush and the other thing is how do you know what unit he's in Yeah. Like, there's, there's so many worrying things in this question that it's really hard to focus on just one. So I'm going to try to like just go through them. It's weird that you've been on off again for five years and you don't know where this man lives. And they're not supposed to. No, yeah, man. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yes. You do know, but you've never been shown or told. You just stalked him until you found it out and are also currently stalking him. No, does it say he's, was there a point where like he's very private? Is that? Was that something that was said in the question?

I can't remember. Or like, he's very private, has never actually told me where he lives. Yeah. I mean, that's a red flag on his part, but continue down your list.

Or there are a lot more off again than they are on again. Because like five years is a long time. Yeah. So if you're on in any capacity for five years, like unless you've hooked up three times in five, because they said this is the third time. So if you've literally slept together three times in five, years. Yeah, you're not on and get off again. No, you're just off. Yeah. Um, so, like, God,

there's so much. It's so hard to, to focus on one thing. One, what are you doing? What are you hoping to achieve by just driving past and scope? Yeah, what was your goal? I assume your, your end game here was to just, I assume it was like, do I, am I catching him cheating? Do I see him with a girl? Like, I assume that's what it was. Because anything else, that's still bad, but anything else just gets more wild. But, okay, we're assuming that he's in an apartment building, right? Because she says building and unit. Yeah. So you would have to hope that this dude was right up against his window, unless he's

like on the main floor or second floor or something. Like curtains drawn. Well, maybe his move is like balcony beers or something. Like maybe that's how he. She wouldn't know. How would she know? He's never been there. Right?

It's such a good point. You have no idea what the orientation of the building is. So, like, that's why I don't think that it's a... You know they know exactly the orientation. Yeah, she's got the lay out of the... Yeah. That's the thing. Like, one, what are you hoping to achieve?

Because there's no good way. There's no goodness here. Especially because you're not meant to know where they live. Even if you knew where they live and you were just like, I'm going to drive by and take a look. That's the fact that you know the unit is wild to me, right? Like, because if I, I might know that, you know, for example, there's a woman at work who I've worked with for almost 10 years now.

I know what building she lives in, I could not tell you the unit, the floor, or like if I was standing outside the building, even like a general direction in which that apartment is. So the fact that you know that without ever having been to this place is crazy without being told as well. Because like I wouldn't be able to do that with our friend whose condo we've been to like. Yeah, yeah. I'm not actually sure where it is really from the outside of the building. been there a hundred times. I would be able to count the floors because I know what floor he's on, but like if you gave me like a 360 like spinnable model of the building and we're like, point into the general direction of his unit, I might be able to suss it out, but it would take a lot of fucking

thinking. Yeah. Also, like if you're basing this all off social media or whatever, I was trying to think like, what's the easiest way? And it's like, if they got an apartment and like selfieed outside of it being like brand new place and you saw the apartment number even then it would take so much work to to map that to the apartment so it's like don't unfortunately i know you put in work girl you you went way too far into figuring this out oh yeah like the only other alternative is that like you know one of

his friend like there's a friend group here and you did a lie and we're like hey i want to send steve something do you have his address and like that's it also too much still too much still too much. Too much in a different way. So it's wild that you know this. One, it's wild that you just decided to drive by, take a peek. That's crazy. It's wild that you described yourself as staring at his unit. Like, even you're telling me it's creepy. Yeah. When you're like, I stopped at the stop zone and stared at his unit. Like what, again, what was the plan? What were you thinking of doing? What were you trying to accomplish? Because I would like, that's the, that's the answer, right? Like, if you hit me with whatever you were trying to

to achieve on this drive-by, I think you would get your immediate answer as to like, like, because I can't imagine that the answer to that question is good. No, like, if it's like, oh, we're hoping we'd randomly bump into it. No, that's not it. Because you did bump into it and you gunned it.

Yeah, you drove away. Like any sort of, you know, noir-style detective movie where someone peeks out the window and then the, you know, the shady black van drives away immediately. Like, you look like you're committing crimes. And you kind of are because you've stalked this man. Yeah, true.

Like, none of this is reassuring. None of this is good. And like, I almost wanted to tell you how to win it back, but I genuinely don't think I should. Yeah. I don't think you can be trusted with this man. I mean this very seriously. I think you need to take a step back in whatever you're doing in your life because none of this behavior is healthy for you or for them.

And I think you need to reevaluate where you're at mentally. And I think we need to go back and touch on something you mentioned very briefly of being like, when you say on and off again, is this a situation where like are you guys just hooking up? Because that's one thing, right? Like if you guys just every couple months over the course of five years, you fuck for like two or three months and then you guys go your own separate ways. Or is it one of those things where it's like you guys hang out a lot. You go and do things. You go, you know, okay, cool. Or is it, as Nail said, you've hooked up three times over the course of five years?

Because language is important. And the way that you present your relationships with people is also important, right? So saying that you're on again, off again gives a very distinct vibe of your relationship with this person. And I think using that language can get him in trouble. It can get you in trouble. It can mislead people into a number of different things, right? Because if you say that to someone who he has been dating a little more seriously or a little more, you know, still non-exclusively, but all of a sudden you're on and off, but you've just hooked up the three times he's been single and he booty called you. Like that's, that's a much different vibe.

So I think you really need to figure that out because I think if that is the case, if you have only hooked up three times, I think we then go back to what Nile said earlier of being like, you need to take a step back. Yeah. because you are way too invested in this for what it actually is. And like if people like you don't want to be that person, it's like oh, that's crazy Sarah. She drives by, she stalks you,

finds your address, drives past and stares at your unit and then lies about your guy's relationship to other people. Like that's all like movie villain like it's all bad. It's all just so bad. And like it's not even one of those things where they're in the wrong if they say that

because you're doing the things. Yeah. And it's a dangerous reputation to have as well because of people who may want to take advantage of you for it. Right. Like, it's very easy to take advantage of someone who's going to get that attached or who has the reputation of being crazy, quote unquote, right? Because they could be like, they could do something to you, you know, something terrible or something bad. And then be like, no, she's lying about it. That's crazy. Sarah. I would never do that. She's making it up. She's making it up. of stalking people and lying about things. You're going to trust her over me. Yeah. So, and on the flip side, if what you are saying about your relationship is true and you have had some kind of seriousness and yet this person still won't let you know where they live, that's a red flag, just on his behalf.

And the answer to that red flag is not, oh, I stalked him and figured it out. It's you talk to them like a rational human being and you figure out why they won't let you into this part of their life. and then you figure out if that is a red flag for you or not. Because really, there's no reason not to unless you're lying, cheating, or, like, incredibly not involved with someone. And that's right. Like, if it is a true situation ship where this man is so far detached emotionally

and, you know, commitment wise to you, and he really is like, I'm going to go to your place so that I know I can leave and not have to stay over. I know you're not going to try to stay over. I know, you know what I mean? He'd just be like, I'm going to go. we're going to hook up and I'm going to be like I got to work in the morning bye then like I get that I understand that aspect of things but then again it's like I don't know if I would use the word situation ship or on again off again right like I think like you're just a booty call at that point and I don't mean that derogatorily and I don't mean that as a you know to diminish your worth as a human being that's just the nature of the relationship and it's on you to decide is that okay and if it is you don't stock the person and go to their home and if it isn't you just end the relationship or have a conversation or have a conversation and try to change it, but like, if that's what they're into, that's what they're into.

So you worry me and you need to, yeah, to take it back. What do you do? And I think you've worried him as well. Yeah, like, the only route out of this is like, did I see you pissing in the bush last night? And even then, that's a little weird because like, as you said, you gunned it in, you know, off. Like, you blew away. Like, there's no reason. Like, if you were genuinely bumping into them, I, you probably would have pulled over and

high, right? Or, like, honked at him. Yeah, or he has his little dog out. You're just going to gun it. Like, you, you did the guilty thing. You've, you would have to do so much casual explaining for every one of your crazy decisions that it would, it would not be believable, right? Because you'd have to be like, oh, I didn't see you.

You obviously did. Yeah. Then you'd have to be like, oh, I saw you, but then had to go pee. That's why I drove so fast. I saw you peeing in the bush and it made me remember I had to pee, which was a pity because I was stopped at this stop sign for about a minute. And that was really like to check. Yeah. There's there's so many like layers of things.

The only thing that I think you could get away with is being like I was dropping my friend off. I was, you know, driving home and I kind of like zoned out because I was tired because I was late. And then saw you and like and then just kind of like freaked out. Yeah, you were like, I didn't want you to think I was doing anything weird. So I drove away hoping you hadn't seen me. I'm sorry if that freaked you out. You know, like that's the only way. Don't give them help.

But yeah. But again, it's like, do you really want to like go down the super lie rabbit hole? I don't know. That's bad mojo in my opinion. That's more red flags that you're adding to the situation. You know what I mean? I just think like there's no point being in a relationship with this person when this is where you're at.

I mean, the lying, the weirdness, the stalking, like, you shouldn't progress this, mainly for their sake, but also for yours. So if they saw you and they got freaked out, leave it. Don't message him. Don't harass him. Don't show up on his fucking doorstep. Don't keep messaging him. Don't call him.

Don't spread light. Like, I'm so worried. I hope you're more chill than this all implies. So he doesn't recognize it. Tinted windows is key by an apartment on his floor. Also, remember, burrow through the wall. A rolling. stop. Don't actually stop. You don't want to make a look. Always have motion, motion. I've been

watching a lot of Veronica Mars. I don't think there's a way to claw up back. And I do think you should stop this. Yeah, 100%. Stop it right now. Um, do we have any positivity that we want to talk about real quick before we get into the next question? No, life is hell. Keep going. Um, I will, I will say some positivity. Um, I, a lot of my friends are flight attendants. And if you've been paying attention to Canadian news for whatever reason, the flight attendants of Air Canada are currently on strike. Well, I think the strike has ended now because they've reached a tentative deal. Yeah, yeah. But tentative deal, we don't know what the deal is because obviously we record this in the past.

We're hoping it's a good deal and it goes through and things work out because Air Canada suck. And the way they've been treating their employees is shitty. And on a larger scale, things like this that work out in favor of the employees is good for. everybody so yeah i mean that that's the that's the positivity aspect of this is like one it sucks that there was never a problem um if you're if you're unaware i'll give a brief rundown of sort of like the problem whereas flight attendants aren't paid unless the plane is in the air so all that time where you're sitting at the gate and waiting or sitting at at the end of a runway waiting to deplane uh all the safety checks all the the pre-boarding safety uh stuff all of the the customs and

going through all that travel time from hotel to airport, all that is unpaid. So they literally do not make any of their money until the plane is in the air and the second it touches down, they stop getting paid as well, despite the fact that there is still several hours of work to be done. So that is the, that was the main point of contention being like, we want to be paid for the job that we do and the work and the hours that we work. It is a completely sane and logical and justifiable position. Air candidate expected to just be able to legislate them back to work.

They made no effort to bargain. And I think there was a huge outpouring of support. I think this is probably the largest amount of support I've ever seen for a worker strike. Usually there are a bunch of assholes who are like, rather you just get another job there. If they don't like it, like there's, but this was one of those things where because of the nature of the complaint of being like, we work seven hours per shift where we don't get paid. Yeah. A lot of people were on their side from all sort of like demographics age, you know, it was, it was one of those things where I think that you're starting to see the tide shift and be like, no, fuck corporations actually.

Yes. And that was, that's, that's my positivity. It's born out of a shitty situation, but watching the solidarity. and just how badass the flight attendants all were of just being like they were ordered back to work and they were just like no actually we won't yeah fuck yeah i will say respect the hell out of that and i'm really optimistic and hopeful that this will one be a a step in the right direction for future like conflicts and two that they will get what they are owed which is you know fair working conditions yeah and i hope you know the the the end goal of all this is that corporations will now look at the power of the many like they can see that they're stupid because Air Canada tried so hard to spin this

Air Canada spent they they try We're sorry your flights are delayed It's not in our hands It fucking is actually guys They tried very hard to make everything seem like the flight attendant's fault Made it tried to make them seem like they were being unreasonable

But with the power of social media And the power of like just being able to Google Any of the things Yeah made it almost impossible for them to to shift the narrative because there are so many more it's one corporation versus you know tens of thousands of of individual workers who have receipts they can they can prove everything that they're saying and it it was very inspiring to see a lot of my friends on the picket line and pushing for this change so yeah it's

also nice to see the little guy win for once because lately it really feels like the everything so rigged against us and shitheads just keep winning over and over and over and over. Man, we're into negativity again. Well, let's keep it going. Yeah. With some more negativity.

If you're a flight attendant, we respect the hell out of view and congratulations. Yes, we love you. This is, I'm going to hit you with some sex writing or some bad, some sex news words. Oh, okay. Just while we're taking our break, I was going to wait until you finish your question.

Sure. We decided to jump into positivity. Yeah. Women with AI boyfriends mourn lost love after cold Chet GPT upgrade Uh-oh Is this more wireborn

People have you seen that No So people are calling their like AI partners Wireborn Kind of like dragon born It sucks because that's a pretty cool It's pretty cool

It's a pretty cool name It does make me realize That every like Cyberpunk Sci-fi dystopian thing It's just like Oh we're there Here we are boys

We made it What I love is like When you were like a kid and everyone is a fucking idiot in every zombie apocalypse movie and you're like this is so stupid no would ever do that and then of course we had COVID and we're like oh god

and now it's just like every step that we take is like hey this is the don't touch it box and the government's like boop boop boop and you're like okay cool just fucking put your hand in there I guess we're yeah we're absolutely fucked but

women were stunned when chat GPT was updated and felt like they lost loved ones. They wouldn't want to give their name, but there's a small and growing group of women who have AI boyfriends. And I guess basically when it updated, it like changed the way they talked and stuff. And now they all feel like someone swooped in and killed all their AI boyfriends. And it's just kind of wild.

Like all these stories of one, like people's mental decline, like based on like reliance on chat GPT, but also like delusions and like. It's just wild. It's weird that this is specifically girlfriends because, I mean, like, men are definitely have AI girlfriend, right? Like, I feel like probably a larger percentage as well. Like, um, so it's weird that the boy, the boyfriends aren't being sad about their wireborn girlfriends.

I imagine they are. I think it's just more noteworthy because like men having sad like online relationships isn't as notable as women doing it. I imagine in terms of like my wonder is like is it the is it the affectionate language being removed that women have noticed but the sort of like generate titties that's right like that's it like men aren't there for a simulated caring relationship they're just there for companionships like so like the fact that this this chatbot is still just answering them is enough for them which I would believe pretty quickly that that is the case.

Yeah. That was interesting. There's a whole lot of other stuff. It is super worrying that this is such a prevalent thing people are falling into, especially when like AI is just like, it's just a yes man. So it's like you're literally falling in love with like your reflection. Like it's not it doesn't add anything. It literally just goes, oh, you like this thing. I'll just churn this thing back at you. It's it's weird. And like the fact that people like that isn't what the relationship is. Like if you could choose to have a partner that would. do that, that would be terrible, but I feel like these AI people would be like, yes, I want a partner that is just always going to say and do exactly what I, like, command. And future relationships with real people harder, because the second someone's like, oh, actually, I don't want to do that, or actually, I don't believe that, or don't want to listen to that, or don't think like that, you're incorrect. Yeah. Yeah.

Or even just like the people going on Chetupit, putting in their arguments, me like, was I right? And it's like, yeah, you were correct. It's like, oh, what a surprise. Yeah. All right. Hit me with this question. This is from short ad.

Is my new habit of masturbating dangerous? I, a female 22 year old, have this new habit since a month maybe. And I hope it's not dangerous for my body or psychology speaking. What I do is I take my sex toy, a womanizer, place it on my clitoris and the pleasure builds. But it's neither very intense nor not there. I assume So it's not too intense It's not not there

Like a sweet spot They can last for quite some time But the strange thing Is that I fall asleep at that moment And the thing is My goal is to have an orgasm, not to sleep I don't even realize That I'm falling asleep

And it's not until the next morning When my underwear is still down The toy is next to me That I remember that I masturbated The night before Is this dangerous for me? Will I be able to orgasm Without falling asleep?

Why are you falling asleep? Are you just super tired? Are you like, because it seems to say they're doing it at night and it's right before bed and they wake up the next morning and their underwear is still down. I'm like, oops. Okay. So you're, you're tired, right? Is it one of like, is it a toy that like clamps on? It's one of the suction ones.

From what I can gather from, I think there's a couple different models, but from what I can see when when I searched womanizer and the comments in the thread, it's one of the ones that has like the little suction. Yeah. so does it just fall off like does it run out of battery like i assume she's falling asleep with it kind of like in place and her hand like there's there's enough sort of pressure of hand holding it well we don't know if it if she finishes right because she's asleep and she never says yeah i mean that's that seems to be the thing where it's like she's she seems to be concerned that she's pavloffed herself yeah i love it to being a sleepy girl yeah um i don't think is the case No. I'm confused, just in general. As someone who doesn't sleep, this doesn't make any sense to me. As a hoarding boy who doesn't sleep, this is the opposite of my life. Because one, if I'm going to come, I'm going to come. I'm not going to, oh, I'm sleepy. You fall asleep. Like, it doesn't sound like you even want to masturbate. You're sleepy. You want to go to bed.

yeah there's i mean like i think like for me i would understand if this happened once right where it's like you're very tired and you put this on and you find it kind of get kind of get a sweet spot where it just kind of like it just kind of vibrates you into like mellow state right it kind of just jellies you and then you pass out the next time that happened i would be pretty like dialed in right like i would yeah i would be like oh last time i did this i fell asleep and if it happened again, I would be so clued in to be like, what am I doing here? Like, if I using this to fall asleep or am I using this to come? And that's the thing. It's like if I wanted to come, I would fix it. And if I didn't, I would just sleep. Yeah. Right? Like,

it just sounds like you don't want to come. Sounds like you're just tired. And look, the, there is danger here, I think. I don't think psychologically there's much risk. I do not think that this is going to make you like almost hypnotize you in the sense of like every time you start to feel good clitoral sensations you're going to pass out I do think that's how the body works that having a motorized

sex toy unattended on your genitals could lead to some damage because that's the thing if it's even if it's low if you leave it in place for hours that will cause a lack like a loss of sensitivity surely right like if it's just grinding away

and pain and like even like if there's suction it's like a hickie that goes too much like you can you know like it doesn't seem good and it also just seems to me again what do you do it what is your goal is your goal to masturbate do that is your goal to sleep do that are you so tired you can't masturbate do it earlier or just go to bed if you want to use it to put yourself to sleep cool but I think you need to be able to have the like wherewithal to be like oh I'm starting to get sleepy, time to turn this off and put it to the side. Because I think, you know, as we just mentioned, like, leaving a motorized toy of any sort on your body, even if it's not on the genitals. Like, imagine just having like, like, there are times when my girlfriend has her legs

across my lap while we're playing video games or stuff. And she'll be like, you got to lift your controller up because it's vibrating. And it's like, it hurts her legs. And like, that's it, right like any amount of vibrations is eventually going to be annoying or unpleasant or hurt yeah and again as if there is like a suction mechanic on this if it is one of the ones that has like the pulling like that's how you get hickies hickeys is suction with blood being pulled to the to the skin do you don't want that so i think in your clay like yeah if you want to if you want to be safe about this and you really don't care if you fall asleep or come. Like if that, if those two options are equally acceptable to you, just make sure that you

have the ability and like the foresight to be like, I'm starting to drift off. Time to move this away from me. Or just like don't use it as a sleep aid either. Like if you come to rely on it, what happens when you're, you know, sleeping over with a friend or you're on holidays, you're in a hostel. You can't be like, oh, I'm not masturbating. I just use this to get sleepy. And I turn it off. It's like, this is my sleepy time clit sucker. It just sucks the sleep straight into my clip Yeah, like you can't do that So it's like getting in that habit is not going to be good for you or anybody

So it could be harmful in that regard if you come to rely on it for sleep But like I don't think that's realistic So I think you need to get in order what you want Are you trying to come? Maybe make sure you're you know awake enough to do that Are you trying to sleep go to fucking bed? Yeah And look there's plenty of people who masturbate to make themselves sleepy to go to sleep you can you can combo these things you just have to make sure that they are two distinct parts and not this weird mishmash of of sensations

that are kind of like confusing you how realistic is californication by headchog okay 3756 is Hank Moody really the type of guy and his frame the type that would have gorgeous women simply throw themselves at them constantly i have never met anyone like him so truly wondering if that is the ideal frame and persona to have, or is it all pure BS for TV and women wouldn't look at them twice? Are you talking with David DeCovny? My dude, David DeCovny is pretty much widely regarded as like a very sexy man by a lot of people. And I do think a lot of that is,

I think David DeCovny is a great example of that sort of every man, you know, mystique of people who have like a little. something extra, right? Like, maybe not, like, in a lineup of, of incredibly handsome men would someone pick David DeCadne off the top? But I think there's, there's an air of mystique of charisma. Yeah. Right. And I think, I'll be honest, I think I get by on that, right? Like, I think that is a big part of my success with the opposite sex is because I've, I don't think I would win any looks competition. But. Yeah. If I, if I, in the lineup, no one's being like that

guy. No. That's the reason we do podcasts. I'm not Yeah, it's, and look, I know that there are also people who find me attractive, which is great. But I do think that like the majority of my success with women has been because

of a sort of, you know, aura, if we're going to use the Gen C TikTok verbiage. Wait, Dane, why did you cut out that part where you were talking about how you're such a Rizzler a second ago. Why did you cut that out? Sorry, I'm trying to keep it cool for the kids, right?

And he just said again, he said he's the Rizzler or on 9,000. But he is not talking about David Covney. He's talking about Hank Moody, the lead character from Californication. Which I think helps, like, that helps David DeCovny because he's an author, right? He's a very famous author, yes. yes it's yeah man like what are you talking yeah very famous attractive man who in universe is very famous and attractive and i think he wrote sexy books as well i can't remember i think so too right like he writes like very like charles bukowski like i have sex and smoke cigarettes yeah and then in real

life is also still david dukovny and also a very famous actor so yeah dude like is it realistic that every time he steps outside the house, someone wants to fuck him. Maybe if you're that famous, but also the worrying part of this question is, is this the type of persona and frame to have? Because this is in seduction, and this is a man asking if he can pretend he's Hank Moody to pick up women. Yeah. And look, here's the thing, right?

Is if I, if Nile and I decided back in our single days that we were going to swap personas. right like if you were going to try to do what I do I'll be a Dane yeah I was going to try to be a Nile that would have been one offensive I think it would have been offensive I don't think you would have handled this with with respect let's be fair I think you would have been mean about it you know I don't think I would have been mean about it I certainly wouldn't have done an accent I just mean you wouldn't handle it respectfully see you went immediately to the accent

right so that's problematic I well you your accent was a lot more pronounced announced then I what I'm saying is is like strip away the the you know the the parts but like Niles Riz it's much more different than my Riz like it's so true there they're two completely different flavors it would be such a mass like it would be like these men have illnesses they there's something wrong I hate it we would have the cops called on us yeah for sure for sure the people would think that we are like on the brink of a psychotic episode. Well, I guess we'd be in one technically.

And the thing is, in real life, we had men running up and picking up their girlfriends and running away with them from us because people wanted to talk to us in this world. Or alternatively, men running up to us and being like, how do you do? What are you doing? What's like, like, I don't know, man. I'm just talking to people, fucking relax. And this isn't us like patting ourselves on the back or bragging or any of that shit. What we're saying is if you try to take what is working for someone and copy and paste it in its entirety onto yourself and expecting the same amount of results, it's not going to work.

Especially a fictional famous sexy man in a show about him being sexy. Yeah, yes. It was a, I'm pretty sure, an HBO show. So it was definitely on not on network TV. was it was it was racy to begin with so what you're saying it's like like yeah if you look like john ham and acted like don draper from bad men and you could do that flawlessly yeah sure i'm sure you would do great but you know what you're going to come across you wouldn't be acting yeah you'd be being you would come across as a complete douchebag asshole if you did it now i mean

i think anyone would because he was in the 50s um but you're doing doing the worst possible job at trying to figure out how to be appealing. Emulating someone else is not going to work well for you because you're always going to be in your own head being like, what did they do? And like what they did isn't how, isn't like what works for them. It's how they did it and how they did it was being them, right? So you're just going to be like trying to paint by numbers, but you don't know the numbers and you don't have any paints. You're going to be a fucking freak. Two, this is a fake fictional person in a fake fictional show where he has fake fictional

sex once per episode. Like, it's not realistic. It's not real life. So you also can't base things on that either. Yeah, he's not going to succeed or fail by chance. Right? Yes. There's a script. There's a script. That him going in and doing the lines to the person

who also knows the lines are going to end up in the exact same thing that needs to be done because that's what they've been paid to do. And that's the way that the story goes. Yeah. If you want, to like, where's your head out on like emulating to a degree? Like if you're like, oh, Hank Booty's confident and you're like, I should be more confident.

Sure. Good. Great. Oh, he's pretty funny. I should be more funny. Cool. Like, once you're not hammering it, like a sledgehammer home, like by pulling your little bucket jokes and just randomly saying shit.

But I think tact and like social awareness are so important because humor works based on those things. You can't just surgically insert a joke into. any situation. I also think that there is, there's, there's room for empowerment in fictional characters. If you see an element of yourself that you're kind of like nervous to show or, or feel like that's a strength of yours, but you're too shy. I'm so shy about showing people, I'm such a sexy writer. I think there is, there's, there's a level of like what you can get away with, right? Like, I think you can be inspired by fictional characters, and I think you can sort of

see a reflection of yourself in them. I think it's, the problem is the other way around, right, is when you're trying to project yourself onto Hank Moody and be like, how can I, how can I romp onto him as opposed to being like, okay, I, I can recognize that as now said, he's well groomed. He dresses nice. He talks, like, he's, he's, you know, articulate. He's funny. Like, all those things are fine. They're not also exclusive to a fictional character. Like, people in the real world can be articulate and well-groomed and dress nice.

And I will say, you could do those things. Those are achievable goals for yourself. If you want to be well-groomed, articulate, dress nice, you could do that. 100%. So don't just think that, like, oh, I'm going to be Hank Moody. And now I am Dane playing Hank Moody. Why no work? Why no women?

Where are women? I'm Hank Moody. Also, if I remember, I haven't seen the show in ages. I do recall him being widely regarded as an asshole as well. I do remember most of the women not liking him. Like, they use him for sex. Most people don't like him. Yes.

Yeah. And he's having a very terrible life. He can't write. I believe he sleeps with an underage girl. And he like has no mates and has ruined his marriage life. can't right so yeah yeah like his whole family hates him if I remember yeah like his daughter hates him his wife hate and that was gonna what be what I ended with is like if you want to try to be inspired or emulate someone maybe don't be like hey this piece of shit yeah like even like

yeah just I mean I think that's a great example of being like the the people that seduction looks up to they see oh he gets women he gets laid but fail to sort of like open up the blinders and be like, and everybody hates him, even the people that are sleeping with him. Like, is that the life? Is that really the goal for you there? Bud, like, is that what you want? Because if it is, you can be an asshole and get laid, but that's a pretty shit life to live. You're not getting to get laid by being an asshole.

Yeah. So, yeah. Don't be an asshole. And don't try to be Hank Moody. No. Especially not, like, I think if you're trying to emulate someone, you should probably do with a normal, well-regarded contemporary thing? Because, like, things don't age well.

If you want to go back 30 years and emulate someone from a show, good luck. Yeah. And by that, I mean, you're fucked. Uh, this is from Emotional Table. Is pity fucking a real thing? This is from a female. I'm thinking if I should do it or not. The problem is that I'm not really sure if there's anything here that I don't see.

Basically, there is a person who desperately needs it. And even though I have zero attraction, or even minus, LOL. I honestly don't care for maybe once, but I've never done this and I do tend to do

the stuff that I regret sometimes for not researching enough about it. So I guess my question is, is it real? What risk does it bring? And has anyone done it before? Is this an alien who came to Earth? This isn't written like a human.

Like, oh man, pity-fucking. Is that real? I should research it. Make sure I do it properly. Yeah. I've never done this before and I tend to do stuff that I regret sometimes

for not researching enough about it. Yeah. Like, oh, let me, like, do you don't have your PhD and pity fucking? Oh, I hope you don't fall into any pitfalls. Like, can you not think about it for a minute and be like, hmm, what could be bad? Maybe the person will get attached and I won't be into them and it'll hurt them. Or maybe they'll find out that I'm referred to it as pity fucking and therefore be crushed. Like, the problems should be pretty fucking self-evident, right?

This reads, like, the most sociopathic, like, empathy-less person ever. And, like, look, there's obviously shreds of empathy because you're like, oh, this person, you know, is struggling or seems maybe lacks confidence or really need it. Really need it, desperately need it. So it's like, obviously there's something in there that you can, like, clue and see that, like, this person needs help. I think every other thing after that is bad. Yeah, like surely you must be able to take two fucking seconds and brainstorm some things that could go wrong here and know the risk. Like one, is this someone who's like chat GPT went down and they're like, oh, no, brand no work. Like having sex comes with inherent risks of pregnancy, STIs, you know, any number of things, right?

Like there's there's inherent risk every time you have sex. So those are them. There are some risks. Yep. As now said. The person's feelings, your feelings, your safety. Like, again, if you lead someone on, which you would very specifically be doing, like, I don't love lead someone on as a term because men misuse it and weaponize it.

But like, you would be doing this because you'd be doing something for the wrong reasons. You'd be giving somebody the wrong idea. And then if they were to find out that that was what happened or to, you know, like you could be putting yourself in danger. For no reason. And also, like, a level of arousal is needed to have good sex, right? So, like, if you find this person actually unattractive. Yeah.

And are trying to have sex with them, that might lead to some complications that could lead to further problems. Physical injury, if you don't, you know what I mean? Like, you need to be lubed up. And at the end of the day, as even if this is the most altruistic thing that's ever been done by a human being. Which very much doesn't seem to be. It's not.

But even if that was the case, you still need to think of like your mental state and happiness. And the idea of like, just thinking about me, like the idea of having sex with someone that I don't find attractive is so deeply upsetting to me. And I'm not one of those people who thinks that like, oh, sex has to be beautiful. Sex has to be super meaningful. I think there is a time and a place for sex that is just driven. by passion and attraction.

For sure. Like, you know, like, I'm all, I'm happy with the whole spectrum of things as long as it's consensual and, and adult. Fun. So to, to just be like, yeah, I'm going to reduce myself essentially to a sex toy. I'm probably not going to enjoy it. I don't like the person I'm having sex with. And I'm actively unattracted to them.

But it also, like, because it doesn't really seem like they care too much about this person. Because they're like, they really need it, which seems less like a, oh, genuinely, they need this and more like a, they're so pathetic. And secondly, they're like, I don't even like the minus even, lull. Like, they seem to be having fun with how much this person is struggling and how little they like them. So it doesn't seem like it's for their benefit. That's just how I read it anyway. Yeah, no, I was putting that like the altruism thing is like, even if that is. Oh, no, I know.

But like, what I'm saying is like, so that's not the reason they're doing it. And there doesn't seem to be a listed reason. So the only reasons are either just, fuck it, why not, which isn't a reason, or it's some sick kind of like, I'm so good that like, I can do this. Like, I'm such a prize or some self-aggrandizing bullshit. It's fucking gross and it's weird. Because it's like, if you don't have a reason to do it, why the fuck are you doing it? And if your reason is shitty. why you doing it. And if your reason is good, I don't think your reason is good anyway. I think

there's a room for a lot of emotions in sex. I think pity is not one of them. Yeah, for sure. I think you're doing that person no favors. I think you are, you're baffling if you can't figure out what might go wrong here. It's just so weird. But like hurting them is probably the biggest thing that can go wrong, how that manifests itself, whether it just be that they're really upset, you, like, traumatize them or scar them moving forward, or they get violent or aggressive or needy or needy. These are all things that are very understandable

and, like, you don't really have to, like, search for to figure it out, you know? And if there's, as they said, like, the physical aspects and the fact that you're not going to enjoy it anyway, so why would you do it? And if they're so, like, needy and desperate, I'm going to assume, and you find them so unattractive, I'm going to assume that this is something you're not going to want broadcast, right? So what happens if this guy sees you in the cafeteria

or whatever, I don't know how old you are, right? But like, says something to you, are you going to be embarrassed? Are you then going to be shitty to him to save face? Are you going to lie and say it didn't happen? So now this person looks like it even worse. Like, it's just, what's the plan? What good is going to come of this?

Yeah, none, none. And again, the fact that you don't have any idea of how this could go poorly has me very worried for you. Yeah, it makes me think that like you the like I do bad things without researching. Sounds like you don't think about anyone else's feelings

or or them at all and then just do things. It sounds like you're making the excuse of being like, I just don't think. I just don't research. It's like well you don't need a PhD here. You don't need to do any research. You need to have a little bit of empathy.

Yeah. Just a little bit of empathy and two goddamn seconds. Yeah. So maybe don't do this because it seems like zero reasons to do it, many reasons not to. There's your fucking research.

Yep. Damn. We don't do that enough in the podcast. We don't, we don't do the brup, but we're going to change that.

Don't worry. We've read your emails. It's what people have been clamoring for. They've been clamoring. Clammering. Thank you for coming along for this fine episode.

We love your butts. And thank you to everybody who saw us a fan expo over the weekend. And if your fan expo, fuck buddies wasn't there, wink. Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink. Wink. Wink. If you want to support the show, please tell a friend. Please find us on Patreon and sign up.

Please share us, review us, you know, write into your favorite magazine and tell them to an article on us. We love you. And we do get, you let us do the show. I do feel like there's been a lot of. anti-sex sentiments these days online. A lot of people are delisting games with, you know, sexual content in it. Some of it, some of it, you know, sex positive. Some of it just like LGBTQ plus friendly.

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Damn. It's almost like I've said this every week for seven years or something. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Ready for some bad sex writing? I think so. Frank's cars do not look very good. Compared to most of those I have glimpsed hammered into the lots on this westerly

route. In fact, they're definitely inferior. Bland sedans and rotting convertibles. Some of them dropping ominous little pools of oil underneath, like menstruating women. I hate When they make their ominous little pools Yeah, that's how you know a woman is menstruating You just do a quick ominous pool glance

Are they Are they dripping? Is it, can you feel how ominous it is in the air? Is there a miasma of encroaching terror? Yeah, do you feel like you're about to walk into a Dark Souls boss arena? Yeah. The cool thing is, is if you go up and touch the pool, you get to see

how the last person menstruated It's very good My name is Dave Miller And I'm now Span We've been your fuck buddies