Fine Dining - Best Chain Salad? California Pizza Kitchen Review feat. Holly Brown [Part Two]

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

I love CPK, but not for the pizza! California Pizza Kitchen is such a favorite of mine, I'm surprised it took 70 episodes to get to it! My guest, comedian Holly Brown is just as passionate about this chain as I am, so this was a great time The Good includes my favorite salad ever, Holly & my pasta dishes, & the vibes The Not Good: The BBQ Chicken Pizza, the pasta plate real estate, the complimentary bread portions The Just There: This location didn't smell like a septic tank for once! What we ate: White Corn Guac & Chips, Bread & Oil, Thai Crunch Salad, Fettucine Alfredo, Spaghetti Bolognese, BBQ Chicken Pizza, Butter Cake, Mango Strawberry Lemonade Holly's least favorite restaurant experience ever is every Californian's trauma "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to my YouTube to watch this episode! Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Gabe Alvarez (@spooky.gabe) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (My November Patreon exclusive episode about Pacific Northwest Seafood institution Ivar's Acres of Clams came out just a few weeks ago! From bomb threats to no working water, my guest, author Temple West and I went through a LOT just to eat here), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your California Pizza Kitchen stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow Holly on Instagram @hollybrowncomedy   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Arctic Circle History [Part One]! Yeah, I got him. Santa Claus joins as my guest as we talk about the history of the burger chain named after his homeland. Ever work at Arctic Circle? Send your stories to [e-mail].

California Pizza Kitchen, my favorite salad in all of chain dining, but bread portions designed to incite conflict. The perfect size dishes for my belly, but the most forgettable bathrooms I've ever been inside. They did a good attempt at decor, but a bad attempt at a pizza that everyone seems to like. I'm looking for the most mediocre restaurant in America, this week, California Pizza Kitchen is up to bat. Is it the place where the good and the not good

are in perfect alignment? Let's find out. This is the Fine Dining Podcast. Your table is ready, take a seat The flavor of the day is mediocrity Wouldn't you like to try a bite? Guarantee it'll be the perfect bite Fine dining Better than you thought, worse than you hoped Fine dining We don't treat media as a joke. Breaking every single place we've been.

Looking for the perfect five out of ten. Alright everyone, I'm your host Michael Ornelas. Welcome to Fine Dining. This week I got to go to California Pizza Kitchen with my guest, a stand-up comedian, and CPK former employee, enthusiast, lover, future CEO, Holly Brown. Hi, thank you so much for having me again.

Welcome. I am a part-time lover to CPK and a full-time friend. We are gonna get into it because, look, I'm looking for the restaurant that is the perfect and a full-time friend. We are gonna get into it because, look, I'm looking for the restaurant that is the perfect 5.00 out of 10 on the Chachki of mediocrity because I'm trying to de-stigmatize what it means to be just fine.

Because I myself, you know, I'm not exceptional. Yeah. And that's okay. Let's be okay. Living in the middle. I love that. I connect with that so middle. I love that. I connect with that so much.

I think there's comfort in being good, but not great. Yeah. There's a familiarity with being just mid. Yeah. And I love that. There is. I think it's attainable. And in this world right now, that's what we need. Look, there's a reason that I chose chain restaurants instead of like the nicest meals I could have.

Those like, they take something out of you. It's like energy to go to a Michelin star restaurant. And you also are forcing yourself to want to like something so much that I feel like it skews your dining. Because you're told it's good. Exactly. So you go to a place that you're like, well, I think it's a safe bet.

And then you can kind of gauge from there. It's consistent. I love consistency. Security and my dining preferences. I love it. And that's what we get. So we are going to talk about all the things good about our meal at CPK,

and then we're gonna talk about all the things not good about our meal at CPK, and we're gonna put them against each other and see exactly which one wins out, the good or the not good, and where does it score on the tchotchke of mediocrity. And we'll also talk about the stuff that was, it was there, it was just there.

That's a lot. Yeah, you know, in a show about mediocrity, you gotta include what was just there. Of course. But I wanna know what was good, what was bad. So our table is ready. Let's jump on in. OK, so I'm going to be honest, a lot of what was good about this place is the food.

I do think when you're breaking it down by the atmosphere, the service and the food, the food is the standout part of a CPK. Yeah. And it's not like standout in the way that like the nicest restaurants you've been to stand out. But I start to fight. I have flashbacks and but the camera's off, guys. She doesn't pull it.

Yeah, like the food here is consistent. It's good. It's not. Well, there are some things that I freaking love. I know. I think it has those menu items that are genuinely great. Yeah. And that's something that to me is like, it sets it apart from other restaurants

because it has menu items that are like, they don't taste like they're from a chain restaurant, in my opinion. Those specific ones. So let's jump into one. The first thing that we got to eat, the white corn guacamole and chips. It was a much bigger portion than they used to give.

Like triple bigger than these. Yeah. This was four, two. This was not like, oh, okay, I guess we, and that's what it used to be. So I don't know when this changed happened. I also didn't notice what the price difference was. I'm sure it's more expensive. I'm sure it's more expensive.

Man. But the chips tasted fresh. I don't know if they were made in-house, but they tasted like it. And at the end of the day, that illusion is what matters. So the guac itself, they asked, do you want peppers on top? And I think it was like jalapenos.

Jalapenos and onions. And onions, jalapenos and onions. And jalapenos not the hottest pepper, but it has a kick and for some reason kicks my ass. I can do a habanero, but like jalapeno, which is way less on the Scoville scale will kind of kick my butt sometimes. Here, it was just pleasant.

Yeah, so I don't really like jalapenos personally, but I love the essence of jalapeno. I kind of like the- Like you like the flavor, but not the heat? Yes, I don't like the texture of jalapenos, but I love the essence of jalapeno. I kind of like the- Like you like the flavor, but not the heat? I don't like the texture of jalapenos, but I love the flavor. So I feel like I got a little bit of that. It was nice.

But I, you know, the chips were so fresh. They gave you big chips too. They weren't like all, you know, broken up chips. I feel like that happens a lot. No, it was whole chips. It was plated remarkably. I'm bragging about the plating. It was beautiful.

At California Pizza Kitchen, but it was consistent across their dishes. It was colorful. The guac was colorful, because it had the lime wedge, it had the pink onions. On top, yeah. On top.

And so it was like, hey, here's some contrast. This thing was really good, too. I loved it. It was such a fresh guac and I'm like, I feel weird raving about the guacamole at just a chain restaurant at a California pizza kitchen. But I've got to acknowledge this belongs in the good.

I 100% agree. This is a genuinely good appetizer to get. Now, especially now that it's shareable, it's something that I feel like more people can enjoy. Cause before, if it was tiny, it was a little tiny little portion. It was delivered and it was immediate disappointment. Not even because of the, the taste of it.

Yeah, it was just, this is it. And when you do bite it and you enjoy the flavor, you're like, well, I have one more bite left of this dish. It was very stingy for a while. So I'm glad that's been updated. I loved it. I went seven out of 10 on the white corn guac and chips. I gave it a seven out of 10 as well.

Oh my God. Oh my Lord. Off to a strong start. All right, do you wanna, I guess, alternate with you have a good thing you wanna bring? So, CBK has done a redesign since I worked there. Which, honestly, their redesign was like years ago. Well, I've seen the redesign.

I think I haven't been to multiple different versions of this redesign. And I think it's good, it's not bad. I wouldn't say it's better, but I really like the booths. I think they did a good job with the booths. They're very cute. They feel cozier, especially for like a, if you're going there for lunch, it feels like an actual lunch spot.

There's like a green and white pattern that almost looks like a Florida mom's curtains. Ha ha ha! I love that though. It feels very comfortable, but not too cheesy. It's a pattern that I expect to see in someone's home while they're crocheting. Oh, it's absolutely a pattern of wallpaper and animal crossing, you know?

It was just like visually, it was pleasant. It didn't stand out. And I mean that in a good way. It wasn't like, oh, what's that ugly design? I actually, I really do like the vibe. Big open windows, sunlight coming in. Yeah, yeah. They're very good with utilizing natural light. And I just feel like as a person that's worked in

and been as a patron in many restaurants, having a cloth for a booth is ideal. It's not gonna break and tear as much. Yeah, yeah. You're not gonna stick to it. You're not gonna stick to it. I'm a guy who sticks to booths. You can look at me and you're like, that guy sticks to booths. You are absolutely right. You're not gonna stick to it. You're not gonna stick to it. I'm a guy who sticks to booths. You can look at me and you're like,

that guy sticks to booths. You are absolutely right. You're not gonna stick. I leave my shadow behind on a booth. Oh, okay Peter Pan. Yeah, you literally see a silhouette of like, oh, that's where Michael was. Yeah, yeah, not on this one.

Yeah. No, that was a perfect design choice in my opinion. Just a good upgrade. Then they also had like over the bar. So the bar area is kind of where they have their signature yellow color. There's a lot of yellow tiling along the bar and it looks sleek enough.

It didn't seem super active over there, but there is an open kitchen element to it. Yes, yes. I don't think the whole kitchen is open, but that part of it is. No, the pizza area. They always make that where people are watching people make the pizzas.

And that I do think, I don't know, I've never been to Italy, you call me crazy, but it feels a little like- You're crazy. Don't call me crazy. It feels a little like, you know, we're paying an homage to how people have enjoyed pizza elsewhere.

It's like we're watching it, the preparation, we're appreciating it a little more. But this is the way California does it. Yeah, and every time you look over and the chefs, they're like, hey, hey, hey. They literally toss up dough like... Yeah. It's like, whoa, catch a wave. Yeah, you have to say gnarly instead of thank you.

Gnarly? Namaste? Yeah, yeah. Bow your hands. Also, right when we walked in, you saw there's a barrel at the front. Oh, that was weird. And you just went, how rustic. And I was like, yeah, that's a word I know what it means.

Like, I hear it all the time, but I couldn't define rustic. It is kind of a weird choice. The barrel was a weird choice to me because it's like, where is the California in a barrel besides wine? Well, so to me, that's where the Italian cuisine comes in. Like, think macaroni grill. There's a lot of casks and barrels. Yeah, that's true.

All over a macaroni grill. And I believe in my research. I don't think their current, no, I do think, their current ownership company also owns On The Border and Macaroni Grill. Well, well, well. So I guess they borrowed that barrel. Yeah, they just had a lot of extra barrels.

If I'm wrong about that, one of the companies that owned in the lineage of CPK owned those companies. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But it was definitely, yeah. And I like a macaroni grill. And I like barrels. They remind me of Donkey Kong Country. I love that.

Absolutely. And so I'm just like, I just want to like hit it and like get a monkey out of there. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about the barrel entirely. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. When we sat down, I was like, the barrel just felt oddly placed. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about the barrel entirely, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah.

When we sat down, I was like, the barrel just felt oddly placed. Yeah. So I- Yeah, it was, and it had like a sign for pizza with a purpose and it was encouraging you to fundraise with CPK. Wow.

So I don't know if the barrel was supposed to represent like a piggy bank or somewhere where you put money or whatever. I think it was just a big fat shelf. Yeah, I'm giving them just a big fat shelf. Yeah, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. They did have a lot of nice handwritten signs showing off specials and desserts and stuff like that.

All this to say, I feel like the atmosphere did work to the benefit of this experience. Yeah. Okay, so I guess talking about the service, I think it was ever so slightly in the good category. Okay. I wasn't blown away by it, but like she was nice, she was pleasant. The people that came out and like brought some extra to-go boxes were very attentive.

She didn't forget anything. But it was also like, yeah, I like to build a rapport. I mean, I'm that guy who when I take like a Lyft or an Uber, I like a conversation. It's just a personal preference. I'm not saying one's better or worse, but beyond just the magic trick of, I put in my phone number and she's like, are you from Texas?

Beyond that, there wasn't a lot of banter. Okay. And again, that's not a critique, but it's what I would like more of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought she did a good job. I thought she pepper but it's what I would like more of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought she did a good job. I thought she peppered in the right amount, like for me. I thought she peppered in the right amount.

I'm also coming from a different headspace when it comes to these kinds of things, because I am like the most forgiving customer of all time. Sure, no, I don't have complaints about it. When it comes to being a server, I'm very... Somebody could be the worst server of all time to me, and I'd be like, they're probably having a bad day everybody. Just tip them, tip them 25% at least. Yeah, yeah.

I, so I thought she was, I thought she was great. The only thing that'll affect the way I tip someone is if they are actively hostile or rude towards me. Oh, that's detract. And so like, I don't care if they're bad as long as their attitude's okay and you know, they at Stetrax. And so like, I don't care if they're bad, as long as their attitude's okay, and they at least recognize the situation or whatever.

But you mentioned an element in the opening that I don't even think about often enough that I really should, and that's the pacing of the dishes coming out. And you might have some insight as someone who did serve. Yeah, absolutely. Are you eyeballing how fast they're moving or is it just when this hits the table,

I wait 10 minutes or? So I know specifically for CBK, it depends on your POS system, that's your point of service system. That's basically what you're putting your orders in on the screen, that's POS. And so it depends on that and that functionality. Like CBK uses one where you have the ability

to delay an item. So you can put items in and then you can delay. I can't remember if you delay it by time or if it's just basically like delay. Until I say otherwise. Yeah, but you can put the whole order in. That way you don't have to be like stopping and starting and going back.

And then the system delays it. Now there's other POS systems that don't have to be like stopping and starting and going back and then the system delays it. Now there's other POS systems that don't allow that and you as a server, while you're juggling everything everyone else is asking you, have to just remember pacing when that's happening. So it's interesting to not know that information as a customer and like it is props to the server when you don't have to,

when they don't have that functional and they have to remember it all themselves. It drives me crazy. And so one thing that does come up and has come up many times is I do notice that just post pandemic, there is a much more noticeable lack of busing tables that I see. Interesting.

And here they weren't doing a lot of busing, but we weren't finishing anything. Yeah. We had like half portions on our plate. It's like, we're not letting those go to waste. We're gonna get to go containers. So no part of that factors into a point against them here. But I've definitely had places where it's like, hey, I'm sitting behind three,

obviously fully finished plates. Could you take them and make some space? And that to me also feels like a part of pacing is making sure you have that table space for the other things. Absolutely, for those gigantic plates, you gotta... Yeah. We're two people.

We are two people. We are two people, and those plates took up a lot of space. Yeah, yeah, we'll get into that in the not good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I wanna jump back to another food item. Great.

My favorite salad. Yeah! The Thai crunch salad is, to my tastes, the best salad I've ever had. It's chicken, it's cabbage, shredded, like a little bit of carrot maybe. Yeah, definitely. A peanut sauce.

You can get it with avocado added. Crispy wontons. Crispy wontons. And the crispy wontons are so crunchy in the right ways. This thing looks so fresh. I'm gonna put it on screen. Oh, I love this salad. I love the Thai Crunch Chicken Salad at CPK.

And I wanna marry it. I was just about to say, why don't you marry it already? I want to. Put a ring on that swan tongue strip. There was a woman who like married a train station, so like anything's possible. Honestly, I respect your decision more. Like at least yours is offering you something

in the way of nourishment. A train is just getting you from A to B, baby. I love your passion for this out so much. But you do not share it. No, I don't share it, but I fully understand it because I worked there and I saw how many people loved it. Yeah. It truly is a standout menu item,

and on the menu itself, it said a CPK classic. Yeah. I looked at the other salads. The other salads did not say that. Not even their other, I would say, flagship salad, the barbecue chicken salad, which I am obsessed with. Oh my God, Michael, I don't even talk about CBK's ranch.

Did you have ranch today? No, but I think about it and I dream about it. Okay. I am so obsessed with their ranch, which none of the things we got today, I would necessarily put with ranch, but my other order that I get sometimes is I basically order and then I call to the restaurant

and I'm like, can you please include all of the ranch that is acceptable? It is a divisive opinion I have because not a lot of people like this ranch, but people that love it, love it. I would absolutely just buy it in bulk and drink it. No, that's a little extreme, but listen, if I got high enough, I might. It is so good.

And the barbie chicken salad is my favorite restaurant salad. So I understand your passion. You understand my passion. And CPK's prowess at making good salads. I think they really make really good dressings, salad dressings. Have you had their others?

No, but this doesn't feel too heavy. Yeah, absolutely. Which I love, but it is not dry ever. There is not a bite without it. And it's not too thin either, the dressing. This is, look, you're not gonna hear me do this often. A salad? I'm giving it a 10 out of 10.

Woo! This is, I order it every time I go to CPK. Even if I'm eating other things, I will get one to go. I'll just take a half order. I'll be like, I'll eat this later. It carries, you know, a day or two really well. Absolutely. So, you know, I love this salad.

It gives, it's very like power business lunch. You know, you go in, you get, I'll take a half Thai crunch salad, and then you eat your Thai crunch. And a full pizza, and put spaghetti on it. They probably would. They probably done that in the test kitchen. Right.

But it just, They are nuts. It feels like a really, like a sharp choice, man. Thai Crunch salad, it's fun. Yeah. It's fun and smart. Yeah. You wanna talk about your entree?

I would love to. I eat this, this is something I order every single time I go to CPK. Yeah. It is the garlic cream fettuccine pasta. It is genuinely good. Now let me tell you. What a qualifier.

Well- Don't let your brain deceive you. I don't think a lot of, I don't honestly like garlic cream fettuccine from a lot of places. I love it from CPK. And my husband was such a snob, like he was such a CPK hater before,

before I showed him the way. You converted him to your religion. I remember like, I think there's just something about pasta that you think you're not gonna get a really good one at a chain restaurant. You think it's just gonna be- I disagree. Really?

I mean, I- You eat more, you know, I'm more pasta's in chain restaurants than I do. And also like, the Italian, like, an Olive Garden, I don't think you're gonna get a good pasta. Old Spaghetti Factory, I don't think you're gonna get a good pasta. Well, then I think that's what it is. You don't expect to get a better pasta than pizza

sometimes at a pizza place. Sure. Right. Yes. And I remember when I first gave it to my husband and he was like, you know, like, probably rolling his eyes like every second before he put it in his mouth.

Oh, that's a sentence. And he loves it. Like it's a staple in our relationship. It's like a baby having sugar for the first time and you see their eyes like. Yeah. Yeah. It's very like, yeah, I know. Yeah.

Not to like compare your husband to a baby or anything. He is my big baby. It's creamy, it's not overly thick. The sauce, I feel like it's just coated. They give you lots of sauce too. I think that's one of my favorite parts is like, as you're twisting your noodle in the pasta, it's the bowl has- What a sentence.

Man, these reviews we read earlier, really set us up. They were very, they were saucy. It just feels like they give you a lot, enough of everything so that no bite is missing something. Yeah. Yeah, and you can get different protein in it. You have a score for it?

I gave it an 8.5. 8.5, that's respectable. Yeah. I got a pasta as well. I got the spaghetti bolognese. This is my go-to order at CPK. And it hit, you know? Yeah. It's a hit with me.

It's just, it's literally just noodles and meat sauce. Yeah. Done well. Yeah. Like sometimes it's the basics that matter, but the sauce here just has a nice, like the meat really comes through, it's flavorful, it's rich.

The sauce isn't, I don't like it when it's like watery, it's like got a good consistency to like, but there's enough of it that it melds with all the pasta. I put some crushed red pepper on it, get some heat. Great choice. And what did I give this? Yeah, I gave it an eight out of 10. Yeah.

I think for a chain restaurant to be hitting an eight out of 10 on your entree, and it's a consistent entree, pair that with the Thai crunch salad, which I gave a 10 to. Like CPK is one of my favorite chains for this reason. They've got that one two punch of a salad and a pasta that I just really love. And like they don't, they do it so consistently every time I've never had overcooked noodles there. Or under, like they're just.

I don't know if I have either, yeah. Yeah, I think they're just really consistent. Yeah, okay so before we talk about the other element of food that was like definitively good, I wanna talk about a half element that was good. Okay. There's the bread and the oil. The oil, I think, belongs here.

Yeah, I totally agree. I think the oil mix, I mean, it's olive oil. It's just one of God's gifts to men, so to speak. It is, and like, they season it with, it's like, you worked there. Herbs. Herbs. Herbs, baby.

It works. Yeah, it's good. It brings up the bread. Like the bread and oil as a combo also belong in good. The bread by itself. We'll talk about it. And that was a change when I like they did that change at the tail end of me working there. They had done it differently for the whole time. Yeah, they did bread and butter and it was like white bread and butter.

Yeah, the whole time. And then they changed bread and butter, and it was like white bread and butter. Yeah. The whole time. I remember that. And then they changed it to a little more rustic. Oh, it's like a barrel. Oh. And it definitely helped the vibe, I think. Like it's a good vibe setter. Yeah, it's the first thing you get.

And it's just like, here's what the Italians do. Wink, wink, we know. We've read about it. We're from California, but also, look, Italians and Californians, they both got their hand motions. Yes, absolutely. This is a CPK right here.

That's how they talk. There's like a wave and then it's like a, oh, mama mia. I'm just patting my belly now. All right, so bring up, what was the last major good thing about this experience? It is the CPK butter cake and ice cream. Which I actually had a coupon for a free dessert of a different dessert. I know.

And you were like, no, man, the butter cake. And I'm like, all right, I'm yielding to. You got to trust me on this one. And you did. And I thank you for that because it, so I never had ooey gooey, I always say ooey gooey by the way. I never had gooey butter cake from Missouri, which is like a staple of St. Louis.

And I didn't even put the connection that this might be a rendition, but this is so good. It's got a little crispy outer layer to it. Like it's a cake, but it's got a little crispiness on the outside and the middle is so soft and moist. They ask if we wanted ice cream. It's a scoop of Haagen-Dazs vanilla

and it's just, it's being encased by the, it's like sinking into the butter cake. It's like a crater. And it is a very good dessert. I don't think this is like... Yeah. Have you been to Mastros before? No, I have not. So their butter cake is like a thing they're like famous.

It will blow your mind. Oh, man. But this is very good with an asterisk to me. OK. The bread quality almost feels like the store-bought shortbread. Interesting. To me, it wasn't as gooey as maybe you felt it was. You know what?

What I'm gonna put a, I'm gonna ask you to try this dessert again one time, because in the middle, you gotta get to that middle. I still, I did, I did. I feel like the middle. But I did still really like this. Ooh, sits so well. So I feel like while this wasn't,

oh my God, so good, it was still, yeah, I'm definitely into this. Okay. Good. I gave this a crazy high score. I mean, I gave it an eight out of 10. Oh, I gave it a nine. But I've got a sweet tooth, so desserts always skew higher for me.

All right, fair enough, fair enough. So eight out of 10, that's the good. And you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and for me personally, there's three more things I, that's the good. And you know what? I'm going to go ahead and for me personally, there's three more things I can put in the good. The atmosphere, I go one thumb up. Yeah, I totally agree. It's not full on two, but it's one thumb up.

The service, one thumb up. Totally. And the food is two thumbs up. Food is five thumbs up. There is an anchor, and we will get to that. I know. So that is the good. These are all the things that we are going to consider in the score and balance them against the not good.

Mm-hmm. It's time to talk about the not good. I'm not quite sure about it, could've done without it The stuff that brings down the mood This is just not very good Holly? Yeah. We both know. The original barbecue chicken pizza sucks. The original barbecue chicken pizza sucks.

Oh my God. I took a bite of this. Yeah. And I set it back down on the plate and I was like, that's it for me. They give you how many slices in a pizza? They give you like eight slices. Six or eight, yeah.

Oh, six big slices and each of us did not finish one slice. I think we both took a bite and then you were like, I just wanna get to the crust and I took one more bite just turning around and having one slice. I think we both took a bite and then you were like, I just want to get to the crust. And I took one more bite just turning around and having only crust. I know. This flavor combination just, they, look,

they've gotten famous off of it. But I don't think they belong together. I think it almost speaks to the lack of innovation in pizzas in the United States for sure. When this came out and that this was such a groundbreaking pizza. Because now you look at it and you're like, oh, it's not that crazy to me anymore. Obviously I'm oversaturated with CBK,

but it's not that as crazy as it probably was. And it's just too sweet. Like something I don't, not a fan. I love onion, I love the components. Well, I also, I don't like cheese. I do eat pizza and it's like one of the only exceptions I make and so changing up the things that I am now having cheese on, having chicken and barbecue sauce

near cheese for me, it just, I was like, I'm not feeling it, but like even still, just chicken on pizza in general, I don't like. You don't like it? I'm a pepperoni guy. I love chicken on pizza. And like bacon don't like. You don't like it? I'm a pepperoni guy. I love chicken on pizza. And like bacon. I love what CPK does.

I think they have other experimental pizzas that are 10 times better than this, but we had to get this one because it's the one that they're known for. Because it's the one that you're gonna find in like all the grocery stores. But they do some crazy stuff. They do some wacky things at CPK.

And this- Who's this character? This is me when I go to sleep at night thinking about TPK. It's an inflatable guy outside of a... I just think it just for this being the one they're most known for, it is like very disappointing when you eat it. I would go so far as to say I hated this pizza.

And this isn't even against CPK's pizza because I usually just get their pepperoni and I'm usually very satisfied with it. If I'm going pizza at CPK, I'm good with a pepperoni. I get their taco pizza or their- That sounds inventive. It's so good. Yeah.

They do like- Can you please do this while you say that? It's, it's gnarly, bro. Great. It's- Hang ten. Yeah, they have some Can you please do this while you say that? It's, it's gnarly, bro. Great. Hang ten. It's, yeah, they have some other pizzas with salads on them. Like you mentioned the Jamaican Jerk pizza.

Like they have some really cool stuff. They have Thai chicken, they have a carne asada pizza. For this to be the one that put them on the map, it's so surpassed by their other recipes at this point. Yeah, yeah. So I went one and a half out of ten. Whoa! Screw this pizza. I gave it a five. You gave it a five? Yeah, so I went one and a half out of 10.

Screw this pizza. I gave it a five. You gave it a five? Yeah. No, this was a bad pizza. I gave it five for innovation. No, no, I reject that. I love CPK's crust, so you know I enjoy the crust. So like I was excited to eat the crust.

And I did give it a five for innovation, so. Look, your rating is your rating. I just don't agree with that. I understand. But. I understand because you couldn't stomach the pizza. Yeah, I thought it sucked. Yeah.

I hated it. And for it to be so popular angers me. I'm just like, really? Guys, go to CPK and try literally the whole rest of the menu and you'll be happier. Yeah. Yeah. But that wasn't it. Okay.

That wasn't the only bad thing here. I think they were trying to start a fight with their bread portion. There's two people and they served us two and a half pieces of bread, which first of all, that's crazy to decide for you. I'm gonna cut a slice of bread in half. You don't get the full piece, but I hate an uneven bread distro,

and I know it's the standard because odd numbers look more interesting from a plating standpoint. But the half piece of bread really felt like they were putting a cigarette out on my skin. It just felt like, why are you doing this to me? I know, I know. I didn't care as much about the bread scenario

because I knew we're gonna be eating so much bread today. I'm just a principled guy. But I understand where you're coming from of like, if you're gonna have consistency everywhere else, what's that mean? Make it symmetrical. Make it divisible by the number of patrons. And like I've gone to places where like for four people,

they give you five or something. And I'm just like, you're trying to start a fight. And I promise you, there is a set route. There's a certain amount that they're probably supposed to give. It's like a flow chart for number of people. There is no way it's half. There's no way it's half. There's no way it's half.

Those breads, if you've noticed, the bread breaks itself in half. So there's no way she went back there and was like, click. Yeah, click. It's a Lego. Yeah, it's a Lego. That's probably why. And so it just angered me. Yeah, I can tell.

I'm fuming. I know. Yeah, because it's very hot today. I know this comes out in December. This was recorded months ago when the world was on fire. It still might be in December. Oh, for sure. You don't know. We don't know the trajectory.

It's California. Yeah, screw that portion. And then the bread itself, I felt like without oil doesn't really stand on its own, but with the oil, I think it's good. I like it. I like the bread. I think it's decent. I think it's good. I like it. I like the red. I think it's decent.

I think it's good. I went four and a half without the oil, but with the oil, it jumps up to a seven. Yeah, I agree with that. I think seven's a good number. Yeah. I have another bad one, but I feel like- Yeah, jump in.

We didn't try this today, but it's something that I'm familiar with with CPCK in general, is they have the worst beer selection. Do they? They have a terrible beer selection. And it's very easy nowadays to have a good beer selection. And I feel like every other aspect of their dining,

the food, the taste of I think some of their non-alcoholic drinks is really good. Their beer selection is so basic. How do you have innovative pizzas, and then you're like, make a little boat trip. I just feel like I'm disappointed by their beer selection because I feel like they take a lot of care in everything else.

Yeah. Yeah, no, and I mean, doing well in a lot of places actually highlights the things you don't do well. 100%, yeah. Oh, so this is one that I'm on the fence doing well in a lot of places actually highlights the things you don't do well. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so this is one that like I'm on the fence of even including it, but I'll say it. I went in the restaurant. I got there probably five minutes before you.

I went into the restaurant because I just wanted to like one grab a couple pictures for social media and stuff like that. No one in the rest, like people saw me standing there. No one came up or even acknowledged my, and like look, if it's like 30 seconds, that's fine. It was like three or four minutes of just like, if I did want a table in that moment, I would have been kind of annoyed

that people are making eye contact with me and then ignoring me. I don't know, you've worked in restaurants, I'm sure you're more forgiving. Oh, for sure. But like... I'd be like, I'll actually do your job for you. That's how I probably would operate.

But like, I don't know. There is an element of like acknowledgement. Acknowledge... But then like, tell me like, hey, it'll be a couple minutes. Can I rebuttal you with, we did go, CBK opens at 11 a.m. Yeah. You beat me there, so you were there right when they opened.

There might have been a slight discombobulation of I gotta go do this other thing my manager needs me to do before we open, before I see. I'm just going back to my days of like, I'm not ready, shit. Yeah, it didn't, I feel like I'm acting more bothered than I like. It's fine. I'm not like a. I feel like I'm not a demanding customer in my interactions

to the servers. I'm not going to make their day more difficult. But I do have just things I notice. And I guess not like I'm just big on like, look, even if it's going to be 15 minutes before you can get to me, just sit down and be like, hey, we're really slammed right now. I will be with you just, you know, if you hang tight. I know people do undervalue,

people undervalue just communicating to a potential customer. I just want to check in. Like that's all it takes. If you could be slammed out of your mind, you could be giving probably pretty bad service. But if you tell the customer, this is what's going on. Yes. I think they, they're a whole shift of you as- I'm on your team now.

Exactly, exactly. And I think that's so important and it's done so seldomly, or at least at these chain restaurants, it's done so seldomly. And it, it to me goes so far. Interesting, you know, I totally agree. I think at chain restaurants, that is like one of the things that is consistently bad is, And it, to me, goes so far. Interesting, you know, I totally agree. I think at chain restaurants,

that is like one of the things that is consistently bad is you walk in and there's not a lot of care to greet you. Yes. Can I tell a quick story about this time that I was serving, and I'm serving at this really, really cute, cool little spot, and my family came to visit, and it was a Friday night. It was slammed.

My mom, that's my mom, my brother, my sister, and in my head, and what they know to be true is like, look, you guys are my family. You're gonna tip me no matter what. I'm gonna give them better customer care and attention to everyone else. I am slammed out of my gourd and I'm so busy, so busy. I'm giving my family what they need,

and then at the end of the meal, I dropped the check off to my family, and I was like, how so? How was it? And they were like, it sucked. My mom straight up was like, so savage. She was like, the service was bad. And I was like, girl.

Was this CPK? No, it was a different place. I was like, what? Girl, IK? No, it was a different place. I was like, what? Girl, I'm your daughter. You're going to tell me. Have my back. Like, it is slip. Why'd you call me on a Friday night

if you want baby girl's attention? Oh, you didn't know that? Did you know that they were coming? I did not know they were coming either. Gotcha. No, so it was just funny that even when it's your mommy, service matters. Yeah.

You know? For sure. I gave a tour to my mom when I was a tour guide at Universal Studios and she stayed at the hotel I used to work at a few times and she would tip me well. Oh my god, Michael. But I also gave good service. You'd be such a, you probably would be the best

Universal Studios tour guide. Yeah, but it's not my dream job exactly. I know, but it's just a curse you have that you'd be really good at that too. You're good at showing people an experience. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. The other food and beverage item that I had that I didn't really like was the fresh strawberry mango cooler. Oh no. It was just kind of whatever, but a little on the like, it wasn't as fun as I wanted it to be.

I don't really know how to put it, just like mango or strawberry, pick one, but I didn't love the combo. I went four and a half out of 10. And the presentation was a little underwhelming. If it's gonna be a specialty non-alcoholic drink, like it doesn't have to be served just like a soda. They just threw, they did have a lime slice on top. I know, I know. Floating, it was like, you know, like something you need to like a soda. They just threw a, they did have a lime slice on top.

I know, I know. Floating, it was like, you know, like something you need to like scoop out. So does a Pellegrino has a lime slice. I don't get real. I got the lemonade, and I'm a big fan of their lemonade. It's really tart, it does not taste like it's pre-made or anything, it tastes fresh.

Did you have a score for it? I'd give their lemonade an eight out of 10. Okay. I think it's really good lemonade. Okay, this was probably my biggest annoyance of the meal is like we talked about the portion size and the plating of the white corn guac and that was great.

Because it was a container filled to the brim with the contents. Super shareable, like really easy to share. Then they brought your salad, normal plate. They brought the pizza last, normal plate. They brought the pastas. And the pastas were, I would say, inspired by UFOs. Yeah, yeah.

The dishes, the shape of it was an inverse UFO. It looked like a symbol, like a crash symbol on a drum set. It was like a small dome, and then like, it took up, like one of those rice hats. A full quarter, 100%. It took up a full quarter of the table, just to have the plate on it. It was like, the plate real estate was like competitive.

I felt like, I felt like the table was being gentrified. Like, yeah. I had like all the things were like, look, I'm just taking up the space I need. And then this fucking guy walks in. Like, I'm just gonna spread out. It was obnoxious. So you're eating out of like a area,

maybe that round, maybe. And the plate is this round. It's like, I don't need this much. Like, is it, if you drop it, it slides back in? Is it like the Thunderdome? I don't know. They used to serve them in bowls. And here's my theory.

My theory is that, like everything nowadays, they're probably adjusting their portion sizes and giving less pasta, which is fine. They already give a lot of pasta. I bet you that they're giving less and the bigger bowls are a little, or the bigger dishes are an optical illusion. I bet.

Well, we see through the illusion. Yeah. Shame. Shame. Shame on you, CPK. Shame on those plates. Nobody should have a plate like that. Nobody.

That said, there's not a ton else bad to talk about. So we are gonna pit the good against the not good. But before we do that, I want to talk about what was just there. Okay. This is a weird one. I'm not quite sure what to say about it. Yeah. This is for the stuff that is just there. I'm not sure what to say about it. This is for the stuff that is just there.

So as far as just there, you're a restaurant in Burbank, California. There's Hollywood decor on the walls. There's like a picture of the Hollywood sign, but then there's like the Golden Gate Bridge. Okay, so not Hollywood. California, yeah. California pizza. And it just, it felt to me like easy. It felt to it like it didn't, it wasn't good, but it's not Hollywood. California, yeah. California pizza. And it just, it felt to me like easy. It felt to it like it didn't, it wasn't good, but it wasn't bad.

I totally agree. Yeah, it was truly just there. Like the, I felt like the, I mentioned rustic before this because there was a lot of wood. Yeah. A lot of wood tables. The chairs were wood. And it just kind of felt like, okay, it looks fine. Right.

It was very fine. Yes. Yeah. The decor choices were just there. Above the, you said they have like, they open cook the pizza. Uh-huh. There's a sign that says,

your uniquely talented certified pizza chef, Adrian C. Which sounds very similar to the wickedly talented. Adel Dzeem. Adel Dzeem. But like just, you're uniquely talented. Like look, you're all trained to make pizza. I know. So like it's by definition not unique.

Right. And that sign just, it made me laugh a little. Also it was really high up that I don't believe that they changed it out. I just think, I was just about to say, are we supposed to just call? And they're all, it's like all managers are Jake. And all pizza makers are Adrian C. Adrian C, not Adrian D, who was mentioned

in the really thirsty Yelp review from last week. Mentioned with the, no, we don't need to talk about it, but it just blew my mind that she concluded the last initial. Yeah. Adrian C, Adrian's a popular CPK name. the, no, we don't need to talk about it, but it just blew my mind that she concluded the last initial. Yeah. Adrian C. Adrian's a popular CPK name. But then the last thing that was just there,

and I shouldn't need to go into this, but it didn't smell like sewage. Hooray. Now you've not been to this location before, but it often. Well, I worked at Flapper's Comedy Club. Oh, okay. Which used to be a macaroni grill. Is that true? Uh-huh, before it at Flapper's Comedy Club. Oh okay. Which used to be Macaroni Grill. Is that true? Uh huh, before it was Flapper's. And boy oh boy do I smell that

Burbank sewage. So I don't think of Burbank as like a big sewage place. No. But like that two block space. Yeah. There is a creep. Oh yeah. Of smells. Yeah. And it is sewage and nowhere is it more pronounced usually than at that CPK. And it didn't. I didn't smell it at all. I'm not going to give it props because I don't think they had anything to do with it, but I can't knock it. So it was just there. Yeah.

And it is something is special to like go to a place and be like, hey, you know what? You guys don't smell like farts. Yeah. You're like, oh, thank you so much. CP know what, you guys don't smell like farts. And you're like, oh, thank you so much. CPK, you don't smell like farts. You're winning. Okay, so that's all the elements. All right.

So we gotta put all this together, balance the good with the not good, see where it churns out a score. Oh boy. But before we do that, you've not been to the 80ish restaurants that I've been to on this journey so far. You need to calibrate your scale.

Thank you so much. I will. So we need to take a little stop at the calibration station. -♪ Calibration station, comparing this needle to the best of the worst. Calibration station, chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo. Okay, chugga, chugga, choo choo. Okay, I'm just gonna ask you to calibrate your scale. I wanna know what would be your zero, what would be your 10? What's the worst restaurant experience you've ever had

and what's the best? So I would say my worst restaurant experience was at Universal Studios. Uh oh. Orlando. And it was- Florida gonna Florida. Florida gonna Florida. And it was. Florida gonna Florida. Florida gonna Florida. And it was at a, you're gonna love this,

an earthquake themed restaurant. Okay. And it's somebody from California, not my cup of tea. I'm not looking for more of that. Who wants to go and be like, hey, you know your trauma? We made a restaurant around it. Can you imagine, I feel like if we on the West Coast had a Twister restaurant,

they'd be like, absolutely not. That's terrifying. Wildfire Cafe. I don't want to go there. Actually, that exists, probably. So this is an earthquake themed restaurant. And the best part about it, so the theming was generally just, I don't know, like askew.

Everything was a little askew. And it was burgers, shakes, of course. So I did like that, Tyen. I get a burger, I get a shake with my brother, and I take a bite into my burger. And not only does the burger taste horrifying, the restaurant starts to shake. Is that like a theme of that?

Is a thing I did not know. It's like the rainstorms at Rainforest Cafe. Yes, but it's not just an ambiance sound. It is a full tilt, you are shaking while eating a terrible burger. So when you're like, just eating a bad burger, trying to scratch an itch, you're like, okay, fine. It's a burger, burgers are good.

But if you're eating a burger through an earthquake and the burger's not even good, you're like, I don't wanna die like this. So. That's not even good. You're like, I don't wanna die like this. So. That's an amazing thought. I give that a zero. This is how I go. It was just, why would you?

The theme was so bad that it made the bad food worse. That's amazing. Yeah. So that was my zero. My 10 is recent actually. And it is part of this restaurant group by this company, the Houston Brothers. And it's this place called Level 8.

It's a multi-dining experience. So you have different themed bars and they're all very interactive and immersive. Honestly, you'd love it. It kind of reminds me of a super fancy theme park restaurant in the most upscale way possible. Is it in LA? It's in downtown LA. And this place has multiple restaurants in them most upscale way possible. Is it in LA? It's in downtown LA. Okay.

And this place has multiple restaurants in them. They all have themes. They all have some crazy thing that happens in them and they're beautifully decorated. They're all earthquake themed. They're all natural disasters. One of them, you bring a swimsuit. The one I went to is called K Barbaro.

It's a Brazilian restaurant. Okay, is it like the Brazilian steakhouse with the card that you flip and they keep bringing meat? No, not likebaro. It's a Brazilian restaurant. Okay, is it like the Brazilian steakhouse with the card that you flip and they keep bringing meat? No, not like that, but it's just Brazilian food. And it is absolutely delicious. But the thing that really set it apart for me was the one, the decoration.

You were so immersed like you were in a rainforest. Ooh, rainforest cafe. But it was so tastefully done and beautiful. And the server, oh my God. I thought I knew what I wanted going in to eat at this restaurant. I looked at the menu ahead of time. I sit down, this server is absolute,

like I am drooling by the end of her talking about these dishes. And she absolutely convinced us to change our entire order with no regrets. You know, I didn't walk away going like, well, I should have picked the thing that I wanted the whole time. 10 out of 10 service, 10 out of 10 decor.

The food absolutely matched the hype and superseded it. So I love an experience like that. I think having the theme park experience to another immersive dining experience, like they, I love an immersive experience. I get it. And somewhere in between those two lies California Pizza Kitchen.

Wow. So we've got the good elements, a lot California Pizza Kitchen. Wow. So we've got the good elements, a lot of food items. Okay. We've got, like I said, my favorite salad, but you do have an uninspiring bathroom. You didn't really talk about the bathroom. It was uninspiring. Nothing to talk about, am I right? That's literally it.

It was just there. But all of these factors, the push and pull, the good, the not good, it's gonna make it go to a score. Does CPK fall more towards good, towards not good, or is it the perfect five point double zero right in the middle? Final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score,

this is the moment we've been waiting for. It is time to reveal the final score. It falls towards more, more towards good. I had a feeling. It falls more, I mean, for me, it falls more towards a dream. But it falls towards good. It's just got good quality and great consistency,

and enough theming, or not enough theming necessarily, but enough tasteful decor that you're- That you'll forgive a errant Hollywood sign. And a plate that is bigger than the biggest frisbee you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, the biggest frisbee. I did kind of want to throw it and see what happened.

Sure. See what, like, would it wobble? We are no longer allowed here. We're much like him from the last episode. But yeah, I give it a, I would say it's absolutely in the camp of good. You had to give it a, I would say it's absolutely in the camp of good. You had to give it a number. I it's, I'm going to have to firmly give this a 7.5.

Like how do you rate one of your kids? 7.5. I mean, yeah. Um, I am not as high as you, but I'm very close, but I'm going to do something that I normally don't do. So you went 7.5 roundish number, right? You know, usually I'm like in the weeds, I'm in the decimal points.

7.48, 6.92, you know, whatever. I think CPK defines cleanly one of the numbers on the scale. I went 7.00. Wow! So while I'm looking for the perfect 5.00, I found the perfect 7.00. CPK Seven point double zero from me when you put it together with your score

CPK goes up on the tchotchke of mediocrity at a seven point two five Oh my god This is glorious Which makes it one one hundredth better than the melting pot. And I agree with that. Like that feels right. OK. Never been a melting pot. I mean, now I'm going to go and I'm going to be very biased.

One percent point less than CPK. And that means CPK is definitively better than mediocre. Better than mediocre! Better than mediocre! It's better than a cracker barrel! Yeah! And better than mediocre is not the same as perfectly mediocre, which means next week I gotta go somewhere else. I gotta dig into the You Must Bowl to see where I'm gonna go next time.

Okay. Are you ready for this? Yeah. Next week, I'm going to dive into the history of. Arctic Circle restaurant. Oh, wow. I've heard of that. Awesome. So I'm going to the Arctic Circle burger chain.

And what are the odds that it's my Christmas episode? There's no way that's rigged. I think it is. My guest is literally Santa Claus. What if I have a panic attack? He came. You know him? Yeah, and he's going to help me figure out the naughty and the nice of that restaurant.

Gorgeous. Get it? I don't know. I get it. I don't get it. Holly, thanks so much for coming on the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America.

Super fun having you. Thank you. Can you just tell people where they can find you on social media? Yes, you can find me as CPKlover number one on social media. You can find me and my comedy at Holly Brown Comedy on Instagram. You can also follow my show,

my standup show at Salty AF on Instagram and check out where I'm gonna be performing next. And you can follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. You can send me an email about any thoughts you have follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. You can send me an email about any thoughts you have that don't even have to be related to the show. Just say hey, be like, oh, I hate my kids.

Whatever, fine dining podcast at gmail.com. And if you want more of the show, I do a Patreon where I do extended Yelp from Strangers segments, exclusive episodes every month, all that fun stuff. That's patreon.com slash fine dining podcast. We didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search does in fact continue.

We'll see you next time. Have a fine day. The search continues. We still need the perfect file. The search continues. Like and subscribe, the search continues. Our journey did not conclude. The mother-repping search continues.

Write us an iTunes review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh? Come on. Follow us on TikTok, the same on Instagram, all the socials, at Find Dining Podcast, we have a website, finddiningpodcast.com Buy our t-shirts, then put them on And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next Okay!

We're going to find it! Mediocrity! The search continues! See you next week! Cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough