Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais - Bethany Hamilton, Professional Surfer and Shark Attack Survivor

Episode Date: July 17, 2019

This week’s conversation is with Bethany Hamilton, a professional surfer and shark attack survivor.Bethany has become a source of inspiration to millions through her story of determination,... faith, and hope.At the age of 13, Bethany lost her left arm to a 14-foot tiger shark, which seemed to end her career as a rising surf star.One month after the attack, Bethany returned to the water and within two years had won her first national title.Think about that for a second. She was back in the water within a month!We all experience trauma -- some on a greater scale than others, but what's special about Bethany is her response to that trauma -- and that's why I wanted to talk to her.In 2007, Bethany realized her dream of surfing professionally and since then, her story has been told in a New York Times best selling autobiography and in the 2011 film, Soul Surfer.Bethany’s latest project, Unstoppable, a surf documentary showcasing her career is in theatres now and I highly recommend checking it out!_________________Subscribe to our Youtube Channel for more powerful conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and meaning: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine! https://www.findingmastery.com/morningmindsetFollow us on Instagram, LinkedIn, and X.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:21 was becoming famous and well-known and all the attention put on my story and just being sent through the ringer of interviews as like a 14 year old girl and I just didn't like having all the attention all right welcome back or welcome to the finding mastery podcast i'm michael gervais by trade and trading a sport and performance psychologist as well as the co-founder of compete to create and the whole idea behind these conversations behind this podcast is to learn from people who have committed their life efforts towards mastery and we want to understand what they're searching for, find some themes there.
Starting point is 00:02:08 We want to dig to understand their psychological framework, which is really how they explain themselves in the world. How do they make sense of events themselves, the future? How do they think about what they're about to do? And then we want to also dig and understand the mental skills that they've used to build and refine their craft. Finding Mastery is brought to you by LinkedIn Sales Solutions. In any high-performing environment that I've been part of, from elite teams to executive boardrooms, one thing holds true.
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Starting point is 00:05:30 So if you're trying to hit your daily protein goals with something seamless, I'd love for you to go check them out. Get a free variety pack, a $25 value and 10% off for life when you head to davidprotein.com slash finding mastery. That's David, D-A-V-I-D, protein, P-R-O-T-E-I-N.com slash finding mastery. Okay, this week's conversation is with Bethany Hamilton. She's a professional surfer and she survived a shark attack losing her left arm and she still rips in the water. It's unbelievable. The way she's conducted her life, the way she's followed her passions and stay true to her core beliefs has become
Starting point is 00:06:11 legitimate source of inspiration for millions through that story, through her life testament. And it was at the age of 13 that she lost her arm due to a 14-foot tiger shark. And it seemed to end her career as a rising surf star. But one month after the attack, she returned to the water and within two years had won her first national title. It's an amazing story. I mean, think about that. One month after being attacked by a shark, most people wouldn't even get back in the water.
Starting point is 00:06:41 And she was back in it and ripping, figuring out how to surf with just one arm. And while the actual surfing part, like, okay, yes, the body needs to readjust to how to keep its equilibrium, but standing up, I mean, just imagine that for a minute. We talk about all this on the podcast, but standing up with just one arm is a feat in and of itself. So we all experience trauma, some on a greater scale than others. But what's special about Bethany is her response to it. And that is why I wanted to speak with her. And so for sure, check out her New York Times bestselling autobiography and 2011 film, Soul Surfer. But her latest project, Unstoppable, it's a surf documentary showcasing her career.
Starting point is 00:07:26 It's in theaters now, and I highly recommend checking that out too. And with that, let's jump right into this week's conversation with Bethany Hamilton. What's up, Bethany? Hey. Yeah, good. So good to meet you. Good to meet you, Michael. Yeah, cool. And so congrats, first of all, for all of your accomplishments and most recently the movie that you're launching as well. Awesome.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Yeah. Thank you so much. It's been quite a whirlwind and especially, yeah, just this time this summer with Unstoppable and my film coming out. It's pretty crazy and i was just thinking last night how gosh i'm 30 years old not even 30 i'm 29 but and i have two kids and two movies in the theater it's kind of bizarre but really cool yeah i mean well you know your story is remarkable let alone you know the the journey of a female surfer.
Starting point is 00:08:26 But your unique experience obviously is so rare and so extraordinary. And there's so much to learn from you. And I know you've heard that a lot in your life. And so I don't want to lay the foundation for something that isn't completely authentic to you. So maybe like in your words, how do you describe who you are right now? Oh, good question. Um, I don't, I would say I'm very determined and self-motivated, but also I'm not the type to really want to brag or, you know, put myself out in kind of like the limelight. But I've naturally I feel like my life has kind of just done that. And what else would I say about myself? I don't know I energize by myself I um you know
Starting point is 00:09:31 I I wouldn't say I strive for perfection but I strive to be my best and if I let myself down I'm kind of bummed or I just get frustrated kind of easy. What else? I don't know if that's what you're looking for. No, I'm not looking for anything from you. But it's interesting where you took it, which is when I actually described who you are, you went straight to characteristics that matter to you, right? Determined, motivated, humble, and high standards trying to be your best, all of the characteristics you just mentioned. And you didn't mention surfer. You didn't mention like role. You didn't go to like daughter or surfer or whatever. Or mom or wife.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Yeah. So you went to characteristics. Huh. Interesting. Yeah. our wife yeah so you went to characteristics huh interesting yeah yeah so okay so then so that probably sits at the center I'm imagining for how you make decisions based on your character strengths the things that you want to be as a person is that true maybe yeah well I think too like I was thinking when I was talking about the characteristics, like I feel like I've learned a lot about myself, like entering into motherhood and wifehood because you're so completely immersed in those relationships every single day that you really recognize like your faults, but also your pros, like the things you do well with in those roles.
Starting point is 00:11:08 So, yeah, I think a lot lately I've just recognized my own kind of character strengths and flaws as having that role as mother and wife lately. Just having kind of a lot on my plate and doing striving to do a lot but also like striving to slow down and do less um it's funny just finding that balance is can be so challenging um but I think it's so necessary to strive for balance because we're always being pulled in different directions as humans and learning to say yes and no to this and that and like really hold on to what matters to you is so important. So what is it that your heart aches for? Like what is the part in your life right now that you're craving more than
Starting point is 00:12:01 everything else? When you really get quiet and you listen to that part inside you oh i don't know uh well i mean i don't know about the heart part but like definitely been wanting to grow in patience um i've just found lately just when you have two little kids it's full on and you're just constantly being like having yourself stretched and like it's funny because kids will bring so much joy and laughter and like amusement and love and like one minute they're giving you kisses but then the next minute they're like throwing a fit and you. And like one minute, they're giving you kisses, but then the next minute, they're like throwing a fit. And you're just like, stretched to the limit as far as like patience and
Starting point is 00:12:51 whatnot. So yeah, it's been really interesting to enter. I feel like parenting across the board can make for better humans on the earth because all of a sudden you're just put into those shoes of like, wow, I'm raising this human. I'm helping shape their character and they're shaping my character at the same time. So it's like, you're constantly kind of questioning late. Why did I get so upset so quickly just now? Or why was my patient so short? Or, wow, like, he is, like, the most amazing human being I could ever come across. Like, I look at my older son, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:13:34 oh my gosh, he's so like, he's the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. Like, just watching him run around and smile. Like, it's just amazing. You really are in love with your kids, it sounds like. Yeah, I'd say so. And you touch on something powerful, which is raising kids would be better for this podcast is that empathy is one of the very, it's rare. It's one of the missing ingredients in humanity right now. And so I think you touched on something super important. No one's ever said it the way you said it, which is fun to hear. Okay. So let's take that same question and go back to right after you survived the shark attack and you're in the hospital room. Let's go back to that moment if possible. Is it okay to go back there?
Starting point is 00:14:36 Yeah. Okay. So if you can go back to the hospital room right when you've been told, I think was your arm, how was your arm amputated? Was it from the bite? Or was it surgically amputated? It was from the bite. And I recognized that I had lost it like during the attack. But then I re recognized once I woke up after all the surgeries that like, whoa, it really is gone. So kind of having that like shocking moment of like, wow, I have one arm now, like life is completely different.
Starting point is 00:15:11 That's the moment I want to understand better for you. Because like accidents happen, things happen. I want to understand how you make sense of why you, you know, and how few shark attacks actually happen across the planet. Like I want to, I want to understand your framework about why, but I also want to start with that moment when you said, when it hit you like, okay, I don't have an arm. And I, I really want to understand that because I want to, in some ways, better prepare myself for when things don't go according to plan and to learn from the extraordinaries like yourself. So can you walk through how you did that? How I did, like, recognizing that the arm was gone?
Starting point is 00:15:59 Well, yeah, like during that experience. I mean, it's so heavy to me. Yeah. Yeah, like during that experience. I mean, it's so heavy to me. Yeah, I mean, I definitely, I can just clearly remember having a really like, kind of odd, incomprehensible, like sense of peace that like, it's okay, your arms gone, but it's okay. And I really believe like that came from God because I just don't know how I could be so like fine with the situation. But yeah, it was like really weird to even like the two weeks before I lost my arm, my mom and I were very close and she raised me in the Christian faith and she would read the Bible to me and it was
Starting point is 00:16:46 crazy because the two weeks before her and I had been praying a very specific prayer like to God like hey I want to be a surfer like I know this is where I'm meant to go but like I also want to do more than just surf like I want to like honor God with my life and honor you so whatever that looks like like just help me go in that direction and then so and we had been praying that specifically for like a couple weeks beforehand so when my arm got taken it was like whoa this is not what we had in mind God like why why are you allowing this I don't get it but at the same time it was just like it's gonna be okay we're gonna get through this like there's a bizarre sense of peace and everyone else around us is losing their minds but we're okay we're okay here
Starting point is 00:17:39 like especially my mom and I was like my dad was like super angry at God and just really struggling to cope with like wow why did this happen to my little girl like she didn't deserve it like you know all the different thoughts you can think but yeah I was just like well let's figure out life from here was that consistent was that a consistent theme? You know, there's the five stages of grief that map pretty well over life altering events, you know, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, like, did you go through those at all? Or what did you have a completely unique experience from that? I would say pretty unique like i don't remember dealing with denial wait what was the other ones you said anger bargaining no not really angry bargaining is like okay god if i can if you do this for me um or if i do this for you i'll never
Starting point is 00:18:40 um how's it go if i do this for you um you'll take care of me you know and so like no no bargaining either so i skipped a few of those steps yeah depression i bet you would find my very first interview super intriguing which not many people have seen it but i did it with like our local hawaii news guy guy hoggy he was my dad's friend so that's how he got in i guess and for some reason they like made me do an interview like four days after i lost my arm um but like the interview has like such raw pure emotion and just truth like there's no lying or just like there's no falsehood there in that interview it's crazy to watch even I'm like whoa how was I like that like um but like I remember already talking about how I'm gonna be able to
Starting point is 00:19:34 help people like through my story and I didn't know what that would look like but I just knew that I was gonna be able to help people so it was like 13 years old, arms gone, but already on a mission to like help others and like be just share my story. And so, yeah, from there, just kind of like things happened and started to. And then I like determined to go back in the ocean because I talked to this guy by the name of Mike Coots and he had learned how to surf with one leg after he lost his leg to a shark he is a kawaii boy as well and um my older brother's friend so before I left the hospital which I was only there for six days I was already on a mish to get back in the ocean and surf with one arm.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Growing up surfing and when I watch what you do, it's still my brain. It has a hard time computing. I'm imagining most people that surf or have done anything that requires two arms. I guess what we thought required two arms to reorganize your brain is one thing, but like, I don't have a map for it. I can't quite figure out how you pop up. And I know that's super mechanical, but I don't want to get lost in the mechanics of that. I really want to go to that thought that you just said, which is like, I knew I was going to be able to use this to help people or that you wanted to. And obviously you're not just helping surfers. Like it's something much larger, much bigger, much deeper. And as you've had decades to think through this, what is it that you are committed to helping or trying to do? Like what is that?
Starting point is 00:21:13 What is that larger mission? During my teenage years, it was very blurry and sometimes it feels a bit blurry. But overall, I just love helping young people and like especially teenage girls. And I'm definitely not like the feminist type, but because I have two little boys and I want them to grow up like just as empowered as all the teenage girls I hope to help. But yeah, I definitely have a sweet spot for teenage girls and just being able to share just share my journey with them so in the hopes that they will do or say to themselves what that they can overcome whatever craziness is coming at them which we all face hard stuff whether it's not shark attacks likely or even limb loss but i would say like i mean all the different things I've faced since
Starting point is 00:22:07 then just normal life struggles um everyone has them and we all need like a little help along the way and we all need like guidance and I mean I personally don't have like a specific mentor in my life but I think we all kind of need like mentorship and like people speaking into our lives that like, hey, like you don't have to say yes to drugs just because everyone around you is. And like you don't have to abuse alcohol just because everyone else around you is. And you can love yourself just as you are and you can be accomplished even more than you dream. Like, I mean, I definitely didn't, I put the time and efforts into being successful and, um, yeah, just being the best I could be at surfing and whatnot. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:25:50 Mastery listeners 20% off. Just head to FelixGray.com and use the code FINDINGMASTERY20 at checkout. Again, that's Felix Gray. You spell it F-E-L-I-X-G-R-A-Y.com and use the code FindingMastery20 at FelixGray.com for 20% off. Okay, so you said trying. Like that trying takes some sort of gumption and then a acceptance that it might not work out. Yeah. And so there's a vulnerability involved in trying anything, let alone surfing again, but like, because of the psychological and obviously now the physiological challenge. So, so talk, let's not go into the surfing piece again. But like, what, what, talk to me about trying again. yeah I mean just trying life with one arm it was like every day I was having to try different
Starting point is 00:26:46 things or try to figure out how to do things differently like serve a tennis ball I like put it on the racket and pop it up in the air and then hit it not that I'm a good server and I'm an average tennis player but I have the heart I play and I have fun at it when I do it um but yeah just being willing to try to me is so important and I think you have to kind of put yourself out there and yeah you're almost setting yourself up for potential failure if you're just not a natural or good at it yeah for sure how do you think about failure like you know like not necessarily a tight definition of it but like yeah just riff on failure i think failure is kind of painful um i think like it's funny because in my competitive surfing i haven't been as successful
Starting point is 00:27:41 as i'd want to be in like my professional career but like I've but I wouldn't undermine all like my surfing abilities across the board and I think there's so much more to surfing professionally than competition but yeah I think failure like it's funny because anytime I'm in making this film Un, it talks about my competitive journey. I missed qualifying for the world tour by one heat one year and then two heats the next year, or two heats and then one heat. So I was very, very close. And every time I watch that scene, it feels super painful. I'm uncomfortable in my seat. Like it's almost
Starting point is 00:28:26 like you feel like the strength come out of you and like you have awkward giggles. The juxtaposition to your feeling of not getting your tour dream or your goal to losing a limb, you know, like they don't seem to match because your philosophy about the limb is like, okay, well, I'm going to figure it out. And I'm not saying you don't have that with the goal of surfing, you know, but you're describing the pain in very different ways. And so like, what is the difference between the two of those for you? Because I think many people could say, well, they're both about not getting, having what you want, right? Or adjusting to a challenge or, you know, one seems much harder.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Well, the loss of the arm was like something that happened to me. There's like no sense of my own control there. Like there's nothing I could have done to stop that really. Right. own control there like there's nothing I could have done to stop that really right whereas the like kind of letting go of competition after the two years of like super close qualification to me like when I think back on that I'm like gosh if only I had just like surrounded myself with a better team of people who really like you know kept pushing me to have that edge of like yes you can do this or even if I had just taken a year or two off and then went back at it you know like but then part
Starting point is 00:29:52 of me is like there's so much more to life than just competition and it was like such a beautiful time after that when I met my husband and I don't know if I would have met him if I was busy traveling the world like doing all that even though I was busy traveling the world doing other stuff like motivational speaking and making the movie Soul Surfer at that time so it was just there was a lot on my plate so I feel like I almost feel like I was unprotected and I don't have any blame towards my family for that I just think like we are all doing our best to get by with all that was being put on our plate and all that we were accepting on our plate so it was just a lot to like manage and especially coming from like a simple island lifestyle to like all of a sudden
Starting point is 00:30:37 like there's a movie being made about my life and like it was just a lot to take on the water ever again. Like you, we can create that storyline easily. You didn't though. You didn't go down that path because it sounds like what you said is like, okay, I was doing what I was love. I love doing, and I'm in their territory. And for whatever reason it happened. And then when you snap over to your professional ambition, it sounds like, you know, you have great agency. And agency means like, it's another word for like, I co-create the quality of my life. Like I'm an agent, I'm a player in my life. I'm not just at the whim of the wind or the weather or the circumstances, like I have have agency and because of that high agency it sounds like you say to yourself i and we community we didn't do enough and then that's
Starting point is 00:31:53 the part that gnawed at you for a bit yeah okay so do you agree like that you have high agency like you you are able to influence your world oh yeah for sure and you sounds like you have i'm going to introduce another technical term called efficacy so efficacy is like this thing like i i have some power within me like i can i can actually create something in my life it sounds like you have high efficacy it sounds like you have high worth like i matter yeah you know and then you also have this other you know esteem that which is like you know what like it's pretty good inside me you know like i think that things are pretty good here so you've got really high like standards and love and care for yourself and yeah i would say i do yeah and at the same time humility whatever you also sound really
Starting point is 00:32:46 grounded to me I would agree with that okay so let's let's deconstruct that a little bit if we can how like how have you become grounded how have I become grounded, it's like even going back to just being a young girl, I think I grew up in a stable household. My parents loved me, and they were very involved in my life. And then on top of that, they raised me in my Christian faith, which taught me to love myself and to accept who God created me into and so growing up like those young years it wasn't like really questioning myself or doubting like I just felt like I could do anything like I felt like they had supported me so well too and like I even look at how my
Starting point is 00:33:44 parents like they sacrificed a lot too like they worked really hard and you know my dad wasn't always there but when he was there like he created awesome memories of like surfing and going on rad adventures and whereas my mom she was just very present and like a part of my life and kind of, they both cheered me on really well, I'd say. Okay. Is there a thought, like a guiding thought that maybe mom or dad installed? And it's not a great term, but like they dropped inside of your consciousness is maybe a more mystical way to think about it. But like, is there something that they said to you that has stuck with you as a general theme oh let me think i feel like my mom was more of a talker than my dad he's more
Starting point is 00:34:31 of a silent lover yeah um whereas my mom was very you know huh i mean i guess the main thing that like stands out to me with her is just her her praying with me and encouraging me in my faith and to believe in God and to trust that God has a plan for my life. And so I think that was a constant theme, which kind of led me. But then part of me was like, gosh, you're just born a certain way, too. I mean, I see the differences in my kids. And it's like my one-year-old is already such a charger. And he's just like a go-getter. And he screams for what he wants.
Starting point is 00:35:15 And he's very, like, strong-willed feeling. Whereas, like, my older son, he really wants to, like, please his mom and dad. And, like, he looks at us to make sure sure like, yeah, this is what I should do. Like versus like my younger one, he's going to go do it. He's not going to look at us for affirmation. Like he's just going to go charge after whatever he wants. And like I think both of them have such incredible qualities that are just so different. And like Tobias, my older one he's
Starting point is 00:35:46 very like thoughtful and he's aware of like his surroundings whereas the other one's like just gonna like go do whatever and like he's not super aware of like but also the age difference may be that too but it'll be interesting I'm so interested to just see what they're like as they're growing up and like of course there's so much I want to instill in them as parents um and like helping shape their character you know um and i just think like so many young men are like lacking chivalry so i'm like really i want them to be gentlemen and like treat the ladies like they should be treated and be kind and like you know open the door for the girl and like let her go first and like be like that amazing man that like makes a woman feel like a woman and like really empowers her to be her most beautiful self and like you know if they
Starting point is 00:36:40 get married or whatever have a family one day like just yeah it's exciting i think as a mom you know you're touching on some stuff that is really sensitive which is the gender roles and the appropriateness of relationship and it's really political right now you know yeah it's super bizarre to me actually i don't want to get too far into that. But I think like my boys are boys and I'm going to cheer them on as boys. And like I want them to treat ladies with complete respect, but also be kind to all humans, the model that they grew up with, which is how their parents treated them. So we sat down and we said, OK, listen, let's make a commitment to, you know, blaze our own trail as best as we possibly can. And then we wrote down all these characteristics that we hope that we could install or help cultivate and build in our in our son. Oh, I want to see your list. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:44 So it was well this is the part of the story so we wrote down i probably wrote down like 15 and then she probably wrote down like 15 20 whatever and then we said okay let's just see if we can huddle up on two of them and like let's just kind of see if how we would build out a strategy. So we agreed on two and they've become these beacons for us about decision-making. And so the two are kind to your point and strong. And so like for us, like it encompasses so much and we can pull those apart in so many ways to build other strengths on top of it, but kind and strong. And when you say like, be kind to humans, I'm like, yeah, yeah yeah yeah i feel that too like our world struggles with that i want to be in relationship with people that are kind and strong and it sounds like maybe you and i have a similar connection there i don't know
Starting point is 00:38:35 but yeah yeah well it's interesting too because i feel like strength is so automatic for raising boys like you hear how everyone around you communicates and like the number one thing they celebrate is like especially physical strength and it's like gosh like I don't want my son to grow up just thinking like putting his thoughts towards physical strength um and I I don't know if people are always referring only to physical strength but it seems like it. And that's how I've interpreted it at least. And I'm like, well,
Starting point is 00:39:08 I think there's so much more to a young man than physical strength, but like, yeah, just being a strong leader maybe. And like, I like that, like strength is one of your keys. Cause that kind of does carry over into so many different kind of that kind of like waterfalls out into different um streams of like other qualities i would say yeah for sure which is like have conviction know what you stand for like to be strong you've got to you know be hardened a little bit and flexible and nimble like there's a lot of characteristics that yeah are you familiar with the, the concept of anti-fragile? Uh, no. Yeah. Which is like, so fragile and then
Starting point is 00:39:53 anti-fragile, right? And so anti-fragile is the opposite of fragile, meaning that it will not, it's not that clean actually, but there's a dynamic, um, flexibility that also intersects with core strength. And so the concept of anti-fragility, it's brilliant. I encourage you to look it up in the author audit. It's world-class and world-leading. Oh, is there a book about it? Yeah. Oh, interesting.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Yeah, I'll see it. What if there's an audio book? I'm like, I'm trying to read everything right now. Aren't audio books great? Yeah, it's like you can get in the car and like listen to a chapter real quick and get some wisdom or insight in there yeah i'll send you over uh the author he's got a couple books i'll send them over to you and i'll also put them in the show notes so folks can check them out as well yeah okay brilliant so all right let's get into what back to you here is how do you get in your way?
Starting point is 00:40:46 Cause you said you had these really high standards, like you really are going for it in life and sometimes you get in your way. So how is that? Huh? I wonder, let me think. Uh, I love that. How do I get in my way? Gosh, I wonder what I'd do to slow myself down. You should probably put your husband on the line and see what he has to say. Because he'll know. Yeah, you know what? Actually, I didn't realize how self-motivated I was until my husband pointed it out.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Because it's just always been me and like I've always kind of like been very self-driven and then my husband's like gosh like how do you stay so consistent and you're just so motivated and like he comes from a very like athletic sports background so he understands like the importance of like just consistency with with training and like just being out there and like I would say I'm pretty consistent with like my time in the ocean but also like my off-water training too and like okay let's pivot where does that come from that high motor high internal drive I don't know maybe from just like the passion to be good okay so why do you need to be good
Starting point is 00:42:07 because it's fun what's fun about being good it feels amazing to be good at riding a wave like and that that process of like being amazing on a wave is i would say it's slightly addictive like but i look at it as like a good addiction you know yeah here's how i think about it like from one surfer to another is that we have to prepare to capture the ability to be completely attuned with an opportunity yeah and those opportunities are so rare especially in the ocean it's like yeah i don't know did you see unstoppable yeah yeah okay so my brother my older brother timmy he's like he points that out he's like in in your lifetime as a surfer or a wave rider like there's only so many moments that are kind of like perfect that you're like hunting down and it just like
Starting point is 00:43:07 kind of always keeps you going after it I would say but like some people stay forever like going after it more than others I would say like you know there's people that surfed late into their 70s and then there's some people that are kind of done in their late 50s. Like, it's just so interesting to kind of like see that. Finding Mastery is brought to you by Cozy Earth. Over the years, I've learned that recovery doesn't just happen when we sleep. It starts with how we transition and wind down. And that's why I've built intentional routines into the way that I close my day.
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Starting point is 00:45:28 If you're looking for high-quality personal care products that elevate your routine without complicating it, I'd love for you to check them out. Head to calderalab.com slash findingmastery and use the code findingmastery at checkout for 20% off your first order. That's calderalab, C-A-L-D-E-R-L-A-B.com slash finding mastery. Okay, so you put in the work, but you know, many people that I've worked with or spent time with, there's an anxiousness that sits under their relentless approach. And I don't get an anxiousness from
Starting point is 00:46:07 you. And maybe you're masking it really well, but you don't seem anxious. That's why I picked up on the groundedness earlier. So it really feels like there's love and joy. And I'm not saying you don't work hard, but there's love and joy underneath of it as opposed to achievement, ambition, anxiousness, obsessiveness. Does that seem right to you? Yeah, I would say you're kind of nailing it. But then like I was, I don't know, I'd be hesitant to like opt out of complete lack of anxiousness. Welcome to the human race. I mean, I've definitely had a bit of anxiousness
Starting point is 00:46:46 knowing i just missed like an epic swell at home i had to leave kawaii and then there was like such a good swell coming in i was so bummed but maybe that's not anxiousness and maybe that's just genuine like bums that i'm missing like a good swell well yeah so that well there's a difference between sadness like missing out you know and like not the longing, but anxiousness is an unsettledness, an internal unsettledness. It really stems from a worry that the future is not going to work out right. So it kind of drips into the present moment. And so it doesn't feel that way to you huh yeah well and it's interesting too because I think of like lately I always talk about how I want to surf when I'm a grandma because I just like I'm really into like longevity of my sport so it's so much more than just now so I'm like well slow and steady wins the race like I want to be surfing like well into my older age and like having gone through bearing two children and like rebuilding kind of my body
Starting point is 00:47:46 strength after that it's just like to me I'm like well I guess I can do it like as long as I just take care and like be diligent consistent with taking care of myself and staying in the water and but I'm like gosh I'm setting my sights kind of high too like who knows if i'm gonna be like strong when i'm like 65 70 like one arming it pushing myself up to ride the waves plus dealing with all the little gremlins paddling circles around me i know like that was in the beginning of your way or your movie where you were doing some water training in the pool and then all of a sudden you're able to just kind of rip on the paddle around all the all the older guys like that i love that yeah yeah okay so all right but let's you bethany you almost sound a little too good to be true okay like okay so okay let's find some flaw no i'm not looking for flaws i want to celebrate all of this. And so Sandra Rabin and
Starting point is 00:48:46 I worked together and Sandra, um, was absolutely like, well, relentless is the word. Like you have to get Bethany on, you have to get Bethany on. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Great story. Like, cause I was surfing a lot when I learned about your shark attack and it, I mean, it went through the surf world, like, surf world, as you know. And so I was very familiar with all the extraordinary things you've done, watched what you've done from a distance for a long time. And Sandra was like, you've got to get her on. You have to get her on.
Starting point is 00:49:15 I was like, okay, okay, okay. So she drove like two hours to go meet you at some signing or something. I don't know. And I was like, Sandra. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Someone told me about this this morning, actually. I feel bad that I didn't know. And I was like, yeah, someone told me about this this morning. Actually, I feel bad that I didn't get to say hi, but amazing. I guess that's how it goes.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Oh, that happens. But you know what? This is why we're together now. And so, yeah. Okay. So let's go. I'm not looking for anything wrong, but I'm like, you sound really too good to be true, which I love. It's like a breath of fresh air, your spirit, your approach, the whole thing. Now, take me back though, the first time you were going to go paddle back out. Yeah. Okay. So let's go back to the beach that you decided to paddle out on and how long after rehab, like walk through that because, and the reason I think this is super powerful is because as humans, we face challenges that alter our psychology and sometimes our physiology. And you had both. And so I'm keen on the psychology, right? Like whether it's a bad car crash, whether it's a perfume that is attached to a heartbreak that was traumatizing, you know, to you, whatever it is,
Starting point is 00:50:26 walk me back to the, the, the process to get back in the water. So I'll kind of go back to the day I first got my stitches out. So I want to say that was maybe three weeks after I lost my arm. How many stitches? Uh, maybe 19, 19 stitches okay and yeah the sever was it um was it up at the shoulder or yeah up at the shoulder but like the cool thing was I still had two inches of my bone which was like super awesome in the like limb loss world but if I had four it would have been even better but two inches was still pretty good because I had my shoulder blade and whatnot. So, yeah. And but yeah, so when I got the stitches removed, I thought, OK, I can go surf now.
Starting point is 00:51:14 And then the doctor was like, no, you got to wait and let the little holes from the stitches heal up. And I was like started bawling, crying. I was so bummed. I was like, I want to go surfing already like but you didn't know you could do it though I can't imagine you knew no I didn't know I was gonna be able to but I just needed to get back in the water and what were you doing with your thinking and your imagination to prepare yourself to go back in the water without well I had already like started doing like the
Starting point is 00:51:45 balance board and i was skateboarding and i was like trying to do push-ups like to push myself up like pretend to stand up on the surfboard so i was already like kind of physically training at least for like a 13 year old i wasn't like you know in the gym like doing weights and doing all that crazy core stuff more just like going on about like the fun fun sort of training yeah so this is at 13 yeah in the hospital uh this was like i mean i was already out of the hospital so we were at a house in recovery mode the three but this what i meant to say was in that three-week window yeah it was within that three-week window okay so i was already like kind of gearing
Starting point is 00:52:26 up mentally and physically for getting back in the water and then I would go down and I was um so then it was like a week after I lost my stitches out or got them out um I was down at the beach watching all my girlfriends surfing one of our favorite waves and the waves were like perfect and it was girls surf team and normally I would be out there with them like doing girls surf team and I was like kind of just like what am I doing on the beach like this is so boring so I called my parents I was like okay bring my board down I'm going out now the waves are perfect and it was the day before the doctor said I could so close enough and then so my whole family came down and brought a long board which I was typically a shortboard surfer so then I just carry the board out and I just go for it lay down I remember laying on the board and starting
Starting point is 00:53:19 to paddle I was like this feels so weird like this just doesn't feel right. But whatever. I had a smile on my face. I'm pretty sure. And then I tried to like kind of get used to like catching waves and after a couple failed attempts and I was like no I'm doing this on my own but then he was like try put your hand in the center of the board because when you're popping up you're putting your hand on the side which you would normally do with both hands you know both hands on the rail so I moved my hand to the center it popped up like next wave rode it all the way to the beach felt like the best wave ever just like the whole emotion of everything kind of coming to a pinnacle but also like probably a sense of relief like okay I can do this I can surf with one arm yeah so yeah and then there, it was kind of no turning back. Like I was getting I was surfing again. So your brain figured it out.
Starting point is 00:54:29 Yeah. And your but your mind, your thinking patterns put you in a position to be able to take the risk. And what were those thoughts? And I'm imagining I already know what they are. But I'd like just to make sure that I'm not presupposing anything. Like what were my thoughts towards... Surfing. Being able to do it. Oh, yeah. I was just stoked that I could do it. No, no, no. Before. Before. So it was the thought patterns that led to your brain to actually figure it out on the water. So what was that thought pattern about?
Starting point is 00:55:10 Well, I can't remember exactly, but I guess I was just kind of like willing to try. Yeah, that's, I thought so. And I thought it was like, it felt like there was very little room for anything else. I think there was a little sense of like, I might not be able to do this. Like, I don't know what life's gonna look like. But we got to, I got to at least try this. And I imagine that you would have tried for a long time. I do too. Yeah. I imagine that you would have not, it wasn't like, well, if it doesn't work today, I'm going to go back to tennis. You know, I just can't imagine that. So it feels like you have that deep commitment in there to go sort it out. That almost like it wasn't a chance. Yeah, there is no chance of not surfing.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Yeah, right. Very little to your point. Okay. Okay, brilliant. And so what what has been the hardest thing that you've been through in your life? And I say that with all the respect of your shark attack. And I also want to have room for maybe there's other more challenging things, and maybe not. Yeah, I often have said actually that almost like losing the arm was the easy part. But like what felt incredibly hard was becoming famous and well-known and all the attention put on my story. And just being sent through the ringer of interviews as, like, a 14-year-old girl.
Starting point is 00:56:36 And I just, like, I hated it. Like, I hated interviews. You know, when I was really young, I would, I would give yes or no answers. And that would be it. But it wasn't like I was being rude. It was kind of an innocent kind of hate. I just didn't like having all the attention and I just the way people communicated to me too felt like really awkward and just uncomfortable and they couldn't just treat me normal and that felt like just so
Starting point is 00:57:18 frustrating and discouraging and yeah I really I mean I would say sometimes I still struggle with it like I still struggle with like people just saying weird things or not having thoughtful communication and just kind of like losing all their kind of human kind of sense of like what is it called like just the way you treat other people like just respect or yeah sure i mean compassion respect dignity regard decency kind of like they just i feel like i'm often like the exception and so all the manners go out the window when people like come across me a lot of times and why is that I maybe you can help me figure that out because sometimes I'm just like I'm always kind of the exception like it's almost like this is the deja vu conversation I have with every third person is like oh I never do this but can you just give me 20 minutes of
Starting point is 00:58:28 your time sign this sign that like take a few photos like it's just like the endless kind of questioning like accommodating their needs but like often communicated like without like please or thank you like no kind and like they say it in this tone that is like a speech versus just treating me like a normal human being like they're giving me the speech and like I don't hold this against anyone usually unless it's just really bizarre and like odd the way they communicate that and like really offensive then occasionally I get offended but like I try not to hold it against people because I'm like what is it like and then at the same time I'm like but like I'm bringing out like an emotion of hope and like a reason to keep
Starting point is 00:59:18 moving forward I think in a lot of people so it's like a very positive kind of feeling that they're driven by but like it's also really hard for me to like deal with that speech mode mentality of lacking a please and like just a normal interaction you know i i don't know, pretend to know why. And, but I've got a story and a thought that I'd like to share with you. And so there is a public life and a private life for, well, more people now than there were, let's say 10 years ago before social media, but you're definitely have a public and a private life. And I don't know how thinly veiled those two are because authenticity creates a thin veil. And so when a person is one way publicly and another way privately, like that's a really confusing way to live life and it's not authentic. So I'm imagining that you've got a thin veil between the two or like a membrane, which makes it easier for
Starting point is 01:00:26 integrity, but harder for the public part of life. Now, all of that being said, there's an athlete that I've spent some time with and this athlete gets mobbed, but he's got a really clear line of what's okay and what's not okay. And so about pictures, and this is an easy story to share is so people will come up to him and say, Hey, can I get a picture of you? And he says this, I'm going to quote him. So this, imagine like two guys come up to him and he says, no, I'm not taking pictures with dudes. This is his line, right? And they're like, come on, man. And he's like, no, I'm not taking pictures with dudes.
Starting point is 01:01:11 He goes, I'll take a picture with your girl. And he's laughing like I might take your girl. This is kind of, you know, like, and so he's, I'll take a picture with your girl though. And the dudes are like, nah, man, get out of here. And he's like, all right, forget it then. And so then when kids come up to him, when kids come up, he says, and they say, hey, can I get a picture? He's like, you bet. You bet you can get over here. And he's great with the kids because there's like an innocence, you know? And then when women come up to him and they say, hey, can we get a picture with you? He's like, you better believe it.
Starting point is 01:01:46 Get over here. So he's got, you know, this is almost an inappropriate story. I feel like, you know, but he's got this really clear model. Right. Like that's how he's going to live his life. And it's really clear. And it's really awkward. It is uncomfortable when he says no. It's, I'm telling you, it's really. So why do
Starting point is 01:02:09 I tell that story? Because the private and public, he's got a thin veil there too, because he's really authentic and he's willing to be really uncomfortable when something doesn't match the model, the philosophy that he wants to govern his life. So when people kind of sounds like me in a sense, cause like, for example, like if I'm like trying to swipe my credit card well as i'm purchasing groceries and someone's like can i take a photo i'm like no look at me i'm trying to buy my groceries like wait for the appropriate time there you go and then half the time they bail because they're like well she said no and they're like upset about it and i'm like well you should have put some thought into that and like been respectful and waited till I was like way done buying my groceries like come on now
Starting point is 01:02:50 that's right or like I'm like mid bite eating my lunch out and about which I try not to eat out that much but like when we eat out and about I'm like chewing my food and they're just like all you had to do is just wait till I'm done eating and for an appropriate time if you really did want a photo but I say no I'm like no I'm not going to take a photo I'm chewing my food with my family right now like just wait yeah that's good so there's stuff like that it's just like come on like where's your just like common sense of like or I won't take like people will be like can I take a photo of you I'm like no but I'll take a photo with you like I don't like people just like taking a photo of me or like so many people with their
Starting point is 01:03:35 iPhones they just like take photos of me without even asking like I'll never forget I was in this airplane and there's this girl and I look over and she's taking a photo of me as I'm like sitting there with my kid in the airplane without even asking. And I'm like, if she had just asked me if she could get a photo with me, I would have been a lot more stoked. Like she was a teenage girl, like probably mid to late teens, old enough to kind of know that like that's not really a little sneaky and I was like I straight up like went up and I was like hey that's not okay for you to take a photo because I also have this like mom mentality now I'm like whoa your mom and dad should be like telling you that that's not okay too and her dad is sitting right there and her dad got mad at me for getting mad at her for taking a photo of me without asking on her little iphone device and I was like whoa dad like what kind of message are
Starting point is 01:04:32 you putting out there like so yeah I get kind of flustered when people just do inappropriate things or say inappropriate things but at the same time I feel like but when I am really like in a good headspace and people are respectful I'm like stoked to take a photo and like say hi especially if I'm like don't have to hurry up and get back to my kids from somewhere which I try to give myself more time when I'm going out and about now I'm like okay you need an extra 15 minutes because the chances are someone's gonna like come across you and want to chat it up or something yeah so you're gonna like you're gonna have plenty of opportunities to figure out that boundary and that response and yeah I'm still figuring out the like yeah it's still it's a figuring out balance but it's for sure been
Starting point is 01:05:20 really challenging and like to me the one arm part was like easy okay so not that it was like easy but in a sense like mentally it feels like easier but here you know here's i mean it's it's wild you know because i don't know i mean both are both are real challenges both of you know physical limb and then personal time, you know, like invading space and then trying to figure out how to do life without, you know, a limb that you once had. But, you know, I have this thought that, you know, plenty of folks that are public, like extraordinarily well-known, have you sat down and maybe interviewed, not formally like this or whatever, but just ask them like, hey, when this happens, what do you do? Or what is your thoughts about, you know, dinner and how do you manage it? And you know, when people come up to you for questions, because the more exposure you can have to those, I think you'll learn some tactics that
Starting point is 01:06:15 feel organic to you. Yeah. I mean, that'd be awesome. I don't really have too many famous friends and I'm totally not the networker type. So I, you know, I don't really like spend that much time with people who are in similar shoes to me. Okay. Well, here's what I'm going to do. Cause I think it's really, I think it's interesting. I think it's a little, a very niche question that most people don't have to manage. And, but I'm going to start asking that question.
Starting point is 01:06:42 Like, how do you manage when people come up and ask a photo? And I've seen it so often. And I'll share some insights really quickly with you. But I'm going to start asking those and then I'll feed it back to you at some point here. be able to like get through each day and just have like pleasant feelings inside when I like come across different people no matter what their kind of approach towards me is and just be at peace about it you know and like that's the thing too is like I do love like being able to encourage people in their journey and so so often that is just part of that. But sometimes it just feels hard to kind of like just manage. Well, where this snaps to everybody is having a core philosophy and then having the abilities, I'll call it strength right now, having the abilities and strength to honor that
Starting point is 01:07:45 philosophy, even when it's difficult. And so like, so I think some of the great parenting advice I got as a when I was a parent of a very young child, which is like, hey, this is going to be really inconvenient. Parenting is inconvenient. Yeah. And so okay, great. What does that mean? Well, if you say things like, hey, if you do that, again, we're going to leave, because that's the right thing to do. You got to leave even though you want to be there. You have to stick to your word. You can't just like say something and then not do it. Same for yourself is like to have a core philosophy and maybe you've got this really beautiful boundary around dinner table around, you know, food. And when you're with friends,
Starting point is 01:08:24 like it's, it's, it's a no go. Then as you get practice saying no to people, it will become more graceful. Yeah. You know? And so it's like having that philosophy and then having a clear boundaries about when that philosophy is in, um, or what are the boundaries of that philosophy and then acting on it, even, even when it's awkward, cause it's hard to say no especially to kind people and so it sounds like that's what you're working on yeah i'm gonna figure it out for sure i like your words of encouragement though like just having your philosophy and like sticking to that and then being able to like when you do have to say no it will get more and more graceful it will so just having kind of like the nice yeah and i think too like sometimes i'm like try to give myself a prep talk before i
Starting point is 01:09:13 go out and about but then sometimes that prep talk goes out the window and i'm like where'd my prep talk go yeah so that's that's the practice is totally the practice. And so here's one little extra insight. Next time somebody comes up to you, like I, for sure, I'd challenge you to have some clear boundaries, like food, let's just use that one when you're eating with family, like, so that you can say it with compassion. Like I've made this commitment to myself and my family that while someone comes up to me for pictures or whatever during food like it's going to be this graceful hey i appreciate it i'm eating right now and um if you want you can wait but you know we're going to be another hour or so yeah and i'm often like i'll be like yeah if you want to um catch me as i'm like leaving the store or like as we're leaving the restaurant like i'd be happy to then
Starting point is 01:10:01 yeah there you go super super but they usually like bail not convenient enough okay sorry yeah i know sorry not sorry and then here's the other piece is that let's say you're not in one of those scenarios if you can watch because i've seen this so often it's not for me it's i want to be clear these are not people coming up to me ask for pictures that's what folks i'm around is that the people that are coming up lose themselves they shake they tremble they lose their ability to speak clearly they lose themselves and so with great compassion you know when it's not in one of those boundary areas for you like you can see into people yeah i'm sure you have that ability to see right into them like yeah you know it's funny too because I remember I lost myself one
Starting point is 01:10:50 time I was like talking with Morgan Freeman and I was kind of like I always liked his acting and the films he had done so I was like pretty excited me he was talking to me actually. And he's like, so do you still surf? And I was like, when to answer his question, I was like, no. I was like a professional surfer at the time, pushing the boundaries of female surfing. I couldn't like answer his question straight. And I was like, okay okay that's what it feels like to kind of meet someone that you're like a little flustered inside and like it was like funny to be on the other side of the spectrum like of just like not able to communicate properly or like have clear thoughts amazing okay so if you could speak right into
Starting point is 01:11:47 a mother let's just do keep keep it um you know to your role if you could speak right into a mother or mothers if you would of young teenage girls okay so if you could imagine that you could share something with thousands of mothers at once yeah what would you want to say to them um the first thing that caught came to my mind was like setting healthy boundaries um especially with all the medias and then from there like just be cheer them on and support them and encourage them in whatever it is that is most important to you like the ways my mom would just speak into my life and encourage me was like I may not have always accepted it but like a lot of times I did and she really made a big difference in my life and yeah I just see how like fun and adventurous she was with me and like she you know she always got
Starting point is 01:12:53 me to the beach but then yeah she was just a big part of my life so I would just encourage the moms of teenage girls to just be a part of their life and cheer them on but help them set boundaries and with social media is it the social media i think i think especially social media but maybe any other areas that the girl may be struggling like i don't know like relationships with you know young boys or whatever like or their friends or whatever it is that like maybe seems like a harder area for them to because they're so young I think like as young teenagers you're still you're figuring out the world why would a parent like just let the kid try to figure everything out on their own when like their whole role is to be their encourager and like help them set those,
Starting point is 01:13:46 learn those boundaries and like create their character and like be a part of their life, but not just like let them wing it and figure it out on their own. Rad. Bethany, really love the joy that you bring into life and the discernment to do good and to be a beacon for it it's evident it's clear that this is not contrived like it is so authentic to you yeah yeah that grounded way you've got about yourself is really cool and so last question is how do you think about mastery how do you think about the concept even define it or articulate it oh i was trying to think about this question beforehand so yeah i think mastery is more about like loving what you're doing rather than like nailing it perfectly or being like the best of the best but like really just being amazing at it and having
Starting point is 01:14:47 fun along the way but also like putting in your time and working really hard and feel good about that hard work and make that hard work fun too if you can are you more interested in self-mastery or mastery of craft oh shucks i i would say both yeah because you answered it i think they come hand in hand no they don't yeah they don't no i think that i've seen plenty of people who are like world's best and are miserable like they they don't have a command this is not you yeah right like they are tormented and they're you don't want them around for dinner and they're some of the most influential people in the world like so they don't have to be but when they when they are together it's really cool like finding that balance maybe it's hard for them in life of like, you know, with their craft, but also just with the people around them and whatever it is that holds each day, like whatever they got going on.
Starting point is 01:15:55 I hear that too. Super stoked to support Unstoppable. So where can people go to find it, watch it and be part of it yeah so unstoppable is entering in theaters across the u.s this um july 12th so yeah you can find a let's um a theater near you at bethanyhamilton.com there's a link on there to go and you can enter in your zip code and find your spot your local theater so thanks everyone that's awesome Instagram, what's the handle? Twitter, other social platforms? All mine are like at Bethany Hamilton. So yeah. Great.
Starting point is 01:16:33 Bethany, great to really understand how you've been able to thrive in life. And what's beautiful is that the same tactics that you have are available for everybody, which is like have a core belief about, you know, what's possible in your life, put in the work, you know, anchor it in love and joy and a little bit of anxiety, it sounds like, but not really, I'm not really, I don't really want to co-sign that for you. So yeah, so super stoked to meet
Starting point is 01:16:58 you. I hope that we meet in person at some point. So that would be awesome. Yeah. Best success for you. Take care. Okay. Bye. All right. Thank you so much for diving into another episode of finding mastery with us. Our team loves creating this podcast and sharing these conversations with you. We really appreciate you being part of this community. And if you're enjoying the show, the easiest no cost way to support is to hit the subscribe or follow button wherever you're listening. Also, if you haven't already, please consider dropping us a review on Apple or Spotify. We are incredibly grateful for the support and feedback. If you're looking for even more insights, we have a newsletter we send out every Wednesday. Punch over to findingmastery.com
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