F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - The Cornell 7

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

This week we discuss a very real, very large problem. It is our responsibility as men to use our platform to support, educate and protect. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends, my name is Day Miller. And I'm Nile Spain and we are your fuck buddies. We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy, situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Said it real slow. Yeah, I was losing the plot there for a second, but I got back on the horse. Yeah, we find questions either online or they're sent to him from wonderful listeners such as yourself, and we answer them right here right now on the topics of sex and dating.

Do it every week. We have an extra Patreon every month. That's an episode on the platform Patreon. And we're back. You know what? I feel like today's episode is, you know, when you watch like a teen drama and they don't do like the credit sequence and instead it's just like the name on like a black screen? Yeah. Because you know the episode is particularly like.

So like. Yeah. That's why I feel like this episode is. It felt weird doing the intro at all. Yeah. It also feels weird because I know we're still going to do the episode. But we're also about to talk about something pretty fucked up. I imagine.

And I like that we didn't talk about this beforehand. No, but. But, you know, it would be insane for us to have started the show for the reasons that we started the show and to not talk about what is currently happening, specifically with the Cornell 7. And obviously, 57. 57. And then we can even go to like what we can call the Canadian 5, which are the five junior hockey athletes that all are now professional hockey who were accused roughly of the same thing.

went to trial, got off, shocking. And now I believe four of the five of them are all playing on NHL teams. One of them just got to, I believe, the Oilers just sign them to a very lucrative contract. So if you're not sure what we're talking about, which seems insane that you manage to avoid this. And worrying, honestly. Very, very concerning. So there was a case in which a woman was severely intoxicated and drugged and brought to a frat house. And during that time, she was gang raped by seven people.

A message had gone out to, I think, a Snapchat group chat or something. WhatsApp, I believe. Yeah, to 50. Like that's important. Yeah. 57 other fraternity brothers with the message that said, free pussy. upstairs. And then over the course of a ridiculous amount of time, I don't remember how I think it was seven hours or something. Yeah. This, this woman was raped repeatedly and, you know, given more drugs,

given more alcohol. When she brought this up, Cornell forced her to stay at the university. None of these men have been criminally charged. Two people were evicted from Cornell, but the remaining five were made write essays. Had to write an essay. Had to write an essay. say, which here's my thing. In the U.S., there is, I don't remember what it's called, but there's a sort of like law or understanding of like, if you apologize, you are admitting guilt, right? That's why when you get into a car accident, you're not supposed to say sorry because that implies that it is your fault and then you are legally responsible. Canadians are fucked. Yeah. Surely. I mean, that's, that's why, apparently there is an amendment that if you are from Canada, it doesn't apply or assumption. Anyway, surely, if you write an essay saying, oopsie, I committed. I would love to know what the essays were. Because the whole essays.

They need to be released. And you know it's going to be fucking chat GPT ass bullshit, right? But like the insanity of it being an essay at all is fucking just disgusting. But secondly, it's like, can you imagine being the person who's like, well, it's 2,000 words. You know, it's this top. Like, who graded it? Who took it in? Who set the topic?

Like, what the fuck are we doing here? A fucking essay? like are you Bart Simpson in the first fucking 10 seconds of the Simpsons like intro? Like what the fuck is this shit? Like it genuinely defies belief. So as much as you and I, I think, could yell about the actual instance. I don't think it's necessary. I think we can, everyone can agree that what happened to this woman is horrent.

These people are horrible. Well, I think the issue is that not everybody can agree that. That's kind of where I was I was taking this is that like, I think the more important thing to talk about is a couple things. One, the fact that there were 50 other people in that group chat and not a single person said anything, stopped it, interposed at all, said, hey, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. I think that is something we need to talk about. And then I also think, as you were about to bring up, I think, is the response to it of once again this bullshit of not all men.

And this knee-jerk reaction that men seem to have that anytime something like this happens, there is a need to defend themselves of being like, well, I would never do that. I don't do. Do you know how many false accusations? Blah, you know what I mean? Like, there's this weird desire and need that men have to not listen. In a way, I kind of get it. In that when I was younger, when I was like 13, 14, and people would say, like, Oh, men suck. I knew men sucked. I'd seen men be shitty to friends of mine. I had witnessed it. I'd been assaulted by a man who had been trying to assault a friend of mine that I pulled out of the alley. And then the rest of them kicked the shit out of me and almost fucking killed me. Like, I've been there.

And there was still a part of me that, like, knee-jerk reaction was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm man. Ergo. But, like, I grew the fuck up and got over that because that's an insane thing to, like, what are you trying to defend? Can you not think about this for one fucking second and understand the world that you live in and the fact that what someone says when they're saying this isn't directed at you? And if it is, that's a whole other fucking conversation we have to have. And like, it's not the time or the place to just get butt hurt and try to make yourself the victim. And like, you should be able to look past the word man and not just get personally offended and realize that there is a very, very understandable fucking reason behind that. And there is unfortunately, you. years and decades and eons of proof and statistics and crimes and the very reality that people live in day by day and fear that is far more fucking important than you just getting like knee jerk upset over terminology. Yeah, it's one of the best sort of analogies that I saw is that

when you are dealing with a gun, you treat everyone like they're loaded. That is the rule, right? That is the baseline. That is the firearm golden rule of being like every gun that you have. Never point a gun at someone, even if you know that it's unloaded. Because you never know that it's unloaded. Yeah. You assume that every gun is loaded and that is the safest way to operate. And that is, so you don't then say, well, not all guns. It's like, yes, you are correct.

Not all guns are loaded. In fact, I would say there's probably a lot of guns that aren't loaded. But you have to assume, because of statistics and danger, assume that the gun is loaded. And that is how women have to approach men. Women have to approach men as if every one of them is going to hurt them, that every one of them is unsafe. We are the gun in this scenario. And it makes absolute sense that they have to treat like we are loaded or we are dangerous. And that is the most basic breakdown of what we are talking about here that I think a lot of people miss.

Right. A lot of people, it's the same thing as like Black Lives Matter. Well, all lives matter. Are you saying my life does it? Shut the fuck up. You don't understand shit. Because again, it's that knee jerk. Yeah. Need to defend that. That doesn't need to be offended.

Trying to get personally upset over something that's nothing to do with you at best. At worst, you're just a giant fucking racist. Yeah. Yeah. So there needs. And this is my call to action, to men. If you are in a group and they do and your friends do something shitty, they grab a woman, they say something gross about a woman. They share a meme that isn't funny, that is violent, that is gross.

Call them out on it. It's not a hard. I promise you. I know you're going to think, oh, well, what if there's backlash on me? What if they make fun of me? What if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Who fucking cares? That's the thing.

It's like, if you don't agree with what they're doing, why does it matter if you then get into this conflict, right? Would you prefer to hang out with people doing things that you don't agree with that, like, upset you and that are disgusting? Or would you rather bring it up and hopefully move forward? or bring it in, if they're that willing to die on that hill, are you losing anything? Yeah. It's like, do you want to be the name in the group chat of people who stayed silent?

Because that would fucking kill me, right? If I was a member of this group chat and knew that I did nothing, it just, it blows my fucking mind. And look, I've seen a lot of people and a lot of friends of mine who have been like, I went to school in a fraternity. and fraternities gave me lifelong brother. Fucking, I don't care. I don't care how good your fraternity was. This shit needs to be hurt to the fucking ground.

So point every gun at yourselves. Like, guns are fine. Also, again, these are people that I like. These are people who have passed my vibe check. These are people who share my sentiments on this kind of stuff and on many other like political, whatever, right? These are people that I like and that I think are good people. But I promise you, I promise you there was a fucking.

asshole in that fraternity. For sure. That you guys overlooked because of brotherhood. And we have seen over and over and over again that these, that this institution, the fraternity and sorority institution is not good, is not safe. And I don't care. Again, if there's one or two or 50 good fraternities, good sororities, for everyone that has locked their pledges up covered in poop, I don't know if you've seen the poop game

skin. Yeah, the weird like, like, or weapons-esque people standing. down the basement. Yes. Yeah. Like for every good fraternity, there's one of those. It just needs to, even on a less intense scale, it's like, why are you choosing this moment to be like this awful fucking thing is happening? I'm just going to make this about how cool my fraternity was. Like, it's not the time. There are more important things at stake here than you being like, well, actually, like. And it's, I mean, it's, we don't have, well, I guess we do have fraternities here in Canada. Yeah, definitely. And they're, they're not like, I don't know, I feel like they're not as

institutional as as American fraternities, but I'm, I didn't, I guess I didn't really go to university. So been to a bunch of frat parties when I came over here because we don't have frats in Ireland and like there was a lot of grossness. Let's say that. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I very quickly was like, I don't want to go to these parties and I don't want to hang out with these people. And like the first line went to because again to me coming from Ireland and not having these and like seeing them in movies and then being like, oh, they actually exist kind of is just was super bizarre.

And it seemed hypothetically fun. And then I even had like the first time I went to one, they were like really trying to get me to join the frat. And I had friends who were kind of like peripheral to it who were like, oh, it's super fun. Like definitely blah, blah, blah, blah. Get you in all these doors and all this shit. And like, we did the one party there. And I was just like, these guys suck. And I am not coming back.

And I won't be associated with these people. And like, you know, I didn't. Yeah. But I mean, like, they fucking hated me. Once I, once I stepped away, they were like, fuck this guy. And it's like, yeah. I'm happy to be disliked by the creepy man. They are essentially created to institutionalize wealth and privilege and elitism.

So already, like, you're building the wrong kind of people just from a baseline, just from their pure existence. And it's so frustrating. It's so aggravating to have to have these conversations of basic human decency to. And one of the things I think has been really interesting that I've, never really thought about, but I've seen talked about, is that there is this like, this male fantasy of saving the day, right? This, this idea of like, oh, if there's a bank robbery, I would, I would be fucking John McLean. And, you know, yeah. And it's like all these men who say, oh, if you ever touch my, like, you know, this, this weird macho thing of like showing up to when

your daughter's boyfriend first comes over and you've got like the shotgun in the living room and cleaning it and like being like, I'll kill you. If you ever do anything to my girlfriend or to my wife or to my daughter to my sister like I'd kill them but like you have the chance to say hey maybe don't say that rape this woman don't do that don't and you won't actual legit horrendous fucking extended crime yeah but even on a lower level basis it's like you don't have the balls to be like hey don't say that hey don't share that meme hey don't treat that person like that hey she's a little drunk yeah yeah it's it's fucked and I think that's that's kind of the point here is like if somebody does something shitty around you and you just let it happen

happen, you are complicit. And people, if someone started stabbing someone on a night out, I don't think you would be chill with that. I don't think you would be just like, oh, I'm just a friend. We're going to the next bar together. We're going to the one after that. I don't condone this, but I'm also just sitting here sipping my margarita while he's stabbing people. So why is it that you would understand that's a crime and that's a bad thing? But when it comes to women, you're like, me, hey, it's locker room talks. The boys, oh, I didn't agree. I'm just here. Like, it's so fucked. Or even just the fact that people have to be like, what if it was your daughter?

What if it was your mom? What if it was your... Yeah, the fact that you can't view women... Why the fuck do they need to be related to you in some capacity for you to understand that? Like, that's bad shit to me. And disgusting. And if you feel the need to be like,

oh, if it was my daughter... Like, fuck you. It's particularly difficult as someone who works at a busy bar on the weekends where I shared something onto my Instagram earlier today of a guy like sort of like recounting. I think it's more spoken where poetry more than like an actual factual account of like what he did that weekend.

Which itself is pretty problematic. Spoken word poetry. Yes. Yeah. But it struck a chord with me because like when I'm working, I try to stay as vigilant as possible. Right. When when a woman goes to the bathroom and leaves her drink, I almost always throw

a coaster over the cup. So at least like if someone is going to do something, there's a lot more obvious to like, yeah. There's an extra layer of whatever, right? Like I try to say. as vigilant as I can. And I have a pretty good radar for people I need to watch and keep an eye on. But at the same time, there is no possible way that I can watch everything. And there's no possible way that I can see everything. And that is indicative of like the danger and the constant threat and the constant worry. And this is like me trying to do my best to keep people safe, right? This isn't

me living as a woman who has to deal with these constant threats and these constant worries and being like, well, I took my off my drink for 30 seconds. I guess I'll go buy a new one because I don't know if someone fucking drugged it. That's exhausting. And if you don't have the empathy to understand that this is a daily routine, this is a ritual, this is something that women deal with every single day. If you can't figure that out, if you can't empathize with that, if you can't put yourself in their shoes without then being like, but I, no, shut the fuck up. Shut up. It doesn't.

Look, have I felt unsafe on the streets? Of course. Have I been in situations where I don't feel safe around people? Of course. Does that compare to what women have to go through on a day-to-day basis? No, it doesn't. It's different. And being in any of those situations should give you the empathy to then understand why it's

worse when it's worse. So unless you've never been unsafe and you've never been in a situation, where you felt unsafe. And even if you are, you should take that extreme privilege and use it for good rather than just be an ignorant piece of shit. There's also a level of like, do you not have women in your lives that you listen to? And if you don't, that's a huge red flag. I mean, this is, I think it ties and dovetails quite well in with this idea that like,

men are undatable currently. And it's because they don't have friends who are women. They don't have colleagues that they respect that are women. They don't view. women as equals or they, they view them as the threat or the prize or the goal or the object. Whereas like, it breaks my heart. The amount of women on my Instagram, either people that I follow and respect or people who I care about and are my friends and I love, sharing the multitudes of stories of their own experiences. if your Instagram isn't flooded with women sharing those experiences,

there is something deeply wrong with the way that you're living your life. I truly believe that. I was considering bringing this for bad sex writing, but who knows what the end of the episode will look like, and it feels appropriate here. So a friend of mine posted about this, about Cornell, and guy messenger of this. I think what a lot of women are failing to realize is it's the men that will tell them

exactly what they want to hear are the ones that will get your guard down enough to poison you. So she's like, okay, I think you missed the point and you're just kind of blaming women here and also what the fuck's going on. And then he replied, if they're not failing to realize that, my word shouldn't hurt. It should be common knowledge, which it isn't. And telling the ones that actually care to buzz off is exactly why this happens. Super cool that we have a nice guy here who's choosing this moment to, oh, this horrible thing happened. Forget that. I'm the real victim here because women tell me to buzz off. And I'm the nice, safe one. And because they tell me to buzz off.

It's their fault, really. Yeah. What the fuck, man? Like, there's two, there's like two categories of dudes right now, or I guess three, there's the guys who get it and are in complete solidarity. There's the guys who are like, false accusations and are on the wrong side of shit. And then they're the guys in like, they're still on the wrong side of shit. But they think they're in the middle of being like, well, I can see both sides.

Like, women have to take responsibility for their actions. But like, you know, blah. And it's, they're worse. He's just choosing this moment to be like, I think if women had sex with me, no, this would happen because I'm the, like, buddy, if people aren't willing to give you the time of day, and from these messages, I can understand that. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.

Shut the fuck up. Like, this is, why the fuck do you think this is the time for you to bemoan the fact that people don't want to hook up with you? And also kind of blame them for this horrific event as a result of it. Like, are you, like, think about what you've done. And understand that this is why people don't want to fuck you because you suck shit. But I mean, if you want to get granular about it, if you want to think about what he's saying and what he's doing, it's the exact same thing, right?

He's saying, oh, it's the men who will say whatever you want to hear that are the dangerous ones. But he thinks that this is probably what she needs to hear. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like it's just the disgustingness of like, oh, this horrible things happen. You're very upset by it. It's hitting really close to home.

to you for various reasons. I want to get Laibor and I don't like the way. And like Jesus fucking Christ. Again, I am unsurprised by the fact that you are unsuccessful. And do you not realize that like by saying things like, oh, there are men out there who will lie to you and manipulate you in order to have sex is the point, right? Like that's that's the point. And so your solution that you're suggesting to this woman who is very upset about a very visceral

and very personal thing, is to never trust a man ever again? Yeah. Or instead of saying no to the people you want to say no to, just say yes to those people, but most of the noes are based on safety and fear, right? Like the majority of the time somebody says, no, it's not just because they're like, ugly, you've creeped them out. You've put them on edge. Like, there's specifically reasons why they're saying no.

Yeah. And there are reasons why people are saying yes, right? Like, oh, you're, you seem like a good guy. You seem like you're doing nice things. Great, great, great, great, great. It's the nice guy thing just flipped, right? Yeah, exactly. A nice guy who's going to say like, oh, I'm a feminist.

I believe in women. I believe in blah, blah, blah. But the second something doesn't go their way, the world's against me. Women hate me. It's the matriarchy. You're that. My guy, you are the dude who's going to say whatever he thinks he needs to say to be safe when

you're not. The guy who lacks the empathy to literally make this about himself and try to forward your cause to get laid. Like, it's disgusting. Yeah. It's a, this is, this is where the problem lies, right? Where men are so fucking groomed by shit, society, you know, media, politicians now, fucking Andrew Tate's, the whatever's, right? The Joe Rogans. All these people who think that they are operatic.

operating on like an elevated heightened awareness and level and awokeness and you know they're seeing past the the veil of whatever who have just circled back around to being wrong and it's like look if at any point in time you think you have the the solution the key the answer to the problem when women are telling you what the answer already is shut the fuck up yeah right if women are saying hey we need men to speak up on our behalf we need men to pretend us when we can't be protected. We need men when they see an unconscious woman to not think of what can I get out of this

and how can I help. That's what women are asking for. They're not asking for your fucking judgment of being like, oh, well, you get manipulated by a man. So that's actually kind of your fault. But you can avoid all this by having sucks with me. Like, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's. And the thing is we try, like everything we talk about every week is microcosms of this. They're the building blocks of this, right? The seduction, like, oh, women don't know what they want. You as the man know what they want more than, like, that's fucking rapy ass talk. Like, that is the building blocks. That is the foundation of this shit. Like, everything about seduction and lying to them and like, like every single thing that we fight against every week is this shit. And it could be either a symptom of it, could be leading to it, could be building to it,

or it could be enabling people to do this. It's like, that's why we try to fight it at any, level because yeah yeah the show was born the humanization the fact that like they don't see women as people like all of this every week and it's like this is how it manifests itself yeah the show was born from from extreme violence against women right crazy way to phrase that uh but it extreme act of violence is the reason this show exists i know we we listened to women at that point in time the women who matter the most to us in our life and we were told then eight fucking years ago, or even longer now, nine years ago, that we need, we as men needed to do something. We needed to say something. We needed to add our voice to the cause and teach men, right?

Because it's not protect women. It's teach men, right? And that's it. And that's where it came from. And again, we started the show almost a decade ago. And we are fighting the same problems that we had then, if not even worse now. Yeah. And what's disgusting is in the meantime, you see all these people thriving. You see like Joe Rogan. You see like fucking, Hey, Jist, tiki-talkie and all these people that perpetuate and make worse these problems, because they're saying, you're right, you're okay. You're the victim. Fuck women. They're not people, etc. And it's fucking disgusting. So I don't know. I think if you're a guy, you don't get a pass by not being directly involved. If you see something and you let it slide, you're as culpable. If you think

something's small and it's okay to overlook that, it's not because as we just said, like small stuff builds up to the bigger stuff, right? So, like, certain things shouldn't just get a pass. Like, oh, I know it's wrong, but it's like, you can make a stand on small stuff. And the more, it might actually be more impactful, right? If somebody thinks they can get away with something that small and you're coming down on them for that, they might not even get to the big stuff that you would then have to come, you know? Yeah. If it shouldn't. If unsafe men feel safe around you, then you are an unsafe man. Yeah. It's that simple. It really is. Right. If, if men who are bad feel like they can behave the way they are around you,

you are not a good person. Yeah, it's like the Nazi bar analogy, right? If Nazis are coming and chilling and welcoming your bar, it doesn't matter if it's only one. It's a Nazi bar. Yeah. And look,

I understand that there are things that are difficult for men, right? Like, if your boss is a piece of shit, I understand that like, there are power dynamics. Been fired as a result of being standing up to shitty bosses. Yeah, I mean, same thing, right? Like, I walked out of,

the only job I ever walked out of was because I was working under a woman who was a chef de cuisine and she was treated absolutely terribly. And when she had enough, I was like, cool. Yeah, I'm with you. Like, I'm out with you. We can go. And I was broke, right?

Like, I was, I was incredibly poor at that part. But like, I was, I think I had like $30 in my fucking bank account. It was not an easy decision to make in terms of logic, but it was an easy choice to make in terms of like morality. So it's hard not to just keep harping on the same thing and saying the same thing. and repeating ourselves. Which sucks because we kind of have to as well. Like it's actually bat shit insane that I'm coming here today and saying like, hey, you should treat women like people.

Hey, you shouldn't be okay with like horrendous fucking crimes. Hey, when someone's talking about like horror movie level esk crimes that are like traumatizing them, you shouldn't maybe message them to be like more people should fuck me. Like it's absolutely bad shit that we're even having half of these conversations. let alone any of them. That's another half of it, right? It's do what you can in your personal life. If you can't afford to lose your job and stand up to your boss,

then support the people who are there, right? Tell them like, hey, I'm watching, right? If anything ever crosses the line, I'm there for you. I've got your back. If you need anything, come see me. Consul them, work events. Like, build up evidence. There are things you can do short of just storming out

or short of, you know, being so vocal that they fire you. Yeah. I, on a nightly basis, I find a reason to swing by my host stand at my bar and say, hey, are you okay? Was that guy bothering you? You know, whatever. And it's like, if that ever happens, just look at me and I'll come get you. I'll find a reason to call you over.

I'll have a reason to, like, send you to the kitchen for something. Like, I'll get you out of that. I just need to know you're okay. And a lot of, like, you know, they're all, all my hostes are very young right now, but they're all fucking little badasses. So they can take care of themselves. But eventually there might be a time where they can't. And I want them to know.

And also just because someone can doesn't mean they should, right? Yeah. I want them to know that like if they don't feel safe, I'm hopping that bar for them in herpy. And that's important. And like, that's what women need right now, right? That's what women need to hear from men right now is that not these false platitudes of like, I'll kill, I'll kill anyone who touches my girlfriend. I'll kill anyone who touches my dog.

It's not that. It's just saying you've got their back when, when they need you. And to not have the backs of the dudes that are being shitty. That's all. Empathy and support is so huge. And it sucks that, again, even something that basic is what we need to be asking for. Yeah. And if at any point in time, you're fucking confused or lost or don't know what to do, just shut the fuck up and listen.

Find the women in your lives. And if you don't have women in your lives, that's number one. Go fucking make some friends. Go find women on Instagram who have platforms in which they say things that matter. I'm so glad that sentence kept going. It wasn't just go find women on Instagram. No, but it's like, find women who speak on things other, like who aren't just bikini models or only fan models. And not to say that those aren't valid things to consume and watch or whatever.

And not to say that only fan models aren't also posting about, you know, important content. Listen, if you don't know. Women in your life don't, like, if you refuse to follow anyone that doesn't talk about issues that matter. that's a you problem man like if you have no women in your life that speak on matters and and talk about important shit there's something seriously wrong with you and lacking in your life or in general if you don't have women in your life either you've chosen which is bad or they've chosen which is your bad yeah yeah um and that probably should be fucking remedied yeah i i can't imagine yeah i i i there's just things that are baffling to me of like i i honestly cannot imagine living a life in which i don't have friends who are women who identify as women. I can't imagine life. Even just like other things like, I can't imagine living life and just being like, I have no

gay friends. Yeah. I have no friends who are people of color. I have no friends who are queer. I have no friends who are women. I only have friends who are white and men. It sounds like hell. That sucks, dude.

And but the thing is, again, if that's the case, either all those people have decided that you are dangerous or bad. And that's awful. Or you've decided that those people aren't worth it or are bad. And that's all like, what do you fucking doing? Like it defies. Yeah, you're either incredibly unsafe for those people, which is something you need to fucking fix and fast. Or you're such a piece of shit that you don't think that those people will add worth to your life.

In which case, you're still incredibly unsafe for those people. It's just it's your life is going to be shallow as fuck. Yeah. It's just you've, you've gone to a fucking all you can eat buffet and you've decided to. Shoot yourself in the face. Yeah. Yeah, it's, anyway, like, I'm sorry to everybody who heard this news and felt horrendous. Because it's made me feel fucking sick all week.

I'm sorry we're doing an episode on it. It's not fun. It's not a fun topic. But just because something isn't fun doesn't mean it doesn't have to be talked about. I'm sorry to everybody that this is bringing back awful moments. I'm sorry for everybody currently dealing with stuff about this. I just want to, I don't know. I just hope that there's some change.

we're making and and that everybody is making and that shitty moments like this can somehow start to turn the tide or move the needle in some way. I'd rather the shitty moments never fucking happen. I would rather we don't have a tide to turn, obviously, but be kind to yourself. If you're a guy listening and you're getting upset or offended about anything that's happening, maybe really take a minute to examine that and figure are you knee jerk reacting just because we're talking about things that have to do with men, in which case realize it's probably not worth getting offended over fucking nothing and it would probably be a much better use of your time to think a little bit more deeply about how other people are being affected by things and how you could better your

life both in terms of to yourself and to others and make the world a little bit safer. Yeah, because look, as now said, it's tough to not feel that immediate pang of like, but that's not me. I'm a human being. There are times where people will make statements and I will feel that in my gut and be, But I can quickly realize and be like, look, that could have been me. And that may have been me at some point in time. And that may be me now in a very watered down or, you know, like, nobody's fucking perfect.

We're always learning stuff. You know, when it comes to, you know, I'm a white straight dude. That's, that's a lot of learning I got to do. And that's a lot of things that I can do wrong. And there's a lot of privilege that I need to use in very specific ways or not abuse in very specific ways. And the more I learn and the more I listen and the more I try to understand, the more I realize that like even maybe a year ago I was doing something that I shouldn't have been doing. And it's those little things that you learn and you don't get upset about. But instead, listen, process, understand and then try to get better, you know, engulf into yourself, bring into yourself and internalize and be like, okay, I understand that this is a challenging thing for me.

this is a hard thing for me to do because of the way I was raised, the way I was socialized, the way I consumed media, whatever. But people that matter to me are telling me that this is important to them. And so now I have the responsibility to be a better person for them. And then to educate people on their behalf so that they don't have to be so fucking tired and so exhausted doing all of the work just to keep themselves safe. because they are also doing all the work to keep themselves safe actively, right? Like it's it's a it's a challenge. So now all of a sudden we can start lifting and helping with the burden. We can start doing the educating.

So now it's a trickle down, right? We've we've heard from up high the problem. We've gotten the solution. And now it's our job when we see the problem to call it out. It's our job when we see the problem to educate. And it's our problem when we see the problem to stop it. And that is it. Right.

That is the goal that you have when you are a person of privilege. It's going to be hard. I don't know if we do a show. I think it's, I think we're done. Yeah. As now said, I want to reiterate. We are sorry for the feelings that this will inevitably come up and bring up in every woman because every woman has dealt with something like this.

They have been sexually assaulted. They've been raped. They have been harassed and touched and groped. Every woman, which is very important to stress, every woman you know, has been the victim of some sort of harassment, some degree, assault. And this is, I'm trying not to go into another fucking rant here,

but it's important to like also understand the context of stuff. This is, when we talk about like every woman has, has endured this kind of stuff, it can be as gross and as, as large as a sexual assault or a rape. But it's also, you know,

being groped on the bus. It's also having someone make a comment about your body while you're at work. It's also a partner taking, the condom off and not telling you. It's also being coerced on a first date when you don't really want to have sex, but you kind of feel like maybe you have to because he bought dinner. It's all of these things, right? It's the gambit. It's not just the big bad stuff. It's all the little stuff imaginable, although that's way too fucking prevalent, right? It is, and it's not even

just sporadic. It's constant. So just please try to be part of the solution and not the fucking problem. Yeah. Your homework as a dude is to just listen. Just stop. And the only thing you should say to anyone right now is, I'm sorry, I'm here for you. That's it. There's no, no fucking explaining how manipulation works, no explaining why it might be your fault, no explaining legalities, no explaining, but take butt out of your fucking vocabulary, maybe forever. But just right now, just listen and support. And that's it. We love you a lot. And we want to help and protect you as best we can. And please know that that is a very important part of our lives. It's why we start at the show. It's why we do this every week. It's, it is something that is near and dear

to our hearts to, to make sure that the women are our lives feel safe. The people who present as women are safe. We want to make sure that we can educate people to make your lives better. We want to make sure that you are safe. And I'm sorry that you are so frequently not. And I'm sorry that when things like this happen, you have to relive anything that you have been through personally. But we love you. We want you to be safe. And if you want to reach out to us for any reason, please, please do. Doors always open. Email is on the website, FBuddiespodcast.com. And I think I'll probably find some resources to post up on our on our Instagram and stuff as well for for help and resources to help deal with this because it's sometimes you don't have a support.

system that you can count on and we would like to be that for you if we can yeah all right we love you