Fine Dining - Is Dairy Queen Worth a 2 Hour Drive?

Episode Date: March 26, 2025

🍦 We Drove 2 Hours for Dairy Queen – Was It Worth It? 🍦 We hit the road and drove nearly two hours to the nearest Dairy Queen Grill & Chill to finally see if there’s more to DQ than just frozen nostalgia. We tried three burgers (including a surprisingly delicious Flamethrower), fries, onion rings, chicken tenders, and two iconic desserts—the Blizzard and the Banana Split. The building looked half-abandoned, the service felt five-star, and the bathroom was designed by David Lynch, apparently. Is Dairy Queen just a dessert destination with a food menu on the side—or is it a true contender for America’s most mediocre chain? Indie filmmaker Tyler Eaton joins me to evaluate! 🎙 IN THIS EPISODE: 🔥 The Flamethrower Burger Actually Brought the Heat (and Flavor) 🍨 The Blizzard: A 10/10 Dessert Worth the Hype 🥶 The Banana Split That Summoned My Grandpa’s Spirit 😬 The Fries and Onion Rings Were… Not It 🚽 A Bathroom So Weird It Deserves Its Own Movie 🥄 Why the Chicken Strips Were the Definition of “Just There” 🏰 DQ Needs to Embrace Its Royal Branding Already! 💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY & SUPPORT THE SHOW: 🔥 Patreon (Bonus Yelp Reviews & Exclusive Episodes!): https://www.patreon.com/c/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Talk chain restaurants & share horror stories!): https://discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🔗 All links: www.linktree.com/finediningpodcast 🎬 Check out guest Tyler Eaton’s indie horror-comedy Mysterious Ways – coming soon to YouTube, Amazon, Google Play, Apple TV+, and Tubi! 👉 NEXT WEEK: Panera Bread gets the "Fine" Dining treatment. Let's learn all about that lemonade with a body count...

Dairy Queen, a clear mastery of all things dessert, but the fried foods underwhelmed me. A bathroom so strange I thought it was designed by David Lynch, but an exterior so disheveled and abandoned looking I had to get out of the car to make sure it was even open. A staff member who essentially turned fast food into full service, but the sign that said DQ Cakes misled me as it had nothing to do with asses. We drove almost an hour away to eat at the nearest DQ Grill and Chill to try their burgers. While they certainly excel at dairy, have they mastered the whole cow?

Today we dive into everything good about eating at a dairy queen before covering the not good to see if they're in balance in an effort to locate the definitively average chain restaurant. This is the Fine Dining Podcast. Your table is ready, take a seat. The flavor of the day is mediocrity. Wouldn't you like to try a bite? Guarantee it'll be the perfect bite. Fine dining, better than you thought, worse than you hoped. Fine dining, fine dining, fine dining, fine dining, fine dining, fine

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I'm your host, Michael Ornelas, and this is the show where I'm looking for the precisely in the middle dining experience, the perfect five point double zero out of 10, because only once you know what's directly in the center, can you tell what's not good or good by comparison. The current point of comparison, Cracker Barrel, which sits oh, so close to the throne of ordinariness at the center of the tchotchke of mediocrity with a five point oh one out of ten. Can we find the restaurant that will be used as the litmus test of adequacy for generations to come?

And will it be Dairy Queen? Joining me today to discuss Dairy Queen Grill and Chill's merits as a restaurant once again is writer director Tyler Eaton, whose independent comedy horror film Mysterious Ways will be available any day now on YouTube, Amazon, Google Play, Apple TV Plus and Tubi. Tyler, welcome back. Michael, thank you so much.

It's been a pleasure sitting here for a full week with you and your beautiful studio here. You're getting stinky. That's how he greeted me as I walked in. Just went stinky. He was like, do I smell? I was like, I don't know. I just took a shower right before.

I'm not close enough to know definitively. I walked through a little bit of the rain, which we desperately needed in LA. And that's what I assumed. White people smell like rain. It's acid rain in LA right now, by the way. It's like toxic, dirty rain. But...

So I just assumed rain on top of... My natural odor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's been a pleasure regardless. Uh, yeah. It has. I've been breathing through my mouth this whole time to not smell the fumes. Guys, he smells fine.

Thank you for the clarification. I do want to clarify, this is a bit and Tyler does not stink to my knowledge. Maybe if I got closer, I would know more, but from this distance, you're fine. This is a safe distance. Okay, so we're going to dissect Dairy Queen Grill and Chill, and we're going to talk about all of the good, all the not good, all the things that are just there. And then come to a number. We'll have some laughs along the way. You ready to dive in? I am so ready.

Alright, let's talk about all the stuff that's fang licking Or stinking the land and this is good I knew that you could This is good All right, the blizzard, come the eff on. It's why I wanted to go there. It's so perfect. It reconnected me with my youth, these road trips, Oreo blizzards were exactly what I got.

We split an Oreo blizzard. She brought it out with one spoon, did the flip, but she kind of did it like in the, what's that dance move where people, ugh, you know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, yeah. I forget what it's called. But they, yeah.

Whatever that is, but like the little flip, you know. The doorknob twist, I think they call it. The doorknob twist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The you're not welcome here. I'm not welcome in this dance move. I think the door knob twist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah The you're not welcome here I'm not welcome in the stance move the lock the deadbolt move. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry don't trust you But like brought brought the blizzard over the table did a quick flip just like I'm obligated, you know

Throws it on the table and then one spoon you asked for a second Yeah instantly was like how much germs are we gonna be? You asked for a second spoon. Yeah, instantly was like, how much germs are we gonna be sharing back and forth? Here's the thing, once you eat something on a shake and you put that spoon back in, it's already swimming in it. But I still like the detachment of like,

we're not lady in the tramping it. Right, I'm still, which I did mention. Which you did suggest. We could do with the banana split. Do we wanna slurp it off the same spoon? Yeah, no, I wanted to bond with you, but not quite that much. Yeah, no, I wanted to bond with you, but not quite that much. Yeah, no, the Oreo Blizzard is like the creme de la creme of Dairy Queen treats, in my opinion.

It is. And it's my favorite flavor. I usually go, like anytime somewhere has a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup option, that's usually what I go for. Something about the Blizzard Oreo is what's calling me. The peanut butter's good. I imagine it is. It's like my second choice. I imagine it is. Yeah. But it hit the spot. It's the first thing we had and I love to start a meal with dessert. Because they brought it out first. Yes, and I'm fun. I'm going to give it a 10

out of 10. What's the knock against it? Is there any reason to subtract points from the Blizzard? I had to share it with Michael. But that's circumstance. Yeah, 10 out of 10 for me as well. Yeah. Absolutely. I wrote down 9 out of 10, but it has lived with me for the last day in a way to where I'm like, no, I want more of it and I want it soon. We didn't finish it, but that was only to preserve caloric control. That was caloric control.

I am back on Weight Watchers, so it's like you can eat two bites of this and then, because I think I told you, I was like, if I eat half of this, that's half my points for like the week or whatever. It's very dense in calories. You can have three meals or one blizzard from Dairy Queen. Yeah, wow. So that was definitely good.

Do you have a good thing you wanna bring? You liked the Lincheon bathroom, let's talk about it. The bathroom was fascinating. David Lynch just passed away like a week ago, so he's been very top of mind for me. Just like anything odd or like the thing that hit me was I walked in the bathroom and the toilet was just extremely far away.

Like the bathroom seemed to have been not a bathroom, maybe like a storage closet or something before. It's like the intro scene for Dennis Quaid in The Substance. Yes, yes, exactly. You have to walk all the way across this room and then smush your face against the wall. But I did wash my hands on like that character. That's how you know he's the villain.

He didn't wash his hands. I think I had to take eight steps to get to the toilet. Like it was, it's like 25 feet from the villain. He didn't wash his hands I think I had to take eight steps to get to the toilet like it was it's like 25 feet from the door Yeah, and even though the building was that deep I think the building is longer and bigger and sort of a liminal space in the bathroom area. It's like Yeah, you don't see the how much space there is from the outside of the building, but it is larger sort of supernaturally I do just love that this is a thing you're chalking up as a positive.

I think at best I'd put it as a neutral. Nope, I like a weird bathroom. Yeah, I mean like, if it does make me think of David Lynch, that does scratch a positive edge. He is my favorite director. Is that right? Yeah. Favorite all time.

What's your favorite of his movies? I like Fire Walk with Me because of the way it fits into the Twin Peaks franchise I think the third season the return is maybe my favorite single piece of media ever created As far as movies go, I love Mulholland Drive. I love wild at heart. I've still not seen wild at heart So maybe we'll watch that soon. Yeah, so Yeah, I mean David Lynch just ruled He was a true artist in it for the right reasons.

And we saw him today in that Dairy Queen bathroom. His spirit is in many, many Dairy Queen bathrooms, probably all around the country. The guy loved like ice cream, milkshakes, Americana, like all that. Bob's big boys. There's like- I went, there's a shrine. I need to go.

It was like a hour, they quoted an hour long wait just to get a table on a Monday. Wow. In the middle of the day. And everyone was ordering like what, a coffee and milkshake? Well it's fries and a chocolate milkshake. Fries and chocolate milkshake.

But no, I got pancakes so it was just like, I'm in the place, I don't need to get the thing that he got. But. Fix your hearts or die everybody. Yeah, RIP. Yeah, RIP. I love that guy. Cool, the next, I mean, I love the flip cup flex.

I'm gonna say like that I wrote as its own positive, just like coming over and then I got all goofy with it, like whoa, whoa, tempting fate. Yeah, and it worked every time. Like I thought like this might sploosh out at some point. I don't know how like full proof this thing is. And I kept pushing like this time I'm flipping it for a full second. This time I'm flipping it for a second and a half, two seconds.

Oh, it's not sliding. OK. I wonder what the record is. Like has anyone just held it upside down and just to see if it can go for like 30 seconds? It also feels like the type of thing where if you, if you give the cup, even a little squeeze, it's out, it's gone. You lose that, like that hold. I don't know what the physics term would be, but like that certain type of hold that

it would have. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I have no idea what word that is, but I know what you mean. Fluid dynamics feels relevant here. Yeah. Whatever that means.

The seventh law of thermal dynamics. I think the server we had was fantastic. I was gonna say, that's my next positive thing. And calling her a server is almost accurate. Usually it's just a cashier, an order taker at a fast food restaurant. Cause we just go up to a counter, we order. She had a boo from

The Mario franchise the ghost sweatshirt on so, you know, she's a good time You asked a lot of questions about the menu asked a lot of questions. I warned her hey, we're getting a lot of food we are gonna have some customizations and She was here for it. Like there was no like there was no like I another podcaster Yeah, she didn't take a deep breath to brace herself or anything. She was just ready. And I appreciated the attitude. But then when we got to the table,

she was bringing the food to us. She could have just been like, order up and then like get your ass over here. That's what you expect at a place like this. So she would come to the table, she would ask like, do you need anything? This turned into essentially a waiting experience, which for a Dairy Queen, unbelievable.

Unbelievable. That's never happened to me in my whole life. It's also of note that we were, for the first probably 20 minutes, the only people there. This was kind of an empty parking lot outside. We can get to the negatives, but like at some point, but it was kind of a positive though that like we had the whole place to ourselves

until like three other people came in, but they were gone very quickly. Yeah, I think it was just like pick up orders or something like that. Yeah, we were the only people dining there. So we did get a special exclusive service. Yeah, she was hustling. She really was.

Patient goes the extra mile. The only knock on service. I'm not even going to save for later because it's so miniscule and they were getting drive through orders and given how empty the interior was, I, I get it. So I'm not going to dock them. But a couple of times I went up to go to the counter to ask something because we deferred our banana split for later. We were like, oh, we'll bring that out after the meal.

So I go up to try and find her and like I have to like catch her like while she's walking from the front to the back. I think only two people were working there. There were three. There were three. There was like a cook and somebody at the drive-through. Yeah. And then her. But like I could tell she was the manager. So it was. She was she was managing, you know?

You know what I liked about it? Everyone who worked there was a human being, unlike McDonald's where you go in there now and you got to like consult with the like, 2001, a space Odyssey monolith. I'm afraid I can't do that, Tyler. Yeah. Right. Not just accepting your debit card right now.

I'm going two thumbs up on service, which is like crazy for a fast food restaurant. Usually to get two thumbs up, you have to be like a table service place. I wish there were, there should be like scouts for servers who were like, you're ready to like to go to the big leagues. Like someone that looks like agent Smith from the matrix, just hands her a business card And it just has an address on it not even a number It's like a four-star restaurant like a Michelin. Yeah, or whatever this doesn't have a time

It's just you have to always be it They never talk about that in movies how like when you give a card with just an address sure it's mysterious But like the person must go at least once and be like, oh no one's here Yeah, yeah, I think's here. Yeah. Yeah. I think she's ready for an upgrade. Yeah. All right. The flame thrower.

Yeah, the burger. The flame thrower burger. Because this is Septemberger, we're not going to give our scores so that you don't know exactly how it ranks. We will also, if Dairy Queen advances, because this would not be a round one burger, we will talk about it more in depth at the end of September. September-ger? But I mean, technically both of those things are the same thing. Yeah. And so they had this burger called the flamethrower. It had bacon, lettuce, tomato

plus flamethrower sauce, which is like this peppery. Delicious sauce that like kicked my ass spice wise, but I had a great time. That's how tasty it was. Which was funny. I asked the woman behind the counter. I was like, is this spicy? She's like, no, like confused that I would even ask. And then you take your first bite and you're like, oh God, this is kicking my ass. take your first bite and you're like, Oh God, this is kicking my ass. It's called the flamethrower. I mean, look, I get you. And like, I definitely got the kick from it. Like I'm not going to say it was devoid of spice by any means.

It was an enjoyable level of spice for me. It was an enjoyable level of arsenic in my mouth. And it's very tasty. Yeah, no, loved it. And like we said before, we would probably go and get that as our meal next time we go. Yes, I do think that the flamethrower would become my default hot food order at a Dairy Queen.

Flamethrower and a Blizzard. The perfect balance that's been found. Yeah. We also got a banana split, and we did this because, as I mentioned last week, it was the nostalgic thing for me. In a normal world, I'd get us dipped cones. That just seems like the thing you do at Dairy Queen. I opted for the banana split because that's what my memories were.

My grandfather would take me to go actually for a while get dipped cones, but eventually I learned I liked banana split. And the way I remember it at the little shack dairy queen I used to go to in Illinois was you would pick the three toppings you want on each. Because it's like three scoops of ice cream, whipped cream, bananas, nuts are optional, and then three toppings, one for each of the scoops. And we got little pineapple pieces.

So we got strawberry, pineapple, and chocolate, which is what they default with. But I used to have like the option of cherry of butterscotch caramel. Uh, and then the ones that we got strawberry, uh, strawberry pineapple and chocolate. Yeah. So, uh, there were options. I think what I always used to do was, uh, chocolate, caramel and cherry. Okay.

But I really liked all of these offerings. The chocolate sauce tasted artificial in the way that is nostalgic for a dairy queen, I guess. Yeah, it was in a machine for, you know, probably a week before it got to us. And that's OK. It was well maintained. I never had the split before from there. OK, so are you a banana split guy? Do you ever get them?

No, never. Is this your first banana split? No, no, no. I have as a kid, but like, I think as soon as I was living life on my own, I just, banana splits were just not in my repertoire. No, but this was amazing and incredible because we'd had so much food

before we got to the banana split. It was the last thing we got. And we'd started with dessert. So normally when I, I don't bookend a meal with desserts. There's a lot of dessert. You haven't lived. I know, now I have and I'm, I like it. What'd you think of the strawberry and pineapple? Because the strawberry,

that's the thing I expect on ice cream. I'm used to it, had a strawberry sauce on it. And I was like, yeah, this tastes like what I expect and it's good. The pineapple felt like a wild card of, I've not had it, had a strawberry sauce on it. I was like, yeah, this tastes like what I expect and it's good. The pineapple felt like a wild card of, I've not had it on ice cream before. I don't know how it's gonna mix with,

because when I think pineapple, I don't think cold. Yeah, yeah, it's like a warm treat usually if you're having like a slice of pineapple or just like room temp. Room temp, yeah. But like sometimes they'll grill a pineapple and put it on a burger or something. You'll have something like Hawaiian style or with with like pulled pork or something like that

so to put it with ice cream just felt like so Far away from where I'm used to seeing pineapple in my own meals same Yeah, it was new for me. It was innovative and I can see why it's their default though. I liked it a lot yeah, it was like little cubes on top and then I don't think there was like a pineapple sauce, right? It was just a pineapple. Yeah I Thought I saw like a yellow sauce But it was probably just like the whipped cream melting and like absorbing the color of the pineapple around it

But like those little chunks added a lot it added a very unique texture that I didn't dislike. And especially with nuts, they had like little crushed up walnuts that they put on it. Those are great. That also added a lot to this. This banana split was scratching the itch that I wanted for that nostalgic dessert.

Yeah. I went eight out of 10 on the banana split. I thought there was a great little dessert. Yeah. I would say nine out of 10, nine out of 10. Yeah. Uh, and, uh, the other thing I'll mention it, it felt very cold, which like, I know it's ice cream and stuff, but, uh, I know that Dairy Queen, again,

their whole marketing is like very cold. This did feel like freshly out of the, you know, the cooling machine, whether it was a freezer, whether it was a soft serve container, whatever it was, it was very cold. But didn't brain freeze me, so I didn't mind it. So not too cold.

Not too cold for me to handle. I liked it. Beautiful experience, and I'm happy you got to reconnect with your grandfather via me as a media portal. And that's all the things I have in the good category. Yeah. Not because there was a ton of not good, not because it's just the,

there weren't a ton of elements to this meal. It was clean. It was very clean. Yeah, I would say overall the interior was well taken care of. There was really no one there. To mess it up. Exactly. There weren't seven kids running around like in that one Yelp review. It's in a little strip mall that feels, you know, like some of the businesses might be struggling. It's not a very lively area.

Right. Yeah, there were some kids fighting down the street we saw, but. Did we? You know like some of the businesses might be struggling. It is not a it's not a very lively area, right? Yeah, there were some kids fighting down the street. We saw but Did we I saw yeah, I was like look kid fight happening As soon as you look they stopped fighting. Oh, but yeah, so that was some local entertainment, but Beyond that, you know, I yeah, it doesn't seem like this is the most Hoppin happen in place to be in town. So, maybe not too hard to keep clean. So that's all for the good for you?

Yep. All right, let's jump in and complain for a little bit. Let's talk about everything that was not good. This is not so good. I'm not quite sure about it. Coulda known without it. The stuff that brings down the mood. It's just not very good.

I'm just going to come out and say it. It's false advertising when you have a sign that says DQ Cakes and there's no asses to be found. Look, in today's modern environment, cake means ass. Like, oh, man, they're so caked up. They've got that big ass. No asses. You were hoping for like an ass cake. Cake means ass. Like, oh man, they're so caked up. They've got that big ass. No asses.

You were hoping for like an ass cake. Instead, there was just a freezer full of cakes. Regular old cakes. Yeah. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thank you. That must have been rough. It was difficult, but I grew as a person.

Well, you live and learn. Not where it counts. My ass is the same size. Maybe even a little bigger after that milkshake or that banana split. Yeah, I would say that did not even occur to me personally until you mentioned it, but. I'm a degenerate. The first thing that happened that was negative

was we pulled up, there's basically one or two cars in the parking lot and the day is kind of overcast, it's about to rain and then this building looks a little rundown from the outside and the, the windows are so dark and it's so dark inside. I hopped out of the car to see if it was even open. Yeah. And it was, but the open sign was not turned on. It looked dead.

And the feeling of just how disheartening it is when you've driven an hour to get there. Now I checked, I checked Yelp and it said open. Opens at 11 today. Like I checked that morning to like confirm, hey, has this business gone out of business since I made plans to come here with Tyler over the course of the last month?

We did have the backup option of there is another DQ Grill and Chill six miles away from that one. So it wouldn't have been the end of the world unless they were both closed. That would be devastating. Then I think the nearest one is like Huntington Beach or something like that. I would have had to say, hey man,

I only got so much Saturday available. And I would have said, nope, you are in my car. You are a captive. But luckily that wasn't the case. You did go in and. Yeah, I was like, nope, you are in my car, you are a captive. But luckily that wasn't the case. You did go in and. Yeah, I was like, hey, it was kind of a dumb question by the time the door was open. But I was like, hey, are you guys open?

And she was like, yeah. I think the phrasing that would have made you sound the smartest would have been, hey, are you guys aware that your open sign is not on? But it was good news. I turned around, gave Michael a couple of thumbs up, and then he parked and we got on with our meal. So just an initial hiccup.

Yeah, at the end of the day, the main thing we're complaining about is their sign wasn't on. But that doesn't undo the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had driving up. Right. The oh no of it all. What have I done?

I will put the sides in not good. Onion rings and fries is what we got. We got onion rings and fries and they both, like the sauces made them tolerable. Yes. But like they were both really weak and like I love an onion ring. I only ate one because I was like, yeah, I get it.

I get what theirs tastes like and I don't need more of it. I ate the rest of them, but only because I needed a gravy delivery mechanism and getting more gravy into my mouth was the goal and the onion rings were there for that. Right. But I could have used a spoon and had just as good of a time.

And for me it was the fries, for me it was the fries with the honey mustard sauce and that would be a crazy thing to just spoon. I mean, eating gravy with a spoon is also psychotic. Hi, we'll just have the sides please, or just the dips and a couple of spoons. Yeah. Yeah, no, the fries were just over the top, like lifeless.

There was nothing to it. I went four out of 10, the fries were just over the top, like lifeless. There was nothing to it. I went four out of 10 on the fries. Yeah, without the dips, it would have been, mm, I said six, I said great with the barbecue sauce. That's more a review of the barbecue sauce than the fries. Look man, again, you don't have to agree with me. Like don't let me influence your food scores. I'm not the end all be all. My palate is that of a child.

Look, sometimes you have an experience in the moment and then you reflect on it the next day or a week later since we've been sitting here for a week. I just want you to stand by your conviction. So if you have them, push back against me. Barely. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm not gonna fight you on the fries.

I did find them to be quite bland, but the barbecue sauce, not bad. Like we said, well, I'm not going to fight you on the fries. I did find them to be quite bland, but the barbecue sauce, not bad. Like we said, well, this is a different thing, but the burger that was supposed to have more barbecue sauce. It was a one sauce, not barbecue sauce. Well, it really needed more sauce. Yeah. And so the sauce is doing a lot in Dairy Queen. Sure. Yeah. And then the onion rings, I just I wrote plain and flavorless, which is like, sure,

that should technically be neutral. It didn't have like an offensive taste. But when you weigh plain and flavorless against my usual enjoyment of onion rings, it comes up way shorter and becomes this disappointment, creating a negative experience. I love onion rings. What about like you like Sonic onion rings, like different fast food? It's been such a long time since I've had Sonic that I couldn't tell you specifically.

I do remember I went to Arctic Circle, which is a kind of a Dairy Queen competitor in Utah in the Pacific Northwest. And they have a Spanish onion rings, which is just like a slightly sweeter onion. Okay. That I remember really enjoying. So in recent memory, that's one that stands out to me, just like a slightly sweeter onion that I remember really enjoying.

So in recent memory, that's one that stands out to me, but I love an onion ring a lot of places. DQ, just not cutting it. Sorry. Not cutting it with onion rings. And then there was a burger that falls into the not good for me, the loaded double A1 burger. A disaster of a burger. So this has an onion ring, this has A1 steak sauce.

If you want cheese on it, it can have cheese. And then two patties and a bun that, I don't know if it was toasted or not, didn't really take particularly like love was put into it. But I took my first bite of this and the sauce was not distributed well enough. So either they skimped on it or just the bun absorbed it all or whatever. Very dry.

And then the onion ring, you know, just as bland as the ones we had separately. So you would think that like with a barbecue sauce, but again, it was an A1 sauce, which I don't particularly love. I don't eat steaks with A1 sauce. I eat steaks with A1 sauce. I eat steaks with just kind of their natural juices and then I'll cook it in olive oil or butter or something like that, but I'm not dipping the steak once I've made it.

Yeah, it was no flamethrower burger, I will say. It was our least favorite of the burgers. And yeah, kind of by a long shot. And it was in the middle of the meal. And yeah, kind of by a long shot. And it was in the middle of the meal. It was the second of the three we ate, which should have been to its benefit, I think. I will say this, none of the burgers had like cooled off. I feel like we ate them still pretty warm.

It wasn't like- We were moving. Yeah. We were moving and I don't think that the quality of the burgers suffered substantially from the fact that we just had to take time for each one. Yeah. I think that any shortcomings on these burgers

fall on the burgers, whereas sometimes I'll go to a restaurant and it's like, I got to that burger a little late because I ate the halves of the two other burgers. Wasn't the case here. Yeah, some burgers, they just don't travel well if you get them to go. These only traveled 25 feet. A a lynchian bathroom door to toilet

That is the measurement a lynchian bathroom is door to toilet 25 feet That is a standardized unit of measurement that we all know and are familiar with and my audience is now on board The atmosphere of this place. I will give One thumb down. It was very clean and I give them that. Nothing about the interior of this Dairy Queen made me happy. The fact that the outside, like, you know, you have outdoor tables and I get it's supposed to rain,

but like chairs chained together, the umbrellas aren't open. Yeah, it was a little like, don't sit on the patio. It was a little drab. And then just kind of a more corporate fast food restaurant these days. The interior is almost designed to repel you. And I don't mean that in like, Oh, it's gross or repulsive. I mean that in a, they want faster turnover. They don't want people lingering in their restaurants.

A lot of these fast food places are trying to combat unhoused people chilling there for too long. So they make it aesthetically unappealing. Not again, not that this was gross, like the wall decor. There's like a sign that just says burgers on the wall. And then it's just a bunch of advertising. And then a false advertising, DQ cakes, no asses. Yeah, that's gotta be the worst of it all.

I will say there was a clash happening with the 1950s throwback feel of Dairy Queen. Yeah. Uh, all the photos are black and white, like, Oh, look at the olden days, yada, yada. Uh, but the music blasting was super modern. And so like, not that they all American rejects is one of the songs. Yeah. And it's like, it's not that they have American rejects is one of the songs Yeah, and it's like it's not that they have to play Old-school music to really like create the the vibe, but it was a little odd like you go into it

What do you expect Sinatra? Maybe in a Dairy Queen? I just think it's like pick a rep pick a lane You know like modernize some of the photos if you're gonna go with the all-american reject sure That's my dick and I'm sticking to it, you know, you know what they should exclusively play no doubt Like modernize some of the photos if you're gonna go with All American Reject. Sure. That's my take and I'm sticking to it. You know what? They should exclusively play No Doubt. Yes. I mean Gwen Stefani, how long does she work in that Dairy Queen with her brother? Don't know. All I know is that she was working there when they founded their band. They should have her face plastered in the wall of every Dairy Queen in America.

Unless she flat out doesn't want to. Maybe she had a bad time working there and was like, no, screw you. True, true. Oh, I am with Paramount. Oh, all in Amount. I'm never gonna watch Yellowstone. I'm not missing anything. Yeah, it's weird though, because they've put you,

they've digitally added you into the show as part of you working as a tour guide. They got my right. Yeah, I'm just in the background, but then you'll see over here, the Bronson Gate. Yes. Yeah, no, my parents love Yellowstone, and I feel the ultimate betrayal

that they know how Paramount treated me, and they still shell out money every month for their network. Right into Taylor Sheridan's pockets. Can't believe it. I would love to work on one of his shows one day. If, you know. If he would have me.

If I'm looking for work. Yeah. Which I might be soon. Anyway. Mary! Yeah, so just like the, I think if they just put a little bit more effort into the decor beyond cleanliness,

there's nothing on this specific franchise, like this location. I'm not calling out. It's just like the Dairy Queen. I'd love for them to lean more into the monarchy, you know, I would do like, why not like White Castle is a literal castle. Why didn't we order from someone wearing a cape? Why didn't it's a good question? Why didn't they demand their employees lay on the ground

so they could step across them so that they wouldn't get their shoes dirty? That's what I want to see from management. Yes, I want feathered pens to finish the receipts, like old ink scrolls. Yeah, can you sign this receipt? Here's a quill. Yeah.

This is an actual bird's feather. Life should be fun you know I feel like we're not exploiting it enough yeah okay is there anything else and not good for you mmm is everything else just there kids were fighting outside I felt threatened okay no I think that's it now all right let's jump into everything that was just there. This is a weird one. I'm not quite sure what to say about it.

Yeah, this is for the stuff that is just there. So for me, the chicken strips were kind of the epitome of just there. The gravy even was just there. The chicken strips, I just thought they were kind of. Plane like my first bite of it, I was like, OK, and then like it real quickly, like in my mouth, the changed. I noticed that you only had one of them and I was there were three. I found myself finishing a lot of the items.

I'm also again, I'm trying to like not go overboard on my eating true true and if I'm trying a bunch of stuff and two of the things are desserts you know I had plenty of room in my belly so I was going for it I had planned mentally to sort of roll out of the Dairy Queen mmm and so I was filling up and the gravy kind of hit for me, I will say, I think we have a disagreement here. That's fine. Yeah, it was the warmth that the fries,

the onion rings and the chicken tenders needed and was a good distraction from the blandness. And I will say, I did think that the chicken fingers were like properly hot. They were not cooled off by any means. They had a fighting chance and it got them out of the not good into the just there for me. I went five and a half on the chicken strips. Very slightly above average, but still, you know, I'm not out here bragging about what the chicken

strips bring to the table. I also said five out of 10, totally average, just the right amount of heat, well cooked, a little basic, nothing special. There you go. And then the gravy, yeah. Here's the one thing, I appreciate that they had gravy. It's such a unique offering. The only other fast food places I can think of

that have gravy in any form on the menu are Popeyes and KFC. And I would imagine Raising Cane's does, but I don't- Never seen it. I don't go there often enough to know definitively. I do, and they don't have it. They don't have it. enough to know definitively. I do and they don't have it. They don't have it. Even though they have Texas toast,

which would be great with gravy. Yeah. And so the KFC and Popeyes, you only get them on the mashed potatoes and it's a brown gravy. This was a white gravy, a little bit different. But the idea that they're actually like serving it up as an offered side, I appreciate that.

And I kind of wish more places would offer their own gravies. Completely agree. Gravy is great When done well, yeah, cuz the other dips were good, but there's no heat to them, you know You're kind of just doing it just for the flavor. Yeah. So yeah more gravy, please I'm just gonna isolate that Dear world, we could use... More gravy please! It's this big old baby Tyler in a diaper.

Less spice, more gravy. More gravy. I don't know why I'm forcing this baby bit in there, but whatever. He's been treating me like a baby all day. I've just been swaddling you because you looked cold. He put an extra pillow behind me so I wouldn't roll over when I sleep. Why are you sleeping during my show? Yeah, and then the last thing I have in just there is the first burger on the September

Grum menu. The number one, the bacon double deluxe or whatever it was. Something like that. And this was onion, lettuce, bacon, pickle, ketchup, mayo. Bun that this one in particular had a little bit of crisp to it as did the flame thrower. The A1 did not.

And yeah, the burger patty was kind of my only thing giving me pause here, but the ingredients work together. I'm not gonna go too far into it because we do have to discuss it in six months for September. But I will say it was just there for an entry level burger. It's not bad. Underwhelming. It's a burger. We ateming. It's a burger.

We ate it. Again, this was like, I feel like this was a pretty uneventful experience. There just wasn't a lot. Wasn't a lot happening. A stimuli to really talk about. Yeah. I guess there was one piece of decor

that was like a big cardboard fridge that was like 20% open and you like look inside and there's like a little DQ ice cream also made of cardboard or whatever. But it gives the impression that it wants you to grab the handles and open it. And I tried and I just ended up bonking myself in the head by pulling the cardboard standee onto me.

It's a trap. It's a trap. And it got you good. It's a death trap. And that's what the kids were fighting over. Yeah. He like sent his brother to be like, hey, but you didn't, you didn't. Wow.

Did that story make sense? No, totally. I just told it verbatim how it should go. That was beautifully told. They know that's a very older brother. My older brother would do all kinds of pranks on me as a kid. You know, stick your finger in the socket and see what happens. Yeah.

The food overall, I would say is just there. It had some highs. It had some highs. It had some lows. Um, the desserts, like I'm not going to go one thumb up on food. One thumb up on food. That's fine. The strength of desserts. Yeah.

You know, when I go to a place and I give a 10 to anything, it was good. I'll go one thumb up on food, but it's like it's strongly held by that blizzard. What it made me think was that they had the business right to begin with in the first 15 years before they opened up the doors to the food. Yeah, they don't really even need it, but they're probably, I think they just wanted to be competitive. Yes. They're like, we don't want to be, you know, TCBY or Baskin Robbins, yogurt land, we have to like expand the pallet. And, but they're just not as good at that side of things. I don't know, man.

I like that flamethrower. Okay. That flamethrower would, not an hour drive, but it would bring me back to a dairy. If I'm on the road and I see a Dairy Queen and I'm hungry, I'll be like, oh, you know what? I'll stop for a flamethrower. They ought to rebrand as like fire and ice, you know, like we got real spicy food

and real cool. They should have partnered with the Game of Thrones when it was at its peak, a song of ice and fire. That would be great. And they got the monarchy thing. Yeah, they got the full, you know, they could have Daenerys as the Dairy Queen herself. You know, I could see a toy tie in. Yeah, I don't think they do like Happy Meal toy type things at Dairy Queen. That's why they'll never be the top dog.

And that's why they'll never be the top dog. And that's everything that was just there. We have to put all of these considerations into a score, into a rating, so that Dairy Queen can go up on the tchotchke of mediocrity and we can see is it the most mediocre restaurant in America. But before we do that, Tyler, I've gone to 90 something restaurants in the run of this show. I'm very calibrated. I'm very honed in on my own scale.

This is your first time on the fine dining podcast. Therefore, I'm going to ask you to calibrate your scale by telling me what is your zero? What is your 10? The best restaurant experience you've ever had and the worst restaurant experience you've ever had in this week's Calibration Station. Alright Tyler, the floor is yours. Start with whichever one you want. You don't have to go like crazy on it, but yeah, tell me about it.

I'll start with the positive and I've never forgotten this. It was Valentine's Day 2008. Okay. And I- Seventeen years ago, that's why. So yeah, it's- we went to the Melting Pot, which is a fondue restaurant. And just like the gravy brings the heat,

this whole meal is all about the heat. You start with some hot cheese in a fondue pot that's just melting on the table in front of you and you're dipping meats. Bread. Bread, yeah, it's unbelievable. It's a cheese course and oil course. Yes. And then a chocolate course.

And then a chocolate and at the end is unbelievable. They put strawberries, you just kind of like stab a strawberry out of a bowl and then you dip it into the chocolate and kind of swirl it around. And I just was like, the relationship didn't work out, but this was truly my Valentine, was this meal. Have you been back to one since?

No, which is crazy. There's one in Thousand Oaks, I went for the show. Okay. And I do think that like the oil and chocolate, because I don't eat cheese, but the oil and chocolate part, genuinely, I'll go back to a melting pot, despite the amount of cheese I'm surrounded by.

Michael, let's go. Okay. I do love melted cheese. I love cheese in general. And yeah, I don't know why I haven't been back. I think it's just, it's expensive. Yeah. And so for me-

And it's not close. Yeah, yeah. I had to go deep into Houston from Sugarland. So I had to drive like 45 minutes to an hour to get to this one. But it was worth it. And yeah, the rest of the day just paled in comparison to that meal.

And anyway. So that's your 10. Yeah, that's my 10. Let's bring it down. My zero, okay. I went to Europe with my older brother and we were having a real bad day. He was having sort of a crisis

where he felt like we shouldn't be on the trip. We were given this very nice trip as like a gift. As I was graduating high school, this is the year after the melting pot. As I graduated high school and he had graduated college. And we, so we were in Bath, England and it was a beautiful place and he was just not enjoying the trip

because he's like, I should be at home working this summer, yada yada, just like kind of going through it. And I'm like, okay, we need like a reset. Like we need something nice. There's a pizza place, like right down the street. Let's go do that. Let's like relax, like find like a nice place to eat.

And so we go there, we get the pizza to go and we take it to this nice park nearby, next to all this like gothic cathedral architecture, it's beautiful. We open it up and we're like, all right, finally, we're gonna have some peace and a bird shits on the pizza. Our savior is Shadapon. And we just kind of like had like a sitcom-y pause.

Like the straw that broke the camel's back. Yes, but we started laughing and it kind of like broke our minds and it was, you know, a horrible meal. Because you ate around it. We did, we did. We ate around it. No.

Because it only landed in splat. Tyler. I know, I was young, I was young. I was 19 and I know, I was young, I was young. I was 19 and I know, I know. Look, it's not a story I'm proud of. You're the zero out of 10 in this story. No, the pizza was good, but it was, you know, there was some extra flavoring added by nature itself.

We didn't eat bird shit. We just ate pizza that was near bird shit. And that's a difference that I think is important here to remember. But yeah, that's my zero. That was the worst meal of my life. You know how sometimes when like blood rushes to your face, like the perimeter of your vision starts to close in? That's what I'm feeling right now after that revelation. Are you passing out? I think I'm passing out.

Okay, I'll make sure all the cameras get turned off. All right, well, from bird shit to the melting pot, somewhere in between those two lies Dairy Queen. We're gonna find out as we get our final rating. Final score, final score, final score, final score. Final rating. Final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, We gotta put a number on this. You know, give a recap of the whole experience. The factors that are weighing one way or another.

Is the good prevailing? Is the not good prevailing? Is it closer to zero? Is it closer to 10? Which side of five is it on? Which side of Cracker Barrel is it on? It just because of the flamethrower and the lynching in bathroom that I enjoyed and the service being great,

and the blizzard being fucking incredible, it does nudge it above the average for me and gets it more towards melting pot than bird shit and on my scale. What an endorsement. And I believe the number that I gave it is 6.22, which, you know, ain't bad. I think- It's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. I am a little bit lower than you, but I am very close. I did think all of those factors worked well. I actually, I had a number in mind,

and then I cross-referenced a bunch of restaurants that I've already scored and tried to play, like, in my mind, which experiences is it better than which ones is it worse than. And what I arrived at was a 5.94, which to me is like the high end of average to me. A six is kind of that threshold that turns something from average to good. Okay. And I thought this was approaching that the service far surpassed my expectations for a Dairy Queen.

It's not what I thought we were going to get. The Blizzard was incredible. The Flamethrower was a very enjoyable burger. And then it kind of fell short on a lot of other metrics. The place was uninspired. There were no asses. That brought it down, I think, probably three points for you. If not more. My score for Dairy Queen is a 5.94, which means when you put your score together with my score, Dairy Queen Grill and Chill goes up

on the Chachki of Mediocrity at a 6.08. 6.08. Congratulations, Dairy Queen. You are above average. Which puts it one-one-hundredth below Whataburger. I find that to be horrific. Whataburger's kind of gone downhill because they sold to a company out of Texas. Oh. I don't know when the last time you had Whataburger was, but...

Very recently, over the holidays. Yeah, they are a little bit different. There are still some really solid things about Whataburger. Also also eating in a what a burger is also not always the nicest Experience it depends on which one. I rarely do that It's mostly a drive-through like with my mom on the way back from the airport or something But but yeah, but this did not beat what a burger So what a burger is still a superior restaurant per the tchotchke of mediocrity than Dairy Queen Grill and Chill. That said, this goes to prove how far service can take you in an experience. And it also means that Dairy Queen Grill not the perfect five point double zero out of ten.

Which means I got to go somewhere next week. The journey continues for Michael. The search does in fact continue. So I have to go to the you must bowl and draw a restaurant that I must go to next week. Are you ready to find out? I think I am. Next week, I will be going to I will be going to Panera Bread. I will be going to Panera Bread.

Panera, you know what? When I think Panera, I do think average. We'll find out. Tyler, thanks so much for joining me. You have been an above average guest. Oh my gosh. thank you, Michael. Which is the greatest compliment one can pay. This has been, there wasn't enough dancing in this podcast for me. As you can tell from my-

Knowing your cinematic- My chops. My, yeah, yeah. That you like to- But it's okay. It's way above bird shit and under the melting pot, but I had a great time. And-

Let's do like, just like 10 seconds of dancing. Is that what dancing is to you? That is so much eye contact. There's only so much I can do with a microphone in front of me. I mean, what do you want? We don't have music playing. I don't know, but this is great. Awesome. Well, thanks for coming along. Tell people where they can find you on social media, where they can find Mysterious Ways.

I am mostly on Instagram at Tyler Harris Eaton. There's also the Mysterious Ways Instagram, which is at Mysterious Ways Movie. We'll be posting teasers, trailers, behind-the-scenes content as the movie comes out. We're aiming for Easter. So it'll be, you know, sometime in April. So very soon after these podcasts are released.

Check it out, stay posted. And I'd love to follow you as well, see what you're up to. That sounded so creepy. And you can follow me on Instagram and TikTok and bluesky at fine dining podcast. I have a discord now. You can find the link to that in the description

of this episode, as well as on my website. I'd love for you to come and join the conversation. Tell me places you want to see me go next. I'm very active there. So if you just want to chat, come say hi or even just lurk around. Both are totally fine. I'd love to see you there.

In the meantime, we did not find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search does, in fact, continue. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day. Need the perfect five? The search continues. Like and subscribe. The search continues. Our journey did not conclude.

The mother-repping search continues. Write us an iTunes review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars huh come on follow us on tick tock the same on instagram all the socials website find dining podcast dot com buy our t-shirts then put them on and don't forget you can always suggest where we go next? Okay! We're going to find it! Mediocrity! The search continues! See you next week! Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough