Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee - #259 Mindset Expert Explains How To Achieve Anything You Want In Life Today | Peter Crone (Re-Release)

Starting point is 00:00:00 The way that people currently live is they look for solutions and strategies for the most part to problems, which is very logical, right? If I have a weight problem, or if I have a relationship problem, or I have a finance problem, I want to find solutions to my problems. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a very archaic method of trying to find relief, because what you're actually doing is reinforcing the belief that you have a problem. So what I'm appealing to is what if there was a different way to access freedom that was actually more of a process of dissolution than solution. The freedom I speak of is more like a spiritual freedom. It is awakening to the true essence of who we are beyond the facade of our sort of human persona. Hi, my name is Rangan Chansji.

Starting point is 00:00:43 Welcome to Feel Better, Live More. This is the fourth conversation that I've chosen to put out as part of this weekend's re-release series. Now, you may have heard me say over the past few weeks that this podcast is getting a lot of new listeners at the moment because of all the publicity surrounding the release of my new book, Happy Minds, Happy Life. And so for new listeners, I really wanted to be able to showcase what this podcast is about and the variety of different topics that I try to cover every single week. Having said that, I must say I'm getting inundated with messages from longtime listeners who are really enjoying re-listening to some of the classic episodes from the archive. So I'm actually

Starting point is 00:01:31 considering keeping this weekend series going for a little bit longer. Now today's conversation is with somebody who I've spoken to on my podcast on three separate occasions. And without question, he is one of the most popular guests I have ever had on my show. In fact, it was really hard for me to decide which one of the previous three conversations I've had with him to re-release, but I decided to go for this second one. I had this conversation early on in March 2020, and it was originally released back on episode 121 of the show. Peter Crown goes by the name of the mind architect. He is considered a thought leader in human potential. He's worked with world-famous actors, athletes and the business elite. Yet what he's got to say is

Starting point is 00:02:17 just as likely to resonate with the average person on the streets who's simply seeking to feel more comfortable in their own skin. His mission is to help people live a life without limitations and stress. And what he offers instead is a life of freedom and peace. And who wouldn't want that? Now, Peter acknowledges that being a human being is challenging. We all face struggles and difficulties. What he offers though is a different way to look at life and your current problems. He believes that it is our subconscious dialogue that gives us our ideas of who we actually are. And this dialogue is actually rooted in childhood conditioning and the self-talk that we may not even be aware of. There is a lot of gold in this conversation and it is filled with many relatable examples that I know will help you implement these ideas into your own life.

Starting point is 00:03:13 If you have never heard Peter Crone speak before, I think you are in for a treat. And if you have, well, I think it's always worth a re-listen because Peter speaks to some human truths that we all need reminding of from time to time, myself included. And now, my conversation with the mind architect, Mr. Peter Crowe. So Peter, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you. Take two, the sequel. Take two, the sequel. Yeah, it's, I've not had that many repeat guests actually.

Starting point is 00:03:50 I think only, maybe only Rich Roll so far. Really? So you are, you may well be the second guest, depending on when this comes out. Yes. He's come back. I take that as a great compliment. Thank you. Well, you should do actually, because the episode we did together yeah the last one yeah

Starting point is 00:04:06 it's probably one of my most shared episodes ever wonderful that was really interesting i'm very lucky a lot of people listen to the podcast each week yeah but there are some episodes that really strike a chord with people and you see it being shared for weeks and months afterwards and your episode with me certainly is one of those okay wonderful that's why i look at that i think well why is it that an episode like that yeah makes people want to share it and say things like i really understand my life now i understand why i make certain choices yeah yeah and yeah. And I think for me, that speaks to the power of the mind.

Starting point is 00:04:48 Yeah. Which is what you're all about, right? Absolutely, 100%. But I'd love to hear your thoughts, Peter. As someone who, you know, is a mind architect, why do you think that episode has such impact?

Starting point is 00:05:01 I think it's because, you know, I'm a Brit with decent teeth and people were confused i'm all kidding aside i i i mean i'd like to think it's just because i'm speaking to an aspect of every human being which is that we ultimately have a lot of things in common right on the surface there's suffering suffering as a broad statement, like suffering is with emotions and relationships and health and finances, people struggle. The human experience is challenging. And so I think there's a degree of resonance that people can hear that I'm speaking to that I'm honoring that I'm showing compassion and acceptance for that, while simultaneously giving them access to what I call this, this different paradigm, this world that's

Starting point is 00:05:51 on the other side of our subconscious constraints. So the way that people currently live is they look for solutions and strategies, for the most part to problems, which is very logical, right? If I have a weight problem, or if I have a relationship problem, or I have a finance problem, I want to find solutions to my problems. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a very archaic method of trying to find relief, because what you're actually doing is reinforcing the belief that you have a problem. So what I'm appealing to is what if there was a different way to access freedom that was actually more of a process of dissolution than solution, which is one of my sort of catchphrases i say i don't solve people's problems i dissolve them so so i would assert that's why what i had to share really resonated with people because we're

Starting point is 00:06:35 all human we're all doing the best we can and yet there is this profound deep knowing that things could be a lot better and there is a different way to look at life and i like to give people new eyes to look at whatever they can currently think their problems to be such that they find immense freedom from them so and who doesn't want that so yeah who doesn't want that and i think that that term freedom which is what you offer people is something we should definitely redefine a little bit at the start of this conversation. Okay, sure. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:08 You know, a lot of people will be listening thinking, I mean, you're talking about freedom, but I am free. Yeah, exactly. I'm free in my life. So how can you offer me freedom? Yeah, no, it's a great question. And a lot of people do feel that. And I don't want to take that away from them.

Starting point is 00:07:22 The sort of freedom I'm talking about is freedom from suffering, freedom from the limitations, constraints of our subconscious, which again, I'm going to assert everybody has. It's just part of this dimension of planet Earth and being here as a human being. We're going to have our own perceived limitations and constraints. So the freedom I speak of is more like a spiritual freedom it is awakening to the true essence of who we are beyond the facade of our sort of human persona so every problem anybody has as far as i'm concerned belongs to the idea of themselves so over time you know and we'll get into this i'm sure today through the conditions of our childhood and these caregivers from our moms and dads who aren't bad people they're doing the best they can, but we're going

Starting point is 00:08:08 to be triggered into, we're not enough, and we did something wrong, or we're bad, and we're failures, all of these things that we have to experience on our journey, then what happens is what was for a child pure possibility of being alive, sort of became increasingly less possibility. And that then becomes resignation and cynicism and struggle and depression. And then that leads to the myriad of different methods we use to seek, you know, relief from depression or suffering. And so freedom to me is freedom from that whole bucket of pain and misery. Peter, you see as clients, you know, some of the most successful people out there. You know, we talked about your story last time. We talked about how you used to train Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. You help people with their mind, you know, top sports

Starting point is 00:09:02 stars, basketball players, golfers, business executives. It's really interesting. You have a lot of high performers coming to see you and you help them unlock things. So, you know, they can be freer. They can actually live the life that they're meant to live. I'm really interested for people at home who don't fall into that category. are there things that you do with these high performers that they can also do in their own life that's going to help them 100 and look i may well work with high-end performers in different things you know from sports to business to entertainment but performance is a word that i would ascribe to any human being, a stay-at-home parent, mom or dad, you know, a kid going into his first year at secondary school or like everybody's performing at some level. So performance is sort of just a big catch-all for the fact that as a human being, you're doing something.

Starting point is 00:10:00 And what I like to help people is to do it at a greater sense of efficiency and joy and productivity. So whether you're, you know, pitching for the New York Yankees with a lot of pressure because of, you know, not only the thousands of people watching in a stadium, but the millions of fans and the millions of dollars at stake. Or you're somebody who's moving to a new town and you don't know many people and you're trying to find your way that that still for me falls under the umbrella of performance so how do i help people well first of all recognize where do you get triggered right that's the that's the gift i use an expression as one of my quotes i say life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. So, if ever you get upset by something or someone, that's the thing to look for. That's almost like, well, there's the treasure that is the pathway to discover some more freedom. Because if you're unable to sit with or be with a circumstance, then what I assert is life is showing you where there's an opportunity for

Starting point is 00:11:06 you to become a more powerful human being. So if your mother-in-law or your uncle or your brother or your dad or whoever it is, or your boss upsets you, then what I would invite people to look at is what is the perceived threat, right? Because if we look at it really in terms of physics, somebody's doing something or somebody's saying something, but our brain is perceiving either of those activities as a threat. If we get upset, if we're not getting upset, then we're basically, we're saying that's fine. They can do and have their opinion and they can take whatever choices in terms of actions they want. But wherever we get triggered to some sort of emotion, negative emotion, that's what I would ask both my clients and your listeners to go, okay, I got upset by this event.

Starting point is 00:11:53 So what is it that is being triggered in me? Because all the fear is in me that is causing that reaction. And that's the tool, right? It's like, wow, if I'm upset by a circumstance, then I have an opportunity to find more freedom. And I think that word opportunity is very out there, isn't it? Because many of us, and I absolutely did this in the past as well, would look at a situation where someone, we perceive someone to, someone has upset me, for example. And we often look to them saying, you know, their behavior has upset me. If they change their behavior, I wouldn't be upset. Right. And that I think is what most people think now. When you go through this process, you know, and I've not had the pleasure of working with you

Starting point is 00:12:46 but i've gone through my own process it's funny for me one of the one of the biggest shifts in my life over the past at least 12 months yeah at least 12 months is decided if anything triggers me in life yeah that's an opportunity yeah to self-examine yeah instead of shunning it away and pretending it's not happening yeah it's about leaning into it yeah i go hey what's this teaching me because you're right if you were completely at ease with the situation it wouldn't trigger you and the example i use for people um and it's something i use for myself like social media can be a toxic place yeah you know there's there's many benefits of it

Starting point is 00:13:25 but certainly some people get triggered a lot some people find other people offensive yeah um you know or in the past you know i have some sort of public profile you know people will take shots at you for particular things and in the past it might have upset me whereas now i use it as a mirror yeah let's go hey why why are you being triggered by that comment okay because i can't And in the past, it might have upset me. Whereas now, I use it as a mirror. Yeah. To go, hey, why are you being triggered by that comment? Okay. Because I can't control what someone else is doing. Right. Right? So, it's like, well, what is going on inside me?

Starting point is 00:13:54 Yeah. And sometimes it can be easier to figure out than at other times, right? So, how do you, you know, if people want to use that, because I think that phrase you say is brilliant. Thank you. want to use that because i think that phrase you say is brilliant um thank you if people want to use that and go okay look so if i'm being triggered at some point in my life yeah by my brother by my wife by my colleague by my boss whoever you know you can fill in the gap for whoever you want basically instead of looking to them it's about looking to yourself how does someone do that by first of all listening to something like this whether it's us or reading a book or another workshop or another podcast, where they're at least starting to become aware

Starting point is 00:14:31 of the illusion, because even in your own language, you said, well, you know, that person upset me. Now that totally, from a human perspective, and we're all human doing the best we can. So first of all, there's compassion. But secondly, that is how it it seems right like no well why are you upset well so and so did something or so and so said something that's just everyday common conversation but it's an illusion because nobody upset you somebody did something or said something and then that triggered the upset that was already in you

Starting point is 00:15:00 right or if you said earlier about social media somebody found somebody's page or post offensive yeah well that again is revealing not so much what's going on over there in the post or the social media but rather what is it about my beliefs that are in conflict with somebody else's self-expression now peter some people are gonna be pushing away at this point they're gonna be hearing this and going what on earth are they talking about i mean look that guy has been mean so therefore i am upset yes right so so when you can see through that and when you move beyond that yeah and you understand and i say that with compassion right i'm not saying that it's like i'm not sitting on a high

Starting point is 00:15:41 horse and saying you know it's just yeah there is freedom on the other side when you figure that stuff out when you realize that it's a mirror back to you yeah for me i think that's where growth happens i think that's where where freedom lies that's where peace lies yes but what about someone i mean you need awareness first right i mean what if someone just doesn't get it what would you say to them um well that's what i'm saying like through you know you sharing work and doing these podcasts with people and there's obviously nowadays millions of podcasts out there where people are talking on similar subjects that we start with awareness and be gentle with ourselves because what especially

Starting point is 00:16:17 in my work what i'm doing is i'm taking these deep deep subconscious patterns which are primal meaning that they are deep in our d, their survival mechanisms, then we're bringing what was subconscious to conscious. So it's like, oh, wow, I can see that I have a pattern, I have a tendency, I have a conditioned response to a particular external stimulus. So I take myself, for example, because then I'm happy to be vulnerable about my own arc of freedom. So for me, what was a trigger was anything that was of value that was potentially going to leave me, right? Now, that's a general term, but it could be a girlfriend that I was in love with or that

Starting point is 00:16:57 I was very close to. The fear was, okay, now there's something external that I'm putting all of this value on. What if it leaves? Now, that could also be someone's job. It could be somebody's financial wealth. It could be their status in a company. It could be their home. Like anything that we put any sort of sense of worth upon, it's a human tendency to be worried about losing that. Right now, the stock markets are crashing everywhere because of the fear of the virus.

Starting point is 00:17:26 And so many people are going to be in a state of fear and reaction because they're losing something. So that would be the opportunity. OK, what is the threat? Or their perception is that they're losing something. Yes. And some people may literally be losing something, right? But loss is a, again, that's a deeper distinction, right?

Starting point is 00:17:42 Form comes and goes is the way I talk about it. I could say I've lost a lot of money on the stock market. I have relative to my portfolio, but it was always in my portfolio. So did I really have it? Do you know what I mean? state of panic or concern which would have been normal it's human it's okay but now it is like okay it could be mildly frustrating it's not what i want but it's a different relationship to the same external stimulus so so it's just to answer your question we've got to bring awareness to what is the subconscious pattern that i have based on my primary caregivers of mom and dad or high school or you know kindergarten or wherever we learned the survival mechanisms, so that now I can find responsibility, because that's really what we're talking about here is either I'm a victim of life, where like you said, somebody upset me, well, now you're a victim of your circumstance, or I'm 100% responsible for my

Starting point is 00:18:41 relationship to life. Because as Shakespeare said, you know, nothing is either good nor bad, only thinking makes it so. Now, if you really understand that, it's beautiful, right? So nothing actually is quote unquote, good or bad. It is entirely our own interpretation that is superimposed, our own narrative that we are positioning on top of an event or a person. And so that becomes the world of i and at the most deepest level the ego or the identity or the persona its main objective is to be right about itself and that's for me i i joke and i laugh with compassion again because people are doing the best they can but when you really it, people are arguing for their limitations. They're saying, no, watch me screw this up, or it was too good to be true. Like when these sort of

Starting point is 00:19:31 generalized comments are thrown out there, what you're actually saying is, I'm reinforcing my own belief that things don't work out for me. So it's mad that we argue for inadequacy. We argue for insecurity. We argue for scarcity. And that to me is, you know, it's very human, but it's also such a disservice to the immense possibility that it is to be human once you break out of these very primal limitations. It can sometimes be easier to see these patterns in other people. Without a doubt. It's blatantly obvious when it's somebody else,

Starting point is 00:20:10 but when it's you, it's like, yeah. And I mean, you shared some of your own sort of journey there. And like the people who heard the first podcast, you shared how you lost your mum when you were seven years old. Correct, yeah. You lost your father in the Zubruga ferry disaster. When I was 17, your mom when you were seven years old correct yeah you lost your father in the Zubruga ferry disaster when I was 17 yeah when you were 17 that is a rough start in life yeah you know yeah certainly most people would say that is a super rough start yeah okay

Starting point is 00:20:36 and then if you're saying that there is a feeling of people who I love yeah whether it's parents or you mentioned a girlfriend leaving yeah is that your subconscious programming that is affecting your conscious thoughts like is that something you've had to work on a hundred percent and is it stuff that you've had to or you managed to work on yourself or because it's hard to see ourselves have you has mr peter crone the minor arcaset needed to get help in order to do that both and i think the greatest form of help is life yeah right which goes back to my comment about like life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free so where was i not free around the fear of loss but where was the fear of loss? Within me.

Starting point is 00:21:26 Right? So if we look back at when this one girlfriend was, you know, sort of a catalyst for my own quote unquote awakening, where I started all of my work, this is now like 20 something years ago, where I first had what, you know, we would as humans call the experience of love, you know, and there's puppy love, And we have all these different connotations of love. But for me, there was a significant connection with somebody. And so at the time, it seems devastating, doesn't it? It's like, oh, no, like my whole world is falling apart. So that was the catalyst. That was what revealed. So that was the help that I got was this particular girl leaving. But it wasn't that the love was over there. It was that life set me up for success, right? Because if she hadn't left, I wouldn't have to look at what is the deep-seated

Starting point is 00:22:13 fear within me. And that's what I assert we're all here. This dimension of planet Earth, it is an incredible paradigm for us all to have to face the constraints that we arrived with, right? And this starts to sound a bit esoteric. But for me, I would assert we arrive with all of our bucket of fears and concerns. And then life for your own personal movie of life will have all the cast of characters and circumstances that you need to have to face your fears and limitations. Now, if you play that game, actually, when you get triggered and upset it's going back to what we said earlier it's a wonderful opportunity but most people don't look at it that way they look at fear and adversity as a pain in the rear and i'm going to do everything

Starting point is 00:22:54 to avoid it which is why people don't actually go anywhere right so i use the story i think stories are so powerful and i've got so many cur curses to these beautiful clients that I've had. But there's this one gentleman, he was from a very traditional Catholic family, he had a significant other, they weren't married. So that was the first taboo, you know, within the Catholic family and tradition. Then it got even worse, they'd had a child out of wedlock, they're not married. And this was prior to Thanksgiving many years ago. And his dilemma was that he knew the this was prior to Thanksgiving many years ago. And his dilemma was that he knew the relationship was coming to an end with this woman. It was very problematic. She was very mercurial and whatever, there's a lot of drama. So he came to me one day and he's

Starting point is 00:23:37 like, look, I'm going to go to Thanksgiving and I don't know what to do. If I go with her and the child, everyone will assume that everything, you know, business is as usual. But if I don't know what to do. If I go with her and the child, everyone will assume that everything, you know, business is as usual. But if I don't go with her, then everyone's going to question what's going on. So what do I do? Now, that's a very human binary way of looking at any problem, zero or one, zero or one, zero or one. And I said, it doesn't really matter what you do, because until you address what is the real root cause here, which is your fear in the fact that you don't feel fully loved and accepted by your family.

Starting point is 00:24:11 So you don't actually have an honest, transparent, open relationship with your family. So whether you take her or you don't take her, you still have to and you will be presented with the challenge of actually being so vulnerable with your family about your concerns about how they think about you so that was the bit and he said wow like he he got that he actually as much as he loved his family and they truly loved him but they didn't have a true intimate relationship because they weren't being fully honest with each other and this is why you know you and I've talked about relationships and why relationships don't work is because most people aren't fully authentic or open. And so that's one example of where his opportunity was to look at not was the solution to his fear, which would have kept him in the fear, but rather what is the fear and how can I break beyond that?

Starting point is 00:25:00 It's a bit like symptom suppression or getting to the root cause. beyond that it's a bit like symptom suppression or get into the root cause whether he went or not fine it may have uh stopped a mini drama potentially yes but the mini dramas would keep coming like they're not going anywhere because actually the root cause of that is it's not being addressed yes and that's why again I said, it doesn't really matter what we do in terms of strategy or solution or the way that we try to mitigate or avoid perceived future problems. Unless you deal with the deep feeling of limitation, inadequacy, insecurity, scarcity, then it's still with you right like i always say if you notice wherever you have problems in life you're there right or is like more tongue-in-cheek say yeah no you no problem right it's there's no problems in life there just aren't and that's a very bold statement and a hard one for people to swallow and i'm not for one minute saying that life is ideal or that i condone certain behaviors but there's not a problem. There's just what's happening and then there's a circumstance of it. And sometimes the circumstances

Starting point is 00:26:08 are very unpleasant and very painful. But the problems are all in our perception or how we relate to life. So really, if we were to talk about relationships, to me, life is relationship. Relationship is often understood as it's like a person and a person, right? Male, female, male, male, female, female, whatever it is, whether it's romantic or family or professional. But to me, relationship is our experience to life. We relate to life. However we relate to anything is what garners our own personal experience of life.

Starting point is 00:26:43 And if people could just get that, then they have an entirely different way of looking at life. How am I relating to life versus what is happening out there somewhere separate to me that apparently is causing my experience of life? That's the victim model. That's the survival model. I have to do something in order to be loved and accepted. And now people are exhausted.

Starting point is 00:27:05 You know, their adrenals are shot. They're finding all sorts of means of escape, whether it be food, sex, drugs, whatever it is, alcohol, versus going, oh, hang on a minute. What if there is absolutely nothing out there that is causing my suffering other than my own superimposed perspective of circumstance? Now, where that gets tricky is that superimposition is for the most part subconscious. So that's why we've got to bring awareness to why am I feeling nervous about a public appearance or like doing a presentation at work? They think it's all because everybody's going to laugh at me or whatever it is. No, that's something within you. Maybe when you were five or seven, you did a show and tell at school and people laughed. And that little bit of trauma is now still in you as a 45-year-old executive.

Starting point is 00:27:50 And it's still the same way that you're relating to speaking to a group. Or the fact that your parents gave your older sibling a little bit more attention and bigger toys made you feel that, oh, I'm not as loved as my older brother or sister. And so now you tend to attract a spouse or a partner, a boyfriend or a girlfriend who doesn't seem to give you the kind of attention that you'd like. Well, because you're still living in that's the way that you relate to yourself. I'm not the one that gets all the attention that goes to fill in the blank, right? So that's the patterns that we want to keep revealing. And then we want to inquire into them, we want to ask, is it true? Is it true that I'm not lovable? Or is it true that I'm not enough somehow? Is it true that I'm a failure? And if we put question marks at the

Starting point is 00:28:36 end of our own concerns, it's amazing how it will, it will just open up a little bit of space for people. Because my assertion is it's never a truth. It's just an opinion. I mean, I've heard you say before, I think, that conscious thinking is a result of subconscious programming. Correct. Yeah. And feeling too. That's where it gets really tricky.

Starting point is 00:28:58 And feeling. So the way that we think and feel, because feelings are that much more, they've got density because now they become associated with our body but yeah the conscious the subconscious pattern or the the it's literally like a construct it's imagined like a particular framework and then the thoughts feelings and actions live within that so like this room is i don't know 200 square feet right that's the size of the room that That could represent the

Starting point is 00:29:25 subconscious. Now in this room, for that reason, we're going to have certain conversations that are available to us. This is great to do a podcast. We could maybe have like a little dinner party in here, but we're not having thoughts about, oh, let's throw some fantastic, you know, rock band event here or the Olympics. That doesn't happen in this space because the space doesn't call for it. So if in my mind, the space I'm living in is I'm not enough, then the dreams and aspirations that I really have in my heart and soul, they don't become conscious thoughts because they're not available in a confined space. Does that make sense? Yeah. And that's why I love what I do because I crack open these perceived, the perceived limitations. And then people literally

Starting point is 00:30:11 have an entirely new experience of who they are and what the world is and what becomes available. It is truly the world of pure possibility. No, I love it. And I, you know, like you, I, I want everyone to experience it. Damn right, I love it. And I, you know, like you, I want everyone to experience it. Damn right, let's go. Yeah, because it is like, you know, living your best life, being able to do the things that you've dreamt of, but you often put up obstacles to actually, you know, to actually living out those dreams. And I think that story about, you know, let's say someone at 45 is nervous to public speak, scared of what people are going to think. And then you relate that back to a show and tell when they were five or seven when they got laughed at. And it is, I think there's two parts of that for me. There's one is there's some imprinting that I guess often happens in childhood that serves a purpose in childhood, but no longer serves us as adults. But also this idea that it's ultimately conscious or unconscious. It's a story, isn't it? It's a story that we tell

Starting point is 00:31:17 ourselves. If we repeat it enough times or we feel it enough, becomes our reality but ultimately we have created that story yeah so is the tool for people sometimes because i think if you don't talk about this stuff if you stay inside your own head all the time yeah you can create these stories and these stories become bigger and bigger inside your mind that's why i think even simple things like journaling can be so beneficial for people because you write stuff down and suddenly you see it written on paper you go ah yeah you know what god i'm being a bit harsh on myself here or right or i don't know a therapist or a counselor when there's a third person there yeah suddenly that kind of emotional narrative that story you tell yourself it can be you can sort of convince

Starting point is 00:32:00 yourself that that's the truth but in front of someone else yeah suddenly you're like actually god i'm being a bit harsh on myself i don't i don't know is that is part of the problem that we don't talk about this stuff with third parties yeah who have no emotional attachment to us like we're going to come onto relationships for sure yeah but often we can create these narratives within our relationships let's say um with a husband, with a wife, with a boyfriend, with a girlfriend. Things can fester out of control very quickly because two people have got their own narratives that they're strongly holding on to. And I think this is why couples therapy or things can be so beneficial sometimes

Starting point is 00:32:40 just to have a third person there who's not related. You can suddenly go, actually, you know what? I'm talking about a nonsense, aren't I? Really? And it's only apparent when there's somebody else in the room. Just taking a quick break to give a shout out to AG1, one of the sponsors of today's show. Now, if you're looking for something at this time of year to kickstart your health, I'd highly recommend that you consider AG1. AG1 has been in my own life for over five years now. It's a science-driven daily health drink with over 70 essential nutrients to support your overall health. It contains vitamin C and zinc, which helps support a healthy immune system,

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Starting point is 00:34:33 the five free travel packs to 10. And these packs are perfect for keeping in your backpack, office, or car. If you want to take advantage of this limited time offer, all you have to do is go to drinkag1.com forward slash live more. That's drinkag1.com forward slash live more. Yeah, no, I think and I mean, as the majority of your audience is probably you know from from england i think as as domicile brit you know we were brought up in a sort of relatively reserved way right like having come here to the states there's a lot more self-expression you know there's less less conservatism in terms of the way that people just dress and talk and believe it's not a good thing i i'll tell you why i asked that i would have

Starting point is 00:35:33 thought as a kid growing up in the uk yeah you know we had a certain perception of americans you know the sort of you know this is awesome this is like very very emotive number one yeah right and i think as brits we always thought you know a lot of brits find that brash and distasteful yeah right yeah but i have changed my view on that over the last maybe the last five years in the sense that i kind of feel you know what at least they're expressing the way they feel they're not holding back they're not keeping in that they're expressing the way they feel. They're not holding back. They're not keeping in there. They're expressing it. They're not afraid. This is my perception to, you know, sell themselves, to talk about their qualities and things that we as Brits found, you know, distasteful and not the way you do things. Actually, well, maybe we're the ones

Starting point is 00:36:21 who have actually got the issue where we won't express our emotions, where we'll keep them locked inside and we won't say things that we're proud of do you know what i mean you have that unique perspective you grew up in the uk you now live out here in california yeah you know what's your take on that is there something cultural in that and is the american way potentially more helpful um i think it's you know cultures are sort of the on mass expression of the individual, right? The collective expresses, like you look at Australia, the same, right? Tall poppy syndrome. So that gets indoctrinated into kids as we grow up, like, well, don't show off too much, because then people want to cut you down. Germany, schadenfreude, right, is the expression of like, getting joy out of someone else's failure. So regardless of which country or territory you go to, I think it's sort of, it's human conditioning. Why? Because we're programmed to, as I said, come from scarcity and adequacy and insecurity. So there's a certain joy or comfort in the limitations that we see in others. Why?

Starting point is 00:37:24 Because it's a reflection of our own. And so I think that's the biggest limitations that we see in others why because it's a reflection of our own and so i think that's the biggest obstacle that we have to overcome and i do think to to a certain degree the states you know there is a degree of it is being brash i say it's like the cocky teenager you know where if you look at europe it's like the wise grandfather you know and that's just sort of speaking to how long these civilizations have been there right like europe is quote unquote much older so if we were to look at it collectively it's like a wise grandpa you know whereas america is a young country and it's like full of testosterone it's like we're number one right so i think there's a degree of like as massive generalizations i think

Starting point is 00:37:59 that's just because of the the relative ages of different countries. But I do think, I think over here in the States, one thing that I will, you know, tip my cap to is that people are much more, they're less reticent to talk about their feelings. They're much more conditioned to have a therapist is very normal, you know. And I think that can also become problematic because, you know, kids who are in five and six and seven years old are now in therapy. And I'm like, well, maybe that would be better served to be a conversation with the parents, but the parents are too busy living the American dream. So, I mean, we can cut this down any way you want, whereas what I think is the most important thing to take out of this is to not be embarrassed by what you feel and to find a safe place, whether it's

Starting point is 00:38:46 professional, whether it's, you know, a loving family member, whether it's a really great friend. I think one of the attributes that I do love about myself, and I'd assert it's one of my biggest pillars in my work is the ability to listen. And I think most humans don't know how to listen. They just react. So one example, I was just doing a workshop, it was a few months ago now in Hawaii. And I was speaking to many of these things. And there was 90 plus percent women who are on this retreat, beautiful retreat. And this woman wouldn't pose a question she said well how do i help my son because he's always belittling himself relative to his older brother uh and she gave the example of like oh i'll never be as good as johnny is what what he said and because she's a loving mother

Starting point is 00:39:38 her reaction was oh honey no you're this and you're that. And she started giving him all these accolades, which to the lay mind is like, well, that's wonderful. She cares about her son. And it's a subtle distinction, but it was very important. And it changed her whole relationship with her son. I said, you're not listening to your son. You're superimposing your world on top of his. And he doesn't feel heard. Now, I don't want him to stay and hang out in the feeling of inadequacy relative to his brother. That's not what I'm condoning.

Starting point is 00:40:12 But I'm saying he's not being heard, which is why he also feels somehow less than. Right? Do you understand? So he said, I don't feel as or I'll never be as good as Johnny. Now, that's what he's saying. Now, somebody who can listen would feel into, gosh, what must that feel like for that kid? And then we can start to have compassion and hold a space for his reality, because his reality at that moment is feeling inadequate, needing to be seen, needing to be held, not to be pumped up like, no, you're this and you're that, right? Which we've all done to friends, like, oh, no, you're amazing. But sometimes what people want is just to be heard. I feel lousy. I don't feel very good about myself. I don't know what I'm doing with myself. Like these are legitimate,

Starting point is 00:40:56 everyday human experiences. And I think one of the greatest gifts we can give each other is just to let somebody feel those things. We don't necessarily want them to hang out there, but to literally let them have their reality. Because oftentimes, if we think about it physically, it's almost like an emotional toxin that we're trying to release. And as soon as we say, no, you're amazing, we're actually suppressing the expression of something that is currently discomforting in us. So for that woman, she literally had a tear in her eye and she was like, wow, I just, I do that all the time. Now it was by no means a judgment of her because she's coming from a loving place. She adores her son, but she said it's so true because he often says you don't

Starting point is 00:41:39 listen to me. And she never made that connection. So again, it's subtle. We don't want him to feel inadequate, but we want to honor his reality because then he will literally feel seen and heard, which gives him a sense of value because we're saying, we love you enough to actually honor your reality. Then we can get into, well, why do you feel that way? What happened? You know, was it because of Johnny's's performance or something or because he got better great i don't know but now we get into their world which is the gift of real relationship is really understand someone else's reality versus forcing your own perception of them on top of theirs peter that is i think such a powerful story because there will be many parents listening to this who I think will just take a beat there

Starting point is 00:42:27 and go, wait a minute, let me just rewind. That's that because I do that to my own children. And what's interesting for people, um, I think is that it's from a place of love yes of course yeah people are trying to protect their child yeah but i think a lot of people will be thinking you know i do that to my child and i think it's it's it is subtle but it's very key it's very very key and it's something i think vid and i my wife we have changed a lot with our kids over the past years as we've understood this more and more. It's like, hold on a minute. Don't just reflex-wise just say, no, no, that's not the case. It's like, hold on. You're saying, oh, it's a two-step process. Step number one is let them have that. Make sure they feel heard. That's fundamentally what every human wants, isn't it? To feel heard and seen. Yes. That is, I mean, if we get that right, actually,

Starting point is 00:43:31 we change a lot in the world straight away. Like, and that's why I love relationships and why I said everything is about relating because I think, you know, your wife and women are, they definitely have an upper hand on men because they do that for each other, you and certainly you know you know sometimes women can obviously be a little bit competitive with each other but when they're loving friends they listen to one another and their feelings because they can relate from the fact oh i feel that a lot myself you know whatever's inspiring it but women are much more um adept at expressing feelings and listening to one another males because we're sort of very binary we're sort of very logical we want to fix things we don't necessarily understand that all they're doing is expressing meaning they've women partners sisters mums girlfriends wives they're

Starting point is 00:44:17 just sharing how they feel and what they're asking for is just get my reality because right now I feel lousy I feel unattractive I feel like you know I'm a loser or and they just want to feel it's okay and why this is paramount as far as I'm concerned just my opinion to establish that pattern of relating with children is because what happens is with this one woman's example that I gave what that little boy is learning is that his feelings aren't important. What's important is that we keep focusing on the positive or that you're only going to be loved when you're not feeling inadequate. So we're not actually making room for our humanity. And that's my work is allowing all of our flaws, our beliefs of inadequacy and insecurity to be there. Not necessarily to deny them or suppress them or drink them away.

Starting point is 00:45:10 But go, it's okay to have a day where you feel like shit. It's okay. And when you really give yourself that permission, it opens up your bandwidth to love. Which is all embracing. Because otherwise we collapse love with no, I'll love you as long as you behave the way I want you to. Yeah. I mean, if you really get that, like, what does that got to do with love? That is complete

Starting point is 00:45:35 preference. That is all about me. That's not about you. That's conditional love. Yes. That's conditional love in some ways, isn't it? It's like behaving the way that I like, and I will love you. For that reason, I would actually say it's got nothing to do with love, which is a deeper interpretation of love. See, when people talk about unconditional love, I say that's complete paradox because it's love or it's not. It doesn't need to be like love is all embracing. And if people just get that, like, cause they will say, oh, I love so-and-so,

Starting point is 00:46:01 And it's like love is all embracing. And if people just get that, like, cause they will say, oh, I love so-and-so. But if they really were to look at themselves in the mirror, I don't deny that at some level they do, but in the way that they behave, the way that they speak to that person, the way they react to that person isn't a reflection of love.

Starting point is 00:46:16 It's a reflection of control, manipulation, demand and dismissiveness. It's, that's not, these aren't the qualities of love. Love is I accept you 100% for who you are with all of your emotions, all your self-expressions. You still have your own preferences in that. Like if somebody does behave in a way, obviously, that is in any way hurtful towards you, that may be a relationship you want to reconsider, but I accept you for who you are. It's like I always use the example of I can love a heroin addict for who they are and have a lot of love and compassion for where they're at in their life. It doesn't mean that it's somebody that I want

Starting point is 00:46:48 to date or invite over for Christmas to my house, right? So I still have my own personal preference within that, but there's no judgment. If people could understand the disservice that it is to make another human being wrong in any capacity, that alone opens up an entirely new world for people of compassion, love, acceptance, and for ourselves of relief, because I don't need other people to be a certain way for me to be okay. And that's what people are saying. You need to do this. You need to behave that way. Don't do this. You should do that. Like it's exhausting. It is exhausting. If I think that my my joy my

Starting point is 00:47:25 happiness my relief and my sense of contentment is completely predicated on how other people behave excuse my french but you're fucked from the get-go right because you're saying that i need to control the myriad of moving parts that is my family my company my my friends and my society in order for me to find any glimmer of peace. That is a hopeless proposition. It is exhausting. It's futile. And what I'm inviting people to consider is you can allow everything and everybody to be exactly the way they are and still be completely at peace. And I'd assert that's the only form of real peace there is, is to allow life to be the way it is. One of the phrases I think that has influenced my life significantly is, I think I heard you say this on a conversation. I can't quite remember exactly where it's from, but this whole idea that once you understand that if you were that other person, you would be behaving in exactly the same way.

Starting point is 00:48:22 That was me with Drew on Broken Brain, how we met. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And that has been a life-changing phrase because what it does is that it takes pressure out of the situation. It takes sting out of the situation. It brings in love.

Starting point is 00:48:38 It brings in compassion. It brings in understanding. Yes. And you can apply that to anything in life, right? You can apply it. We mentioned social media before. You can apply it to friction at work. Once you understand that if you were that person, you would be behaving exactly the same way. If you were born where they were born, you had the conditioning they had as a child, you had the upbringing they had,

Starting point is 00:48:58 you had the life experiences they had, you'd be behaving exactly the same way. And I guess, you know, it's really interesting for me that because people say no i wouldn't you know some people say no no but if i was in that situation i wouldn't behave like that i would make this choice right right but what's really interesting is that since our chat went out i had a chat with someone called john mcavoy that went out new year's day and john's got one of the most incredible stories you'll ever hear. John was part of- He was a criminal, right? Yeah. He was one of the UK's most notorious criminal families.

Starting point is 00:49:30 He had two life sentences by the age of 24, I think. He was, you know, I think he had his first gun when he was 16. He was in the highest security prison in the UK with the 7-7 bombers. And he was like, literally, here's what society would have regarded as scum. Let's lock him up. Yeah, exactly. Okay. But when you hear his story, and you hear him explain his childhood, and you hear him explain how he had no male role models, and the only male role models he had how he had no male role models.

Starting point is 00:50:05 And the only male role models he had were criminals. Gang members, yeah. Who drove, you know, flash cars and treated women with respect and stuff. And he tells his story beautifully. There's such authenticity. But there's a beautiful end to that. You know, he's come out of jail. He's now inspiring kids through movement,

Starting point is 00:50:21 through exercise. You know, there's a really nice end story. So we celebrate John and we celebrate what he does, but he will say, I am nothing special at all. Every single prisoner in this country has the opportunity to do the same as I did. I got lucky. But if we provide the right environment and the right, I guess, I would say level of compassion and understanding, every prisoner's got the opportunity to change like that. But I guess what I'm trying to get at is that phrase,

Starting point is 00:50:48 why it's so powerful is that we get it with like a John McAvoy who's gone from the depths to, you know, coming out of prison, being a free man. Can we apply that to our boss who is pissing us off? Can we apply that to the person who just cut us up on the road, on the way to work and we're pissing us off? Can we apply that to the person who just cut us up on the road on the way to work and we're infuriated at? You know, do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:51:10 It's like, can we apply that to those everyday things? Because if we can, it changes everything. That's the world of peace. And I think the ultimate person for whom we want to ask, can we apply that to is ourselves. Because self-forgiveness is probably the greatest barrier to peace, right? It's we, this is a huge conversation for people already, right? To consider, wow, what would my relationship look like if I stopped making my

Starting point is 00:51:36 husband wrong, or I stopped making my wife wrong, or I stopped making my parents wrong, that would open up an entirely different level of intimacy and peace for myself. That is huge. But what if I could stop making myself wrong? So in your example, the, you know, the boss that pisses me off, first of all, the boss isn't pissing you off, he's doing or saying something, or she was doing or saying something. But what if I could forgive myself for the reaction that I have of fear, or whatever it is that's creating my upset, that is, that's an entirely different level of love and compassion. Your story, John, reminds me of one I just want to share because I was personally involved in

Starting point is 00:52:11 this story and it speaks to this, which is I was on my way to a date, this is many years ago, down in Long Beach, which is about 25 minutes, 30 minutes from here depending on traffic. And it was during Super Bowl, it was probably six, seven years ago. Anyway, I missed my exit, because I'm one of the things I pride myself on is being someone who honors their word. So I don't like to be late. And if I am, I'll always communicate, right. So in this case, I was running a little late, I had communicated, but I, you know, I wanted to honor my worth my worth and especially as as a respectful man to a woman like i didn't want to leave her waiting wherever she was so for whatever reason i missed my exit i i have to go down and and turn around come back up on on

Starting point is 00:52:54 the freeway or the highway and um all the motorway all the most way the m25 i've been on that for a while um so um i'm you know i'm i'm pushing a little bit i'm doing about 85 and all of a sudden out of nowhere i get nudged in the back of my car like bumper car style like i'm driving above the limit um please don't judge me for that because I'm doing that within my condition. And yeah, I'm like, what the hell was that? Like, so he must be doing 90, 95 in order to ram the back of my car. As I look in the rearview mirror, I see this car sort of swerve a little bit after he's hit me and then take off. Now I was driving a car with a decent amount of horsepower.

Starting point is 00:53:42 So I kept with him. I wasn't even angry the funny thing I was more curious like what the hell was that so he came to the next exit and there was a single lane exit and he was trying to get past there was a car and I distinctly remember there was been raining a little bit there was a pothole and his wheel went down as this big splash and he couldn't get past the car so as we come down to the surface street, he knows that I'm right on his tail at this point. And he pulls in. Fortunately, he doesn't take off. He pulls into a parking lot of some sort of restaurant and I pull him right behind him. Now, I'm not advising

Starting point is 00:54:16 people do this. This was just purely based on instinct because it's LA and I didn't know who was going to get out of the car and if he's packing heat or whatever it might be. So I made sure I got out of the car first so that he could hear my voice as he opened his door. I said, hey, everything's okay. My name's Peter, right? So sort of make some sort of connection. He gets out of the car. He walks up towards me and I say, hey, are you okay? He's like, yeah. And I said, you obviously can't hit people at 90 miles an hour and then take off i said as long as you're okay let's just check the back of my car and then we'll we'll have to trade insurance well no sorry before that i could tell that he'd been drinking that was my assumption based on someone doing that what i assumed happened is he maybe fell asleep at the

Starting point is 00:55:01 wheel and that's why he went into the back of me so he'd come back from vegas he'd been celebrating something to do the super bowl and so i said have you been drinking he's like yes i said thank you for being honest so i'm honoring his vulnerability i said i'm not going to let you get back in the car is there someone we can call to come and pick you up and he said yeah i can call my my wife i'm like okay great i said whilst we wait let's just check my car and then we can trade details we checked checked my car, next to nothing on it, fortunately. And then I said, okay, this is my insurance. Where's your insurance? He pulls his wallet out and he's trying to find papers.

Starting point is 00:55:32 He's a bit discombobulated. He pulls something out and a ring comes out and falls on the ground. He picks it up. I said, is that your wedding band? And he said, yes. And, you know, and then I could tell just energetically, like he's starting to feel a little sad. I said, is everything okay? He says, well, we're just going through a tough time right now. And I said, that's okay. And I said, but she's coming here to get you. She said, yes. And he said, you know, we might be getting divorced. And anyway, so we sit and chat for a minute. chat for a minute long point of the story is that would have been somebody who many people and again not judgment of them either would have been like put that guy away he's he's a hazard to society he's drinking and driving at 95 miles an hour and what i heard was somebody who was just in a lot of

Starting point is 00:56:17 pain who'd found some relief to just get away and find some sort of companionship with friends and drink in vegas He was rushing back because he had to get to work in the morning, which was a job he wasn't that happy with. It wasn't paying him a lot. And so, you know, with love and compassion, I held a space for him. He got home safe. He called me the next morning and I don't need to reiterate what he said, but it was very flattering and complimentary. And then we met for a coffee at a Whole Foods like a week later. And I sat with him and helped him get through the fact that he was at the time drinking about 70 units of alcohol a week.

Starting point is 00:56:51 And, you know, his life, as I said, was on the verge of was with his wife as was on the verge of divorce. And we turn that around just because you call it Good Samaritan or whatever it is, or that I'm fortunate enough to have the wherewithal to be able to help people that, um, he, he quit drinking. He got promoted at work. He and his wife got back together. They bought a house, you know, and for years, this is a long time ago, we stayed in touch. And that was somebody who was given a glimpse of a different life than the one that was otherwise predictable, you know, and that is only because not to make me sound like some, you know, good Samaritan out on the streets at all. But what is possible when we can have a little bit more compassion for people not fully know what they're going through until

Starting point is 00:57:34 we actually inquire and we we care enough to listen, and let somebody tell their story, and accept them for it. And as best as we can give them support. Now, of course, there are situations where things are very, very trying and very painful for humans and what they go through. We don't need to like speak to events, but people go through very hard times. And sometimes there are circumstances for those behaviors. One of my clients was, you know, sexually abused when she was eight. And, you know, these things do happen. And that's not like, oh, let's have love and compassion for the person who was doing that to her. Then that might be necessary, but in a controlled environment, right? have hostility towards people there is an opportunity to turn that around and go okay wait a minute if i could just have a little bit more patience and understanding that was at one point somebody's baby and that baby did not know hostility and vicious behavior it was conditioned

Starting point is 00:58:38 into them through whatever they had to go through to survive and uh yes it's a it's it really is a it's a very engaging story that and it's i mean you mentioned at the end i was thinking as you were saying that you know the heart of your approach is compassion that's at the heart of it that is how you can actually summarize everything i'm saying it's about compassion compassion to the world around you compassion people you come across but also compassion to yourself. And it's not one of the biggest obstacles to this for people, the fast pace of 21st century living. And why I say that is because if you're always rushing around, if you're always in a chronic state of overwhelm, and you know, I've got too many things to do. I can't do this, can't do that. You know, you're rushing all the time. You know, you never think you've got any

Starting point is 00:59:28 time for yourself. It's very hard then to take time to be compassionate for other people if you haven't got time to even be compassionate for yourself. And, you know, one of my big recommendations to people is that, again, I think it's a necessary part of self-care on a daily basis. You need some alone time. You need some time to yourself where you can just sit with yourself. You can not necessarily sit with yourself and hide on Instagram, but sit with yourself. So these feelings come up to the surface. You can think about them. You can talk about them. You can write them down. Something. And if you don't

Starting point is 01:00:08 have that, I think it's very hard to move to the next stage. I mean, what would you say to that? Before we get back to this week's episode, I just wanted to let you know that I am doing my very first National UK Theatre Tour. I am planning a really special evening where I share how you can break free from the habits that are holding you back and make meaningful changes in your life that truly last. It is called the Thrive Tour. Be the architect of your health and happiness. So many people tell me that health feels really complicated, but it really doesn't need to be. In my live event, I'm going to simplify health and together we're going to learn the skill of happiness, the secrets to optimal health,

Starting point is 01:00:56 how to break free from the habits that are holding you back in your life, and I'm going to teach you how to make changes that actually last. and I'm going to teach you how to make changes that actually last. Sound good? All you have to do is go to drchatterjee.com forward slash tour and I can't wait to see you there. This episode is also brought to you by the Three Question Journal, the journal that I designed and created in partnership with Intelligent Change. Now, journaling is something that I've been recommending

Starting point is 01:01:25 to my patients for years. It can help improve sleep, lead to better decision-making, and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. It's also been shown to decrease emotional stress, make it easier to turn new behaviors into long-term habits, and improve our relationships. There are, of course, many different ways to journal. And as with most things,

Starting point is 01:01:48 it's important that you find the method that works best for you. One method that you may want to consider is the one that I outline in the three-question journal. In it, you will find a really simple and structured way of answering the three most impactful questions I believe that we can all ask ourselves every morning and every evening. Answering these questions will take you less than five minutes, but the practice of answering them regularly will be transformative. Since the journal was published in January, I have received hundreds of messages from people

Starting point is 01:02:22 telling me how much it has helped them and how much more in control of their lives they now feel. Now, if you already have a journal or you don't actually want to buy a journal, that is completely fine. I go through in detail all of the questions within the three-question journal completely free on episode 413 of this podcast. But if you are keen to check it out, all you have to do is go to drchatterjee.com forward slash journal or click on the link in your podcast app. No, I think it's great. I mean, the comment that's coming or the expression that's coming to mind is slow down and that's easier said than done but again i make the point that everyone's

Starting point is 01:03:14 in a hurry to get to a future where one day they don't have to be in a hurry you know if you just look at that right it's like people are working in jobs they don't enjoy you know to hopefully have sufficient money one day so that they can relax and have fun but you know to what degree could we incorporate some of that now and actually take a breath like quite literally yeah just stop and breathe for a minute because it is so conditioned within us to survive so your point about the hurry the the urgency, this competitive nature of society, it's a survival paradigm. And to me, real success is where I can be at peace in the midst of chaos. And that's got nothing to do with my bank account. It's got

Starting point is 01:03:59 nothing to do with whoever's on my arm as a beautiful man or a beautiful woman or the title on my business card. It's, can I be comfortable in my own skin, regardless of what's going on around me. And that to me is a human being who's found the true definition of success, because I'm blessed to work with people who have more money than time. And they would traditionally be seen as the most successful because of their net worth. Yet, if you were to understand the inner mechanics of their feelings and their thoughts and their relationships, you would see somebody who's quite broken and who's very upset and is on all sorts of medication and doesn't know how to feel compassion for their partner and certainly doesn't feel loved by anybody. So is that really success? Or is that just somebody who's got a lot of cash? So I think it's the opportunity to redefine what does it mean to

Starting point is 01:04:50 be a successful human being. And this is why I talk about this work, because it's not this linear track of one day future scenarios of when I have right fill in the blank enough money, the best body, the right partner, the bigger home, the best job, the blah, blah, blah, right, fill in the blank, enough money, the best body, the right partner, the bigger home, the best job, the blah, blah, blah. That is this perpetual waiting game, which is saying that my happiness, my freedom and my peace are perennially ahead of me. But if you just understand that, then you have to be, you have to be at some state in a mild state of dis-ease or frustration or lack of contentment, because the way your brain is conditioning your relationship to life is that what I want is in the future so that speaks to my lack of contentment today and what I'm inviting people to consider is that you're always where you

Starting point is 01:05:37 are you're never in your future I'm not saying don't have goals and aspirations I have many but I have an intimate relationship with life and the way it is right now and i'm fully content with the way things are while still being committed to things that i'm excited to create but you know having been involved with many athletes i think one of the things that hit so many people hard and it certainly did me is the kobe bryant death and like here's somebody who is literally so full of life and his legacy is beyond in terms of what he's accomplished from the just within his sport but then like he'd become an academy award winner because of his storytelling and his books and obviously who he was as a father and here's somebody who we could argue is at the prime of their own life and then just like my dad like he went to work one day

Starting point is 01:06:26 and he never came back right because of the zeebrugge disaster and so likewise here for his family and all the families that were involved on that helicopter it's it seems maybe trite to say but we just don't know how long we've got so rather than hoping and wishing for this aspirational future where we think we're going to be happy. What about if you could just consider the possibility of being happy today? And even the Declaration of Independence over here talks about the pursuit of happiness. And I think I even said it on your podcast, it's become very viral. One of my quotes, I say true happiness, like true happiness is the absence of the search for happiness. And that gives an entirely different relationship to time that I'm here right now with you in this conversation. And there's nothing

Starting point is 01:07:12 quote unquote wrong in my life. I'm not worried about where do I have to be next? Or what am I going to? Or what are people going to think about what I'm saying? Then I wouldn't be in the moment with you, I would be in my own mind. And i feel that is something that people lack if they could just slow down enough to go wait a minute is my life truly in danger or is that just my perception is it really a life-threatening situation or is it just the way it feels and could i just for a minute sit quietly take a few deep breaths listen to the person i'm with who invariably is going to be loved one of some form and actually not feel the need to react or control or manipulate or get somewhere that that's that's real relief for people some of the themes that have just come up i wonder if we could apply to something specific like obesity okay sure and what i mean by that is

Starting point is 01:08:03 um you know often we think you know we're going to be happy when we've got that body you know when i or when i've lost this amount of weight yeah you know things are going to be great i'm gonna have to fit into this you know pair of clothes i'm gonna have to do this yeah um and you know obesity is so widespread these days both in the uk and certainly here in america for sure worldwide um and you know, obesity is so widespread these days, both in the UK and certainly here in America, for sure. Yeah, worldwide. And, you know, we're not really making inroads into obesity. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:31 And I think there's many reasons for that. I've been trying to create my own framework for obesity recently. I'm sort of playing around with a few ideas based upon my experience and what I see. And so there's a couple of things I just want to touch on with you based upon your work that I think might be useful. So a lot of people who are trying to lose weight, a lot of my patients have said to me, you know, when this happens, I'll be able to do A, B, and C. So this is this whole idea that I can't be happy now. I will be happy in the future when I've lost the weight without realizing that this unhappiness

Starting point is 01:09:06 with the way things currently are, is gonna make it much harder for them to actually get to that destination in the first place. I wanna really touch on that with you. I wanna touch on, with respect to weight loss, I wanna touch on even the whole idea of language. I mean, we discussed this last time about language and the concepts

Starting point is 01:09:25 of maybe depression yeah um but i think you know with obesity it's also very important you know if you think or you say i am fat or i am obese yes that is defining yourself by a certain label i think i want to expand on that with you yeah and the third stream i think around weight loss and obesity. And the reason I'm bringing this up is because I think it's such a common problem. Let me rephrase that. It's a common issue that people are seeking help with. A lot of people would like to lose what they consider to be their excess weight.

Starting point is 01:10:00 And I just think the mechanisms we've got for that that the processes for that are unsatisfactory so that third component was and this is a question actually that when i told my audience that i was interviewing you again a lot of people came up with questions that were really excited so many questions but one of them was about emotional eating yes and those three they're quite separate but they all come under the umbrella of certainly obesity. I guess you would widen that out even further because they're the same principles that apply to anything. But I wonder how you could dissect some of that. No, I think it's a beautiful question. And it's certainly an epidemic worldwide, right?

Starting point is 01:10:37 Not just here in the UK. So I use the expression emotional obesity as a precursor to physiological or physical obesity. Now, what does that speak to? Similar to what I was saying about the mother who wasn't listening to her son. There's something unexpressed. If something's unexpressed, then it is accumulating. So if we look at that energy in Ayurveda, which is part of my work, and for people who aren't familiar, it's sort of an Indian healing methodology,

Starting point is 01:11:03 which is akin to Chinese medicine. It looks at elements and it's in Ayurvedic terms, it's part of the Vedas, which is associated with yoga, just to give a context. So there's something called Samprapti, which is a word that speaks to the six stages of disease. And it's a beautiful system, as far as I'm concerned, and it certainly transformed my life. The first stage of disease is accumulation, where we accumulate. Now, within the context of Ayurveda, it's really looking at the physiology. So when we accumulate too much air element or fire element or earth and water element, there's going to be an imbalance. So that's the second stage, is now becomes aggravating. So let's take take one example if somebody has too much heat they have spicy food alcohol stressful situations there's too much heat in the system it's accumulating the aggravation will be now they start to get

Starting point is 01:11:54 sour belching acid reflux heartburn and then it will start to spread as the third stage now we don't need to go through the whole system but the point is it all starts with accumulation so now if we look at our you know dear human friends out there who are struggling with Now, we don't need to go through the whole system, but the point is it all starts with accumulation. So now if we look at our dear human friends out there who are struggling with weight accumulation, my assertion through my lens is what's actually happened is they've accumulated a lot of trauma, emotions that haven't been expressed, and they live within the construct subconsciously, usually of, I don't feel loved. I don't feel loved. I don't feel loved,

Starting point is 01:12:30 I don't feel accepted, or I don't feel wanted. There's some discard, which makes that human being feel completely isolated, separate from the whole. And that's a miserable place to live. And they found comfort in food. Now that's a generalization, but a lot of people are going to be able to resonate with that. So what that will look like is as when I was a younger child, I was made fun of. I was picked on at school or perhaps my parents were somewhat absent because they were busy or they were just struggling with their own things. And I never felt held as a child. And I found the comfort that I was looking for in a care provider in food instead. And food is probably the biggest drug, right? It's something that we obviously do every day. And so that became a vicious cycle where whenever I feel any sense of dis-ease, I was never given the tools or the environment to be held. And so I accumulated

Starting point is 01:13:18 my own unexpressed hurt and sadness and fear, and I found comfort by just eating so that's both speaks to the emotional eating component but also just the dynamic of how we want to as human beings avoid pain and seek pleasure so both are going on there right so i'm in a state of pain there's no one really around me in my environment or my family to to listen to my point earlier and let me express and feel sad and be held where I feel comforted. So my pain has been transmuted into a pleasure that I found through substance, in this case food, and then it becomes a vicious cycle where it now speaks to the language component, which is it might have started as a feeling deep seated of I'm inadequate, I'm not loved, I'm not wanted, that then physiologically

Starting point is 01:14:05 started to be expressed as somebody who societally is now rejected, because obviously, it's not good to be fat, right? You're not going to be the picked one. So now you're, it's a vicious cycle where you're reinforcing the belief of inadequacy. And now you use language to actually misidentify with your physical form. to your point if somebody says i am fat or i am overweight what they're saying is i am this meat suit now it becomes very difficult because you're actually saying who i am is this and so to try and lose this would be to lose yourself which is impossible it's like trying to lift yourself up by your bootstraps so that's where there's it becomes insidious, right?

Starting point is 01:14:46 It becomes incredibly difficult because there's the deep subconscious feelings of inadequacy and separation that then fuel the escape mechanisms to which I then become identified. And then because of even more self-judgment, I feel there's something wrong with me and I'm bad and I have to do something against that, which creates a lot of pressure and a lot of heaviness like if I if I come up to you say you have to do this you you're going to resist right nobody so when we're doing that to ourselves oh I'm a loser I have to do this we're creating more heaviness energetically emotionally and then physically in our body so that's the that's the cascade right and so how do we undo that well it comes back to what i said earlier about a lot of love and compassion and acceptance but at least undoing my association

Starting point is 01:15:31 with my physical form if i can see that who i am is an expression of life i am the only expression of life that is me my perspective and as far as i'm concerned that warrants love and acceptance that warrants reverence there's no other you out there. And to start to change that relationship with ourself, and they probably will need some support and help to recognize, okay, what were the breakdowns in your relationship? Where was the absence of love and acceptance as you grew up? That to me is the, that's the real loss that needs to happen. It's not the loss of weight, but the loss of feelings of inadequacy, the loss of the absence of love.

Starting point is 01:16:12 It may seem like a segue, but I think it relates. I'm helping a client currently go through a divorce. And her conditioning was to be the nurturer and the provider. And in many regards, we could say they have two children together, but we've sort of recognized she kind of has three children by virtue of the way she relates to her husband and who he is. No slight on him, but she had become a care provider for him too. And that's why they didn't have a passionate relationship or an equal relationship. She'd got the mothering instincts for two children and then also a grown man and she said you know i'm really struggling with divorcing this person because of those patterns and i said just consider you're not divorcing him you're divorcing the version of

Starting point is 01:16:56 yourself that attracted him yeah now if you understand that it's so profound and for her it was the access to a much easier path forward because she's like wow like it is it feels like a shedding i'm letting go of a part of me that felt it was my responsibility to take care of everybody which was a reflection of her childhood where she had to take care of her mother because her mom was sick and she just started to play that role even with her own husband so she was letting go of that identity of herself, which gives her an immense amount of freedom, not thinking that she's responsible for this grown man's life, which is also a disservice to him. He's capable. He just didn't need to be with her because she

Starting point is 01:17:35 took care of everything, right? So if we look at that as a comparison to somebody who's quote, unquote, dealing with obesity, it's not the weight that they have to lose. It's the image of themselves that they're looking to shed that has got these connotations of inadequacy, of not being acceptable, of not being loved. That is the real weight loss opportunity. Because when they let go of that, they find a new sense of love and compassion for themselves which is the precursor to a new body yeah i mean would you encourage them to even reframe the way they say

Starting point is 01:18:11 it for example instead of saying i am obese or i am fat you know i am someone for you know for example i am someone who is currently carrying excess weight. That's more accurate, isn't it? Yeah. Can they start using language immediately to start changing that relationship? 100%. And I would even, you know, I get poetic. I love to write. And, you know, that's how I find joy in expression.

Starting point is 01:18:36 I'd say who you are is an expression of pure love and pure possibility. love and pure possibility, looking through a lens of inadequacy, insecurity and scarcity, which led to a behavioral adaptation where I found comfort in food. Now, if you look at that cascade, and we come back to what did I say at the beginning, you are an expression of love and pure possibility. It is purely based on the view you have of yourself and life, that I'm not loved by society, I'm not wanted, that who I am in my relationship to myself is inadequate, that that lens, it's a lens that I look through gives me the experience of sadness, isolation, depression, hopelessness, worthlessness. From that perspective, I am going to be in a position of pain from which I found relief in food. Now,

Starting point is 01:19:25 if we lift off that lens, if we remove the lie that there is something wrong with you, that you're not loved, you're not accepted, then there is relief. And in relief, I don't need to find comfort in food. So yes, to your point, they could say who I am currently is somebody who, based on my conditioning, has accumulated excess calories over time that expresses as a bigger body. That's the physics. But the why is because of the way that I view myself as somehow less than, as somehow inadequate. And that's the thing to really look at. Is it true that who you are is somehow not enough? It might feel that way. You may have expressed yourself that your entire life that way, but I would assert it is not a truth. And in the absence of that self-deprecating view of yourself,

Starting point is 01:20:11 if that is gone, then people feel such an immense weight loss emotionally. Like everybody I work with says, gosh, I feel so much lighter. Yeah. That is an energetic slash emotional precursor to then their body reflecting that. Yeah, it's, the more I think about obesity, the more I reflect on patients over the last 20 years, the more I, I don't know, the more I think we've, again, we've reduced the narrative around it

Starting point is 01:20:41 to be simply about calories. Yeah, it's about food and it's not at all. Yeah. And even within food and people talk about hunger, there's physical hunger and then there's emotional hunger. You know, why are you eating? Like someone on that Insta story I put out to ask you questions, I think someone said, ask Peter why I can't stop eating foods in the evening that I know aren't helpful for me. You sort of answered that because actually it's part of that story. The way I see it, the way I talk about it is that we're now using food for things that we never used to use it for. For instance, food used to be there as fuel for physical hunger. When we're really hungry, we needed fuel, we'd eat. now we eat when we're sad when we're lonely when we're

Starting point is 01:21:27 depressed yes um when we're stressed you know we eat for all kinds of other reasons now yeah and simply telling people what to eat yes it works for some it does appear to work for some yeah certainly in the short term yes but long term yeah these things never tend to last because what to eat isn't the root cause it's why people are eating it in the first place yeah you know and it's 100 it's i i've really i do i don't talk about obesity that much on the podcast hasn't come up for a while but i think it's super important because yeah it is not just about read another book to tell me what to eat no no no no for some people sure i have seen ultimate and what would you say for some people who do change what they eat and they do really go oh right it's this yeah would you say there's no emotional component there

Starting point is 01:22:18 no everybody's got an emotional component maybe they're a little bit more strong-willed or committed or perhaps their degree of obesity isn't quote-unquote as drastic, you know. And maybe they're just somebody who's very, you know, left-brained and they just like, oh, okay, this is, I need instructions and I'll just follow them. I think if we really break it down, what is food, right? It is a form of nourishment. And the expression I use, again, I say for the most part westerners are overfed and undernourished now that is not just about food that is going back again to my point about relationships and how we do or don't experience love so love is another form of nourishment physical touch being held by someone being told that, it's okay, even if somebody's feeling sad.

Starting point is 01:23:06 That is a beautiful form of nourishment. And in the absence of those forms of nourishment, people are going to find, just based on their brain chemistry's impulses, some form of pleasure or nourishment. So invariably, the people that are struggling with physical reflections of excess or the first stage of disease accumulation, they're just missing those other aspects of nourishment. And it's easy for me to sit here and say these things. And I hope people understand I'm coming from love and compassion, which is, yes, you may be listening to this and you may be in this situation. And your question, your brain is saying is, but I don't have any good good friends my parents aren't there or they estranged me when i was very young or

Starting point is 01:23:49 and i and all i can say is you know i hope you can find love and compassion for yourself start there because that would be a precursor to other people showing up energetically you know how might they do that piece there like how is someone hearing that okay fine how can they start doing that is it with daily journaling is it with affirmations each day saying i'm you know i'm full of love hope and compassion you know i am a worthy human being in front of the mirror is it um you know i've seen marissa peers on her podcast since you talk about you know with some of her clients, she has, I am enough. She gets them to lipstick it on their mirrors all around the house. Everywhere they go, they see I am enough and they say, I am enough.

Starting point is 01:24:31 Yeah. I don't know, you know, is there something practical for them that they can start showing compassion to themselves? I mean, those are great tools. And again, you know, I'm not much of a strategist because i think awareness is the most important thing then it's practice so to answer your question directly yes there are going to be things they can do but more than anything i want people to understand they are a unique expression of life like if that person is a parent or was a parent i often say if you had a baby that was yours and even if again

Starting point is 01:25:02 you don't but you can imagine i don't have kids but i can certainly imagine if i had my own child you're obviously a dad you understand what would your energy be towards that child and categorically across the spectrum people are like gosh i just do anything for them now at least that person has a semblance of what does love look like because oftentimes we don't know what self-love looks like because we use it or it gets expressed in our relationship to somebody else that we care about so sometimes what people need is just a hypothetical or a real life example of where do i express love and now we can tap into that because i know how i would feel towards my own child towards a baby it doesn't have to be it could be a niece it could be a nephew it could be your friends just had a new baby and if I I know gosh

Starting point is 01:25:49 there's a there's a preciousness there in that child that is equally a reflection of who I once was as a baby and energetically and emotionally still am so that's the it might not seem very practical but there is a real life example where you can look at the beauty of a newborn baby and go, wait a minute, what does that elicit in me? Because that expression internally of that emotion is the precursor to an action that is more self-loving. Now for that person, self-love might look like, it might look like i'm not going to have that second packet of biscuits or something right that might be the first expression of self-love is that if if i have two traditionally in a day through two packets i'm gonna have one and a half today now to the

Starting point is 01:26:39 lay person on the street who isn't struggling with obesity, they might still judge that as terrible. But no, that was a glimpse. You moved the needle in the direction of self-love. And that's the thing that I think more people don't, need to understand that they don't, which is process, time, patience. And those qualities of patience are themselves love, right? With somebody you love, with you and your children, maybe at times you're frustrated and you're in a hurry for some but for the most part you understand it's a child

Starting point is 01:27:09 and they need time to learn to ride a bike they need learn they need time to learn how to do the mathematical equation and we've lost that gentleness we've lost that humanity of patience with ourselves and i often like to do timelines, you know, if I could see you in a year, you've got a year to work on this. And let's say somebody needs to lose five pounds, you know, five pounds, five stone, right? Like in so what was that 60 pounds or whatever it is, like, so it's a chunk away, or even if it's more, first of all, you're not going to do that overnight. What if you could look at it through a healthy lens of okay literally i could lose one one and a half pounds a week maybe two pounds a week and that would be considered a healthy progression then we would reverse engineer that so if i'm

Starting point is 01:27:55 going to lose let's say two pounds a week and i've got 60 pounds to lose i've got 30 weeks so it's about 10 months now that changes for me the conversation immediately wow it gives me breathing room that i'm not supposed to do this overnight i've got 10 months to do that so immediately i'm giving myself some compassion i'm giving myself some time to breathe rather than by the end of january i must drop two dress sizes yes and it just becomes unrealistic yeah and then so you're actually setting yourself up for more self-sabotage. And feeds that cycle of, oh, I failed. I'm not worthy of this, etc. Which of course is the precursor. So again, it all comes back down to, and again, it may sound esoterical, poetic, but for me, I love turning on the internal expression

Starting point is 01:28:38 of male and female expressions of love, right? And what does that mean? So like I said, if you imagine you had your own baby or you could see somebody's baby, to me, it pulls forth the expression of the quintessential mothering, unconditional love and acceptance. A mother's energy is embracing, it's nurturing, it's all holding. When the baby's crying or it breaks something, the mother's inclination is don't worry it's okay so to bring that quality and then the the father the paternal energy is love but with a little bit of sort of that logical commitment and something that is we're going to work towards it's an analytical side and i think what we tend to do is we tend to come straight in from the masculine like well what should i do what

Starting point is 01:29:21 is the strategy and sometimes i feel beyond sometimes every time i feel what people need first is that feminine it's okay it's okay where you're at that currently you're two five three hundred pounds it's okay i get that you're discomforted i get that you feel terrible but it's okay you are where you are now the person feels seen they feel held there's a degree of self-acceptance now what would you like to do as a choice not as a reaction because if we're coming from a reactive state of mind too we're denying ourselves we're saying i'm not something and i need to fix myself that is also going to be a losing proposition versus i'm going to choose to to take care of myself and over a

Starting point is 01:30:03 very very realistic time frame this is now the practical side the masculine i'm going to lose i'm going to commit to what are the choices i have to make to lose one to two pounds a week that may seem completely nominal relative to somebody's current condition but check back with me in a year and see where i'm at and and i forgot who said it but it was like ernest hemingway or somebody they said you know look the time is going to pass anyway like relative you know the world is going to keep moving so you might as well do something that is good for yourself right i mean just a couple of observations there peter um i'm conscious that we're almost at

Starting point is 01:30:41 the end of the time we have and we still haven't covered a load of the things that I wanted to, which means we're going to have to have a podcast number three when I'm back in LA in a few months. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to touch on relationships and kids. I think we have done a little bit, to be fair. I think we have done. And what's interesting, you mentioned before, you know,

Starting point is 01:30:58 what would your relationship be like with your kids, you know, regarding patience. You would be patient with them. It's really interesting that for me, as I've become more compassionate to myself and more patient with myself, I've become more patient with my kids. And that sort of applies to relationships as well. And, you know, we didn't really, we didn't go in deep into relationships we sort of touched on some of them yeah um i wonder briefly only because we're out of time yeah yeah um for people and again this is something we can go in deep next time yeah love to sure there will be a next time i've no doubts yeah um but are

Starting point is 01:31:38 there some sort of practical tips that people can think about in their relationships. Yeah, one word, listen. Listen. It's so misunderstood. When people talk about communicating, what does usually come to mind when you say, you know, communicate? What do you normally think of when you hear that word? Like if I'm communicating- How do I- Like what is the connotation? If I'm saying, oh, you know, they're a good communicator, what does that normally imply? It normally implies they're good at explaining something to someone else. So I want to flip that around. I want to say the greatest communicators are the greatest listeners.

Starting point is 01:32:14 Two ears, one mouth, right? So in relationships, if this is like sort of we're down to the last couple of minutes and there's an ultimate takeaway is work on listening there's no greater gift you can give a human being than to truly get their reality over there we most people tend to react they're not listening so even if someone comes up and calls me an idiot which fortunately they don't but if from my perspective i really got that's how they viewed me and i was listening there's no reaction on my end there's actually just curiosity because that's not how i view myself so i'm kind of curious where did you get that opinion of me so now i get into

Starting point is 01:32:57 their reality versus retaliating and say well screw you you're an idiot which is how most people relate it's very basic form of language but it's because people don't listen, they react. And again, I'm going to reiterate it. There's no greater gift you can get than to truly understand, fully get somebody's view of life. They're just expressing how things look through their eyes. And what most people do is they don't get their reality. They listen from how does their view affect me? That's how most people are listening.

Starting point is 01:33:32 What is their words and what are their actions? What are the implications to me? Which is the survival mindset. That is not a relationship. Really get this. That is not a relationship with anyone else that is not a relationship with anyone else that is a relationship with my view of my own existence which is why most people aren't in a relationship because they're not with the other person they're with the other person and how does

Starting point is 01:33:57 that person threaten my view of life yeah that that's why most people are lonely why most people's relationships aren't passionate and fulfilling and joyous because they don't understand that a relationship has got nothing to do with my view of survival and how that person upsets me or brings me joy or they have to behave in a certain way for me to feel okay it's rather i'm fascinated to get to know your view of life yeah and that is that would change this whole world in the way that people relate to each other like you wouldn't believe please i normally ask people to finish off with some practical tips but i think you've already done that i think you've given plenty of practical tips there's a lot of wisdom in what you say i'm no doubt that people will resonate with this episode just as much.

Starting point is 01:34:45 Yeah. I didn't share as much of my own story in this one, but maybe we can do that next time. Yeah. We'll look at your relationship. We'll look at my relationship. Exactly. So then I will finish up with a final question.

Starting point is 01:34:57 I want to give something for your own life. Is there something you do on a daily basis to help keep you on an even keel to help keep you in control of your mind and your body and your heart is there something you do that gosh maybe people can learn from i think hey that's something i might want to bring into my life i mean practically there's many things but i would say they all stem back to the same perspective that i hope people are getting from this which is self-love and care yeah you know whether it's you look at it as a tragedy that my parents died when i was very young or you look at it as an opportunity for me to have to step up and take care of myself and perhaps that was the precursor for me to initially to step up and take care of myself and perhaps that was the precursor

Starting point is 01:35:45 for me to initially be in a real heightened state of survival because there was no one else there to take care of me or that was maybe what was the the set me up quote-unquote for success of turning self-preservation into self-love and acceptance and so all of if you were to follow me around for example and sometimes people want to know the things to do right like so i get up early and i work out and i go and an infrared sauna i do cold plunging all these things that now become very on vogue in the biohacking world and i eat good food and you know i do a hyperbaric chamber from time to time like these are things that i do californ, you live in California, right? Exactly. You've got to do these things out here. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:36:27 So these are the things you might see. But what I want people to understand is what is the underlying energy? What is the why or the how am I doing it? Because I also know a lot of people who will be at the local gym every morning at six o'clock in the morning. And it looks like what they're doing is good for them. But the underlying currents that drives them is really an addiction to their feeling of inadequacy that they're trying to compensate for by looking a certain way. So I don't want people to get too caught up in

Starting point is 01:36:56 the actions and the behaviors and really look at what is the underlying essence of where I'm coming from. Are you making choices for yourself that are founded in self-love and appreciation or are they founded in self sort of survival and preservation? And that is a subtle but very important distinction. It takes a bit of time to sit quietly and go, why am I doing what I'm doing? So for me, for sure, and look, I'm not perfect. I'm still human. I'm going to have days where I feel lousy and I feel tired and I'm doing. So for me, for sure. And look, I'm not perfect. I'm still human. I'm going to have days where I feel lousy and I feel tired. And I'm like, what's the point? The difference is for me, I don't wallow there. I bring love and acceptance and I accept my humanity. It's okay to

Starting point is 01:37:37 have a day where you don't feel like Superman. And maybe what that day requires is an early to bed, you know, maybe a nap nap maybe a long bath maybe take a walk or a hike in nature and get maybe talk to a friend and say god i'm just feeling lousy today so all of the things that we spoke to it's embrace our humanity warts and all and um have more patience have more compassion for yourself and your fellow man and woman, and realize that, you know, without sounding trite, that we're all doing the best we can within the limits of awareness that we currently have. Yeah, it's not so much the what you're doing, it's the why you're doing it. And so much wisdom again. I think many people are going to really, really take on board

Starting point is 01:38:22 what you say. It's going to help them shift their perspective on their own life. People always want to know more. How can people stay in touch with you? What is it? How, you know, how can they find out more about you and what you're doing? Is there somewhere I can direct people? Well, firstly, thank you. It's a pleasure to be with you again, my friend. And I hope if, you know, if there's one energy people do feel in the way I speak, it is love and care, right? I'm doing this because you're not paying me money. Of course, to some degree, it like brings awareness to my work. So people might argue, oh, well, he's doing this for promotion. But really, I'm doing this just because I care. And if people could just take a little snippet of that energy for themselves, then I feel I've

Starting point is 01:38:58 done my job today. In terms of reaching me, Instagram, Peter Krohn official is always great. We're now even on Facebook. We've incorporated that Peter Krohn, the mind architect, and then my website, Peter Krohn.com. So I'm always so flattered and humbled by the amount of people that reach out with kind words for what they might've gotten from today. And so I love hearing from people if people want to reach out because we're all doing the best we can. And I feel blessed that I have a perspective that seems to really inspire people to look at life through a different set of eyes. And I don't take that for granted. And I feel an honor and responsibility to be able to share that with people so that they today might find greater freedom

Starting point is 01:39:42 and peace in their life. Well, Peter, thank you so much for your time. And I look forward to part three, a point very soon in the future. We got our own like ongoing series. We do. Yeah. We'll ask more questions and we'll keep coming. All right, Rangan. Thanks, bud. Take it easy, man. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:40:01 Really hope you enjoyed that conversation. As always, do think about one thing that you can take away and start applying into your own life. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful week. Always remember, you are the architect of your own health. Making lifestyle changes always worth it because when you feel better, you live more.

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee - #259 Mindset Expert Explains How To Achieve Anything You Want In Life Today | Peter Crone (Re-Release)

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