Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais - From Panic Attacks to Prime-Time: Howie Mandel’s Survival Story

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

What if the very thing you’ve been hiding from the world is actually the doorway to real connection?On today’s episode, we sit down with legendary comedian, TV host, actor, and producer H...owie Mandel - best known for Deal or No Deal, America’s Got Talent, and decades of stand-up. But the real story isn’t what Howie does. It’s how he thinks.In this candid and deeply human conversation, Howie shares his lifelong journey with OCD and anxiety, his complex relationship with performance, and how comedy became both a shield and a bridge. Together with Dr. Mike, he explores what it means to embrace our humanness, manage the noise inside our heads, and show up vulnerably - onstage and off.You’ll learn:How Howie Mandel transformed lifelong struggles with OCD and anxiety into creative fuel.Why vulnerability—even accidental—creates the deepest connections.How to become “comfortable with discomfort” and why that unlocks mastery.The difference between chasing fame and living from true contentment.Why engagement—not achievement—is the real key to a fulfilling life.If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if you brought your hidden self into the light, this episode is your invitation to find out.Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset!Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:20 live-MENTIS.com and use the code finding mastery for 35% off your first subscription order. I was on a live broadcast, the Howard Stern radio show. I had a panic attack, and I said, hey, listen, I'm going to pass out right now. Legitimately, I have something called obsessive-compulsive disorder. I've been diagnosed. I'm medicated. And if you don't open the door for me right now, you're going to have to call 911. I thought I was in a commercial break.
Starting point is 00:01:45 I saw that this whole thing had been broadcast nationally. There was probably the darkest, most devastating moment I can remember. What if the very thing you've been hiding from the world is actually the doorway to real connection? I wandered out into the street. And right away, somebody came up to me and they were, are you Howie Mandel? And I didn't even make eye contact. I looked down and I went, yes.
Starting point is 00:02:04 They go, I just heard you on Howard Stern. And I just went, oh, shit, what do I do now? And he said two words, me too. And I went, me too. What are you saying? He goes, I have obsessive, compulsive. Thank you so much for talking about it. Welcome back.
Starting point is 00:02:18 We're welcome to the Finding Mastery Podcast, where we dive into the minds of the world's greatest thinkers and doers. I am your host, Dr. Michael Jervay. by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. And the idea behind these conversations, it's simple. It's to sit with the extraordinarily, to learn, to really learn about how they work from the inside out. This is not about hacks or shortcuts.
Starting point is 00:02:38 It's about understanding what they are searching for, how they organize their inner world, and the skills they've built to shape themselves and their craft. Today's conversation is with the one and the only, Maui Mendel. He's a legendary committee and a TV host, actor, producer. Now, the real story, though, it isn't what he does. It's how he thinks. I happen to have mental health issues, which were not addressed, nor would be addressed, in the era that I come from.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Really late in life in my 40s, I was diagnosed. But living with these kind of, for lack of a better term, demons inside of me, I never felt comfortable. In this raw and revealing conversation, we go deep into how he's psychology and how comedy has been both a shield and a bridge for him. April 19th, 1977, I went to a comedy club in Canada. Somebody dared me to get up on stage. I have all these strangers just looking at me, expecting me to deliver something, and I had nothing.
Starting point is 00:03:33 And then I put my hands in my pocket, and I didn't have anything to do, and I carry latex gloves with me. And when I pulled my hands out, the glove came out of my pocket, and I pulled the glove over my head, past my nose, and I started breathing, and the fingers were going up and down and up and down, and people started laughing,
Starting point is 00:03:47 and then I blew it off my head. The audience roared, and I went, good night. And ever since that moment, I've only tried to recreate April 19, 1977 again. That's why I go on stage. So with that, let's jump right into this week's conversation with the legend, Awey Mandel. Howie, I've watched you for a long time.
Starting point is 00:04:11 I've laughed in my living with you for years. And to have the moment to sit with you is really cool. So thank you for all that you've already given. Well, thank you already for this fine compliment and just, listen, as somebody who started out life, never being invited to the party, as soon as somebody has any interest in spending any time with me, I feel thankful more than showing up somewhere.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I feel that somebody asked me to be somewhere and somebody wants to talk to me and somebody takes any interest, I find that fascinating. So talking to a psychologist, you know, I got to open that up a little bit. So growing up, was it a misfit, an outcast? How did you label that? I think everybody feels like they're outcast and a misfit.
Starting point is 00:04:53 I think that what I've learned in life is, you know, we try with such vim and vigor from the time we are aware to fit in. And the way to fit in traditionally is to be like. You have to be like. As a kid, I come from the 50s and the 60s. I'm going to be 70 this year. But as a kid, you listened to the radio, so you wanted to know what the hottest music was and what you should buy and what you should be listening to. You looked at magazines or TV and saw how somebody was dressing or what kicks they were wearing.
Starting point is 00:05:31 And that's a, you know, everybody was wearing these shoes. So I had to tell my mom to buy these shoes. You just want to be like everyone else. Just by virtue of who I am and my genetics, I was not, nobody is, like anybody else. So I happened to be tiny. In high school, I was 4 foot 10 and 89 pounds and a very late bloomer. I happened to have mental health issues, which were not addressed nor would be addressed in the era that I come from. Really late in life in my 40s, I was diagnosed.
Starting point is 00:06:06 But living with these kind of, for lack of a better term, demons inside of me, I never felt comfortable. I was always aware of being different, and the result of the issues that I have, ADHD, OCD, depression, anxiety made me act out in ways that did not put me in line with what other people were willing to want to hang with or be with. Was it a hard upbringing? Was it a hard go? Or is this like, I just kind of stuffed it down. I played on the surface and I just kind of bounced around okay and I used my humor and one of my gifts to deflect and shield or was it like hard and dark and lonely and maybe it's moments of both of course but I think you're right it's moments of both I happen to be really lucky to have always been surrounded by an incredibly caring and loving family my parents were amazing and and supported everything it's just a different time was it hard and
Starting point is 00:07:14 And lonely? Yes. Was I, did I have a place to go to be coddled and loved? Yes. I think life is hard for everybody. I think life, business, whatever it is, what we all are looking for, and maybe this is why you do this podcast, is a coping skill. How do you cope with whatever feeling you have as a human, as a business person? How do you cope? How do you strengthen whatever it is your drive to do whatever you want to do your drive to fit in your drive to be a little more popular your drive to be in that friend group your drive to you know succeed in business it was really hard i think it's hard for everybody i feel that life as long as we're still talking and breathing is a work in progress and you should be aware of that that it it never remains the same you always have to adopt and adapt
Starting point is 00:08:06 and I think we are not creatures of adopting or adapting. That's just our resting place. It's work. It's really easy to just, this is who I am, this is how I do it. This is where I come from. These are the cards that have been dealt to me. And 99% of the world, in my view, is really unsatisfied with what they have, who they are, what they've achieved,
Starting point is 00:08:35 or how things are going. And that's why it becomes part of the vernacular to call Wednesday hump day, you know, because halfway through the week you are gutting over the hump of this. Can I use language on this? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, over the language, over the hump of shit that you're dealing with, whether it's a workplace environment that you're not happy with, to maybe get to the weekend, to not do anything really exciting, just not do the shit.
Starting point is 00:09:01 So everybody feels, and that's why we live in a world now that is incredibly, divided because most people are looking outside for what they believe their own personal success would be. And I'm not talking about financial or happiness. It's the government needs to help them. And if the government's not helping them or they're not happy, they blame it on whatever side they want to blame it on. Politics has really tapped into the darkness of humanity because that's a great fuel for them to win. Yeah. I mean, if you look at Gallup's pull and you break human psychology into three strata there's people that are thriving there's people that are struggling and there's people that are suffering and the the suffering plus struggling is better than
Starting point is 00:09:47 70 percent so the majority of people are having a hard go there's there's a healthy amount of folks that are like look i feel like i feel like i'm floating and like it's pretty good i've got a dingy i've got like you know a drink i'm comfortable the sun i've got some shade i'm out in the ocean it's kind of nice And the majority of people are like, I don't understand that picture. Because we are kind of just bombarded. And now in this world with social media even more, we're bombarded of what success looks like or should look like, which I don't believe at all anymore. We're bombarded with, look what I have and you don't have. Look at what they have and you should have.
Starting point is 00:10:32 look at what like what is the word success what is success that i think that's what it all comes down to and in my opinion success is personal comfort and i don't mean with money or things that you own or things that you've achieved just feeling good about where you are just feeling happy just have a reason when you wake up in the morning something that you look forward to something that makes you happy it doesn't have to be something that makes you a dollar It doesn't have to be something that gets you notoriety. It doesn't have to be. But we're taught that.
Starting point is 00:11:08 We're taught. It's got to look rich. It's got to look shiny. It's got to be beautiful. But I will tell you as somebody who chased that for many years of my life and achieve certain things that you think would make you happy, I'm telling you from this side and maybe I'll get hit for this. But those aren't things that end up making you happy.
Starting point is 00:11:28 You think they'll make you happy. This is why I wanted to have the conversation with you. is because one, I'm enthralled with the idea of mastery of self through mastery of craft. And when I watch you, you are masterful at comedy. Like, you've got- You know what, I'll give you my phone right now and you could look at a ton of comments.
Starting point is 00:11:48 I don't read a lot of the comments, but most of the comments will be negative because that's who comments. Most people, 99%- Back to your earlier point. 99%, right, but they'll tell me, you know, that's all subjective. Have I mastered?
Starting point is 00:12:02 comedy, there's always way, you know, in fact, let's speak fact and truth, and this is how I used to look at things. I remember when I first blew up, I sold out in an hour the Radio City Music Hall two shows. And Radio City Music Hall sits approximately 7,000 people. And I was in the dressing room with my wife and we're looking out onto 7th Avenue in Manhattan. 7,000 people are teaming out after the first show. 7,000 people are coming in for the second show. So there's 14,000 people blocking the corridor of traffic, there's cops out there with stanchions, they're trying to move. And my wife goes, this is all for you. What do you thinking?
Starting point is 00:12:39 And truth be told, I was thinking that this city has, at the time, maybe over 10 million people living in Manhattan. This is 14,000 people. So 9,986,000 people don't give a shit that I am in town and don't, will not pay for ticket don't like me probably don't even think i'm funny so is that freeing for you or was that did that not at the time after this amount of years of life and therapy and medication you have to free yourself in because you could focus on that i did focus on that at that time and that statement could go two ways there's a hinge between like there's nine million people that don't know who i am like that's
Starting point is 00:13:30 It's awesome. Like, I don't actually matter that much. Or you go, there's nine people that da-da-da. Like, wow, that's not enough. Man, there's, there's, I got more attention. I need more because, like, people need to know me. Like, there's a hinge idea. Well, there was a time where I wanted to, you know, I thought that if I make a lot of money and I'm famous, those are the answers. But what is, what are any of those? One time I used to work with Sharon Osborne and we were passing a graveyard. And she looked at, see all those stones? Who's the richest guy in that field? It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter. And people in my business are often asked, what do you want your legacy to be?
Starting point is 00:14:11 I don't know that there is a legacy besides procreation. My legacy are my children. You could be super, super famous. Walk down the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I can't tell you how many names I don't know. In that moment, the world was really bright and all about them. But that fades. You can ask the average person.
Starting point is 00:14:30 outside of show business, give me your great-grandfather's first name, your great-great-grandfather. I'll give you two generations. They don't know the first name. Of their own family. Of their own family, two generations. So when you think of the word fame, you are trying to achieve the ability for somebody that has no consequence in your life to recognize you. Nothing but a stranger in a restaurant will turn around and watch you eat because they saw you on TV.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Like, what is that? Well, that's not, there's no value in that. Finding Master is brought to you by Nutrifal. In many of my conversations about high performance and well-being, I often come back to this idea. The mind and body is one of the most beautiful ecosystems. And when something's out of sync for too long, like stress or hormones or nutrition, it often shows up in visible and sometimes invisible ways. One of those signals, hair thinning, hair loss. That's what intrigued me when I was introduced to Nutrafol and their founder, Georgios Satis.
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Starting point is 00:17:57 and what you're saying very clearly is what those for wisdom of the ages have been saying which is like well i don't need you to know me i need me to know that's exactly it so there's a commitment to work from the inside out to really understand how to be home at home with yourself wherever you are that takes work and that's why i want to have this conversation with you yes master of craft on comedy but for you to be porous with the public world and your private life about mental health. You were early in this narrative. I don't think I well.
Starting point is 00:18:30 I think I'm late in this narrative. No, you gave some air cover to people. This was 30 years ago. Right. Yeah. So you gave a lot of air cover to people. I don't even know if you recognize that. And then, so I was on the front edge of athletes saying,
Starting point is 00:18:41 hey, listen, you guys are seeing this craft. I'm good at the thing I do. But there's something else here that matters more to me right now. My inner life is upside down. I'm anxious, depressed, OCD, the things you mentioned. And I can't keep doing it this way. So the cool kids, you and them, you create air cover for the rest of us to say, oh, I don't have to have it all buttoned up. I don't have to have this perfect, glossy image of life.
Starting point is 00:19:06 And that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Why did you come forward with it? And what was the work that you've done to be able to find this deeper sense of freedom? And before you answer howie, before the mics turned on, I said, is there anything off limits? And you said, no, nothing. What would be off limits? Why would something be off limits? I don't really understand. Again, in the same way that I don't think there's any value in fame.
Starting point is 00:19:32 I don't think there's any value in it, really. I also don't think there's any value in not celebrating humanity and your foibles and your darkness and I'm a human being, you know, and I'm just, if not more flawed than somebody sitting next to me. And because I've achieved, whatever I've achieved. Like I got to tell you, I do a podcast with my daughter, Jacqueline, who I admire beyond words, went to school to become a teacher and she became, she got her master's in urban education and was teaching in Crenshaw and South Central and if you don't know L.A. The real hard, hard places where, you know, I used to sit in in our classes and watch and these kids don't have a pencil. They, most of them,
Starting point is 00:20:24 don't have two parents at home, if that. They don't have lunches. They don't have anything. Their hope is, any one of them at five and six years old knows a really close family member who was either incarcerated, overdosed, killed. And she was the light in their lives. And there are people, she was a kindergarten teacher,
Starting point is 00:20:47 and there are people that are in college now that still call her and she made a change. And the reason I'm telling you this, besides the pride of a parent, is I will walk into a room with my daughter, even today, and people will come up to me and want to take a picture with me and say, we'll give you a free, can we give you a free t-shirt? Can we do that?
Starting point is 00:21:09 And I'm standing beside a human being, she just happens to be my daughter, but I'm standing beside a human being who has legitimately, legitimately changed somebody's life. And I am a guy who is on, TV telling somebody I like the way you dance and they want to give me so much more she doesn't make enough in that living in that world that she's in to pay for a nice house here in Los Angeles you know she her husband has you know that I'm talking about
Starting point is 00:21:43 from one income there's no way she could live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood in Los Angeles and be an inner city teacher and I get paid way more than I deserve for, you know, what I'm contributing to society. I'm just so kind of taken aback by, you know, or people want to be my friend or people make me offers just because I'm on TV. You know, you're pointing to, I like that you're taking the conversation in this direction because the easy kind of narrative here is that you said fame is not valuable, I think, is how you phrased it. And I'm nodding my head and agreeing. But what fame, what recognition will do is it's a transactional experience that, oh, I do belong. So it's very, very dangerous of feeding the
Starting point is 00:22:35 belongingness that we all crave. Well, we all, you know, people in my business, if they get a job, and that's why I'm fascinated by even the, you know, I'm not knocking acting, but for the most part, the, you know, the biggest night is the Academy Awards. And you think, oh my God. And we give these people, including myself, I've been in movies, incredible respect for being picked up, having somebody help dress them, standing on a piece of tape, and saying what somebody else wrote 30 times over and over and over again from different angles. And then somebody sitting in an edit bay and putting that together. And then they have a night where they give each other awards for pretending to be something they're not and then we give them millions and millions of
Starting point is 00:23:25 dollars not only that we want to know who they voted for and what policy they think is important and I'm thinking like who why why I don't really understand it's so crazy so what I found accidentally and did not do I was incredibly embarrassed of my mental health weaknesses my wife of 46 years now gave me an ultimatum 30 years ago saying she couldn't handle me anymore it's really hard to live with somebody who is in in pain and you know feels mentally out of control and i tried to control everything around me you know i built a a secondary building if my kids coughed i moved into another house on the property and uh if they touch something that i deemed was dirty. I would force, it just, she goes, you really need help. You know, and I kind of
Starting point is 00:24:23 rationalized all these behaviors and this anger and this depression. And I went and got help and I got diagnosed. When I got help and diagnosed, there was a huge relief that this was, this was really something that had an identity and could be, you know, coped with. I don't use the word cured, because I'm coping. You're working with it. And we're all dealt a hand that we have to work with. And but as a child of the 50s and 60s,
Starting point is 00:24:57 and even today, there is a stigma attached to mental health. 100%. You know, I've talked so many times. Like if you're in an office, in a public place and you go, oh, my back is out. A thousand people will hand you a card for their chiropractor.
Starting point is 00:25:14 Or if you're a toothache, Delta, they'll also say, oh man are you okay yeah i had a backache once too it was so hard and like are you how you doing but when you've got a private thing that they can't see well even if you could see you if you god forbid you just said you can see you well even if you just said listen i i don't know what's come over me i can't even function today and i can't stop crying and i'm going to be crying and i can't cope you know people back off from you or if you said listen i i just need i got to go to my psychiatrist in the middle of a day in middle america i i don't know that you would be deemed it's not as
Starting point is 00:25:51 there's a stigma 100% 100% it's getting it's getting it's changing i hope it sounds like you are not feeling the change that you would like that you see and imagine and i agree with you i think the people that need the most hell it is it is you know just like you know you know racism is still here too you know and that's changing but it's it's it's hard work to do and it's hard to be a woman and it's hard to be it's hard to live the way we capture ideas matters for me the new remarkable paper pro move has just changed how i work on the go it's a digital paper tablet about the size of a paperback book it's light enough to slip into a pocket and it's also powerful enough to hold everything notes documents and to do's wherever work takes me it goes with me. The writing experience is unlike anything else. It looks and feels and even sounds like
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Starting point is 00:28:31 That's Square, S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash. go geo slash finding mastery and we have this stigma attached and what happened was I was on a live broadcast Howard Stern radio show I talk about it in my book and I didn't want to touch the doorknob to leave and they were having fun you know I'm a comedian so they were having fun with the fact that I couldn't touch the door knob and they kept trying to make me grab it and I started I had a panic attack and I said hey listen all kidding aside I'm going to pass out right now now and I feel like I'm going to die and Howard legitimately I have something called obsessive compulsive disorder I've been diagnosed on medicated and if you don't open the door for me right
Starting point is 00:29:16 now you're going to have to call 911 and they open the door for me and when I walked out in the hallway I thought I was in a commercial break I saw that this whole thing had been broadcast nationally and my there was probably the darkest most devastating moment I can remember in my history because I thought, oh my God, I just confessed nationally on radio that I'm a mental health patient. And number one, my first thought went to my poor kids. Everybody's going to say at school that your dad's a mental case. I've just embarrassed and shamed my entire family.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Number two, I'm never going to work again. Why would anybody handle, why would anybody hire, you know, all these, any job that I have, I don't know if people, people are aware of, but even show business, you know, even on AGT, there's an insurance policy on you, you know, there's a, you know, if something should happen, and they usually, when you start a new job, you'll even have a medical checkup, kind of, you know, it's just surfacy, it's not anything. But if you have a diagnosed mental health disorder, they're probably never going to hire me again. So I'm an embarrassment to my family. I'm unemployable. I don't know what to do,
Starting point is 00:30:29 and I wandered out into the street. And right away, somebody came. up to me i couldn't even make eye contact with somebody in this teeming sidewalk of manhattan within seconds of me coming out the door and they were are you howie mandel and i i didn't even make eye contact i looked down and i went yes they go i just heard you on howard stern and i just went oh shit what do i do now and he said two words which meant something different then than it means now but he just went me too and i went me too what are you saying he goes i have obsessive compulsive So thank you so much for talking about. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:31:06 He goes, it was so comforting to hear that, you know, in our own heads, regardless of whatever our mental issues is, we're all alone. We all feel that nobody really, and we don't. Nobody really sees things the way you see things. Nobody feels exactly like you feel. Nobody, so it is very lonely. And when you're suffering, you feel very alone,
Starting point is 00:31:25 because nobody can feel what you feel. So for him to say me too, and that really helped, He had no idea how much he helped me to say, I'm not alone. What you feel, the thing that I described, you've been diagnosed too, and you're going through this, and you're out here and you're willing to talk about it? I wasn't willing to talk about it. Well, now I have a friend. You just threw me a life preserver.
Starting point is 00:31:45 And then I went home, and within weeks, this is before the Internet. I started getting hundreds and hundreds of letters from people who were saying, thank you. And every letter made my life and my mind a little bit lighter, bit brighter, a little bit, so I realized, for my own sake, you know, I'd like to come off a little more altruistic, but I'm not. For my own sake, they helped me. And anybody who comes up to me in the street today and says, oh yeah, thank you for talking about it, or I have it too, or my kid talks about it, or is there anything you could suggest, you have no idea how wonderful. That's like
Starting point is 00:32:21 strangers coming up and hug you. I don't want you to hug me, but that's a real verbal, mental hug. Yeah. So again, thank you because you create air cover. You've created space. It's an accident that you stepped into this. Yeah. But the fact that you continued and you owned it and what serendipity is like a thing. I don't know how to explain it, but for someone to walk up and say that's you. It's remarkable. I believe in. You do. I do. I would imagine though, there's a little bit of a trap and I don't know if you've kind of navigated this trap door or you're still flirting with it, which is when somebody says something to you, thank you, amazing, you've helped me so much, that that reinforces and gives you the set of validation that you're okay
Starting point is 00:33:09 as opposed to from the inside out, the knowing that I'm at home with myself and I am who I am and I'm working my very best. There's a stability to the inside out approach and there's a fragility requiring the outside in approach. And if you could just open up the aperture there a little bit about how delicate it is for you or how sturdy you feel well i'm not stir i i've used this term i said i've become very comfortable with discomfort discomfort this is a major unlock this is a major unlock for for people to understand i do want to stay here stand-up comedy has been is my comfort zone because it's really uncomfortable and my analogy is this that's okay sorry i'm interrupting i've been told not to interrupt go ahead i've been scarred by my people
Starting point is 00:33:56 little bit which but right here this is the thing this is the through line between mastery of craft and mastery of self your commitment to be uncomfortable on both sides so I do want to understand that as well so there's three things I want to understand so will you remember you promise you remember where you were yeah okay keep going this is awesome so I've become comfortable with discomfort and if I had to use analogies if you find a passion and something you're excited about And that should just be for most people, what we should try to find is life. That should be what you're passionate about. And life is ebbs and flows, and it's hard.
Starting point is 00:34:39 But if you wanted to put it in a much more visual tone, if you just love boxing, you want to be a boxer, boxer is your life, you love the sport, you love the physicality, you love the challenge, you love the competition, it's your life. what you want to do. That's a choice you made. Then I will tell you, in order to box, there's going to be moments when you can't even catch your breath. There's going to be moments when you're going to be punched in the face so goddamn hard that your lights are knocked out, you know, and you're just going to be lying there and they're going to be counting. You can't let the count out. You've got to get up. You've got to get up. If this is what you want to do, and the analogy is
Starting point is 00:35:24 a boxer. Life is a fight. And if you want to fight, it's going to hurt sometimes. It's going to be so joyful when you connect and you win and you knock your opponent out or you go up and you get the belt or if you hit the weight. Like whatever you need to do to succeed, if that's a word, that, you know, succeed is such an open framed word. But that's what life is. And life is a constant and fight and a constant kicking. Life is like a river and you're flowing. You're never in the same place. I'm not in the same place as I tell you this story and I articulate whatever it is that I'm trying to articulate as I was when I sat down and you said, hello. I'm in a different place right now and everything is different and everything around me is different. Nobody's in the same place.
Starting point is 00:36:16 You've moved on in whatever the interesting question is. The listener is not in the same place. So I got to constantly navigate, we all are, and tread life. And that's how you go. And if you stop treading, and it's easy to stop treading. And we all stop treading in different ways, you drown. And you want to keep your head above the water in life and in relationships, you know, whether it's in marriage, whether it's in your business, whether it's just in your survival, whether it's just in your contentment.
Starting point is 00:36:48 If you can be content, and I'll tell you, I found stand-up comedy. I was miserable most of the time. And I went to a comedy club in April 19th, 1977, I went to a comedy club in Canada, Toronto, yuck-yucks, because somebody said, let's go. I was with one or two people, and I watched stand-up.
Starting point is 00:37:10 I had never seen live stand-up before live. I had seen, you know, Carlin and Dangerfield and all these people on, but I never aspired. to do that i mean it doesn't even seem like something that this middle-class kid from toronto i have nobody in show business it doesn't seem like something that you even think about and the host mark brazil said if there's anybody that thinks they can do this we'll service an amateur hour i think it was at midnight i can't remember what what it was does anybody want to do
Starting point is 00:37:40 it and somebody at the table went you should go up and i went okay like i always do like i said okay to this I say okay to everything for fear of missing out, which is also a problem and a gift, you know, because I... Because you say yes. But for fear of missing out, I get very little sleep because I'm on the internet all day long because I don't want to miss anything. I feel like the world's going much faster than I am, and it is,
Starting point is 00:38:05 and it's scary, and I'm constantly treading. But I said, okay, did not really prepare, thought it might be funny because somebody dared me to get up on stage that somebody was going to go, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel, and then I'd show up, and that would be funny, and that'd be the joke, and that would be the story. I did. I showed up, and they went, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel, and if you look at old tapes of what I used to do, I didn't have any preparation. The audience applauded. I'd never been on a stage before. I'm
Starting point is 00:38:34 looking at the microphone, and I look out, and there's spotlights in my eyes, and it's blinding, but I can see the audience applause dyes down. I can see the people in the front, and now they're just I have all these strangers just looking at me, expecting me to deliver something, and I had nothing. And my whole being was surging with terror and embarrassment and just this nervous pulsing of, like I'm not delivering. It's like that nightmare when you show up at a party in your underpan. You know, people talk about all these scary things. You know, I show up at a party and I was the only, I was naked at the party. And, you know, that's what you feel like. And the nerves took over and I started without even thinking and no plan, I started going, okay, okay, okay, okay. And I was
Starting point is 00:39:18 giggling and terrified. And I think the audience related, without being able to articulate this, the audience related to my terror and discomfort. And I was going, okay, okay, okay. And they started giggling maybe because they were uncomfortable. And then when they started giggling, I started going, what, what, what? And that kind of became my catchphrase. And I put my hands in my pocket and I didn't have anything to do. And I carry latex gloves with me. It did at the time. because if I was out in public and I had to go to a public restroom, I didn't want to touch anything because I had OCD. I didn't know I had OCD.
Starting point is 00:39:49 I just wanted to remain clean. And when I pulled my hands out, the glove came out of my pocket. So I didn't know what to do. I was terrified and I pulled the glove over my head past my nose. And I started breathing and the fingers were going up and down and up and down. And people started laughing. And then I blew it off my head and the audience roared and I went, good night. And I walked off stage and Mark saw me in the hall.
Starting point is 00:40:10 He goes, you got to come back and do it tomorrow. I said, do what? And he said, do what you did? And I went, okay. And then I started showing up there every night. It was the first time a large group of strangers. We were, for whatever reason, on the same wavelength, laughter releases an endorphin, everybody in the room, nobody knew me, but everybody liked me. We were all having fun. I was terrified. It was like being on a roller coaster. I love rollercoaster. I love thrill rides because that adrenaline, the scarier it is, the higher it is, the closer to death, the faster it is, the more exciting. You go, I want to ride that again. And ever since that moment, I've only tried to recreate April 19, 1977 again.
Starting point is 00:41:00 That's why I go on stage. That's why I do what I do. It's never that exciting anymore, but I go like I'm on tour all the time and people go people always say how are you I used to love when you did stand-up comedy you know I never stopped finding master is brought to you by fatty 15 one of the core questions I often return to is what does it mean to age well not just live longer but with clarity energy and the zest to keep doing what I love that's why I've been invested in consistently taking fatty 15 for a few years now it is a daily supplement it's power by C-15 the first essential fatty acid discovered in over 90 years. What sets fatty 15 apart is its focus on cellular resilience. Helping your cells function more like they did when you were younger by
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Starting point is 00:44:27 But during the 80s and 90s, I did like 10 HBO specials and all these cable specials. I have no desire now to do a Netflix special or any of these things that my fellow comedians do. I love three, four times a week, and I do it, dropping in at the comedy store, at the Laugh Factory, at the Ice House, at the improv, and just doing a set for, I just, I love stand-up comedy. I still do it. Are you scripted or unscripted? Pretty much, you know, listen, I love coming up with a routine that works. I love that art of coming up, of being a wordsmith and writing something that if I repeat it,
Starting point is 00:45:09 it'll definitely trigger strangers to respond to me. I love the idea. That's a craft. I love the idea of being taken off the script and being scary, like not knowing where they took me, you know, power goes out in a room. That's great. Somebody shows up. Somebody makes a noise.
Starting point is 00:45:26 Somebody throws up. The mic goes on. I love that. That's so exciting. and people go, you should do a special and I go, well, why? Why? I don't need to be more famous. I don't need to be on TV. I just want to do this. I'm really comfortable with just showing up somewhere. And if I had to be a server someplace in a restaurant to pay my rent, but once twice a week, I could show up in a little club and do that. That is such a happy place. You have no and I'm aware of I don't have that need and I don't have the need I'm lucky to do it for I still do it for big money but I don't have the need to do it for the money or for the notoriety I just like doing it I get how that squares with ADHD the spontaneity the that whole mix is
Starting point is 00:46:19 probably well suited for the way that you're able to network thoughts how does that work with OCD OCD I've had to you know and continue to have to cope with you know I'm a dichotomy You know, as somebody who doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want to touch, doesn't want to be in public. It's hard for me. What are you craving? Deepest down in your heart. What is the things that you're craving? Contentment is just to be okay, just to feel okay to not have fear.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Fear is a driving force. And what is it that you're afraid of? Something bad happening to a loved one. Is that why you work to control? so much? I don't know. You tell me. I don't know either. I just feel like as much as you think you have control, this is so much, this being existence is so much bigger than us. You try to control, you know, it's scary. I have three children and three grandchildren, and those are the most important things in my life. The dichotomy is a really good word for you because you've got
Starting point is 00:47:23 this spontaneity, thrill kind of thing that you experience. And then OCD is really in this anxiety meets control bit but then you were talking philosophically about like look life is a river we are different from the moment we said hello so intellectually you're spot on with the unfolding nature of life and then there's another part of you intellectually or maybe mechanically in your brain it's like no but don't touch me don't be close don't do this don't sneeze and because you become uncomfortable with it but that is a natural unfolding thing that can also fit into your philosophy. Right, except that the thrill and putting myself in uncomfortable positions and just being on that is a panacea for keeping me in the moment. I'm not focused if I don't like quiet
Starting point is 00:48:13 and if I'm in the quiet, then I'm worried and I'm scared and the fears that we all think about what's going to happen next because something's going to happen next. But when you are on that drop on a roller coaster when you're coming down to that. I'm not. Yeah, that's right. And that's what stage does for me. That's exactly right. You know, so I spent a good part of 10 to 15 years working with some of the most
Starting point is 00:48:37 extraordinary risk takers on the planet. Felix Baumgartner, who was Red Bull Stratos, who jumped from the edge of space at 120,000 feet in the brightest minds in aerospace. We're not sure when he passed through the sonic experience if his head and torso would do mock one, speed of sound. If his arms and his legs would have a drag on them, if they'd stay. intact or not. And we just lost him. He just passed away. He was a dear friend. And he showed us how to live to our edges. And that's why in the same spirit, you're living to your edges. Try. And yeah,
Starting point is 00:49:08 you are. So how do you organize your inner life to get up for the edge? It's an adrenaline. You know, it's, okay. I'll give you an example, just based on my business. Yeah. Well, I told you how I got into the business. But then it became very corporate. You know, I worked for a lot of corporate. You know, I work for a lot of corporations. And I felt like very tied. This is how you do it. And then it can become very repetitive. About 20 years ago, I called my son over the summer holidays. And he was 16, 17 years old. And I've always taught my kids, just don't be idle. Just like, be productive. And I don't mean make a lot of money. I mean, just do something productive. So I called him at three o'clock in the afternoon one day, a weekday. And I woke him up.
Starting point is 00:49:55 And I said, Alex, this is my son's name. I wouldn't use a different name because then he would be confused. But I said, Alex, you got to get a job. I can't be waking you up at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It's not healthy. It's not healthy. And he goes, I was working all night. I said, how do you work all night?
Starting point is 00:50:14 And I don't even know that you have a job. What were you doing? And he says to me, this 20 years ago, he says to me, YouTube. And I said, YouTube, you can scroll through on your phone what do you mean you're doing youtube he goes no i was doing youtube i go what are you doing what did you do last night he goes we were downtown throwing water balloons off the building and i said this does not seem like a job this does not seem productive and he goes oh yeah come
Starting point is 00:50:40 over and i went over to where he was and he showed me a check for $20,000 for that week and i went what the hell is this what are you doing are you doing porn i had no idea what he was doing and he said I'll show you. And I hadn't really looked. And he showed me, for the life of me, I can't remember specifically what it was, but I know he showed me a YouTube video that had 100 million clicks. First of all, I've never seen the number, you know, as successful as I've been, I've never seen anything get 100 million viewers or whatever. And I started reading comments and they went, this is the funniest thing. This is, you're brilliant. This is the most I've ever laughed. This is a, and it was a comedy video. And I didn't recognize it as comedy. I didn't, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Like, I don't even understand why this is funny. Like, I come from a place where when we started the comedy story, I understand the difference between Carrot Top and Dennis Miller, you know? And even if you don't like me or John Oliver, because we're very different people, I understand why, you know, it's different tastes, like country music versus rock and roll or whatever you like. I didn't even recognize this as comedy. And that was the scariest moment in my life.
Starting point is 00:51:50 That was an awakening because I said, wait a minute, 100 million. million people are engaging in this as comedy and they think it's funny like I don't even understand why it's funny let alone whether I can make a comment I don't like it or that's not funny or that's not funny to me it's objective to something and that was a rude awakening he's very successful now he this studio we're in he built he has a network of a million podcasts that people listen to and watch he ended up going going behind the scenes and realizing that all these influencers needed content. He creates white label content and shares in the ad revenue.
Starting point is 00:52:30 He does fine. The point is, but he taught me. So I said, wow, I don't even speak the language anymore. And what I realize we all do, we all do. Curiosity runs through everybody's veins. And going full circle to the beginning of this conversation, when we're young, I'm going to talk about my generation, we all listen to the radio to find out what's the hottest music what should we be buying what
Starting point is 00:52:56 should we be listening to we look at magazines and they still do this online what should i be wearing what is the style what is the fashion what is that at a certain point probably around your mid 40s people get tired of looking and seeing what's new they have their music they like that music spoke to them at the time where they're burgeoning and they're talking like they talk and then life just continues, that river continues to flow. The language becomes different. The way we consume becomes different. The way we do business becomes different. You know, people can stay in their bed in their underpants now and become a billionaire and never leave that bed and they can do that on a laptop. You could never have done that. Everything changes. And we sit around and your kid will
Starting point is 00:53:46 play you a song and you go, that's not music. You want to hear music? I'll play your mind. And that doesn't hit them. It doesn't hit them. You realize the language has changed. It's like going if you wanted to go now and go live in Italy for a year. You don't speak the language. A lifestyle is different. You learn that. So I took it upon myself and it kind of hit a switch that is very unhealthy and healthy where my curiosity, I have phomo, as Oprah coined the phrase, but fear of missing out. And I sit online all night and all day and just try to say, I want to speak the language. I want to be able to engage. I want to be able to entertain somebody now. And that's what I do. And if you walk around we're in my facility right now, you know, I have a gaming team. I'm fascinated by it. I have a gaming team
Starting point is 00:54:30 on Twitch that's playing live gaming. That's a great income stream. I have a very different for you or for them. Both. Most of the people you met here, I have technology here that the hologram technology is because I got tired of doing Zoom calls and doing things like this on Zoom and I found proto-hologram. I found them on Instagram. I DM David. I went over to think this is how I'm going to be myself
Starting point is 00:54:55 so I can get places without going any place. And I ended up seeing it. That's the low-hanging fruit. There's so many, it employs, it's a software company that employs AI. I ended up moving them into my building. That's the head office. I invested.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I sit on the board. I found a live band and the gaming team on Twitch. You know, I just have to be aware of how the world, I, for my own personal, it doesn't make me better. It doesn't make me more successful. I just need for comfort to know that I understand the language of our community, of our world now, you know. Let's start, let's kind of wind it back to one thought, which is your definition of success is. Contentment.
Starting point is 00:55:34 Okay. So I'm chasing contentment. But these don't sound like contentment activities. These sound like stimulating. I don't have to make, they sound like what? Like you're actually chasing stimulation. Being switched on. So being switched on and being aware
Starting point is 00:55:47 and being able to speak the language and understand makes me content. That's the piece. I just have to understand. It's like if I moved you to Italy right now, you would try really hard to learn the language because what are you chasing? Are you going to be more success?
Starting point is 00:56:03 Are you going to make more money? You might make more money if you speak the language and you might, and those are afterthoughts, but I want to speak the language of the world. I want to understand what the... You are a learner. Curiosity. I think curiosity doesn't kill a cat. Curiosity makes cats thrive. And I'm one cat that wants to thrive because that is every day I figure there's got to be like, what are they doing now? You know? And I'm so curious. And I don't bemoan anybody of my age who is not curious. I wish, I wish that I could have that comfort where, you know, I could sit at home. I could retire. and I could be content.
Starting point is 00:56:47 Some of them say they're content. I think a lot of people retire die. I think if you are not stimulated mentally, you will screw up physically. What do you think curiosity rests on? So curiosity is a mindset. It's like in a way that you approach something. For you, what does it rest on underneath?
Starting point is 00:57:06 It's a difficult question. Another way I can ask it is where does it come from? Meaning, if I don't know, I feel scared. or when I do know, I'm looking for the aha moment. Like, I can't wait to get the ahas. It tickles me. And that's probably not a great. The aha moment tickles you?
Starting point is 00:57:22 No. Or the process of like going towards. My wife gets mad at me all the time because it's not just about business or social media or whatever. I have always, like, even as a kid, just stared at people. I love to watch people.
Starting point is 00:57:37 I love, I love it. You don't have to know me. I like to watch you operate and see how. how things are done. And then I can't tell you how many times, my wife, I just prefaced this by saying she gets mad at me, where I'll engage a stranger in a conversation and I start asking too many questions. And they end up in tears and I will walk away. And my wife will go, well, you had to ask, you know, like are you married and my husband just died? Why did you ask? Why do you ask? Why do you
Starting point is 00:58:05 care? I go, I don't know, but I'm really interested. I see something. I want to look at it. I want to not touch it, but I'm using that as an analogy. I want to see something. I want to touch it. I want to know about it. I just want to. I just, I don't know. I can't just, it feels wrong for me personally to just let, I'm not trying to fill a void. Maybe I am, as I say it out loud, but I just want to, you know, if I hear a noise in another room, I want to walk in and see what that noise is. A lot of people are okay with hearing a noise in another room and going, oh, there's a noise, and continuing on. I don't know why. You tell me, why do I need to know what that was? Why do I need to know about somebody that I'm never seen before? I'm never going to see again. Why? Why do I need to stare? Why do I don't know?
Starting point is 00:58:53 Well, I will tell you, this is really cool that you brought this up because I was going to ask when we had a moment, like, what are you doing when you're listening? Because you listen in a very particular way. It's the eye contact. It's the way that I feel when you're listening. There's an intensity about you and there's a round, there's a contour to it. So the contour is like you're not burrowed in like, what is he going to say next? Like, this doesn't make sense. Hurry up, kid, that type of thing.
Starting point is 00:59:20 It's like, oh, wait, I wonder where he's going to go. So there is a curiosity that sits right underneath. Do people say that to you about the way that you listen? No, they say it don't listen. They say, I like ADD, because I, like you, I interrupt. but I interrupt, I interrupt because I am, see, this is, maybe I'm wrong, but I can't be wrong about, I could be wrong about myself. You know, I do a podcast and they say, you know, we want to hear them, not you, but when you start saying something that I'm really interested in, I'm like
Starting point is 00:59:50 a five-year-old kid who goes, you go, well, I, you know, I grew up in Germany, you grew up in Germany, like, what was that? Like, let you finish the sentence. But I'm so excited. I'm really enthralled with what you're saying or really interested in what you're saying so interested the term interruption is not what I'm doing the term is I'm engaging that's my engagement my engagement just has to be it just happens to be seen by everybody else as an interruption what's happening for you right now is you're speaking because there's a different neurochemistry in the way that you're just speaking about the you know the way that you engage with other people do you know what that feels like inside of you no you can't you don't articulate that well
Starting point is 01:00:31 not myself everybody else would notice it when you switch on everybody was out oh they probably say something like oh how he's on it or whatever they might say but that when you get excited i think other people are demonstrively influenced by it you know i pitch things i'm always selling and i'm always i like that i like that and i i'm on social media i'm on every platform i like that and i say to people the key and i'm not using my own terminology for success but if you want to buy this show, if you want to do this business, if you want to go viral, if you want to have a good, I said the one word that social media brought is engagement. Engagement is my whole essence. And it's not to have a viral moment. It's just that I have a tendency to just maybe because
Starting point is 01:01:24 I feel so alone and every, I just want to, I want to be part of whatever it is you're part of. I just want to engage. I just want to engage. And so much of what people talk about and so much of what they put on our media is just so passive. It's just noise. There's so much noise. And if you could find a moment, an idea, something that engages, there's something. And that's what in that moment of my fear, without any aspirations of being a comedian, being successful, being famous, being anything, I engaged a room of strangers. And I'm chasing that. That's all I chase is engagement. And if you look at all the biggest, whatever you want to call economic successes in people's lives, the Microsofts, the Steve Jobs, they were these outliers that were so focused on doing a specific
Starting point is 01:02:23 thing that ultimately engaged this huge mass. All of a sudden, everybody was interested in how it's done this way. They engaged in that tool that these people created. They were so engaged and they hit a seed of what engages all of us. And they brought that together. And I think what I chase is engagement. That's all I chase. I feel it when you're engaged. This is part of your signature way of going through life. But don't you feel that and everybody, it's not me. You, when somebody is disengaged or when something is just noise and I'm doing that right, 100%. I think engagement is the seed of life. I think that is the seed of success is the seed of contentment. Whether you're engaged with a life partner, with your child, with whatever
Starting point is 01:03:17 you're doing, with a hobby, that is the value. And when you're, you engage when you can hook on and hold on to something that makes you content that makes you happy we think that we're going to be engaged if we can grab money if we can grab notoriety what you find is those are empty engagements that are they fade you know it doesn't matter how much money you have when you die you're going to be in the same place it doesn't matter how many people know you eventually nobody's going to know you you know as somebody who has gone through you know, I blew up on HBO in 1981. The next day I was able to play, you know, two shows a night at 10,000 seats. In 2005, I couldn't sell 75 tickets at a comedy club. So I know the
Starting point is 01:04:06 difference of how I'm engaging an audience, how much of that audience is engaged, and then deal and no deal blew up. And then I was off of deal or no deal. They did 500. And then, so I've seen those ebbs and flows, which are really not that show business, but show business is a really good emblem for life. You know, there are times in your life where you are so engaged, where your relationships are really engaged. You know, I've been married for 46 years. You know, it's hot and heavy at the beginning. There's times where there's strife in life and finance and whatever that's going on in other people's lives where you're not as engaged. And you strive to become more engaged. Engagement is life. Engagement is success. Engagement is the fuel that we all seek.
Starting point is 01:04:54 Howie, more so than the words you've chose, it's how you've chosen them and the way that you've embodied the words that you're choosing. What a gift. I mean, I am a gift. Yeah, yeah. I am a gift. I feel like you're wrapping me up right now. You are, aren't you? I love what you just did. That I took the gift and the wrapping. And then we're closing the show out. And we're giving it to is that your camera is that your close up right there yeah yeah and we're and he's giving this gift to you oh god all right look i do want to ask you like one or two word questions here okay one or two word responses the responses are one or two words yeah right okay it all comes down to yes if you could name them boat what would the name of the boat be not titanic mastery is are you baiting me
Starting point is 01:05:45 You baited me perfectly. We're going to end with that. Howie, thank you, brother, so much. This is awesome. Thank you. Next time on Finding Mastering, we recorded live at the California Surf Club in Redondo Beach with NHL Hall of Famer and L.A. King's president, Luke Robatai.
Starting point is 01:06:03 From being a ninth round draft pick almost overlooked by the league to becoming one of hockey's all-time greats, Luke shares how hope, grit, and a relentless commitment to getting a little better every day, shaped both his career on the ice and his leadership off of it. Join us on Wednesday, October 8th at 9 a.m. Pacific only on Finding Mastery. All right. Thank you so much for diving into another episode of Finding Mastery with us. Our team loves creating this podcast and sharing these conversations with you. We really appreciate you being part of this community.
Starting point is 01:06:38 And if you're enjoying the show, the easiest no-cost way to support is to hit the subscribe or follow button wherever you're listening. Also, if you haven't already, please consider dropping us a review on Apple or Spotify. We are incredibly grateful for the support and feedback. If you're looking for even more insights, we have a newsletter we send out every Wednesday. Punch over to finding mastery.com slash newsletter to sign up. The show wouldn't be possible without our sponsors, and we take our recommendations seriously. And the team is very thoughtful about making sure we love and endorse every product you hear on the show. If you want to check out any of our sponsor offers you heard about in this episode, you can find those deals at finding mastery.com slash sponsors.
Starting point is 01:07:21 And remember, no one does it alone. The door here at Finding Mastery is always open to those looking to explore the edges and the reaches of their potential so that they can help others do the same. So join our community. Share your favorite episode with a friend and let us know how we can continue to show up for you. Lastly, as a quick reminder, information is that you. this podcast and from any material on the Finding Mastery website and social channels is for information purposes only. If you're looking for meaningful support, which we all need, one of the best things you can do is to talk to a licensed professional. So seek assistance
Starting point is 01:07:58 from your health care providers. Again, a sincere thank you for listening. Until next episode, be well. Think well. Keep exploring.

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