Fine Dining - Hot Dog on a Stick (Part Two: Review) feat. Monis Rose (Restaurant Fiction Podcast)

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

Getting in touch with our inner degenerates! Restaurant Fiction podcast host Monis Rose is here to wax romantic over the "character" of the original Hot Dog on a Stick kiosk by the Santa Monica Pier There's nowhere to sit, so the boys pick a dragon/pirate ship playground as their venue Public beachside seating has empty beer bottles and even a used Magnum love glove nearby... Military helicopters are circling us overhead and it makes us ask What's Going On Over There? Harrison Augustine 💸 Arrylius XIV talks about the recreational drug habits of the ultra-wealthy Monis has a thing for hot Hot Dog on a Stick chicks Overhyped "hand-stomped" lemonade, decent corn dogs, and polarizing dessert in the form of funnel cake sticks Juicy, Jr. defends himself against Monis Monis's score spectrum deals in extremes JUB & Petunia re-unite!   Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Midfellas Song by: Gabe Alvarez (@austinaudiolab) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (most recently, the Kentucky Fried Chicken episode), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Sean Spademan, Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Hot Dog on a Stick stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow Restaurant Fiction on Instagram @restaurantfiction   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Friendly's (Eat Deets)! I've invited season 1's totally-not-made-up sponsor JUB to New England with me to hit a staple of a different part of the country. But does he even show up to record? He's on-edge and unreliable, so we'll see as I dive into Yelp reviews and the history of the brother-owned franchise. Ever work at Friendly's? Send your stories to [e-mail].   Totally Not Sponsored by: Harrison Augustine 💸 Arrylius XIV

From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive. Hello and welcome back to the FINDINING podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. This is part two of our Hot Dog Honestick episode. I am still here with Monest Rose from the Restaurant Fiction podcast. Monest, how's it going?

Hey, thank you for having me here for part two, Michael. It is a pleasure. Hell yeah. You ready to dive in and tell all these people What it was like to eat at hot dog on a stick. Oh, this is going to be the POV you never saw For those of you who are for some reason listening to part two of an episode as your first episode This is the show where I go to restaurants and I'm looking for the most mediocre one based on its atmosphere, based on its service, and based on its food, yum. And I'm looking for this so that you know the

perfectly middle restaurant, the litmus test, against which you can measure all other restaurants. Currently, Applebee's is in the lead at 5.02, but I think we can do better. Fine dining party of two. I've been talking too long. Our table is finally ready. Let's jump in. Your table is ready, complimentary butter and bread These walls have growth signs Hit me, I got my hat, good luck at Autograph guitar, some crap from your city

Behold the trusty of me, be up ready I'm dining, let's find dining Find dining, two ledgers on the sign are shining You know I'm flickering irregular timing Identify the perfect fight! How the ten? I'm dining! I'm dining!

Hey there, it's Jennifer and Dan from Bandcamp. You're go-to-comedy bandbook podcast. This season we're headed down the Mississippi River with the adventures of Huckleberry Finn. We'll read it out loud one chapter at a time, trying to figure out why it was banned in the first place. But we're probably not going to be able to find a reason because book banning is so stupid. Join us every Tuesday and Thursday for new episodes. Find us wherever you listen to podcasts.

That's Bandcamp with two ends. Find us wherever you listen to Podcast. That's Bandcamp with Two Ends. Join us. Atmosphere. So the atmosphere of hot dog on a stick and the first impressions of hot dog on a stick are gonna be very, very similar just because there was no interior to dine in to this place. We were kind of left to the elements. There's like a curb. There's a bench. There's the sand.

The beat like we're on. Santa Monica Pier along the the boardwalk area. Basically the bike lane. I don't know. How do you describe where we were? I'd say it's LA, it's California. I'd say honestly, if someone said to me, hey, I want the most touristy environment, the most touristy exposition, if you will, of the ideal vibe of Southern California. Southern California. I'd plan them into two places.

I'd plan them either in front of Grownman's Chinese theater. I'd plan some here in front of here. Exactly. Because we mentioned in the history section that hot dog going to stick appeared in the fictitious version appeared in one of the Charlie's Angels movies. That is not that you're getting real LA in the real hot dog gonna stick here. You're getting, yes, you're getting the ocean, but is the ocean Hawaii or Bali or Maldives perfect? No, no, it's dirty water, baby. It's dirty water, not maybe like Boston dirty water, but it's said, you know, you're getting the screams

and all that from the rollercoaster. You're getting shirtless people rollerblading by. Yes, you had, there was also this bathing, then there's an island in and of itself because it's surrounded in a very crowded parking lot. This is LA though, you're getting that grime. You're getting the grime, you're getting the low end and the high end and everything in between.

Honestly, this is a make it or break it if you're going to really truly enjoy LA or not. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. For a couple of days on a business or a pleasure trip or you actually wanna say, hey, I think I'm gonna move here.

It's like, okay, can I handle the peer? Can you handle the peer? Can you handle this environment of hot dog on a stick? Yes or no, make it or break it, let's go. Exactly. So you get a bright red building, a fun hot dog on a stick font. You get like a pirate ship and a dragons head off to the side

That looks like a little playground area with benches and whatnot Car alarms which by the way, I don't know the history of that dragon if you will but for the Locals which say grew up with the OG Z boys and the dog town and Z boys and all that like that that dragon that has been there that a lot of kids a lot of other things which we'll get into but uh uh that is that is also a staple right there. Yeah. I mean we can go ahead and talk about it because they had nowhere to seat us. There's no tables or anything like that, no interior, we ended up eating inside the little pirate ship. It's not a playground, it kind of looks like it should be, but it's really just a couple of benches

inside of a pirate ship deck, essentially. You know, the world is your oyster here. You're not, this is not a controlled environment. So you have, this is kind of chaotic. This is, you're to the elements. You're not, this is not a controlled environment. So you have, this is kind of chaotic. This is, you're to the elements. You're right. So it's like, are you going to do any kind of recon?

And no, you don't have time to do recon on that perfect place. You know, here's a spot there were three of us. You brought your, our director, our co-worker, Chris. And we're sitting at this pirate ship.

We're kind of looking to make a quick decision because again, we want to kind of plant down, be able to get, we got a lot of food, which we'll get into, but we kind of ordered the whole menu. So we need space and there's not picnic tables or at least close by. I'm sure if you walk down a little bit, you can find some, but it just seemed like the only place

that had some level of spice to it. Cause I didn't wanna just sit on the curb or like the little benches even a generous word, but just like the concrete ledge that faced the hot dog on a stick. I wanted to sit somewhere fun, somewhere that would be memorable in a unique. The pirate ship seemed to cover the bases.

We get up there, it's sandy, we've set out all the food, we've been there a while. We've eaten most of our meal and Chris just nudges us and goes, hey, and he points at the ground. And there's just a used condom and a condom wrapper degenerates youenerates unite. So, you know what, what Michael is saying is gospel. But the thing is, it doesn't matter what location you pick. It doesn't matter. Any hot dog on a stick. There is gonna be a used condom on the ground.

Oh, I've, I've talked about like weird to sit on this one, but you know, yeah, but, oh, that's not the kind of thing that would go on. Which hot dog on a stick location. It doesn't matter but, oh, that's a matter of which. I'm not gonna take location. It doesn't matter though, like you can do the park bench, you can even do the hood of your car. You got to get into that ultra hipster degenerate, like I don't care where I'm eating. Exactly.

If it's a flat surface, I'm eating there. It actually doesn't even have to be perfectly flat. Absolutely. I mean, once upon a time, my friend and I, we were a little bit intoxicated in Coney Island. And what did we do? Yes. We just curbside like a couple of degenerates. Pulled out some condoms. Well, this is not that podcast, but you know, but you are on Patreon, so maybe you can get a lot of money if I tell that story. No, but anyway, don't we just fans, of course. People are looking up mediocre restaurants and only fans in between Wank breaks.

We got to fund the fine dining podcast. You got to do it somehow. And if you've got good looking feet, why not, you know? podcast. You gotta do it somehow. And if you've got good looking feet, why not, you know? But yeah, I mean, for me, you liked it, right? I like the degenerateness of it. Is it safe for kids? Fuck no. No, not at all. I'm really surprised we did not actually find needles. I'm gonna believe when you say hell, but I'm not gonna believe when you say fuck. People gonna be like, wait, did he say something worse than five? Did he say a racial slur?

Yeah. But I'm gonna leave this in. To your point, was it a little more romantic if we actually walked towards the ocean and we can, you know, really sound like the beach towel. Lay out the beach towel. I don't know. Not really just because we would have gotten sandy, but we're far enough.

Sounds bad. Not gonna lie. Like this intersection of where hot dark on a stick is, is like right where Venice meets Santa Monica. Right. And it is not clean, picturesque, seashell islands beach, okay? It is not your Maui perfection. This is not appearing on like the cover of a magazine anywhere,

unless it's like we have a problem. Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I did like this pirate ship vibe. It did feel very like we're just improvising. We're on the fly. We've made a decision and it's unique and memorable, but it is still sandy, there is still gross stuff.

So I'm gonna dock the rating for that, but my rating is based in what I consider objectivity, which is a weird thing to say because it's an opinion. But what I mean by that is I am trying to give you the facts and the fact is these are not good things so the score is going down. Did I enjoy it? I enjoy shitty things. So something can get a low rating from me and I still enjoy it immensely. Does that resonate? Does that make any sense?

This environment, it builds up the story and the story gets better and better and better. And if you're not perturbed, if you kind of go and like we accept this, we, we have accepted our fans lot in life. We have accepted it. When you accept, I can enjoy it. I can accept it. Exactly. Yeah. You need to turn on the dark comedy elements inside of you.

Like don't go dramatic. Don't be like, oh, I wanted the Disney adventure. No, no, no, go dark comedy. And if you can, if you can find that, it's kind of funny. Yeah, yeah. And it's also crazy to me that it was like 75% to 80% through our meal before we noticed the condom wrapper.

Like, that would have been a deterrent. I would have been like maybe we sit somewhere else. It was a bag to, so whoever used it, I mean, God bless you, sir. That or they're just lying to themselves. Now, one thing I do wanna talk about is overhead, it seemed like military helicopters were circling us. And it made me a little suspicious, monos.

It made me wonder a question that I just have to ask, what's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there? Should I worry? Should I care? What is going on over there? Smichel, what's going on over there? It's Michael, what's going on over there?

It's the government, right? What's one of the biggest problems that people have with the government right now? What is it, is it? Obviously, it's inflation. We paid $108 for a meal at Hot Dog on a stick for like a few corn dogs, some chicken tenders, some lemonade, fries and funnel cake.

Like that's everything we got. We paid $108. And so what I'm thinking, you're a movie guy, right? You know the tropes of different things that happen in movies. What happens when an outbreak happens? People go crazy. People go crazy. People go crazy. And the government swoops in for containment. I think we were at

ground zero for inflation. And the government was trying to get to hot dog on a stick before it spread to the rest of the country, but it's too late. Also to piggyback on that, we were taste testers, the poison testers, if you will. They're trying a less expensive corn dog alternative and we're like, let's see if this turns them into mutants or something like that. So we're paying full price,

but they're trying to like work on a formula that they can then lower the prices and combat inflation. And it's taken taken top military brass to come in and they're swooping and they're looking to see, are they gonna turn? I mean, it was pretty unreal. And they were flying very slowly. They were very slowly, very fast on us.

Exactly. I was afraid to wave because, I mean, if they thought that was a signal of some point or whatever, I mean if you go go go go you just see a red laser pair on my forehead. Oh no no no I didn't mean that. You know and I'm at the fine dining podcast studio right now guys and I'm looking at this amazing touch key for the eye. Yeah, exactly.

And it has it has all of the stellar fine dining restaurants that Michael went to and I'm sure I'm sure that the majority were actually less expensive Honestly to feed three people most of these places are cheaper than hotdog honesty was So it needed government containment to make sure that inflation didn't spread Unfortunately, they were too late and I think that is in fact, what's going on over there? What's going on over there? All right, Moniz. So we've covered the atmosphere. We need to give it two thumbs down to two thumbs up.

How are you feeling about the atmosphere at this hot dog on a stick location? Oh, two thumbs way up, Michael. Two thumbs way, way up. I love the dark comedy of it all. It is a character way up, Michael. Two thumbs way way up. I love the dark comedy of it all. It is a character in and of itself. It is an adventure. It's also the test.

If you can actually embrace, if you will, Los Angeles for all of its good, bad, and ugly. I see it. So you say, yeah, embrace it for its ugly. I feel like you're the type of person who would go to New York. You're in the subway. A guy starts peeing and you just start applauding.

Yes, authentic New York, two thumbs up, primo. That's what I feel just happened. I think you're wrong. I'm going one thumb down. There's no way this was an above average experience. I got sand on myself. I ate mere feet away from a used condom that I was unaware of. I ate even closer to like half-drink bottles of alcohol that were on the ground.

There was probably a syringe in my vicinity. I just didn't notice it. One thumb down, Monis. You're insane. All right, so I know you don't drink Michael, but man one day either in this lifetime or a different lifetime you and I Are gonna get fucked up on whatever and I'm not saying what that's gonna be we're going back to the dragon And you're gonna have that too thumbs away. We're gonna chase the dragon Not a heroin thing. Yeah, let's take some heroin and go to hot dog on a stick

Whoa, whoa mind love we were in a dragon and there probably were a bunch of needles in the dragon. Probably. We didn't see them, but they were there. And now a word from our totally not-made-up sponsor. Greetings. Harrison Augustine flying money-wide in Moj emoji really is the 14th here, but once again, to address the intravenous drug habits of the .000001%. So you're chasing the dragon on a dirty beach-side playground?

We're not so different, you and I, except for the fact that I'm injecting myself, like all future Trillionaires, with an immortality serum made from high-yielding jump bonds and crushed platinum. And since I'm supervised by the team that cured my father's aging affliction, overdosing is nigh impossible. But I find it important to let you people know that the rich party too. I've got pretty lights on speed dial and even though his earnings contain far fewer digits than mine, I like to let him curate my uppers at Burning Man.

Even though I could easily afford a trip to space with my stock dividends, I prefer to go there in the confines of my own mind sometimes just to change things up. Why add to your Chambermaids, interminable to do this when you could skip forcing someone to pack your bags altogether? Well, this time at least. I've been known to be a man of the people. Anyways, I must be going. I've spoken too long about my elicit activities, and I'd hate to have to pretend to wear

another ankle bracelet to stave off the tantrum the lower middle class would throw if they knew I could get away with literally anything. Toodaloo. Serious. So service is going to be pretty short, where there was just one girl behind the counter and she noticed me early and I was like, oh, I'm waiting on people and she kind of looked at me like, that's weird, just get your stand. I don't like, I mean, she didn't have like an annoyed or anything that matched the tone that I just did, but it seemed odd to her that I'm like waiting on people to eat a hot

dog on a stick. It just seemed like a, just get your thing and then they'll get their thing like whatever. I loved how professional it was. It was very, very professional. It was very, you know, but hey, I couldn't have asked for more or less. Now what, I did not like you see growing up. I know we already did the history and last week's episode or in part one, but I had this vision, this notion, you know, even growing up in my mall, the employees of hot dog and

I said, well, you know, a very pretty, you know, almost modelesque woman. And I was like, Hey, was this just my like young fantasy vibe? And I'm like, no, it wasn't because even researching, I watched this Hualhouser episode. Yeah. And all of the employees at that location were all these hot, very, yeah. I was like, whoa, Wauzers.

Now, now, Wauzers, like these, are you from the 50s? How old are you? That restaurant fiction, we're in a hole different, like, dimension, my friend. So I was picturing this. I mean, even obviously be the Charlie's Angels version. Those are a list actresses. What I got as the employees were just people.

Like there weren't like, they were all good. Like I don't really, I don't really see any of them of what they look like in the mall. They're out like in this OG version of hot dog. I'm gonna stick. They're guarded by a plexiglass windows. Exactly. And you have to really, really bend down to even see.

I mean, yes, there's there's kind respectful males. There's kind of respectful females. You couldn't ask for anything more, but I mean, it was really insane that you asked to see their breasts, but like, I thought that was a step too far, but you do, you may I didn't mean to get your podcast canceled. I am sorry. I'll go on record and say he didn't do that exactly in that way, but, you know, nothing about this service experience stuck out to me good or bad. It was just, it was a

transaction. That was about it. You know, she was cordial. I wouldn't say overly kind, but cordial. She was cordial, I wouldn't say overly kind, but cordial. I thought the food took a bit longer than you'd expect. But I mean, I guess we did order the full menu. So I guess it took like maybe 10 minutes or something. I love that part of actually. I wish it even could take longer because what the time, what that interval means is it's like, hey, these are not just frozen microwaved dogs.

This is a process. Yeah, this is a process. I wish actually, like I could even see them twirl and dip. I hope they still do the dip in the flip. And I really do hope that they come up any, huh? Yeah, exactly. Like, and I really hope, I doubt it, but I really hope they're really churning and burning those lemons in the big huge vats.

Well, they do advertise their lemonade as, quote, unquote, hand stumped, which we'll get into when we talk about the food, but they definitely highlight, like, yeah, this is a process that we do to make sure that the lemonade is as fresh as advertised. So I think overall on this service to me, it was pretty neutral. I'm gonna go just a flat zero thumbs.

It didn't make an impression good or bad with me. It was just, it was a transaction. And I appreciated that. Two thumbs way up still. You're just an optimistic dude, aren't you? I'm a hot hap. Well, I mean, here, but I'm going to. I've been waited on by some of the finest dining staves

out there. Like those are the two thumbs up experiences. Oh, Michael, I've been the Michelin star restaurants where I've had the shittiest service in my life. I'm so you we don't like trust me this service that we experience at hot dog gonna stick with so much more professional than some Michelin star restaurants that I've been to that's crazy. I'd rather have a very neutral indifferent experience in any time with disdain Exactly or judgment. That's what thumbs down her for. Oh no, because it was professional. It's exactly what corporate vibe I was wanting.

Yeah, this wasn't thumbs down. This to me was just no thumbs. See, what really actually made it was, I actually did feel they respected us for pretty much ordering the entire menu and why is because they even gave us a whole separate brown bag of all of our fork snapkins And condiments even when I asked hey, where's this it was like boom no, it's all in the bag separately. I'm like kudos to you

So you're going to thumbs up. I'm going to them. I'm going no thumbs. All right, it's time. We can talk about the food Food time we can talk about the food. Food. Yum yummy. Okay, so like I mentioned, we ordered the entire menu. I've already said everything that we got, but I guess I'll go a little bit more in detail. We got between the three of us six stick items.

We got three beef dogs like the Nathan Hot Dog, dipped in the cornbread batter. I got the original turkey dog dog and then the two of you got the two different sh**s dogs. There was a pepper jack and an American sh** dog. Is that correct? Which is this where I go? Wah! At beep! The sound effect already, it's taken care of. It's on the house. Unless you would like me to replace, actually know what, I'm gonna sample your beep and your eagle noise and replace every instance of American and jeeps with those sounds

for the rest of this episode. I guess I'll start us off with the lemonade. What, you just got a standard, or did you get the cherry? I got the cherry frozen lemonade, okay. And I got the pineberry, which was their seasonal offering. It looked like it was a little bit of pineapple Strawberry hybrid lemonade Hand-stomped to me honestly it didn't taste That much fresher than anything else I've had it wasn't this thing that just hit me as, oh, this is amazing lemonade. It was good, but it didn't stand out to me.

This is a corporation that I don't feel does like a lot of new items. You know, I don't know what they're... They're really going out on a limb to be like, oh, Pryberi, do we dare make this leap? And I don't know what their R&D process is because I feel it's a menu that has been tried and true for decades upon decades upon decades.

And I've actually come to have a immense appreciation for small menu places. Yeah, because usually they do them pretty well. Waffle house, I think they do their thing pretty well. Dave's hot chicken, I think they do their thing really well. So places like that, we don't have a very expansive, but the things that we do offer are pretty good. Yeah, I mean, I did taste a little bit of your pineberry. It did not have that fresh quality. And I think the ratio of even water was a lot more watery. It really didn't have

any that much of a flavor. I didn't know what I was supposed to be tasting. I got a little bit of pineapple and that was kind of the extent of it. And it made me feel like I was eating my son. That's my son right there, juicy junior. Oh, yeah. I'm looking right now at literally a pineapple figurine with a face and an awesome ring. That's a real dude right there. You know what makes it a real dude, guys and girls is the porn star mustash right. I mean that is that is awesome Hey, who are you calling porn star? It's all about your mustache my friend. Don't make assumptions about my job I'm just trying to sit here and speculate the episode in peace. Okay, leave me out of it

Fine, but you just you smell very very sweet right now. Thank you. You're welcome pineberry all the way pineberry lemonade Yeah, I went five out of 10 on it. It was very average to me. Michael, this is where restaurant friction gets real. This is where that positivity and the optimism kind of dwindles definitely was a whole miss for me. Lemonade is a very, very important beverage, if you will, in my whole repertoire of how I think of food.

I mean, even we had the cherry frozen lemonade, you know, I mean, obviously I would have loved some booze in it, kind of like how Taco Bell canteen and their Baja fresh. Like, I was anticipating that this, this like slushy, if you will, it did not taste fresh. I've had version frozen margaritas that had a better ice sugar, you know, syrupy ratio, exactly. I mean, honestly, probably would have been preferred just over ice instead of frozen, which is usually even how I take my margaritas anyway.

But I went with the frozen. I wanted the brain freeze. Didn't even get the brain freeze. The eye brain freeze so easily, which is my deterrent for going away from it. Gotcha. Yeah. I mean, the bell curve is obviously a 7-11 slurpee.

And this was less than even the target slurpees. I mean, those are fantastic and ever seen away. And this one just did not cut it. But a number on it. Ooh, I'm going with a hard one right here. You're going with a one out of 10. Yeah, I didn't finish it. I gave it to my friend.

Yeah. I'm getting strong. This one right here. You're going with a one out of 10. I didn't finish it. I gave it to my friend. Come and out the gate. Yeah, this is long. This is definitely where, all right. Yeah, this is where that perfect 10 not happening. All right. So now, I'm gonna, I'm gonna kind of go in the order that you would make a meal.

Let's go with the thing that could best be described as an appetizer. The two types of chicken tenders. They had just a standard chicken tender and then they had one that was tossed in sweet baby raised sauce. I thought that the standard chicken tender, whether or not this is how they made it, it tasted like a bagged frozen, dropped in a fryer, and served sort of chicken tender. It didn't taste like there was any love put into it. I'm not going to be snobby to the point of saying that even it like there's not a bar that it's under just for being frozen. You can make a great frozen chicken tender. I mean, there probably

is a cap, but like if you fool me, you fool me. And if it tastes great, it tastes great. This just didn't overcome that. I felt like the one word review I gave this chicken tender was unneeded, three out of 10. All right, so for all the listeners out there who even want to question, why did you order chicken tenders at a hot dog on a stick? Okay, well, first and foremost, we did not put chicken tenders on the menu.

It was corporate, which has to go Braim Hot Dog, I have to go fast. We've got that. Which has to go through the reader, the R&D process to even get an item on a fast food menu, especially a corporate fast food menu. I mean, that is so much testing, so much market research. You have no idea.

So yeah, if it was on the menu, this very, very small menu, we would have assumed, it's like, okay, this has been through the ringer. This has made the cut. Exactly. Exactly. So we can blame the testers for this. We can blame the testers.

We can blame the corporate kitchens, probably an Irvine somewhere, I don't know, but we're taking hot dogs on a stick seriously. want to see if they can do more than just hot dog on a stick. And no, and this regard, it's a hard, no, you know, I once bumped into a gentleman and we were doing a wine tasting and he said that the wine is serviceable. And I'm like, what does, what does serviceable mean? Sir, he goes, would I serve this? I'm like, interesting. So would I serve this, these chicken tenders,

whether it's the regular or not, and it's a hard, no. You know, you mentioned- You can try both of them? I did try both of them. And you mentioned this was very pointing. It's that frozen food. You said you've had frozen chicken tenders which were better and that is, that's true. I have two and it doesn't matter what grocery store, what brand.

It doesn't matter even how you fry them or bake them or air fry them or toast them or whatever. You can do better than this. Exactly. Yeah. Did the sweet baby rays help it? In my case, no. Not even the branding of sweet baby rays helped it. I had them both at three out of 10, both versions. You can do better than this. Exactly. Did the Sweet Baby Rays help it? In my case, no. Not even the branding of Sweet Baby Rays helped it.

I had them both at three out of 10, both versions. I gave them separate ratings. Do you have a score? Yeah, it's gonna be hard to. Hard to. Hard to. Hard to, I mean, and it was definitely on the white mean. It was stringy and it was dry.

There was no crunch and the sugary spicy rub didn't work. Yeah, I mean, you can go better from just average mediocre cafeteria. So now let's get into the side that we got, the French fries. These fries negligible. I ate one and I was like, oh, this is just a space filler. This is not offering me satisfaction

that honestly, it's pretty easy to get from a French fry and this fry couldn't clear that bar. I went two and a half out of 10 on these fries. So we're down in the pits so far on the food. The joke is on us for dining. The place is called hot dog on a stick. It's not called French fry. It's not called chicken tender on a stick, I guess.

So yeah, we're getting items that they don't necessarily specialize in, unfortunately. And one of them is these French fries. I concur. I completely agree with that assessment of the French fry, their limp. That could be taken in a clean way or a dirty way. I don't care why the Magnum condom was there. Exactly. Exactly. Used and abused through the ringer. But when it comes to a cheap fry, now, obviously, in now, it advertises that their French fries are always fresh. And I believe in my seed them.

And it's not a fry that I like. I don't like these. I don't know anyone who's a big fan of the internet fry. Yeah, they're like the worst fast food fries. These are even, these are even, these are dried out version. No, honestly, I wouldn't have voted in and out in terms of like they're structured. These were a little thicker, not by much.

I mean, they're not like steak fries or anything, but just a dry, chalky, almost like a Wendy's fry is that I was getting like a chalky,, almost like a Wendy's fry is that I was getting like a chalky, dry version of a Wendy's fry, but it was tasteless, no crunch, and honestly, no care. Why did we wait so long for the food? Because it does seem like, hey, the lemonades

and the chicken tenders and these now french fries, they would have probably taken seconds if they were under heat lamps. Like it did feel that way. Yeah. Do you have a score? Oh, hard one. Hard one.

Dang. You're just ones and twos right now. I'm really the DJ. You're just on the ones and twos. I am on the ones and twos. I mean, life isn't, you know, all sunshine rainbows and lollipops. Yeah. But you got to take the hits with the misses.

Yeah, people would think, oh, he would have hated the atmosphere. He would have hated, it's like, no, that actually set the tone. But the food was like, I can't even be the hitster ironic. Hey, this is actually good. No, it's, it's not. And we're in the epicenter of a touristy part of L.A. where, you know, food options, especially if toursy food options are a dime a dozen, you would think this place is establishment wants to create that happy memory and they're

not doing it so far. Right. But let's move on to the namesake now. This place is hot dog on a stick. Now apparently the original was a turkey dog, which sure, hot dog can be a turkey dog, but I think beef when I think of hot dog. And they had both those offerings. So I got a turkey dog and a beef dog.

You got a beef dog and an American beef dog and Chris got a beef dog and a, oh wait, you got the cheddar jack. He got the American beef. Pepper jack. I got the pepper jack and he got the American beef. They said cheddar jack. Yeah. cheddar jack. He got the American cheap pepper jack. I got the pepper jack and he got the American cheater jack. Yeah, pepper jack. Go ahead and talk about the abominable imposters, the cheap sticks, but I'm only giving you one minute to do so. I don't want to tolerate too much cheap talk. So I'm putting one minute on the clock and that's how long you have to talk about either just your pepper jack or

you and Chris' things because you tasted them both right? Yes. Alright, one minute on the clock starting now, go for it. Cheap on a stick is where it's at. Just a mashing, the ultimate school elementary school preschool, I'd even go even middle school grilled sheep that real fake yet buttery golden with the crunch but put it all in this golden crisp tubular cocoon if you will and trust me when you bite the American sheep it is worth it It is light at the end of the tunnel. So as far as the pepper jack

sheep is concerned where the American sheep drive pepper jack. I don't know. I don't know why they put the pepper jack I think maybe even Havarti melts better. I would even have done a Borsin French version But not pepper jack the pepper jack is lackluster in every single way. So skip that and just It's about 9.5 out of 10. For only American GD, American GD, Pepper Jack is one. There is no middle ground with you. No, I'm with a low ender high and there's no in between.

Yeah. And I'm right there in the middle. That's my ground is I'm just like, yeah, most things are just okay. Yeah. So the original turkey dog's my ground, is I'm just like, yeah, most things are just okay. So the original turkey dog that I got, I thought the breading was great. I didn't realize at the time that it was a cornbread breading. And now that I think about it, the name corn dog probably implies that it's always a cornbread breading. And I feel kind of stupid for that. But it was kind of thick. It was a little fluffier, a little bit more of a layer

of breading. And I think I wanted maybe a little less. I like getting to the meat sooner. I like the meat to be the star of the show. And I feel like they put too much breading to where it was kind of splitting the attention. Still very tasty. I didn't realize that the original was turkey kind of surprised

me, but I liked it. I went seven and a half out of 10 on the original turkey. Michael, I need to tell you a few things. So I take corn dogs very, very seriously. I know. Number one is a corn dog was actually one of the very first bougie fancy gourmet items I ever made as a chef. I made and I failed miserably a green chili corn dog with masa way, way, way back when I was when I was little. It was an epic failure. I'm not going to go down to it. But then when it comes to the actual corn dog, obviously it has this nostalgia

factor hot dog, but at the same time, I'm like, well, do I judge it against state fear corn dogs? Do I even judge it against Disneyland core dog? Or do I judge it against? Oh, oh, yes, right. The ultimate core dog, which I've had recently, which is at Universal Studios, Hollywood, which is a superb core dog in every sense of the word. It is perfection.

So anyway, I take core dogs very, very seriously. I did not also tell you something that I actually, I know, I'm so scared. Yeah, I know. I didn't tell you. The truth is coming out. Are you about to take off your mask and like a Scooby Doo villain?

You are a giant corn dog. I'm from corporate America. Shut this podcast down right now. No, yeah. So a week prior to us eating, I actually went to hot dog on a stick without you. And I had one? Yeah, that one.

I know I did. I did, I'm not gonna, yeah. And I had the beef because the week previously, I had the turkey. Okay. Now, what did I think of the beef? It was excellent. It was perfect.

You thought the beef was perfect? I thought the beef was perfect. I had the beef at a lower rating than the turkey No, I thought by much, but I thought this is the institutional corndog that I remember now Yes, is it is it as good as say universal studios which sets the bar like that as perfection is perfection gets It is not but still it is perfect. I mean you all of the twists and the batter I like how you're like it's perfect, but not as perfect exactly Yes, you can get you can get like there are levels of perfection. There are it's all relative

Art is the eye of the beholder Okay It's like a 10 out of 10, but not quite the 10 out of 10 that this other 10 out of 10 is If only there were other numbers I could use to indicate that, like a 9.8. All right, let's just score on this. No, this is definitely a slam dunk right here. This is a 10 out of 10 right here. In sanity, you don't know how numbers work.

I don't, this is a kangaroo court. I went six out of 10 on the beef hot dog or corn dog. When I come up with these numbers, this is against all foods. So a 10 out of 10, like the best corn dog I've ever had is probably like an eight out of 10 food. I think there are just foods better than a corn dog. Even the best corn dog doesn't compare

with the best of other things. I say the universal studios corn dog, a lot harder to get into. You have to pay the price of admission, you have to hike, you have to do a lot more work. You gotta work for it. You do really have to even find the one-on-stand in that entire theme park,

you have to get your ass over to one. Yeah, you gotta find the one. It's a lot more accessible to go for a beef corn dog and hot dog and a stick. So yeah, yeah. I'm the one. It's a lot more accessible to go for a beef corn dog and hot dog and a stick. So yeah, you're going to get the crispy goldenness that almost the crepe like textures that fold over the beef. Yes, you are.

And we love that. We love that. Like even if we're like, oh, is it a 9.7 note? Everything about it justifies it even bit off the stick just in the right way. I mean, from the crunch. Yeah, the textures on these truly were masterful. I had no difficulty with the texture. I had no, like, there was no off-bite sometimes you get,

like, just like, something pops in your teeth and you're just like, I didn't like that, like a processed meat chunk or something. Like, if there is any kind of air or relative from the good old days from 1946, yeah, yeah. You know, they would be proud of still this puff what they have today. All right, so now let's close it on out

with the dessert, the funnel cake sticks immediately. I took a bite and I was like, this tastes like breakfast cereal. And I love breakfast cereal. So whether or not this tasted as advertised like a funnel cake, it was still a taste I liked. So I think funnel cake sticks might almost be a misnomer. It may not be correctly labeled, but it's a taste I like. This was an enjoyable part of my meal I thought.

But what breakfast cereal Michael? Well, you guys said cocoa puffs, but I haven't had a lot of cocoa puffs in my life. To me, I was getting hints of lucky charms. You were getting hints. Yeah, we we felt the funnel cake was like at that nice aspect when the cocoa for cocoa puffs, they jacuz in the milk for at least three to five minutes. Yeah, cause it was definitely the moisture from like the frosting and stuff.

So it wasn't like a dry cereal. It was definitely like a cereal in milk for sure. Yes, exactly. It was like a braised, a braised cereal. A braised funnel cake stick. Yeah, braised, yeah. Say that real holly choilly. I went seven out of 10 on these.

I actually did quite enjoy these. You hit it on the head for me. It did not taste like a funnel cake. A funnel cake is supposed to be airy. It's supposed to be airy and swirly like a poop. You know, these were dense. These were doughy. These were dense.

And it was slopped to me. I slopped it. Yeah, it was slopped to me. This slopped, yeah, it was slopped to me. This was once again, it was entire mists. Even if it had that nostalgic sugary cereal vibe, I don't even like the cereal milk yogurt from the famous milk by Momu. Like, I don't like anything like that.

That's just me, I know that's a huge seller of that. So for that, it is my palate. I actually still like their great sugary kelox cornflakes, but for this one, for the funnel cake, no, cereal taste did not like at all. So your number? Ooh, I'm gonna go a little higher, I'm gonna go like 3.2.

Okay, oh yeah. I'm respecting, you're getting closer to the middle. Yeah, I'm a vortex of mediocrity I'm always trying to pull people toward that five you see in this is why the world needs you because The world needs people like you because life is the gray life is the middle we're dealing in extremes So that's what we we support you in what you're doing Thank you and speaking of right in the middle, I am going no thumbs on the food. I thought that the amount of good and the amount of bad,

they kind of balanced each other out. I had a very neutral meal I thought at hot dog on a stick overall. And this is once again, black and white, one thumb down, one thumb up. The thumb up is only for the sheep on the stick. American sheep dog and then obviously the beef dog, but everything

else, you can ignore or get somewhere else. Yeah. So you have to rate the overall food experience. And this is just on the food, one thumb down. Alright. Final rating. Okay, we need to put all of these considerations together into a final score for Hot Dog on a Stick. We're aiming for the middle, 5.00 out of 10. I'll give you the floor to go first. So we loved the experience. And we love the details, we love the story. We loved the creation and how it actually served as a muse,

a muse for your experience, whether that be good or bad, trust me, you're going to have a word degenerate a lot. I do. I'm talking about this experience, but in the best of terms, because just knowing you have to know what you're getting into, like you go to a mall from the 80s or, you know, almost like this time, or it's like, yes, I'm in a mall. Let's go to a mall food court You know that when you're when you're in Los Angeles

No, that it's not overly saturated perfection. This is gonna be grimy There's still gonna be tourists and there's gonna be kind of a semi clean yet semi pretty dirty ocean when you put all that In and you just accept your fate Then it's gonna be good then it's gonna be good. It's gonna be good. So for that, we loved it. We loved the professional employees for us. Yeah.

Had nothing bad to say, which on a way is a positive. And, you know, it's by definition a neutral. I had nothing bad to say. That's good. No, nothing bad to say just means it's new. Oh, we we still can say I'm gonna fight you on all work. We're going to trust me. It's still a positive. All right, but anyway, but yeah And then the the food the final the coup de grog kind of was a death blow it was it wasn't the dragon with the

Use column that was the deal breaker like oh, well, let's let's leave. No, it was the food. That only two hits out of, you know, and plus this astronomical price point really diminished the whole review. Great, great. I would have been on the 8, 9, 10. It brought it way down to about a 6.2. So 6.2 is zero for you. The fact that 8, 9, 10 are even in the discussion

is true insanity to me. Okay, the restaurant itself, the exterior was clean, but the environment was dirty. They don't have tables for you. Just throw your food in the sand. Just go eat with the goals. You know, the service was just there. The food was just there.

It had a couple of items, but even then they're not impressive items. A corn dog to me doesn't carry the same impression as it seems to for you, but we come from the point of, hey, are you going to come back with a story to tell? Absolutely, but just because I got a story out of it doesn't mean that it was good. It just means that I was perceptive. So I don't credit the restaurant for that. This was much lower for me. We're actually pretty far apart.

I went 3.94 overall for the hot dog on a stick dining experience. I want tables. I want a memorably positive interaction with servers, I'm not complaining about the service at all, but it was just there. And yeah, it was just a corn dog. I'm sorry to say it. It was just a corn dog to me.

I've had better corn dogs. I like them a little crispier. And none of the other food felt good to me. So 3.94, all that said, when I put my score together with your score, Hot Dog on a Stick goes up on the Chachki of Meteorchriti at a master. We got real close to center on this, but it wasn't because of an agreement between you

and I that it was mediocre, it's because I thought it was bad, you thought it was good, and those two facts were pulling it kind of in opposite directions. So we did land right above Waffle House, which I have at a 5.06, but still very close to mediocrity. That said, it is not perfect mediocrity, monos. It is not the bar that I am looking for. It missed that mark. I got to keep looking for another spot. Where am I gonna go next time?

Well, to determine that, you and I need to play a little game, we need to play the headline game. The rules of the headline game are as follows. Michael will present three headlines to his co-host that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If the co-host can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, they will get to select next week's restaurant.

However, if Michael stumps them, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, fellas? I'm ready. Alright. First headline. Chaos at Albuquerque Hot Dog on a Stick as employee involved in shootout. You know, Albuquerque, I've been to Albuquerque and actually I've heard that Albuquerque could be a dangerous place, you know.

I was riding my bicycle in Albuquerque. I was even riding my bicycle in the nicer, well, to do area of Albuquerque, I was even writing my bicycle and then nicer, well to do area of Albuquerque. And I asked a business owner, you know, hey, is this safe to just leave my bicycle out? And the business owner said, well, it is Albuquerque. I was like, yeah. So I'm gonna say true.

I'm gonna say true. Next headline. Hot dog on a stick to celebrate national something on a stick day. Hot Dog on a Stick to celebrate National Something on a Stick Day. In this day and age, it seems like every single day of our calendar is related to food. There is a national, whatever day a national lasagna day. So I'm also going to say a true just to buy more hot dogs on a stick. True for National Something on a Stick Day.

And lastly, corn dogs for pups, original hot dog on a stick shack to offer doggy dogs to customers canine companions next a weekend. I mean, that's a low hanging fruit, sellable item. I could definitely see that. You know, the puppy craze, I mean hot dogs.

I get it, but it just seems to on the nose. Let's see, false on that one. All right. So headline number one, chaos at Albuquerque hot dog on a stick as employee involved in shootout. You said true. Monis, I fooled you on that. I made up that headline. And it's partially because I am a giant breaking bad fan that I chose. headline number two hot dog on a stick to celebrate national something on a stick day. You said true, that one is true. You sussed that out correctly.

And final headline, corn dogs for pups, original hot dog on a stick shack to offer doggy dogs to customers, canine companions next weekend. You said false because it was two on the nose. Monis, I was so proud of that headline, but yes, I did make it up. So you correctly guessed two out of three. Where do you want me to go eat next weekend? Well, Michael, personally, if you're running this fine dining podcast, which is great, by the way, you got to get out of the bubble of Los Angeles and California.

You just got to get the of the bubble of Los Angeles and California. You just got to get the whole show on the road. Personally, there is a place, I don't know, if you're familiar with it, but it is called friendlies. And you need to get your butt, and you need to bring all of the podcast and all of your crew. It's like East Coast.

That is East Coast. You better clock it in, you better fly, drive, whatever you have to do. I'll walk in. You walk it. I don't care how long it takes, and better fly, drive, whatever you have to do. I'll walk in. You walk it. I don't care how long it takes and how many steps it's gonna take. But enjoy and I promise you, I promise you,

actually I don't promise you, I don't know, I don't know, I take that back. But at least I am going to go on this optimistic that you're probably gonna get that perfect 5.0, zero. All right, well, Monastastros from Restaurant Fiction. Thanks so much for coming on. Is there anything you want to say before we get out of here? Yeah, I mean, thank you. You had a great, great time.

So Michael was also on our podcast. Please listen to the restaurant fiction movies because if you loved this review of Hot Dog Gonna Stick, the movies is the greatest fictional fine dining restaurant ever. Super average movies from the Kevin Smith, the US universe from Clerks 2, Dogma, a bunch of his movies. Absolutely. So you that. Yeah, so catch us on YouTube where you could see Michael's pretty face and also my very pretty handsome face and I'm putting my ego in there. But yeah, we're on Spotify. You can even reach me at monosatresherantfiction.com.

And we just love to hear from you and love to even hear what you have to say about this hotdog on a stick episode, especially all of those Yelp reviewers that we name. And you people specifically. Perfect. Well, thanks so much for joining me. Follow me on social media, TikTok and Instagram at finddiningpodcast,

send me an email, finddiningpodcast at gmail.com. Tell me what you're thinking. Didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search doesn't fact continue. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day. The search continues. We still need the perfect fine

The search continues, but life can't subscribe The search continues, our journey did not conclude The mother and the search continues, right as soon as I do review And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars? Come on. Follow us on TikTok, the same on Instagram, all the socials, at find dining podcasts. We have a website, find dining podcasts, and we'll see you in the next one. socials at findinigninpodcast.com by our teachers then put them on and don't forget you can always suggest where we go next. Okay! We're going to find it! Media-crafting! The search continues!

See you next week! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I heard my throat a little. Have a fine day. Oh, hi there. It's your favorite sponsor, J.O.P. And your favorite sponsor's favorite part in abiding by the law, Puccina. And we're here to get out in a ward.

So this is way too much, award. Yeah, we think that being relegated to the post credits every other episode is way too much. Way too much. This is way too much. As a long time friend with healthcare benefits of job, I'm driving him across state lines. Something that I'm definitely not supposed to be doing.

To show up at friendlies to eat with Michael, and he's going to listen to Jubs grievances. Of which I have at least one. And one is more than zero. And it is in fact way too much. I can't do that. See you next week. Oh, and jump.

I thought what you said about me at the end of Book of the Befo. But I did not call you from a landline. Check the voicemail. Yeah, I know. I was just doing a good fellas. Makes total sense to me. Anyways, we gotta go. Our first of 16 border checks is coming up. Okay, bye!