Fine Dining - On the Border's "Guacamole Live" Is a National Treasure

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

🌮🔥🥑 On the Border Review: Guacamole Glory, Taco Chips, and The Chili's Test 🥑🔥🌮 We're back with Part 2 of On the Border, and this time Trent Tucker (@TheGOTSPod) and I actually sit down to eat at the former Brinker sibling to Chili's. There are highs. There are lows. There is guacamole made tableside that absolutely slaps. We also encounter a manager radiating peak "Karen energy," raid a Little Free Library mid-meal, and hear "Cable Car" by The Fray so many times it becomes psychological warfare. 🥑 Guacamole Live Is a Legitimate Triumph 🌮 Flautas That Do NOT Live Up to the Ornelas Family Name 🧂 Chips and Salsa Are Decent, But Why Are the Chips Half a Taco Shell? 🎶 "Cable Car" by The Fray Plays an Unreasonable Number of Times 📚 Little Free Library Raid Yields a Parody Songbook and an Education on Spiders 😬 A Manager Check-In That Screams "I'd Like to Speak to…" 🎙️ Trent Shares His Best Meal Ever: Ramen in Japan 🌴 His Worst Meal Ever: A Burger from Rainforest Cafe 📊 On the Border Faces The Chili's Test 💬 COMMENT BELOW: Is tableside guac enough to overcome weird taco chips? 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🎉 Patreon (Bonus episodes, extended Yelp segments & more): patreon.com/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Food talk, memes, cursed Yelp): discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🎥 Watch full episodes: youtube.com/channel/UCLbraNhL6KhDPkdSWt2yiuw 🔗 All links: linktree.com/finediningpodcast 🎤 Guest: Trent Tucker | IG: @TheGOTSPod Patreon Producers: Sue Ornelas & Joyce Van Patreon Subscribers: David Ornelas, Kellie Baldwin, Jeremy Horwitz, Herbert Amaya, Simone Davalos, Scott Bennett, Amy Reinhart, Josef Castaneda-Liles, & Travis Langley Free Patreon Followers: Joe Warszalek, Lauren Cummings, Grace Krainak, Keri Estes, Robert Duran, Patrick Elliott, Michelle Elmer, Dave Plummer, Nicholas Volney, Michael Gerard, Tracy Molino, Phuong Duong, Tyler Robinson, Brandon Gully, Mason Cruz, Michael Milito, Mez, Aaron Hubbard, Steff, Robert McLaughlin, Jewell Hermann, Renae Michael 👉 NEXT WEEK: I take Emma, my second cousin once removed to Long John Silver's, and you KNOW we're gonna talk LJS history!

Is on the border Mexican grill and canteeno worthy of carrying the Tex-Mex flag? The steak fajitas were delicious and flavorful, but if I have to hear cable car by the fray one more time, I will jump out of one. Guacamoy Live makes this place feel like Mexican Benihana. But their weird tortilla chips look too much like the DVD cover of Amadeus. The interior design transported me to a cabana in Acapulco, but the chandelier of Dos Eki's bottles reminded me too much of when my brother pushed me to join his fraternity. As a California resident who grew up in Texas, I'm directly in the center of a battle between quote-unquote

authentic Mexican food and Tex-Mex, as though I'm supposed to pick a side? Well, I love both of my Mexican children in equal amounts, but is on the border a good representative of Tex-Mex? We'll answer all that and more. Live from California, it's guacamole. Wait, wrong thing. Stay tuned.

this is the Fine Dining Podcast. Your table is ready. Take your seat. The flavor of the day is mediocrity. To try a... Hello, and welcome back to fine dining, the quest to compare all restaurants to Chili's. I am your host, Michael Ornellis,

and this is the show where I use Chili's, the most mediocre restaurant in America, as a litmus test to gauge if other restaurant chains are good or not good by comparison. By the end of this episode, we will be able to answer the question that was on everyone's mind when Katie Perry kissed the ground

after the blue origin landed is on the border Mexican grill and can'tina better than Chili's? Tell me in the comments what you think about on the border. Today, we're going to tell you everything that was good, not good, and just there about a meal at On the Border

before we give a score at the end of the episode. Joining me today to discuss on the border is a trooper of a human being who spent hours on the road today to make this happen with me. He's one half of the geek off the street podcast, and he's the human equivalent of popping bubble wrap when you're a kid. It's Trent Tucker.

Perfect. Perfect description of you. Yeah. But thank you for having me on the show. I mean, you've been referring to your baby bladder or whatever. Yeah. Which is just you need to pee every like two or three hours, which is just a, unlawful. Which is just a normal bladder.

Is it? I don't know. I think so. I'm really held down by that a lot. Yeah. It's kind of a bummer. People hold you down and pee on you. In some places you have to pay for that.

I get it for free. Thanks so much for coming with me. It was a delight driving with you, dining with you, and forcing you to listen to tool and explaining their greatness while you are a captive audience. Yeah. Yeah, let's just jump into it. We're going to talk about on the border and we're going to start with everything that was good. I wanted.

I wanted like it should be the stuff that's fanker licking or stick in the land And this is good I knew that you could I'm going to be honest And when I walked in I kind of did

Before the meal I loved this place Like right Did you like the decor? Did you like the look? Yeah, yeah, yeah Did you get excited when we pulled up? Well, the outside was

you know, a place All right, we don't share the same enthusiasm for chain restaurants. That's fine. This is kind of my realm. I get it. No, but the interior, though, I did appreciate the decor. Yeah. So, like, walking up, you know, it felt architecturally reminiscent of what I expect a Mexican restaurant to feel like.

There was a sign with the hours that had a sign of different hours over it. Just taped on. The tape, yeah. You're just like pointing at the corner. you're like, this is peeling. It was so old, it was kind of like melting into it. So it probably wouldn't build a peel off if you were to try to. Yeah.

Yeah. And but like kind of like a, I mean, it was a walkway, but it almost had like courtyard vibes because there were like some benches on the side. And I love the logo of this place. Like just like looking up at it, it was fresh. It was clean. It's visually appealing. It's got a lime in it.

And your boy loves lime. Didn't even notice the lime in the title or in the, in the side. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Shows how observant I am. I fixated on it. I was like, can you squeeze that on me, please?

In some places, you have to pay for that. But yeah, and then we walked in and immediately inside there's like a lot of like football decor. But it was for a fundraiser. Did you look at what it was for? No, I didn't. I didn't keep reading it. Yeah. I just saw a fundraiser.

And you're like, I'm not giving them money. I'm not a cheap person, but I... But I'm not a generous one. I'm not that generous either, though. Okay. Yeah. And then we look into like the host stand and there's like a thing that feels like it's scolding you. It's like, do not sit down on your own.

Wait to be seated. Like, you know, it wasn't a please wait to be seated. It was like, guys, we've been over this. Like it had that kind of vibe. Yeah. But I didn't mind it. I don't know. It was fine. And then very uniquely at the front was a little free library.

Yeah. Which I don't know if those are unique to California or not. I don't remember ever seeing them before I moved here. Have you ever? Yeah, I see them all the time in the neighborhood I grew up in. The neighbor I live in now. Do you want to describe to the people what a little free library is? Yeah.

So it's like a take a book, leave a book situation. And they're placed in front of people's houses. Typically you're on the sidewalk. It's a place where you can drop. your books off and you can take books. It's kind of like a like a free community library type thing. Yeah. It's kind of like and it's just like a big, uh, like wooden cabinet that you'll just find. Sometimes people have them in like their front yard. Yeah. Or on a corner or in front of a store. The fact that it was in on the border felt very

weird to me. Um, but at the end of the experience, we were leaving and I was like, I'm going to take something from the little free library. You already outside. You didn't even know I was doing this. But like I had like, It was like an intrusive thought like shoplifting. Yeah. But there was no employee around. And I was like, I'm pretty sure the point of these is that you can take stuff. But I also feel like bad.

Like naughty. Like I'm not allowed to. And then an employee come over and he was like, oh yeah, take as many as you want. We replenish this every Monday. Oh, okay. Yeah. To which I was like, I kind of want to take the whole box. But I didn't.

I took two books. A little restraint. I took the top, I just grabbed whatever the topmost thing was. And it was a kid's book called Smelly Locker. Silly Dilly School Songs. Bestselling creators of Take Me Out of the Bathtub, which seems like a play on Take Me Out to the Ball Game, I guess.

I don't know. I immediately don't want this. The art is disgusting in almost like a Rinan Stimpy type way. Now, is it like a, like, um, cautionary tale type thing, like teaching kids how to be clean and have a not smelly locker or? You know, that's a good question. And my knowledge goes as far as I have the book. So, all right.

Oh, okay. So these are set to children's tunes. So it's a smelly locker set to the tune of Frerajaka. Oh, okay. It's a smelly locker, smelly locker. Poor hygiene, foul and mean. meant to do it sooner Is this a Glover Tuna

That syllables didn't work Yeah Time to clean Time to clean Oh and then there's the They have the The fugue Oh okay

Smelly lock So you start that Can we do the front The first one? Yeah you do this Smelly Smelly So is it like

Do you start Yeah we're gonna be Ro Row Your Boat kind of thing Yeah yeah Okay sorry all right I'm gonna try to keep my time going Great All right.

Smelly locker, Smelly locker, Never seen. Never seen. Heard's my spleen. I'll stand back got permission. I'm sorry. I repeated one twice.

You know, it's difficult. Yeah. Children's songs. But we were kind of rocking there for a second. We were locked in. Yeah. Yeah. See my clothes decompose.

Though I'm filled with sorrow, school is closed tomorrow. I suppose they'll bulldoze. So I don't know if they're suggesting a solution. They're saying we need to burn the place down. Yeah. And if you don't, it'll all get bulldozed? I guess.

Yeah. This is fine. Coming from a place, yeah, it deserves to be in that place, right? Yeah. And then the other one I got is a nature up close book called Spiders Up Close. Las Arragnas. I appreciate that part. Yeah.

titles in this series B's up close Las Abejas Corn up close El maiz Owls up close Los buos spiders up close

That's the one I have Sunflowersolarsolus I don't know Turtles up close Los Las Tortugas Okay I'm all about the corn I'm on board with this

I love like science books Anyways yeah Here's a anatomical. I don't know why I'm putting this in the On the Border episode. Well, I do. These were available at

On the border. I'm curious about the corn close up. How many variations of corn can you have in a book? Popcorn. That's it. That's the one. Anyways, it was cool that they had a little free library. Then you go inside blue painted wooden walls.

And I'm talking like ocean blue. Michael's favorite type of blue is like that like tropical blue. Yes, I did talk about myself. I was going to ask you. Yeah. Daddy's favorite color. And like some stone with like Mexican artifacts on the wall. I'm all about this style of decor.

I love kind of that like Central American aesthetic, I guess. So I was here for it. The end. Yeah. What I write? Yeah. The vibes were my jam. Rustic tiled table.

visually refreshing. What's a good thing for you? What's something you would put in a good category? Yeah, I know that. Sticking with the aesthetics, I think the interior, the first thing I noticed across the whole restaurant was the chandelier beer art thing. Yeah, I don't have that in the good.

Maybe I should have a problem with beer. I don't know. It just felt like a little too fratty. Oh, gotcha. All right, yeah, yeah. I don't have it in the not good either. I just, it's just there for me. No, I accept pre.

But the thing, though, it was, uh, the craftsmanship was great. Yeah, I appreciated that. When the beers were organized, there was like, you know, Dosec's in the center, Kronas on the Muglas on the outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was kind of nice, I guess. Yeah. They had the clay pots, too, on the one.

That was the thing, though, I feel like if you have a problem with symmetry, it was kind of hodgepodgey as well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which, by the way, yeah. I'm fine with. Okay.

I have, I don't, I don't need symmetry in my restaurants. Gotcha. I honestly, I like themed zones. And this felt like that. Okay. Yeah. Very casa bonita. Okay.

I thought the chips and salsa were good enough to be in the good. The shape of the chips were weird. Yeah. It was like if you take a hard shell taco and break it in half and then just eat half by half. And I mean, half along the spine. Yeah. So it was just like, it was like a fan. It was like it fanned out.

It was just so wide. I don't break them up. Triangle them. It's fine. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Yeah. So they were trying to encourage intimacy by double dipping because they would just surge. They would just break.

Yeah. Yeah. Question for you. Yes. Is your definition of intimacy double dipping in the same dishes somebody? Yeah. I have a very skewed. What is third base in your world?

Thumbs up. Way to go, kid. Damn, we went far. Yeah. But the chip, shape, aside, the taste was good enough. Yeah. They were kind of bland chips. They could have used some sort of, like, seasoning of some sort.

But the salsa was decent. It tasted fresh. I will say it tasted fresh. I don't think it was, like, amazing salsa. But as a unit, chips and salsa skated by into the good for me. barely at a six out of ten. Okay. You are making facial expressions that lead me to believe that you have them elsewhere.

I do appreciate the warm chips. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah. If that's half the battle, maybe the warm chips. We did get a bonus round at the end. Yes, yeah. But the salsa to me was a little, lack of a better term, musky. No, I don't know.

It had a weird, not musky, but it had like a weird, like a heavier flavor to it that didn't really register for me. I don't know how to explain it. Smoky, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I don't mind smoky though. Smoky can be a flavor that fits into salsa for me. Got it. Like, it would have been weird if it was like it tasted like coffee or something like that where it's just like that has no business being in salsa.

I don't want that. But smoky, like a tomatio or something could be there and that wouldn't bother me. All right. All right. Let's stop beating around the bush. Let's talk about the best thing at this restaurant. Yes. We'll say it on three.

Three, two, one. Guacam. What? Tiles? Yeah, I appreciate the tiles. On the table or what? In the bathroom, actually. I am stunned.

You thought the bathroom tiles were better than guacamole live? I appreciate it that there were three different colored tiles. Here's a thing. What a wild take. Okay. Here's a thing. is that without giving too much information, you know how your life's broken up

with a third of your life, sleeping, a third of your life, working, a third of your life, miscellaneous. Oh, okay. That other third is going to be me in a bathroom. So I spent a lot of time in the bathroom due to your baby bladder.

Yeah, your baby bladder or, you know, digestive things here and there, yeah. And I appreciate a visually pleasing bathroom. And the three different colored tiles, the green, the ocean blue, and like the kind of Mexican style. That was a yellow one that honestly, I don't want,

yellow in a bathroom. It was the yellow. Yeah, yellow, green, and the blue with the kind of design on it. Yellow and browns get them out of my, out of my bathroom. Yeah. I don't want them. I don't want them. Two on the nose, huh?

Two on the nose. Yeah. And some places you have to pay for them. Okay. But yeah, it gets up into the real good one. Yeah, obviously. Guacamole. You, you lost to me.

Did I ruin it? I'm sorry. You lost me. You lost. That was crazy. I thought it was such a layup that the best thing was guacamole alive. The bathroom. tiles. Look, you're welcome to have

whatever you want to be important to you. That's the end of the sentence. Okay, yeah, Guacamole live. Yeah, Guacamole Live. They have two things on the menu that are guacamole or guacamole live. And Guacamole Live is a thing that they are

known for. And it is essentially a table side fresh mixing of the guacamole. And I thought it would be silly to get it. I thought it would be like, this is stupid. My God, did I just enjoy watching our server mix this guacamole for a couple of reasons. Our server, Jesus, consummate professional. Great. Shows up with the guacamole live stuff not yet mixed on his tray. He shows up, he puts on gloves. Great. I already feel like I'm in like Dexter.

Like there's like a serial killer element that makes me feel like dangerous but safe because we are in a chain restaurant. But also hygiene. Great. Then five halves of an avocado. No pits. And like I'm straight. But I was also attracted to just his form. Yeah.

Scooping the avocado out. Very fluid motion. It was such a, like, look, when I scoop avocado, there is so much stuff that I leave on the rind. There's so much stuff that stays on the skin. And I'm like, man, I need to go back for more scoops and, like, scrape it out. No. This guy, spoon, like surgical. Yeah.

Goes in with the spoon. One little twirl, pulls all the avocado out, throws in the bowl. Five for five. He does all five of these avocados perfectly. And then he's like, do you want all the things? And I'm like, yes, sir. Yes, officer. Throw some tomato in,

throws some jalapeno in, throws in some red onions, throws in some cilantro. Would you like lime? Yes, yes to lime every time with guacamole. And then mixing, mixing, mixing, and it's like, you know, you can't help but notice the muscular fora.

You know, I fell in love today at on the border, Mexican grill and canteena with Hesus. I didn't realize we were still talking about Hesuz at this point. Sorry, I got lost in his eyes. No, but guacamole live, very fun. Like, it's the same thing they're doing in the back. Who would decline? Yeah.

I mean, I guess it is a $4 difference, but also it's three times the guac. Yeah. So it's like you get a show and triple the quantity. And this was such good guac. Here's the thing. I appreciate that he was telling us, These are going to be good avocados. I can smell them.

I can see them. And I was like, all right, talking it up a little bit. Yeah. And then he delivered. Yeah. He was like, we got a good batch today. You know, people who have like broken bones and can tell you when it's going to rain. Yeah.

That's what this felt like. He was the avocado whisper. We've got good avocados today. Yeah. Yeah. It was so good. Yeah. It may have been the freshest guacamole I've ever tasted.

I went nine out of ten on the guacamole. Yeah, yeah, I was, yeah, same. Like, yeah, 9, 9 and 10, that was a fantastic guacamole. And with the presentation, sure, I'll call it a 10 experience. Yeah, and I'm a gimmicky person. I enjoy gimmicks. Oh, yeah, Mr. Ramen soup. Ramen in space, 0G ramen.

And it doesn't take a big gimmick at all. It can be a very simple gimmick and I'm sold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This was, dare I say, worth the five hours on the road. Just to watch a guy make avocado live at the table. Also, I'm just a nerd for chain restaurants.

So that helps. I don't know if you thought it was worth a five-hour drive. You're like, we drove five hours for this. But, yeah, just pageantry. Yes, pageantry. Is an underutilized element at many restaurants. And I love me a restaurant ritual, even if it's just, Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday, Birthday, We did it, the venue.

Happy birthday, that's something me a value. Yeah. Yeah, like, even if it's just whatever. I love that kind of stuff. So, or like the tinfoil hats at Hooters. They literally like, oh, do they make, like, out of tinfoil, they just make, like, cowboy hats or like different,

not like conspiracy theorist tinfoil hats. Like, yeah, yeah. Just like stuff like that. It's silly, but it's, or the crayons that you get to draw on the table at macaroni grill. Like, any of those, I'm here for. it's pageantry, it's gimmicky, it's the reason that you're like, oh, that's why I choose that one over that one.

That's why I choose macaroni grill over Olive Garden. And I do, by the way. Yeah. And then, yeah, his is excellent server, I thought. Fantastic. Very friendly. Yeah. Yeah.

Very accommodating. Yeah. Nice, new what he was talking about. Do you have anything else in good? I do have the, the fajita sizzle. Yeah. The fajita effect? Yeah, the fajita effect, because I did go to Chili's yesterday in preparation for this show.

Look, you're a pro. Yeah, I've been to the Chili's twice in my life. I went yesterday for this. A friend of mine ordered the fajitas, and they did not come out very sizzily. And that was heavily disappointing. Chili's fajita game is pretty weak, I think. Yeah. Despite them, like, championing the effect that you're talking about, the fajita effect,

The idea that when fajitas are brought out, it grabs the attention of the restaurant. And then everyone around is like, oh, maybe I'll get fajitas and they see a spike in orders. This was great. They put it on our table and I got a video of it. It looks immaculate. It looks delicious. It's so, again, pageantry. It's a statement to order fajitas.

And take the immersion to the next level, I was splashed with the fajita sizzle. Yeah. It burned my eyebrow. And I was there for it. Like, yes. I consent to this. What? Sorry.

I'm just thinking about like guacamole. Like we literally just watched a guy make guacamole. Why did I love that? Like what is the fascination with like watching people crush things? Um, I don't know. Is it a, yeah. I don't know. It's like those hydraulic press videos.

where they just like make something out of Play-Doh. And then it crushes and then it like, they're so satisfying. And I don't know what it is about human nature that makes me want to watch crushing. Maybe it's like a destructive thing. Yeah. I mean, we are guys.

We like to see things blow up. Yeah. Crushed and yeah, destroyed. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. So, yeah.

But destroyed. I will go so far as to say the fajitas themselves belong in the good as well. I really liked the fajitas. They were delicious. They were well seasoned. The onions were hearty. The steak was well-oiled.

Like it wasn't too greasy. Yeah. The flour tortillas, you know, they come in the little separate thing to keep them warm and not wet. You don't want the juices to like soak in before you actually make the thing. Put it on your plate. And I thought that this steak, one, it all kind of stuck together in a way that's like you did get like a long piece when you do it. but they didn't skimp. Like the portion was nice.

The taste was nice. The oil was great. The seasoning was great. I went eight and a half. Eight and a half. On the fajitas, on the steak fajitas. I think I was actually sitting more like a six point,

like a six point five. Okay. So you're still on the good. Only because of the length of the steak. I took a bite and it pulled the whole thing out of the taco. And that was, I'm nitpicky, but I had to put it back in. If you bite down, you can actually chew through stuff.

That's a myth, I think. I don't know. People tell me that all the time. I don't believe it. Yeah. Cows will chew on the same leaf forever and it doesn't break. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I thought it was, they seemed like a very fajita forward place. And I thought that they delivered on the promise of, hey, we do fajita as well. And then with the guac, it was just, yeah, there were a lot of elements here where I was just like, the things that they push, they do well. I think it's time to go to the not good because there's plenty there too. This is not so good. I'm not quite sure about it

because something brings down the mood. Not. Always my favorite. Talk about the bad. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a cynical person though, so. All right.

What do you want to lead with? Well. James Gunn was dining. All right. He mentioned it once. No, uh, let's see. The first thing that I did notice was we walked in. We sat down.

The booth was not comfortable. Yes. It was kind of like it felt like there wasn't enough cushion whatsoever. It just kind of felt the wood that goes underneath the fabric. It's like they went to an IKEA to get their booth and built them. It was very uncomfortable in the same way that IKEA furniture is uncomfortable. Yeah. Totally agree.

Yeah, it was not cool with that. Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. I did eventually forget about the fact that I was uncomfortable. Like, it wasn't so uncomfortable that it ruined my whole thing. But, like, you know, I did notice for sure. Yeah. For me, the Mexican rice or Spanish-style rice or whatever, like the orange rice.

I just don't think I like this preparation of rice. I love white rice. I love Jasmine rice, Basmati rice. I'm okay with brown rice. I like a saffron rice or something like you get in paella, but something about the orange rice just never does it for me. Is it flavor?

I think it's flavor. Okay. This one, yeah, this one it was definitely flavor. I bet it and I was just like, I don't like this. Yeah.

Two and a half out of ten. Two and a half out of ten for the rice. The rice was actually in the just there category for me. I think the flavor was there for me. I like seasoned things. And I'm actually, this is going to be blasphemy, but I like my rice to be a little bit harder. No, I don't mind that.

I don't mind that. Yeah, I wish I liked the texture of it as well. I don't know if that's blasphemous. Yeah, I mean, maybe in my culture, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, everybody in my family doesn't like when I make the rice. Oh, it's a little bit, not enough water for. Eldente.

Yeah. That's not the term for rice. But, okay. Yeah. What did you score it? So I scored the rice at, maybe like a 5.5. 5.5. Yeah.

All right. You're wrong, but. Opinions are wrong. Refried beans. Yeah. I didn't hate these, but I didn't like them. I thought they were very salty. And just refried is such a lame texture of bean.

It's like just, it's mush. Yeah, these beans reinforced my hatred of beans. I just, I'm not a bean fan. Not a bean guy. Yeah, never been into them. And yeah, refried beans. made it worse. So I'm never going to eat him again.

Fueling the fire, fanning the flames of hatred towards. Yeah, I went, I just went three and a half out of ten. I went an even two. You went an even two. Yeah. Dang. Yeah. And like it really does seem like just such an easy default like beans and rice are just

what so many Mexican entrees come with. That like if you do them well, it will go a long way because so many things. have it. So I don't know. I think it's a very easy detail to overlook and stop doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Can you read more. Okay. I'm going to save that one for, oh, you know what? Yeah. They played too much fray. What song was playing when we walked in? Well, actually, it was a Mexican song we first walked in. What song played after that? Yeah, it was the cable car by the fray. What song played again 15 to 20 minutes later? That's being generous, but it was cable car again.

What song played as we were paying the check? Cable car by the fray. It wasn't even different fray songs and the rest of the play with list was different. Yeah. It was just that song, over my head. I just heard that line over and over and over my head. And you actually were singing it the third, like the third time it came on, or the second time it came on. You were singing it.

And I was like, wait a minute. I sang that earlier. I was saying this. Yeah. I'd be saying the song once today. And then it happened again and I was like, these. These guys, yeah. They were like, it was almost like they saw us walking in.

We're like, we got to change it up. What about us? Screens the fray. Yeah. I don't know. It's me. You know that's what. When you say we, you do mean me.

I'm trying to gauge what I'm allowed to say about. Yeah. Slur-wise. What's your favorite slur? Don't do it. Don't do it. That's a best bait. Don't take the bait.

Yeah. That's too much. Yeah. That's bad. Yeah. That's bad atmosphere. Also, I want to hear like Mexican music. There were a few songs in Spanish and I was into it.

Yeah, there's one time where there is a Mexican guitar kind of, yeah, that sounded very fitting as we were, you know, getting ready to leave. Yeah. It was whatever. Dumb. stop that. Do you have something else? I'm not good. There was a moment where you were going to the side and saying, hey, what's over here?

I was like, oh, those are the chips. Yeah. Because that part of the table was too dark. We did. Yeah. We had a void. Yeah, there was that, and there was right next to the window, too. In that position right there, it was too dark.

I'm a symmetry person, and we had a nice little light in the center. This side wasn't too dark, but the right side near the window was just too dark. Yeah. Yeah. I felt that as well. Once the chips were over there, I was like, well, I'm never seeing those again. Just into the black hole. Yeah.

And we will never see them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that didn't, I wouldn't say that bugged me, but I didn't notice it. Yeah. And you're fine to be bugged by it. Like, you're welcome to be bugged by it. Yeah.

It's not an objectively good thing. Yeah. Food-wise, dessert, the soap of peas didn't even make it to just there. A dessert ending up and not good is so rare for me. Did you put these in not good? Yeah, no, also the same. Not good. specifically the Hershey chocolate dip was very bodice.

Made it worse. Yeah. So to spell it out, soapopias are kind of like a fluffed dough, almost like Benet-like, but they're typically a Mexican dish. These were covered in powdered sugar very unevenly. Like it just felt like someone just kind of like sneezed powdered sugar onto it.

And then it had a ramekin of honey, which is traditionally how I've at least experienced soapapias, and a ramekin of chocolate sauce. Now, this was straight up the Hershey's squeeze ice cream topper chocolate sauce squirted into a ramekin and then honey's honey. Neither of these were good. I literally just wrote, I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. Yeah.

I should have expected this. But like, the dough didn't taste doughy enough, which is like, that's the flavor I want. It's not the powdered sugar. It's the dough. Right. I want fresh dough. And they dough not deliver. on that.

Cancel your subscription. Stupid. Yeah. I do have to add on that I did try the queso dip that was included. There's something that you would never try, so I feel I have to talk about it. I genuinely would not. Yeah. But you're bringing it up in the not good.

Yep. So I was right. You're right. I typically don't like liquid cheese either way. Yeah. It's not my jam. Yeah. But I did try it.

And it is indistinguishable. from the Tostito's cheese dip. I think it's the same. It probably was it. Yeah, I think exactly what it was. They do sell on the border salsa in stores. I wonder if they have a queso and it's like at that point, they went from maybe having fresh casso to then selling grocery store casso and then now they

send the grocery store casso to the restaurants and they just use that. So it's got like an extra like step of, oh, well, it is just the straight up like from the manufacturer type thing. And it loses that quality. Or if they just relabel it, like just buy it and relabel it or I don't know if they do sell it. Oh, you mean like they buy the Tostitos one or whatever and they just relayable it or even poured into another jar and just, yeah. Hey, this is ours. It's like you don't even have a Koso operation. You just have a canning operation. That's all you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What'd you score that?

Oh, yeah. I scored that at like, yeah, also like a 2.5. Just, yeah, not my jam. Sorry, you spelled zero wrong. What did you score the Sepapius? Oh, so Pia's were, I got like a 3.4. I guess, yeah. Cool. All right. And then the last thing, this is a very judgmental thing for me to put in the not good.

We got a manager check in. And I'm sorry. Picture a Karen. Yep, that's what she looked like. Sorry, like maybe mid-50s Karen, late 50s somewhere in there. Yes, you can picture her. Whatever is in your head is accurate. this woman passes our table and like no eye contact or maybe like a glance of eye contact

is everything good over here like an over the shoulder like and over the shoulder she's already walking past as in try me you better say everything's good because i've got places to go and i said yeah but she like lingered because i hadn't said anything yet and then eventually she just kind of like walked okay good and then walked away then she came back later and she was maybe a little bit more personable but i was just asking for the check so it's like oh it's already over she doesn't actually have to she's not like busing or you know anything like that but i'm sorry she was she looked like the like she was as karen as you can get she is the villain arc of a karen who uh in order to speak to the manager i must

become the manager like that is that is what she became game like she engaged in a coup yeah I think she was the reason why we got um the fray three times in a row I think she's so villainous that she was her favorite song yeah that everybody else no we're not going to play your music or playing the music that I want to play which is the fray and one you two song yeah yeah she yeah she did look like she picked out the me and was like that's the best song that's ever been written and I want to hear it so much. at work and I want everyone to hear it so much at work. I'm sorry. I feel like I'm making fun of her, but like genuinely just I have never seen

someone embody what you picture when the word Karen is said. And I didn't love that first interaction. Yeah. That's great. Actually, back to the good. There was another waiter. Oh, yeah. Who came by and chat in was very personal.

and nice. And I think when you were in the restroom and he was asking like, oh, you go to a lot of restaurants. Do you have any like tips or anything? Yeah. Have any feedback for us? And I was like, you're doing great. Chain restaurant food in general isn't your responsibility. Yeah. But like the service, you're genuinely doing great. And I meant

it. Like he and Jesus were doing, I thought, really well. Hey Zeus, saw a couple people he knew at the bar and was just throwing out hugs. I was like, is this the vibe here? Yeah. Hug me with your guacamole forearms to say, Zeus. Yeah, yeah.

I'm so starred for intimacy that I wanted to be a part of that. But I just, uh... You lingered. You walked over and you were just kind of like, oh, just trying to read the signals. Got room for one more. Yeah. And they were like, hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess. Get in here. They gave you a nuggie. Yeah. Yeah, God, kiddo. Yeah, that's all for the not good for me. Yep, that's for me as well.

All right. Now we just got to talk about everything that was just there. This is a weird one. I'm not quite sure what to say about it But the stuff that is just I had the strawberry lemonade here I feel like you liked it I here's the thing

I blame my bladder for being the problem But I drank two of those strawberry Lemonades Okay I think when liquid is in front of me I have to drink it regardless if I like it or not When you got a refill I was like oh does he like I didn't hate it

But it was like it was slightly I thought I had like a bitter aftertaste which is just a weird sensation. Sour and sweet are the two flavors you need from lemonade, especially a strawberry lemonade. So to get bitter is wrong. Yeah. He said there was supposed to be a puree in there,

and I wasn't really seeing. Well, there was like red sparkle. Like it looked like red glitter a little bit, but I think that was the strawberry puree. Yeah, okay. But it was very, very slight. Like it looked like they maybe just like put it on a spoon and just kind of like done like a little,

like the Pope with holy water. To me, I thought they just picked the seeds of the strawberry and dump that on top of the drink because it looked like seeds to me. But yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Don't know what it was, but I don't think this was great.

I want it to be sweeter. I went five and a half out of ten. Wasn't trash, but like strawberry lemonade is supposed to be really tasty. Yeah. It wasn't. Yeah, same. I think, yeah, I don't know.

It was something to wash the rest of the food down. But yeah, I'm feeling like I'll give it a 4.0. 4.0. Yeah. What else do you have in just there? Just there? The flautas. Yeah, I do too.

Yeah. I've never had flautas before. I'm doing my best not to assume that's what they all taste like. No, they don't. And I tried all the combinations. I put the guacamole on there betterish, but not great. I put the sour cream, the crumbled cheese, and then the white.

Salsa. The salsa did the salsa. And also in the meat. the white crumbly cheese. Oh, gross. Yeah, and then I did all of them at once, too. Put them all on there at once, and it didn't really improve it. So the problem with these were the exterior was crunchy and golden brown, which it should be,

but the interior was so mushy. Yes, yeah. It just kind of tasted like slop. Yeah. And so, or it felt like slop. I don't think the taste was terrible, but the texture, they did not nail what a flautte should be. Yeah. And I know you don't know what a flautte should be because this was your first.

I'm having it. But I'm letting you know it should be like a little bit firmer. Like it should be like a bite of meat, not like a melt of meat. Yeah, it was it was like mushy but still somehow dry. Yes. Which, yeah, not a good combination. Yeah, it's like drinking dry liquid. Yeah.

Which is impossible. Yeah. I went four and a half out of 10. My dads are way better. My dad makes carnitas and they're like a nine or a 10 out of 10 food. They're so good. Okay. And they're like garlicky.

That sounds like the best thing on the planet. That's very good. Yeah. Yeah, I was kind of at a 4.1 because if it was like a bar food, it was in front of me, I was with some friends and they all ordered it. I eat a couple of them. Yeah. But not my first choice.

Yeah. Yeah. No, these weren't great. Going back to the bathroom if I can. You love to. Yeah. I'm just the toilet guy I feel like now. Yeah.

But yeah, I did go up to the urinal and a mosquito flew out of it. Didn't really know how to feel about that. So that's why I just put it in the... Of what? Out of the urinal. I thought you're saying you're... No. That's what really.

Just out of my zipper. No. No, yeah, Moschino flew out of the urinal that I chose. And I just didn't know what to think about it. So is that a sanitation thing? I don't really know. I don't think so.

So it's just a just there I felt. It's a noteworthy event. Yeah, I just thought I'd have to bring it up. Yeah. Also, if it flew out of you probably wouldn't just be in just there. Yeah. You're like, I'm infested. Yeah. I thought that this place felt so branded.

And that's why the chandelier wasn't in the good for me. Okay. Because there were so many like dos ecchi signs around the top of the bar. And then you have a chandelier of dos eckes and Corona Light. And it just felt too much for me. It was a little like it was the dosiki sign and chandelier is objectively so. fratty. It is. Yeah. Like, look what I did with all the

empties from, you know, whatever. So I just, uh, it was creative. It was a cool little fixture, but I would have loved it if it's like the logos are scratched off or whatever. It just felt, it felt too corporate. Uh, okay. All right. Which it is. Yeah. You know, it's a chain restaurant. Mm-hmm. But I don't like that feeling. I see. Yeah. I see, I see, I see your point of view

now that you pointed out, but I like beer. I think it's a bit of a pass for me. Okay. Yeah. And then the last piece of food we got were the honey Chipotle grilled shrimp tacos. I thought these had a nice kick. Yes. I like spice.

They tickled the tongue. There was so much cabbage. Like the ratio on this was off. Yeah. I had to take the first bite was a shrimp. It's like three full shrimps in this thing on the top of it. Yeah. And the bottom of it is all cabbage.

A lot of cabbage. So I had the first bite, you know, full shrimp. Then I had to take two bites to get to the second shrimp. You could like work your way there. Yeah, like two bites of just cabbage. Yeah. And that got old immediately. Of course.

Yeah. And then the sauce on it was a spicy avocado ranch, which I just, it's just cabbage swimming in that. And then the honey chipotle was only on the shrimp. There wasn't like a honey chipotle sauce otherwise in the taco. and so it just, it didn't hit the notes that were kind of advertised. Agreed, yeah.

But the shrimp was nice. When I got the bites of shrimp, I like the texture of it, I like the taste of it, and I did like the coating on them. Crisp, flavorful, yeah, it was, the grilled was a way to go, I think.

Yeah. Like, I just put the seasoning, not the sauce. That's what this taco is about. I went five out of ten, like right in the middle. Okay, yeah. Just with the,

you know, a cabbage in there. I was feeling like a four-point. for. All right. Well, we need to put all of this into a score, but Trent, this is your first time on the fine dining podcast. You haven't gone to the full spectrum of restaurants that I have, so we need to define your far ends. I've got hometown buffet and cheese faca at my zero and ten, but yours might be different. We can obviously agree that Chili's is in the middle, but we need to take a stop at this week's Calibration Station.

Turing this meal to the best of the worst. Calibration station. Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo-choo-choo-choo-ch-ch-choo. Trent, the segment is all about you telling me about your zero, your 10, your worst and best restaurant dining experiences you've ever had. Whichever one you want to start with, the floor is yours. Okay. Let's go with the worst one first. All right.

So the worst dining experience I've ever had. was at Rainforest Cafe. Ooh, that's very high up for me. Oh, is it? But tell me, I want to hear. That's funny. Yeah, I think I was around 10 years old, begged my parents. Damn, imagine hating rainforest and you're 10.

That's how I know it was bad. You're the Target demo. Yeah, exactly. So I begged my parents to take us to Rainforest Cafe. I think it was the one in Ontario Mills. Okay, that's still there. Yeah, it's still there. So we went in there and I just wanted to be a part of the forest, the animals, and all that, the ambiance.

So we go in, we get seated. Did you get poached for ivory? Yeah, they pretty much just kept me in there. It just became part of the displays. I kind of like hold up a spear and, you know, yeah. I'm like, what could make it bad? I don't know. I guess if poachers showed up.

Yeah, exactly. Took your tusks. Yeah. No, but yeah, so we were seated and it was incredibly. loud, even as a kid. We were in front of the, right behind was the elephant. Oh, yeah. It was just, last in the whole time.

And I noticed that my dad was bothered by it, but I also got kind of annoyed by it after a while. Yeah. And then we ordered, I got a kid's meal hamburger. Yeah. And the hamburger to this day is still the worst tasting hamburger I've ever had in my life. Really? As a 10-year-old, I didn't like the kids meal hamburger. It was dry.

There was no flavor on it. it was gross. It was like the bread was all wrong. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Pretty disgusting. I've had bad burgers. I know exactly what we're talking about.

I've had White Castle. Agreed and disagree. But my dad, he, uh, he done something and he didn't enjoy his food also. And, uh, he's done something that he's never done since and had, and never did before that. He actually wrote a note on the back of the. receipt explaining how disappointed he was with the food and the service. Did he say, I'm not mad, I'm disappointed?

He said, you've let me down, son. Yeah, I came to the, the gist was like, this was horrible service, horrible food. Yeah. I didn't like it at all. Essentially came down to that. Dang. Yeah, and that's stuck with me.

And I feel tremendous guilt for begging to go to that restaurant. Yeah. And it being horrible. Yeah. Well, terrible place. It sounded like it was your fault. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. And then your best. So the best restaurant I've ever been to this little biased because I'm a big Japanese ramen guy. In Okinawa, there's a ramen shop called Tondol Raman. They specialize in a garlic pork style ramen. The shop is like an old style. It's like there are only three of them in all Japan in Okinawa. And it's like the old architecture, Japanese kind of architecture.

You go in, you go up to the machine, you choose what you want. It's all in Japanese. So if you don't know what you're getting, you just choose one. Yeah. You take it up front and then you sit and then bring it out to you. They bring out the pole of ramen. They'll bring your fried rice, gyoza, the pot stickers. They have the signature garlics that they marinate themselves that comes with the press

and you just can press them into the ramen. The noodles are made in house, perfectly chewy. The broth is really flavorful, but not too heavy because I have a weak stomach. And the fried rice and the dumplings are the best fried rice dumplings I've ever had in my life. All sound like things that I love eating. So, yeah. Yep. That sounds worthy of the time.

One of the best meals I ever had was in Japan as well. There was a place called Kukatsu Motomura in Tokyo. Okay. And, yeah, it was like breaded steak with like a hot stone. It served rare and then a hot stone in front of you, you put it on and kind of put it to your liking. started with rice and a few other things and like a udon, not udon, uh, miso soup. And it was a place where like there's always a line apparently. And I'm like, do people in Japan not know about lining up early?

The place opened at 11. I got there at 1045 and there was nobody. And I was like, oh, I guess they're not opening today. But whatever. I'm here. I'll just stick around 15 minutes. 10.55. Nobody.

1058 nobody. 1059 an employee shows up starts opening the thing starts walking me down and it's like okay yeah you're first I swear like they probably organized a flash mob I look behind me and there was a line that's like two blocks long I don't know where it came from but like in about the minute it took them to unlock the

shop, I swear, everyone started showing up. And then we went down and like, it only seats like probably a dozen people, eight people somewhere in that small range at a bar. And, uh, one of the best tasting meats I've ever had. So tender. It's a five wagyu. Wow. So good. Yeah. No, that's, that sounds incredible. So yeah, so everything, all my standards of, uh, what ramen, whenever I go try ramen, um, it all comes back to that is as good as tonne though. And that's, yeah. Yep. Nice. If I go back to Japan, they will be on my radar. Yeah, for sure. Amazing. That's your zero and your 10. You're perfectly calibrated. It's time. We need to score on the border. It's time to put it to the Chili's Test.

I loved the novelty of Guacamole Live. I loved the atmosphere of this place. It really hits all the notes of like all the colors that make me happy and like that my like give me endorphic. Like you can see the background right now. I have blue lights and green lights kind of set behind us. Very tropical. Those colors make me just feel relaxed. So I liked being in here. If only it wasn't for the freaking fray playing over my head over and over and over. The fajitas, I thought hit what they needed to hit. And then kind of everything else from the food front disappointed. But the guacamole and the fajitas were kind of the things carrying the weight for this place for me.

Service overall pretty good. Very good. I like Jesus a lot. I like the other guy. But then we had, you know, the third evolutionary stage of a Karen, a Kirsten. And yeah, it just, it wasn't perfect. I don't know if I would overall. categorize this place as good though because there were enough not good items when you're

getting not good on a dessert that's crazy when your floutes are disgracing the ornelis name not not great but this place is very close to good so i went on the very high end of what i would call average i went 5.98 okay i enjoyed the pageantry of the guacamole i'm trying to copy what you said sure no you can like the same thing i was a hundred percent trying to use exactly what you said verbatim, but I just forgot what you said. Oh, got you. But no, I do, again, guacamoy live, the pageantry was great. I was kind of into it.

Like, it kind of got me into the immersion of the restaurant. I fell in love. Yeah. Essentially, yeah. Closing to intimacy I felt in years. Right. I didn't make guacamole. When the fajita hit your eye, you're like, contact.

Yeah. I feel something. Yeah. Yeah. With that, the, you know, the interior decor overall, I did appreciate. that. But at the same time, there were more things that I didn't like about it. And as I was saying, I went to Chili's yesterday. Which honestly, all of my guests should do. Yeah. If you want to know if something's going to score above or below five, go to Chili's the day before. Right. And even down to

the chips and salsa at Chili's, I enjoyed a lot more than I enjoyed the ones here. A lot more. Okay. So, yeah, with that said, the, you know, the shrimp tacos, the queso dip, those kind of things that just did not hit for me. Um, I'm going on the low. and I think I'm getting this On the Border is officially getting a 4.43. Well, when you average your score with my score, on the border Mexican Grill and Cantina is going up on the Chautjee of Mediocrity

at a 5.21. Tadda. I feel like I'm a part of something. It's right above Chevy's Freshmex, which had a 5.08. And it's below, Chewis, which had a 5.52. So as far as

chain Mexican places go, I think that's exactly where I would put it. I think I'd prefer Chewis, but I would prefer it over Chevy. So, yeah, that works out, but that also means, on the border, Mexican grill,

and can'tina is officially better than Chili's. Better than Chili's. I know your whole point was that you preferred Chili's, but look, this is a democracy. We've got an average going on here, and I liked it enough that I think it is an above average place, but it is close to the Chili's

experience in my estimation. Now I need to figure out where am I going to go next time. So I'm going to turn to the You Must Pull, and I'm going to draw a restaurant next week on the Fine Dining Podcast. I will be going to Long John Silver's. Thanks so much for joining me. Trent, thanks for making the drive. Thanks for coming up. Thanks for eating with me. Thanks for chatting with me. It's been very fun. Tell people where they can find you on social media. You can find us out a geek off the street at the Goss Pod on all the social media sites. episodes come out every Wednesday on Spotify and Apple. Videos come out on Friday. And you can follow this podcast on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. Find dining podcast. Find dining podcast.com. B-sky. social on blue sky. And I have a discord where you can come and chat with me. But if you really want to support the show, this is a listener-supported endeavor. I have a Patreon.

You get an exclusive episode every single month of a whole new restaurant that you can only hear there, as well as the full extended Yelp from Strangers segments, deleted scenes, exclusive interviews. But yeah, I appreciate any in all support. In the meantime, that is another one in the books. Thanks for watching. Have a fine deal.

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