Fine Dining - Perkins History feat. Andrew Canada (Two in the Cooler Podcast) [Part One]

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

I traveled to New York, New York for this one! From the Two in the Cooler podcast, host Andrew Canada joins me this week to check out Perkins Restaurant & Bakery, a chain that I flew across the country to New York City to try, and he flew down from Buffalo to meet me there Originally "Smithy's Pancake House" before changing their name and expanding across the region, Perkins' backstory is one of ups and downs The Secret Menu: Sci-Fi Foods Andrew's friends sound 100% made up A Yelper gives Perkins 5 stars while continually dunking on Staten Island in pretty glorious fashion "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to my YouTube to watch this episode! Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (I recently released my July exclusive episode on Sarku Japan, a delicious mall food court teriyaki chicken joint, and introduced my friend Michael Slater to their "yummy yummy sauce!"), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Perkins stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow Two in the Cooler on Instagram @twointhecooler   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Perkins Review [Part Two]! Andrew Canada returns to eat a pretty underwhelming meal with me! Ever work at Perkins? Send your stories to [e-mail].

On this week's delicious episode of the fine dining podcast Dad can't cook off to Perkins we go He took one photograph with a kid in a wheelchair and he's like I have a charity if you saw Joey hardball You could never pick him out of a lineup. Whatever you're picturing. He looks like he does not look like that Hello and welcome to the fine dining podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. And I could not be any more America this week. I am in the nation's true capital, New York City.

And look, I know this is coming out late August, but I just attended the Nathan's hot dog eating contest on the 4th of July. I'm waving my proverbial American flag, and I could not think of a better guest to join me this week than Andrew Canada. A guy whose actual last name I don't believe. Haven't I shown you my license before? You have. Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Canada,

he comes to us from the Two in the Cooler podcast. Two brothers, two viewpoints, two in the cooler. It's you and your brother just having a time. Yeah, just goofs. It's very enjoyable. Like you guys have a great chemistry together. I'm so glad you like it, dude. If you didn't, it would honestly break my heart.

But it's great to be here with the diabetic Howard Stern Mike You know I've loved your show for a long time and I'm very happy to be on it I'm glad you just attended the Nathan's hot dog eating competition. I did how did you play? I ate one in the crowd Another name for the podcast one in the crowd two in the cooler Yeah, I was telling you today first time I ate a Nathan's hot dog, I ate 12 that day, because I just couldn't get enough of them.

And you were like infantile, right? Man, how old was I? Like six or seven, you said? My uncle was still alive, so I probably would have been. Can you please use a less depressing metric? No. That's, dude, the only way I know how time passes,

like how to keep track of when things happen, is when people left this planet. When they left or when they died. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so let's see. So if my grandpa died in February of that, then this would have been a couple years after that. So I was, no, so I must have, I was probably like 13 or something.

Well, for those of you joining this show for the first time, this is the podcast where I am looking for the most mediocre restaurant and I'm doing it because people say things are good or bad, but where does good become bad? Where does bad become good? There is a tipping point and I'm out there to define it so that people can just have a shorthand. You can say, Oh, it's better than Cracker Barrel, and everyone accepts that that means it's good, or it's worse than Cracker Barrel, and that's the bar for what's bad.

Currently, Cracker Barrel sits at a 5.01 out of 10. I almost found the most mediocre restaurant in America and ended the podcast in Cracker Barrel, but it was one one hundredth of a point off. Dang. Boss, I hate to say it, but I feel like you could have saved a lot of time not doing all these episodes, because I think most people probably would have guessed Cracker Barrel would be right in the middle,

mediocre. But if I called it there, I would have never gotten to where I am today. We went to Perkins, Perkins Restaurant and Bakery. It was an interesting time. We will get into it. Last thing before I go into the opening credits though, I wanna remind everyone next, well not next week,

but next episode after part two airs of Perkins, because I do two part episodes. This week we're covering the history and Yelp reviews. Next week we'll talk about our time at the restaurant. But after that, Septemberger begins, my annual competition where I'm actually looking for good instead of mediocre. So go to linktree.com slash fine dining podcast,

fill out your Septemberger bracket. You have until September 10th, meaning you can listen to the first episode and correctly fill in those answers for free. You get two answers, and if you are correct with your bracket, you get put into a drawing for $500. You can win $500 just for guessing which burgers beat other burgers.

Just $500? Because I remember that. Okay. No, what I mean is $500 straight up, not for a specific gift card or anything like that. Jesus Christ. $500 Venmo? I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

We'll send it to you. Anyways, our table isn't ready, but here's a song that indicates it is. Your table is ready, follow me Have you tried our chicken breast? Serving pancakes and ribs, I recommend the spaghetti We're here to satisfy, not to impress. Your table is ready. Complementary butter and bread.

These walls have growth signs. Knick-knack cowboy hat, good luck hat. Altograph guitar, some grab from your city. Behold the tchotchke of mediocrity. Fine dining. Just fine dining. Fine dining. Two letters on the sign are shining. Fine dining, fine dining, fine dining. Two letters on the sign are shining.

Neon flickering, irregular timing. Identify the perfect fine, palatin. Fine dining, fine dining. We're recording straight from my hotel room. Hell yeah. On the 55th floor of the Times Square Residence Inn. I'm so hot because the AC is off for noise. And so I am just sweating all over this leather chair that I'm in. And I feel like that defines how Perkins made me feel.

But you have a history with this place. I told you I was doing Perkins and you were like, I gotta be there. Tell me about just briefly your history with Perkins. Well, my mom, being a teacher, she would have like, you know, open house nights and things like that a lot. So when it was just my brother and my dad and I for dinner,

we would either go to the Pizza Hut buffet or to Perkins. And Mike Perkins, Perkins as a kid especially, ruled so much because they still have that same kids menu where you pick like an entree, a side, and then- The desserts by the way looked so tailored to kids. Yeah, yeah. They had like a monster thing, they had like a rainbow thing.

Yep. It's like, they're fun. Yeah, it's a great time. And the cookie, it's all included. Yeah. So you would go, get the chicken fingers, which they haven't changed at all. Yeah.

So good, well, you know, relatively. Side of corn. So good in a, you know, relatively. Side of corn. So good in a, they were so there. Yeah, exactly. They were there for me. Oh, God, they really were. Even in the hardest of times. And just a side of corn, we should've gotten the,

I wish we'd gotten the corn, but I couldn't bring myself to order it, because it was like, I don't know how to describe it, but they have like a, it's weird. A funk to it. It's really wet, it's really wet. The best descriptor of any food. What'd you like about it? It was wet.

Oh, can I have a side of corn extra wet, please? Yeah, please wet it up. But it's like really wet corn, and then I think it just had like a bunch of pepper in it. Great. I remember it as a kid being like kind of spicy, but it might've just been a bunch of black pepper mixed with like water or something and then all this corn,

but God, it was good. Well, that's your history with Perkins. Do you wanna hear the history of Perkins? You know, it's weird. It never occurred to me that there even was a history of Perkins. I was like, these places just- they've always been here long before us. They'll be here long after we're gone.

Yeah. If only they were true. All right. Well, we're going to jump into this week's eat deets. Eatery Details The Perkins chain was established in 1957 when Matt and Ivan Perkins opened what was called Smithy's Pancake House in Cincinnati, Ohio. Do you think that's a better name than Perkins? Smithy's Pancake House?

Also Ivan? Where were these people from? Yeah, well, Matt and Ivan. Oh, yeah, they definitely liked one of those kids better than the other. That's what it goes. They're like, we're gonna give you a leg up, Matthew. Ivan, you weren't planned.

Oh, damn. Poor Ivan. We don't know this to be true. These are jokes. Yes, Smithy's Pancake House doesn't sound like it would have the longevity of something called Perkins. Yeah, yeah, I don't know this to be true. These are jokes. Yes, Smithy's Pancake House doesn't sound like it would have the longevity of something called Perkins. Yeah, yeah, I don't think,

there's so much less franchise potential with a Smithy's Pancake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. It feels like a local guy named Smithy, whereas Perkins sounds like a firm, yeah, we can expand this. No, you're absolutely right. Smithy's Pancake House, it sounds dirty.

Perkins, that's like a strong hand. Yeah. You know? 1958, the chain expanded as a franchise. So one year after the opening of Smithy's, they started franchising. It's not bad. The original Perkins Pancake House offered two dozen varieties of pancakes and waffles with various toppings. Okay, okay.

What do we think? So what do we think they were? Two dozen varieties, because they're down to blueberry, okay, yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Blueberry, normal, those are the top two for sure. Chocolate chip, did they even have chocolate chips back then? Were we still rationing for some war?

Was chocolate allowed? I don't know. But let's say chocolate chip, banana for sure. I'm not even gonna help with this. I want you to get to a dozen. A cherry one. Cherry pancake sounds weird. But like, I'm talking like,

like cherries on top. Like a wild berry. A marian berry. Wild berry. They have a wild berry pie. Like they're not repurposing the berries. They have a cherry pie. They use their pies. They have a cherry pie. All right. Yeah, come on brother.

I'll give you wild berry if you give me cherry. All right. This is 58, do you think that like pancakes with whipped cream counted as one kind? I think 100%. Also like there were definitely two of them that were a berry that doesn't exist anymore and no one's heard of.

Like an Allen berry, What's an Allenberry? Never heard of it. That's my cousin's name, Allenberry. An Allenberry, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, did they have caramel back then? Molasses, molasses, dude. They must have had molasses. How long ago do you think 1958 was?

Brothers, let me see. My mom was, or my dad was born in 1958. Hold on, let me do the math here. 1950, so if my cousin died. Stop. Okay, next one my cousin died, that is... Okay, next one. Perkins evolved from a pancake house to Perkins Cake and Steak in 1969.

The change was initiated by franchisee Wyman Nelson. Another great name, Wyman. Franchisees, they always have names like that. The guys who come in, like Ray Kroc was the McDonald's dude, right? They always have kind of sketchy names. None of these guys have names that make me picture anything but a slicked back bear. 100%.

And a slightly oversized suit. Wyman. They're always on the run from some debt collector just trying to make a buck. Hey man, I'm just trying to like enjoy a meal with you. Why do you keep glancing out the window? Why do we have to sit in a booth that sees every exit? Mind your business.

But he expanded the menu and implemented a 24-hour schedule. Damn, so they don't do that anymore. Wyman's a hustler. Yeah, he knew how to get that money. In 1979, Matt and Ivan retired, selling their remaining interest in the company, including trademark and distribution rights. So was it? They were out by 79.

22 years. Holy shit! 22 years in the game, eight years before, or nine years before I'm even born, they're gone. That's a lot of flapjacks, brother, I'll tell you what. Yeah. In August, 1979, Perkins became a wholly owned subsidiary of Memphis-based Holiday Inn and corporate headquarters were established in Memphis, Tennessee. That's

kind of fascinating to me. That Holiday Inn. Yeah. I didn't know they even dipped their toes in the restaurant business. Yeah. But I guess they want to create a hospitality empire. Right. Start with Perkins. And when I think Perkins, I think let's build an empire on this. Let's plant our flag in this.

This mammoth muffin shall be the cornerstone on which our great empire is built, the castle of Perkins. I'll jump the gun and instead of saying this next week, I'll just say it now. That mammoth muffin, I would just call a muffin. I thought it was pretty big. Maybe I'm the fat ass here who looks at a mammoth muffin.

And I was like, yeah, that looks like about what I would call a muffin. I mean, it wasn't gigantic, but it was bigger than the average. Mammoth implies mammoth implies you are of course, but it's still bigger than the average muffin holiday core. The parent company of Holiday Inn, acquired Perkins Cake and Steak in the late 1970s. Despite remaining profitable, Perkins struggled under Holiday Corp's ownership

until it was taken, do you say corporate corp? Corp, whatever. Yeah, for a corporation. It's like the Peace Corp, the Holiday Corp. They struggled under their ownership until it was taken private and revamped. So you've never known any iteration of this. We've only had the revamped Perkins.

Wow, my God. This whole experience has been really strange for me, to tell you the truth. Because I've only known Perkins in such a specific context. And this is really kind of opening my eyes. Dad can't cook. Yeah, exactly.

Off to Perkins we go. It's literally like shout out to Tim Allen's The Santa Claus when they go to Denny's at the Christmas dinner after he burns all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my life. That's why I relate to that movie so well. One of the reasons.

Name three others. My dad is Santa Claus. Name two others. Perkins. You burned the main one. You buried the lead. Perkins introduced its in-house bakery in 1986, which became a significant part of its identity.

Today, the bakery is a cornerstone of Perkins' offerings, featuring a variety of baked goods. Yeah, this is the Perkins that I know is Bakery Perkins. You don't see a case anymore. Yeah. Except at a place like Perkins, and they're so few and far in between. Right.

Something about... Well, you get a case at like a, you probably don't know it, Sherry's? No. You get a case at like a Marie Callender's. Marie Callender's, they even still have those? Yeah. No way.

I did it for the show, episode 39. He's got the receipts. Did it for the show. Perkins expanded into Canada in 1988, opening its first location in Thunder Bay, Ontario. Oh, what a town. You ever been? TB, TBO?

No. Oh, brother. You know, best clams casino you'll ever have is in TBO. I'll tell you what. That's such a specific thing to have a best of. Yeah, I know. And they do, and you'll know what I mean if you ever hit the town, man. You ever start living life right.

Thunder Bay, here I come. Thunder Bay. Thank God you said I forgot what the TB stood for. You're the one who knew. Perkins has maintained a presence in Canada with notable locations in Niagara Falls and Thunder Bay. I also love that Canada has maintained a presence in Perkins. Oh, honestly that warms my heart.

That's a reference to you. Yeah, I know it was a joke, but it made me feel seen. And it was very sweet actually. I really liked that. I meant the sentiment. I didn't mean it. Since 1989, Perkins has supported

Give Kids the World Village, a non-profit in Florida for critically ill children. That is made up. That's a shell corporation. There's no way that's real, brother. That I'm telling you, if you look into it. Oh my God, I bring up charitable acts and you're like, do you know this one specifically as a shell or you just like...

I don't need to, I'm telling you it is. Jesus Christ. I'm telling you, this is my first time hearing of it and I can sniff it out. That money is going right back into the pocket of Mr. Perkins. Oh my god. They're gone. They left in 1979. They're fucking digging him up brother and stuffing his pockets won't change.

I think Wyman Nelson, Wyman Nelson with his slick back hair. Oh, Wyman Nelson. He's pocketing. He definitely, he took one photograph with a kid in a wheelchair and he's. I think Wyman Nelson. Wyman Nelson with his slick back hair. Oh, Wyman Nelson. He's pocketing. He definitely, he took one photograph with a kid in a wheelchair and he's like, I have a charity. All right, here's what's even better. Perkins contributes both financially

and through hands-on involvement in the village. What do you gotta say for that? You can't be such a skeptic that you just push back when Perkins does something nice, you're like, bullshit. What am I being skeptical about, Mike? Skeptical? Yeah, what am I being skeptical? the guy who didn't even go to schools calling out Birkins I went to a

school I've been to schools I got your money yeah your mom works at an elementary school we get it okay I've looked at pictures of schools I'm not allowed within 500 feet of them but I've seen what schools are I do believe that and it's not why you would think but yeah I'm telling believe that. And it's not why you would think. But yeah, I'm telling you that there's,

that's a completely fake charity. That is the opinion of Andrew Canada. It's not an opinion. I guarantee you if you do, if you Google search for 45 minutes, see you're looking up all these facts, man, Perkins is blinding you. They're blinding you, Mike.

Do a deeper dive. Exactly, and you will see, that charity does not hold water. All right. In the 1990s, Perkins focused on expanding along the East Coast, particularly around Interstate 95. This aggressive expansion led to increased sales, but also financial instability.

Perkins filed for bankruptcy twice. 2011, 2019, due to various financial challenges. Despite these setbacks, Perkins filed for bankruptcy twice. 2011, 2019, due to various financial challenges. Despite these setbacks, Perkins continues to operate and adapt. Oh God, can you imagine Perkins in the 90s though? That would have been the time to be there. That's the golden age of Perkins, man. It's the golden age of kind of everything.

Yeah, McDonald's toys, that's the first thing that comes to mind, Golden Age McDonald's toys. And nothing, and just that. And Perkins, yeah, the big two. What else do you need, baby? We're flying high. It was pre-911, we couldn't be killed. We're in New York City.

I don't think you can say that. Shout out to Joey Hardball. Oh yeah, let's talk about that. Everyone in your life has made up names. The characters you have told me about. So one, you're named Andrew Canada, which just sounds like a detective from a 90s cartoon. Oh God, my big ass fucking suit.

Yeah, Joey Hardball, shout out to him. Is your friend that you're staying with. Dude, also, if you saw Joey Hardball, you could never pick him out of a lineup. Whatever you're picturing he looks like, he does not look like that. All right. God, I love him.

And then you were telling me about your gentle giant of a friend from high school, Hawk. Yeah, Hawk. Yeah, he was a good guy I didn't know him super well, but he was really nice. We sat together at lunch for a while. What is this gang? Andrew Canada, Joey Hardball, Hawk? He was native so. Oh that that does explain the name So that's not a nickname everyone you've mentioned sounds like it's a nickname Andrew Canada sounds like a nickname Joey Hardball sounds like a nickname Hawk Knowing he's native, okay.

That's his real name. And then Bill Black. Yeah, Bill Black the third. Just sounds like a pirate. Yeah, he kind of is Bill Danger Black. That's his middle name. He would get in trouble for it. Well, one time he got in trouble for it.

We were in English class, and we had to do one of those things that was like, introduce yourself, paper, or whatever on the first day. And it's like, do you have a middle name? What's your middle name? He's like, Danger. And the teacher was like, you can't write that.

He was like, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I have a cousin whose middle name is Danger. No way. That's actually true. She's been a guest on the podcast three times. She's 15 now. Are you serious? We fight the entire time she comes on. She's my favorite person to have on the show. Oh, she's been a guest on the podcast three times. She's 15 now. Are you serious? We fight the entire time she comes on.

It's my, she's my favorite person to have on the show. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, Emma Danger. That's awesome. All right, so back to their financial difficulties. In June 2011, many Perkins restaurants closed suddenly in Colorado, Kansas, Illinois, Tennessee, Florida, Michigan, and Minnesota.

No notice was given to customers or staff before the closures. I keep seeing that happen. Really? With different chains. Like Red Lobster just had to shut a bunch down. Yeah. There was a chain that I really wanted to do

for this podcast because it was the worst meal I'd ever had and I was just like, oh, something's gotta define that low, low end called Hometown Buffet. And apparently, like all of their locations just overnight one day. It's interesting with that, because obviously these these restaurants become like these huge corporations and it's all it's it's kind of similar to like, you know, those instances where the stock market has crashed

and like all of a sudden people are jumping like, boom, just like that. You go into work, people are jumping out of buildings. Everything's on fire. People shredding all the documents. Like it's crazy. Like that thing that happens all the time. That relatable example. You never been in that? You never had the FBI knock on your door at 6 a.m.?

I'm not a cartoon character from the 90s. Oh my God. You really see me, Mike. You really see me. Later in June. Sorry. Now let's get back to this. I'll shut up.

Later in June 2011, Perkins and Marie Calendars, Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, closing 65 restaurants and laying off 2,500 workers. The company listed $290 million in assets and $441 million in liabilities. It's a lot of cash flow going through Perkins, man. What else would you expect? And a lot of loss. Yeah, almost half a billion dollars in liabilities. How did they even? After eating the meal there today, I would call their meal a liability.

Zing, put that in the trailer. That's a great way to define that. You're taking a life in your own hands, which is why I like it. Perkins was acquired by Huddle House in 2020. Do you know Huddle House? No. It's another breakfast chain. Oh, OK. Aiming to combine their market presence and expand further, Huddle House plans to keep the brand separate while leveraging Perkins's recognition. 100 percent. Yeah, that's always the move.

Yeah. like when, what's that company that bought AT&T all those years ago? Singular, Singular Wireless, they bought AT&T. Wasn't it the other way around, wasn't it? No, that's what you'd think because they kept the AT&T name, right? So damn straight. That's why I was reading the Wall Street Journal

when I was a boy. That's all my dad had laying around. Well, I would read it as he was hitting me with it. I would catch a couple of the articles. That's why you like comics now because you didn't have them as a kid. You're like Benjamin buttoning your literacy. Pretty much. Oh yeah, I've gotten so much dumber. My intelligence probably peaked in eighth grade.

I do believe that. Well, yeah, of course. It's 100% true. Didn't you hear me say sublty or whatever a couple of minutes ago? in eighth grade. I do believe that. Well, yeah, of course, it's 100% true. Didn't you hear me say sublty or whatever a couple minutes ago? In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, Perkins introduced pickup windows and delivery services.

These changes aim to adapt to new dining behaviors and ensure customer safety. Now we're getting to the sad era of Perkins where it's kind of already done and we all know it's done, but there's still some out. Yeah. Oh, God, but how could you not? Yeah.

They're just trying to hang on. It's interesting because so many places were hit really hard by COVID-19, and the ones that added delivery and takeout seem to have weathered the storm more or less. It just became a must. And it's weird to see now that we're, I mean, COVID is obviously sticking around, but like we're past the pandemic phase of it. That the places still have them, but it just, it feels weird to me.

A hundred percent. I know what you're talking about. It just, It's like, you're not a delivery place. I can't even imagine calling a Perkins for delivery. Like, again, with the pandemic, remember how it was like, call your local places, get delivery, get takeout, whatever, like just to keep the businesses going. Can you imagine if the local place

that you're calling to keep the business is Perkins? Sorry, sorry, sorry. The way you just said, can you imagine was the most New York sentence. I'm trying to take you there, Mike. I'm trying to take you to a different place, a different place and time. Imagine, if you will, in your mind's eye, that you're calling up a Perkins. I feel like you just ironed my brain smooth.

Nice. That's what it feels like with how you just said that. Awesome. Yeah. Perkins launched a virtual bakery in 2021 to meet the demand for delivery services. This online space offers a variety of baked goods and has shown promising early success.

This literally sounds like a VR, like come into our shitty metaverse. This is another problem that happens with restaurants like that because of the pandemic they're trying to get into this virtual space they're trying to be like more futuristic futuristic futuristic they're trying to look did you hear what you said futuristic you said futuristic ituristic? You said futuristic. It repeated three times.

Futuristic? That totally happened in the room and not in post. Oh, got it. You've unlocked the secret menu mini game. You said futuristic and now we are put on the spot to duel back and forth with a category to play this dumb little game. I'm going to put one minute on the clock, and we're gonna just spar back and forth. Our category is sci-fi foods. Examples of that would be, instead of metaverse, tomatoverse.

Jesus Christ. Look, now I don't feel as bad about what I'm gonna say. And it's bad. What I'm gonna say is not good. All right. So we're gonna put one minute on the clock, trade back and forth sci-fi foods, comment below who you think won between,

or rather, comment below who you think lost less between Andrew and I, and comment your own sci-fi food. I'll pick my favorite one and award you a T-shirt announced on the next Secret Menu mini game. And the winner for last time Secret Menu mini game with the category bougier restaurants is Instagram user thecrixfiles with her entry Lou Maserati's instead of Lou Malnati's. The Chicago winning me appreciates that. Go ahead and email me fine dining podcast at gmail.com or DM me on Instagram or tick tock at fine dining podcast to claim your free shirt.

Everyone else better luck this time and let's get to it. All right, Andrew, I'll let you start in three, two, one. Astro nachos, milk and Siri. Astro Nachos. Milk and cereal. You know what, that one's kind of cute though. I kind of like it. All of mine are, because none of them are clever. UF Okra. Augmented reality in crumpets.

That one I like. Matrixer for kids. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cyborg-er King. I like that one. Chicken chow mainframe. Ah, okay, I like that. Space lime continuum.

Whoa, that is cool. Flying car-it cake. Woof. Ha ha ha ha ha! Where's the last one, man? I don't even wanna say it. C-3-P- C3POPTART Like Pop-Tart.

Like C3PO but just more letters to make it Pop-Tart. Sorry man, you start spelling and I'm just like, all I'm seeing is ancient ruins. Alright, this is my last one. USBLT That's not bad! It's pretty bad. No it's not! I wish I would have come up with that one. But a USB, it just feels so wimpy to say it.

I mean, it's not super futuristic. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's a little better than floppy bits. It's like instead of sci-fi food, it's like current tech. Computer words. And that'll do it for the secret menu. Comment below who won, Andrew or I. Comment your own, and you can win a fine dining t-shirt,

either worn or not worn by yours truly. Oh, it's gonna be worn, baby. It's gonna be worn. It may have a stink to it. That's what you want. Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart

in ways you probably haven't heard from them before in recent weeks I sat with Julia Louis Dreyfus democratic strategist James Carville director Richard link later and musician and actor Maya Hawk You hear those and more episodes of the show listen on America's number one podcast network I heart be sure to open up your free I heart app and search talk easy with Sam for go so Be sure to open up your free iHeart app and search Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso. Perkins Menu features over 100 items reflecting its evolution over the decades. The extensive menu includes breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and a variety of baked goods, catering, and diverse tastes.

Hearing that it has that many items on the menu makes me really sad. It's kind of like pick a few, like I love small menu places. Of course. Because it means they're confident in all those things. But Perkins. Perkins, stop. God, stop. It's tough. Yeah.

Every year they add another page to the menu. That'll do it for this week's Eat Deeks. Andrew, we've heard the history. We're ready to move into reviews, but next week is when people can hear our review of Perkins. This week to set the table, we got to see what other people are saying about this very Perkins location. Oh, as we head into this week's Yelp from Strangers. from strangers. Give us those complaints while you literally

white and die. Yelp. Alright, this is Yelp from Strangers, our segment where we turn to Yelp and read out our favorite one, two, three, four, and five star Yelp reviews of the very Perkins that we went to. Andrew, do you mind if I start us off with the first review? Please do, I'm terrified. Five star review. Alright, this is a five star review of this Perkins.

That's impossible. From Michelle G. from Flushing, Queens, New York. Oh, I know Michelle. August 11th, 2010. What? This is 14 years ago that she wrote this. Oh my god, where is she now? Michelle G. writes, told this Christy girl beneath me we had to go to Staten Island.

Why the fuck would we go to Staten Island? Perkins, that's why. Amazing food, great prices. So worth the traffic on the Belt Parkway and people not knowing how to drive on the belt. Just don't listen to your GPS. God, I love it when a review for a restaurant says nothing about the restaurant. Very little, almost nothing about the restaurant. You do run into a lot of those?

Yeah. Yeah, of course. I love people who have an attitude about other people's reviews and kind of like write like, hey, forget what the fuck that guy said, he doesn't know. I love that. Honestly, if I were on Yelp, I'd probably do shit like that. Yeah. I would just comment wrong, hey, forget what the fuck that guy said. He doesn't know. I love that. Honestly, if I were on Yelp, I'd probably do shit like that. Yeah.

I would just comment wrong, period, under so many people's stuff. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This is bad. Wait, but she, so she can't, that's a five star review? That's a five star review! That includes the phrase, why the fuck would I go to Staten Island? Perkins, that's why baby. That's why. That's why I came, that's why I came to see you man. Cause of Perkins. Cause of Perkins. Perkins got you to fly down from Buffalo. Yeah, but you know what, I love it. Why, what do you think she got? I like to think that I was the draw. Yeah, 100%, you always are, Mike. Thank you. I must paint you. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You may not. Ha ha ha ha ha. No! Dammit! Why won't anybody let me paint them? You showed your hand. Ha ha ha ha ha.

You didn't, you played it too desperate. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Yeah. One Star Review. This is a one star review from Chris C. New York, New York, June 18th, 2014, so four years after Miss G. Michelle. Yeah, Michelle G. had shown up.

My first review on Yelp, okay, what? You're opening with Perkins? Yeah. Am I allowed to react to it while I'm reading it? No, you have to stay silent. He downloaded the app and made an account. Yeah, sure He's only written 19 total and they're all Perkins They're all different locations my first review on Yelp and I must say I have been wanting to Leave one for this Perkins for this person

So he's so he's given a one star review, but he's been here multiple times. Yeah. Just going there to hate it. I live about five blocks away. This is a warning. Okay. That I love, by the way.

All my respect. Honestly, I trust everything this man says. I love it. He's about to say. Okay, we get in, sit down, no menu or anything over 10 minutes. Let's see, dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot. My GF gets up, goes to the restroom to wash her hands, comes back and is laughing about how some nasty girl was fighting with her BF on the phone while she blew out the stall I

Love that you're in an argument while just shitting your brains out. That's a time to do a man. I mean you just got anger coming out of literally flowing through you Can you imagine getting so angry at someone that you just have to poop? Yeah, like that's why she that's why. Like that's why she started out like outside. Yeah. And she's like, god, I'm getting so angry. I gotta dump out right now. I gotta get rid of some of this rage.

Lo and behold, she comes out after her, and we notice, dot, dot, dot, you're ready for this? God, Chris C, I love you. You ready for this? Dot, dot, dot, it's our wait You ready for this? Dot, dot, dot. It's our waitress. Of course it was. Oh my God.

Hired on the spot, by the way. I mean, you have to. You have to hire her. Maybe she's not good at her job, but she needs to be at that Perkins. You know what I mean? I don't. Keep going.

Awesome. This is going to be a great experience. She comes over, we order coffee and pie. We get crusty coffee cups that are, just a letter, dirty, and they look like they were from World War II. What? You know how World War II famously had terrible coffee cups? That was like the number one problem World War II, you know what I'm saying?

Were they like tin cans that you beg on the street with? Excuse me, sir. It was just bushes baked beans and then they had kind of like a leather strap glued to it. Yeah, yeah. Krusty coffee cups. The pie was cold slop.

And to top it off, waitress comes and lays the check next to me as I take my all caps first bite of pie. Four exclamation points. Lucky I didn't snap. And if you know Chris C. You do not give him a check until he has wiped his mouth and put his napkin down on the table.

You don't rush Chris C. Chris C works on Chris C time. And so do you. And so do you. So do all of us. That's right. Lucky I didn't snap. What a crazy like weird threat kind of to throw in this yellow review.

You're like, oh, you gave me my check. You're lucky that I didn't toss this table. Okay, now here's a misspelling that even I have never seen before. This place is gross. Like groceries. Yep. G-R-O-C-E.

And smells like cat pee. Stay away. One star. One star. One star from Chris C. I gotta meet him. I gotta meet him. Call him up. I gotta find him.

I mean, you could probably reach out to him through Yelp. Oh yeah, I mean, well, that was 2014. It's 10 years ago. My aunt passed away. Okay. Why are you doing? He's definitely been in prison for at least three years now, so I'm sure I can find him in the system. Chris?

Oh yeah, Chris is in the system. Chris is in the system. Chris has a mug shot publicly available. It was on the coffee cup that they brought him. The World War II cup. Have you seen this man? Yeah. You can go download our full Yelp from Strangers segment at our Patreon.

The link for that is in the description of this episode, or you can go to patreon.com slash fine dining podcast. And we're now offering a one week free trial. So what do you have to lose? Go check it out. People have wild opinions and we get to read oh, so many of them. Thanks. Okay, Andrew, we've gone through the history.

We've gone through the Yelp reviews. We are all ready for next week's episode. Our review, our experience, our time, two brothers, two viewpoints, two in the cooler. Go ahead and plug your podcast. Thanks for coming on. Two in the cooler. Just check out the YouTube.

We're on Instagram too. We're posting clips on there of all this stuff. We have a great time. Also, I want to talk about our big segment though, which is the, who would win of the week segment where we take two people, characters or things, and for a few minutes talk about which one would win. Have they gotten like a physical fight? And some of these things are just ideas.

They're not even things with real physical bodies. Oh, a hundred percent. And a lot of objects like a Rubik's Cube versus Bop It was a good one. See, Bop It takes a punch. Bop It does take a punch. You can twist it, you can spin it. Pull it, baby. Dude, you know I'm pulling it.

But Rubik's Cube will get to you mentally. Yeah, but it's a physical game. It's a physical game, brother. No, look, boxing is, it's a mind game too. And this is what it's like on the show, except mostly we're yelling at each other. We did Mojo Jojo versus Beetlejuice one time, which was actually super fun.

And you know, we post the Instagram polls for those, so that's cool for people to vote on. A lot of times people, they vote wrong. Aka against what you logic the correct thing to be. Well then argue better. Brother, the stats, the stats are right there. The tail of the tape is on my side. Well, thanks for coming on Fine Dining.

Week one, stick around for week two, where you will continue to be wearing this shirt that blends into the curtain background that you are sitting in front of. Enjoyed having you on the podcast? wearing this shirt that blends into the curtain background that you are sitting in front of. Enjoyed having you on the podcast? We'll just be sitting here for one week waiting on our table, but in the meantime, have a fine day. ["Waiting on Our Table"] Waiting on our table, waiting on our table The step is done and we had some fun

Now we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table Join us next time, we're stuck in line Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We're so hungry, tummy's grumbling Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We gotta continue our search for mediocrity Yeah Waiting on our table, waiting on our table

We'll be waiting and dissipating Waiting on our table, waiting on our table We're shrinking in between, we're digging in Cause we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table We've got an appetite, but just sit tight Cause we're waiting on our table, waiting on our table The search will continue when we see you next week Hee hee hee, but I'm gonna let you know

Waiting on our table, waiting on our table Waiting on our table, waiting on our table Waiting on our table, waiting on our table, waiting on our table, waiting on our table, waiting on our table Have a fine day!