F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - The Snapchat Implications

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

If you're concerned about Dain's energy in this episode, just remember he's shirtless.  That should explain everything.  Topics include using Snapchat as a cold-call dating app, the mystery behind two hour sessions, info dumped on the Tea app, and being a starfish.

I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. We are collectively known as your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating of this podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy situation. and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our incredible listeners. We answer them right here, right now, on this podcast.

I think this is the first time I ever started a show where I didn't say hello friends. Yeah, Dane's fighting with you. You're not friends anymore. Freak me out. It's because I don't have a shirt on right now. Dane, all our overthinkers are going to be like, whoa, what happened?

What did I do? Yeah. And guess what? It's because you didn't send in a question this week. Bad. It is. Bad. I'm shooting you with a spray bottle.

That's the sound. I'm not hissing at you like a cat. It's spray bottle. I'm hissing anything like a cat. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I do now. This week we're going to talk about race is a bigger deal than often emphasized.

What's going on with these two-hour sessions? My girlfriend posted me on the T-app. I want to end things. Is this valid? Being a starfish. Being a starfish. Patrick, we told you to stop sending you questions. This is by Venn 342 or 342, whichever way you, or 33-42.

Race is a bigger deal than is often emphasized. I'm a young black man. In my honest opinion, I think I look all right. In fact, over the course of a few months on two separate occasions of college, when I was mind of my own business during the day, I've been basically cold approach romantically by girls. I end up going out with both for a short time. Considering these events, I decided to see how I'd fare online.

So I added a few girls on Snapchat, pretty much all white. Soon they asked me what I looked like. A lot of them would just unad me. So I got confused initially. Why was getting such bad results online but good results in person? Now I realized, of the two girls that approached me, me in person. One was black and the other was white, but mentioned she was into black guys. My theory is race appears to be quite important, especially when it comes to women for dating

and attraction. I'd like to hear thoughts from you guys too. Okay. There's some things that aren't lining up for me. Now, like, I'm a white man. I won't be able to speak on the effects of race in the dating world. Yes. I'm sure you understand that's not the point of this question, me bringing it. Like, I don't think we can speak to someone else's. experience in that way, uh, being two white guys. However, we can talk about the things raised in this question. Yeah. I mean, like the, there's, there's a couple things that happened. Like the, when you're getting approached by people in the public space, uh, it is for me, I think it's weird if you're a, a non person of color to, I don't know when the information was revealed that this white woman was

into black men, but like, yeah, I think, I think if that's in your opening volley or, Or really, it's strange to be like, hi, I'm a white person and I'm into your particular ethnicity. Like, that's fucking shitty and gross. It's weird no matter when it happens, right? Because if you do it at the first approach, it's weird. If you do it any time after that, it's like, yeah, I kind of figured that out. Yeah, I put two into together. We've been having sex for weeks.

I fucking hope so. So it's like the only reason to say that is because you're being weird and like fetishy. Like you're fetishizing them. fetishizationing them fetishizing um and that's not good yeah i think a lot of people think that like i have a friend of mine who is currently like living his best single life he is a young black man uh and he has told me like on multiple occasions being like is this a red flag that like this chick just keeps talking about the fact that i am a black man and i was like yeah i think it is, dude. Like, like, by all means, chase your bliss. If it's just a booty call and you can deal with it, that's fine. But I was like, I do think that like, if you are looking for something a little more meaningful, that if the only thing she seems to be categorizing you in or categorizing you in is the color of your skin, I think you're going to have a bad time. I think you're not going to enjoy this interaction. Even if you are looking for something casual, I think it's still a red flag. Just.

just because I think they're, they're being weird. You're not in, like, what I would say, a healthy position. So it's like, you could still progress with it. I think you just need to be aware it's on red flags so that you can keep yourself safe kind of deal. Not even dramatically safe. I just mean, like, this person is weird and it's very likely that things are. Yeah, protecting your peace. Safe. Safety of mind. Yes. And maybe other things, but, you know. So the big thing that like pinged for me, and I think this is why you brought it, is you said you added a bunch of of people on Snapchat, but then they asked you what you looked like, which seems to imply that you do not know these people and that you have no public facing, like again, I haven't used

Snapchat in like 10 years. So I assume there's a profile picture of some sort. I guess, no, it was those little like cartoon pictures, wasn't it? Even if not, it's like, what is Snapchat, not a dating app? And that's the point of the question for me is like, you can't be like, hey, I always heard this thing. And now that this thing that has nothing to do with it happened, I know it's true. It's like if the only like you're adding random

people, it's like if I just started fucking messaging people I thought were hot on Instagram and being like, damn, people hate Irish people because they weren't replying and be like no, I'm just doing it weird. Just cold calling people I don't know sliding into their fucking DMs on Instagram. Like Snapchat's

I would say even worse than that because like people don't have like public profiles, right? You just, like, add them based on their fucking phone numbers or username unless they've changed some bullshit. So I'm assuming these are people you don't know who didn't give you their Snapchats. And Snapchat itself

is kind of like sexual like, because you know, they get deleted. So it's like if a random dude is hitting you up, there's a certain element of he wants you to fucking snap or you're going to get a dick in your inbox. Like that's it, right? I think that is the implication

here is that these women are probably counting the seconds until the next picture that that is sent is a picture of your dick or something equally as unsolicited and gross or for you to be like send me snap me that tibis like yeah it's like you think about just just like in general like would you why are you not doing this on instagram it seems very specifically that you've chosen snapchat which i think is telling as now said right like there are connotation and implications of Snapchat. So the fact that you're not reaching out to people

that you're discovering on Instagram, however you're finding these people on Snapchat. Which I also wouldn't recommend. I don't recommend it either. But like at least Instagram, someone can like open up your profile and look at your existence, right? Like, and then they can be like,

I'm just going to block you or delete you. But like to reach out to, you're essentially texting someone. Yeah. Like with Snapchat. Snapchat is a very sort of like one on one. You're not really posting things. As far as I remember of Snapchat.

Yeah, unless they've changed it wildly, in which case, just we're old and ignored this question. But like, there's just, and again, even if this question was like, oh, I'm just cold DMing women on Instagram, it would be the same thing. I'm like, you're doing something that has a 99% failure rate for anybody. And then you're drawing conclusions based on it. I'm not saying the conclusions are false. I'm saying in this instance, you have no evidence because you're doing it wrong. You're doing a thing that's going to get the majority of. people blocked because you're being weird about it. Yeah, if you want to online date, jump on

Tinder or Hinge or Bumble or literally any of the actual online dating platforms. And then if you want to do sneaky snaps chats with people, get their Snapchat from online dating once you've made a connection with that person, once you've asked for it, instead of just like, would you be super hyped if I just started texting like all the phone numbers that like just, you know, 416 Toronto Aero Code phone numbers and just being like, hey girl, what up? Yeah. Here's a picture of me. If a random message

came through being like, hey, what's going on? Like, do you show me your dick? He'd probably be like, who is this? Are you a woman? What do you look like? Aha. So, just don't do things that are bound to fail and then draw different conclusions from that failure. I'm not saying

things aren't hard out there, but I am saying this is not evidence of that. And people do this all the time. This is just an example of it. And it pisses me off. Here he goes. I'm pissed. And guess what? If you went on online dating, you might also not see success. And that also doesn't necessarily mean this because we've done things about online dating and it's specifically there to fuck you over and make you desperate and make you pay. So you just got to be informed about the things that you're doing. Now hopefully you'll be less upset because that's going to get in your head too. Anyway, good look out there. This is from

illustrious place. I wonder what causes these two-hour sessions. I've been hooking up with my friends with Benefit for about five years now. Our sessions were always on the longer side. I like it, but it's also training for me. For example, last night, we started around 12.30, did floor play for about 20 to 30 minutes, and then had sex until 3 o'clock. This morning, I had to work and only got three hours of sleep. Needless to say, I was way too tired to function properly.

Don't get me wrong. I love these long sessions, but at the same time, they're kind of killing me. I'm always super tired for at least two days afterwards. My question is, what's help with the sex lasting this long? Is it just him or is there something unusual going on? I mean, other guys lasted like 30 minutes. Does this sound familiar to anyone? What causes these two-hour sessions?

He only explains him that he only explains that he doesn't know, but he just likes to have sex with me. Like, if we're talking like two hours of straight penetration and like, that sucks. I don't know. Like, you know, it just frustrates me that this question is spoken as if this person doesn't have any input or say or like. almost like it's happening to somebody else you're there you could you could talk to this person like this it's not just a surprising thing that happens to you and then you're like oh gee like you're willing i hope you're a fucking participant at which point you can also talk about these things or be

like hey it's late or like hey next time can we speed it up or next time let's not do it at midnight like you're part of this so i don't know why you're coming to me and also you've been doing this for five years and this has just been boggling your brain for five years or has it like started to get longer in a more recent, right? Like, it doesn't really say... It seems to imply that they were long, but maybe that this is longer. But it doesn't seem drastically longer, because I think there's no way if you were having 30 minute sessions and they suddenly multiplied by five that you wouldn't state that. So I'm imagining they were always on the longer side, in which case, I assume either, one, this is just how he likes to do it,

two, he assumes this is how you like to do it, you know? And yeah, I mean, are they on antidepressants? It's very important when you're sleeping with someone regularly to make it clear what you're into and also make good choices for yourself. You know that you had to go to work the next day. You apparently have five years of knowledge that when you fuck for this long and this late, you're wrecked for two days. So why are you still doing it?

And look, I get it. I've made a lot of bad choices. But me too. I'm the king of fucking, especially for sex, like making bad choices. But like, I can't then be upset at those choices because I've made them. And if I'm making them, I have to be willing. If I'm doing this and I know I'm going to regret it the next morning, I'm not, I'm right up being like, oh, fuck.

I'm like, yeah, dude, you made this decision. And then it's up to me, is it worth it or not? And then next time I take that into account and I'm either making the same bad decision again, but I go, yes. this was worth it or I go you know what this time we're going to just go to bed yeah it's it seems like as now said like you're almost a just sort of like ghost floating outside of yourself and just kind of like watching and being oh damn what's going on here what's it happening can't believe it that's i think that's that's that's the more important thing to talk about in this

question it's worrying but the the question of being like why is it why is you why why so long Like, the guy, like, he, I've never been able to tell anyone why I've had sex for the duration in which I've had sex. Well, like, I presume. I come when it feels real good or you've done something particularly hot. Like, that's, that's it. That's how it works. Dick meet happy threshold, dick come. Like, Dick don't have choice generally.

So I'm wondering, is it the kind of thing? Like, are they coming multiple times? Like, are they coming and then you're, you're getting back into it and you're, blah, blah, blah. I keep on going, that's the best way to describe that. Because if that's the case, why are you can, you know, like, you need to have these conversations. If they've come and you don't want to keep going, why are you not calling it there? If they haven't come, is the question, why hasn't he come for two hours?

Because, again, that's kind of a question you need to ask them. Like, are they consciously, like, are they taking it slow? Are they stopping thrusting at points? Are they, like, edging almost? Like, is that a thing they're doing? Or is it just sheer lack of sensitivity? Which again, could be antidepressants could be struggling to get there. Like, does it seem like he's, he really needs like a certain kind of like thing and like a position and dirty talk and blah, blah, blah.

Like, does it seem like he has like when it's time to come, he like puts you in come composition, like come protocol starts? And if that's the case, why is he waiting two hours to get to that point? Probably because he thinks you want it. So yeah. The thing is, this guy, he's kicking himself the next morning because he's like only two hours. and all those R&B songs I listen to about fucking all night long and I'm still I'm still a quarter of the masters well maybe that's why he only wants to see her at like 1230 because he knows she has to get up at six so like a

three hour session he's he's that's that is all night long that's pretty much all night long because you're now in the morning yeah yeah right well maybe he's maybe he's playing the game that's true he's cheating kind of he's like a technical you get an asteris next to your all night long. He really wants to be able to, like, brag and be like, yeah, I fucked her all night long. It's like, I was supposed to be like, yeah, dude, it's only three hours, but three hours is still way too fucking long. Yeah, it's just okay.

For you, take ownership of your life, your health, your sex, all these things. If you want to do this, don't come complaining to Reddit when you've done it. That's a different question. You're presumably making this fucking choice, make it or don't, right? Two, if you want to make it, but hey, maybe not fuck for like three hours, have a conversation, be like, hey, that was great. I was horny. I am not adverse to having nighttime sex, but can we have maybe shorter sessions? And if they have an issue in the morning. Yeah, exactly. I got to be out of here by like two or asleep by, you know, we got to be. Yeah. If shorter sessions are impossible, maybe you ask them why. Because again, it's possible that they think this is the thing that's expected to them. It's possible that they think that they think that's what you want. It's possible that they just have a sensitivity issue or something. So we could guess until the fucking cows come home and the cows, it's a long walk home.

And the thing is, the dude might just have really good stamina. And as he said, really likes fucking you. Because like, I've been with people who like have, have been like, are you close? And I'm like, I'm not. Like, I could, I could probably focus and get there. But it's like, I'm just, I'm really, I'm enjoying having sex with you. And I would like to continue to do that. I'm on this journey.

And my dick's going to tell me when that journey ends. Yeah. So it's like maybe he's just like, sex is fun. So maybe he's just enjoying it and has the ability to like really reel himself in. And all he needs is like, you know, you to let him open the floodgates a little sooner. Yeah. So talk to him, figure out if this is a choice. If it is, figure out why.

But like if it isn't, maybe ask if you can shake things up every now and then. If you still like these sessions, that's fine. But it doesn't mean you should be having them. at times you don't want to right so if shorter sessions are acceptable available have them at times when you don't have that much time right or either suck it up and deal with it because you're making that choice or just don't do it if it's going to fuck you up for two days like you you're you're a willing participant in this you can establish fucking boundaries piss me off you all here he goes uh speaking of being pissed off okay have you heard the drama the latest

Grindr drama. No. Well, it's a, it's a weird one. So one of the things that I know Grindr is famous for is a certain less than PC inclusions in profiles,

such as like, no, insert ethnicity here. Yeah. Which has always been kind of like a prevalent, like complaint for people or like mark of pride for other people that Grindr allows you to do that. Well,

they've finally taken a stand, Dane. Okay. What have they banned from putting in your profile? I have no idea. It's not what we want. It's not what we want. It is. You are no longer allowed say no Zionists. Okay. But you're allowed say no everything else. You can get a real granular and some might say racist about the other things. But no, you're not allowed say no Zionists because we can't have that. Wild. Thanks, Grindr. Cool. Grindr. Like, you've listened to us.

The people. Yeah, the people. Isn't that fucked? Yeah. Yeah. I don't really. have much more to say to it. That's surprising, but it is fucked. But it's like, of all places to make that stand, it's like, okay, I, like, what? Yeah. I don't know. Let's talk about some positivity. I've gotten you all riled up.

It's pissing me off. I've got not all fucking fuming. Steam is coming out of his ears. This is going to, I'm going to pull the rug out from under you a little bit here. I was very excited. I got my whole fucking week jumbled up in my brain. I like that you were like I was very excited I got my hole I was like waxed

Oh filled I was convinced that this week I was going to be off for fan expo So the whole weekend I was like just one more day Then I'm free for like two weeks It's gonna be great it's good oh fuck it isn't this weekend is it It is not this weekend God damn I was like yeah me too oh yeah so this like on Sunday I was finishing out my shift and I was like

I'm out. I'm free. Let's fucking go. And then I think I mentioned it to my partner. And she was just like, no. I was like, oh, fuck. And also, they've shifted my time. So I actually start earlier. So I only have three days off this week instead of my usual four days off. And it's a nightmare. But I will say, I'm still very much looking for fan expo or forward to fan expo. We've got a really busy one. I know this probably would have been better for next. week when we're about to do Fan Expo. We can do them both. Well, actually, no, this is coming out the week of Fan Expo. Yeah. Oh, my God. Time, we're, I mean, the heat, the heat is a lot. But it's like, also, we have so many things scheduled right now.

And, like, we're planning so many things. And there's so many dates of, like, things that we have to keep in track. So, like, I really, there's just, like, dates mean nothing to me anymore. Anyway, we've reached critical mass of planning and dates and recordings and events, which is good. another positivity there things are going well but you should come

see us a fan expo we'll be there now look guys guys I got that level with you folk buddies we're flying below the radar on this one we're not technically allowed be a fan expo people are like hey

it has to be family friendly and we say bad words sometimes so we're not there in an official capacity but me and Dane will be there we will be there have business cards which you probably don't need if you're listening already but we'll say hi we might have condoms

I don't think we're allowed, I don't think we're allowed to have the condoms. We may not be allowed to have condoms. I think we just, I think we just have to pretend like we're not there at all. Yeah, but we will be there. We have a really busy weekend. We're doing, I think, the most amount of stuff we've done at a con. We've got four panels, three panels. We have one show, two panels, and some booth time.

Yeah. So we're, we're doing a lot of stuff. We're there going to be around all weekend. So if you're there, please feel free to send a message and we'll let you know when and where we are. Yeah. And if you want to come to our show, it is obviously a no quest for the wicked show, but 5.30 on Thursday, August 21st, you'll find it in the Fan Expo schedule. And then we have a world building and a GMing panel on Saturday and Sunday. And it's going to be a lot of fun. So please

swing by, let a friend know if they're into that stuff. And we love you. Um, just by okay reception, my 29 year old female girlfriend posted me 32 year old male on the T. I want to end things. Hold on. How old was she? 29. Okay. For some reason, I thought you said 19 and I was like, ooh. No, 29 and 32.

I want to end things, but is this valid? I've been with her for over four years now, and we are on the verge of getting married now. She posts me on the T app to see if I was hiding anything from her. Obviously, caused me anger to see my face plastered all over this app for the world to ridicule me. Now I was on the app for days. Not one person said a single thing about me, but she refuses to see how this is an issue. Keeps telling me if I have nothing to hide, I should be okay with it.

Well, now someone on TikTok has, TikTok has clipped it and pinned it. So now I'm available for scrutiny all over TikTok as well. How would you guys feel about it? I don't understand how this site works. How does he, I thought it was only for women. Yeah, I was going to say that. I was like, one, you're not a woman. So why you want it?

Two, why you want it? Unless she was like, hey, I post you. He was like, well, got to go join and creep on what people are saying about me. Yeah. And then also, I don't understand what you're using. Like, what's getting clipped on TikTok? weird face. Yeah, like, I, like, I don't understand.

I, I really don't understand the, the, the functionality of this site. So I'm not really sure what, what is being clipped. But I will say, it does suck that you're, like, I understand sort of like the annoyance and the, the frustration here of being like, well, if there's, there's implications of, if you're, if we've been together for as long as we have been, which does it say how long they've been together? Uh, it says, Four years. Been with her for over four years and on the verge of getting married.

Yeah. Okay. So that's, that should be enough time in which you are comfortable with your partner. Four years, there shouldn't be a whole lot of like mystery in terms of like whether or not you think this is a good person. Especially if you are planning to get married. If you're like, well, maybe he is a piece of shit. I'm going to go online and and like posts on this. So I understand like if someone did that to me after like, if someone did it to me after like two dates, I would not give a single fuck. But if I was dating someone and like engaged or about to be engaged to them and they were like, I wonder, I'd be like, why are you with me then? Like if you, if you think you're going to find shitty things about me, almost five years

or whatever into a relationship, why are you with me? I'm hoping at this point in time, my character has, has, is enough, illuminated enough for you to know that like, you're not going to find some horrible thing about me. Yeah. Like if you don't trust me, why are we dating? And that's a thing we always talk about. It's like trust is paramount. So it's like if they don't trust you, it doesn't really matter what form that lack of trust takes. But they don't trust you. I do enjoy that they're on the verge of getting married, which kind of sounds again like the other question. Like they don't have a say in it. Like oh, any day, now we're going to be swept over marriage falls. And look, I'll even go further on this guy's side. I think there are problems we can discuss with this dude. But like, again, I don't know what. what this site looks like in terms of like how information are provided like if there's a picture of this dude and someone has like someone on TikTok is is grabbing screenshots of these it's like now because of you the partner he is now sort of got the implication that you think that he's shitty well wait for it I was I was I've been trying to like crawl through the

comments and get you more more context so one the video that he was in with someone some influencer was like doing like guys found or guys posted on T app in X city so he was just part of like the roundup of that where they were like I guess making a collection of people in like Vancouver or whatever I mean like these are the guys on T app like do you know them or whatever so that was one of the videos that he was included in so I guess it was just like images but it didn't stop there she also posted him on the are we dating the same guy Facebook page I had somebody do a deep background check on him and had a TikTok live account call him to try to catch him in like a cheating scandal. Okay. So she sucks. I'm now on his side. At first I was like, well, ma, ma, ma, ma,

you know what I mean? Like, it's not great, but yeah, but now I'm on your side, dude. Like, you have every right to be pissed off about this unless you are cheating. Maybe that's why he's so upset that he's on this. Right. Like, that's going to be my caveat for this. Like, if you are cheating and you are being sneaky, then she's doing her due diligence and she's trying to catch you in the act. And that's good for you, girl. Get them. I've been watching a lot of Veronica Mars and I'm all for a little sneaky gotcha. A little sleuthy. So talk to her and be like, yo, why do you not trust me? Why is there this lack of trust? Because if it stems from like, you know, a previous relationship or something, at the very least, you'll understand hopefully where it's coming from. And if

it's like, oh, well, you always disappear for hours on end and turn your phone off and then you come back and you weird about it, then you'll also understand and hopefully you can provide some clarity or stop doing that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I, yeah, you need to go in an objective because like, if you're going to go in on the defensive and she's like, well, Leia's now said, it's like, you know, two nights ago you didn't come home. Yeah. And I couldn't reach you. It's like, like, there's, don't get pissed off. Even if there is a good reason why you didn't, you work overnights and you had to stay for an emergency. It's like, why aren't you telling your almost fiancé or your fiance any of that?

Like, it just seems weird to me that like you're, you're this deep. It would be, I would have a much different feeling about this if it was like, oh, I've just started seeing a guy and he's real suss or whatever. But it's like, you've been together for so long. I assume you live together. And we're also apparently friends four years prior to this as well. Okay. So you have eight years total.

Eight years of knowledge about each other. It is crazy to. to now become obsessed with the idea that he is being unfaithful unless we are getting again you could be being really sketchy or shitty but like things like this don't happen in the vacuum so either something has gone on with you

to make her doubt you or something is going on with her to make her doubt you it could be like a cultural phenomena thing right like where it's like she sees all these people on sea and all of this information getting revealed and now she's like well I don't want to be bamboozled I don't want to be made a fool and has fallen down People are susceptible.

Maybe it's like a fame thing. Like she wants her couple of minutes of whatever because it's like even if it's about you, she's still getting posted. She's still getting traction and like maybe there's some element of trying to like go viral or whatever. It could also just be like I don't know what they're into, but like reality TV is really just hammering home that all man are scumbags and like maybe she watches too much fucking love island or something.

I don't know. Either way. And also like AI is making people really. dumb, right? Like across the board, right? Like the amount of AI slop that is on Twitter and TikTok and like all this shit that is being

used to quite literally and I'm not being a conspiracy theorist here. There is studies showing that the prevalence of AI on social media is making people dumber and more susceptible to like following into trends

and falling into the things that AI wants you to fall into. Also, like, using it, she just dumbs you down, too. And AI is famous for always, like, agreeing with you. So if she, like, people talk to AI, like, it's a person because they're fucking stupid. No offense to the people here who are fucking stupid. But, like, if she got paranoid or got upset or got worried and tried to speak to AI, AI is going to be like, yeah, you're right to be. Or be like, hey, yeah, what are the signs that my boyfriend is cheating, right?

Like, shit like that. Like, it's making people fucking dumb. Yes. And the hallucinations, and it buys into your paranoia and your conspiracies and, like, feeds into that and reassures you. It's crazy. So there could be a myriad of reasons. And I think there's also the parisocial element, right? Like, if she's submitting these on to TikTok stuff, then she might be attached to these creators in like an unhealthy way, right?

And that's like a way to. Especially the live of being like, oh, the person on the screen is talking to me. exactly because that's why like a lot of people do that with Twitch streamers right like a lot of people get very into Twitch streamers and like lose their mind when they're their talk to on stream yeah it might not even be about you it might be like oh this person will talk to me if I submit my boyfriend therefore I submit my boyfriend so I can talk to them and it's like oh but like you know so I think you got to talk to them you got to figure out look one you're you're right to be upset in a way again with the caveat of if you're not cheating and being super

of suss and weird. It is kind of a weird thing to do. And it's also an indication that they don't trust you, which is probably unfair, again, unless you are untrustworthy. So have a chat with them. Try to get to the root cause of why this is the case. And again, if this is a thing, they're not going to be able to get over for whatever reason, I would say break up with them because I've lived with people who are paranoid about cheating and just cannot get over it. And in my case, I knew why it was like she had been cheated on in pretty devastating fashion by her past partner, which sucked. But unfortunately, it's like I, there's nothing I can do to remove that when like she would get upset if I went to work, she would get upset if I did like things with friends of hers who she knew who are also guys. Like there was no working through that.

Like therapy was very much needed and like I could not provide that and I stayed way too long. And all this is to say, don't do what I did because it's hell. Um, so also, just a, a safety thing. Like, if you want anything where you can't be upset or they can't sort of like blow back at you, be like, don't give my phone number to people on TikTok. Yeah. Yeah. You go bad. Like also don't put my details on the app that keeps getting hacked. Yeah. That's also true. Also just gives away everyone's information for free. Yeah. So you're allowed be annoyed at it. You're allowed to break up with people for any reason. Um, but also maybe just do some examinations to make sure whether you are not

shifty and that they are not doing this for a reason. Yeah, this is from no dot. They say, I think I'm a starfish. God, this is so weird to write. My husband and I are each other's first for everything. I like sex, but I can't do anything. I can't help. I'm afraid to ask anything, to move, to do anything lest he find me too

eager, gross or slutty. So I just lay there. I heard someone call it starfishing. I heard a TikTok story of a guy who was complaining about it and I don't know. I thought that's just what sex was. TV sex with both people doing things was acting. I'm not sure what to do. Now that I know, I want him to feel wanted, loved.

How can I be more but not get in my own head about it too much? I'm assuming there's some kind of religious like spike in the middle of all this digging into you because that is a weird take. But let's start there. Eager, sluddy. How can you be slutty having sex with a person you're dating? What's slutty about that? Husband, yes. There we go.

Even less slutty. Like, one, we're not going to slut shame, so we're not going to give much importance to the term slutty ever. But like, even by like common parlance, it's sluzzy implies multiple partners. So it implies that you're sleeping with multiple, multiple people is the typical definition of slut. We reject that notion. here a slut is a positive word in my opinion if if it's ever used it's positive so it it seems strange to me as now said that your concern that your husband whom you're in I can only assume a monogamous relationship with would be like oh she's really enjoying sex what a slut what a piece

of shit and look I'm not saying that there aren't yet there that do think that I'm sure they do and they suck. They're idiots. They're dumbass. So this is like chat, chat GPT. Well, makes the woman a slut. So, yeah, this is with the caveat that your husband is a reasonable, rational person, which we'll get to.

We'll get to that because, well, let's do it right now. What, like, why do you think this? And do you think this because of his views? Yes. Has he ever, has he ever, like, use the word like, oh, I heard she wore lingerie with her husband. What a slut. Oh, I heard that she wanted to be on top too eager. Yeah, or like, yeah, did you try to do something once or have you heard him talk about this? Is this based on them? Because that's a whole different fucking question if that's the case. Right. Yeah.

100%. If his views are the reason you're like the things that she has in quotes are too eager, gross and slutty. Right. So are you quoting those because you think they're ridiculous? or are you quoting those because those are words that he uses in regards to women and sex because as now said that changes everything if this is your husband's views that you're parroting that you have internalized then he's a piece of shit and you're doing yourself

a disservice by not enjoying sex yes if it's something you grew up with however it does seem strange to have come this far without it kind of ever coming up I can only assume you're massively repressed true but like, and we don't know how long they've been together. Yeah, I'm guessing there must be just, again, more religious spikes because one, they're each other's first and two, fuck knows if that meant they got married very quickly as a result.

So, yeah, or did they have sex after they got married? Like, we don't, I would like to know a little bit more of your sexual history because, like, how long were you sleeping together before you got married or did you not? And even if you didn't, how long you've been together. So, look, talk to him. One, if you are like, hey, like, I want to do a little bit more in bed. like, I, you know, I'm worried that I'm a starfish or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, he might just be like, no, it's fine, baby, which, you know, if you still want to do stuff, I don't think you should take that as a no.

But if you do talk to him, you can ask him what he would like, but literally kissing his neck, grabbing him, getting involved, like taking control, getting on top sometimes, like changing positions, suggesting things, like anything that you are being active in, that's going to be not being a starfish. And I'm worried that you're thinking that, like, I had someone who I was, I wasn't there first, but I was, I think they're a very close second. And they'd only slept with someone one time before me. And they were very enthusiastic in the sense that they thought that they had to fuck back. I guess it's the best way to say it.

And there was a point in time where I was just like, you don't need to work this hard. I appreciate the effort and I appreciate the enthusiasm. God knows that I do. but it's very hard to get a proper rhythm when you're trying to yes so seraphishing doesn't necessarily mean that both people are massively active participants in the actual act of penetration and thrusting and all that stuff

so what nile said was very important to listen to people aren't saying I need full motion from both partners or all partners at the same time in order times 100 p 100 of the time you're not going to to find success that way. I don't think. Maybe you will. I don't know. Maybe in certain circumstances, but I would say 99% of the time, no.

Yeah. So what I'm also thinking is he's, if he's your first as well, or you're his first, he might not know what to ask for either. Like, he might just think, this is what sex is. He also might suck shit as well. I mean, that's, that's, like, I'm going to go under the operator, like, I'm going to operate under the guys that he is a normal sane, not piece of shit dude. for the rest of the question, because we've talked about if those are his problems,

you know, you have to address those separately. Here, let's try to fix the starfishing thing, assuming that both of you want to have the best sex that you can. And that it's safe for you to do that. Again, see husband's views. Yeah. As Nail said, it's about participating in the ways that makes sense at the time. So something as simple as telling him that you like what's happening, that it feels good.

and when you think something would feel even better asking for it right like that is a is a participation Henry Cavill you know or something as simple as like if you think you want to like play with your nipples

while he's fucking you from behind or whatever like don't be afraid to pressure yourself as well that's too slurry and eager too gross gross too oh certainly gross yeah and like the good thing is it can be very simple it can be literally like holding on, you know, like grabbing onto him, like, maybe like, maybe scraping his back a little

bit, maybe like grabbing his butt, maybe kissing his neck. Like, like, it's, it's being there, it's being involved. And literally, Starfish lays there, arms akimbo, legs akimbo, limp. Don't do that. That's the one thing you cannot do. So, like, it sounds like you've never been on top. I don't know if that's a thing they said. I think it is. There's, they, they don't ever mention any position. They just mentioned being a starfish. So I'm assuming. Well, they do seem to say you lie there and get fucked. So it's like, get involved.

If you see something in a movie that seems hot, again, take movies and porn with a grain of salt at minimum. It is acting. Those people aren't having sex

unless it's porn. Unless it's the famous movie, the room, in which case, it's a perfect study of sex. But yeah, like take them with a grain of salt, but if you see something

that seems hot or like that you could do, again, grain of salt, be reasonable about this, please. But you know, if it's like,

grabbing someone in a certain way or like wrapping your legs around them it's like yeah you can you can do these things and that counts it might be fun you guys are are new to sex relatively i assume or or you don't have a whole lot of sexual experience on your resume it might be fun to to dress up in something sexy pull out the old laptop in bed gross and watch a little bit of porn together see you know what i mean like maybe maybe be like let's let's go we'll on our own time. We'll do a little investigation. We'll make a little playlist and we'll meet back and we'll show and be like we're, there's no judgment here, right? Bring whatever you want. Unless. Hey, I think, I think it's, I think learning is learning. No, I'm saying this because I feel

like the no judgment and the whatever is you got to be willing to hold to that. And I think a lot of people say things like that and aren't. But I will say if you're brand new to this and the porn sounds like a big step, do something a little step down and just like collect a couple of positions. Roll a dice for them. Be like, oh, I've got six positions. One D6 here. Boom. We're going to do do doggy this time. We're going to do, you know, whatever. I believe it's porn hub. I think it's still there. They have like a sex academy. I know a lot of people think porn hub is just to watch porn. But they have a whole like sexual wellness part of the site. and it's way better than things like women's magazines like Cosmo and shit

where they're giving you these crazy ass fucking like acrobatic stupid bullshit moves up to blow your brain that shit was always so bizarre and like fictitious and did sound almost like chat GPT wrote them but they did it long before chat GPT existed and I'm like that's impressive you guys managed to be idiot brain rot that didn't make sense before I remember there was a there's a woman uh I guess in girl, because we were in high school, um, that I, we like, I knew we were never going to have sex. She was incredibly attractive and very popular. But I think she liked talking to me about

sex. Like, we had some filthy conversations as like 14 year olds. Uh, and a lot of like, I guess sexting, but it was all like hypothetical. It would always be like, I would do this. Um, and one day she had, uh, it was very, a clandestine like drop, uh, for me. And, uh, and, it was a page out of like a Cosmo or something of the I can only imagine you're sitting there with a newspaper and she comes up and she puts it in the newspaper puts it down much she told me to meet her in the library yeah well guess what the fucking newspaper across from you the eye holes cut out from it was you that was me I knew it I knew it was it was like I don't know and I remember looking at them and I can still remember one of them I wish I could remember the names because

they all had stupid names at the time right um but there was one where it was like like you were supposed to like cradle them in your lap like essentially like if they were sitting in your lap but you're supposed to like the dude was supposed to like cradle you and like fuck you like that which is like i like having sex like on the side like that's one of my one of my preferred and favorite ways to do it but like the idea of like just absolutely yeah curling someone um but again she was very petite and very small so it was very hot to think about but like it's don't what i'm saying is don't go to magazines that are looking for you that are like a dying breed and will do anything to get you to pick up the magazine and buy it go to somewhere that is actually like a sexual or or you know health resource and look up positions there because those are going to give you uh one ways that you can actually do it and to sort of like what they're good for and who who's going to benefit most from them and you know use your use your brain if something looks very hard, maybe don't start with that one. If something looks impossible or

dangerous, maybe don't do it at all. There are, you've got this. The classics are a classic for a reason, right? Like, you don't need to reinvent the wheel when you're having sex. And I think it is kind of a little slutty, in my opinion. I think it's a little, when people are new to sex and they think that they're going to discover something, right? Like, they're going to break the mold and and shatter you into a sex explorer, if you will. Yeah, like a new, realm of, of, you know, sexual transcendence. It's like, no, there's a reason we all like dog is a hell. Dane, I got to disagree with you.

And it's that attitude that has really stopped sexual development in overall. Like, the position industry has really been flagging of late and its mindsets like this. It's a lie, man. I need five new pictures of Spider-Man. I mean, five new positions on my desk. Just imagine Jay John was you Amazon saying to you, it's hot. That's going to do it for us. And we love you.

I pretty much picture Jay Jonah Jameson yelling at me about everything. Yeah. That's why Dane does not take two hours to come. Exactly. Although it is,

when it's sex, it is whiplash. It's not Spider-Man. But like if you take longer than like an hour, he throws a symbol at your head. I do. I have a lot of charges against me

for symbol-related violence. I'm not doing well, guys. You ready to settle in for some bad sex or anything? Yeah. This one's going to be quick. Gabs check. the diner office and found the camera system. The VCR system was older than their ovaries.

I love, this, this has to be Agatha Christie, right? This is like a, this is one of her, like, classic old lady detectives. This is Breakfast Hash a Gab story by Chris Rue. So I don't know who Chris Rue is. I don't know what the hash has to do with anything, but I just, I love the image of being like, I picked up the book. I was older than my dick. That's exactly how you describe everything now.

Yeah, everything is now going to be, you know, there's like cat ears and dog ears. Everything's going to be in dick years now. And it will be constantly changing because I'm always going to be getting older. Your dick is always growing in years. I will now be like, this is four dicks, four, four dick's worth of age right here. See, it's too complex for me. So I'm just going to, I'm going to do like a binary where it's going to be like PD, so pre-dick and also PD, which is post-dick. It's going to get very confusing.

It's going to make no sense. AD, after dick. Yeah, my name is Day Miller and I'm Nal Spain and we have been your fuck buddies