Fine Dining - IHOP Review feat. Jasper Lewis (Internet Menace) & Katie Molinaro (Renowned Foodie) [Part Two]

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Enter for an all expenses paid trip to your local Applebee's*! Jasper Lewis, biscuit enthusiast, is back to take on IHOP, the International House of Pancakes with Michael A hyper kid listening to metal in the booth next to us is WAY TOO MUCH Michael & Jasper discuss the viral list of places that "women don't want to be taken on a first date" Jasper is all about our server's lack of vocal fry Katie Molinaro (@eatitkatie) joins us to try Lay's exclusive Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity potato chip flavor The pancakes are good! The biscuits are the worst Jasper has had in Los Angeles Michael busts out the You-Must Bowl for a totally legitimate and not-at-all rigged drawing to set up next week's restaurant "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to our YouTube to watch this episode!   Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (Coming soon: Shari's Cafe & Pies with the return of my cousin Emma!), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Sean Spademan, Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your IHOP stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow Jasper on TikTok and Instagram @heyjasperlewis   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Chipotle [Part One]! Stand-up comic Zara Mizrahi joins Michael to learn the history of her number 1 love: Chipotle. Ever work at Chipotle? Send your stories to [e-mail].   *$50 for gas, $200 Applebee's gift card. Go to linktree.com/finediningpodcast and select "Bees Giveaway" to enter!

Hey everyone, before we start this episode, I want to address the future of the podcast. That is, the summer of this podcast. Not to spoil it too much, but Applebee's has been supplanted as the most mediocre restaurant in America. Something has gotten even closer to 5.00. So in order to celebrate the legacy that Applebee's leaves behind on this show, I am running a contest. Go to my Linktree. That's linktree.com slash fine dining podcast and hit Bee's giveaway. You can enter for an all expenses paid trip to your local Applebee's.

You have until the May 1st episode of the podcast to get your submissions in, and the winner will be announced on the May 8th episode. Best of luck. $50 for guests and a $200 Applebee's gift card will be awarded to the winner. Must be 18 years or older to enter. Rules and regulations apply.

From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive. Hello and welcome back to part two of the International House of Pancakes, aka IHOP episode of the fine dining podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. Once again, I am your host, Michael Ornelas. And in this show, I'm looking for the most average restaurant, the most middling restaurant, their chain restaurants. They are all in the conversation. They didn't know they're in the running for this, but let's face it, they are.

And I'm looking for the most average restaurant. Why? Why am I doing it? Well, let's ask my guest. My guest this week, Jesper Lewis. Hi. Writer, actress, comedian, hilarious, fun, vibrant personality. Oh my gosh, stop.

And like kind of a dork I've come to realize with her CS Lewis quoting. I feel like CS Lewis is a classic author. And the fact that he reviewed the International House of Pancakes. He did not. And did not mention Aslan is wild to me. Anyway. Why am I doing this show?

You need to find the perfect five out of 10, because to really understand the spectrum of taste and food and the quality of restaurants, you need to know what's really good, you need to know what's really bad, and you need to know what is exactly in the middle so that you can gauge those other, the good and the bad. It's a calibration.

It's an exercise in calibrating, and I'm the one putting my body through this rigamarole, going to just a whole bunch of unique chain restaurants. I love youthful slang like rigamarole. I love it. Is that what Gen Z is saying now? So Gen Z is saying rigamarole. They're talking about how they hiked in the snow.

They're talking about... Up hill. They're talking about... In bare feet to change the channel. They're talking about the big orange couch. They're talking about all that. Oh my gosh. Wow, bringing back the big orange couch. They're talking about oldies like... Sn gosh. Wow, bringing back the big orange couch.

They're talking about oldies like. Snick. Snick, Blink 182, that old stuff. I feel like your life just flashed before your eyes. Oh my gosh. It started in like old timey boomer lands and it went. Into a relatable place for you.

Straight into the gut with a knife. Yeah. For those of you watching this show for the first time, it went into a relatable place for you. Straight into the gut with a knife. Yeah. For those of you watching this show for the first time, these restaurants are being reviewed on three criteria. I'm looking at their atmosphere. At their service. And their food.

You get it, yum. Yum. Yummy. I love food. Tasty. It's honestly, if you went to a restaurant and just experienced the service and the atmosphere, but not the food. I would have. Tasty. It's honestly, if you went to a restaurant and just experienced the service and the atmosphere, but not the food. I would have an eating disorder.

I would argue, maybe you're doing it wrong. I'm just here to look. I'm here to window shop. Fine dining party of two. We've been talking too long. Our table is ready. We'll get right to it. Ready, complimentary butter and bread These walls have both signs Knit-knack cowboy hat Good luck cat Altograph guitar Some crap from your city

Behold the tchotchke of mediocrity Fine dining Just fine dining Fine dining Two letters on the sign are shining Neon flickering, irregular timing Identify the perfect fight. Palatine. Fine dining. Fine dining. Atmosphere.

OK, so my first note in my notebook about the atmosphere is one of the good ones. This eye, eye hop has a duality to it. There are bad eye hops and there are good eye hops. There are wretched eye hops. There are just fluorescent nightmare fuel eye hops that you go to and you're just like, like the lighting makes you sweat. Like that kind of eye hop. And then there was this one where it was like

nice natural light, open window. Very pleasant. Lot of wood paneling, but in a way that kind of felt like. I wasn't mad at it, it was very diner-esque. It felt like an old like, the wood paneling on the sides of like an old mobile or something. Or those big long station wagons that had that giant wooden stripe across it.

That's what I meant. The car's like 14 feet long. Yeah, it was like if you took the wood off of that and then arranged it into cubicles, that's what this IHOP was kind of like. And that's where they got their wood panel. That's where all those station wagons went. They repurposed into IHOP. IHOP was like, listen, girl, your days are done.

You've got another life to live. Your legacy will live on. Your reincarnation begins now in an international house of pancakes. Honestly though, this was very clean, very nice decor. You look a little closer at the wood and you can kind of tell like, oh, this has been here a while. I mean, it was clean.

It wasn't peeling like that wood paneling we usually do. I appreciated that it didn't like smell like a bathroom. I've been in so many IHOPs where you can like smell that there is a bathroom somewhere in the building. Yeah. And it's like the bathroom smell is mixing with the aromas of the food. And it's like, oh, it's very,

you can smell this most commonly at Hardee's or Carl's Jr. No matter which one you go to. Yeah, and in Georgia, you could smell it at IHOP. But in this nice IHOP in Glendale, it smelled just of pancakes. And that's it. And I really appreciated that. Yeah. Honestly, I didn't even get a strong food smell one way or another.

Yeah, it wasn't overwhelming. It smelled like a room to me. But when you walk in the front doors, it's you. It's immediately the line, the kitchen line. Yeah. So the fact that the food smell wasn't as strong could also. Is dubious. Dubious. Yeah.

Yes. Now they also had a front room and a back room. Oh yes. And I felt excluded a little bit. I don't, I felt like we were in the room reserved for like important people. Did you? It was better lit.

It was better lit. We were in the section of the restaurant where they want the people that need to be seen sitting. Ha ha ha. And they placed us in a window seat, a front window seat. When the valet takes your car, they're gonna put the luxury vehicles out front and then they're gonna take your Hyundai Accent

and put it in the back. We were the Mercedes of this IHOP. Yes. And so they said they need to be by the window where people can see them dying here. I have never once interpreted anything about myself in that light. Yeah.

They said these, they were like, well, look at these high status individuals. People need to know. She's dressed in our brand colors. She's Miss IHOP. Put her by the window. She actually had a sash and like a little tiara made a waffle. And then they made me give it back after we were done with our meal. Yeah, they're like, there can only be one.

It's like a Highlander situation. One at a time, girl. Bye. You were in the middle of talking. And the table behind you, there was a kid with one of those iPads that has like the... There was an iPad child sitting behind me. With the aggressive case where it's like the size of a sea turtle and probably the shape

of a sea turtle and you just... I didn't see that case, but I believe you because just based on what that kid was watching and doing and saying and how overstimulated that kid was watching and doing and saying and how overstimulated that kid was, I believe that they would probably just throw it if they could. And their parents were like, no, no, no, we have to put this in a giant rubber turtle. It was like a bubble protector.

It was so heavy duty. And it was like, the grips were out here. The iPad's this big. You got like seven inches of wiggle room on either side of this iPad. That's what you have to do when you give a kid an iPad. And they were blasting what had to have been like speed metal. This isn't the first time this has happened. There was like an iPad kid with speed metal

in my Red Lobster episode. It was like a post-apocalyptic war game. So it was like the crackling of static. And at. It was like a post-apocalyptic war game. So it was like the crackling of static. And at first I was like, wow, that sounds kind of like seashells by the ocean. Then I heard gunshots. And I was like, oh, it was just the storming of Normandy?

Like what? And it was like industrial metal. Industrial metal. And then it was Bop It. So many different things. And he didn't just have an iPad. He also had crayons He also had a tech deck skate wall

I love a tech deck and it was love a tech deck like one of the cool ones that looks like a real skateboard It was like Fisher price colors. Oh, it was like green and Fisher price Yeah, it looked like a tech deck not made of Legos, but the color scheme of Legos Yeah, which takes away from the authentic like the thing that makes tech deck not made of Legos, but the color scheme of Legos. Which takes away from the authentic, like the thing that makes tech deck cool is like the real grip tape. That makes it look like a real skateboard. Okay.

They're getting him started on a very specific path very early. He's gonna have so many concussions in his teenage years. In his teenage years. He will just permanently taste pennies. But none from his iPad, because it's in that giant rubber turtle, so he can't beat himself up with that, at least.

He could hit someone like over the back with that iPad, like a steel chair in wrestling. Maybe. It had that much surface area. What a wild world children are growing up in with these iPads. It wasn't just wild. I'm gonna say it was way too much

It was way too much this kid constant his energy level There was a solid two men appear there were so many times where you and I are just trying to have a conversation Yeah, and I'm looking over your shoulder because this kid is distracting He also had his iPad turned up to maximum volume and his parents or the adults with him did nothing. Did nothing. Probably encouraged it because it got him out of their hair. But there was a solid two to three minutes, which I found funny because it was when you were talking

about the energy that coffee gives you, where he was literally just bouncing. Like standing on like feet on the seat, just bouncing, pressing off the window. Feet on the seat, stop. Feet on the seat. Put the child down. Like make it, no. Put the child down.

Yeah. Because they are way too much. Way too much. Way too much. I'd love that you support child euthanasia. Oh, I didn't mean put the child down, like take them to the vet. Like, just, what was it in a goofy movie

where he like, the kid won't sit down for the photo and then he just like slaps Velcro on her butt and then like plops her down on the floor so she can't get up and she has to pose for the picture? That's what I meant. Forcibly make them sit. Forcibly adhere a child to the seat, not send them to live in a farm upstate. Exactly. Okay.

Yeah, no. Glad we're on the same page now. I just wanted to clear that up. One last thing that I noticed about this atmosphere that bummed me out. They no longer have the syrup flight on the table. Well, after what we learned about the syrup last time, how it's not fresh. That doesn't bum me out at all.

They're saving lives. If you didn't listen to last week's episode, which I'm sure you did, otherwise why would you be here? Um, they basically, somebody said, I used to work at an an IHOP and let me tell you something about these syrups Don't use the ones on the table because it's been there for like it's years It's been there since my grandpa was alive. Yeah, so don't use it and it's not only is it old They recycle what they don't use in the kitchen and then it gets So don't so ask her to go syrup is the in the kitchen and then it gets, so don't use that syrup.

So ask for to-go syrup is the long and short of it. Ask for to-go syrup, don't use the table syrup. But I do miss the aesthetic of having options. Yes. So they just have old fashioned maple now. But what they used to have was the strawberry syrup, the maple pecan. Maple pecan.

And then they had the boysenberry. The fancy syrup. Which was the one I always used to have as a kid. My memories of IHOP growing up, I have two distinct ones. One, dousing everything in boysenberry every time I went. Two, I took a girl to an IHOP. Okay.

And I was a senior in high school. Okay. And I haven't said any detail. I feel like that's acceptable if you're still in high school. Yeah. Okay, we're gonna circle back on this, but I wanna get this started.

Look, I'm not gonna make myself look good here in a moment. I'm not gonna make myself look good. I was going to Waffle House until well into my, it's fine. Until you moved away from Waffle House. God, I would still go if I could. You would still go. And I said, dare me to eat that pancake in one bite? And I did it.

I took one pancake and I- With your hand? With my hand. And I like folded it up so it was edible and I like- Was she impressed? No. Of course not. Was she was she like oh this is great no what a fantastic show of strength it's more of a show of mindset willpower

there has been no dryer bite in my entire life and it wasn't a dry pancake, but- Well, they don't use oil. They don't use oil. But it was a tough, yeah. It was a tough time. It was a tough time. But you know what? You found your way, you went the distance, and that's on Hercules. And that's on overcoming personal trials and tribulations and impressing girls in high school.

There was a thing I wanted to circle back on. Oh, the fact that you took a girl to IHOP. And what I assumed was a date. That's why I made that face. Oh, yeah. There was that list that came out recently of like a girl who is like, he took me to Cheezcake Factory.

Like that's not okay. You saw that, right? I did. And I was just like, girl, if you're growing up outside a city, like Cheezcake Factory is fancy. Even if you're growing up outside a city, like, kick factory is fancy. Even if you're growing up in a city, kick factory is still fun and kitsch

when you're in high school. Get out of here. Here's my take. Or young. And I don't know. You can tell me how I come across here. Okay. There was a list made of like,

these are like the top 20 places that like girls do not want to be taken on a first date. And so many of them were like these chain restaurants. Chain restaurants. And in my mind, I'm like, it's a first date. Okay. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you get to know each other.

If you're asking for like a fancy place for a first date, like fancy places, those are anniversaries, holiday celebrations. I mean, I understand the logic, but I do think there's something to making a first date. Like you wanna make a good impression and you want it to be fun and memorable. And sometimes a concept restaurant is really fun

or like a nicer restaurant is really fun. I would not go to an anniversary level restaurant on a first date, unless I was just like, had fucking money and I could do whatever I wanted. But like- Which was my interpretation of that list of what they wanted. Like you're not like spending a crap ton on dinner

to impress me? Also like if you live in an area where chain restaurants are prevalent, this list is so offensive. If you live in LA and you have other options, chain restaurants are prevalent. This list is so offensive. If you live in LA, then you have other options. I mean, this list would still be offensive because the tone is just so like,

it's so mean, but- I'm gonna pull up this list. I haven't addressed it, and at this point, it's very outdated, and this episode's coming out in April. Okay. I mean, I'm also coming at this from the perspective of somebody that grew up in a town where chain restaurants were places you went to for anniversaries and other important occasions because we just didn't have that many local and independently owned restaurants.

Yeah. To me, a list like that just seems really petty. So this list, cheesecake factory, Applebee's, Chili's, Chipotle, Olive Garden, the movies, your house, any fast food chain, Buffalo Wild Wings, Wingstop, Red Lobster, a buffet, IHOP, Denny's, the gym, I agree with that, that's a weird first date.

Yeah. Church. Oh yeah. Starbucks, coffee dates, ice cream dates. Pause. I just imagine like taking somebody to a first date at like Hillsong. It's like a show. Coffee dates and ice cream dates to me, to make this list are weird to me.

That's weird. Who is this person? For a first date. What does this person do? This went viral. I think this is crowd sourced. This person is alone. I'll say these people. This person has never gone on a first date in their life

because everything is X'd out. This is the list of first date things. Yeah. Family functions, that makes sense for sure. Movie night, somewhere that requires a long drive, bowling, nightclubs, hookah bar, a bar just for drinks, waffle house, or sports events. Yeah, every single thing that you would do

on a first date is on this list. There's a couple that I agree with, don't drive anywhere that requires a long time in a car. That's like a safety concern. Well, I understand that. With that person, I mean, if you're meeting somewhere, then it's, but like, yeah. Wild.

But some people go on first dates with people they know, it's not like a stranger. That's true, that's true. Wild. But some people go on first dates with people they know. It's not like a stranger. Oh, that's true. That's true. I forgot about those people. Yeah. Anyways, we've gotten very far off topic. The atmosphere at IHOP.

We're going to rate it? Yeah. Okay. And coming in real strong, I'm going to start with, eh, it was right in the middle. My thumbs are like on the other side of my hands, but if you could see them, it would be like that. You can do this. It's like, it's okay.

Yeah. It's fine. Cool. I hop, it's fine. Service. Our server was delightful. She was great. She was very nice. She did bust my plate that had my fork at the end and then asked if I still wanted the

pancake. And I was like, yes, but I realized I had no utensil. But she brought you new utensils. Solved the problem immediately. But I was ready to just stab it with the one butter knife we had. I mean, it would have worked. I mean, it was a sturdy enough bite. It could have withstood a knife.

I hand ate a pancake. That's true. You did. Once upon a time, so. Yeah. Sure. Very impressive. Impressive is what I was going for. But yeah, we weren't ready to order, and she did give us a very long time to... She did.

...to decide. To be fair, we did have menus open in front of us, and we did use most of that time. Yeah, I think I was talking most of that time, so I didn't really notice or mind. No, I didn't mind, but I didn't notice. I mean, she was great. She had a nice voice.

She had no vocal fry, unlike me. Hold on, is that a thing? You're like, if a waitress has a vocal fry, you're just like. I just noticed that she didn't, because I'm trying to get rid of mine. So I'm just hyper aware of it in other people. Where does it come from? You're just not speaking on your voice enough. You're not really letting the correct amount of air go through.

Yeah. So I've been using vocal fry for a long time, and now it's just part of how I speak. And it shouldn't be. So I'm trying my best to fix it. Yeah. Which I failed miserably a lot during this podcast, but our waiter or server had very consistent vocal tone. I love that it's a thing you're looking for.

She, I just noticed it. Yeah. When you start working on something within yourself, you start to see it in other people I'm hyper observant. I cuz I'm so like I I hate myself like Not really Sorry, God turn to the Lord. This is why I've turned to the Lord No, I don't hate myself, but I am very critical of myself and I project. So anytime I see people, I just project all my insecurities and thoughts onto them. No, I assume if I'm doing it, they're doing it too.

I am. I'm very insecure about many things and I am very. Confident in other things and I don't know if they're the right things. And that's what life is for. It's for figuring out if we're putting the effort and time into the right things. But ultimately, really getting through the day, getting through this journey we call life, with our mental health somewhat intact, getting through it.

And our server? Was getting through it. Was getting through it. She was great. Stands vocal fry. She was great. I do want to bring up one service mishap that wasn't on her end.

Yeah, no, because everything was handled through an iPad. They don't write things down at this IHOP anymore. And the receipt said the specifications that you wanted correctly. Correctly. Okay, so the kitchen screwed it up. So the kitchen screwed up, just like the, there were a couple, actually, honestly, I felt that it was, I felt like it was a bit much. Your modifications, I was like, this is...

All I did was I asked for- You pulled out a list. I had three things. I said, I don't want the cheese sauce on the breakfast sandwich that I got because they had two different types of cheese. They had regular cheese and then they had cheese sauce, which cheese sauce isn't real food, I'm sorry.

No. So I was like, no, thank you. And then I was like, could I get cheese and tomatoes on my hash browns? And then when I got the meal, the cheese and the tomatoes were on the sandwich and not the hash browns. I also asked the hash browns to be done extra well

because I liked them crispy and brown and they just weren't. They probably read that and they were like, this bitch. Like, they just like picked it up, plopped it down on the griddle for maybe a second and then put it on my plate. They're like, you'll eat these. You'll eat what we give you. And they were right. I don't send things back unless there's like a literal object in my food.

And I literally wrote a song about sending back food for the Olive Garden musical that you can check out wherever you get your podcasts. Because Olive Garden's calamari was not good. Oh, I love calamari. That breaks my heart. But from Olive Garden? Probably not. I haven't eaten in Olive Garden and,

God, I don't even know. So yeah, the kitchen messed that up a little bit, but I had no negative feelings towards service. I actually had positive feelings towards service. So overall, I think when thinking about this server. Thumbs up. One thumb up. Great.

Not two. Yeah, she did what she needed to do. She didn't go above and beyond. And she was getting through the day. She's getting through the day. Food. Yum. Food. Yum, yummy. Okay, so the food at the International House of Pancakes,

a place that is known for its breakfast offerings, we ordered breakfast. We did. We went at 10 a, 10.30 a.m. on a Saturday. 10.30, okay. So this was a definitively breakfast IHOP episode. Maybe I'll revisit dinner IHOP at some point in the future, but breakfast IHOP, this is what I affiliate

with this place. You know, if I'm thinking the nearest equivalent to an IHOP is a Denny's, but Denny's, to me, that's a place you end up at at night. IHOP is, I just woke up, let's start my day. I'm going IHOP. Yeah, we wanna start our day off right. Now let's find out if it actually was right.

Their eggs, bacon, hash browns, and strawberry banana pancakes is what I got, AKA the Rooty Tooty fresh and fruity, Apparently, apparently, which we didn't know until afterward. We didn't know. I w here's the thing. I accidentally ordered the thing I was going to order. Had I been able to find what it was? Yeah.

Yeah. We need to find whoever put that campaign together and just be like, Hey, and explain to them what specificity means. It's so vague. Well, it turns out since we recorded that episode and this moment right now, Walmart released a Lay's exclusive flavor, IHOP, Rudy Tootie, fresh and fruity. Why didn't they say this at the restaurant? It appears to be strawberry topped pancakes with syrup and bacon. And so that is what is infused.

And by the way, there's a third person here. We're joined by Katie Molinaro. Hi. Eat it, Katie. Yes. And eat it, Katie. Already? We're just going right into it.

Yeah, why not? Raw dogging it. Let's raw dog the IHOP Rudy Tootie Fresh and Fruity chips. I have to add that Rudy Tootie Fresh and Fruity, it can be any fruit. You can get any fruit on top of your pancakes. It doesn't just have to be. Why is it so undefined?

Again, why don't they tell you this at IHOP? Because real IHOP fans would know. But how do you jump in? What are they, gatekeepers? You're not allowed to become an IHOP fan? You can't, you have to know from the beginning that Rudy Tutti-Freshenfruity. You have to be an OG IHOP.

They have a poster, it says Rudy Tutti-Freshenfruity, and then- Is back. Is back, and then there's nothing else. There's no bags. There's no pictures. There's no words. Nothing. Well, it's just pancakes topped with fruit, that's it.

And they call it Rudy Tutti-Freshenfruity. All right, well, let's see how how what do you expect this to be? We're opening both bags. What if you want one is like, all right, let's do one. I mean, think about it. It could be valuable. I paid $40 for a bag of Mountain Dew flavored Doritos once. I've never paid that much for food. I did pay $45 for a sunny angel. What's a sunny angel? It's like this little little figurine of a boy

who has a shirt on and nothing else, but he does have a cute hat, anyway. Wait, what does it smell like when you open it? So I want to ask, before we dive in, what are your expectations? Because everyone I've told about this flavor is like, that's going to be gross. And I don't understand the idea

that something sweet and salty is gross, because I love that combo. I love sweet and salty, but does it taste like pancakes? Does it taste like... Lay's did a chicken and waffles flavored chip, like, 10 years ago, and I loved it. Okay. Okay.

I think that this is going to taste like when you open up, like, a fruit-themed baby doll, like a strawberry shortcake doll. Yeah. There's this smell of, like, fruit themed baby doll like a strawberry shortcake doll. Yeah. There's this smell of like fruit and plastic. And I think that this is going to taste like that. I can already tell you it doesn't smell great. So I'll let y'all. I smell the freeze dried strawberries already.

Yeah. Yeah. It smells like space ice cream. This. Yeah. It smells like space ice cream. It smells like that Kellogg like hundred calorie cereal with the dried strawberries. Special K. Go ahead and grab one.

I only eat folded chips. Okay. Is that real? This is very pink. I prefer folded chips. All right, cheers. It looks like it's gonna be spicy. Also, mine is huge.

Mine is very red. Yeah, yours has a lot of the seasoning on it. Mine's got a lot of straws in it. All right, let's all bite at the same time. One. All right, three, two, one. No. I'm not hating on it. I like it.

I thought that immediately tasted like a strawberry pancake. No. It really does taste like a strawberry. Jasper's not into it. I'm a strawberry pancake. No. It really does taste like a... What is wrong with you? Jasper is not into it. Ugh. I'm going for more. No. Wait, it really does taste like a strawberry pancake.

I'm sorry, this tastes like feet. Oh. What kind of feet are you tasting? Like vinegary, like... I will say, give me a film. I have an immediate film under my mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This doesn't play in it cool. This is like, I'm gonna take over your day.

Wait, let me eat another one. No. I want one that's like super covered in seasoning. No. Okay. Jasper May. No, I'm upset. I'm very upset.

I'm very upset. Honestly, the film is so prominent that that one tasted just less. Yeah, the film, there is quite a bit of film. I understand why IHOP is so vague about this now. I also understand why this was available for one month only. Yeah, like I can't imagine someone being like, I need to eat a whole bag of those. Well, I have to. Let's score it. I'm going to go six out of 10.

Oh, my God. It's tough for me because as a flavored novelty chip, I feel like they did a really great job. I would say as a flavored novelty chip, a nine. But against all foods? Four. Okay. Okay. If I could rate this negative nine, I would. Negative nine? I'm dragging your scores nine, I would. Negative nine?

I'm dragging your scores down. All right. Oh, okay. I mean, go for it. Okay. All right. All right, well, thanks Katie for joining. We're gonna go back to our episode now.

All right, bye. Bye. So with these eggs, I liked the fluff to them. They do put bread in their eggs, as you so eloquently put it. That's wild to me. There's pancake batter to fluff up their eggs. It's just a little bit.

Just whip them. Just whip them, yeah. Just put some air in them. Taste was fine on these. I mean, this was, these were eggs. Okay. Four and a half out of 10. Yeah, they looked fine.

And they were. Yeah. Just fine. You know, and a half out of 10. Yeah, they looked fine. And they were. Yeah. Just fine. You know, I doused them in pepper. I like pepper and a little bit of salt on my eggs. Something about the taste here, and I don't mean this in a bad way. This is normally meant in a bad way,

but something about them tasted off. And I think it's probably the inclusion of batter. Yeah, I think the inclusion of pancake batter in your eggs might throw the taste off a little bit. I wonder if they put pancake batter near the hash browns. There was a chemical taste a little bit to them once you got down into the middle. Four and a half out of 10 on the eggs.

You didn't have a side of eggs and bacon, right? You had your hash browns and your biscuit. I had hash browns and a biscuit, but there were eggs in the biscuit. And the eggs were, everything in the biscuit was kind of like cold because they put the tomatoes that they were supposed to put in the hash browns in the biscuit.

Yeah. So, and I guess the tomatoes were cold, so they cooled down everything in the biscuit and it was probably sitting on the line for a little bit before it came out to us anyway. Yeah. So everything in the biscuit was lukewarm. I ordered my eggs over medium,

so they were runny and cold. What an odd mix. I ate half of my breakfast sandwich and then I decided I just couldn't do it all. I was like, nope. You didn't have to. No one was sitting here forcing you. Also, the biscuit was just lacking

and I've had a feeling it would be. I could tell by looking at the photos that it's probably a very simple recipe. It's probably just like butter and flour and water. You sat down, you saw a picture of the biscuit and you're like, I know what I'm getting. Exactly. I always order the biscuit.

Biscuit queen. Whenever I go to a restaurant that has biscuits, I know where the best biscuits are and now I know where the worst biscuit is. Was this the worst? This is not the worst whenever I go to a restaurant that has biscuits, I know where the best biscuits are, and now I know where the worst biscuit is. Was this the worst? This is not the worst biscuit I've ever had, it is the worst biscuit I've had in LA.

Really? Yeah. Okay, there was not hash brown inside of it, it was egg? No, no hash browns. Hash browns were on the side, and the hash browns were also kind of lukewarm, they weren't cooked all the way through. I like hash browns to be extra burnt, like crunchy, cause I love the crisp, crispness.

Like the McDonald's hash brown. Kind of, or like when you order Waffle House, they have the same style of hash browns that they have at IHOP. They can just like, they can like. Yeah, the crisp top. They will roast them if you ask them to. Like I want these broiled.

I want these, I want these like thrown into the sun, fished out and then given to me. And they'll do it. I want extreme hash browns. I want extreme hash browns and IHOP is like, girl no. No. Yeah, IHOP is, IHOP is like,

IHOP is like, girl calm down. Yeah, IHOP is like, girl, calm down. Yeah. So did you list everything that was on your biscuit sandwich? Yeah, I got the biscuit, the eggs, the bacon. Oh, and there was like, they didn't put the cheese sauce on there. They like sprinkled cheddar cheese that was also supposed to go in the hash browns

on the biscuit. Yeah. And it wasn't melted. It looked like a taco topping. Yeah, so that was my order. How was it? Put a score on it. I put a score on it from one to 10.

From one to 10. I would give it like a three. Three for the biscuit sandwich? Yeah. Maybe two and a half, actually. Woof. And then for the hash? For the hash, I would be like a two.

Yeah. For the hash browns, I just put, I wanted it greasier. I wanted it cooked I felt like it just didn't have enough to it. Yeah. Yeah, very unflavorful potatoes I guess I wanted some char I went four out of ten. So to me, that's like the low end of mediocre I didn't like passionately hate these hash browns, but I don't need them. They did nothing for me I probably don't wouldn't order them again. The eggs, yeah, I went four and a half out of 10.

Now, I had, you described it this way on the last episode, paper thin bacon. Oh yeah, the bacon was really thin. You could see through the fatty parts. You could see through the whole thing. It was, it's like, you know, like when you go to the grocery store and you buy already cooked bacon, I don't do that anymore. Yeah.

I used to when I didn't know any better. But when you buy the precooked bacon, it's very thin. Yeah. And it's just translucent. And this was that style of bacon. It was also not flavorful. Like, I feel like the pig that this came from would have been mad. Was it a pig?

I mean, that's a fair, that's a fair follow up question. Was it one of those like lab pork products? But if it was like, if I got eaten by a cannibal and they like overcooked me or undercooked me, I'd be like, really? I feel like either one of us would produce better bacon than what we got at IHOP. No, but for real, I feel you wouldn't be able to see through jazz bacon. It would be hearty and it would need seasoning, but you could do it and you wouldn't be able to see through it. You could serve it to somebody and be proud of that.

Not this bacon. You're so confident in the bacon you had to offer. She was pasture raised. She was free range. And we made sure that this was gonna be top quality chuck. And I'm veal-like. Like the amount of sedentary lifestyle that factors into my flavor, it's all that.

Yeah. I'm 100% sedentary raised. Great. I am the veal of human meat. Great, so they would serve you in like a Ruth's Chris. Yeah. But. Okay, sorry, back on track.

Two out of 10 on this bacon. Yeah. Hated it. Okay. Hated it. But. Okay, sorry, back on track. Two out of 10 on this bacon. Yeah. Hated it. Hated it. Okay, fair. Obsessingly bland, tasted like grease. I wanted some of that grease on the hash brown, didn't get it. Okay.

But. Okay. But, but, but. The reason that we went to the International House of Pancakes was for? Pancakes. Was for pancakes. Right.

Which you ordered. Which I ordered. And- Strawberry banana pancakes Pancakes was for pancakes. Right. Which you ordered. Which I ordered. And strawberry banana pancakes with whipped cream on top and like a strawberry sauce. They know what they're doing with these. They know what they're doing. This was good.

This was great. This isn't the best pancake I've ever had. But for a chain restaurant, this is a high tier. I would call this an excellent tasting pancake. I would 100% leave my home to go get perfectly done pancakes. Regularly. You know, served to me because cooking them at home

is messy. Yeah. You have to pay attention to them. You have to make like 30 of them at a time. You have to make 30 of them at a time and half the time you don't do it right. Yeah. And they, IHOP has got it down to a science.

They've got it down. For a fair price. This is not a 10 out of 10 pancake because better places exist. Yeah. But I gave it a nine out of 10. Yeah. I think it delivers and it's good.

This was an excellent pancake. And pancakes are, you know, I mean, it's, when I think of know, I mean, it's when I think of pancakes, I don't think of other notes that could tickle my palate. So I think, like, I think they're good or they're not good. And I thought these were good. So I could see the nine.

Yeah. All right. And now the surprise of the meal, I was like, eh, they don't have a dessert menu because their pancakes are already like candy. Yeah, they have compote for pretty much everything. But then. But then. You turn the menu over.

The eagle-eyed Jasper Lewis. I saw a milkshake and I was like, wait. What's this? And thank goodness I asked to keep that menu because she wanted to take them both away. And I was like, no, no, no. You were like. No, no, no. You were like tug of warring over it. I would love to keep that menu because she wanted to take them both away. And I was like, no, no, no. You were like, both. You were like tug of warring over it.

I would love to keep this in case we need to order more for the table. And she was like, okay. All right, sure. And then brought a, she did a check drop when we were like, no, no, no. Remember when I asked to keep the menu? Remember the menu from earlier?

This is where that plot point comes back. So we spot a milkshake on the back and I said, oh wait, there is a dessert menu. And then Michael's like, I always order a dessert. And I was like, all right. Let's do it. That just seemed like such a, not quite dismissive, but quite a, well, he's got his idiosyncrasies.

I was like, well, this is the journey. Yeah. We're gonna go on it. So they had four options, right? They had four solid dessert options. They had a vegan chocolate cake. That looked really good. They had what we got, the new waffle sundae.

And then they had- They had a fourth thing. They had a fourth thing. Like a crepe, like a dessert crepe or something. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I know that they had basically dessert crepes in a crepe section.

Yeah. So, but yeah, they had options. Yeah, and milkshakes. Now we're at IHOP. Okay. So I was like, all right, they have a thing that's part waffle, that seems intuitive. Yeah. thing that's a part waffle. That seems intuitive. Yeah.

So that's what we got. We got the new waffle sundae. And this thing is basically a piece of like slightly over-crisped Belgian waffle with ice cream, whipped cream, and then you have the option for strawberry or dulce de leche caramel sauce drizzle on it. We got the-

So we got the caramel sauce drizzle. You say caramel, I say caramel. I say both. Okay. I kind of interchange between the two. Oh, you're a flip-flopper, okay. Like on that word and then like aunt and aunt, I will flip-flop on.

Oh yeah, I say them both too, but I prefer aunt. Whenever I say aunt, it's always because I'm trying to appease somebody else that I think will judge me if I say aunt. Yeah, I feel like Whenever I say ant, it's always because I'm trying to appease somebody else that I think will judge me if I say ant. Yeah, I feel like if I say ant, it sounds like the insect. Yeah. And I'm just like.

I feel like if I say ant, people will assume that I'm poor. Oh yeah, my aunt Susie, they're like, oh, you come from nothing. You come from the scullery. Like, oh no. I swear. Middle class. You live in a home where you have to, like, knock on the door

and a guy, like, slides open a thing and you have to say, like, hey, it's me. I'm back. And look what I found. And you have, like, a bunch of tin cans. Yeah, raccoons. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyways, the new waffle sundae. I thought that the waffle was a really well done texture. Yeah, it was fine. It was great. Really crispy waffle, ice cream. Too sweet. Very, very sweet. Too sweet.

The whipped cream and the caramel. It was whipped cream. It was whipped cream. The caramel was... It was fine. I think it was maybe a step above like the two squirt bottle. Yeah, I think it was maybe a step above like the Yeah, I think it was the same thing I think they were just like they they drizzled it really well, okay They made it look really pretty Whoever's handling the squeeze bottle has a flick of the wrist. You're an artist

I went seven and a half out of ten on this I would say six and to me anything under seven on a dessert is Not good just desserts in general. I'm a they get a few extra points for me just because I love desserts I'm not sweets. So seven and a half out of ten for me still not like a good still not the best dessert Yeah, but like I'm not mad about I do agree. The ice cream is way too sweet way too sweet I like really rich flavors and with complex Bits and bobs throughout the the ingredients. What's a complex flavor? I love desserts that have coffee in them and Will mix that with like

Kind of like a fruit thing on the side Or and when I when I say coffee, I'm always imagining that with chocolate as well. Because I wouldn't eat coffee and fruit, that's nasty. But like. But with the Venn diagram of chocolate in the middle. Sometimes I'll add coffee and espresso into chocolate dishes to make the flavor a little bit more rich.

So once it becomes a chocolate dish, you pair it with like a citrusy fruit or like a kind of like jam. And then you add like a little cream on top of that, and maybe you add a little bit of pepper and cinnamon, and it's like, oh, there's so much going on, it's so yummy. But yeah. That was all vocal fry.

It was great, yeah. That was about a sustained 90 seconds of- I'm failing. I'll never be on Broadway. It was a thing that I literally didn't notice about you, this entire podcast until that moment. Now you're going to notice it for forever.

Yeah. And that's on self-improvement. Overall on the food at IHOP, they can do a pancake. There's not a lot else that they can do well. Yeah. They got the pancakes. And the fact that they market themselves as a breakfast place and the eggs, the bacon, and the hash brown all fell short.

Very mid. I'm going one thumb down. Yeah. I'm also going to go a thumb down. I'm below average overall in the food, but if you want to go pancakes only at IHOP, it's probably going to be a better time for you. That's the fine dining recommendation. Go OOPSAL pancakes.

OOPSAL pancakes? Yeah, like OOPSAL crunch berries. I don't know. Anyways, we've rated the food and now we need to rate the restaurant. We need to put it all into a score. And you know what? We're gonna do it right after this graphic. Final rating.

["The Star-Spangled Banner"] So what we gotta do, what our duty is on this podcast, it's been, are you laughing that I said duty? Are you laughing at duty? Duty. We've spent two full episodes building up to this point, what did we think of IHOP? We have to define it down to a number

and put it on this bad boy right here, the Chachki of mediocrity. What a fitting place. What a fitting place. What a fitting place. For IHOP to be. So if you had to put a score between zero and 10. I would give it a 4.02, and that would put it next to Cheddars!

That's your vote, but. Oh, okay, sorry. Sorry, Cheddars. Sorry, Chudders. Sorry, Chudders. You might be better or worse than I hop. We don't know, because we need a factor in both of our ratings. Okay.

I gave this place better than you, but still not amazing. Okay. I gave it a four and a half. I gave it 4.50. This place felt just a nudge below what I would consider the epitome of mediocrity. But it was enough of a deviation away that like,

look, you've got a big cluster right there just below the 5.00. But I think IHOP is, it's playing catch up. It's a little further down, so I went four and a half, which means when you average our two scores together, IHOP goes up on the Chachki of mediocrity at a 4.26. A 4.26.

That puts it just below McDonald's. But also Rooster Cheddars! You were waiting for that. And also slightly above Cinnabon. Nice. Do you want to do the honors? Do you want to affix this to the tchotchke? I'll do it, yes.

4.26. Oh gosh, these pillows. Okay, all right. 4.26. 4.26. Between right Four point two six four point two six between McDonald's and Shedders What song is it I don't know I think it's they play it for like royalty. Sounds like God Save the Queen. Royalty related celebrations. Polerque King Charles. I hop.

Sorry. I hop. I hop. All right. Well, what this all means, I hop up on the tchotchke of mediocrity at a 4.26, which means it's not at a 5.00. That means it is objectively less than mediocre. Less than mediocre.

Less than mediocre. Not quite as good as Applebee's. Yeah, it's worse than mediocre. It's not perfectly mediocre. And that means that the search does have to keep going. It must. Look, there's gonna be more episodes of this show. Every journey must go on until there's an end.

That's the way journeys work. And that's on The Hobbit. And so there used to be a little competition. until there's an end. That's the way journeys work. And that's on The Hobbit. And, okay. So there used to be a little competition. There used to be a little game played to determine where I go next, called the headline game. But what keeps happening,

and a lot of this gets cut from the episodes, is, look, you don't know every restaurant I've been to. No. The tchotchkes right here, but you would have to do an immense amount of studying to like cross reference the places you would want to send me with the places that I have left to go and haven't done yet.

So I'm just taking that out of the thing. And I am bringing back, I went out and I dug up the You Must Bowl. Okay. And the You Must Bowl will now tell me what restaurant I must go to next week. So I'm gonna draw from the You Must Bowl will now tell me what restaurant I must go to next week. Okay. So I'm gonna draw from the You Must Bowl.

Okay. Ooh. All right, we have... Chipotle. Oh, I've heard of that. I'm excited to go there next time. And that will be my Cinco de Mayo orbiting episodes. Part one will come out right before.

Part two will come out right after. So it will encompass Cinco de Mayo. So how appropriate that it was Mexican food. Oh, beautiful. How appropriate. How appropriate. Well, anyways, thanks so much for coming on the show, Jas beautiful. How appropriate. How appropriate. Well, anyways, thanks so much for coming on the show, Jasper. Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.

I appreciate it. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. You're a delight. Where can people go to get more of you? If you want to see more of this, you can find me across platforms. I'm at HeyJasperLewis. You can really, where I'd prefer you to find me

is Instagram and TikTok. If you wanna check out my IMDB, you can go do that. Make me look super fancy. Give it a bunch of clicks. Give it so many clicks. Make me look A-list. Yeah. You can also find me performing around LA

with my sketch group, Rabble Rabble. Maybe you can find me doing standup, characters, all of that. And yeah. Great. One day you'll find me on Night Court. One day. And you can find me on Night Court. One day.

And you can find me at Fine Dining Podcast on Instagram, on TikTok. This is on YouTube, so if you feel like watching the show, go to the Fine Dining Podcast YouTube, subscribe, like, comment. Engage with me, I love that stuff. And visit my website, sign up for my mailing list. I send out like a little thing each week that previews the upcoming episode

and there's some fun stuff in there as well. You get like a little survival guide of what, how to have the best experience at a chain restaurant when you sign up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search does in fact continue. We'll see you next time. Yeah, we didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America.

The search does in fact continue. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day! The search continues, like and subscribe. The search continues, our journey did not conclude. The mother-eating search continues, write us an iTunes review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh?

Come on! Follow us on TikTok The same on Instagram All the socials At Find Dining Podcast We have a website FindDiningpodcast.com buy our t-shirts

then put them on and don't forget you can always suggest where we go next okay! we're going to find it mediocrity! The search continues! See you next week!

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