F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Smooch Train

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

CHOO CHOO! All aboard the smooch train! Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what the Smooch Train is, but I wrote it down in my notebook of episode titles, so... ALL ABOARD! Topics include would you eat your female coworkers spoonful of food, "uncommon" standards, Schrödinger's boyfriend, and what happens on a first date. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name's Day Miller. And I'm Nile Spain and we are your fuck buddies. We're a sexy dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions roaming the wilds of the internet and we answer them right here right now every Monday for you award winningly and also once a month on our Patreon where you can go to support this incredible podcast. But first, we'll jump right into dating news. Oh, you're ready to? Yeah, maybe.

For the deluge of AI and dating apps that is apparently... I don't know, because when we were setting up, I heard you mutter, Jesus fucking Christ. So I can only assume this is going to be terrible. Well, like, let's start with Tinder. Tinder have launched a $500 subscription tier per month, by the way. Of course. Called Tinder Select. It's currently invite only and it professes to give its users the best of Tinder.

It's... People have been replying saying, just hit the click. club with $500 and you probably get lucky instead of paying the same amount on Tinder for a month. But they have apparently engaged in extensive tests and feedback with the most engaged users before developing and launching the service. It'll give you various benefits, including sending messages without matching and showing you the most desired profiles as judged by Tinder. So that sounds terrible.

It sounds terrible to be a woman on Tinder and be like, people have swiped the most on you. And now the people with $500 to spare can just bombard you. That sounds bad. That sounds bad. It's been proven over and over again, even by us, that like this system doesn't work in the sense that the people who tend to pay the most probably aren't the highest quality candidate themselves. And I don't mean that in a bad way.

But I'm just saying that if you are in a place in which you think the hottest boy imaginable, you probably don't need to spend $500. We're not even talking about physical attractive. I'm talking about just like if you're in a mental state that you think the, only way you can be successful in dating is to spend $500 a month. So what's that? 12,000 a year. So my math, right? No, six thousand a year. Six thousand dollars. Yeah. If like $6,000 a year in order to date effectively, that to me is a warning sign in and of itself. So then you take the barrier of being like, we're going to show you the people who have the most amount of options,

presumably because they are the most attractive, the most swiped on, the best profiles, etc., etc. Right? You've been shown the cream of the crop. And now it's like, we're going to remove your barrier of access to that person, the person who would probably never pay any attention to your swipe on you ever. Yeah. Do you think that's a recipe for success?

Like, just off the cuff, I'm like, no, that's not going to work. Because anyone who's going to be like, oh, you pay $500 for a dating app is going to be immediately skeved out by that or they're going to try to use you for money because they know that you have a shit ton of money that you could spend that much money on. I imagine it's going to go something like this. Somebody's going to get a message and be like, hey, I didn't match with this guy. How did that happen? Look it up and then be like, oh, they spent $500 a month on Tinder, which again, I think it's going to make you look bad. And as Dane said, that's either going to be embarrassing or let's take this guy for all he's worth. Because if you got 500 spare, let me tell you, you got better things

you could be doing with this, especially dating-wise. You could be going to a very good gym. You get a personal trainer. You could be going to a cool new class. You could be upgrading your fashion sense. You could be going out for fun dates. You could be hanging out with your friend. Like, $500 a month is no mean amount to spend this on.

Yeah, that is a like top and gym membership. I imagine. Yeah. Like in Toronto, like I would say like a major city, I imagine that you could probably get a pretty kick-ass gym membership for $500 a month. I'm sure there are some. And also that wouldn't be worth it. But don't worry, Grindr's doing the same thing.

They call The Edge. It's a 6,000 a year subscription. So the same price. Yeah, exact same price. Now, the funny thing is, I've never heard a single person from Grindr complained that they're not getting matches and not fucking.

So who is this for? Maybe it's for people using Grindr who actually want a relationship, but I can't see it. Unless they trash the regular, like, grinder experience. but apparently it combines three core AI tools Discover for tailored matches insights for compatibility singles before you message signals before you message at a list

to resurface past conversations and it folds in every park from Grindr Unlimited including an ad-free experience it just doesn't seem worth it also again I'm not a grinder user but I have many friends who do use it and from the vibe not one from the vibe I get is

I don't think anyone who uses Grindr wants their past conversations brought back up. Yeah. It's like I feel like a lot of them do everything in their power to make sure that those conversations say dead and buried and in the ground where no one could ever see them. Where they belong. Don't worry, Tinder is doing something that is not in any way going to be used against you in any way at all. They're offering free boosts for people who see. scan their eyes to confirm that they are who they are. And it is a co-founded initiative by OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

So you can scan your irises with your phone to confirm your human. And then they will give you a free boost. And there's no way he's going to take this information and use it for evil like he says he will every day. Every chance he gets to speak publicly to talk about the horrible things he's going to do to society. This is, come on. Like at this point in time, it's comical, the things that people will do that are so obviously AI like training things. Like all the fucking like post yourself at 19 on February 3rd and then post yourself now at 4.4. It's like anything this specific isn't a trend.

This is a clear scheme to steal your data and scan your face. And like the one where it was like, post a full body picture and your height. Yeah. What do you think that's for? Do you think anyone is interested in this other than the government and AI companies? Yeah. Tinder wants you to take one of its orb shaped devices and generate a world ID to verify your irises and it'll give you a little boost for it. Like, guys, no, please, we can't do this.

It doesn't matter how horny or lonely you are. You cannot do this. Please don't do this. Please don't do this. But don't worry, Bumble is relaunching without swiping this year as it tests a new AI matchmaker. They have said goodbye to the swipe and they have a revolutionary new experience for the category. People are exhausted. They're fatigued.

They feel like swipe has degraded their love lives. I love like the fact that people are fed up with these apps is because they started making them useless unless you paid more to use them. So now they're like, oh my God, people are fed up. So we've introduced a new expensive server. It's like, fuck you. You know what you're doing, you pricks. But they have an AI dating assistant called B, which will learn about users and recommend more compatible matches.

So you just feed all your information into this totally not evil AI. And it will go and find matches for you and you won't have to swipe. Incredible. Which is also the exact same thing that the Hinge founder has done. They have left, they have left Hinge to make the exact AI data. app that is in a black mirror episode hang the DJ. He's just raised $18 million to do so.

And it is essentially a like an AI matchmaking thing where you just again feed swaths of information about yourself and then it'll just go do the work for you. And like the funny thing is it's like I do think there is a world in which that does sound like good. If it just passively does it for you and it works, sure. But there's a more important world. which the air outside is yellow because of AI. And like, it's just absolutely taking all your data and doing God knows what with it.

And also, anything like this is just going to immediately shoot up and cost the second people are on it, right? And then we're back to the same problem we have, which currently is $500 a month subscriptions to shitty apps. I'm trying to remember what my Tinder premium was like advertised at me because it scales based on like your age. gender and stuff. I think when I left Tinder, I think it was trying to get me to sign up for about $60 a month, which is still an absurd amount of money, like to pay for a service that like really there's no guarantee. Like I can't, it's not like I pay $60 and all of a sudden people want to go on dates with me. Right. Like it's sure, it's going to work better and the options I'm going to have are, you know, more readily available to me. But like if someone doesn't want to go on a

date with me. They don't want to go on it. Like, it's not going to be like, oh, you have a blue check mark. I will go on a date with you. Yeah. But hey, you know what? In the face of all that, who is our savior in these unlikely times? It's meta. It's Facebook's dating app who I guess probably because they have zero users are really pushing their, hey guys, we're free. You can use us. We still have, like, we haven't locked our AI stuff behind any pay barriers. So meta is adding artificial intelligence to Facebook dating in an effort to make finding love online less exhausting and more precise without what it calls swipe fatigue. It's a new dating assistant that you can refine searches, boost profiles, and even suggest date ideas. You can type, find me a Brooklyn girl in tech, and it'll pull relevant matches.

So the chatbot will be part of the matches tab is rolling at US and Canada. and they're also introducing MeatCute, a feature that automatically pairs you with a surprise match once a week using Meta's personalized algorithm. Which, like, there's something cute about that. That's actually like a cool, I hate the AI part of it. But we ignore that for a second.

It's a great little, like, a guaranteed match every week that's, like, random. But I'm going to tell you something. That's not new. Plenty of Fish and OKCupid did that shit before any of the apps. Like, that was, I don't remember what OKCupid called it. But I think the funny of fish was like the fresh catch or something stupid like that. But OKCupid had the same thing where it was like once a week you'd be given, I think like three people who they'd be like, this is your like selected three.

These are, you know, this is the people in your quiver. I don't know what it was called. You know, because Cupid. You shoot them? And it like that's that was a feature that was used prior to the exploitation and, you know, monetization of these apps. Well, I take it back. Now, I will say, unfortunately, I do think new dating apps and new trends are like the time to get in on things because like they're going to work the best when they're trying to like get you in on their side. Right. Before like what happened, they know that everybody's using them. Then they make it useless unless you're paying and they make everything worse. So it's like maybe Facebook dating is where it's at, even though meta is a horribly evil company.

So I was on Facebook dating. and my experience with Facebook dating was almost exclusively people that seemed like scam bots. Like almost all of them were like Russian or Chinese and were like, I'm moving to Toronto soon. And like none of them actually lived in the city yet. And it was all like, oh, I'm just looking to find people to connect with once I'm there. And it's like, okay, cool. Maybe don't. I don't know.

it was very strange and it felt very dystopian and it felt very like i felt like i was in a neighborhood that i shouldn't have been in the whole time i was using it hey it's only going to feel more dystopian when you have to scan your irises to be able to talk to those bots yeah it's god i it's great it's all i was talking to a younger person at work uh the other day they're like in their early 20s and they were talking they were like the dating what does it feel like when you used to be able to breathe. Yeah. They,

they were asking, we were talking about dating apps and stuff. And I was just like, man, I wish I could explain to you, Tinder when it first came out and how it was just the most beautiful, majestic, messy,

horny app that everyone knew what they were doing on it. It was like straight grinder pretty much, but everyone was loud on it. So it was also just a new grinder for grinder folk. It was, it was beautiful. It was great. And it was just like, it worked, right?

Like you, yeah, there was no, there was no gimmicks. There's no games. There's no algorithm. It was just sort of like, people were there and you swiped or didn't. And like, you had a shit on the matches and talked and dates and, you know, yeah, it was also just easy. Like, there was no bullshit. Like, I didn't have to go like, well, I have to play the game X way or Y way. It was just like, like that person.

Don't like that person. Yeah. Anyway, this week, we're going to talk about if a female coworker offered you a spoonful of her food, would you take a bite? having unrelenting standard. I thought you were going to say diarrhea, and it was going to be that parasite that's in America. Jim Crush mentioned boyfriend once, but trains with me and drops crazy I-o-Is.

How do I pull her out of the gym? What happens on your first dates? This is my soft resolution, 46-76. If a female coworker offered you a spoonful of her food, would you take a bite? 27-year-old male, 26-year-old female. Boyfriend recently started a new job, and he worked closely with two girls.

And I don't have a problem when I'm having female co-workers. workers, that's not the issue. What started bothering me was how weirdly reluctant he was to let them know he is a girlfriend. Told me he didn't want to mention me because he used my name as one of his character references when he applied for the job. I told him that was fine. He didn't have to mention my name or give them details. I just thought he could casually say he has a girlfriend if it came up. His response was he would say it if the environment allows it or if the topic naturally came up. That immediately felt off to me. Why does this have to be such a big deal? One time his laptop was open, I saw a conversation between one of him and one of the girls. He was telling her he recently

moved and the whole process had been such a hassle. Thing is, we moved in together. The way he worded it made it sound like he moved by himself and I didn't exist. I asked him why he didn't just say my girlfriend and I recently moved, or even my partner and I moved. He said it'd be awkward to randomly tell her in a private message he moved with his girlfriend. I don't understand why that would be awkward at all. It was directly related to what they were already talking about. We argued about it a lot. Eventually he agreed he would at least mention to his co-workers that he has a partner. Then another thing happened. He works hybrid. Sometimes I overhear parts of his meetings. During when meeting, I heard him say, I'll pick whatever Jasmine chooses.

Afterward, I asked, what was that about? He said he was making a joke with the team. Same day, I saw a conversation where he was recommending Puto and a chocolate drink to Jasmine for breakfast. I asked why he felt the need to recommend breakfast to her. He said, she's his teammate. He was just being friendly. I know on its own recommending food is not a big deal.

Even the joke might not mean anything because of everything else, start to bother me more than normally would. So I gave him a hypothetical. I asked what he'd do if it was his lunch break and he didn't want to eat. but his female co-work kept asking him if he was hungry. He says no, she keeps insisting. But then she comes back with a spoonful of food and says, try it. He said he'd just eat the food from the spoon to avoid conflict.

And that really bothered me. My boyfriend's a picky eater. He is not shy about refusing food. There have been many times I cooked something and offered him a spoonful and he refused without even considering it. He'll say no to me. Why will he suddenly eat food from another girl's spoon just because he doesn't want to make things awkward?

I'm not saying he's cheating. I'm not saying he can't be friendly with female co-workers. I know some of these things probably sound small. When I put it all together, strange you voids mentioning as a girlfriend, talk about a shared move as if he moved alone, and says he would do something for a female coworker he repeatedly refuses to do for me. Boy, I look, okay, here, I'm going to get this out of the way because I think it's worth talking about. I do think it is a little strange that if you just don't refer to your partner.

I think like the idea of being like, you know, the moving thing of being like, I just moved. And it like, I don't know. I think like if the thing is you guys just moved in together for the first time, that does seem relevant and it does seem intentional not to mention. Sure. Sure. I, in a way I can forgive it because it's like, if you're like, oh, yeah, moving sucks.

It's kind of a different conversation to be like moving with my girlfriend sucks. Like, if the talk is about how much moving sucks, you don't necessarily need to bring up the part. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I guess it depends on context. And the worst part is everything else about the conversation makes me. trust him more because this is going to be spiraling, right? So yeah, the, the need, the desperate, like need of being like, like the, the start off of, oh, I have no problem that he has female co-workers. I just require him to immediately tell them that he has a girlfriend and not a problem with female

co-workers. Makes any jokes about them or do anything related to food about them. And also I will give like hypotheticals that are a trap that are insane. And then it's not even spiral. Yeah. And then it's And then it will spiral. Yeah. It's, you've obviously aren't cool with this. You've ever been to work and then you don't want to eat and then someone comes up to you and says, hey, do you want to eat?

And you say no. And then she comes back with a spoon of food. It's ever happened to you? I honestly, yeah, they probably has actually considering where I work and who I work with. Yeah. Yeah.

It probably has happened. Because it happens in every workplace, which is why this is the best hypothetical to have gone with. Yeah. I mean, like there's obviously a lot of things that bother you that is that is bubbling to the surface. Like this spoon thing is very obvious that like you don't like when he says no to eating the food that you've made. Right. So you've set up this trap of being like, well, I don't like when you do

it to me, but you do it to me. So I'm going to see if you'll do it to this imaginary woman. Like, yeah. You've, you have all these issues and all these things that you clearly haven't talked to your partner about. And that might not be that big of a deal at all in the grand scheme of things. But now you're finding like every crack in the foundation and are taking a fucking chiseled. And are taking a fucking chisel and sledgehammer and trying to bust it open. And that, look, we say it a thousand times. If you don't trust your partner, you don't trust your partner, right? It's really cut and dry.

If you don't, if you think he is maliciously refusing to acknowledge you or mention you in a workplace to whatever end you may think he's doing it for, then you don't trust your partner. You think he's- Why would you want to be with this person? If you have to cajole and trick and like corner him into not cheating on you and then once he announced, like, if he's saying, says he has a partner. Is that it? Is it safe now? Can he eat food off Jasmine Spoon safely? Or is that still an issue? Is everything an issue? And this is just one tiny little box that you've ticked.

Like, do you have to be on alert every single day to make sure this man doesn't cheat on you? Because he just will. If you look away for one second, he's cheating. Like, why would you want to be with this person? Yeah. Or is it possible you are spiraling? And you have some kind of unresolved trauma here and are kind of losing it. Yeah. It's, saying that you don't have a problem with female co-workers when setting up this amount of like hoops to jump through in order for it to be okay to have female co-workers, it's very obvious that this bothers you. You don't like the fact that your boyfriend is in proximity with these women. And sure, it may start. The first domino may have been the fact that like he hasn't mentioned you, but now now you've made it weird about that. Right. And now everything is now about the fact that these are women and they're working with your boyfriend. And like, honestly, I've been in situations where, like, I meet somebody new and I feel like they're kind of being flirty and I want to drop that I have a partner as soon as I can. But, like, sometimes it is hard to just not be super overt and weird and be like, I have a partner, which is kind of uncomfortable and maybe unfair if this person is just being normal, right? So it's like, I understand that there can be times where you're like, I'm going to wait until it comes up in a way that doesn't feel like I'm a giant fucking weird.

I do also on the flip side think it's very easy to get it out, right? Like the next day. Especially like in the morning. Say, oh, my girlfriend and I watched a movie last night. Easy, right? Yes. In work, I think it's a lot easier. If you're meeting someone and you're trying to get in the first five minutes or something naturally.

Yeah. You know. But also like again, either he just hasn't done it and you have made it weird now. So maybe he's in his head about it. Or like if there's an issue, does it matter whether he does or doesn't. That's the point. Because either you are freaking out, and that's a problem that's not going to be solved by this, or he's rampantly trying to cheat every second of every day.

And that's not going to change if he admits to these people they as a part. The hypothetical, it's a wild move, girl. It's a wild hypothetical. It has no bearing on anything. Is the sign that you should take personally that you're not well? Yes. That's something in this scenario and this situation has driven you to madness. because the spoon hypothetical is so not only specific but so out there that it's nothing but

projection and I think you need to figure that out. This is like me reading that part of the question was like me getting as a doctor getting the results of my patient and going, oh no. And I look at it and there's just a big red X all over their rip cage. Yeah. Like something's not right, girl. And it's either you or it's him. And either way, this is not a situation you want to be in.

Because the thing is, he might have just been like in this type of thing like, oh, yeah, this is a really awkward fucking scenario. I would eat the thing to make it stop because it's a stranger and it's work. And that's understandable. When he says no to you, it's not an awkward position. It's at home. And you're presumably someone he loves who he can like talk to and understand if he says no to the food. Like, we can delve into this and it's reasonable for him to say yes,

an awkward position. And that has no bearing on what's happening here. What the hell are you making so often that this man is like absolutely not? Like if you know he's a picky eater and he hates cucumbers and you're like, here's a Greek salad. Do you want to eat it? And he's like, no, I don't want to eat that. I hate it.

Then like, that shouldn't be a red flag for you. Yeah. It's a red flag that you keep trying to feed him shit he hates. Also, when he was like, I'll have whatever Jasmine's having, would you be pissed if he said that about Greg? Yeah. And that's, I think, the key part here is like you have a double standard and you do, in fact, despite your, you know, protestations,

hate female co-workers of his because I don't think it would be an issue. If it was like, yeah, I'll just have what Dane's having. Also, he said it was a joke. So you heard the punchline and not the setup and you're losing your mind, right? So, like, this could have been a detrimental or like a jab. You know what I mean? Like, this could have been a not nice joke.

Not that he's being an asshole or what, but like not a flirtier or like positive joke, right? Like you people who get upset about punchlines, this is my own tangent, is very frustrating. We don't know what the context of the, what the comment is, right? Also, like, he's hybrid. The idea that you're now going to be lurking in the shadows listening to every conversation that he has,

you've already mentioned that twice you've looked at his laptop to listen to his private messages. Yeah. This is not the behavior of someone who's fine with someone who's working with women. It's just not, right? It just isn't. Because there's two things.

One, you don't trust them. You don't trust your boyfriend. That's a whole lot of mistrust. in a relationship, to not trust your, you know, partners, co-workers to not try to fuck them. That's crazy. Yeah. And two, to not trust your partner to not try to fuck his coworkers is also crazy. It's bad for you. So here's the situation. He also now lives in a surveillance state. So that's fucking great.

Yeah. So you need to sit down. I mean, first you need to have a hard think in a dark room, maybe just a quiet, maybe get some calming noises, make yourself a nice tea and just really have a think about like, I think you need to admit that the fact that their women does bother you, right? Because I think the long, as long as you keep ignoring that and keep pretending like that's not a thing, you're not going to get to the root of the problem. Then you need to really figure out like what's bothering you here. Really figure it out. And like once you think you got it, look inward because you're going to be like he's bothering me. His behavior's bothering me. And that could be true. But girl, there's a lot going on inside you as well. The answer could be. I don't

like that he's refusing to tell his coworkers that he has a girlfriend and it's making me insecure. That's a perfectly fine thing, right? You're allowed to feel that way. That is when you go and express that to your partner. Be like, hey, I'm really sorry that I've gotten really weird about this work situation. It's stressing me out. It's making me feel a little weird. It's making me feel a little insecure. I feel like, you know, if you don't trust him or if you want to reiterate that like you're, you do trust him, be like, look, I don't think you're doing anything malicious. I don't think you're cheating on me. I don't think, but I'm having a hard time understanding why you are being so hesitant about just casually saying, my girlfriend, I watched a movie last night. It's that simple.

And that and it seems weird that you're putting so much energy and effort to push back on that. That's fine. That's when you start having a conversation. And if he does say, I don't want to tell them. It's unimportant to tell them. It's weird to tell them. Then I think maybe that does get a little weird, right? Like, if he does start like really hammering in on the fact that he doesn't want to about this or tell them? I think that's a little suss. I think that's a little weird. But you also need to stop the hypotheticals. You need to stop the trap, stop the spiraling, stop lying to yourself, stop spying on them. Like, that's such a toxic environment. Even if he deserves it, but if he deserves it, you need to get out of the relationship. That's the thing.

So either way, it's not going to keep happening or it shouldn't keep happening. If you do think this is some evil cheater man, leave. And if he's not, why are you going all fucking open AI on his ass while you make them scan his irises just to talk to Jasmine. There's so much wrong here and so much of it is you. Even if it's him, it's you. Yeah. This isn't the actual question I wanted to bring. You can't zig on us.

You're still going to get the one I teased, but this wasn't the one. So I'm going to do, I think it's going to be a pretty quick conversation before we take a quick little break. This is from Mags by a single with unrelenting standards. Can anyone relate? Before any of you come at me, yes, my standards are somewhat uncommon, and I don't ask for what I can't give. I require somewhat intelligent, attractive. This is not shallow, intentional, and with whom I have good conversation that eventually reaches our most vulnerable parts, because what is intimacy otherwise?

In all my 30-plus years of life, I've only met men like this at work who are unfortunately gay or taken, and one who approached me. Oh, and that's the only, okay. Anyone else who fulfilled some of these has either been unready for a relationship or just unfit for a healthy relationship. I genuinely can't feel desire for any other type before you ask me to lower my standards and it genuinely tough to find. Online dating is a shit show.

Quality men rarely approach. Friends don't know anyone. Can anyone relate? What did you do to change your circumstances? So I just want to bring back. I just want to rewind. Yes, my standards are somewhat uncommon. I want someone intelligent, attractive,

and someone I can talk to. Yeah. So the three. most bottom of the barrel normal ass things. So when I brought this question, I was like, oh, this, we're going to get some crazy something that we can really dig our teeth. It's like, you're asking for quite literally what everyone wants. Yeah.

Unless you're a terrible person, in which case you don't want someone, you want someone that you can manipulate. Like, yeah, that's a piece of shit. But like every regular, normal sort of baseline. Well, adjusted. Or attractive, like, or attraction is, like, Like, I want you to have a reasonable head on your shoulder. I want to be attracted to you.

And I want to be able to talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This upsets me. I have also, when I was grabbing questions, the, there's so many posts. And I assume it's a bot thing or an AI thing or a dead internet thing where it was,

they're bringing back the, all the good men are gay or taken. The amount of people I've seen post that lately is, I'm like, are we doing this again? What is this? Fucking 1998. We're over that. You know what? Back to our previous question. This is why you shouldn't tell people you have a partner.

You'll upset them. Every time this person's heard someone in work is gay or taken, that's run her day. Right? This man, he's out there. He's making sure people like this feel like they have a chance. There's still someone out there for them. If you can't find someone that you find intelligent, attractive, and can talk to in any scenario, in any location, in any location, in any.

place. Perhaps I guess you need to reevaluate what you find attractive, right? Like, what is what does attractive mean to you? Because I feel like, or what's intelligence to you? Like, are you expecting people with like four PhDs and like mental level? Yeah. That's it. Right. Is, is your attractive like he has to be seven foot two? Because yeah. Seven foot two. A two. A 12 pack. Yeah. And three PhDs. They have to be Ryan Gosling from Hell Mary. Have to be. Yeah. Because you also. haven't been specific about anything. So it's like intelligent, attractive, and fun or good to talk to. Again, very basic and broad terms. So I don't know. Problem, probably you. So in the comments, someone says, these standards aren't uncommon. And if anything, I think they're healthy. And then they say,

but that's exactly it. Those standards are not uncommon. In fact, they're the standards almost every woman has. Why does that imply? Well, to me, it means that men who fit standards who have a lot whole her half a whole lot of choice. Do you see what's going on here? No. And it's like, wait, so are we now flipping the script that men now have too many options? I don't think, is that is that the world we're living in now is that it's now women, female lonely, loneliness epidemic. Yeah, this person and our previous question, they need help. And they're going to get it over this break. Yep, we're going to take a break. We're going to find them. We're going to bring them to the help farm, which isn't a place where you

take your struggling friends to slaughter. And we're back. I do feel like it's responsible of me as a podcaster and an entertainer to say that I made a mistake. That they got the help they needed and they're at a farm, a new farm upstate where you'll never see them again. Yeah. I made a mistake. Perhaps a few things that I said in the previous segment before the break were incorrect.

And that's where I'll leave. You got a question? My question, technically, I guess. It's safely your question, but I can do one. Okay. Yeah, let's switch it up. This is from Inchlaus. What happens on your first dates?

Recently single, 25-year-old male here was in a relationship for three years, but we broke up about three months ago. Low-key traumatizing. And dating now just feels so different compared to when I was back in college. Being a long-term relationship killed my dating game, I feel. But I became too used to my ex-girlfriend being down or whatever. And I wanted to be kissing. And I wanted to be kissing in sex since she also desired me. I have no idea what he's trying to say.

I always want to be kissing and sex, man. I became too used to my girlfriend being down for whatever I wanted, be it kissing or sex. Okay, I just read that weird. Okay. Okay. I downloaded it in and continue to match you with people. But I had about five first dates so far with some leading to a second or third date. I feel like I don't have the nerve to kiss on the first date.

It just doesn't feel right to me when I'm concerned about them feeling comfortable in my apartment, L. LOL. Will that signal to my potential partners that I don't find them attractive when I really do find them attractive? Or is it me not doing the right things or saying the right stuff for them to initiate? I feel like I'm squandering the opportunities and I think it might be because I'm a dry texter. I also tend to match with people who are avoidant attachment, L.L. When I'm an anxious attachment. Big problem, I know, but what can I do? Am I doing something wrong or am I just failing or falling into the nice guy category? Should I take more risks to initiate? What would one even say? say so many questions do they want to know what happens on my first dates or they want to know how to

initiate i mean i guess they're wondering if like if if they're doing first dates from i look they said they were traumatized and only ended three months ago and that they keep thinking about how their partner was always down be it kissing or sex like look if you're this in your head about whether somebody is into something because you were previously with someone when you knew roughly whether they were into something maybe you need to take a little bit more time before dating maybe your X is still in your head because you don't really seem like you're very comfortable with anything that's going on here. But like if you do want to initiate and you're worried about people being like nervous or not into it or whatever, one, why does you being a dry text or have to do a fucking

anything? You said they're in your apartment on your date. So it's worked. You're there. You're good. If you're nervous, just ask. Like, don't just go for it. Just be like, hey, I really want to kiss you right now. Or can I kiss you? And like, they will say yes or no. And once you haven't been weird up to that and don't be weird after that. No one's going to care. Yeah. I mean, I always try to like remind people that people aren't going on dates with people they don't want to kiss. Right? No one looks at someone on one of the many apps, finds a face and says, never want to kiss that. Horrendous. Yes. Right. No, we're all busy. We're all jaded. Everyone hates dating. No one is going on a date and going back to an apartment with someone that they don't want to kiss. I obviously.

the caveat is consent is still important. People change their minds all the time. You can, you know. Dane's not saying it's guarantee, but Dane is saying it's on the table, right? Yes. Or the fact that it might be on the table isn't insane. It's a very plausible thing. So for you to want to then kiss shouldn't be a, what? It's like, oh, okay, I get why you want to do that. Maybe I have smelly breath or I feel ill or I'm too nervous or I actually don't like you. And then I'm going to say no. And that's fine. But I'm not going to be like, how dare? Yeah.

To even think, to even count in such an affair. You're being a greedy pervert. Greedy perverts all around. So you bringing it up, you wanting this is fine. Yes. And it was also what I used as a confident boost, right? I always reminded myself before a date being like, this person thinks I'm attractive. This person wants to have sex with me.

In some facet of their thought process, they looked at me and were like, yeah, I could bone down with that. And that's, that's great to know going into a day, right? There's a, there's a little settling of the tummy when you think about it like that. You can be like, oh, I don't really have to like freak out about this because they said yes to me. And as long as you're not representing yourself, right? That's the thing. People feel like they're starting from zero or minus 10 or whatever. They already like you enough to talk to you, put in the effort to make a date, match time out of their busy life, come out, be in this awkward position with you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. None of that's fun in a lot of ways. So they've done all this stuff because in their head, you are worth it in some degree. So yeah, you're you're starting at like 10, 20. You're doing well.

Boost your confidence from the get go. And then as now said, people all think that like kisses need to be these big swelling of the music moments that you see in movies and you see in whatever where like eyes lock and everything. The camera starts spinning around and you can't. Yeah, cameraman so dizzy. nothing wrong with just asking or saying, right? Just saying like, you look really good right now. I would love to kiss you. I want to kiss you so bad right now. Or, you know, like anything like that. And if they get weird about you asking, then maybe take that as a sign that like, this ain't going to work, right? And if they get weird about you asking, it is now your legally mandated job to smooth that moment over and act like nothing is wrong. Because it isn't. If they don't want to kiss you, that's totally fine. You just need to be like, oh, yeah, no worries, totally fine. resume whatever you guys were doing and not be fucking weird, right?

And then just you can even like verbally pass the ball to their court and be like, well, I am in Smoochtown. And if you ever want to join me over here in Smoochtown, you just let me know. You just come on over here and plan one on me. You can only say it that way, though. Yeah, you do have to. That's again, legally mandated. You do have to say it.

It is the one law across the entire world. Yeah. But like once you're chill, pre and post, it's fine. That's it. That's the advice. That's the advice. You're good. It's not that bad.

I will say. I do think a lot of people could benefit from taking a little bit more risks on first dates. Again, understanding consent, understanding body language, whatever. But I think more people would have more success. I think you would see a lot more guesses than knows when it comes to going for a good night kiss or whatever. Right. Like trying to get to your intended desired event. I think shooting your shot politely.

respectfully with the, you know, with the concept of consent hanging above you, I think shooting your shot respectfully and confidently is going to be, I think you would, I think more people would find more success if that were the case. I don't think you would see a lot of people were getting shot down as you did, people who would be like, yeah, I do want that. And importantly, there's a world between you guys meeting for the first time and the part when you guys kiss, at which point you can get near to each other physically, hold hands, touch arms, rub shoulders. Like, if you're staying like a meter away from them the entire date and then charging it at the end to get a kiss, yeah, it's going to be a little alarming.

So like, don't be afraid to like sit near them on the couch or put a hand. Like, again, somewhere respectful. Be chill. You don't just walk in and grab a boob. But like, you'll know, like, if you're touching their arm or like you sit near them when they move away, there could be indicators there as to whether you should slow down or not, right? Or vice versa, if they're happy to sit near you and, like, touch you and vice versa, those are all usually pretty good signs. Yeah, a good sort of like go-to rule that are like

trick that I would always do is when we would go to the couch, I'd let them sit down first and then I would, you know, ask if they want a glass of water. Yeah, or whatever, if they wanted to drink or whatever. And then as you give them their drink, you sit close down with them, right? Like, you sit next to them so that you don't end up with that weird like on either end of the couch thing where you do have to kind of like scuttle over to make a move. Because now you're sitting close and like watch how they react when that happens. You know, if they see them uncomfortable, shift a little further away. If they seem more comfortable, hand on the leg, hand on the knee, whatever.

Right. Like can play it by here. But like couch. Oh, now it's pretty much around her shoulders. Yeah. You didn't do it and weird. Yeah. It's, uh, you, you just have to take a little bit more risks and confidently believe in the

fact that this person likes you. They're here for a reason. This by Adventurous owl. Jim Crush, 25-year-old female, mentioned a boyfriend once, but trains with me, 19-year-old male, and drops crazy I-o-Is. How do I pull her out of the gym? And I believe I-O-Is are indications of interest. I think you're correct. This is, of course, seduction.

What's up, guys? Need a reality check and tactical advice on the situation in my gym. And if there's one advice we offer, Dane, it is... Tactical, yeah. I'm 19, but she definitely... I projects... Wow. I'm 19, but I definitely project an older 5.

She thinks I'm 22. She's around 25. Works a super stressful corporate finance job. She loves to play the innocent good girl card, but her actions say the opposite. I keep my frame pretty tight. Absolutely refuse to give her free validation about her body. I have a running joke where I lie about my personal life to mess with her.

Told her I study something completely random like marine biology. And she actually remembered a month later and called me out on it. I also have two phones for dumb logistical reasons, main ones a beat up cheap Android with the screen falling apart. She roast me for my trash phone. I roast her for having the newest overpriced tech. Creates a funny contrast because I give a bit of a hood street vibe, like, and she's strictly corporate.

Here's where it gets tricky. Last Saturday, we did a massive leg workout together. During the session, she dropped up my boyfriend line exactly once. A few minutes later, she's fishing for compliments, calling herself thick and showing me a random scar on her leg just to get me the look. I laughed it off and used sarcasm to dodge giving her the validation she was begging for. There's also a time some orbiter guy walks across the whole gym to give her two kisses and say bye when she's literally spotting me.

I didn't even blink or ask who he was. Kept my frame. Immediately after he laughed, she started trying to cold read me and asked personal questions about what neighborhood I live in. After that long leg session, she walked me to my metro stop.

I playfully pretended to snatch her phone. The vibe was great. Tension is there. I also did a little IG recon to check out the boyfriend. He's an online ghost. She's like 60 highlight stories showing off her friends,

family trips, and food, zero clear signs of a guy. There are a couple of food picks we see a random arm elbow across the table, but she does the same photo angle with her girlfriends. She basically operates a single girl online persona, keep her options open, and the validation flowing. Tells his boyfriend is either on life support, a total pushover, or completely fake. I feel like I'm playing the game right now, keeping the mystery and not simping, but I know if I keep spending entire weekends with her at the

squat rack, I'm going to end up as her gym bestie. At the same time, if I ask her on a formal date, she's going to trigger her plausible deniability and use that fake boyfriend's shield again. Am I overplaying the Joker mysterious angle? Now that I transitioned this high tension into pulling her out of the gym for a low investment hangout without triggering her defenses. Any advice is appreciated.

It felt like someone was using Madlibs of seduction words in there. Just like it just like buzzword synergy garbage corporate bullshit. Are you sure you're not corporate? My guy? Because that was. He's a mysterious trickster, Dan.

He pretends to steal your phone and lies. And he he he. It felt almost like an episode of Yu-Gio where he's like, my, I play mysterious trickster. She plays corporate good girl. Her boyfriend's an online ghost. No. How do I get past her?

Yeah, right? How do I get her to not play her defenses? Like, it's unhinged. I, man, it's, I had such high hope for seduction after last week. I can't imagine living life like this. I can't imagine. Breathing that was exhausting.

Like approaching interactions and human experiences. and human like connection as this like weird game like tactical game that he's playing with this person it's like you know what I would do in this scenario it just like straight up if if this was the vibe that I had with this person and you know they had mentioned a boyfriend once or whatever I'd be like hey you mentioned a boyfriend so you know stop me if if I'm crossing the line here but like I'd like to grab a drink with you sometime and then if they said hey I do have a boyfriend you fucked up, Dane. She played her defenses, right? Because if they have a boyfriend, the fuck doesn't matter. No, Dane, Dane, you don't, if you attack from an oblique angle where she can't play your defenses or you send her defenses to the graveyard, not literally.

Yeah, no, that's exactly it. This isn't a thing you can avoid if you pick a different route and you choose your own adventure card. Like, the boyfriend's there or not. She's going to cheat on her boyfriend or not. Not saying this is the route you should take because if she has a boyfriend, why are you bothered? But like nothing you do is going to change that. And if she's going to use a fake boyfriend to not hang out with you. Yeah. Then that's your sign, man. That's your that's your answer. She's not hang out with you.

It's really that simple. But the thing that sucks the most is it does sound like you have a cool friend at the gym. Right? Not in his eyes. That's what sucks. So bad. And I'm not saying that you can't like, you know, are you willing to blow up your gym for yourself?

Like, are you going to be cool enough? and I doubt you are. Hey, hey, he keeps his frame tight, okay? He will never validate this woman. And he doesn't even blink when men talk to her. I love when she was, he was like, oh, she was calling herself thick looking for, like, compliments. I was like, oh, a lot of people, I mean, like, maybe I guess some people use thick as like a, in my brain. If, if I was like, I'm looking thick as hell, that's, that's confidence.

That's a, that's a big up, right? Like, yeah. But I guess, yeah, I guess. So it's like, you could be just talking about the gym. I don't know. This is awful and exhausting. And it's like your two roots here are, oh, she's a boyfriend. Okay. And now you have a cool friend because you're leaving it because why would you want to hook up with this person when she's a boyfriend anyway, right? Because you're not going to go any further than that, presumably, because if you do date them, you're going to freak out anytime they meet someone at the gym because she cheated on you that way.

So I can't imagine you're being cool. So do you really want to have this hookup or do you want what seems like a pretty fun friendship that you've developed, which seems like you're in need. of. Right? Or just be straight up like Dane and say, hey, I know you mentioned you the boyfriend, but I feel like a vibe. Like, do you want to go for a drink some time? And then if she says, no, I have a boyfriend. Remember, you go, oh, yeah, fair. Boom. Two, two very good routes out of this where you're just either straight up or you get the fuck over it and have a friend. Everything else is actual insanity. Yeah. It's like, also the idea of being like, I'm 19, but she thinks I'm 22. The sound. I have two phones and I try to steal her shit and I'm mysterious. He, like,

genuinely you made me tired. I, the thing is he's young, right? 19 is still an age. Or is he? Is he still an age where like making friends pretty easy, right? Like you're still pretty like socially spread out and your responsibility is pretty low. Uh, and your energy pretty high.

Uh, so like making friends. But I want to, I really want to stress you. The older you get, the harder it's going to be to find people you actually spend time with or want to spend time with and enjoy spending. time with. So please for the love of God, think about this. Be like, is ruining my cool friendship at the gym where we're just absolutely busting out gnarly squats? Is it worth like, you know, blowing it up to try to sleep with them? Probably not. Probably not. Especially not when they have a fucking boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to do it for us this week, friends. It was an absolute pleasure and a blast to hang out with you. We can't breathe the outside

there, but we can breathe in your love. Yeah. And we will. We can't eat salads because we'll have explosive turbo. Yeah. It's a good life. It's a good life. If you want to help us afford food that isn't salads and also buy N95 respirators so we can quest to the grocery store to buy said food, please join our Patreon. You'll get an extra episode every month and a bunch of other perks and we love you. Yeah, you have a shit ton of episodes. Even just like work through, you have like two full days of content in there. Yeah. If you're trapped inside by the yellow air. We got you.

It was more of a white haze today, which is nice. Yeah, but it was worse air quality today. Yes, it was definitely worst air quality. It was a 10. I don't know what the scale is out of. I hope it's not 10. The scale is 10 and we were actually at 11. Cool. Which is technically then the scale isn't to 10, but that's fine. I guess technically it was 10 plus was where we ended up at.

It was just like, it's so bad that we don't need to count it anymore. Stay home. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard States for the song Paper Stars. And are you ready for some bad sex writing? Yeah. So did you see the thing that happened where broadcasting guidelines for women's athletics have been released? No. I'm sure this is cool.

I don't know what the governing body that released it was, but essentially they were like... Probably the FCC. Yeah, something like that, where they were like maybe stop filming women differently to men where they're doing a lot of like up short angles and like butts and blah, blah, blah. And they're like, just film them like you would men and, you know, showing examples of what to do and what not to do. Um, someone commented, uh, retweeted this on, of course, Twitter. No fun allowed. No more viewers either. And less pay.

Just life and how it works. Guys don't watch women's sports for the sports. Cool. Nice one. Grums. Whoever the fuck you are. Uh, yeah. Imagine being so lame that you watch peak athletes, peak women athletes, uh, doing sports stuff and being like, yeah, this is hot.

When you could, if you read. really wanted to see like women who like in porn or or whatever right like there's plenty of women out there creating content that you could find hot and sexy and and you know arousing uh but instead you're like oh these women who are busting their ass off in i've seen a lot of these women's athletes you know like sports uniforms and stuff they're not that sexy unless it's like beach volleyball and shit like the wmba isn't exactly running around in like skin tight booty shorts or whatever they're still wearing like men's like they're loose baggy like what do you find it's so hot in here dude yeah it just people like this suck shit yeah that's it is bad my name is day miller and i'm now spain

we've been your fuck buddies