Fine Dining - "Dunkin' & Donuts" feat. Amy Vorpahl

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

🎲 Dunkin’ & Donuts: The D&D Crossover You Never Knew You Needed 🎲 This week on the "Fine Dining Podcast," we trade the drive-thru for dungeons. After covering a long, bizarre history — from handled donuts and Fred the Baker to the rise of Munchkins and Dunkaccinos — it’s time for part two: an original Dungeons & Dragons one-shot adventure, played in a world where every NPC runs on Dunkin’. Featuring writer, improviser, and TTRPG icon Amy Vorpahl, this special actual-play episode turns our fast-food trip into a fantasy quest. Expect laughs, intrigue, and a surprising amount of edible world-building. Will our hero survive The Glaze? Or will her journey end in deep-fried defeat? ☕ Amy Rolls a 0 and Becomes a Puddle of Coffee Trying to Impress Leonardo DeCaffio ⚔️ A Delicious Battle Against Donuts Come to Life 📚 Leonardo DeCaffio Schools Naz on The Glaze 🎭 Amy Vorpahl as Naz Baudelaire: Peanut Farmer and Chosen One 🥑 The BBEG Toolio (Voiced by Ify Nwadiwe) is Guarded by an Avocado Toast Homunculus 🎲 Real Dice Rolls, Real D&D Rules, Fantastical Dunkin’ Lore 💬 COMMENT BELOW: Would you play a whole campaign in the world of Dunkin’? 💥Real actual custom character artwork by BitterBats: 🎨 @Bitter.Bats – https://bitterbats.carrd.co/ 🗺️ And the Map of Ammereeka by Cameron McCarthy: 🎨 @mythweaverart – https://mythweaverart.artstation.com/ VFX: Steven Zurita Original Music: James McEnelly Playtesters: Terral Wells, Jess Parks, Steven Zurita, Luke Doyle, & Nick Adams Opening Theme Song: Gabe Alvarez 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🔥 Patreon (Bonus reviews & exclusive content!): https://www.patreon.com/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Chat chains & share horror stories!): https://discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🎥 Watch full episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@finediningpodcast 🔗 All links: www.linktree.com/finediningpodcast ⚡ Like, Subscribe & Share if you love chaotic chain-restaurant content — now with dice! Patreon Producers: Sue Ornelas & Joyce Van 👉 NEXT WEEK: We return to our regularly scheduled programming with a look into the history of Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken with special guest Dave Theune!

Duncan. America apparently runs on it, but they're not just Duncan to me. They're Duncan and Donuts. Or as I like to say, D&D. And since the real D&D, Dungeons & Dragons, has been such a big part of my life for almost a decade, this week I'm doing something very special with my restaurant review. I'm turning it into a game! I've got a tremendous guest with me to talk about the Duncan we went to. She's a prolific tabletop role-playing game personality that you may know from Critical Role, Dimension 20, and she's the dungeon master on Sagas of Sundry, Goblin Mode over on Geek and Sundry's YouTube channel.

Once again, it's Amy Vorpahl. Yay, it's Amy Vorpahl, hi. That is who you are. Yeah. Hello. Welcome back, thank you so much for joining me for a meal at Dunkin'. Yes, that was delightful. It was delightful company for a restaurant

that it's like, yeah, it's fine, you know? Yeah. But there's so much to be mined from it to turn into a D&D game. We're still gonna be doing what I normally do in that we are going to put Dunkin' up against Chili's, which was recently determined to be the most mediocre restaurant in America, to figure out if it's objectively a good restaurant

or a not good one. The Chili's test is that threshold. But the majority of this episode is going to be a D&D style one shot that I've crafted for you. And as you can see, I have my own little DM screen. Oh, lovely.

Perfect. To people who have never played D&D before, how would you describe it? It's a group storytelling game where you have all the players are the main characters and you have one person who facilitates the other goings on of the plot and the playground. Couldn't have said it better myself. And that other person being the dungeon master, of course. For this, I will be your Duncan master. Oh, I love it. Okay, cool.

Yeah, we will be rolling dice to try and execute certain ideas, things that you want to do. You will roll for them. They will not be given to you unless they will be. Some of them will be. I don't know. We'll see. We'll play it together. I love it. But I like to say, it's like you're watching

your favorite TV show, but you get to be one of the characters. I love that, or a video game. I also have my own prop that I brought. Yes, introduce it. This is my dice tray. It is reminiscent of a Diner Condiment tray. I love this thing so much.

So the reason that my friend well did this, my friend Whitney Dillon, shout out to Whitney Dillon, she's on my improv team and I love her so much. She made this for me because after shows we'll go out to diners. My favorite places in the entire world are diners. And one of the reasons I worked at IHOP and I always just loved and still do,

the fact that you get a plethora of condiments at diner tables that are all yours for a time. And so she made this dice tray. I'll take these little things out, but they look so cute together. And she put all of the colored dice that match here. And so this one, it's all the sugars. Oh my God. Equal sweet and low Splenda.

And so she had like a different dye color in each one of these. The amount of work that she put into it and it's just great. Anyway, this will be the dice tray that I used today. I thought it was appropriate also to bring because of the dining. The gist of the show, yeah.

The gist of the show, okay, great. All right, if you would be so kind as to join me on this journey, we'll jump in right after my theme song. Please enjoy Dunkin Duncan and Donuts, this is the Fine Dining Podcast. We don't treat mediocre as a joke. Breaking every single place we've been. Compared to the perfect five out of ten. Our tale begins in the world of Amerika, a land once as filled with magic as a donut stuffed with jelly.

But present-day Amerika has befallen a devastating fate. Throughout almost half a century, the proudest of its magical educational institutions have been systematically defunded or dismantled, leaving those with a curiosity for the arcane nowhere to hone their craft. Worse so, those born with an innate connection to magic have mysteriously diminished through the years. As the decades battered by, spellcasting has been relegated to mere memory for those old enough to have experienced

it in their childhoods. However, rare exceptions do exist. Every few years, a gifted one is born. Without direction yet full of potential, those in tune with the arcane are awakened to their powers and experience their first sprinkle of magic. Enter Nazbodalair, a druid with a connection to the magic offered by the intricately woven tapestry of nature itself.

Over the years, she's honed her skills in the privacy of her own home, a humble farming hamlet where her rather large family cultivates peanuts. Her older siblings are the only ones in whom she's confided about her abilities, and these abilities started small, communicating with rodents to protect the peanut plants, but before much longer Naz was ever so slightly magically coercing the weather to bring the rain to

her farm. The ruling class, simply known as the Oligarchs, are suspected of hoarding magic usage for themselves. They don't mess around when it comes to the gifted, and any that are found out disappear quickly. Nobody knows what happens to them. That brings us to today. Trying her best to blend in with the world, Naz hauled a wagon along the brick sidewalk

in the village of Atwater, just below the southern tip of Glensdale, where the family farm resides. Shop after shop, you volunteered today to make the bi-weekly deliveries of Baudelaire peanuts to Restaurant Row instead of your oldest brother Alaric. The final destination up ahead, a modest building the color of desert sand. A sign at the top reads Duncan Donuts, a peculiarity these days after the well-known national chain dropped the word donuts from their name. That's kind of neat, a peculiarity these days after the well-known national chain dropped the word

donuts from their name. That's kind of neat, a relic to the past. But you're not here about the past. You're here because of the potentially future altering note in your pocket. You found it scrawled on one side of a paper donut bag being held in place by a swarm of ants outside the glass on your window when you woke up this morning. This message scribbled in a language that you're convinced you invented is addressed to you. In druidic, it says, I'll let you read it. Oh, fun. It says, peanut lady, I know what you are. They might too. Farming family in danger. Find me, L.D.

P.S. Forgive the sloppy penmanship. No hands. The only identifying feature on this bag is the Duncan logo on the backside. So you jumped at the opportunity to do the family deliveries today, knowing that it would bring you directly to your only lead for this mystery.

So as you roll up to the front door of this Dunkin', you take a deep breath as you pick up two boxes of peanuts only to realize this is a pole door. You hear the sounds of cars whizzing by, as well as the sounds of commerce at the other stores in the vicinity. And after a few seconds that feel like forever, trying to use your leg to jimmy open this handle

so you don't have to set the boxes back down, a big,y burly bearded boy bashes the door open for you. He sees you looking back at him. The floor is yours to describe to our listeners what he sees when looking at Naz. Okay, so Naz is a human, first of all, and she's modest. She's a little thicker than most women. She works on a farm, so she's got a lot of muscles. She's got some shorts on. They go up a little high on her legs that you can tell are like extraordinarily muscular. And she's wearing like one of those big bulky sweaters, green. And she doesn't have my color hair. She doesn't have purple hair. She's

actually got my old haircut, like a cute blonde pixie cut. Awesome. And what you are looking at is this guy who he has a Duncan apron on. Pretty easy to tell that this guy works here. Okay. He's used to your brother making the deliveries. He knows the Baudelaire clan fairly well. Like, he's interacted with y'all before. You've never really, like, had a one-on-one conversation, but he is a face you kind of recognize. Do I know his name?

His name is Brink. Like, Frank, but with a B. Brink, okay. He's like, Oh, hey, how's it going? You need a hand there? God, that'd be great, yeah. Just open up that door real quick and I'll get you these peanuts.

I know y'all ordered two boxes this time. Two boxes, yep. Oh, I'm taking your accent. Well, we're both from Texas, so you just might do that. Yeah, and he'll also take the top box off to kind of make the load lighter for you. Okay. As he backs in and has the door propped open for you. And I've got the door open and fine. And I want you to, real quick,

before walking through this door, what's your passive perception? My passive perception is a nine, nope, a 16. 16, okay, that's pretty good. Yeah. On the side of the box that he's carrying as he kinda like walks through the door, you notice a few of the ants that were congregated outside your window holding that bag in place.

Was there anything of note from the ants this morning? They seemed very organized. Okay. Like in a way that felt maybe influenced. Okay and you bring up these ants so I'm wondering do do these ants seem also organized? Yes a little bit. Okay and he's got the box? He's got he's carrying the box. So I'm wondering, do these ants seem also organized? Yes, a little bit. Okay, and he's got the box? He's carrying the box. I'm not gonna say anything, I'll let him take the box

where he takes it and I'll follow him. Okay, as you pass through the threshold of this Duncan, you get just a quick flash, like three frames of a movie or something, just very, very quickly. Passing through this threshold, you don't know if it happened when he went through or something, just very, very quickly. Passing through this threshold, you don't know if it happened when he went through or when you went through,

but your vision changes. Everything looks different for just a snap of a second. Okay. You see what looks like this, like, pinkish, orangey, shimmering filter almost over your entire vision. It doesn't obscure your vision or anything like that, but it's like a haze, fills this spot. The walls, you can't really tell how they changed,

but everything kind of changed, got a bit darker for a second. Okay. That's all you're kind of able to glean in that moment, other than the fact that Brank kind of disappeared and in his place was just this glowing white orb. Okay, absolutely not. I, first of all, okay, do I,

do like my Spidey senses tingle of like, is this a glamor of some sort or this entire shop? Like I feel like, is it in, does it exist on another dimension as well? Like anything like that. That might be a solid suspicion, I think. Then I'm going to cast moonbeam. Hold on.

Okay, can I ask going to cast Come on Before we do that. Yeah as the vision flashes back to like the normal version of Duncan, okay before you cast anything and I will remember this Tell our viewers what you see. This is the Duncan we went to This is the Duncan we went to. ["Duncan's Theme"] Atmosphere. Big windows. Big windows. Lots of, yeah.

Lots of natural light. Lots of natural light coming in. Uh, the walls are colored, kill yourself beige. That was the thing where I said it's not the first time you said that you wanted to die in a Duncan. Oh, you're right, you're right. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Like, beige and grayish are like, okay, yeah, we all just, yeah, we don't wanna be alive anymore.

Unalive me, please. And then I wrote, it's giving McDonald's, you don't wanna spend a bunch of time here, but you could, cause it's empty. And then we noticed that we have the orange and whatever, but there were really flashes, like you said, like a pink, but really intense, where you're like, whoa, we're going pink. Pinks, oranges, magentas, those are like you said, like a pink, but like really intense where you're like, Whoa, we're going pink.

Pinks, oranges, magentas. Those are like the Duncan. I mean, you can look at this box, you know, those are kind of the colors. It wasn't this magenta. It was like, it was like hot ass pink. Yeah. So that's what it, that's what it looked like. It looked serviceable, but not comfy.

I thought everything like it was slickly designed. Like I, I like big like color pops, like Like, I like big, like, color pops. Like the, I love kitsch. I really love kitsch in restaurants. And so like logo-wise, putting that everywhere is a little kitschy in a way where I'm like, yeah, that's something. It's not nothing, I do agree, like the wall decor,

not the most, it's not the cutest place to hang out or anything like that. But I don't think I disliked it as much as from a vibe standpoint. Yeah, I guess it's severe to be like, I want to die here. But that wasn't the case really. Well, you might. We'll see how this adventure goes. I might die here and I might get my wish. But no, it's just more like,

yeah, I guess, yeah, I don't wanna be here. And the music was very like- Nope, it was good, it was very good. My favorite music is Top 40, and it was all like Bruno Mars and Adele, so. I was just about to say, it's Top 40, and so your mileage may vary.

For me, it's less for me, it reminds me of, I worked at a hotel overnight for a couple years, and the lobby was always playing Top 40. Oh, yeah. So it's like a vibe where I was just like, I don't want to remember like my graveyard shift days. Oh, my gosh. I did think it was a little stuffy in there. The ceilings were like a little bit dirty, like outside the vents, just like a little bit of dust. The people inside were all wearing coats and it is L.A.

So it was like weird. Yeah. And there was one person on their laptop. I remember they had a hunker down to work. So there was wifi. There's like ordering kiosks. Oh yeah, you actually had the choice. It was like, do you want to order from the person or the kiosk? And you actually asked like,

should I do one or the other? I always want the person. And she was like, you can do whichever you want. Like it's the dealer's choice because no one was in line and you chose the person. They had merch. Did they? Yeah, on the back wall opposite the counter. But it's like- I missed that completely. They had merch. Did they? Yeah, on the back wall, opposite the counter.

But it's like... I missed that completely. They have scented candles, but they're tea scents. They're tea scented. They're not like donut or sweet or anything like that. No, those are for deodorant. You don't do scented candles scented like donuts. You do deodorant scented like donuts.

I like sweet scented candles. My go-to is like an apple cinnamon. Yeah, why wouldn't they do that? But instead, they'll give those scents to your deodorant scented light. I like sweet scented candles. My go-to is like an apple cinnamon. Yeah, why wouldn't they do that? But instead they'll give those scents to your deodorant. To your armpit, yeah. It's a weird choice. And then they had like straw toppers and stuff like that. So it was weird to be like going.

And then they did have a bunch of like, and this one I do think is practical. If you go to Dunkin' for your coffee every morning, they did have like Traveler coffee mugs or whatever. That makes sense to me. Yeah, yeah, I love a good mug. Um, I wonder if that they sell any of that. Did you see anyone buy any of that while you were there?

The merch? No. No, no. And I've been back to that Dunkin' a couple times. Okay, okay. I'm curious. Yeah. So you walk into this Dunkin'. It flashes real bright, this, like, weird vision that you see. Yeah.

And you want to cast... Moonbeam. Moonbeam. Yeah, which is gonna also, it's gonna do damage and it's gonna reveal things. So I feel like this would freak me out enough to be, to like, even accidentally subconsciously trip my magic. Is there a space where maybe I don't have to hurt somebody right now? Yeah, I mean like it's spacious enough in there that I'm sure you could find like a 10 foot... A 10 foot circle? Spot, yeah.

Okay, I want to do that. My goal is to reveal, so it's like to get the truth out, get the moonlight, to shine on is this place a real place? I love this. Okay, great. I want you to know that I love what's happening right now. OK, OK, good. I'm going to cast it. OK, so you summon down this beam of moonlight.

It's like this silvery, but it's interacting with this orange pink haze that reappears just within the the cylinder of the beam. And all of a sudden, everything in there starts shaking. And where? Within the radius of this moonbeam. And it's moving around. You kind of cast it in a spot that is just between most of the interesting things

because of an interest in not hurting anybody. Yeah, could it interact a little bit with the merch though? Look, corporations gonna corporation, that is straight up just merch. in not hurting anybody. Yeah, could it interact a little bit with the merch though? Look, corporations gonna corporation. That is straight up just merch. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I will say that. But the space starts to shake. And all of a sudden, outside of the borders

of the column that you are casting, this shimmer, this filter completely fills the entire room. What? And it is like you are being transported This shimmer, this filter completely fills the entire room. What? And it is like you are being transported to maybe the true dimension that you are in or something. You have no idea what's going on, but all of the- But the moonbeam grew. The moonbeam dissipated, but it revealed-

It triggered something. Castors have an access in this Duncan that nobody else does, and the trigger is casting something. Oh, okay, okay, fun. So, because most people's magic are repressed, this isn't even available to them. But to you, to walk into this Duncan

and get so freaked out that you kind of, as a knee-jerk reaction, cast a spell, you have stepped kind of, as a knee-jerk reaction, cast a spell, you have stepped outside of essentially an illusory world that you were living in. Oh my gosh. The entire walls change. The way you look at it,

no longer are those windows or doors. It looks like you're inside of like, those really fancy wristwatches. It's just like gears and mechanisms all over the place. Oh my gosh. This orange and pink filter fills the entire space. It's as far as you can see. All of the customers and the employees become these floating orbs seemingly acting on the

other side of this dimension. Like it's like you're in a parallel dimension similar to like the ethereal plane or something. But do I see the shadows of them? You sense that these floating orbs are their essences. I see, I see, okay. Behind the counter, where all the donuts are stacked in trays, now the donuts are glowing with this bluish arcane, like they have glyphs in them

or something like that. Oh no. Tell me about what's the answer up to. I'm gonna make you earn it. Okay. Perception check. Oh boy, oh. Tell me about what the ants are up to. I'm gonna make you earn it. Okay. Perception check. Oh boy, oh boy. Okay, let's see.

That is an 18. It's an 18, that's pretty good. So, I'll reveal to you all the things that you see that are different with an 18. The DC was 16. Different from our true experience, you do notice on the ground, as you see the ants kind of trailing off,

your eyes are kind of gonna follow this path as you walk, and I'm gonna tell you, before you get to the ants, the things that your eyes notice. So there is a carpet on the floor. You see a logo on the carpet that says, Amarica runs on Duncan, but it's like the outline of Amarica. And this carpet has two power cables shooting out of it that go in to power the kiosks.

You kind of just get the idea that the electronic kiosks had to be powered somewhere, and they just kind of slapdashed through this rug down to kind of hide it for aesthetic reasons. Oh my god. Wait, so on my plane now this this gear realm There there are still there and carpet and carpet there. I got it. Got it Um, this is almost like like a shadow version of the D&D of the D&D the Duncan on the inside

Okay, the walls have changed Okay, you do notice the ordering kiosks are now emitting these orange beams that meet in the middle between them and shoot up directly as far as you can see, kind of like a funnel. And it creates a dome, presumably to the outside world up ahead. Oh. Your eyes continue to follow. You look over from the electronic kiosk, and your eyes catch these ants. And they're on the floor, and they're congregated in a message. Yes! In druidic, the ants spell,

I'm an illusion. Cast a spell to meet me on the other side and I'll explain everything. Won't get caught. Promise. LD. PS. Sorry for the sloppy antmanship. No hands. But here's the thing, you've already cast the spell. Oh yeah. You are outside of the illusion.

The ants are operating on both sides of this dimension. Oh cool. Okay. And sitting right where a man was on his computer, a customer that was just sitting at a table, seemingly unspectacular in any way, is a gigantic cup of coffee. And it is looking at you. Oh my God. With its face. What a happy boy.

This, as he introduces, is Leonardo DiCaffio. Yes, he is. Am I attracted to him? That is up to you? Yes, he is. Am I attracted to him? Ha ha! That is up to you. Yes, I am. This is straight up a giant cup of coffee. How giant? His diameter at the top is about three feet.

OK. He's probably five and a half feet tall. He's a medium sized creature. Yeah, great. OK. So you were looking at Leonardo DiCaffio, and he looks at you, almost surprised at how quickly you managed to step outside of this illusion. Okay. And he is elated that you are here, that you have found him. So he looks at you and he says, You're the magic user I was able to sense. There was a magical anomaly during the last reigns and I used it to identify

you. I'm sorry about that. But if I'm able to do it, there's no telling what the oligarchs might know. You don't have to worry about casting here. There's so much arcane activity here that it provides cover. They're not going to be able to track you down. If everything's magic, then nothing's magic. And I think that you're strong enough to handle the truth. The Glaze is this illusion that you've been living in, along with everyone else.

Your friends, your family, your loved ones. They're all real, but they, too, are supposed to be able to utilize magic. You were born with the gift. Your connection to the arcane was so powerful that you didn't lose the ability to cast. Every Duncan has been infiltrated, and their delicious wares have been infused with edible arcane suppression. It siphons every customer's innate magic

to power the doughnut hole, a machine that emits the glaze for miles and miles in all directions, centered on these restaurants. Oh no. Amarica runs on Duncan. Kiss my cardboard rim. Duncan runs on Amarica. And I've had it up to here. And you see, his lid just kind of pops off and you can see up to how high he's at it. He is filled with decaf coffee. Decaf coffee that you yourself ordered

He has before you interact with Leo I'm gonna ask you to review the decaf coffee that you had yes at Dunkin You had me write down some notes and I gave it a 10 out of 10. You gave it a 10 out of 10 I sure did And I'm gonna stick with it. Hold on. Let me see if I attracted to Leo I And I'm gonna stick with it. Hold on, let me see if I wrote down. You are attracted to Leo. I literally, I wrote down. Okay, all right, to be fair, I wrote down 10 out of 10,

black decaf, period, fine. But I guess it's because I'm not a coffee aficionado. Like, I don't give a, you know, like I actually dislike coffees that have like cinnamon flavors or vanilla, like baked into the beans. I don't give a shh, you know? I actually dislike coffees that have cinnamon flavors or baked into the beans. I don't like that. So the fact that it was exactly what I wanted was perfect. So is my bar low or did they serve me

exactly what I wanted? Do you know what I mean? I think having expectations met to me, and again, everyone's scale is different. To me, that lands you at a seven. I'm like, cool, I'm happy with it. I got what I expected. But I can't imagine, I like literally have been to Bali

on like coffee trips where you like cook and bake and make your own coffee. And it's like, it's the same. This is up there, yeah. It's the same. I'm not a, I don't, I've had three cups of coffee in my life. Okay. All because I was like, I'm on a job

and I'm gonna get fired if I don't have energy. Okay. Those are the only coffees I've had was like, please don't get fired, don't fall asleep type things. Fair enough. So I have... You had coffee out of fear. I've had... I've only had fear coffee. Fear coffee. That's my baseline energy with coffee.

But I also drink coffee so slowly. Like I'm not this like guzzle it down. I certainly not any, you know, the notes of what a coffee is. That isn't me. But it's interesting because you got decaf. So like there is no element of like, you're doing it for energy.

No. So I mean, I would assume it is like either for the taste or more specifically because we were reviewing a restaurant and you're like, well, I gotta have something and I don't want donuts. Yeah, yeah. Well, also I do get decaf. Like that's my main got to have something and I don't want donuts. Yeah, yeah. Well, also, I do get decaf. Like, that's my main order all the time because I don't drink caffeine.

So so you do you do want it for like you do like the flavor of the flavor. Yeah, because I used to drink caffeinated coffee. And the only reason I drink decaf now is because I saw on an article that said to reduce feminine issues, take out alcohol, which isn't a problem because I don't drink, sugar, which that was never going to happen, and then caffeine. And so I was like, okay, well, I'll eliminate caffeine.

That's easy enough. Every place has decaf now. And it's not like I have zero, zero, zero caffeine. Like I'll drink tea and stuff. But yeah, my orders always decaf. And yeah, I'll still eat sugar when I'm not like on a regimen or whatever. So yeah, those are my reasons.

Yeah, I have no dog in this fight. I didn't have the coffee. 10 out of 10. I can't rate it so. 10 out of 10, fine. Your word is gospel. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10, it was fine.

Yes. You're face to face with Leonardo DiCaffio. DiCaffio. He is so happy to see you, and he has just told you that the world that you know is not as it seems, and that Dunkin' restaurants are these headquarters of arcane suppression that have been used to siphon magic from people. And I know that everyone in this town eats Dunkin, including my family, right? Yes.

So everyone's like. It's the hot spot. It's the hot spot. This is where we get our food, mainly that and peanuts, I don't know. What's it gonna take to wake everybody up? I saw that those donuts were emitting a green or blue glow. Is that part of it?

Anyone who eats them, their magic is lessened. There's so much going on here to just take magic from people. And the only thing that's emitting magic is that dome that's shooting out of the top of the building. Do I notice that the dome is covering, like, the town? Like, it is a... Basically, as far as you can see, when you look up, there's like a little hole out of the top.

These orange beams kind of funnel up into it. And yeah, it goes up high and you get you do get a sense that it's just it fans out at umbrellas potentially for miles. It would definitely support that idea. Leah, well, look, how are you so well versed in what is really going on? Are you from this plane or are you from Glensdale? I'm from a time before the glaze was even established. I was like you. People were like you. We had magic and we were able to just pursue our pursuits, you know? I don't know if you've experimented with this yet, but your connection to magic is very similar to mine.

If you want to become an animal or something like that. You do possess the ability to do that. I flew a little too close to the sun. I wanted to see, can I be that cup of coffee? And I got greedy. And right at that moment, while I was a cup of coffee was when the glaze went up. So I've been stuck like this for decades. Oh, amazing. Well, hey, I'm going to turn into a cup of coffee. I'm in a wild shape.

I'm gonna have you, since you've never wild shaped before versus him who is kind of like practiced over and over to try and become this. I'm gonna have you make an arcana check to see if you can pull this off. All right, let's see if we can. That's gonna be a negative one, baby. And I rolled a one.

You rolled a natural one. You rolled a natural one. I rolled a natural one. So this is a zero. Zero. Which I don't think I've ever done in my entire D&D career, which is 18 year, 20 plus years now. Oh my God. Since I was 18, so 22 years.

So you just, you try and focus that same energy that you've used to try and alter the weather, that you've used to talk to animals. Oh no. You pop a blood vessel in your eye. Your eye just turns red. Oh no, Leo. You keep pushing.

All right. You keep pushing. This is for you and me, Leo. This is for you and me and what could be? And like this arcane energy, wraps you up and you just become coffee. Not the cup. Oh my god I'm Alex Mack. And you sploosh onto the floor, you're kind of dripping everywhere. You do have the ability to release this and

regain your form. I do, I do. How annoying. What does Leo say? Okay, the liquid on the floor, this dark brown liquid on the floor, if it could wince, shudder, and cringe, it is doing that. The ripple from Jurassic Park when the T-Rex is walking? Yeah, it's all spread out. It's like trying to collect itself back together and become as small as it possibly can so no one will look at me, but I'm just so embarrassed. And by the way there is like a drain in the middle of the floor as are in a lot of these

restaurants if you need to clean the floors. I will say you are far enough away from it that you're not at risk. What is Leo's reaction to me turning into coffee? Could you hand me Leo real quick? Yeah. Oh don't look at me. His lid pops off and almost like a face palm, he covers his own face.

Oh, because I'm naked. Out of decency. Out of decency. I'm so naked. Okay, well, that's respectable. I'm gonna stay as coffee just for fun for a little while. Like, it's horrible, but... So I'm gonna say this. As coffee, I'm gonna give you a perception check with advantage

because now since you're spread out, you can see much more. Okay. All right. Thank you. An eight on the die and a 17 on the die and plus a 23. So a couple other things that you may not have noticed on the empty table that was in front of where Leo was sitting is an abandoned pair of sunglasses.

You don't know if this was lost and found or whatever, but it did manage to make the trip from the glaze to now you're outside of this illusion. Oh, okay, so it exists on both sides. So it exists on both sides. There is a hallway around the corner. You've been here before, so you know it goes to a bathroom. You notice overhead there's a menu ordering screen, like a video thing that repeats.

And the sourdough breakfast sandwich was once in the top left spot. And then for some reason, it just ended up going to the sidebar and it's like, what's that about? I don't know. But in its place, another message in druidic. An ant?

No, just like written on the LED screen. Okay, okay, go ahead. You're just seeing the messages that Leo was trying to leave behind for you. Okay. But this one says, beware of middle management. Signed LD, sorry for the sloppy penmanship.

He's really self-conscious about the fact that he doesn't have hands. He's apologizing any time he writes. I understand, yeah. No, I mean, and that's just good advice, regardless if you're going to another plane of existence or staying where you are. Beware of middle management.

It's just really good advice. Yeah. Anyway, so that's a couple other things that you're able to notice upon spreading out. I'd like to go to the bathroom as coffee. I'd like to make my way over to the bathroom as coffee. Okay. I'm going to have you do a dexterity saving throw as you do have to navigate around this drain in the floor.

Okay, dexterity saving throw. Oh, plus zero, baby. A 14. 14, okay, that's good enough. Maybe a little bit of the coffee slips into this drain. My pride. Your pride slips down the drain. My pride slips down the drain.

What a metaphor for just existing. Yes. I just want to be coffee for a little while. I made my bet. I'd like to lie in it. Let's be coffee. Okay, thank you. I've been coffee for a little while.

I'm still as a puddle. Gotta navigate this rain pipe. If I get something, I'm in trouble. Look to the left, squish to the right. I'll be a motherfucking coffee all night. But the water's so cold. I'm gonna be a coffee. I'm gonna be a coffee. I'm gonna be a coffee. I'm gonna be rain pipe If I get sucked in I'm in trouble Surf to the left, squish to the right

I'll be a motherfucking coffee all night Bl-bl-bl-blip-bop, drip-bip-bip-bop-bop The better's every coffee you cannot stop There is a door code on this bathroom that you don't have to worry about Oh, because I'm coffee. Because you're liquid, you can just slide on under there. I'm Alex Mack, I'm never changing out of coffee.

This is the most beneficial a natural zero has, or a zero roll has been. I know, I know. Ooh. So you end up going into this bathroom, and it's just a normal bathroom, but on a hook on the wall, Yes.

glowing red. It's like an employee left behind their apron. So red, it's glowing red. That's interesting to me. I would like to, I can't do much if I can splash myself onto it and just see what happens. You get the apron a little bit wet. It's not the same as wearing it. So you don't really get a sense of any like benefits that you might get from it.

All right, I'm gonna slide back out and talk, tell Leo there's a glowing red apron. Hey Leo, I've been exploring a little bit. I have a little more access in a weird way than I thought I did as a human because I didn't have need the bathroom code. But so there's a glowing red employee apron in there. Do you know anything about that?

Hanging on a hook. I don't know, I mean, maybe they just leave their stuff behind or whatever, maybe someone took it off. But it's glowing red. Oh, I don't know anything about that. I've not been in there. Leo, hey, let's talk about you for a second. Yeah.

I wanna get to know you. Okay. So you're ancient, basically. I'm like in my 60s. Okay, okay. Like I said. Dang. Like I said. What is it with your generation? No it's not a bad thing. I'm attracted to ancient things. And as Leonardo DiCaffio 25 and under. That's right that's right so you get it. The thing is did you have natural based magic similar to

The thing is, did you have natural-based magic similar to it was? Yeah, I'm a druid. You are a druid, okay, that's what I wanted to know. Or was, my magic, unfortunately, is not strong enough to kind of break through this. It took most of my magic that I can summon for the day just to get those ants to deliver that message to you this morning. Are those ants your friends?

Yes. Or are they under your control? They're my friends. Oh, they are? Yeah. Okay, name all of them. Just kidding. I call them Sydney, I call them Ralph, I call them Geonavis.

Wow! Look, I ran out of normal names real quick. No, I know. There must be, I mean, it seems like even in that pile holding the note up to the window, it was like, I don't know, 500 of them at least. Yeah. Michael, John, David, Jessica, Brittany. Yeah, you just went down the list.

A la Quisha. Do you have, does your family miss you when you disappeared? I sure hope so. Do you have family? I did. I haven't seen them. They haven't seen me in so long. I think they assume I went missing. I would love to get out of here. Yeah, me too. I think't seen that. They haven't seen me in so long. I think they assume I went missing. I would love to get out of here. Yeah, me too. I think we can do it. I have an idea.

Of how? Well, I know that the donut hole is the thing that is suppressing this magic. Are we in the donut hole? I don't think so. OK. So I think it's a source of energy or something like that. There's got to be an entrance. I know that they keep it beneath the store somewhere.

I think if we look around. I could get beneath the store so fast, I could trickle down a drain, baby. If you wanna try. Yeah. Okay. That sounds great. I'm coffee.

So you're- I'm coffee. You're gonna go into this drain. And if I wind up in a subject take, I wind up in a subject take. I wind up in a subject take. All right, you go. But I'm going to be heroic and I'm here to save Leo and my family. Do you want to go right or do you want to go left? I want to go right is right.

All right. You do go right. That is the direction of the bathroom. I'm going to say coffee doesn't have a nose. So this isn't that upsetting for you. Great. But visually, you are able to piece this together eventually. Yes, and I'm gonna need to maintain my form and not get it sunken in with all the other. And a coffee does not have a lot of HP,

so don't take damage or you will revert. Okay, okay, fair enough. Yes, TM, yes, I hear you and I will obey. So yeah, you end up in the septic tank. But I am below. You are below. I'll have you make an investigation check to see if you can find something

that might take you lower. Okay. Okay, investigation is a 15 minus one is a 14. 14, swimming around in a septic tank, this is very Shawshank Redemption of you. Oh! It seems like this is like a truck will come and empty this. It doesn't seem like-

And it's a closed circuit. It's a closed circuit. All right, all right, I'll climb back out if I can. Okay, so you'll- Please, please dear, may I climb back out of the septic tank and out the sewer grate? No, you live in the septic tank now! Oh no! I'm just staying here for weeks until the and out the sewer grate? No, you live in the septic tank now.

Oh, no. I just stay here for weeks until the guy comes into MGA. Oh, that's so gross. It's so gross. It would get you out, though. Yes, yes. Do you wanna go out on the customer side or on the employee side?

I'll go, if I can come out the way that I didn't go down, that'd be great. Cool, so you pop up behind the desk. You do notice that the wiring for the kiosks is a little bit more exposed or maybe less concealed. Oh, let's fry it. On that side. I'm liquid.

Let's fry it. Can I fry it? I'm liquid. Okay. Okay. I'm coffee. I am coffee. All right.

I'm going to like electrify. I'm going to try to fry it using my liquid form. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, All right, I'm gonna like electrify. I'm gonna try to fry it using my liquid form. Okay Potentially a very bad idea. Okay, but I just will refer. Yes. So I you are gonna Squill John up. I don't know what word I was going to say but squill It's squeal just wheel on up to the counter and there's some exposed wiring on the one of the two kiosks the other one is kind of in the customer pathway so you don't have access to it. They have a beam that interconnects. They're touching fingers okay great. So there's an exposed wire in the back that the customers don't have to look at but the employees do and you very cavalierly. Leo check me out. I went I went I smell like ass.

You are going to take you're gonna take 11 points of damage. Okay, coffee has three HP. Yeah, I'm back to you're back to normal with eight carryover damage. Okay. And you are now just sitting on the counter, but the machine starts going haywire a little bit. Yes. And this beam, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, z you start to notice energy starts pulsing from that carpet that was on the floor that these cables are coming out of. Nooooo.

And you see a countdown with 60 seconds appear on the kiosk. What have I done? Leo, do you know the bathroom code? I've never needed to use it. I want that apron. I'm gonna go into the. So I need the bathroom code. I'm going to look and see if it's printed anywhere. You are on the employee side of the counter and it is very much right there. Okay. I'm going to have you make a perception check to see if you can tell which combination of numbers.

Okay, great. Oh, nice. 22. You do see the word bathroom. Like, there's a lot of like confusing text. Sure. For the 16, you are able to discern. Okay. 1950 will open the bathroom door. Okay, great. Like there's a lot of like confusing text for the 16 you are able to discern okay?

1950 will open the door okay great. I go to the bathroom open the door when I five zero great pound I guess cool it opens for you all right now What I want to I want to hold that apron I want to hold the apron Okay, you get a sense that this is a magically imbued apron. I'm gonna put it on all right You put it on you now have an apron of deep frying. Any damage that is fire damage as caused from fryer oil, you are immune. Oh, yes.

Okay, well, that'll do something someday. Yeah, cool. And I look great. It's dynamite. It's great. Yeah, so I need to get downstairs. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. So I need to get downstairs. You said there was like a hallway.

The hallway, the end of the hallway is the bathroom. Is the bathroom? Yeah. Okay. Okay, Leo, how do I get down? I tried septic tanks. That's all I tried, but... Look I don't have hands.

I'm not really able to like... Hey, hey, you got it. Hey, Leo, Leo, you bring up the hand thing every time. I can't pick stuff up. And nor can you wave, but there's so many other things you can do. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, you also can't, well, you can't riot.

Everything, yes, anything you can do with the hands, you can't do. But look, you're still valuable, okay? So you don't need to, you're still valuable, okay? So you don't need to, you don't, you're burying the lead with who you are, you not having hands. So I need you to be front-facing and just go, I am Leonardo DiCaffio.

I am Leonardo DiCaffio. I'm a whole ass cup of coffee. And I'm a whole ass cup of coffee. And I'm a whole ass cup of coffee. Good. Good job. That did feel good. Okay. We've got 20 seconds left. So I got to get downstairs. I'm going to unplug the cords, actually.

Can I unplug the cords? Okay. So the the the cords are covered by this rug that has Amariko runs on Duncan over it. And it's like right next to that table that had those sunglasses on it. Sunglasses glow in any certain color? Yeah, they're also red. They're also glowing red?

Yeah. Yeah, I put them on. Okay. Last time it was fine when I put something on. Yay! And you now have the Sunglass of Witty One-liners. Magical sunglasses that look dope as hell. Three times per short rest as a free action,

you can equip the Sunglass of Witty One-liners immediately after delivering an actual Witty One-liner. You'll make a Charisma check, the DM will determine the BQ, the Badass Potion, AKA the DC, based on how good the One-liner actually was. And if it's successful, you roll a D6 on that table, and you will get the corresponding buff okay fantastic this is a CSI Miami say a one-liner put it on Wow we'll save that I'm like covered in props this is

amazing all right so I would like to slice somehow slice through the carpet um you can just it's like one of those like mats. So you can- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, service mat. And you have hands. And I do have hands. Okay, so I'll lift it up and unplug the plugs. So you lift up this carpet and there isn't an outlet or anything. Instead, there's two little holes in the ground that these cables run deep down into.

God damn it! But what you do recognize is like this pressure plate was directly in this rectangular shape of this rug. Oh. And there is a hole in the ground. It's like a perfect circle about three feet in diameter, a very specific shape to it. Like something needs to be inserted there

or a key or something like that. Oh, a small shape. You said three feet in diameter. Three feet in diameter. Okay. So a big key. So it's like a big key. You said three feet in diameter. Three feet in diameter. Okay, so big key. So it's like a big key. Okay. But that is what's under the carpet

and then the wires kind of go down. So you can't really reach where they plug into. But can I cut the wires? You can try to. I'm gonna try to slice the wires. Go ahead. Tell me with what. I have a sickle apparently.

Yeah. That makes sense, because I'm a farmer. Yeah. So my farmer's sickle. So go ahead and make anle apparently. Yeah. That makes sense, because I'm a farmer. Yeah. So my farmer sickle. So go ahead and make an attack roll. Alrighty. That is plus four. A 14.

A 14, I think that's enough to, you snap this wire, and now unfortunately for you, a much less refined electrical current starts waving around. Oh my gosh. Or what you assume was electrical, what actually turns out to be magical. But the kiosk screen that was counting down does disappear. Thank God.

But this thing is just shooting out magic beams. And one of them escapes, goes behind the counter and hits a jelly donut. Okay. And all of a sudden... No, no, no, no, no. It starts growing. It falls out of the tray onto the floor in front of you. No!

And it starts growing into this medium-sized... I need you to roll for initiative. Oh no! And... I'm fighting a jelly donut. Ooh, well, you're not gonna beat this. I got a 22 initiative. You wish.

This jelly donut. Oh no. It doesn't look happy at what's happening. You can tell that it's sentient enough to look at you in the eye and feel like you did this to it. So yeah, it's not loving that, but it does look like it is going to attack you. You are up first in the initiative. Okay. I'm going to release pheromones. That's going to cause a lot of hyperaggression in some

arthropods. And I'm communicating with them using my pheromones, because that's how they listen. So I'm releasing some pheromones. The ants in the room are all able to swarm up and they're just like my guys for a second. They're going to get a little near me and that's about it for now. They might retaliate. That's my bonus action. As an action, I'm going to cast Moon

Boom again because I wonder if that's going to reduce this Jelly Donut down to size. If it fails its save, it does revert back to its normal form. So you're going to need to con. I'm going to con save 14. It's a natural 18, so that'll be a 19. Okay, but instead- You get to roll damage. I get to roll damage. 2d10 radiant turns into 8.

8, 16, so you take 8 radiant damage. That is your action, that is your bonus action. Yeah, and I'll just stay put for now. I'll get between the Jelly Jonah and Leo. Okay. Just so he's safe. So if he's a druid, like, let's use some magic, okay? If you can, if you can.

Okay, so that brings us to Leo's turn, and he, seeing you get in between the jelly and him as like a protective thing, one, he's flattered, he's honored. Oh, good. But he is going to say, no, don't be silly, I'll protect you. And you see as his lid floats off and he hands it to you, he's like, can you hold this? And he is going to shoot coffee out of the top of him and do a skull attack.

Yes! At range to this jelly donut. Awesome. 12, no, that does not hit. So he splashes coffee all over the place and he's just like, I'm sorry, I'll get this figured out. You can hold that and I can keep attacking. Okay, I'll hold your lid, no problem.

Cool. Is that a shield? Sure. Okay, I think that makes my armor class 16 then. Okay, cool. My armor class just went up. Leo, thank you so much. All right. And he is going to say, thank you so much. All right.

And he is going to say, I'll try and hold him off. See if you can figure out how to get down there. That's something that I've never seen before. Motioning to what was under the carpet. Oh, okay. The pressure plate thing? Yeah.

Okay. Yep, then I will. And that'll bring us to the jellies. Yes, yes, okay. The jelly is going to, taking this moonbeam, it's a little bit scared of you now. So you're going to hear as it squeezes out of the hole in the side.

And this donut husk is going to fall over as the jelly goes down into the drain as it's going to hide. That's fine. It just goes to a fricking septic tank. You do hear some movement around, but you do lose track of it. Actually, make a perception check at disadvantage. Okay, disadvantage. Oh God, well, that'll be two ones.

That's two ones. Two ones. Yeah, you lose track of where he went. You don't know if he went to the subject tank, you don't know if he's going to the other side, you know if he's going to pop out here. Oh, you're right. It went right or left. Okay, well, that's fine. At least he's not our problem at the moment.

All right. That will bring us to the lair. I'm going to ask you to roll a D4 for me. Oh, man. Lair actions. No. I've got every kind of die in here. Okay, a four.

This is going to bring out another donut that you said you hated. Look, I asked you when we were there, put together the list of the three donuts that looked the least appetizing. Yes. You said the jelly. Yes.

Another one you said was the double chocolate donut. The one that's like chocolate on chocolate. Oh yeah. And so you see as this double chocolate donut, the one that's like chocolate on chocolate. Oh, yeah. And so you see as this double chocolate donut gets hit with a beam from the like exerting arcana that came out of the severed wire. OK. Shoots brings to life another donut. My this double chocolate donut is going to be like, hey, yo, I was going to be eaten and now you want me to live through it?

You want me to experience my demise? Oh, okay, okay. As the double chocolate donut has now entered the initiative order, and I'm rolling terribly on the initiative for this. Good. Which will bring us to Naz. I still have my moon beam,

I'm gonna move it to this donut. Damn it. Okay. I know. I have to make a save, right? Yeah, 14 cons save. 11. 11, yay. You see is this donut that was just shit talking you

for bringing it to life. It just turns right back into a donut and just plops onto the floor and it's right next to the big husk of the outside of the jelly donut that it abandoned, which also shrinks. Now the sentient jelly has nowhere to hide back into. Oh good.

Like the big body of it shrunk. Yes, yes. Yeah. And that'll be no save because that thing, that's not the essence of the thing. Yes, so that was my action. That was my magic action. And so I'm going to, I guess as a bonus action,

can I eat the chocolate donut? Oh my gosh. Just in case. Oh my gosh. Just in case it decides to turn again. I mean, I know that's not how it works. Like the magic is kind of defining who gets it. Yeah, I also love that you're eating the donut

that like you were like, I don't like this donut. But you're doing it for protection. Absolutely. All right. Because it's fun. Yeah, let's go over and do it. I pick up the guy, I pick up the little donut guy. I don't know if it's sentient or not. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

It's just a donut. But I dunk him in Leo and I shove him down my gullet. Go ahead and roll a D4. Okay. One. You get three HP back. Yay! Donuts are healthy. Donuts are nourishing.

They are nourishing. Now, this isn't one of the ones that we ate, but the jelly that came out, I did get the jelly munchkins, and so I do want to talk about those for a second. Oh, yes. I wrote that it tasted like a berry Ferrero Rocher. It was like this really weird texture from, like it was too tough, like it was a little stale.

In a bad way. But the berry blast on the inside was enjoyable. I went six and a half out of 10 on the jelly-filled munchkin, which I know isn't what you're fighting right now. It's not a munchkin. But given that the shell did just shrink, it feels appropriate to bring it up. Yeah, I love that, yeah.

Okay, that is Naz's turn. That brings us to Leo, who doesn't have anything to target, doesn't have... I ate it. Yeah. And the other guy's hiding. And the other guy's hiding right now. Wait, wait, I still have a movement. Okay.

And I would like to, can I walk around the room? Mm-hmm. Just walk, I don't know, one direction. And are you like looking for... Yeah, I'm looking for the key, yeah. Do a general intelligence check. Generally, I'm not intelligent. Generally, I got 11, so that's a 10.

Mid, good luck. What do I do? All right. You are going to be looking around. You're just meandering around the room. You've set down this giant cup lid that you're holding on behalf of Leo. Okay, no more shields. This shield that's three feet in diameter. You go over to the hole and you like see a slot and you're like, this is like three feet in diameter. All right, I guess I'll look for something.

Oh, my God. OK. All right. Michael. Heard. Chef. OK. Is that the end of my turn? Yeah, you're just looking around seeing if you can find something. What a fucking idiot. What an idiot. Fantastic. All right, well I know what I'll do for my next turn. Okay. Loud and clear. No patronizing energy behind that. And as you're doing that, the jelly pops up out of the drain and it's gonna take a sneak attack against you. Oh, okay. All right. Because it did successfully hide from you.

This is a jelly inject. Ooh, that's a 26 to hit. Yeah, that'll do it. With sneak attack damage. So that will be... Not great rolls. 11 points of damage to you. And you actually must do a Constitution save.

Gosh, a 10. Nope, TC was 12. You are poisoned for one round. See if I maintain concentration. Come on, baby. Yeah, I do. I maintain. I got 15. Cool.

That brings us to the layer action. The beam shoots out of this severed wire once more at the tray of donuts, and it is going to smack the chocolate frosted with sprinkles. And so it starts coming to life, and you just hear, oh wow! Hey, did you give me life? Uh, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. You're the tits, man. And he goes over to try and fist bump you. Yes. How's it going?

Oh my God. Are you my creator? Yes, and you are my thrall. Oh yeah. I love being a thrall. Oh yeah, nice. Hell yeah. Awesome.

You now control the dough mancer. The dough mancer. The chocolate frosted with sprinkles. I am stacked. You are stacked. Okay. That is the layers action. You are stacked. Okay. That is the layers action. It is now your turn.

All right, I've got a few things I'd like to do. As an action, I will move my moonbeam to the jelly. Okay. So that is going to make it roll a con saving throw. Con that would be a six. A six. So you just see a puddle of jelly get smaller and just start oozing back into the drain. Oh great okay so that's nine points of radiant damage as well. Nine points

of radiant damage. It is looking bad. I'm gonna make chocolate frosted. I'm gonna throw the shield to him and tell him to put it in the keyhole. Yeah, you got it. Okay. He's like showing off with it and he's just like, I don't know. He's loving life right now. He's never experienced life before this moment. I love an enthusiastic thrall. He is like, yes, queen. He's like the, he's doing like sign work on the...

Yes, he's like a sign spinner with a cup lid. I love that. And he is going to drop it down into this hole that very clearly is like the exact outline of it. And as it does, you see on the inside of the lid, it says the outline, Amarica runs on Duncan. And it starts glowing as soon as... The lid does? The, specifically the verbiage Amarica runs on Duncan and it starts glowing as soon as the specifically the verbiage America runs on Duncan and Mariko and Marika runs on Duncan once it slots into here. And he's just like, OK, now what? And as he walks away, he kind of like trips as like the ground

that the couplet is in isn't like totally steady and it just kind of like swivels out of the way and he kind of stumbles and Oh, okay. He's okay. He's okay. Yes. Okay. All right. I'm gonna have him take some psychic damage out of embarrassment He takes two points of psychic damage. I'm just like, you know, this is my first negative emotion. It happens to all of us Okay, it actually is a defining factor of life. Oh, yeah. Thanks for letting me- hey, you're kind of like my true north. Oh, good. Yeah, happy to be so. You're helping me calibrate what's normal.

Look, Leo, you looking at me and seeing a good mom here? Yeah, hold on. Our age range is like a little- Oh, is it? Oh, yeah, you're in your 60s. I'm in my 60s. I mean, let's see- We'll talk later. Let me moonbeam you. in your 60s. I'm in my 60s. I mean, let's see. We'll talk later.

Let me moonbeam you. We'll table this. Let me moonbeam you and we'll see what we got underneath that coffee cup. All right. OK. I'll do another lair action. One sour cream donut comes out.

OK. And. Yeah, this was the one that looks like an old fashion, but actually is called a sour cream donut. Yes. And I do like that. And he comes out and he's like, oh, hello. How are you doing?

Oh, listen, I think I know really good. I'm really good, but I do have boundaries. Oh, OK. But what is going on with you? What's your vibe? I don't know. This is all so new to me. Oh.

I feel like I'm delectable. Yes. Oh, I feel like I'm delectable. Yes, you look like you think I'm delectable. I do. Hypothetically. Yes. You have not consumed me. Not yet. How are you doing? I'm great. Look, I am in the middle of courting a coffee cup. Oh, the more the merrier. No, not really. OK.

So let me I'm a monogamous farmer, but I would love you to also be my thrall. If you could reframe it as polyamory, I might be willing. Yeah, sure. Semantics don't matter to me at all. Okay, I'll go along with this. I don't care about the noun as long as the verb is what I want. Right. Our little creamy boy is on your side now.

Okay, sour cream support donut. My gosh. Look at my little army. You were just racking up the good one. And I technically do have ants as well, so. All right. I'm going to say until the next layer action, we're kind of out of initiative order. Okay.

And I'll let you try what you want to try and figure out how to get. I'm gonna run on it. Okay. To see if that does anything. You start running on it and you literally hear over the speakers, Amarica runs on Duncan, access granted. Yay. And by running on it,

you now rotate this thing and you kinda, you keep running, you keep running, and you start to notice that the floor starts to give way. Yeah, almost like this big platform. Some holes start opening up in the ground before eventually they reseal and in front of you on the pickup counter, a hatch opens. Yes, I would like to go down. All right, you approach this hatch and

Leo is gonna come up to you and he's gonna Well, I wanted to put my hand on your shoulder, but I just can't I know hands Leo we talked about this look I'm just selling you what I would have done if I were in my human form and I just can't but I do want to Give you something look it might be dangerous down there take some of me with you yes I accept cool so you're gonna scoop in a little bit of this decaf coffee and for all intents and purposes you have one regular healing potion and one greater healing potion oh awesome okay thanks thanks Leo and the other donuts are just kind of like you're like we're a thrall we're a thrall, we're a thrall, what up?

And like the other one's like, hmm, or a throuple, whatever you wanna call it. I don't really care. Yes, yes. But they're just kind of like shooting the shit or whatever. You do get the vibe from the size of this hatch that like they're a little too big.

They're kind of like- The donuts are? The donuts are a little too big. All right, boys, get to know each other. All right, we will. Oh, also the ants, they're with us too. Do you want them to come with you or do you want... Oh, yeah, if they can.

Cool. I'll say you, like, gather them into, like, a little pouch, and then you start descending. I actually want the ants to ride on my open skin. Sure, great. So they're just gonna be covering my legs. Ant lady. Yeah, yeah. Cool, so you are...

It's disturbing. Because I'm wearing shorts. It's a lot. Yeah. It is a lot to see but you're from the farm What I'm in the farm and I've got bugs crawling and they're not they're not on your crops right now, so why you know, that's right You know So much like the side of a pool. There's a ladder down that is kind of like bolted into the wall So you're climbing down a ladder that is flush against the wall So you descend into this silo the orange and pink shimmering haze gets a wall. So you descend into this silo. The orange and pink shimmering haze

gets a little thicker as you descend. It strongly smells of frying dough in here. It's steel graded when you get to the bottom. So you can literally see through the ground and beneath you is like a lake of fryer oil. Luckily with your apron, you don't really have to worry about it. You are immune to fryer oil damage. Yes, I am. Militaristic bunker vibes. Okay. Luckily with your apron, you don't really have to worry about it. Nice.

You are immune to fryer oil damage. Yes, I am. Militaristic bunker vibes. It seems there's an entire underground network here with a map to all adjacent Duncan locations on one wall and how far they are. Where the platform ends, there appears to be an arcane barrier with a bunch of glowing purple runes, presumably to make something happen

when that barrier is passed through is what you glean. Beyond that, I'm gonna have you make a perception check to see what else you notice. Okay. 13. You notice that the two cables from up above that fed into the kiosks are flush against the wall as well similar to this ladder that you climbed down maybe 20 feet over and they go down and disappear when they

get to the top of a door with shitty slatted blinds at the bottom that straight up just looks like an office a nameplate on this office says Tulio manager of shifts and against the wall when you step your foot down, there is a giant TV screen, which is triggered the moment you set your foot on the ground. The CCTV screen immediately turns on, and in it, you see a nerdy looking man with an authority complex.

We have a fizz tap. Ah, iffy! nerdy looking man with an authority complex. It's literally unimportant. My oligarchs promise I'd become one of them someday and I will not tolerate anyone disrupting my ascent of the corporate ladder. I have middle management to my core. Beware of Iffy! So I, Tulio, I mean Tulio. Am here to delegate others to do the bidding that I myself have been delegated to do. Hit the button, Jeff.

Jeff? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha kid. I am really sorry about this. He's going to hit a button. Yeah. Do a perception check for me. What you could do a button. OK. Nineteen. I'll say when when he slotted the blinds open just to look at you you did notice maybe more than anywhere a thickness to this orange and pink haze that you've been seeing. OK. Coming from behind him in that office. Okay, okay. But he hits a button and on the wall, next to you on the other side of the ladder that you climb down,

almost like a Scooby-Doo bookcase, the wall rotates out. Okay. And you see a gigantic avocado toast homunculus. Yes, God bless. And before you fight it, you gotta rate it because you got avocado toast at Dunkin'. I did, I don't think I rated this a 10, 10.

Let's be clear. I wrote it a six out of 10. The bacon didn't add much. The bread was mid. Now, and I wrote, now I've had really good bread. Okay. I love that you're like, okay, past self. Yeah, the avocado. Oh, the avocado was the stuff that's processed, you know, like it's not fresh or anything. Oh my God. I bought a, like a tub of guac from a grocery store and it's like grocery

store brand. Oh boy. And it was like so chalky. Yeah. Was it like that? No. Okay. But I did say it doesn't have the, I did say it doesn't have the umami that usual avocado has, but you know, like that, that flavor, that's very buttery. And like, like you can taste it. It has oomph to it. It was more acidic.

So it was like, they like leaned on the citrus of guacamole. They leaned on the name avocado. They're like, that's enough. You don't need it to be good avocado. People will buy it. And the bread itself was, that can make or break an avocado toast. And it was just, it wasn't even,

I feel like you buy better bread at the store. This was so hard. It was like bread that was built to not perish. And so it was like harder, but not in a good way. Like, you know sourdough when it's like the like a baguette kind of thing and it's hard and that's the correct way it's supposed to be. This was just like.

It was hard in the wrong way. It was hard in the wrong way. So that was, but six out of 10, like, cause I didn't hate, hate it. So yeah, it's fine. Yeah. And I had the breakfast sandwich, the sourdough breakfast sandwich. Yes, it disappeared. With egg, sourdough, and bacon.

I actually thought that the bacon for a fast food bacon on this really hit for me. That's good. Mine was just crumbs. So I, it like, it did, it wasn't. Oh, okay. Yeah, mine was like, it was, it felt thicker than you expect for one of these places. And it was like a One or two like hefty pieces. Yeah the egg a little bit on the oily side, but uh overall

I actually did really like my breakfast sandwich. I gave it an eight and a half out of ten I wrote honestly pretty fire would bring me back. Okay, so And then real quick before we jump into this final battle the other foods that I didn't address yet I got a blueberry munchkin thought it was solid seven out of ten. Okay, I like a blueberry cake donut You do not know but you didn't have it. So yeah, your your score doesn't go on the record. Okay good And then I got an apple fritter Compote compote compote compote. I still want seven out of 10, but a lot of that is being carried by nostalgia. Okay. So.

I like the, yeah, I like the context. And then I got the powdered munchkins. I thought they were very dry. You put them on the list of the things that you would have wanted. Yeah. Also, I don't mind if, who cares if it's a dry, stale ass munchkin.

I felt like I was gonna cough through it. I don't know, I gave it four and a half out of 10. It was just there. It wasn't like bad. It was hard to swallow. Yeah. Yeah. But speaking of hard to swallow, this bitter pill, this final battle as your avocado toast has betrayed you Amy for Paul. Oh no! My homunculus. So the giant avocado-unculus is going to look at you and he's going to go, me avocado, you toast. Okay, and I'm going to use my quip sunglasses immediately, put them on and just, it's a free action.

Yeah. And I'm just going to say, avocado, no. Okay. I'll give you a BQ of 11. So roll a charisma check and on an 11 or higher, you can. I got a 12. higher, you can... I got a 12. Ooh, you got a 12.

But I got plus one Charisma, so 13. Great. Go ahead and roll a D6 and gain the corresponding benefit. I regain a Spell slot of the lowest level at which you're not at full, which is second because I've only cast Moonbeam. All right. Cool. I just cast Moonbeam over and over.

Look, you've got a thing. I've got a thing. The avocado toast, you're looking at it. It has those seeds on the side. It's got gooey guacamole arms and legs, basically. Just a big slimy green. And at the top of it, an avocado pit that's cracked open. And it is going to reach inside, rummage around,

and pull out a full unbroken avocado pit while the other one seals up. What the heck? Yeah. And he is just- Some body horror shit. He's going to fling it your direction, but he's so passionate at the start of this

that before we roll initiative, it's gonna hit the TV, the CCTV. Oh. And you're gonna see in the reflection of this TV, you get like a perfect look into the angle of this office and you can see on the far side of the wall in there, a big donut hole. That's it. That's it, Leo, the donut hole, I see it. I'm gonna ask you to

roll for initiative. Okay. Yes. Yes. Dirty 20. Cool. So you are up first. This avocado homunculus is looking at you. I actually want to run to the room. I want to I want to go to the office. Okay so you run to the office door that's about 10 feet of your movement you were pretty close to it. The door is locked when you try it. Dang. I'm gonna take my staff and like just start rap tap tapping. Go ahead and roll an attack against the glass. Well I also yelled yelled, Jeff, let me in there! Uh, 13 to hit the glass. 13, I'll say you hit the glass. Okay.

Maybe not as, like, hard as maybe you could. But, uh, yeah, roll some damage against the glass. So that's a six. Okay. That's six-budgeting. You do crack the glass open, but not in the sense that, like, it'll... Like, you haven't cleared the way yet.

So you have pierced through the glass. Okay, good for me. But it is not a safe opening. Yeah. Okay, that's my action. My bonus action will be to release pheromones again. So your ants are now they're hyper aggressive. Oh, I love it. Yes. Okay. And that is that'll be it. All of your turn. Yeah. I'm going to have you make a persuasion check against Jeff. Oh, great. Not great. Eight. He's just me like, sorry, I need this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This job. Fair enough. OK, that is going to bring us to the Avocadounculus,

who is going to see you go like you're at this door, you're not through it yet. It's going to run over, it's going to reach inside and generate another avocado pit, and it is going to try and smash you with it. Oh my god. That is a natural five. These rolls are not going my way today. No. So that's an 11 to hit. Does that hit? 11 does not hit, but when I'm targeted by a melee attack. Yeah.

Was it melee? OK. You can cause the swarm to retaliate and force the attacker to make a DC 14 con save. OK. A natural three, so a six. OK. So the ants are going to hop up and just swarm them for 2d6

For a total of ten poison damage Okay, you see as these ants jump up onto this giant piece of avocado toast Yes, and like a crop that feels threatened. He's like Yeah Yeah, he's not a fan of this. Perfect. Just where I like him. OK, so that is going to be the Avocadoonculus's turn.

But in addition to missing his melee attack, because he missed it by so much, I'm going to say that his avocado core smashes and clears a little bit more of the way of the window for you. Yes, it does. Yeah. Thank you avocado toast. So that is his turn that is going to bring us to the lair action. Of course you're not escaping a lair action. Again Jeff, again. There's more buttons? Tulio calm down. Tulio's office is lined with buttons. I'm going to ask you to roll a d4 against me. This is going to not be who rolls higher. This is going to be about the

difference between our rolls. Oh, neat. I rolled a four and I rolled a two. So there is a difference of two between us. Jeff is going to hit a button. And remember when I said that you were running on the little cup overhead? Yes. And these holes were appearing in the ground? Yes. A hole appears overhead,

and one of your thrall comes dropping into the battlefield. Heck yeah. Not great for him, but it will be helpful for you. And rolling two apart, this donut will land on the homunculus before it splats. And so you just hear, ah, oh my God, I get to be a thrall as he's falling, falling, falling.

But he is going to land squarely on the Avocadounculus. Okay, good. Which is going to do. Max fall damage. It is going to do... Max fall damage. It is going to do 16 points of damage. Oh my gosh. And he's just gonna go like, this is what I've always wanted!

And he splats. He was loyal to you to the end. The Doemancer. I salute the Doemancer. In his entire four minutes of life or whatever it's been. He really did it. He really did it.

He lived a life. He really did it. He lived a life. Yeah. So that is the layer action that brings us to your turn. That's hilarious. Okay. I'm going to cast enlarge reduce on the door. Oh, interesting. And I'm going to just reduce the size of the door. Okay.

So I can just push it down and walk in. Oh, so not the door frame, just the door. I do have to keep it concentrated, but I don't have a moonbeam up, so I can do it. I'm going to say that it just it works. OK, this door gets smaller and now it's just like, I don't know, it's like knee high in front of you. So this you hear as it like tears off the hinges as it gets smaller. The shrapnel. off the hinges as it gets smaller.

The shrapnel, boom, shoot back and clink. You hear as the big glass casing of the donut hole has taken a hit from the shrapnel from the door hinge. Good. It didn't seem to like do much to it. Like damage wise, you do feel it maybe just got a glancing blow and maybe with some more concerted attention on it, you could get through it. All right, so I'm gonna go in through the door. I see Jeff. Jeff, you gotta get out of here. This thing's gonna blow. You gotta leave. The avocadunculus is out there. There's a cup of coffee that can keep you safe. He just stares at you. Blink, blink, blink.

Oh, no. Do a do a frustration check. Oh, Jeff. Ooh no. A five. I'm sorry, I was just like, he called me in on my day off and I just wanna get through my shift.

No, Jeff. I just wanna get through my shift. What do you think is about to happen? I just wanna get through my shift. All right, all right. That's your turn. That will bring us to the Avocadounculus, who is going to see you running through the door.

He's going to try and stop you in your tracks, and he's going to go, are you a millennial? Yes, I am. Great, so this will affect you. He's going to say, you know, if it weren't for me, you could afford a house.

And I need you to do a, uh, a wisdom saving throw wisdom or take psychic damage. I'm high on wisdom. So 19, 19. Uh, yes. You do not take damage, nor do you lose three GP. Oh, amazing. That's so, oh my gosh, avocado toast, avocado toast. And he is going to move closer so he is right behind you as you're kind of going into the office. Okay. It's your turn, you are in the office. Jeff is right there, the avocado donkulous right behind you.

Okay. But the donut hole within reach is in front of you. Okay. What would you like to do? Will you describe the donut hole one more time? It's like this like gigantic, you know like the everything bagel and everything everywhere all at once? It's kind of like a donut hole version of that.

It's like a spinning floating munchkin behind this glass case. Got this like pink and orange energy that is emitting and you can kind of see at this point since you're close enough, that that energy is being siphoned up and you think you see like, oh, and that's where the wires are going.

So you kind of see one connected mechanism at work. Is the homunculus in or outside the office? He's like kind of at the doorway. He like followed you in. So if I release my reduce, will the door go back to where it is? And close the door? Yeah. And if you have like a one liner you want to do before it. OK, great, great. Uh, okay, um, I say, I just say, this is middle management.

We have a closed door policy. Damn. Uh, your BQ is very low. I'm going to say you only need to roll a seven to get the benefit here. Okay, awesome. Uh, oh yeah, I rolled an 11, so. Go ahead and roll a D6 on the table and let's see what benefit you get. Ooh, a six.

I stunned an opponent of your choice within earshot for one round. I think that does. Yeah. Done. Absolutely stunned the avocado toast. Okay. Avocado toast. The door just pops up.

He's like, Oh, what the hell? As he's just like, I don't know what's happening. And he's just going to be like lost in confusion. He was like, there wasn what the hell? As he's just like, I don't know what's happening. And he's just gonna be like lost in confusion. He's like, there wasn't a door here. Yeah. Just a second ago. Yeah, he's confused. Awesome. And it's gonna be a minute. The door appears, it says in a meeting.

Come back in five minutes. Yeah, yeah. So I've got this donut hole. Yeah. I try to dispel magic. That's my action. All right. I try to dispel magic, that's my action. All right, you try and dispel magic and you do see that like a glyph

that was affecting this glass case around it drops. Oh good. But the magic of the donut hole itself still emanating this like orange and pink stuff. Oh, the glyph, the glyph, that's right. But like a protective barrier has been dropped because that was in between you and the donut hole. Okay, last thing.

What are these glyphs, Jeff? So you don't destroy it. Oh, okay. Fair enough. Okay. And you're ruining my day. Okay, understood. Yeah, I am doing that.

I am doing that. I am doing that. It's me. Cool. That'll bring us to the lair once more because we are skipping the... He stunned. But how does this was not here? He spends his turn marveling at the door. Oh, hey.

Swear to God, Jeff, I'll write you up if you don't help my precious baby win. All right, go ahead and roll a D4 against me to see. Okay. Where this donut that falls drops. A one. You keep rolling two away from me. So again, another donut's gonna fall on the avocado-unculus.

Okay. One that you haven't seen before. Ah, yes. This is calming. I like the feeling of falling. And all of a sudden an Eccleric bursts onto the scene. Yes! Oh no.

Oh so sorry. Squishes onto the Avocadunculus. Okay. Yeah, go Eccleric! That is 16 points of damage. No! Not my little guacling! The Avocadunculus is looking rough of damage. No, not my little guacling. The Avocadounculus is looking rough. Yeah.

From all these donuts that I can't believe you're rolling two away from me on all of these. It's crazy. Okay. I'm happy for me. Yeah. Back to your turn, the donut hole. Before you, the glass is dispelled.

Okay, and so the rune, dispelling magic did, did. The protective rune over the glass case is gone. Okay, I want to remove the glass case. I'm gonna pick it up. Make a, just like a dexterity check to see if you can like. Wiggle it out? Wiggle it out the right way. Okay.

That is the craziest way a 20 has been rolled. I know, but it is flat. It is on a flat surface. It popped up out of the bottom of the thing. Out of the bottom. Landed on the rim of your case and was a natural twin. And was a natural twin, sweetie! That is insane.

Yeah. You just put your fingers on and your ants climb up your arm and almost like in teamwork. They go into all the like little crevices along the side of it. They slot out this piece of glass. You take it off as cleanly as you can. Jeff is kind of just looking at his phone.

He's just like, he's like, look, I don't get paid enough for this. No. The donut hole stands before you. How? Okay. You take a bite of the donut hole and all of a sudden it's orange and pink disappears.

The Avocado-unculus. you can't tell if it's still just really confused or if for some reason it powered down and stopped. No! The screens go black as you take a bite of this, this donut hole, this magic entity, and all of a sudden you feel all of the magic connection that you have leave your body. Oh no.

And then come back even stronger. Oh good, good. You're going super Saiyan right now. Reformat it, yeah. Shhhhhh! And the donut hole bursts open. Yes! Like the dough just crumbles out.

Yes! And inside of the donut hole. What the heck? Yes! Like the dough just crumbles out. Yes! And inside of the doughnut hole. What the heck? Almost like this embryonic form like when Keanu Reeves wakes up in The Matrix. No, stop. But it's a face that you recognize. Okay.

A mustache. A horseshoe haircut. What the heck does that mean? Fred the Baker. Oh, it's Fred. So Fred the Baker pops up out of this donut hole. He is covered in embryonic goo. He looks at you, and he's just like, time to make the donuts.

Oh, no. And he's going to step out of this glass case. He's going to pat you on the shoulder and say thank you so much. Thank you. It is time to make the donuts though. And you hear as Tulio yells at him. No!

Fred the Baker, you're supposed to be dead! What are you doing? And like this deity, his eyes just shoot towards the outside of the office. Around the corner is the screen. He reaches his arm out like Dulcim from Street Fighter, reaches into the TV, pulls out Tulio, and just flings them down. Red.

Down the hallway into this river of fryer oil. Wow. Ah, ah, no! Yes, editing, yes, editing. fryer oil. Wow. Ha ha. No. Yes. Editing. Yes, editing. Oh, it's still going. Tulio gone, Fred the Baker looks at you.

Oh, you've regained the magic. He's going to snap his fingers. And now all of a sudden, you two are back up at the surface of this Duncan. Oh, he's clothed. He's less slimy. Yeah, good, good. The entire glaze subsides. This entire filter that you've been looking through of like orange and pinks. Everything's gone in that regard.

You're up in this Duncan. the gears on the outside are gone. You can now see through the windows, you can see the outside world. But now there is a tinge of magic in all of the people. Duncan has had itself freed. Yay! The magic is back. They are now committing to baking donuts fresh in store. They are taking pride in their work because Fred the Baker is back, baby.

That's right, and it's time to make the donuts. It's now time to make the donuts. You're up here, you see customers coping with the fact that they can now cast spells. Brink, who you saw earlier, is casting create food and water and he's like, oh, well, this is neat. Now I don't have to get mad when my girlfriend's brother doesn't refill the Brita.

Yeah. And he's just like finding all these silver linings and whatnot. And this is all because of you. You've restored the magic. You have destroyed the donut hole. And the magic suppression, at least in this multi-mile radius, has been eliminated. Awesome. The donuts behind the

counter are again glowing with arcane energy, this time red arcane energy. It is in reverse, it is not suppressing. It now brings people inspiration, it brings people more magic, they get powers. You didn't just deliver peanuts today, you delivered freedom. Yes. One dunking down, over 9,500 to go, but, you know, that's for another day, yes. I need to know what Leo DiCaffio. You see on the floor an empty cup. No. It has, in Sharpie, like a face written on it.

No. You open it up, and inside you find crumbled up another note in a donut bag. Thanks for the refill on life, LD. P.S. I have hands now. Isn't the penmanship so much better? It is, it's less squiggly. And you look outside the window and you see

what looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes! Okay. All right. But yeah, he's still kind of old, isn't he? All right, I'm not going to go for it. All right. Yeah, but it's nice to know that I got him back.

You got him back to his form and you just see as he like bows and thanks you. I just will always miss my horny old fashioned sour cream donut. You do see that it is still off to the side. It did not fall. It's sitting at a table like cross-legged and he's like, oh wow. Oh. Oh, this is a nice new paradigm. Oh.

Why was I interested in that? I was interested, you know, when it was... I was interested in you, but you were playing hard to get. But when it wasn't available, I missed you. And now that it's available again, I don't want it. Unfortunate for me. I know. Wow. Human psychology is so messed up.

And you'll be back. You'll be back. And you'll all be back to Duncan because in two days from today, it is free donut day at Duncan. No way. So everyone go get your free Dunkin's. Two days from when this episode comes out. Oh cool.

Yeah. The end. The end. That is the end of this. I love how. Very stupid journey. We are almost done with our review. I think I've covered all the food items.

You've talked about your avocado toast. You've talked about your decaf coffee. All that is left is for us to calibrate and score. So this is your first time on the Fine Dining Podcast. I'm gonna ask you to tell me your zero and your 10, the worst dining experience you've ever had, the best you've ever had with Chili's obviously being right in the middle, that perfect five.

We're gonna jump into this week's Calibration Station. ["Calibration Station Theme Song"] Calibration station Comparing this meal to the best or the worst Calibration station Chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo All right, Amy, I'm gonna ask you, you can start with whichever one,

your zero or your 10, but just tell me worst and best restaurant experiences you've ever had. My 10 is Mozza, which is a- I'm not eating there, but I've been to Cheese Spacca right around the corner. Okay. It's like, it's by the same people. Oh, cool.

But it's like the butcher, it's like a steakhouse. Ooh, awesome. Very good. So this was, I've been to Mozza only twice in my life. This is the second time I went with my friend, Laser. And he took me there to say thank you for helping him with the project. And we just, I mean, the service was great.

Everything was like, it's like a Michelin star restaurant, but also everyone was so casual. Like it was like, we weren't nothing, it wasn't pompous. It just was lovely and nice. I remember we got, we got like five different courses or like dishes, we shared them, and then we got three different desserts. And we just kind of pointed to shit on the menu

that we wanted, and it was awesome. Everything about it was great. A place like that is, it literally strikes me as, you cannot go wrong with a choice you make. Nope, and they, you know, the service were all really nice about recommendations, and really, half of it was like recommendations, and the other thing was, the service were all really nice about recommendations and really half of it was like recommendations and the other thing was like, what's that person eating?

Like, you know what I mean? It was like, I want that. So that was delicious. My zero is, I, ages ago, I went to, where do I even start? The night before I was at a party and a friend of mine was like, let's go go-karting tomorrow morning, great.

So we had made a plan 10 a.m. or something. So 10 a.m. kinda comes and goes and I'm like, hey, are we going? And he was like, what? Oh my gosh, shoot, I forgot, yes, yes, yes, let's go, let's go go-karting. And I didn't realize that he was like, on many drugs the night before.

But he was like determined to make this a fun day. So he was on a come down while we were doing go-karts. Then we got hungry, so we went, and go-karts was in Compton. Then we got hungry and we just like stopped at the first place we saw, which was this Mexican restaurant. I do not know the name, but what I do remember about it is it said happy birthday in the front

with each paper having one letter. So the letters were, the paper was white and the letters were blue. And it was like H-A-P-P-Y birthday, right? And then it took us not very long to realize that this was to disguise the D rating of the restaurant. And so they were all in the same font and like paper structure as the D rating.

So they could say, like, yes, we've officially, you know, you have to put that on your establishment. So funny to me. And so like the food, it was a Mexican restaurant. It was really beans, cheese, whatever. Like it was mid. Like it was I don't remember the entire experience was negative, mid, like it was, I don't remember. The entire experience was negative though, because it was like my buddy, did we have fun?

I don't remember. It was more about like kind of taking care of him as he was having like a big drug come down. Just recreational drugs, like it was totally fine. But he was like, I didn't want to let you down. And I was like, we shouldn't have come here. Like this shouldn't have been an activity today. You should have been sleeping this whole time.

Any place with a D. But a D, it's a D and everything around it was to disguise it. Isn't that nuts? That's so funny to me. But very creative too. I love that detail. Yeah, there you go.

So that's your worst and your first. Somewhere between a D health rating and moza lies our meal at Dunkin Donuts. With the company not being a factor. Okay, cool. So, I'm going to send it to the Chili's test. Is it time to set scale? Will it pass or will it fail? Is it the worst? Is it the best? Put it through the jellies test. I will go first. I will say that this Dunkin, it's just not meant to eat there, yet that is what I am reviewing. I am reviewing the experience of being in the place and eating

at the place. And while it wasn't like gross or anything, there was just nothing there like keeping me there. And like, I do like windows and stuff, but also with the right time of day, that sun comes in and it's like glare and it's kind of sweaty. And we went on kind of like an overcast rainy day, but in general, I can hit or miss on that kind of very openness.

The donuts just, they hit fine, but they don't hit the way that you, like especially in LA, there's so many great donut places that it's just hard to go to Dunkin' and be like, yeah, I'm singing the praise of their donuts. And I'm not a coffee drinker, you had their coffee for us, essentially. And so on the donut aspect, it's just not amazing.

So when I'm taking all of the factors in the ambiance, the service, the food, for Dunkin, I'm gonna go a 4.21. It's kind of on the very low end of what I'd call average. Okay. It's not bad to me, but you know. Yes, it is lower than Chili's for sure. Yeah.

This is a good place to cater early, if you need donuts, like going grab what you need or have it postmated or delivered or something. Yeah. But yeah, to be there was less than. I also, yeah, I looked at all the donuts, they're fine. There's nothing you can get there that you can't get other places.

And the mom and pop shop of it all, it's like, yeah, go there. Go to the corner stores. Speaking of you talking about the donuts that you looked at, did I already mention that you were like anti the blueberry glaze? Oh, I don't think so.

We didn't have that one show up, but yeah. Anti, I- I literally had you make a list because that one show up. But yeah, and I, I, I literally had you make a list because you weren't eating donuts that day. And I was just like, just tell me which three looked the most appealing, which three looked the worst. The best were sour cream,

which looks like an old fashioned chocolate frosted with sprinkles and powdered munchkins. We got those. Your allies in the battle. Yes. And then we got jelly glazed blueberry and double chocolate. Your enemies in the battle. My enemies, okay.

Glazed blueberry cake specifically is like my favorite kind of donut. When done, great. There's a place called Donut Hut in Burbank that I think has the best blueberry cake donut. If you wanna give it a chance at what I would call it's best, I would recommend it. If you're not a blueberry person,

you don't have to do it. I'm just not a blueberry person. Like even when there's like blueberry granola bars or something like that, or blueberry compote, dare I say. I'm not into it. But I did get their blueberry donut and the donut hole. And I liked them both. You liked it, okay.

It's allowed, you're allowed. It's not amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, that's a digression. That's okay, I give it a solid 3.82. When you put that together with my 4.21, Dunkin' Donuts goes up on the Chachki of mediocrity at a 4.02.

Nice. You saved it from a three. Cute. Which is still better than staying at the Hooters Hotel and Casino in Vegas. Oh, amazing. That was one of the worst experiences. Wow. But like, fun.

We did not have one. Okay. But, nah. Yeah, the highs were high, the lows were low. Well, yeah. Anyways, so that means Dunkin' Donuts is officially not as good as Chili's. Not as good as Chili's. Objectively not so good.

I'm gonna go somewhere next week. I gotta figure out where that's gonna be. So I am gonna turn to the you must bowl to determine. Okay. Do you wanna grab? Oh, I thought that's what you were having me do. You do it. Okay. No, I don't wanna be blamed were having me do. You do it. Okay.

No, I don't wanna be blamed for this. All right. Next week on the podcast, I will be going to Gus's World Famous Fried Chicken. Have you ever been? No, but I love fried chicken. It's literally the closest restaurant to here. Oh my gosh.

Is Gus's. I think a fried chicken sandwich goes on my list of top meal in the entire world. Anyways, thank you so much for playing. Thank you so much. Yeah, I really appreciate it. Huge thanks to Ify Wadiway for contributing. What a treat.

The voice for Tulio, the shift manager, manager of shifts. Let the people know where they can find you on social media. Oh, sure. Please follow me at VorpalSword on Instagram. And that is in my bio where you can also hop over to my Discord where I hang out all the time.

You can follow the show on Instagram, TikTok, and Blue Sky at Fine Dining Podcast. You can jump into my Discord and go ahead. I'm very active there as well. We can chat food, post pictures that we want. You can go to my Patreon and get an exclusive episode every single month. In the meantime, I will be back next week,

starting with the history of Gus's world famous fried chicken. It'll be a good one. Thank you so much for watching. I will see you next time. Have a fine day! And everything's on lock And that's cause chili's too little to empty It's the blood that gonna stone me I for D, I for D

So now we got a brand new kind of test That's the words we gotta know Cause we shouldn't have known it yet That triple dip, I got the ribs on main course The big little in the middle, it's gone Now it's got to be the lock for what we use When we put things up on the charge game Mediocrity

So there's another one in the books, yeah There's another one in the books, yeah, there's another one in the books And we will see you next week, next week, baby