Fine Dining - Drunk Boomers, Affairs, and Break-Ups at Island’s Fine Burgers & Drinks

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

Michael & Garrett review Island’s Fine Burgers & Drinks Michael goes off-the-menu with a discontinued burger order The boys enter a lottery for a free bike JUB has yet another business ploy 10 empty mugs of beer on an older couple’s table raise more questions than they answer The boys gush about THE BEST FRIES IN THE GAME 5 year-old Joaquin reviews the kids menu in this week’s Munchkin Menu Musings TWO listener-submitted stories about break-ups and infidelity involving Island's   Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send us your Island’s Fine Burgers & Drinks stories at [e-mail].   Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a 5-star review on iTunes. We read every one!   Next time on Fine Dining: Denny’s! If you have ever worked for Denny’s and have a story to share, or if you’d like us to hear your child’s review of the Denny’s kids menu, send it to [e-mail].

Hello and welcome to the Fine Dining Podcast, where we are in search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host, Garrett's Work. I'm your host, Michael Ornelas. And we today have Island's Brain. I'm sorry. Yeah, we went to Island's Fine Burgers and Drinks yesterday. It was Garrett's pick, and we are reeling from just a heavy meal.

This is the soonest after we've eaten that we've recorded an episode, and we are just both in physical disarray. I'm almost done with an entire French press of coffee. Like, I'm dead. And I had to be horizontal for the first hour that I was in the studio. So, yeah, you add all that up together, and we have. Good time. Yeah.

To punish our bodies. Yeah, and we wanted to see how this would come across. Garrett, why did you pick Island's? I was in the mood for something just a little bit different. Yeah. It's like we did typical of classic American, Italian beat-ups, which is kind of bar food. Yeah. And then this is like, OK, just a tropical theme.

I almost went Margaritaville instead. So we did Island's, which is, as of now, a California local chain. But they have, I think, 10, 9 or 10 restaurants. More than that. There's a decent number. Yeah. A lot of them closing lately. We'll get to that later.

I'm actually a big fan of Island's. I go there with an amount of regularity where my other friends who aren't all about casual dining are like, you really like Island's, don't you? And I'm just like, yeah, I guess it's good. I have never taken someone to Island's and they've had a bad time. Yeah. I actually noticed during the pandemic they changed their fry recipe, which we'll get into later when we talk about the food and break it down.

But their fries were something that I was all about. And then I got a takeout order during the pandemic and the recipe had changed. And I was not a happy man. I was a fussy little boy and I actually ruled that I was going to boycott. Did you write them a letter and complain? No, that's not how I approach life. I'm not a Ken. But you're a boomer.

I'm not a boomer. Okay. Do you prefer text messaging or calling? I prefer calling. Do you text first to ask if you can call? No. I don't answer. I'm like, okay with it.

I don't demand their time right away. And if they don't answer, I'm upset. It's just kind of a more direct way to have a discussion quickly. But how does the recipient of your call know that's your intent? At this point, I call people enough that they know what they're getting when I call. So I've established a precedent. As a boomer. No.

I disagree. But yeah, I don't write letters to restaurants that change their fry recipes. I just go there less. But it seems like their recipe is back because their fries last night were on point. They were incredible. More than fine. So this is your first time listening to us a little bit about ourselves. Garrett and I are two Midwestern born kids who are now men in Los Angeles, I guess.

Yeah, we've grown up, I guess. We live in a city that is kind of bougie in its food scene. It's a little bit higher class. Everyone just hates on these wonderful chain restaurants that we grew up eating. So kind of in a tongue-in-cheek way, we are searching for the most mediocre food experience that we can get. We're looking for that 5.00. The second we get that pure 5.00 out of 10, we are closing this podcast down.

Or not. I don't know. Maybe we'll add a third zero that we need to hit because we just enjoy each other's company and getting fat together. Speaking of which, not to make things too serious, but I will say this podcast has been a bit of a struggle for me, dietarily speaking, because I have been on a bit of a weight loss journey this year. Dude, what is it, like 50 plus pounds this year?

About 50 pounds I've lost since January is currently July when we're recording this. Yeah, and I'm looking to go for another 20 pounds, but this factoring in these restaurants into my diet every week is a challenge, but I'm determined to do it. So anyone listening who's kind of finding themselves in a similar struggle, feel free to email us and I can give you some tips on what I'm doing. Also, a big shout out to Weight Watchers. It works. It's been working for me.

I'm able to eat what I want. Portion control has kind of become the driving force of how I'm able to eat what I want. Last night was a bit of a challenge for me, though, because I finished my burger. I ate like 90% of my fries and your appetizer. You had a lot of that. My appetizer was very heavy. So yeah, in the interest of honesty, I want to bring up the fact that I am a person who struggles with weight doing a food podcast where we're going to places that have words

like explosion in their appetizer titles. So they're appetitles. It's an adventure. But it's fun. It's worthwhile. And so far it hasn't erased any of my progress, but I'm working hard the other days of the week to make that the case. That's enough about us for now, but let's go ahead and dive into the episode.

I think our table is ready. Hey everyone, before we dive in, we just want to give a thank you to everyone who has listened to the podcast so far, downloaded our episode, subscribed, but most importantly left us reviews. They keep us going. We actually got on to the iTunes charts in our first week. We want to keep climbing, though. We were 139 in the arts category.

Let's get that higher. I wanted to read out one of my favorite reviews. And if this happens to be your review, go ahead and email us, findiningpodcastatgmail.com, and we will send you a complimentary fine dining t-shirt. We will be doing this every week or so. Go ahead and get those reviews in, and if it's read on the podcast and you can prove that it's you, email us and you'll get some merch. So this one is from Jin3456.

Best mediocre restaurant reviews. Michael and Garrett aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and give you their unique perspective and ratings on dining topics like atmosphere, service, and food at their favorite mediocre restaurant pics. They are quite witty, a bit wacky, and definitely entertaining. The headline game at the end of each episode gives the listener some quirky restaurant fun facts or does it. These reviewing the kids menus are quite amusing.

The story about the table turning incident in the Buffalo Wildlings podcast was just hilarious. Keep it up, boys. Looking forward to finding out what restaurant makes the list for the next mediocre restaurant review. I vote for Olive Garden. Thanks again, Jin3456. Go ahead and send us an email, findiningpodcastatgmail.com, claim your free fine dining shirt, and stay

tuned. Olive Garden is very much on the docket very soon. Thank you. First Impressions So I feel like our first impressions of the place are going to be very different from one another because mine involved sitting in my car dressed as a pro wrestler. And mine involved potentially ruining our service experience. Which you would think that I would be the one worried about that, and like in a way

I was, but I was honestly very self-conscious of the fact that last week's consequence for picking a place that wasn't mediocre enough resulted in me having to dress like a wrestler. And then since we recorded the previous episode and then immediately went to go eat, I had limited prep time. So I had kick pads, knee pads, I had MMA shorts, which still is what a wrestler would wear. Look at Kevin Owens. He wears shorts, not trunks or tights.

Beal men wear tights. Come on. And then I had a workout hoodie, like a light, light hoodie that said part unicorn on it and I cut the sleeves off of that, spiked my hair up, put gel in my beard to get a nice volume to it, voluminous, as some might say. Thank you. It was a very good, almost Martin Van Buren-esque beard. And then to cap it all off, I had an old 1998 WWF, not WWE, championship replica belt.

That's a classic. And I walked into the door and I kind of held my belt over my head and seemingly challenged you to a title match as you threw down your notebook. But the whole time, everything that was running through my head was, I shaved my arms for this and all of my shirts are going to stick to my shoulders now for the next week as the stubble grows back. I'll make sure to slap you on the arms a few times. I mean, it doesn't hurt yet.

It's just in. Well, that's true. It's been less than a day. Yeah. Now, like there's nothing as uncomfortable as stubble rubbing against pieces of clothing. Yeah. But so this experience for me was very, it was a big blur because I was just like, oh God, don't get kicked out.

But if they don't serve us, I mean, they almost didn't. Yeah. So what was what was your first impression of the place as the one who actually walked in first? So I walked in with another couple behind. I walked up to the hostesses. They asked if I'd like to be seated. I said, I've got one more coming.

So the people behind me went ahead. Completely normal. Yeah. Everyone's happy at this point. So I step over to the side, find you. I was careful not to be in anyone's way because I'm not a dick. I take out my camera, start framing a shot of my entrance, of the entrance, which you can see if you look on our social media.

That's right. We're on Instagram at Find Dining Podcast. We're on TikTok at Find Dining Podcast, and you can email us whatever you want. Find Dining Podcast at gmail.com. We might regret that, but I don't know, maybe we won't. I take out my camera, start framing a shot. The hostess groups demeanor immediately changed the second I did that. It was half hostility, half, I don't get paid enough for this.

Yeah. It's as if they're used to social media. Like TikTok idiots. Yeah. Coming in, dumping jugs of milk, or God knows what they do. Yeah, we weren't that disruptive. We were just visually distracting for about 30 seconds. And I guess they had no idea that we wouldn't be disruptive.

That's true. To be fair. When they actually took us to our seat, you could tell that they were trying to hide us. Yeah. And it took, okay, it took a few full minutes of just us standing there, and they just looked at us. Yeah. Until you finally asked for a seat.

I walk in, hold up my championship belt, and then break character to go like, table for two, please. And then they walk us to the back as though they were trying to hide us. And they're in the corner. We can't see anything there. There's no other people. There's nothing going on. And I have had enough experiences at these restaurants where if I'm seated away from

people, I get ignored. The server just doesn't go out of their way to check the one person sitting on their own nearly as much. They go to the clusters of people, which makes sense. That's not like a thing that, you know, I heavily fault them for. It makes sense. Yeah. Somehow Michael dressed in full wrestling attire.

I'm the extra one now, and I ask a waitress if we can have a different table so we can better people watch. Yeah. It would have been really weird if you dressed as a wrestler, asked to people watch. Just like, hey, brother, this table ain't working for me. Would you mind if we just sit over there real quick? I can see more people over there, brother. Yeah, yeah.

And then just reach into my fanny pack and pull out some pain pills. And razor blades. We get our new table, better situation. And I think I think this is a good time as any to kind of revisit with our listeners what we're going to be rating this restaurant on. We're kind of already getting into it, but the atmosphere, the service and the food. Just for your listening pleasure, here's a dulcet voice introducing the atmosphere segment.

Atmosphere, it's very like Tiki Hawaiian, sort of more Hawaiian than anything. It's a cohesive, strong Hawaiian. Yeah. And it's got like surfboards on the wall. There's Tiki masks. There's lots of blues mixed into wood. Yeah. Honestly, this vibe is my shit.

Like I love the vibe of this place. I love the decor, the color scheme, and there was no identity crisis at all. You were at a tropical themed restaurant and you knew it. There were like, I don't even know what material I would say they're made out of like kind of like a hard plastic, maybe, but the the parrots. Oh, yeah. Just like maybe a plastic plaster resin or something like a decorative large parrot. There's planters hanging down from the ceiling to kind of recreate like a lush canopy.

Pictures of actually, I think it's the beach between Santa Monica and Venice. That's super Hawaiian. It's really Hawaiian. Yeah. They don't have a Hawaiian location anymore. But I really like that. They even had those ceiling fans that you would find in Hawaii where they're almost like they're still wood, but they kind of fan out at like each blade fans out as though

it's like a palm, like from a tree. And it's pretty neat. It's very it's very thematic. It was perfect to like exposed wooden ceiling beams bamboo. The bar area while sporty had chalk like handwritten chalk signs and stuff like that. So I I'm a big fan of this atmosphere. Now what they had, which we went on a Friday night, there was a Dodger game on. So all the TVs had a Dodger game on.

But as a person who frequents islands, fine burgers and drinks, what I missed last night that they normally have are like extreme sports, usually surfing. But they have like GoPro footage of like of surfers catching huge waves. They were finally starting to play that when we left. And sometimes it's like skateboarding and stuff like that. It's it's unique. I genuinely like it as part of their atmosphere. And I'm kind of sad that we didn't get that as part of last night's atmosphere.

But overall, I genuinely enjoyed it. Now there's. The people watching. We actually finally had some success with that. So when we asked to be moved so that we could people watch, which is such a. Wild thing to tell another human being like, hey, we just want to stare at other people. Is there another table we can get to do that? We noticed we got lucky.

We were seated right next to this wonderful, wonderful boomer couple. They were seated on the same side of the booth, which at first made us assume that there were two other people that maybe went to the restroom, especially because there were 10 empty drinks on their alcoholic drinks, 10 empty, empty. And I'm just like, what's going on over there? What's going on over there? Should I wear it? Should I?

What is going on over there? So, Michael, what's going on over there? What is going on over there is a lack of bus boys. The table has not been bused in a while, because that couple was there for about an hour and there were 10 empty drinks, nine empty drinks, something like that. Actually, 10 empty drinks, two full, unconsumed waters. Yes. So we could tell what they liked.

And I think that the bus staff was out of there because the restaurant was like, oh, shit, the Dodger game is almost over. We're out of extreme sports to play. Here's a GoPro. Go out into the garage and capture some Oli's. And they're just like nervously running around the parking garage like, oh, God, I'm not really even that good at skateboarding. The pandemic, it just ended.

The restaurant can't afford to licensing rights to this stuff. They're not sponsored. They lost their sponsorship with a Red Bull. So they're like, OK, Ken, are you able to to grind this rail? And he's like, not really. He's like, well, learn. And they just chuck him a skateboard, a helmet and a GoPro. And come to think of it, we saw a disoriented man when we were entering.

Yeah, yeah, like a buff. Yeah, dude was jacked, but he looked completely lost. He was walking around the parking garage, each level looking around. I think it was his he was putting on an act so people wouldn't know that he was going to like grind on their bumper. Yeah, I think little Tony Hawk in the park. Buff Tony, Buff Tony Hawk, BTH walking around. Yeah, I think he didn't really want to give away

the fact that he was going to skateboard. Either that or it could have been a different extreme sport. He could be a World's Strongest Man competitor. Oh, shit. Yeah. Like throwing kegs over that. Like, yeah, do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen the World's Strongest Man? Were they chuck kegs over the like high jump bar type deal?

Same thing. They lift the big Atlas Stones. Yeah, yeah. Those competitions are absolutely ridiculous. And if the bus staff at islands all looked like that, I would feel like I was in safe hands. Well, like we saw two different men, both of them jacked in the parking lot. Just walking around when we arrived and when we left. Two different jacked buff bussers.

Jacked buff bussers. Jacked buff bussers. TM. Yeah, I think that's what was going on over there. So jumping back into atmosphere, what is there anything else you noticed? There was a pink bicycle attached to the ceiling. OK, so I feel like I might be blind because after the meal, our server, you know, brought our check and in it, it had raffle. Forms to fill out when you put your name and your contact info.

And it was for a beach cruiser for a bike. And he pointed it out and he pointed it out and I still could not see it. To be fair, it took about a full minute of him pointing it out for me to even see where he was going. All I saw was above the bar. There was a chalk sign that said this beach cruiser could be yours. And above that was the beach cruiser. Oh, it was above that sign. Yes.

That's like in the rafters. Yeah, no, it's. Oh, that's crazy. I don't know how they got it up there. They had a buff bus. A buff, a jacked buff busser. Jacked buff busser. Yeah, dean bikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense.

Just stands up on the bar one hand. It just kind of chunks it up there. Yeah, it's got a huge must handlebar mustache, like one of those old timey round barbell lifting strongman. If any of you are artists, go ahead and draw the jacked buff busser looking like an old timey strongman. With googly eyes, please. With googly eyes.

All pictures must have googly eyes. A fixing a bike to the ceiling. This is what we want to see. Or if you can Photoshop it, any of those things, we are here for it. Send it to findiningpodcast at gmail.com. We want to see it. And now a word from our totally not made up sponsor. Hi again, it's your main man job and I'm back with a brand new business

because turns out I really can't detect ghosts. I thought I could, but what I can really detect is ghosting. And that makes me mad. When someone sends you a text, you should respond. And if you don't respond, I'm going to get real angry. But when I'm angry, I ride my beach cruiser through the Everglades. That's right. You get attacked by a little crocodile and all of a sudden you feed it a bike

and it lets go of your leg. But I paid good money for that bike. So jump dives into the swamp and I punch an alligator in the dick. Ba, ba, ba, ba. Oh, don't hurt me, Mr. Job. Well, that's what you get alligator. So I'm going to wrestle the bike parts out of the alligator, put it back together and turns out it rides real wobbly.

You legally can't sell them because they're not street legal. Hell, they're not even legal. I repainted them with lead. You can't do that in 2022, but you can give them away. So if you're a restaurant and you want to do a special giveaway to make your customers feel appreciated, call Job. I got a lot of bike parts, a little basket, a Chihuahua skeleton. Boom, we recycled.

Job, green and environmentally friendly. OK, call me again. I'm not going to get a phone. You can't make me do it. I think the NSA is spying on me through the fillings in my teeth. I'm not going to give them another avenue. OK, bye. So I think they spent all of their time putting that bike up

and they don't clean their bathrooms. The floors were gross. Oh, gosh, I didn't go into the bathroom. I did. Honestly, one of my biggest pet peeves is when I walk up to a urinal and the floor is wet. Yeah, I like that stick it makes when you when you with every step that you take. Oh, yeah, no, exactly. Like, you know, you walk into a you walk into a bathroom at Dodger Stadium. It's that exact stick that.

Yeah, that is so gross. Yeah. Well, did they have like? Did they have bathroom signs that were like themed? Yeah, they were like in Hawaiian, the Hawaiian words for man and woman. Yeah, I'm not going to try and butcher it. Yeah, I know how they're spelled, but I'm not going to try and butcher it. I think it's kind and like Wahine or Wahine or something. I don't know.

Say that I guess I did try and butcher it. Do it again. I want to see this. Wahine. I'm the Asian one as you're doing a hula dance. Take off your shirt. I'm doing a hula dance. Take off your shirt. No, the my my sleeves are going to stick to the stuff. So they had themed bathroom signs, which I think is always a plus.

I know that was pretty cool. They're fun. Yeah, the whole place, I would say, like the decor. It goes all in on itself, which I don't think is a bad thing. No, it's it's very consistent. But it's that is always a thing that's never classy. It's always corny when when you have a theme that you go all in on. And I I live for corny. I'm happy with corny, but it does push it down towards mediocrity.

And so that's where we get into rating the atmosphere because. It's weird. I could give this place two thumbs up for the atmosphere. I could do that. I could. You could. And it would be a genuine reflection of how I feel in this place. I enjoy the decorations. I enjoy the vibe.

But. This rating, it's against all restaurants. And when you're thinking of like high end. That's what you feel like should get two thumbs up. OK, but that's not the case. I'm giving this two thumbs up. Now, me on the other hand, I can't say I was in love with the atmosphere. I respected that it was consistent and they didn't pull an outback and confuse themselves. Sure. It was a good, comfortable place to have a meal.

And I think I spoiled myself by eating at the Honolulu location, which was both bigger, better decorated. And the food was a little better. You know, there was something you you were thrilled with. You're discounting boomers gone wild in the corner. Nine drinks in ready to bone for sure. So don't act like that wasn't your favorite part of this experience. That was 100 percent my favorite part of the experience.

So thanks to boomers gone wild ready to get it on. I'm going to give this one thumb up instead of zero thumbs up for a neutral experience. Warning, this video contains explicit material not suitable for adult children of even older adults. Think you've seen it all before. Think again, because now there's boomers gone wild. We're taking you to dozens of the country's top resorts to get these horny retirees to bear at all.

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You'll get two all new videos, raw, real and uncut for only 999 and be the first to preview the latest boomers gone wild videos. Satisfaction guaranteed. Cancel any time. Put on your over one ear Bluetooth headset and call now. Service. Uh, I hated this guy. Why'd you hate the guy?

I had no problem with him. He didn't leave too much of an impression. Let me tell you why I hated this guy. I hated him because I was getting alpha versus alpha vibes from him. He felt threatened by my championship belt. And he was very tall and very handsome. And I felt insecure. Just every time he came by, I was just like, you think you're better than me.

And I know that he wasn't projecting that energy, but I was picking up on that energy and I wanted to take him into the ring and I wanted to kick his ass and I wanted to pin his shoulders to the mat one, two, three. And then I wanted to check on how he was doing and make sure he was OK because when you're as dominant as I am, you're all about the aftercare. Actually, we missed an opportunity. Remember earlier that I think he was the manager. He came up and complimented you compliment me on my championship belt.

I think that would have been a challenge opportunity. I've been like, you want to fight me for it? Yes. Like our server probably would have kicked your ass. No, I am scrappy. I can take hits and I will get back up. I don't know if that's true. I've never been punched in the face, but I like to. I used to like when I was a kid, my brother, who's older than me by five years

and way taller and lengthier and had like a huge reach advantage. He would just always like put me in like submission holds. And I genuinely am still to this day haunted by like how sharp his forearms would be when you would put me in a cradle. It would like hurt my neck. And then last Christmas, like as a as men in our thirties. And we started wrestling and I completely dominated him, despite the fact that he is six foot three now

and still has a giant reach advantage. But I know how leverage works. You're also taking kickboxing classes. That's true. But I did it all via like submissions and wrestling and kind of takedowns and stuff like that. I know just picture you going in for like a double leg, picking him up, slamming him down.

I actually kind of like jumped onto the side of him and like put him in like a like a cobra clutch sort of deal from the side. And then wrapped my feet around him so that all my weight was on him and he had no choice but to get to the ground. And then I kind of transitioned into a mount. Nice. Yeah. That would have been a perfect opportunity to get him on the ground. You got your hooks and flatten them out.

Put him to sleep. Yeah, his kids were watching and I don't think they wanted to see Uncle Michael murder their dad. So I. Didn't. They just you let your brother live. I let my brother live. Anyways, so our waiter yesterday and the manager.

Consider yourselves lucky. You were spared. Yeah, all things considered. I actually didn't dislike our service. I thought he was definitely more charismatic than our server at Old Spaghetti Factory. Sure, I thought he was kind of attentive. He had an enthusiasm, but he wasn't as present as I would like a father figure to be. Or a server or a server.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like he went out to hang out with the bus boys and shoot extreme footage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little too often. Yeah, yeah. He looked like he had the body for it, though. He did. He was super buff. Yeah. Which as we've established is what you need to be a good skateboarder.

Yes, because you skateboard with your arms. Yes. Overall, the service didn't really register as a huge positive or negative for me. Do you think you have a rating for it? I feel about the same way. He started off amazing. My first thought was like, OK, do we have a new Keith? But then he stopped being attentive.

Yeah, that that's what killed it for me. It's it was like the shiny new toy lost its lust and someone else came and sat down. He he took too long to get us food. He took too long to get us drink refills. He's not he's not a closer. No, but I'll say this was, I'm guessing, one hundred percent. 100 percent my fault for asking to move tables into his section where he was probably already overwhelmed by the amount of so we just had.

So we were the jerks that made his life worse. Yeah. So overall, I'll be fair and I'll just go no thumbs on service. Same here. It's no thumbs. I'd give less, but it was our own fault. No thumbs. And now for a listener submitted story that took place in an island. And if you have a story to tell from one of our announced restaurant picks,

which you'll find out at the end of the episode, go ahead and record it and send it over to fine dining podcast at gmail.com. If we like it, we'll reach out to you. Hey, guys, I just wanted to share a story I have about islands. So when I was 16, one of my very first boyfriends took me to islands for Valentine's Day. And over the, you know, the previous few days, I knew I wanted to break up with him, but I felt really bad

at the idea of breaking up with him so close to Valentine's Day. And I was really trying and forcing myself to try to like him romantically, but I just wasn't feeling it, even though he was a really good guy. So we sat through this dinner. He gave me this single red rose for Valentine's Day. I felt terrible. It felt like the saddest episode of The Bachelor that you've ever seen. And to make matters worse, when we were at islands,

a couple of friends of ours saw us there and came up to us and told us how happy they were that we were a couple and gave us hugs. And that just made everything so much harder. So we sat through our meal, have our burgers, all of that. And the next day, I just couldn't wait any longer. I had to break up with him. I just felt so bad. So I waited until he got off work.

And I told him I just wanted to be friends and that, you know, I really care about him, but I just wasn't feeling it on a romantic level. And he said, why didn't you just break up with me at islands? So now every time I go into islands, I think about my pre-breakup meal. And yeah, that's it. Thank you. Thank you for that breakup story. We actually have one more listener submitted story. And in this one, the names have been changed

because it's a little it's a little spicy. Hey, guys, I wanted to call in because I think I have the perfect story for the podcast. It it always sticks in my mind because I love islands and I associate islands with this story now. So cut to the chase. I was in kind of like a gaming group once. I think we had like 30 people or something.

It was really fun, anyways. And I had a friend, let's call him and he was a leader and he would, you know, schedule stuff and, you know, hey, guys, let's meet here, blah, blah, blah. And we all knew that he'd been hanging out with another member of the group pretty intimately, who I will describe as, I don't know. But anyways, we went to dinner at islands

and has four kids, all part of our group. Also, she had a husband that was in our group as well. He was great. He was awesome to hang out with. So anyways, we're at the booth. We're at islands having a great time and her youngest, a 22 month old, refers to as daddy. You know, if we weren't paying attention, we probably wouldn't have even heard it.

But jumped on it like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's he's not. They were very, you know, they tried to diffuse the situation as quick as they could, which then got our attention like, hey, there, that was strange. They had referred to as daddy. It was because we were spending so much time together. So we all knew something was going on.

You know, it kind of just got confirmed for us. Yes. In fact, there had been a going on and that, that daddy was just, you know, kind of like a Freudian slip from this poor child. And then I got a call from basically just crying on the phone and I was like, okay, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are the kids okay? You know, and she was like, oh my God, called it off.

You know, I'm sitting here thinking, okay, she's calling me to say, hey, you know, I made a terrible mistake. But in fact, she was more mourning the fact that, you know, this has just ended and she's sad. And then she moved away about three months later. It was very juicy and I will always associate islands with that, with that event now.

Food. Yum. What'd you think about the food? Food. It's the best. Food. This is why we came. This is why we came to islands. I mean, that's why we go to any restaurant. Yeah, but kind of specifically islands.

Like we've both had pretty positive food experiences in the past. I've gone in both directions with it because of my fry boycott that I had for a while. And my favorite burger, they got rid of. It's not on the menu anymore. Thankfully though, they have to build your own. They actually have it in their like iPad

that they fill out when you're ordering or whatever it is. So it's a hidden menu item. So you have to know about the Mavericks burger to get it. And it's covered in what they call Island Reds, which are kind of like red onion strings, crispy, covered in barbecue sauce. You know, nice juicy patty. It's got a couple other things.

I added bacon, some lettuce, onion, et cetera, et cetera. It was very good. The bottom bun of mine was kind of cold, which is a weird part of the burger to be cold. So you had a cold bottom. I had a cold bottom, Gary. But it comes with their fries, which this was the first time I've discovered

it seems like they've gone back to their old recipe. They are wispy and crispy. They're lightweight. You can, the potato really shines through, but also, and this sounds like such a disgusting thing to be excited by, but they were the right amount of greasy. Like the fries that they switched to for a while felt like they were cooked in an air fryer,

where I just didn't have that grease. I get it. It's like it had kind of like that in and out fry feel. A little bit, yeah. Like those things need more grease. And so it just all popped. And then they have this fry salt. I don't know all what's in it.

I know that there's salt and pepper in it, but they've got a couple seasonings in it. And I just douse my fries in that. And it's like an addiction. I am a junkie for Island's fries. And last night was a return to form for them. Yeah, you consumed almost all of your fries. Yeah.

But you just stopped short, what, for your pride? I stopped short because I knew there was dessert coming. OK. But before we get into dessert, we should probably back it up to the start of the meal. Ah, yes, our appetizers. Yeah. Now, I got the spinach and artichoke dip,

which honestly, it felt like there was an entire stick of butter. Right, just plopped right in the middle of the stick. In a good way. In a good way. OK. It, as you know, I just praised the grease, so I can't really be like. We're not fans of cheese.

Yeah, we're not fans of cheese. But luckily, the spinach and artichoke dip also came with a little cup of salsa, which I enjoyed. And even if you would have tried it, it wasn't that cheesy. I think the butter overpowered the cheesiness of it. So I could stomach it. It was a good buttery, savory. Yeah, the salsa was as white people as you can get.

There was no kick to it whatsoever. It was fine. I don't think it was even fine that salsa is the thing your nursing home grandmother has to eat. I will eat chips and salsa just to have something to do with my hands while I'm, you know, while there's food on the table. But yeah, it was definitely empty calories in situations like that. Just like, give me an extra bottle of tapatillo or something.

Yeah. And then I got tempura green beans that had a spicy soy mayo and a pineapple chili. Ooh, that pineapple chili was good. Pineapple chili was really good. The mayo was fine. The green beans were heavy. Those were some thick boys. I have never had vegetables that felt as unhealthy as this did.

Just like deep fried in batter green beans. They were also just fine. Yeah, I didn't eat a ton of them because they were so heavy. I think I was only able to stomach maybe like five or six. I had a few just I'm used to. They gave us a ton. Yeah. We have an award to give out. Yes, this is way too much.

This is. What was way too much about islands? So this is way too much. Award is what we give out to the thing about our experience at the restaurant of the week that we felt was just a little bit extra. The the quantity to me for islands, the quantity of the tempura green beans, the tempura green beans were endless.

And like you'll hear like bottomless fries or endless this and less that. No, the amount that they gave us, one human could not consider. No, and over days, the next day, I heated up the leftovers, could not consume them. They're so heavy. They're they're not bad. They're not great, but they're not bad. It's not like a negative to have too much of this.

But I just genuinely don't understand this portion. It was way too much. It was insanity. This is. But the burger did really well. The fries did amazingly. What was your burger? I got the Kilauea burger, which is also has the island reds,

island reds, pepper jack cheese, which I unfortunately forgot to have removed. Let's see. It was a spicy aioli. And I think it was coated in black peppercorns, something like that. Look, we're a Cajun spice. Is it good? Oh, amazing. Yeah, one of the best Kilauea burgers I've ever had, like from islands from islands. Yeah, gotcha. So it was one of the better dining experience.

It's like how when I went to Outback, my burger was like top notch. Exactly. This was the burger itself. This was their best for you. See, yeah, the island reds stayed intact on the burger. When I bit, I could bite cleanly through and they didn't like string off of my burger. The funniest thing about that topping, the island reds. This is the only place where I know you're going to disagree with this as an insult, but it is the only place where I will leave my dignity behind.

And as they fall off of my burger, I will then take forkfuls of the stuff that was on the burger and make sure that I eat every last bite. It is that good of like of a topping. I can't hate on that because last night I actually removed all of the island reds by hand so I could take the cheese off the patty. Yeah. Well, can we say we're two boys who don't like cheese, which puts us in the crosshairs of many angry people, at least in my experience. People hate that I don't like cheese and I'm just like,

it just means you get more cheese. If the world has a finite amount of cheese or ever runs into a situation where there is one, you don't have to fight me over cheese. You can just have it. Exactly. It's like, I don't my experience has been exactly that, but it's positive because I don't take the cheese. Everyone else gets better food in their minds. I think you're just framing it better than I am to them.

Like people always come at me with a very hostile energy when I mentioned this fact because, yeah, you don't make it about you. You make it about giving to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life lessons with Eric's work. Exactly. And then we got a dessert. It was a big, big slice of nothing. Yeah, it was almost I was expecting it looked somewhat like a cheesecake. Yes, it was just coffee flavored ice cream.

It was called the Kona pie. And. Like on a ten point scale, I'm going four point five. Oh, man. So for those who are unfamiliar for us, a five is perfectly mediocre. So I know that that score sounds way lower than you would expect, but you're biased by like school where you need like a 70 to be a passing grade. Not the case for us.

Anything over five means it was technically good. And anything under five, I would say was bad. This is very close to being perfectly mediocre. But the texture of it was like too many things. It had coconut, which is always kind of a divisive thing. I love coconut. How dare you? No, in terms of the texture, though, I like I know people who will absolutely be turned off of a dessert because of the texture of coconut, not even the taste.

I like the taste of coconut, the texture. It needs to be done right for me to, you know, it needs to be blended into whatever it's in in such a way that instead of just being a flaky big topping. And so I don't know. I thought that this is so like I'm I'm not huge on coffee, but as far as being in desserts, I'm starting to appreciate it a little bit more weeks in a row. But I would say that the taste of this entire dessert was just mild.

Yeah. Oh, like you expect something super sweet when you get dessert and it just didn't register on my taste buds. Same here. It was like mild coffee. There were some chocolate like chocolate chips and shavings inside, which were hard. Yeah. So number one already, I don't eat nuts or any type of bits in my ice cream. I textually cannot handle that much in my mouth. Texturally, textural, texturally.

Good word. Texturally. Yeah. Yes. I actually really like like walnuts and stuff like that inside of things. With that, the hard part was the bottom crust. How did you get your fork through that? I couldn't do it with effort. Yeah. Yeah. They had a very like. Was it was it was that where the coffee was? No, I think it was like like a chopped up Oreo cookie.

Oh, OK. But it was way too compact. Very dense. Yeah. Yeah. So they had a very crumbly crust for this pie. And it tasted great. I'd say the crust was the best tasting part of it. But but even then, I felt like it was mild compared to the taste symphony. That is the Mavericks burger, plus their amazing fries. I don't think that this dessert, it brought the place down.

Yeah, no, definitely did to me. This was a poor man's thunder and lightning down under. Well, I would even disagree with that. This was this was basically Outback's butter cake, where it's like that component of it that really underwhelmed, but as an entire dessert, because the the thunder and lightning from down under or whatever they call it, or the thunder down under was great. Thunder from down under is that's just the brownie.

Yeah, you add the butter cake and it's just like this doesn't need to be here. This felt like that experience isolated. Yes. So where are you leaning on your rating? This was one of my best burgers I've ever had at islands. OK. The fries again, like you said, were perfectly crisp, flavorful, juicy. They held the ketchup well. The salt was pristine.

Appetizers were OK. This pie really sunk my rating. I would have given this a two thumbs up. That burger was that good. Yeah. One thumb up because of the pie. I think that the appetizers and the dessert would have been one thumb down for me. OK, I think the burgers and fries would have gotten two thumbs up for me.

So, yeah, I guess that sounds like it averages out to one thumb. I would say bordering on no thumbs, but I'll give it one thumb. So one thumb up for me, one thumb up from you. That's the food. Munchkin menu musings. My name is Joaquin and I'm five. I'm going to be the island king menu. My favorite part with the question things.

I love the bubble game I won. I love this part. Well, he was out closing my eyes. And he take off one of the things where he put on the table. Once I made some glasses, one time it was crayons. I like this thing. It was super fun and I like it so much. I love this one hundred fifty thousand one hundred and fifty thousand out of what?

It's a thousand one hundred. Thank you. Bye. Final rating. So, Garrett, we have covered atmosphere. We have covered service. We have covered food time. We need to give it a number rating and then we can pop it on to the chachki of mediocrity. How would you rate it?

How would I rate islands? So. The places called islands find burgers and drinks. They're really putting their emphasis on the burger. The Mavericks burger is a really good burger. It's not the best burger I've ever had, but it is really good. And they are clearly hanging their hat on their burgers. Yes. And it delivered the fries.

We're just a wonderful way to compliment that. And the fact that the fries are back to the old recipe, presumably, you know, definitely tasted like the islands of old, to me was a pleasant surprise that really carries this rating. The service, like, sure, I felt a little threatened, but he felt a little threatened, too, because he had proof that I'm the champion. Yeah, he didn't have that belt. Let's tell the atmosphere was my shit.

I like it. So even though I didn't love the appetizer, I didn't love the dessert. The whole experience was pretty good to me. I go six point eight one. Oh, wow, that's pretty good. Not quite at Outback's level. No, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. Overall, I think the atmosphere had a fun vibe.

Also, like our crazy boomer couple, that was one of the highlights. I'll say any time we have a fun person around us, that's going to bump my atmosphere rating up. Yeah, I love these weirdos up it up. It makes us seem a little more normal, which we are not. No, at least the bus boys weren't afraid of us. Yeah, yeah. So since I gave atmosphere one thumb up,

the service was entirely forgettable. The dream, if we're looking for that five point oh, it is. But it's because they hated us with the hosts. Yeah, yeah, most likely. Yeah, yeah. Now, as you said, Fine Burgers, this was one of the finest burgers I have ever had in all of the times I've been in islands. Right. This it was amazing.

I I can't say. But how does an island's burgers stack up to all the burgers you've had? I'd say islands burgers have to be top 30 percent, top 10 percent, top 5 percent of chain restaurants of chain. Yeah, islands burgers are for me one of the absolute best chain restaurant burgers. OK. That's that's high praise. Yeah, I loved it so much. But that pie brought it down.

The pie didn't so much more than brought it. So where does it take it for you? Overall, I'm going to go with a six point two four. It was still an above average experience. OK, so that means we hit a six point five three islands, Fine Burgers and drinks six point five three going up on the board on the Chachki of mediocrity. Not mediocre enough, not mediocre enough.

Not mediocre enough. Draw from the bowl. The you must bowl. All right. So if you audience members have anything that you want us to add to the you must bowl, go ahead and write us suggestions. These are things we have to do as a consequence for picking places that aren't mediocre enough at the next place we eat. And you can always follow up on our antics on our social media.

OK, what'd you get? You must eat dessert with a blindfold on. This is a good one. Cool. Would you be willing to spoon feed me with it while I have my blindfold on? This is entirely your cross to bear. All right. That shouldn't be fun. I'm ready. All right.

Now it's time for the headline game, the headline game. Cool. The rules of the headline game are as follows. Garrett will present three headlines to Michael that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If Michael can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, he will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Garrett stumps him, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, fellas?

This is my first time playing. I know it's my first time doing fun finding these last night. Yeah, yeah. OK. OK. First headline. Man shot to death in Parking Lot of Islands restaurant in Marina del Rey. Oh, it's a really bland title. True. OK. Headline number two. Former Islands restaurant executive convicted of rattlesnake trafficking.

That is bonkers. I'm going to say false. And if it's true, I won't be mad. OK, next one. This one's a fun one, too. Newport Beach Islands permanently closes after falling parrot injures patron. False. OK. Now you guessed true, false, false.

That's yeah. And you are 100 percent correct on all three. All three. Nice. It was really hard to find headlines. There's literally the first one was one of the two headlines I found. I didn't care about the Woodland Hills Islands being robbed. I've had to scroll very far down to find certain things. And last week with Old Spaghetti Factory, I actually avoided a website called Iwaspoisoned.com where people report their cases of food poisoning.

Yeah, some of these are tough to find. OK, cool. So I get to pick next week's restaurant. Yes. What's your pick? So before I reveal what next week's restaurant is listeners. Email us if you used to work at this place and have a story. Email us if you didn't use to work at this place and have a crazy story. Email us if you have a kid who wants to do the kids menu. Email us if you have suggestions for the you must bowl.

All of that can be done at fine dining podcast at gmail.com. Email us pictures of your dogs, please. Because this next place, I'm sure many of you will have a story for. We are going to Denny's. Oh, yes, I've got a story for that one. And we are going to Denny's. Oh, but Denny's at 2 a.m., which is a very different restaurant. Oh, man, then Denny's in the morning, which we will do for a future episode.

But this specific experience, Denny's at 2 a.m. I'll make sure to drink first to give an accurate experience. Yeah, great. That sounds like a burden for me. Sounds like a good time for me. Yeah. Well, thanks, everyone, for listening to the Fine Dining Podcast, our search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. Maybe next week, we will actually find it where Garrett has to go to Denny's

at 2 a.m. and blindfoldedly eat his dessert. Oh, wow, this will be an experience. Oh, God, what have we gotten ourselves into? And you can see those antics on our social media at Fine Dining Podcast on TikTok and on Instagram. Thanks for dining with us. The search continues. We still need the perfect five.

The search continues. Like and subscribe. The search continues. Our journey did not conclude. The moderate search continues. Write us an iTunes review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars? Come on.

Follow us on TikTok. The same on Instagram. All the socials at Fine Dining Podcast. We have a website. Find Dining Podcast dot com by our t-shirts. Then put them on. And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next. OK, we're going to find it.

Mediocrity, the search continues. See you next week. Hurt my throat a little. Have a fine day.