Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee - #82 How to Create the Life You Were Born to Live with Peter Crone

Episode Date: November 6, 2019

What is preventing you from living the life of your dreams? Are you waiting for the right person to come along? Will you be happy when you get a pay-rise? Or perhaps you just aren’t capable of getting what you really want? The truth is, that your perfect life is right here waiting for you to discover it. The only thing separating you from it is the dialogue that exists within your subconscious mind. Guest on this week’s podcast is writer, speaker and thought leader in human potential, Peter Crone, a.k.a The Mind Architect. Peter believes that resistance to the way life is, is not only futile, but it is the pre-curser to dis-ease both psychologically and emotionally, which can then manifest physiologically. He believes that to attain true freedom and joy, we need to release ourselves from the prison of our subconscious mind – those limiting thoughts that tell us we are not enough. When we understand that our behaviours and thoughts are a result of our subconscious programming, we can deconstruct where those limiting beliefs came from and we are able to free ourselves from them and experience true liberation. Peter demonstrates how we can deconstruct our own negative thought patterns by talking to me about some of the things that have affected me in my life. We discuss how our subconscious programming can affect our intimate relationships and question whether the Hollywood ideal really exists. This is a really powerful conversation and I really hope it helps you to find more happiness in your life.  Show notes available at drchatterjee.com/82 Follow me on instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Follow me on facebook.com/DrChatterjee/ Follow me on twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It gives a human being the sense of power, responsibility, and freedom, which to me is what everyone's looking for. They might say they want more money. They might say they want a better relationship or a better job. They might say they want a better body. But to me, they are all milestones or stepping stones towards the fundamental experiences I just want to feel free. Or in lay terms, I just want to feel good. And most people don't. They feel sick. They feel dis-eased, the absence of ease. And that's why I'm so passionate about this work, because I have seen it for two decades now, where lives are literally transformed. They are transfigured. They're transmuted, because people are transcending these deep beliefs of inadequacy, insecurity,

and scarcity, which are not truths. They're just inherited beliefs that at the deepest level are informing everybody's behaviors. And to get beyond that is freedom. Hi, my name is Rangan Chastji, GP, television presenter, and author of the bestselling books, The Stress Solution, and The Four Pillar Plan. I believe that all of us have the ability to feel better than we currently do, but getting healthy has become far too complicated. With this podcast, I aim to simplify it. I'm going to be having conversations with some of the most interesting and exciting people both within as

well as outside the health space to hopefully inspire you as well as empower you with simple tips that you can put into practice immediately to transform the way that you feel. I believe that when we are healthier, we are happier because when we feel better, we live more. Hello and welcome back to episode 82 of my Feel Better Live More podcast. My name is Rangan Chatterjee and I am your host. Now before we start today, just a very quick reminder that I have started filming pretty much all of these podcast conversations. Many of you will have seen the video clips on my social media channels, but do take a look at my YouTube page. All of the full-length conversations sit there, as well as some of the best bits of each show have been edited down into shorter clips. I know many of you have told me that you've got

friends and family who you feel would really benefit from these conversations, but that they don't listen to audio podcasts. Please do ask them to check out my YouTube channel and subscribe. And even if you do listen on audio, please have a think about subscribing to the channel so that you can easily watch some of the highlights from your favourite conversations. The best way to find my YouTube channel is to go to drchatterjee.com forward slash YouTube. Now, today's conversation is about creating the life that you were born to live. What is preventing you from living the life of your dreams? Are you waiting for the right person to come along?

Will you be happy when you get a pay rise? Or perhaps you just aren't capable of getting what you really want. The truth is that your perfect life is right here waiting for you to discover it. The only thing separating you from it is the dialogue that exists within your subconscious mind. My guest on this week's show is the writer, speaker, and thought leader in human potential, Peter Krohn, also known as the mind architect. Peter's goal in life is helping people understand how their own perceptions and their own self-limiting beliefs and words

have shaped their reality. Peter believes that resistance to the way life is is not only futile, but it's the precursor to dis-ease, both psychologically and emotionally, which can then manifest physiologically. He believes that to attain true freedom and joy, we need to release ourselves from the prison of our subconscious mind, those limiting thoughts that tell us we are simply not enough. When we

understand that our behaviors and thoughts are a result of our subconscious programming, we can deconstruct where those limiting beliefs come from, and thoughts are a result of our subconscious programming, we can deconstruct where those limiting beliefs come from and we are able to free ourselves from them and experience true liberation. Peter demonstrates how we can deconstruct our own negative thought patterns by talking to me about some of the things that have affected me in my own life. We discuss how our subconscious programming can affect our intimate relationships and question whether the Hollywood ideal really exists. This is a really, really powerful conversation and I really hope it helps you to find more happiness in your own life.

Now, before we get started, as always, I do need to give a quick shout out to some of the sponsors of today's show, who are absolutely essential in order for me to continue putting out weekly episodes like this one. Vivo Barefoot Shoes are supporting today's podcast, and I have to say I am delighted that they continue to do so. I've been a huge fan of Vivo Barefoot Shoes for many years now, and I've experienced a lot of benefits myself, but also for many of my patients especially when it comes to issues like back pain, knee pain and hip pain. Basically in my life I wear Viva Barefoot shoes anytime I'm not barefoot. So for walking, for work but also for exercising.

It's really gratifying to me that many of you have started wearing Viva Barefoot shoes having heard me talk about the benefits of them over the past few years. I really do think that It's really gratifying to me that many of you have started wearing Viva Barefoot shoes. Having heard me talk about the benefits of them over the past few years, I really do think that for many of us, they make a huge difference in helping us move better and can also help us reduce our pain. For listeners of my show, they have come up with a great deal. They are offering 20% off to all customers in the UK, USA, Australia and selected EU countries. If you have thoughts about giving them a go, this is a great incentive to start. They give a 100-day free trial for all new customers. So if you're not happy with the shoes, you can simply send them back and get a full refund.

I think this is an amazing offer. If you have been sitting on the fence about trying minimalist shoes, do consider taking advantage. You can get your 20% off Vivo Barefoot shoes by going to vivobarefoot.com forward slash live more. That's vivobarefoot.com forward slash live more. Now, on to today's conversation. So look, Peter, welcome to the Feel Better Live More podcast. Thank you, thank you. I'm glad we managed to get this date in the diary finally and make it, you know, lock it in. There is so much I want to talk to you about and it's quite hard to know where to start. Yeah. But on your Instagram page, at the very top, it says you are a mind architect.

Correct. I love that phrase. Yeah. I talk about this podcast, the purpose of it is to empower each and every listener to become the architect of their own health. Love it. And now I have the mind architects on my show. So maybe we could start by explaining, you know, what is a mind architect? Great question. Well,

before I answer, I just want to say thank you for having me. I know you've got a beautiful platform, a great audience back, especially in the UK, which is refreshing for me being, you know, from Blighty and having been here in la for a couple of decades so it's nice just to hear an english accent face to face so thanks for having me um mine architect the reason i came up with that moniker was because i'd been called many things um you know some flattering some perhaps not uh but from spiritual teacher to happiness guru to hitman for the ego and nothing really sort of resonated because all of the titles that are sort of somewhat more commonplace in the marketplace were contaminated with meaning. So clearly, I was working with the aspect of the mind and particularly the subconscious, the deep levels of programming that humans are sort of confronted by.

And I loved architecture, something I was fascinated even when I was a kid. And so it just sort of was a natural organic birth by virtue of the fact I'm looking at people's minds and I'm sort of doing some tenant improvements, like rethinking, you know, redesigning your inner thinking space. So it just landed and then society seems to have run with it. So it's working for now. It is working for now and i i think it's a very apt description of what you do actually i really do and hopefully we're going to unpack that over the course of this conversation for sure i guess what has led to a kid from blighty yeah or the uk for those people who are not sure uh yeah from do Dover. From Dover, son, yeah.

Yeah, so now you've, you know, you grew up in Dover and you're now here living the dream, as it were, in sunny California. Yeah. So I guess that's a long answer to this question, but ultimately, what does that journey look like? Growing up in Dover, ending up practicing as a mind architect in California.

Yeah. What's going on there? How long have we got for this podcast? We've got as long as you want. I mean, I sometimes feel like I've literally said, I feel like the most blessed man alive, and it would not seem that way if you were to know the events of my life, right? It's really an experience I have of myself and living versus what actually transpired growing up. So the early years, my mum, I was an only child, my mum died of cancer when I was seven. And then you may even remember this, because it was sort of a national disaster. But my dad worked

on the ferries that went between Dover and Calais and Dover and Zeebrugge in Belgium, the Herald of Free Enterprise. Yeah. So my dad was the senior chief engineer on that boat. And when it capsized in Zeebrugge, he passed. Yeah, the Zeebrugge ferry disaster. Yes, that was my dad was on that. So he went to work one day when I was 17 and never came back. So they were the early years, obviously quite trying, but certainly formative in terms of who I became. And I would assert I'm one of the most loving, compassionate people, just by virtue of what I've had to go through. Everybody's sort of carrying their version of

suffering and trials and tribulations. And for that reason, I'd never passed judgment. And I understand that people are bearing their cross as best they can and so i think for the for the first sort of entry into having a better life yourself with better health it's really to eradicate any form of judgment from self or others um so they they were the early years but yeah i mean it's it's it's unique because i haven't spoken to somebody in a podcast format who's from the UK. So most of the big podcasts I've done over here in stateside. So with Americans who they can obviously relate to the size of it because hundreds of people died.

But it's the first time I've told the story with somebody who's familiar with it. It was a big incident. Clearly, it was all that anyone talks about for a long time because it was such big incident it was the yeah clearly it was it it was every every it was all that anyone talks about for a long time because it was such a significant event with so many deaths for us you know it's sort of hard to compare to other major events around the world but it was sort of our equivalent at that time so it's obviously many years transpired but uh that was that was the early years um and that certainly interfered with my education process. I was at the time at secondary school, grammar school. And so I lost a little bit of time there,

but then I finished my A-levels and I went to Loughborough University, which I loved. And I did undergrad in human biology and exercise physiology, which really gave me a foundation of the physical part of who we are. I stayed and did a master's as well. And then I pretty much from that moment went straight to the US. I had during my college years, I coached tennis in a camp in upstate New York. So you know, we had those sort of exchange programs. They would buy you a plane ticket and then give you $50 a week just for the novelty of coming to visit America. And I bought in and it was a wonderful couple of years coaching tennis during just during the summers. And sort of during that period, I had made a couple of great friends and one who lived in

New York moved to LA because he knew he wanted to pursue filmmaking. So after I finished my master's, I hadn't been to the West Coast of America. So I went to visit him. The intention truly was to visit. But within about 10 days, I became the third partner in a production company. Yeah, yeah. It's not that that exciting it was uh it was pretty awful film that we made but it was an incredible experience for three 24 year olds there were two americans and myself so an incredible learning experience but clearly wasn't gonna be anything that i could retire on so then i um i pursued my training because my undergrad in exercise physiology gave me such a depth of knowledge about you know how to transform our bodies so I got a job at a gym in Malibu and

was only there for five months but I was getting such significant results that one of the trainers this is a long story but I guess it gets us to where we are today. He was renowned for being a celebrity trainer, and he would work people out in that gym. So the general manager of the gym one day came up to me and said, look, Bob, who was the trainer, has got two new clients for you. And at the time, I was just killing it. So I was like, fine, you know, bring it on, like more and more clients. And he said, she said, no no these are two very special clients and then the penny dropped because I knew who he worked for and um it's sort of common knowledge that doesn't really matter but it was Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman so that then was the next chapter of my life I got the job despite they

were recruiting from many places and I think there were seven or eight trainers they were interviewing but so I got that job and immediately I came back to London actually and we shot Eyes Wide Shut and then we were just traveling around the world. I did all the Mission Impossibles with them in Australia. In terms of training them? Training, yeah, just making them look good for all the movies. So at that point I'd also become a Pilates instructor and a yoga instructor. So I was just pulling from all of these different disciplines in the physical realm.

And for me, again, I was just pulling from all of these different disciplines in the physical realm. And for me, again, I was 25, 26 at that point. So it was just an incredible opportunity. They were incredible to work for. We had so much fun and I got to see the world by virtue of their filmmaking. And even that's an incredible leap to go from a kid growing up in Dover to traveling the world with, at the time time I'm sure yeah two of the most famous A-list celebrities and and and living that life that how old are we at the time 26 I mean most 26 year olds would be vaping yeah I mean that's pretty incredible in itself no no I feel again I feel very blessed and these are obviously things I could never predict. I mean, if you told me, you know, after my mom died at seven, my dad is in a major shipping disaster when I'm 17 and passes, that, oh, no, don't worry, you're going to end up in LA and training,

you know, a couple of celebrities and going around the world on a G5 jet. I would have thought you'd smoke in a happy pipe um so so it is it is quite unique it does feel like almost a different lifetime you know because subsequent to that job then I I quit um because I knew I had bigger fish to fry so to speak and my real passion was about the power of the mind so that's even though I was transforming their bodies and then the bodies of other people in that realm and the entertainment industry i i just was so um excited to explore some of these deeper behavioral patterns that we all had and so that's when i started my business in 2001 so that's that at the time i wasn't called the mind architect but i was doing very similar work so i mean let's just go to that story at 26 where you're in malibu you're training

people and you're getting incredible results and people around you including colleagues of yours it can see you're getting incredible results yeah so i'm gonna bet yeah but i imagine it's because you weren't just looking at their bodies you were also i'm i i imagine influencing their thinking and their minds in some way is that fair to say uh yes i mean it me, everything comes down to relationships, right? Like I'm working with people at the highest level of their industry, whether it be entertainment or business or sports. And it's how do we relate to ourselves? How do we relate to life? How do we relate to others is really what generates our experience of life. So for me, I love relating. Like I love to listen. I think

that's my superpower is people will come to me with all manner of what they think to be issues. But I listen from a place of love and compassion and acceptance, which first of all, makes them feel safe to share things that maybe they don't even share with their spouse. But then secondly, I can reverse engineer it now because of what I do, and help them see what is the root cause of their anxiety their depression their addiction their their health issues so that then they can undo that so that form of being able to relate to people was certainly apparent when I was working with people training them because much of what they wanted to accomplish was it sounds cliche but like just a sense of happiness right like you Like, you know, they might think that, well, when I get a six pack and

I'm in better shape, then I'm going to be better. But just to have somebody who really listened and listened from a point of view of care versus just like, you know, I'm disinterest, but I'm trying to get you to do more pushups so I can get paid. Like sometimes there were a couple, you know, a couple of sessions, we might just sit down at the juice bar and have a smoothie and talk because there was just stuff on their mind. That to me is the greatest precursor to healing versus, you know, doing all of your cardio. Yeah. I'm starting to realize piece of why I'm drawn to your work so much because many of the things you're saying are, it's almost like a mirror back to me in terms of what I see. I mean, I've been seeing patients now for almost 20 years.

But I have found more and more that the skill I have to offer people when people come and see me, the most important thing I can do is to listen yeah and it's to listen without judgment and i can tell you that i i learned this very early on i think it was in my first week as a gp i used to i had done um i was going down the specialist uh pathway i'd done my exams for that i was called a member of the world college of physicians yeah i was doing a locum registrar job in nephrology uh so in kidney medicine yeah and you know for a variety of reasons i changed i i just felt you know what medicine for me seems to be getting quite disconnected we're starting to look at the different parts of the body in isolation yeah i don't just want to see kidney problems for the rest of my career.

I want to see the whole person. And so much to my dad's dismay at the time, I took the step to move from specialist path to being a generalist. And I can tell you today, I am super, super proud of being what I consider to be an expert generalist. I love that.

And one of the things you keep talking about, or I'm hearing from you, is that you have, yeah, you went to, you know, arguably the best sports medicine university in the UK. You learned about the physical body. But then as you were getting older, you started to go, oh, let me learn about yoga. Let me learn about Pilates.

Always, it sounds as though you are, I think like myself, a learner, somebody who is always looking to learn from different fields and pull in what you feel is relevant for your practice. And I think that's what an expert generalist is actually. And I think we have overly emphasized there's been this cult of the specialist. And again, specialism has its value. I do not dispute that. But I do think we're moving into an era where people's problems are so chronic. And in some ways, although I suspect you would reframe this, are so complex and there are so many different inputs into them. I think this is the era of the generalist. How do you take this person in front of you and figure out what are the various things going on

in their life that is relevant? Western medicine, which does its job, right? I think it gets a bad rap because obviously in acute cases, emergencies, phenomenal, right? But for these chronic conditions to me, such a disservice to human beings, because they're not interested in root causes, they're interested in managing symptoms, right? It's a disease care system, it's not a healthcare system. So to your point about this segregation, this separation of organs from gastroenterologists to neurologists, whatever it might be, cardiologists, that we're looking at people fragmented i'm biased because of what i do but if you don't take care of what's going on the subconscious of people's

minds at best the term i use is you're going to be the the the greatest version of your limited self now if you really get that statement it's very profound right so So you're stuck within the parameters of your blind spots, right? These beliefs of inadequacy, insecurity, and scarcity, which to me are universal, they're primal, they're very deep. Then we develop survival mechanisms, adaptations, compensations. And then on top of that, our physiology is going to just by natural cascade, reflect whatever's going on internally, which is, as you know, as a doctor, usually a mild state of fight or flight, sympathetic nervous system, cortisol, adrenaline, noradrenaline, that whole storm of hormones that really is doing us a disservice. It's

affecting people's sleep and weight gain. All of the things that people are dealing symptomatically on the surface, to me, are a byproduct of the fact that human beings currently are designed to survive. Everything is a potential perceived threat, whether it's being what your boss is going to say, or your spouse is going to say, or your parents are going to say, or am I going to be able to pay rent? Or am I going to be okay in the future? Am I going to realize my dreams? Am I ever going to quit smoking? Am I ever going to lose weight? All of these sort of unanswerable questions inspire this internal sort of fight and battle

that people have that to me is the dis-ease, the absence of ease that then manifests over time into some physical symptoms. So that's why I get super passionate about this because you can do all the work externally and it's not a knock on your industry. And thank God you listen, you know, and that's why you're making the difference you are. Because if you don't address what's going on mentally and emotionally for somebody, at best, you're just making the window dressing look good while the back of the shop is just on fire. And I guess, you know, we are in prime territory for that, aren't we? We're in the heart of Santa Monica, which is, you know, potentially the wellness capital of the world. And there's a lot of people walking

around there who look good looking good is definitely one of the greatest products of this town yeah and again it doesn't mean that they're not good on the inside but i would bet that many of them have sacrificed their inner sense of well-being and satisfaction in that external pursuit of what they consider to be physical health yes yeah well because human beings are designed fundamentally as far as i'm concerned to be loved and accepted which we're seeking belonging you know this is just this primal universal psychology we want to fit in so one of the means by which we believe we fit in is based on our appearance right like so for the man to sort of as a stereotypical archetype of a man is to be strong and to be

fast and nowadays to be wealthy and for the woman is really to be beautiful and pretty and sexy. And you see this just on Instagram accounts, you know, like how many guys are there with their shirts off and how many women are there displaying, you know, their latest bikini outfit for the umpteenth time. So none of it's wrong. But if you understand what are the underlying motivators, it's really a human being individualized thinking that they are separate, and that their ultimate accomplishment is to feel love and acceptance from their environment. What most people don't understand is if I'm seeking love and acceptance from others, what I'm actually saying and reinforcing is that I'm not loved and accepted inherently. And therein lies the survival, the disease, and the exhaustion that people are dealing with.

So it's cliche, but what I'm helping people find is complete comfort in their own skin, total self-love and acceptance. And that to me is real health and real success yeah i mean i completely agree um it's interesting that sometimes when i talk about these topics on this podcast um it's not quite the same thing but i spoke to gabble mate a little while ago um okay i don't know if you know gabble's worko's work, but I'm sort of a big fan of Gabo and what he's doing. These things for many people can be quite challenging. Most people I think loved that podcast. Some people didn't. I think my perception on that would be that sometimes things are too

close to the bone that we're not ready to hear. I know there would be in various stages of my life where I possibly couldn't hear that. And that's what evolution is, right? That's how we change depending on life experiences. But I do agree with you that the health of your mind, your subconscious mind in particular is critical for, even if what we think we're looking for is physical wellbeing, I don't really think you can have physical wellbeing without that mental wellbeing. I'm not sure it's possible. And, you know, I was telling you just before we started this, um, so obviously you've been out here for, for, for a number of years.

So obviously you've been out here for a number of years. My first TV series, Doctor in the House, when I went to live alongside people who had chronic illness, chronic complaints that usually they were under their GP and often a specialist as well. They were on multiple medications, yet they were still not doing well, which is why they wanted help. medications, yet they were still not doing well, which is why they wanted help. I have reflected so much on what I managed to help these patients achieve, which is pretty much get all of them better, some completely better, some significantly better. One of the

ladies was on 20 pills a day. She had eight diagnoses. She couldn't work anymore. She couldn't be with her family. You know, she'd been to specialists. In six weeks, I got her pain-free and reduced her medication down significantly. And two years on now, she's on zero medication. And I've reflected on no matter what the condition was, whether it was type 2 diabetes, whether it was fibromyalgia, whether it was anxiety, whether it was sleepromyalgia, whether it was anxiety, whether it was sleep problems, relationship problems, hormonal issues. Actually, what did I do? Yes, I addressed four core areas of their lifestyle, food, movements, but equally important sleep and relaxation. But I realized the ones who really owned their problem and broke free from it were the ones where the mental outlook

changed when there was a shift so yeah what what intrigues me is that you mentioned the the subconscious mind yeah okay so there will probably be people listening to this who are thinking, well, I know my own mind. I know what I think. What does Peter mean when he talks about the subconscious mind? you said like it's a real shift in perspective and one of my quotes which i think sets a nice context for what we're about to talk to is by marcel proust and he said that the journey of true discovery lies not in finding new lands but in looking through new eyes so it's one of my favorite quotes because really my work is about shifting perspective because there's a quote i think it was by wayne diab he said when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change and we could get into quantum physics and the observer effects etc etc so subconscious mind to me is sorts of as human beings we've got different levels of programming we could say right now everybody knows about the genome or if they don't know

about the genome they certainly know about chromosomes or dna everybody's heard about dna nobody is going to be on the streets going you know what my eyes like yours are very dark brown mine are light light blue or gray we can't go you know what tomorrow or over the weekend i'm going to shift my eye color most people would think that was preposterous right they understand yet that expression is because of the way that your code or your dna is expressing itself physiologically right your height i mean you're like what six five six six six six and a half yeah okay now that wasn't your choice right that is by virtue of the dna i'm 6'3", 6'3", and a bit of change, right? So that's one part that people understand. Then there's different tiers of conditioning. You could argue at the more

superficial level, somebody who walks into a coffee shop, one of the parts of their conditioning is somebody goes for, you know, a cappuccino, but somebody goes for a chai latte. It's more superficial and they get to change that more readily they might go oh you know i'm with somebody and they actually don't drink coffee so i'm going to have a mint tea because out of respect or something so that was a relatively easy change so we can start to see there's this sort of this hierarchy of programming but it's a form of conditioning so much closer to the DNA, I would say the subconscious is deep programming that I would assert is both universal and it's primal, meaning there is this survival

instinct of a human being. And so those codes, which to me exist in language, were formed in our childhood. So the first time that you found out that not being you was not enough, right? So for a baby, a baby isn't conscious of what, what are you thinking about me? It's not, there's not that self concern or worry for what other people's interpretation is of your behavior. So a baby will literally being, maybe being held, they've been fed and they'll throw up down someone's back because it's just what they're doing. They're like, oh, God, I look like an idiot. And they don't care if the dress is a Gucci. None of that has been installed into their

programming of these social norms and how you're supposed to behave or be polite. But the first time when we're young, usually around one and a half, two, three, when we can understand words, maybe we get scolded a little bit doesn't have to be physical it could be just hey stop that that's bad or you did that wrong and there's this first sense of being me is no longer enough I now have to behave in a certain way in order to keep getting the love, the support, the security of my archetypes of male and female, which is mom and dad usually. And so that's when we start to create our subconscious patterns of like, oh, I have to act in a certain way in order to stay part of this tribe called my family, or it could be a community, it could be my school. And so now we start to get slowly programmed.

Now, training the subconscious is amazing, because when a baby starts to walk, obviously, it doesn't come out of the womb. And it's like running like, you know, Usain Bolt, it, it takes a minute to develop the central nervous system. But you fall over, you get up, you figure it out. And eventually, you know, by one year, one and a half, you can walk pretty, pretty convincingly, right? But that's now all conditioned. You don't have to every morning when you're 30 or 40 or 50 get out of bed and go, oh, I forgot how to walk. I've got to figure that out again.

It's already programmed. So certain parts of the subconscious, which are deep code, are incredibly useful. Where we get tripped up and where my work comes in and is pivotal is what are the deep-seated programs that are self-critical, where I feel that I'm not enough, or I feel that I'm not loved, or I feel that I'm not worth anything. These are these insidious pieces of program that people will adapt to. So somebody, for example,

who thinks they're not enough might become the perfectionist. Somebody who thinks they're not valuable could become a people pleaser. And then they wonder why they're exhausted or they're never quite accomplishing what they want in life. Because the actual energetics, the frequency, you know, without getting too esoteric, the vibration they're functioning from is the precursor to their thoughts, their feelings, their behaviors, and then their actions. There's a natural cascade. So if I live in a world as sort of a mental prison of I'm not enough, then what I might think is, well, don't mess this up, right? I might be conscious of my thought. Like you said, well, people will say they know their mind. I would assert what you're aware of, conscious thinking, is not what I'm pointing to.

Conscious thinking arises out of subconscious programming. So somebody who fundamentally, meaning at the deepest level, thinks they're not enough, what they might think about is, oh, there's an attractive person over there, a guy or a girl, and I want to go over there, but why would I? They're not going to be interested in me. That might be their conscious thought quietly to themselves, but it arises from a deeper feeling of they're not worth it. So then the actions they take are, in this case, inaction. And so they get the results, which is they go home alone and they can't find someone again. Or conversely, we adapt to it, right? And we develop courage or we try to force our way

through it. But we might be nervous, we get physiological responses, damp hands, we start sweating, we go into that fight or flight response, which again, is an indicator that I'm coming from a place of inadequacy and fear. So I could go on about this obviously for hours because it's very profound. I literally, I was telling you, I i was doing a podcast two three days ago with this amazing australian guy very smart traveled the world done a lot of work on himself he was sitting there with incredibly like almost scarlet red rashes around his eyes like a dermatologist i'm not sure it's rosacea it was almost a form of psoriasis but even looking at him it would sort of inspire someone to want to scratch their eyes it just looks so irritating so halfway through the interview god bless him he said i know you obviously understand the power

of the mind and how it influences our health and physiology but you're also an ayurvedic practitioner what would you say about what's going on with my eyes? So I said, well, I explained from an Ayurvedic perspective, the excess heat. He's a Pitta type, meaning fire type. And I said, you know, there's obviously a bit of toxicity in your blood. It affects your eyes, your liver, where the Pitta sits inside of our body. Pitta is P-I-T-T-A for anyone who doesn't really know what Ayurveda is. But it's basically heat. So he could

relate to that. And some of the things he was doing in terms of food and distress and alcohol, spicy foods will contribute to that heat in our body. But I said, the thing that I'm picking up most is the emotions. And he said, go on. I said, well, do you want me to go there? Because this might be a bit uncomfortable to your point about sometimes you've got to use a bit of tough love. And he said, no, I'm open. I said, well, what i see is there's a lot of hurt in you you're a very sensitive guy but he was built like it's almost a bit of a compensation you know the sort of quintessential scrawny kid who becomes a bodybuilder not to that extreme but there was an element of that involved here and i said you've clearly been hurt well first of all you're human welcome to game. But I can see that you've protected yourself.

And one of the ways you protect yourself is anger. So when people get angry, usually it's a survival mechanism against being hurt. If a dog's been hit too many times and you go near it with a hand to stroke it and it growls, it's not that it's a bad dog. It's just collapsing past conditioning with a potential threat. And now it's protecting itself. Does that make sense? 100%, yeah. So what he realized, and then he started talking about his childhood and it's all, it's all on a podcast anyway, so he's going to be airing everything, but he's talking about his

parents separated when he was very young and the impact that had on him. And he was talking about how when he grew up, he never wanted to mess up like that. He wanted to get it right. And you could feel the pressure in the fact that he's wanting to avoid what he'd been through. So basically, like most people, he's literally trying to avoid his history, which is impossible and futile. But in that energetics, there's also a massive judgment of his history. He's saying what happened was wrong and bad. So now he's collecting all of this judgment judgment is like friction which creates more heat so anyway i broke down the whole thing got him to completely reconcile and accept his history there were a lot of tears which was so powerful for the cameras

you know makes for a great tv but it's also very moving for his audience and so that was that was that some tears anyway he texts me that was about four o'clock in the afternoon, three o'clock. He went to dinner. He said, this is unbelievable. But to me, it was totally physics. He said, I've come back. He said, it's not completely gone, but it's about 50% already. Then I saw him the next morning because he wants to come and just meet somebody works with me at my house. And it was probably down to about 10, 15% of what it was previously. Now that to me looks like magic and some people may even question it. But from my perspective, that is shifting the subconscious, releasing a lot of deep trauma and emotional harm and hurt that's been trapped and letting that go is one of the most liberating experiences anyone can have. And immediately the cascade will affect your physiology, whatever your dis-ease is. I love that story.

I totally, I don't question it at all, actually. I have seen time and time again surprises or what the convention would regard as surprises when looking at people, when looking at people when helping people when helping patients um i do think modern medicine gets a bad rap i i agree with you that modern medicine is doing what it is meant to do which is be very good at acute disease yeah frankly i can say this with a lot more uh courage than i could have done a few years ago but we are way off track when it comes to chronic disease yeah um and again why could i not have done a few years ago, but we are way off track when it comes to chronic disease. Yeah. And again, why could I not have said that five years ago? Yeah. Because I wasn't secure enough in myself. I had my own insecurity issues. Absolutely. And as I peel those layers of the onion away, it's like you said, you mentioned the prison, when you're living in that prison,

it's like you said, it's, you mentioned the prison when you're living in that prison, I feel free these days. It's my number one product, freedom. Yeah. And who doesn't want that? The funny thing, everybody, the funny thing is a lot of people don't know it. They don't know it. And they don't know that. And that's the pushback. That is the pushback. What are you talking about? I'm free. I'm like, you're not, nobody is. And that's okay. But there's degrees of freedom. Like I use a sliding scale from fear to freedom. You know, one of my quotes that I've got picked up on a lot, and actually, you know, our dear friend Drew, who introduced us, a lot of people recycled the quote that I use quotes as how I write. And that's going to be the format of my book. And I'll expand on the

quotes. But anyway, one of the things I said a couple of times during the interview with Drew was, life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. Meaning if you get triggered by anything and triggered, all I'm saying is you get upset, you get pissed off, you get scared, wherever there's some kind of emotional response to external stimulus, person or event that is showing where you're not okay with the situation. I'm not okay with the situation means I'm scared at some level. I feel threatened.

When you're not threatened, you're at peace. And that's so freedom and peace and vitality. These are all my gifts to people, not because I have them to give. I would never have that audacity. But I do have the gift to remove what's in the way of them being exposed as our inherent nature now that's a powerful thing to people understand i make the distinction between that which is inherent versus that which is inherited so the codes the programs

i was talking about in the subconscious and then all the behavioral adaptations they're on top of the freedom that already exists which is your birthright i'm revealing that and to me there is no greater gift a human being can experience yeah 100 agree with that i'm actually tingling hearing you describe that because it is the deepest truth yeah and thank you for the reflection it is one that it is one that you know from it's i, we could go down this path in many ways, but it is one of those things, isn't it? Where human beings often need to be presented with adversity before they start going down this journey. Absolutely. For me, listeners have heard me talk about this before, but one of the most significant moments in my life was when my father died six and a half years ago. And my whole adult life, I moved back to where I grew up to help look after dad with my mom and my brother. So I could care for many years.

And, you know, when dad died, although it was the best thing, there's no question my dad was suffering and it was the best thing there's no question my dad was suffering and it was the best thing yeah um you know i suddenly had time right time was something i never had before because yeah i was so busy seven days a week yeah uh you know 12 months a year you know not a day off phones on 24 hours a day in case it's going to be cool dad's fallen can you come around pick him up you know so i was living in a heightened fight or flight state yeah at all times basically yeah and that is also reflected in some of my behavior around then in terms of what i would do to unwind yeah um yeah but going down this journey has revealed so much to me so you mentioned this idea of perfectionism yeah so my whole life

i've probably been a perfectionist i can see that um yeah and i'm interested you know obviously it is powerful but you can probably unpack uh bits of my behavior by the language i'm using yeah and i'm very open to doing that great um but i have been a perfectionist and I think it's driven me to do certain things well, but it's also, um, it's also stopped me from doing other things when I felt I couldn't conquer them and be perfect. It's caused undue delay in doing things. And then one small part of that, as I was going through, uh, some inner work with someone who now is a very good friend of mine, you know, we were doing something called IFS, Internal Family Systems. I'm not sure if you're familiar with it. But this thing popped into my head when I was 12 years old. Yeah. And I was taken back to secondary school.

So I went to Manchester Grammar School, this big school, about 1,200 students. Yeah. And I was, you know, I think my friends deserted me, like who I thought were my friends. Yeah. I think they just went off and kind of chucked me. Right. And I was really upset. Yeah. I think I was crying.

Yeah. And, you know, I'm miles away from home. I'm in this big school. Yeah. I was crying. And, you know, I'm miles away from home. I'm in this big school and I sort of go back to my classroom and I sort of morphed into another group of friends. And this came back so clearly. So I had not consciously thought about this in 20 plus years. And subconscious. But it was clear as day in my subconscious. And when I went through a process that allowed that to start revealing itself, it came up. Amazing. There's a lot more to it, but suddenly so many aspects of my life became clear. I was like, Oh my God. Yeah. I get it now. You are scared of being rejected. You feel

that at any point somebody could desert you and leave you. So my response is to go above and beyond what I should do. Be the perfect friend. Never say what I want. Be at university with your mates and like, where should we go? You know, which bar, which restaurant? Hey guys, you choose. I'm cool. Wherever you go, you go somewhere you can't stand. You're there. There's nothing on the menu you want. But hey, you know what? You know, R rongan's cool he's like he'll do whatever everyone wants yeah and i thought that was a part of my personality yes but it wasn't it was programming because now that i've cleared that yeah i still have tendencies towards it for sure but i would i would estimate that they are maybe 10 of what they were yeah and it feels

freeing it feels amazinging. It feels amazing. Yes. To be yourself. Yes. So that's one experience I want to share with you. Amazing. And I'd love your view on that. The other one, it happened just a couple of days ago. So I've just spent two days in Santa Rosa with Professor BJ Fogg,

who is, he's probably done, probably regarded as the world's leading researcher in human behavior. His work's incredible. And I spent two days at a boot camp with him. And with one of the other attendees, when it had finished, we were all out for dinner. We were chatting about our own stories. And I was telling him about some of this personal work that I'd been on. And he was sharing his stories

and then i said guys you know what's really interesting for me with my work i have been away at various times over the past few years you know sometimes i come to america for a week to do conferences and i used to always feel guilty right i'd be here and i'd be thinking you know i've left my wife my kids you know i feel guilty i'd be ph, you know, I've left my wife, my kids, you know, I feel guilty. I'd be phoning a lot. There's nothing inherently wrong with phoning. But now that I've sort of moved beyond it, I can look back and go, you know what? I was not at ease. I wasn't fully present in what I was doing here. Half of me wanted to be back home. And i didn't consciously do this but this time i've not felt that right i feel very present and very okay with being here yeah i love phoning and chatting and

facetiming my kids and my wife of course there's no emotional charge there yes like there used to be yeah yeah so i feel like i have shed more layers i I feel that I have grown and that I'm becoming more present. What does Peter Crane, the minor architect, think? I think first of all, it's amazing. It's a beautiful gift both, you know, to your audience listening, because people will get something just, I don't know if you've shared some of this before, I'm assuming. Yeah, but not all of it.

And I hope so. That's why I share. Yeah. So that's beautiful. I think it's amazing for you, obviously. It's very liberating is what I hear, right? There's a sense of it. And I hope so. That's why I share. Yeah. So that's beautiful. I think it's amazing for you, obviously. It's very liberating is what I hear, right? There's this sense of freedom. There's this epiphanies that you've had, or at least two significantly. Oh, there's way more. There's way more, but that's just two.

For the two that you shared, right? Yeah. I think it's a gift to your children because, you know, these tendencies are inherited, because, you know, these tendencies are inherited, right? I often say kids will rarely succeed at listening to you, you know, to the parents, but they will always succeed at becoming you. And so if your energetics and the way that you behave,

the way that you speak, the belief systems that you have, they will adopt them by virtue of the fact that as humans, we want to, as I said earlier, belong. We want to be loved and accepted. So just as you were using the perfect example, if you're going to a bar at college, you would acquiesce your own personal desires in order to be able to feel you belong and fit into the gang. Why? Because as human beings looking through the lens of separation, we are most scared of not being part of the tribe because fundamentally these universal principles, if you are kicked out of the gang, so to speak, with our primal DNA, you don't survive because

you're out in the wilderness. Now, it might not make any sense today in our sort of urban living, but it's still deep in our DNA and our conditioning. So it's a gift to your kids. It's a gift to your friends. It's a gift to your friends. It's a gift to your patients. What I hear, if I can throw in what I hear that might nudge you a little bit more towards freedom, is if we take that 12-year-old boy who thinks his friends have chucked him away, which is a horrible feeling, right? And it buys right into what a human being is already scared of, which is isolation or separation. So that was your experience, right? Literally, you're feeling quote, unquote, alone. And it's a horrible feeling. Now, I would also collapse both of those experiences, the one you had with the doctor, but the one you went through with the

IFS or whatever it's called. So I would say they both arose at the same time. Because as a 12 year old, you've got a certain degree of mental capacity you're obviously sharp so when your friends quote-unquote chuck you or abandon you that might be what that's how it occurred to you that's what seemed to happen in reality what happened was you were standing where you were standing and they weren't there that's the physics of it right you know so we start to uncollapse you know the event and the emotion associated with it. So my assertion without knowing it, but you can reflect it as a truth or not, is at that moment, your brain, because it's designed to predict and protect, probably made the assumption that not only had they gone, but you must have done something wrong in order for them to leave. Because otherwise, there's no logic for them to go. Does that make

sense? Yeah yeah for sure perfect so now we get into this realm of you always wanting to do something to make sure that people aren't inconvenienced by you i would put it in the language well i'm going to ask you actually what does that kid think about himself if everybody's left what's his his how does he occur for himself what's his how does he define himself if everyone's gone and left you what does that say about you it says many things on one level it says i'm not worthy yeah it says that if i am the way i am yeah that is not enough for those people so i have to change the way I am so that I am enough for those people around me. That's the compensation. So you're close with the worthiness.

And I'm saying, I'm not denying there's a component of that, but energetically and intuitively, what I actually hear is something a little different. If you discard something, what are you saying about that thing or that object or that person? I don't want it. Right. So now I want you to consider that moment, that little boy that person i i don't want it right so now i want you to consider that moment that little boy felt like he wasn't wanted now just feel into that that's what i'm getting from you because you're a very sensitive guy and and knowing your behavioral adaptations

that you had the compensation of people pleasing is well i'm not wanted so i'm going to do what i have to to be wanted does that resonate 120 good because this will be very powerful for you right so i can see it already a little bit behind the eyes so meaning you're very sensitive you're a 12 year old you had friends and then all of a sudden you've got the experience of wow everybody's gone and so now i feel like i'm discarded hence i'm I'm not wanted. We could also say I'm not loved. Now, 12 year old, they're probably not thinking that it's more the experience of I've just been let go of. So a adult, you know, can maybe compensate in ways that they're like, oh, well, you know, screw it. I didn't like those people anyway, or whatever it might be. And they'll justify it. But for a kid, it's very scary.

And so you at that point, I'm asserting, developed the I'm a good guy, I'm going to fit in, you even said you molded to another group. So you already at that point started to manipulate who you were in order to compensate for the deeper subconscious belief of who you were, which is you're not wanted, and you morphed in order to be wanted. But now the whole thing is completely inauthentic. It's not who you are. And it's exhausting because you're having to maintain a facade in order to try and compensate for something that you made up. That's the mad part. But we have all the love and compassion for that little boy because he doesn't know. He just feels scared and he feels left alone. So those two things arose, as far as I'm concerned. You must have done something wrong for you not to feel wanted. So now you come to America last time

and you're driven by both of those mechanisms. So you have to call your wife, you have to call your kids. I get that you love them, but the underlying energetics is this sort of exhausting must, this forceful approach versus a choice. Oh, I love my wife. I'm just going to call her wife because I want to versus no, I've got to because I've got to make sure I don't do anything wrong and I'm a bad boy because if I do something wrong, I get kicked out of the gang and then it fires that feeling of not being wanted.

And you're going to do everything you can to avoid that. That's so slippery. Do you see that? Hey, absolutely. to avoid that. That's so slippery. Do you see that? Hey, well, I absolutely, absolutely see that. And I think for me, I think you've hit on a couple of poignant pieces, which are right on. But then clearly this is what you do. So you can clearly see this by the way people use language. And I can tell, I can, you know, I wonder what our conversation would have been like two years ago, had we had it. Because I suspect, not I suspect, I know I was a very different person then. I think,

I feel my growth has accelerated exponentially in the last 12 to 18 months. I think I was, I've been working on myself, I've been working, I've been shedding layers. Amazing. But I really feel it's accelerated recently and it feels great yeah I never felt you know my wife's incredible um she would never make me feel bad if I didn't call it wasn't that so much but it was it was a guilt it was a feeling that I'd done something wrong not for not calling but for leaving and going to America doesn't matter you fill in the blank yeah and I felt I probably had to justify what I was doing

on that day yeah um whereas like today I have not you know just because I've been podcasting all day yeah it's not worked out I've not called my wife and so I won't speak to her today I've not spoken to the kids and you know what I feel totally okay with that well so you're very bad and wrong hey i'm kidding i'm sorry but genuinely i feel i'm kidding i feel okay with that and it feels so freeing yeah because i never would have done no and now i feel yeah i love my wife i love my kids yes things are great and and what it what this does as you become free as you shed these layers yes you start to really tap into what presence is you start to tap into real compassion yeah um it changes the way hey changes the way you view other people you know once you yes you've discovered as far as i'm concerned love but this time love of self and that also allows you to have love of others. See, love doesn't have expectation. It doesn't judge. So when you were in the realm of

guilt, as you said, which to me or shame is a byproduct of thinking you've done something wrong. Guilt and shame can only be the emotional experiences to a psychological belief that we've done something wrong, right? So that was deep ingrained in you from probably about age 12, maybe before. So at that point, again, as I said, you were concerned of doing something wrong. Because if you did something wrong, the byproduct, the cost of that was you get, quote unquote, kicked out of the gang. You're not wanted anymore. But what I want you to understand to deepen this freedom for you, where was the feeling? Who was the one thinking they're not wanted?

So where was the actual experience of not being wanted it looked like it was because your friends left but it was in me it was in you it's a story i created so so follow with me so where were you born i was born in manchester manchester great so if i cut you open am i going to find a manufacturing label in there that says rangan was born in manchester he's not wanted. Am I going to find that anywhere? No. No. Great. So it's not actually part of your quote unquote makeup, but where did it exist? Because it was there. It defined the way that you morphed. It defined your behaviors. So where did it exist? In my head. Yes. In your head. And in what form,

how does it exist? I not wanted what's its structure without getting too smart what's its structure yeah words words right now stick with me because this is going to be profound so you're 12 you go through this experience i don't you know i have all the love and compassion for that little boy he felt isolated he felt i say that piece i suspect that even though that was the incident that came up in my head, I think there were incidents before that. And I think this just echoed the same pattern.

It just reinforced the pattern because there was stuff when I was four, five, six, little things. I guarantee. And I would actually even assert it was way before. You actually, to me, these are all pre-installed. We arrive with them. And the game of life, this dimension of humanity

is the catalyst for us to be able to reconcile them so that we can be liberated. Now that's very poetic, but to me, it's also very physical. I love it. And you call it the game of life. I think about it when people say, or when I reflect on what is the point of life, I feel the point of life is to actually figure out who you are without all these compensations,

without all these reflections from other people, from other experiences. Actually, who am I when you strip all that away? And I guess we're saying a similar thing in slightly different ways. Yes. That to me is true freedom, true liberation, where I can transcend the constraints of my subconscious, which are in words to come back so we can transcend the constraints of my subconscious, which are in words to come back so we can finish the point. They're not truths. They're forms of programming. They're constructs that I've been stuck within as a prisoner. And I may have developed survival strategies on top of behavioral adaptations, like you were becoming a nice guy. You'd go to the bar. You didn't want to have to call the wire all of these things were compensations for a deeper belief of inadequacy about yourself and insecurity that you're not wanted you've done something wrong so your whole brain is wired to make sure i don't do anything

wrong because the cost of that is too immense i feel not wanted what your brain didn't realize is the i'm not wanted was self-generated that's's the madness of the game is that, you know, it's the cliche of the, you know, look in the mirror, that's your only enemy, right? So you're not being wanted was an experience that you made up in language and you would have had evidence, you know, from age two, three, five, 12, as we've discussed to confirm it, but it's just you're using external evidence to confirm an internal narrative. So the ego's number one priority is to be right about itself. And that's the madness of the work that I've seen for two decades now,

is people will defend and fight for their limitations. I'll prove to you that nobody loves me. They're just wanting to be right about their own. It's always me that this happens to why me again. Perfect. Yeah. So let's just finish for you. Cause I really want you to get there. So you've realized that I'm not wanted exists only in you. It exists in your mind in words. So therefore I'm going to ask you a question. You can only answer yes or no. Is it true? Therefore that you are not wanted? Yes or no? No, no. Now feel into that. When you are not wanted yes or no no no now feel into that when you feel not wanted we've already got a glimpse of what your life looks like but in the absence and this may seem

like a weird way of doing it if the i'm not wanted is gone you you just don't have that relationship to yourself and life how do you feel free total freedom and how do you feel with the way that you interact with life and other people you feel i say i because it's more powerful i feel calm yeah i feel loving i feel compassionate i feel non-judgmental yeah i feel at ease yeah the absence of dis-ease right amazing so that's one now the bigger one because this is a big one for humans is when you were 12 and your friends were just using this one incident, obviously there were many prior to it, but they disappeared or whatever happened at this schoolyard in Manchester. And you thought maybe you'd done something wrong or as a little boy, very polite, I could guess maybe your environment as a kid, you know, we're all disciplined and don't mess it up don't do bad

so we think there's stuff we do wrong at that moment did you literally and you can only say yes or no do anything wrong no no and i don't care if you threw stones at them you weren't you were just throwing stones it wasn't wrong i'm not saying it's an ideal way to make friends but you were doing something wrong okay so do you get that you didn't do anything wrong? When you came to America, let's bring it a little bit more current last time. And you felt Oh, gosh, I'm leaving my wife and my kids at home. Was that and you can only say yes or no. Was that wrong? No, no, it's what you thought was wrong, but it wasn't actually wrong. I want you to consider, and this is a big thing for you to digest, in your life, you have never, ever done anything wrong, ever. Now, this

will probably create a little bit of stir amongst people, because it's a bigger subject in terms of crimes and things that people do that really do have subsequent, you know, painful effects on people. But I just want you to consider you've never done anything wrong subsequent, you know, painful effects on people. But I just want you to consider you've never done anything wrong from, you know, the time you stole some sweets at the local news agents, or you cheated on a test, or whatever you did was what you did as a kid. It's not wrong. I'm not saying it's ideal. I'm not saying it was legal. I'm not saying it was optimal. But I want you to consider it's not wrong. It's just what you did. And in the physical universe that we live, it has consequences. Smoking is not wrong. Is it great for you? No. If you're like an

ox, you'll get away with it. If you're very frail, it's probably going to have bigger impacts on your physiology. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, 100%. So I'm going to ask again, have you ever in your life, yes or no, done anything wrong? No. Now, do you really get that i i do get it right now just feel into that i think he said the reason i think i get it the reason i know i get it is because i i just feel different these days. I feel, how can I put it?

I feel at ease. Yeah. I feel amazing. I'm not, there's still layers of the onions to be peeling off for sure. Yeah. Maybe to use the prison analogy, maybe I was living most of my life in a maximum security prison yeah maybe i'm now in a solitary confinement god i was going to put myself in minimum about to get

out so maybe that's years ago i'm saying solitary yeah maybe i was in solitary confinement yeah and now i'm in sort of um minimum security mind prison uh it feels i mean it always feels that there's just one more layer to go and often there's much more than that but i've done a lot of work which i'm not necessarily going to share now in the interest of time that i've done this summer which really has i i get this more than maybe as as a parent i yeah i do get it i do get that I've never done anything wrong. Just taking a quick break in today's conversation to give a shout out to the sponsors of today's show. Athletic Greens continue their support of my podcast.

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I can highly recommend it. For listeners of this podcast, if you go to athleticgreens.com forward slash live more, you will be able to access a special offer where you get a free travel pack box containing 20 servings of Athletic Greens, which is worth around 70 pounds with your first order. You can check it out at athleticgreens.com forward slash live more. What I think is super important, it, something I wanted to touch on with you, and it's highly relevant to what you've just been doing with me, is how important are languages?

Yes. Yeah. Language is so important. Because it's programming. It is programming, but many of us use language in a way. Yeah. And I want to say many of us use language in a way yeah and i want to say many of us i include myself although i feel i've improved i still do it yeah but i feel that language is something that we don't prioritize enough we don't give it the seriousness yeah it deserves and you for example if someone says to you i have anxiety or i have depression yeah from what i've heard you say before i imagine you would rephrase that for them i would a little bit i mean that's a you know that's at least a little bit more powerful than someone saying i am depressed saying i have depression creates a little bit of space right versus saying i am depressed can you

hear the difference yeah for sure if i'm saying i am then what i'm i'm becoming associated with the feeling and the condition versus recognizing it's something that i have you know saying when we recognize it's cloudy outside right there's a deeper understanding that that will transpire it will change so being able to associate our feelings our sensations even our sicknesses as transitory versus something that defines us this is one of the issues i have when i help people who have addictions you know um when people declare themselves as whatever they like i am an alcoholic i get it but i don't condone it personally I feel it's a disservice to that human's opportunity to break

free of a behavior which will need work, right? You know, the substance abuse, whatever it might be, opioids to alcohol to even just weed and prescription drugs, these are byproducts of internal dis-ease. Like you even said, right, yourself, you didn't speak to it, but you said when you were really struggling or working too hard and stressed, you found your ways of relief or escapism, right? So when to me, somebody comes to work with me because they have some quote-unquote addiction, I'm really not that interested in the addiction. Because I know that if we change the perspective somebody has of themselves, the behavioral adaptations to that will drop and hence so will the addiction. As long as we're trying to cure the addiction, we're actually reinforcing the belief that somebody deeper

down has a problem. And in my world, no one has a problem. They just have pieces of programming that maybe be, you know, not, they're a disservice to that person. And they're inaccurate, just we did what we just did now you're not not wanted right you thought you were not wanted and you thought you'd done something wrong in the absence of those constraints you discover freedom when you have that amount of freedom you don't need substance to find escape from the peace that you're experiencing so that's why i get specific with language because people are very loose with language and what people don't understand is our words create our reality and i'm i'm very passionate and language. And what people don't understand is our words create our

reality. And I'm very passionate and I care immensely about people and certainly the people I help. So I want them to be powerful in the way that they use their words, because I want people to realize their goals and aspirations. How many times on a New Year's resolution does somebody say blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah falls by the wayside 10 days later, because they don't honor their word. They don't actually realize the power of what they're saying. It's the same as somebody saying, I'll meet you for a coffee at two o'clock, and they get there at 10 past two. No one died, but it shows that you don't actually have a relationship to the way that you speak. So if you can't show up for a coffee at time, on time, based on what

you said, what luck do you think you're going to have in realizing this new, you know, startup company that you want to get going, when you're saying whatever you're saying about it, because you're not going to stick to it. This is where people just, they give up too quickly, because they don't actually honor their commitments. And it doesn make anyone wrong it just for me i just want people to be powerful it's it sounds like it's about it's about getting the basics right isn't it it's about getting that foundation right you you know use example of someone wanting to succeed in their startup yeah but actually it's the same as you were saying with addiction whatever your aspiration is let's just wind it right back. Let's get the foundation of how you function as a human being, how you talk about yourself, how you act. Let's get that right. Yes. just fall naturally uh yeah as a consequence i i guess yeah it's like addiction um you know i i do

like gabble's work and i very much enjoy my conversation with him and i also subscribe to his view that all addiction no matter what it is actually comes from some sort of i think uh i don't want to put words in gable's mouth now but but I think it's some form of childhood trauma. And he defines trauma as either bad things happen to you or not enough good things happen to you. So it's not just that stereotypical event of, you know, you're abused or hit. Of course, and clearly, you know,

I'm not trying to make light of that in any way. No, no, no, no, no. It's tragic. But it's as if when we don't feel whole in ourselves, we then use other things to fill that hole and to fill that void. And I've got a few addictive personality type behaviors. I'm going to change my language. I used to have certain behavioral patterns to do with

various addictive tendencies yeah and those things didn't go away by me trying to help them go away yeah when i did the inner work as i continue to do my inner work yeah and i start to peel away laser the onion and i become more secure in who i am yes those things have just fallen by the wayside without me even trying bingo right so you know you can't i tell people you can't create the life of someone you don't yet believe yourself to be yeah right so again this is one of my quotes that i use in my book right so it's like recognizing that if you're wanting to create a certain life externally then if you don't emulate that internally in the way that you view yourself and the way that you speak about yourself the way

that you behave then you're you know use the english expression you're pissing into the wind right it's it's not going to work because you're going against the grain of how you're fundamentally conditioned i'll use a sports analogy because i you know, I work with a lot of professional athletes, and it's a beautiful metaphor for life. So I was hired by a very successful basketball player here. And he was struggling from the free throw, like when one of the players gets fouled, you go to the free throw, you know, it's a relatively easy shot, the league average is 75%. So when a guy is fouledled he goes to the free throw line usually makes the one point uh you know seven eight times out of ten this guy's average was

35 so you know it wasn't even close to average it was half the average and you can imagine he was you know losing sleep it was affecting his personal relationships at home because of the stress crowds were starting to boo and here somebody who's getting paid millions of dollars. There's literally millions of fans, you know, they're fanatical here in the States about their sports. And it was costing him a lot, you know, he was really, really struggling. So the point about addiction and why I'm using this sports metaphor as a comparison is he had become addicted to the fact that he had a problem so when i met him i said you're probably speaking to everyone you can from players coaches even sports psychologists he's like i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem i said and

therein lies one of your biggest obstacles because you keep reinforcing the belief that you've got a problem do you remember the movie men in black with bill smith and they waved the black wand after they'd seen the aliens to wipe their memory so i said to the guy i said if you had no memory where's your problem just to start to give him an indicator that what he's fighting is his history so now he goes up to the free throw line he isn't even focused on what he's trying to accomplish which is make the basket. He is trying to avoid his history of hurt, trauma, not a big fan of the word trauma, but past failings or disappointments where we got upset. And now he's standing there literally trying to fix his history. But that's only

impossible. So, you know, I mean, I played with a guy, as you can probably imagine, I'm coming from a lot of love and compassion, he's doing the best he can. It's affecting him dramatically. But I said, once he got to see it, I said, I use the metaphor, you're like driving a car. But the way you're driving the car is you're looking in the rearview mirror. So all you're seeing is what's behind you. And then you wonder why you keep running into shit. Yeah. Right. So anyway, so then I said to him, what if I told you that for the rest of the season, you shot league average, let's just be, you know, we'll be conservative, you shot 75% instead of 35, 37. His shoulders dropped, he had the biggest smile on his face. This guy's huge. He's like, you know, seven foot something. And he's like, I would feel amazing. I said, what I just presented to you is a future that is as real as the one you're concerned

about. The difference is, I recognize that as a possibility, whereas you're so busy trying to avoid your history that you're actually standing in the line in a state of anxiety, which is self-perpetuating. It's self-fulfilling. Both the futures, you're worried about one. Mine is phenomenal phenomenal or at least better they're both made up why because we're still sitting in your house we haven't gone anywhere but mine elicits joy freedom relaxation if you're an athlete coming from freedom joy and relaxation

i don't care what sport you're doing you're going to do it better than if you're coming from tension anxiety and worry that night he had a game he shot six out of eight you know so that was 75% and for the rest of the week he shot 68% way better than previous almost double if you're into that kind of stuff right so what happened is going back to the addiction is most people are completely addicted to their history and then spending the rest of their life trying to compensate for it. Versus what are you committed to? What's the future you're stepping into out of pure creation versus reaction? And it's a distinction I make. Most people are reactive versus creative.

You feeling you had to call your wife was a reaction to the fear that you generated thinking you were doing something wrong. There's nothing creative. There's nothing new. There's nothing passionate about that. It's you trying to protect yourself and not get into trouble, which is how most people live their lives. Again, not wrong. I have all the love and compassion. But let's wake up and find so much more joy and freedom for ourselves and come from a place where we're creating an extraordinary future that we're working towards versus trying to fix a history behind us, which we can't do anything about anyway yeah two totally different worlds to live in this thing this idea that we get addicted to the stories

yeah um they define us they do define us and the thing for many of us is we're not even aware that we're telling ourselves those stories hence it's the subconscious to come full circle blind spots yeah and that's why i have all the compassion in the world. One of my lines, I say, you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to. Yeah, for sure. And I hope by us having this sort of conversation, I'm hoping that people who are ready to hear this sort of information and people might go, wait a minute, actually that resonates with me yeah and maybe that awareness is going to be the start of a cascade reaction for them to start going and exploring various things

yeah this whole story piece um it made me think of when when my second uh season of doctor in the house came out so this is you know returning series i'd spent six months of my life pretty much seven days a week on this yeah trying to help eight families around the country with very complex problems literally busting a gut yeah trying to summon every possible bit of knowledge that i've ever accumulated in my life to see how can i help these people yeah how can i help them, uh, you know, feel better so they can live more basically. Yeah. Beautiful. Um, and I was really proud of the results and, you know, it was time for the show to wear. And I remember that one of the shows came out and, you know, yes, 99 point whatever percent of people were very positive and it was great feedback but there was a section who hammered me right like literally hammered me on twitter um and i

found it very difficult actually i didn't sleep that night i didn't sleep for about a week after actually i was really i couldn't understand it i couldn't understand i've just helped these people i've not had to use any drugs i've helped them just see what they can change in their own lifestyle to help improve them. And I got hammered because I'd taken unconventional methods. Now there's a couple of pieces to this. One piece is, let's say there was a lady with fibromyalgia who was pain-free after six weeks. weeks yeah and she had been suffering with that pain for i think nearly 10 years prior to that yeah there was a section of people who would hammer me online yeah um and what was interesting is a lot of them had fibro in their twitter handle so you know fibro tom or fibro sally right and initially i found it very hard but then i soon

turned from being frustrated to actually having compassion yes because what i realized is actually their whole identity has become their illness yes and i am not judging that no no i do not know what it's like to live like that. Okay. I'm just putting that out there. And I suddenly started to go, actually, you know what? That must be too difficult to get your head rounds that you've just seen on a TV show. A lady suffering for years, yes. Literally go pain-free in six weeks. Yes yes it's almost too much of cognitive dissonance from where you are currently at to think that that is real and therefore it's it the only way to deal with that is to attack me yeah and say this was never fibromyalgia this is nonsense

bbc are a disgrace for putting this on you know what does dr chastity do it you know etc etc yes but once i reframed the way i viewed it yeah and looked at this with wait a minute i get it i'm totally compassionate why they're doing it it changes everything yes and i think that was one piece of that which is the whole identity piece and how we all and i'm good i have been guilty yeah uh and maybe i am guilty at the moment and maybe in ways i'm not aware yeah creating stories about myself in fact i probably am yeah um that was one aspect that the second component there is on an individual level and you will be picking this up you're observing i'm sure you are picking this up as we go.

But why on earth did that bother me? Right. Right. Yeah. I can now see why it bothered me. It bothered me because I had insecurity. Yes. I was insecure in myself. And therefore, when somebody, you know, attacks me, I take it personally. i feel very bad yes and now i can reflect back and go because i don't get uh it doesn't bother me anymore on social media right and i've realized that the reason why that is is not because i'm ignoring it yeah but because i've started to be comfortable with who i am yeah i've started to um i've started to come at peace with who I am. I've started to come at peace with who I am. I don't feel this constant battle to try and create a story around me. I'm just pretty cool with who I am these days. And suddenly then it changes everything because freedom is a term that I get why your gift is freedom to people because I can't think of a better word to describe how I feel

these days I just feel free amazing and it's like it's it's the the positive comments don't even inflate me and my ego in a way that they might have done in the past I just feel yeah it's nice to read positive comments yeah it's if there's negative comments fine but i don't like either one of them really yeah they just don't really bother me that much and it's it's quite a nice place to be it's a very nice place to be i wonder whether you can unpack any of those two stories for sure because even in the way that you spoke just to keep the theme so people can really get something out of this like first of all i love where you're at it's very liberating right and that's really why i do what i do i I'm not here to judge anyone. It may sound a

bit woo woo, but I genuinely come from love. I understand people are suffering. You know, my parents died when I was young. It's not because I'm a woe is me guy, but like I get suffering. And I was literally alone. It's like, you know, you had a 12 year old experience at a school, you weren't quite alone, you know, because you're but i was literally alone i don't think there's a worst experience for a human being to feel totally isolated not as a psychological construct but as a visceral literal experience so for that reason there's no judgment from where i'm coming and people are going to have their reactions even to what i'm saying today but i would like to give you a little bit more power again because you're doing amazing work but even as you spoke the words you used are inaccurate right so you said i got hammered you know i got

hammered on twitter and then even people were attacking me these i get the expression yeah but think about it if i'm getting hammered you know which back in university i could always see where this is going it's great yeah the university had a totally different connotation i got so hammered right but it may seem like i'm being a little bit pedantic but to me it's very important to understand because you weren't hammered what actually happened and just be succinct not a big story what actually actually happened? The show came out, you said 99.9%. And then the others, you said, I got hammered. No, what actually happened? They made a comment about a TV show.

Great work. You're a brilliant study. Yeah. They wrote something, whether it be on Twitter, on a bulletin board online, they wrote to the BBC. I don't know, but they said something. All of the above. Right. But we can really concisely put it into, they said something, they expressed themselves. And to them, that is their reality. Agreed. And as a human being, I always want to honor people's realities because I don't know why

they think that. I might not agree. It's not my perspective to worry whether I agree or not. I just want to honor people's realities because I don't know why they think that I might not agree it's not my perspective to worry whether I agree or not I just want to understand their reality but that is distinctly different from you got hammered yeah now that's a narrative that I'm creating yes but that was unconscious until now it's contrary you've obviously gotten past it a little bit because you said now you feel at ease whether they say a compliment or but still I can I can when I'm telling that story the next time it will be more powerful exactly i can now yeah and this is the point that i picked up from hearing you talk in the past as something

i'm really again have hugely changed of course there is there is more growth to occur there is yeah i know that and i want that, but I think precision in language is probably one of the most important things I've taken from you, Peter, if I'm honest. It's one of the things I found most inspiring. Cool, thank you. And I found it quite mesmerizing actually, hearing the way you describe certain things.

And I think, wouldn't it be amazing to be able to describe things with that level of precision? Yeah, it is amazing in as much as it gives a human being the sense of power, responsibility, and freedom, which to me is what everyone's looking for. They might say they want more money. They might say they want a better relationship or a better job. They might say they want a better body. But to me, they are all milestones or stepping stones towards the fundamental experiences. I just want to feel free. Or in lay terms, I just want to feel good. And most people don't. They feel sick. They feel dis-eased, the absence of ease. And that's why I'm so passionate about this

work because I have seen it for two decades now, where lives are literally transformed. They are transfigured, they're transmuted, because people are transcending these deep beliefs of inadequacy, insecurity, and scarcity, which are not truths. They're just inherited beliefs that at the deepest level are informing everybody's behaviors. And to get beyond that is freedom. So a lot of inner work is done in a way where these things are processed unconsciously or without you having to literally talk through various events. You know, there's talking therapy. There's many different modalities. Yeah. you know there's talking therapy there's many different modalities yeah so i guess what intrigues me about your work is how do you get somebody to reprogram their subconscious mind it's a great question and beyond reprogramming it's actually easier because the reprogramming

still implies that i've got to do something okay remove the new programming like restore to factory settings is that a better way you just got to hit the what is it the volume bottom and the power button it will reboot but it's not what it is is it resetting to factory settings to a certain degree but it's you know this could be another two hours but to me the first the first step into this journey of awakening liberation freedom whatever you call it is awareness so with you just even here in this conversation i brought you know maybe a degree of awareness to for example the belief that i'm not wanted it wasn't how you phrased your story you know you said my my friends left me and blah blah

blah and then i molded myself to another group but you didn't go and i was left feeling not wanted now you didn't articulate that that was the deep deep feeling so now that you have awareness of it we could both talk about what does it feel to be not wanted oh i'm sad i'm depressed i feel lonely what's the point like these are things that people really feel but they only feel that because at the deeper level they're in the world of i'm not wanted that's the prison so the awareness of the prison you don't need to reprogram it you don't even need to get rid of it you just go oh wow i'm human i spent the first almost three decades of my life thinking i just wasn't good enough my nickname at college was perfect Pete.

Right now that was a compensation. That was a moniker given to me because I was always trying to not be not good enough. You have such a lovely way of describing perfectionism. I don't know if you can remember it. You probably got so many amazing phrases. Well, it's, it's an adaptation to feeling that we're inadequate, right? That we're not enough, but I'm not enough is a lie. Yeah. That was it. It's an adaptation to us feeling we're not adequate. Yeah.

It's a behavioral response. It is so powerful that even that just one phrase alone, if people like I have done, if you just sit with that and let it sort of seep into you and just see what comes up yes there is such a deep deep truth to that phrase that's why i love what i get to do for people because i'm like you we're both very sensitive men and i love that quality your sensitivity at one time was also your vulnerability where you didn't want to be exposed and so you protected yourself but actually we're all sentient beings. We are very sensitive. We've numbed ourselves by callousing over with these survival mechanisms. So I just really care about people. I want people

to break free. It's not my job to go on, you know, knock door to door because there's defense, right? Like, I worked with a lot of sports teams and the one of the athletic trainers would ask me like how how can i help someone i said they have to come to you you can make a suggestion even in language i will say can i make a suggestion now listen to that language i'm asking them can i come in it's like you don't just bust through someone's front door you ring the bell and if they open it you can go in for a cup of tea and a crumpet or whatever you can have a conversation but you don't bust in and say hey your furniture's in the wrong place they're gonna either pull out a gun if you're in texas or in england you know they'll call the police point is there's a way to be able to access people i just happen to really care because people to your point are suffering people are sick mentally, physically, emotionally. And so awareness of these codes,

and hopefully a lot of people get stuff from this conversation today, that's certainly my intention, is just the start. If I can see, wow, the reason my relationship doesn't work, the reason I have a health issue, the reason I don't seem to get acknowledged in the workplace or make the money I feel I deserve, the reason I don't have the courage to start my business is because I feel fundamentally somehow inadequate. And then to ask yourself, is it true that I'm inadequate? No, it's what I feel. It's what I believe. It's not a truth. And in the absence of that, what becomes available is freedom and absolutely pure possibility. And that's what I want to appeal to people. I'm not interested in fixing people's problems. Why? Because I know they don't have any. And that's

a fundamentally very different way to approach humans. Yeah. I think this conversation is going to resonate so deeply with many. I think some people are likely to push back i'll get hammered yeah i'm kidding no but they're gonna create they're gonna let's if we're gonna be precise yeah um and i guess this is where i know i've got more growth to do because as i'm saying it i'm thinking i don't want to offend people no of course nor do i nor do you i get that you don't and one thing I love about you is that you are genuinely nonjudgmental. You are just speaking the truth. Certainly the truth the way you see it. And I actually see it that way as well. But my point is, is that always saying what people want you to say, which I have done at many points in my life, I'm not sure who that serves. It certainly doesn't serve the other person. It doesn't serve yourself. It sort of bleeds into all aspects of your life. So I do

find, I do find, you know, as I'm describing this, I know I've got more work to do, but I think the people who don't like this, as is very likely to happen happen it is probably because i would imagine they're not ready to hear it yet or it's too close to the bone it's threatening that's all of it whenever anyone reacts you know first of all to your point i always say i'd much rather hear an honest criticism than a dishonest compliment because i can be with that i'm not here to try and make everybody happy. It's not my job. I'm here to share. I love to inspire. Beyond truth, I like to talk about physics. If you in your mind at the deepest level think that you're not loved, not wanted, not worth anything, I know that you're going to do whatever you have to do to try and survive. That's just physics.

I'm not saying this is the way it is, like it's Peter Crone's methodology. It's just life, you know? And I know human beings are scared and they live in fear and they're trying to survive. And if I can help people break out of that to find some sense of liberation, then that's what I'm committed to, right? So I get that people may have pushback, but whenever we have any reaction, all that's ever happening is our beliefs are being challenged. We see a potential threat. Neuroscience has shown that your fight or flight response will get activated by that. We need neuroscience to tell us that.

But if you have a tightly held belief, belief for example this is the dietary way to eat this diet is the right way to eat yeah if that is your identity and then you somebody presents a differing view to you yes that is threatening and that suddenly explains to me at least a lot of the toxicity that that appears to be out there on social media there's one powerful line that i'm going to give from of all movies it's the third matrix i think and the matrix to me one of the first movies is one of the most powerful i don't think it's a film so much as a documentary but in terms of this work right but in the third to this point in the third one i believe it is zion for anyone who's following

matrix it's the hq of all the free souls so to speak is under attack from the machines right so sort of the external world is attacking these free spirits and the commander-in-chief at zion he calls all of the ships to come back so they can defend their territory morpheus who's the character who finds Keanu Reeves' character Neo, you know, again, for people who are not watching this, I'm sorry, but hopefully you'll get something from it anyway. He leaves his ship out so he can be in contact with the Matrix, the outside world. The head of defense says, damn it, Morpheus, I told you to bring all of the ships back. And he said, I left my ship out there so we can contact the Oracle. The Oracle is the fortune teller who's going to predict the state

of the world and Neo if he's the one. So he said, and then the head of defense, and this is a powerful line, he says, not everybody believes what you believe, meaning Morpheus believes that Neo is going to save the world and Morpheus says my beliefs do not require them to now if you not everybody believes what you believe and he says my beliefs do not require them to meaning if somebody gets threatened by whatever I'm saying it shows me that their beliefs are a little bit shaky which is okay too somebody can tell me whatever they think it's not going to phase me because I'm comfortable with what I believe, unless what they say is inspiring enough for me to go, oh, wow, that actually could shift my life. Thank you. But it's certainly not going to upset

me. So that right there is a tell. It's a giveaway that if someone gets upset, what they believe is actually very fragile. And they're attached to that as a form of their identity versus something that they're truly embedded in as a way of living. And that's subtle. If your beliefs are not shaken by other beliefs, that's a powerful state to be in. Yeah. It is the most powerful state to be in, I would argue. Yeah. Because then that also comes back full circle to our points about listening see again i'm not sitting here going wow i'm all

this and i can like it's not about that it's like i let people have their reality so i'm listening even if somebody right now thinks i'm i'm just full of it this guy oh he's living in california he's not british he's blah blah blah okay i i'm sorry you feel that if you got to know me i'm very loving i'm caring i love to help people but maybe that's not their interpretation it might not be what i want to hear but i can listen and let them have their reality it's not going to upset me because fundamentally i believe everybody loves everybody it's just they've got beliefs in the way and that's what i'm wanting people to it may sound a bit utopian and nirvana like but to me if we we can wake up, what a world to live in where people are at least respectful.

You don't have to be loving, but at least kind and compassionate versus all the violence that we live in on this planet. This is not pie in the sky for people. This, I feel, is achievable for everyone. This is the goal to aspire to yes this is the ultimate in meaning and fulfillment in living a you know if you want a if if if if the pursuit of happiness is what you're after this is what will get you there although again i've heard another brilliant phrase from you about happiness yeah and i love it i wonder if you could share it of course it's one of my favorite quotes in the book that's coming out as i say true happiness is the absence of the search for happiness i just want everyone

listening to just sit with that for a couple of seconds true happiness is the absence of the search for happiness if you really get get that, that is true peace. Because what you're saying is, I'm totally okay where I am. I don't need things to be different. And I'm not relying on some idealized one day future where I think that I'm going to be happy, which would be the pursuit of happiness, which ironically is in the Declaration of Independence in America. The pursuit of happiness. I'm like, well, how about you just be happy now?

Now that's not to say we lessen and rest on our laurels. I'm creating a lot. I'm very aspirational. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm building lots of things because it's fun to create, but I am simultaneously completely at peace and content with the way that my life is today. Yeah. I love that. That is something I will sit with this evening for sure. that to me is the greatest precursor to healing because stress as you know as a doctor is synonymous with sickness right the inflammatory response the inflammatory response as maybe the precursor to all diseases right but stress what is stress i'm saying that i am in conflict with my current circumstance. I don't want things to be the way they are, which is, I use the word resistance. I'm in resistance with

what that person said. I'm in resistance with the way my bank account is. I'm in resistance with the way that my boss deals with things. I get it. I'm not saying any of them are ideal. I'm not saying that you want them. But your resistance to the way life is, is massively fut futile and it is the precursor to the dis-ease psychologically and emotionally that then manifest eventually physiologically if you can find harmony i tell people i have an intimate relationship with reality i'm at peace with what is it doesn't mean that it's ideal i may be working on things to improve but i'm not in conflict with the way that life is currently and for that that reason, my experience is freedom and peace. Yeah. I mean, stress is the big one. You know, it really is. You may or may not know the World Health Organization calls stress

the health epidemic of the 21st century. Up to 90% is thought of what a doctor like me sees in any given day is in some way related to stress this is these are the two of the big reasons why my last book is all about stress basically what it is where it lives what we can do about it yeah and i remember when sitting down to write it and trying to sort of order my thoughts and as you know you're going through the process of writing a book one of the most beautiful things about it is that you can have all these thoughts a variety of thoughts in your head and in your mind but actually writing a book means you've got to systematize and you've got to put them into some sort of order some sort of coherent structure

where it makes sense and it's it's a although it can be challenging at times it's one of the most fulfilling experiences i've had is writing books for sure yeah and i started off the first quarter of that book not about talking about nature or meditation or breathing as helpful as i think those things are i covered them all yeah i spent the first quarter of the book talking about meaning and purpose yeah because i felt that this is such you know it's about what you said about living that life that you, where you accept the way things are, where you have a reason to get up, where you, you are creating, you are aspiring, you know, um, it is, it is incredible. And I think at the heart of everything really is stress at the heart of everything is, is that slight feeling of, I am not safe. I am, I might be in

danger. Yes. That's the threat response. It's a threat response. And we can see that from our email inbox these days. We can see it on social media. We can see it everywhere. And two things I'd just like to finish off on is you mentioned when we were talking about the potential for people to maybe be,

to have an emotional reaction to various parts of this yeah saying well if they do that's their reality i'm okay with that because my job is not to make them happy right i really like that because a big shift i i don't know if it's a shift or not but i think we you know i think hollywood and it feels quite apt to be saying this here, for me being here in California, you know, just a few miles, I'm sure, away from Hollywood, that I think Hollywood has created stories and narratives about romance and about what being in a loving relationship is and how two people complete each other and make each other happy.

I think it's all BS. And what I mean by that is you know i feel that my wife and i in a fantastic place these days yeah and i think a large part of that is because we are not where our jobs are not to make each other happy no we don't complete each other we're complete by ourselves we find happiness and meaning ourselves and when we do that the better we can be at that the better our relationship is but when i think a common misconception out there is that people around us whether it was our kids whether it was our partner whether it's our friends they complete

us yes what do you think to that i mean 100 it's funny you know because that's that famous line with the first movie that i worked with tom on was jerry mcguire and he says you complete me now for celluloid purposes when you're watching on a screen it certainly appeals to the romantics i'm a hopeless romantic i love love i love. But yes, it's a disservice to the truth, as far as I'm concerned, which is it implies is you're not complete without somebody else. And that is a lie. So when people are under the impression that yes, somebody else or something else, it could be something right, it could be money, it could be status, it could be a job title, that they think that's going to complete me then what you're actually reinforcing is that

there's something slightly off about me and that's a lie so yeah i mean we could talk about i love talking about relationship i help a lot of couples i help a lot of people with their relationships and most people don't know how to relate because they're relating like you've kindly shared earlier in this conversation from a place of survival you morphed yourself was your form of relating to a group to get the feeling of being belonging and wanted which was really a compensation for the relationship you had with yourself which is you weren't wanted once you reconcile that you became free you actually now can relate to people because you get to listen you get to be with other people that's why most relationships don't work because people don't listen to each other they react to one another you have to play the role of the ambassador that you were when you first met

because that's now what they're expecting and vice versa and it becomes exhausting to try and sustain that versus just being you being loved warts and all as the expression is like with all your imperfections no one's perfect we're all human we're all flawed and that's part of our beauty but if we can accept that with ourselves then we can accept that with others and that to me is that's love love as i said earlier does not judge between forms it just doesn't peter i've really enjoyed our conversation today likewise yeah so piece of final question uh Uh, this conversation, this podcast is called feel better, live more. Yeah. It is relatively obvious on certain levels, but I have seen over and over again that when people feel better in themselves, they get more out of their lives. Yes. I love to

lead the listeners with some hopefully simple ideas and tips that they can think about applying into their own lives immediately to start transforming the way that they feel. Now, I appreciate we've covered a lot of ground today. So I wonder if you would be open to sharing some of your top tips to people. And if you can, maybe, you know, we didn't really cover parenting. If you can, maybe, you know, we didn't really cover parenting. Many people who listen to this are parents. And I just think you have so much wisdom and you can probably share some final pieces of that wisdom that are going to help the listeners. Okay.

I mean, the first thing that comes to mind intuitively, I'm just going to trust is slow down. Just for everybody to slow down the world is moving at a million miles an hour you know metaphorically and people are just rushing around and invariably it's for this idealized future that everyone's chasing so to the point earlier we're under the impression that this one day phenomenon is when i'm going to have the perfect body the right relationship enough money yada yada yada and what we're doing is we're we're sort of perpetually pushing away our feeling better because i'm saying well that's where it's all going to work out but right now it's not so good so i would say embrace life for who it is for what it is embrace yourself for who you are and embrace others for who they are i use the

expression everybody's a masterpiece and yet a work in progress so allow people to be who they are. I use the expression, everybody's a masterpiece and yet a work in progress. So allow people to be who they are whilst we can still be committed to becoming better versions of ourselves. That is the process of enlightenment, you know, getting evolving beyond our current constraints. So slowing down, breathing. I mean, it might seem fundamentally obvious, but how many people are disconnected from their breath? Even as I said, the word you took a deeper breath. Hopefully people, as they hear that, they might go, oh my gosh, I haven't checked in with my own breathing patterns. To slow that down, there's a strong correlation between our breathing patterns and our mind, you know, meditation. So that would be probably the first tip is just smell the roses, as cliche as that sounds.

tip is just smell the roses as cliche as that sounds secondly again i said love is my favorite topic you know be gentle with yourself and be gentle with others everybody including ourselves is doing the best we can we're all functioning within our own blind spots our own conditioning our own programming i explained on another podcast to judge somebody is completely nonsensical because if you had their DNA and you were raised by their parents and you went to the school that they went to and you got the results that they had and you had the failings that they had and you had the triumphs they had, you had the heartbreak they had and the relationships and the jobs and the firing, everything that human had been through, then whatever you're judging them for at that moment you would be doing exactly the same thing yeah now if you really aren't that's just physics that's just loaded that's not me just trying to be like you know philanthropic

and like oh let's just love her no it just makes no sense to judge anyone so you know slow down connect with your breathing and just remove judgment as much as you can. Because it is one of the greatest precursors to sickness, to volatility, to disharmony, to discontent, is I'm saying that they and life shouldn't be the way it is. And that is a disservice to everything that you're a stand for, feeling better. You can't feel better if you're saying that everything is wrong yeah and i didn't get the memo that that person is in charge of the universe you know the audacity if you think about it the ego that thinks it knows how other people

should behave and how life should be i would never take on that responsibility or be so audacious to think that i know how somebody else should be driving on the freeway. So it's one of the most freeing things that that has been for me to, yeah, to really understand that if you were that other person, you would be acting in exactly the same way as they do. And that's not condoning the behavior. It's a very, it doesn't mean that their behavior is optimal. It's someone you might love who truly is struggling with alcoholism or, you know, some sort of addiction and you want them to be well. And so we're not condoning the behavior, but at least meet them. And this, let's tie it up here because this ties in beautifully. It was actually a Maui and a woman asked me this question because this buys into, or at least relates to your parenting question. She said, how do I help my son who at the time, I think she said,

is like 18, 19, and he's got an older son. And he said, I'm just never going to be as good as Johnny. And so the mother, because she's a mother, and she loves her son, he said, No, no, no. And she came in with all the things that you would expect a mother to say, you're amazing. And you're so good at this and blah, blah, blah. So she was saying all of the things on the surface sound good. But to the point that I made earlier, she wasn't honoring his reality. What he was saying is, I don't feel as good as my brother. Now, I'm not saying that we want to leave him hanging out there, but at least meet him there. I understand. Why do you think you feel that way? Get into their world versus reinforcing and instructing. No, no, no, you're this. Basically what that kid was left with is you're not listening

to me. So as a parent, your greatest gift is listening to what your kid said versus telling them what you feel. Now you can get to that. Of course, she worked with a kid and said, where did that happen? Now you get into his world. He feels loved by by the parent which is actually going to make him feel just as good as johnny who's whatever the great athlete or whatever he thinks that makes him less than so now the parent listening is actually affording that put that child love because they're saying i care about you enough to listen to your reality i might not agree with it and i'm going to help you break out of it so then to ask well where did that happen? Oh, well, Johnny did this. And oh, okay. So similar to what I did with you, I'd say, but I understand, honey, that that would make you feel less than, but can I ask you, does that

really mean that you're never going to be as good as your brother? See, now you get into their world and let them answer the question. So that to me would be a parenting tip. Parenting is a, another, a whole nother topic, but even that hopefully parents will understand listening to your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give them because or more often than not what does a kid say why why mummy mummy mummy it's a repetitive stream of conversation because the parents not actually present with their kid yeah he said i love those i mean yeah all of them ring true for me all of them i think the listeners are gonna absolutely love if they really listen and really you know think about how they can apply those into their own life i think

it will make a huge difference i am so excited that you're writing a book i cannot wait for this book to come out i think it's going to help a lot of people yes um i hope um you will consider coming back on the podcast love to Around the time of the book release to share some of the messages in the book. Maybe come home back to Blighty. Hey, for sure. That would be fun. Come over, we'll do a podcast.

Maybe we could do a live event together or something in London. That would be fun. And thank you for making time today. I think you're doing incredible work. So Peter, for people who want to connect with you, where can they find you? Just, it's very simple two places either my website which is just petercrone.com very easy or i'm now on the

dizzy heights of instagram at peter crone official so keep it simple fantastic so we're going to link to all of those things amazing the show notes okay uh peter thank you so much for making time today pleasure thank you for joining me on the podcast. I hope to see you again very, very soon. My honor to be here. That concludes today's episode of the Feel Better Live More podcast. I know that was a long conversation, but I really hope you feel it was worth listening to in its entirety all the way to the end.

As always, just take a moment to have a think about something in today's episode that really connected with you. Have a think about Peter's tips there at the end. And I would really encourage you to think about one thing that you can start applying into your own life immediately. There were so many golden nuggets in this episode. One of the things for me that really struck a chord was to be kind and gentle with yourself and others. We are all doing the best that we can. Please do let Peter and I know what you thought of today's episode. The best way to get hold of Peter is on Instagram at PeterCrohnOfficial.

And as you know, I am on Instagram and Facebook with the handle at DrChatterjee and on Twitter at DrChatterjeeUK. Please also do check out the show notes page from today's show, which is DrChatterjee.com forward slash 82. There are links there to Peter's website, some related articles, and of course, Peter's social media handles. I cannot wait for Peter's finished writing his book which is going to come out at some point in 2020. If you wish to support this podcast you can do so in several ways. One of the best ways is to pick up one of my books. We spoke a lot today about meaning and purpose. This is a topic I covered in great detail in my second book, The Stress Solution, which is available in paperback, ebook, and as an audiobook, which I'm

narrating. My very first book, The Four Pillar Plan, outlines my overall philosophy on health and is full of practical take-home tips to help give you a blueprint for living well in the 21st century. You can pick this up in all the usual places, in paperback, ebook, and again, in an audiobook, which I am narrating. Just a quick reminder, if you want the four-pillar plan and you live in the USA and Canada, it is available but has a different title in those countries, How to Make Disease Disappear. Now, don't forget that this conversation is available

to watch in full on YouTube so do check out my channel but please do let your friends and family who you feel may prefer to listen to these conversations or even watch them on YouTube about it. The best way to find it is to go to drchatty.com forward slash YouTube. Please do visit it and please do subscribe. Thank you to everybody who has already left a review on their podcast platform. If you do enjoy my weekly shows and you have not yet, please do consider supporting this show by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts

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I hope you have a fabulous week. Make sure that you have pressed subscribe and I'll be back in one week's time with my latest episode. Remember, you are the architects of your own health. Making lifestyle changes always worth it because when you feel better, you live more. I'll see you next time.