Fine Dining - Costco Food Court Review feat. Marisa Pinson & Jon Glover (On Brand with Jon & Marisa) [Part Two]

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

Is the new Costco cookie as good as the churro? Michael is once again joined by Marisa Pinson & Jon Glover from On Brand with Jon & Marisa, and they're back at the Costco Food Court "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to our YouTube to watch this episode! Marisa and Jon confess the ways they've gamed Costco's notoriously indiscriminate return policy What Going On Over There with people who come out of Costco with only 1-2 things in their carts? Jon details the upsetting ways he eats his food What we ate: Cold Brew Latte Freeze Cold Brew Mocha Freeze Hot Dog + Soda Combo Ch**se & Pepperoni Pizza Chicken Bake Vanilla Ice Cream & Chocolate Sundae Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie A farewell, as we play the Headline Game for the final time Michael digs up the You-Must Bowl   Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (March's exclusive episode released last week, as Michael went to Dallas to review Septemburger 2024's #2 seed Steak 'n Shake with his Dad), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Sean Spademan, Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Costco stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow On Brand with Jon & Marisa on Instagram @onbrandthepod   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: IHOP [Part One]! I'm joined by actress and content creator Jasper Lewis as go into the history of the International House of Pancake. Ever work at IHOP? Send your stories to [e-mail].

From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive. Hello and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host, Michael Ornelas, and I'm on a journey to find the middle because that's where I find myself often. I'm never first place at things, but I'm rarely last.

So I'm finding a restaurant that is kindred to who I am. This week, I am joined once again by the hosts of On Brand with John and Marissa. Marissa and John. Hello. Hi, I'm John. Marissa Pinzon. La Marissa Pinzon. John Glover. John Glover.

Glover. His ancestors, I believe, made gloves. Is that true? I mean, that's what I've been told. If you have a name like Glover or Shoemaker, then that's probably what you're... I love the occupation-based last names that were an entire... So cute. Yeah.

I would just be like Michael Shit Food Taster. That would be my last name. I don't think that... Fortunately for us living now, that was not a job back then. Podcasting, that is really nice that that's, like, something you could do. There was definitely a shit food taster back then where it's like, hey, this doesn't taste good.

Why don't we have... I guess everyone has their last name now. I was gonna say, why don't kids now have those types of names? I think everyone's last names are already chosen. The Peggy podcaster. Oh, so your grandparents were podcasters? Yeah.

Anyways, this is the show where we go to restaurants and evaluate them based on their atmosphere. Based on their service. Based on their food. Yum. And I use all of that to come up with a number, and I'm looking for 5.00, but look at all of these attempts to get to five zero zero.

And I quite a spectrum. I haven't done it yet. I haven't found five zero zero yet, but I'm very close. Applebee's sitting on the tchotchke of mediocrity at a five point zero two. But let's dive in and see where Costco lands. Our restaurant for this week, the Costco Food Court. Can I interrupt just really quick? You've taken people to Lucille's Barbecue, which I enjoy. I did.

You went to the Melting Pot, very romantic, yummy place, which I'm shocked by, because I think their main thing is- They do meat and chocolate. Okay, and they do like a broth probably, but they're known for melted s***. And I had to sit by as other people ate it. All I'm saying is, it looks like you've done what? 60 shows of places of food that I would enjoy eating

and we go to Costco and I get a chicken bake. I'm just gonna say that. This was your mistake. A $3 chicken bake. This was on you, John. You know what is good to eat at the Costco food court. Okay, take out chicken bake, Costco period, Costco food court.

I'm just saying. It needed to be done. I'm just saying. I think you're saying you want to go on a date with court. I'm just saying. It needed to be done. I'm just saying. I think you're saying you want to go on a date with Michael. Don't make sense. I'm just saying, Michael, I would like to, we would like to be brought. I would like you to open your pockets. Yeah, we'd like to be brought back at some point for another episode where we go to somewhere

where you go inside. It was windy. Not allowed. They saw us show up and they're like, hmm. Fine dining party of three. Anyways, we've been talking too long. Our table is ready. We'll be right back.

Your table is ready. Follow me. Have you tried our chicken breast? Serving pancakes and ribs. I recommend the spaghetti. We're here to satisfy, not to impress. Your table is ready. Complementary butter and bread.

These walls have growth signs. Knick-knack cowboy hat. Good luck at autographed guitar. Some grab from your city. Be hard at work. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome.

You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Your table is ready, complimentary butter and bread. These walls have growth signs. Knit-knack, cowboy hat, good luck hat, autographed guitar, some crap from your city. Behold the tchotchke of mediocrity. Fine dining. Just fine dining, fine dining.

Two letters on the sign are shining. Neon flickering, irregular timing. Identify the perfect fine. The decor here, I mean, it's a Costco. You know what you're getting. The decor is pigeons, it's wind. The big red and blue. Your albos. Side. You're amongst the people going in and out of the store. You're at unwiped down tables.

Everything's dirty. I would say this is a great place to eat alone. Don't you agree? More specifically, this is a great place to eat and not want to be seen. Absolutely. You kind of blend into the specifically, this is a great place to eat and not want to be seen. Absolutely. You kind of blend into the background. And there's so much going on that you can kind of like,

if you're not doing anything bizarre or like pushing a gigantic shopping cart, you kind of like fade into the ambiance. Yeah, yeah. So I think this would be a good place to eat alone. There's also a lot to watch because there's a stream of people exiting the store. So it's basically like like that's your TV.

Yeah. Along those lines. So when I find myself in a situation like I did today, and I've been in Costco and I have eaten there alone before, when I'm looking around and I'm looking at everybody, I feel like it's the same thing as when I'm in jury duty. I'm not in jury duty all that often. But when you find yourself in that situation, you're looking around. And there's so many. Unique, for lack of a better word, but when you find yourself in that situation, you're looking around, and there's so many unique, for lack of a better word,

people around you, and everyone seems just a little bit off. Like, whether they just have weird socks on, they're missing a shoe, they are buying, like, a giant bottle of wine, and, like, a coffin. Like, every... And they're all very confident in these choices that they've made. And they're just doing it. like a giant bottle of wine and like a coffin. And they're all very confident in these choices that they've made. And they're just doing it.

They're just doing it. They're not making, they're not like, look at me. They're just quietly doing what they have to do. You don't shop at Costco if you play small. You go to Costco if you feel really confident in your purchasing decision. I'm gonna want this specific trail mix for the next seven months. I'm gonna want this specific trail mix for the next seven months.

I'm gonna want seven pounds of anything. I mean, it is not for a place where people who are coy are indecisive. No wishy-washy at Costco, yeah. Yeah, I bought two electric toothbrushes at Costco and I'm by myself, but it only came in twos. So it's like I could use one for traveling and I'll just keep one in the bathroom. That's fun. Yeah. What fun, this little Costco tip about you. Well, I'm use one for traveling and I'll just keep one in the bathroom. Mm, that's fun. Yeah.

We'll find this little Costco tip about you. Well, I'm just saying, you're always getting more than you actually need. Yes. This is something interesting I saw when we were sitting down. I saw somebody returning a mattress. And we've talked a little bit on our show about Costco.

The ridiculous return policy. The ridiculous, egregious return policy. I personally have returned a mattress to Costco, an air mattress that I slept on for over a year, couple years. Every night? Every night, when I first moved to LA, I didn't have a bed.

This is something about Marissa. She will put you at, like, she'll make you feel like you're crazy because of the things you do, but then she does the things as well. But then you hear something like this. Then the bombs drop. I slept on an air mattress for a couple of years and eventually air mattresses are intended

for occasional use. So if you're doing 365 on those things, let's just say they wear out. And at the end of its natural life, I did return it to Costco and receive a full refund. Oh, don't shake your head. You're the problem. You're the problem.

John, tell them about the wreath. Okay. So the wreath. Okay. So the wreath. So my friend got me a beautiful succulent wreath, and I loved it. Succulent wreaths are hard to keep alive, so it eventually died. So I ordered a new succulent wreath, and then put the dead one in the box of the new one

and took that back to Costco, and said, I don't, I'm not good with plants, this died very quickly. And I also got a full refund. Mike, why'd you lay back? He's judging us. Mike? I'm feeling very judged right now.

These are the things you do. I left my body for a second. I'm back. Have you ever returned anything to Costco? No. I bought tires there. Okay. And the tire, like a year came up

and I went to like get them inspected and one of them was just lower than it should have been. It was a very legitimate actual issue. It was their suggestion to replace it? Yes. Okay. I have never schemed Costco. So which part of it, can I ask,

which part of it makes you uncomfortable? Cause my husband's the same way. Like if something, I returned like a used bath mat that I, like from Amazon, that I had to bring into Whole Foods in hand to somebody for them to box up. I have no shame in saying like, I'd like to return this. Is it the talking to the person at the counter? The interaction when, like they know.

We both know what we're doing. And it's just like, do you at least have the self-awareness of like, yeah, what I'm doing is not the best, but I'm gonna do it? Or do you, are you justified, do you feel justified in it? You know what I'll sometimes do, and I don't even know if I've said this to you, I'll sometimes like blame my husband. Like if I'm retargeting, I'll say like, my husband bought the wrong one. So like a lie.

Yeah, I'm comfortable lying in that environment. I just love how you're always perched on your perch. But then this stuff comes out. You should try blaming an imaginary husband. I feel like the woman, if it's a woman across the counter, they kind of look at me like, tell me again, sister. They kind of like agree. They're like, my husband is also always buying

the wrong thing. We're bonding over our like, our pretend husbands. If I do that, I'm gonna be very honest, though, and tell them if I were ever to get a husband, I'm sure that he would have wanted me to return this. I'm not gonna lie and say I have a husband. That's even sadder. So what do you do? Do you act like, I know I'm lying. I know I can't...

This is a pretend story. No. He commits to the lie. I commit to the lie. Yeah. Yeah, we commit to the lie. I commit to the lie, yeah. Yeah, we commit to the lie. There was a woman, this went viral on TikTok in the last couple of days, a woman returned a couch that she bought at Costco

two and a half years ago. And they were like, is there anything wrong with it? And she said, no, I just don't like the color anymore. And they took it back. So I'm saying if they have that lenient of a return policy. Can I tell you something? I got this couch from Ashley Furniture five years ago. Oh, Ashley.

And there's a five-year warranty. I could get the, like, sinking seats replaced. I've got, like, six months to do it. Do it. Why wouldn't you do that? It's literally there. And do it to Ashley. Does it feel embarrassing to do that,

to, like, call and cash in on that offer? It's not even... It just feels like a to-do. Mm. But it's worth it. I agree. I sat in this stinky thing. But John will like drive across town. Like that is not a to-do to John to get free couch cushions.

Ashley is just down the street. Not even the couch. I can get the like- The whole base? I can, yeah. Babe, do it. Are you insane? Wow.

Do it. All right. Some, you're either like that or you're not. Sound off below if you're comfortable returning things. That's what we say on podcasts, sound off below. Yeah. There was one thing we saw that was just silly. Part of it was your interpretation of it,

but a guy bringing a very large rolled carpet out and it's just in a cart and he's just like pushing the cart with one hand and balancing it with the other. It looked very silly. It was hard to tell, I didn't realize it was a carpet. It was wrapped so tight that I forget which, who said it, but someone proposed that it might have been a giant foam roller.

Like a six person foam roller. I thought it was a piece of- Which in bulk at Costco, like hey. You never know. You never know. I would love that invention at Costco. Six of you can lay on the floor and kind of just do the weird thing. We were also really surprised by how many.

I never leave Costco with everything that I've anticipated I would buy. It's always like totally bizarre. Like we said, like a massage gun or like something crazy that like I didn't expect to get. The amount of carts that were leaving that were like one eighth full, it would be like one block of Parmesan, a bottle of wine and a chicken. And I'm like, the restraint.

The people who go to Costco and have nothing in the cart, it's insane to me, but it also makes me wonder a question, John and Marissa. It makes me ask, what's going on over there? Okay, John yeah, I was gonna say what's going on over there uh I Am one of those people though. Like I am a single man. I live alone in a very small apartment. If I go to Costco, I'm guaranteed getting a rotisserie chicken

and then maybe one or two other things that I see while I'm on my way to and from the chicken, which is the whole point of the chicken. Why get the cart? Carry it. You don't need a foot. Have you gotten the chicken? It's scalding hot. Have you held? Okay, the chicken is carry it. You don't need a foot. Have you gotten the chicken? It's scalding hot.

Have you held? Okay, the chicken is very hot. Get a bag. The bag doesn't- Oh wait, they give you like, the crappy like boxes, right? No, the boxes you can get, yes, but- They have the like, the rim is like.

Yeah, you can get like a weird, like an old Rice Krispie box, and stick your chicken in there and hold it under your arm like a football Or a cart makes it easier carts are nice I think the cart serves a purpose almost as like a snowplow because it's so crowded in there that I think you're trying to Elbow your way through it makes your space you can you're walking with a little bit more authority and direction To have the cart in front of you. Yeah, you could get killed if you don't have a cart. That's true. It's armor

It's actual Costco lot. Yeah, you read the back of your don't have a cart. That's true. It's armor. It's actual Costco law. If you read the back of your card, you're just like, use these carts. They are your lifeline. Being a snail outside of its shell, like, you're just vulnerable. You're just like a little bag of flesh in that big store full of carts. Yeah, it is a scary place to be without a cart.

Yeah. I think we figured it out. I think that is, in fact... That's what's going on over there. What's going on over there? What's going on over there? What is going on over there? Yeah, so this wasn't... Look, I've been to Mastro's. I've been to very, very nice restaurants.

Oh, we know all the nice places. We can see every nice place you've been, and here we are talking about Costco, where you've had four people for $22. Trust me, you could have been on those low tier episodes too. Yeah, you don't wanna be okay. You're doing okay. Cinnabon, I love Cinnabon.

Yeah, but it's not a good restaurant, it's a good little treat. All I know is I'd rather have half a Cinnabon than a whole chicken bake. Nobody made you get the chicken bake, John. Babe, I had to get it. That was all you. I had to try it.

Oh my God. You did not. I always wanted to know. Oh my God. You did not. I always wanted to know. You did not. You did this to yourself. So when we're comparing the atmosphere, the vibe outside of Costco, you're sitting at a picnic table basically,

how does this compare? The nicest restaurant you've ever been to is a two thumbs up atmosphere, the worst is two thumbs down. You could go right in the middle if you want. I love the proximity to Costco. I think the location is great. You know, it's kind of intuitive too.

Go figure, there's a Costco right there. It's very convenient to Costco, which if that was any other, if there was like a Starbucks right next to Costco, I'd be like, oh, I love that Starbucks. It's right next to Costco. So that's a point for it. I love that Costco.

It's right next to Costco. Exactly. So what are you giving it? So to me it's like. You have to do two. Yeah, we'll do it as a meter. Also, this is an audio medium as well. Oh yeah.

All I know is there's a camera on me, baby. So what are you giving it? Yeah, define that. We'll call that no thumbs, but with leaning up a little. Leaning up, yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is my worst that no thumbs, but with leaning up a little. Leaning up, yeah. This is my worst. My worst would be like fluorescent lighting, super cramped.

You know what I mean? Like stinky, loud. The table next to you, you get every sneeze. Exactly. This to me is like, it's open. You're dining al fresco, which to me you're already in Paris, right? Yeah, yeah.

You're closer to Paris than not. Yeah, you're comparing what we just did to eating at a cafe in Paris. It's closer to Paris than not. Yeah, you're comparing what we just did to eating at a cafe in Paris. It's closer to Paris than a lot of places. You're outside Le Pigeon. I'm giving it two thumbs down. Was that pigeon? That was pigeon.

I'm guessing, I've never been to France. Oh, would you get it? I give it two thumbs down. And I don't mind eating at Costco, but you're having me compare. But it's not good. You're having me compare it to the nicest restaurants in the world.

It's like you're sitting at- And the worst restaurant in the world. It's like you're sitting on... And the worst restaurant in the world. But I know, but what's worse? I mean, there are worse things, but two thumbs down in and of itself is a spectrum. So I mean, what am I going to do? Oh, fine. I'll give it on a skit. On like a one through 10.

Audio medium. No, I know, but I'm trying to think of... You got two thumbs, shape them how you want. I've got two thumbs. Yeah, I'll give it a 1.5. Like a partly amputated thumb down. I'll give it a 1.1. Wow, I'm so shocked by your harsh judgment. Here's the thing.

I had no problem with it, but like, this isn't, if I had to describe a nice meal and I'm describing the environment it's not this. So somebody had a wedding there you can't say that about a pond express. A lot of people make mistakes. Yeah a sad cheap couple had one wedding there. So I'm gonna go one thumb down like I'm not mad about it I don't hate it I have no malice towards it but it's just it's not a good atmosphere

Oh, that's how we do the rating. All right. I'm gonna do one thumb down one thumb. I'm sucking one thumb. Okay, you got it You looked at me and you're like, oh I just looked you in the eye. I don't that's how you should do ratings That's my least favorite way for someone to give a thumb. How many sets do you give your thumb? I'm gonna give it three sets. Oh, God. Does that fit with the dozen hot dogs

that you also fit in there? Suck a chicken bake. Okay. Skinned chicken bake. I can get a whole chicken bake in my mouth. We're not gonna do the rest of the episode. Yikes. We're done.

Service. So y'all can't really talk in this segment. You didn't experience the service at all? I can talk on this account because I saw the service. The service was now a kiosk where you have to go in there and you have to plug in what you want. Even though 10 feet away from you, there's people that are getting paid to work at this place that for a thousand years or or since 1971, have taken your order.

And now I have to go up there and touch a dirty screen and figure out, scroll through menus and figure out what I want. I'm sorry, I don't think a dirty screen bothers you when you're peeling the skin off of a chicken. That's a really good point. That is not a good point. Let's not pretend dignity factors into this. This is not, this is not though like point. Let's not pretend dignity factors into this.

This is not, though, like a crazy big menu. I also, we talked about this a little bit during the meal. In my soul, I hate self-checkout. I hate a kiosk. I'm there to be a patron, not an employee. I don't want to work here. I want to be served. I do agree.

But I think for this, it is, I think they meant it to make it go faster. So it's like you swipe your card now, you have to have it be a Costco member to eat there, which you swipe your card, you poke a button. It's pretty fast. Oh, can we talk about that? Yeah.

We bummed off of you hardcore. I was fully prepared to show up and not ask you guys if one of you had a Costco card. Oh my God. What if no one did? What if we didn't? I would have gone in and got a membership and that would have been a part of the experience of you had a Costco card. What if no one did? I would have gone in and got a membership and that would have been a part of the experience

that we had to talk about and it would have lowered the experience. And it's like, but I've never met them. I don't want to commit that hard to put them through that. But you had one, which via email was confirmed. A big Costco shopper. And I would honestly recommend if you have the space for 48 rolls of toilet paper,

I think everybody should have a Costco card. I don't need one, I just get the chicken. And for people like me, for all the single people out there that don't have room for 48 rolls of toilet paper, my little hack, which you may already know, if you wanna go to Costco, have your friend that has a membership there

buy you a gift card. You're allowed to use the gift card inside a Costco without a membership and they can't deny you buying anything. So get a hundred dollar gift card, you'll get 50 chickens or whatever that turns out to be. Math is not our strong suit. And go about your day. That's my fun hack.

Honestly, I think you're doing it okay. Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah. So I did interact a little bit, and I mean a minuscule amount. I walk up to the window, there is a thing advertising the new cookie and it's like 750 calories for one cookie. That's insane.

For one cookie. That's insane. That's a lot. And there's the guy behind the counter, and at this point he just looks at a receipt and dishes stuff at you. He had a fine attitude, I had no problem with the guy. Did he say anything to you?

Did he say like, hey? The only words he said is, I owe you a hot dog. Because he put a bunch of stuff out, but not the hot dog yet. Were you like, mm-kay? Yeah, it's like, that's what I would have said. Is there a number on the back of the receipt? And that was it. You know, he was pleasant, whatever.

But I had one more interaction because one of the dishes ordered at our table of four, there were only three of us, but you know, I have friends, guys, so you know, other people come to these meals, was the vanilla sundae with the chocolate sauce only three of us, but you know, I have friends guys. So, you know, other people, other people come to these meals. Was the vanilla sundae with the chocolate sauce and all that.

And I wanted to try it. Spoons were nowhere to be found. They were not left out. So I had to go to that side window to get a spoon. Yes. And I said, spoon please. And the guy turns around to another girl that's like all the way across, a crotch?

Uh-oh. A crotch for me? All the way across the chicken and just goes... What's happening? I think we've been... I think I'm having a stroke. We need to web this program for a stroke. I think I'm having a stroke.

We've been talking about chickens a lot. Speaking of strokes. All the way across the chicken. All the way across the chicken, yeah. All the way across the chicken. All the way across the chicken. Take a breath, Mike, take a breath. You're turning red.

Oh, we're getting excited. You had too much vanilla ice cream. Take it to Yelp. I'm like a four-year-old. You should have soaked up that grease on your pizza. But he turns to this coworker and just goes, spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Take it easy. I can't do it with the right energy. They were somehow not aggressive. Okay. But it was like, just like how a kitchen can be. It felt like NASCAR, like, you know, pit crew kind of stuff. Like, it felt so efficient and I liked the hustle.

And she didn't miss a beat, she was just like. It also says something too about a place that they can't keep like the spoons out because they know people are gonna like take the spoons or take the straws. And they're losing money on the hot dogs already. They're losing money if you're already going in there and you're grabbing like a fistful of 80 spoons.

And so that does kind of like create a tone, like when you have to like go to a counter and say like, can I have a lemon wedge? I get like a fast food place. It does feel like I don't know Maybe you're in a high risk dining situation if you leave your table high risk dining If you leave your table unattended somebody might take your chicken bake Oh like a like you're at risk of busing you're at risk of maybe somebody's gonna try to snag your food

I do think since in the last couple years california has passed a lot of laws where you have to ask for napkins and straws and utensils. So it could be that. I don't know. This feels to me like they don't they don't trust the Costco crowd with unsupervised cutlery. And like the condiment squeeze things. They had no containers for them. You have to go with the food and get just the amount you want on the food. Because you know there's going to be somebody strolling up there with an empty Gatorade bottle and filling it up with ketchup. Well, that seems like... That is the worst sentence on this set of episodes so far.

You know there's gonna be. It's a lot less waste. I'm not opposed to that. I usually just squeeze it into my hand and then dip my hot dog into my hand. I would not be surprised. I do believe you. It's efficient.

You see how he eats. There's no surprises. You guys act like you eat so well. I'll tell you what I don't do is what you did. Anyways, I liked the urgency to getting me that spoon. I'm going to go one thumb up on the service. I can't believe I'm going a thumb up and not zero thumbs because kiosk is so limited in our actions. But for'm going a thumb up and not zero thumbs because kiosk

is so limited in our actions. But for me, one thumb up on service. The wait time was not too long either. Yeah. It did seem to move kind of fast. Yeah, it wasn't bad. I'll say one thumb up for service because I think the kiosk is only meant for efficiency.

And some of those previous reviews stated that maybe it took way too long in the line. So I think the kiosk is just to keep things moving and get people their chicken bags faster. Yeah. I'm going one thumb neutral to bring you guys down a little bit. Two thumbs up is insane.

Wait, did you say two thumbs up? No, she went up and you went up. Yeah, so we just went one thumb. Yeah. You mean two collective thumbs out of six is insane? I'm confused by the whole thumb thing. Yeah, so we just want one thumb. Yeah, you mean two collective thumbs out of six is insane. I I'm confused by the whole thumb thing Use

I give it Look at me. I contact I look this way for the rest of the podcast. That's smart See what just zero I'm going neutral because I hate the thing but it's smart. So you went just zero thumbs? I'm going neutral because I hate the thing, but it's fine if that's what it needs to be. That sounds fair. I just feel like we keep seeing glimpses of the future and I don't like it.

I don't like the red. RoboNation. I know, we don't like RoboNation. I don't mind having my pizza made by a robot, but all these other things might. Are you sure you weren't around when there was cocaine and Coca-Cola? He's an old fashioned gal. You're really running from advancements. All these other things might. Are you sure you weren't around when there was cocaine and Coca-Cola? He's an old fashioned gal. You're really running from advancements.

Too much. Too much. Food. Yum. Yummy. Food, let's talk about the shitty food. Yeah, I feel like you just took my line and I'm cool with it.

Yeah, you know what? Let's go drinks first. Cause you all got drinks. I got the hot dog and soda combo and used that to get water with no ice. Like, room temp. Very anti-climactic beverage choice. Did they not have cherry Pepsi, your favorite?

They did not have cherry Pepsi. And it's not my favorite. It is my favorite way to have Pepsi. What are the other sodas? So you picked water over Pepsi, Diapepsi. Starry, brisk, light lemonade, raspberry brisk. I don't even think there was a lemonade. There was, I saw.

What are you calling me, a liar? Yeah, there was, I saw. I think he's just sad now he didn't get the lemonade. Let's establish a truth and not, you know, yes anding is an important tenet of all creative arts. I understand the rules of improv. Room temperature water. How was the room temperature water?

I'm not going to score water. Some water's better than others. Yeah, why didn't you get any sort of drink? I'm watching calories. I'm on Weight Watchers, and I only have an amount of things that I'm willing to eat. You used a lot of points on that, Grease. I really did. But Grease was really...

I really did. How's that cooking? Even only having a fifth of that on that grease. I really did. That grease was really... I really did. Even only having like a fifth of that cookie is probably like 64 points. I probably had half of the cookie. Once we had decided it was trash, I then continued to pick. I'm glad, I'm glad.

I had the Mocha, what was it called? It was like an iced Mocha. It's their version of kind of like a Frappuccino. I think it comes out of the frosty drink dispenser with the handle that you pull. I think it's like one of those, like a Margarita handle that you pull. I think it's like one of those, like a Margarita Machine kind of style. Yeah, like a frozen mocha chocolate thing.

It said it was made with cold brew, and I think the only difference between mine and yours, John, is that my inside of my cup was drizzled with Hershey syrup. I found it to be very fun, and I do... It's not my everyday drink to get a Frappuccino or a really sugary coffee, but if I'm partying... listen, I don't really party.

So my version of partying is getting a mocha frappe. It's the cold brew mocha freeze. The cold brew mocha freeze. I really like that. And if there's another day where I'm feeling particularly saucy, maybe I wanna be in a real spicy mood. Jesus Christ.

I might go for it again. And you had the latte freeze. Okay. Latte freeze, yeah, yours had no chocolate. Christ. I might go for it again. And you had the latte freeze. Okay. Latte freeze, yeah, yours had no chocolate. You're just really ramping it up. I had the... Did you give a score? Like I know your energy level was a 10 out of 10.

My energy level was a 10 out of 10. Is it the best drink I've ever had in my life? Perfect drink, root beer float? No. But it might be the drink that gave you the most forehead veins. I can't find a bet. I was definitely hulking out by the end of it.

Yeah. I would call it 7.1. 7.1 out of 10. 7.1 out of 10. All right. What was mine called again? Cold Brew Latte Freeze or something. I had the Cold Brew Latte Freeze,

which was like a sad version of a Frappuccino, like you said. I won't go into detail. It was- How sad? It's just, it feels- Go into detail, that's the point of this podcast. I feel like, you know, what are you gonna say about it?

It's just a little bit sad. It's like, you know, a Frappuccino is great. It's what it started, you know, the frozen coffee drinks, I think. And this is like the old Navy version of that. It's like, okay. It tasted like cargo shorts, kind of. It's cold, yeah. It's like the cargo shorts of a Frappuccino.

I will give it a 6.2. Wait, do I give it distance points? Would you ever get it again if you went to Costco at the food court and you wanted coffee? Sure, if I'm there, I'll grab it. I mean, it's cheap too. You're not going that many away. Yeah, it's like a six is more than half.

So I'll give it a six. Yeah. All right. Foods now. Oh, fuck. Oh, boy. So let's look. Holy shit.

The hot dog is like the thing here. So I'm going to raw dog first. Raw dog, bad hot dog. I thought it tasted better than it cost. Oh, that's a really poetic way of putting that. That is a weird use of words. And it's a low bar to clear. Yeah.

It's a low bar to clear. It's 75 cents. So you're saying it tasted better than 75 cents. Well, you're assuming that the weighting of the hot dog and the soda are equal. I do. Interesting. I just divide them in half.

A soda's like 30 cents to make. OK, so it's a dollar. A dollar dog. A dollar dog. Did you finish it? You didn't finish it. No, I it's a dollar. A dollar dog. A dollar dog. Did you finish it? You didn't finish it. No, I ate half of it. He left the nub, which he offered to you.

I offered you my nub. You offered me your tip. Yeah. Which was nice. No one's done that in a long time. So I appreciated that. You're welcome. It's just nice to be offered.

Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to be propositioned in front of a Costco. Yeah. Yeah. It tasted not distinct from like a Dodger dog or like... But a Dodger dog would be like $18. Right, so the value of it.

You have to look at Costco through the lens of the cost. Right, which price is almost a thing I never factor into my scores, just because taste is taste. Sure. But here it kinda, you know, it's like, oh, you did this with $1.50. Yeah. So, look, it's not, no one's, well, that's not true.

I was gonna say, no one's raving about it. That's false. That's definitely false. But six and a half out of 10, I think is a generous spot to land on this. It's fine. It's even good, but it's not really good. How good could a standard hot dog be?

This isn't like a Polish sausage. Where does a hot dog cap out? Like a pink standard, or can we put fun stuff on it? Well, they offer what, ketchup, mustard, and sauerkraut? Well, I'm talking about, you go to a dog house and you get the cowboy that has the bacon wrapped and the crispy onion strings. That's a high-ranking dog for me.

This is like a- You'd be limited to the same toppings you could get at Comstock. Bare-bones dog. Yeah, it probably caps it maybe a seven and a half. If it's like delicious meat. I feel like my eyes just rolled back in my head. You were in ecstasy thinking about that delicious meat. Oh my God, that's one of my least favorite things

about people that review food, especially on TikTok. They do that like orgasm, eye roll thing. Immediate swipe. Imagine if you took a bite out of a Costco hot dog and you were like, oh my God, that's good. I have to go in and buy new pants. That was not the experience with the Costco hot dog. It was not my experience and I don't gather

that it was anyone in the vicinity's experience. It gets the job done. But if he counts it seven something and he got this a six something, it's up there. It's close to heaven. Yeah. That's...

My pizza was, I got a slice of the *** pizza. If you've had Costco pizza, you know that it's as much *** as dough. Pound and a half of *** they use on each pie. It feels like a pound and a half of on like per slice. It is like, and you love extra. You always you frequently order extra because I peel the off and I don't eat most of the crust. It's a very, very generously. Is that common with you just peeling stuff off?

Yeah. And eating. He has a lot of food. He like peels apart and then rolls up like a little cigar and then eats. You eat like a vulture. It's true. You just kind of pick the bits you're interested in and you leave the rest behind. The carcass.

I don't know why. I just always have. I definitely think that slice of ****, it's, you're risking a belly ache, but if you like it, the price, it's hard to see the pizza separate from the price because that's like part of the appeal. That's why you're not getting Costco pizza

because it's the best pizza in town, but it's like if you have a sleepover with a bunch of kids that you need to feed or a baseball team or something. Here, 10 bucks. 10 bucks, you can't beat that. So I'm gonna give that pizza, seven even. Seven.

Okay. And I had also a slice of pizza, but with pepperoni. And also with just a fucking boatload of grease. I've eaten plenty of Costco pizza. I've never seen a slice that had as much grease as that. It had an au jus. Uh-huh. It looked like ladle upon. And you know what? I'm gonna go on record

and say that the amount of grease on top of my pizza was in fact way too much. This is Way Too Much. Whoa. It was like swimming in it. Mike, calm down. I'm giving out the award. I've never seen you like this before.

Don't stop me, John. Michael. We even gave him an opportunity. I had napkins and we said, do you want a blot? Dammit. He's like, no, I have to live the truth of this pizza. No, Jasper, who was there as well, my friend. You wanted to eat that grease.

I was like, how should I eat? Because she's filming it for social media. And she was like, do one without the grease and then blot it. And then I ate it with the grease. I was like, first of all, I let it drip. I didn't- I hope you got a picture of your plate. I didn't go full just pool to mouth. I let it drip out, and then I took a bite,

and then, all right, so the way that I eat food, and I do this with burgers, I do this with sandwiches, once I have assembled something into the shape that it fits in my hand well, and I have a good grip on it, and I feel like nothing's gonna slip out or drop. I don't wanna set it down. So to break apart, I had the full two. I love that you guys make fun of how I eat

and you're sitting there like, all right, man. We all have idiosyncrasies. All right, my hand is locked in, bro. You're locked in. It is. Go on. Look, there's- We're all freaks. There's wear and tear on the structural integrity of a thing that you pick down, put

up, pick down, put up. I do agree with you on sandwiches. Sandwiches, sometimes it is like, this is going to be hard. Yeah. I guess a burger's a sandwich. Well, that is a sandwich. But yeah, it's like, I do get that. And look, if I did like flat piece of pizza to mount, but I do the fold.

I do like the New York style fold. So I am configuring it to my liking. If you let it fold out, then like half the pepperoni is gonna slide to one side and, you know, the ratios are off. So I didn't wanna set it back down to blot it. So I kind of just dealt with the fact that I'm gonna live probably about 10 months less

because I had this. Worth it. Worth it. But objectively, it was way too much. Wow. Way too much! It was tasty pizza. I'm not mad at it. I'm going to go seven and a half.

Wow. I think you like the grease. I do too. I do too. I know what that's like, Mike, when you're like, oh, god, it was too much. And then you're like, hee, there's so much. Secretly excited.

Oh, that's way too much frosting. But I'm like, oh my god. I'm so bad. I'm secretly excited. I feel that too. Oh, that's way too much frosting. But I'm like, oh my god. I'm so bad. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. OK, well, I'm glad that you both had nice, simple things that you could review. Because I got the nasty chicken bake

that I don't know why I picked it. I'm sure this has a cult following on its own. A lot of people. Picket is a great word for you. I did pick it. I came in. And picked. And here. And picked. And picked.

And picked. Oh. I had seen pictures of the chicken bake for the last 10, 20 years. Never really knew exactly what it was. I know a lot of people like it. This seemed like my opportunity to try it. I got it.

It was disgusting. I don't like, there's a lot of things that I don't like hot. I don't like hot lettuce. I don't like a lot of hot vegetables when they get hot. I don't like ketchup when it gets hot. I don't like, there's a lot of things that I don't like hot. I don't like hot lettuce. I don't like a lot of hot vegetables when they get hot. I don't like ketchup when it gets hot. I don't like mayonnaise. This is filled with Caesar dressing, which I-

That's been cooked. Yeah, I don't like that to be hot. But that's not even something that ever is hot. I know, it shouldn't ever be hot. Why are they inventing a hot salad dressing? So I did not eat most of it. The one redemption of it was that it had been baked with like, on the outside, which I picked that off

and I ate the... It was like if you took the texture of a cheese it and put it around a hot pocket. It looks kind of rolled in, rolled in shredded cheddar and then baked. What's that cheese I saw? Asiago. Asiago bagel, like how that gets on top

and just peeling that off of that. And that's what I had. That's my lunch. You literally ate the skin of this bake. You took like a, what, one bite? One bite. My very first bite was almost all gristle, which immediately is like, I'm done. Like how I get that that's easy for that to happen, but that was gross, so that already put me off, so I ate the skin of it.

There's probably pictures on social media. You can see it, it looked disgusting. And I give it a nine. I give it a nine. You do not. You do not. We don't lie here. I'll give it a three.

Yeah. That even feels generous. And much like how you rated somebody else's Yelp review, I'm gonna give the experience of watching you eat this a two. Same, also a two. People do not like to watch me eat. I didn't like watching you eat this for certain. Yeah, it's been my whole life.

I can tell you one of the first most disgusting things I ate was Ritz crackers when I was a kid. I would eat like six of them. They're disgusting are the way you eat them. Oh, you'll see. I will not. You won't see, but I would eat like six of them. They're disgusting are the way you eat them. Oh, you'll see. I will not. You won't see, but I would eat like six Ritz crackers and I would chew them up until they got kind of doughy,

spit them out, roll them up into a ball and then eat that ball like an apple. Where are the bodies buried? I don't know what's wrong with me. But I'm willing to share it all on the podcast. This feels like therapy. We're really tapping into your child's head here. You don't know what you got yourself into.

So there was the vanilla ice cream sundae with chocolate. I didn't have it. The soft serve with chocolate sauce. Did you taste any of it? No, I didn't. I was jacked up on my mocha freeze, which really counted as a dessert and more than a beverage. Jasper took a bite and was like, that's Cool Whip.

It really had like a Cool Whip taste to it. It was interesting. That doesn't seem bad. I love Cool Whip. No, I enjoyed it. I dug it. I gave it a six and a half out of 10. It's, you know, not mad about it.

I'd have it again. Yeah. But it's also not like a must have. It's not like the thing that, you know, when you look at a menu and it has the restaurant, like star, their favorites, it's not gonna have that. Maybe on like the hottest day of the year. If you're already at Costco, it's like, you know, it would be fun.

Oh, we should get some like soft serve. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it was just all right. But let's talk about the cookie. The cookie, this double chocolate chunk cookie that replaced the churro that everyone's very upset about. I was looking forward to the cookie. I had seen it going viral on TikTok. The pictures, when I saw it on TikTok, it looked much larger and not as thick. This seemed more kind of like a mall cookie. Like it was not as huge as I was thinking,

considering it's 750 calories. Yeah. But it was thick. It had a lot of chocolate in it. Too much chocolate. I'd rather have a thinner, less chocolate cookie, I think. It was too rich for me. I had very little of it, but sure. I could see why people would like it. I like rich chocolate.

I would need a lot of water and milk with it. And it was melty. You tried it too, right? Yeah, I thought it was fantastic. Yeah. I could see why people would. It was just too much for me. I think it was like the best version.

It was malt cookie in like style and thickness, and like, but the best version of it. It was warm, the chocolate was melty. Yeah, yeah. It seemed like really good quality ingredients. They're like all butter. So it's the two different kinds of chocolate. I liked everything that it was prioritizing

that it was going for. I think it was a super solid cookie. And the price was really good. If that had been an oatmeal cookie or like a white chocolate macadamia in that cookie, I'd probably be as on board with you. I'm just not a big chocolate boy. See, I thought that I came in with an ax to grind

because I was looking forward to the churro. I was looking for, as soon as we decided that we were gonna do Costco together, I was like, I'm gonna have that churro. Didn't come to pass. So I was ready to just pounce down this cookie's throat and it overcame that. Nine out of 10.

Wow. Oh, I didn't rate it. down this cookie's throat and it overcame that. Nine out of 10. Wow. Whoa. Oh, I didn't rate it. My gold. My gold. Oh my god. My gold. What?

I'm gonna give the cookie. I just wanted to chant this whole episode. I'm gonna give it an eight out of 10. I'm gonna give it a one. Hey. No, I'll give it a seven. It's a good cookie. There's so many bait and switches.

I know. You're tight, you're like stressing us out. No, It's a good cookie. How many bait and switches? I know You're tight. You're like Stressing us out. No, it's a good cookie people on their toes. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that's all the food Liked the offerings at Costco. Like if I'm giving a thumb rating to the food, I'm gonna go one thumb up Yeah, I'm going thumbs up. I'll go thumb up also just one one? One thumb, yeah. I think one thumb is, yes, one thumb. One thumb's enough for Costco. I agree. I don't wanna give him two because I serve one of them.

Put it in. My thumbs will start eating each other. That was a callback. Oh, God. That coffee's hitting me. Uh-huh. Sweating. All right, well.

Mike's like, um. Get it together, John. Sorry, Mike. Mike, I'm sorry. I've been single a long time. All right, well, that'll do it for the food I'm sorry, Mike. Sorry, Mike. Mike, I'm sorry. I've been single a long time. All right, well, that'll do it for the food from Costco, from Price Costco, as it was once called upon the time.

So we're going to ball it all up, put it into consideration, and come back with a score after we give our final rating. Final rating. All right. Uh, we got to put it all together into one score, average it out so that Costco can go up on the tchotchke of mediocrity. Oh wow, everyone's gonna be so jealous that someone got to go to Costco. Just ask him out on a date. You're really bothered.

What did you score Costco? You know, taking everything into consideration, taking how delicious I know the pizza is, to the cookie being good but not for me, to the disgusting chicken bake that I ate. I think it really kind of like, if it was that price and right game, where it kind of the scale goes like this, and it's like this, it's like right in the middle.

So I'm gonna give it a 5.14. Are those the big balls that that one guy had? Okay. They were so big. I've been with two men that had giant balls. But that's for another episode, or maybe on our podcast. Stick around for the Patreon episode. Yeah, exactly. The OnlyFans feature.

That's behind the paywall, certainly. Yeah, yeah. Behind the payball. Okay. Behind the payball. John. John. No!

Don't give me a sympathy chant! What's your score? As I mentioned, I find the ambiance eating outside to be quite pleasant. As I said, it find the ambiance eating outside to be quite pleasant. As I said, it's as close to Paris as you can get in LA. I love the proximity to Costco. I find that very convenient for running an errand. The price is, you cannot beat this price in 2024.

These are prices from like 1971. The food is super solid, mostly good quality with the exception of the chicken bake. I really love that pizza and the cookie. Now I feel like I'm going to have to get that when I go and the mocha freeze too. If I feel like I think it might need to go on the rotation, it was just like so solid. So all that taken into consideration, this location stunning landscaping. I forgot about that.

6.89. I think that is an insane score, but you're entitled to your opinion. Whoa. You think it's insanely high? Yeah. For Costco? Oh my God.

But this is what you do, we don't know. You're not calibrated. You're not calibrated. I stand by, I get it, I'm looking at the board. I get it. This is complex stuff. No, are you kidding? I think this's definitely like...

Do you guys not value Dining El Fresco as much as I do? You gave... Are those the scores? You gave Shakey's a 3.12. Shakey's is not good. You're trash. I need to leave. Yeah. Well, stick around just a few more minutes.

What's your score? Okay. So... This experience did not really move the needle for me. And I mean that in almost the most poetic, beautiful of ways to my mission statement. Wow. This Costco to me, watching shoppers go by, whatever, don't notice them. Eating food that's like, yeah, it's all right, whatever don't notice them eating food. That's like yeah, it's alright, but don't notice them No, it's pizza. It's a hot dog. It's ice cream like I've had all these things. It's a cookie. It's basic bitch menu Wow, it is tell me I'm not wrong now go on you've never looked sexier than

Service You've never looked sexier than you do right now. When I saw the Rubik's Cube. Service, was it there? I don't know. Just bad, good, I don't know. When they give you nothing, I think right in the middle. Costco, food court, 5.0. Oh! One. Oh, wow.

I think this is one of the most mediocre places I have been. One of the most mediocre dining experiences I have had. Applebee's, I gave a perfect 5.002, but my co-host gave it a 5.04 and it averaged out to 5.02. So in your mind, this is dead center, basically. I would prefer to go here than Applebee's. Wow.

By one one hundredth of a point. Well, it's easier and cheaper. This is dead center basically. I would prefer to go here than Applebee's By point by one one hundredth of a point. Well, it's easier and cheaper So I'm you and I are more in line than you and her. Yeah, we're very wild basically dating You're really trying to make something happen. You wish Yeah, which is why I think that your 6.89 is high. I'm shocked. You're too high. You know what? First of all, if you say-

Sound off in the comments below. If you say it's the closest thing to Paris one more time, have you ever eaten on any other patio in LA? Every single other patio is closer to Paris than what we did. Is there any shopping experience that's less Parisian than walking into a Costco and leaving with an air fryer and 200 pounds of dog food? It's the least European approach to grocery shopping.

It's consumerism plus. Yeah. I love it. He's got a sticker thing. Yeah, no, so when we put all of our scores together, it averages out and puts Costco Wholesale Food Court up on the tchotchke of mediocrity at a 5.68. I am personally very proud that I raised that average. the Chachki of Mediocrity at a 5.68. Wow. I am personally very proud that I raised that average.

It would have been almost the most mediocre thing if you hadn't messed it up. I stand by it. Costco, objectively better than mediocre. ["Better Than Mediocre"] Well, I am mediocre. It's better than an Applebee's. Wow. Wow. Wow.

But what this means is that we did not find the most mediocre restaurant in America. We need to keep looking, which means to determine that. Where am I going to go next? Who gets to pick? We have to play a game. Oh. We're going to play a little game. The Headline Game! The rules of the Headline Game are as follows.

Michael will present three headlines to his co-hosts that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If the co-host can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, they will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Michael stumps them, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, you two? I'm ready.

I didn't expect it in unison, but I love that. I am ready as well. Florida insurance agent fired after Costco coronavirus mask confrontation. I think in Florida. In Florida, everything's true. That is true. True, in Florida, everything's true, true.

Florida hates people. Now I will remind y'all, you are playing against each other. Oh, I thought we were a team. You do not have to agree. You do not have remind you all, you are playing against each other. Oh, I thought we were a team. You do not have to agree. You do not have to agree. I do think it's true.

If you both feel free. I think that's true. I think that's true. Second headline, video released of two men fighting over Costco parking space in Danville. Okay, well, John, you definitely fought over a parking space. Yeah. But you know what?

It feels weird that it would be released. Like, that feel like it would just, video goes viral of two men parking. I'm gonna say because of the wording, unless this happened in 1980, that it's false. I'm gonna say true. You're gonna say true? Yes, because John fights in parking lots.

All right. Third and final headline, Paying It Forward in Bulk, Illinois lottery winner by 67 Costco members groceries. Is that a generous people? About 67 people Costco memberships? Uh, bought their groceries. Like their carts. Is there a lottery winner?

Wow. That's a gosh. That's a lot of dough. That's a lot of casheola. You don't have any chicken bake shoot to make with that, Joe. Wow. That's a gosh. That's a lot of dough. That's a lot of casheola. You have a chicken bake shoot to make with that stuff. Illinois lottery winner. Yeah, sure. That's, yeah. Yeah. Did you say true?

Yeah. You know, I say false, but that's just because if I won the lottery, I'm in real Paris, not Costco, Paris. All right. Going back to the first one. Everything rides on this moment. Florida insurance agent fired after Costco coronavirus mask confrontation. You both said true. That one is true.

Yes! The Florida man was literally yelling, I feel threatened. Oh, wow. And saying that he feels claustrophobic inside of masks. Okay, give that battle tracks, yeah. Of course he did, Florida. Yeah. No offense to all of our Florida listeners. We support you. threatened and saying that he feels claustrophobic inside of mass. OK, give that battle tracks. Florida. Yeah.

No offense to all of our Florida listeners. We support you. We love Florida. Whatever you want to be. Video released of two men fighting over Costco parking space in Danville. You said true. You said false. Yes. That one is true. Yes. Marissa, you get a point. Who releases video? Why are you backing away from the mic to wonder that? That one is true You get a point

Why are you backing away from the mic to wonder that who releases footage in this day and age? Yeah, release it I'm gonna read this one the Contra Costa County district attorney's office released surveillance video of two men fighting over a Costco parking spot They go Danville They released the video just one day after they decided against filing any charges in connection to the parking lot fight Saying that its investigation determined both men were the aggressors Blackburn said he was attacked because the man thought Blackburn was taking too long to unload his Costco shocking bags while eating his hot dog Oh boy, that will slow you down and it is an intense parking lot

I think that is hilarious to just you're putting your groceries away and eating a hot dog. Well, what else is he supposed to do? Eat the hot dog while he drives? No, sit and eat the hot dog. They have seating spaces. We ate there, you've been there. Dining al fresco. You could eat that in two bites.

That's true. If you try. One bite for you. You don't have a gag reflex. And then lastly, paying it forward in bulk, Illinois lottery winner buys 67 Costco members groceries. You said false. You said true. It's false.

I made that one up. Oh! Marisa Pinson. Woo! You got three out of three. John, you got one out of three. Which means you win the headline game. You get to determine where I go next.

Wow, what an honor. Where would you like me to go? Let's see, have you been to the cheesecake factory? I have been to the cheesecake factory already. Have you been to Fudd Rockers? I have been to Fudd Rockers already. Have you been to Red Robin? I have been to, I've done a lot of places already.

Have you been to Hooters? I have done two Hooter Bowls. Oh my God, well. No wonder we went to Costco, you've been everywhere already. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. Any other? Olive Garden? Olive Garden?

I've done, not only have I done Olive Garden, I made a seven song original musical about Olive Garden? Olive Garden? Not only have I done Olive Garden, I made a seven-song original musical about Olive Garden. Okay, so let's just say that you've covered that territory. Can I take the pic back from you? You know what? I think that's a good idea. Because I've done too many places. The headline game is just... You guys don't see it at home, but the amount of pics that I've already done that I have to edit out and put into the episode. That's fair.

It's insane. So I went and I dug up the You Must Bowl. You Must Bowl from season one where I used to have to pull punishments out of to enact for places that weren't mediocre enough. But we're gonna repurpose it. And so I'm gonna just pick a spot out of the You Must Bowl. Perfect.

And that'll be where I go next week. IHOP. I've heard of that before. Great. Well, next week, I'm gonna go to IHOP and see if that's the most mediocre restaurant in America. But Costco food court was not. Thank you guys. You were definitely more than mediocre guests. I appreciate y'all spending time with me, getting to know me a little bit. I'm in love with you too. I know. Thank you. If you need anybody to accompany you to an Ashley Furniture to get some new sectional pieces,

John is your guy. Great. If you wanna have an Emmy winner on your arm at any time for any event, just let me know. I can bring it. And if I need to go to Costco again? Yes, I'm there. Hell yeah.

I'm gonna get something better than the chicken bake though. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Awesome, well check out the On Brand podcast. You can listen. What day of the week do you all? New episodes come out every Wednesday. We discuss a brand and we have all of our clips from our shows on our Instagram at On Brand the Pod.

And there's a lot. There's several podcasts that are called On Brand. We are On Brand with John and Marissa. Yeah. And you'll see the tops of our heads and you'll know you're in for a good time. Have I accidentally said Melissa at any point during this episode? No, you haven't. You've been perfect. Like, when you said Marissa just now,

I had, like, one of those, like, out of body. Like, did I mess it up at one point? I am so bad at correcting people, though, how to say or spell my name, that, like, I'm sure there's people who've been calling me Melissa for years. And I'm just like, that's okay. That's who I am. I'll be Melissa.

It doesn't make any waves. Awesome. Well, thanks so much for coming on. And thank you for watching or listening, however you consume this. I am on YouTube now. So go to the Fine Dining Podcast YouTube. Check me out on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. Send me an email. Fine Dining Podcast at gmail.com and bitch at me about whatever you want or give me a compliment.

I like compliments. Same. Oh, you do. Beautiful eyes. Thank do? You have beautiful eyes. Thank you. And... Very cool jacket. Thank you. Really? I accept... Yeah.

No, it is. That took away from the eyes. It is. I told you right when I met you. That completely undid it. Well, we didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search does in fact continue.

Thanks for joining me. Have a fine day. The search continues. does in fact continue. Thanks for joining me. Have a fine day! Our journey did not conclude The mother-eating surge continues Raddus and I had to's review And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh? Come on! Follow us on TikTok, the same on Instagram. All the socials at Find Dining Podcast.

We have a website, finddiningpodcast.com. Buy our t-shirts, then put them on And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next Okay! We're going to find it Mediocrity The search continues See you next week!