Financial Audit - Financial Audit's Biggest Piece Of Sh*t

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Starting point is 00:00:22 Enjoy Celsius responsibly. Designed for occasional energy boost, not as part of your daily diet. Please adhere to recommended serving limits. episodes of financial audit a week earlier. Check us out on YouTube. Bomb maxing, what are you doing? So, um, getting money from the government. But you have a job that doesn't make sense.

Starting point is 00:00:38 Are you getting money from the government? I lie. Sometimes, like, I'll take a lot of Adderall and I'll like, trach myself off and like, I'll lose so much weight from doing that. And it's- What? Wait, how often are you fucking prerop at least like twice a week?

Starting point is 00:00:54 Dude, this is very illegal. I don't give a . Okay, so why were you banned from Venmo then after having sex with this prs? I end up just refunding it saying it wasn't me. I just like go homeless maxing when I get blackout drunk. This kind of flus max it. This is called being a loser, dude.

Starting point is 00:01:09 This is fucking rink. You know what I mean? I'm not sure I can say that in word, but you've been running out of your shit. What the hell of the fuck? Merry Christmas in July. I'm in a given mood even for you naughty ones. Budget debt, investing, real estate, all of it. 50% off right now.

Starting point is 00:01:27 Not sure where you stand. My new and improved ham. quiz does the dirty work for you. Two minutes and you'll know exactly how naughty or nice your finances look. Plus next steps based on your score. Take the quiz, then take advantage of 50% off and finally fix your finances for good. RICO Suave 24 Austin, Texas. This is financial audit. Quick and easy. Well done. Rico, thanks for coming in. You know, the internet, love, hate relationship with the Rico suave. Me personally,

Starting point is 00:02:01 more of just a hate relationship with the Rico suave. You fucking... Your mother didn't feel that last night. I'll be honest with you. There's no hate relationship with me and your mom. I'd tell you that. Let's just say there was a little bit of back return there, too, with the taxes. You're into boomers?

Starting point is 00:02:17 Of course I am. They're the greatest generation. Isn't that what they say? I think they called the greatest generation the greatest generation. I think they call your mom the greatest generation. I might be your dad now. I'm not going to Is that how it works? Yeah, how that works. I'm your dad.

Starting point is 00:02:31 And as your dad, I'm going to punish you. You've been very mean to our precious toge, okay? What? It was nice to to go. Togi doesn't know who you are, a little bro. Okay, okay. Let's give it a second. Okay, quiet.

Starting point is 00:02:46 Time out, time on time. Thank you. I'm giving you time. Go. All right. So you're so mean to Togi. He sat in this little seat while you ran. And with that, here's the recap of.

Starting point is 00:02:57 the last episode of Rico Suave. Well, I got fired, so they have a company card, which you use for the guests. Oh, dude. And I know if you want to get them like a little gift or something. But in my case, the gift was to me and it was chicken nuggets. Do you still have that credit card? Did you give it back? Allegedly the company card is still on my iPhone still.

Starting point is 00:03:17 Allegedly. Fuck off. You're a piece of it. We know that you have paid women and still do for intercourse. I wish. No, we know that because you've told us that. Your weird rebuttal to it because you don't know what to say is that women pay you for sex, meaning that you just said you're a pro.

Starting point is 00:03:37 I mean, if you think about it, I am a problem. If you think about it, you want to know why to kill it? Because I exchanged my time for money, just like any prostitute would. You have no money. I have your bank accounts. Shut up, you're never getting my contact. I never want to. I never want to interact with you again after this.

Starting point is 00:03:56 We'll talk about it. We will not. You know? We will not. This will not be discussed. You don't know that. You don't know. I do.

Starting point is 00:04:01 I have control of my life. Whatever. Whatever. Okay. So what did I do to your precious toge? You will never know who you are. You scream like a lunch lady, like lesbian, like, lesbian. Like, you spend one point billion dollars on blah, blah, blah.

Starting point is 00:04:15 You don't even get this guy in healthcare? Like I scream like a lunch lady to every guest ever, including you last year. What do you think happens? That's the show. It's just here your mom screaming to me last night. I'm not going to lie. You got one. You got one bit, huh?

Starting point is 00:04:28 You got one bit. I don't think she'd f- someone that got fired from Tesla. Look, well, I guess her standards are pretty low. Same thing with your- Who gets fired from Tesla working out on the fucking line?

Starting point is 00:04:38 Look. What's wrong with you? You're pathetic. We got our challenges here, okay? But I tell you what, the challenges of working for you, I saw the wage sign of 725 an hour or whatever the hell that is.

Starting point is 00:04:49 Where? By the bathroom. No? Where the f*** is that? Oh, here? Out there? Yeah, 725. The thing you have to have to have.

Starting point is 00:04:56 to have. Here, insert the picture now from our hallway. No. The thing you legally have to have that says, if you are being paid lower than this, report it because you're being paid under the federal minimum wage. Yes, you have to have that in your business. I don't get this guy. Okay, get this guy. Okay, this guy pays his employees $7.25 an hour.

Starting point is 00:05:12 What? It's like, hey, I want to go get a pizza. I want to, a little schneezza, okay? But then this guy over here gives you scrap metal for your breakfast. And then he tells you can't go spend, you know, 15 bucks a Taco Bell. I'm sorry, but is this not 2026? I mean, Jesus, I mean, I thought genderification came to Austin, apparently it hasn't came to you yet.

Starting point is 00:05:33 Let's get some on the upper echelon here, okay, man. What are you doing? I guess that cookbook didn't do it too well, but I'll tell you what, this is, you're already cooked. The cookbook is free. The cookbook is free? Makes sense. Rico, what do you do for a living?

Starting point is 00:05:48 Jobs don't matter, okay? Okay, well, they actually do in order to pay even at 725? Okay. Do you see this cup here? You're a little sponsor? In fact, I actually met the guy at the bar that is affiliated with this company. You see what this is. I'm affiliated with that company.

Starting point is 00:06:00 Some people look at this as like it holds liquid, right? And that's the people inside of your little company over here. They call Hammer Media. Well, I'm going to hammer it to the ground with this little analogy. They want to leave, man. They only want to escape, you know? Nothing stays inside of a container. It only wants to go.

Starting point is 00:06:16 Go home, right? And I want to go home too. Where's home? Austin. Well, you are home then. And so your analogy makes no sense. Where are you trying to get to, Rico? I guess I did not realize I was on the grammar.

Starting point is 00:06:30 The grammar show. Okay, Jesus Christ. Not the grammar. You were making an analogy for your life and then you concluded it with you're trying to get home. But your home is here. Are you like a music composition major or some shit? Yes, I'm a major at 30 when I haven't been in college in 18, 31, sorry. When I haven't been in college in nine years.

Starting point is 00:06:48 Yes, that's my major. Okay. Were you like bullied as a kid? Because I could see it a little bit. I was unfortunately. Unfortunately. Believe it or not, from this show, more so the bully. The bully.

Starting point is 00:07:00 Yes. That makes sense, you know? I've changed my ways. Now it's just bully for financial reasons. You know what's funny? I think we've all seen the story before, people of the financial audit world. Anytime there's a big bully, there's a little one inside, right? You know?

Starting point is 00:07:14 And so you just got to poke the bear a little bit. Big bully. And I intend to poke the bear. And I intend to poke the bear. My big bully ass. Yeah, yeah. You dress behind those whatever, whatever. like those 5-4 club clothes, whatever.

Starting point is 00:07:26 It's made well. Made well. What's the issue? What is that? I don't know. Clothing brand. It's fine. You look like you're Moroccan or something.

Starting point is 00:07:32 Are you, your naive... Rockins are attractive. They're okay. What are you? You're like Native American, right? Yeah, 25%ish. What is it?

Starting point is 00:07:38 Like Cherokee? So how do you make your money, buddy? Because that's what I need to know going into a financial order. I appreciate you trying to be the host. Welcome back to Rico audit. Today we're interviewing. Buddy, I need to know how you pay your bills. I need to know anything that's going on.

Starting point is 00:07:52 Listen, you had a leasing consultant job just last week. Yeah. So, because we don't allow people to come on who don't have a job. Now, you would be more of an exception because this is a follow-up, so I want to see where you are. Okay. But less than that, you had a job when we were talking to you about coming out of the show and you lost it right before coming here. You had that last week.

Starting point is 00:08:10 It's middle of this week. What the fuck happened, Riko Suave? Did you steal money on their credit card like you did last time? Okay, I'm trying to bum max right now here. Okay, Mr. Hammer, whatever you're middle. What's your middle name? Joshua. Joshua Hammer.

Starting point is 00:08:25 Well, guess what? I don't know if there's a book on Joshua in the Bible, but if it's anything like Noah's Ark, it's about a, you know, you're going to need a shit for this one, baby, because I'm going to, you're going to need something to save you, okay? I'm trying to bum max, baby, okay? I'm taking federal- For a half a week? Half a month, at least.

Starting point is 00:08:42 It was last week you had this job, buddy. I never got fired from it. Did you just leave then? I never got fired from it. Did you just leave then? I don't think I did. I was- So right now, you're-

Starting point is 00:08:52 you're on payroll and you're not showing up and you will be fired soon. Maybe. That's it. That's the thing. Okay. So you'll probably get another paycheck. What are you getting from this job currently? $1,400 every two weeks.

Starting point is 00:09:03 There you count. Okay. Well, you know, for you. For me, it's not bad. For me.

Starting point is 00:09:09 That's what I'm saying. What do you make? Call $3,000 a month a lot more than you. You see this guy, he's like walking up in here with this little Moroccan get to the rest of the employees here, like begging for lunch, you know? I see,

Starting point is 00:09:21 I saw, I saw, I saw Mr. Club Penguin over here digging behind the trash bag. He's pointing to Brandon. Looking for scrap, spare scraps of pizza. That's because he's fat of our show, fat and fatter. So yes. Fat and fatter.

Starting point is 00:09:36 What is this, Dumber and Dumber? What are we talking about here? Jesus. Good one. Man. I guess you see why I would never fit into this place. So when's the last time you showed up to a shift? Well, like you were never offered.

Starting point is 00:09:45 I never was offered because they discriminate. That's the only problem here. They discriminate. Against. Not legally. but kind of like you somebody like you

Starting point is 00:09:55 man you wish you wish he chugged a beer before filming no guest has ever done that before okay let me ask you this like this guy is a is a half glass empty type of person

Starting point is 00:10:06 you know actually I saw this in the comments section another day in fact you probably saw this too Caleb Hammer is the type of guy to show up to a house party and bring his own six pack and not share with the rest of people he would just like look at you kind of weird

Starting point is 00:10:18 I don't drink you don't drink no why don't you drink one I don't like the taste you don't like to taste that's mostly yeah yeah okay you like the taste of of lying and being deceptive

Starting point is 00:10:30 and being evil what I lied about what am I evil about what if I lied about how can you tell me you're not like an alcoholic with like that voice you got with the what

Starting point is 00:10:39 the voice you got the little voice you got that's an alcoholic voice you spend $15 on breakfast you fucking evil peasants like a cartoon voice and an alcoholic voice I was like all

Starting point is 00:10:49 I saw like a big got honestly I was watching So what's my evil? If you're going to call me evil, what's evil? Your face. Okay, Rico. I've seen, you know, like this. And not the best of this.

Starting point is 00:10:59 Lindsay, Lindsay Lohan here. I love Lindsay Lohan. We love him here. Okay. Okay. Okay. And I don't need any squealing from you from the guy that looks like the Jack in the Box emblem or whatever.

Starting point is 00:11:09 Okay. So the first thing is here, she showed me your little Netflix portal. Your little Netflix portal. It's all his face. This guy's ego complex is bigger than f***ing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:20 Is he talking about Hammer Elite? Hammer Elite, you're your little app. I mean, man, you should... Or YouTube membership, wherever you choose to be. Yeah, a nice little plug in there. That's where Fat and Fatter is, yes. Fatter and Fatter. It's a fan favorite.

Starting point is 00:11:32 Man, I was already thinking of my head before you said it. Anyways, so your little app... Well, I'm fatter. A fat and fatter, yes. Fat and Fatter. You should get on the OZMPIC, OZMPIC. But anyways, here it is. The little app over here, like, has this entire face

Starting point is 00:11:46 is, like, plastered over this entire thing. I mean, like... They know what Hammer, Elite is it. they watch the show. You don't have to sell to them. I appreciate it. But you were saying bum maxing, even though you're kind of making a job,

Starting point is 00:11:56 even though you will be fired from that job soon. What is bum maxing? Bum maxing is the art of like not really giving a fuck anymore. You just like take it. Well, that's not good because this show's about giving a fuck. Have you read the book? The book are not giving a fuck. Is it about like literally giving up on life?

Starting point is 00:12:12 I don't think so. I mean, man, you say I'm giving up in life. I mean, got a nice Apple watch. How many calories have you burned besides plug it in to charge that thing? Well, today it's pretty early in the morning, so not much. Yeah, it is.

Starting point is 00:12:22 Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. They made me wake up at, like, 9.30. You think bum maxers, like, waking up this early? No, so you probably shouldn't be a bum maxer. I should be a bum maxer. I mean, God, damn. My aura ring has my fitness activity at 81 is my overall score out of 100. Because I'm relatively, I like being active after work, but here's the thing.

Starting point is 00:12:41 I eat like shit. That's my problem. You can't outwork a bad diet. That's right. I will never touch you. You're right. Okay, you could touch these hands once, like, give me a little punch in the face there. God, I could give you a couple of shiners right there. They're going to make a shining part two after I'm done with you. That's what I'm going to say. Anyways, your little app sucks. No, bum maxing. Stay on topic. I don't care. Yes, Hammer League. Great, great, great. It's awesome. Check it out. Buddy, bum maxing. What are you doing? So, getting money from the government? It's been like three. No, no, no, but you have a job that doesn't make sense. How are you getting money from the government? I lie.

Starting point is 00:13:18 You're saying that on camera. Okay. What have you lied about? What are you getting, Rico? So, like, the government, I got fired for my last job. Unfortunately. I'm confused. Okay.

Starting point is 00:13:33 What? Okay, because you're, okay. He was fired from his last job a few months ago, but you're currently at the job where you're making $3,000 a month, right? Basically, yeah. Okay. What was the job you were fired from, Rico? I was a remote salesperson. Oh, my goodness.

Starting point is 00:13:44 That's what we talked about you potentially doing. I know. And you're fired? Why? Look, it takes two to tango, okay? In this economy, you're a little $15, you can't afford a $15. I want to afford my $15 a lunch, baby, okay? It was a $28 lunch is what we complained about.

Starting point is 00:13:59 $28 lunch, excuse me. Yeah, sure. Two to tango, but what does you having a lunch have to do with sales? Sales, me's having a lunch and working with sales? I'm not sure what you're asking. Why did you get fired? I made a couple of inappropriate statements to HR. Pause, let's bring in Valeria.

Starting point is 00:14:19 All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome off camera, but on the mic, our head of HR, Valeria. So where we just handed off, he got fired from a job two months ago. I asked why he said he made a couple inappropriate comments to HR. I immediately paused to bring you in so that he can say what he said to HR while HR's in the room. What did you possibly say to your HR? Honestly, I found her like kind of attractive. I'm not going to lie. So like, I think the first thing I kind of said to her was like, oh, you look kind of good today.

Starting point is 00:14:49 And she's like, oh, thank you. And like, I'm a people person, okay? So, like, I like to get to know somebody, okay? Like, you wear in the Italian flag. Oh, you're Italian, right? He's also an alleged way. So, be aware. Alleged.

Starting point is 00:15:02 Let's do some, how about you allegedly get some more time and a half of your employees? They're working double time for you. Man. Anyways, speaking of double time, look at your waistline. God damn. Anyways, I was talking to her, and I was like, yo, like, I love your dress. Like, do you wear that often? And she started giving me this weird shoulder shrug.

Starting point is 00:15:21 I didn't know that mental. So pause there. Pause there. Okay. He does that to you at the workplace. Well, even without him doing all of that and giving me more information, just as he was describing the story, his body language and like even some gestures here. I'm like, what is going on?

Starting point is 00:15:38 What is going on? Do you got some psychoanalyst here? You're not even friendly with me like that, but I'm already feeling like, okay, it's starting to border. inappropriate. Okay. Okay. Can you your story? Okay. What happened next? So basically I was like, okay, like do you wear that dress often? And she's like, no. I'm like, man, I really like to see you that wear that more often, right? And then I tried to give her a little twirl, a little f-oh. No, you did not. Do a little twirl for me, right? And then she wouldn't do it.

Starting point is 00:16:07 And then I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, I go on 6th Street every weekend. And I'm like, yo, chika, bonita, swavasita, come over here, mamacita, right? And I'm like, Yeah, and that's not in the workplace. I know women of your treat respect, but sorry, Rico can't flirt a little bit. We should be able to look at a little porn at work. I'm sorry. Jesus, over the camera over the phone. Come on.

Starting point is 00:16:31 We like to bring it home. Have you heard of harassment? I haven't heard of that word ever. That's why everything's alleged currently. Alleged. I love that word as you don't get there. What was the reason for termination harassment? Well, that and I mean, I wasn't making shit for the company.

Starting point is 00:16:46 I was basically bum-axing. That's where this whole thing. started, by the way. So essentially, all I had to do was make like 80 dials. And I would just like ring the phone and then I just hang up before like anything could like actually take place. And then I would just log it as a call. And then they found out about that, not to mention the inappropriate gestures. And honestly, oh, there's more. There's so much more. Please tell us now. I was on the fucking, uh, basically a phone with my coworkers. And they like read your emails. You what? You like read your emails. No, no. You were what with coworkers?

Starting point is 00:17:17 On my phone with the co-workers, right? Like, like, like, FaceTiming on the laptop or whatever. And, like, I'm just, like, talking mad shit. I'm talking, like, conspiracies, all the shit. And, like, I'm going to entertain. I'm, like, the showboat man of, of this company, right? Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:17:32 Yeah, that's what they employ. No, but, like, some people, like, don't know when you're joking. And what else did you talk about? I joked about, I'm Alex Jones. I talked about it. I joked about the make the frogs gay, right? And, like, I was just like. Oh, how long did you last in this job?

Starting point is 00:17:47 Like, were you fired day one? I think it lasted like seven, eight months, I think. Wow. Six, seven months. Go f*** him. Fuck you. You wish. Places tolerant.

Starting point is 00:17:57 Gen Z. I'm like the youngest guy in here. Wait. Dude, no. Mark. Mark. I'm 24. You see, they discriminate against us.

Starting point is 00:18:05 Okay. We need more Gen Z in here. Okay. Not how discrimination works. Yeah. Oh, I forgot. We got the expert on the here. We got the expert here.

Starting point is 00:18:13 Did you not hear what this guy said to, to, uh, Papacito over here is she was stretching this guy. He's working double time. My main Mexican over here. Work stretching the light trying to get on this fatso over here. He was like, oh, I like to see you stretch more. What kind of sexual harassment are we working through right now? I mean, goddamn.

Starting point is 00:18:31 That is true. That is true. Put in the clip. Oh, I like seeing you stretch. No response. Shit. Okay, clip was put in. Mark, you better, you better spank his,

Starting point is 00:18:46 Speaking of that microse click, you could let the audience know how you feel about that. Wait, Brandon said that to me? No, it's when you're stretching here. I was like, I can see you a stretch, boy. This has never happened before. Yeah, yeah, he sounds like a victim. When you were, when you were turning, I was like,

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Starting point is 00:19:36 That's what I missed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't hear him. That is true. He did not respond to it, even though he was right in front of me. Let's the audience know how you feel about this. All right. Okay. And there it is. Okay. Well, I'm glad that he- No harassment, nothing.

Starting point is 00:19:50 Okay. So apparently it's only sexual harassment if you're handsome, okay? I thought it was all the way around. Okay, Mark is handsome, first of all. I'm sorry, but I thought if you're ugly, you're going to be sent to the goddamn tuggy. You know what I mean? Like, you're going to be sent to jail, right? So if it's handsome, it's not a crime. Okay, what else did you do?

Starting point is 00:20:10 I mean, I talked about conspiracies. I flirt with a bunch of girls. I went on this, like, really. weird drug grant with this random guy from Louisiana. I was trying to sell. And so he talked about how like he was doing. I didn't even catch that one. A client. He was talking

Starting point is 00:20:26 to clients about drugs. Yeah. Wow. Yes. And what were you selling? Yes. Again, how did you last our seven, eight months? Yo, I'm not going to lie, a lot of it was just mental exertion. Like, just like the show where they beat you down or whatever. What were you selling?

Starting point is 00:20:41 No, no. How did they keep you around for seven to eight months? How did they? I have no idea. I think it's because I'm good look. What were you selling, RICO? Advertising, basically. So no reason to talk about drugs. Dude, you got to get to know the client, baby. And I told you this the first time. Hey, have you ever done? Yeah, I've done it.

Starting point is 00:20:57 Yeah, of course. Yeah. Oh, that was, oh, oh, oh, I'm just practicing, I'm just practicing for the client, okay? I thought we're doing a social experiment. Jesus Christ. This, he sexually harassed a Mexican, okay? Jesus. He did not. He did not.

Starting point is 00:21:15 Human resources. You're like the human re- Oh my God, come on. Let's get this figured out. Let's get this figured out. Wow. You're fired from the show. I can't, I don't have that authority, but.

Starting point is 00:21:25 You've got this authority. What are you doing here? Oh, my God. Would we have fired him if he worked here with these? Yes, on day one. I feel like this would have come out on day one. Just another diversity hire getting sent off the pipe. Red flags.

Starting point is 00:21:40 I think we all agreed yes, he would be fired, but I brought her in to confirm you got fired for valid reasons. even though we all agree that yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, thank you, Valeria. Thank you, W's Valeria. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:21:52 Okay, so, okay, you're fired for valid reasons. Now, what do you do? Valid, Valeria. Okay, I see a little spiff over here. Continue, okay? So what do you do now? What's your current job? I'm unemployed.

Starting point is 00:22:04 No, no, no. You said you have a job where you're making 3,000 hours a month. Oh, yeah, I'm a leasing consultant. My bad. Yes. Leasing consultant. Sorry, I don't remember.

Starting point is 00:22:12 I don't remember, my bad. That you have a job? What's a leasing consultant? consultant. Basically, they just show a bunch of apartments to, like, random people. You do. Yeah. So you're not going to have that job for long. You don't know that. You don't know that. You're not showing up to the

Starting point is 00:22:25 job. But we'll put that as your income for now, Rico. So bum, X. You said you're getting money from the government. That is obviously concerning. What the f is that? So you just got to, honestly, the government, like, they're so slow at shit. Like, they don't even know that I'm technically employed right now. Except for when it comes to you owning taxes to them? Yes, they're very slow.

Starting point is 00:22:45 I don't remember that being recalled, but I do remember bum maxing as a credible source of tax evasion. So if you look at the camera, look at me. What are we looking at? You were looking over there. Just look at me. Buddy. What are you getting from the government? Food stamps.

Starting point is 00:23:06 Why? Why possibly? Poppy has to make some f***ing a side of tacos once in a while, okay? I don't know what you're eating. Why was going out to eat 30% of your spend? I have no idea. I just like to go out. What the fuck? I'm gonna be real with you.

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Starting point is 00:25:31 there's actually no fraud, it's just a fucking conspiracy, you're just trying to hurt minorities and poor people. He is a minority, he has a poor person. Why his own choices and actions? Why the fuck are we fucking? funding people like this. If he can get food stamps, what the when there's someone with even a slight amount of intelligence,

Starting point is 00:25:49 imagine what they could do. What the fuck are we doing? How much are you getting in food stamps? 300 bucks a month. I'm going to absolutely. Wow. This country's, we're almost at 250. We're not going to make him rather 250.

Starting point is 00:26:00 It's better than your, like, psycho-military veterans that go in, like, and shut up. You're not the guy to talk about that. You are a scammer. If I'm a, if I'm a military veteran. Why are you doing like Trump gestures? Yeah. Well, no, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:26:13 You're the one that's trying to get all these Fox News tidbits on like oh we're employing these people What you trying to get a Fox news invite or something to shit? Employing these people? Yeah, oh this little Trump, uh, uh, no. What are you saying? What are you saying? Anyways, I don't- You're doing Trump motions but then you're like, to weigh your body like a gay guy.

Starting point is 00:26:31 You'll fuck you. You wish I was gay. Anyways, this is, this is my dress signal right here. This is the, you got three chances hammer, okay? And I'm gonna tell you what, you got one less. And tell what? You got one, f*** what? What? Until I'm a punch you. I'm going to punch you in the face.

Starting point is 00:26:48 I have a button now. If I press it, he comes in here with a gun. Oh, nice. Let me guess your boyfriend. I mean, goddamn. Nice job. Oh, my goodness. You're impossible to have a conversation with food stamps.

Starting point is 00:26:56 Where's that little like powder or whatever? Your little like gamer subs. You threw that on a poor guy. Yeah. Right here. Here you go. You get a free thing or gamers subs. I'm not throwing at you.

Starting point is 00:27:06 Let me see that. I want to make your with. Making your energy drinks at home. Oh, God. That way, it is 40 cents serving with my 10% discount code. GamerSubs, link in the description below. Get your free samples. It's free packets, mailed directly to you with my code Caleb.

Starting point is 00:27:19 Figure out what flavor you like, then get this, then you make it home. It's 25 cents a serving. It's like making your coffee home. No more stopping it. It's a bullshit. There you go. You should call it. Good God.

Starting point is 00:27:26 I don't trust you. Dragon Fruit Punch. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Come on. What we got here. How long have you been getting...

Starting point is 00:27:34 Peptides, steroids, illegal Chinese food. How long have you been getting food stamps? There you've been getting it for like three months. This is for you. Just don't open it now. Oh, okay. Three months, but you got fired two months ago. How have you been on food stands?

Starting point is 00:27:44 What were you making in the sales job? Like, you know, 13. I mean, I was making $2,000 a month just on the salary. Yeah. What do we? Do you get anything else in the government? Well, I mean. I'm being told you're being, you have tried to get the hot meals that are delivered to homeless people.

Starting point is 00:28:00 I do. Yeah, I do. What? Yeah, because I'm hungry. Okay. You already have food stand. I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw the, I saw, I saw the, I saw, I saw, I saw the I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw,

Starting point is 00:28:10 Try to stay here, Rico. Try to stay in this conversation. Okay, okay, okay, let me, I'm sorry. Okay, actually, what did you see? I'm just speaking up for your employees, okay. What did you see? Yeah, they were with me. They were with me.

Starting point is 00:28:19 We were standing in line waiting for bread because this is. No, it's impossible. Bro. They get a $50 a month stipend. $15 a month stipend? $15 a month? And you're over here bitching about a $28 a month. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:28:34 And we all know how expensive Austin is. So these, you don't have to go out to eat for a meal. These guys are having to spend. Make your food. Extra $8. You know how much food to spend with $8 if you invest in the S&P 500 and you're 57 years old? First of all, there's five people in this room for them make over six figures a year.

Starting point is 00:28:51 Sorry for the one that doesn't. You'll get there someday. Keep leveling up, Mark. I love you. You got this. Keep leveling up. Yeah, come on. Just let them put his legs on your back.

Starting point is 00:29:00 So they're fine. Plus-to-50-dollar month stipend. So obviously shut the fuck out. But if you're trying to take meals that the homeless people are getting, what we're giving you $300 a month of food sentence, which, by the way, with the H-B meal plan, and everything that we have made, mathematically figured out. You can get three meals a day, nail prepped, snacks, drinks, and desserts.

Starting point is 00:29:18 And desserts? $300 a month. I think your mom is going to count for dessert. I'll be honest with you. Go, you're impossible. God damn. Your mom is impossible, too. She showed me this move or she lays it in my bag.

Starting point is 00:29:29 Let's try. I want to see if you're creative enough to come up with anything that doesn't involve my mom or fat. Okay. All right. Okay. Let's see if you're creative enough. So avoid those for a second.

Starting point is 00:29:37 That's all you've been able to say for 20 minutes. why and how often are you trying to get the hot meals that are meant for homeless people? Every day. No. How does this work? Tell me. Basically, you go on Google. You just look up, I'm homeless, need food, and then...

Starting point is 00:29:52 You're not homeless, are you? Not yet. But I will be soon. We'll find out. We'll find out. I mean, we got Hammer Media. You are... Dude, you got more square footage...

Starting point is 00:30:02 You got more square footage than the UFC... White House lawn, okay? Dude, you're obsessed with the president. What is going on? Yeah. No, you're a... to the president. I mean, dude, if anyone's looking for a Fox News tribute over here, it's your ass. Dude, I've called them to Fox multiple times, okay? You've called into Fox.

Starting point is 00:30:17 Oh, my God. Last weekend. Yeah. It was one of them. But I bet. Well, let me guess. You're just like, you're just like, yeah, like, these people spend $28 a month on lunch and they're lazy. No, it actually hasn't been about that. And I'm happy to call in this. Some of us aren't millionaires, Caleb, okay? I got here by working past few years, buddy. Thank you. A few years and hiring Mexicans to do all the hard work. I'm sorry that I've Aren't we sick? Aren't we sick of this shit? Us Mexicans, including myself included.

Starting point is 00:30:43 Even if Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Rodriguez over here. She is not Mexican. She's black. She is Mexican to me. She's a honorary Mexican. Buddy. And I would call into CNBC CNN if they would have me, but only Fox is called. Let me guess.

Starting point is 00:30:56 Either way. You probably come in your shorts if you had Kevin O'Leary call you, won't you? I'm sure you're into the AI data centers, aren't you? You're like... Into? I'm not investing? You would probably like... Rico, stay on subject, buddy.

Starting point is 00:31:09 So you go online, you try to get these meals. Basically. What does that look like? You Google, I'm homeless help even though you're not. Go on. And I say I'm looking for food. And then they have like an automatic map. It's called Meals on Wheels or some shit.

Starting point is 00:31:24 And then you just go follow the truck. But you're taking from people that actually need shit. You're taking from the resources. I need food stamp resources. You can make $3,000 a month. You're taking from this. Okay. Is there anywhere else you take?

Starting point is 00:31:37 Where else do I say? I mean, I got the shit from Texas is like the women Medicare or some shit. What? I don't know how the fuck that it worked out. Greg Abbott, what the fuck are we doing? Thank you, Greg Abbott. Honestly, I'm not going to laugh.

Starting point is 00:31:49 I love Greg Abbott. He's amazing. Yeah, he's giving you women Medicare shit. What is that? What happens? So basically, like, you know, I applied for it and I tried getting cash assistance but I can't.

Starting point is 00:32:00 It's basically like Texas women health care. I got like a pink card and it has like a health insurance number on it. So, I mean, I haven't used it yet, but I'll be willing to give you all my free tampons. Looks like it to be honest with you. There you go. That's a new burn. You like that?

Starting point is 00:32:14 You like that? Oh, that's what it is. It's okay. Yeah, we have it here. He qualified for the free healthcare. His health insurance card is under the Texas Healthy Women's Fund. What the f f f*** is this? What the f***ing?

Starting point is 00:32:30 This is amazing. Like, people like me need to help, Caleb. You are getting actually all the help. not the one that you go. Oh, yeah, even here we go. You're any income-based housing. Thanks to my insane property taxes in Austin, Texas. So you're being funded for housing as well. I am. You're only paying $500 a month in rent because we're subsidizing you. That's crazy. How long have you've been in this income subsidized housing, even though you shouldn't be? You pathetic. I have four months in, actually, actually, yeah. I mean, maybe you could have,

Starting point is 00:32:57 I mean, if he gave me a job, I wouldn't be in this situation. I mean, God, I mean, I'm, it's on you. It's on you. You obviously know that's never going to happen. You just met the age. It's on you, baby. It's on you, baby. I'll tell you that. Okay, no personal responsibility. As usual, Rico, no one's surprise.

Starting point is 00:33:11 Okay. Okay. This is what confuses me, though. I'm not mistaken. I mean, I would never talk to you in my life off camera, of course. But I was getting updates. Did you, like, move to Miami or like San Diego and shit after our last film? What happened to you since then?

Starting point is 00:33:28 Yeah. What did you do? Oh, my God. I went to Miami like two or three times. It just went to visit. Oh, no, I went five. by myself. Then I don't care.

Starting point is 00:33:36 It was amazing. But you moved somewhere, I thought. I moved somewhere. Didn't you move to like San Diego? No, I want to. I want to move to. You left Austin for a long period of time. Okay.

Starting point is 00:33:47 No, I was told. Don't tell Greg Abbott that. Oh, because you don't qualify. So this is like, oh, we have to keep that secret out so you don't qualify anyway. That's the issue. Where did you move? Come on.

Starting point is 00:33:59 Where were you? Okay. All right. I was in San Diego. That's what I f***ed. How long were you there? How could you couldn't, forward to live there. I'm sure California even gave you better benefits.

Starting point is 00:34:07 It's easy to bum max out in California. Of course it is. Oh, I basically just slept at a hostel. Hey, every provider in California that's paying an additional 13% in taxes, that's where it's, this is where it's going, by the way. Maybe you should move to here. Hey, beautiful Austin, Texas. Where we still give him some money for some reason. I love, dude, like, I thought they say the red states are bad. No, it's fucking, this is like the final frontier. It's easy to like get The last trip to San Diego, according to you, was magical. Why? Magical?

Starting point is 00:34:37 I mean, I had sex with prer. I'm not going to lie. Okay, so, Fagagation, stealing from the government and having sex with private. What the fuck is wrong? Use the app called private. I love that shit. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:51 It's an app. It's an app. It's a website. It's anything you want. European base, too. So don't tell Caleb's wife. Dude? Wait, are you married?

Starting point is 00:35:05 We're not having conversations about my life. Private delights isn't a thing. Go on Google. Type in private delights. Oh, my goodness. So, okay, so you were just... It was fun. Which got your Venmo band.

Starting point is 00:35:18 It did. How'd they know? How'd they figure it out? After I had sexual relations without women, I was... Well, first of all, okay, why happened? So you met up with a woman. Was she attractive? Yeah, she was cute.

Starting point is 00:35:29 I don't know if I'm paying for sex with someone who's not even, like, smoking. but either way. I think she was a board. Where'd you meet up? She was a border hopper. I just met her over her apartment or something like that. Yeah. And you went in, what happened?

Starting point is 00:35:42 I mean, basically, give me the story. Here's a funny part. Oh, give me the story. What happened? So I walked in there. Like, you know, she was super hot. I was like, hey, that's like, you know, whatever.

Starting point is 00:35:52 And I'm just supposed to, like, just have sex with her for like 400 bucks, right? And she was so attracted to me. It was so cheap. She was so fracked to me. Like, she, we know, twice. You were supposed to use in strippers, like, pretend, right? Maybe for people like you, but...

Starting point is 00:36:07 No, I'm sure, I'm sure, I mean, relatively, I mean, you're not a bad looking, dude. You just are very... Unfortunately, we usually turn on. But the thing is, like, yeah, she may have been attracted to you, but she's not going to give you more. Guy, we should talk to your employees

Starting point is 00:36:19 about what else you say around here, man. Yeah, goddamn. My employees. Yeah, no, your employees are scared. I'm speaking home for them. We gotta... Mika, I'm sorry. Union eyes.

Starting point is 00:36:29 We got a union eyes. So you went in there, you f***er. We f*** her. Raw? No. No, that was, Rico. Not two weeks ago, I did.

Starting point is 00:36:36 Raw? No. Not that's one. What, you fucked up a two weeks ago? Yeah, I did. Yeah. Wait, how often are you fucking problems? At least like twice a week.

Starting point is 00:36:43 No, you're not. Where are you finding them? Dude, there's like so many. Like, there's like, you literally go private and you just find some near you. Like, literally it's the easiest fucking in the planet. I mean, like, you got 200 bucks. Dude, this is very illegal. It's not a, are they, but they might be trafficked as well, which might be immoral.

Starting point is 00:37:00 I don't give a fuck with legal position if it's okay. But also you raw dump in the law. loads? Raw dumping loads. I love that. That's crazy. No, no, no. Are you raw dumping loads? No, because then I would, that would not be good. But you're having sex with them without a condom? It happens. Yeah. When's the last time you've been tested? I think it's actually been like two months, I think, two months. Okay, so why were you banned from Venmo then after having sex with this? The condom. So after I had sex with her, like, she like made me, I f*** twice. Straight up. Twice. Shaboom, shaband. Good for you. And after that,

Starting point is 00:37:34 I ended up just refunding it saying it wasn't me. And so I got it completely free. So I had sex with that woman for free. And so then afterwards, Venmo did like an investigation. And like they literally banned me from that because they. Good. Yeah, because they thought it was like fraud. How are you paying for them now?

Starting point is 00:38:00 How much are you spending a month? Wait. By the way, guys with his, go ahead. Tell me. I was like 1600 maybe. That's insane. So we are funding his food stamps and rank control. so he can give more money to this, by the way, is how this is mathematically working.

Starting point is 00:38:12 It's called funding the gig worker. I know you give your little DoorDash driver, probably get a little spiff about your cookbook, but I actually donate to the gigacami, okay? We donate to you through our taxes, to be very clear. That's insane. So you're fully admitting to a legal problem. That's wonderful.

Starting point is 00:38:28 You wish. I wish you did. Didn't you say you'd support it for it was legal? Log end to private. Show me. Okay. Have a little peek. Have a little peek.

Starting point is 00:38:38 I didn't use to go through people's phones, when we filmed with Rico the first time. And now, it's a different day. It's a different era. You're going to lose your mind. There's a lot I want to go through. I'm going to go through most of it on the post show in that thing called Hammerley that he was talking about.

Starting point is 00:38:53 Are you in? Yeah. Well, what are you doing? Like swiping shit. Okay, why aren't you signed in? Sign in? Sign in. Oh, wait.

Starting point is 00:39:03 Yes, Rico. So when your job sees this and fires you, I think that will be fair, so your income will be zero and we'll probably get you on unemployment, which is actually really pathetic that we would even do that and support you like that. Greg Abbott, please watch this

Starting point is 00:39:16 and please, please, please, please, please, Greg, I'm a stand up for my right. Get him off the programs. This is absolutely insane. I like that photo. It's his back. I guess that's good. Do they choose or do you book them no matter what? Austin, San Diego, Miami, Oklahoma.

Starting point is 00:39:34 Ooh, I like that one. Wait, are you sure? Do you put yourself? I've asked about it. I've asked about it. Well, why are you getting reviews? No, I should. I should.

Starting point is 00:39:44 They give you a discount sometimes. Oh, such an incredible experience with such a beautiful girl. Oh, that's reviews you did. Yeah. You're leaving reviews? Of course I am. What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:39:53 You know what I leave reviews for Uber drivers? Made me crazy when she answered the door in her lingerie and her body is tight and fit and be, oh my gosh. There we go. This is crazy. This is good. He actually is. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:05 I mean, this shit's better than your comments section. I'll tell you that. And there she is. That's what he is. Ooh, that's what he's into, I guess. Yikes. No offense. You wish.

Starting point is 00:40:16 I wish what? What do I wish, Rico? God, you wish? You wish you could have Mamasitas like that? No. No, it's not. No, I don't. Okay.

Starting point is 00:40:26 Isn't that look good? Isn't that something you want to be doing? Yeah, dude, this is crazy, man. No. No, because this feels like a quick way to, like, like AIDS. No way. I will find out when I get tested.

Starting point is 00:40:39 Maybe do you have a dog? yourself, Drake, here it is. Here's his email and phone number bleeped out. But hey, my name is Drake just trying to look for a gal. Hope you like my body picks. Good death. Yeah, you like the body face. I take Osragonda. I'm trying to get to your messages, but I don't know how the site. No, you message them like on your phone or whatever. So like you just, you basically like submit like a request to get screened and then you tag your phone number, your email, and then you reach out to them. What is FBSM? I don't know what that is. Okay. I'm just going to do S-Q. right? Because that's probably... Okay. This is crazy. Oh my gosh. Oh, bleep those. Those are actual tits. Oh, yeah. We got some Russian prosies over there, so... Aren't you afraid of them being trafficked in immoral? Like, that's why I want... I talk to these women, and they say that they're completely fine with it.

Starting point is 00:41:30 Brother, you think that's true. Some of them got saved from Ukraine. They were like, oh, yeah. Saved by who and now what are they paying to make sure it continues. It's a hand job or a hand grenade, you know? Hand job or hey grenade. I'm not going to lie. So it's up to them. Brother, this is crazy. I bet you've messaged this one.

Starting point is 00:41:48 Let's see. Let me see. Have you messaged this one? She's the attractive one on there. Oh, no. She's expensive. I think she's like 600. What do you know?

Starting point is 00:41:58 How much is that? How much she? He does know the number. He knew the number. That's her number. Yeah, she's expensive. You can get like a handjob for like 200 bucks to make a hot Russian woman. And if they like you,

Starting point is 00:42:12 make out with them. Wait, that's it, just hand jobs? I thought it was the f***. Well, like, that too, but like, 200 bucks, hand job, you know, 300 to f***. But you're not going to get, like, a hotter woman, per se. For sex? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:24 You can't pay, like, a thousand? A thousand is too much. I mean, unless you're having, like, a, like, Russian orgy, then okay. But, like, I'm not dropping that type of thing. Okay, he just added one today. Recently, our company's softball team lost the big game by one run. Then Dale tried to console us with the quote, winning isn't everything.

Starting point is 00:42:43 Well, Dale and I are very different. I get early payout from Bed 365. If my team goes up big, I get paid out instantly, even if they blow the lead later. Sound familiar, Dale? Thanks, Bet365. Must be 19 or older Ontario only.

Starting point is 00:42:58 Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to Connectsuntario.c.cate and C-Supply. Hey, no way. Yeah, he just added one on Snap. Today. He's going to be paying for a problem.

Starting point is 00:43:10 Later. Fuck me. Oh my God. Give me my phone back. No. Give me my phone back. Who's this? Oh, hopefully you're not f***ing that.

Starting point is 00:43:19 Offense. This? Yeah, she looks like it. Dude. He's paying for all these women. Oh, he just goes through them. There's a lot. Uh-oh.

Starting point is 00:43:32 This person blocked you. Uh-oh. What did you? Oh, and here's one. Here's one that he was meeting up with. He sent all this shit. She sent the address. She showed up.

Starting point is 00:43:44 And he f***ed her. the thick one. Oh shit. I remember her too. So you're really just like... Yeah, I know. That one's from Minnesota. That one's from Minnesota.

Starting point is 00:43:54 Why'd you have sex with her? Oh, she's Latina. That's number one. But she's Nicaragua and she's so short. Bitch. This is crazy shit you got going in here. Look, are you just... Are you memorizing over there or what?

Starting point is 00:44:07 Huh? You memorizing or what? No, I'm going through your shit. No, we'll go through more in the post show. Because I just saw his Instagram and, oh, it's crazy. Oh, full body central massage is FBSM, I'm being told. Okay. So, I don't know, man.

Starting point is 00:44:23 This is kind of crazy. You're complaining about, you're on government assistance in every way whatsoever. You spend $1,600 a month on profit. That's... It's great. You should try it. I mean, Togi does the same thing. It's like, you know, you got to release that energy.

Starting point is 00:44:37 You know what I mean? You got a lot of built-up anchor. Okay, so this is, the weird thing is, like, I want to know what you've been up to this last year. you're not telling me very well. But the thing is, you were posting videos and things that were weird. And so we're going to, I want to go through them now. I haven't seen it.

Starting point is 00:44:52 They've talked about it. I've heard the rumors and whatnot. So I need to see what's going on. We'll play these on screen with y'all as well. Let's take a look. Go check out my latest post. I'm getting into a conspiracy TikTok. My favorite conspiracy so far has been the Lost Dutchman State Park one over in Phoenix, Arizona.

Starting point is 00:45:11 Apparently there's some last goal over there. We'll have to go find it. We'll do a little trip together, a little field trip. Yo, how do I get used on this platform? I'm trying to get sponsored by a... This is really hard. I have a job. I don't have any income coming in, besides from food stamps, I don't blame it.

Starting point is 00:45:30 So if someone can tell me what I could do to bomb next, so I don't have to pay my bills anymore, and I just have... Sponsor me, please. Just let me now, because I'm done trying. That's not funny. It's not cute. It's pathetic.

Starting point is 00:45:43 you should be ashamed even at 24 what's that's like a gambling platform oh my you are just the you're the worst creation we need to put you down in Minecraft this is insane we we need to put you out of our misery in Minecraft this is I'm monetized on social media that's the thing though yeah and what pennies are you getting three cents exactly now come the days of the king shut the fuck go the 39 so you're putting the sp in sp in five smp five hundred that's s p n p n p p g shut the fuck you know what you're talking about you were you just When you were on unemployment too? Maybe.

Starting point is 00:46:16 I hate you. I hate our system. I'm done. Cut the whole thing. Let the states run it. This is insane. Okay. Dude, man.

Starting point is 00:46:23 Okay. Sorry. No, I'm not that liberal. Like, raising the guy's right hand, if you know what I mean. Jesus.

Starting point is 00:46:27 Jesus. Jesus Christ, Caleb. It is people like you that pushes me. It is people like you that pushes me to want to slash everything. And then I have to just bring myself back to reality. And there are good people that deserve things.

Starting point is 00:46:36 But this is insane that we go through. Okay. What's the second one. Oh, great job. I'm going to invite you that. I'm watching. I'm not proud of it, man enough to admit it.

Starting point is 00:46:45 I blocked out the bar and I have no idea if I paid my $10 tab or not. Oh, shit. I'm not proud of it. Man enough to admit it. I've been on unemployment for three months. Not proud of it. Man enough to admit it. I don't want to get a job.

Starting point is 00:46:59 That's not... It's not funny. It's not funny for you, but for me it is. Okay? Merry Christmas in July, you jolly motherfuckers. To celebrate, I'm giving you master your budget, master your dead, master your investment. and master your real estate, all of it 50% off.

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Starting point is 00:48:41 in my bio to take a short quiz. You may be entitled to a potential recovery of over $1,000. Are we speaking the same? Can we make sure he's in the system so he never gets benefits? If he dies starving on the street, that's his fault in problem. Let him learn. Let him learn. Oh, my, yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:58 Just commit fraud and go to jail. That'd be wonderful. It's so easy. I'm learning from the best. You are discussing. Who's the best? Who? This show teaches you how to scam the system.

Starting point is 00:49:07 Guys, this is why I'm a bumaxer. Why the fuck do you want to go work anywhere, make 50 grand a year, get taxed, You have no goals? No goals? Bum max. So what? For what? What's the life you're trying to live?

Starting point is 00:49:20 Moved to Mexico. This shit's the same. But I want to bum max so I'm doing it. It's like being a jabrony. You know what I mean? It's like you smoke a little J. You go, you sing away. How do you afford the J?

Starting point is 00:49:31 You still have to pay for it. We got a request it from the government. That's what you're not going to, I don't think that's coming. You get a request. You got to be like, I didn't work. You know, no money underneath the table, blah, blah, blah. It's a seamless system. Okay.

Starting point is 00:49:43 We're just on different. ends on the way. Yeah, that's watch the third one. Yo, guess who just got 10, mofers? I do not go to sleep last night, but that does not stop me from enjoying a white cloud, okay,

Starting point is 00:49:58 fellas in... Such a loser. I love that. We need to be on the fucking end of the fucking phrenasone because we accidentally fell asleep by a tree that one night and got severe acne in my

Starting point is 00:50:09 legs, but let's kill it. That was a night. Wait, wait, whoa, wait, whoa, wait. Whoa, hold on. Okay, so you're an actual pathetic loser, too. No, no. You're just like out there falling to sleep at a tree because you're like taking shit?

Starting point is 00:50:20 I was practicing because of your ass. When I get my, when I get my benefits cancel from people like him, I got, I might have to sleep by a tree. I might have to knock on his little dory over here and I have to be like, yo, yo, yo, yo, what's up? Texas, you will be shot. No, you wish. Yeah, only guns that I got the red shirt are right here. Oh, you are the worst. Look at that.

Starting point is 00:50:42 Watch the final one. I'm on Ashwaganda. Last one. Prostute for like $200. And she let me figure her and make out with her. So it was kind of a win-win. She was hot. Anyways, I hope I don't die of AIDS.

Starting point is 00:50:57 Anyways, waiting for my Uber to pick me up. It's like 4 o'clock in the morning. Anyways, I want to thank the government for paying for that prostitute. So thank you, Obama. Yes, it's true. And he is fully admitting. I didn't even see those. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:51:14 That's what bumaxing is, okay? Either you enjoy it or what I... Okay, but I'm being told you're also gay maxing. What's the fuck is gay maxing? I don't know. I was told you were gay maxing. What the hell is that? I mean, I might have no...

Starting point is 00:51:27 You have a lot of gay guys hitting on you. So you're trying to gay max? Okay, you got... What does that turn out to? So, what it basically means is you take advantage of the fact if someone's gay and then you basically get, like, free shit from them. But you got to, like...

Starting point is 00:51:43 Dude. You have no more. You gotta, you, you gotta be careful, okay? So- Why? No one's gonna- not, not everyone's like you, they're not just gonna r-w-you. No, that's the thing though, I'm scared of gay guys. I don't-like them.

Starting point is 00:51:57 What? They're- Aggressive, dude. I don't wanna be around them, but- But say no, stand up for yourself, have some kind of agency to say no. Well, dude, that's the thing, you gotta be- f-dude. You actually have to be careful.

Starting point is 00:52:09 You have to be careful. Say no. My, dude, my, my, neighbor, dude, he's a f-wirdo. So like I because he's gay. Yeah, 100%. But he, I get cigarettes from him. I like siggies. And I was like, yo, like, can I get a sig?

Starting point is 00:52:22 He's like, sure. And I'm an open person. I go and talk to anybody, right? I don't give a f***. But like the moment you talk to a gay guy, they're just like, oh, you want to me, don't you? I'm like, no. Okay, you just say no, because that's the thing.

Starting point is 00:52:35 But then that's what I realized. Like, oh, I could just take advantage of this. Like, I could just be like. But that doesn't make the gay people bad inherently. Yes, if they think you're flirting. Ask Jesus. I don't know. That's kind of...

Starting point is 00:52:45 Sure, from a religious perspective. But I'm just saying out in society, no one's gonna... They're likely not going to fuck you if you say no. So just say no, make clear. And they'll be respectful. Typically. Okay.

Starting point is 00:52:57 If they're not, they're a bad person and don't hang out with them. So, like, this is like how much of a psychopath I am. Like, honestly, here's the thing. If I go in and I'll be like, hi, I'm a straight guy. Can I get a cigarette from you? Or can you, like, bring me to the airport? They're not going to want.

Starting point is 00:53:13 want to do it after like the fourth time right? Sure. Of course. Okay. Fair. You're using it. But if you just like kind of keep yourself like, you know, closet it. So you're playing it. You're playing it.

Starting point is 00:53:22 Then you face the consequences. No shit. If you are, if you are. Works. A little crack thinking they're going to get in the hole. They obviously think at some point they might get in the hole. Yeah. But that's that's fair.

Starting point is 00:53:34 I don't want them to get a hole. No shit. I wouldn't want them to either. But I would be very clear and not take advantage of them. But I don't think gay guys are bad because of that. Yes, if you lead someone on, they think they're going to fuck you. Or you f*** them, I don't know. Well, that's the thing, though.

Starting point is 00:53:47 That's like the first thing that goes into their head. Like, they're just like, right? What do you think you guys do? That's just all they do. But yet, you're going to get AIDS before all of them with your fucking Maxine. Freak? Goddamn. You wish you could beat me.

Starting point is 00:54:01 I think you're just jealous. At pro-Fat-Maxin? Yes, you're jealous. No, I don't want those SDDs. You're jealous the fact that I have more fun than you. What do you do all day? You like go sit around, like, f***ing. Like, like...

Starting point is 00:54:14 Reading is good. You don't like reading? Reading's good for the brain. Like, reading was a redimentary skill I lost back in third grade. Unlike... You lost in third... I know how to talk to people, okay?

Starting point is 00:54:25 Do you? You've been bad at this conversation so far. You go down rabbit holes like none other. Yeah. Okay, so I'm also being told that in your... You want to move to San Diego again, right? I do. I do.

Starting point is 00:54:33 So maybe that's where I'm trying to get you. I'm trying to make something productive here. Maybe that's where I'm trying to get you. Um, and you're considering old-fans maxing? Why does everything have to be maxing? in order to do it? What? Oh, he has another beer.

Starting point is 00:54:47 We're not going to put that on camera for monetization reasons. Yeah, why not just drink through it, buddy? What's just drink through it? No, no, no, not right now. I want you to answer the only hands maxing question. Oh, yeah. Oh, what's up with a fucking? I'm being told you're considering that to make your move to San Diego.

Starting point is 00:55:01 Of course I am, yeah. Like, after all this, like, but you're going to have to do some things and men will be your subscribers. That's fine. I don't give a fuck. It sounded like you gave a f*** there for a bit. Well, like, it's different. If it's like in person, I'm like, all right, no, I'm no way, no way Jose, right?

Starting point is 00:55:16 No way Jose, you're not going to get in the holy, right? And at the same time, like if they're behind the screen, you got to know your audience, Caleb. Just like how you like scavenge everybody in your little, little app. Yeah, your little app. You got to know your audience, right? I know a lot of guys. And if they consider it valuable, they stick around in most do. I know a lot of guys are going to want to see this physique.

Starting point is 00:55:38 And they're going to want to see what else I get underneath. Okay. So I have to say this based on everyone thinking I'm a gay man, which is okay. I'm not offended by. I will say I am not a gay man. Did you just hear me say I'm not? I was preferencing. You're preferencing.

Starting point is 00:55:53 You got a preference. It's okay. Listen, but I can, look, I'm not a gay man, but I can also tell from a societal standard, yes, besides your personality and you taking people without their consent, you are a societal level, attractive physique person. So you will get paid subscribers. Right, burrs. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:56:12 I appreciate the confidence boost. Here, I want to... I want to throw another idea at you. So, like... Oh, my... Here's what I'm thinking. But I'm being told you're considering trans maxing. That's an idea.

Starting point is 00:56:22 So what is that? What is trans maxing? If I put on a wig and, like, I put on some cheat-chees or something, you know what cheet-is are? I don't... I'm assuming tits because you did this. I'm sure I'm going to see you're in the only LF subscription. You can, like, dress like a girl, and then, like, these guys are just going to pay you, right?

Starting point is 00:56:40 and you got to know your audience, Caleb, and you got to know your audience, right? Just like how you got your little app or your cookbook, whatever. I'm going to be cooking with gas here. Like, I'm not afraid to make money any way I need to, okay? That's the whole point of...

Starting point is 00:56:52 So what do you think your financial score is zero to ten today? 14? No, okay. Are you trying to be silly? Stop. What do you think your financial score is zero to ten today? Probably two.

Starting point is 00:57:04 Yes, thank you. And I'm sure it probably went down from last time because it doesn't sound like you're doing very well. It's amazing. what is. This is financial audit. Your life, you can't go anywhere. I'm going to go somewhere.

Starting point is 00:57:16 It's called ideas. Okay, well, if you want to figure out your hammer financial score, take the assessment for free at Calebhammer.com. Just takes a few minutes to see where you stand. And again, it's free. You see where you're doing poorly. Calebhammer.com.

Starting point is 00:57:26 And if you don't want to be like, you guess who ends up on the show and you want to know where your money is going, make sure to download the dollar-wise budgeting app. It's a free trial. See if it works for you like it does for tens of thousands of monthly active users. And then, like most of them,

Starting point is 00:57:36 take the annual version because it saves almost 50%. and you get the budget-friendly meal plan signed by me mailed directly to you and the digital version of the cookbook as well. That will all go to you if you're an annual version dollwise.com. That app link in the description below. I was trying to type boobs in the calculator. Comedian, man.

Starting point is 00:57:54 What do we got here? Okay, so you definitely sound like you're open to the gayness, by the way, from everything you said. So I need to know. They put chemicals in the water and make the freaking friars gay. Okay, great. If I can get you to do a job, what would you actually enjoy doing? Because are you sure you're even going to enjoy sex work?

Starting point is 00:58:12 I mean, because you might have to do things you don't want to do. Because that's what a fiends is. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, like, I would, the only thing I wouldn't be doing, I'm not sticking anything up any hole, okay? They might want you to, though.

Starting point is 00:58:23 I'm not doing that, okay? Nothing like that, but I'll dress something. I'll dress up like a furry, you know, I might, you know, drink a little curry, like, you know, whatever. That was such a wrong, say, this thing is say, well, whatever. Okay, so listen, again, you are making $3,000 now, but I highly doubt you're going to be at this job for long.

Starting point is 00:58:41 You lose every job, and I mean, well, I mean, this episode exists, so good the fuck. And then somehow you'll actually be on unemployment again. But this first thing, I have a catch app stuff. I need to look at your cash app app I'm being told. Oh, geez. Money app, Clover, grants, float me, true finance, earn and tilt, Dave, every pay advance app. F*** me. Okay, I need to start seeing them.

Starting point is 00:59:01 Start pulling them up. Start pulling it up. Do you want me like tallow with them or what? Well, if they're your apps with balances and that's where things are. I'm not paying that shit back. What do you want me to do? If you use every single one, then you're never going to be able to use anything again. You're going to be banned from Venmo.

Starting point is 00:59:18 So what? Who gives a fuck? Well, how are you going to pay people at some point? Are you going to accept money at some point? Are you going to do anything? I might have to ski max, you know, go to the black web, get some. You must be obsessed with clavicular, right? I do like him.

Starting point is 00:59:31 This is a good guy. Okay. Is he a good guy? I don't know. He's a great guy. What are you talking about? I think he's entertaining I think you could use

Starting point is 00:59:38 a little bit bone smash and I'm not gonna lie probably I think I have to get rid of the fat first but Why don't you take O-Zempig? Why aren't you taking like Osemburg or anything? I don't like shots.

Starting point is 00:59:46 Really? Yeah, I'm a little nervous. But you take shots to me. What? That was the devil's that was it. That was it. Pull them up. I need to see your balance

Starting point is 00:59:56 as you, pathetic moron. Give me a second. God damn. Have some. Maybe on your credit karma if I can get you to go into credit karma.

Starting point is 01:00:03 What is that your sponsor? No, it's a place where I can see your credit report. Oh, God. I've never seen this before my life. Credit karma? Credit karma. All right, here we go. You want to feast your eyes and fantasize.

Starting point is 01:00:14 Take a look at this credit score. You do have a credit score. Oh, my, he's under 500. Shit. That's not funny. This is actually really bad. I don't know what to do if you're not going to, if you don't take anything seriously.

Starting point is 01:00:25 Like, why? I wanted to see a follow-up or else you honestly would not be allowed to be on the show right now. Exactly. That's why you're here. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't allow you to be on like this. first time, let me get this little, whatever the hell this thing is. A microphone.

Starting point is 01:00:38 First, the first time I was here, I did not get a true budget plan set up. This guy, this guy, this guy, this guy claims to be the, the, the bill of the bull, right? I said that the first time I was on the show. And he didn't do shit for me, okay? I walked

Starting point is 01:00:57 out of here with a slap in my ass saying, get out of here, kid. That's not true. Sexual assaults. Where's HR, by the way? I did not touch you. Where's that? Very clear. Okay, he's being stupid. Yeah, he touched me.

Starting point is 01:01:09 And I was like, you subscribe to Elz Machacho. Like, come on, man. Thank you. Did not touch you. Freak. You wish.

Starting point is 01:01:17 No, I don't want to touch you. God. What's that chain for? Maybe you're into the BDSM. Does it look good? It's all right. Oh, thank you.

Starting point is 01:01:25 What's power pay? Oh, God. That's from my ab surgery. That's from, like, when I, like, have surgery? Yeah, so, like, they freeze my fat, and then, like, it made me get, like, whatever.

Starting point is 01:01:34 Like, that was it. Okay. All right. I don't want to lean into the gay allegations. Look, stand up and lift up your shirt. Oh, my God. Let's take a look for the camera.

Starting point is 01:01:47 Go back. You paid for that? Yeah. That just looks like a normal body. I'll be honest. I mean, I'm drinking a lot of surveys. Put it down. Put it down.

Starting point is 01:01:57 You got nipples. Everyone does. Put them down. Okay. What did you do there? That's a surgery. You took out a multi-thousand-hour surgery for that? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:05 There's nothing. there. You want to touch my boo? Also, you have paid $551. What? You have paid $550. $550. That's not bad.

Starting point is 01:02:13 No, I'm actually saying, yay, you have paid something. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. That's awesome. 15.25% interest rate for abs you can't even see. What was the actual surgery? Walk me through it because that looks like a normal body. Okay, okay.

Starting point is 01:02:25 Whatever. So they basically like grab like Mr. Ice Tease freeze gun from Batman and like they freeze your fat. Like, shh. And you're sitting there with a mental. pain, like, ah, and it's, it's done behind of like a sketchy Walgreens, but still. Are you fat? No, I mean, I just said, what was this?

Starting point is 01:02:44 Because that just looks normal. You don't look like nothing happened. I don't know, it's just one of those things. I just, I love infomercials, you know, so I get scammed. And you can't say actually that we didn't help you, buddy. Course career certification. Coist careers is a nomination to the goddamn allegiance to the United States, okay? What are you talking about?

Starting point is 01:03:01 No course careers. Who the fuck is going to hire you off a certificate? It's a great for resume boosters. I certify as... How about that? We know that. You are... No, a lot of people...

Starting point is 01:03:16 We have lots of testimonies from people in the audience who have converted them into six-figure jobs and raises and advancements in their career. Certifications are great, especially in technology. Can I get a certification? Can I get a certification to be, like, the host of this show? Because I think you're not doing it right. I think you're bad at this.

Starting point is 01:03:31 Okay. What are you doing? Thank you for your feedback. We got your little chapstick over there. I get dry lips. Yeah. So do you. Look at your lips.

Starting point is 01:03:37 Honestly, people, we want a real host. I mean, this guy sits there screaming at people like, like, I mean, I want a real host, okay? I barely even screamed at you today. God damn, yeah. Yeah, save your lungs for your girlfriend. You get home and you scream at her for, God forbid, spending $4 extra on a potato salad or whatever.

Starting point is 01:03:55 We have money. We can spend it. That's the point. Whatever. Okay. Let me guess. You're going to buy some of American food? What do you guys even eat, by it?

Starting point is 01:04:03 Your name of American. What do you guys eat? Favorite producer? sushi. Sushi. And McDonald's. McDonald's. We can't have McDonald's so sushi.

Starting point is 01:04:09 Yeah. Sushi is not bad. Wasabi. Okay. So you've actually been making payments on this that are 15.25% in it. Basically. That's impressive. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:04:21 That's the first company he's giving me, by the way. Because you're actually making payments, which for you is a high point. But you're actually making the payment. Now, it's because you're a little employed now. Now I'm making much, but you are a little employed. You won't be soon, but then your unemployment will be paying for. Listen, it's only $66 bucks a month. He should be able to make the payments here.

Starting point is 01:04:39 It's a little difficult. I'm not gonna lie. What? Well, yes, when you spend $1,200 a month on prom. Yeah, but that's like essential. I mean, like it's like a life force. Why don't you jack off? I don't like run solo, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:04:52 I mean, I guess sex is more fun than jacking off. Yes. Why don't you jack off instead of paying for it and getting AIDS? I mean, are you trying to help me or some shit? What the hell is this? Guys, missing a pickup line? As you specifically just said. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:05:04 I sometimes like I'll take a lot of adderol and I'll like jerk myself off and like I'll lose so much weight from doing that and it's fucking I'm not gonna lie walk me through it I guess this is called gay this is goon maxing okay so oh my take take a bunch of adderol take okay orange I call orange candy okay orange take a bunch of orange candy and then when you take it but how much how many milligrams I take a hundred I Actually, I'm getting my re-up today. Is that a lot? I'm being told that's a lot. Is that a startling amount? Okay, I'm being told that's a startling amount. Look, look.

Starting point is 01:05:42 So that's like doing what you had to do. Look at the people you hire. All of them, all of your employees seem to know about this shit. Yes. I'm not judging. I'm not judging. I'm just saying either.

Starting point is 01:05:50 I don't really care. So basically, I mean, I take like 100 milligrams at all. Oh shit. 10 milligrams is like the normal. No, that's like a lot. That's like max. Can you take how much?

Starting point is 01:06:00 A hundred. And then what? I mean, I'll sit there. and then I'll just like, you know, look up some, like, videos or some shit, maybe a little two girls one cup, who knows. And then, like, I will, like, sit there. I won't finish. But I'll turn off the air conditioner.

Starting point is 01:06:19 So it gets, like, 80 degrees in my apartment. And then I'm, like, good-maxing. So I'm not finishing. And I do it for, like, five hours because you're just focused. And then I'll lose, like, 10 pounds of sweat. Wait, this is like an actual workout? This is a weight loss thing? This is, this is.

Starting point is 01:06:31 I think you should try it. Wait, this is, no, no, you're being serious. I'm being 100% serious. I'm being a hundred percent. Fours. Jerking off. This is why I came up with the idea of doing only fans. How was it not just raw?

Starting point is 01:06:40 I mean, dude, it's like easy. I just, I mean, just don't go too hard, you know? Like, 100 milligrams of Aderaa. How's your heart not like broken at that point? Dude, I got a hard of steel, baby. Can we get our blood pressure monitor for this man? I kind of want to see it. Gregus believes in the art of living in choosing the pleasurable over the practical.

Starting point is 01:07:00 It's why we craft our premium vodka in France using pure spring water from Jenzac. and why you hear the celebratory club of our quirk reminding us to make every martini cocktail count. So go on and make every moment count because there's no better time than now. Gregus, make time wait. Cip responsibly. Let's check that real quick.

Starting point is 01:07:26 I'm actually getting my ad roll today. I get it every day. And you go through it too soon. Oh, dude, I take like, that's the thing about it. I only take, I have a 30-day prescription, but I take all that in 10 days. So I have a 20-day break, so I'm good. And what's your milligram prescription?

Starting point is 01:07:41 Two 15 milligrams a day. So 30 milligrams a day. That's already crazy, isn't it? Yeah. Yes. But you triple it. Oh, yeah. I mean, I take a bunch.

Starting point is 01:07:52 But then you got the 20-day relaxation, you come off it. Yeah. I think that's the German side of me, if you know, are you on it? Right now. No, no. I'm taking it after this shit.

Starting point is 01:08:04 Oh. This is you without it. So if you call me, I'm going to be doing next. Jerk the peanuts? Jerk the peanuts, yeah. Just for three hours? Dude, it's insane. Five hours.

Starting point is 01:08:15 What the, and you lose weight. We can actually do it. We should do like a video on it. I don't know. No. That's insane. Dude, if you guys, you guys know for a fact if you take Adderall. If you take Adderall, like it just makes you want to like goon, right?

Starting point is 01:08:31 And so like that's what happens. Well, people, people kind of like crazy. right? Yeah. No, that's not surprising, but I don't like that as a weight loss thing, and I am concerned for your health. Like, actually, listen, I hate you

Starting point is 01:08:42 and our society should probably not tolerate you, but nope, don't move that arm. Okay. But, like, I am concerned for your health. Let's check your blood pressure. My blood pressure. Let's check your blood pressure. Hold still.

Starting point is 01:08:55 What does it say, RICO? Just error. Okay. I think it has to be a little down, and then you need to be loose. I need your arm to just be loose, Rique. A little reek. Yeah, I think that's right.

Starting point is 01:09:09 That's your aura. And then I just need your arm to be loose. Why they call it an aura ring if it gives you no aura? Sorry. You're good. You're good. I'm already getting manhandled by this guy. It wants him to see it's selling him debt, which it shouldn't in his position.

Starting point is 01:09:26 We have great personal loans at Calebhammer.com for people. You guys got personal loans? For people that can use it. Not for you. Not for you. For people like me who are good with debt. Talk about a hypocrite. It's not a hypocrite.

Starting point is 01:09:38 I've always been pro good debt. I'm pro-good debt. I'm pro-considation. I'm pro-bankruptcy. Relax. Oh my God. That's funny. It's an error.

Starting point is 01:09:50 Because you're moving. Stop, Rico. Oh, my God. What's that? You're going to meditate. Okay. Just breathe and breathe out. I don't want you to.

Starting point is 01:10:05 128 over 86. Okay. They're fine. Look at that. That's. That's probably the most healthcare I got all here. Your body's healthy. Just I'm concerned with you

Starting point is 01:10:14 and the amount of medications you're taking. And I will say this for what it's worth. He is applying for jobs. He's getting email notifications about the jobs. Now in the email notifications that I went through while he was taking his blood pressure, he was getting denied for dogs. Jobs including being a professional dog handler.

Starting point is 01:10:29 He's being denied. Every job. The most basic jobs, you can imagine. He is being denied for. Okay. I try. Let's see. I need to collect your other ones as well.

Starting point is 01:10:43 On here from your credit. Ladies and gentlemen, I got something new to help you that we have personally built. Right here on Calebhammer.com, we have three new Caleb Hammer financial resources. They are the ones I would personally use, which is why we made them for you to use. As you've already heard me talk about,

Starting point is 01:11:02 personal loans are okay when you're good at debt. I personally use them when I can leverage them for a situation. So we have good personal loans on Calebhammer.com. We also have auto insurance now. You can check for free and see if you can save a shit ton of money on auto insurance. And then to close it off, for now, because we're building more, we have a debt relief program. You've seen how hard it is for people to get out of debt on this show. This makes it so much easier, but only if you're actually ready to change.

Starting point is 01:11:30 Remember, none of this actually matters if you continue the same bad behavior. So it's not for you if you still suck. But if you've proved you can budget, check out these three. programs from personal loans to debt relief to car insurance to see if you can save a shit ton of money across the board. Go to Calebhammer.com or the Calebhammer Financial Resources part of the pin comment or description below. Starbucks is bullshit and a waste of money and you already know that by making your coffee at home and investing the rest. So now you need to do that with your energy drink as well. Make gamer subs at home for just 40 cents of serving. And honestly, it literally

Starting point is 01:12:08 tastes better and we proved this accidentally via a blind taste test in our hammer elite show fat and fatter the number one ranked energy drink is game soaps literally the cherry flavor is insane listen you can also get free samples to see if you like it or 10% off your order at gamer subs.g or click that link in the description below type in code Caleb so when's the last time you f*** the two weeks ago how much did that cost 200 about $200 and you fuck her. Yeah, so she let me fuck her. So basically, if I'm, if someone

Starting point is 01:12:40 offers me $200 to fuck, I know they have AIDS. I mean, like there's no way that person's clean. Didn't you like buy your girlfriend like a $10,000 Chanel bag? For Christmas. It was like her dream. She's always one of the bag and I was like, I got money. You say, I'm a scally wig. I pay for these girls too. You pay for your girlfriend. I mean, it goes both directions.

Starting point is 01:12:56 I was giving her a gift. The thing is, you're paying for sex. But you went raw? Rico, that's not good. I did not. know that. At some point, you didn't know you're wrong? Well, because, like, I was supposed to just get, like, a hand job. And then, like, she was like, like, I really like you. And so I started making

Starting point is 01:13:15 out with her. And then she's like, put it in me. And so I'm like, okay, I'll do you a favor. Okay, like, happy birthday, right? And then I didn't realize at the time, like, I didn't have a condom on. And I was like, how do you not know that, but? I'm in the moment, okay? I'm in the moment. Okay, so I have loan express. What's this? Oh, geez. That was like a

Starting point is 01:13:34 payday loan? That's a local bank here. It was only 2% interest, but you just took it out. Yeah. 23 days ago! What did you take out $398 for? Not a huge interest, but it's stupid. I actually think I might have No.

Starting point is 01:13:48 You what? Say it again. You think you may have what? You took out a personal loan to Oh my. Dude, it's good. It's good for your health. It's like spiritual.

Starting point is 01:13:57 Yeah, sex is good. Maybe you shouldn't pay for it. You need it, bro. Yeah, sex is good. It is. I'm not anti-sex. You are anti-sex. I'm a cuner.

Starting point is 01:14:06 Not for five hours. I am a, I'm a great gooner. That's why I'm going to start my old. This is what we use is a word. But it's $80 a month. You borrowed this to go, maybe. You are pathetic. Dude, they sent me, you're pathetic because, you know,

Starting point is 01:14:20 you got, you got personal loans. Like, oh my God, talk about rage bait. What are you talking about? I'm gonna, I got you, I got you, I got you, I got you hammer. It's time to, it's time to drop the MC, okay? Because I got you right where I want you.

Starting point is 01:14:35 Okay. Have you ever heard of, hit her the term the nail hits the coffin. Well, guess what? You offer in person loans on your website, but you're a finance base. I've always been pro that. What the fuck is that? What you're talking about? I've always been pro. Dude, I want to like, okay, this is like how much of a stupid idiot you are. Like, I want to hurt you. Like, I'm being 100% serious. Like, please don't. I want to slap you and get your ass back to the Cherokee land. God damn. Okay. I don't really take offense to anything, but I'll tell you what I'm doing right now. I'm ordering myself all lunch.

Starting point is 01:15:06 trap for after filming because I can afford it. You can't because you're poor and you don't budget your money. Maybe if you go on download favor, that's like the HGB delivery app. You get a two for one. What favor is, you pathetic. Just like how I did last year. Dude, you're getting denied from every job that you're applying for. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:22 Your current employees don't even know you're applying for jobs. You're pathetic. You suck. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. $3998 out on. That's what you bought for a pro. Because you're a freak that is crazy.

Starting point is 01:15:34 Whatever. Sick. Good response. Affirm. I actually paid for the iPhone reason that. So this iPhone... I stopped paying it, by the way.

Starting point is 01:15:47 Really? Why? Well, because I don't have any... What marks is that yet? That's a problem. I don't be... You do, you make money. Oh, so you must have just stopped paying because the most recent month is good.

Starting point is 01:15:58 Yeah. But now is not the most recent month that's reported on here. So it's... No, it's not. It's in collections. No, current as of April. That's impossible.

Starting point is 01:16:06 It's not in collections. No, they, they probably have a different thing in collections. Or it's internal collections, maybe, because you haven't paid for it yet. Well, I'm just going to declare bankruptcy. Honestly, that's like my real plan. I'm not going to lie. If I declare... Bankruptcy is bad, though, for you because you haven't changed your behavior.

Starting point is 01:16:19 My credit's already... No, I don't care about your credit. Because you haven't changed your behavior that got you here in the first place. So you're going to be back here again. That's like you should not use the personal loans because you would then end up with double the debt. It is for people, bankruptcy is totally good. Valled there for a reason.

Starting point is 01:16:34 What makes you qualify? What makes you qualify? What makes you qualify to talk about this shit? I've done it myself. You have it done yourself. Yes, I started this because I did this very same path myself. I don't believe you. Like you're great, very good.

Starting point is 01:16:44 I need your approval. You're like, I want to be the millennial Dave Ransy. Yeah, I'm a blue. I decided to upload. Yes, that is how YouTube channel starts. Like, you know what? You know what's funny too? It's like you got your personal loans.

Starting point is 01:16:54 Why do you do that? Buddy, I've already explained it. Oh my God. You just fall back on the same thing. You need to start making the payment on this immediately or it'll go to real collections. And this is why you can, actually avoid bankruptcy because you don't need it yet. Buddy, we're not even up to 3,000,

Starting point is 01:17:09 we're not even up to 4,000 hours of debt. You owe $8.98 on here. $8.08, whatever. Who gives the fuck? Dude, this is shit I can just stop paying because I don't have any money. It's the minimum fee payment so far, buddy, and you do. You are applying for jobs and you'll start your OF, but your minimum fee payment so far are $210.10.

Starting point is 01:17:29 You can do that. Can I? Can I? Yeah. I can, but I won't. You can, but you won't. It sounds like a maybe to me. Isn't that right? I'm not doing it.

Starting point is 01:17:39 These fuck you too. Oh my God. It's called my, call him a jack in the box. That's why. Brandon, yeah. You'll talk to him in the post show. This is a name.

Starting point is 01:17:44 Brendan. You can't even get your employee's names right. What? Brendan? Okay, there's a lot of collections, but this isn't even worth going through. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:17:54 I don't know. Yeah, including like cars. Oh, God. I still owe my parents, by the way. Oh, I'm sure you do. But we have an Amazon Chase card. Now, this is an actual balance that will be difficult for you.

Starting point is 01:18:04 Now, Now you made a minimum fee payment. You made it. Now it's maxed out. That's why you can't spend. So you didn't. But the moment you do you will. Wait, what was the question?

Starting point is 01:18:13 No question. What's going on with this card, though? Oh, the, oh, they call it the credit card or whatever? I mean, I stopped paying that shit. So, like, I was- No, you just made the minimumity payment. Don't stop paying for it. It'll go to collections.

Starting point is 01:18:24 I don't want you to stop paying it. Don't. You can catch up so easy. Just make the $40 payment. You're good. Please, do not not pay. Yo, can we get, like, I feel like we need, like, I was thinking about this yesterday.

Starting point is 01:18:34 I was thinking, like, we need to get like a cutscene of like, it's Hammett time. And then we get like the entire like Caleb Hammercast. And like you guys were dressed up in like 80s tracks. So why is this credit card all the way up there to the max? Well, basically, I mean, I just needed to pay for. I mean, honestly, I'm not going to lie. It can't all be for. You have to spend money on other things.

Starting point is 01:18:53 Wolf food. I know you go out to eat. Idea. Oh, I know your worst thing. Your worst thing. I mean, I forgot what I spent it on. Amazon, looks max. It's shit.

Starting point is 01:19:02 I mean, I look better than did last time. I'm being told you don't like the in Austin, so I know you spend money on. Actually made a joke about that. I did stand-up. You want to hear a stand-up routine? Yes. Okay, let's do it.

Starting point is 01:19:13 Okay, so my parents found out of crap. They were so upset at me. They were like, how can you do this to do us, Rico? You're our little sunshine. And my brother looks at me. He's like, you're at the stage of this family. And I looked back at him. I was like, aren't you gay?

Starting point is 01:19:29 So, yeah, that's my little stand-up routine. Okay. And then, yeah. This isn't Galtony, but I don't think he- I would be, dude, I'm trying to get on Kill Tony. You know Little Mozilla? No. I was, I signed up for Kill Tony like a month ago.

Starting point is 01:19:42 And I was hanging out with this guy. Little mozzarella, little moots. You're saying things. I don't know these things. I thought you were like a fucking millennial. I'm sorry. I like to hear your hands clap. Isn't that you guys a song?

Starting point is 01:19:55 Very good. So you want to get on that. And I wouldn't tell that joke. No. As someone who watches the show here and there, I wouldn't do that joke. See, this is not a comedian, so I can't judge it. This is what's the. With the wrong with the left.

Starting point is 01:20:06 They don't like you to make fun of other people, right? And this is the problem is that they stop us from speaking our minds. Isn't that right? Thank you. Not on the left. I'm not on the right, buddy. What do you want? Like the middle?

Starting point is 01:20:21 Yes, sir. Yeah, okay. No, I mean, I take left wing and right wing positions, wherever the facts are. What's like your most left wing view? Most left wing feel? Obviously, I don't care about trans or gay people. I don't care about that shit. That's not even a view.

Starting point is 01:20:33 That's like a fight. It is. Many right wing people don't. like it. I like the anti-discrimination laws. I think those are important. Let's see. Yeah. I think your employees like that one too. Usually yippism is pretty left-wing, so I'm good with that. What's like your, what's your favorite conspiracy? I want to hear conspiracies. That's the thing is I'm not into conspiracies. You're not into conspiracy. This isn't an interview of me. Thank you. I want to hear a conspiracy. What's your favorite conspiracy? A public transportation, big end of public

Starting point is 01:20:57 transportation and stuff like that. But then I'm right wing on it, I guess, because I want to enforce laws and fares in order to make antisocial behavior, not on it. Okay. So what got you to get some of disagreement. How much you spent on $1? I probably spend like $300 a month. What the fuck? I got a guy. I got a guy.

Starting point is 01:21:14 So what is it? I've never bought. What happens? Where do you meet this guy? I think actually not too far from here. So I meet him as a sketchy little apartment. He drives like a shitty Harley Davidson. And I get there, I'd be like, yo, I need like, you know, give me like 60 bucks worth.

Starting point is 01:21:29 He's like, sure, not getting his place. And like, it smells like absolute shit. Like the most, dingy place I've been in my life but then you'll like scoop it up put in the bag and then like I'll test it out and like I'll just do it. You don't

Starting point is 01:21:43 test it first? No I test it out. No no no test it. Perfect. That's a good shit. LARPing has helped me focus on my autism and my Asperger syndrome. You're gonna end up dead man. I'm concerned for you. Actually I watched a video yesterday before I came here apparently the army

Starting point is 01:21:59 like has faked lollipops. So they used to give like World War II soldiers like... Stop, I don't care. No? No, of course not. I'm talking about you. You spend...

Starting point is 01:22:09 How much is $300 a... Probably like three grams? I don't know. Uh-huh. Is that... Is that a lot? Is that three grams a lot? Okay, how frequently do you go through that?

Starting point is 01:22:20 We confirms he did not do drugs before coming on the show. It's very important to us. I could probably do like three... I could probably do like a gram. Well, it's like shitty... So I could do that all that. Honestly, I can do all that, like, right now. A better dealer.

Starting point is 01:22:33 Do you have one? No. No? I don't do drugs. I'm scared. You're scared to do drugs? Yes. Well, let's go to Coachella.

Starting point is 01:22:41 I'll show you. I would never be near you. No, I do not need those allegations. Dude, I feel like you could use a trip on mushrooms. Some more allegations? No. I don't think so. You could use a little bit of mushrooms right now.

Starting point is 01:22:52 I'm not going to lie. Okay, I'm sure. I mean, that's the thing. If I did, I would be amazing in my job, it would be incredible. I'd be so fucked in and I would love it. And that's the bad thing. That's the bad thing. I doubt it.

Starting point is 01:23:03 doubt. I think you're hiding something from us. Fucking sex. Oh, fucking sex. Whoa. I was going to say, coffee. Call someone. Caffeine and sex. Someone gets that HR my thing.

Starting point is 01:23:15 Caffeine and sex. Okay. Delta Sky Miles gold card. What's going on with this? Oh, God. Again, you are current. No, these, these mofos, like,

Starting point is 01:23:25 they were going to sue me. So when I did the first show here, unfortunately, I got to be in a call from this lady. She's like, I'm with the American Express, I had a wrist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Starting point is 01:23:36 Like, we don't people fool you if you do not pay us. And I'm like, I don't got any money. And so I had to pay $500 a month. To catch up. Yeah, that makes sense. That's insane. Shit. Yeah, your fee was a return payment fee.

Starting point is 01:23:50 Do you know why? You know what that means? I don't have any money. Exactly. You didn't have any money. You're checking accounts. So it bounced, essentially. Like, I thought I was going to work.

Starting point is 01:23:58 But you did end up making a payment in the end, but you did have that fee. You should get, like, a cross some side of your head, like a little like, I don't know. be in the conversation. You can pay off this debt. I would try to, but like I don't have to. I hope so. You're not that far from it. Dude, but this is so boring, though. It's like, I just want to buy.

Starting point is 01:24:15 finances are boring. It is true. Bumaxing isn't. That sounds boring to me, though, because I want to... What's to make your little Native American spinach over rice? I don't even claim the native part of me, buddy. You don't? Why not? You could get benefits from that. And that's a bum maxing.

Starting point is 01:24:28 Because my grandpa, who was like, 100% native is a drunk, alcoholic bum, and left when my mom was like, two. A lot of them are. So we don't know. Yes, a lot of natives are very alcoholic, bummy. Yeah. Like yourself. I'm not native.

Starting point is 01:24:41 I'm Mexican. That wasn't the point. So you see, Mexicans are just terrible alcoholics. Do you hear that? Okay. Well, you have a blue cash every day card as well. What's going on with this? Basically, so like that card too, I mean, that was like, I don't even know.

Starting point is 01:24:57 I just basically started paying that off. It's like $21 a month. 21 bucks, see, you know. So there are some things. You don't listen. Stop. I don't know if you're trying to be silly or what just stop. You can pay this off.

Starting point is 01:25:08 You have the, your debt is stacking up now. What are we looking at? Like $7,000. That is payable. Bankruptcy is not necessary for $7,000. Okay. Buddy, there is a chance here for a better life. And they can get you down to San Diego. Not La Jolla, but down to San Diego.

Starting point is 01:25:24 Actually, can you come to San Diego with me? With you? No. Please, please, please. Come on. Let's go to San Diego. I want to go to Pacific Beach, bro. I loved it over there. That's great. Go. I'm not going to.

Starting point is 01:25:33 with you. Dude, I'm like telling you, like, your little New York City thing, everyone knew that was going to work out. Charging. What's your plan, Caleb? Let's talk about you now. Okay. Enough about me. No, actually, just enough about you. Even more. Let's go say you go. So you have interest being accrued. You're making your payments.

Starting point is 01:25:49 It's at a low 6% interest, right? And I'm glad you're not purchasing. Now, I know there's a purchasing account here. Now, one medical, what's happening with one medical? $400. Oh, from a friend. No, a friend punched you. Wait, what? Oh, and then you crashed. Oh, you crashed out.

Starting point is 01:26:06 And fell on the... Fell asleep at the woods that got poisoned. What the fuck? No, this... He's a piece of shit. So, like, he got mad at me. Like, me and they were doing, like... And, like, I'm not sure what I said to him,

Starting point is 01:26:18 but, like, he started punching me in the face. So, like, I got a little mark in my tooth here. I think God, Rico knows how to fight. So, like, I end up pinning him down and actually hold him... I actually know Jiu-Jitsu, by the way. If you guys didn't know that, I actually know Jiu-Jitsu. So I ended up pinging him. I was like, what the fuck you doing homes?

Starting point is 01:26:35 Like, get out of here. So he started doing that. And he kept trying to punch me the face. So I just ended up leaving, right? And then I went to the f***ed woods, like, to recollect myself, whatever. And then, like, I got a bunch of poison IV on me. And that was the funny part because, like, that did more damage than the two thing over here. So what happened?

Starting point is 01:26:54 You had to go to the hospital? No, I didn't go. I'm a bitch. Well, no, no, you owe to modern medical. No, but my mom. My mom was like, oh, you should go. you should go to the hospital, look at your leg. And I was like,

Starting point is 01:27:06 so like I end up having to like, you know, find a doctor, but like this country's bullshit. So like the only way I could think of finding a doctor without having to spend $2,000 in an ambulance ride. As to go. No, I mean, f*** himself. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You had poison ivy.

Starting point is 01:27:23 Yeah. You weren't shot. I felt like I'm shot, Caleb, emotionally. No, it doesn't look good. Emotionally, I was f*** up, Caleb, okay? Gotcha. Gotcha. So what did you do?

Starting point is 01:27:33 I got prescribed prednisone, and apparently that shit's just a stimulant if you guys didn't know. So that got, like steroid, right? Yeah, it's a steroid, but it gets you, like, wired. So, like, I felt like I was on Adderall. And then if you remember what I did on Adderall, so what happened? Anyways, no, that was it. I just got, like, prescribed or whatever. And then, you know, I ended up talking to him.

Starting point is 01:27:56 I was like, yeah, I don't want to talk to that guy. Speaking of you being shot and speaking of your gay neighbor, why did your neighbor pull a gun on you? Oh, God. No, so like, he thought I was like talking this girl and like to quote, Chud the builder, like no offense, but like they were kind of chimping out on me a little bit. So I'm not going to lie. Like this guy, I was like talking to this girl at like 2 a.m. was like, hey, can I hit your babe? She's like, sure. Pause.

Starting point is 01:28:21 You know him. You love him. Tyler. Back again. Back again. How are we doing this time? All right. So go ahead, start the story from the top.

Starting point is 01:28:34 So this guy was kind of chimp it out of me. I'm not going to lie. So basically, I was talking this dude and like, you get it, right? So this guy, a little more caramel skin, to be honest with you. But I was talking to this girl. And I was like, getting your vape at my apartment. And she's like, sure. And I'm like being sweet.

Starting point is 01:28:51 Like, she's Latina. Like, it's my type, right? But then she's like warning me about her boyfriend. And I'm like, why does she keep telling me about her boyfriend? I ask her, does he beat you? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay. Out of nowhere, this guy's like, who you talking to?

Starting point is 01:29:06 And I'm like, what the fuck? Big monkey noises. You know? That was, it's closer than Native American sound. But basically, I mean, I was like, what the fuck? So like, I'm calm, cool and collected, right? Unlike this guy. Anyways, so I'm talking to him.

Starting point is 01:29:27 He's like, did you get my girl somebody? And I was like, no. He's like, give me your phone. And I was like, okay. And so I'm showing on my phone. I'm sitting there. I hit her babe. And she's like,

Starting point is 01:29:34 whoa, and like the girl keeps screaming at me and him, her boyfriend. And I looked at her and this was got me fucked up. I was like, can you please be quiet?

Starting point is 01:29:43 I was like, 1950's husband. Like, can you please be quiet? And like this guy, hell no. And so he pulls like, oh, he better get out of here,

Starting point is 01:29:50 and so he pulls a gun at me. And so I started running away. I hop a fence. And I was like, I'm already drunk. I was drunk. And I was like, oh shit.

Starting point is 01:29:59 So I'm like, this is not a f*** joke. running and I hop the fence like a good Mexican and I look back in the sky like you better run out of hand I'm not sure I can say the N word but you better run out of your nigger and so like I'm like Jesus says it anyway I'm I'm quoting I can say it let me say it I'm quoting I'm quoting here okay well and you said he was chimpin out you a little bit yeah honestly like buddy you're saying you're that and the N word not looking good look he called me it I didn't call him it but I mean

Starting point is 01:30:26 I'm just saying but I jumped over the fence and then I looked back over he's a just like, you better run an eye and so like I start running again. I'm like, Jesus Christ. And so I call the Austin PD. Oh my God. Jesus Christ, they took like, I'll respect Austin PD, but Jesus Christ, like, let's get the, you know, let's get some, some situation ship here, okay? And so as soon as I leave and I, he cops pick me up, like, they're like, okay, like, we're

Starting point is 01:30:54 going to try to find him. They ask for me back to my apartment. They find this guy an hour later at like 4 a.m. And this dude's in handcuffs. He has like this death look on him with a hood. It's like, and I'm like, bro, I'm like, that's him. He's gonna kill him when he gets out. Bro, they even sent me a letter.

Starting point is 01:31:13 They're like, hey, like, fill out this information. We'll let you know when he's back out. So like, I mean. O'Riko's fuck. Dude. We skip it past the party. He asked for permission. That said nigger anyway?

Starting point is 01:31:24 Yeah, that was bad. What the fuck is we talk about? That was bad. You could say that. I mean, I don't know what the fun. You could say that. You can say, no. I mean. What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:31:31 What is up with these things getting comfortable saying that around me? What is happening? We did not tell them. What is going on? That's Gen Z. I mean, is it? It is. I mean, your guys' generation, the millennials here.

Starting point is 01:31:44 Right one year. Damn, man. I'm a zolidio. You also want to be. But anyways, you could say, as long you're not like calling somebody. Like, is that true, Tyler? No, it ain't true. No, I mean, you can say to come for your home.

Starting point is 01:31:56 You know what I'm saying? You can say that all you want to. Well, this is my home. I will be honest, I had a racist thought the other day. Just a racist thought, not action. What's the thought? Rented a nice hotel for my grandparents, my brother, my parents. They all had their own rooms.

Starting point is 01:32:12 It was great. It was wonderful. I wanted to go back to the hotel, to the pool one day. We couldn't really use it because there was a group of black people. Oh, shit. Hit up, head of. They were, they were, two, they separated a little, and they each had their own boom box, let's say. Ooh.

Starting point is 01:32:36 And playing different kinds of music. And we tried to get in the pool, and both groups were shouting at each other in very fun ways and friendly ways, but very loudly. Yeah. And we couldn't hear each other. And their kids were splashing us. and it was the first time I felt racist in a bit. Well, what was the thought? What did you?

Starting point is 01:32:59 What did you? What did you? I was thinking I didn't like these people. Because they were annoying the pool. Like what the f***? We just wanted to enjoy it. Like, I rarely get to see my family. We wanted to enjoy it.

Starting point is 01:33:10 And they were literally like, did they own the place? Like, why did they know the place? But they were actually like they own the place. Like no one else was able to exist there. They were taking up 5% of the place. I wouldn't recommend Carmel, Carvino, Carverna all cruise lines, too honest. If you know, you know.

Starting point is 01:33:26 They were taking up 27% of the space, but make it up 80% of the noise. Dude, that's hilarious. That's whatever the number is. I don't remember it because I'm not racist. Isn't it crazy? You're probably like the only other, like, the black guy here.

Starting point is 01:33:40 I haven't seen anybody else, right? No, there's three of us. Yeah, I'm not the only one anymore. Decent ratio. The gays are dropping like flies, but yeah. Yeah, man. Okay, so you owe your parents $2,000. Unfortunately, I do.

Starting point is 01:33:52 Why is that? Because the car or whatever, but I'm not paying them back. A car. The Mazda, the Mazda 2. I call it the Batmobile. Can you have it? I do. Do you run over black people with it?

Starting point is 01:34:03 No. I don't. Just make sure he's not racist. This is good. I got you. I'm on your side. What is it? What is doing?

Starting point is 01:34:10 Honestly, I mean, it's like they kind of do sometimes. I'm not going to lie. Who is they? They do. They do. They do. They do. They do.

Starting point is 01:34:17 Dude, like, I mean. Who the fuck is they? Explain. Who is they? The black people. They go up. sometimes they just act too much, you know what I mean? Or it's like, bro, like kind of like, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:34:27 All right. There are some ghetto assing. Yes, ghetto people suck. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's some ghetto. Yeah, yeah, that's true. And the, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:34:33 I want to use another word than ghetto, but I'll call them ghetto Mexican-type. Oh, yeah. Like, I did a video ranking Mexicans, by the way. You should check it out. Okay, Rico, no one gives a. I hate anyone that is trashy. Yeah, yeah. I can agree with that.

Starting point is 01:34:47 Yeah. Anyone that is trashy. That's fair. But I would not, I don't. It says, you know, say, the ad word in front of a black guy. Yeah, that's a little crazy.

Starting point is 01:34:54 At least it wasn't a hard art like the other guy. That is true. That is true. That is true. Confidence. You have a debt collector for $91 for a Miami Airbnb, $91. Just pay it.

Starting point is 01:35:08 Shit. Just pay $91. Rico. Don't, don't get a hand job one day. $40 you owe to a bar. A bar? I'll burn it.

Starting point is 01:35:18 Somewhere. I woke up drunk at a bar on the grass and you owe him $80. 40 bucks. I like doing that. way too much. I like, I just like go homeless maxing when I get black talk drunk. This kind of flammless max it. This is being a loser, dude. This is, this is like, are you real? This is real. This is real. This is, this is real. You know what I mean? Okay. I don't like that.

Starting point is 01:35:42 I don't like that. Not allowing that shit. Do not say that to Tyler. I don't like that. So we are ending this and we're going to go into the post show because I'm not going to allow that kind of bullshit. What the fuck? Hey, give me some love. I have to. film with an extra 20 minutes for him, but I don't know if I should go through the audience, you won't like it if I just, I don't think, I do not like, you don't say that to the black, don't say that to my friend. Let's keep going. No, I don't say it. I won't say it. I just, come a curse. Chicken account, you ended with, I mean, you started with negative $18.

Starting point is 01:36:13 This is pathetic. It's all raising canes, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, goes, going inside, getting into bullshit, farmers market bullshit, genie member, P. Terry, Pterriesburgs, Sputierrez, Pettriesburg, Pacholet, ended his savings with negative $411. $7. Go fuck yourself. You're not budgeting. And honestly, I hope when, um... You might want to wear this around Caleb

Starting point is 01:36:30 just so you blend your off. Oh shit, I'm just fucking funny. Okay, okay. What are you going to say? I hope when the black man gets out of prison, he shoots your ass. Go to the, you know, post show. Join Hammer Lee, three shows a day,

Starting point is 01:36:42 premium shows every single day, six days a week. I'm going to go through his fun phone. I saw some concerning shit in his Instagram DMs, and I'm about to go through that. I can't wait. It's going to be incredible. Apologize to this man right now. I'm sorry for not using the hard.

Starting point is 01:36:55 Okay, you are a piece of shit. I'll see you on the Post Show. What a piece of shit. Are you screenstounding so many conversations with people? Are they the people that have accused you? Maybe. Are you going to be careful out and doesn't know what's going on? This is just the message he's sending to everyone.

Starting point is 01:37:08 Sex question mark. Is this not a creepyie, bro? Not really. His entire exfute is Andrew Tate and clavicular and... Oh, geez. Unemployed scammer rick. Being a call the fiss is a compliment. This nigger rick.

Starting point is 01:37:22 I just launched the brand new Hammer Elite app available on every major platform. So you can watch every show anywhere you want. You'll get three exclusive dedicated shows every single day, Monday through Saturday. Refer a friend after you sign up and you get an additional 30 days of Hammer Elite access for free. Download the Hammer Elite app by using the link in the description or pin comment down below. This is the best membership you'll ever join, and that's a promise.

Financial Audit - Financial Audit's Biggest Piece Of Sh*t

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