Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais - The Psychology of Performance Under Pressure |Andrew Whitworth
Episode Date: April 29, 2026What does it really take to stay at the top for 16 years and still know who you are when it ends? Andrew Whitworth is a Super Bowl champion, four-time Pro Bowler, and the oldest left tac...kle in NFL history to start a Super Bowl. He spent 16 seasons protecting the most valuable position on the field, finished his career by winning a championship at 40, and walked off in one of the most viral moments in NFL Films history, sitting in a circle with his kids, telling them “that was daddy’s last game.” In this conversation with Dr. Michael Gervais, Andrew pulls back the curtain on what made it all possible, and what almost broke him along the way.The first thing you notice about Andrew is the contradiction. 6'7", 345 pounds, built to dominate. And the engine underneath all of it is empathy. He explains how he prepared for opponents not by lifting more or running more, but by inhabiting them, studying their bodies until he could feel what they were going to do before they did it. “I'm going to study them to a point where we can dance together because I can actually feel everything they're going to try and accomplish before we do it,” he says. That is the offensive line position rendered as jazz. But this conversation goes a lot deeper than craft. Andrew is candid about the anxiety, self-doubt, and self-punishment that shadowed much of his career. He talks about walking home alone in the dark after college games to punish himself for mistakes, about needing to watch tape of the all-time greats failing just to feel okay running out of the tunnel, and about how Sean McVay eventually helped him believe he was “worthy of the light.” He also shares what Nick Saban taught him about process, what Marvin Lewis taught him about consistency, and what fatherhood taught him about everything. In this conversation, we explore:Why empathy, not size or strength, was Andrew’s greatest competitive advantageHow to study an opponent so deeply you can feel their next move before they make itWhy mastery of self always has to come before mastery of craftHow to hold people accountable in a way that builds rather than breaksWhy vulnerability comes before trust, not the other way aroundWhat changed about how Andrew competed once he became a fatherWhy telling someone what you see in them may be more powerful than telling them you believe in them Andrew’s story is a reminder that the people who go the furthest are often the ones quietly carrying the most. And that the greatest thing you leave with anyone, on a football field or anywhere else, is how you made them feel._____________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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As a young kid, my grandmother would drop me off at a Super One or a local grocery store
because I would always tell her I love to go bag people's groceries and just talk.
Like, I just wanted to get to know people.
And I say all that to say, what I realized about myself as I became a player was that I'm built on empathy.
Who are you when you've allowed the thing you do exceptionally well to define you?
There's only a position in the world that plays with their back to the ball at all times, 100% of the game.
You never know where the ball is.
The job built off feeling.
I can put myself on that rush her shoes.
and I'm going to study them to a point where we can dance together
because I can actually feel everything they're going to try to accomplish before we do it.
Welcome back or welcome to the Finding Mastery Podcast,
where we dive into the minds of the world's greatest thinkers and doers.
I'm your host, Dr. Michael Treveig.
A high-performance psychologist named Michael Treveig.
Who Pete Carroll brought into work with the Seahawks.
Famous for his work with Felix Baumgartner
when he jumped out of space in the Stratos project.
Olympic athletes depend on something more than just training and talent.
have to stay mentally tough.
Today's guest is Andrew Whitworth, Super Bowl champion and one of the most respected leaders
in NFL history who did something almost unheard of.
He stayed at the top of the NFL for 16 seasons and finished by winning a Super Bowl at the
age of 40.
I've done everything I can do and I've accomplished the goal that I had.
So am I doing this for me now or like, is it better for me to go lead my family and figure
out the next walk of life?
And then it all fell into place.
I win multiple people in the year and I went to Super Bowl.
And I have the epic moments sitting with them on that field because the coolest thing was I wasn't
even worried about celebrating winning.
It was like the meditation easiness came over me.
And I just was like, you know what?
That was Daddy's last game.
And like, I'm with you guys now.
You know, and that's what it's about.
Andrew also opens up about the parts we don't often hear.
Self-doubt, mental health, and at the center of it all, fatherhood.
I'm somebody with extreme anxiety and negativity about myself.
My wife would always tell me when I have these moments, when she realizes that I've gone too far.
Or in front of the kids, I come home and be like, man, you know, I failed.
Like, I'm going to get fired.
She'll be like, don't talk about my husband like that.
And that makes me emotional.
With that, let's jump into this week's conversation with Andrew Whitworth.
Andrew, this is, it's felt like a long time coming for us to sit down.
I'm excited.
Yeah, me too.
So, you know, if we're bifurcating this conversation in two parts,
mastery of craft and mastery of self.
If we had just start with that kind of framing,
what are you more interested in your life?
Master of craft or mastery of self?
I think for me at this point in life,
especially, it's really mastery of self.
But when I go back and look at my career
and really the time I spent playing football,
I realize that a lot of that had to do with mastery of self as well.
So when I go back and look at it,
it's really like I look at all those pinnacles of my life,
even my young life before I became professional athlete,
I'd go back and look at the pivotal moments
that we're actually just you learning
how to master who you are
that actually led me to now.
And so now it's like without football,
it's like all master of self.
So it's like how many things cannot master?
Well, you've got, yeah, but you've got a new craft.
You're on the desk, if you will,
kind of explaining how the game is unfolding
on Thursday night games at least.
And so there's other crafts that you're going to fold into.
But what I hear is that you've been most interested
in master of self,
even when you were one of the best in the world at your craft.
Yes, because I think inevitably, like, I think to me it's like my ability,
especially as when you talk about playing the offensive line position,
to control myself will really dictate my ability to master my craft.
And, you know, I think that I've always related in my time
and people kind of like at first jump back at it,
but I've always related the game of golf and me falling in love with it
and me figuring out how to become a great offensive lineman.
And it's because when you think about the game of golf
and you go out and you say, all right, par is 72.
It's going to take this many great swings and this many decisions
and ability to like master technique and touch and feel
and get my body to do all these certain things in a controlled way
to get to that par 72.
When I think about a football game, there's 60 to 90 snaps
that I'm going to have in a game as an offensive line
because the offensive alarm don't come off the field.
So how many of those can I master my technique?
And can I, every single play when I get out there and perform, can I step correctly, use my hands
correctly, control my posture, my body, my footing, like am I using the ground, the force,
and the balance, my eyes and what I'm seeing, all the right way?
And then also master all the habitual movements of the sequence of the sequence of
the defense alignment has.
Like, how does he move?
I didn't study, like, how good a guy was or how many rushes they had that were successful.
I studied, like, every posture that their body got in, every movement, and every what
it led to certain moves.
And then I would get out there and I'd rush like I was them.
and I would learn to feel like it was a dance
and we are saucing together
and I want to know when your hips sway here
this is what's coming next
and when your hand or your elbows here,
it's my neck.
So when I was talking about mastering craft,
I have to master myself to a rush like Chandler Jones
to then flip around and say,
I'm going to block Chandler Jones.
So now I've got to be able to set in a way
that dances in the same movement that he dances.
So I didn't think of offensive line play
like other people did.
I thought of it as mastering me is we're going to dance together
and I'm going to figure out just how to stay in front of you.
Okay, I don't get a loss for words very often
because you just poetically walk through
the way that you would organize your day, let's say,
or week, to play jazz, to sauce with another person.
And you would actually, it sounds like you would try to inhabit them
so that you can understand them.
And then you would look for habits and tendencies
that they would do inhabit that so that you would know, oh, for him to go do this,
his elbow is going to do this.
And now I've got a leverage point because I already know what he's trying to do.
Yeah, I would go find their three most likely rushes, the movements that their body moves
like and how they get into those rushes and are they closer, are they further away, all those
things.
So like, I don't care every talking about football or life or business or anything, like anything
you do.
Like if you're facing an opponent, one of the greatest things you're doing.
can know is to know your opponent better than they know themselves.
And to me, like if I know that and then I know myself, that's what helps me master my craft.
And so that's why I say that for me, it's always been master of self because I learned that
as a human being, if we're off the football field, as a young kid, my grandmother would drop
me off at a Super One or a local grocery store because I love, I would always tell her I love
to go bag people's groceries and just talk.
Like I just wanted to get to know people.
Like I would sit at the end, you know, you think of like you'd like you, you
bag your own groceries. I would just love to put their groceries in the bag and ask them how their
day is going or what they're doing or I got to thought it was fun to have these conversations.
And I say all that to say what I realized about myself as I became a player was that I'm built on
empathy. I love to put myself in other people's shoes and feel their life and feel how they feel
that day. And can I make them smile or can I make them feel better or can I make them relax?
And the only way I could ever do that is like put myself in their shoes. So when I became a football
player, I realized why not use what I know as myself to help me be the best at my craft. So my
end is I can put myself in that rush your shoes and I can feel their body and I can feel their
technique and I can feel what they're trying to accomplish. So I'm going to study them to a point
where we can dance together because I can actually feel everything they're going to try to
accomplish before we do it. Empathy really is, by the way, this is brilliant. Have you written about this?
I have been asked by a bunch of people to do it. I have never done it.
But I'm great at doing this.
I don't know if I could sit down and write,
but I got to like take an audio tape maybe and just start talking.
Take this tape and kind of push it through an engine.
But I think what you're saying that I think is really important is one,
you knew yourself,
you knew you had a natural proclivity towards understanding and engaging with other people,
but understanding them.
So empathy is not only identifying what another person is feeling,
but also conveying back to them that you feel it with them.
And so taking,
that and building, that's like the ground zero, I don't have the right word here, ground zero for
building out your model to better understand how to be great. And so if the world could do that,
know themselves, identify natural proclivity or talent that is interesting and they're naturally
kind of good at it, and then flex that and grow that in any environment that is also interesting,
like football, you're probably on to something that is infinitely scalable for humans.
And it's a little bit of the kind of the raw material, if you will, of people that are masterful.
Yeah, very cool.
Yeah, I think it's interesting because I always tell people that kind of blows people away.
But when I played football, I trained all offseason, like working out physically to get my body prepared for the journey that football season was.
But I did not take sets.
I did not like do football reps.
That wasn't my thing in the off season.
Like I just never did it.
Like a lot of years, especially the last half of my career, I never even like physically got.
got on my feet and ran. I just trained in a way to be prepared for the journey. And then I used
what I knew was my strengths. And that is the feel and the empathy of being able to like understand
and be able to like, oh, man, I can repeat the things I see. And so those were my strengths and
that's what I would do. So when I got into football season, I leaned all into football. That's when
it became mastering that craft and mastering those things. But I first had to master me. So I would
going these journeys in the off seasons of one year it would be crossfit one year it'd be i'm going to see
how many striders and running i'm become an expert at sprinting like one year it's like i hired a swim
coach and i was like i'm going to figure out how to swim that was a bad journey but it didn't work i was
not good at swimming but i that was like the the offseason thing like that i'm going to conquer
and all in the midst of that golf was always one of the things that i kept getting brought back to
and it became something that just for me was where i found this mastery of like figuring out
I could care less about playing golf with people.
I went to sit and hit thousands of balls,
listen to music, meditate almost,
and just watch a ball go the direction
or the arc that I wanted to put on it
over and over and over again.
And that's what I loved about actual golf
was to master that ability.
For people that would see you walking down the street,
they see a 200 and what?
Well, at that time, 6, 7, 345 pounds?
345.
Bald head, big jaw, huge shoulders, you know,
and they would not instantly go,
oh, there's a man of empathy.
Yeah.
So you have this ying yong about you.
And I think I just see the spark in your eye.
You like that, don't you?
I do.
And it's funny you say it because when I got out of football,
so here I am, I've played football for 25 years.
And I get done.
College and pro?
We get from, you know,
from junior high school to college to a pro.
Winning a Super Bowl.
So you played all the way through the highest level.
Well, the thing about that's 25 years,
won a Super Bowl, won a college national championship with Nick Saban,
won three state championships in high school.
Got a guy named Don Schaels as my high school football coach, went 58 and two.
Like I've had been a part of three different programs that were unbelievable,
or really four, and seen winning at a bunch of different ways.
All this experience, but when I got done, I had no idea what I'm going to do.
And I laugh at that because the first thing,
one of the few people I talked to Troy Aikman, Al Michaels, Kirk, Curb Street,
some people that had been in the business, had these kids.
conversations. And Kirk Herkirb Street is one of the people that said something that's always
like just stuck in my mind because it was something that I heard over my time while I played.
And it's what you just said is, you know, I'm alignments. You don't get interviewed by like press
conferences. It's usually somebody at your locker. Explain what alignment is the folks that might not
know. So as an offensive lineman, you know, I mean, really at our position in the NFL, you think
about it. Like as long as we're not heard about, we're probably playing awesome. When you hear about us,
it's because we've gotten a holding call that's called back an 80-yard touchdown. And everyone goes,
Oh, this play is coming back.
And, you know, or we've, you know, false started, or we've gotten the quarterback sacked.
And now it's a sack fumble and the other team's running back for a touchdown.
And they're going to be like, what happened here?
And it's our Whitworth gave up a sack fumble.
You know, so the only time our name is brought up is when we fail.
You are the protectors of the quarterback.
That's it.
You're the protectors in general.
You think about this.
There's only one that I know of.
There's only a position in the world that plays with their back to the ball at all times, 100% of the game.
You never know where the ball is.
It's a job. Remember I talked about empathy. It's a job built off feel. So like you've got to be able to feel what's happening behind you or where that quarterback might be, where the running back might be. You've got to have these feelings of understanding the concept of the game and what's happening throughout a game and be able to look at this defense. So a lot of my judgments are made off the eyeballs and the bodies that are in front of me. Where are they going? Where are they looking? Where is their feeling or energy going? That's how I'm trying to decide how to block.
this guy that I've got a hold of.
And how do you train that capability to have that sensitivity?
I think there's a lot of guys that have it or they don't because it's a feel thing.
And so it's like saying that somebody has touch in the game of golf or shooting the touch
that a Steph Curry was born with an ability.
Yeah, sure, he practices butt off, but eventually there was some natural feel that he has.
So let's create two scenarios as an interruption to your story here, though, but two scenarios.
Version one is you come into the game and you're feeling some sort of pressure.
You're over-activated.
You've got some narrative in your head that this is a big game or whatever.
You've made something up other than what it actually is.
And you feel tight and you're a little noisy in your head.
You'll have less feel and touch.
Yep.
Right?
If you're clean, meaning version two is like you are taking one rep at a time.
You are making eye contact with your teammates before the game started.
You're feeling the way that you want to feel.
You've got, I don't want to put words in your mouth about what your ideal state is.
We'll come back to that in a second.
And you're not very noisy up in your head.
You'll have better feel.
Yep.
Full stop.
How would you prepare yourself to be in that version of you where you're quiet, where you can
access the feeling sensory information that's coming in?
Well, this gets into the negatives of knowing self.
And that is I'm somebody with extreme anxiety and negativity about myself.
Like if I see myself in a mirror, I don't want to look at it.
Come on.
Like, for instance, I do Thursday Night Football.
I've never rewatched a single thing that I've ever been.
It's because I don't like to see myself on TV.
I don't like to hear myself talk.
So for me, you're talking about getting that position.
What I actually had to do, I would study all week.
Like I'd be prepared.
I'd know their body.
I'd know how they rush.
I'd know our plan.
Like football always kind of came easy to me, X is an O.
So I understood what we were trying to accomplish.
I understood how they played.
But on Friday afternoons, I used to go when everyone would leave.
and not harder work, I would put on tape,
and I wanted to watch every great offensive linemen.
It could be current guys.
I'd ask our tape guy in Cincinnati.
I want to see Anthony Munoz play.
I want to see, you know, Orlando Pace.
I want to see, you know, whoever it may be, Walter Jones.
Like, I want to watch these guys play.
It's like, oh, man, that's cool.
You know, I've heard Pukunakua share that he loves to go watch great tapes
at Jordan or Kobe or whoever, like, right?
I wanted to watch him because I want to watch them fail.
So I was watching for the rep where I'd see him get beat.
And I'd see him mess up.
And I'd be like, it's okay.
Like, I'll be okay.
Like, that's Walter Jones.
That's Anthony Munoz.
Like, that's Orlando Pace.
That's Willie Anderson.
That's Jonathan Ogden.
They mess up too.
Like, you're going to be okay.
So you needed real evidence to have a sturdy psychological model or framework that it is okay to make mistakes.
You couldn't just say it to yourself.
You couldn't have a coach or a parent or somebody say, it's okay, mistakes happen.
you needed to have real evidence via tape.
Oh, yep, look, they walk back.
Oh, and they are one of the greats.
So this is part of the equation.
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to say, yeah, but they only mess up once a year. Right. Of course they don't. But you wouldn't do a funny
little mental gymnastics in there to create more tension for yourself. Once you see it, you'd say,
oh yeah, okay, I'm okay. Yeah, because when you're driven off of not necessarily depression,
like anxiety and a self like, man, worth type issue, all you need to do is see that somebody else
has failed. Somebody else has made a mistake because you're, you're not in a world where you go
percentages. You're in the world where you think like, if I make one mistake, my life's over or
this opportunity is over. That's how you feel. That's not the reality. But, you know, your perception
is that that's how it is. And so I had to see these people actually fail and then see them be
successful or struggle in a game and see like, oh man, they played a game where it was tough.
And they had a really good opponent and they struggled.
And then that would be this feeling that that would give me that everything's okay.
And I would get in that tunnel and I'm going to run out the tunnel and play James Harrison or I'm
about to run out of the tunnel and play Terrell Suggs.
And I'm like, no, I've watched other people fail.
Like, I'm about to go out here and play great because it's okay if I fail and that gives me
the freedom to go play.
I really appreciate because you are the strong man.
Go back to walking down the street.
I really appreciate more than you would know probably.
And maybe more than the finding mastery community would know how you are speaking about empathy
and honestly talking about how hard you are in yourself.
But you're not doing it like a badge of honor.
Like, man, I'm so hard on myself.
You're saying, no, like, look, it's not great.
I had to figure out how to work through this.
I didn't hear you say that you were clinically depressed or clinically anxious, but I wonder if you
teetered throughout your career with anxiety or depression. And I'm saying like real stuff.
Oh, yeah. You did. Oh, yeah. And the reason I would know that and you would know that is because
the way we speak to ourselves creates a relationship with our self and it creates the relationship
with our future. And so if you're speaking harshly about yourself, it's like this little microcut,
if you will, and it sets us up to feel kind of weak to be able to do the future. That's anxiety.
I don't think it's going to work out. Man, we got to do this and this and this. It's not going to
work out. Depression is like, man, it's really not going to work out. And I don't think I'm worth it.
That type of thing. So how did you work through it? Maybe you can kind of walk me through that.
Yeah, I think when you hear things that really help you kind of like just like you would and
A golf swing, it's like, hey, man, I'm going to keep my red elbow in or my posture like this.
You think of a swing thought.
I think a life thought.
So, like, for me, it's like little things that I've picked up through life that kind of help me deal with those emotions and feelings.
Like, I can go all the way back to, I went to public school and elementary school,
but I went to this private academy, OCS, Washington School, in Monroe, Louisiana for just two years in junior high.
And it was way far away from my home.
and I can remember sitting by the flagpole and the night as it's dark and I'm waiting for
my parents going to pick me up because they would have to come get me when my dad got off work.
And I can remember sitting and just staring at the sky and these anxious moments, these
depressive thoughts and a anxiety of like just I would get into these in-depth feelings and of just
places I didn't even know where I was going.
And then things would happen in high school as I went on to a public school in high school.
and it's like I'd have these moments where it's like something would happen.
I'd get in trouble or I'd say something I wasn't supposed to and I'd get so upset with myself.
And then I would like now I look back and I go, wow, those were markers in my life where I changed something about myself.
Whereas at that moment I felt like, why does this keep happening where it's like I do one little thing and the whole world falls?
And I'd be like, no, that's your image that you think the whole world falls when those little things happen.
But actually those are moments where you're like self-correcting and you're figuring out how to live life.
And so I would have all those dark moments.
Like I think in college, like my freshman year, like my coach, Stacey Serles knows this.
Like I would plan it bad in a game.
And I would walk home in the dark at night.
I would make myself walk home instead of riding scooters or with the golf carts with the guys or buses.
I'd walk all the way back to my dorm in the dark because it was like I deserved that because I didn't play well.
And then that turned into, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to go up to the facility and there's a sled.
I know it's out on the field.
I'll push the sled in the dark just to like punish myself.
So I kind of started to learn that actions deserved punishment.
So I would like punish myself in the sense of if I failed or I didn't live up to my expectations,
it became like that meant I needed to punish myself.
I needed to regulate myself.
Where did you learn this from?
Is this dad's voice, uncle's voice, early coach's voice, mom's voice?
You know, so I brought up the empathy thing.
But part of the empathy thing is like I've always also had this special ability to sponsor.
And what I mean by that is like, I can just be around.
I can hear.
I can listen.
And like I'm just people's conversations or people's thoughts or a show I watched or a movie.
Like I really, when you watch a show and you're like, oh, this show makes me feel good.
Like you watched a full house back in the day or Family Matters or, you know, fresh prints.
Like I didn't ever walk away with, I like that show.
That principle that whatever that show was about never lost my mind.
And like I thought on it constantly and like pondered on it and like just all the time like it was in my mind of like the principle of, you know, a dad and a son and their love and man, being rude to your friend and like maybe in a moment like selfishness or inclusion or not excluding people like any of those emotions that in those shows like that I deeply felt them to the point where like even now it's hard for me watch a movie that's like too emotional or like going to make you think about something because it like rocks me.
nightmare. Like I'm going to live in that emotion for days, whatever I watch, because in my mind,
I've got to feel it. I got to empathize with it. And I got to go through all the feelings that
they went through and flush it. And then for me, the curiosity of who I am, like, how would I've
handled it? How would I have felt? What would I have done? Like, what could they have done better?
Like, what could the reaction have been? And I got to think through all those scenarios.
And so that's how even in sports and in life, that's why I say this mastery of myself and the
master of my craft have always going hand in hand for me.
Because I don't need to just master what I need to do in my craft.
I actually have to have a figure out, what was it that Chandler Jones should have done better?
The guy I was going against.
What should he have done better?
What should the rusher have done better?
What could have worked better for my opponent?
Or in my case, like in life experiences, like where was I right?
Where was I wrong?
where was the other person right and wrong?
Your level of awareness is kind of jumping out
that you are aware of your inner experience,
the way you speak to yourself and the way you feel
at a really heightened level.
And there's a double-edged sword to this.
Very.
Yeah, because I think you're not afraid to feel.
I've been fortunate to be across four Olympic games,
now three Super Bowl experiences as a sport psychologist,
hand scores of others, I'm really clear that those events are for big emotions,
but not because they're bigger than other games,
but there tends to be big emotions that come forward in those experiences.
And if you're not great with emotions, you get run over.
And I'll crosswalk that too.
Life is for big emotions.
And most of us are so afraid to feel the depth of the emotions that we mute it.
You haven't done that.
Do you feel different than other people?
I feel that I do.
I don't know that I do, but the reaction of the people I get around is that I do.
I'm wondering if there's a loneliness because of the depth that you go.
Yeah, oh, massively.
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people.
Let's give it example.
I have more people in my life, and I can say this, not as a badge again.
I have more people in my life that convey the message of I'm so thankful and great
that you ever came into my life,
then people that I would say
I actually think I'm really close with
and friends with them, I talk to every day,
which is weird.
I think that's a weird emotion.
Like it's weird that that's not an emotion,
it's a fact.
It's a fact.
Yeah.
Like that I don't have a lot of like people in my life
that I'm like, oh, me and this person chit chat every day.
I have a lot of people in my life
who like call me in their dark moment
and it's like, let's talk.
And then I'm going to hear from them again for a while.
That's right.
But I'm going to be there.
You know,
and I'm going to be available and nothing's changed.
I'm not saying that in a negative way.
I'm just saying to have more people in my life that it's that.
Yeah, right.
Then I do that it's like, I'm going to chichatter.
I'm like people say, what's your golf group?
Like, I don't have a golf group.
Like I have a, man, I'd really like to host this group of guys that I don't think ever get to go out and play golf.
So I'm a member here because that I can create those experiences for them.
And then I get to like feeling the joy of them getting to go play.
Like, I have more people like that.
Like that list is long because I love to do that.
I love to give people that experience.
But you're not the lone wolf.
No.
You're a pack animal.
But you're a mixed metaphors here for just a minute because I had a metaphor about the well
Like your well runs deep and people recognize it that because of that depth they feel safe let's say your well goes down 10 units and there starts to kind of feel really cold water at unit three
And they're like yeah but whit knows how to get down into unit 10 like he can go a lot further he's been there so I can call them so you feel safe in that way to them yeah I do I feel like I don't think you can control what people's perceptions of a relationship
are or what they might perceive, like, why you would benefit from this relationship or other.
Like, I can't control the other side of those relationships.
What I can control is my availability and my consistency of who I am over time to people.
And I think that inevitably that's what means something to me.
Like, I don't care that a person texts me every day or, like, checks in with me every week.
Like, that may be a lonely feeling sometimes.
Like, hey, man, I wish they'd hit me up like I'm kind of bored this week or lonely.
But I don't really actually genuinely care in our relationship.
What I do care is that if I give them information or I tell them I want to help them,
that they understand that it is coming from a place where, like,
I genuinely just want, like, you to be happy and successful and, like, everything to work out in your life
and the way that you want it to.
And that's how I'm going to provide the advice.
That's the intersection between empathy and mastery.
So you're sneaking a couple things in here is that you are not interested in the things that you cannot control.
Yeah.
It's nice when somebody calls.
it's nice when you win. By the way, you can't control winning.
300 people call you when you win. You hear from your mom when you lose. That's the reality.
And so what you are interested in is the way that you can work from consistency over time.
Now you snuck that in there. Consistency over time. And so I'm interested in how do you develop consistency?
What does that mean to you? Time will take care of itself. It's happening right now underfoot.
Okay. But how do you develop consistency from somebody?
who is high empathy, high awareness of what they're saying and feeling, and how others might be
saying and feeling or might be feeling things as well. What is your mechanism to be consistent?
Because I think it's consistent with character more than is consistent now with arm placement.
Yeah. Yeah. I think it's, to me, some really important values that I relate to. And that is, like,
one, I think is really key. And I think it's like you hear people who we're talking about nutrition
and starting a diet or a life change.
If we're talking about, you know, addiction,
and it's like I want to create new habits.
Or if we're talking about making this change
and, you know, whatever it may be in your life,
that every single day is a new day
that you reset the pieces and you go again.
And it doesn't really matter what happened the day before.
And so what I mean by that is,
is like, all right, I'm going to live in this moment in this day,
and I'm going to try to accomplish everything it is that I set out to do.
And I might fail at it.
But the most important thing is not whether I failed and not whether yesterday was perfect.
It's that tomorrow I wake up with the same renewed vigor and energy to go attack that same process again on a daily basis.
And like that means that, man, I want to be a better dad.
Man, I might be awesome at morning dropping them off.
And then in the afternoon, somebody might have invited me to play golf and maybe I missed a moment.
Or maybe I got, you know, Amazon had me go do something.
I might have missed one of my kids games or whatever.
Like the next morning I don't wake up.
up and go, man, I'm just a bad dad. Like, no, no, no, today I go at it again. Like, today,
it's like, I'm going to wake up again. I'm going to create the most energy possible when I drop
them off. Like, let's be great. Let's have an awesome day. I love you guys. Can't wait
see this afternoon. And I'm going to try and live that day even better the next day. And it may
happen again. But every day I redo it again. Did sport teach you that or did somebody in sport
teach you that. I think what I started to realize is that the people in my life that had the most
respect for, the coaches, the adults that I might have said, hey, you might not have been my mentor,
but you're somebody I looked up to. I started to realize that the real character trait that a lot
of them had was I could count on who they were. And so for me, when I grew up, people say,
who'd you idolized? I go, man, I don't know. I never really got into the idle thing.
Me too. I never got into like that. I have a hard time with that question. What I did have,
Man, there's some traits that Jordan had that I think are really cool.
There's some traits that Aitman had or Emmett Smith or, you know, whoever it may be.
It could even be a wrestler, like, you know, of Hulk Hogan, the Confidence.
It's like you're a WUK.
It could be all these things, right?
No.
But I always say like, hey, don't tell me the person you idolize.
Tell me the 25 traits of great people that you think you could emulate.
And that, to me, is something that, like, I was always intrigued by.
There's a mechanism that we walk people through.
So we take best practices of elite sport and crosswalk them.
into big business enterprise.
And so the same way we work with a head coach,
a CEO and athletes,
we work with the employees.
And so one of the things that we found
is materially important
is to know yourself,
which is exactly what you're talking about.
And we will ask a question.
It's a kind of a walk-up, if you will,
to help you know your personal philosophy.
And we'll say, like,
who are the people that you respect?
But this is not the real question.
Just jog it down.
Like, who are people you respect?
Not admire.
We don't use that word,
but who respect?
da-da-da-da-da. And then part two is what are the principles that they live by that are most
interesting to you? Because we can't replicate their life or their choices, really, but we can
replicate a process to develop those principles. And if you're consistent with those
principles, you got something, like really powerful.
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I always say that about coaching.
Like, you look at some of the coaches when people talk about a tree.
They're like, man, why somebody come from this tree?
A coaching tree.
Like, you could look at the same thing in a business.
Like this boss, like how many people have been under this person
and they've gone on to be successful and create this or that, right?
I've always said, I think people struggle who want to implement.
imitate who they're led by. But people who can figure out how to emulate. What are the standards?
What are the processes of character? What are the pillars that this person's built everything of
who they are on? Can you find some of those that could be one of your pillars? Is there something
about them? I say this when Sean McVeigh got the job of the Rams, people are like, man,
with this genius, X's and O's, all stuff. No, he filmed it all. I know he did because he trained himself
under the Niners and his grandfather and everything. So Bill Wash filmed every single meeting.
Sean filmed every single meeting. We took the job. If you got the tape of the first three
is him being the head coach of the Rams. That could to this day be one of the greatest
leadership meetings in the world CEO meeting of any company. And it was about, let me help you
guys understand the four pillars we will always be built on. Character, consistency,
communication, all those things that relate to how we're going to do things. So like,
what does communication mean to you? Is that verbal? No, it's not all verbal. Any workplace.
Communication is visual and it's verbal. It's your body language. It's the
tone. It's everything you say things with. And it's what comes out of your mouth. Consistency on a
daily basis. Like how you're going to live. What are the standards? How are we going to uphold those things?
Character. What does football character look like? And what does character off the football field look
like? All those type things we put together is like, he's like, hey, these are the four pillars that
will be built on. And once we build these four pillars, we'll move up to how we'll compete on the
football field, how we'll do all these other things. But if we can't do these, everything will
crumble because the house doesn't fall because the roof starts, it falls because the bottom,
right? The base. And so when I talk about those things, it's like when you look at people you've
been around, I say, man, I don't want to be Sean McVeigh. I think there's plenty of qualities of
Sean McVeigh. He can keep. He's more brother. I love him to death. Plenty things I don't want
to be like Sean. There's a million things that I'd love to be like him. But what I took from him
were confidence that's built with humility. Like he's got confidence, but he's also got a humbleness
that he doesn't have all the answers, and you give him a problem, he's going to find a way to
solve it. And he's going to work until he can't function anymore to find that answer. So he's
got confidence that's built with humility. He's got passions that are built with persistence.
That little kid who wants a baseball bat so bad for Christmas and mom and dad get it to him
and two weeks later, they don't even swing it anymore. He's not built on that. He's got a passion
of what we're going to do and he's got persistence that we're going to finish it. We're going to
find where those two things meet on a daily basis. Right? And so to me,
When I look at people and I look at those things, it's like how our humility and confidence
go together, how to passion and persistence go together, all the things like people hate the
word balance, but like balance doesn't mean I don't do anything more than I do another.
Balance means finding how do I full throttle everything in my life, but find where all those
things actually find a place to balance out in the middle.
That's where I want to live.
And I want to wake up every single day with the pieces reset on, I want to be a great father
today.
I want to do great in my workouts and my diet and nutrition today.
be a great husband. I want to be a great friend. I want to wake up with that same vigor and energy
and infectious enthusiasm that chases that version of me every day. First and foremost, I'll ask you to
say it again, because I think you could, but what you just said was awesome. There wasn't a word
out of place. And what I think most people might miss of the football world because they see
large humans knocking each other around is there is incredible sensitivities to helping people become
their very best. And there's a process. There are frameworks. There are practices that happen every day
to a standard of excellence. Listen, there's problems in football, but it is a phenomenal working laboratory
to figure out ways to express human potential. And again, there's some problems. Oh, plenty.
That's not for the aim of this conversation. I want to come back to humility in a moment. I want to
place hold that. But I also want to say, I think you're really visual.
the way that you are walking through everything you just walked through, which were principles,
I think you see in your mind what you're saying.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
So you...
There's a movie playing.
There's a movie playing.
And that movie is in color?
Oh, yeah.
It is.
And so when you close your eyes and you see yourself being great or you see something
happening for one of your kids, you can actually feel that movie as well.
Did you use mental imagery on a regular basis as an athlete?
Yeah.
So when I say I would study a rush and do a dance with them,
I can literally picture their bodies moving before the, like everything, the whole image.
Actually, I would say there's multiple times in my career where the movie played while I was playing.
And I would be like, oh, crap, he didn't do what the movie said.
And it's like, oh, no, like I could almost, I could literally see it all so fast that sometimes I'd be like, this is coming next.
And it was coming, but I might go too fast.
Like I was ahead of the movie.
Yeah, that's right.
Like I could literally see the whole movie happening the whole time.
And it was like more about trusting that I was seeing the correct movie.
When we studied the difference between people that medal at the Olympics and people don't,
when I say we, it wasn't me, it was the field.
I think it was back in like 2008 or something like that.
This research came out that automatic,
that automicity, meaning allowing things to be automatic,
was one of the hallmarks of elite athletes that actually won in those competitions
and emotional regulation and self-talk.
Those three were distinguishing features.
And I think you have all three of those.
disciplined, aware of your self-talk and probably pretty disciplined to know what's useful.
You are allowing yourself to be automatic when you're at your best.
Sometimes you see a movie and it would junk you up a little bit, but sometimes it was helping
you.
And you're able, because of your natural proclivity to empathy, you're able to work well
with emotions in an honest way, right?
Does that sound like some of the broth is coming together and your principle-based?
And it sounds like it was a great environment for you to be taught by somebody that was
principle-based. Well, I said the sponge thing, right? I said empathy and sponge. I said I moved to
sponge next, right? Okay. So I give you an example of the things we've just discussed.
Okay. Don Schaels, my high school football coach, 58 and two, three state championships, ton of success.
What is this last name? Don Schaus, S-H-O-W-S, Don Shows. So Don Schaus, 58 and two, ton of success.
Punisher. A little small guy, think varsity blues, hung from my face mask every day.
punish me every time I ever made a mistake.
Okay.
You know, like every, like literally verbally, physically destroy you at every mistake.
Okay.
What happened to me there?
I built that characteristic in the college.
Nick Saban.
What,
what characteristic did you build?
Punishing myself.
I want to go push a sled.
I want to walk home in the dark.
This doesn't sound healthy to me.
No, but I'm a sponge.
So every leader I've ever had.
That's what you're saying.
So here we go.
Nick Sabin.
Process over results.
I mean,
I could quote out Nick.
Sabin's press conferences.
Best part is I am the least surprised person of anyone to see Nick Saban killing it on
college game day.
Why?
Because a lot of what people took as out of control of his emotions or anger or whatever,
Nick Saban planned for you to ask him that question in a press conference for months and
years before you ever asked it.
And he knew exactly what was coming out of his mouth the second you did it.
because he had a process-driven mindset that I will be prepared to send messages.
He wasn't talking to the media.
He's talking to every single guy he led and every single person that work with him.
And he wanted you to hear his message.
That's what Coach Carroll would say all the time.
When I first met him, he would say it.
When I'm in front of the media, Mike, I'm talking to the locker room.
Yeah.
Right?
Sometimes I'm talking to ownership, but most of the time I'm talking to it.
Nick Saban sending a message.
That's right.
Yeah.
You took it as an irrational reaction to your question.
He took it as, I've been waiting for you to ask me that.
And this is the tone and the energy that needs to be met with what I have to say.
Or he'd say, hey, you guys want me to preach for a second?
And he'd start talking because it's something he wanted you to just really feel what he had to say.
So I learned that from Nick Saban.
What did you learn there specifically?
Well, just the process and the being prepared for all things at all times.
Okay.
Right.
So process over results.
That's where I really think I developed my consistency as a human and every single day and how I'm going to work, how I'm going to prepare.
and the scoreboard's not going to matter to me.
What's going to matter to me is the next snap.
Do I come with the same energy and attention to focus in detail every single day?
You say that.
The scoreboard didn't matter.
Is that honest?
It's easy to say.
Yeah.
Because the only thing I'm focused on, like I said, we could win by 30.
We could lose by 30.
I'm still equally as upset with myself of my perfection.
And that's what he really means.
He doesn't mean a team that's disappointed in a loss or win.
He means individually you need to become.
process driven. And if he can get, I say this all the time, like you brought it the book thing.
So I asked me that he was write a book. I see, I want to write a book. I want to call it. It takes all 11
11. Because the reality is that's what he's trying to get. He's trying to get all 11 individuals on the field
to truly believe that the process with which they go about, how they prepare, how they play, their daily
process every single day. If he can get 11 guys to process it that way, then they're going to be
unbeatable because that's the truth. And that's what's cool about football is that it takes 11 people
and one can be off. Right. And the only way you still are successful if one of those 11 isn't good is
somebody has to do something supernatural, right? Just something you've never seen before.
They've got to overcome it, right? They've got to overcome this big adversity. But you come from a
place where you look in the NFL, there's 53 guys, different communities, different skin colors,
different backgrounds, different economic statuses. We've got to figure out how in the world we come up with a
process that we all believe in, that we all want to fight the same direction, that we want to
overcome an ACL, we want to overcome an injury, we want to overcome this pain, we want to
overcome our wife and I are getting along, our kids are stressed out, this is going on at home,
my parents, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But the same energy we're going to come together with every single day, we're going to go
chase this championship.
And oh, by the way, this other team over here, they're employed and they have the same
kind of talent, they have the same kind of abilities, and we've got to overcome them as well.
You've got to be able to get all these people to buy into that belief and direction.
That's the challenge of a coach.
That's a challenge of the leadership of a football team.
And so to me, that's what makes football so unique and special is all the things that have to encompass success.
I'll add one layer to it.
You said it's good for a football coach or a leader.
I think it's also good for a business unit, a business leader, and a father or a mother and a family unit, like it's, or maybe a preacher or a nonprofit leader.
Like same idea to get noses and toes pointed in the same direction with all of those.
unique narratives and the noise that's happening inside of all of our lives to line up in that
way is really hard to do. So you took from Nick Saban process an honest investment in process.
And how to build it. Now, let's go to the next journey, Cincinnati Bengals for 11 years,
Marvin Lewis. What I learned in that place? Well, a place that a lot of chips were stacked
against you from a competitive standpoint because just ownership there is always operating a different
way. But Marvin Lewis was one of the most consistent humans that I'd ever seen in my life of just who he was going to be.
Even at a young age, he was a true grandpa-like figure. Like he just was, he believed in toughness and no sympathy whatsoever.
And just you sign up for this job. I don't care what your excuses are. You know, I don't care what other
things you could say, we could not win. We can't win because of this. We can't win because of that.
No matter what, I show up every single day. I put my hard hat on and I go to work. And that's the things he talked about.
the things he believed in and he loved his guys. To this day when I see him, he tells me about
every single player and where they are and their mama said they're not doing good or their
mama said they are doing good or they started this business or now they're coaching and he'll even
call me, just call me two weeks ago, hey, your buddy, you play beside Nate, he's getting into
coaching. I just call him, trying to get him a job, you know, like he'll just update me like a true
father. He's a relational person. Yep. Oh, like a true father. Like a true father. And so like to me,
like he gave off that vibe of that kind of love for you when you played for him.
in the consistency you could count on in him.
Unconditional.
Yeah.
Does he talk to the guys that didn't play very well the same way?
I always felt like Marvin was one of the most even-killed, same person to everybody.
Now, not everybody loves.
It's just about toughness.
It's just about, hey, there's no sympathy here.
Like, you may not appreciate that.
But that was the reality who he was.
Now, what you would get frustrated at times is, it's like, hey, Marvin, I know you love these guys.
But, like, sometimes you need to punish them a little better.
Or sometimes you need to say, hey, there's some repercussions for if you show up overweight or if you don't do things the right way or you get in trouble.
Like, I get it.
Like, we want to keep giving these guys an opportunity to change or we won't keep giving these opportunities to be a certain way.
But at some point, we got to hold them accountable.
Like, there's got to be accountability in this picture.
How do you do accountability?
Privately or publicly?
I think it always starts privately.
I think that's the reality is that I don't really ever see where public accountability helps.
I mean, private accountability that's built on our relationship.
and uniqueness of, you know, you may not love me or you may not respect me, but you know
what you can't appreciate about me is that me and you're able to have this conversation
and I've told you how I feel about it and you can feel about it the way you are.
And that doesn't mean we end on the same page.
It might end we end differently, but eventually you'll come to a place where you'll go,
I may not respect you, but I respect what you had to say.
And I'll process it's not my, again, not my job, how they process the information and what
they do with it.
It is my job if I'm the person in charge, if I'm the head coach, or I'm a captain or I'm
somebody who's in charge of the standard, it is my job to make sure it's known that it doesn't
meet the standard. That is my job. And you do that privately or publicly? Privately, always.
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Let's keep pushing.
Let's keep exploring.
And so if there's film on Monday, so you played on Sunday,
it's a film review on Monday in front of the whole thing.
team and you did not play well. Okay, something was going on yet you had a tough go at it.
Would your best coaches not say anything or would they say something like, hey,
Andrew, we know that this is not your typical thing and we're counting on you or would
they be like, dude, what are you doing? We've been working on take a half step, not a full
step. Like why are you still taking a half step? You know, like what's the best model when
there is a moment that review is public to hold people accountable?
Like, how do you do that?
And the reason I'm, I know you're good friends with Richard Sherman,
Richard at the Seahawks really wanted public accountability, you know?
And that true.
Always.
Yeah.
Always.
He always does.
Yeah, he's going to say it and he wants you to say it.
And like, say it out loud.
You know, so how would you manage Monday when there was mistakes being made?
Well, it begins on what the mistakes are.
So if you're telling me that a guy got beat because a guy's flat out better than them
or they got outmanned, as we would say it in the game of four.
football. Like, hey, this person was just more talented than you. And there's not a whole lot you
could do other than, hey, man, maybe there's a little technique thing or something that you may
could have sustained this opportunity better. We could have done this a little better physically.
I mean, that's a different thing than, all right, here's the standards of how we think we want to
execute this. And we know that this is your baseline assignment and you're doing it wrong. To me,
that's got to be called out. Like, if you're not in the spot that you're supposed to be in,
when you're supposed to be there, something that you actually control, that's a lot.
It's not, you know, the game of football, we have to remember some of these physical things of getting overcome with how fast a guy is or like he's stronger than you or bigger than you or whatever.
Like there's not a whole lot you can coach in those moments.
But what you can do is say, were you in the right place?
Were you playing with the standard or how we think effort, energy, attention to detail is supposed to be?
And those kind of things, I think the whole room respects that kind of accountability.
And a home room wants it, like Sherm said.
Like you want those things pointed out.
The difference is, all right, we come back to training camp, you know, two of your starting linebackers are 40 pounds overweight or they're 30 pounds overweight and they can't play.
Like, you know, or they need to lose weight to be ready to go for the season.
See, that is a different kind of accountability.
Okay, that's good.
Play this one out.
Play, they're late and disheveled.
And their pupils are so big in the morning because they've been drinking too late, drinking too much, drinking at all.
and then they go out and they perform lights out.
They're really good.
How do you deal with that type of behavior?
Because this is what I think in elite sport or even college and youth,
not that college isn't elite,
but it's different.
And in business,
a high earner,
somebody that is extraordinarily talented,
but bad teammate,
bad culture person.
Like how do you manage that type of complexity amongst the team?
Well,
I think you hear people try to make all these things all time,
like coaches will say all the time,
like, hey, you know, you may not all get treated the same, but you're all going to get coached the
same, you know, all those type sayings. I think that's a reality in our sport. I think the words
that I thought you were about to say that I've heard a lot is production breeds tolerance.
And that's the truth in the game of football. It's just, it's a reality. It's the truth in life
and businesses and everything else. We tolerate a lot of high earners, right? And I would say that
for me personally, if that's somebody that is a higher earner, but I'm the captain or we're a leader,
or we're expecting them to live in a certain way.
I always kind of went by this.
I think of it as a head coach and the people in charge.
Those are kind of like, if you will, the generals, the sheriffs of a community.
And they've got to kind of establish, here's our law, right?
Here's our rules.
Now, that next group of guys, the captains, the leaders, like, all right, if this guy has a law and a rule and this is actually what it's going to be,
which you've got to be consistent in, you can't change it on me, then you, you're,
You give me the freedom to be the person who kind of polices it a little bit and says, hey, hey, listen, like he's late.
What's our standard?
Our standard is they get fine.
Okay, we'll find them.
Like, there's no question.
We don't need to talk about it.
We don't have to have an argument.
We don't have to, like, find them every single time.
Just create a fine level that we think sends a message and do it.
Like, there's no discussion that needs to be had in those situations if it's about being late.
Now, if it's a repeat offender, right, it's fine them and it's, hey, as a captain, as a leader, like, hey, man.
And you know what? It's my job to make sure that I get with that guy and say, hey, like, not, you can't do that. Hey, what's going on, man? Like, what's up with you? What's going on in life? What's going on with you? Like, how can I meet you in a place where I say this all the time and you're going to hear me cross relate a lot of things? That's just how I am. Like I told you this. So I see this like with community service. You know, I won Walter Payton Man in the Year. Really amazing honor.
Explain for folks that don't know what that is. So Walsopain Man of the year is the NFL's highest esteemed honor.
So it's why it's given the very last award on NFL honors.
And it is people who have excelled on the football field and everything they've done in sport.
And then they've excelled as a community leader in how they've devoted themselves to the communities they've played in and the things they've either through their charity or through their efforts been a part of trying to improve the communities in many different ways.
And so I had that honor, you know, also in my last week in the NFL, of winning Walter Bainment of the year in a Super Bowl, a pretty insane way to go out.
But to get to do that, I used to always say when I got into that in the more.
I was a part of it, which goes back to empathy a little bit, is like, I didn't ever want to be the person who's, like, showing up at something and just providing somebody with something that I thought they needed.
I wanted to be someone who found this relationship with them and said, oh, man, like, this is what they need.
Like, I can feel through their heart or through what they are.
Like, they can tell me directly, this is what you need.
So, like, I always wanted to go meet the people, like, that were maybe struggling to find a home or they have lost their home and stuff.
Like, what is it that?
Oh, you need this?
Okay.
Call our director and say, hey, Molly, they need this.
Like, this is what we're doing.
I'm not coming to you with what you need.
I'm coming to you to meet you like this and go, this is what you need.
So as a leader, the guy who's habitually late, I want to form a relationship and go,
what is it that's leading to this?
Like, how can I help them solve their own problem?
Not for me, but for them.
And if I can help them solve their problem, then naturally, not only are they possibly going to eliminate the problem,
But now when new problems arise, who do you think they're going to think of when they're like, man, this is a struggle.
Like, I wonder if Big Witt would have something to tell me about X, Y, and Z.
Like, when I think of my career, I don't think of playing as a Cincinnati bank.
I don't think of Los Angeles Rim.
I think of Joe Bernard having, like, you know, wanting to get married and ask, you know, Chloe to, like, she's going to make her my fiancee or Mohamedson,
New having his first ever contract, and Andy Dahl and the first time he was with a contract.
the first time he had a kid, like I think of those moments, Cooper Cup, the first injury he had as a rookie, like him and Anna and their children and like their families they've grown together.
Like I think of those things that I got to be a part of these cool conversations that these guys were having these huge life moments.
And I got to sit there with them and think about it.
Like not that I gave them an answer, but that I got to like live it with them a little bit.
So your empathy leads to curiosity or your curiosity leads to empathy.
How did those two very much work?
Probably curiosity leads to empathy because I would say that empathy is built off being able to be there right and like you can feel and all those things.
Like I can walk in a room.
I say to people all the time.
Like a lot of times are like, man, you're so awesome at like public speaking and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And like something.
But I'm like, yeah, I mean, I have a lot of thoughts.
But I would say I'm even better at Q&A because if like I can hear your voice and hear your question, I can feel like where you're at.
And then I know what you're really looking for for me.
Like I know whether you're just a true football fan and you really want me.
to tell you like a cool football story, or if you're really like, man, I'm trying to figure out how
my life can relate to this question that you experience this thing in football because I need a little
inspiration or I need a little something make me feel better. And I'm like, oh, so this person
needs this story, you know. And so it's like that kind of thing, right? So my curiosity, I would say
I sit around, I would say this and like, it's weird to say, I sit around and think about people
and like way more than they realize, like way more than they realize. They have no idea.
Like I sit around and I meditate or think about so many people in my life all the time.
And it's like I'm thinking about where they might be in life.
I'm thinking about what I know they've kind of experienced here recently.
Where might they be?
What might they be feeling?
Like I'm always playing that out of my head.
So I think that's curiosity first.
You've mentioned your family a number of times and I know how important they are to you.
In your language, what does it mean to be a great father?
What does it mean to be a great husband?
I would probably be more built on leadership by example is one. Consistency is two because I truly believe,
I think sometimes to me, when you look at it, you know, I've heard this said before,
and it's one of my favorite things to say, but it's like the reality of like when you're in a position of
leadership, which is what being a father is. And even in your home, you and your wife, y'all are
equal in positions of leadership with each other. You know, we're on the same team. So we're all trying
accomplish the same things. It's usually my usual talk to my wife. When I get along, I'm like,
well, hold on one second. Like, we're all going the same direction, right? Like, how do we help
each other go that direction? Let's just do that. Let's not get into who's right or wrong. You know,
that's usually what we have to get to. But what I mean by that is, so to me, you can teach what
you know, but you'll only ever reproduce or replicate who you are. And so that's what I believe,
is that, yes, there is a version of me teaching. But I walk in, and I think it's Owen Wilson,
in a movie, me and Dupree, he's talking to this school of kids and he gives this talk.
And he's this, I can't get it to the other guy, but he gives this speech about, you know,
whatever it is, this principle in life.
And at the end, he says, now, some of you got that.
And he's like, and then some of you, like one day, it's just going to poof, like it's going to be,
you're going to get it.
And in your time, you know, when your spaceship's ready, you'll take off, you know,
and you'll get what I just said.
And that's how I think of what I know.
Like, I don't think that I have all the answers.
I don't think that, like, someone needs to hear what I have to say.
But I do think with my kids, my family, people that I have a chance to mentor or lead
or just be a friend to, like, there's a lot of things that I'm going to say or hope that
I pour into them.
And sometimes it's the right time for them to hear it.
And sometimes it may take a while for them to get it.
And that's okay.
Like, I'm not here to act like I have all the answers.
But I do think it's my job to make sure that I tell you the things that I think were important to me and how I got to where I'm at and maybe through depression at times, through anxiety at times.
These are the things that I kind of wish somebody would have said to me.
Or these are kind of the things that I wish I'd have felt.
Like when I look back over my career, I think of like, man, I wish I could have played this game without that anxiety.
I wish I could have had this part of my career where I didn't think I was a failure and I would play so much better.
But the reality was, is I know I had to go through all those journeys to be what I need to be for people around me.
Yeah.
What percentage of all the games in the, just say the NFL for right now, did you play free?
And what percentage of the games did you play with anxiety?
Oh, man, way more with anxiety.
It's not even close.
I would say, like, you know, Sean and I talked about this a lot.
Sean McVeigh.
Sean McVeigh and I talked about us a lot.
I think Sean McVeigh is one of the more special leaders I've ever been around when it comes to really bring in
stuff out of people and the ability to communicate a message. And we became instant friends the
second we met each other because we realized both of us kind of can't sit still and we have to kind
of be doing that thing. And I would say like there's times when it's like people may see they'd watch
a game and it's like I'm wearing sleeves or I have a visor or my feet are spatted, whatever it may be.
Sometimes I realized I had to dress up like Superman to tell myself that I was Superman and to not be.
because I think less before I had kids, before I had obligations and people that I feel like I can't let down.
More anxiety, once I had a family.
Oh, wow.
Because now I feel like I've got all these priorities that I've got to be this warrior for.
It's not just like I once had this quote that was famous when I was protecting Annie Dalton.
And I got thrown out of a game because a guy hit him late and I went after the guy.
And I said, I have two contracts in my life with my wife and with my quarterback.
I protect both of them.
And that was like how I lived life prior to kids.
It's like that's literally what I sign up to do.
You will never touch them.
And like I'll protect them at all cost.
And so as you added more things to that and as there's more people that like I'm in charge of,
if you want to call it that, or they feel I'm responsible for all the anxieties played more pressure on me.
Wow.
So being a parent has changed the way you competed.
Oh, massive.
It led to me retiring, really.
Tell me more.
So 2020, we're playing the Seattle Seahawks.
I think we're seven and three at home.
Is this the COVID year?
COVID year.
Yeah.
Quiet stadium.
Yep.
Family and kids and everybody can't be there because of so far, you know,
with L.A. rules and restrictions.
And so blow out my knee.
And that had been after, you know, my daughter, Sarah, had now entered that age old
enough, like 10 and over where it started become like, I'm scared that he's not going to be
okay when he's out there on the field.
You know, like she started to have this anxiousness about it.
Somebody's built on anxiousness.
Like, obviously, I'm empathetic.
Like, I'm going to feel that to a really deep level.
That happens.
And I'm like, hmm, she's rocked by it.
I come back.
I set on this mission.
I tore my PCL and MCL.
And I'm like in eight weeks, we'll be in the playoffs because we have a good enough record.
We should make the playoffs.
If this team makes the playoffs, I'm going to be back.
I make this promise to the guys.
Every day I go there, the guys are so excited.
I'm the oldest guy by far that Bigwit's coming back for the playoffs.
So I go on this mission to come back, probably foolishly, because I wasn't really as healthy
as I probably should have been.
I come back.
We go to Seattle, ironically enough.
My next game is against Seattle, and I make it back in eight weeks to the playoffs.
We win in Seattle.
Really amazing moment, emotional moment for me.
My family gets to come, because at this point, it's a little bit of,
some people can come.
And then we end up losing the next week to the Packers.
But the reality is I make it back, go through that next season,
and I realize that it's starting to affect her.
Like she's just, now I've seen that and she was already anxious.
Now she's sitting there in the suite and can barely watch and can barely like, you know,
because she's just, I just want Dad to be okay after the game and she'd say stuff like that.
It was no longer like hope you win.
It was like, I'll be there for you when you're okay after the game, you know, that type stuff.
And so that was when I really started to say, all right, that's enough.
I'm good. Like if she's anxious, I'm already anxious. I don't want her anxious. So that's when I really
kind of made a decision. This is going to be my last year. Now, granted, I was also 40. It was the oldest
left tackling NFL history that season. So really cool accomplishment. And it was something I'd set out
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So am I doing this for me now?
Or like, is it better for me to go lead my family and figure out the next walk of life?
And that's really like she didn't push me to it, but she helped me realize, all right, now you've
accomplished your personal goals.
Like anything after this is just about chasing money or chasing things that like really
don't mean that much to you.
And then it all fell into place that we make this playoff run and I win multiple
me in the year and I went to Super Bowl.
And I have the epic moment that went viral with all of them on the ground.
The NFL film's caught of me telling them that was Daddy's last game and like I'm,
I'm with you guys now.
You know, and that's what it's about.
And that was a really cool special moment.
So the anxious of her made me alert.
to something going on in me and it helped me find like, all right, when you were 34 and you had a
Patela injury, you told yourself, if you got through that Patel injury, you were going to chase
this chance to be the oldest tackle to ever play because you thought you could do it.
You did it.
Now who are you planning for?
And it's like, you know what?
Nobody.
So there's nothing left to accomplish or nothing left to prove.
And then all these things happened.
And so right there in that moment, that was the first time my kids ever heard.
I'm done.
What was the emotions that just came up for you just a few seconds ago?
Did you feel it?
Yeah.
I mean,
proud was one just because I still will always cherish that moment sitting with them on that field
because the coolest thing was I wasn't even worried about celebrating winning.
It was like the meditation easiness came over me.
And I just was like, you know what?
Like, let's all sit in a circle for a second.
Which is like the weirdest thing you'd think after winning a super board.
And I'm like, kids, everybody's getting the ground.
Let's sit in a circle.
And let's talk for a second.
I'm just like, be with dad.
In this moment, I'm watching confetti fall.
And I'm like, I want to sit with them in a circle and tell them like, thank you for being
at all these games and supporting dad along the way.
And the wild part about that is, is like, which they'll one day understand, I was actually
releasing my anxiousness of playing a game that I can't control all scenarios.
and I am built to never let anybody down.
So I'm going to let people down.
That's just the truth of playing sports.
The truth of being a higher earner,
the truth of competing at a high level,
whatever you do in life, you're going to fail.
But I hated failing people.
So you just gave me a chance
with the perfect ending with my family
to walk away from ever failing anyone again in that sense.
That's awesome.
I'm so relieved.
So it's like that almost gave me my out
to like, hey,
I'm just going to go love you guys.
Like, I'm not going to have to worry about whether I'm failing everyone with my body,
with everything else.
It gave me this release.
Wow.
Two boys and two girls?
Yeah.
Did they play sport?
Yeah, they all play.
And if you could speak to parents, based on what you know about elite sport and what
you now understand about youth sport, how would you guide parents?
Man, I think that there's, you know, to what I spoke to earlier,
There's this healthy blend and balance of teaching them the principles of how to compete and be their best version.
Like, do they want to wake up and become the best version of themselves every day?
Them, not you.
Do they want to become the best version of themselves?
If they want that, how can you meet them somewhere to help provide it?
But also give them the guidance of your real task is to make sure that they don't get imbalanced.
Your real task is to make sure they keep some balance and who they are as a person.
And if they're working so hard, like we make it about the hours they throw or the hours they spend in travel ball.
But it's really about are you starting to see signs that that's taken away from one quality in their life or some ability in them or physically or whatever it may be?
Like your job is to actually, if you're actually truly there in support and a support system is to support, all right, where can I help them with the imbalances they have?
This is where we need to pull back.
This is where they need to lean in.
I'm going to help them find this healthy balance where they're happy.
and they're chasing success
and they're enjoying chasing that success
because one day it's not going to be fun.
Like that's the reality.
Like when you hear these guys talk about it,
it's like, I don't care if it's Tom,
Brady, or Kobe, whoever it was.
Like, yeah, they had fun in the things that it led to,
but they were living in this spot
that's a little bit of darkness
of chasing that version of themselves
that you live in some darkness
when you're going to do that.
And so one day they're going to live in that.
You don't want them to live in that
for 20 years. So like while they don't have to live in it, help them not live in the dark in that
chase. Help them hear while they're special other than just the sport they play in. Why it's so
important that they have values that are bigger than just the sport they play in. Because the
hard thing they don't want to hear is that most of those kids have it or they don't. And it's
absolutely nothing you're going to do about it or them. But the greatest thing they can walk away
with it from healthy habits, consistency, like how to be a consistent human, how to have a healthy
value in who they are when they compete and whether they win or lose.
Like I'm not trying to become tough by saying I'm the same person, whether I want or
loss because of my process.
I'm trying to say that if I told you at 8 a.m. on Monday to my yoga teacher, I'm going to
be in the studio with you.
And on Sunday, it doesn't matter if I get blown out 42 to nothing or a win.
42 to nothing, even if I went to celebrate or I didn't go to celebrate and I was miserable,
I'm going to show up. Teach them how to show up. Teach them how to healthy habits. Teach them how to
live within the confines of what does it mean to wake up every day and chase a better version of
yourself and chase happiness. And like, that's the greatest opportunity you have. And that's the
only thing that really matters because the rest of it is completely out of our control. Yeah.
What a great model. What are some of the non-negotiable habits that you've clearly
established in your life. I think one of the big ones that's probably been, you know, important to my
life and my success goes all the way back to the story I was going to tell you. And we went on
this tangent about talking to how Michaels and Kirk Gherb Street and Dratman is the thing he told me.
Yeah, let's go right back to that. Kerr, Curb Street told me. He said, dude, I was a Cincinnati
Bengals fan. Obviously, Kirk's a huge Cincinnati Bengals fan, always has been. He goes, I've watched you.
He goes, you're this big, scary monster dude. And when your mouth open,
and people see your face, you're the warmest loving teddy bear they've ever met.
And he's like, I would go do TV views I was how would you?
Because people will fall in love with you.
And I was like, I've never heard anybody tell me that.
And so I was like, okay, that literally like sold me to go do it.
And what I would say is it's the same thing I talk to my kids about all the time.
Like I just had a run in with my 13-year-old son because he is built like me with empathy and feeling and just who he is
and how he deeply thinks. And he'd been in a little bit of rut at school just because it's a
little bit of struggle. His brother's moving on to high school. He's not going to be with him anymore.
Like there's a separation in his friend group now because they're all friends where he's going
to be in eighth grade and they're going to be in high school. And so it just kind of feels like
this last semester has been a little tough for him, like kind of realizing that a little bit.
So there's been a little bit of a I don't care in his personality. But one of the things we talked
about for a long time yesterday and all of my kids know this. Like the number one thing our
family, we care about my wife and I, like, remember that like the greatest thing you leave people
with is how you make them feel. And like, that is what you actually do control. And that is what's
really important is that how you make people feel matters. And regardless of how it goes for you
or for them or for anything, what are the feelings that you want to leave people with when you
walk out of a room or walk out of an encounter or relationship, whatever it may be? You don't have to have
an equal representation of what you thought happened or how it happened, but you do have some
responsibility in how you made them feel. And, you know, I think to us, that's super important.
So my thing was leaning into him of like your teachers, the people that you're around at your
school, like, how are you making them feel? Like, do your teachers feel like you're a quitter?
Do they feel like you're not trying? Do they feel like they're feeling like they're getting the best
version of you? Like, make sure you go have a conversation with them and clear up where you've been,
like how things have kind of been,
and now you, this is where you want to get to.
You introduced, you kind of slipped in the dark side of sport,
of elite sport,
the dark side of mastery,
the dark side of getting better.
And I hear this thing that you're doing,
it's like,
let's go above the line and below the line,
like below the line it's dark and above the line it's light.
You're spending a lot of your time and framing
to help keep things above the line
because you know the dark side is there.
And if you are going to lean into knowing what you're capable of,
do need to go into that territory too. And it sounds like the age of innocence you're trying to
extend and you're also helping your sons and daughters to elevate themselves to realize that
they are contributing factors to other people. So stay up, you know, stay in the light side of it,
it sounds like. That brings me to the last coach, Sean McVeigh. Let's do it. So I was somebody who
lived in the dark probably my entire athletic career. I meet Sean McVeigh, the energy and the pillars,
and you can listen to me talking,
you can understand why I gravitated to that immediately.
We gravitate each other,
and he was somebody that his whole message,
his first year there was,
never fear failure,
always just fear regret,
always shoot your shot.
You will fail.
A setback is nothing but an opportunity
for a really cool comeback.
Like, that's all it is.
You think of how I'm built,
like every failure's end of the world.
So I always say this,
like in an emotional,
like Sean McVeigh,
brought me into the light. So when you hear me talk, when you hear me say these things,
people will go, man, dude, have you been this leader your whole life? Heck no. I have I had some of
those qualities? Yes. But I always was built in, I had to live in the dark and I wasn't worthy of
the light to be good. Sean McVeigh helped me realize that because I work hard, because I devote
myself to this, you deserve the light, dude. And people actually will be brought to the light if you'll
open your mouth and tell them more about your story and what you've been through.
So where do you feel that when you say it?
Ah, everywhere.
Like where?
Deep in my chest and my heart.
Like he actually created this, no, like I'm worthy in me.
But I just want to know how you feel it.
I feel it in every bottom of my body.
Like I feel like mentally how I am wired.
I mean, people take medication for depression, whatever it may be, that was my medication.
Like, I don't know why, you know, God felt this was the moment for me to meet this person in my life, but he did.
And that led to, you know, regardless of our ups and downs from there, that led to me seeing this light version.
And I'm more interested in like, what are you doing with the emotions you have?
Because I can feel it.
Yeah.
I can sense it.
And I think you're trying to contain it, but I'm not sure right now.
Yeah, right now for sure.
Yeah, so just tell me more about that piece right there because what a gift he gave you.
It's inside of you.
You feel, I think this is a love for him and appreciation for him, I think, I'm not sure.
But you're containing it for some reason.
Well, I just, I feel like that's the emotional tough guy outside.
But it's like one of those things that I look at from when I got here in 2017.
Like I think people will probably say like, man, you were a Bengal for 11 years.
Like we hear you talk about the Rams a lot and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it's really more about it.
I have the same appreciation for all those years.
But a lot of those years were built me personally, just living in this.
I wanted to be in the light.
I want to be a leader.
I want to be all these things.
But I don't ever feel I'm worthy for them.
So I just live in the dark and like punish myself and work harder and blah, blah, blah.
And that's how I lived my life.
Whereas when I became a ram and I met Sean and he ingrained these thoughts of like you belong and you're worthy and setbacks are just opportunities for comeback.
and like these are the processes.
Now you think of like how much impact Nick had on me with the process.
Now you're building this process of positivity.
And I'm like, wait, a process of positivity,
like a process of believing you can do something.
Like, I never did that.
I always believe, tell me I couldn't do it, I'll do it.
Like, I always believe like you're not worthy enough to do it.
So you've got to work harder than the person next to you to be able to do it.
Like there was a reason I never worked out at a facility with other athletes
my entire career until I got to Los Angeles
because I wanted to be in the dark on one.
what other people are doing and feel like I can sit here in my garage and I can push myself
so far with the unknown of what you're doing that I'll be in better shape than you. And so that's
how I was built. You didn't do team workouts. I mean, I went to the facility once we started OTAs.
But like truly when you're working in the off season, I never trained at facilities. I never worked
out with other guys because I just wanted to push myself where I didn't know anything because
I felt like that was the best way. So I meet Sean, all that changes. Then it starts to become
think about what happens after that.
So after 17, we have this awesome year, huge turnaround.
We lose in the playoffs to the Falcons.
That makes me 0 and 7 in the playoffs.
I think that was the record at the time in NFL history
had the worst winning percentage ever.
So it makes me 0 and 7 in the playoffs.
And you're typically on an NFL team,
you're likely the second highest paid person on the field.
Yeah, somewhere in there.
Somewhere in there.
So now, as far as NFL history goes,
of players who've made the playoffs and lost,
I'm right there as number one in losing the most with the highest percentage.
So the next year, though, 2018, now you spoke all this life to me.
I am this person who's lived this life the way I've lived it.
The fires happen in 18.
We get displaced and have to go out of our homes and we get out of our homes for two weeks.
We play Seattle.
We win.
We're supposed to go to Mexico City to play the Chiefs.
Something's wrong with the field there.
We go to Colorado to train.
Our whole entire team is going through absolute chaos because our family.
families are out of their homes. I've never experienced something like that. Except for I have.
My senior year at LSU was Hurricane Katrina. And so I'd seen the experience. I'd been through it.
So there's this moment that happens. There's a shooting at borderline bar in our area. The fires happen.
We're sitting in a meeting. They're bringing all these people in here trying to explain what happened with this shooting in this local area right close to us.
There's the fires that are removing us. Like now we're going to move out of our houses.
and I stand up and start talking.
And like, I don't know how many times I've ever done this in my career,
but like I'm just standing up, talking to the whole team,
leadership's in there from Kevin Demmo, all those people,
about just in these moments.
Like, don't overthink, don't over like process.
Like, you don't have to be perfect.
You have to be present.
Like, just go do something.
You want to go sit with somebody at the hospital.
Go sit beside them.
You don't have to say a word to them.
Just sit there with them if that makes you feel better.
If you want donate some money, we'll donate your time,
you want to give them something, whatever it may be.
When I was in through Hurricane Katrina, I met LSU fans who were like, hey, man, I lost everything I ever had, but I kept this ticket.
And for three hours, I get to watch you guys play on Saturdays.
And it's the greatest three hours of my life because everything else is awful and I've lost everything.
But you guys give me this relief away from it.
So I'm sharing these stories and just telling them like, whatever it is in your heart, just do it.
Don't think about it. Do it.
You know, and I give them the speech about that.
And I sit down and like that became the beginning.
And then it's like from there, it's like, all right, wait a minute.
all the feedback was like, they do want to hear from me.
They do want me to lead them.
They do want me to speak to them.
And then that just grew and grew and grew and grew to where when I sit down and I talk
about Walter Payton Man the Year, I don't talk about like this pride that I raised money or
got this trophy.
The coolest moment of Walter Payton Man the Year was when I sat down and got told I was
nominated, I sat down and they showed me a map of Los Angeles.
And this must be emotional say, but there's 40-something places.
And they've created a video for every place.
And it encompasses like all of LA.
And it's all these people going, dude, thanks for coming here.
Thanks for what you did.
And you start to realize like, whoa, in five years.
Like you've been to all these places and you've had this kind of impact on people.
And like I never would have thought I was worthy of making an impact on people.
That makes sense.
And so that is what was like the greatest part of that because you realize, man, how many people that you're like,
I look at it like when I walk in a room or on a team, I'm trying to touch as many people as I can
like hug, love, that, whatever. Like I just want to walk in a room and make sure I touch everybody.
And then when you look at a city as big as Los Angeles and you start going like, whoa, we've been
able to like Molly and I on the Rams community team. Like we've been able to be all these places in
five years. Like this is cool. How cool is this to be a part of this?
You're so emotional. I know that you're working to keep it all in right now.
How do you hope the next generation of men will do emotions?
I think it's really important that you are willing to share them.
I think for me, I think it was something that was probably harder when I was younger because
it always felt like weakness.
It's less now.
Like I've had more moments that have cried in front of people who have been emotional
ever in the last few years.
And so I think as you get older, you just learn to like not care about that part of it as
much as when it's coming from a place of being sincere and real.
I don't think it's age.
I think it's growth.
Yeah, true.
You could be an old fool, you know.
And but if you travel the path of wisdom, you know, you end up at some point going,
wow.
Yeah.
Like it's actually really fantastic what happens when you work from the emotional, you know.
Amazing.
I think you actually speak with more clarity and conviction.
And also, too, think of it as like, I say this in sports all the time, right?
Like, think of how these things relate.
When you really talk about, like, my boys ask me, hi, dad, how am I going to get better X, Y, and Z?
And I'm always like, the sooner you release the restriction of failing.
and just go full speed and fail,
then you'll be able to figure out and feel what full speed failure feels like.
And then you can adjust, right?
So it's the same concept.
Like if you just allow yourself to release your emotions,
then you'll be able to get them out and figure out what you need to do with those feelings.
And that's the hardest thing for people to like do is to just trust.
It's like a trust fall.
It's just to trust you can just fall, right?
like Sean McBay and I, we talk about us all the time.
Like what comes first, vulnerability or trust?
It's vulnerability.
Like every time I go speak at a group of people, I'll say everyone raise your hand,
who believes vulnerability or trust, like I'm going to name them, you tell me.
And then I go, okay, now, you know, a lot of people say it's like you trust somebody
and then you decide to be vulnerable with them.
Okay, cool.
Y'all all came here, right?
Yes.
Okay, y'all traveled to be here?
Okay.
Can each one of you tell me the name of the pilot who flew the plane you got here with?
No idea.
Okay, how about the taxi driver?
Or maybe the Uber driver.
Do you know their name?
I'd have to go look at my app.
Okay.
So did you trust them and then you got in the car?
Or were you vulnerable and now you trust that person, right?
Like that is the reality.
Like being vulnerable first, which is releasing emotion, going full speed is how you develop trust.
And so if you look in your life, the people that you're actually close with are the people you found a way to tell them that thing you're.
you'd tell nobody else.
Or to release that emotion, you would never release to anybody else.
And then guess what you get to do by that?
You create a circle.
Like, I'm in a circle of guys that I don't even know personally that I know
that I know Jay Glazer had an article read about this,
but there's a bunch of us that are on a text chain together.
And-
Jay Glazer was on the pot a while back.
Yeah.
And we have this text chain with Phelps and the Rock and all these people.
I'm like, some of them I've met, but like some of them I'm close with them.
I don't have no idea.
But it's like this chain where everyone's been vulnerable at some point.
So now we all just are vulnerable with each other.
And it's like, wait, we don't even hardly know each other that well.
But in this circle, we've been vulnerable with one another.
So now we trust one another.
And so it's like that's an amazing thing.
And it's something that I think is really powerful.
You know, and my wife tells me this all the time.
You alluded to this earlier about how you think about yourself and like how I've kind of always lived.
And I share this.
And it's cool because I've shared it with Sean McVey at times that in his career,
we've felt down these let the team down or different friends.
of mine who are going through something and they feel like they've let their wife down
or their family down or whatever.
But my wife would always tell me when I have these moments where I'd come home and be like,
man, you know, I failed.
Like I'm going to get fired.
You know, like, I do this on Thursday night football.
I'll come off the set and I'll text her and be like, they're going to fire me tomorrow.
You know, and she's like, baby, you're so good.
Like, what are you talking about?
But she'll always, like, when she realizes that I've gone too far or in front of the
kids, I'll say, I need to get in shape or I need to do whatever.
She'll always be like, stop.
She'll be like, don't talk about my husband like that.
And it's like, that makes me emotional, but I've had to say that to guys in life.
And it's like, it's amazing how hard it hits them.
Because it's like, no, no, no.
Like, let me tell you what I see in you.
Like I've heard Sean say this earlier this year about players,
but it's the four greatest words you can say to somebody or I believe in you.
I look at it like it's the flip side of that.
When somebody doesn't believe in themselves, it's not just telling them that you believe in them,
tell them what you see in them.
Like, that's the most powerful thing you can.
actually tell somebody. It's like, no, no, no, no. Stop talking about how you're talking. Let me
tell you what I see in you. And that gives them this, whoa. So there's a different way to see
myself. Andrew, what a gift you are to others in your life. And what a gift you are to our community
to share the darker side that you have gone through and maybe still flirt with and are working
through and the hope you have for yourself and others to be the best version of yourself and to help
people do the same. Tremendous gift and it is not lost on me why you have had so much success.
You have traveled emotionally the distance to depth and heights to be able to have the clarity
that you have. I think you're incredibly open to ideas and experiences. You are just neurotic enough
to go to the edges. You are not agreeable for the sake of being agreeable like you think about
things. You also are likely now such a positive influence in other people
that they gravitate to you.
And so you take all of that
with the interest in becoming your very best
and the sharp edges that it's required
and the kind of curvature of the round curves,
like you got a fullness to you
that I'm rooting for you and your family.
And so thank you for sharing you and your path
in the hopes of making our community better.
I appreciate it, man.
Thank you so much for let me come here.
Yeah.
Next time on Finding Mastery,
we're back with a next time.
another Ask Me Anything episode.
You brought thoughtful, honest questions about performance, relationships, and navigating the challenges of everyday life.
And once again, Mike sits down with Mementa CEO and former NFL player Jeff Byers to explore them together.
From navigating big life transitions, creating a sense of community and defining purpose when you're not quite sure what's next,
this conversation offers practical ways to move forward with more clarity and intention.
Join us Wednesday, May 6th at 9 a.m. Pacific.
only on Finding Mastery.
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