Fine Dining - Analysis Paralysis at The Cheesecake Factory feat. Colin Mochrie (Whose Line Is It Anyway?)

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Michael & Garrett get big casino hotel vibes from The Cheesecake Factory The Factory Apocalypse reanimates Cheesecake zombies Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway? voices cheese correspondent Steven's review of the Stuffed Cheddar Burger NEW SEGMENT: Yelp from Strangers, as the boys read their favorite 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5-star Yelp reviews about the Cheesecake Factory they visited Nikki recounts her pervasive Cheesemares™ that haunted her dreams during her tenure as a Cheesecake Factory employee JUB will train your baby to be good We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, the opportunity to get your face immortalized on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity, and more!   Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send us your Cheesecake Factory stories at [e-mail].   Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, or wherever you get your podcasts. We read every one!   Next time on Fine Dining: Lucille's Smokehouse BBQ! If you have ever worked for Lucille's and have a story to share, or if you’d like us to hear your child’s review of Lucille's kids menu, send it to [e-mail].

Hello, and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast. That's fine as in, it's fine. It's the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. And we're two mediocre dudes. I'm your host, Garrett's Work. I'm your host, Michael Ornelas, equally as mediocre as Garrett. So like, we're traveling the country, in essence, looking for what we are. We're looking for each other. We're finding our souls in these restaurants. We are finding ourselves. This is a journey of self-discovery in the name of mediocrity. We're gonna find you that perfect 5.00 out of 10 restaurant. Now, we're looking for more restaurants than what you're gonna actually hear on the regular podcast because we now have a Patreon. And

every month we're posting a bonus restaurant. We've done Rudy's Barbecue. It's a gas station. It's in five states. It's surprisingly good for gas station barbecue. It was really good. We did another song for that. I sang a country song about Rudy's country store and barbecue. We had a sit-down interview with our longtime sponsor, Jub. And it was a really fun experience. And we're about to drop our Fudruckers episode. Fudruckers is a big chain that a lot of us miss. It's kind of gone away. Yeah, not big anymore. But I mean, I feel like I know a lot of people who are like, Fudruckers was like the place growing up. Me too. I always loved the Fudruckers closest to me growing up. Yeah. So first time I ever had a half pound

burger like six year old. You're a big boy, Garrett. Yeah. So and I really, really liked it. I've had so many great gourmet burgers since living in LA because there's kind of a foodie scene here that I had lost respect for Fudruckers. And when we went to Fudruckers, it humbled me. Yeah. It told me, Hey, you put respect on my name. You put it back on my name. It was fun. We actually traveled up to San Francisco for that one. You know, it's the last Fudruckers in all of California. Yeah. So you'll want to sign up for our Patreon to be able to just go see that, listen to the episode and go to a Fudruckers while they still exist. And we've got some other cool perks for you on our Patreon. So go over, check it out. It would mean the world to us. Seriously.

Like we are, we want to do this. Yes. Like this is what we want to do for our career. This is what we are doing for our career. We just want to make it not put us in financial ruin in the process. Before I move too far, I want to say that the criteria we are using to evaluate these restaurants is based on their atmosphere, based on the service and based on the food. Yum. Of course, it's those things. Those are like the subcategories of Yelp. And what's actually fun about Yelp is we have a new segment that we are debuting. We're going to start doing it with this episode, but you can catch the full segment on our Patreon. So go ahead and check that out. And these people are some special flowers. Yeah, it's called Yelp from Strangers,

and we're reading our favorite Yelp reviews at each of the five ratings. This week, we went to Cheesecake Factory. It's a big one. It's a big name in chain dining. I got a lot of requests from people like, when are you going to do Cheesecake Factory? People just waiting. They want to hear it. And it's just like, after they ask us, what about Cheesecake Factory, they mention the menu. Yes. Fine dining party of two. We dove into it. Yeah, we braved it. Our table is ready. Let's go ahead and we'll give you this episode. First impressions. How far back do we want to start our first impression this week? Because I don't want to

start where we normally start, which is walking in the doors, because the Cheesecake Factory that we went to is at one of the more famous shopping centers in Los Angeles, the Grove. And this is a beautiful place. It is. All high end, top notch, fancy stores. There's a trolley. There's a trolley that goes through it. It's pretty cool. We went the weekend of Lunar New Year, Chinese New Year. There were like dragon art. A lot of like red light hung up. Yeah. It was a neat little experience. And of course, since we're gluttonous for punishment, you know, we went on a weekend. We knew there was going to be a long wait. Yeah. So we're like, okay, let's do this. We're ready. We want to take it all in. We want to see more time. What is it like to just brave it,

to wait out however long the wait is? We walk in. It'll be 45 minutes to an hour. Okay. That's normal. 45 minutes to an hour in a Cheesecake Factory. Yeah. That's that is what you're going to experience normally going to a Cheesecake Factory on a weekend at least. And in my mind, I'm like, well, this is the perfect time for us to like walk around, take our notes so that we're not overwhelmed by the time we sit down by trying to take in the atmosphere. So we kind of we cheated a little bit. We just wanted to take in as much as we could write about the decor, take our little thoughts. I did. That is true. You went out and you started getting like tiktok footage. Like I was overwhelmed the second I walked in there. It was shoulder to shoulder packed,

loud. I couldn't hear myself think I couldn't hear anyone else. If I spend more than five minutes in that lobby, I'm going to have a complete mental breakdown. Like so I needed to get out of that place. Yeah. So I walked around the Grove took some B roll. It was actually a pretty relaxing experience at that point other than it was really cold. It was really cold, but like I'll take like cold over loud. Cold isn't going to shut me down loud. I think it shuts me down more. I'm being honest. I'm literally like a like a snake. Like just I slither to a stop in the cold weather. Oh, did you know snakes still barely have legs? They have two little claws as vestigial appendages. Today I learned. Yeah.

What I see when I walk into Cheesecake Factory is like a security desk. It looked like the lobby to like one of those apartment complexes that rich people live at. It was like a security or concierge desk and it was just the host stand. But you know, it was structured in such a way. There's an elevator up and I'm getting immediate casino vibes. It feels like a casino hotel. I feel like I just walked into Vegas. Yeah, it was like Bellagio-esque, you know, pools of how would you describe what was in the ceiling? Those like pools. Do you know what I'm talking about? It was just almost like the Sistine Chapel almost. But like it literally felt like if you had carved a pool for like a swimming pool, not not as deep, but instead did that on the

ceiling where that can't hold water. That's ridiculous. It was a really cool architectural choice. I liked it. This is a standard thing at Cheesecake Factory. Oh, really? Yeah. And then a big escalator up that went to the third floor. There wasn't a second floor. It was an extra long escalator. Very clean. Yeah. Despite the number of people there. A lot of people waiting in that like little area downstairs. Oh, you notice there was a little cubby right as we were going up the escalator that was spotless. I was like, this is how you know they've got a good cleaning staff because that's the number one spot that's getting neglected if they don't. And then I get to the top of this escalator and it's Cheesecake Paradise on display. I counted 36 different cakes on display

in this big display case. People clamoring over it like zombies outside. It was chaos. I couldn't. Like it's literally when you watch a zombie movie and they're trying to create suspense and there's like human meat on the inside and zombie on the outside and the zombies are like trying to trying to scratch at the glass. That's the vibe I was getting. Oh, what happened here? Day 28 of the Factory Apocalypse. As the evidence of fallen friends lies scattered in the streets, I accept one truth. I'm a survivor in an unsurvivable world. First, it was the Oreo Dream Extreme Cheesecake devoured right in front of me. Christ. And it was Adam's peanut butter cup. Poor bastard.

No remorse in the eyes of these things. I hesitate to call them human, not man nor woman, merely gluttony personified cheesecake factory customers. The only hope to slow down these creatures is diabetes. Let's go spike some blood sugar. There was totally that vibe. I couldn't stand in there for more than a few minutes. I noped right out of there. I was taking notes. I was walking around like checking out the floor plan. It was another situation where much like Waffle House, we were definitely at risk of looking like health inspectors, which by the way, on Instagram, we actually put together a little clip

of our experience at Waffle House and it took off a little bit. It was kind of nice to see. So if you're not following us on Instagram or TikTok, be a great opportunity to. We're making some quality stuff. That's right. We're on Instagram at Find Dining Podcast. We're on TikTok at Find Dining Podcast and you can email us whatever you want. Find Dining Podcast at gmail.com. We might regret that, but I don't know. Maybe we won't. One more thing I noticed. Not a single person downstairs in the lobby or upstairs by the cakes was happy. All employees and all patrons looked stressed. Oh, you're talking about on both ends. I didn't notice that, but that is funny to me. Everyone looked like they were having a terrible time because it was chaos.

Have you done your report for me this week? Much reporting has been done. Have you rounded up some rusty facts, some restaurant facts? These facts are very circular in nature. Round them up, baby. Let's do it. All right, Garrett, what do you have for me in your little bag of facts? So technically the way I think of it, the Cheesecake Factory was founded in two different locations. First, the concept and second, the actual first restaurant. The concept of the Cheesecake Factory started in Detroit, Michigan in the 1940s when Evelyn Overton decided to modify a cheesecake recipe she found in the local paper. So she did this. Neighbors, friends, all the like started loving her cheesecake. It started taking up. Okay, so it was just like a lady with popular

cheesecakes. Yeah, it was a lady with popular cheesecakes. This wasn't like a rainforest cafe situation where a billionaire opened the concept in his home. Yeah, so like once the demand started, once people were interested in what she was doing, she opened up a small shop out of her basement. This kept going on. She had kids, raster kids, 30 or so years later in 1972, Evelyn, her husband and her two children moved out to Los Angeles and opened up the Cheesecake Factory Bakery. 30 years later, she took a break to raster kids. Was it her retirement or was it her like empty nest coping? She was like, it was probably more empty nest. I need to be around people. Let's build a fortune that we can Scrooge McDuck into. Yes. Let's squish headfirst into

a pool full of cheesecake. I feel like there's an only fans for that. Only cakes, but only cakes. That probably already exists. Yeah. Evelyn's son, David, opened up the first full restaurant as we know it now in Beverly Hills in 1978. It was an instant success. Is it still there? There is one in Beverly Hills. I don't know if it's still the OG. Restaurant number two opened up five years later in Marina Del Rey in 1983. Okay. Still predating us. Yeah, they've been around a while. Before joining the family business, their son David, he was a drummer in a mildly successful band that opened for Janice Joplin. Ooh. Now there are 312 locations in 39 states. That doesn't surprise. Those numbers are about the numbers. I like, I know with Cheddar's when we did that

rusty fact roundup, I was very surprised by how high their number is. This one, this don't surprise Michael and they've recently gotten this don't surprise. Why did I say that like this? Don't surprise Michael. Oh, that's my new catchphrase. Oh, I'm going to put that on a shirt with me wagging my finger. This don't surprise Michael. The Cheesecake Factory corporate headquarters and one of the two factories where all of the cheesecakes are made is located in Calabasas, California. Yeah. I used to work like a few miles away from still there. It's still there. And those cheesecakes are delivered frozen from that factory and a factory in North Carolina to all 312 locations. So for us, it's not too bad. No, for us, we're getting them relatively

fresh. I mean, they're still frozen, but they're not traveling far. I'm okay with it. We're locals here. So we know people that have worked there. We have relatives that have worked there, et cetera, et cetera. Their discounting on these whole cheesecakes is insane. Like the employee discount. For the employee discounts. Okay. They pay basically the price of one slice of cheesecake for the entire thing. Why would you need the entire? These things are so demanding in their calorie count. Yeah. The last reasoning I got for that from a friend, he was like, hey, all my family members got cheesecake for Christmas. Oh, that's fair. And everyone loved it. Yeah. It's no wonder Cheesecake Factory was named to the Fortune 100 best companies to work for in

2022 for the ninth consecutive year. Okay. That is surprising. I've never heard someone that has done work at the factory or at the corporate headquarters that has had anything negative to say about the company. That does surprise me. I don't know. I just feel like, I feel like if you're in a service job, you're just by being front facing with people and being to those elements, your job is going to be inherently stressful because of the unknown quantity of customers. So even with the company, I guess having your back or being a good company to work for, I don't know if that would make me like the job. I mean, if you love being a server, then probably go to Cheesecake, I guess. So speaking of the Fortune 100,

the Cheesecake Factory went public in 1992 on the New York Stock Exchange as, wait for it, cake. C-A-K-E. That's brilliant. Yeah. I want to buy Cheesecake Factory stock now just for that. Cake is going up. Cake is going up. Buy cake while it's hot. Cakes for days. Honestly, cake while it's cold, also not bad. Yeah. There's no poor temperature for cake. Everything at the Cheesecake Factory, except for the Cheesecakes, is made fresh from scratch daily. In the restaurant? Yeah. Which I think that's kind of funny. Everything but their namesake. The thing that's in the name. Yeah. The menu is almost 6,000 words long. It felt like it. Yeah. So that includes over 30 different types of cheesecake, like you saw. And just to give some context, 6,000 words,

that is a 24-page double spaced research paper. So remember, you're in middle school, you're in high school, you do baby's first research paper. Yeah. That's like 24 pages. That's about the length you're going to do. This felt like a thesis. Yeah. This was an intentional form of early viral marketing. Okay. The long- They want people to be talking about. Exactly. Yeah. The length of the menu has always been an in real life talking point. And since social media has come along, it's blown up there. It's like CVS with the long receipts. It's free, built-in brand awareness. You're not wrong. Yeah. When I think Cheesecake Factory, I think Long Menu. But more importantly, when I hear Long Menu, I go, well, it's no Cheesecake

Factory. Yeah. Now, here's some numbers to back this up. One of the largest restaurant conglomerations, Darden, is three times the size of Cheesecake Factory and its restaurant holdings. But Darden spends 18 times more on advertising. So Cheesecake Factory, it's kind of like, they've built their groundwork. Like, they know we're here. They'll come to us. They don't need commercials. They don't need anything. They just have their menu and word of mouth. Former Texas star quarterback Vince Young was rumored to have spent $5,000 per week at the Cheesecake Factory. And this was one of the prime factors in his eventual financial ruin. I imagine he's bringing other people there with him. Yeah. No, he brought teammates. Okay. You

cannot spend $5,000 on yourself. He was every week. He was regularly treating himself in teammates. Wild. Yeah. Ruin by mediocrity. That's the resty fact roundup for the week. Thanks, Garrett. I'm going to start with something that was the first thing I noticed even walking in, but I'm not putting it in first impressions because it pervaded the restaurant. Movie theater butter popcorn smell. Yeah. The lobby smelled like it when we went up the escalator. It smelled like it. And I'm just like taking it in, loving it. I know it's not coming from the Cheesecake Factory. It's right next to an AMC. But boy, did I love it. It's one of my favorite smells in the world is movie theater popcorn. That was actually mentioned in a Yelp review too.

Oh, really? Yeah. Did they like it? Yeah. Okay. I feel like this is almost a intended feature of this building now. I guess. Yeah. I had no problems with it. Yeah. It created an identity crisis, but no problems. I loved it. It would have been the same if it smelled like a laundromat or something like clean linens or whatever. I'd be like, well, this isn't what I expect from a restaurant, but I'm here for it. I'm here for that clean linen or fresh baked bread. Oh my gosh. Well, that would make sense. That would. Yeah. It was pleasant. Not what I expected. I think it made the weight better. Like I could maybe stand being inside of that with the noise lobby for like an extra minute because of that. Yeah. Now I thought that this

place, I mean, I compared it to a casino. It's got a cool layout. It's got like pillars and columns. It's got planters. It's got those nice artful pools in the ceiling. It's got fancy light fixtures. I really, really liked this atmosphere. It's fancy. Yeah. It's on that Papado level. Yeah. In a different, like it has no Cajun theming. No. Like Papado was nautical fancy. This is like, this was Vegas fancy or like whimsically fancy almost kind of whimsically the Chicago location. There are giant mushrooms inside like really is a giant mushroom. It's so cool. I didn't know that. That's cool. I don't have any complaints with this atmosphere. Oh, it's, it's great to look at it. Oh, I've got a complaint. Yeah. I noticed this later in the meal. Okay.

There was only one functional restroom. Oh, yeah. I know that bothered you. And it was, it was only the men's restroom, which, okay, whatever, which that's fine. But the awkward situation is I don't want to be around a bunch of people that are like, wait, do I go in? Yeah. Like two women walked in at the same time I did with another dude, like two dudes, two girls inside a bathroom. Yeah. That was weird. It is. Yeah. And I could tell everyone else felt awkward. I don't want to feel awkward in the bathroom. I don't want secondhand embarrassment from other humans. And I know that like, you know, it's a, it's a thing of circumstance. I'm sure if we went back today, it would probably be better. They probably got a maintenance guy. But of course,

we talk about the night that we went. That's what happened the night we were there. Yeah, it's just unfortunate. I didn't experience it. I didn't go back there. Me and another guy had to literally just be air traffic control at that bathroom. We were there like, okay, so no, you go there. You go there like orange little lightsaber thingies. I always have an extra one. You always travels with them. You never know when you're going to need it. I'm always like, Garrett, this isn't the place. And you're like, this is my time. Finally. Yeah. Now I, I noticed this more when I was like writing my notes in the lobby than when we actually sat. The music was, I thought a good level of like classy. Some of the music was stuff you could slow dance to nothing was overly

high energy. And I appreciate it. It kind of helped me ease into the environment and, and just imagine like a bunch of dubstep there. I actually, I want to imagine a bunch of people actually slow dancing. Can you imagine you're at a cheesecake factory? May I have this dance? Malady. Oh, God, never. I know. They had cool fans. I liked that. There was like the islands sort of thing where it's like, they almost look like wooden paddles that kind of go around. One thing that got my attention later in the meal. This was the first table that sat next to us, like the group of ladies that were there just having a good time. Yeah. Two of them specifically, and I quote, ordered the

regular ass cheesecake. That's what they wanted. None of this chocolate. Give me that regular ass cheesecake. Yes. Yeah. That's funny. That made me feel happy. Did the server immediately know like, I got you. I know which one you're talking about. Yeah. What would be amazing is if we open the menu just as regular ass cheesecake. And that's definitely not their branding. They like kept calling him like Darlene or something like that, too. Sugar. Yeah. Like it was one of those. Yeah. That's another weird thing, too. That table next to us. Yeah. After that group went, you know, like the Spanish couple that came in with the baby. Yeah. That was the quietest baby I have

ever heard. I know. You were nudging me like something's wrong. I'm like, yeah, there's nothing wrong. And that's what's wrong. The fact that that baby isn't ruining my time here. I'm like, God, you really hate kids, don't you? Okay. It was kind of freaky. This baby was just seated up vertically eating straight ahead. It's like he was conscious. He was like military. It's like it could be just a new armed forces recruiting tactic. Get them while they're infants. Start them as sleeper agents from the womb. And now a word from our totally not made up sponsor. Oh, hi there. It's your favorite sponsor job. And I am back with a brand new business. My last business worked out okay, but I had to shift directions because you guys were depressing me.

But this week I'll be impressing you. You got a baby that you feel like you can't take anywhere. He's crying. He's whining. Give him on over to me and I'll make sure they behave real good. I've got a new special technique that involves hypnotherapy. I'll make your baby do whatever you want. Does your baby consume lead paint chips? Not on my watch. Which he doesn't. Is your little girl what we like to call in the daycare industry a runner? I'll teach her that she can never run from her past. So what's the point? She's your grandson growling weird ways whenever you hold him upside down by his ankles. Well, I'll make him feel a healthy dose of shame because that's not what civilized people do. I'm real good at helping kids grow up because I myself was never

a kid and having nothing in common with them helps me shape them in my image. So if you want to put your baby to work or just have him sit still in a cheesecake factory that smells like popcorn, just put a scarecrow dress like Ross Perot on the rooftop of your nearest drive-thru car wash and I'll be there exactly 17 hours later and we can talk things out. Okay, bye. Our buddy who went with us pointed out that all cheesecake factories have this, but there were these columns with these ominous-looking eyes of sauron-type decor. They look just like the eye of sauron. It looks like there are just a dozen eyes of... If you don't get the reference, watch Lord of the Rings. It's been 20 years. You've had time, but yeah, just these ominous-looking

towers and I'm just like, are they looking out for Frodo? Are hobbits not welcome in a cheesecake factory? They're just like trying to keep them away. I thought it actually fit the vibe because it was so dark. I'm like, okay, an orc can survive in here. An orc could thrive in a cheesecake factory. But hey, it's the truth. Low light, healthy for your orc. Now, not everything was low light. They had this one area off to the side. So when you go up the escalators and go left, they have a little bit of an overflow and it's way overly lit. There's a big chandelier in the middle, which looked nice-ish, but this actually overlooked the atrium of the AMC. So you're now out of the classy atmosphere. You're still technically eating cheesecake factory food,

but it's also clear they do not care about you. Is this for the unsightlies? Is this for like... No, it's not because we weren't put there. Yeah, I don't know how they determined who gets kind of that shit end of the stick. But you say it's the shit end of the stick. I say it's a wonderful opportunity to watch a very great cross-section of the population enter a movie theater. I mean, you can watch, okay, you can watch your goal when you go to dinner. Hey, you can watch all races, all backgrounds get popcorn. Don't you want to do that? Not even. The viewpoint of the concession stand cuts off. Oh man. You just get to watch people order their tickets or flash their phone screen for the tickets they've already bought. And like, if you

can lip read, maybe you'll have a fun time being like, oh, they're seeing this. Hey. Or they walk in and you're placing bets on what movie they're going to see. Yeah, that's a fun game. It's a fun game, but it's not why you went out to dinner. You went to cheesecake factory for class and now you're just sitting there trying to like, struggle watching lips through glass, like, I don't know. That's the same thing as struggling to have a conversation in the rest of the building because it's so loud. I guess. Honestly, it might be for people who aren't great conversationalists. It's just like, here we'll prompt you. We'll give you stuff to point at and it'll be kind of a literal revolving door of changing people to comment on if that's your jam. I don't know. It just

seemed kind of funny to me that it was just like, you guys go over here and what's funny is the one other time I've eaten at that cheesecake factory. Oh, yeah, of course. I got placed over there. Yeah. It was lunchtime though, so it didn't feel as impersonal as it did during like the dimly lit nighttime ambiance. Why is it that I get different seating when I go to a restaurant with you and then when I go by myself or with anyone else? I don't know. We're always shoved off into some corner. I look like trouble. So two thumbs up for me on the atmosphere. I didn't have the bathroom issue that you did. I really liked how classy this place looked. I had no problems with it. Two thumbs up. It was classy. It looked great, but I couldn't hear myself think and I had

way too much awkwardness in the bathroom. So zero thumbs up. Zero thumbs. All right. Service. It happened again. Two servers again. Like, we got pond off immediately. This happened so often. We're like one person checks in and they're like, nope, we get another person. I mean, they said it was the second guy said that he was coming back from break. And so, you know, the other guy was just originally covering for him. What I will say of the guy who first introduced himself to us is he was a hand clapper. He was, you know what I'm talking about? One of those talkers who's like, so I'm Nick and so I'm Nick and, you know, just clapping his hands and fists together at everything like to emphasize everything. It just seems like you guys know what you want.

A dude from New England or something. Yeah. And I was just like, this is a lot of theatrics. That's not to say anything about the quality of server he was. It was just a funny thing that I noticed about him. He was just a very handsy guy. Great. That's what you should write in your Yelp review of the place. Well, we had to get a second server because our first guy was too handsy. It's truth. Yeah. Just you should clarify so he doesn't get fired. The second server we had was a lot more laid back and I don't know. He was fine. I think he was a really smart dude. I didn't see him write down an order once. Yeah. And he messed up an order. Yours. Yeah. But we'll get to that later. Yeah. Yeah. So he took our orders. He took

the orders of the table next to us. No writing down. I will say he didn't badly mess up my order. He got the dish right. He just, you know, you know, when your dish was brought out and it was made incorrectly. Yes. He talked the other person bringing it out. I got the impression he did his job correctly. Yeah. This was a kitchen problem. Okay. I don't hold it against him. I'm a guy who orders stuff without cheese all the time and it's a coin flip as to whether it actually arrives with cheese or not. It really is. I make no stink about like it doesn't bother me. I know my lot in life. I know that I'm just going to have to sit there without food for a couple of minutes while everyone else around me is eating. I get it. It never affects my rating. But I know where you're

going. But when they brought it back, there was another ingredient missing. So they took away the cheese, but they also, I mean, I'll get into it with the food, but spoiler alert, one of the two words in the name of the dish was missing and it really could have used it. So hey, at least he didn't cheese like you. At least he didn't, he wasn't a cheese gas lighter, a cheese lighter, like we had at Chevy's where the guy was like, there's no cheese in that. I'm like, we're looking at it. It's goopy and it tastes like cheese. Yeah. He was fine. I thought he was kind of like if our perfect five restaurant would also have perfect five service, perfect five atmosphere and perfect five out of 10 food, he would have been who I'm drafting to give me that service.

I thought he was just straight zero thumbs. Wow. I think I got a better service experience from him than you did. Yeah. I noticed you actually had to ask for refills. Yes. I never had to ask for refills. So I got a sparkling water. It came in a bottle. Yeah. He even stopped over one time to pour it for you. I saw that. I can totally see how we had different service experiences, at least from our different perspective. I just thought he was really friendly, made eye contact. He was nice. Like he checked in as much as he could, given how insanely busy the place was. I felt that like 3% more present is all I needed. Like just a little bit more, 3% more enthusiastic. Yeah. I guess I can see that. Just 3%. Yeah. It's a small battle to fight,

but that's how close he was to thumbs up versus mediocrity. But I really felt he is in that mediocre tier. Nothing wrong with that. I don't have any problems with the guy, not complaining, but these are just the things that would have gotten it a little boost. Oh, yeah. I love it how we can have varied serving experiences from literally the same number of check-ins. Same number of check-ins. Sitting two feet apart, same person. This seems to be a regular occurrence almost. You got a thumb for it? Yeah. One thumb up. Yeah, just one. All right. I think I'll say for me, what's stopping two thumbs up on this is the cheesecake factory itself. Being just too busy, too packed. It's just too busy. The layout, it's just not designed.

And we were kind of seated in the back. So we definitely weren't in, well, you know what, I'll say we were in his lane for the most part. I felt like he was regularly in our aisle. I do question if you can get two thumb up service at cheesecake factory just because of the layout. I think it boils down to waiter charisma. I think if you get a guy who's just a bl- or a girl who's just a blast. Possibly. I'm going two thumbs on that because I feel like great personality could have covered up all of the deficiencies that I had. Maybe. I don't think there's anything that would have gotten him to the table more often. Right. No, I know. But Amy from Hooters? Still the bar. Amy's going to be the bar for a while. Amy was the bar. Best server we've had. I almost

hate that she's from Hooters because I feel like people are going to be like, oh, she charmed you with that crop top and booty shorts. No, has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the service provided. And I think Hooters lends itself to better service, not because of the outfits, but because the way they hire. They hire based on personality, too. Oh. It's like since these are, I guess, quote unquote, entertainers, so you're hiring more from an acting role. From a literal corporate standpoint, they hire them as entertainers. Yeah, they're doing casting instead of just regular hiring. So I think you'll get like potentially a better level of service. Yeah. All right. Well, we don't have a lot to say about service, but I feel that about covers it.

I worked for the Cheesecake Factory for several years as a server and a bartender at some of their busiest locations on the West Coast. Pretty sure that every food service veteran has had like nightmares of their worst tables from time to time. But I don't think I've ever encountered what I can best describe as the hive mind of terror that was the cheese mare. So as a high up trainer for the company, I got to travel to other locations pretty frequently to prepare stores for like new menu additions, batch onboard new servers and like demo drink recipes and all that good stuff. And as far as I could tell, the cheese mare was a company wide phenomenon. We all knew what they were and we all have the same name for them, which was pretty wild because this was like

way back in the day when Facebook was exclusively used by college students trying to figure out how to buy weed. So I have no idea how the concept became so pervasive. I took both bar and server shifts at my home store. This was the Union Square location in San Francisco. It's a shop that has several managers because it's just absolutely massive. Most of them were great, but I had one micromanager that like despite my several years with the company and multiple transfers still insisted on keeping me under a microscope. So needless to say, he was like the antagonist for most of my non customer centric cheese mares, which was just a nightmare in and of itself. So one of the most brutal nights I had found me in like a cyclical cheese mare

between a particularly needy and impossible to please family of five from the Midwest and my boss. So like dreams start out normally, I guess, as they usually could. And I greeted them, taken their order and gotten bread on the table. And nothing had hit their table yet. And I had like four other six stops in my section. So every time I'd try to walk by to get another table's order or grab the Marieville, this family of Wisconsinites would literally just start snapping their fingers at me and demand like more bread, more ranch, more Diet Coke, like it was just endless. So I'd grab their shit and run back to the past for more of everything and then up from the ether would emerge my micromanaging boss. So I would be like getting their shit together. And he'd just come up behind

me and be like, Oh, that's only a five top. Why are you giving him that much bread? Why are you dropping ranch with the bread? That's not the right rambican for ranch. None of these butters are faced. Why are you bringing so much butter? They're just packing forth like in between the table in between my boss. Nothing was ever enough. Nothing was ever done right. No amount of butter ranch or Diet Coke could save these Midwesterners even before their appetizers hit. So my other tables were pissed. And the second I'd approach another table, my Fargo family of five would start up with some chance of just like ranch, Diet Coke, brown bread. And I was stuck in this endless loop of demands and scrutiny and disappointment for what felt like an eternity. Absolute shit show. And that

is just seared into my mind and will be there for the rest of forever, which I hate. Other notable flavors of cheese mirror I think included like showing up just for my server shift because they had switched me to a bar shift without letting me know, having several tables request an item that's not on the menu, being really confused and realizing that you missed a menu update, then being forced to spend the rest of your shift in the back room studying, getting stuck in the trashy Macy service elevator because staff wasn't allowed to use the super special cheesecake factory brand in elevator. Like that service elevator was constantly breaking down and just smelled like hot trash. And I think like one of the worst brands of cheese mare was

never being able to get the crease in your apron crispy enough. Like literally every cheesecake factory has an iron and an ironing board in the back so they can like police your apron crease. So few cheese mayors I've just been ironing that apron to shit in the back room and just always being told oh that's not creased enough get back there. Oh absolute shit show. That's only like what's in my mind permanently but there were countless nights where I would wake up in a cold sweat like oh my god I forgot it's table 22 side of guac and like the gulp was just insufferable. Yeah so those are cheese mayors and I never want to hear the fucking words brown bread ever again. Food. Yum. So with the food of course the first thing we have to talk about is the menu. We touched

on the menu but I have to give this week's this is way too much like it makes sense right? It's designed this is way too much award has to go to the cheesecake factory menu. This novella of a menu is way too much. I got analysis paralysis which is a term they use in the board gaming community when you just have too many options and you want to make the optimal move and you just take way too long to make your decision. I am not lying to you when I say I had a pep talk with myself before you came over before we went to cheesecake factory and I told myself you're gonna figure out what you want quickly and it did not happen. It got to the point where when our server asked do you guys know what you want to order I was like do me last and even

when he got to me I had a panic and you were like Garrett hey order slowly but that doesn't work because I don't have this problem because I already know what I'm gonna get. You didn't even open the menu you're like I get the same thing every time. I feel like I get a lot of cheesecake factory and I most of the time get the same thing so I gotta say that menu way too much. Another thing to back up this way too much menu yeah try ordering cheesecake factory for an office of 40 plus people. I hate that suggestion that sounds awful that was terrible oh my I feel like I have a new form of nightmare now that you just said that. Oh man oh that sounds awful. Also try being the one who was to press them to like get your order in and they're like I don't know.

And then try being the cheesecake factory that has to make the 40 orders that come in. Oh I did that once never again. Yeah anyone who makes the you know the intern at their workplace order cheesecake factory for everyone it is either an intentional rite of passage or they are a certifiable sociopath. Hey I willingly did that one because I'm a certifiable sociopath. Oh you willingly were the one ordering. Yeah just mainly because I was the one that was okay with literally walking up and getting into everyone's space and like hey I need your order right now give it to me. Yeah no no no not later what do you want. So what did we want Garrett. We started with well they called them starters so they have starters and small plates together and then next to it

next page appetizers. Yep the appetizers are huge in theory they're meant to share with the entire table the small plates it's just like hey I'm here on my lunch you could get it by yourself or one or two people. Yeah so we got the crispy brussel sprouts starter oh no no no no no before I get into the starters we got bread oh yes table bread so they bring out comes back with a vengeance we haven't had table bread in a while when was the last place that had table bread Cheddar's I guess yeah Cheddar's had those like croissant rolls so we got one croissant and this oh wow this came on the scene strong they had two types of bread they had a sourdough and a pumpernickel now we differ on this yes like the pumpernickel has a whole oats on top of it

too so it looks fancy it was really good yeah the pumpernickel is one of my all-time favorite restaurant breads like yeah I think it gives the macaroni grill bread or run for its money really I had it at an eight out of ten I had the pumpernickel a little bit of butter I only had one slice of it portion control the sourdough I liked more you did not no it had something that is a quality present in a lot of sourdough where it's a little bit tougher to chew and that tanked it for me I don't want to perform bother me at all do mouth calisthenics at the dinner table come on but it's a you say come on like an 80s like hack comedian hey guys come on to me it's a sign of like an actual fresh sourdough because it's not a stale chewiness no it's not stale it is a very

fresh chewy I dig it I like it the flavor of the actual sourdough nine out of ten oh wow nine out of ten sourdough bread for me for me it was flavored it was a lightly flavored mm-hmm I got a big dose of flavor I just I used to work with this woman she and her husband make the best homemade sourdough well that's what I'm saving the ten out of ten it's one of it's his family recipe it's been passed down through generations and like that's when I think okay there's a crisp exterior that's not too hard in a soft flavorful moist interior yeah I didn't get that from this bread yeah I just got a bunch of crispy to me it was very moist the interior was perfect on the the one that I got the interior was perfect oh maybe you had a good one yes I just I felt like it was mostly crust so

I can only give this a three out of ten for the three out of ten it hurts my mouth that's wild that discreet six points of discrepancy between us the pumpernickel is a strong eight out of ten yeah so we agree on that all right so now we can move into our starter plate the crispy brussel sprouts delicious going in yeah so you saw hit your mouth you you saw my eyes close I were entering started entering flavor and then the second I bit into it snapped out yes it had great flavor the flavor was great but the texture was it was a little undercooked yeah just a little not it wasn't bad no it still tasted great but boy they had the world in the palm of their hands did it was and they dropped it seven out of ten brussel sprouts for me now another thing is seven

out of ten for me on those the whole order so we split it there were four of us we split the brussel sprouts so I only entered a quarter in but my weight watchers app you know I keep track of all the food that I'm eating I have limits of what I can consume brussel sprouts I assumed this is a slam dunk this is low points nope are they deep fried like practically they were 22 points now for for context I get 32 points a day and then I can earn weekly points through exercise and by not using all my points every day I can roll up to four over to create this weekly bank that allows me to have a cheat day like we had with cheesecake factory 22 points for brussel sprouts so a quarter of it you know it rounded down to fives for me I'm okay with that but even then

brussel sprouts they're supposed to be like a free food little bit of oil like I can make brussel sprouts at home for two to three points really yeah I have never made and never made brussel sprouts and never had them in a much higher quantity than what I ate really yeah I feel like every time I've had brussel sprouts they were similar to this that's the thing I don't know what they're doing differently to make it so high in I guess I'll assume calories I don't know what the actual element is okay try but when you deep frying them is the thing that I can think of but it's I don't it's not a deep frying you see the char on it it's just I mean it's heavily oiled heavy oil high temperature yeah and when you bite into it you get the moisture grease release yeah you can

feel that I love it still tasty yeah still tasty I'm only talking about the health benefit which doesn't impact my rating but very surprising then we got southern fried chicken sliders for appetizers what a difference a sauce makes yeah I was just like no let's not get these sliders I don't want to fill up on this yeah I was wrong they weren't even that big no I thought they were very comfortable slider size four of us at the table each one and it came with two different mayo's I couldn't tell you what the difference between the more I think one was like it was a little bit more yellow I don't want to say it was a remelade it didn't have the flavor of a remelade it was more shading towards Thousand Island yeah and then the other one was just I guess like a straight-up mayo but it had

like a little kick to it and I'm not really a mayo guy typically neither my buddy who is with us was like you got to do it with the mayo so I took a bite of it plain it was a five and a half out of ten like it was just above average just above it was a it was a good bun a little dry and and it was a good chicken flavor but when you add that mayo my score jumps up two points seven and a half out of ten for these chicken sliders with just that mayo color me shocked because I'm not a mayo guy no and like initially I'm like I'm not gonna put mayo on this but I saw your experience and I just went straight for it we have the same taste buds you and I so if you see a thing with food I trust Deanna yeah so I'm gonna give this an eight out of ten with some of

the best mayo I have ever had yeah yeah I was I was very surprised oh another feature on that too it came with all of the fixings too so the pickles tomato on like just in case you're one of those people that wants more of a deluxe style chicken sandwich yeah I like I like that they gave us the option yeah so now we're moving into our entrees but before we move into our entrees let's talk about the lady next to us there was a lady with a tiny dog behind her okay it was a white long hair chihuahua one of the cutest most well-behaved dogs I've seen it was yeah I didn't move it didn't make a noise I remember seeing her in Barnes and Noble while we were waiting because I was like oh that's a cute small dog so she was also killing time in Barnes and Noble I wonder how much of that

Barnes and Noble's business comes from people waiting for cheesecake factory and you know we're just doing our own thing her entree comes I couldn't even tell you what it was the the plates here are massive like big sides the actual surface area that the dish takes up compared to the plate it's got to be almost a 50-50 ratio so the the spatial efficiency of the plate use it depends on the dish obviously Brussels sprouts they're in like a little saucer fully taking it up the sliders but the entrees oh yeah the pastas it's just a lot of wasted space so our waiter was very good about taking away plates and even still I felt like I was just constantly eating over like trying to manage the space of what's on the table so the lady with the dog has this huge just

void in front of her that I can't see what the dish is and oh one thing we noticed she looked weirdly like Whitney Cummings she did kind of look like Whitney Cummings wasn't her wasn't her she starts salting her entree normal thing but then I'm checking my watch and I'm like it's been 40 seconds this is not an exaggerated number 40 seconds of salting her dish and I'm like she really likes salt and then she goes for the pepper and she doesn't waste her time she unscrews the cap and starts pouring pepper into her dish what kind of psychopath does that what is going on over there what's going on over there what's going on over there should I wear it should I damn what is going on over there hey Michael what's going on over there this lady

is not a good person I need to preface it with that I don't approve of what she's doing but all the telltale signs are there she's like your fancy Hollywood housewife she's got an old rich husband like she's on a reality show with a bunch of others like her she gave off that vibe a little bit you know the small dog all that what I think it is she's headed up to here with her husband who do you think she's taking her leftovers home to I think she was loading up her dish with salt and pepper to the point of overdose and she's going to take it to go and give it to and you know the most wealthy individuals on this planet are more susceptible to salt and pepper poisoning of course we know that yeah a weakness to salt and pepper comes with money

it's just part of the game yeah that's why rich people have such bland taste buds Donald Trump each steak with ketchup it's the only way he can survive get that man one hint of salt or pepper one little bit of flavor and it's like oh no it's even worse okay get a bit of salt anywhere near Jeff Bezos oh man apparently salt stimulates hair growth he's he's been salt free since 93 Elon Musk I bet he's just a slug that he throws salt on him he dies he shrivels yeah no we all know that yeah salt and pepper proven fact shrivels the rich shrivels the mega wealthy yeah I mean hell the English fought wars over spices but they don't use them on any of their food they just want to be in control of weaponized spice against themselves so yeah as insidious as

it is and I know we're making a lot of assumptions but the small dog was the giveaway yeah it actually barked at me like danger right there and I was like what is it boy and it's like we're all to pepper her it's like what what old man Hudson fell in the well and she's gonna put salt and pepper salmon on to him and it's all he's gonna have that's a well rich people love their salmon we know this but he's stuck in a well she's gonna drop him down the leftover salmon that's been overdosed and he'll eat it because starving they offered me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but I do I'm not an animal yeah and he's like he's not actually trapped in a well he fell down his endless spiral staircase and he's stuck at the bottom and by stuck at the bottom he's completely

capable of walking up but his servants aren't around to move his legs for him and like you know his non-spiral staircase has one of those lifts that old people go get on where it just takes them up the stairs because they can't anymore you know what I'm talking about the little electric scooter things that go upstairs those are funny that's what's going on over there it is I got the tomato basil pasta and it came with cheese that I asked for it to not have on it I asked them to take it back it had basil on it it also had chicken it had basil on it when they first brought it then they came back with a dish that I do appreciate this was evident that they didn't just like scrape cheese off and put it back on yeah it was clearly a new dish because it didn't

have basil and it's just like I needed it I needed a little bit more flavor to make this dish pop the pasta was a little I know we differ on this it was a little too al dente for me just a little too stiff and yeah it made it a bland dish four and a half out of ten wow the chicken itself was probably the saving grace and got it an extra half point but you know I had to load it up with crushed red pepper to basically get much in the way of taste you were loading it up with crushed red pepper yeah everyone else at the table noticed how long you were shaking that bad boy yeah what'd you get I got the hibachi steak I had a bite of it it was okay it was yeah it was okay for a steak yeah which is still good I ordered it medium rare and unfortunately I have to apologize

I took out my phone turned on the flashlight oh no you were one of those I was one of those because after my first you never flash I'm like you never phone flashlight in a dark room I do appreciate that it was angled back at you I wanted to see I'm like okay this the texture the taste I'm like this is more medium so then I look at it I'm like shit this is a medium it's also but it's hard to tell the color because it kind of has like a brownish sauce on it so that soft the sauce is the star of this show yeah the entire reason I get this is the sauce almost a sesame like asian inspired so yeah very asian I mean it was the hibachi steak so it was great and the steak itself I'll compliment the char on it it was tender had a good mouth feel yeah

but the flavor of it was honestly the meat itself was forgettable yeah the sauce saved it so I like how you said it has a good mouth feel it does that's probably the most serial killer sentence you've ever said all right go on so I'm gonna give this a 6.5 out of 10 but the side I got the mountain of mashed potatoes man the wasabi mashed potatoes oh they were wasabi they were wasabi mashed potatoes I would have tried them if I knew that oh man I was trying to save my like my calories but if I had known that there was wasabi I would have tried them they were excellent like this is an 8.5 out of 10 they were perfectly creamy perfectly lumpy just enough wasabi I you don't need a salt pepper butter you don't need to add anything yeah and then you had mushrooms

too right mushrooms came with it I'm not a big mushroom fan I don't really like the earthiness I've kind of they've grown on me a little bit I'm just gonna go six out of ten on these they tasted fine now before we even think of going to the next food item we've got to give a review of something cheesy it's the cheesecake factory we've got to do it we're literally obligated but neither Garrett nor myself enjoy cheese which is why we have our weekly cheese correspondent Steven however of course Steven has another conflict another injury to the part of his body that specializes in talking so we got someone to voice Steven's review for him Colin mockery from whose line is it anyway take it away

hey there Colin mockery from whose line is it anyway here international comedy icon and of course role modeler pretty much everyone since 1990 I know it's pretty darn exciting here's the thing Steven was supposed to review the stuffed cheddar burger from cheesecake factory for the fine dining podcast as cheese correspondent one of the most respected types of correspondence in all journalism well he got a tongue piercing and can't talk very well this the very thing happened to Dan rather when he was covering the ran contra controversy so I'm going to be taking his place for this particular review again it's a review of the stuffed cheddar burger this is for the fine dining podcast I'm just going to start the timer and here we go

we're talking of course about the stuffed cheddar burger from cheesecake factory here we go the menu only had cheese extremes so you had either barely cheesy or full heart attack cheese something to be aware of the burger's cheese was a mix of cheddar and a craft single esque cheese so not necessarily craft we're not here to promote or demote any brand so the cheese was craft like let's say the gooey cheese was stuffed into the patty instead of the top so it was actually inside the patty um Steve was very impressed with the way the beef accentuated the cheese within you see the beef really brought out the cheesy flavor of the cheese which is uh usually cheese breeze on the cheesy flavor the cheese was the start of show the whole

thing was good eight out of ten eight out of ten well that's the review I hope that helped I mean a lot of people when they think of their cheeseburger they don't really give you damn I'm sorry that wasn't very good uh I'm sorry I have to stop now uh I just can't uh do any more there's more than cam and bear okay I have to lie down for a while but this was for Steve Michael and Garrett sent this out Steve hope your tongue gets better but you know really you should think these things out everyone stay safe so now we're ending it on dessert we got different desserts you got a cheesecake I got a non cheesecake I got the chocolate tower truffle cake an astounding so going back to Weight Watchers I get 32 points a day 98 points for one slice of this cake so I

only had a third of it um and that's including like my bonuses and stuff that I was able to go over with 98 points it is crazy and you so judiciously sliced it into three slices of equal size before it was actually very easy to do that it kind of lended itself to fractions 1,770 calories for one slice of this cake 1,770 that's it's that's like a blooming onion now here's the thing it was rich but not deeply flavorful which really surprised me like it it had a rich texture okay but not a deep flavor I've had much better chocolate cakes even recently I've had grocery store cakes better than this six out of ten it was good was it moist yeah like the texture of it was perfect the flavor of it it just it didn't hit me it just didn't hit me as much so six out of

ten still a good cake you're gonna like it if you order it but I I expected much better now I had a different experience with mine I got the Oreo cheesecake and oh I love this they mix in the Oreo cream in with the cheesecake itself yeah so you're getting you get this nice little creme flavor with every bite yeah the Oreo chunks they have an entire baked in Oreo within the cheesecake itself and there's a whole Oreo garnish on top it's covered in chocolate this was just I'm entering flavorvana thinking about it thinking about it yeah I love their cheesecakes so much what's the score this is a nine out of ten rich flavorful delectable treat I'm going one thumb up on the food overall I think that the lack of basil really hurt my dish despite it being

advertised the dessert I expected more from especially in a place whose name predicates on dessert it was good it was a good meal I would go again but I just expected a little more okay before the cheesecake I was thinking to myself I even said this okay this cheesecake is going to determine my rating yeah I was like between one and two thumbs before the cheesecake yeah but this nine out of ten cheesecake solidly give two thumbs up okay thank you cheesecake you saved this score with your own namesake with the factory you did the thing right that you should do right well good on you cheesecake factory we got to give you a rating now but before we do let's go to little yelp from strangers in our new segment we need a little yelp a little yelp a little yelp from strangers

a one star two star three star four by yai so get a little yelp a little yelp a little yelp from strangers a little yelp a little yelp give us those complaints why you're literally white and I yelp all right folks we have a new segment for you yelp from strangers because strangers are the most helpful people you should listen to at all times they're the most yelpful people gary they are so we're going to be reading our favorite one two three four and five star reviews from this restaurant locations yelp because this is actually how we're reasonable this is how we choose our restaurants we look for a lot of the most amusing yelp reviews we're like okay

this place is going to be a hoot and so we want to bring you in on kind of what our process is we're only going to do a couple of them here but you can check out the full segment if you go to our patreon we will post that every week three star review all right garret i'm gonna start us off you know we're looking for mediocrity yeah i'm gonna take a three star review go for it a three star review of the cheesecake factory that we went to this is from sarah s 12 days ago such a funny experience at the cheesecake factory this week they are kind of a logistical mess i saw hosts going to seat tables that were filled then stand with guests looking frustrated for a few minutes like they're just like confused like why is this table got people so many guests trying to wave down

servers unsuccessfully so much frustration among diners including my friend and i at one point three tables in a row were screaming and trying to flag down the server to no avail lol what a cheery demeanor yeah so much anger one one table was trying to pay their bill for 20 minutes and finally went to the bar to the server one empty table was served a giant an empty table was served a giant salad did they leave it there or did they realize the mistake and walk away like i love the idea that there's just well i'm gonna just sit this here our friend got his meal 15 minutes before i got mine our server took our menus but didn't take our orders until 15 minutes later the table next to us took 20 minutes to get and their iced tea our server was nice but what a hot mess my friend had

the carbonara for 2150 which was not creamy at all barely any flavor and literally like five pieces of bacon in the whole dish so basically a big old plate of pasta disappointing i had the chicken also for 2150 and such a better deal with huge pieces of chicken a lot of unevenly distributed pesto over pasta a prosciutto piece wrapped around greens i was happy with this meal and would get it again however this cheesecake factory location is a hot mess it was busy but not packed but just made no sense for them to be having a million logistical errors we won't be back wow that sounds like a nightmare that sounds like an episode yeah sounds like something we could do i really want to see multiple tables just screaming for service i want to see an empty table served food it's like okay

they're pouring some salad out for the homies scoop one out for the homies five star review let's give a good review here is a five star hit me hazus are 15 days ago food bick for real low key expensive though service epic ambience awesome sauce they should turn up the outside heaters though also waitress was mad cute but she took a min to bring out the check it's okay though i understand thanks gen z that was the whole review that was the review i love it this was the most gen z review i have ever seen the funny thing about that is that whole individual does not strike me as the type of person who even cares to write a yelp review let alone a five star oh he was trying to pick up the server oh yeah yo matilda if you're if you see this hit me up

if you'd like to hear the rest of our yelp from stranger segment go on over to our patreon subscribe and we'll be posting all five of our favorite reviews there final rating all right garret we got to give a score to cheesecake factory the chachki of mediocrity wants to know where cheesecake factory is going to land what you got for it i'm gonna make this short and sweet cheesecake factory i have loved you for a long time i will always love you i will always return to you i'm giving you a 6.99 out of 10 thinking would i rather go to fud ruckers or would i rather go to the cheesecake factory our final fud ruckers score was 6.95 and you would rather go to cheesecake i would slightly rather go to cheesecake factory

so 6.99 and your fud ruckers rating was 6.89 so it is right go listen to our fud ruckers episode everyone out now i don't have the same affinity for cheesecake factory i've been a handful of times in my life this is probably the fourth or fifth time i've been to a cheesecake factory it was never on my roster of the places i craved it's a good experience it is better than mediocre it is better than average i also unfortunately i'm going above the zone of mediocrity i'm going 6.43 okay when we have a draw scores together cheesecake factory goes up on the chachki of mediocrity at 6.71 okay respectable that's between fud ruckers and islands a little better than islands little below fud ruckers that seems pretty fair yeah i mean fud ruckers definitely over delivered

what i expected to go in with but more importantly what this means is i gotta be punished i picked the cheesecake factory it is not mediocre enough not mediocre enough draw from the bowl the you must bowl we should have seen this coming we should have seen this coming but i'm not one to shy away so let's see what the you must bowl our bowl of punishments that we must do if we pick a restaurant that scores outside of the four to six zone of mediocrity let's see what it tells me i have to do for our next week's dining experience you must wear a bride to be slash bachelorette sash okay you pretty blushing i wonder if i can find like a tiara too or something all right oh but you

need to like have the dollar bills like stapled or taped to your shirt yeah or a bunch of like gummy penises yeah that's an option too i don't want to do that okay cool well we need to know where am i going to be wearing that sash too so it's time to play the headline game the rules of the headline game are as follows michael will present three headlines to garret that include this week's restaurant they can be made up or they can be actual headlines if garret can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake he will get to select next week's restaurant however if michael stumps him he'll select again are you ready to play fellas i'm ready to play the headline game let's go me too first headline i have prepared for

you cheesecake factory considered 2004 rebrand to hunting themed restaurant huh 2000 you said that was in 2004 2004 uh i'm gonna go false because the phrase cakes was not popularized in 2004 so you can't go out hunting for cakes what the f*** does that mean cakes means but i know what does hunting for that's not a phrase it is now no it's not make it a phrase you're dumb yes cheesecake factory scandal leaves wilmington suburb without power for seven hours cheesecake factory scandal causes a power outage i am going to go true i bet they just turned the lights on to a normal level it just killed the power grid all right lastly florida man pretends to be oprah's nephew for

free cheesecake factory gift card true florida man does anything okay let's go through them cheesecake factory considered 2004 rebrand to hunting themed restaurant you randomly made a hunting for butts joke and you said false it is in fact false but i hate you for it second headline cheesecake factory scandal leaves wilmington suburb without power for seven hours you said true that one is false i made it up you're one in one oh florida man pretends to be oprah's nephew for free cheesecake factory gift cards you said true on a headline that sounds so much like i would have made it up totally this is my brand right here and yet it is true and you're correct and i'm mad about it where are we going next week garret you know what

next week we're not gonna hunt for cakes but we are going to go to loose seals loose seals smoke house barbecue okay i'm in the mood for some barbecue and that's the closest chain barbecue joint to us yeah okay i will happily wear a bachelorette sash to loose seals smoke house barbecue yeah wear the sash right before you get the meat thanks for listening to the fine dining podcast these search for the most mediocre restaurant in america we didn't find the most mediocre restaurant this was pretty good but we are searching for more mediocre restaurants if you join our patreon so please go over there check it out we've got three different tiers of membership we've got some cool stuff for you it would really mean the world to us if you go check it out you

can even get your face plastered right up on the chach give mediocrity for everyone to see you can do that that is an option go check it out follow us on our socials at fine dining podcast on instagram and tiktok send us an email fine dining podcast at gmail.com we did not find what we were looking for garret the search continues have a fine day the search continues we still need the perfect five the search continues like and subscribe the search continues our journey did not conclude the moderated search continues write us an iTunes review and hey while you're at it why don't you go ahead and make it five stars follow us on tiktok the same on instagram all the socials at fine dining podcast we have a website fine dining podcast dot com buy our t-shirts then put them on

and don't forget you can always suggest where we go next okay we're going to find it there mediocrity the search continues see you next week heard my throat a little have a fine day