F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - What Have We Become?!

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

I need to know how serious we are about this relationship and also what you have done to my flesh and bone structure... I'm a monster! Topics include a petty review, AI wife, dating culture shock, what are your intentions with me?Support the show on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends. My name is Dan Miller. Hello friends. My name is Nile Spain and we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we are a podcast. Yeah. We find questions online on the topics of sex and or dating. We answer them right here right now. Every Monday. Can you hear that? Sorry, the drilling literally. So I can't hear that. But what it did look like was like when, you know, in movies, we're

when someone's like on a web call or whatever and they're about they like hear something and something bad is something comes out in the background like you're being like haunted or hunted. We're a podcast. We find you know, sex and day advice questions. I was going to say we're recording this early, but we're not.

It's almost noon. But it feels early to me because as many of you know, my cat is old and unwell. But he does, he has started a new thing where he just goes absolutely ape shit at like five. am or six a. m. Between the hours of five and six

is his... It's a perfect time to go ape shit. Some might say. It's his kitten time where he's like, nope, I'm a perfectly fine normal cat. And also, I have all the energy. Let me sing you the song of my people. So it's been a challenging couple days. Well, like,

why do you, how about you just don't need sleep? Like, have you ever thought about that? You know what I mean? He's like, guys, we sleep all day. Yeah. Literally, there's a cool sunbeam over here. that we've been napping in for hours. What are you doing? Yeah.

I'm sorry. It's rough. It's fine. It is cute because he does come and look for like love, which is not something he really does. Like he's a very independent cat. That's almost worse because it is something great and lovely that you want. It's just at a time that he's not great or lovely or that you want. And I feel like I'm reinforcing.

Like when he's in my face like purring, I do want to pet him. Of course. It's actually illegal. not to. Yeah, I don't want you to think that like, this is good. I don't want you to be like, oh, I love pets. But, you know, I do legally have to pet him when he's... You do. Yeah. Yeah. Or Mr. IKEA will come give you another beat down. God, I'm so being. Well, you know what? What could wake you up more than divine questions such as tattoo artist had sex with my wife? Can I leave this petty review? Do you have any or am I reading all? I think you're going. I think this is a Nile episode

dump. Also, my wife wants to create an AI version. of herself. How do I approach this? Dating outside culture is shocking. And do I tell the guy I'm dating? He matched with my friend on Hinge. Tattoo artist had sex with my wife. Those are all better questions than what I was working with. What can I say I've got a gift? This is by ad appropriate 9103. He's 39. She's 37. He wants to leave this petty review. Originally posted in legal advice, but was removed by mods. I don't know why. Recently found out when I paid over 2,000, thousand dollars for my wife to get a tattoo in the last session, he cut the tattoo short to bring her back to his place and have sex. Well, I've gotten no contact with her. I'm working on all of this. My question is this. Can I legally leave a one-star Google review for his shop with something like spent thousands on tattoo for my wife? He took her back to his place and banged her. Zero to ten would not recommend. I get that it is petty, but at this point I don't care. I just want to know legally, is it okay? I'll also note, I met him the first session and he knew about me and that she was married. Yes, I know she's the primary bad guy here. This is a

isn't about that though thank you in advance oh boy i mean legally i don't know man i i can't imagine it's illegal to say something that had like i think if you made this up if you're lying i think there's some legality issues i think yeah there's like defamation and or uh slander and it's like if there's any proof you're probably fine and also i believe he would have to prove that it isn't true which is going to be probably hard and again like i imagine there are texts or something. So you're probably okay. Yeah. Like, there's parts of me that when we get questions like this, where I'm like, do you know this? Or are you a person who is so jealous that your wife stopped texting you while she was getting a tattoo and you assumed the only reason

is because he's having sex with the tattoo artist? Like, yeah, because we have questions like that. Yeah. So the things we do know are that it's apparently the last session. but also that they cut the tattoo short. So is there going to be another session or is she just got half a tattoo because that dick don't stop? Yeah, there's a lot of this that like doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. But if we're, we're going to take it at face value and assume that the things that happened happened. Well, maybe advice number one is to make sure the things that happened actually happened. Are you just being jealous and weird?

Yes. Yes. If there is any doubt, if you are just convinced because you, hate your wife or want to leave your wife or your or this tattoo artist is just pretty hot and you're like oh no the worst is it's not a hot tattoo artist it's like a oh no just grizzled 80 year old man um either way figure it out right like if if you don't have any hard reason to believe that this happened maybe don't do it my advice my personal advice don't do it anyway right there's no benefit to doing this other than sating a and you say you say that it's petty but like this more

diminishes you yeah than does anyone else because like it just kind of puts you in a position where like i think the average google review like looker is going to make fun of you more than hate the tattoo guy right it's high it's not i won't say it's highly possible but it's not impossible that a meme account finds this and just goes to absolute town with it. And then all of a sudden you are guy who got cooked by a tattoo artist. Yeah, it's, it's, I just don't understand what you get out of this, right? Like you feel bad about it. Sure.

Like, I understand your partner, your wife cheated on you in a pretty sort of like unceremonious way to. Like, it's not even like it was a, you know, co-worker that they've been with for ages or a friend they've been with for ages. Yeah, like maybe they were tempted over months and weeks of it. It was like an hour? Yeah, let's go. Yeah. So, look, I get it, right? I think what you would be better off doing, spending your time and energy and effort is maybe going to some therapy and having professional help work you through this.

Because it sucks. It's a tough thing to do. You're losing a long-term partner that you're married with. There's legalities and that. There's. So I think. you're worried about any sort of legal repercussion or whatever, I would be worried more about what the divorce, like how this would affect the divorce, because for all you know, she might be able to weaponize this as like defamation of character or whatever, right? Like if she's like, yeah, like he went online and posted this thing in a very public place, like maybe that has a downside to you. I just don't think that there is any benefit that outweighs the bad or it's like nothing. The hope would be like, I presume, you would, I don't know, lose this guy business or something.

But for every guy buying their girlfriend a tattoo at this place, there's going to be a girl being like, oh, so you're saying it's possible. Yeah. Especially if this is like a real hot sort of like. Yeah. If you know. Got it going on. Yeah. You know what I mean? Uh, so I don't think that's the way to go.

I do think you're opening yourself up to ridicule. Uh, again, who knows if it plays into the divorce or something. But like, it's just not worth it. if you really want to get some kind of revenge or something, I don't know, maybe reach out to the tattoo studio that he works at. I'd be like, hey,

your employee did this, unless it's his tattoo studio, in which case is going to be like, damn right, I did and high five himself. And that sucks for you. But Dane's right. It's like sometimes shitty things happen,

and it's like moving past it or moving forward and working on yourself and doing positive things is actually better than the quick rush you're going to get from trying to do something petty, which in this case, I don't think is even going to be worth it. Yeah. I just,

I can't see how this brings you any level of peace other than a very temporary, like, ha, I fucked them over. But like, it's not going to change anything. No,

it's not going to change anything again. It opens you up to so much possible, like retribution, mockery, like, you know, if the wrong teen finds this review, you're toast,

buddy. Also, a lot of review sites let you, like, reply. Yeah. And that, opens this dude to dunk on your ass something fierce.

Yeah. Like all he has to do is be like, yeah, man, she said I had a bigger dick than you. I'm gonna fuck your wife every day. But like, if this guy's a piece of shit, he could. And like, how do you think that's gonna make you feel any better? No, you're gonna fucking go crazy and then buy a gun or something. Or you're just gonna focus on this review and click into it every day and be like, has anyone liked it?

Has anyone replied to it? And it's just gonna be like this thing that's like capturing your attention when you could do with putting your attention elsewhere because you're going through a lot of shit right now. It's kind of the same thing as like making a vague post on Instagram or Facebook or something right after a breakup. Like it's you're, it seems like you're looking for outside validation or outside like whatever. Like maybe just go and have a couple beers with your boys and vent and talk to people who actually care about you and allow yourself to be vulnerable around people who who know you and care about you as opposed to like. like hoping that the internet rallies behind you and destroys this man. I don't know.

It's a little sad. And again, with the context of like, this sucks. You're in a really bad position. Yeah, I'm really sorry. I get this drive and I would probably want to do something similar.

Like, you want vengeance, but it's like, is this vengeance or is this just man yells at cloud and then maybe cloud dunks on it? So it's the risks are there. And it's like, you kind of like hit the nail.

on the head with like the fact that your partner is the worst person in this situation. It's like, yeah, this guy sucks that he knows she's married or whatever. But like, you don't know what she said to him. She could have said you had an open relationship or you could have whatever. And what, it doesn't really matter because he's allowed be a piece of shit. He's not in your relationship. Your partner was a piece of shit and was in your relationship. And that fucking sucks.

And you need to be able to move past that more than you need to be able to move past the fact that men are shitty out there. Because when you find a good partner, it won't matter that men are shitty out there. Yeah, it seems like, of the two things you need to reconcile with, it's that like you were hurt by someone you trusted and loved. The tattoo artist. Not that you need to and not that you need to dismantle the other man's business or whatever.

Like those, they're pretty two distinct flavors that you're going for. And one of them doesn't matter. Like one of them really has no bearing on. Because if you're going to look at like the two paths, you can do it. Are you going to then be like, well,

I'm going to choose from now. on to never trust my partners with another man. And, you know, is that the route you're going to do down? Or you're going to be like, this one partner did something terrible to me. And I need to make sure that this doesn't fuck me up forever. And really, those are your two routes and you're going down the wrong path, in my opinion. I think you really need to focus on healing. I think you need to focus on recovery and making sure that this doesn't taint all of your relationships in the future. And your relationship with strangers in the future. You can't live your life being like every time your wife goes out with friends or

your new partner or whatever goes out with friends. You're like, this a bartender going to fuck her. That's a terrible way to live. So that is something you're planting the seed and watering that motherfucker like it's going out of business. So you need to figure out how you want to live your life and then make the choices based on that and not the angry little pit in your stomach that needs to be. sated. Yeah. So I'm sorry this happened. And I hope the divorce is favorable to you. Claim back that two grand.

Yeah. Get all your tattoo money back. Yeah. Take the tattoo. It's yours now. I don't know if we want to suggest to a angry, uh, in my head. It's a world where you can just scoop them and put them on yourself. Not in a violent real life way, okay? Not in a cutting off skin of your... No, come on, Dane. I'm just saying, no, Dane. Come on. We don't talk about real life here. This is by Mito Lights. My 38-year-old male wife, 34-year-old female, wants to create an AI version of herself. How do I even approach this? My wife has been getting her affairs in order. I won't disclose here, but you can guess. She's told me she's really worried about me being alone.

So she said she found a way to create a very realistic AI of herself, so I won't feel lonely. Then it'll feel like she's still there in a way. We don't have any kids. I've already told her I'm not interested in finding anyone else for any kind of relationship. In my mind, she's the only one for me. I'm guessing there are some of the reasons why she's doing this. this. I'm hoping for some perspective here from a neutral perspective. And by the way, do not denigrate my wife. She's going through a very hard time and I know she wants to do right by me.

So Dane, don't believe this dying wife. Ooh. Damn. I saw you. I saw your face. I was, I was fucking ready to get this stupid dying wife. Um, Jesus. Look, this sucks. This is a really tough situation that you're in in terms of sort of like counting down the days. I can't imagine. the difficulty and sort of emotional weight that that puts on the both of you. You know our position on AI.

We hate it. It's bad. It's bad for the environment. It's bad psychologically. It's bad mentally. Generative of AI, if we have to be specific for the one person who's about to type,

like actually go fuck yourself. Generative AI. You get it. And like, I don't know if AI is AI chatbot is considered generative? Yeah. It is, right?

Yeah. Yeah. which I assume she is creating and not some sort of like AI, you know, sci-fi, you know, built-in, like robot thing. Like I assume she's talking about like a chatbot that she's trained. Yeah, I assume there's some chatty PT bullshit where it's like, I'm going to feed in all my top thoughts and whatever and you just make a me. And one, like let's talk through the pitfalls here. AI sucks shit. So, you know, do you want your wife's legacy to be?

burning the earth through all of its remaining water supply and inevitably becoming far right in about three weeks. I don't know. But like if we step aside from the usual concerns, right? I think either this will not work well, in which case I think it'll be kind of a fucked up like haunting weird bastardization of your wife that will probably do more harm than good. And I think that's bad. I think that's very bad and I think could really harm your grieving process or it does work well.

And that's really bad also because that will also harm your grieving process because how are you supposed to move on, start to heal if there's like this weird vestige of her left that isn't her that is harmful that we all know it is it is, you know, very bad for you to commit to AI in this way. So it's like if it does work well, that's equally as bad. And it has a fucking like time limit, presumably, because they always throw up an update or they change their system or they change how something works or they blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So if this works well and you do have this wife, she's just going to die again in this new form. And I think that could be as bad if not worse because now, you know, like it, I just do not think it is either way, either root, whether it works well or works poorly. It is bad. And I think both way it's going to affect your grieving process. And I do think like when you're grieving, it is all too easy to fall into like self-destructive like spirals and like hold yourself off from other people and not seek out, you know, happiness and, you know, like community and like human interactions.

And that's going to be oh so easy when you have fake computer wife to just curl up in front of and like stop living. Yeah. It's bad. Because look, look, what's. put this into a practical, like, scenario, right? You have a bad day at work and it's tough and you don't have anyone to go home to. You know, when you go home, it's going to be no one there. You reach your phone and instead of texting a friend who can provide support, real support for you and maybe you go and have a beer with or you go have a meal or a walk or something and you vent about your day and blah,

blah, blah. And, you know, they give you a little perspective. They give you a little comfort. They give you you a little support. You don't do that. Instead, you open chat GPT, you load up AI wife and you vent that way. And instead of perspective, they agree with everything that you say. And they do their canned lines and the way that they've been trained to respond and blah, blah, blah. And you've received zero support from anyone, right? And you've gotten no comfort really because this is no one. This isn't your wife. This isn't a person. This is a chat bot that is just saying things to you, that it is learned. And now's correct, right? Like, even if this thing exists forever, they are learning language models. It will slowly become you, right? Like, it'll pick up what you need,

what you want, and it will no longer be. Not in a good way. No, and it won't be a representation of your wife. It'll be a, a mirror of what you know. need from your dead wife. And that is chilling. That is a haunting thought. And that is a, in my opinion, a complete disrespect to someone's memory, right? To turn them into, like, it's already bad enough. Like, we all do it when we lose someone we care about, whether it's in a breakup or

something, where you like, you remember either the best or the worst of them, right? And you build up this new sort of, uh, memory of a person. And, you know, it's why, you know, roast into glasses. and stuff like that. Or if it's a particularly bad one, you make them out to be this horrible villain when there's more nuanced. Nothing was ever good and it was a, you know, or everything was perfect when it wasn't. Like it is so harmful. Yeah. And it's not like, like you can't, there's as much as she can train it. There's no way that she can give it the breadth of experience that you guys have, have lived together, right? So it's not like you can bring up and be like, oh, it was like that time,

you know, your boss did the same thing. It doesn't know what you're talking about. And I highly doubt that your wife has the foresight to include tiny little stories that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. And even if you did, it's like, there's no human way you could remember them all or have the time to put them all down or put them all down the way they need to be put down. Like, it just would not work. Like, I wouldn't even know where to fucking begin. Yeah. And the things that matter to me with my partner.

I'm sure might not even register for her. Like some of my favorite memories or or conversations that we had or whatever, right? Like those things might stand out for me because of my experience in my life. Whereas like she might not remember that conversation. 100%. That's kind of the joy is like when you bring up a thing and they're like, oh yeah. It would be awful if every single favorite moment you had was the exact same. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, I remember we did this. Yeah. Best moment. Did this second best moment. Okay. Like it would just be so fucking boring. And guess what? When you're like, my favorite moment is this, that AI chat bot's going to be like, yeah, me too.

Because that's all it does. And it's going to make it up. Yeah. Because it doesn't know what it is, right? And every one of your favorite memories is going to be completely constructed by bullshit. Yeah. And on top of that, it's like it's going one of two ways, right? Or three ways, I guess.

It's either going to AI bubble pop. It dies. No one uses it anymore. It becomes a subscription service. So now you're paying a shit ton of money to keep dead wife alive. right? Or ads. And then your dead wife is like, I love you so much. Like I love Baja Blast.

You know, like, and that's going to be kind of fucked up. Like I can't imagine the feeling of like thinking you're talking to your dead wife. And then she starts spouting on about fucking Mountain Dew. Yeah. I mean, that's horrific. You got to find yourself a partner who's already hyper loyal to brands. So that when. Yes.

When they die. It's not weird. And make them, they're like a sugar baby. So you're already kind of paying a subscription. service. Yeah. There we go. Solved it.

We solved it. It's, look, because it doesn't seem like this dude is into it. He just doesn't. He seems a little sort of like, I don't know what to do. How do I bring it up? Right? I think you need to. Yeah, there doesn't seem to be any thoughts one way or not.

Yeah. If this was me, I would, I would beg them to stop. I would say, please, please don't do this. This is going to only serve to ruin. in your memory, my memory of you, I don't want to talk to something that is a fake bastardization. Like that sucks. That sounds horrible.

And I'm like, I'm getting emotional kind of like just talking about it because it does. Like, I can't imagine wanting this for anything like parents, friends, partner. Like all of it sounds terrible. So I mean, that's that's my two cents, right? Like I don't know. And like, I think on. top of that, it's like you, we already kind of mentioned that like to try to even get anywhere close to a representation of your wife. She's going to have to feed a lot of shit into this,

which takes time. And she doesn't have time, right? So it's like, what would you rather do? Have her in the fucking living room copy pasting, I don't know, her chat history into a fucking LLM or going for a walk, having a nice dinner, like making memories. And I would just tell them that. I would be like, look, I want to spend time with you. And when you're gone, I want to remember you. I don't want fake you. I don't want new you. I don't want anything that isn't you in this way.

Maybe watch P.S. I love you and get her to do something like that. Tell her, like, if you want to be there for me after you're gone, leave me letters, leave me notes. Write me, you know, something. Make me something. Like, send me things or leave me things to open and to read that are you that will make me probably cry, but will be treasures for me. me as opposed to this fucking bullshit. Like that would be what I would want.

It's like if you want to leave something for me, write me something, draw me a picture, like leave me a voice recording or a video or something. I don't want any bullshit. I think that's the first question that's got me emotional. Yeah, it's rough.

We're going to take a break. To recollect our thoughts and emotions, we'll be right back. We're back. This is by a substantial umpire 890. dating outside culture is shocking. I, 19-year-old female, Arab, recently for the first time, went out on a date with a man who wasn't Arab. He's a white American.

We went on a date to an Italian restaurant. Everything was going well until the bill came. It was like $40. So I jokingly go, I got it, and he said, oh my God, thanks. And I stood there dead face because I've never had that happen to me. In my culture, Arab men will literally fight you for the bill. I've never paid for anything in a relationship because it's just a part of our culture. Even my own dad would get mad if I joked about paying.

I understand this sounds entitled, but there are tradeoffs I'm fully okay with. It genuinely caught me off guard so bad, I stared at him for a minute before paying. He's nice and I liked him, but genuinely, that experience outside of my culture was so different, I can't even imagine other things with him. How can I bring this up without being entitled? I mean, presumably you are somewhere not an Arab country, right? I'm going to guess that you are in America, maybe, because like if you're outside of your culture, I'm not thinking, I'm trying to approach this like from a race standpoint.

I'm trying to approach this from a culture standpoint. So like if this is what you know is to be standard in your culture from your experience growing up in that culture, you can't assume that the experience of going into other cultures and dating into other cultures will be a mirror to that. So like it seems strange to me that you're like, well, in my mind. culture, I've done this, and in this culture, it's completely different. And I don't understand that. It's like, well, surely you must understand that, like, from his point of view, your dating culture is different to his dating culture is different to, like, everyone's dating culture in terms. So, like, I think it's just like what you, yeah, 100% what you're saying is like, why would you expect somebody of a different culture to do a thing from your culture, right?

Like, I don't come to Canada and be like, well, I don't know. They're not doing this thing Irish people do. It's like, yeah, because they're not Irish. I don't make a joke and then be like, you guys don't fucking get it. I don't speak in Irish and then be like, ah, you idiots? Like, why would I do? Why would anyone do that? That doesn't make any sense. And it also, I guess, like, I think it doesn't matter whether you're in like a place

of your culture or somebody else's, right? Because even if, you know, like, let's say this white American lived in a certain culture for 10 years, sure. I would expect them to have some idea, right? But like, if they haven't, if I'm visiting somewhere, I'm not automatically a part of that culture. It's like, I still have my own culture. So it's like there should still be a bit of give and take and allowances made in that regard. Right. So it is just to me, absolutely insane, to expect anybody to do something that isn't part of their culture without any communication.

Yeah. Like, do you expect him to understand all of the? Because you're like, oh, I'm, I'm okay with giving taking on some things. Like, what does that mean? Like, are you what, what are you providing from your cultural standpoint that is beneficial? Do you? him whereas like I can't imagine you know they money is a very sort of universal thing right we all got to pay right we all got to buy sadly we all we all have to spend money to continue to live uh so that is someone offering to pay for dinner is is a universally accepted uh being like that's very nice you you taking this financial burden relieves me of that financial burden also was 40 fucking dollars you're lucky that it was the one time you fucking

said this and somebody said it and it was $40. I wish I could pay for two dinners for $40 fucking dollars. Yeah. I don't like can't I think when we went out on Tuesday for dinner my bill was $50 for me. For just me and we got

glizzies. We got hot dogs. Yeah, we got all you could eat hot dogs on a wing place. I also would like to point out why the fuck are you joking about paying if you don't want to pay? That's it right. Like it's it's not a joke.

You said a thing and then he was like, oh, okay. And you're like, how dare he? Yeah, right? It's like, are you, I think you're trying to get, you're like stolen valor. You're trying to be a cool person who's offering to pay for the bill, hoping they'll say no. It's like when you're like, oh, do you need help, babe? And they're like, yeah, can you cut an onion? And you're like, fuck.

I want to play my games. And if I then were like, fuck you, you're a piece of shit. I'm not doing it. I would be such a terrible person. So you offering this thing and then getting called on that and being like, How dare. You suck. Like, what are you doing? Because you want the kudos of being like, I'm a chill girl who offers to pay, but you have zero intention of doing it. That's on you, girl. Yeah. And look, we've gotten to the point in life that if you are expecting a man to pay for everything, I think you are a bad person. I just straight up to you. I think the expectations of someone's financial burden, I think should depend on financial situation and, not what you have between your legs or what you don't have between your legs.

I think, right, like if I'm dating someone or what you identify as was you, yes, what your gender role or identity is, if I'm dating someone and they're a fucking CEO making millions of dollars every year and I'm a podcaster making millions of dollars. Five cents an episode. You know, I would expect if you want to go to fancy places that you will be the one footing the bill, right? Because otherwise, date in your fucking tax bracket then. But I also think in that situation, if you never spent money, like if you never bought your CEO girlfriend a present or never got them a coffee or took him out for lunch or something, if you never did that, you would

also be a bad person. It's like, yes, you're making a million dollars, but you don't just go hands off the chess piece. I'm free coasting. Like, fuck that. Yes. Yes. And that's it, right? You, you spend the money on things that you can afford for them. And that should be, equally like if I'm buying you a, you know, if I'm at a store and I buy you a little treat and a pastry and a coffee or whatever, that should be as as equal if that is sort of like what I can afford. That should be as equal as like a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant if that's what you can afford. Right. Those things. There shouldn't be a tally of like, well, I spent, you know, $200 on dinner, but that would fuck you so hard if you did the same thing. But I do expect you to do it because that's what I did last week. Yeah. That's terrible. And I feel like this is an extension of that, right? The reason I presume that your culture has men paying for everything is misogyny and patriarchy, right? It is a power thing. It is a I hold all the power. I have the money. I control the money. And without me, you're unable. It is, it is a power thing. It is a structural thing. That isn't something you want to hang on to. Exactly. Right. And that's the thing. It's like, I feel. like people really want the benefits without thinking about the context or the negatives, right? And it's like, well, okay. Yes. Maybe you should. And like, I'm going to try. I'm trying to be culturally sensitive and try to like,

but chances are if the, the culture centers around men do this and this is what men have to do, then there's probably also the expectations that women do this and this is what women have to do. And I promise you that that probably isn't good. I can almost hear that the expectations of what you must do as a woman is probably not great. And it's probably something along the lines of like, you know, well, he takes care of the money. You take care of the cooking, the sex, the whatever, right? Like there's a burden on you to the burden on the man. And the man is just paying money.

The men who want to be like, oh, I got money so I can get women. They don't want to be like, oh, I'm going to give you all this money and expect nothing in return and just be a great partner. Like, there is a tradeoff somewhere. And it seems weird that they almost seem to say they want that in the question because they're like, I understand there's a tradeoff and I'm okay with that. It's like, well, then why are you dating outside of your culture if that's the experience you want? That's the next point of being like, if you want to have the culture that you're used to reciprocated and respected, then why aren't you dating within that culture? If that's what you are looking for, and again, I'm really want to stress that I'm not talking about race. I'm talking about culture, right?

Yeah, for sure. If you want to, like, you know, let's go outside of sort of racial culture and go into like, if I was a steadfast poly open relationship, you know, I want multiple partners. I want transparency, blah, blah, blah. If I was, if that was my culture, if that was my identity, and then I started getting into a monogamous relationship or someone, who who has only done monogamy or only wants monogamy or only wants monogamy i can't sit there and be like well my culture you have you're she she expects you not to sleep with anyone or what the fuck's wrong with her yeah yeah like that it's crazy to be like this is how i view the world and i know

for a fact that this person does not have that same world view because of other indicators but i'm baffled and shocked that this person isn't doing exactly what what I expect a person to do. I think also just having those expectations while dating is stupid, right? To go into a date and be like, this person is going to do exactly what I want. Yeah. And that's another thing is like there people might have all the hallmarks of your culture.

You know, like I could meet someone who's from Ireland, but it doesn't mean they do things the way I expect Irish people to do. A lot of people are from cultures or places or whatever and don't subscribe to that. So it's like just going into any date with these expectations. is just unhealthy and bad and you're going to end up being upset like you are in this question. And again, don't joke about things that you don't mean to do. Because not a joke. It's, yeah, like, and she, I mean, to answer the question being like, how do I bring this up

without sounding entitled? You don't. Like, try to bring it up in any way being like, oh, in my culture, the man always pays. And I want you to do that. Yeah. I want you to pay for everything. Because I'd like it. It's good for me.

Because my culture. It's good for me. I like that. That's it. Because the thing is, it's like you want it because it benefits you. Yeah. It's like, you're not saying, oh, I feel disconnected with my culture when I have to pay and like, you know, I lose my identity to it.

No, it's, you want man to pay. Yeah, you just don't want to spend money because it feels bad and it sucks. But guess what? That's life. Yeah. And also dating. Yeah. So there is no way to bring this up without being entitled because you are.

Also, you need to. More importantly, your responsibility is to tell me where you're going. and getting a two plate Italian meal for $40. Was it good? It's got to be like the only thing. It's got to be spaghetti factory, right? I think that's the only Italian place. All of Garden, right?

Maybe Olive Garden, yeah. That's the thing. They got one entree and then unlimited breadsticks. So they were both full. Yeah. It's crazy. I don't know. It is crazy.

This is by a sleep motor 9647. Do I tell the guy I'm dating? I know he matched with my friend on hinge. It's kind of long, so I'm just going to try to skip through. Guy I'm dating match with a friend on hinge. Do I tell him? I've been seeing a guy for three weeks. We've been on four dates. Things have been really well.

Things have been going really well. Consistent, attentive, affectionate over text. Flurdy calls me, babe. Makes futurish jokes and overall seems into me. We're not exclusive yet. Haven't had the conversation. However, I found out my friend actually matched with him and messaged her the day after our last date

where he was being very keen with me and also during a day where he was messaging me quite a lot in an affectionate way. I understand it is normal to talk to other people at the stage. I'm not upset about the stage. that itself. I don't expect exclusivity this early, but it's made me feel real weird seeing it in real time. For your information, my friend likes his profile months ago before we even met and has not spoken to him. She immediately recognized him and told me. What I'm struggling with is the fact he's dating around, is not the fact he's dating around, but the combination of that plus

how he communicates with me. His tone is quite affection emotionally forward, and it makes it uncomfortable now, given he is still actively seeking other women. It's making me question whether his level of verbal affection is meaningful or just his general dating style. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but starting to make me feel unsure about how genuine it is. On top of that, I'm going away for just over a week and he's been making flirty, joky comments about me leaving, saying he'll miss me, joking, I'll forget him, et cetera, to make me feel emotionally invested, more emotionally invested than I expected at this stage. I also wonder if me going away has made him feel insecure and thus he is seeking out other women. Now I'm stuck on whether I should actually

bring this up with just so I can relax and not overthink it while in the way, or whether it's something I need to sit with as normal early dating uncertainty. So right now, I feel like if I don't say anything, I'm going to overthink and put my guard up, which will make it hard for me to continue talking to him and dating moving forward. It's making me lose trust. So my question is, would you bring this up early, not to ask for exclusivity, but just to clarify if the interest is genuine and tone pace of emotional intimacy? Or would this feel off-budding if a girl communicated her concerns this early? I think you're approaching this in the complete wrong way. Shockingly, I know.

I understand, look, I appreciate that you are on the level of being like, he's allowed to date other people. I great. What is she? Well, so I understand her hang up seems to be the fact that he is being, he's being so lovey-dovey, right? Like he's using very flowery language. He's being baby, blah, blah, blah, very quickly. And I can understand that like it would be a bit jarring if this is how he was talking to everyone, right? To be.

But that being said, some people just talk that way, right? Like some people just have a communication style and some people that's how they flirt, whatever, blah, blah, blah. So it needs to be said that some people are capable of feeling the way he feels about you, presuming it's genuine about multiple people at the same time, right? I am one of those people. It is very easy for me to really like multiple people at the same time and be emotionally invested and kind to all those people, right? And like doing it to one person while also feeling it about another person or talking to someone

doesn't invalidate that or change that or make it like sinister. It's just you can feel like I like multiple friends, for example. It's not like I got one friend. And if I talk to another friend, I was lying to the first. I have to be slightly colder to all of my other friends. I have best friend. And it's fine that you're looking for other friends. But you better be kind of a dick tall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think you just need to reconcile with the fact that people have different attachment styles. And you seem to be someone who when you find someone you like, you're in it and you're pacing yourself and you're seeing where it goes and that's fine. That's a totally fine way to date if that's how you want to do it. You also seem to be well aware that this dude is capable and allowed to and you know, it's not unethical to date other people and see other people and talk to other people while you're in this sort of early stage of dating. You just need to understand that attachment styles are different as well. Just because he is like this with you, there is a potential that he is talking

the exact same way to someone else in a genuine manner. There's a world that exists where both things are true of being like, oh, he really likes me. He could also really like someone else. And that's just like, that's just the state of the world and, and dating, unfortunately. And the thing is, I don't think you bringing up that he talked to your friend is helpful. Because again, you seem to, you do say explicitly you understand you're not exclusive and he's allowed to talk to other people. So the fact that it is just a person you know that's not on purpose, right?

It just happened. So it's allowed. So yeah, it's weird that you know that when you usually wouldn't. And I guess this is where part of your hangup is coming from. But like, nothing changes because you know the person and bringing it up doesn't help. Timeline also seems she says that he liked her profile months before they even met. And the friend never messaged her or him. Yeah.

Right. So like what you're worried about might not even be true. Really? You don't even know that he's, he's seeing other people right now if he had messaged your friend. Well, prior to meeting you. No, it says that they message the night. after they last hang out, hung out. Oh, okay.

When he was saying like lovey-dovey shit and all that. Right. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. So I think you got to, you got to boil it down to like, are you just feeling jealous and insecure? In which case, deal with that kind of internally and like try to work on that and move forward. Because again, you say all the right things. You know that what he's doing is allowed and you're fine with that. But are you? So make sure you are and blah, blah, blah, blah.

If you do have concerns, bring them up as concerns, not tangentially. You know, you don't need to throw up like a you match with my friend. because that doesn't matter, right? What does matter is, are you concerned that he's not into this relationship in the same way that you are? So if you want to eventually, for example, be exclusive or like get a little bit more serious, maybe just be like, hey, I've been enjoying like how everything's been going. No. Is it possible that like, what are you looking for?

That's what are we? That's not what are we down. And you have to ask him, what are we? That's the way to deal with this. Yeah. The perfect. Yeah, sorry, fuck the communication and the being direct. You say, what are we?

And then judge him harshly. Get really upset if he doesn't answer perfectly. And then throw it in his face. Like, I know you message trash. I know you did it. I got receipts, bitch. If you're concerned about where they want this to go, ask them like, you know, have been enjoying this. Like, are you looking for a relationship eventually?

Like, obviously not now. But like, what do your intentions with my daughter? Yeah. And I am the daughter. I am the daughter. I think if someone said that to me, that would be very. fucking funny. I think that would enamel me. That's why I get paid the big books to

podcast. Five cents an episode. It's very important to, at this stage, this is where you make a break in relationship with this dude, right? And Nile is correct. You need to approach this and this concern with your feelings and your

thoughts, right? Trying to crack open his brain and figure out what's inside of it through subterfuge and espionage isn't going to work. You're just going to try yourself crazy as you said, right? You're going to put guards up. You're going to get weird. And that's only going to make him get weird. And then it spirals, right? Let's point out, we love that you're aware of that. And you're trying to be proactive about that. Like,

that's cool. That's the self-awareness we like to see. You're so close to being awesome, right? Like, you recognize things. You haven't freaked out. You are being a little weird, but at least you're talking through. You know the right stuff. You're aware of yourself. And you just need to get this over the finish line. And things are gold. Like, you're doing well. Yeah. And that's what we talk. when we talk about like, oh, you're allowed to feel things. This is a completely rational thing to feel in this situation, right? Of being like, oh, I'm worried that he's, this is just a tactic he uses with every woman. And it's not genuine.

That is a pretty good thing to feel in terms of like, it's not out of left field. It's not an unrealistic thing. You're not making things up in your head. You're not like crafting these invisible women. You're worried that like what you're receiving isn't a genuine thought or a, a genuine emotion from him. And it's just a sort of gambit that he uses with every woman. And this is just how

he ropes people in. That's a totally fair concern when you know that like this might be a move that he does. But where you need to draw the line is like when you start doing what men typically do of imagining the the harem of women that he has lined up.

And you know, your ranking on the list and like all the things that men tend to spiral about, you seem to have stopped before you got there, which is great. That's good news. You, as now said, need to communicate your concerns. And I would even do it in a way that, like, figure out what you want.

Do you really like this guy? Do you really want to move forward with this relationship? Because I don't think there's any harm in messaging and saying, hey, I've really enjoyed our time together. I really like hanging out with you. I really like blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever you're enjoying. And then say, at some point in time, you know, is this something you can see going forward? Are you looking for a relationship right now?

Is it something that's on your mind? If it's not, I would love to know because, you know, obviously we can keep doing what we're doing. But if you are sort of relationship against, then it will sort of, you know, tailor how I approach this relationship. And if he's like, yeah, no, it's, I've liked to get to know you too, blah, blah, or if he says, you know what, yeah, I'm not really looking for anything right now. I'm just kind of like dating and keeping things casual. Then great. You know where you stand. And then you can make a decision based on that.

If you don't want to be a part of someone seeing multiple people, that's fine. If it doesn't feel good for you, then you can leave. And if you do, it's like now the way he communicates won't matter because you like the way he communicates clearly. And now that you know the intent behind it, like, it's not like he's trying to trick you. It's just the way he talks and you like it and it's fine. And it's like, now you don't need to read into it. You know, oh, he doesn't, you know, he's not looking for a relationship.

He can still care about me. Like, what's the issue then, right? If you do want to continue. And if you don't want to continue. then you know. So it's like it's win-win. Right. If he says, I am just looking to keep it casual and he keeps talking to you like this, then you know that like he's not doing it to trick you into thinking that he wants to be in a relationship. Exactly. It's a, it's a, a clearer, right? Like you wipe the slate clean and be like, okay, we now know what this is. I'm, I'm aware of the, the nature of our relationship.

Great. And that is how you do the what are we conversation. Yes. Right. This is how you approach situations like this. Because this is, for all the tense of purposes, the perfect, what are we situation, right? This is what you think of when you get into those situations. You just need to reframe it into telling him what you want and what your

expectations are and what your hopes are and see what gets sent back to you. Yeah. Asking for clarification on what he's doing and where he wants to be as well in a way that's actually communicative, helpful, direct as opposed to the worst fucking thing ever which is, what are we? It should

be stricken from the records. And you have a really golden opportunity with this week away, you can come back and be like, hey, I had a week away and I had time to think and, you know, I hear it. I missed you and blah, blah, blah, right? Like, you have a way to sort of open this door fairly naturally because I'm assuming you probably aren't going to be talking a whole lot during this week away. And if you are, maybe consider not, you know, maybe take the week off and like really process it and think about it and, you know, figure out what you want to do. And then when you're back, you can open that door and it'll seem a little more natural than just like out of the blue being like, what are we? And importantly, I think you do need to know what you want as well, right?

Like I don't think going into this, me like, what do you want when you can't answer that question? I think that's kind of stupid and fucked up. So do a little soul searching, see what you want. And again, are you happy with the way things are? Because if you are, then maybe you're just feeling a little jealousy and that could just be an inside, like, figure it out thing as opposed to having a conversation. Like if things are the way you want it to be, maybe you're good. The only time you should say, what are we? Is when you and your friend got hit by some kind of truck and goop went all over you. And then you kind of like dissolved into like your base molecules.

And then you reformed in the sewer somewhere. But you've new limbs and part of you's like goopy and you can see in the dark and you turn to your friend. And they're also a monstrosity. And you say, what are we? That's the only. Where have we become? That's it. That's it.

What are we? Only time. Or if you were like, you're challenging a wizard and a tower and he polymorphs you. And you have to look at each other and be like, oh, this is part of the puzzle. What are we? You know, you're a frog and I'm a bore. So like, what does that mean? What's that what do we do?

Or if you're really bad at like video game trivia and you're like at a pub trivia and it was about the Wii console and you look at your friend. You go, what are we? Yeah, what are we? That's it. I think that's the end of that bit. And the episode. Thanks for coming along. We love you.

If you want us to make more than five cents an episode, you got to go to our Patreon. You got to join it. You got to support us. You can get an extra episode every month as well as all the other extra episodes we've done. That's a whole bevy. I want to be able to my millionaire girlfriend. I want to take her out to a $40 Italian meal. Right?

That's the thing. Dade's never been able to do that. And it's your fault. Yeah. If you want to support us. We would love it. We would appreciate it. And yeah, we just, if not, if you don't want Dane or you don't have $40 to give Dan, but you do want to see him succeed eventually, it's okay.

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That's enough. If you want to go even higher, follow us and leave a comment. We got so much hate the other day. So many people were telling me they have to protect the world against us. I need people being like, no, thanks. That's a good video. Just to even that out. Just to even that out.

We love you. Are you ready for some bad sex writing after I thank Josh Eagle and Harvest is for their song Paper Stars. Yeah. This is Philip K. Dick, the man in the high castle. Or maybe she thought, I can go with no bra at all.

It had been years since she tried that. Recalled to her the old days in high school when she had a very small bust. She'd even worried about it then. But now, further maturity and her judo had made her a size 38. However, she tried it in the bra. However, she tried it without the bra,

standing on a chair on the bathroom to view herself in the medicine cabinet mirror. Dude, does judo give you big tits? Yeah, dude. Did you not know that? Fuck. That's cool. Yeah.

What does it do? Now, does it make dick big? No, no, that's Brazilian jiu-titsu. Is it just, is it just boob? So if I start doing judo, I'm just rocking a D-cup now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty sick. Did you not know that?

Like, every martial art has an associated, like, part of the body that just starts to grow. That's why a lot of them aren't that popular. It's just neck. It's just neck. Yeah, it's crazy, man. Also, like, Akido is just one leg, which is. terrible. Yeah. That's why you have to, like, if you ever see just a really big person with massive tits, don't ever fight them. You're fucked. M.A, man. M. You're fucked. You're fucked.

My name is Dave Miller. MMA stands for mixed massive appendages. I'm now Spain. We've been your fuck buddies.