Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee - #245 BITESIZE | How to Manage Overwhelm and Reduce Stress | Elizabeth Emens

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Starting point is 00:00:51 10. And these packs are perfect for keeping in your backpack, office, or car. If you want to take advantage of this limited time offer, all you have to do is go to drinkag1.com forward slash live more. Welcome to Feel Better Live More Bite Size, your weekly dose of positivity and optimism to get you ready for the weekend. Today's clip is from episode 53 of the podcast with Elizabeth Amons, author of the book, The Art of Life Admin. Now, sometimes dealing with everyday tasks can feel like a whole other job. And in this clip, Elizabeth explains why life admin is getting in the way of the things we really want to do and gives some great strategies to help us steal back some time and bring more calm into our lives.

Starting point is 00:01:52 I think you've really hit on something in your book, a real sign of the time, something that is affecting so many of us now. We're just swamped. We're drowning in things to do. And I think these things are major stressors on our body. They impact our health, our well-being. They affect the quality of our relationships, how we feel about ourselves. So what is a professor of law doing writing a book about life admin? There was a moment after my second child was born when I realized that I was completely overwhelmed.

Starting point is 00:02:29 And I was overwhelmed in a way I hadn't expected. So I knew that having children would involve a lot of hard work and also a lot of joy. But I didn't expect that there would be this kind of invisible layer of office work filling my mind and my time. And first, I thought I was just personally failing and I should somehow be able to organize or meditate my way out of it. But I looked around and it seemed, as I looked more closely, that a lot of the people around me seem to be struggling with this as well. So what is Life Admin? What are those things that you are specifically referring to in your book? do in the office for pay, but that all of us do in our lives invisibly and for free. It's things like the daily things and monthly things, paying bills, filling out forms. It's the aggravations that come up. It's lost luggage admin. It's broken technology admin having to get it fixed.

Starting point is 00:03:41 It's also the kind of work that often hits us around major life events, both happy ones like a new baby or a wedding can come with waves, onslaughts of this labor, but also really painful junctures of life, like an illness, an aging parent who's ill, a child who's ill, a death in the family, a divorce. Often these really painful life events are compounded by this onslaught of invisible labor that's filling our mind and our times just when we really need to be taking care of ourselves and each other. It has a number of consequences. I mean, one basic thing is that it takes up time that means that we can't spend on other things. So we can't spend on our relationships, on our self-care, on our meditation practice or our exercise or whatever we do for ourselves. It also isn't in of itself stressful.

Starting point is 00:04:32 It fills our minds and makes it hard to get into the flow with what we're doing and with connecting to others. I guess I think of a friend of mine, he's a doctor actually, but he doesn't see patients on a Wednesday. And he's trying to spend his Wednesdays doing other things, educating himself, reading a little bit. It's a strategy he's tried to adopt to actually help him grow. But what's interesting is often I speak to him and he'll say, I spent the whole day just doing stuff like sending emails and just getting the washing machine fixed. And before you know it, you feel busy as though you've done something, but you actually find at the end of the day, A, you haven't achieved very much in terms of what you wanted to achieve.

Starting point is 00:05:15 And then often people feel quite stressed that actually I've done so much today, but I don't feel like I've done anything that I wanted to. Is that something you've seen in your research? Absolutely. So I did interviews. I didn't want to I've done anything that I wanted to. Is that something you've seen in your research? Absolutely. So I did interviews. I didn't want to just write about me and the people I knew. And so I did interviews and conducted brainstorming sessions around life admin. And it's really pervasive. People struggle with this.

Starting point is 00:05:38 And one of the things about it is precisely what you're saying, which is that we can spend the whole day doing it and then wonder, where did my day go? All these things are considered time wasters and they genuinely get in the way of doing our important but not urgent things. What in Stephen Covey's work and his urgent and important matrix are the things that are often our big life goals and our self-care are the things that often get put off because these may arrive. There's an increasing frequency with which they reach us. Our email inbox, but everyone knows our email inbox, is backlogged. So now they text instead, right? And so the request, there's an escalation so that the bombardment with this kind of labor comes at a greater frequency and therefore a greater cost to our ability to be at ease.

Starting point is 00:06:29 I don't think it's too much of an exaggeration to say how devastating the consequences are on us for the way we feel. But also, I think our stress levels and our health and well-being. Your book is full of strategies in terms of what we can do about this. Are there certain strategies that are really resonating with people? A hundred admin tasks added up is more in a sense, each of them taking one minute than if you had a hundred minutes worth of one admin task, that there's some accumulated number of these things that when they're filling your life, the overwhelm is so great that I think it's really actually hard to understand from the outside if you're not in it. So someone looking at you might think, oh, you've been through someone died. You know,

Starting point is 00:07:13 you're in a sad moment, but they don't see that you're also completely overwhelmed with this labor. Well, anyway, one of those moments, it doesn't help if someone gives you the life hack and suggests, this is a good time to make an important documents repository where you have all your important documents and put them in a file and scan them and have them accessible by your phone and your laptop. That's I have in my list of ideas to try for when you're in a moment where you can make a process improvement. That's helpful at that moment when you have a little time. When you have no time, when you're in a moment where you can make a process improvement. That's helpful at that moment when you have a little time. When you have no time, when you're in an admin onslaught, you need quick fixes, right? And so then you need something that's more responsive to that moment. And so the first list I have is for when you're in, when you need an immediate fix, when you're in an

Starting point is 00:07:55 onslaught. And so one example of that is to start with a simple to-do list. One surprise of my research was how many people had gone back to paper, especially many of my super doers, the people who are doing this well and pretty happily, had actually gone back to a paper list. And I use any more. When I'm in a really tough day, I use a paper list. And at the top of it, I put my good day list. So I put the things that are important but not urgent that I try to do every day, meditate, write, exercise, yoga, those sorts of things to remind myself. So you're writing them every day even though you know? Even though I know them in my head, I put them at the top of the list.

Starting point is 00:08:36 And then I also keep in my phone. I like to have a longer running list that I do have with me, but I do it in the Simple Notes app in my phone. I tried a lot of different apps. have with me, but I do it in the Simple Notes app in my phone. I tried a lot of different apps. And in there, I have written at the top also the list for every day, the good day list for every day to remind myself of those important but not urgent things. And so starting with the simple list and giving up on the idea that there's going to be a magic tool that's going to solve it all, that's one global strategy for when you're in an onslaught. Is there a danger that when we're making a to-do list, we can put too many things on it,

Starting point is 00:09:10 which then becomes a source of stress? Is part of your strategy to really prioritize, like, what are the most important things I need to do today? Absolutely. Well, that's a reason to have always at the top, the important things I need to do today. Absolutely. Well, that's a reason to have always at the top the important things that are the to-be items, in a sense, to remind yourself. But also, there are ways that you can bypass the to-do list altogether to keep things from ever ending up on that list. Now, one thing you've said is just deciding certain things you don't do. And I talk about that as a strategy too, is deflecting certain items and making those choices. But also there are things that requests people make of us all the time, like, oh, do you know a good eye doctor? You probably get a lot of requests for doctors,

Starting point is 00:09:54 right? Can you recommend this? And you have a choice in that moment. You could say, oh, yes, I'll find that in my email and I'll send it to you. And now it has to go on your list. Another option is to say, oh, just wait one moment. Let me just look and I'll give it to you right now while the person's standing there. And it never, ever lands on your list at all. Before I saw life admin as a thing, before I saw it as something that was coming at me about to land, I didn't appreciate how easy it could be in certain moments to deal with them right away. Yeah, you know, I think you've really touched on it on a very important point, which is by labeling this problem as a thing, we make it something that we can think about and therefore deal with. Because for many of us, it's hidden. It's there in the background. We don't think about it. We just wonder, why was I stressed all the time?

Starting point is 00:10:44 I feel sometimes they take up, there's a cognitive cost to them. You're nodding your head. I mean. There is. Well, there's a specific term, the Sigurnik effect, that is the way that unfinished tasks take up more mental bandwidth than completed tasks. mental bandwidth than completed tasks. So it's like if you leave the kettle to boil and you answer the phone, part of your mind is still over there with the kettle that's about to boil. And so in that way, all of our unfinished tasks are taking up bandwidth. And so that's why one of the things is if you put them on a list, and for some people,

Starting point is 00:11:21 putting them on a paper list seems to more completely close that loop. Yeah. I'm one of those people. Some of us like paper. Some of us really like high tech. Some of us like marathons where we get it all done. And some of us like short sprints. You know, there are different modes for each of us. And, you know, if you find those, then when it's time to really get this stuff done, then you can make it a little bit better. And that's a relief. Admin can get in the way of most any goal we're trying to achieve if we don't see it. So if we ask the admin question about a life goal, if we ask what role does life admin play or could it play in this problem or in its solution, then we have a better chance of achieving that goal. So if let's say, you know,

Starting point is 00:12:02 you want to change your eating habits, you know, people often think, okay, well, that's going to take some willpower and maybe some knowledge about the right diet or whatever. But people rarely appreciate how much admin goes with changing your eating habits. You have to find new recipes. You have to find off sometimes new places to shop for food. You have to know where to find the food quickly during your day. It's one thing at home, but when you're out and about, if you're starting to eat differently, where do you find the food that you actually can eat and like? Where does the time come to do all that work, mental labor and searching labor research, in order to make this habit shift? And so unless we say,

Starting point is 00:12:39 I'm going to block out, say, let's say this month, I'm going to, I don't know, zero some other area, the news, or I'm going to go off Facebook or whatever for the month because actually I'm going to try to change my diet. And I know I'm going to need an extra two or three hours a week just to make the mental work and the research work of making this life change. And so if we ask the admin question as part of what we're doing to try to make a change, it can really help us get there. And if we don't ask the question, it can be an invisible drag that we just didn't see. That was the thing that prevented us from getting where we were trying to go. Yeah, Elizabeth, I think that's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Because I think, yes, there's life admin and how we can reduce that, how we can make it more efficient for us to get that done. But this is a slightly different point, isn't it? This is about understanding that there

Starting point is 00:13:22 is an admin cost to almost anything we choose to do. Life admin, this burden that we're now facing is a huge stressor. And because I know we've said it already, but I think the key point is you've given it a name, you've labeled it. So it becomes a thing now that we can deal with. We've got the knowledge now to go, hey, okay, what I'm going to do about this invisible burden wishing that other people will spend their time in the way that is most meaningful to them is one of the things I really hope to get from this and also so that all of our lives can become less stressful I do think we we all really could use relief and this is one area where we can find

Starting point is 00:14:02 some and help each other find some can you leave leave my listeners with maybe, I don't know, three or four top tips that they might be able to think about applying in their lives right now to improve the way that they feel? So starting with a simple to-do list, going back to paper, if paper appeals to you, putting that good day list at the top of your to-do list every day. What are the things that are on your to-be list? What are the things that you do to add meaning to your life and to take care of yourself and to reduce stress? And can those be on your to-do list? And can you also find ways to have some things never land on your to-do list at all? Can you take care of them right in the moment? Let this not, though, in any way be one more area in which you're falling short.

Starting point is 00:14:47 You know, so many of us, we learn a new strategy, we learn a new idea, and then we feel like this is one more way, right? In which I'm falling short. It's always a work in progress. You know, I haven't solved every part of this in my own life. It's ongoing and it is for all of us. And we all have areas where we have, you know have shifts and improvements and areas where we struggle. And knowing that about ourselves and each other, a compassion for ourselves and each other, to me has to be the ultimate message. Hope you enjoyed that bite-sized clip. Have a wonderful weekend. bite-sized clip. Have a wonderful weekend, and I'll be back next week with my long-form conversation on Wednesday, and the latest episode of Bite Science next Friday.

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee - #245 BITESIZE | How to Manage Overwhelm and Reduce Stress | Elizabeth Emens

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