F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - The Worst Mr. Big

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

You know that feeling when you hear a song and then you make that whole song your personality for awhile?  Maybe be a little more discerning with what song you're choosing... Support the show on Patreon!

I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello, friends, my name is Dane Miller. Hi there, friends. My name's Nal Spang. We're your fuck buddies. Didn't you know? Are you new to these parts? We haven't seen you around this town? And we're a pretty small, small settlement. I don't, lay your hat down, traveler. Take a seat. You staying up in the old McGillicuddy ranch?

Here, there's been some spooky goings-on around there. I wouldn't drink the well water. If it's even water at this point. Guess we're being spooky again. Yeah, damn it is. Halloween. I thought you were going for like Skyrim NPC for a bit. I don't really know what I was doing.

I found it on the way. I was also on a journey. Simply put, we find questions either online from our wonderful listeners. We answer them right here right now about sex and dating. Maybe we do. Maybe we don't. Maybe we do.

Maybe we don't. But this week we will be answering questions on help. Found my boyfriend's poop scale. I don't, I honestly don't know what questions. I'm going to do, and I think I'm going to vibe check it. I think it's going to be a trick-or-treat situation where I'm going to reach in to the finger candy that I have, the cauldron of candy, and I'm just going to grab a handful and

throw it at you. And asked one of my friends, can I be next? Is this irreversibly damaged? You can't believe you're going to ruin my cool question streak. To my best questions. Now we can't clip that. This is Patreon. This is Pillow Talk.

This is the Wild West. This is me running around. is this Patreon? I just realized No, it's not We're not doing a Patreon episode We're not doing a Patreon episode all That changes

That changes my energy entirely Should we begin again? No, no, this is it This is what we're doing It's not Halloween It is after Halloween And it is November

Maybe we should start Maybe we should start again No, this is just what we are This is just what we're doing Do I watch horror movies? Yeah, I do But I guess we'll save that for Patreon We'll talk about that on Patreon.

And we'll talk about Philop talk. Are you ready for our first question? I'll give you a minute to sit down. Yeah. I'll take off all my makeup and costume that I'm currently wearing. Yeah, please. Yeah. I'm sorry.

All right. I know people have been sad. We haven't had enough questions about poop lately. So I got you. Found my boyfriend's poop scale. All right. We've been doing my boyfriend about four months ago. We've been together almost two years.

But existing in the same apartment has made me aware of his strange behaviors and habits. Since we began dating, I knew how much he cared about his health. He tracks his diet, works out every single day, and is constantly researching supplements slash diet trends, obsessively, almost. It's all he wants to talk about. It can get annoying, but it hasn't been a big deal breaker for me. He's genuinely sweet, emotionally available, and my family loves him. But living with him has been a different story. The degree of his obsession has become clear, and it's getting worse. Here's an example from last month. We're watching TV, and I get up to get a snack. He asked if I could grab him some fruit leather.

I was walking back to the couch. I opened it up for him and took a small bite. It was super tiny, like half the size of a dime. He got unreasonably annoyed, explained he needs to accurately record his caloric intake, and now that I've eaten some, he can't use the total list on the wrapper. He asked me to grab him a new one,

but it was the last one in the box. So he stormed out, got a kitchen scale to measure the new weight of the leather compared to the weight list on the wrapper, and barely spoke to me for the rest of the night. I was pretty shocked, but shrugged it off and didn't really think about it. That was the last month.

Yesterday I discovered something that may lead to the end of our relationship, go home early from work, rush straight to the bathroom to pee. On the counter next to the sink is a digital scale, kind of like a postage scale, the large cereal bowl resting on top. The bowl caught my eye first because it had a picture of Tommy's face from Rugrats on the inside. I'd never seen it before. I picked it up to check it out. It's when I got a whiff of something. It was faint, but noticeable smell of poop. Next to scale is a spray bottle of avocado oil and a piece of paper with a bunch of numbers written on them. It's a daily calendar. Some days had nothing. Others

had numbers ranging from 0.25 pounds to 1.5 pounds. At this point, I was confused and curious, so I called out to him, who works from home. He got to the bathroom door, but looked super pale. I asked what was up with the scale in the Rugrats Bowl, and he fumbled over some words until he said his chinchilla, he has a chinchilla, has been sick, and he's been weighing him to make sure he's not losing too much weight. This explained the poo smell, but didn't make sense in any other way. I told him there's no way his chinchilla weighs less than a pound that fluctuates that much over a few days. That's because his chinchilla is very sick. So sick, man. And he smells like human shit also.

This is when he broke down. He started tearing up and confessed he's been weighing his poops for the last year. He went off on this explanation about how it's giving him valuable data about how efficient his metabolism is. I don't know. It was fucking weird. I was disturbed. I was also curious to know how the process even worked. He said he holds the bowl under his butt in the toilet while he poops and dumps it back in after he's taken the weight.

He uses the avocado oil to spray down the bowl first so the poop doesn't stick. I don't know. He's been hiding the scale of a bowl under the sink and forgot to put it. the way this time. He keeps trying to convince me it's not that unusual. And there are people on this weightlifting forum he's a part of that I've done it for years. Really weirded out. I'm not sure I can get over it. I slept on the couch last night and told him I needed some space. I don't know what to do. Would you be able to get out of or something like this? I think it's the end of my relationship. Honestly, it wouldn't even take me the poop bowl to get to the end

of the line on this bad boy. I think anyone who gets this obsessive about anything is not going to be a good partner. Unless they're disobsessed about treating you right about being a good partner uh it it gets to the point like the the like bite of the food and like losing my like losing their mind over that and then weighing it like what does this guy do that he requires this accurate like i get look look if you're chris fucking evans getting ready to reprise your role as even then but i mean like at least there's like a i agree with you i don't think anyone should go to the the lengths in which people are going to to to maintain a physical form. But like, if your job is to look incredibly jacked and chiseled and ripped on

a Hollywood mega blockbuster, then like, okay, I can understand why you're being this obsessive. My dude works from home, presumably at some office job or something. Like, his life doesn't require him to be this militant about his fucking fruit snacks. No, 100%. And I find, and I'm sorry if this all of our muscle heads out there, I'm sorry. But I find that the people who are this strict about their diet and their workout are so temperamental. And I can only assume it's because they are so hungry or like actually malnourished because the only thing they're putting in their body is, you know, 87 grams of protein per meal as opposed to like fiber and, you know, vitamins. Yeah, like eating disorders don't just go one way. Like, if you're to this level, it's very possible that you have an eating disorder.

And it's like if you're just getting the new- I would say that he does. Yeah, yeah. If you're getting the new, like, diet and your new whatever, just off like TikTok, because it seems to be he's keeping up to date with the, like, the trendy things, they always end up being horrendously bad for you a couple weeks later, if not days, if not, you know, whatever. And all these influencers are all fucking liars anyway. Look at the meat king guy or whatever. And it's like, oh, yeah, steroids. You know, like, it's a really dangerous. world and it's like, I will say like being in Vancouver recently was like kind of eye opening

because like people over there are really weird about their health. Like everyone's jogging on hiking all the time. And like a lot of people were like casually just like dropping like, oh, the calories and the blah, blah, blah. And me and my partner were like looking at each other. Like I don't know any of the things that I put in my body. They just go in. And people were like shocked by that. Yeah. And also like with specifically what you're talking about with like social media like health influencers. I watched a really great video the other day because look, I'm going to peel back the curtain

a little bit is I'm also doing some research on eating. I've put on an excessive amount of weight over the past like three years, pretty much since the pandemic. And I was doing all right during the pandemic because I had time to work out and I was cooking and I was eating well. Once I returned back to work and all the podcasts

started becoming more successful and we got busier, my health and my eating has gone down drastically in terms of quality and taking care of myself. So I'm kind of on the upswing of I'm nearing 40. I'm creeping towards 40 and I don't want to be one of those 40-year-olds who doesn't like look at himself in the mirror who can't walk right because their legs are so fucked and their ankles are so fucked. So I'm looking into it. I, as you said, like there's so much misinformation out there. And there's also so much contradicting information. I watched this really funny video

of this dude who was like what it would be like if you made a diet based on like TikTok influence or whatever and it was literally it's like you know, this is good for you and then he's like preparing his like whatever that is and it's like corn is bad for you he's like only eat raw veggies

raw veggies are terrible and it's just like every like he just sticks together like immediately contradicted to some of the nine nine different like rotating influencers who like either contradicted themselves based you know like what they had previously said or one dude

being like this is the only way to do it and any other way is bad and then like another person being like if you're doing this you're ruining your body and it's like yeah there's no like the science is already out there and if you look at actual science it's like your body requires X Y and Z and that's it

right and if you want to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you intake that's it there's no mystery to it there's no hidden trick or or hack. It's just work off more calories than you consume. That's it. You will lose weight. Making sure you still get enough nutrients for your body to function correctly. And like all these things where it's like, don't have carbs. No, don't have fat. No, your body needs those things to live. Yeah. And it's important to like just understand how it works. Right. It's like carbs are our bodies

fuel. And if you don't have fuel, you're not going to be able to work out efficiently. If you're skipping carbs, you don't have the energy to do the things you need to do. And we can go into the science of it all being like, well, you know, fat is the reserve energy. So if you don't have carbs, it goes right to fat. But you're doing it at a detriment either way. This man has either been, either has an eating disorder and potentially probably if I were to guess some level of body dysmorphia. For sure. Which is why he, which I think is probably like the main triggering factor for men with eating disorders is the idea of like, we've talked about it before.

we talked about it with the Travis Kelsey thing ages ago of being like men men don't often see average men like it is there is really no average man just shredded man yeah shredded man on TV or like man who doesn't matter

on TV weedly nerd or schlubby slub man like those are sort of the three archetypes of man and really only one of them is a successful person typically yeah and the thing is the schlubby nerd or the like bigger whatever are always like, look, funny side character or like guy who maybe eventually

will become person of worth, i.e. muscle man. Yeah. Um, yeah. No, it's really bad. Like when, you know, and again, men's, men's body issues do get glossed over pretty frequently and pretty regularly, uh, which is shitty. But, um, it's crazy that we've gotten this far without talking about the poop scale. Because like, I just don't think it matters. Like, I think it's like, I understand why this might be the nail of the coffin of a personal relationship. But like, if I was dating anybody who took their hobby or whatever to the extent of being like, you altered something tiny and now I'm going to spiral and treat you poorly because of it. Yeah. No, I do agree. Like the fact that one, getting upset, but two, like, oh, you didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. Why are you

dating this person? Yeah. There's very few things that deserve not being talked to for the rest of night and like they're pretty catastrophic things and look I also think that like and maybe this is again because I'm getting older and I'm with someone I I love dearly and the necessity of sort of like performative relationship stuff has kind of been pushed the peripherals and we just enjoy spending time with each other but like the best part of like being with someone you love and are comfortable it's like do you not want to share meals like when you go out to eat do you not want to just be like, oh, this looks like a fun restaurant and not have to be like, well, do they have, you know, unseasoned plain chicken breast and rice and broccoli for me?

Well, like, well, we can't eat there. I can't. Like that also genuinely like, and again, I'm sure someone out there who's way more healthy and fit than me is going to yell at me for this, but like, why go out? I mean, like, if you're going somewhere and you're like, give me a plain chicken breast, give me plain rice, give me, you know, if you're out for a friend's birthday and stuff, it's like, okay, but like, one, look at that. the restaurants you're going to. Don't just order

random shit off the menu and expect people to fucking do your shit. Like, I don't go to a healthy place and be like deep fry everything. Like, don't go order custom bullshit. And if you're getting stuff that's just plain boring ass food, maybe eat at home. Save yourself some fucking money. I don't know. That's what I mean. It's like, do you not go out to eat?

Like, do you have to research the restaurant? Can you not just pop into a bar and have a drink and be like, oh, well, they don't have my like, it just seems so stifling and so unfun. Like, the other day, my partner night we just went out to like a a place that does like sliders we just ate a bunch of sliders and it's like if if if i wouldn't want to date someone in which i have to be like well you know we can't

go here because they everything they serve has bread and you don't eat bread so it just it it seems unenjoyable to to date someone and like look if you both were this these these fitness nuts and you were on the same track then i guess you're compatible i don't necessarily think it's healthy or fun but it does seem like too much and but also it's like when you're the person with this thing like it's on you right like it's not on everybody else to fucking you know like like when she eats that thing you shouldn't be blowing up at her for it you should be like okay that's on me that I want to be this regimented and shit so like I'm not going to take it out on you this is a me thing because I'm the one who's out of the norm here it's weird to put it on other

people if your shit is I guess quite literally in this sense is so delicate that a bite of fucking like fruit snack is going to throw your whole fucking life into disarray then whatever you're doing isn't working no right like if it's that

you're on the razor's edge every second no if that's how like how how small the margin is for error of whatever regiment you're doing then you're you're not being successful because what about spiders what about spiders right every night how many are you

you eating eight what's the protein content of a spider what are the carbs the calories this fucker knows what if you walk through honey to get to you sugary spider sugary spider sugary spider those are these foods i want the real story here the real question is is your chinchilla actually sick yeah that's also a wild lie like what if she's bonded with this chinchilla and now she's upset but i will say chinchillas do stink so i it's a it's a good cover okay they are stinky little guys you know what's another reason to dump this man It's fucking up your plumbing You don't know why he's fucking up your plumbing?

He's covering his poop in oil Before dumping it back in the toilet And you know what happens? You don't put oil down the sink for a reason If you put it in your toilet Same thing's gonna happen It just makes it to go faster Yeah, I'm pretty sure

That's chaos emeralds You always mix those two up Sonic reference Very weird one No not really Even he gets this chaos emeral You come supersonic and goes even faster So makes exact sense

Yeah Do you know why they're called Chaos Emerald Why are they chaos? They're powerful. Good. Do you want to ask trick or treat? Yeah, hit me. That's not how you.

Pretend I'm, okay, here. Here's, I'm at the door. There's a door in front of you. Sure. I'm waiting outside for you to knock. No, you're trick or treating me. Yeah, I've come up to your house. I'm waiting for you to knock.

I'm outside. I'm not going to knock. You have to knock on my door. I don't know you're there. Okay, I go back to my house, close my door and wait for you to come outside. I hate you. Why will you not? Knock, knock, knock.

I turn my lights off. I don't want to. I don't want to give out candy to this year. Hit me. This is from Positive Elephant. Hit me, I yell at the door. Oh, no. The word perfect kid is back.

Hit me. Hit me. This is from Positive Elephant. I know what I want to do on a date. Is this too casual? If I were to go on a date, I'd want to go out on a Monday night for 99 cent chicken wings. I'm guessing my date and I would order 40 wings. 20 for him?

20 for me with a side of fries. We'll face the TV and watch. sports while we eat our wings. Am I big backing it? I don't know what that means. Absolutely. Might sound too expensive to some, too cheap for others, but it's just right for me. Some people might say, I don't deserve dinner on a date. That's okay. Yes, I am a woman. What is this? What is this? I don't like this. What's wrong with this? This is weird. It's so fucking weird. What's wrong? It's just, it's a normal thing to do. Why is it such a big deal? I, look, is it 99 cent wings sounds great like it's a perfect day yeah do i want to go and slam 20 wings with you

absolutely i could probably mean not face the tv and watch sports like i i would like to maybe talk to you if it's a day well now the blue jays are in the world series and this has become a blue jays podcast is that over by the time this comes out i don't think so there's like well as far as the i don't really care about baseball i know that's going to get me fucking okay well quartered i'm done. But the one thing I do know about baseball is that there are about 80 games per game. Every game is broken down into 80 games. Let's go Blue Jays.

Yeah. I believe there's seven games left. Yeah, but in those seven games, there's 80 inside. The season is about 4,000 games. That's all I know about baseball. You want another question? Yeah. Wait, what about the wigs?

What about them? I don't know what to say to that. Someone just made a big deal. Is it too casual? Was that question? It was a question you were reading? Is this too casual? No.

Okay. Like maybe for some people, that's the thing. Like, look, there is no bar, right? There's no, like, static bar of like, this is casual. This isn't casual. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. To some people, I'm sure, going to a bar to eat at all is considered like a quite fancy date, regardless of what it is, right?

Like some people, like, takeout is fancy, be at McDonald's or, you know, anything further up the monetary line. For other people, they wouldn't be caught dead in a wing place, especially on a date. Especially on Monday 99 cent chicken wing night. Yeah. I don't think there is a bar. So it's just what matters for you and what matters for your partner. Obviously, it doesn't matter for you because this is what you want.

Ergo, you need to find someone who has similar values with you as you. And you'll both go and you'll have a great time. So it's not too casual. Yeah. Maybe it will be for fucking Luther money fella. You know what I mean? Or maybe he'll love it because he's finally slumming. up with the pores. He finally, he finally gets to like take his like four thousand dollar cufflinks

out, roll up his, his Armani sleeves and just get fucking saucy with you. And the thing is, cufflinks are the bras of the upper class. They can't wait to take them off at the end of a hard day doing nothing. Oh, my wrist. I worked 42,000 times harder than everyone by employees. and somehow found the time to golf as well like yeah and now look at me covered in barbecued sauce

how do they barbecue the sauce surely it drips through the grate these chickened wings are covered uh yeah yeah we saw all I want to do is just fucking slam 99 cent wings now dude I'm so horny for wings right now

yeah uh I asked one of my closest friends and girl I've been crushing on for months. Can I be next? Irreversible damage? How badly did I fuck up? Right away, when I saw this girl, she was literally the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life,

but I wanted to keep things cool and just get to know her as a person, so kept things friendly. Turns out we're so similar in many ways. We're almost the same person. Quickly became very close friends as she's the best friend I've ever had. After a few months of being close friends,

I developed immensely strong and genuine feelings for her. More than I've ever had for another human being, so I worked up the courage, to finally ask her out. She said she was flattered and a little shocked. She was seriously considering me, but had to let me know she just started dating someone else who was also a great guy. I wanted to see things through with him. It said I understood and respected her choice, but I had to take some time away because I had strong feelings for her. But I wanted to stay friends because again, she's the best friend I ever had. She said she was happy because she felt

the same. After a while being friends, she was telling me more and more about her frustrations and how unhappy she was with this other guy, already caring about her, still trying to be her friend, but knowing I could make her so much happier. This just maybe me feel more and more strongly for her, till one day I just couldn't keep it anymore. I told her that depth of my feelings for her. She still was only focused on wanting to fix things with the other guy. And that's when I asked the question, can I be next? Not that I didn't want a relationship to work out. I just wanted her to be happy. I respect this, the guy she wants to work things out with, but maybe in a month, a year, 40 years, even if we lived to our 80s and

he passed away before both of us, however long it took, if things didn't work out with him for whatever reason, could we try something then? I had fallen for her, and she was, and so is the only person I've ever wanted to do life with. I really know the answer, because nothing's been the same since then. We stopped being friends and also talking to each other. The relationship didn't last much longer, maybe a month, but she still hasn't reached out to me. It's been almost a year. Yet she's all I think about every second of every day.

I can't even meet new people because all I think about is her. It doesn't matter how beautiful or obsessed with me other girls are. I get bored almost immediately. I still want only her. It's so easy, man. You go outside. You get your say-any-thing boombox. And you play Mr. Biggs.

to be with you because the choruses, if you're unfamiliar with the song, I'm the one who wants to be with you. Deep inside, I hope you'll feel it too. Waited on a line of greens and blues just to be the next to be with you. Just to say, could I be next? Can I have a turn? Munk says it's my turn on the girlfriend. I wonder where this all went wrong. And then I realized he never talked about getting his ticket. When you're waiting in line and you get the ticket. And then when it's done, she's like, 38? Yeah, the little screen flips to the next number. Did you not get your ticket, bro?

Did you not get the little, I miss those little things at the fucking deli counter? Now it's lawless chaos. No, they haven't met the butchers by mine. Yeah, but it's an old school butcher, though, right? No, it's in like a grocery store. I don't believe you. You're lying to me. They also have the fish market down the road from me.

You're lying. But it's really annoying because they don't do it all the time. So sometimes you like grab a ticket and they're like, and you're like, oh, okay, fuck. me, I guess. Other times, you're like, hey, hey, and they're like, look at you and you're like, what? And then they're like, 11. And I'm like, okay, today it's ticket time, I guess. Yeah, ticket Tuesday. Yeah. So yeah, get your ticket because this woman, as you correctly figured out, is just a DMV line, I guess. Yeah, an amusement park ride. Yeah, just a thing to look, dude, line up for. I'm going to, I'm going to hit you with the hack.

All right. I, I was, I've been dating for a long time. I've gone to boast much. I've got to lots of dates and if you want to have any success you got to pay for the fast pass you get the sick little little bracelet that goes around you it glows in the dark and when a woman sees it they're like ah fuck sorry tim i know we've been together married with kids for the past 17 years but gregg does have a fast pass you're out yeah get these idiot kids away from me yeah and he gets to skip the 17 man who are like but maybe when he dies and you're 80 maybe when the husband in a person that you love dies, I can have a go. Oh, this, this, this, this question hurts on a physical level.

Yeah, yeah. And like, I, I understand what you were going for. I do, I do really get it. But you went about it in like the lamest possible way. Like, you went about it in the most pathetic, weedley way to do it. And also, I think, being offensive. yeah yeah i mean i don't necessarily think it was your feelings that drove this woman away it's the fact that you treated her like like she was a a product on layaway yeah right like it it you couldn't seem

less interested in her as a person and as a human being and i think that is what the nail in the it wasn't what you said it wasn't what you wanted it it was the way that you like were just like you're a thing that i want that somebody else has and when that like you literally were like treating her like an arcade game that you put a fucking quarter on so that like to claim the next game it's fucked you don't do that to a person you wanted your turn you didn't want to be with her yeah yeah it's it's so gross but even then it's like you're you're doing like if i had to write the most stereotypical like sad boy friendship zone bullshit it would be you like oh she's my best friend but i fancy the shit out of her and want the worst her partner. Like, she talks to me about this guy. Yeah, you're fucking friends, bro. Or what you should be. Well, I was excited because, like, he did the thing that we almost always say, right, of being like, I have feelings for you. I'm going to take a step back. I do still want to be friends. You know, you do matter to me. But I do need to. I was like,

great. This is awesome. This is good. Like, that's what you should be doing. He did it the worst way where he came back and was like, psych still got him. Just kidding. Idiot. Yeah. Jokes on you It was performative or I just failed. I don't know. Can I have a turd? Yeah. And look, I think you, you've come to a realization. You understand that what you said is bad.

I don't know if they have. I think he understands that his, I mean, I don't think he understands why, which is where we come in. But I don't think, I think he realizes that, like, I asked a stupid question that has, and I think you need to do some reflecting. I think you need to understand why it was a stupid question. question and really get it. I mean like really understand it. I'm going to hit you at the end again just because this illustrates how little that he does get it. I think I think I already know the

answer because nothing has been the same since that moment. We stopped being friends and talking to each other. She hasn't reached out to me yet. It's almost been a year. Yeah. Like he seems like, hmm, I don't know. I think I know the answer. I think she doesn't want to give me a turn. It's been a year. We're also not friends if we don't talk. You, what I think you need to do is, one, acknowledge you're not going to be with this person, regardless of how it plays out in the future. Who knows if, if you guys cross past 20 years from now and you realize that, yeah, let's give it to go, whatever. Or you need 80 years when one or two husbands has hit the, got dementia and has, it thinks you were her husband and you've broken into her home, um,

you need to accept that. Just be like, this is over. I blew it. I was shitty. I miss her and I had a very toxic view of how women should be treated in regards to their affection and their care and their time. I blew it. I'm never going to be with her. Two, I think you need to apologize to her. And not for your sake, not to reestablish connection, not to do, not to do anything other than be like, hey, I realized that I treated you poorly. You were important to me and I betrayed that. I am sorry. And that is what you need to do to make it right for her. Not for you, because I don't really give a shit about you in terms of like how you how you deal with this that's what you're the one that made the problem and you yeah hurt this person so it's like you helping them is is for them

and it shouldn't be for you because again you're the problem yeah and then you you deal with your issues in therapy those are the i think the steps that you need to take in order to to accomplish your goals yes and i think you've got to like change your views on women women aren't like a toy you get to have your turn with you're not owed them you'd like to say you're going to make their life better. Why would you make their life better? You can't even treat them like a human being. Like, you're literally treating this person like a fucking, like a Nintendo DS that you want to snag off your brother. So get out of this mindset of like, oh, men suck, but not me. I'm going to look after you. Like, no, you're, if you have something genuine to offer, hopefully

people will see that, but like this performative bullshit where you just think other men suck, but you're like God's gift, you need shit to back that up. And when you can't treat somebody like an actual human being, you don't have that, right? So change your views. Women are people, bud, news flash. And when you're able to start treating them like that, things are going to go better for you. You also need to be able to be honest with yourself and them. So if you have feelings that will, you know, you know, I mean, don't be a fake friend who's secretly plotting the downfall of their partner and wants to jump their bones every day. You know what I mean? Because that's not friendship. She's your best friend. She's not. She's your obsession.

maybe. Yeah. I mean, that's what it's come down to, right? Like, you, you seem to be quite literally infatuated with this person and obsessed to the point where you, like, are sabotaging your other opportunities because you're, you're so hung up on her. That's therapy territory. You need to go to therapy. This isn't a, how do you get her back? This isn't a, you know, this is, that's not what you need to do. What you need to do is realize that, like, you've done, you've kind of like doubled down in two different ways. One, when she, she wanted to be friends. you were like, no, actually, I'm in love with you and that's going to be my whole personality.

And now that you've quote unquote lost her and now that she no longer wants to be your friend, now you're doubling down and like playing the pining, unrequited love, heartbroken aspect of it and still putting her at the center of your worth and your like emotional stability.

And she never asked for that. Her job isn't to be your tether. It's you have latched your fucking leash onto her and that's unfair. So go get therapy. you need to learn to get over it as well you know so change your views on women get over it try to be more honest in your next interactions

with another woman and don't like get to this level of obsession because it's not healthy and go blue jays um so i completely no never mind i thought this bad nope never mind ignore me i was gonna do horror stories but i realized that's for our patreon episode and we're not i was waiting on that's why i was so confused about the question because you were like do you want trick or treat as well we did this whole thing so i was waiting on the horror story and then you were like sorry we're doing badly today

yeah we're this is one of our if you can't tell one of our multiple episode record days uh this is from no pickle I think this is a quick one but I wanted to talk about it only aroused when emotional connection a 25 year old male starting to realize casual sex not for me at all

feels like putting on a performance and can never fully get hard unless drunk have been lacking a true connection as of late but met a girl recently and sex felt normal again because I feel some sort of emotional connection with her I feel like this is uncommon for men and I wonder why I'm wired like this well instead casual sex have you tried ranked that's it right the the allure of knowing that like

you can get better at it right i think a lot of men are stuck in bronze yeah and it really sex doesn't get good until gold yeah it's the thing it's like when you start to level up when people really like when the first person like clocks you on the leaderboard like walking around the street and they're like oh wait are you that guy you pulled that like 360 no scope and you're like yeah yeah when you're like getting off the bus and you have the the giant fucking like diamond trail coming off of you and everyone knows that you're just fucking sick at sex. Yeah, they look at their Google maps and there's the crown radius and they're like, oh, someone who really fucks is nearby. Look, I think that maybe you need to reexamine your relationship with alcohol. There's that.

Because that's, that's worrying and upsetting. And I also think it's like, it's a, like a mind thing. If alcohol is curing it, it seems to be that like you have like fear or insecurity or or worry you know what I mean and maybe it is just that you don't have the comfort of being with someone where feelings are involved or whatever and I think societally were meant to just be like boys you fuck whenever whoever blah but I don't think that's necessarily a true reflection of man in general and on top of that it's like it doesn't really matter if it is or if it isn't this is a thing that you want good for you that's great do that there yeah I mean when I was young sex with sex with sex I was happy to have it I could have it on the drop

of a hat, whatever. As I got older, I realized that it was like, it really was one of those things where it's like, yeah, I could have sex with this person because I find them hot, but it was just so boring or like it was, it was nothing, right? It was, it felt good. And then, and then like, but there was like no to it. There was no hair. No come. No come. No, but like, and the thing is, sex isn't just sex, right? Because at the very least, you're going to someone's place or they're coming to your place and prior to having sex you're around each other and then after sex you're around each other and it's like even if the sex feels good which it will feel better with someone that you know know more and get on with you still also have these things so it's like

if you're seeing a couple of people the three that you enjoy that pre and post part with are going to be more fun to have sex with yeah than those four other people where it's just like a non-event and then yeah you come and that's good but you know and that would always happen where it's like If I were seeing like seven people, it's like some of them would start to fall to the wayside because the three people who I like really enjoy spending time with, maybe I don't want to date them. But it's like,

I'm not like, oh, they're coming over like sex, great. But like until we get to that point, I'm going to be like, what up? Hey.

Yeah, like if it's someone like they walk in and I'm comfortable and I'm happy and like we get on, the sex is going to be better anyway. But the pre and post and the planning and everything, none of it's going to be a drag. So it's like, yeah, dude. Like,

we get it. Yeah. It's not, and I think Nile is making a very good point when we talk about things like toxic masculinity. You're a victim of it, right? This is how it affects men. Because a lot of people just think it's sort of like a thing that men do to other people and women and people that aren't men. But it's not. It affects us in just as detrimental way in the sense of being like, oh, I don't want to just have sex willy-nilly. I'm not or, you know, I'm not as easily aroused as other men just by like the mention of sex and I should be ready to have sex at the drop of a hat to anyone who wants it or, you know, whenever I think I'm socially obligated to do it. That's, that's toxic masculinity to a T, right? Like that is classic definition toxic masculinity. Especially because it's like,

you know what you want, but instead you've been trying to do things a different way and now that you're realizing after multiple times where I'm sure you suffered now and you're still like am I even allowed. Yeah. And it's like you're you're you're asking yourself like oh, why am I wired this way? Surely you must know that everyone has different preferences for anything. Like let's just zoom out to the macro level of like not even talking about sex. But you know that there are some people who like rap and there are some people who like country and there are some people who like EDM and not other things. So you know that we are all wired differently into what we like. We all. have different yeah we all have different preferences we all have different kinks we all different

you know ways that we study like we're all wired differently so i don't understand why you're having such a hang up of i mean i do because society has told you that we get that men are sexual creatures should realize that yes the same thing boil it down and be like oh the way i want to have sex and the way i want to engage in sexual relationships is no different than the fact that i don't want to hang out with racists or the way that I don't want to spend time with people who only want to watch sports. I'm not interested in sports. It's so I'm going to have a hard time being friends with people who would just want to go

to the bar, drink and watch a game. That's not interesting. Let's go blue jays. Let's go blue jays. Uh, so it's like, surely you must know that like how you choose your friends and, and the way you spend your time with friends is no different than how you choose your sexual partners and how you want to engage with those sexual partners. It's, it's all just how you work.

And obviously, there are. some ways that are problematic. And I'm not saying that every way is okay. Yes. But you wanting to be emotionally connected to the person that you want to have sex with is not unheard of. And in fact, it's called being demisexual. If you want to put a like a label to it, uh, demisexual people are people who like really

are, that's when you're into Demi Moore. Well, that's all of us. Um, it's, it's, demisexual is sort of like the, the loose definition is people who require a emotional or, uh, you know, intimate connection with someone before they can be aroused. The same way that's like homosexual people are aroused by people of the same sex. It's,

you know, it's just, it's just, I don't know, it just, it just, like, no one,

no one looks at like, you know, gay people aren't like, well, no, actually they do. Yeah. Some people do spiral about why they're wired that way.

No one looks at that and says there's a problem with that. Yeah. All of America looks at you. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, but again, that's ignorance and socialization and bullshit, right? You know what I mean? We understand it, right?

We understand that like, we're starting to. Yes. It's like, you know, if you're gay, you just find men attractive or, you know, whatever your gender identity is. And it's like, there's no real mystery to it. It's just like you just have a different level of intimacy and sexual orientation. There's no shame in it. There's no harm in it. You're not lesser by any means.

You just got to make sure. that you do the things that you make you happy, again, with the caveat that they're not hurting anybody and everyone's consenting and happy, because I feel like we got to put that in every now and then. But like, if this is what makes you happy, just do it. Don't do the other bullshit way that you feel like you should because that is a lie. And I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who would be refreshed to hear you as a man being like, hey, I don't really want to rush into sex. I find it far more enjoyable to get to know someone and be connected with someone before I want to get sexually involved.

I have a feeling that's going to play well with a lot of people. I think a lot of people would enjoy that. Are there going to be women who are like, well, I'm actually looking for something a little more no strings attached? Yes, of course. And that's fine. They're allowed to do that too. It just means you're not compatible. Even if you find a woman who's like, has an issue with that, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with what you're doing.

People have different views. There are people who are scandalized if I want to fuck on date one and people who are upset if I don't want to fuck on date one. There's always going to be someone out there what matters is what you want and what you're into and what makes you comfortable and happy and safe and investing in the people who are similar either in terms of like that's also what they want or they're okay with that being what you want right because like I've also dated people who have been like yeah I don't really want to like rush into sex I will usually be like for sure do I want to wait until marriage no that's not going to play for

me but if you want to like go on a few dates and do a few things and hang out a little bit more before we sleep together. I'm fine with that. Yeah. You know, if we go on a first date and I have a blast with you, for sure I'm going to invest the time in this. Uh, is it my preferred way to do it? No.

But, you know, I'm, I'm happy to oblige you. Uh, so yeah, you're, you're okay. I would say, maybe look into things about demisexuals and see if there's something that resonates in there because I'm sure there is going to be plenty of men who speak specifically on the, the lived experience of it. And I think getting. Information, I think just looking at it as a whole and as a concept and as a sexual orientation, I think would be helpful just to like, be like, oh, okay. Yeah, no, this sounds like me. But I think also then taking it one step further and either talking to finding a community man who, who identify it and speaking on their experiences, would also be very helpful because I think there is something useful about finding someone who has a similar lived experience as you, talking about what you're currently kind of like learning about. Yeah, knowing that you're not alone is always nice.

and just, you know, if someone's already trod the path ahead of you, makes it a little easier for you to tread it. Yeah. I mean, that's why it's so important for, like, younger queer people to have access to queer communities where, you know, like a trans kid who doesn't have trans parents, no matter how supportive they are, there's a level of experience that they just don't have. So it's like, you could have the most supportive parents in the world, but. Yeah, they're not suddenly going to know everything.

They can't speak on the experience of like growing up as a transgender. teen or as a queer teen or whatever so it's it's so important for for communities and especially queer communities to to to have access to mentors and people who have the same experience because just hearing like someone who's older than you'd be like yeah this is going to suck now but once you're in college and you find your people it's fine it's it doesn't mean the same coming from someone who hasn't lived it it sounds almost trite it's kind of shitty for so like you'll be okay i never had to deal with it but you know whereas like someone who's literally been there, at least they have kind of like the gravitas, the back. Yeah. The honesty, the lived

experience. All right, I got one more. Yeah. I can hit you a quick one. It keeps happening, it's spelled like that. He cheats all the time in my dreams. Why? I'm in the relationship for two years now. I can see his sex drive is declining. He has 32, but we love each other and get along well and everything else. We nut twice per week. I know he has faithful, I assume, faithful. I can see his location and so on, but these dreams never stop. And my dreams, he's always cheating on me. week alone, three times in my dream he cheated on me. Is it normal? Do you guys have similar Dremas? Look, your insecurities are creeping into your dream. You're worried and unjustly, it sounds like he seems like he's done nothing to warrant this distrust. But you're,

you're insecure. You're worried that, you know, the reduction of, I guess, sex drive. Does it say how long they've been together? I didn't believe two years. Two years. Okay. You're getting into that comfort territory where spending time and being, you know, the honeymoon phase is starting to wane and sex will always decline during a relationship. It'll always like diminish from when you were first together, you can't keep your hands off each other and sort of the tangible success of your relationship is tied to how much sex you're having because that's kind of like the, that's the new thing. That's the thing that's binding you. Sex, great. But now you're like becoming partners. You're becoming ingrained in a little bit more than just

just a sexual experience. So sex will always start to, like, lower. It seems like you're having, you know, if you're nutting twice a week, that's, you know, it's better. I'd love it. It's such a great way to put it. Like, not like, oh, we have sex. We nut twice a week.

Yeah. It's great. Both of you seem to be enjoying it. So I think there's, my guess is you probably had a lot more sex at the beginning of the relationship. And now that you're not having the same amount of sex, your brain is like, uh-oh, he doesn't find me attractive anymore. Or, uh-oh.

You know, we're on the verge of breaking up because this change has happened. And it's just your insecurities manifesting. Yeah, I think it's important to look at what things you gave us to qualify your statements. So the fact that you're talking about the reduction in sex, Dane made the very valid point that that's just a thing that happens. So it's like maybe you need to reorient your own kind of like value system in the relationship where it's like it isn't just, oh, we had sex three times. We're good. That doesn't factor in. You could be having sex and hate each other.

You could be having sex and cheating on you. You could be having no sex and be totally fine. So don't maybe look at that as a thing. But it also is interesting. You're like, I see his location. I know he's not cheating on me. Maybe that's indicative of how insecure you are that you need this location and you do check it for this reason. Like this is very clear that this is a thing you're already struggling with.

The dreams are just a symptom, not the curse, not the disease. So very clearly you need to deal with this. security issue and I would say maybe take the location off and learn to live without that because I feel like if you're checking that all the time that's just going to feed into this and again it's not going to change anything yeah I don't think there's a single person who's like fuck I want to cheat my locations on yeah you know no one's been stopped by that I don't think ever yeah I mean it's like when any anytime anyone takes like preventative cheating measures yeah it's like if someone's going to cheat they're they're going to do it they're going to find a way

to do it. It's like no one is being deterred from cheating because you've taken X, Y, and Z. Like yeah, people are shit. If they're going to be shit, they're going to be shit. Like, everyone knows that cheating is bad. That should be enough to stop them. Right? Yeah. Like that should be what deters

people being like, oh, I'm a piece of shit if I do this. Yeah, it's a terrible thing I'm going to really hurt the person I love you know, or who loves me at the very least. Yeah. So it's on you. It's your insecurities. It's not a dream. It's not a message. It's not. I really hope you're not all of those people that wakes up and is shitty to your partner being like

you did it again in my dream because that sucks. So go with a therapy. Think about that. That's the thing. I think you, you know, therapy obviously is great. But like if you can't get there or if you don't think you need it, you can still do self work. You could still like think properly about a problem that you have and work through it a little bit yourself. It's not like there's zero to therapy. You can do work yourself. You can actually consciously think of the problems you have and try to work on them. I feel like a lot of people don't realize that. And it's not as much to being like, maybe I am insecure and then just never thinking about it again. You think about why. What is bringing this on? What are the triggers? Why would you feel this way? Why do you not

trust your partner? Is it you? Is it them? Should you be in a relationship at all right now? Yeah, I don't know why people like, I mean, I get it. It's, there's a lot going on and there's a lot of bad things happening. And it's, it is difficult to sort of like understand that you might be part of the problem. And I get that that is a hard. But like, what you're saying is like, I do that a lot. And I know a lot of people, you know,

a lot of past partners took it as, uh, aloofness of like when I identify a problem. I don't want to talk about it immediately. I want to see if I'm the problem before I have a conversation with you about the problem. Because it doesn't really help if I'm just like, here's the issue. Like if you come up to your boyfriend,

be like, you're cheating on me in my dreams. He can't do anything about that. There's nothing he could do about that, right? Well, why isn't his dream location on it? It's true. um like he could reassure you right he could be like you know baby like i would never cheat on you

like i love you um but like unless you do that sort of groundwork of being like oh i'm insecure i do need reassurance i need to hear that he cares about me and you know here here are the like things that that have built up as we talked about just now if you don't have that groundwork if you don't do that sort of self-reflection to know where you stand you're just going to fucking sink in a quagmire of like nothing you're like you're you're going to be standing on fucking swamp ground instead of a foundation that's going to hold you to go forward so figure it out take a second to like really ask yourself hard questions be a little rough with yourself yeah and and really ask yourself though you know put your feet to the fire and ask yourself

the questions that you need to discern in order to get better and if you do get to a point of being like i acknowledge the problems but i can't do anything about fixing them that's when you go therapy. That's just to get someone who can really help you give you frameworks, give you, you know, context and work through the things. But like, if you're just being like, I know I'm a piece of shit or I know I'm

being insecure, but it's his problem, not mine. Then like, that's your fault. You're not doing the work on a personal level. 100%. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for your song paper stars. Here's one. Right to Josh Eagle. I like that. Yeah. I feel like I've been almost forgetting lately. I don't want

to forget about our sweet boys. I don't know anything about them. They don't know anything about them. I'm worried. Look, Josh, I'll break it down. I'm worried that one day something's going to come out. Josh, can you just be cool? Can you just be the coolest guy? I hope you're cool. I don't know. I hope you're cool, man. Yeah, we love you guys. Thanks for coming by. I'm Google a Josh. You can't do it. Thanks for come on by guys. We appreciate you. Please, please, come support us on Patreon. Help us keep this show going. You almost got a Patreon episode. I accidentally almost started. This episode was almost a Patreon episode.

You almost did, yeah. That's how excited I am for you to join us over on Pillow Talk. I was just about to bust my load, my Patreon load. And it's going to be a fun one. Dane has horror stories for us for our spooky October episode. I'm going to keep going with the lore of this weird small town couple that is warning you of the McGillicuddy Ranch. Yeah, we're going to immediately hop back into that.

I just looked up Josh Eagle, Harvestay's problematic, and nothing came up. so yes that means we're good means we're good then i looked up dame miller problematic well there's a list problematically sexy uh yeah we love you guys so please support the podcast whatever way you can be that rating reviewing sharing uh posting about us interacting with our social media patreon whatever way you want tell a nearby bar a production company you want us to do a show in your city and get them to reach out for us and we'll do it we love you as long as you're not in america Yeah, we're not coming to the state.

Sorry. Yeah, sorry. Uh, you ready for some bad sex writing? Yeah. Uh, this is by The Moon is a harsh mistress. Minor spoiler, apparently. But, but Ludmilla never came back. I didn't know it.

Glad I didn't. But she was one of the many dead at the foot of the ramp facing Bonn Marsh. An explosive bullet hit between her lovely little girl breasts. And apparently, she's 14. Gross. Why, like, a little girl was shot by an explosive bullet. And you can't take the time to not bring her underage breasts into it? You could say chest, man.

You could have just said chest. Yeah. And Achilles was shot just below his man penis. You didn't say that, did you, Homer? Was it, did Homer write this? No, I don't, I hope not. You should know. You study classics.

Yeah, but this is new. True. This is a new Homer just dropped. New Homer just dropped, and it's real creepy. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Nal Spain. And we've been your fuck. buddies.