Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee - 5 Simple Ways To Transform Your Happiness in 2026 with Dr Rangan Chatterjee #606

Episode Date: December 26, 2025

Is happiness a skill you can develop? Or is it a place you find yourself, if you’re lucky? Today’s podcast is a bonus episode that I’ve recorded, from me to you, to demonstrate that yes, happiness is about more than just chance. These special Boxing Day podcasts are becoming a bit of a tradition now (look out for one I’ll be releasing on New Year’s Day too). And in this one, I share five powerful ideas with you – five happiness habits that can transform your life in meaningful ways. They’re all explored in much greater detail in my book Happy Mind Happy Life: 10 Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day, which is being re-published in the UK in an exciting new format on 1 January 2026. But you can leverage your happiness levels right away by listening today. Here’s a quick overview of what you’ll learn: 1. Happiness is a Skill - Discover the difference between ‘junk happiness’ and ‘core happiness’ to feel more content, in control, and aligned with your values. 2. Define Success for Yourself - Imagine yourself on your deathbed and identify three things you’ll wish you had done. What can you do now to move toward that ending? 3. Eliminate Choice - We make thousands of decisions a day, and each one drains mental energy. By creating routines and reducing choice, you can reduce that stress. 4. Make Time Stand Still - Identify ‘flow state’ activities that make you lose track of time, and schedule them as investments in your happiness. 5. Seek Out Friction - If someone upsets you, ask yourself why their words affected you so much. Rewriting their story with compassion will increase your own sense of control. I hope this episode helps you and your family cultivate lasting happiness in 2026 and beyond. I explore all these ideas and many more in my newly formatted book Happy Mind Happy Life - available here as a paperback or as an audiobook, which I am narrating. Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore. For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com.   Thanks to our sponsor: https://drinkag1.com/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/606   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Hey guys, how you doing? I hope you having a good week so far. My name is Dr. Rongan Chatterjee, and this is my podcast, Feel Better, Live More. Today's episode is a bonus end-of-year episode to celebrate the re-release of my fifth book, Happy Minds, Happy Life, Ten Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day. Now, this book originally came out in March 2022, and since then, I've quite literally received thousands of messages from readers all over the world telling me how much of an impact this book has had on them. And one of the central themes in those messages is that the book managed to

break down something theoretical into something really simple, about something that all humans really want, which is to be happy. Now, I believe the message within this book has never been more important. We're living in a world now where many people are struggling. People feel anxious, stressed, they're scared about the state of the world. And happiness often seems like it is the last thing that should be on anyone's mind. But I absolutely disagree. So I've decided to re-release this book in the UK in a lighter, more accessible format. The illustrated photos have gone. There is a brand new cover, which I think is my favourite cover out of all my books so far. And to celebrate the new re-release, there are two new sections. A gorgeous forward from the author

Oliver Bergman. You may have heard on my podcast a couple of times in the past. He wrote 4,000 weeks and meditation for mortals. And there's also a new reflective chapter from me. Now, as I say, the message within this book, I believe, is more important today than ever before. And in today's bonus podcasts, I want to share with you five powerful ideas or habits that will transform your life in many different ways. They are, of course, ideas and habits that I explore further in the book. But whether you choose to get the book or not, I hope that by applying these ideas on your life, you will notice improvements in how calm, connected, and fulfilled you feel, and ultimately, your levels of happiness. Now, I know this is a little bit different to the usual format for my podcast episodes, where I tend to host conversations with guests.

but I do like to put out solo episodes now and again and I know from the feedback from you guys that you really, really enjoy them. So here I am in my studio with a fresh pot of coffee, the sun is shining, it's a beautiful, crisp, cold winter's day and I really hope that what I'm about to share with you makes you think about your life a little bit differently

and helps you increase the levels of your happiness. Okay. Idea number one. Happiness is a skill. Now I think this idea is probably the most important idea I put forward in Happy Mind, Happy Life. You see, I think a lot of us believe that happiness is a passive process. It's something that happens to us when things in our external world go the way in which we want them to. ago. So when my email inbox is clear, when the people around me treat me nicely, when I get the correct job, when my boss doesn't overwork me, when all these things happen, most of which are outside my control, I will be happy. But I don't think that's a very helpful way to look at happiness. Happiness is our default state. You only need to look at children to understand that. children can be happy, mindful, in the moments, just full of joy for the most simplest things in life. And I think we lose that along the ways we get older. It's our society and culture

that starts a condition that away from us. But I fundamentally do believe that happiness is our default states. So the question then becomes, how do we get back to that default state? state. And what I found over the years is that the most helpful way to approach happiness is to see it as a skill. It's not something that just happens to you. It's an active process that you actually engage with. Now, the thing about happiness is that if you were to pick 10 people off the street and all asks them, what does happiness mean to them, you may well find that you receive 10 different answers. And I think that underpins another problem we have out there these days. We know we want it, but we don't know how to get it. We think it's

something that it's not. We get seduced by these images in the outside world, that billboard image of the smiling couple with their beautiful children on a beach somewhere with the ocean and the sun shining, and we think that's what happiness is, but it's not. That's a pleasurable moment, but I don't believe that's the happiness that most human beings are looking for. And in Happy Mind, Happy Life, I talk about two types of happiness, junk happiness and core happiness. Junk happiness are the things that we often think will make us happy. a glass of wine, a bit of chocolate, Instagram or online shopping. And I think all of us have our own junk happiness habits of choice. When you feel a little bit uncomfortable, when there's a bit of

internal discomfort, when you haven't had a good day. What habits do you go for? Now I'm not saying these things are necessarily problematic in and off themselves. I think now and again, all of these things are completely fine. The problem is, when we engage in these junk happiness habits too often, or we make the fatal mistake of believing that those junk happiness habits are giving us the deep levels of happiness that we truly want, which they don't. In happy mind, happy life, I contrast junk happiness to core happiness. And I found that this definition of happiness is not only accurate, it's actually really useful for people. They can actually do something with it. And I've designed this model of happiness specifically so that it can be

practiced and strengthened over time. The core happiness is not about bouncing out of bed every morning. It's not about the peak experiences of joy you might feel on Christmas morning with the kids. Or when you step off a flight abroad and feel that glorious first blast of sun, on your face. It's about moving your baseline level of happiness upwards so that you can feel negative emotions less often and for shorter bursts. It's about developing a resilient bubble of happiness around you

that offers you protection from the invisible stresses and strains of life. It's about making sure that your happiness is not overly dependent on other people or external events. and it's also about treating happiness as you treat your physical body, making it stronger with smart and effective regular practice. Now in the book, I say you can picture core happiness as a three-legged stool.

Each of the legs is separate but essential. If any one of them is knocked away, your feelings of happiness will probably go down. So what are these three legs off the stool? Put it another way, what are the three ingredients of happiness that every single human being wants? Well, the first one is contentment. Feeling content means being at peace with your life and your decisions. So what are the activities you do in your life regularly that give you that sense of peace and contentment? The second leg is control.

And when I say control, I'm not talking about controlling the world, I'm talking about what are those things you do that give you a sense of control and there's a very important but subtle difference. We know from the scientific research that people who have a strong sense of control over their lives are healthier, a happier, have better social relationships

and earn more money. And I think this is one of the reasons why this book is more important today than ever before. people feel that the world is out of control they turn on the news or see how politicians speak to each other whether it's wars or social conflict or costs of living issues

we feel powerless we feel that the world is going a certain way and we can't control it but here's the thing you've never been able to control the external world that is a fundamental truth of life you might be able to influence parts of it, but most of it, most of it will do what it's going to do. The world is going to always do what the world is going to do. But if you can cultivate the skill of developing a sense of

control over your life through daily practices and rituals, it grounds you and makes you more resilient and you are better able to face the uncontrollables that do exist in the external world and will always exist. So that's the second leg. The third leg is alignment. Feeding aligned means that the person you want to be and the person who you are actually being out there in the world are one and the same.

So the three ingredients are contentment, control and alignment. And here's the really important point. Happiness is a skill, but you don't work on happiness directly, You work on the three ingredients. So you work on your alignment, you work on your contentment, and you work on your sense of control. And as you do that, what you'll find is that the side effect is that you are happier more often.

Now, since this book came out, I've given countless talks around the world about this concept. And at every event, I challenge the audience to tell me where this model is lacking. I say, listen, this is a model I created to help people be happier. It's a practical model, which means people can do something about it. But I'm not attached to the model. I think it's complete. I'm yet to find a scenario in life that you can't put through this three ingredient lens. But if there is one out there, please tell me.

And as of yet, no one has been able to present me with a scenario where these three ingredients don't hold true. So there may be someone out there who can, but I think for most of us, this is a really, really helpful model to think about happiness. So the summary for this idea is that happiness is a skill, it's a skill that you can cultivate and get better at when you know what to work on, and the way you work on your happiness is to work on your alignment, your contentment, and your control. Idea number two, define success for you. yourself. Now, I've just outlined the three-part model for happiness. Alignment, contentment, and control. And what I thought I do for the next few ideas is give you an example, a practical example

from each of those three things. So you get an idea as to how you can apply that concept in your life. Remember, I'm saying you don't directly work on happiness. You work on alignment, contentment, and control. And it's very simple to do that. And there's loads of practical exercise. in the book on how you can do that, the side effect of doing so is that you are happy and more often. So for this second idea, I'm really talking about alignment. If you define success for yourself, we're basically talking about you creating an intentional life where you are deciding what you want, you're doing what is necessary to get what you want, and you're not allowing the outside world to define success for you.

So why is it that we often end up doing things that don't really make us happy? Because if you've been listening to my podcast for a little while now, you will have heard this theme come up over and over again. Really, really successful people coming on telling us, telling me, sharing with you, that the success did not make them happy. They thought it would, but it didn't. This is a really, really common story. People end up in their 30s or 40s or 50s

and feel that they've ticked the boxes of societal success, only to realize it didn't actually make them happy. So a big idea in chapter one of the book is that success and happiness are often two separate things. Now, they can be the same thing, if you're really intentional, but most of us are not. So we end up playing someone else's game, and even if we end up winning that game,

we realize that that was never the game we wanted to play in the first place. So one powerful way that you can think about this right now and ask yourself if you're playing the right game, or whether you are living that successful, happy, contented life is this. if your life stayed exactly the same for the next 10 years would you be happy and when I say exactly the same I mean exactly the same

your job your relationships the amount of time you have to see your family and friends the amount of time you get to spend on your hobbies and the things that you enjoy What comes up for you? Some of you, I'm sure, will be like, yeah, I'd be happy. I've created this intentional life. I'm playing by my rules.

I have consciously decided what success looks like for me. But for a lot of you, dare I say the vast majority of you, I suspect that there are some elements that you would change. And that's completely okay. The question is there to provoke your thinking and to really get you thinking about, well, what does a happy and contented life look like? Because so many of us get seduced by society's definition of success and we chase the wrong things. So why do we? Well, there's so many different reasons. But one of the reasons is because as a part of the brain that we all have, scientists call the system of desire. This system of desire, which operates on mid-brain dopamine

circuits, is extremely powerful. It was designed by evolution at a time when food and other resources were often scarce, and it motivates us to compete with other people and grab as much for ourselves and our family as we can. It's not really interested in our happiness, Instead, it's programmed to make us think and behave in such a way that we maximise our chances of survival. And it's incredibly strong because it's a relic of a time when those chances often weren't very good. Now, in Happy Mind, Happy Life, I call this system the want brain. It's that part of you that is utterly convinced that a slab of chocolates, a bigger television, or a promotion at work will make you happy. And it tells you this is true multiple times a day.

Now, one of the reasons we know that this is a lie is because of really clever research that involves contacting people at random times of the day, asking them what they're doing, then asking, how do they feel? And the consistent but surprising result is that activities the once brain sells us as fun, such as eating chocolate, watching television, or going around the shops, actually leave us feeling less motivated, less confident, and more depressed.

This is what I was talking about earlier on. The difference between junk happiness and core happiness. Core happiness is the happiness that every single human being really wants and it's made up of alignment, contentment and control. But too often we chase junk happiness, which is why for so many, many of us, happiness seems out of reach. So what can we actually do about it? Well, one of my favourite exercises is called Write Your Own Happy Ending. Now, I think this is a really, really valuable exercise to do, particularly at this time of year. It doesn't take long, but I would

really, really encourage you to do it either right now or once the podcast. has ended. And I really encourage you to write it down, not just think about it. It is so much more powerful if you commit pen to paper and you can actually read those words looking back at you. So the exercise comes in two parts. Part one, you fast forward all the way to your deathbed. So let's do that right now. Imagine you're at the end of your life. This is it. This is your final day. And as you're lying there and reflecting, what are three things you will want to have done? Just taking a quick break to give a shout out

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their brand new sleep supplement, AGZ, which is absolutely fantastic and something that I have been taking in the evening for the past few months. That's $126 in free gifts for new subscribers only until the end of December. You can see all details at drinkag1.com forward slash Live more. And what's interesting is that although we're all different individuals and we're unique, and we have different preferences, we kind of know what most people are going to say on their deathbed because we hear it time and time again from people who care for people at the end of their lives. Some of you may recall the conversation I had with Brony Ware. A few years ago, the Palace

of Care Nurse, who spent years caring for people at the end of their lives? As she said, Rongan at the end of people's lives, they all tend to say the same few things. I wish I'd work less. I wish I'd spent more time with my friends and family. I wish I'd allowed myself to be happy. I wish I'd lived my life and not the life that other people expected off me. That's what we're talking about here. How do you live your life? Not someone else's life, your life. That's what alignment is all about.

Your inner values and then getting your external actions to match up with them. This is a fundamental part of the deep happiness that we're all seeking. If you are living someone else's life and you may be winning at that game, you're not going to be happy. Because deep inside you, you know that's not your life. It's not your path. So that's where this exercise comes in

and this is why it's so powerful. So think about it. You're on your deathbed. What are three things you'll want to have done? And you want to write them down. And don't worry about getting this perfect. But do write something down. Then the second part of the exercise,

is that you come all the way back to the present moment. And you ask yourself, what are three weekly happiness habits I could do that would absolutely guarantee I get the happy ending, I just defined that I want it? And you think about it, you go, okay, my current life is busy,

you may not be in the job that you want, everything may not be going the way in which you want it to go, But despite that, are there three things, three small things you could commit to each week that if you do them regularly, will guarantee you get the happy ending you just said you wanted? And the way that looks for me, in case it's helpful, I'll share with you how I answered this the last time I did this exercise. So on my deathbed, I believe, if I look back on my life, I believe I'll be saying these kinds of things. I hope I've spent a lot of quality time with my family and friends.

Number one, okay? Number two, I hope I will have done something that makes a positive impact on the world around me. That's number two. And thirdly, I think I will say, I hope I've had time to pursue my passions. Okay? So that's the first part of the exercise. Those are the three things that I think I'm going to want on my deathbed.

And so if I then rewind back into the present day, it's very easy for me to write down three happiness habits. The first one, If I have five meals every week with my wife and children where I'm fully present and not distracted by work or other things, I know that I'm tending to some of the most important relationships in my life. Where do that five figure come from? Well, five works for me. It's easy just to go regularly. But I like that number because it makes it specific. It's something for me to try and get to or surpass each week if I can.

The second one is, well, if I release an episode of my podcast each week, as I have pretty much done for almost eight years now, I know I'm doing something that will positively impact the people around me. So I need to keep releasing weekly podcasts. And number three, this is about my passions. As I said, I want to have known that I had time to pursue. the things that I am passionate about. So that means for me, can I play my guitar a few times a week? Can I write a song or sing? These things really give me a lot of joy and it's easy when work

and family life gets busy for these things to fall by the wayside. So I literally have those three happiness habits pinned up on a piece of paper on my fridge. So it's a gentle reminder on a daily basis, hey, no matter how busy your outside world is, can you commit to these three things each week? And it's been transformative. It doesn't change what other people might want from me, but it means despite everything that's going on in my life, I still found time for what's important. Because here's the thing that many people get wrong. They think they'll do the important things when everything else gets done. But everything else never gets done. There will always be something else to do. So if you're waiting for everything to get done before you tend to

the important things in life, you're going to be one of those people who have those deep, deep regrets on your deathbed. There's many other ways that we can tackle this idea of defining success for yourself. I think it's important to understand what your innermost values are and there are some practical exercises in the book to help you do that. But for the purpose of this podcast and this second idea, which is define success for yourself, I would really, really encourage you to do that write your own happy ending, either now or at the end of the podcast. Take a few moments to do it, write it down. If you want to, share it with me on a private message on Instagram. I'd love to see it if you want to share it. But don't do it so you can share

it with me. Do it for yourself. Do it because it's your life. And if you don't define what success looks like for you, you're basically allowing the world around you to do it instead. Idea number three, eliminate choice. Okay, this is one of my favorites. Eliminate choice. and this basically is going to help you work on the control leg of the core happiness tool. Okay, so quick reminder, there's three components to happiness, alignment, contentment and control. We've just gone through one practical exercise for alignment, which was write your own happy ending. And now I want to share with you some practical exercises around improving your sense of control. Okay.

What do I mean when I say eliminate choice? Well, most of us have come to the belief that choice is a good thing. I get to choose what I want when I want it. But the problem is that not every choice we make actually matters and too much choice becomes a source of stress. Picture this for a moment. I don't know if you've experienced this or not. I suspect you might have done.

But a few years ago, when my kids were a little bit younger. Often, once my wife and I'd put them to sleep on a Saturday evening, we'd come into the living room and put Netflix on. I think, ah, you know, we're just going to relax and watch something on Netflix. And I cannot tell you the amount of times that we couldn't choose. Literally, because of all this choice, we would spend 30, 40, maybe 45 minutes sometimes. We still couldn't choose.

We want us to watch different things because there is so much choice out there and, you know, our moods would be slightly off and we just go, forget about it and we'd end up just doing something ourselves. Now, I don't think we're unique in that experience. I think it's so common because that illustrates choice. Too much choice is paralyzing in every single aspect of your life.

The whole principle for this idea is that you choose when it really matters, but don't choose when it doesn't matter. There are studies which suggest that we are making an astonishing 35,000 choices every single day with 226.7 decisions made on food alone. And we rarely start to ask ourselves, is this overwhelming choice actually good for us?

Well, I can tell you it's not. Too much choice brings major downsides for your happiness. Every day, every single decision we make takes something from us. Each one takes cognitive effort. Each one takes time. And our peace in mind because the more options we're given, the less confident will be that we've made the very best one.

Researchers know that shops who offer too much choice cause their customers to feel stressed. If supermarkets offer 28 flavours of a product, it sales plummet. But if they offer only three, sales go through the roof. Why is that? Well, it's because deciding between three options isn't actually that overwhelming.

And you're like, yeah, I think I want that one. Boom. Made the decision, buy it, move on. If you're faced with 28 possible different flavors, you just don't know which is the right choice. And even if you make a choice, you're left with this nagging feeling that you didn't make the right one.

Would it have been better if I chose the other one? There's also some research done with psychologists who find that if we're given the option of taking an item of clothing back to the shop to swap, It makes us less happy and confident in our purchase, once again, damaging your state of mind. We associate choice with freedom, in fact, we often treat choice and freedom as if they're the same thing. But the freedom to choose a prime minister to lead a nation is not the same thing as being made to choose between 72 different yogurts every time you go to the supermarket. it. So if you can find a way to eliminate choice in your life, you're going to increase your

sense of control and you're going to increase your levels of happiness. Now, I see this in health all the time. Well, they're in a world now where there's so much knowledge and information flowing into our ears every day from our screens and through our earbuds. But here's what often happens. You, let's say, follow a few health accounts on Instagram and you see a yoga and someone about the benefits of yoga and someone about Pilates and someone from martial arts and someone from boxing and someone who's a runner and you love it all. And you think, well, yeah, I want to get healthy. I want to move my body more, but I don't know what I should do. Should I do yoga or Pilates or martial arts or boxing or dancing or a gym? The truth is it probably doesn't. It probably doesn't

matter. What matters is that you do one of them consistently. And that's why I think too much choice is problematic. It leads to procrastination, which then leads to inaction. So you may well have heard me talk about my five-minute strength workout that I do every morning whilst my coffee brews. When I was starting off this practice, I did the same five-minute workout every single day. Why? Could I not argue there are benefits of changing things up? Yeah, I could. But I'd rather do the workout than not. And if every single morning, maybe I'm a bit tired and wait for my coffee to brew,

if I have to decide, well, what shall I do today? Which exercise shall I do? Should I do some Pilates moves? Shall I do some stretches? Shall I do some kettlebell swings? I can tell you that on some days I wouldn't actually do it because I wouldn't be able to decide. by making it simple and easy that every morning I'm going to do these three exercises in this particular order, it happens. In the same way that you brush your teeth every morning or every evening, you don't decide on a new technique every time you're in your bathroom.

You know, I brush left to right yesterday. This day I'm going to go right to left or I'm going to go back to front first. You don't do you. You habituate it. You ritualize it. You rudimentalize it. You rudimentalize it. You rudely. There's no choice there. That's why it happens. And here's the reality. Too many choices. Drain your willpower and overwhelm your mind. So simplify your life where you can by eliminating choice. So I want to leave you with a few examples of how you can eliminate stress in your life by reducing unnecessary choices. Now, I want to acknowledge that your lifestyle is unique to you and therefore the choices that really do matter to you will be different or may be different from those that matter to me.

That is completely okay. What really matters is that we eliminate these false choices wherever we can. Okay, so here are a few examples. You could write a meal planner, which basically tells you what evening meal you're going to have every day of the week and just repeat it. I cannot tell you how many patients over the years have told me that a major source of their daily stress is trying to decide what they're going to cook and eat. A meal planner basically reduces

that stress. You have the same seven meals, week after week, Monday to Sunday, you know what you're going to cook, who's cooking it. You don't have to decide every day. All those tiny little decisions they add up very, very quickly and cause a lot of stress and get in the way of your happiness. Okay, so one way is to write a meal planner. Another way might be to choose a morning routine. I just shared with you one of the things I do every morning. I do this five-minute kitchen workout whilst my coffee brews.

Could you do something similar? And could you choose one thing and do it every single morning without any change at all for the next 30 days? If I challenge you to do that, because what you'll find is that by not having to decide every morning what you're going to do, you will do it. You don't have to think. It becomes a routine. And before you know, it 30 days will have gone. You'll be like, wow, I did 35 minute strength workouts over the last 30 days. That is a lot of working out. That is 150 minutes of strength workouts, but it doesn't have to be a strength workout. It can be whatever you want. Another place

in your life where you can eliminate choice is by creating a film shortlist. I mentioned earlier how something like Netflix can be paralyzing sometimes because there is so much choice. So over the past years, what I do is on the notes up on my phone, I literally have a film and documentary shortlist. So any time I come across a film, I think I'm going to going to want to watch, or a friend recommends to me, or I see on social media, I think, oh, that sounds really good. I pop it in the notes app. So if I am in front of Netflix on a Saturday evening with my wife, instead of scrolling and trying to see which of these hundreds of choices do I want to make today, I just go straight to my notes app, find the film, pull it up, and watch it.

Again, I want to emphasize. These are things that work for me. In happy mind, happy life, there's a whole section on how you can eliminate choice with loads of practical examples, but I can pretty much guarantee you, if you start to reduce how many decisions you're making in your life, you're going to reduce stress, you're going to reduce anxiety, and what that will do is increase your sense of control. And as you increase your sense of control over your life, you'll also increase your levels of happiness. Idea number four, make time stand still. Okay, so I've given you a practical exercise to help you with your alignment.

I've given you some practical exercises to think about your sense of control. And in make time stand still, I'm going to give you some ideas to improve your levels of contentment, which of course is the third and final leg of the core happiness stool. So what do I mean when I say make time still? stand still? Well, first of all, I want you to think about time. What actually is time? The first thing I want you to think about is this idea that time is fluid. So of course, one day will always be 24 hours long, just as 60 minutes will always add up to one hour. But one hour watching paint dry is experienced in a completely different way to one hour hanging out with a close

friend. So when it comes to time, the mind truly does have power over matter. Our perception of time changes its reality. And we can control it and become more time affluent by making the clock stand still. Now, one of the ways you can do this is by getting into flow state. Now, the term flow state was coined by the late psychologist, Professor Mahali, Chick sent me high. He died a few years ago. When he was alive, his research showed that the more often people experience flow state, the greater their sense of well-being and life satisfaction. In fact, flow has been shown to make people up to 500% more productive, 600% more creative, and increase their thinking power so much that it can cut learning times in half.

Now, here's the thing about flow. When you're in flow state, you are literally in the moment. You're not ruminating about the past or tying yourself up in knots about the future. And as Mahali, Chick sent me high himself said, one of the most frequently mentioned dimensions of the flow experience is that while at last, one is able to forget all the unpleasant aspects of life. Now, the reason I mentioned flow state here in idea number four is because I want to give you something practical you can do to increase your levels of contentment. But, as with most things, they don't just work on one leg of the stool. Yes, being in flow state helps you feel more content.

But the truth is, it also helps you feel a greater sense of control. And it also improves your alignment. because when you're in flow state, your thoughts and actions are one and the same. In fact, some people say that in flow state, they're so focused on what they're doing, they feel as if they've left their bodies. So what is it you do that gets you into flow state? Sometimes these are things like hobbies,

like playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, going mountain biking, painting, How you choose to make time stand still will be unique to you. It won't be the same for me. One of the ways I like to do it in the evenings, particularly this time of year, is to play snooker.

So in my front room, I have a small snooker table that, of course, I love to play on with my kids, but I also love playing by myself. And often in the evenings, a great way for me to unwind and switch off. as it just go, and play snooker for maybe 15 or 20 minutes by myself. Now, I love the game. I'm almost hypnotized by the sound of the balls,

trying to think at the right angles, you know, putting on different amounts of spin onto the ball and watch it kick off the cushion at different angles. I love it. And literally, I could be in there for 10 minutes and it can feel like an hour, because I'm in flow state. So my question to you is, If you want to be happier in 2026, perhaps you need to think about how many times you're accessing flow states,

or to make it easier, how many times you're actually engaging in your hobbies? And scientific research has shown that people. people who have hobbies tend to be in better health and have greater happiness and higher life satisfaction. So, are you engaging enough in your hobbies? Hobbies, passions, sports, music, these things are really, really good for us. We know that regularly doing things that we love makes us more resilient to stress. At the same time, if you're chronically stressed, it makes it harder for you to experience pleasure in those things that you used to love. The relationship goes both ways. So if you want to be happier in 2026, I want you to think about what things can

you do that will help you make time stand still? How are you going to get into flow states? How are you going to re-engage with some of your passions? How are you going to do more things that you love. Now this really does not need to be complicated. Okay, I've shared a few examples in this section already about what you can think about doing, but some of you might be struggling to think about what it is you do. You might be so disconnected from passion and things like hobbies that you don't know where to start. If that is the case, I would encourage you to think back to the sort of things you used to enjoy when you were a child. What did you spend your time doing. What did you do for you? Not so you could tell someone else. Not that you could take a photo

off it and pop it on social media and get validation from the world around you. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about things that you do for you. It can literally be anything. I'll tell you, over the past few months, I've really re-engaged with cooking at the weekends. And I love it. One of my favorite things to do at the weekend is literally tiny at the kitchen, put some tunes on at the moment. I'm going through a bit of a 90s rock phase, which I'm absolutely loving. And I prepare food for the family. I find it so relaxing. And time literally does stand still.

The important thing to realize here is that this stuff is good for us. We're living in a world now where so many of us are feeling stressed and burnt out. And one of the simplest ways to address that is to put in your diary a few times a week by doing things that you love. So how will you change your life in 2026 by spending just a little bit more time doing things that you love? Idea number five, seek out friction. Okay, so far in this episode, I've shared with you the idea that happiness is a skill. I told you about the three ingredients to happiness as I see it, alignment, contentment, and control. And I've also gone through a practical exercise or some practical things you can think about in each one of those three legs.

Just to give you a flavor of the type of practical exercises that are in Happy Mind's Happy Life. Now for this fifth and final idea, I want to share something that I'm so, so passionate about. this idea of seeking out friction. It's probably one of the ideas that has had the most impact on my life in terms of my levels of calm, contentment, happiness, and my health. And it's something that I often talk about in a variety of different ways. And if you seek out friction in your life, and I'm talking about social friction,

you will find that this specifically works on the contentment and control legs of the core. happiness store. Okay, so what am I talking about when I talk about seeking out friction? Well, just as our muscles grow when they experience regular resistance, so our core happiness becomes stronger when we press up against other people. But this can only happen when we tackle social tension in a very specific way. I think of it as using the human world as a social gym. This means seeking out moments of friction and using them as ways to examine ourselves. If someone says something that makes me react badly, I have two choices. I can get frustrated,

worked up and make myself a victim. I could tell myself a story that the other person was rude and out of order and should not have behaved in this manner. If they had acted differently, my world would be much better. This is how most people react. And this is perhaps how you will often react in those situations. But there is an alternative. You can make the choice to use friction as a teacher by asking yourself, why is this comment triggering me?

What is it inside me that's causing me to react in this way? And when you do this, you take back control over your life. Honestly, so many of us feel that we don't have that sense of control because we're overly dependent on the world around us interacting with us in a certain way. And if that's your state of being, you make yourself their prisoner. Seeking out friction allows you to become a master of your own happiness

because the core message behind this idea really is that you get to create your own reality. Most events in life really at their core are neutral. It's the perspective you choose to take on them that determines their outcome on us. You might remember, 12 months ago I released a Boxing Day special with some ideas from my six-bop make change that lasts. And one of those ideas was to take less offence. And I know these ideas can be quite provocative at times for certain people

but it doesn't mean they're not helpful. Underpinning take less offence is the idea that nothing is inherently offensive. It can't be. Because if the thing, the comments, the action by someone else was offensive, if that was where the offence came from,

then every single person on the receiving end would take offense. But they don't. So what does that mean? If not every single person interacting with it is taking offense, it can't be the idea or the words or the comment that was offensive. It was something within you that was being activated. Now, I'm not saying people don't say hurtful things.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying we should accept poor behavior. What I'm saying is that if you take on the belief that these things are neutral and it's the perspective that you choose to take on it that determines this outcome, on you, you become free. You feel this real power within you, that you have a sense of control over your world. You don't need people to act a certain way to you because you know the way you interpret it is down to you. Another way I often try and explain this to people is let's imagine

that there's, I don't know, a husband and wife having an argument. And let's say you're observing it. And afterwards, you ask them what happened. Well, I bet each one will give you a different answer. Same situation happened. You observed it all, but they both have a slightly different perspective over what's happened. And that's the reality of life. Everything has multiple perspectives. You may think your perspective is the only valid perspective, but that's not true. There is always another perspective from someone else's viewpoint. And once you understand that, your life starts to change. One of my favourite studies I often think about was done, I think about 10 years ago, where psychologists studied some football fans. And basically, they brought

these opposing football fans into a lab and they watched the same incident on television. And then psychologists asked these different sets of fans about what happened. And ultimately, how they interpreted the same incident on the football pitch depended on which team they supported. Same situation happens, right? There was a foul committed, let's say, or there was a tackle. And you will interpret it based upon the team which you support. But this is a metaphor for life. This is happening all the time, we see things from our own perspective and not understanding that there is another perspective that we can choose to take if we want to, keeps us trapped and makes us a prisoner to the world around us. So I really go into detail on this in Chapter 5 of Happy Mind, Happy Life, with loads

of practical examples. But for the purpose of this podcast, I want to share with you one exercise that has really helped me that I really want you to think about introducing into your life and it's called Working Out at the Social Gym. Over the course of one week, I want you to experiment with analyzing a moment of social friction every day. Now, this exercise doesn't need to take any longer than five or ten minutes and the more you do it, the easier it gets.

And the more you do it, the easier it, the easier it. It gets, as you will be training yourself to take a different perspective on life's inevitable challenges. And let's say you do this for seven days. Well, at the end of the week, you can spend a few moments reflecting on how that exercise made you feel. Do you feel calmer? Do you feel more in control? Do you feel more content? Perhaps you'll find that you sleep better or that you feel less anxious.

Now, of course, you can do it for longer than seven days, but I think seven days is a really nice time frame to actually practice this and work and cultivate the skill and see how it makes a difference in your life. So I think this is quite a good thing to do at the end of the day, but not when you're super tired, okay? So maybe straight after dinner or something like that. And just go through this kind of checklist in your mind. Again, I'd encourage you to write these things down in journal. I think it's much more powerful when we do that instead of just thinking about it. But even just thinking about it, we'll start to make a difference. So you could start up by saying, when did I get triggered today? This could be a time when you felt frustrated, angry, annoyed,

or disappointed. It might be a time where you fell into the trap of judging someone else. I then ask yourself, what was the reason? Was it? because you didn't sleep well and reacted emotionally? Or was it because it highlighted your insecurities and reminded you of something in your past? What emotion did it bring up inside you? Try to feel where that emotion is in your body and see if you can breathe into that area

and help the tension or tightness ease off. Then reflect a little and think about or write down what has this bit of social friction taught you about yourself. For example, I'm not sleeping well at the moment, which is why I'm overly emotional. Or this situation has actually highlighted my inner insecurities about who I am.

This is not about the other person, this is about me. Now, see if you can write what I call a happiness story about the same situation, but change your perspective to give you a sense of control over that situation. and a useful tip here is to try and make the person you are thinking about a hero in some way try and feel some compassion for them understand that they are probably taking out their own stresses and insecurities on you and in reality their actions have nothing to do with you you can't influence them and if you're waiting for other people to act in a certain way in order for you to be happy you'll be waiting a really long

time. So I hope you enjoyed listening to those five ideas. I would say the central message that I really want you to take home from this week's episode is that happiness is our natural default state and it's not something passive that happens to you at some point when everything in your world goes the way in which you want it to. It's something active that you can engage with. right now. Happiness is a skill that you can cultivate and the most useful model I've ever found to help my own happiness and other peoples is with this three-legged stool, alignment, contentment and control. All of these ideas and many more are explored much further and deeper with many more practical exercises in my book Happy Minds, Happy Life. As I mentioned at the start,

The book has been re-released in a brand new paperback format in the UK. It's lighter, we've removed the pictures, it's more accessible, it's cheaper, and it's got a brand new, gorgeous, minimalist cover that I really, really like. So if you want to get your own copy, you can do so right now. Technically, this new edition does not come out until the 1st of January, 2026, but the reality is that all the retailers have it in stock right now. So if you order it today, you'll probably get it in the next one to two days. And really importantly, even if you do not live in the UK,

and therefore cannot easily access the new paperback edition, don't forget that the book is still available in its original format all over the world and in many different languages. And if you're someone who prefers to listen to your books, it is also available as an audiobook which I narrate. You can download the audiobook right now all over the world in all the usual places on Audible, Amazon, Spotify, and on Apple Books. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.

I really hope you found it valuable. If you did, please do share it with someone else in your life, who you think would also get value from listening, and before you take off, always remember that you are the architect of your own health. Making lifestyle change is always worth it, because when you feel better, you live more.