Fine Dining - Shakey's Pizza Parlor Has a Crab Problem feat. Zeus Benitez (BabyGirl)

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

Michael & Garrett tolerate a subpar lunch buffet with the super-jacked Zeus Benitez! Garrett journeys to and from the buffet on his hands and feet as the You-Must Bowl has him crab-walking his way around Shakey's Pizza Parlor Learn about the first pizza franchise in America, Shakey's, and its founder: Banjo Hall of Fame member Sherwood "Shakey" Johnson An adult film about Shakey's? We certainly wrote one! The boys evaluate Shakey's arcade JUB will sell you prizes to give away at your arcade The worst pizza score in the history of the podcast Zeus reads a children's book about Garrett's crab-walking: The Crabomination Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Voice Actor: VyVy Nguyen We're on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (July's episode: McDonald's for Grimace's birthday!), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Sean Spademan & Sue Ornelas   Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send us your Shakey's stories at [e-mail].   Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. We read every one!   Next time on Fine Dining: The Stinking Rose! If you have ever worked for The Stinking Rose and have a story to share, send it to [e-mail].

Hello and welcome back to the fine dining podcast these search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host Michael Ornellis and I'm your host Gareds work and we went to a Really dumb pizza buffet today. Hey, don't you call that place dumb? We it was terrible not dumb. We got like whiplash From going to masteros last time, one of the nicest restaurants you can go to. We followed it up with Shaky's, and you had to make kind of an ass of yourself,

which we'll get into quite a bit. You say ass, I say deep stretch. Sure. Dumb, dumb, dumb. This is already off to a great start. For those of you listening for the first time This is the show where we are looking for the perfect 5.00 out of 10 that perfectly mediocre Restaurant experience and we're doing it based on a restaurant's atmosphere based on the restaurant service and of course based on their food

God I've got to do all three of the things just so you can have a well-rounded evaluation of what these places have to offer. We're trying to find you the litmus test against which you can measure all other restaurants. Currently, it's the Applebee's test sitting at a 5.02 out of test. Square in the zone of mediocrity, that four to six range that we're trying to put every single restaurant into in theory, except for Mastros, we needed a break. We needed some good food for one time. Today, we have a guest with us.

Zeus Benitez. He's an actor. You can see him on Amazon in the movie, Baby Girl. Be aware of the content of the film because it is a little dark. Is it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing a little dark. Is it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing great, guys.

I'm doing great. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, thanks for coming by. I'm surprised you still wanted to spend time with us after having a photo, shaky's with us. The two of you guys had so much second-hand embarrassment. It was great. Yeah, let's talk about shaking.

Yeah. By naning party of three, we will talk about shaking,, but for now our table is ready. We'll be right back Table is ready Have you tried our chicken breast? Serving pancakes and ribs I recommend this spaghetti. We're here to serve. It's fine not to impress Your table is ready Complementary butter and bread these walls of growth signs Make neck cowboy hat, good luck at

Autograph guitar, some crap from your city Behold the trusty of me, be up ready I'm dining, yes I'm dining Fine dining, two ledgers on the sign are shining Now I'm flickering irregular timing Identify the perfect by I'm dining First impressions our first impression with this I guess

Garrett was you and I waiting for Zeus outside and I'm like, we're gonna have to apologize to him before we even go in. You walk up and I'm just like, I'm sorry for what's about to happen. Your face just kind of like dropped. Yeah. You're like, what's about to happen? Garrett's sitting there with like a backpack on his stomach. Yeah. It didn't look quite normal.

Said who we wanna, I, just go into this. You drew a you must hold punishment from last week. And I had to crab walk from the table to the buffet in back every single time I went there every time he went to the buffet. Yeah. He back on all fours and crab walk like a true spectacle. Yeah, no, the thing about the crab walk is you have to get your ass high enough in the air so you're not dragging it behind you because no self-respecting crab keeps its butt on the ground.

Pfft. Pfft. As we all know, it's common knowledge. And how are you physically doing days later after doing this crab walk way too many times? I'm wearing a back brace, my back's a mess. Apparently, your arms extended in that position and walking for the amount I did

is not a natural position and you're not supposed to do it. Zeus, is that really bad for you? You're a lot more fit. You know more about this body. Zeus is just like a big muscular, you know those like buff body suits that you put on when you're a is body. Zeus is just like a big muscular, you know those like buff body suits that you put on when you're a kid, when you wanna feel like a superhero?

Zeus looks like that all the time. See, I knew this was gonna go on the railroad. I just knew it. Um. Wait, so you're picturing here, let's make a new rule. Stop picturing guests in body suits. I'm not picturing it. I just, it's the vibe he gives off.

Man in a body suit? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Like the buff fake muscles Halloween costume to shut up. So you guys should apologize to me again for being in a podcast for being considered of wearing a body suit. It's a compliment.

Yeah, Zeus. I'm sorry that Michael doesn't know how to be polite and describe people's bodies. You're an accurate manner. You're a small guy. What can I say? You could have said that first and said, Hey, man, you look like a lifeless, emotionless body suit. Yeah. I said he looks like he's wearing a body suit. A very different and spandex. Anyways, let's get to Shaky's.

We walk into the restaurant, you go inside, and there was a painting, like a picture on the wall, directly inside that really tickled me. It was the most unapologetically stereotypical American, as you can get. It had the old Betsy Ross American flag. It had like an old school Corvette or some sort of car a piano a half a watermelon with a knife in it a Baseball team playing and then right at the bottom like subtly sneaking in like we're a part of America too

Shakey's pizza just half a shaky's peat. This is what I'm referencing. Why is there a night? Yeah, I'm into that watermelon? What's the piano for? To me, it just feels like ragtime. It's like, we're from the 1930s. Look at all these classic things, which there's no way Shaky's just around. Actually, Shaky's around.

Shaky's got its start from the owner's love of jazz. Wow. Okay. So he's actually a jazz musician. Yeah, that makes sense. That's kind of neat. But yeah, that photo was just like, wow, really trying to force yourself onto the zeitgeist there, Shaky's.

The first thing you see is a carry out window, which I guess to me kind of staged, you should go. Right. You walk in, it's a carry out window like, save your dignity, you don't have to eat here. But you know what, my favorite part about this carry out window? What? There was a magazine waiting on the ledge

as if you're supposed to sit there and wait for your pizza. There was just one lonely essence magazine waiting there for you. Like a doctor's waiting room. Yes. And just one magazine, that's it. Yeah. And then to the right of that, you've got kind of like

that old school brick wall with their menu on it. But of course, the thing that everyone's there for, especially at lunchtime when we went is the buffet. So we just got three lunch buffets. Me, as always, with any fast casual establishment, I look confused talking to a cashier because I'm flustered that I didn't get to go to my table and sit. Even though it could not be any easier at this place specifically to just be like, I'll have one buffet, please.

Yeah. I'll have a thing. I have a plate. Now, in the same area on the way out, you ran into someone you knew, Zeus. And I could just sense a look in their face of like they were kind of embarrassed to be spotted at a shaking. I don't know who was more embarrassed him or I because I certainly was embarrassed. No.

To be honest. So yeah, I think that was my third shock of the lunch. Well, I know what the first one was. What was the second? Well, the first one was, I'm at Shakey's. Oh, yeah. The second one was the crab walk. And the third one was, I've been spotted at Shakespeare. And I'm sure I was talked about amongst friends because we know quite a few people

mean my buddy Dave. So do you think Dave got to see the crab walk? No, I wish he would have. I really, really. Do you really? Yeah. Yeah. Would that have not given you more secondhand embarrassment? Yeah, but it would have been worth seeing his expression. Almost like, hey, we're going through this together I do feel forever closer to you having watched Garrett do that now I'm just like we were in the trench. Yeah, the base of trauma bonding. Yeah

So Garrett despite how much you embarrassed us. Let's give you a chance to redeem yourself Have you rounded up some resty facts and you're gonna tell us about the background of Shaky's pizza parlor? Let me crab block them on over. Let's do it in this week's Resty fact round up. As we know, my mom is not too fond of the whip noise that we use to round up our Resty facts, but Garrett's mom is. So we're gonna keep it, leave it a little bit quieter, but still add some sound to cover it up. What should we do this week? I'm about to crab. Ah, okay.

That's fitting. Garrett, what's your best crab noise? I'm a crab. Great. I'm a crab. Shaky's Pizza Parlor and Yee Public House opened up in Sacramento, California in 1954. And yes, the end of the name used to be Yee Public House. Like Y E, like I'm old-timey and stuff.

Like Kanye. Think he got her from there. Oh, you know Kanye was a shaky fan. I'm a real sense it opened up in 1954. Shakes was the first pizza chain in the US. And that proceeded at all. I thought you were about to preface it with like to do a buffet. No, it was the first pizza chain. First pizza france, actually.

Yeah, really wild. That's impressive. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, okay, pizza hut maybe, but no. Pizza hut opened up four years later in 1958. So 1954, the first franchiseable pizza chain in the US. Interesting. Yeah.

This pizza hut, it also beats out little Caesars and Domino's which opened up in 59 and 60. I mean, when you said first, I assumed it beat out all of those things. Yeah. So, but it is interesting to know by how long. Yeah. I'm a proud. Sure would shaky Johnson and Ed Plummer to college buddies. Hold on, please tell me shaky is in quotes and that it's not his birth name. Was that like his nickname or was like his middle name actually shaky? No, no, no, it's his nickname. Okay, but he got the nickname from the nerve damage he received from malaria that he got Oh my goodness. Is that better than getting the shakes from crack? Can you imagine a crackhead with the initiative to open up a pizza chain? I'm a proud.

Shaky's Pizza opened up on a Friday night, but the ovens were not yet completed. Okay, well, I don't know. So they had no food, no way to cook food for an entire weekend. So all they did was just get people massively drunk. Why did they even open? Yeah.

Just wait. What's the rush? They wanted to get people drunk. So this entire first weekend, they were actually successful. They were pretty much just a beer hole. So they're kind of leaning into the Yee public house cart. shaky Johnson himself. No, when you say shaky Johnson, so I was like, oh, I'll leave it at that.

Oh, man. So shaky Johnson, that opening weekend played the piano with his hands to entertain the guests. So this was just more of a club. His business partner Ed Plummer delivered the beers. Why'd you specify with his hands? Of course, that's what he played the piano with. Well, well, shaky john. That's not go back there. That's a talent, I guess. Yeah. So after this weekend of drunkery, Monday rolls around, the pizza ovens are done. They have some nice profit. They use that money into buy pizza ingredients

to finally feed their patrons. Uh-huh. And it's all success for a while from there. I love the inclusion of four. A while. I'm a proud. The second location opened up in Portland, Oregon in 1956. I always forget you say Oregon.

What's it supposed to be? Oregon. Oregon. Oregon? No, Oregon. I literally looked at it on the University of Oregon website, Oregon, not Oregon, like they specify. But it's very Midwestern because when I lived in the Midwest,

I remember hearing Oregon all the time time and I thought it was that. Okay. Well, the third opened up in Albany, Oregon. There it is. In 1959. These early locations were known for their live jazz music often played by shaky Johnson himself. I'd show up to a live jazz show at a shaky's.

There's actually a model remake of the original Shaky's pizza in the banjo hall of fame. Oh. He played the banjo? Oh, weird. Just because of like the music and jazz of the really of the show. Oh, okay.

I'm a proud. As this place was expanding, Johnson planned all of this expansion around the retail footprint of the largest shoe seller in the US at the time, Kinnie Shoes. So, shoe store opens, let's open a shakey's right by it. Like how you always see a pizza Hut next to a Taco Bell or something for a while. Yeah, yeah. And Kinnie Shoes never heard of it, but they're still alive today as footlocker. Oh, okay. Wow, okay. I'm a proud. Johnson sold his interest in the company in 1967 and at the time there were

227 locations impressive that ballooned more than I guess I would have ever guessed by 1974 there were around 500 locations all across the US Whoa Everywhere from Southern California all the way up to New York State Wow, I'm a proud! Unfortunately, 15 years later, it was down to 221 locations again. They flew too close to the sun.

Yeah, it was just a combination of mismanagement and outdated building feel, increased competition. Now, was there always the jazz affiliation at all of them, or was it just kind of the original one? I didn't see too many musical elements at the one we went to. Right. But there's still, I think I saw one trombone, might have been one trombone picture.

Uh-huh. So a small element exists. A picture of a trombone. Wow, shaky's in that music. Yes. I'm a crowd. Currently, there are 48ies in that music. Yes. I'm a proud. Currently there are 48 locations in the US. Yeah. Okay.

Are they all in California? 46 are in California. Yeah. 45 of those are in Southern California. Okay. And two are in Washington, skipped over Oregon. It was all closed, Oregon closed. Yeah.

Oregon, no more or is gone? No, hardly stuck the landing. Good job, smart. I'm a proud. Around the peak of the chain's US success, it expanded into the Philippines and so did its success. Interesting. Yeah.

I see this as two diverging paths. In the US as shaky's just starts spiraling downward The Asian branch of the company is nothing but just Access yeah, yeah, well at the end of 2022 shaky's pizza Asian ventures owned 268 international locations with the vast majority in the Philippines and they also had them in Japan Malaysia Singapore and Dubai wait are they still had them in Japan, Malaysia, Singapore, and Dubai. Wait, are they still booming in those places?

Oh, yeah, they're massively popular. That's Dubai, that's interesting. Yeah, that's a good location. Dubai is a very high-end place. Yeah. And, you know, when you go in, well, at least if you were to go by the shakies here, you would be like, you just do not belong there.

Yeah, doesn't even belong where we went. Right. I'm a proud. To show its success, shaky is Asia just purchased Filipino potato giant potato corner. Oh, is that the French fry place? Yeah, you see the French fry stands in Maul's potato corner. Fun fact, a lot of the potato corners you see in the US

are fake potato corners. What does that mean? They're not the actual Filipino brand. There are very few official Filipino potato corner owned brand locations. But they have the same name. Yes. Do they have the same look?

Yes. So how would you differentiate between the two? Is it like the ingredient supplier or something? Pretty much all I saw was just the internet tells you. Oh. Oh boy. Because the internet's always right. Yeah.

Google it. That'll do it for this week's Resty Facts Roundup. Yeah! Atmas year. So once we sit down at the table, I immediately get the feeling like I'm in one of those 90s pizza huts. And it's very specifically because of the lampshade covers that they had that like

How do you even describe it like that crystallized like it's like ash tray colors like 80s ash Yeah, I agree. Yeah, it's almost like it was a like a green the red the yellow fake Tiffany lamp style I dig it that plus brick walls. I'm just like I feel like like I'm in that. Also like the burgundy, maroon colored booths, it's actually. It's a hot energy. With the fact that shakies came before pizza hut did pizza hut steal the aesthetic from shakies? I don't know.

I think that's possible. Yeah. You notice shakies is also known for its distinctive roofing style. Oh, and so is pizza hut. Yeah. It is wildly similar to what pizza hut has. That's right. It is. Yeah, that This is an audio medium

Like meticulously pantomime to what a pizza Yeah, so did pizza hut rip off shakies? I don't know. We're throwing it out there now, though. It's possible. It is possible. We're making accusations. That's true. Yeah. Because the original architect, he's no longer with us. And he's already collected his hundreds of thousands of dollars for the original pizza hut design. He's taking it to the grave. He took it.

He'll never be like, I just stole from Shaky's. I'm a piece of shit. He's hairs all slipped back. Yeah. Now, some of the signage on the walls I saw, there was a sign that just said, now there's a restaurant with pizza as good as Shaky's, which isn't the endorsement. I think they think it is. Yeah. But are they also saying that like Shaky's pizza is as good as shakies, which isn't the endorsement I think they think it is.

But are they also saying that like, shakies pizza is as good as shakies pizza? Like, they are their own bar. That is true. Yeah, this pizza is definitively as good as shakies. The problem is shakies isn't very good pizza. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. There was like some old timey.

I don't even know how you describe this, because chef next to a barrel in like a almost rocky and bullwinkle-esque animation style. Yeah, that's cool. That was like, yeah, Mickey Mouse, like a steamboat-willy style animation. Yeah. Like 60s? 50s or 60s?

Something like that, yeah. There's little classier signs going around. It looks like it was printed on like an early printer. It says tour Italy. I thought it said Tom Brady. I'm like, why? What the shakies have to do with Tom Brady? Yeah.

No, tour Italy. The best bargain in Italy is that your neighborhood shakies, a mouth-boggling array of delicious pauses, mouth-boggling. Like, we're here to confuse your mouth. Manacotti, spaghetti, lasagna, served with crunchy garlic toast at our pasta buffet You can sample them all and all for a very un-touristy low price Whole lot of shakies going on is the slogan. They decided to put on the bottom That makes it sound like an inflection

Okay, like what a doctor says to you. Yeah, you got a whole lot of shakies going on here There's a lot of wine in that sign right there. Yeah. Okay, it's three plates from a distance. It looked like something else. Zeus, what does this look like to you? He doesn't see the penis that you see. You see a penis and everything, Garrett.

Like, there's the, Mr. Johnson right there. No, you don't, yes I do. Yes I do, yes I do. Yes I do. Look, as you, Mr. Johnson right there. There's a clear mushroom. That's right. Sh. Johnson right there. There's a clear mushroom. That's right. Shakey Johnson right there.

I think that's him. I can't bring either of you anyway. They have another sign that's in the same art style that says introducing the incredible hunk. And it's just like a big thick piece of pizza. See what it is going? Yes. Mr. Johnson, hunk.

And Mr. Johnson's incredible hunk. Shakey Johnson. And this one says This is Johnson Hunk. And Mr. Johnson's crunk, cheeky Johnson. This one says, what a hunk. Our new rich, thick, deep dish, super pan pizza comes with a sea of tomato sauce and a mountain of cheeses. And for a little extra, you can choose to put hordes of black olives or mushrooms or pepperoni or green peppers or sausage or onions or loads and loads of everything else you want on top of it.

So come in and get your hands on a slice, both hands. Jesus, this is sick. Just a shit. Yeah. See? Okay. I'll yield that. Yeah.

shaky Johnson had to be America's first pornography producer. That's right. You know, a lot of porn is being produced in the valley. That's true. A shaky Johnson production. I love it. Do you think it is a shaky Johnson? He counts as being the first vibrator. A shaky Johnson production.

Starring Ramona Moe and the jazz man himself. Shaky Johnson. That's me, baby. Shaky's pizza parlor, Ramona speaking, Kariya or Delivery. Oh yeah, you know where it goes from here. Oh my, your order's so big. I'll be right over after I put it in my oven. Less than 30 minutes later.

Oh, over 30 minutes. Guess it's free. No silly. The narrator clearly said less than 30 minutes. You've got to pay full price for this. And a tip. How about just the tip? No, sorry, star policy. You have to pay for the full pizza.

What's going on here? We're supposed to get to the part where we, you know. Yeah, you know. Yeah, I know, but this scenario is like way not believable. Just save the line. Come on, please. Just the tip will have to do, you know. This pizza isn't the only thing neat lovers on your doorstep right now. Mm-mm. Well, hey, have you ever been with a man with a vibrating pepperoni before?

It does what now? Oh my god. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, okay, sorry. Uh, where were we? I was just about to get to the part where I say I'm gonna stuff your crust. My crust? That is disgusting. Honestly, this whole script is nonsense. I'm one, you're naked while your front door is wide open. Yeah, it doesn't.

Shakes doesn't even do stuff crust. And also, why are you the founder, ordering? I don't. You'll be the company representative in this scenario, and I'm pretty sure Shaky's doesn't do delivery, especially not with a 30 minutes or it's free stimulation. And why did you write a line where a reference, the narrator?

Oh damn, check and meet. No one is watching this for the story. Then why did you have it start literally at your store and not just in a better something? I, I, I? I just really like pizza. I can't do this. I have artistic integrity. What the fuck is that? I'm sorry. Here's your pizza Well pizza guess it's just you and me. I'm gonna go deep dish on you Balls deep dish. She needs to even have deep dish on you. Balls deep dish. She needs doesn't even have deep dish. Why are you trying to poke holes in everything fun?

You ruined my movie. This is all I have and I'm still going to release this. Some of the other elements other than the signage, there's the buffet, obviously. Yeah. It is not appetizing to look at. There's like a little salad bar area, there's a pizza area, and there's like a slop area. Yeah, like what was it? Like a warm hot.

I would call nothing here hot. Absolutely. Let's write that word from our vocabulary. Warm at best and even then. Luke warm. Yeah. So yeah, there even then. Luke warm. Yeah. So yeah, so there were two miniature buffets. You had the cold one with the salad

and what was the other stuff that couldn't figure it out? Look like there was like a couple of fruit tons. Was there something over there? I think it might have been jello. Yeah. And then there was a couple of croutons and then on the other side, they had corn, mashed potatoes, gravy, and baked chicken. They had rotisserie chicken and then they had corn, mashed potatoes, gravy, and big chicken.

They had rotisserie chicken, and then they had fried chicken at a slightly different part of the buffet. Yes. So they had the two types. None of it looked appetizing. You know, the lighting was, it's a heat lamp. Yeah.

Which isn't just like, it's not gonna spotlight your food very well. Now, can't even keep the food warm. No, not really, but we'll get to that later. Uncomfortable chairs, by the way. Wouldn't chairs, you know, like in a 50s home or something like that? We should take off the body suit. It fits so much better.

Oh, for Christ's. Are you talking shit to me? Here we are, Matt. Matt snappy, you in half. Yeah, moments notice. That's suit. Yeah, I didn't particularly notice one way or another. They certainly weren't like good chairs.

I was known comfortable, but I did look around and I was like, man, I wish I would have had a booth. A booths look comfortable, but freaking Garrett had to keep crab walking and the table was the closest thing to the buffet. I want to talk a little bit about the crab walk. Oh, let's talk about this crab walk. I mean, did you guys notice that the people, the customers, no one cared, no one cared, no one was bothered. No one gave it attention. It was the most Los Angeles thing

possible. Just were so numb to it and used to it. Don't engage with the crazy man. No one cared. I mean, I looked everywhere. No one had a smirk. No one had no one had who is this who is this weirdo walking on his hand. It was it was it was it was like if I look away, it'll just be over soon. And you know, it was really interesting. Do you remember the guy that came in with his daughter?

The daughter didn't even flinch. She's about seven or eight years old. What kind of city do we believe in? I think she even yelled, like, and subscribed afterwards. Exactly. I remember that we were done at this point. We were walking out back to the car. I was just mosing along Crabwell.

Which you opted to do. You did not have to do that. You had to be fulfilled your obligation. I come right uposing along Crab. What you opted to do, you did not have to do that. You had already fulfilled your obligation. I come right up to this little girl. She's taller than me because I'm walking like a crab. But I could tell her dad pretty quickly was just motion-dored to go with a different direction. But also, dude, the proximity of people was very close.

And we were even talking about employees like from the buffet to the counter where you actually order. They could see everything the cooks, the buzzers, everything. We were so exposed. Yeah, everyone got to see my crab glory. Yeah. And people were just doing their job like nothing was like there's no crab walk happen. It was the weirdest thing. Or like it's just their lot in life to put up with it and they're gonna do the best they can. Yeah. And you know what? That really helped me not being so embarrassed. Because it wasn't like everywhere.

Like every head in the room turn to stare at you. Like you guys are enabling this. You know what Zeus, I'm actually gonna say that people's tolerance level at the crazy shit that happens in a burbank shaky is way too much. This is way too much I guess he's noticed me send pie Yeah, like I don't get why we're just Putting up with it. I wasn't even putting up with it. So yeah, everyone's tolerance levels here. We're in fact way too much.

So I want to talk about the decisions you made to logistically make this crab walk happen because look, we understand that it's a public buffet. You can't put your hands on the floor and then all over food, but that was accounted for. There's also the idea of once he puts his plate together, he is to scuttle back to the table. He thought about that as well. Garrett, let's talk about it. So I brought a pair of old winter gloves I had for Michigan. Obviously, I don't need those things out here. So I had shoes for my hands. Great. Yeah. I brought a giant tube of saran wrap,

which you used very liberally. Because like, okay, I'm not confident in my ability to balance a plate on my stomach and crab block. Of course. I needed to fully wrap my loaded plate in saran wrap that I slid it into my backpack, which you were on your stomach. On a stomach.

And then I crab block back in all of the food, stayed safe. I even got a soda, wrapped that up And then I grabbed back in all of the food. Stayed safe. I even got a soda wrapped that up too. I was shoved it in the back. I was very impressed by the logistics of this. Impressive. Uh, so dumb, very smart, but dumb. Yeah, it was, it was an ingenious plan. I will give you that.

I was shocked as well, Zeus, that people just weren't... It wasn't that they weren't into it, or were opposed to it, or anything. It was just, they were given us nothing. To be fair, I don't want attention. Yeah, that's right. Like, I'm glad we didn't get the... Like, I'm always worried that we're gonna get kicked out of a place where you must go punishment.

I hated every second of your crab walking. I liked it. Well, that's because you have no sense of shame. It's almost admirable how little shame that you feel. You are just so much yourself. Like, they could write a kid's book about you to make kids look up to like, oh, be who you are and like own up to yourself. The crab bomination. On the ocean floor there was a crab. Not just your average crab. No no. This crab was different.

This crab was called the crab bomination. Most crabs fell self-conscious in their shells they hide away. Like little homes they could stay inside and escape the day. The crab bomination was having none of that. He was unabashedly himself. He saw to it that none of his inhibitions were with help. The crabomination didn't have a shell to come out of, you see. The crabomination had no sense of shame. He was not like you, he was not like me. I'm a crab. He was ousted by the other crabs, refusing to crack under their pressure. He scuttled around, Willie Milley, following his antennae to whatever.

He had a special walk, and even though it made him infamous, the other crabs avoided doing it out of fear. They'd look ridiculous. Michael Crab came up to him and asked, How do you do it? The crab bombination just replied, It just pushed through it. Then without warning the crab bombination, lean back on all fours.

Michael Crab did the same and got in position to follow course. The two of them scurried off in a way and didn't look crustacean. For the first time, Michael Crab was living like the crab bombination. The crab bombination turned and told them that his name was Garrett. He wasn't in a Bomination, just a Crab who'd been disparaged. Michael Crab said jealousy was the reason

and that it wasn't true. We all just wished that we'd all had the shells to walk like you. The Crab Omination cried tears of joy, asking if he could return home. Crab salute me. Said Michael crab. I feel there's an apology your ode.

So Michael crab and gear crab went back home to the cast and all the crabs learned to walk like they too were unabashed. Yeah, he was very excited about doing the crab walk. I mean, you and I weren't excited to watch it or to sit at that table. Actually, before he did the first walk, I turned the opposite direction, looked on my phone. You absolutely did. Although that table still isn't very much attached to where he just left. Yes. Yeah, ignore the crab, but it's not there. It's so clear you are still a part of us. Yeah.

With my body suit on. Now, one thing that Shaky's did have that we haven't gotten to experience since, I think, Fud Rockers, which is a Patreon episode, was a little arcade area. And when you say little at that, it was so small, it was kind of put that like nothing yet has surpassed the grandeur of the gatti town arcade. As much as their buffet sucked, I had a fun time in their arcade.

You know, if you got eight or nine arcade devices to play on and three are broke, that's kind of disappointing for kids. Yeah, smash them into a coin like the real estate was terrible. There were like two on one side and like seven on the other. Yeah, and yeah, I hated the shitty drop ceiling. It looked like the most depressing office break room you've ever seen. Most of the games here were ticket earners. They were either prize earners or ticket earners. I don't believe they had any games except for like a cruising USA game or whatever it was, that was just for fun.

They had the world's easiest claw game. Yeah, it was just a rubber ball and it was perfectly the shape of the claw. And it was bumpy too. So the claw has had something to grab onto. I've never seen a claw machine that was designed for you to win. But the prize made it to where you all,

the goal is to not win. You're like, I don't want this crappy ball. What am I gonna do with this? I took it home, I put it in front of my dog. He hated it. That's also too big for you, dog. But yeah, there was like a barrel of monkeys game that I enjoyed because it was very timing based and I got to all but the last monkey because it's one of those things where it's kind

of rigged where like, you know, the cyclone thing where the light spins around and you have to hit it. There's one of those. There's one of those as well. And I got the light on either side of the jackpot, but never the jackpot. And folks, I have impeccable timing. Okay, I was the number one ranked first chair percussionist in the state of Texas in 2006.

So that's a pretty good accomplishment. But rock band, that's the accomplishment. Yeah, I was third on the drum leaderboards for like years for PS3. Wow. PS3, PS3 leaderboards. Yeah, that's impressive. Yeah, that is internationally the third ranked

drummer. It was a time in my life where it was like kind of my identity. They had a dealer, no deal machine that was broken. We've come across that a couple of times, not a broken one, but that game where you just kind of try and narrow down a briefcase. You just fill it with your phone, you slow down the video, and you can tell which case has the grand prize in it. Like there's a very easy way to cheat, although the game does put pressure on you to make decisions lightning fast and you may not have slowed down your phone to get that info yet. I don't know. They had a game just called Crankit, which Jesus, you just pull a lever and it spins around

and gives you tickets, tastes on whatever whatever lands on did shaky Johnson invent that game Look, I'm starting to think that this is all like intentionally sexual and like shaky's hosts after our orgies or something Direction now, yeah, they had the big bass wheel pro, which is basically the same game You just pull on a lever slightly differently in it. Oh, give you tickets. They had like a nerf shooter. So you yank things and you shoot things and you get a prize. Yep. They had one where you drop a ball just called slam a winner.

Jesus. And then naturally, and hopefully this isn't shaky Johnson admitting to something, but they had the speed demon. And that was the one that we kept trying to like pull like almost like the pinball type ball. And it was spinning around and trying land in the right slot. So yeah, not many good games. And equally, not many good prizes. We went over to the counter afterwards they had your standard arcade fare.

There was literally nothing there that stood out as that unique. We did rack up a decent amount of tickets, like 300 or something. Not enough to really do anything with. But you know what we did yet? Small, tiny handcuffs. That's right. Tiny handcuffs, which we threw up on the Chachki of Medi-Occhriti, 20 bucks for tiny handcuffs, a little rubber ducky, and three warhead candies.

And now a word from our totally not made up sponsor. Oh hi there, with your favorite sponsor, Jab and I'm back with a brand new business. Do you have your own little restaurant arcade and you're looking to sell some junk for prizes? I'm you guys, I've got the goods, baby. Recently I was rummaging through the trunk of my home and I found a bunch of goodies. Stuff like my ex-wife's hair ties. They fell under the passenger seat. What about rewrapped jolly ranchers?

They remind me of a time when my kids would still talk to me. Oh, what about this? A cellular telephone that flips open and looks like a hamburger. It's got a four-foot curly cord that always wraps around the stick shift. And you need to have a cigarette lighter slot or else it won't plug in. But hey, you'll look retro. And that's cool. Anyways, this is the kind of crap that I can get you.

I'll sell it to you real cheap so you can turn it around for a stupid profit. It's not like you're selling anything much better. So if you like this, call me. Not on a phone. Find me at the underpass where I'm parked overnight. Breathe on the window glass so it fogs up real nice. And then use your finger to write your name and address it. I'll find you when I wake up.

Okay, bye. Okay, so what else was there before we read it? There was a sign outside the arcade like like a neon side that just said, fun stuff. Well, I didn't have a lot of fun. Did you not? Did you not enjoy your time with us having to work away and be on your own? The arcade because there were some things that weren't working. They weren't operating.

Yeah, like my sense of shame. That was not operating. Yeah. Oh, one last thing I want to mention just because it's always very funny to me. There was a kid at the buffet at the same time that I was. Kids are so stupid. Their inability to handle like those pizza scoop spatula things. Just like the same piece of pizza kept falling off his spatula probably six times before he got it on his plate. Where I just really wanted to do it for him,

just have like a little bit of a sense of a center of gravity. That's all it is. Hey man, stop making fun of this child's nerve damage. Oh wow. Yeah, his hand was shaking, maybe that's insensitive. That's the great, great grandson. Yeah. All right, well, we got to shake our thumbs at shakies

and see how did it score in the atmosphere department. The reminiscence to Pizza Hut gave this a big boost. It kind of took me back to a part of my childhood. I like the brick decor look of a place. I like those lampshades a lot to a point where like, it may have like actually saved a kind of sad buffet and sad arcade to at least come out neutral.

So I'm going to go no thumbs, no thumbs up, no thumbs down for shakies. I'm going to go one thumb down. This immediately felt like the tavern style place where you get pizza from the combination of brick, burgundy, coloring, and abundance of wood. It's outdated, but it's comfortable and lived in. This is exactly what mediocrity is all about. Unfortunately, the floors were filthy. And you were up close and perfect. Yeah, I got a very clear view. And this arcade was nothing but a depressing, sad excuse

for a childhood escape from the depression that's outside those doors only to be let out in tiny handcuffs. That's your escape. Oh, so one thumb down, one thumb down. Well, I'm going to go neutral on this, which like Mike said, no thumb up, no thumb down. I expected it to be the way it was. The arcade I expected that to be disappointing. And it was. Yeah. And so in the ambiance was kind of, it was just there. It was just there. It wasn't bright. It wasn't dark. It No, those. Yeah. Surface. This is kind of a fast casual place. I mean, they did have some people coming to the table for like busing and stuff, but even then they waited for you to really have a mess at

your table before they bust anything. But other than that, you order it a counter and it's a buffet. So, service here is, I guess, akin to maybe sizzler, no, not sizzler, because they actually served us. But they brought the pizzas out when they were ready. Oh, that's right. If you had ordered a pizza instead of the buffet, they would have brought it to your table. So, I mean, I guess it's like, the pizza hut experience we had. Yeah. The main part of the service team that I really noticed was the manager seemed like a really nice guy. He was suspicious when he saw me saran wrapping a plate and putting it into my backpack.

This was not an acceptable thing apparently. Well, of course it's not. What do you mean apparently? How long did you get it back to the table? You don't crab walk. He didn't know that it was your curse that you had to crab walk. Couldn't he see me crab walking?

Oh, he could see you crab walking. Everyone could see you crab walking and apparently no one cared. Speaking of which, the woman at the front counter, like she just didn't look at my crab walk. She had such a, I'm just here just get through it. She also did even greet us when we came in the door, whatever, I think she's the smart one though.

She knew we were trouble. She wasn't wrong. Yeah. But no, the manager came up to me later and was like, what's this for? Where can I find it? You guys have a YouTube channel? You guys, I was like, we do a podcast.

You can listen to us wherever podcasts are. And yeah, you can see the future video on our Instagram and tic-toc. That's right we're on Instagram at Find Dining Podcast. We're on tic-toc at Find Dining Podcast and you can email us whatever you want. Find Dining Podcast at gmail.com. We might regret that but I don't know maybe we won't. The first time I encountered this manager though I had walked up to the buffet and there were two different marinara sauces in the buffet next to the spaghetti. So I assume there's a difference between them.

Meat marinara. But the meat wasn't very clear. They looked identical, but there was a giant chicken leg floating on the surface of one of them. No. And he sees me, take out my phone and take a picture and he comes over immediately and just scoops it out and he goes, that's not supposed to be in there. Yeah, there it is folks. That's the phone.

I wish you guys could see it. Is it put it on our social media? Return of the wing? It's not a floor wing. This is not a floor wing. But it's a sauce wing. So sauce wing. So yeah, the manager, the manager not a floor wing, but it's a sauce wing. So sauce wing. So yeah, the manager, the manager was a busy bee, wasn't he?

He was, yeah, he was all over the place, handling everything. And you think maybe that the employees didn't want to like show how they really felt because they could have thought, is there something wrong? Oh, it's Scott. Well, okay, hold on. Wait, what is this coming from? Oh, it's Scott! Well, okay, hold on, wait, what? Where is this coming from? Oh, with Gary. Yes, with Gary.

Oh, I see. He's doing the grab walk, right? I see, yeah, yeah. I thought you were dying about the employees thought that about their manager. I was like, he's in my house. No, no, no, no, no. Let me clarify to him, I'll get it

because nobody said anything. Yeah. And like the girl at the counter, no eye contact. She looked, she was just staring into her cash register buttons or her little computer thing. Yeah, I think it was very much like we got to give him space to just do his thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's very, let's open ends quick. It was absolute enablement.

So I want to talk about the bus, because the busing kind of took forever to the point where like you get the buffet and they give you two plates. They give you like an elliptical plate and they give you a circular plate, presumably one for salad and one for the rest of your meal, for the pot, for the cold, one for sadness. And one for sadness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ended up using one plate to eat and the other for trash. So all of the food. All of the food starts his trash, but later becomes trash. Trash. Trash.

Yeah. So like all the bones, all the stuff, the other napkins, the stuff I decided, I've had enough of this, like the pizza, stuff like that. It took forever for the buster to come by and like offer to take the plate to the point that it was kind of frustrating me, but I did notice that he was passing by a lot regardless. A full bus cart. It wasn't even like the

little bin that you see some busters carrying around. It was a full cart he was pushing around and he kept pushing it past our table. And you know, I get it. You got places to go, but just the frequency with which he did it brought a little question to my mind, Garrett. It made me ask, what's going on over there? Michael, what's going on over there? I think this guy was trying to be the hero. I think he was trying to take the bullet for the team. He was like, this guy is hell bent on crab walking. I'm gonna put my bus card in the way all the time and put a stop to this.

I think this guy had a crab vendetta. Little did this guy know, crabs can not only walk forward and back, they can walk side to side. You can scuttle side to side. You sidesteped that cart and he was like, no. I'm thinking he just wanted to learn how to crab walk himself because he kept walking back and forth

and kind of like leaning in and see what we were saying and doing. I hope they noticed me. I'm really curious about this lifestyle they need. Sounds like a Southern politician. Also just willing to flip sides. First, he's against crabs and then he wants to become one. He's like, we're gonna get more votes.

Yeah, I think pretty obviously that is in fact what's going on over there. So the last thing that I noticed that was weird, I don't think either of you caught it, but there was an employee who just ran a completely black burnt to shit pizza from the buffet to the back. I mean, he didn't set it out at the buffet, but just like we need to just like disposing of a body, almost like we can't do this in front of polite company. I didn't see that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he was like rushing by one of the times that Garrett called me over to like, film me, film me while you're surrounded. So we were distracted. So they used that moment to get rid of the evidence. To smuggle the pizza past. Yeah, they're like, oh, no one notices this.

Yeah, they clearly just like left it in too long, but it looked like a street colored concrete pizza like that dark, dark gray to like black, like asphalt pizza. Wow. Which it's kind of how shaky's tasted, the regular pizza, stop being a dick to asphalt. Pfft.

Pfft. There he goes again. Yeah. All right, well, we're gonna get into what Shaky's tasted like. First, we gotta rate the service. Again, the trash pile on my table bugged me, but the manager was really nice and curious and kind of asked about the show,

which is a cheat code to my heart. So I'm just again, gonna go zero thumbs with the service. I'm gonna go zero thumbs because my entire goal this trip was don't be noticed, don't interact with any of the service staff. And they made that easy. Yeah, zero thumbs, good job guys. I'm gonna get one thumb up because one thing I did notice

was that they really never let the food run out. You know, they kept it stocked. And the other part of that is they just didn't want to communicate with us. So that's kind of a good thing. Because any communication would have been a bad thing. Like, sir, you need to leave. What's worse than a man crab walking?

Very little. Talking to a man crab walking. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, I made eye contact with you one time while you were crab walking. Very little. Talking to a man crab walking. Oh yeah. Oh my God, I made eye contact with you one time while you were crab walking. And then I scuttled up to you. It actually haunted me for a, I was like, I had trouble falling asleep that night.

Ha ha. Food. Yum. So we got the buffet. It's kind of a free for all. You just load up your dish with whatever you want. Zusee or the only one who had a semblance of structure. You started up with a salad.

I started with the salad and that was challenging because we arrived at the perfect lunch time, 12 o'clock. Everything should be fresh, right? Yeah, I had a pick through the salad because there were so many old, bad salad. Yeah, yeah. It's 12 o'clock. Like it's like browning instead. Brown old, bad salad. Yeah, yeah. It's 12 o'clock.

Like it's like browning and stuff. Browning, yes. And I hate that. You got the last night salad, right? And that's what I'm thinking. I hate that. And then, you know, the croutons, they look, you know, it was just.

They're in like a cylinder, like off to the side, like, like one of those things that you keep silverware in typically. Like, I would've gotten extra one of these. Let's throw some croutons in there. Yeah, don't see us. Don't pick us up. Yeah.

Yeah. And the Q-commerce will wilt it. Oh, wilted Q-comber. God. So that was my, you know, the salad, of my Q-bein healthy. Yeah. Yeah.

With your soggy vegetables. Yeah. That was throwing off the door real quick. What do you score your salad? Ooh, I'm gonna give it a 1.8. 1.8 out of 10, that bad of a salad was. Yes, wow. All right, I don't think the food was much better.

So Garrett, I had to have the thing that I always get buffet spaghetti. I got it spaghetti too. Oh, I did too. We all had to get this buffet spaghetti. Honestly, I wasn't mad about it. It was better than expected. I have very low expectations for a buffet spaghetti, but I went six out of 10. It wasn't good spaghetti by any means, but it was slightly above average. And, you know, I coated

it in crushed red pepper, which is also I like a little bit of heat. Wasn't the worst spaghetti I've ever had. I had low expectations. Well, it was difficult to get back to the table for one. That's your burden to bear. I had the meat sauce, but this tasted like canned chef-boy already meat sauce with only three quarters of the flavor. This was utter crap. Are you sure that was meat in there?

Oh God, I hope it was meat. Oh, sir, we didn't have a meat sauce spaghetti. Thank you, bro. Oh God, I just got shaky bumps. Oh, sir, we didn't have a meat sauce spaghetti. Oh, God, I just got shaky bumps. Oh, yeah, and noodles were overcooked. This is a three out of 10 spaghetti. Yeah. Yeah, I'm about to three out of 10 myself.

Hey, that's fine. I would, by no means be like, hey, you gotta get the spaghetti at shakies. I was just, I was surprised. I expected to hate it and I didn't. Right. They got a little boost from that. You know what I did, hate? The pizza.

That was some of the worst pizza I've ever tasted in my life. It tasted like it had been frozen recently. Yes. I hate it when people use the comparison of like it would tasted like cardboard because that undercuts how this actually did taste like cardboard. Like it's an overused comparison, but boy was it apt here.

This was my lowest food score I've ever given on the show, 0.5 out of 10. I hated this pizza. I came in ready to just go to town on buffet pizza. I had half a slice of pepperoni, and I called it a day. One of my pieces of pizza tasted like it was like freezer burger, that was clearly frozen pizza. Yeah.

It was horrible. You know how a pizza just sits out for a long time and a cheese starts to look really weird, like transparent, like you can almost see through it. Yeah. That's what I was eating. Yeah. Yeah, it was horrible.

And you know what, I'm gonna go along with Mike. I think what did you say, point five? Point five. I'm gonna go to zero point five. Yeah. I'm gonna go 0.5. Yeah. I'm gonna say if the teenage mutant ninja turtles ate this pizza, they would devolve back into pet turtles. So just be normal turtle. Okay. And then they would die. Yeah. I don't know if I can do this, but zero out of 10 pizza. You can do that. This was so bad. And it's the namesake of the place. Yes.

It's the thing that you're like, this is what we do. Now, if you've been around a shaky's before, you know that it's actually not what they're known for. They're known for the mojos. The mojos. These are what they call their fried potatoes. They're basically like potato wedges almost.

Yeah. It's like the circular cut. Like a little disc. Yeah, little miniature disc. They're good. Yeah. They're fine. Yeah, they have a nice season batter to them and a nice crispness. I went six and a half out of 10 on the mojos.

I can mess up some mojos. I'm gonna give it a 5.5 because when I ate my mojos, they were barely lukewarm. Yeah, but the taste was there. They're really good. They're good. Yeah, they're really good.

So I'm going to give the colder, old ones, a two out of ten. They were literally top I couldn't chew them. Uh-huh. But once they were fresh, okay, problem solved, six-nav. Yeah, because you got your food after I did, because you were prepping up for the crab one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The sentences you didn't know you would say. Yeah. Right. They had other sides too. They had mashed potatoes, rice, corn. I had all of those things. The mashed potatoes tasted identical to KFC. Really?

The same Styrofoam container with a spork, I had that flavor in my mouth. Not great, but I don't know, familiar. So it had like almost an nostalgic bump to it. I went four and a half out of 10. Oh, that's okay. I'm used to this abuse. I'm fine with that.

Basically, yes. Yes. You know, when I looked at the mashed potatoes because I hate KFC mashed potatoes, and I looked at, and that's the first thing that popped in my mind, KFC mashed potatoes, because I hate KFC mashed potatoes. And I looked at, and that's the first thing that popped in my mind, KFC mashed potatoes, I passed up on the mashed potatoes. Honestly, it's probably a two out of 10 potato,

but nostalgia is a powerful thing. I don't know. It fit the ambiance, didn't it? It really fit. Yeah, yeah. Michael, I just, I need to take a moment here. Are you fully in the cycle of abuse right now? You need to realize what you're doing to your life

and what life has been doing to you. Respect yourself. I mean, I just want to master those. Okay, yeah, I mean, I go two out of 10 on these potatoes. Yeah. There you go. That sounds much better. Yeah. And then there was the rice, not bad.

It was like wild brown rice. Honestly, solid. I go six and a half out of 10. The corn, it was rice, not bad. It was like wild brown rice, honestly solid. I go six and a half out of 10. The corn, it was corn, five out of 10. The very average food. Was it warm enough? It was warm enough. Okay.

And then there was, I guess, I got both versions of what I would call the star of the show. One of them was not the star of the show. There was the rotisserie chicken leg, and then I had a fried chicken thigh. The rotisserie chicken leg, whatever, five and a half out of 10. I thought the star of this entire meal was the rotisserie chicken leg and then I had a fried chicken thigh. The rotisserie chicken leg, whatever, five and a half out of 10, I thought the star of this entire meal

was the fried chicken. I agree, the chicken had nice taste to it. Yeah. The skin was really good. Yup, skin was, so it wasn't bad. I mean, if I were to rate the chicken from zero out of 10, I would give it a seven. That's exactly what I gave it, yeah.

Yeah, and I'm gonna go with a six and a half out of 10. My favorite part of this chicken was the battery. It was really airy and crispy, but it fell apart. It reminded me of biting into a really crisp piece of bacon, how it just kind of crumbles apart. Yeah, boom. Sublime, excellent chicken. It was excellent, six and a half out of 10.

Excellent compared to the utter crapland crap for shaviness. Yeah So now we have to talk about the joke of a dessert they had they had one option one it was a cinnamon puff and It was like nothing it didn't really have a lot of flavor. It was very light You know when you get a dessert, you're like I want to hate hate myself when I leave here, which I mean, I did, but for different reasons. You know, but like, you want to feel it in your stomach and be like, Oh, I got full on dessert. It was too dry. You know, cinnamon still a good taste. Yeah. So it's not like the thing tasted bad, but it was very unimpressive. So I went five out of 10, but I mean, dessert, if you look at the average of all our desserts,

that's pretty much on the low end for a dessert. I'm definitely going five out of ten on this too. It had the consistency of churro flavored beef jerky. Oh, that sounds so much like a thing someone would make. Yeah, the same thing. I don't even like the word puff because it just wasn't what it was. It wasn't word puff, because it just wasn't what it was. It wasn't a puff. Yeah, it wasn't what it was. And just puff is something that, you know, it's kind of cream puff or something.

Yeah, like a cream puff. Yeah. So that was the wrong term for that. Sure. What would you call it? Like a cinnamon pocket. Yeah, yeah. Filled with air.

There you go. Yeah. That's all the food. Two thumbs down. This was not a good meal. This was a very bad meal. I left a buffet still hungry. That should never happen with a buffet. Absolutely. Yeah. I left with a stomach ache. Oh, that's right. There was a moment where both of you were like, I think I'm, I got a shit. Yeah. Yeah. I guess what? It's time to go home folks, I'm not going here. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm serious, dude. I left with a stomach ache. It was coming out. So both thumbs down if I had four thumbs, it would be four thumbs down, but only have two, two thumbs down. Eat enough shake is and you might grow extra up in your face.

Right. Yeah. Out of principle, I should go two thumbs down because this pizza is just offensive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We gotta put it all together and get a final score for Shaky's little help, little help, little help from strangers

A little help, little help, give us those complaints Why you literally want to die? Yelp! Okay, this is Yelp from Strangers, our segment Where we go to Yelp and read out our favorite one, two, three, four, and five star reviews about the restaurant we just went to. One star review. I'm going to start us off in negativity because that's where we ate.

Yeah. This is from Robert K over five years ago, one star, worse than high school cafeteria pizza. My wife and I ordered a medium cheese pizza and a small white pizza. Both were really bad. On the cheese pizza the sauce was way too sweet and the cheese, if it can really be called that, was goopy and plastic like. The dough on the white pie was undercooked and the same off-putting cheese was the primary ingredient. This sounds disgusting. same off-putting cheese was the primary ingredient. This sounds disgusting. Yeah.

We both tried one slice of each and threw the rest in the garbage. That's what I literally took a bite and threw it onto my garbage plate. Right. Where it belongs. Hopefully the problem is this particular location and not every shakies. Either way, we will probably stick to Roundtable from now on.

Wow, glowing review. Let's go to round table from now on. Wow. Glowing review. Let's go to round table instead. I like it. I mean, that really makes the one star mean something when their example of good pizza is round table, like your one star compared to round table. Oh, that's yeah. Rough two star review.

Here we go. Let's move up to two. Let's get up to two. Let's get more positive than that. Great. Rick P. from over five years ago, two stars. We were looking forward to a tasty hot pizza delivered to our table. The order was simple.

The wait time was a bit much, and by the time I asked, a man was bringing out our pies. Hey, that's good, right? There wasn't any steam coming off of them. And when I fit in, I was not impressed by the level of warmth. I love the way he put the head. I picture him like getting down to like eye level and just being like, I see no steam. This doesn't pass the sight test.

This pizza and my wife's was also was McDonald's warm. What's McDonald's warm? I don't know, but it clearly means something in his household. Yeah. There's so many people that try and get over their branded statements. Yeah. We don't get it. People try and take their tight five to yelp pretty often. In addition to the sauce, was that they're even sauce on it? Not sure. The ingredients were eh, two stars. Yeah, that checked out. And then of course there's an apology from Shaky's below it.

Hi, Brick. We are sorry for your experience. At the Shaky's in Burbank, Shaky strives to provide the best quality food for our guests. We will be contacting the restaurant in order to address the matter. Dang! Someone's in trouble. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.

Five star review. I found a short one that's a five star. Went down on my white... No, went down on my white! Yeah, yeah, oops. You can go download our full Yelp from Stranger's segment at our Patreon. The link for that is in the description of this episode, or you can go to patreon.com-findowningpodcast. And we're now offering a one week free trial, so what do you have to lose?

Go check it out. People have wild opinions, and we get to read oh so many of them. Thanks. Final rating. Okay, we've heard what people on Yelp have to say. Now we gotta put Shaky's Pizza Parlor up on the Chachki of mediocrity, a running scoreboard of the restaurants we visited in the form of all the wall decorations that you find at these kitschy places.

You can see pictures of it on our Instagram. Zeus, you're our guest. Do you want to give shaky's a score first? I will give shaky's a score first. 2.34. Yeah, you waited it that much. Yeah, I mean, just everything was wrong. The food was wrong.

The ambiance was what I expected, which was dull. You had a psychopath crab walking back up for that. Crab walking, he barest a shit out of me. You know, and it was kind of disturbing that the people that they didn't even care that he was crab walking. They didn't try to protect their children from the rabbit crab. I was disturbed by that.

Yeah, so I mean, yeah. This is the crowd that visit shakies. Yes, they can. They're desensitized to a lot of things. Yes, and the arcade, that was an arcade. I don't know what it was. So 2.34. Yeah.

I'm gonna go just a little bit higher than you. I thought it was bad, but when I'm looking at like my worst ratings and stuff, like I don't think this was worse than medieval times was for us, I'm gonna go a little bit higher and I think the nostalgia that kind of feeling like a pizza hut gives a little boost. The manager being really nice gives it a little boost. I'm gonna go 3.13.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna go even higher. Wow, generous hair. This entire shaky buffet experience can be summed up in the phrase, oh well, I'm here in its convenient. I might as well eat it. Don't want your kids messing up your own dining room? Go to shaky and let those little gremlins dirty the floor there.

They're too young to know that this is barely fit for human consumption and you're too exhausted to go elsewhere. Oh well, I'm here and it's convenient. I might as well eat it. Lacking the time to fully commit to binge eating your feelings away on your lunch break. Oh God. Well, there's a shaky's right down the road for that. They'll feel that empty pit in your stomach with a whole different kind of emptiness. Oh, well, I'm here in its convenient. I might as well eat it. Great. So that's not even mediocre. 3.89. But hey, oh, well, I'm here in its convenient. I might as well eat it. It's almost like I can tell you've taken all those poetry classes. Gary. That was a work of art. It's a serious.

poetry classes. Gary. That was a work of art. It took him serious. Oh, okay. Well, that means shaky's pizza parlor going up on the Chachki of mediocrity at three point one, two. Woo. There's that mediocre not quite as good as Apple.

Not quite as good as Apple P's. Alright, well what that means is, Shaky's is not mediocre. It is not in the zone of mediocrity. It is not in that 4-6 range, which means that at our next place, I'm gonna get punished a little bit. I don't have to crablock because that's not gonna be in there again

But because this was not mediocre enough Not mediocre enough Draw from the bowl. The you must bowl Yeah, exactly. I have to draw from the you must hold to figure out what I'm doing at our next place doing it our next place. Oh, this is gonna be good, I hope. Remember Chetters where you had to communicate in rhyme with the waiter? Yeah, that was a complete disaster.

Super cringe, right? Yeah, I have to place my order in song. Yeah. Oh no. That's what you get. Oh, I hate that so much. Yeah. Yeah. I hate that so much. Yeah.

I hate that. OK. Well, we need to figure out where we're going to go, where I'm going to do this. So we need to play a little game to figure that out. We need to play the headline game. The rules of the headline game are as follows. Michael will present three headlines to Garrett

that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If Garrett can correctly guess, if at least two out of three are real or fake, he will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Michael stumps him, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, fellas? I'm ready. I'm ready. Yeah, so this is a three-person headline game, which means I have prepared headlines.

Garrett and Zeus, you're both gonna be guessing true or false. These are all headlines about shakies. You have to figure out, did I make them up? Or are they real headlines? All right. Whichever one of you gets more correct, gets to pick where we go next time. If neither of you get even too correct, then

I get to pick. Let's do this. Yeah. First headline, shaky's pizza bets on 2022 Christmas holidays to lift sales past pre-pandemic levels. False. You say false. I'm gonna go true. They need all the help they can get. Okay. headline number two police help re-unite teen found alone at Shakey's pizza in Riverside with family. I already know that Shakey's is meant for child athletics. Uh-huh. So, I'm going true. You're going true? I'm going to go false again. All right. Shaky's issues statement after plastic in pizza incident.

True for me. True for me. False, they're not going to say anything about it. A manager is just going to quickly grab it and hide it. All right. So you guys are different on all three of your answers, They're not going to say anything about it. A manager's just going to quickly grab it and hide it. All right. So you guys are different on all three of your answers, which means definitively one of y'all won. Headline number one, shaky's pizza bets on 2022 Christmas holidays to lift sales past pre-pandemic levels.

Zeus, you said false. Garrett, you said true. That is in fact true. Yeah, I figured a mundane one might be two boring that you would both say false to it, but I did not stump Garrett. Second one, police help reunite teen found alone at Shakey's pizza and riverside with family. Zeus, you said false.

Garrett, you said true. Garrett, once again, you are correct. Two for two. And last one, shaky's issue statement after plastic and pizza incident. Garrett, you said false, Zeus, you said true. Zeus, you're right on this one. They actually speak up about it.

Really? And that was the best one. So Garrett, you got two out of three correct. You get to pick where we eat next time. You get to pick where I have to sing my order. Where's that gonna be? We're heading up to the Bay Area next time. Okay. There's one restaurant that's up there that we didn't get a chance to eat at while it had a location in L.A.

Oh, okay. What is it? You're going to have to order all of your food in song at the stinking rose First I have to wear a Pokemon card suit to Mastros and now I have to Serenade our waiter. I hate that But I am excited about the stinking rose there. It's literally not a chain anymore It was with just two locations, but it was a very famous spot where like everything had garlic in it, the garlic ice cream on the menu.

Garlic ice cream, wow. Yeah, so I'm actually, I've never been. I'm excited for that pick. You must bowl be damned. Well, all right, thanks everyone for listening to the fine dining podcast. Thank you Zeus for coming on and joining us again Yeah, thank you Zeus for putting up with us. Yeah, what is it?

Anything else like yes, you're a man of grace for sitting at a table with this crabomination Yeah, Michael was me pretty big on this one. I don't think I do Yeah, but thanks for having me on this is fun. Is there anything you want to plug any I'm good no You know porn or anything coming up. So yes. No, I'm good. Thanks. Well, we did not find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search does need to keep going. Thanks, everyone, for listening. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day! The mother and the search continues, Rattles and I, too, is review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars?

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, Follow us on TikTok, The same on Instagram, All the socials, At Find Dining Podcast, and don't forget you can always suggest where we go next. Okay! We're going to find it, meteor-crafting. The search continues, see you next week! Sweet!

I heard my throat a little. Have a fine day.