Fine Dining - Five Guys Was Actually Six Guys and a Lady

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

🍔🥜 Five Guys: Shaq's Five Guys Empire, The Secret Sixth Guy, and An Old Yelper Yells at Clouds 🥜🍔 This week, Seif Rahoumi (@seifrahoumi) joins me to look into the history of Five Guys, a family burger business that has scaled massively. Faced with a choice between college and burgers, the Murrell brothers helped build one of America's biggest fast-casual success stories...despite the fact that there are actually six guys, plus one very important woman who didn't make it into the name. 🎓 "College or Burgers?" 👨‍👦 Who's the Sixth Guy? 🏀 Shaquille O'Neal's Massive Five Guys Empire 🥜 Peanuts While You Wait 🔥 The Heat Lamp: Seif Drags Picky Eaters (While I Defend Us) 🚗 Yelp from Strangers: One Reviewer Absolutely HATES Food Influencers Who Eat in Their Cars 💬 COMMENT BELOW: Would you have chosen college... or opening a burger restaurant with your family? 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🎉 Patreon (Bonus episodes, extended Yelp segments & more): patreon.com/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Food talk, memes, cursed Yelp): discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🎥 Watch full episodes: youtube.com/channel/UCLbraNhL6KhDPkdSWt2yiuw 🔗 All links: linktree.com/finediningpodcast 🎤 Guest: Seif Rahoumi | IG: @seifrahoumi Patreon Producers:Sue Ornelas, Joyce Van, & Robert McLaughlin Patreon Subscribers:David Ornelas, Kellie Baldwin, Jeremy Horwitz, Herbert Amaya, Simone Davalos, Scott Bennett, Amy Reinhart, Josef Castaneda-Liles, Travis Langley, Jewell Hermann, & Michelle Elmer Free Patreon Followers:Joe Warszalek, Lauren Cummings, Grace Krainak, Keri Estes, Robert Duran, Patrick Elliott, Dave Plummer, Nicholas Volney, Michael Gerard, Tracy Molino, Phuong Duong, Tyler Robinson, Brandon Gully, Mason Cruz, Michael Milito, Mez, Aaron Hubbard, Steff, Renae Michael, Crystal C., NiZ, Science Broe, & Jahid Ahmed 👉 NEXT WEEK: We put Five Guys to the Chili's Test before its Septemburger 2026 showdown as the tournament's No. 2 seed against Smash Burger. 🍔🏆

How did five guys manage to get so huge without selling out? With a footprint in the thousands, Five Guys Burgers and Fries has become an international sensation while keeping it in the family since its inception, literally, as all five of the guys are in fact related to one another. Take that, the Doobie brothers. You freaking wish your 23 and me's had you sharing the same bloodline. Taking customization to the extreme, Five Guys has over 250,000 ways to mix and match your free burger toppings. They've become an attractive franchise option for those looking to run a restaurant, so much so that former NBA megastar and the one true king of endorsing literally whatever, Shaquille O'Neal, once owned 155 Five Guys franchise locations.

Legend has it that if you put a bag of Cajun fries beneath your pillow before going to sleep, Shaq will endorse your startup. This week on the show, I'll crush my nuts of knowledge and leave them on the floor of your curiosity so that you two may know everything I've learned about five guys. Then we'll direct our attention to the people of Yelp to see what they're saying about the very five guys we dined at. This is the fine dining podcast. Summer has a way of filling your home with light, but with more light comes more glare, more heat, less privacy. That's where Hunter does. Douglas can help. For decades, they've designed shades that do more than complement your windows.

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That's night and day decor.com. I adore Shaquille O'Neal. I adore Shaquille. And realistically, it's just because of that little shibby meme. Sure, sure. There was a Halloween festival at the Queen Mary that was going on for years called Shacktoberfest. Uh-huh. The theme was Shaquille O'Neal as like monsters. Uh-huh.

I don't understand, but it was the best time I've ever had in my life. Incredible. Hello, and welcome to the fine dining podcast, the quest to compare all restaurants to Chili's. I'm your host, Michael Ornellis, and this is the podcast where we dive deep into the history of your favorite restaurants and then thoroughly review them one week later. by comparing them to Chili's. This week, we are covering the number two seed in this year's Septemberger tournament, five guys. And joining me is a friend and performer you can see performing with me every other Sunday night

at the Shared Experience Studio in Hollywood, as well as with his team revenge dress at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. He's as funny as he is untrustworthy in board games. It's safe for whomie. I resent everything you just said. Do you? You resent everything? You resent me telling people we're on a team together? I resent that. I resent you mentioning Chili's. I present everything you just said. I thought you were my friend.

Okay. Thanks for coming on the podcast. No problem, buddy. Do you have a history with five guys? Have you been much? Oh yeah. I used to go to five guys a lot, actually. When I discovered it, I was like, this is the burger. You discovered it. Yeah, I kind of found out. I was like, kind of the Christopher Columbus with five guys in that I didn't actually discover anything. I just showed up one day and was like, and told all the natives to leave. I did. I did. I told everyone there to leave. They did not listen. Believe it or not. But yeah, I used to go like an embarrassing amount. I would go like weekly to five guys

when I was younger. Yeah. Which I don't know how because I didn't have a job. And it's not cheap. Yeah. But it is good. I feel like my history with five. Five guys has been one of increasingly being impressed in that I was underwhelmed at first. Okay. It was a place that I just always was like, yeah, it's fine. It's a little overrated, but it's fine. And I think throughout the years, I've just come to appreciate it more. Yeah.

Yeah. Has it changed or have you changed? I think I've changed. That's beautiful. Yeah. I'm willing to admit that I've changed. You're willing to take five guys. There are all that was.

There are more fries filling up to the brim of my bag of acceptance. Oh, my God, of your heart. Yeah. That's beautiful. That sounds fatal. Just raw grease. Yeah. Oof.

Anyways, that's my history with five guys and your history with five guys. Do you want to learn the history of five guys? Yeah, got to. All right. We're going to jump into this week's eat deets. Eatery details. Five guys came about in 1986 when Jerry and Janie Morr, asked their four sons whether they wanted to go to college or use those funds to start a family business.

The boys picked burgers and Jerry was already carrying around his mother's old advice that if you can serve a good hamburger, you can make money in America. The name five guys refers to Jerry and his sons while Janie's like, what the heck? I was literally about to say, erasing women as always. I know. Hey, look, it was the 80s. I don't even know if women existed. Oh, that's true. That's true.

That was a quote from you. I don't have that viewpoint. What? No, my thing is, my favorite thing about the 21st century was the introduction of women. The invention of women, which you discovered. You were the Christopher Columbus of women. Yeah. Yeah.

I always thought the five guys were some sort of polycule. So it's fascinating to find out they're actually just like a family. Well, they do love each other, but I don't know if they have like wild weekend orgies. I hope they don't. I kind of really hope they know. and dad. Yeah, I do, I do find it funny because it really feels like, you know, when a parent has kind of your life mapped out for you.

Yeah. It's like, hey, you could go to college or you could have a burger place. It really felt like it's the parent thing. Was he was, like, do you think Papa was insecure about like his own burger business? Like he needed them to, why did he need them to sign on? You know what I mean? I mean, do it yourself. It sounded like it was like, hey, we need the capital.

and we can either send you all to college or you can join us in building something. Yeah, and like you probably don't have to pay them. I mean, I'm sure they're cut in. Nope. Child labor. Child labor. It was cool back in the day. Back in the 80s.

Child labor. Women have the ones who changed that, actually, when they got introduced. I know. Oh, there they go again. Messing with a good day. Oie. Five guys started as a neighborhood Virginia burger joint and then absolutely. blasted off through franchising. The family built five DC area stores by 2001, began franchising in 2003,

went on to sell more than 300 franchise units in under 18 months, and by 2009 had already reached 436 locations in 32 states, with Calgary lined up as its first international opening. There are now over 1,500 locations in the United States. Wowza. That's a lot of five guys. Do you think like one of the sons was like, I want to be an actor, Mama? And all the rest of them were like, I want to win by good. I want to dance. Well, you can dance your way behind that flat top.

It's tragic. Yeah. Yeah. Are they dead? Or is that spoiler? In 1986, they were kids. Oh, I think they're fine. You don't know.

All they're eating is five guys. That's all a long life. I've tasted their burgers. That's 80% grease, 20% yummy, yummy. They don't get high on their own supply. That's probably true. That's probably true. Yeah.

That's sad. And plus dancing's a lot of cardio. That's true. He's still a lot. Yeah, yeah. He's still a lot. Love that guy. Yeah, yeah.

Internationally, five guys turned into a much bigger beast than a lot of American fast casuals ever manage. After opening in Canada in 2010 and London's Covent Garden in 2013, it finished 2024 with about 450 international locations. Today, the company says it operates nearly 2,000 restaurants in 30 countries, and its splashiest current flagship is the 10,000 square foot Venetian-slash-Gran Canal shops store in Las Vegas with all-day breakfast and a full bar. Five Guys has a breakfast and bar location. And it's 10,000. The Venetian, yeah, 10,000 square feet. I want to go there.

I want to go there at least to see it. I kind of do too. Like, is it, is it breakfast burgers? Is it like waffles instead of buns? I need to know. I need to know. I need to know.

And a bar? Pack up the Winnebago. Yeah, what are we doing right now? I'll go. Great. Oh, my God. Doesn't it sound fun? And it's only there?

But the problem is like, if you go to Vegas, yeah, I'm interested in seeing this, but I'm more interested in most other things. Sure. I don't even know if I had. eat there. I had an episode where I stayed at the former Hooters Hotel and Casino. I'm trying to see how it ranked, but I can't find it. Oh, that's low. One of the worst hotels I've ever stayed there. But they have a Hooters that serves breakfast.

Sure. And those big old knockers. Yep. And those big old knockers. Thank you. Yeah. Stupid. In an age where every company ends up selling to private equity, five guys has stayed defiant. Five Guys says it remains a privately owned company with no current plans to go public, while domestic and Canadian franchise territories are effectively sold out. If you want to open a five guys right now, you'd probably need to do so in an international market. Interesting. So there's keeping it to the five guys technically on charge. Is that what that means? Kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just means like they're not really doing a lot more expanding in the U.S. They're like, they're happy with their numbers globally is where they're interested in dominating. Okay, okay. Yeah. They're trying to take over the world. Global domination. Oh, we have five guys. Yeah.

Taking over the world. Yeah. Compared to what we got. Of course, it was going to be guys. I know. I know. Oh, another fact about the five guys. They had another son.

And they cut him in. And then the dad was like, I guess I'm not one of the five guys. This is y'alls. They can't be six guys. Because that would be crazy. Terrible. It would be crazy. What if those sons have sons?

Are they going to be like replacing each other with every passing generation? Yeah. I'm just hearing that five guys shares a lot of similarities to like royal bloodlines, it seems. Like only the sun. Or like succession. Yeah, yeah. Only the sun can accept the role. Yeah.

That's really bad. Yeah. They could be like the Habsburgs in. Yes. With all the inbreeding. Yes. Like it's like severe jawline. Back to inbreeding.

We found it. Yeah. We found our way back to it being a polycool. Look at it. I knew it. The five guys brand. identity is still presented as fresh, simple, customizable, and they've been weirdly stubborn about it. Officially they emphasize no freezers, fresh daily prep toppings, made-to-order patties,

and 15 free toppings. The main concessions they've had to make in order to scale have been boring but important ones like uniform produce vendors instead of local sourcing, Washington or Idaho potato sourcing, paper bags for speed, and well-done-only burgers for consistency and food safety. I feel like Smash burgers in general are like always well done, right? Like a small bird. Yeah, well, this isn't. Is that not a Smashburger? I wouldn't call this a Smashburger.

Can I be honest with you? I feel like people started saying Smashburger a year ago, and I still don't really understand what it. Smash burgers are very thin to the point that the edges are crispy. That sounds. The edge of the paddy. Like then while they're like smushing it while they're, I guess they're smashing it. There's literally like a weight that you can put on and like smash it down. but L.A. has a really big smash burger scene.

Like for the win, Easy Street, Burger, she wrote, Hi-ho, Jesus. Heavy-handed, the window. Okay. There's a bunch of places that you can go to get, like, an official smash burger. Gotcha, got you. Yeah. It's like a champagne situation, maybe.

Like, it only counts as a smash burger if it's made in smash. Yes. Okay. Well, it was crazy is even though they say they're a smash burger, the literal smash burger chain, I felt like the burgers weren't smashed. Or at least the one we went to were not smashed. were not smashed thin enough to categorize as what I would consider a smashburger. That doesn't sound appealing.

Like crunchy? It's good. Well, it's like the my art reaction. So like when fat renders, do you know, did that sentence mean nothing to you? What? Yeah, there's like a sear that you can get like, you like stakes. I love steak. I know.

I've seen you order stakes in places where you should have no business ordering steaks. I'm being attacked. But it's like, you would. want the fat to be exposed to the flame. Sure. Because of the chemical reaction that it has and becomes very delicious for all intents and purposes. Agreed. And when you have a really thin patty and usually a higher fat content, you're doing like an 80% lean 20% fat as opposed to like a 937 or something. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, yeah. I feel like I know so much about the language you don't know. Here's what I feel.

I feel like I've lived my life assuming that I know stuff about burgers. And I feel like I'm being, what do the kids say, maugged right now? I'm being burger mugged right now. I have never been accused of magging. Well, but this is the biggest compliment I've ever been paid right now. And I want you to know that.

I'm a guess. Let me have my dignity. Let me know something. They're usually made out of beef. Not always. Sometimes. Sometimes they mix in some pork. Stop harassing me.

You can have like a black bean. You could have impossible meat. Oh, that's true. Okay, I'm a dumb idiot. We got to the point that I was hoping to get to in only like 18 minutes of recording. Oh, no. I already got you to admit you're a dumb idiot. I won.

I won. This is for Twilight Imperium. That's fair. Branding wise, five guys spent decades acting like advertising was for other people. It's best known campaigns are really just practices spread by word of mouth. Free peanuts originally meant to keep people busy while they waited, loud music is part of the store vibe, and celebrity-grade organic publicity when Barack and Michelle Obama started making five guys runs in 2009, before the chain finally launched its biggest integrated campaign yet, Your Burger Guy, in 2006. And basically just adds like, when you want a fresh burger, hit up your Burger guy. And it just shows like a five guys guy standing behind the ground.

Oh, gotcha, got you. You said the peanuts were to keep you busy while you're waiting for your burger? Well, because they put them in the line. Yeah, yeah. So if the line is long, in the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they're right when you walk in. Yeah, yeah.

And so that is designed to be like, oh, you're here because you're hungry, but you're not to the front yet and able to order. Like if there's a line. Yeah. And so it's just like here, have this. I kind of don't like it. I don't like the big box of peanuts. It feels presumptuous. presumptuous.

How do you know? I like, what if I'm allergic? What if I'm allergic? And I walk in and I get a waft of death. Not only that, but their fries are like very much cooked in 100% peanut oil. So this is a place where like it weeds out the allergic. Five guys is anti-peanat allergy. I am too.

Like you don't believe in them? What do you think? You don't believe anyone has a peanut allergy? I just think it's like Darwinism. Oh, it's like let them die. That's what you think. That's, you think it. Harsh.

Michael believes everyone with a peanut allergy should die. No. But if they do, why'd you eat peanuts? Right. All allergies are just peanuts. Just peanut. Okay, okay. Well, bees.

I feel like I'm just advocating for death. And I refuse. It's because you are. I refuse. Bees, bee allergies. I got stung. Should I die? Well, that one, like, you're getting stung because you were a nuisance.

You were a bad person. You threw a basketball at a, at a, at a, backboard that you didn't know had a nest behind it interesting do you think there's like a like a reincarnation aspect to it like you were rude to a peanut in your past life and now you're allergic to them that was believable until you said rude to a peanut well i've been like you were a dick in your past life and now in this life well it has to be ironic allergy it has to be an ironic twist no i think it could just be you were to an elephant elephants and they never forget and they never forget yeah even through lifetimes yeah that's crazy

Did we just figure that out? I think we did. That's science, baby. Five Guys hasn't had too many controversies, but there are a few. In 2024, Five Guys became a viral symbol of how is one burger meal this expensive? And in 2026, its 40th birthday Bogo offer ran into shortages, app issues, and early closures, forcing a public apology, followed by $1.5 million in bonuses to affected workers. Basically, workers who I imagine were just... just so targeted by unhappy customers that they were like traumatized and they had to pay them out

or something. Yeah, I would imagine. You work as a server, right? A bartender, yeah, a bartender server. I do it all. Do you, do you interact with rude or unhappy people a lot or is it kind of an anomaly? I mean, they are there. I'm really, like, comically not good at my job in that I'm not like, if you're rude to me, I'll just be rude to you. Like, I'm not going to be like, let me, make this right right right i'm just gonna give you what you're given me yeah so i've had a lot of people like sometimes i'm the problem sometimes if someone doesn't say thank to thank you to me the first time i'm like you're dead you're dead to me i'm gonna be late with everything i'm not gonna be nice and you're getting peanuts and you're getting peanuts because i know you're allergic because if you're

mean in this life i know you're meaning in a past life to an elephant to an elephant and what did they do to you they it was an original it was the reincarnation of a wringling brother oh yeah Barnum and Bailey. Well, P.T. Barnum. Those are different people, but all rude to elephants, I assume. Barnum and Bailey are two different people. Barnum and Bailey are different from the Ringling brothers. Yes.

Yeah. Because they don't have the last name Ringling. They have the last name, Barnum and Bailey. Yeah. I used to think every time I heard like a pair, like Holland Oates or like Hannah Barbera, I just thought that was someone's name. Hannah Barbera? I thought that was a woman.

Yeah, that's two men. I thought it was a woman. Well, women weren't around. Yeah. No, I was always like, it's so incredible that, like, a woman created all these iconic shows. I was like, no, just a couple of fucking white guys. Disappointing. What I was going to say, though, is I'm surprised that the biggest controversy wasn't four brothers and their dad in a polycule.

And that'll do it for this week's Eat Dates. Steve, I know you're built without a filter. And you say whatever wild inflammatory thoughts come into your mind, often getting you in trouble with what you call the woke mob. Your words, not mine. This next segment is your opportunity to stick it to them once more with how you feel about food. It's time for the heat lamp. So hot right now.

Safe. Oh, no, I did it. What is your food hot take? If you're a piggy eater, I don't want to go anywhere with you. I don't want to dine with people who are like so anal about every little thing on their sand. Just get a fucking sandwich. Okay. Any thoughts?

There has to be a spectrum to this. Because I'm a picky eater, but I will always be able to find something. I will always be able to find multiple things anywhere I go. But I probably don't want to split with you. Well, sure. If you're like, I want to order family style for the table. Okay. No, you're imagining that I have any steak in this.

It's literally just watching someone be a piggy eater for themselves in the comfort of their own stuff. This is me off. Because it's a just as an observer, even though it affects you zero. Zero. I just don't like watching it because it's like, I don't like people who don't want to try stuff. They're like, I know what I like. I like a grilled cheese. Can I give you the counterpoint?

Oh, yeah, sir. Sure, give me the counterpoint. I find myself often identifying as I'm fairly certain I'm on the spectrum a little bit. I don't think I'm super deep into the spectrum. Yeah. But one of the things that to me, the discomfort of a taste that grosses me out is such a deterrent. I don't want to experience that. It's one of the most unpleasant things I have happened to me.

Sure. So you're just like I'm going to stick to what I know isn't going to cause that discomfort? Yes. With the exception of if something looks interesting to me, even if it previously didn't, I'll try it. And then if I start learning like sauces are a good example. Like hummus was a food that I wouldn't have for a really long time. And then I was like, oh, it's chickpeas, which is kind of like a bean kind of. right?

Yeah, sure. Chickpeas of beans. You just think I know anything about every Arabic food? Wow. Rahumi. Rahu me. Keep talking about whatever bullshit you're talking. It's like once I have the understanding of what's in it, I'm like, now I'm willing

to try it. Okay. And once I ate like, like avocados or something I wouldn't have for a long time. And then I had it. And then I'm like, okay, well, now I love avocados. I love guacamole. Yeah. I had to have that initial curiosity.

I had to have one that like, oh, I saw an avocado. that looked good. It wasn't too mushy. Interesting. It wasn't too tough. It was like, that looks like if I'm going to have an avoc. So my thing is,

I will branch out, but I always want to start with the best available version of the new thing I'm trying. And then I'm like, I liked that enough that now I'll just have the average version of it. Okay.

You have to go top down. I have to go top down. And I hear you. And I think you, in my experience of having eating with you before. Yeah. It has not actively perturbed me.

Yeah. Because I don't have to get his come up very much. And hypocritically, I don't love an avocado. But, but, but I have had many an avocado and I have come to that conclusion. I don't like, I understand the take of like. You don't like being unwilling to try. Yeah. And I'm unwilling to try some things.

Yeah. Cheese is kind of the blanket place of like. Yeah. Any cheese, which is, there's a lot of cheese. But I'll eat pizza. So it's like, and that's what people say. It's like, and I'm sure there are cheeses out there that I would like. You've just decided.

It just conceptually grosses me out. And that's, I'm not going to shame you. I do think that's wrong. And I think anyone who thinks like you is wrong. And maybe, you literally started that segment with, I'm not going to shame you. Did you take that as shame? If you want to hear me, shame you're dumb. No, I said anyone who thinks like you is dumb.

Oh, okay. You're not dumb. You just did that math so bad. Because I don't think like me. Yes, you don't think like you. You know everything about burgers. But no, I just think it's like, for me, especially if we're like talking in like a dating situation or whatever. If I'm like, I'm going to show you this nice restaurant that I love.

Great ingredients, everything. Great better pizza, Papa John's. And then you go like, can I get a kids menu? I'm like, come on now. Of course. Yeah. And that's why I think there's a spectrum to this. Sure.

And I'm also a big believer, for the most part, get the thing that a restaurant is like, this is what we do. Yeah, I agree. If you're going to a Mexican restaurant and yeah, they have a burger, but you're getting a burger, I'm like, that's crazy. Come on. That's crazy. And I understand some people have their safety net. And that's fine for them. It's fine.

And I understand being annoyed looking at it, but also it doesn't affect you. Not a lot affects me. But if you take someone to like a place and you're like, I'm trying to show you this place because it to me, like genuinely, there are restaurants that are meaningful to me. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, I want to take you to this place and I want you to experience the joy of the thing there that I love. Yeah. There's a sandwich place right down the street from me that I'm like, if I took you there, I'd be like, I really want you to try the garlic chicken sandwich. And I would, first of all, that sounds incredible.

So I would. And even if it didn't, I would try it because that's what friends do. Right. And you say it doesn't affect me, and that's true. It doesn't affect me at all. But a lot of stuff doesn't affect me, but I care. Like the homelessness epidemic. I don't think those people should be homeless, but that doesn't affect me.

So maybe I'm just an empath. No, I think you're the type of person who thinks that it makes your neighborhood look less, like, nice. No. I think you think that. No way. No way. You're like, I don't want them to be homeless because I don't want to look at them. No.

you've seen the unhouses these days, they're gorgeous. That's crazy. It's crazy that I said that. All right. Well, thank you for your hot take. Now that the heat is off of you, it's time to turn our attention to other people and hear what they thought about the five guys that we went to in this week's Yelp from Strangers. We need a little Yelp, a little Yelp from strangers. One star, two star, three star, four, or five, y.

So get a little yelp A little yelp A little yelp from strangers A little yelp, a little yelp. Give us those complaints while you literally watch. All right, this is Yelp from Strangers, our segment where we turn to Yelp and read out our favorite. One, two,

three, four, and five star Yelp reviews of the very restaurant that we went to. Do you mind if I start us off with the first one? Yeah, please. Two-star review. This is a two-star review from Nestor R from New York, New York, July 20th, 2013. From New York.

Yeah. Damn. Should I try and do like a New Yorker? Yes, do it in a New York accent. What does Nestor sound like? Well, Nestor sounds like he's like Latin from like the Bronx, but I don't want to do that. Yeah, do Latin from the Bronx, Michael. I mean, I'm Mexican.

I'm allowed. I'm allowed to, but I can't do Puerto Rico. That's fine. That's fine. Just do New York. It's a book. sugar joint. And just an okay one at that. Just horrible. Is it? I think it's pretty good. I mean, there are more the best and award articles all over the walls to make you think. That's literally what I was saying. Yeah. It'll make you think it's the second coming of Christ. Literally.

Crazy. Yeah. Personally, any place that has to post all those reviews and newspaper articles is blowing more smoke up your butt than up their exhaust fan over the grill. Yeah. That's New York over the. I like this guy. I like this guy. With all those accolades, their burgers should have blasted my cranium up to the outer layer of the stratosphere. That is not what they said. He says, with all those accolades, their burgers should have blasted my cranium up to the outer layer of the stratosphere. No.

I love that he says, no. No. Is that not true? Do you disagree? I love him. Fries are just aite. Oh. Wrong take. Yeah, I don't like that.

No big deal. And I wouldn't waste the money. Oh, the calories. Secondly, any burger joint that doesn't allow you to have your meat cooked the way you want, it should be in Russia or North Korea. Why? Not the USA. What?

Why did he come from New York and say this? There's five guys in New York. Why is he acting like this is the first one he's ever encountered? Maybe it is. I guess maybe it is. This is a crazy man. It belongs in like a dictator's. If you can't get your beef bloody.

Oh my God. He must have a great life outside of this. They only serve well done boygas. Are we in a communist boygas society all of a sudden? Literally, I've been saying that. For my money, I'd go to in and out the counter. And if you must, Fatburger, in that order. That order is crazy.

This place is more hype than anything. and it doesn't surprise me that they have so many followers. Hype sells more than quality. Hopefully they won't poison the ketchup. Hopefully they won't poison the ketchup. That's how he ends. Like, is he asking, I wonder, for himself? Because of Russia.

Oh, because they poison the ketchup there? Poison, like, journalists. Like, people fall out of windows all the time. And he is, like, a hard-hitting journalist in his mind. Yeah. For his reviews. They're like, they're going to poison me. They're going to poison my ketchup.

Well, you're not going to go back. I don't think you're going back, Nestor. Two stars ain't one star. That's true. What? Do you think earned him the star? What earned him that extra star? I think the fact that he actually was still in the U.S.

despite not feeling about it. True, true. He is a patriot. I felt that. I felt that. I feel like he was probably like a big guy in the Cold War. Come on. I'm walking here.

Yeah, yeah. I love my bike is red and raw. I think I nailed New Yorker. I think you nailed, um, Nestor. I don't know if that's like all New Yorkers, but I think that's what he sounds like. Thank you. And I hope he's watching this. Nestor, I hope you're watching this. I hope you've been silenced by the woke mom. That five guys sends after you. My most problematic friend. Come to my podcast. America First. That's what's called.

Yehaw. Love that guy. Four star review. All right. I got a I got a four. four-star review from Bruce Kay, San Fernando Valley, December 29, 2024. It says that he's an elite 26. Do you know what that means? It means he's reviewed a lot of restaurants. Wow, at least 26. And so he's trustworthy.

Okay, his first sentence is a little update four years later, which is already... Because he's written a five guys a year before. He's an elite 26. Of course he has. Yeah. So suddenly, out of the blue or the red or the green, this patty melt thing... You're already trying so hard. Why do, like, they treat it like creative writing exercises.

Look, I don't understand. Just you wait. This review is cuckoo bonkers. Okay. Out of the blue or the red or the green, this patty melt thing, and then in parentheses, adding a patty to the grilled cheese sandwich has become popular with the populists. Thanks to all the nincompoops who do those eating in cars videos, you know, where they put the microphones inside of their mouths so we could hear every disgusting sound they make.

Who are these idiots? He's so mad. He's so mad. Oh, my God. He busted out nincompoops. Nincompoops. I haven't called someone a nincompoopoops since ever. I haven't called someone a nincompoops since at least before women exist.

But he's watching these videos, and I like that. Well, they're making a lot of money. And they say things like fire and good crunch and eight out of ten. Eight out of ten is not. They say crazy things like, that was good. They say crazy things like this scored a number out of a number. Out of another number. Not even a weird one.

They're all the same. Yeah, he should have said six out of seven. Hey. No, 220, trying to change. Oh, right now. They're all the same. He could have been a pioneer. He could have been.

He could have started. Of six seven. Oh, Bruce, you've blew it. They're all the same. None of them have any business telling anyone what's good or not good. And I'm thinking of starting my own channel called Old Jew and a Car Eating. What do you think? Bruce!

Bruce! Oh, my God. Anyway, I decided to try it. Why not? I said to myself, even though myself didn't respond. Oh, brother. So dumb, Bruce. That was as try-hard is out of the blue.

Or green. I hate to say that I hate this guy, but I already do. Yeah. So I ordered it, and it arrived pretty quickly. It doesn't even know. I bet you this guy wrote one season on a TV show in L.A. Oh, I'm sure. And then never again.

Riverdale, 4, I think, is my guess. I ordered it, and it arrived pretty quickly and was still reasonably warm. It wasn't bad. These nitwits and cars always had jalapinos to things that should never, ever have them. What is his problem with other people reviewing stuff? Just filming themselves eating food. Why are you watching all of them? Why do you know all of them?

My algorithm. Oh, God. Oh, God. That is because they have no idea what a patty melt actually is. It's usually done on grilled rye with American cheese and grilled onions. Although, I've always preferred raw onions with just a little heat on them. Sounds like you're the one who doesn't know what it is if you don't even get it the way that you think it should come. Yeah.

I hate you, Bruce K. I hate you, Briske. That is it. All caps. Ketchup, sure. But jalapinos, anyway, they grill a burger bun upside down.

Not quite rye bread, but I liked it. Oh, I forgot this is a four-star review. This is a four-star review. Filled with so much hate and vitriol. Oh, no. Not quite right,

but I liked it. And would have it again. And apparently now they're making an actual menu item. And there you have it. Now I'm off to start. my new YouTube channel, which will be fire and have good crunch along with a good undercarriage. The reviews are one person said, helpful. No, he clicked it on his own.

Zero people said, oh, no, which is crazy that that's an option. That's the most oh, no, review I've ever heard. My favorite thing is, there's like a profile picture that's like a clip art man. Yeah. Is this Bruce? That's Bruce. I am astounded. Why was he so mad if he loved the burger?

If he loved the patty melt. Because he's mad that other people review things. Oh, Bruce. He's so elite that he wants to be the, he's elitist. I don't understand. He's Yelp elitist. I want to, you know what I'm going to do after this? I'm going on to Yelp and finding this guy and just reading all of his reviews.

This is not the first Bruce K review I've done on this podcast. I recognize the picture. And I remember being like, oh, like I came across it when I was looking him up last night and I was like, If I remember correctly, this guy was pretty saucy. And I read the review and I'm like, yep. Was the other one a positive review? I'm including that. Filled with rage.

It was a five star. Filled with anger. I forget where it was too. But it was within the last year. So this little angry guy picked like a cute cartoon version of himself for his Yelp profile. That's kind of cute. Yeah. All right, Bruce.

All right, Bruce. I'll give you a second chance. I like you. All right. Hey there. It's me, Michael. And now that we're in season four, I'm adding more content to, my Patreon. Not only can you hear the extended Yelp from Stranger segment with three more reviews,

and not only can you get an exclusive full episode covering an extra chain restaurant on the last day of each month, but I've added an extra chat with my guests where we discussed their go-to, fast food and chain restaurants, and talk about why they love them so much. I hope you'll come check it out, and you can get your first week completely free of charge. That's patreon.com slash fine dining podcast. I appreciate and love you all. Back to the episode. And that's part one. We did it. Tune in next week as we tell you what we thought about our meal at Five Guys. Safe, thanks so much for joining me. Thank you for having me. Tell people where they can find you on socials. Uh, yeah, at Safe for H-H-H-U-M-I, so I'll spell it for you. Um,

S-E-I-F-R-A-H-U-M-I on Instagram. That went by so fast. You're going to put a thing here, I assume. Put it right here. At Safe for H-H-H-U-M-E. It's right here. S-E-I. I F-R-A-H-O-U-M-I. Sounds like Jella hitting on five guys. Find me on Instagram. Find me on, I have TikTok technically. I don't post anything,

but maybe if you follow me, I'll start posting. No, you won't. And also, Upright Citizens Vagate, I do musical improv, and every other Sunday with this guy, with guest lecture at the shared experience studio.

Amazing. And you can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. You can join my Discord. if you'd like to come and just have a chat with me. I'm pretty accessible. I'll chat with you. We can talk food.

We can talk restaurants. We can talk board games. We can talk video games. We can post pet photos. We can do it all. And if you want to support the show, I'd appreciate it immensely. If you checked out my Patreon, you can get the full extended uncut Yelp from Strangers segment there. An interview with my guests where we talk about their go-to restaurant rotation, the places that they love going to over and over again.

And a full restaurant review that doesn't get posted to the main feed once a month. On the last day of the month, I post a whole exclusive restaurant. And at this point, I've been doing the Patreon so long that we're in like, I think there's like 42 Patreon exclusive episodes. So it's a pretty good backlog. That's a big number. Go in there, check it out. In the meantime, we're just going to be sitting here for one week waiting on our table. Thank you so much for listening.

I love you all. I'll see you next week. Have a fine day. Waiting on our table, waiting on our table. The step is done and we have some fun. Now we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table. Join us next time we're stuck in line. Waiting on our table, waiting on our table, we're so hungry,

tummy's grumbling. Waiting on our table, when you are searched for mediocrity. Yeah.