Fine Dining - Chili's IS the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

🌶️ Chili’s IS the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America (Part 2) 🌶️ After 100 restaurant reviews, this was it. Chili’s officially earned the perfect 5.00 out of 10, making it the most mediocre restaurant in America — the ultimate point of comparison for every meal to come. In this episode, I’m joined by returning guest VyVy Nguyen as we review the Encino location in full detail. From booth battles and dry wings to nostalgic chips and a molten dessert that hides its magic in the middle, we break down the exact moment Chili’s became the standard of mid. 🍔 The Sliders That Carried the Triple Dipper 🌽 Corn Is Good: A Re-Discovering 🔥 Nashville Hot Wings That Were Neither Hot nor Wet 🚽 Surprisingly Clean Saturday Night Bathroom 🌶️ Booths Designed for a Quiet Turf War 😑 The Most Just-There Fries You've Ever Had 🎂 A Birthday Song False Start for the Ages RAP MUSIC VIDEO DEBUT toward the end of the episode: "I Want My Baby Back" 💬 COMMENT BELOW: Is Chili’s your go-to for a safe, middle-of-the-road meal? Or has it slipped into soggy nostalgia? 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🔥 Patreon (Bonus reviews & exclusive content!): https://www.patreon.com/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Chat chains & share horror stories!): https://discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🎥 Watch full episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@finediningpodcast 🔗 All links: www.linktree.com/finediningpodcast ⚖️ Like, Subscribe & Share to spread the gospel of perfect mediocrity. Patreon Producers: Sue Ornelas & Joyce Van 👉 NEXT WEEK: A new chapter begins. The Chili’s Test is born. First up: Papa Johns. 🍕   "I Want My Baby Back" Written & Performed by Michael Ornelas featuring VyVy Nguyen Produced by Fresh Kils & Myer Clarity Mixed & Mastered by Fresh Kils Video Shot & Edited by Steven Zurita

Chilli's, a dessert with a delicious center that's oh so gooey, but they've stripped all of the charm out of their decor. A server who saw us for the cheese-avoidant patrons we are. But the Nashville hot wings were so dry, I'm still hydrating days later. Chips and salsa that make me nostalgic for high school, but a booth setup that pits diners against one another in a Hunger Games-esque tug of war. We waited 40 minutes on a Saturday night to nab a table at the hottest seat in all of

Encino, and today we're going to reveal to you all of our opinions about the state of Chili's in 2025. Is it the most mediocre restaurant imaginable? We'll cover what was good about it, what was not good, and everything in between before giving it a score at the end of the episode. Has Chili's achieved equilibrium between its positives and its negatives? Let's find out. This is the Fine Dining Podcast. Your table is ready, take a seat The flavor of the day is mediocrity

Wouldn't you like to try a pie? Guarantee it'll be the perfect pie Fine dining, better than you thought, worse than you hoped Fine dining, we don't treat mediocre as a joke. Breaking every single place we've been. Looking for the perfect five out of ten. Hello, and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America.

I am your host, Michael Ornelas, and this is the show where I'm looking for the precisely in the middle dining experience, the perfect 5.00 out of 10. I need to define the fulcrum point of restaurant quality so that anything worse than it is objectively bad and anything better is definitively good. The current measuring stick of mid is Cracker Barrel, which has a 5.01 out of 10 on the fabled Chachki of mediocrity. My big scoreboard keeping track of the now

100 restaurants I visited for the show. That's right, between the 20 Patreon restaurants and the now 80 standard podcast reviews I've done, Chili's is number 100! Yay! Will it end up going down in history as the most mediocre restaurant in America as well, or will it be a footnote?

Joining me today to reach a consensus on Chili's is a close personal friend of mine who's now joined for three separate restaurants for the show. She's an actress, an audiobook narrator, and an absolute delight, it's Vivian Wen. Hello, thank you for having me back. I'm very honored.

I feel very special to be three P. Three Timers Club. And we went to Chili's. We did. And I'm going to say, stick around. We definitely did. We definitely did. We definitely did. Yeah, I actually, because of my past experiences at Chili's,

having positive experiences, I was actually thinking, oh, you know what, I'm going to be rating this pretty high. I generally have pretty decent experiences at Chili's, and this time did not quite live up to those. And it's interesting because I've noticed a trajectory that's been downwards for Chili's with me. Yeah. It used to be a consistent like seven,

maybe a little higher. Sure. Like I would get excited to go to Chili's. And then probably the last three times I've gone, it's just been, eh, you know, never terrible. Sure, middling. Yeah, but middling. And this did follow that trajectory.

So we'll get into it, we'll score it later. But for now, we are going to talk about everything about this experience that was good. This is good, done like it should be. This stuff that's fanglicking, or stinking the land in. This is good. This is the good, done like it should be. This stuff that's spank-a-lickin' or stickin' the land in. This is the good, I knew that you could. This is the good. So on the door handle, when leaving,

I didn't notice this on the way in. Oh, because you were taking video when I opened the door. So you did not notice. They were chili peppers. They were the Chili's logo in vertical pepper form that you grab and you pull the door open. It was very cute. And that's a piece of detail that I appreciate. Yeah. You can't pull that off most other places.

I would do that for my home. You'd have a Chili's door, right? I would have a Chili's Door handle absolutely in my home. And I wouldn't even question it. No, it would be on brand. Exactly. So that is... That was one of your...

Maybe my only good for the decor. Oh. I think. Like, there was one thing that was, like, generic and I enjoyed in a kind of ironic sense. But I do think I am going to talk about it. You know what? Yeah, I will because of ironic enjoyment, I will put it in good, but it is still kind of a knock against them. but it is still kind of a knock against them. When you walk in, there's just a big sign on the back wall that just, in like a block font, just says,

Baby Back Ribs. Baby Back Ribs. It's just a wall that says Baby Back Ribs. That's the decor. They decided to put their famous dish in block letters on the wall. Yeah. Not even like a cool font. No, no coloration to it. And it was a it was big.

It was big. Prominent. It was prominent. And that was I thought it was funny, so I would put it in my goods, too. Yeah, but it's like I also know what a Chili's used to be. And yeah, I'm going to talk about the decor more in a different section, but I will I will allow baby back ribs just because it's silly to be put here.

Yeah, it made me laugh. I took a photo of it just for my own personal, you know... To show friends and let... Yeah, like to chuckle at later. Next time you're at a family reunion, like, oh, look at this. Wow, look how chilly he decorates their walls with. Yeah.

Um, do you... Yeah, list another good thing. I like how you're commanding me. Yeah. Um, do you, yeah, list another good thing. I like how you're commanding me. List. List and do it. Go. Do it now. I really liked Eric, our server.

He was very sweet. I know you're gonna have some issues as well, but I will say the good outweighed the bad. He was very, very kind. He did take a little bit of time to kind of finally come around to our table, but he gave us the heads up that he was trying to get back to us when we sat down.

And he was very- He was pleasant. Yes, but also, because Michael and I are crazy and we don't like cheese, we told him upfront that we are trying not to eat things with cheese in it. And he was very cognizant of that. So even when we did the triple dipper, there's- There were a lot of options that were loaded with cheese.

We found a combination of three items that didn't have cheese. Exactly. And one of them required the cheese to be removed. But he full on recognized, he was trying to also make sure, was it dietary restrictions, allergies or whatever? Cause he's like, well, can you know, dietary restrictions, allergies or whatever, because, you know, he's like,

well, can you eat ranch and other dairy products? So it was very, I thought that was good. And dining with you is always nice because I can make the blanket statement of, hey, everything we're about to order, just apply no cheese to all of it. Yeah. I can make those blanket statements,

whereas like, you know, when it's just me, I have to be like, this has no cheese, but that person's gonna go crazy and eat just a straight up block of cheese on its own or whatever. But we probably also may have been at a bit of a disadvantage here because there were so many, you know,

cheesy dishes. Cheesy dishes? Yes. Well, if they had kept the awesome blossom around, then that wouldn't be the, look, a little portion of awesome blossom as part of the triple dipper would probably be an improvement on the triple dipper. Yeah, that does sound really good. Hmm, it sounds okay.

Oh, okay. To me, I've always thought the awesome blossom is far inferior to the bloomin' onion. Yeah, I think I am just imagining a bloomin' onion, and that's why I'm like, ooh, I want that. Yeah. So for me, I also, in addition to the triple dipper, I ordered chips and salsa because that's like

the nostalgic itch that I want to scratch when I go to a Chili's. I do think of them as more of a Tex-Mex restaurant than an American food restaurant. Even though, ultimately I defaulted to burgers when I would go to Chili's, I would sometimes get the fajitas. I would always get the chips and salsa.

That's so interesting to me because I never, you shocked me when you said it was a Tex-Mex restaurant. Because I have never thought of Chili's as Tex-Mex at all. It's on their Wikipedia page under like categorization of type of food. It's Tex-Mex. Yeah, because I generally get burgers and very just American food. So Tex-Mex is... And when like looking at their original menu,

it was chili, burgers, and tacos. Oh, and those tacos are gone. I didn't look too hard. I felt like I did not see tacos. Yeah, it may have just been the fajita section. In 2017, they apparently paired down a lot of their menu. They got rid of a lot of things. Okay, so one of their OGs. Yeah. So Cheesecake Factory should take notes.

Oh yeah. Cheesecake Factory's menu is a book, a tome. It's a CVS receipt. Also CVS, tone it down too. Yeah. It's a Cheesecake Factory receipt. They are each other. But I think that these chips, they're kind of like, they're the right amount of oily Like you don't want a chip that's like got no oils on it, right? You want that that cooking oil flavor Yeah, and they say they make the chips in house, right? Is that correct?

Yes, and there is so much that isn't like there's stuff that's their soups are served frozen and then they're thought out They're they have a lot of food that is microwaved. A lot of the fried food, if it sits out too long, gets microwaved. I suspect that happened to our triple dipper. Yes, which also came out late. Yeah. We'll talk about that.

There's a whole section for our grievances. Yes. But yeah, it's not too much, but it's like enough to feel fresh. So like the chips I always get because they always feel fresh. And this flavor of salsa, it, it doesn't taste like freshly authentic in the way of like all natural ingredients, but it is a specific flavor of salsa that I can only experience at Chili's nothing, no other salsa tastes like the Chili's salsa.

And it is a pleasant taste to me. Okay. Did you have much of the... I had some. I will say I do like how thin the chips are because it's not too filling. And we ordered a lot of food. Yeah. So it was good.

I didn't get too stuffed on it because I tend to, if it's in front of me, I will just go ham, but, uh, yes But yes, I put it in my. Just there. Just there. For me, again, nostalgia, and even then I went six and a half out of 10, so it's not high into the good, but it does escape being average to me.

It scratches that itch that you went, okay. What's another good thing for you? I will say in the triple dipper, one was not good, one was good, and one was just there for me. that you, okay. What's another good thing for you? I will say in the triple dipper, one was not good, one was good, and one was just there for me. So I will say the big mouth bites that we ordered, the little sliders.

I'm in agreement. They were great. I really, and we didn't even order it with the cheese. So it probably is even better with cheese, but we just are not cheese eaters, but it was solid. It had little bacon bits and onions and he put the ranch on the side and we got to dip our... We got ranch on this.

It came with three things of ranch, which felt like too much, but because it's called... But it's a triple dip, right? Yeah. But it came with three things of ranch, and then I asked for some honey mustard, and then I also had a thing of ketchup for the fries that I had, and I dipped my big mouth bite in each of those things, and in all of them, it hit in different ways.

Like with the ranch, I'm not a big ranch guy, but it worked for me. The honey mustard, it worked for me. The ketchup, sure, why not? It was just a solid little slider and it was tasty. And it made me kind of regret that we didn't order any burgers. Can we just get three rounds of the sliders

for the triple dipper? We'll talk about the rest of the elements of the triple dipper, but that was, it was tasty and I would definitely have eaten a bunch of those. Yeah, the beef was very solid. The bun. So solid though that they were attached to each other.

Yeah, you had to like pull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the bun was fluffy. I thought the bun itself overperformed. I went eight and a half out of 10. Ooh, I gave it an eight out of 10. Yeah, so we're both. So we're on the same wavelength.

Pretty complimentary of the Big Mouth Bites. Yeah. And I did always like their burgers. So I'm not, I probably, if I wasn't trying to get the- The staples. Yeah, you know, when fajitas are such a big part I probably, if I wasn't trying to get the... The staples. Yeah, you know, when fajitas are such a big part of the branding and the history of the company,

I want fajitas, especially when they're a Tex-Mex place. Of course. And then the baby back ribs, they've got a song about it. A freaking song. We have to get them. So those are what we ended up getting. And we kind of split these things,

even though we did have definitely a ratio that was like, this is my item. This is your item. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, we tried it all. And yeah, I also have the note. Eric was pleasant.

Yeah. I, I, I have no complaints about the demeanor of our server and the consideration he had for our needs. It's a Saturday night. The pacing just isn't going to be where I want it to be for it to be a good service experience. I agree. And again, the drop off happened. It always happens where like, after a certain point, after they've gotten you over a certain hump, they kind of just disappear and all interactions are you have to flag them down. Yes. And another lovely lady ended up kind of finishing up most of the rest of our meal

when we were asking for takeout containers, dessert. And so that kind of dropped ball does bother me. Yeah. He's a good kid, you know, genuinely very pleasant. I liked his demeanor. Yes. And I think that's why it went far for me. Cause I could tell he was trying his best with all the, you know, with everything that was going on that night, it was really, really busy. My problems with the service definitely seemed more circumstantial than.

Yeah. I will, I will say then a shortcoming on his end, but you're in our section. You're talking to other tables. Just turn and make eye contact occasionally. Yeah, he was walking past us a lot and not even just like doing a little check-in with his eyes. It was very much like, oh, we need to find you, Eric. Okay, Vivi, the corn.

Oh, I'm so envious. I should have, oh, okay, go on. I'm on record. Corn is corn. The variance in corn, unless you're doing something real bad with your corn, it's not gonna be a lot. But corn is just fricking good. Yeah.

I had the corn on the cob. It came with my barbecue rib platter and it was buttery. You know, I put a little bit of salt on it. And it was just, if corn could be addictive, this was. Wow. Like I would have snorted a line of this corn. Okay.

Yeah. See, now, okay, he actually did. He offered. Snorted a line of corn. No, no, no, no, no. He offered me some of the corn on the cob, but it just felt very unwieldy and awkward to try and like be like, well, I'm gonna bite this then. So I was like, you just had the corn on the cob, but it just felt very unwieldy and awkward to try and be like, well, I'm going to bite this end. So I was like, you just had the corn on the cob.

But the way he raved about it all throughout dinner, so much regret on my part. So I mean, I trust you. It sounded like an amazing piece of corn. I mean, it was 7 and 1 half, but still. Oh my gosh, I thought you were going to give it a nine. Like I said, the variance on corn, it's like it's consistently good.

Okay. Corn on its own is not gonna be the best food I've ever had. All right. But it really, look, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Mm. Compared to the rest of everything I ate, it stood out. But the way you sung its praises,

it felt like it was higher than the slider. Sometimes you're looking for silver linings. Okay. All right. But it was good corn. It was good corn. But it's seven and a half out of 10. All right. And yeah, it's a vegetable.

Yeah. Another thing that I thought was good was I kind of loved the setup in terms of that they had like different things to help you supplement your weight. There was charging stations for your phones. Oh, weight like W-A-I-T. I thought you were like W-E-I-G-H-T, like our weight. Although we can talk about the chairs later. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, so they had little, like four little pods where you could, you know, start.

But they were the, like, USB 2.0, not USB-C ports, which are getting phased out. Yes, that's fair. But the thought of having four ports for, you know, a two-table, two-seater was kind of interesting. And it was like, I was like, oh, well, yeah, if my phone were dying, that'd be great. I could like charge it while I'm waiting at dinner. So I thought that was kind of a nice service they provided,

as well as they had a little kind of like entertainment pad that had games, you know, that wasn't... There's a hidden charge and it's like, I don't know how often they clean it. That's true, it did feel a little sticky, but I was gonna say... I'm not talking about those games and the good, are you? I was saying, I kind of liked that they had the option. No. Oh, okay.

So the presence of an option is good. Yeah, I mean... But the specifics of the games, no way. Yeah, the games weren't that great. There was like, what was it called? Pokemon? No, it was. Pokego. It was called Pokego. So we were like, oh, it's obviously Pokemon branded. This might be kind of fun. Pokemon go possibly.

Like maybe we find scavenger hunt some Pokemon. No lamest game I've ever seen in my life. It was literally just a few Pokemon scattered across a grid. Not even Pokemon. It was squares with like the likeness of like an approximation of their face on it. But it seemed like it was licensed. It did seem licensed. Not like knockoff Pokemon, to be fair.

But yeah, they were on a grid. And look, it's Blabasaur and Pikachu. My nickname in high school. They were on a grid and you had to connect them to each other. Now keep in mind this is for children, so it's very easy. I don't know, you were struggling. We have video proof of me being great at it. I have the evidence, or maybe you have the evidence.

It's on your phone. Oh man. Anyway, I appreciated that that was there. There was also trivia. We never really got to it, but I'd like that there was that option to kind of enter deep. I'm gonna bring this up again in the not good. Okay, we differ then.

Just to punch down on it. Dang. Okay, we saw what might be a unicorn in the wild. We saw a premature birthday song. And it brought me so much joy to see like all of the employees like in a train clapping like happy, happy birthday. Heading towards the table. Heading towards the table with like a,

was it the molten chocolate cake? Yeah, it was the molten. With a candle in it and they're all ready to go. They get to the table and they're like, no, no, no, no. Family. She's not here. And she's in the and everyone just looks around like, do we disperse and try again later? Do we wait?

If they had waited, she would have thought she was walking into an intervention with a cake, a molten lava cake. Just imagine you're walking back from the bathroom and just a bunch of people are staring at you waiting and it's like they burst down to song. We've been meaning to talk to you about your your consumption.

Happy intervention. Yeah, she was like an eight year old kid. To be fair. Yeah, she was young. But yeah, and then and then eventually they came back and did it again, but it was just such a... It was confusing. It was a little confusing.

Because you start hearing the song and then all of a sudden you hear, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And we're just like, what? Do not wish them a happy birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've had a mediocre birthday. They don't deserve it this year. Yeah.

They were bad. Yeah, I don't know. It just tickled me so much. Yeah. They don't deserve it this year. They were bad. Yeah, I don't know. It tickled me so much because it's just so specifically circumstantial. And I'm like, you know what? Even though I've never seen it, I bet this happens. Sure. Someone goes to the bathroom.

Someone has to go take a call. Who knows? The birthday individuals got to pee sometimes too, you know? Yeah. But it was also, you know, to our detriment because what happened was they gathered up all the servers in the restaurant to sing this song. Two separate times now. Yeah, and they did take a bit of a break in between

to fully determine that this kid was here. So, you know, we were trying to get Eric's attention and he was, he was got, no one was in the area anymore cause they were getting ready to start singing the song and they didn't know when the time would be. So. Yeah. But I still liked it. No, I did too.

It was such a funny thing to witness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say, I wasn't a huge fan of the fajitas, unfortunately but there was one element in the fajitas. It was the beans that were on the side. The black beans. I didn't try any, but. They were so tasty.

And I honestly, I liked them by themselves and I started dipping the chips in them to just to like have as an alternative dip. And it was good. I think what we're learning is that like unaltered staple foods, corn, beans. I mean, tortillas are processed, but you know, they're closer to like a base form.

You know, tortilla chips. Those are the things where it's like, but you know, they're closer to like a base form, you know, tortilla chips. It's hard to mess up. Those are the things where it's like, okay. Yeah, those were great. And then my last good, this is terrible, but the bathroom was, I'm very big on public restrooms and that I don't like going to them because I- I'm big on public restrooms.

I mean that, okay, sorry, I'm big on public restroom cleanliness. Sure. Because I've seen so many nightmarish things in a stall. So if I have to go in one, I really, really, really hope it's clean. This one was a very clean restroom. Okay. And I liked that.

And in the middle of a Saturday night rush, that's not easy to accomplish. No, honestly, it felt like someone must have just cleaned it. I have no idea, but it was nice to walk into a stall and feel like I was safe. Yeah. So that was good. Uh, and then my last good thing, uh, this is barely escaping the just there.

Okay. The dessert, the, uh, hot molten chocolate cake, whatever it is. Yeah. It's, I have so many critiques, but. I mean, I have many because it's on my chest. Yeah. I have barely above mediocre. The edge cake is too spongy and flavorless.

It like felt like white bread, you know. Yeah, the texture was off. It was, it felt old almost in that regard, but the middle. The middle was so good. Yes. Because it's meltier, it's warmer, there's like a gooey element to it.

You get that scoop down of the ice cream and the ice cream comes in and kind of soaks it up a little, or soaks into it a little bit. And you eat those middle bites. Oh, now I'm hungry. And they're really good. Yeah. To where when I'm balancing a genuinely upsetting

edge portion of it, which is like 65 to 70% of the real estate. Yes. But with how good that middle was, I have just enough to give this a 6.5 out of 10, which is low for a dessert for me. Okay. I will say. Because of the ratio of just the bad and the good,

it was kind of just there for me. Sure. And that's a completely fair assumption to arrive at, but I think the poetic element that relates to the show that it's just about what's in the middle. I'm looking for the perfect middle, and I found the perfect middle inside this You really did.

molten chocolate lava cake, or whatever it's called. So. And a perfect encapsulation of what we are looking for on the show. Of what this journey is. I'm trying to find the perfect middle, and I did. So. It's beautiful.

All right, that's it for all the good things. Let's talk about what was not good. This is not so good. I'm not quite sure about it. Could have done without it. The stuff that brings down the mood. This is just not very good. Okay, first and foremost,

I got Winnie the Poohed inside this booth. Wait, wait, wait. Well, Winnie the Pooh... Gets stuck inside a tree. Oh, okay, I was thinking it's wearing a shirt with no bottoms. You didn't look under the table. Oh, God. What meal did I come to? Not the right one.

So I slide into my spot on the booth now. The structure of these booths are so specific. We're against a side wall. And there are tables that are built into the side wall. They are extending out of the wall. They are not adjustable. What is adjustable is your seat. But your seat is a one person booth seat

that backs up to a shared one person booth seat and you are back to back. Yes. And this slides back and forth. Which we learned. Which we learned. It's one seat. So I sat down and I'm like, you know, I'm self-conscious about my, my gut and I sit down and it's pressed up against the table,

hanging over, and I feel like Winnie the Pooh, trying to go into the tree to get some honey, and I'm stuck. And then you offered to switch. Yes. And, because not only is this happening to me, but your side does objectively look more spacious. Yeah, and I'm a petite person, too.

So it was easy for me to try and squeeze in there. And so we did switch. And when I sat down, I hardly had any room. I'm five foot one. Yeah. And I was really close to the table. And what we realized is the guy sitting behind us just had that spread out kind of energy, just like this is my domain, entitled. I don't like this guy.

I don't like what he stands for. And I don't like all of the symbolic messages that I took away from, we didn't interact with him, but from the scenario that he was part of. He was linked to this. So he's just like pushing back. And I even felt myself getting pushed more over the course of the meal

as he was trying to give himself more room. Yeah, chill, bro. Yeah, come on, you've got so much space. So we're in this competitive real estate allocation deal. And as I put in the intro, it was like a Hunger Games-esque tug of war. Yeah, and so after they left and cleared out, we did...

Michael went and sat in his seat briefly between them cleaning tables, and we were pushing... We were pushing back and forth to just see if we could win. I moved you a very tiny amount, and I was like, oh no, I killed her. So I, like, stopped, and then you, like, put a very tiny amount and I was like, oh no, I killed her. So I like stopped and then you like put both legs on the thing and like push back and move me quite an impressive amount I thought.

That's good, thank you, thank you. So yeah, you know, we made a thing of it but still this design is terrible. Don't make me share with someone that I can't really communicate with. Yes. I think that's the issue. I will also say, because then the party that came after, I had a different issue in that

the guy... Shaky legs. Well, he wasn't so much man spreading, but he kind of like, yeah, he bobbed back and forth. Yeah. And so when he did that, because he weighs more than I do, he would just like, you know, kind of lift my booth. The weight distribution would change and it was kind of very jarring as I was eating.

Yeah. You're like dropping stuff off of forks. It's an earthquake. Yeah. Yeah, so it's just like, I don't think this is good design by any means. Definitely not. Don't make me share with someone

that isn't part of my party, you know? Yeah. Don't give them the possibility of the power of having all that space, taking it from us. To stand up for myself, I have to be that guy. Yes, excuse me. Don't put me in that situation. Anyways, that said, it is kind of funny to me.

It was funny, and I did enjoy our little battle. Yeah. And there was a very nice party across from us who recorded us. We had them film us. And they were like, what are you talking about? Oh, okay. And then one of the ladies was like, let me see that video back. Oh yeah, she wanted to see it even though she had just witnessed it.

I was like, leave this all with your eyes. Whatever. All right, my next not good note, Ziosk games suck. Oh, so you really hated them, huh? The PokeGo was the laziest, oh, here's a square, touch the other square that looks like it. Well, we only did like two rounds. I don't think it got that much harder.

And then it had a trivia thing, but it was like, it wanted you to pay. I thought there was a payment option to get more premium things, but I felt like you could do the trivia without having to pay. There's a sneaky like $3, it's not expensive, but it is like, I saw it on a bunch of Yelp reviews of people being like, what the hell, for my kids to be entertained, that's like three bucks or whatever. Oh no.

And so it's not clearly marked. Their entertainment fees galore. Yeah. That said, I will say the Ziosk did lead to Chile seeing a spike in dessert orders. Like once they started putting those on the table, they noticed more people were ordering dessert, which I would say they would also get a similar spike

if the waiters just checked in at the end of the meal more. Yes, exactly. We had to be the ones to be like, can we order this? Can someone come by and get us dessert? So that bothered me, and that does go in the not good. Wait, but how does that increase dessert orders? Because they do have the ability to order dessert in them. Oh, I tried on ours and it didn't.

I see. But historically they have. OK. And like I have been to restaurants where on the Z ask, it does offer that. I just this chili's. But that seems so strange, though, then. Like, I feel like you should just go all in then. Like, don't have a server, just order straight everything. I think the menu might be too expansive that to like scroll through a bunch of menus.

Oh, to make you do all of that? Okay. Like subcategories and also I wanna order from a waiter if I wanna make a customization. That's true. People usually aren't customizing desserts. Like I've never ordered a dessert and I'm like hold the this or whatever.

That's not the way desserts are constructed. They're usually one piece. Hold the lava? Yeah, hold the lava. It's kind of hot. What I didn't think was good was the wait. I went on Yelp and then I saw that there was a waiting list that you then had to join.

And at the time when I looked at it, it was 25 to 40 minutes. I think it was about 40 minutes after that that we ended up being. So it was the long end. Yes, yes. But it was just wild to me that this. And also because the line was so long, when I did show up, I ran into people who were just starting or didn't realize this was an option. Found out it was going to be 40 some minutes and they, you know, they left

because they're just not expecting chilies to be this busy. Didn't seem to hurt the restaurant though. They seem to have a constant flow of people all night. Yes, it was very popular. We also went Valentine's Day weekend, which Eric... On the 15th. Eric did tell us that Valentine's was crazy. So I can understand then, you know,

that it would be a busy time for them. But it was a long wait. Yeah, I mean, that's a Saturday night rush for you, I think. and that it would be a busy time for them. But it was a long wait. Yeah, I mean, that's a Saturday night rush for you, I think. It's so understanding of you. Yeah. A wait never bothers me. Oh, OK.

Unless I'm quoted one thing and it ends up being way more. All right. Like when I went to Benihana, the fact that we made a reservation at 6, got seated at 6.45, didn't even get our first bit of food until like 7.45. I'm like, I made a six o'clock reservation and it's almost two hours before I've tasted any food. I feel like that's Benny Hanna's M.O. though. That's crazy to be about. For something like this, it's just like, yeah, I get it.

You're busy. But I did also get one of those texts that was like, your weight's actually going to be longer than we expect. And when we did get called, we were technically fifth on the list. So it felt like there was actually going to be longer than we expect. And when we did get called, we were technically fifth on the list. So it felt like there was actually going to be a longer wait. But I think because we were just a party of two, they were able to squeeze us in. Yeah, because it probably was not going to be a 40 minute wait. Had we been a larger party, it might have been more like 60.

Yeah. Yeah. And you never want to get that message. That's that's saying, sorry, we didn't quite give you the correct estimate. Yeah, understandable. I'm going to say they've stripped Systematically all the charm out of everything that a chilies used to be I remember Kitchy green walls with the big red chili pepper used to be in every place You'd get a big sign that maybe has like a fun Approximation of like the burger or something and like a sign for it.

I love that kind of kitschy signage. Here it's just block font baby back ribs on the wall. And then they had one other similarly like silver margarita sign next to the bathrooms. But none of the colors popped. It was just gray on brown. It didn't feel distinct in any way. I could have been at any generic

yeah, chain restaurant. It had like a warehouse, but like not like the way a Walmart is a is a warehouse, not in the way of like a cool hipster trendy bar. It can be in a warehouse. Yeah. So it just, it felt like all the fun had been sucked out. This isn't a place that I go to. And like my brain is getting endorphins from just like the fun of the environment,

the cool, kitschy design choices. There's no little hidden treasures you're gonna find anywhere that you're like, you know, I remember going to Papa Dough, which is like an upscale seafood restaurant. Even then, there's just like a big, like, PVC crab. SHANNON COFFEY LAUGHS And it was fun. I like seeing that kind of stuff.

Of course. I feel like that's what a lot of restaurants are becoming, though. They're taking all the personality out, like the Taco Bells, McDonald's. I don't like it. You see the old photos from like the 80s and 90s, and you're like, oh, there was so much color and there was so much life and energy, and now it's just generic and bland.

Yeah. And I don't know what the psychology behind that is. I think, I don't know, maybe they think that people oppose care, like the characters in the McDonald's universe, they've kind of really scaled back. Sure. And I want, I want more of those. Like those are fun.

Yeah. Even as an adult. Yeah, for sure. Like it's just, it. Like, those are fun. Yeah. Even as an adult. Yeah, for sure. Like, it's just, it's silly. It's fun. I would go to a McDonald's, even if there's just like a big hamburglar looking over my shoulder or Mayor McCheese.

Not an original hamburglar, Leo. Not the original hamburger. No, no, no, no. So, yeah, I just... Heartless, I thought. Just, it didn't have heart. Do you have any other not goods that you want to bring up? Yeah, I just... heartless, I thought. Just, it didn't have heart. Do you have any other not goods that you wanna bring up?

So the second element of the Triple Dipper, the Nashville hot chicken wings we got bone in. They were so bad. These sucked. They were dry, yet had a sauce. Yes, it was so confusing. The textures, you would think the sauce might've permeated into, nope, not at all. It was just kind of like sitting on the surface.

Nashville hot wasn't spicy. But even though it was sitting on the surface, it wasn't wet. Like, sauces by nature are moisture. And this was devoid of it. No, no, the chicken was so dry that the sauce could not even get in. It's Valentine's Day.

Devoid of moisture is the worst result. Ha ha ha ha ha. You know? Yeah. Well, that weekend. But, you know, it, but like, yeah, this sucked. It was, and I love chicken. And this was just bad chicken. And like it also Nashville hot and it had like four flames next to it on the menu.

Not spicy, not spicy at all. Maybe a tickle, but like this didn't deliver on the promise. No, the taquotle wings we got later. Maybe hotter. Were hotter. Yeah, I went two out of 10 on these. I went two out of 10 too. Yeah.

Wow. Now, if I could change a theme song real quick. I don't want my baby. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. Yeah. Wow. Now, if I could change a theme song real quick. I don't want my baby. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Yeah, I was so let down. And like, I'm Texan. I'm a little bit of a-

Is that more of a standard, yeah. But I don't even know if I'm a snob about my barbecue. I just- You are a snob. I love barbecue. Thank you. Okay. I love barbecue. I really do.

That backfired on me. And like, there are so many iterations of barbecue I've eaten that like, they're not Texas style. They're maybe from a chain restaurant, but like they have some sort of flavor that, richness is kind of a word that I've started really thinking about when it comes to flavors. Cause I'm just like, if I feel like it's been in a freezer,

which I don't know if their ribs have been, but like if I can feel like maybe water has soaked into it and like diluted the taste a little bit, I do feel like that comes to, again, I don't mind if something's frozen. I don't care as long as I can't taste it. Okay. But if my suspicion is that it was

because it just tastes hollow or empty in a certain way Like I want a depth of flavor. I want layers and even the sauce which was like a little too sweet I thought didn't do a lot to make this taste great Yeah, and for something that they've really hung their hat on to be these ribs for sure I was really let down so I just got the half rack of ribs, came with fries and that corn, that sweet sweet corn. Really saved it for you. But I didn't like my ribs.

You had one of the ribs, right? I had one of the ribs. It was in my just there section. I'll hear your thoughts later. Yeah, okay. I will talk about it. Not at all savory for me. I went three and a half out of 10.

So not in the gutter, but it was a letdown. I was excited to have the ribs. Of course, you know, this jingle has hyped it up for us for years. Maybe if I went dry rub, it would have had more of what I was looking for. I know, but we were trying to go for the barbecue sauce. Yeah.

And it was actually very funny though, cause when we ordered, you know, Eric asked, would you like dry rub or would you like barbecue sauce? And then, you know, Michael goes, barbecue sauce. And it just sounded kind of like the jingle in my head. I pointed out and it was just, it was very subtle. But it was- Now I did let you pick.

Yes, you did. And I wish you had picked dry rub. But then when you said barbecue sauce is the line in the song, I was like, oh, well then that has to be what I get. Yeah, it was- So it made sense. That said, I do think I would have enjoyed the dry rub more. And the score made then a little bit higher.

I ruined it for you, I'm sorry. It's not the first time. No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. Wow. You're the one who's inviting me to these restaurants. I know, and I'll do it again because I'm a glutton for punishment. I will say for the fajitas, we got the fajita trio, which has shrimp, steak, and chicken were not good. Okay, talk about them.

The steak was dry, kind of like- It was very gray. Yeah, kind of chewy. Chicken was a little rubbery. I don't know what they're doing with their chicken here, but it was just- Microwaving. That's what it was. It was just disappointing.

I liked the shrimp. I will say the shrimp was fine, but those other, I could have done without. It honestly was just really disappointing. I didn't have much discernment of the three types of meat because I made like one fajito and I did the trio all in it. So I kind of got all the flavors together.

Maybe that's what I should have done. I was trying to do like individual. But like when I get fajitas as like my main dish, I would do it the way that you did it where it's just like, let me try a little bit of steak, let me try a little bit of chicken, let me try a little shrimp. I was just like tasting your dish. So I was like, yeah, I'll just put all of them in one. Yeah. Maybe that was the way it should have just been done. It may have been more enjoyable. Again, I didn't mention it in the good, but I don't have it here. Yeah.

Yeah. The steak and the chicken, I gave it two out of 10. Both of them. Both of them. Just, they weren't good. I honestly, had an animal not died for my sins, I would probably have just left them. Throw them down.

Yeah, but we took them home. And then the last note for the not good for me, I don't know if you have more, the triple dipper arrived after our entrees, which is terrible restaurant pacing. For sure. We got this big ass thing of chips and salsa to start, which luckily I was very hungry.

It did kind of help satiate me during that. And yeah, it scratched the itch of, oh yeah, we're at a Chili's now. I really thought that that triple dipper would be coming out any minute. And then our entrees arrived. Which real estate wise are big things. I got a big platter.

And I have the big sizzling fajita, you know, the thing that keeps it hot. Which by the way, for me, I got a half rack of ribs and the fries were not that plentiful. And then one cob of corn, way too big of a platter for what I got. Yeah, I mean, it was probably the same platter for the full order. Yeah, I guess. And they just gave you and it just looked like it was sad. Because the table was kind of small. It was very small.

It took up too much. They definitely put us, you know, in a two person booth. But for the amount of food we ate, it was very small. It took up too much of it. They definitely put us in a two-person booth, but for the amount of food we ate, it became Jenga, trying to figure out where to put everything. And it toppled over. What? Jenga. Oh. You made that comparison just now.

Yeah, but our food didn't topple over. Metaphorically. Okay. I was like, what? Did you spill food on yourself? I don't remember this. Imagine. I just knock it all over.

Because I'm trying to take the bottom thing and put it on top for some reason. I mean, we did. There was a little bit of that finagling. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know, just something about bringing this big triple dipper out later. Stressed me out. Trying to make space for it,

trying to like, yeah, clear the other stuff out. Because also then, because it took a while for the triple dipper to come out, we had started on the ribs, and then our hands were saucy. So now they're like, hey, move plates around. And I was like, I have to move my notebook, I have to move my phone,

and I'm touching them with ribby fingers, and I don't, saucy fingers. And also they had forgotten to give us napkins, which we then had to, you know, flag them down for that. So yeah, there was just a lot that was like unpleasant. Yes, I agree. None of it a nightmare. No, not at all.

Nothing that were just like, we were to send anything back or, but it was just. There were hassles. Yes, I agree with you. And then almost in the same vein, all the things that were good, none of them were great. For sure. Well, yeah, even the way you sang your praises about the corn,

apparently it's only seven and a half. Seven and a half. I guess the slider was... Yeah, that's getting in that great conversation. That was an eight. But yeah, that's it for the not good for me. Do you have anything else? That's it for me.

All right. And now with a surprising amount in there, let's go to what was just there. I did have another sip of a non water drink, but it was the smallest thing. I tried your watermelon lemonade and it just tasted like, why am I doing this? I know, I almost felt bad that you... It wasn't bad. Clearly it was more of like a more powdered synthetic type of lemonade. So already there was that going for it.

But I thought maybe we discussed it together because I was like, oh, if you're going to cheat on water, like let's pick a... On Valentine's weekend of all times. Pam. Um, uh, I, you know, I asked you what drink you might want to have and we could, how you could have a little, and you chose the watermelon. So that definitely piqued my interest.

It just seemed like, yeah, like a unique offering. And I'm like, okay, let's see what this is like. There was, the watermelon didn't taste like watermelon. It almost had like a bubble gum flavor to it. It did have, yeah, like a, like a candied bubble gum, something to it. The watermelon element of it was almost like, you know how sometimes you get watermelon

that's like very sweet, and sometimes you get watermelon that like really leans into the water side of watermelon. It just tastes diluted. Yeah. This felt like the watermelon part of it was very diluted. Yes. To where I was just like, oh, it's just not a strong enough flavor

that I'm getting this like fake lemonade and like a little bit of watermelon. It was fine. It wasn't awful. It wasn't overly sweet. It was just watermelon. It was fine. It wasn't awful. It wasn't overly sweet. It was just there. It was refreshing though. And so I definitely finished it,

but it wasn't anything I would order again. I gave it a five out of 10. I gave it. I had it right in the middle. I gave it a five out of 10 too. Wow. Then the fries that came with my ribs. Fries are so easy to do well. I know, how do you make a mediocre fry? fries that came with my ribs. Fries are so easy to do well.

I know, how do you make a mediocre fry? Yeah, apparently they're also microwaved. Are they? That's probably why. If, I mean, probably not to start, you have to put them in a fryer, but I literally, I watched a video on like, how does Chili's keep prices down?

And they were like, they microwaved so much of the things. Oh man. They're like, how does chilies keep prices down? Uh-huh. And they were like, they microwave so much of the things. Oh, man. They're like, if you don't want microwave food, there's only a handful of things. And so they were like, yeah, if the fries have, it's been a while since they've made a fresh batch, they'll just microwave them. And it's just like, I don't want that.

Yeah. It's a different consistency of heating that you get. It changes the texture of the food. Yeah, they weren't very overly crispy. They weren't really soggy either. It was just, I didn't really take them with ketchup because I was trying to like keep the integrity of the flavor. But it was, I love fries.

Fries are some of my favorite foods. And they're not hard to do well. No. And I put bland but inoffensive. Like I didn't hate them. Yes, exactly. But I hated that they weren'tensive. Like I didn't hate them. Yes, exactly. I hated that they weren't better, but I didn't hate them.

Yeah. I'll eat them if they're in front of me, but I'm not craving, I'm not like, oh, I need to get more of this. Yeah. I gave five and a half out of 10. Oh, I gave it a five out of 10. Yeah.

So the third part of our triple dipper, the honey tepote-lay chicken crispers. Yes. Did I say that correctly? What a mouthful. That was pretty fine. Just there. Yeah, I felt like the breading,

there was maybe a little too much breading. I thought that the like, it almost felt like it was falling apart. Like from a structural standpoint, I didn't mind the flavor of this, but like from a texture and structural integrity standpoint, it was just- It had a lot of sauce. It was a little oversauce. It had a lot of sauce.

It was a little oversauce. But also a lot of breading, but the flavors were nice. I could tell that the chicken quality was like just not, not that much above a McNugget. I would say it was a little better than that. I would say not much. Okay. It is better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's not all like ground chicken parts into it. But it's not much better than that. I would say not much. Okay. It is better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cause it's not all like ground chicken parts into it. But it's not much better than the chicken. All right. And also cause I know these chicken crispers are pretty like one of their popular menu items. Yeah. And so I was expecting it to be really good.

I expected all of the elements of the triple dipper, every single offering to be a home run, given the zeitgeist, the conversation around the triple dipper. And I only loved the slider. Mm-hmm. So one third. And I actively really didn't like the Nashville hot bone and wings.

Seriously, some of the worst chicken I've had in a long time. And so this I put passable but barely, four and a half out of 10 for me on the honey chipotle chicken crispers. And the honey chipotle sauce even. I think I was expecting more of the honey. That's on me. The chipotle I thought was maybe a little bit stronger in the balance than I would have expected to where the sweetness almost felt out of place

from the honey. But I did. I was pleasantly surprised by the heat that came from the chipotle side. Yeah, you know, I like spicy food surprised by the heat that came from the Chipotle side. Because I like spicy food and the Nashville hot was just so disappointing. And so to have this heat show up here, I was like, oh, okay, that's nice. I like it. Mexican rice, I wrote whatever, four out of 10.

Yeah, I basically, the other parts of the fajita is the shrimp, the rice and the veggies, which was bell peppers and onions, five out of 10. It was there. It helped supplement to make a fajita, but I wasn't wanting more necessarily. I put the entire fajita trio, steak, shrimp and chicken together as a five out of 10.

The whole dish. I had, yeah, just the one thing that I ate. Okay, because I didn't want to knock down the shrimp, even though the chicken and the steak were- And had I tried them individually, I may have been like, oh, this is a good shrimp. I just didn't experience it in that delivery mechanism. So the fajita trio, I was like,

for some place that really touts fajitas, this ain't it. Like, it's not good. It's not bad, but it's not good. Yeah, I don't know if I'd order it again. I wouldn't seek it out, it's not good. It's not bad, but it's not good. Yeah, I don't know if I'd order it again. I wouldn't seek it out. Yeah, same.

Same with the, that's how I felt about the ribs. I didn't dislike them as much as you did, maybe because I have less of a standard with them, but you know, they've had this jingle forever. I want ribs to be good. And they were just fine. They were a little dry. The sauce wasn't actually, like we asked for the barbecue sauce

and it was just kind of a little bit on the rib itself. I didn't feel like it was. I felt that they were maybe a little oversauced. Oh, did you? Maybe that's. Maybe it was just your end. Yeah, but they weren't melting off the bone or anything. It was just kind of, I was disappointed, I will say.

It's better than a McRib. I'll give it that. If we're comparing it to a McRib, sure. I gave the baby back ribs a three out of 10, or sorry, three and a half out of 10. So that tells you how I feel about the McRib. Sorry, mom. So I gave the ribs a five out of 10.

I thought they weren't inedible, but also I just expected more. I wanted them to be super tasty and that's not something I'm gonna crave in the future. Anything else in just there for you? Yeah, the chips and dip for me were just fine. I loved, I'm a chip addict, I love them. I did like that they were thinner

so that you didn't stuff yourself with them. But I did feel like the salsa was... Like I said, it just tasted like chili salsa. It didn't taste real. Yeah. Oh, but I do like it. For me, it's just yeah, it didn't feel very fresh. It felt like canned salsa. Good for when you're hungry. But I would not want to.

I would I wouldn't order it again. Gotcha. I know you enjoyed the volcano lava cake. Just the middle. Yeah, the middle. Really just the middle. I just felt like the outside was just so not great that I had to put it in the Just OK, because I did really like the center too. The way the ice cream melted in and the gooeyness of it

all. That was lovely, but the outside was just, we really did leave a bunch of it at the end of the meal. Well, and I think that is why I had it in the good, is because once I discovered that, I stopped eating the edges and I only ate the good part. Yeah, after we learned. And then there was at one point where you thought you had an inside piece, and then you ate it outside.

And my final bite too, I was like, this was an outside piece, and this is what I ended on. Wah-wah. Yeah. And then my last thing in, I was like, this was an outside piece, and this is what I ended on. Wah, wah. Yeah. And then my last thing in the just there was our view, like, you know, from like an atmosphere standpoint, I'm, and this is just placement, I understand it's luck of the draw,

it's where they put you, but I'm literally just looking at people impatiently waiting on tables. Yes, that was your view. And it does kind of wear on you when you know that anyone there that is a party of two is kind of mad that you're not moving faster. Yeah, although you did have a funny interaction

because one of your friends in your improv class showed up. I did know somebody in one of the groups, and so I texted them and I was, I just texted, Chili's baby back ribs. And then a chili pepper emoji. And they responded being like, is this what it feels like? To be famous.

Yeah. So that was definitely one of the few perks of you being able to see all the people that came in and out. But yeah, I don't know. And then being close to the door, you do feel like it was a little chilly out. So it was like, you're. Chilly at Chili's.

Chili's. You're feeling that draft. Yeah. Well, I was. You were. Yeah. I was shielded by the man spreader. OK, so that's everything that is not there. We need to put all of this together into a rating. But before we can do that, Vivi, I know this isn't your first time on the podcast, but it is your first time since

I've had my guests calibrate their score. I know, new format. And you'll never need to do this again. Oh, wow. But I just want you to define your zero and your 10 so that you can fairly evaluate chilies on that spectrum. Okay. So we are going to take a quick stop at the calibration station.

OK, Vivi, this is your opportunity to define your zero, your ten, your worst dining experience at a restaurant and your best dining experience as a restaurant. Whichever one you would like to start with, the floor is yours. Okay, so I will say my worst dining experience, it didn't end up resulting in dining because so is this, I'm not going to name names. I don't even know if they're selling this. Oh, give me names.

No, no, I don't want, because it's been a while. So what happened was. I'm coming for blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I put him out of business. No, I went to Koreatown to have dinner with my boyfriend and it was this lovely place that we've been to in the past that makes good Korean barbecue and the tofu soup and all that.

So we've been there many times. We show up and a server looks at us and all the tables are pretty full. So we understand there's a wait. They look at us and then don't pay any attention. And then other people start coming in. They come up to them, ask them how many people start seating them once tables are open and we're trying to get their attention. And so it just became very clear that they did not want us to be eating there as much as we were trying to get. Yeah.

And I will also say to give some context, my boyfriend is a dark skinned Indian gentleman and I feel like that might have also played a part possibly, but yeah, we stood there for 15 minutes waiting for someone to possibly like address us. We tried to get people's attention. It was just complete shut down. Awful. And so we left and it was bad

because we've been there before, but also there was larger parties. Maybe there was a Korean speaker in there or something like that. But the fact that they've just completely didn't give us the time of day felt bad. So that was a zero. That's a viable zero.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah. I don't wanna bring racism into it, but it felt a little racist. Well, you don't want to bring racism into it, but it felt a little racist. Well, you didn't want to experience racism. Yeah, for sure. That wasn't your choice. No, no. So that sucked. All right. Viable, what's your, what's your 10? Another experience with my boyfriend, much better. There is a restaurant in Palms Culver City area called En Naca. Have you heard of it? I've heard of it. So it's like one of the few Michelin starred restaurants

in LA, but we went before they had a Michelin star, but it's a very upscale kaiseki, which is Japanese multi-dish course. And to get a reservation is so hard because they have it some sort of system where they release it like once a month or something like that. And if you don't log in right away, and we learned the hard way too, because you can

log in, but there's a point where you pay for your reservation. And if you don't put your details in quickly enough, your reservation will go to someone else who's already put in the information. So we learned. So like the step that confirms and locks things in is later in the process than you're used to. And so we didn't realize like, oh my gosh, we need to like have the card on hand. We need to like have it all. So on the second or third time of trying to get the reservation, we succeeded. Ready, set, go. Both of you on separate computers, like whoever gets it, you know, confirm with the other and then they'll stop midway through.

We won't pay $250 for it. But we were excited and also because of my birthday coming up in May, Chilly's Entertainment Fees. Sorry, I should not say that. Okay, so it was my birthday coming up, so it was gonna be like a special celebration for it. What happened was I booked a commercial, and sorry, I feel like I'm bragging in all these episodes,

but it's part of the experience of what happened. It was a Best Buy commercial, and they were filling a few different spots, it was like for 4th of July promotion. In the original call sheet, it actually said I was gonna be up first in the day, like filming my spot, and they were gonna film the other spot, like the second half of the day.

And Anaka is dinner. Yes, Anaka is only dinner. That's what, I'm pretty sure it's only dinner. But yeah, our reservation was like at 6.30 or 7 or something like that. And I was like, oh, that's fine. My call time's at like eight in the morning. We're gonna knock it out and we're gonna,

I'm gonna be good for dinner. I show up on set, they've switched the order. Oh no. So I was filming in Glendale. Yeah. And I'm starting to freak out. Cause every to freak out because when you're on a set, things take always longer than you expect. Not me.

That's true. I always quote people the right amount of time. You are very efficient and that's why I'm here for the third time because you follow through. But yeah, usually when you're on set, it's just, you know, hurry up and wait is the motto. So what happens is, you know, it's starting to creep on and we did finally start filming after lunch, but the way the director was working, it was taking longer than I was expecting.

And my original plan was, oh yeah, I'll drive from Glendale to the west side of LA without traffic. It's 20 minutes, I want to say, but this was now, I was gonna wrap it around rush hour traffic. Glendale to Palms, that to me strikes me as already a 30 minute drive before traffic. To begin with. I'd imagine you're looking at like an hour 20.

In rush hour, so then I'm like freaking out. My poor boyfriend, then he rides motorcycles, so he actually then got off work and he works on the west side of LA. He went on his motorcycle. I left my car on the set of this location. As soon as we wrapped, he picks me up, he brought me a helmet. We got on the motorcycle and in California, you can split lanes. So you can go between cars. Drive on the lines. Yeah. Yeah. So we then were just trying to make our way through. We were 10 minutes late to the reservation.

Which usually there's a grace period of like 15 to 20 or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was really nice. And they were, they're so sweet. Like honestly, the chefs and all the servers there. Did you call ahead and communicate that you were running late? I don't think we did. That's always my move. It's just. I think it's probably a good, I think we were just so. You're also on a motorcycle. Yeah. We were on a motorcycle. Exactly. So we didn't know when, like how long we would take to get there.

But we made it 10 minutes late and and into being such an amazing food. I think also the contrast of the stress and then being able to like. So it lived up to the. No, for sure. It was fantastic food. I was going to say, you're telling this very stressful story. And I'm so sorry. And it's your 10. And then it was so bad. But I just want to let you know, I booked a commercial.

No. Just bragging. No, the food lived up to it, the service. Everyone was so sweet. The chefs came out to like chat with us. And it was just because little dishes that were so beautifully plated. They did a lot of like kind of California,

freshly caught seafood and stuff. So it felt very fresh. And there was this one pasta dish that was, oh my God, it was abalone with truffle, I want to say. So good. The only thing I was sad about is because when you are doing this multi-course kaisaki, everything's kind of small. And it does add up because you're eating like 12 dishes. And it's like, you get a favorite thing and you're like, I just want a bunch of that. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And apparently that's the one dish that actually they keep on the menu every time because they switch it up seasonally. But because it's just- They know it's so popular. It's a crowd pleaser. So I love that dish. I dream about that dish. Have you ever had it since or just the one time?

No, because it is so pricey to go there. Because when we did it, this was 2019, it was like 250 for the meal. OK. And now I think it's like in the 300. So you really do have to like make it a special experience. And also, again, like, you know, it got the Michelin star right after, which is then put it on so many people's radar. So I think the reservations are even harder to come by now.

But it was, yeah, it was definitely 10 out of 10. Well, that's a very viable 10. You are now calibrated. We are ready. Somewhere between racism and Michelin star is Chili's. Let's give our final scores. Final score, final score, final score, final score. Final rating. Final score, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, final scores, Vivi, we need to put chilies on the Chachki of Mediocrity,

currently somewhere between White Castle and Mastro's. Not a perfect zero and a perfect 10, but let's hear your rationale and your score for chilies. So I will just say, I mean, there wasn't a lot of good, wasn't all bad. There was a lot of just there. Yeah. Would I go back? Sure.

It's decent food at a reasonable price. It's fine. It really does encapsulate what we're looking for on the show. So when I averaged out my, my good ended up being like a 7.4, my bad was like a 2.25. It became a 5.02666666,

so it's about 5.03. We'll call that a 5.03. Which is pretty dang average. I can't ask for more average than that. Well, knowing what I gave it, I now know what the average of our scores is. When I, so I felt this profound sense of mediocrity throughout the meal. For you, it was, there was a lot that was just there.

For me, there was a decent amount that was good and a decent amount that was not good, but I felt like almost they all complimented each other in a way that they were balancing it towards mediocrity. And while I was sitting there, I was like, yeah, if I'm really, really splitting hairs, there's a few more things that maybe they could do better than not to be like good versus bad. You know, five is your crossover point from good to bad.

Yeah. But it's splitting hairs. I went 4.97. For a mathematician, that is a 5.00. That is... Sorry, I just yelled into this mic. That is the average for chilies. And you know what? If I'm taking away those split hairs

of a little bit of negativity where it's kind of on corporate and not the restaurant. I'm gonna cry for some reason. Like the booth being a thing that you're sharing with the person behind you or whatever, like that's a corporate decision. That's not this restaurant. But like, but it is, that is Chili's.

I honestly, I think when I set out to make this show, this is the type of dining experience I think deserves to be the point of comparison for all other rest. I would genuinely say anything any better than what we experienced is probably good. Yeah. But anything any worse than what we experienced is probably bad. It rode that line so perfectly.

Chili's goes up on the Chachki of mediocrity at a 5.00. That's crazy! Oh my god! Wow! I really am like emotional right now. I think... Here's the thing. I was suspicious that Chili's might be the most mediocre restaurant, but like I was just like, it'll be a fun thing to do for my hundredth restaurant. You were there.

I think it earned that. I, I'm with you. Very earnestly. I think Chili's is the most mediocre restaurant in America. Without it. Which means this show. Is over.

No, I don't mean. That is what I said from the start. That is it. Yeah, that's true. That is what I said from the start. But you know what? What is the point of finding the most mediocre restaurant to be a point of comparison if I don't then

continue on and compare things to it? Okay. There are so many more chain restaurants that I haven't experienced yet, and I've had so much fun learning the history of them, eating at places that you hear all about that I've not gotten the opportunity to yet, while also balancing that with going to places that I grew up loving and looking. I only just recently went to Dan's Hamburgers, which isn't a big chain,

but it's literally my favorite burger in the world. Wow. And it's just like this greasy diner burger in Austin, Texas. There's like four or five locations. And I look forward now with Chili's as my point of comparison to go out and find more places to determine

if they are objectively good or objectively bad. So I am gonna continue doing this show. Okay. Because yeah, I mean, like there's so many places I haven't done yet. Okay, I was really worried, actually. And I want to. And I was like, I was like, oh no, it's the end. And I wanna do it.

But, normally, with my guest, we'll say, oh, it was less than mediocre, it was more than mediocre, and we'll have a little jingle for it. This is neither of those. This is mediocre. Mm-hmm.. So Chili's is officially perfectly adequate. And while I'm glad to have found what I'm looking for in Chili's, I do want the old Chili's back.

I want the chain that I used to love, not the one that defines not moving the needle. I want my baby back. Awwww. Hit it! I want my baby back Chili's has gone downhill fast and now it's lame and whack I want the Chili's from the 80's back 90's, mid-2000's too, I'd be okay with that But what we got in there today, I'd say it lacked Hey relax, I know that you're just stating facts

But business wise, Chili's gets that paper stack Increasing their fiscal quarters with size and starters They are making that happen Go get all this nuts, you maniacs! Okay, whatever, place my order for their crazy rack It gets to the table and then I can say I'm unable to label it flavor packed It should make our mouths explode! Like Michael Bay's attached

If it tastes just okay, then you can take it back Chilis used to mean so much more to me, I want my When quality was a priority Baby, baby, the food is dead luck for a reason There's always better eatin' Cake type viral got me thinking winter, winter chicken dinner Modern day Sampler Chili's got that triple dipper Stomach bloated, PAMP's tight so I just undid the zipper

But just being honest, disappointing, next time I will skipper This platter is a mess It is a hodgepodge Southwestern egg rolls National hot bond It's not all great but I suggest suggest a Big Mouth Spice. Everything else was average, tasted just all right. Uh-huh.

And I'm nibbling on a chicken crisper. Microwave food has me wishing that I didn't get it. Michael say, do you want a box for what we didn't finish? That would be rude to waste, but I don't want it. Carp is finished. Ooh, ba-a-a-a-a. Chill is just a means of much more to me. Ooh, ba-a-a-a. I want my baby back, there's always better reason Chili's, Chili's, Chili's I could write an entire album

Every time I go there it is only for nostalgia I don't think I'll go back soon I feel I've got my closure Now that I know what a deal is It's, it's perfectly mediocre Chili's used to mean so much more to me When quality was a priority When quality was a priority The food is ten bucks for a reason

Baby back Okay, Vivi, because I have decided that I will continue. That's good because I was actually feeling really sad that this was all over. I mean, like the journey of like, I'm gonna have to get a new closing theme song. The search doesn't continue. I found the perfect five. That's great. That's beautiful. I feel so honored. But yeah, we need to figure out where am I gonna go next?

Now that we know that we can apply the Chili's Test to restaurants, what's gonna be the first spot? So I'm gonna draw from the You Must Bowl to see what my first stop is on this newly defined leg of the journey. A new chapter. Next week, I will be going to Papa John's. One of the shittiest pizza places, Papa John's.

I don't like Papa John's. Yeah. Also Papa John's himself. Isn't he kind of problematic? We'll learn all about it next week. Vivi, thanks so much for joining me. Thank you for having me. On this, where can people find you on social media? I feel like we're not talking about this enough though.

This is so momentous. We did a rap. Oh yeah, we did. Okay, fine, fine, fine. All right, I am on Instagram at CELAVV. As in CELAVV, but V twice and spelled differently. And spelled my name, not VIE. It's on screen.

It's in the description of the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll see it. Oh, I guess, but if it's the podcast version, then C-E-S-T underscore L-A underscore V-Y V-Y. You got it. And you can follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Blue Sky at Fine Dining Podcast.

But you can also join my Discord server and go have fun conversations. We're a fun little community, and we talk about food, restaurants that we like, episodes, thoughts that we have, guests we like. They trash Vivi all the time. I know, I need to get off that Discord server. You're not on it, and that's why they're trashing you.

Oh, okay. And yeah, it's just a fun place. So go talk with me there. I also have a Patreon, patreon.com slash fine dining podcast. Get the full extended Yelp from Strangers segments as well as an exclusive episode every single month. The search does not continue, but the journey's just starting.

Aw. Fine Dining, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America is no more. Welcome to Fine Dining, the quest to compare all restaurants to Chili's. Ah! We'll see you next week with a look at the history of Papa John's.

In the meantime, Have a Fine Day. look at the history of Papa John's. In the meantime, have a fine day! Our journey did conclude, the mother-evil search concluded After chilis and after too But hey, the show's not over, we just know what our North Star of mediocrity is, alright? The show is not over, just getting started in fact. Follow me on socials, TikTok, Discord, and Instagram. I have a website, mydiningpodcast.com. I hope you'll go there. I hope you'll check out the shop. And don't forget, the shirts look great on your friends and family

Okay We really found it Mediocrity The search concluded We'll use the Chili's test next week! Ahem. Must have been that baby back. Have a fine day!