Fine Dining - Shoney's Review feat. Dad [Part Two]

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

A new Worst Restaurant in America is crowned! A restaurant so bad, I don't think my Dad (my guest this week) will ever let me live it down: Shoney's Buffet soups shouldn't have such a thick skin over them that the ladle rests on top...right?? What's Going On Over There with Shoney's thinking they deserve their own food truck? The service team surprises me with a little extra cook time on my steak, despite my wishes to the contrary Fan of the show Travis recounts the story of when Scott Steiner threw him out of a Shoney's! Seriously, a steak cooked this long can only be described as Way Too Much! The previous worst restaurant, GattiTown scored a 2.70 on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity. How much worse can Shoney's be? What we ate: Fries Breakfast Potatoes Eggs Pancakes Slim Jim Sandwich Steak Shoney's World Famous Hot FudgeCake Heinz 57 "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to my YouTube to watch this episode! Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (The Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers episode with my friend Herbert is going strong, and I just released my tentative show line-up through the end of 2024!), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Shoney's stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Popeyes History [Part One]! I'm joined by comedian Sierra Katow to learn about the history of my favorite Louisiana-based fast food chicken chain, and its founder's villainous ploy to hold the recipes hostage! Ever work at Popeyes? Send your stories to [e-mail].

On this unprecedented episode of the Fine Dining Podcast, if you've ever eaten a belt, it does taste better with sauce on it. Shoney's is the Eagle Scout of s***. I will not stand for what they did to me today. From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive. Greetings friends and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America, North Carolina edition. I am, like I say, traveling the country trying to find that perfectly middle, most mediocre

chain restaurant and this week took me to a state on the East Coast, North Carolina, as I explored Shoney's. And I went with my own dad. We explored Shoney's. We did. And it is currently exploring us, probably finding our vulnerabilities. It's a trail I'll no longer follow.

It's waiting to attack. It is hunting us from within. And perhaps for days. It's a trail I'll no longer follow. It's waiting to attack. It is hunting us from within. And perhaps for days. It is still ground zero. We are patient zero and patient one. This was a time. It was a time.

Not a good time. It was a time. By the end of this episode. You'll understand why. You'll understand. So just kick back this episode. You'll understand why. You'll understand. So just kick back and suffer vicariously through us. As we talk about shonies, if you're watching this show for the first time, I am looking for that perfectly middling 5.00 out of 10 dining experience. Because people say things are good, people say things are bad, but you need to know where it switches over.

Where does good become bad? I'm looking to define that bar of mediocrity. And in this show, I'm evaluating restaurants on three criteria. I'm doing it based on their atmosphere, based on their service, and based on their food. Mmm. Well, not in this case. There's no yummy here. There's more like a, it's a different sound.

It's a yummy here. There's more like a, mm, it's a different sound. Ugh. It's a grumble. Fine dining party of two. Yeah, so that's the show. We'll get into it. Our table is finally ready. Your table is ready. Follow me.

Have you tried our chicken breast? Serving pancakes and ribs. I recommend the spaghetti. We're here to satisfy, not to impress. Your table is ready. Complementary butter and bread. These walls have growth signs. Knick-knack cowboy hat.

Good luck cat. Altograph guitar. Some grab from your city. Behold the tchotchke of mediocrity. Fine dining. Just fine diningity Fine dining Just fine dining Fine dining Two letters on the sign are shining

Neon flickering, irregular timing Identify the perfect Fine Chimbrow the ten Fine dining Fine dining! Fine dining! Atmosphere. The first thing that we see when we pull up to this place

is there's a truck outside. It was like a Shoney's traveling food truck. Which... why? It struck me as odd that Shoney's. It just struck us as odd. Well, no, but it didn't just strike me as odd. It made me wonder a question, dad. It made me ask a little certain combination of words. Yeah, that's right.

I'm doing it right up top because this is a place where my brain's all messed up. My chemistry is off in this episode. It makes me ask dad, what's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there? Should I worry? Should I care? What is going on over there? Dad, what's going on with that? What, how do you explain this truck? Cause I have my theories. The one thing I thought about is,

especially being from Austin, classic food trucks. They have them all over the place with all different types of foods. But this Shoney's truck just sat there and I'm thinking, where do you take it? Do you take it to like youth baseball and there's snow cones and cotton candy and then the Shoney's truck? See, I think that's what they bought it with the intent for before they had so much food waste and they're like, no one's coming over to the Shoney's truck with the creepy bear that says, let's eat. Yep. So I think they've repurposed this truck. I think it more serves as a hearse

because we'll get into it shortly. The buffet, the buffet is a big part of the atmosphere of this restaurant. It is. And it is so clear that it does not all get used. It needs to be loaded into somewhere. It needs to be taken to, as the police call it in the case of missing persons, a secondary location.

If this is like Dale bread, you don't want it. So you throw it in a truck and you drive it to a garbage dump and you just lift the truck off the ground, open the back doors and you're like, go on, get where you belong, go free. I bet you inside of that truck, there's a front loader. There's a front loader or back loader. Oh, like a. Yeah.

It's like a hydraulic. Just tilts it right into the garbage, right into the dumpster. Ah, yeah. It is a hearse for shit buffet food. Yeah. Yeah. I like, look, I don't like being negative on this show. Shoney's earned it.

It is important to underline the fact that Shonies deserves what's coming to him. Shonies is the Eagle Scout of shit. I don't know what that means! But that is in fact what's going on over there. What is going on over there? The Eagle Scout of shit. it's the highest attainment highest Scouts I get it. It's the black belt of shit is the black belt of shit It is the Jedi master of shit. There you go. Okay, you have figured it out figured it out. Oh

God, okay. Yeah, so let's talk about this buffet. We go into the restaurant the inside of the restaurant Does it was sleek. I could tell that there was a modernization effort sometime in the last few years. I thought the logo was sleek. I thought that the red paint was bright and it popped off the wall. I went in there and my knee-jerk reaction was,

this can't be that bad. Their decals on the wall were fresh. Yeah, they had an American flag on the wall embroidered with the word Shoney's, which is defacing old glory. Like, let's be real. It is illegal, technically, and against flag code to alter the American flag,

and Shoney's felt it appropriate. Yeah. But yeah, and then on the far side of the room, we get seated at the closest booth. You're like, wow, what a walk. Well, the other thing I noticed in terms of my atmosphere is I turned around from my booth and there were cleaning solvents right behind my head.

Just spray bottles. Just spray bottles. Because they know that he might get out of line and you have to. Or I might have some damaging food fall off my mouth and I was a little nervous. It's like that scene in Alien when they cut into the arm of the facehugger and it just goes through the deck. They're just prepared to be like, oh shit.

Yep, better spray him. His food fell quick before it bleeds through his lap through the table. It was great. But on the far side of the room, opposite of where we are, there is a long buffet. opposite of where we are, there is a long buffet. And it's a gorgeous buffet if you're blind. This is a good looking buffet if you're not looking at the food. I think also if you don't have a... If your tongue has been burnt, badly. If you have no taste buds, you're in paradise.

You will be fed. It was a very interesting buffet from a presentation perspective. So as I looked at the buffet and we took the lap, we both took the lap, I see these oyster crackers. And I'm thinking, oh, there must be soup. And they actually had a spread of different types of crackers.

They had Ritz crackers, saltines, and Oster crackers, all right next to each other. And then, they all faded. The presentation or the presentment of the soups. They had clam chowder for one of the soups. Imagine if you dunked a ladle in drying concrete and you tried to yank it up. Well, it was actually concave inward.

So the ladle actually made an impression where the soup stayed on the high side and the ladle was down at the bottom of the soup. And I said, that's not fresh. You know, topographically speaking, you want your liquids flat. You want your oceans calm. Flat. You want your oceans calm. This was not.

When there's a soup-nami coming. Oh, and I gotta say, the soup was bad. The mashed potatoes may have been worse. Really? Really, same thing. It looked encrusted on the top. The mashed potatoes are lumpy enough inherently that them being topographically...

Creamy is how you want them. Different? I'll give you that, so you can have some variability in terms of the surface. The surface level, yeah. The brown spots through it usually aren't included. Excuse me. It's like a fake tanning bed.

When the heat lamp is giving you sunburn, you've been there a little too long. And when I go to an order, when it's all a card, I don't say, Hey, I'd like a side of mashed potatoes with brown spots on it. How do you like your potatoes? Browned. I could go on the lettuce tray. Look like they just went and bought it at a Kroger's. I'll say that because I'm in the South.

Well, but no, here they have Ingles. They do have Ingles. They have Ingles here. And it looked like one of those bags of just lettuce that you open up and just let it dump into the, it didn't look inviting. I will say of the proteins, only the chicken was confidently identifiable. Identifiable is the term I would use. I saw what I thought was a beef and what I thought was a pork product, but I cannot confidently label either one.

You at least had it better than me because you couldn't identify it. I actually saw the server, not the server, but the attendant, rolling what I think is Salisbury steak in circles to make the gravy come up and make it look a little bit fresher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know when someone's drowning, there's always a last bubble. That's what you got.

Yeah. And I can, again, confidently say the only thing that looked reasonable in the entire buffet was the mac and ch- Probably because somebody beat me there and turned it. Yeah. Well, according to Yelp from strangers, they have the best fried chicken of any restaurant that that person has ever been to.

That person came from a different country. To be fair, we did not venture a taste. Well, we do not know. I was fearful. We do know, like in our heart of hearts. Yeah. Yeah. But we don't know from experience. There are things that you look at and you say, I'm not going to... I think I'm okay.

Yeah. I think I'm fine. I think I'm good. Yeah. So as a presentation of the atmosphere for the buffet, I'm less than... Less than enthused? Yes, less than enthused. That would be true.

I was going to say not in awe, not a good buffet. And I do think that the truck backs into the emergency exit that the buffet faced, and I wouldn't be surprised if they actually could wheel the whole buffet just into the truck. I'm surprised they didn't have a garage door that just opened up. So you wheel the buffet into the truck and move it onto the morgue. Or just say you can fill the place with carbon monoxide and give it it over with. Sorry if that's dark. It's just how I feel.

I do think let's eat is kind of a funny slogan. It's so minimal effort, but it's kind of trying to force you to do a thing that they're like, look, we, we gotta get rid of this. It's almost like a question. Let's let's eat. Yeah. They did have like a mascot bear that was on the side of the truck. I asked the server what the name was of this bear and they just said,

show knees. I was like, they weren't confident in any of their answers. They, they all look like they'd been working there for years or they've been working there for one day. Well, they had gleaned the experience of one day's worth because that's, that's all you need. What it felt was required. Now I will say they sold stuffed shownies, but it comes in like a body

bag appropriately appropriate, but I comes in like a body bag. Appropriate. But I'm going to open this little guy. Shonies. Be happy. Don't tell me what to do. Why don't you do some work to manifest this? Make this happen with your offerings.

They are minimalist. Not forcibly. Let's eat and be happy. That's kind of the way of just being like, look, don't complain. Stop it. That should be their new logo. Don't complain.

Don't complain. Shonies, don't complain. Can you imagine you drive up, would you walk through the doors of a restaurant that on the outside just had its name and then don't complain. Can you imagine? Would you walk through the doors of a restaurant that on the outside just had its name and then don't complain? Would you turn back? I would, I would.

I think I would too. I really do. Yeah, it's not stunning. Outside you saw a sign. Well, they did have specials on Fridays, so they wanted you to know that as you drove by or as you parked in the, in the parking lot. And they had Friday crab legs. And I'm thinking to myself with all the quality of that buffet, the one thing you want is crab legs from Shoney's.

Yeah. The one thing you want is crustaceans. Yeah. The things where it's like. Things that don't spoil. Now, speaking of rotten. Yes. Almost immediately upon sitting down, I heard behind me. Oh. Look, we went through so much that you almost forgot about this. And this would have been a standout moment

anywhere else that we went. But you know, the clientele does factor into a place's atmosphere because it's who you attract. Who are you attracting to your restaurant? And there were two older women, not like elderly, but older women. One of them gets up, goes to the bathroom and tells the other one, don't forget to get my strawberry pie. I'm going to run to the bathroom and tells the other one, don't forget to get my strawberry pie. I'm going to run to the bathroom and she goes to the bathroom and she's gone. Five minutes comes back and just says, don't use the handicap stall.

There's a poop that wouldn't flush. I don't know if it was going to overflow, but I wasn't about to find out. Way to take responsibility for your actions. At least tell an employee. It was a fairly quiet restaurant. So you could hear that echo throughout. Yeah. You just see a bunch of people. Given it, given it the, the evil eye.

I will say that, uh, about 60% of the people there looked confused. Like they were of the age to where they need a caretaker to, a lot of crocs, describe their surroundings to them. There were a lot of crocs. There were a lot of crocs. And then I guess the last thing, other than like the unnerving buffet that I noticed noticed was that there were secret desserts on a placard. There were three listed on the menu and then an additional three on a tabletopper with the original three.

So there's six total there. And the confusing part was the placard had the secret desserts. And if you turn it around, it was all of their liquor. Yeah. So you could have beer, wine. Or turn it around. And diabetes. And diabetes. Yeah. So you could have beer, wine, or turn and diabetes and diabetes. And the desserts were on the other side. So we're coming for your liver and your kidneys.

Who needs a renal system? Who needs it? Shoney's show. And he's they dialysis center was right next to it as well. Yeah. Shoney's don't complain. I'm going to go two thumbs down on this atmosphere. It was clean and sleek, but that buffet, the alleged floater,

Oh, you went into the men's bathroom. I did. And, uh, uh, Michael is not fortunate enough to go into the restroom. However, it had an overwhelming odor of Clorox, which is better than most alternatives, I will say. Yeah, my pants were slightly burned as I walked out of the stall. So you knew it was clean. With a question mark. Clean?

Don't complain. Don't go. Don't complain. We did bleach it. It was bleached. Don't complain. My hands are still splotchy, but we should be okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going two thumbs down on this atmosphere. I gotta join you. And that buffet was just so uninviting. You know, you could talk about the cleanliness walking in, but there were so many overriding factors that I can't give it any, any time up. Like all the goodwill that they developed from just looking sleek. Gone, gone. There was a heavy push towards the buffet up top. They didn't give us menus.

They did. That's right. They, they assumed that we were going straight for the buffet. Yeah. And then when we, when we asked for it, she literally like pointed toward the buffet with the menus before handing it to us. Are you sure you know? So, uh, can we talk about our orders or can we talk about taking the order?

Yeah, let's please. So, so as one of the meals, uh, selected, there, as one of the meals selected, there was a sandwich called the Slim Jim. Which, I said, on bread? On bread, that's right. It was ham and pickles and lettuce. But I do think it was licensed official Slim Jim cut of meat.

Oh, well that's horrible. Because it had the registered trademark next to Slim Jim cut of meat. Oh, well that's, that's horrible. Cause it had the, the registered trademark next to Slim Jim. Well, in terms of the, the, um, service, I just remember the woman, the server coming up. And when I asked about the Slim Jim, she said, if you're into it. It was, I mean, if you're into that sort of thing, you're into that sort of thing. And I said, well, people. Is it popular?

Is it popular? People order it. People order it. So. That doesn't answer. Is it popular? I've seen it ordered. It was not a vote of confidence.

It didn't inspire me. To be fair, I feel like if we asked her, what do you like here? She would have been like, mm-mm. Or she would have said,, or she would have said the buffet or the exit. Yeah, it was, uh, it was an interesting order take. I will say of our server, she had like a really weird bouncy, but kind of bashful walk. She was almost embarrassed to approach us every time she came up. I don't know if you noticed that in her body language, but it was like, uh,

have you decided? Yeah. When you say she was embarrassed to approach us. So she didn't very often. That is unfortunate. Well, she approached us many times up top to try and get our order in. No, to try to just point us to the buffet. Well, once she realized that that wasn't going to happen. Yeah, right. Then it was a very infrequent visit.

The check drop, the difference between the check drop and the check pickup, that's the spot where it just baffles me, where they drop a check, and it's 15 minutes before you see them. I don't understand that practice. They dropped the check just after we ordered. Oh, she put, yeah, she did put the check on the table and then later we want to desert. And she went, Oh, let me adjust this.

I'll have to take that back then. It's like, yeah, well we didn't need it. It's yeah. But then, uh, an older woman that worked there came over to me. Now, not going to talk about it yet, but I did order a steak. You did. Well, I got like the steak and eggs breakfast, which to me is very different from like when you're going out for steak. It's like, you know, you're, you're getting a steak, but I'm not,

I don't have high expectations. And you didn't ask for the world. You, you asked for scrambled eggs and steak. Yes. I asked for scrambled eggs and steak. Yes, I asked for scrambled eggs and steak. I was not asked how I would like the steak prepared. And this older woman who, you know, it's like when you're watching a TV show and they introduce a new character midway through the season as though you missed something.

Like she came in, like we had met. Look, your well done steak is not ready yet. And in my mind, I'm like, well done. Look, your well-done steak is not ready yet. And in my mind, I'm like, well done. Well done. Then I looked at Mike, I said, did you order well done? I was asked, I was given no such option. You were not given an option.

And she was like, oh, well, it's taken a while because it's thick. This is not an accurate. She was like, I can filet it for you. I was a little concerned when she was stating that the steak is going to come out. Well done. And then I was like, Oh, I don't need it. Well done. And she was like, you did.

And it still took another few minutes because she was making sure she was making damn sure that was well damn sure. And then when it arrived She kind of like held me at gunpoint. She was like cut it Let me see you cut into that that she did ma'am I'm uncomfortable But you were I obliged you did so the scale Extra rare, AKA blue.

Yep. Rare. I know, I know the scale. Medium rare. Yep. Medium. Yep. Medium. Well, well done.

And then there's what this was way too much. It was, you know, they invented a new category of how to cook steak with this. Michael and I had steak a couple of maybe three or four days ago. And we talked about, well, you always want to have the steak rest because it continues to cook after he, she pulled it off the stove. It basically went from black to dark black. It went from black to leather. I had a Vantablack. You know what Vantablack is?

No, but I'm sure it's bad. It's a shade of paint that they use that literally absorbs all light, that it makes stuff look invisible. If you're, it's crazy. Just look up stuff painted with Vantablack. I will. You lose all definition. Well, whatever the blackest thing in the world was, that was your stake.

It was the stake and it was in fact way too much. Now there was one other girl wandering around. She had a mask on that whenever she would talk, she would pull down. And I'm just at that point, just take it off. Just take it off. Just, you know, she picked up our check. I asked her about the bear and she just walked away. It was a complicated question.

And then our server came up to the front and was like looking at a check that wasn't ours and was like, what's this? She was like, I don't know. I'm going back there. I'm checking on the bear. And she was like, what's this? She was like, I don't know, I'm going back there. I'm checking on the bear. And she was like, it's in the system. She shrugged and then continued to walk away. It was not only in the system,

it was on the shelf right next to her. Well, ringing it up is what she was trying to figure out. But yeah, it wasn't great service. I ended up thinking that our waitress was, she was, she had like a funness to her, but her not giving us great service did eclipse any personality bump that she gets. I think I'm going to go one thumb down on service. I I'm not going to go all the way to two thumbs down because I didn't feel like

they hated me and that is kind of a prereq I need to get to them. Is that the benchmark? That's the benchmark of two thumbs. It is a very strong one thumb down. I'll join you. She had she had a smile. She did pour my tea and she brought two more cups or glasses of tea. So yeah.

So and she did bust the table when she brought the dessert because she started to walk away. And I went, can you please take these? Yeah. Yeah. She didn't give an attitude, but I could tell she didn't want to. And when she said, you want me to box up, we'll talk about this at the food, but.

You flinched. I flinched. Do you want to box up? No. I don't want this near me again. No, I need it to go in the truck, please. I feel like if I put this in the back seat of my car and drive home, it's

going to like, garrote me around the neck. Yeah. I will go with a solid one thumb down. And earned. If anything, they've earned this. Yes. Hey, Michael, this is Travis coming to you today from a very sunny Ontario, Canada. I wanted to share my own little experience with you

about a little restaurant called Shoney's. So like you, my friends and I, we love mediocre fast food chain restaurants. And I have a little list of those going up here for you. If you ever come to Canada, you're gonna love it. We were on a road trip through the U.S. and we were coming through Georgia when we decided we needed to stop for lunch.

So one of my friends suggested that we stop at Shoney's, but not just any Shoney's, Shoney's in Akworth, Georgia. The reason why Akworth, the Shoney's there was operated and owned by none other than former professional wrestler Scott Steiner. If anyone here is not familiar with Scott, often known as Big Papa Pump or the genetic freak, the man has arms the size of your head. Like he could just crush your skull with one hand if he wanted to.

He's a scary man. And we get there and he's got his memorabilia everywhere. And we get inside, we get our food and it's pretty mediocre. You know, we're pretty satisfied because we like our mediocre foods as well. And at one point Scott starts coming around. He's checking in with everybody.

He's seeing how everything is. And when he gets to our table and he checks in with us, we tell him everything's fine. And I make a little joke about the ham cubes that they have. So this goes back to when his restaurant was featured on a podcast where they review things like this. And a lot of people were making jokes about the ham cubes, which evidently he took personally.

He was not happy that I made a little crack about it and he stormed off without saying much of a word. We had a good laugh about it. We figured it was all said and done. And then not long after the waitress came by with our receipt and said that you guys are done. We were going to ask about dessert and she said we were not welcome to stay for dessert, pay your bill and get the hell out. So, he didn't like my little joke, cost us dessert, but that's okay. Made for a great story. Thanks, Michael.

Food. Yum, yummy. All right, so now we're gonna talk about the food. The one thing I'll start out with is at least the portions were humongous. Humongous. Whoop. Do you know what that is, Dad? No?

You've watched the show enough. You should know at this point. This is the secret menu mini game, Dad. This is the alarm you said the trigger word, the special word, the word of the day, humongous. Because Shoney's, as established in last week's episode, used to be in the big boy family, as in Bob's, Frish's, Shoney's big boy. And so in honor of big boy, this week's category for the secret menu is big boy foods. Now you can play along at home, play in the comments, wherever you see this on YouTube,

Instagram, TikTok, and I'll pick out a favorite and I'll send you a fine dining t-shirt. And your winner for the previous secret menu mini game from the American Girl Cafe, unfun children's toys category is YouTube user Ahchoo1112. Bless you. With your pitch nerfed guns. So go ahead and reach out to me on Instagram or TikTok at fine dining podcast or email me fine dining podcast at gmail.com and I will get you

your fine dining t-shirt on its way. Thanks for playing better luck next time, everyone. And onto this week's game. So this is gigantic men mixed with food, like Wilt Chamberlain or Snacky Gleason. So I'm going to put 60 seconds on the clock. We're going to trade back and forth and we're just going to say as many jokes as we can. You ready? I'm ready.

Three, two, one. How about Shake Shackiel O'Neill? Ah, Shake Shack. Arnold Schwarzenegg-os. Ha ha ha ha. In the honor of the country music out here, Coffee with Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll.

Ha ha. K.F. Cee-Lo Green. Oh, I... Ha ha. Cee-Lo. Ha ha. A rock band from my days. A mountain with Leslie Wasabi.

Dumb. Ha ha. All right. Fed director Michael Moore. Moore! Moore! Peaches and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Ruth Chris Christie. Okay.

From American Idol, Reuben Stuttered. Reuben, it's in the name. Hulk Hoagie. How about Denny's McClane? Ruben Stuttered. Oh, Ruben, it's in the name. Uh, Hulk Hogi. Ha ha ha ha ha. How about Denny's McClane? All right, going with another wrestler, Peckandre the Giant. Oh, I like that one. Yeah.

From Happy Gilmore and James Bond, Richard Kiel Bossa. That'll do it for the secret menu. Don't forget, comment below. Give me your entry for big boy food, and you can win a fine dining t-shirt. The very one that he is rocking right here in his rocking chair. Yeah, the food portions were humongous in some cases and in others, kind of disappointing.

So let's go over what we got. There were no appetizers. There was no section for appetizers on the menu, which at a restaurant like this, a sit down restaurant is actually pretty rare. They had entrees, sandwiches, sides. You would think they're appetizers here. They'd have fried everything and they had nothing.

You would think so. I think the buffet is kind of their substitute. But I ain't going near it. I think the buffet is kind of their substitute. Yeah. But I ain't going near it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not sure for the soup, I could have pulled the ladle out to actually- It's like Excalibur.

Only- Sword in the stove. Only the righteous. It's the sword in the stove. I got the Shoney's steak breakfast, which was steak and eggs. It was like a sirloin with sides of my choice. I got breakfast potatoes and they were out of biscuits.

And so they offered me pancakes, which was actually an upgrade that they gave me for free. So I took the pancakes just to try them out. And you got the Slim Jim. I got the Slim Jim. Totally by choice, by your choice that you made. Yeah, that was my choice. You made the choice to get the Slim Jim.

It was not urged by me at all. And you know, people do order it. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing. My Slim Jim did have a side of fries. Yes, so. And so let's talk about sides first. Your fries, I think your first bite you said they were pretty good. Did that change as you continued to eat them?

They were erratic or inconsistent. So some of the fries were decent, and some felt like they've been sitting in oil that's been around too long. Oil that can vote. oil that can vote. So, um, I think they might've mixed the batches into a big container and had a heat lamp on them and made some fresh and some dug up old. I tried one and it tasted like the skin or like the peel of the potato, just way too strongly, which I do like potato skins,

but it was just so strong and not enough potato taste, not enough even like fried crispy taste for me, that the one fry I had, I gave a four out of 10, the low end of mediocre. I didn't hate it, hate it, but I was not happy with it. I gave my fries a four dot six, so I think we're kind of in the same area. Yeah, so even with some being good, the inconsistency still only brought you only a little higher.

Right. And then my side, I got breakfast potatoes, which, you know, hard to mess up. People ate them. I ate them. I kept picking at them, as I will call the most tolerable part of my meal. But even then I went five out of 10. Okay. I did not taste you. You didn't try. I did not try your breakfast.

Hey, you did try my side pancake. I did. And you had a pretty funny exclamation when you bet it. Well, there's two things. First of all, it's pretty hard to screw up a pancake. Yeah. However, the inside of the pancake was incredibly dry. So thank God they had lots of pancake. Yeah. However, the inside of the pancake was incredibly dry. So thank God they had lots of syrup.

Yeah. Well, you literally said, how does it manage to be dry with syrup? Yeah. It was a paradise. Don't complain. I'm not complaining. It's a new logo.

Shonies, don't complain. I thought the pancakes were good when they were warm and they had a sharp drop off. So I'm going to average the two out and say it was like a five and a half out of 10. But once they cooled off, I was like down in the threes. I stayed right at four. Maybe we were thinking the same thing. I never had the high point.

You didn't have it warm, yeah. Yeah, so I kind of went straight to the four. It had a crispy ring on the edge, which I, I always liked that in a first bite on something that's bready. Yep. So that first bite was good. And then everything else is just like, Oh, this is just busy work. As a master of pancake making this man, every Christmas morning, you can request a shape of a pancake and he will make it using all sorts of hacks.

I do. Yep. This slice of bacon is eyebrows. You're going to have to post some of those pancakes. I can put some pictures. The best one you did was when I was about to leave for Japan, I asked for, instead of like the shape of like, you know, when I was in eighth grade, you made Stewie Griffin. You've done Dr.

Zoidberg. You've done different cartoon characters. But when I was leaving for Japan, I was like, make me pancake sushi. And I called them the Japan cakes. And it was literally rolls like pancake with different fruits inside and like potatoes and bacon. And they were genuinely really delicious. And I think the assembly process caused them to cool down, but if you could find a way to make them and keep them hot, they would be a marketable thing.

Did you like the kiwi wasabi? The kiwi wasabi. Yeah. You just had a bunch of scrambled up kiwi on the side that was to be. So as a man, as a master of pancake making, this was not lacking. Yeah, it was lacking. Not great. And then there's...

Do you want to talk about the Slim Jim? Yeah, let me just say my eggs were eggs. All right. As average an egg as you can get, it was fine. So on the Slim Jim, which is effectively like a, a hoagie, not a pressed sandwich. Not Hulk Hoagie. It was a Hulk Hoagie, uh, with even though it's Slim Jim is much a man, Randy Savage, which was lettuce, pickles, some form of ham, some form of it was

Slim Jim brand hands and, uh, and it had, uh, melted Swiss, melted Swiss and thousand island dressing. I can honestly say the highlight of the sandwich was the thousand island dressing. The distraction from the other distraction from the other taste. And, you know, a little messy, not horrible. I got through about half of the sandwich and chose to leave the rest

to donate it to science. No, to put it into the truck, into the grave, the grave, the watery grave. Yep. So would I order it again? People order it. People do. I would, I'm not sure I would order this again, but I did eat half of it. What was the score?

Uh, the score was 2.56. Not, not an endorsement. No, there's no ringing endorsement in this, uh, in this meal.56. Not, not an endorsement. There's no ringing endorsement in this, uh, in this meal. Yeah. And then there was my steak, my belt. Oh, the state was, this thing was, look, people will be dramatic and say it was like leather and that subtracts from how poignant it is right now when I compare this to leather. She asked me to cut it in front of her at gun,

you cut the fucking steak. She had a knife right here. And she was like, you cut the steak and show me. And then you eat it. Don't complain. And I, the sucker that I am, cut it, ate it. And she's like, I can remake it. And I was like, no. Because in my mind, this is your bed.

Lie in it. Yeah. I don't want you to get another chance. Actually, what I'm here to review you come as you are, what I was thinking is I could remake it. And you said worse. That's exactly what it is. It could be worse.

Yeah. It was, I didn't say that by the way, I have manners. I'm not saying this to these people to their faces You know, it was bad when you cut it and the inside of it looked like black blood sausage. It's not good No, this thing the exterior and the interior there was no differential in color No, and it was just dark black and I ate it. Didn't like it. You didn't need all of it. And I think this is a first on my, I think it's the first time I gave it a zero out of 10.

Wow. This is the worst steak I've had in my life. Now I've been spoiled in that I've had some very good stakes and I would say that the average steak that I've had has been above the normal average. I haven't had too many bad steaks, but this was a bad, bad steak. And as a proud dad, you've done a good job of learning how to make a good steak. Yeah, this was a bad steak. This was, this made me appreciate my own cooking a little more.

I was like, you know, I'm not doing, not doing half bad. So you, you, you gave it a full zero. You did taste it. I did. However, I just, I wasn't obligated to eat half of it. No, I gave you a small mercy bite. You gave me a mercy bite and I saw the waitress looking at you like finished it. And I'm sorry, he didn't order that.

It's like when you charge someone for the buffet when they just had like a pickle off your plate. Your mom's famous for that. Oh, two buffets. Your mom's famous for that. Hey, can you bring me a couple of these from the buffet and then they look at you like you stole, you know, Grand Theft Auto. I just want two raisins.

Two raisins. Is a raisin okay? So, anyways. For $ want two raisins. Is a raisin okay? Anyways. For $19.99 you can have a raisin. For the one bite, and in my my air of generosity, I gave it a.7. Give it a.7 out of 10. A 0.7.

So between us, we couldn't even crack a one on this steak. Not even close. It was bad and and yet I was hungry enough that I ate 80% of it you did I was wondering why you're doing and boy did she make it sound like it was gonna be a hefty steak it was like it was it was thin no wonder it was so well done and it was like it was a full sounds very triangle which a triangle is not a shape that occurs in nature no

when you're serving steaks by the way I think it was a ribeye, wasn't it? It was supposed to be a ribeye. I don't know. Oh, whatever it was. It was a burnt. This was not an identifiable meat. It was like the buffet, the buffet meat. It was not good.

Fun. Yeah. It was not, not good. And then to top it all off, the punch in the back of the head, Shoney's world famous hot fudge cake. This thing had, what I wrote was a texture for the elderly. It was like Gerber baby food,

pretending to be shaped into a chocolate cake, and it had like a layer of ice cream in it and on top of it layer of ice cream in it and on top of it with big whipped cream and a cherry on top. And while the taste wasn't bad, it was just, I was like, why? Why am I eating this?

It is not, if it's world famous, look, we could go to Dubai, and no one's gonna to recognize this cake. They are lying about world famous. This wasn't even famous in Waynesville. So I'm telling you when the best thing in the entire dessert was the vanilla ice cream. It's not world famous. The texture was so weirdly mushy.

And didn't you say there was some funky taste that you got out of the ice cream? Oh yeah, I did take a bite and I was like, my throat is burning. Not a normal response from vanilla. To an ice cream dessert. My throat is burning, but it was like in that acidic chemically way, which doesn't happen to me often.

Look, I'm using words that people who complain about food use all the time. And I think they're overused and it undercuts it when I use it. Leather for the steak. Chemically for the dessert. It really was. It was.

Check my track record. Go listen to every episode. I don't use those terms often to describe things. I'm, look, I'm a lobster in a boiling pot. I'm honestly pretty happy with most things and I can handle the bullshit, but I will not stand for what they did to me today, what they did to us today with my own father

inside of a Shoney's. You know, they had that sign both sides. They had it as you enter and as you exit, it says, don't complain. Yeah, I went 4.6 out of 10 on the hot fudge. That was generous. The famous hot fudge cake. But what's your score for it? Three point nine one three point nine one.

I want to talk about my saving grace. The Heinz 57. They brought me my steak and they were like, would you like an A1 or a 57? And I was like, ooh, I've never heard of 57 before. I've heard of A1. And you were like, oh, it's Heinz 57. I immediately was like, oh, is this like a ketchup-esque thing?

They brought it. And if you've ever eaten a belt, it does taste better with sauce on it. I can guarantee that. So the Heinz 57 put in a little bit of work. So thanks Heinz. You made this steak that scored a zero. Tolerable.

Edible. Edible. You made this steak stay down. Yeah. There you go. Digestible. Thanks Heinz. Overall, I think it's no surprise

this food gets two thumbs down. If I could go more, I would. If you could, well, if you wait a few days, you're gonna have like a weird mutant third thumb that comes out of your body. There will be a new phalange here, I'm sure. So you could give it that third thumb down in a few days because this thing will change you. Yeah. Yeah. It was an experience.

Two thumbs down for you as well. Thumbs. Yeah. As I said, if I had three, I'd give it. We have to put this together into a rating, but before we do, we got to calibrate because look, not everyone's done as many episodes as me. Yeah. I'm bringing a new person on from week to week, and people's rating scales are different. Everyone's always jumping to give that perfect five. We gotta calibrate.

So dad, before we do, we gotta hit the calibration station. ["Calibration Station Theme Song"] comparing this meal to the best or the worst. Calibration Station. Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo choo. Now in the Calibration Station, I just want to hear real briefly, what is your zero out of 10 meal, the worst meal of your life in 30 seconds,

and then your 10 out of 10, the best meal you've ever had described in about 30 seconds. Start with the zero. The worst meal that I can remember is, is surprisingly in France. Oh, and I had this, uh, sausage called, I think it was called and Dewey. Oh yeah. Yeah. I like Andouille sausage. Well, maybe not there, not the way it's in like a gumbo or something like that. This was prepared and served sort of by itself. Yeah.

And all I could remember is I took a bite. It smelled like piss and I don't know about you, but as you're consuming anything edible and putting it into your mouth, piss is not what you look forward to. You know, and I don't remember people have fetishes. Yeah. Well, this one, but it ain't mine. And I don't remember the exact name fetishes. Yeah, well this one. But it ain't mine. It ain't mine either.

And I don't remember the exact name of the restaurant, but I'm sure it was something like Les Shit or Laycraft. Les Chit-O. Yeah, it was something, but it was a sidewalk cafe restaurant. Honestly, dad, if they name themselves that, it's kind of on you for eating that. Yeah, they didn't, but it was not good.

And the best, I'm going to say, probably just a good, great steak place. Maestro's is a, I keep calling them Maestro's, I don't know why. Maestro's isn't a word in the lexicon, a Maestro is. So I mean, I get making that leap, but yeah. So anyways, great steak, we had a great atmosphere and a great meal. We ate that steak at Cheesepaka.

Oh, also very, very good. That was a fantastic meal. That was a very good place. That I would say is one of the 10 out of 10 meals I've had in my life. Yeah, and I think in general, if you go to really top tier steak places, the service and atmosphere are going to match.

Yeah. I think the one you mentioned is actually even better than, than Mastro's. Yeah. Yeah. Really great, great steak, great service. Probably the best service I've had. Awesome. I drink a lot of water and I think at that place, it's a race. It's a race. It's a race.

They're actually pouring more water into your glass as you're drinking it. They're like, look, you're going to have a full cup or I'm going to quit this job. It was phenomenal. Yeah. Okay, great. So we're nice and calibrated. We now know how to fairly place Shonies. Is it closer to Cheese Faca or Le Shit? Le Piece and Chit. Is it closer to cheese paca or le shit? Well, I can assure you, you know where it's going to land. Oh, oh, okay.

It's not zero. It's not zero. Yeah. Well, talk me through it. Well, I think you know, as I mentioned, the steak, very, very low. The pancake subpar. I said the best part about this meal is the iced tea. And how can you, which is like from a dispenser that they didn't make.

Right. Yeah. So I am in shock and awe of show these. Yeah. I was, uh, unfortunate enough to have a really terrible meal. I believe you had even a worse meal. Yeah. I was, uh, unfortunate enough to have a really terrible meal. I believe you had even a worse meal. Yeah. And again, the only thing that was a salvation for me was the fries and the pancakes, which are throwaways. Yeah. So as an overall rating, I gave it a 1.52.

You went 1.52. I somehow had a worse meal than you, but a better rating. And I think it's, I find it hard to be as harsh on service. Even though they're like putting a knife at my throat and telling me to cut the steak in front of them. I'm just like, yeah, but they're not spitting on me. So yeah, well that's, you know, that's a highlight food, trash, buffet ruin the atmosphere, but otherwise, like I didn't hate the, the way it looked and stuff, but yeah, get that buffet out of there.

Shoney's I went 1.46. So when you average our scores together, I was 1.52. Dad, I've been through a lot today. And one of those things is a meal at Shoney's. Yeah. My chemistry is not. It may take days. It is not operating.

It may take. It's like at equilibrium, you know, since you don't drink in college, it would be called a bad drunk about the third day you come out. Yeah, yeah. Lower than you. One point four six averages together. Shoney's a new worst restaurant in the history. The journey of the fine dining podcast goes up on the Chachki of mediocrity.

When I get home to Los Angeles, 1.49. Wow. I'd like to say I'm honored to participate in the lowest rating, but I'd be lying to you. Next time we'll do, we'll try and find a new bottom. Yeah, or no, let's go, let's, let's have somebody else do that. Let's find me a mid-point. A Ruth's Chris, a Landry's. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Yeah. OK, so Shoney's 1.49 on the tchotchke. You know what a 1.49 isn't? Mediocre. It's not a 5.00, which means I got to go somewhere next time. You do? I got to keep looking. And so we've got a makeshift.

You must bowl. This is for me, dad. Okay, come on. You've seen the show. Whoop. That didn't work out. Next week, I am going to... Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen. Oh, wow.

I've heard of that. Awesome. So that is where I will go next week. Dad, thank you for joining me on the Fine Dining Podcast. Great to be here. Give them all your social media plugs. I'm just kidding. You're not social media guy. I'm not social. You're not social. He sits in a corner and he waits for me to call.

It's sad. It's really sad. Yeah. Awesome. Well, Dad, thanks It's sad. It's really sad. Awesome. Well, dad, thanks for coming on. Great to be here. Thanks for joining me. Even though, you know, it builds character to go through adversity with your own father. That's what happened here today. This restaurant was the Navy Seal training of bad food. Can your stomach handle it?

You're not cut out for this. Yeah. We put ourselves to the test, but thanks for coming on. We didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. You can follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. I'm posting clips of these restaurants. Sometimes I do little features on restaurants that aren't in the mediocrity category.

I've covered fancy little pastry places in Los Angeles and just kind of fun theme things. I went to a chain event. If you guys know what chain is, I've covered fancy little pastry places in Los Angeles, and just kind of fun theme things. I went to a chain event. If you guys know what chain is, it's a pop-up chain restaurant inspired, but done by Michelin star chefs. Cool.

Run by BJ Novak from The Office. Those are, yeah, I've done little videos on that. They're cool. Go check them out. Send me an email, findd podcast at gmail.com. Check out the Patreon for extended yelp from strangers segments. Uh, an exclusive monthly episode, including the upcoming September ger tournament, semi-finals and finals.

You'll get to hear that at the end. So if you follow along for the whole month and you want to know who won, you got to go to Patreon. The search does in fact continue. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day! Search continues, our journey did not conclude. The mother-eating search continues. Riders and I-2's review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh?

Come on. Follow us on TikTok, the same on Instagram. All the socials at Find Dining Podcast. We have a website, finddiningpodcast.com. Buy our t-shirts, then put them on And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next OK! We're going to find it Mediocrity, the search continues

See you next week I heard my throat a little have a fine day