Fine Dining - Houston's Restaurant History feat. Adam Macias (That Was Wild Podcast) [Part One]

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

A chain with 15 different names! Houston's Restaurant aka Hillstone aka 13 other things is one of the more upscale chains, and Adam Macias from the That Was Wild podcast joins me to learn interesting facts about this restaurant Houston's will let you BYOB without charging a corkage fee, and they are very proud of this The Secret Menu: Bougier Restaurants Houston's is currently embroiled in a lawsuit over price-gouging during the pandemic My new favorite review of all-time: an unfashionable Yelper dressed terribly, and then complained that staff let him know he was breaking the dress code in this week's Yelp from Strangers "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to my YouTube to watch this episode! Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (I recently released my July exclusive episode on Sarku Japan, a delicious mall food court teriyaki chicken joint, and introduced my friend Michael Slater to their "yummy yummy sauce!"), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Houston's stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow Adam on Instagram @adamrmac   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Houston's Restaurant Review [Part Two]! Adam Macias returns to talk about this fancy birthday lunch we had for him, including some of the best sushi we've ever tasted! Ever work at Houston's? Send your stories to [e-mail].

On this week's delicious episode of the Fine Dining Podcast. Nothing on the menu was called a popper. Yeah, I was on this dude's side until he said fedora. I'm not fancy. I can tell. Yeah. Dang! From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive.

Hello and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host Michael Ornelas, back once again looking for that restaurant that goes right in the middle. It's not good, it's not bad, it's the definition of mediocrity. Why am I doing that because people say things are good and bad and there is no Reference point of when good becomes something could be so close to bad, but still good Yeah, something could be so close to good, but still bad. Yeah, there has to be a definition point in the middle

Yeah, yeah, so I am joined this week by a man whose podcast I was recently on. We filmed it yesterday. I think they're gonna come out about a month apart or something like that, but he hosts a podcast called That Was Wild, a show where people just come on tell their wild stories. His name is Adam Macias. He's a stand-up comedian. Adam, thanks for coming with me. Yeah, thanks so much for having me, man. Thank you for pronouncing my name correctly and stuff like that. We're both quarter Mexican So I feel you I feel you on my people want to like white up your name, you know, they do Yeah, same with me. I mean I white up my name. Yeah, my own mom can't pronounce my last name properly

What does she say? I mean the way that I say Ornelas or Nellis, But like I don't think she could say Ornelas. Ornelas. I don't think she is capable. Ornelas. So I've kind of gone over the premise of this show. Mm-hmm. I do two parts to my episode. So we're gonna cover Houston's this week. We're gonna cover it next week. Yeah. This week we're gonna learn about the history of Houston's and we're gonna go over some select Yelp reviews that I have found about Houston's. I can't wait. I can't wait. Next week, you and I are gonna give our account. Yes. Of what went down at this Houston. And you're gonna let me spend the night here

for the week, in between weeks? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. You're gonna sleep on this couch. If your beard is not one week longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the next episode, people will know something's up. And then lastly, before I jump in, we're just a month away from September.

My big burger bracket, the one month of the year where I'm looking for something good instead of mediocre, go to my link tree link, tree.com slash fine dining podcast, fill out a bracket, submit it to me before the second episode of September. So the first one's a freebie. And if you are correct with all of your racket picks you get put into a drawing for $500 Yeah, 500 bucks. All you got to do is listen to a few episodes. Everybody should go do it Everyone should go do it. Anyways, we're gonna jump into the show proper. Let's hear the theme song The table is ready

Have you tried our chicken breast serving pancakes and ribs, I recommend the spaghetti! We're here to satisfy, not to impress! Your table is ready! Complementary butter and bread, these walls have growth signs! Knick-knack cowboy hat, good luck cat! Altograph guitar, some grab from your city! Behold the tchotchke of mediocrity! Fine dining!

Just fine dining! Fine dining! It's just fine dining, fine dining. Two letters on the sign are shining, near flickering irregular timing. Identify the perfect fine chivalry ten. Fine dining. Fine dining. Had you eaten at Houston's before?

I had never eaten at Houston's before, if believe it or not. So you had no history with this franchise yourself. No. Do you want to hear the history of the franchise itself? Boy, would I, because I think there's something strange going on with this place. Let's find out.

And we need to figure it out, because there was some weird themes happening It was you're making it sound like it was this crazy experience and it was honestly pretty nice and straightforward Let me just say I'm gonna stick to this on brand. It was wild. Oh my gosh Alright, yeah, we're gonna jump into this week's eat deets Either e-tails Eatery Details Houston's Restaurant is part of the upscale American casual dining chain owned by Hillstone Restaurant Group, which is headquartered in Phoenix, Arizona. Well that seems wrong.

Houston's is located in Phoenix? Well the company that owns them, yeah yeah. And the group operates 44 locations in 12 states. The first Houston's restaurant was launched in 1977 in... Phoenix. Nashville. Tennessee. What the heck?

By George Beale, Joe Ledbetter, and Vic Branstetter. Okay. Branstetter sold his shares in 2006 and Ledbetter in 2011 making George Beale the sole owner of the company. That's crazy. They were relatively mom and pop for like almost 30 years then. Yeah. With that.

That's crazy. Yeah, 29 years. Yeah, yeah. And then that dude, who's the majority after that, you said? Who's the last one to sell? It says George Beale is the sole owner. So I mean, it's still one of the founders owns it. That's crazy.

So it's still in the family as of 06. Wow, you never hear about that with speciality chains. Yeah. You never hear about that. Well. That's like saying McDonald's, John McDonald is still part of McDonald's. The Hillstone Restaurant Group, Incorporated,

formerly Houston's Restaurants, Incorporated, was founded in 1976 and owns a variety of restaurants, including Gulfstream, Bandera, Rutherford Grill, Palm Beach Grill, Cherry Creek Grill, Los Altos Grill, Woodmont Grill, R&D Kitchen, Hillstone, The Honor Bar, Honor Market, South Beverly Grill, East Hampton Grill, White House Tavern, and Houston's. Have you ever been to any of those other ones?

I don't think I've heard of any of those other ones. Rutherfords was big where I grew up. I think there's a few in LA too. Which was Sacramento? Sacramento, Roseville area. That was like one of the nicer steak places along with your, you know. Like a Ruth's Chris. Yeah, Ruth's Chris. That was like one of the nicer steak places along with your, you know. Like a Ruth's Chris.

Yeah, Ruth's Chris. That's like, they're very similar. Gotcha. As of 2020, Hillstone Restaurant Group operates 44 restaurants under 15 different names across the United States. So your entire group, having owned all of those brands, 15 different names, only 44 restaurants. So at best, three per restaurant.

But I'm sure a lot of them are one-offs. They need to like, just make it one thing. Stop diversifying, just have one good branding. Unless they're wickedly different. You heard it here first, Adamasius, anti-diversity. Anti-diversity, folks. Since 2009, several Houston's locations around the US have changed their names to Hillstone. Oh, folks. Since 2009, several Houston's locations around the US

have changed their names to Hillstone. Oh, okay. So the restaurant now called Hillstone. Oh. So Houston's have been slowly. Hillstone is a better name. This is what you asked for. Yeah, yeah.

You just asked for this. I know. Yeah. I don't like it. I don't, go back. I don't like it. I don't like change. I don't like change.

Not quickly like that. I don't wanna be. I don't like change. I don't like change. Not quickly like that. I don't want to be wrong immediately. Yeah. The company states, this change is part of a long-term strategy to disassociate from a chain image and maintain its status as a niche player in the industry. That's interesting because the entire reason I picked them

is because they're a chain. Yeah. They are upscale and nicer. You know, this is way better than like an Applebee's or a Chili's or something like that in terms of the vibe Yeah, and all that there's barely any cheese on any of the food compared to Chili's nothing on the menu was called a popper Yeah, yeah, so that's interesting because Yeah, you can't escape the fact like they are a chain therefore fine dining is yeah

They're an eligible choice. I'm like little little disappointed right now, what I'm hearing, because as we mentioned at the restaurant, is that there was a Hawaiian theme to this. And there's no Hawaiian backstory at all to any of this. I only think they had a few dishes that were Hawaiian. I don't, you called this a Hawaiian fusion restaurant on your podcast. Yes, yes, yes.

I don't view this as that. I view it as a steakhouse that dabbles in a little bit of Hawaiian ideas. It's interesting, but there's literally no mention of that level of fusion or something like that. Sure, of that influence. Yeah. Changing restaurant names is not a new strategy for the company, which has previously converted several banderas to locally named grills. This rebranding strategy predates state and federal regulations and aims to focus on more

regional and less standardized food and drink. several banderas to locally named grills. This rebranding strategy predates state and federal regulations and aims to focus on more regional and less standardized fare. Although, as of 2023, the menus remain largely the same across the different brands. Oh, interesting. So, Houston's may not even have been the one that inspired the Hawaiian dishes. Which again, like it was, they had a sushi portion on the menu and then they literally had a prime rib

called the Hawaiian that had a soy glaze and we'll talk about that next week because it's one of the things we got. But yeah, other than that, I wouldn't say that I saw a lot of Hawaiian influence up and down the menu. But yeah, I wouldn't be shocked if they pulled that in from one of the other. I'm just saying as far as a restaurant that was founded in Nashville and they were headquartered in Arizona, headquartered in Arizona, called Houston and named after a city in Texas. Why do we have Hawaii? Why is there sushi on the menu?

That's all I'm saying. It seems like a seems like a weird choice. Yeah. Houston's restaurant specializes in new American and steakhouse cuisine. So that's what they brand themselves as new American and steakhouse cuisine. To be fair, Hawaii, part of our country, the newest of states, the newest. Yeah. It's the latest and greatest. Yeah. Yeah. Signature dishes include the cheeseburger, French dip sandwich, prime rib, pork ribs,

and spinach and artichoke dip. I love it. Houston's restaurants offer a full bar with a variety of alcoholic beverages. Oh. Did you notice the bar? I didn't, I'm sober, so I don't, I just, I block that shit up.

To the right of me though, like, you know, there was that- Yes. That weird- Dome thing that I can't think of yeah I kept thinking it was like a bald head yeah yeah of a guy listening to us but it was just like this weird art piece or whatever I thought you were speaking of dissociating I thought you were

just associating in that moment I've like maybe oh he's on acid okay yeah yeah it took me back to my McDonald's ladies and gentlemen it was huge it was like eight feet wide he's like I thought there was a bald guy next to me. This is such a large man. Okay, okay. He's an analysis in Wonderland situation. But there was like a big bar behind there. No, it was packed.

Oh really? We'll talk about it, but like, yeah, this place was hopping for midday on a Thursday. It was, truly. Hillstone doesn't charge a corkage fee, essentially making it a BYOB. How many restaurants have you done that even offer something that remotely could be associated with corkage?

Well, again, I don't drink, so I don't know, but maybe Mastro's? But like... Like a Cracker Barrel, a corkage fee, you think? My new most mediocre restaurant. Yes, yes. And I would agree. A corkage fee is a charge that a restaurant imposes on customers who bring their own bottle of wine to the establishment. The fee is intended to cover the cost of the restaurant's service,

including the use of glassware, the time spent by staff opening and serving the wine, and any potential loss of revenue from not selling wine from their own selection. Right. You think Buffalo Wild Wings has wine? They probably do. Like a house Chardonnay. I wouldn't be surprised if they did, but what a weird order at a B-Dubbs. I think Denny's has wine, depending on where you're at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you can get beer at Denny's, you know?

Like I think you can get wine. Hey, don't fact check me on that. Don't fact check me on that. What do you call your fans? Dynamaniacs. Dynamaniacs, great. Not having a corkage fee at a nice restaurant is not just rare, it's unheard of. Most places charge anywhere from 30 to 50 bucks,

though restaurants like the famed Per Se are known to charge as much as $150 a bottle. They're so proud of this. Why are they proud of this? They have like three paragraphs on their corkage fee. Well, but it's that Hillstone doesn't have one. Right. Like they're the nicest place to not charge you to bring your own wine in. Yeah, that's true.

You do seem like a little bit of a lush if you're bringing in your own drinks, though. Yeah, that's what fancy people do. I'm not fancy. I can tell. I can tell. Yeah. Dang! There are other restaurants where you can get a wine locker. They're so...

I don't know if this would be a place that I would bring wine, you know? Like I don't know, it doesn't seem like that sort of vibe to me. Yeah. It's not that hoity-toity. Hoity-toity. Hoity-toity. Hoity-toity. Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah- You said the hidden word. I did yeah the secret word of this week's episode hoity-toity Hoity-toity, I just had a feeling you might say it You know what's so funny is that you asked me like if if that's not a word you say guess what I say it All the time. I hate hoity-toity people bring it up as though. I fed you this word. Okay. That's right sure Keep up the K-fabe

By saying the secret word you've triggered the secret menu mini game, a mini game where we get a category, and this week's is bougier restaurants. Oh yeah. And you in the comments play along with your own bougier restaurants. Let us know who wins. Yes.

Examples of bougier restaurants, instead of poor-tillos, rich-tillos. Oh, nice, that's great, that's great. Or 401Kfc. Oh, man. I was trying to crack that one. Yeah. That was great.

Yeah. That was good. So I'm going to put 60 seconds on the clock. I'll let you go first. Sure. We're just going to trade them back and forth. Let us know who won below. Comment your own and you can win a fine dining t-shirt.

Here we go. Three, two, one. Diamond Corral. Good Cheesecake Factory. Taco Bell Linceaga. Yacht Dog on a Stick. That's great, yeah. Connecticut Mike's. Pfft.

Pfft. Caviarby's. Oh. Chic-fil-A. Ha. I-Hopera. Oh, that's great. Five guys who own 98% of the wealth in this country.

Oh, that is good. Lexus Roadhouse. That's so good. That's so good. I love that one. Carl's Nepo, baby. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, that's great. Oh, time's up. Okay. Yeah, I've already said it a few times. Comment below, let us know who you think won

and now let's hear who won last week's. Congrats to the winner of last time's secret menu mini game with the category villainous treats. YouTube user Bible Girl commented with a Popeyes themed one, but Popeye the sailor man, chicken cordon blue dough. I like that one. So congratulations, DM me on Instagram or TikTok or send me an email, finediningpodcast at gmail.com

and I'll get you a fine dining t-shirt sent out. Thanks for playing everyone and best of luck this time. Okay, so back to the wine locker at Morton's. There are other restaurants where you can get a wine locker like Morton's, but you're purchasing the wine from the restaurant, not bringing it in yourself. It makes sense that restaurants whose tight margins rely heavily on wine sales wouldn't want you bringing your own bottle. Yeah. I think it's crazy to show up at a place and bring your own thing anyways.

Yeah. Yeah. Typically they do that for like celebrations and stuff like that. It'd be like if I invited you over for a steak dinner, and you just brought a steak I'd be like what the but I but I made you it let me tell you something my my my brother who was like a Nutritionist yeah, he would show up to barbecues with his own meat To grill for everyone or for only just for him. That's and his wife wild. Yes, that is wild Cameron Yeah, it's weird. It is weird. Yeah. And rude. Super rude. Yeah. While this decision might not make sense to most people from an economic standpoint, it makes complete sense for Hillstone.

According to their hospitality representative, Hillstone firmly believes in good customer service and in their diners having the most enjoyable meal possible. If that enjoyment involves drinking their own bottle of wine, Hillstone is more than happy to facilitate that experience. I will say, I did get a vibe that they really do care about the customer experience. Yeah, it was really nice. There was an authenticity to it that I don't feel everywhere.

You can get great customer service and it's still not feel genuine. You could tell that because like the waiters probably get paid really good money. You're either through tips or...'re not taking care of them. Yeah. And as somebody who's worked at like hoity toy places of like little shitty fast food places, when I work at the melting pot, I know I'm going to treat everybody nicer because they're richer and most of the time they're kind of assholes anyways, you know, because they're like, just straight up classism.

Oh, look, if you're poor. I'm not treating you good. Yeah Yeah, well if you're poor you're like cool like me You're not expecting much, but if if you're if you're rich You're like oh like I gotta be super nice to these people it is interesting. They're gonna like fire me somehow. I feel like like Millennials and younger are so much nicer to customer service. Oh, yeah, because We are we are them. They are us. Even if we get out of that and are doing well,

I'm just like, look, I know you don't want to be here. That's fine. Totally. That's what it really is. When I said to the waitress, I was like, can I borrow a pen? I promise I'll give it back to you. Did you?

Yeah, I did. That's right, you did. Because I know as a waiter, people steal your pens for some reason. What we would do at Olive Garden is come up with the most ridiculous pens, these huge, gigantic ones or big fuzzy ones, because no one would want to steal that.

This is how nice that one was. That was like very chic, very normal pen that anybody could steal, but they're not going to steal because they're rich and they don't need it. Yeah. Rich people don't write anything. Yeah, that's true. They dictate it. Hillstone Restaurant Group, which operates establishments like Houston's Honor Bar

and R&D Kitchen, is facing a class action lawsuit in California. Whoa. The lawsuit alleges that during the pandemic, Hillstone implemented a 15% service or packaging fee on takeout orders. This fee was applied despite no apparent changes in the quantity or quality of the food sold or the packaging provided.

Weird, it's just in California? Yes. That's something that's happening in California, I don't know if you noticed, but they are- The push against junk fees? Yes. Yeah, but there was an exemption for restaurants. They're also charging people, because guess, apparently if they have a

certain amount of employees, they have to provide like healthcare. Yeah. So they're adding extra fees now to pay for that. Say healthcare fee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that we had, you know, maybe it should come out of like the

CEO's bottom line. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Take it out of the five guys who control 98% of the wealth. The lawsuit argues that these actions violated California's price gouging laws enacted after Governor Gavin Newsom declared a state of emergency in March of that year. Yeah. According to California Penal Code 396, businesses are prohibited from increasing food prices by more than 10% during declared emergencies. Whoa. I didn't, I didn't know that.

That's a such a specific law. What other emergencies, aside from the pandemic, what have that been relevant for? But like you do hear about people pay, like think about like hand sanitizer during the start of COVID. That's going to be really helpful when the big giant earthquake in California happens. You're like, well, they can't charge more than $5 more for my, you know, makes me my subway.

My $5 foot long is it six and 50 anymore? Become a 550 foot long by log. Yeah. Exceptions to this rule exist only if the seller can demonstrate that the price hike is directly linked to additional costs related to labor or materials. Oh, makes sense. Okay. Restaurant employees have raised concerns about reduced tipping amid the pandemic.

The legality of including a mandatory gratuity charge during this time is uncertain under California's price gouging laws. Would you say this is like a big controversy for them? Do you think like they care about this at all? Compared to things I found about other restaurants, like Cracker Barrel, this doesn't feel that big. I mean like, yeah, Cracker Barrel had like, they were treating black customers differently

or like discriminating against homosexual and LGBTQ employees back then. So this isn't the worst thing. No. Yeah. They they've relatively clean hands. Anyways, that'll do it for this week's eat deeps. Ooh, eatery deeteries.

Okay. Adam, we've covered the history. Thank you for addressing me, seeing me on a human level. Yes. We've covered the history of this franchise for addressing me, seeing me on a human level. Yes. We've covered the history of this franchise. We have a review to give. We're going to tell people about what happened when we were there. All of our thoughts, the environment, the, the serving experience, all that,

what we ate, the bathroom. But before we do that, we have to hear what other people are saying about Houston's, which is why we're postponing our review a week in favor of what other people are saying in this a little Yelp from Strangers. A little Yelp, a little Yelp. Give us those complaints while you literally white and die. Yelp! Alright, this is Yelp from Strangers, our segment where we turn to Yelp and read out our favorite 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5-star Yelp reviews from the very restaurant at which we dined.

And I'm gonna be honest, this week we've got some long ones, but I wouldn't have picked long ones if they weren't good ones. Are you telling me a bunch of rich people are a little long winded? Couldn't have believed it. Yeah, they love hearing themselves talk. So we're just gonna jump on into it.

Do you mind if I start us off? Yeah, absolutely. I do mind. Well, too fucking bad. Wait, do I go on Yelp? You've got some behind that pillow. Oh my gosh. What a surprise.

I love it. I know. Two star review. I'm going to start us off with a two star Yelp review. This is from Matt P from Los Angeles, California, October 29th, 2007. Oh, this review can almost drive. No way. This review can almost vote.

Yeah. So my main man, Jordan M pretty much gives the story on this, but I feel inclined to throw in my two cents. Houston's needs to get the fuck over itself. Hahaha. Already? What an opening line. Already?

Hot start. I love it. There's great opening sentences like, uh, Mercutio Mercutio, uh, call me, call me Ishmael, my main man Jordan. Jordan M. I love it. Just wait. Yeah.

Because the next few sentences top it. I love it. You'd think I had tried to bring my Jewish ass into the wrong country club, the way they treated me in there. First, the hostess tells me I can't wear my fedora in the restaurant. Oh, wow. Okay.

Literally. Literally wrote, okay. No problem. I will say, I was on this dude's side until he said fedora. First, the hostess tells me, I can't wear my fedora in the restaurant. Okay, no problem. We seem to have some artistic differences

But I'm fine with that My main man Jordan He told the story but they made me go boy fedora off Okay, artistic differences. Your hat is a stupid decision. Yeah, yeah. Fedoras are not art, ladies and gentlemen. No.

No. So we sit down at our table three feet from the roaring inferno that is the Houston's open kitchen. It is very hot. I decide that in light of the fact that it is an ambient at 98 degrees in the restaurant, maybe I should be allowed to remove my heavy sport coat and enjoy my meal in comfort. This is when the hostess, who remarkably has nothing better to do in spite of the large

crowds at her podium, approaches the table to tell me of their no sleeveless shirt policy. What is this guy dressed in? Fedora and a sleeveless shirt with a blazer sport coat over it. Wait, did it say no No sleeveless shirt. This dude's wearing a tank top and a fedora He is the worst dressed man, oh my god. That's that is a choice Holy crap like this. This feels like a bit. Yeah now I'm starting to take this personally Mount Wilson is burning outside It's sweltering and I need to put on a fucking overcoat because my triceps are too offensive to the dining public They are no one wants that, dude.

We're only halfway through this roller coaster and I'm already tapped. Now hang on. You may be thinking, Matt, come on. Rules are rules. And that's fair. But Houston's dress code is a big fat hypocrisy. Sitting right next to us was this guy

in one of the ugliest tracksuits I have ever seen. The kind of track suit you wear to the gym at 11 p.m. When you're hoping you don't run into anybody, you know, but wait it gets better I like how he flexes that he goes to the gym. Yeah. Yeah. That's why he's wearing the muscle Sure, you know my big triceps Sitting behind him is a guy wearing what looks precariously like wet, tropical print swim trunks and flip-flops But lucky for him, his t-shirt was well within the bounds of Houston's stringent code of fashion conduct Jesus You've got to be fucking kidding me

All caps? No Oh Oh damn. So I spent the entirety of my evening, pouring sweat in my sport coat, which for all intensive purposes, probably cost more than Houston's makes in a night of shoving California roll up a cow's ass and calling it fusion. Wait, he's saying that his sport coat is nicer than the revenue of a night at Houston's? A million dollar sport coat. The hostess went beyond the boundaries of discurricy in how she went about dealing with me and repeatedly approaching our table to

harass me exceeds reasonable behavior. She made me feel like I was in the second grade again. I doubt I will ever go to Houston's again and they can thank their little bitch hostess on a power trip for that. Oh my God. This guy is. He's a monster. He shouldn't go out in public.

Yeah. First of all, how he dresses, but also, come on dude. Also, I bet he has a rat tail. Oh yeah. I don't know, but I bet this dude has a rat tail. He does, he has a rat tail for sure. If I ever do though, I'll have to remember to wear my tracksuit. At least it's moisture wicking.

Jesus. Well first off, if you wore a shirt with sleeves in, you wouldn't have been sweating. It would have been caught on the shirt. Right. That's your problem dude. When you have been caught on the shirt. Right. That's your problem, dude. When you have bare arms, sweat just has nowhere to... Yeah, it's not wicking. There's no wick.

Or absorb or sponge or whatever. But that is the worst dressed Yelper in history, no doubt. And he painted a vivid picture. I mean, I'm sure he looked awesome with the fedora and the sport coat. In his own mind. Yeah, he won He definitely for sure had a goal. He didn't mention but I just imagine he had like a gold chain on sure like a big one Yeah, yeah for sure. Yeah rat tail for sure. Yeah leather pants for I'm

Who he is? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like you P. Matt P. I don't like you as an individual. My main man, Jordan M. recounted the story, but I told it too. Amazing. Five Star Review. This was Randy E. from Glendora, California. It is a five star review, October 27th, 2011. Okay. Oh, Houston's.

You always have a special place in my heart for which I compare other restaurants Prime Rib to. I have been to this Houston's about 30 times or so. That is like, there are places I love that I have not frequented 30 times. That's a lot of times. A special place in my heart, like... That's okay. I am finally writing a review because I went last night after a few months apart oh they're really in love Randy loves this place you know they say the heart grows fonder yeah distance makes the heart grow fonder also red meat makes the heart grow just in general worst few months of my life. Star cries star.

Why are we dealing with so many like beard, what are those beard, the anime kids? Weebs? Yeah, why are there so many weebs that go to this fucking? Well, we made assumptions about Matt. For sure a neck beard. I also love, just to go back to that,

that was just a two-star review. That wasn't even a one. This dude felt personally attacked. The food was good. The food was good. The food is undeniable. All right, worst few months of my life, Christ, neck beard was the word I was thinking of.

Anyways, I ordered the same meal and wine every time now. I have found what I love and have stuck to it. As the saying goes, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Okay, this is a story. Guys, what are we doing? Do something with your life. Okay, I always order the prime rib cooked medium rare with a baked potato and a glass of two okay fine

three of their cabernet Sauvignon delicious you twisted my arm I'll say it I have three glasses this is okay Randy you are a scam you're a character their food really is great that's the food really it works yeah that works I don't know honestly I don't think. Honestly, I don't see- We're not here to workshop these. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm just saying- Okay, Clippy, calm down.

Honestly, I did send back a steak years ago. Oh, drama. Because there was way too much fat on it. Wasn't even an issue. They apologized, cooked me up another one, and brought it out. I love that they're talking about- A years ago incident. A years ago's experience. Well, this is like a conglomeration apologized, cooked me up another one and brought it out. I love that they're talking about

a years ago's experience. Well, this is like a conglomeration of 30 years of review or 30 visits worth of reviews. He just has to do it. Look, 30th times the charm. I gotta express my love in writing. You know what I do? I don't know if you've ever done this.

Have you ever clicked on like the profiles to see what else they do? I wanna know what Randy's doing. What his deal is. What is he? Is it only this? Okay, so he goes, they apologize, cooked me up another one and brought it out. End of story. And that's, nope, that's not the end. Didn't even charge me for the steak altogether. Obviously, if you don't like your meal that much,

or if your food is the rough equivalent of McDonald's as I read in some earlier posts. Okay. Yeah, someone else said this is the rough equivalent of McDonald's in their review about, first of all, I just, I have a soft spot when someone references, like when a five star reviewer references another one. Toss shit on someone who write it at lowly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This to me, this seems like they are it lowly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This to me, this seems like they are writing it in spite of like a bad review.

How dare you? I've been here 30 times, it's the best! Honestly, that was the breaking point. You saw this review and it's like, I can't stand for it! No one talks about my baby Houston's like that. Girl, Houston's. And I read someone earlier, then send that mess back. Hello. Period. Houston's obviously wants you to have the best experience you can have. I read someone earlier post then send that mess back. Hello period

Houston's obviously wants you to have the best experience you can have duh Okay, we're getting sarcastic here They want you to bring that ass back with four friends to send more money and then to tell everyone You know how great the restaurant is That's how this works, but your expectations also need to be realistic guys be realistic about your food You are really paying for the whole package the meal the drinks the service the ambiance I don't that wasn't included. I just felt like that's what it Overtook you his passion. Yeah, my artistic License license with it. This is why I never guess when I get our bill

It's totally worth it in my eyes for a great night out with the ones. I love is it a little loud. Yes That's because there are other people on this planet must get used to that people There's such an axe to grind. Yeah, this was really set off by someone's one-star review. Why do I feel like Randy and Matt went at the same time? I have never rated a restaurant on how loud people in the restaurant are. How is the restaurant supposed to control that? Hey you, shut up and just eat.

No, I usually sit at the bar whenever I come here. No, I usually sit at the bar whenever I come here. Houston's is really usually pretty crowded and I usually only have one other person with me so we always end up finding two seats at the bar. Even if we have to wait a few minutes for some people to finish up. The bartenders are spot on every time. They take plates out of my way immediately. Always notice when my glass of water or wine is empty bring me a wet cloth to wash my hands and

continually ask me if I'm doing okay I'm always very satisfied with the service this is right or die all right only seven more paragraphs okay last night I had a new bartender serving me must have been hired in the few months I was gone. This is this dude's cheers. Yeah. That's who Houston is. I don't know your face around here. He must have been gone while I was in a coma. Yeah. His name was Patrick and he was the shit. I love Patrick. Patrick Patrick Patrick Patrick. Hmm that's real. That's not artistic license. Patrick Patrick Patrick. I, that's real. That's not artistic license. Patrick Patrick Patrick. I hope his name is actually Patrick.

I mean, I have heard of people give like fake names and stuff before. All right, anyways. Well, to me it reads more of like, I hope I'm not misremembering. I'm making a huge show out of Patrick. Was it Patrick? I don't know.

I hope it was Patrick. He was like, Stu. Anyways, he was so attentive and insanely sweet. A kind soul, if you will. I need to find out what nights he works because he's by far the best. Randy's got a crush. Randy, Randy's a little Randy for Patrick.

You set me up for that one. Overall, Houston's is great. Yes, you will probably wait a bit for a table, a few minutes, even with a reservation. But if dinner is the only thing on your agenda and you're just enjoying your company, then who cares? Go grab a drink at the bar while you're waiting. That's what I do. Makes everything better. Randy loved Houston's. Yeah. Patrick.

For sure Patrick. The bar. Yeah. And the people. And is mad. Yes. At anyone who has anything negative to say. 100%. That's what a five star review looks like. That's a great one. You can go download our full Yelp from Strangers segment at our Patreon. The link for that is in the description of this episode, or you can go to patreon.com slash fine dining podcast. And we're now offering a one week free trial. So what do you have to lose? Go check it out.

People have wild opinions and we get to read. Oh, so many of them. Thanks. All right, Adam, we have covered the history. We've covered Yelp reviews. The table is set to go for next week's episode, our review of Houston's. Thanks so much for joining me this week.

Thanks for coming to Houston's with me. Thanks for learning and talking about some Yelp reviews. Do you wanna plug anything, look into that camera, tell people where they can find you? You can find me at AdamRMack on all the social medias, except for TikTok. You can find me at AdamTellsJokes, where I tell some monologue jokes

and you can find my podcast, That Was Wild. Go to thatwaswild.net for any of the new episodes. .net? Yeah,.net. I couldn't find.com. Wow. Thatwaswild.net. I wanted to go thatwaswild.pizza,

but that was more expensive. But Michael has been on it. You can actually, if you're looking for Jones for more me and Michael content in between, uh, this week and next week, you can get, go check it out. And then you can follow me at fine dining podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I have a Patron where you can get an exclusive episode every month. Three of those exclusive episodes of this year have been restaurants that are in this year's September girl bracket. so you can actually get a sneak peek

of how I felt about those places. Maybe it'll help inform your decision when you're filling out your bracket. Make sure you go to linktree.com slash fine dining podcast and click on the September-ger bracket. Get yours in to me, but wait until the September-ger kickoff show the first Wednesday of September so you can hear who wins the first two matches.

Those are freebies. I'm giving those to you for a chance to win $500. Anyways, we're just going to be sitting here for a week waiting on our table. Thanks so much for joining in. Yeah. And don't forget, waiting on our table. The step is done and we had some fun. Now we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table.

Join us next time we're stuck in line. Waiting on our table, waiting on our table. We're so hungry, tummy's grumbling. Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We gotta continue our search for mediocrity Yeah Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We'll be waiting and dissipating

Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We're swimming in this week, we're digging in good Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We're swimming in this week or digging in Cause we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table We've got an appetite but just sit tight Cause we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table Sirs, you continue and we see you next week He-he-he-he But I'm gonna let you know

Waiting on our table, waiting on our table' on our table, waitin' on our table