Fine Dining - Smashburger: Good, But Not Smashed Enough!!

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

🍔🥔 Smashburger Review: Incredible Hot Tots, Garlic Fries, and the Elderly Invade! 🥔🍔 This week, Bennett Cohen (@bennettrcohen) and I put Smashburger to the Chili's Test. As the No. 7 seed in Septemburger 2026, Smashburger has a showdown with Five Guys looming in just a couple of months, so the stakes are high. Are they doomed solely by writing a check they couldn't cash (or, SMASH!?). Because these "smash" burgers are not smashed enough to our liking! 🍔 We Review Smashburger's Three Entrants into the Septemburger Tournament 🥔 Smash Fries with Garlic & Rosemary Are a Win 🔥 Scorchin' Hot Tots Steal the Entire Meal (They're Not TOO Hot, Either) 🌭 The Americana Dog Has a Fantastic Bun 🍗 Chicken Tenders That Disappoint 🥤 Bennett and I Diverge on the Milkshakes 👴 The Dining Room Has Too Many Elderly People 🍬 Werther's, Gibberish, and Disregarding Social Norms 🤔 The Cashier Asks Me About Myself, Then Walks Away Mid-Answer..??? 💬 COMMENT BELOW: Which chain deserves the edge in Septemburger 2026: Smashburger or Five Guys? 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🎉 Patreon (Bonus episodes, extended Yelp segments & more): patreon.com/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Food talk, memes, cursed Yelp): discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🎥 Watch full episodes: youtube.com/channel/UCLbraNhL6KhDPkdSWt2yiuw 🔗 All links: linktree.com/finediningpodcast 🎤 Guest: Bennett Cohen | IG: @bennettrcohen Patreon Producers:Sue Ornelas, Joyce Van, & Robert McLaughlin Patreon Subscribers:David Ornelas, Kellie Baldwin, Jeremy Horwitz, Herbert Amaya, Simone Davalos, Scott Bennett, Amy Reinhart, Josef Castaneda-Liles, Travis Langley, Jewell Hermann, & Michelle Elmer Free Patreon Followers:Joe Warszalek, Lauren Cummings, Grace Krainak, Keri Estes, Robert Duran, Patrick Elliott, Dave Plummer, Nicholas Volney, Michael Gerard, Tracy Molino, Phuong Duong, Tyler Robinson, Brandon Gully, Mason Cruz, Michael Milito, Mez, Aaron Hubbard, Steff, Renae Michael, Crystal C., NiZ, & Science Broe 👉 NEXT WEEK: I dive into the history of Raising Cane's with D'Angelo Reyes. 🐔

Does the smashburger chain do smash burgers best? The scorching hot tots tickled my tongue in the most delightful of ways, but the server came to the table to ask me about myself and walked away mid-answer. The egg truffle mushroom burger was excellent even to someone who's sometimes suspect of truffles and mushrooms, but for a place called Smashburger, they literally don't sell Smashburgers. We were treated like royalty by every patron over 80, but if they're not, Thickness is what determines a milkshakes quality. This was a size zero.

Before today, I'd only ever eaten smash burger in an airport terminal. While that meal is what sentenced it to its seventh place seating in my September tournament, did today make me see an error in my judgment or was I justified? Let's find out together. This is the fine dining podcast. Your table's ready. Take your seat. The flavor of the day is mediocrity.

Like to try a bar. My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yowie, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user-friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on Shopify.com. I am your host Michael Ornellis, and this is the podcast that uses Chili's, the most mediocre restaurant in America, as a point of comparison to measure a restaurant's quality.

By the end of this episode, we'll answer the question everyone was wondering when Timothy Shalame said nobody cares about ballet or opera, is Smashburger better than Chili's? Today, we're going to tell you everything that was good, not good, and just there about our meal at Smashburger before we give it a score. And joining me today to discuss Smashburger is a funny guy, a kind soul, a comedian who does improvised musicals with his team's Orion's belt and Ant Hill, and he's the human equivalent of that feeling you get when a restaurant already knows what you want because you're a regular. It's Bennett Cohen. Ah, hello, everyone. Hello, hello.

I love being a regular. It's truly the best. There's a sandwich shop just down the street from me where, like, I would get the garlic chicken sandwich, no pickles, no tomato, or no pickles, light tomato. Now I'd eat it with those things, but I still prefer it without them. And like, I'd call, and just from my voice, they'd be like, no pickles, no tomato, right? Medium spice level. I'm like, yes. Oh my God. That is the best. It's, it's so delightful. And that's the feeling you bring to the table. Oh, my God. That's what you remind me of. Thanks so much for making a drive and for being flexible.

Because I know I barraged you with a couple alternate plans yesterday about today. Oh my God. Thank you for having me. I feel like we landed on the perfect plan. We were looking at the Smashburger down by LA Live, which would have been really fun. I've been meaning to get back to LA Live. I have this like childhood memory of this place called the ESPN Zone. Yeah.

Which I don't think is there anymore. But it was a sports themed arcade. And I remember just like as a kid thinking that was the coolest thing. And I wish it was still there. Yeah. But yeah, it turned, the LA Live Smash Burger looked like a limited menu. We wanted to try everything. It made me sad because, like, I was trying to research it ahead to be like, which three

burgers do we want for the September burger tournament? And I looked at it. I was like, oh, there's only three burgers. And they're all just like, two of them were so close to being the same thing. Yeah. And then one was like a little different and even then not that different. So I was like, please, will you let me like drive you to a. quite a bit further one.

And you were game. So it's been a pleasure. Thank you for coming on. I think let's just jump into it. Let's do it. Yep. All right, we're going to talk about everything that we liked about our experience at this smash burger. Everything that was good. The first moment at the table went really well because I take my first bite of the classic burger.

a little bit of sauce, you know, goes on to the ramp. And there's, there's a ramp of your hand. Yeah. Where your thumb meets your index finger. Exactly. The webbing. The half pipe. The part of your body that is the most frog.

Yeah. Well, because when you're, when you're holding a burger, it's like this is, this is the shelf where sauce can get. Yeah. And do I have to, this is a, this is a important catch point. Do I have to go back to the fountain to find the napkins? Nope, napkins on the table. That was good.

You know what? That was a strong. good for me. That is a point that I don't think I've ever addressed in, I don't know how many episodes of the show I've done, but like, it's approaching 150. I was looking at the sign and just loving it. Like, unfortunately, I have to agree that White Castle is low. I agree Lucille's and Bubba Gump are better than Chili's. So I love looking at that. Yeah, yeah. Very cool what you've done. Thank you so much. But in all of the, in this entire journey, I don't know if we've ever had a philosophical discussion about the convenience of napkins on the table napkins stored at the table it's absolutely

the way to go yeah especially if it's a place where like and very few are but like a place that has like a little container of wet naps oh oh wow you never get it yeah i mean i think it's happened maybe twice in my life and i don't think they were even chain restaurants that's like first class that's holy grail yeah That's, yeah, that's the good stuff right there. It shows that they trust you, you know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, you're not going to be too wasteful.

Yeah. Oh, my, because yeah, don't even get me started about, like, having to ask. Like, if not on the table, it's got to be by the fountain. If we got to ask at the front, it's like, do you think I'm, do you think I can't be trusted with a napkin? Do I look like some kind of jerk to you? Yeah. Yeah. So that was one of my first, my first goods was just that there.

And you mentioned biting into the classic double burger. I know that we'll get more into this in the September kickoff episode, but why don't we talk about that burger? We got the classic double smash burger, which has lettuce, pickle, tomato, red onion, smash sauce, and ketchup. You know, this was the basic burger. This was their first offering on the menu. It's similar to a burger they have called the All-American,

which was one of the other. It was this and the All-American, and then a Bacon Burger, not even the one we got that were the ones they had at LA Live. Got it. And the All-American was, I think it just had something called All-American sauce and was otherwise, basically, this burger. That was the first thing we tried. And so it was the first time I've thought as hard about how much I'm enjoying a burger

in my life. And I think where that got me was to a place where that this was a good burger, but that it, I don't think it stood out. as insanely bad or insanely good. I thought it was good. I felt that it had the benefit of being the warmest because we ate it first. I did ask and like I'm not going to put this in like a negative category because I also understand that it's crazy to ask for a fast casual or fast food place to do this.

But I was like, is there any chance you could stagger the burgers for us? Because I wanted them to all be warm when we got to them and just. by nature of like, I'm taking little video clips and pictures of each of our burgers, making sure I'm documenting them for September. Then biting it and then scoring it and writing thoughts about it before moving on to the next one. And then you move on to the next one and it's a few minutes later. It's cooled off. And then you do that for a third one and it's cooled off even more. So I try to like counteract that by like being.

Yeah, by not holding that part against them. But just a warmer burger is always going to. to be tastier. I think it was understandable. They couldn't bring them out separately, but I think, I think something that even fast casual restaurants could improve is like, the shake can't come out so much earlier than the food, because I will, I'll kill my shake before the food arrives. And I know that's a me problem. Like, I can own that, but it's like, have some damn self-control. I'm just like, why should I, you know? Come on. Like, I, I'm eating out. Don't bring the shake before the food.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't feel. I do feel that the pacing of the food, it came in three waves or four waves? Yeah. I mean, good question. I want to say it was like at almost as many waves as the amount of things we ordered, which understandable, like, or like maybe two things in hand.

She had two things at a time. Yeah. She brought her two shakes first. Then she brought out two burgers. then she brought out like the fries and tots then she brought out the chicken fingers and hot dogs and then brought out the final burger or no no final burger then the chicken figures and hot dogs and i'll say that when the chicken figures and hot dogs came i forgot that they were coming i was like and and it was that moment where uh you know metaphorically i saw myself in the mirror and i didn't like what i saw i was like

oh no i did we did too much yeah that's where like um yeah you're you're like Oh, yeah, I did order all that. It's like you're like, do I even recognize myself from 15 seconds ago? But anyways, yeah, classic double. I liked it. I'm not going to give the exact score because that'll be in September burger. But I think you felt similarly, right? Yes, yeah.

That definitely deserves to be in the good category. Also in the good category, I think the rosemary fries. Yeah. So they were called the smash fries. Okay. Yes. And they were a rosemary and garlic oil combo with like, Like some like seasoning, but it is a lot in the oil.

I'm never going to be mad about rosemary or garlic. I love both of those two ingredients. One of the best restaurant breads of all time, macaroni grill, was a rosemary-based bread. And then, I mean, garlic, I'm a garlic slut. I love garlic so much. This really worked for me. It really worked for me, too. And I think I am more tepid on garlic.

Like, I enjoy it. But it's like if you're making your fries garlic, fries by just like assaulting your fries with garlic like I'm like okay well this is this is overkill and I think something about the it being that blend I mean it's honestly a theme of the restaurant for me but it's like everything was balanced and just well well measured I have to agree genuinely most of my items were in the good category the food items food yeah yeah yeah I think I think I have to agree I don't have much in the not good or just there and we'll get we'll get to them later I definitely do have some things

But I really don't have much. Most of the food isn't good for me. Yeah, I think a lot of the food lives in good for me. And then it's interesting, even just peeking at your sign because it's just, I guess then the question we're asking ourselves is how good. Right. Right. Like we were in agreement. It's good.

And then, but it's just like. How high does it fly? How high does it fly? Yeah. And with those smash fries, I went seven out of ten because they did cool off quickly. And I think more quickly than. average. And I have a note on the chicken tenders, which aren't in the good for me. They're in a different category. Okay. As a similarly fried in oil item, I think affected the smash fries a little,

affected the chicken tenders more, but was ultimately a negative. So I will talk about it when I talk about the chicken tenders. But stay tuned. Mikey's got a criticism. Sounds good. No, I let's get into it. I think I'm realizing that I stayed with the two decimals because the rosemary fries come in at 7.13 for me. Which is very close to mine. Yes. And I I'm glad you said that because I agree with it.

The like the first couple ones I had were like mind blowing. But then yeah, it's like very quickly. I think they got a little cold or not cold but not warm. And yes, they fell off a little bit. I think the testament of a good French fry is

did you finish it? And the fact that, and this was good, but the cool off was drastic enough that I didn't. And we didn't finish anything. We ate most of everything, but we didn't finish anything. And I feel that not finishing fries is kind of a knock against a place. Yeah. Well, the fries need to have staying power, I think. Like, because I'll shout out of fry I do love is the McDonald's fry, but it's like, you've got to get it down.

It has no staying power. You have to wolf it down so fast. It's abrasive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's going limp as you like, even if you're doing like an eating challenge of how fast can I do this, the end will still be limp. Yeah.

And like the first ones are so good. And by the end, like, because it takes a little while for your brain to catch up. You're actually just shoveling mashed potatoes. into your mouth. What am I eating? Like, what did I like about this at first? It's very existential by the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lonely experience. Yeah. Yeah. The other side we got, the scorching hot tots. I liked more than the fries. I don't know if you felt that way, but I thought that these were a great side. They had like a heat oil to them. I also noticed like the calorie count difference between just the smash tots, like the ones, with rosemary and garlic. Okay. And the scorching tots was like 300 calories different for the same amount of tots. And I don't know what about spice would give it more calories because spice I usually don't

think of as a caloric thing. Yeah. And that didn't have to do with volume, you don't think. I don't think it did. I mean, maybe it did. Maybe they have to like toss a certain amount to justify using the scorching thing. But this wasn't a huge quantity of tots. Yeah.

I am interesting. I think the tots had more staying power. Like if I was ordering for the table, I would get the tots. I think the fries were more unique to me. So there's a part of me that wants to defend them, but these are two good sides. I liked them both. And I like there's only a point of difference between them for me. I went eight out of ten on the scorch and hot tots.

The heat for it really built and stuck with me. This was by no means like too hot for me. No, I was going to say scorch. I didn't find. them scorching. They were not scorching. But it was definitely hotter than I expected. Okay. Because I expect heat in a chain restaurant to be on the lamer side. Yes, that's a good point. And this wasn't nothing. Yeah. You know, and because it seemed like the heat was achieved with an oil, because I saw them tossing it in like a bowl, oil is something that really coats the inside of your mouth. Yeah. And so I think that is what caused it to build,

because unless you're like washing it down with a beverage, that oil is still there. So you were at 8 of 10? Yeah. I thought they were delicious. Yeah. Awesome. I think I have them seven of ten so that the rosemary fries beat them by point one three. Point one three. But these are both great. Yeah. I have the the egg truffle burger in good. Let's talk about it. I did too. I did too. Yeah. Let me let me give a reading of what's in them. Sauteed cremini mushrooms, fried egg, baby arugula, and truffle mayo. To me, the egg is the headline because I think there was also a truffle mushroom burger, Sands egg. And we went with the egg. I'm so glad we did. Yeah. The egg was, was that over medium? Is that what you call that?

It seemed like it might have been overhard. Okay. Like, because I'm trying to place it. There was no goop. Yeah. Yeah. So I,

there's no Gwyneth Paltrow in sight. I think it was overhard, but like, but not a offensive overhard. No, it wasn't, uh, it still had an eggy flavor. Yeah. But it didn't give like the, the, the works in the way that you want an egg to be like it, you want it to create a pool because then it kind of permeates the bun. Uh, and it permeates other elements of the burger. and this was just kind of like,

eh, I'm just going to hang out here in my own room. Yeah, kind of an antisocial egg. There's an antisocial egg. Yeah. Because I guess to say it out loud, when you see fried egg on a burger, you assume over easy.

I was kind of surprised when we ordered it to not be asked our preference. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if it's because of the amount of, like, variety we ordered that they were like, whatever the stock is.

Yeah, we don't want to complicate this more. Yeah. Even though if I remember correctly, that was her recommendation, right? She did. Yeah, we asked about the egg. She was like, oh, yeah, the egg truffle mushroom burger is by far my preference. And I agree. I found that one very good. Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, my only main note was that I think it could have done more with the truffle mayo because it was a little dry to me. Yeah. But speaking of that server, she's very attentive. And I really love. liked the experience of ordering with her. Yeah, because we didn't decide everything we wanted and then go order. We went up and then did it as a process and there was patience that I appreciate. Like we were, we were ordering on the fly.

And she seemed like involved and invested. It wasn't even just like, okay, I guess I'll wait until you put it and I'll do it with a smile. Yeah. No. Was that an official order or, you know, or are you just saying it out loud? But yeah, service truly was great. There was an incident that I put in just there later,

mostly because it made me laugh, but it was objectively not good. So I'll talk about it. I teased it at the beginning. Yeah. But I do still have a few good things because most of the food was good. Let's keep going to. I was just going to say more about the truffle burger.

Just like the truffle and the mushrooms, like they just cut the taste of each other really nicely. Like neither was the, this was like a good basketball team where they don't, there's no star player, but they just pass the ball really well. I think that's a great way to describe it. There were no like dominant tastes. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of well-balanced flavors, the double barbecue bacon smash I have in the good.

I believe you have it in the just there. Yeah. Yeah. But this was the most like up my alley in terms of like the types of burgers I'm used to getting. it was crispy onion strings, bacon, burger patty, and a barbecue sauce. So it wasn't the most creative or anything, but it is kind of just like a tried and true combo. None of the things overpowered.

And I liked that about it. If I had to give it a note, I'd say I wish that the bacon was maybe a little bit crispier, but even then I don't want it like too crispy. And I wish that the crispy onion strings also had a little bit more crunch to them. Yeah, I thought, and I'm by no means an expert, but I was, I was interested to see the layer of crispy onion strings be the bottom layer or the first, if the bun is the lobby, the crispy onion strings were floor one. And I think about it as one from a texture standpoint. If they're crispy, your bottom teeth breaking through it is satisfying.

And the fact that it's on bottom means it's the first thing that your taste buds are experiencing. Fascinating. Okay. And that I like. I think that would be the ingredient that I would want first. I think I'm learning maybe just in this moment that I'm. I am a top down taster. Because obviously, biologically, the taste buds are on the tongue, so that's not true.

But I'm like, I think, I think mentally my process is like, I think of the thing I want to taste first. Like, I'll put a pickle on as the top layer if I want to crunch into the pickle with my top teeth. Sure. Yeah, yeah. So that's interesting. I've never thought of it that way. But, but you're right. Like I.

I do think texture tends to be a convergence of teeth, not any. specific one. Uh-huh. But taste is going to be bottom. Yeah. Yeah. Fascinating. Every bite I take from now on it's going to be way more hyper aware.

Yeah. Hmm. It's going to make you a more deliberate human in the world. Thank you. Thank you. And then I also have the Americana dog in the good. Did you have it in the good? Yeah.

What did you like about it? I think I agree. Well, the bun I thought was very nice. It was almost like Texas toast like of consistency. It was like a griddled bun. Yeah. a little bit expandy, which maybe not the, like, that feeling when a bun starts like going down your esophagus and then like you feel it like choking you from the inside. There was a little bit of that.

But it was tasty. I thought that the hot dog beef itself had a good flavor. This had like a relish on it. It had, was it red onion? I think it was red onion. And then I think I had a ketchup and a mustard. Yeah. I thought it suffered from something that I think most all hot dog.

do, which is you take a, that first bite, you get topping and hot dog at the same time, but then the toppings, like, squirt up to the top. It was unmanageable. And then you're like, how do I take another bite? Like, I guess maybe if I had a knife, you could replace it, but. I dumped most the relish off right away because I was like, if I don't, it's just going to become my mustache. Yeah, relish is also, it's not my favorite condiment, although I did like this relish. I did like this relish, and I agree relish is not typically my favorite. But yeah, it feels like if you don't intervene, then every bite after the first one is going to pay for it. All topping or all hot dog.

Like they kind of, they divorce after that first bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kids go to college and they just. Look, we gave it 18 years. I went seven and a half out of 10 on the Americana dog. Okay, yeah. I feel like I. But I'm a sucker for a dog.

Yeah. I do love a hot dog. I think I'm probably somewhere in like 6.8. Like I think also I agree that to me the hot dog taste was and maybe it's because I was taking bites that were pure dog not topping, but it was like that hot dog taste was really breaking through. Which is I guess I'm realizing I'm confused on how much I love hot dogs because that sometimes that taste. Wow. That's very funny to me. Just listen to that back.

Run that back. No, I didn't even. I'm not even laughing for that. I mean just literally the idea of being. And philosophically, do I like hot dogs? Well, because you know what? Like, I feel like, I just think, like, sometimes the taste of a hot dog, like, that beef taste is, like, too much. But I think that's why toppings normally, like, rule the day.

And then it's, yeah, I actually don't disagree. My favorite part of the hot dog is the dog. Okay. I could eat plain hot dogs and be happy. I typically don't. I put mustard on it or I put ketchup on it or, you know. Yeah, I think my go-to-dude. dog is mustard and sourcrow.

Not a big sourcrap guy. Not a big like fermented. Okay. Guy. More so than I used to be, but I'm still warming up to it. Totally. Yeah. Inside the restaurant, very clean.

Yes. Very spacious, tall, open ceilings, which I love. I mean, we're just in Manhattan Beach, like this whole shopping center. We didn't explore the whole place, but I assume a lot of it was, was in the good. Yeah. Big, like, sunny, illustrated beach mural on the wall. that we were facing, like, very pleasant natural wood for, like, the benches and stuff. And it's not high end, but it's delightful.

It's pleasant to your psyche. Yeah. I'm remembering also that they, we didn't order it, but they have beer. Oh, okay. I'm just remember, like, I feel like that's a good thing. It's like, it just shows that they went to the trouble of, or I guess, is beer and wine much easier to serve than, it's not like, There's not a full bar at this smashed burger. Imagine.

Get smashed burger. That is a different idea. Okay. That is all of the good elements for me. Is there anything else you want to talk about with good? Oh, for me, the shake isn't good. Okay. I think we're going to disagree on that one, but that's okay.

For me, it's not okay. Yeah. Yeah, this is going to. I'm angry. Like the feed, like, shh. It buffering. It goes to static. Yeah.

puts like a we'll be right back due to technical difficulties. Exactly. Because I mean, I, yeah, I think the shake was tasty to me. I got the chocolate. You got the cookies and cream. And to me, yeah, you tease the thickness. It was not the thickest shake. I'm just, I'm two for two.

Just with my word choice. But these are just the actual terms people used to describe these things. I know, but I'm just hearing it back. Because I, you know what I, you know what I, it would be in the bad for me when this straw cannot handle the shake. Yeah. When the straw fails at its job of a straw. Okay. Yeah.

When you're, when you're doing a milkshake and you get that really thick straw. Yeah. It's so satisfying. When you get like a full Reese's chunk or like an Oreo chunk. Yeah. And it can make that journey. And that's important. The straw has to match the shake.

Yeah. And so to me, while this, this wouldn't be. in my, I don't know, top three shakes ever, I was like, this shake is a success. Because the straw works, the flavor is good, not overly chocolatey. Yeah, I just think, for me, it makes it into good. If I had to put a number on it, I think I'd be right around 7.1. Okay. Yeah.

Great. That is everything we liked about our time at Smashburger. Now let's flip it on its head and talk about the negative, everything that was not good. This is not so good. I'm not quite sure about. It could have done without it. Something brings down the mood. Okay.

So, admittedly, I took up a selfish amount of space. You and I sat at a table for four. And that's just two of us. But there were only two other people in the restaurant when we got there. Yeah. There's plenty of space. There's enough space for everyone who was a lot of space. Who is in the restaurant.

And I brought with, because it's a Septemberger episode, the Septemberger Championship Belt. Yes. And I, for like, just like display. I do this when I play board games too. We're all like display the box at the end of the table while playing the game because it just looks like it looks like it's titling the hangout. And it's just like items that you don't want to place on the floor or even on the bench.

It's like it is a table worthy item. And so I put the September Girl Championship belt on the table next to us, which was like, you know, I didn't even have to lean. Like it was close enough that it was like right there. We're on the wall of booths. So to be fair, we do have, we're occupying, I guess, two four tops or a four top and a two top next to each other on the booth wall. And mind you, there is plenty of room in here. The restaurant is very dead. Empty.

The two people that were eating their head left at this point. Yep, yeah. And this older gentleman, they get the award for earliest burger of the day. We got there and there was two people already chowing down burger. I'm like, the early bird gets the word. They won. This older gentleman sits at the table next to us. With my belt.

And I'm just like, there's a dozen tables inside. There's a couple tables outside. It's a nice day. Doesn't ask to move the belt. Nothing. Sits with the belt. Sits down with the belt. I just kind of yanked the belt and just like set it on my jacket, which is next to me.

Yeah. And this guy is just pounding Wither's chewy caramel. Oh yeah, caramel or butterckel. And talking to himself in like an undiscernible language. Yeah. I think it was gibberish. I think it was like, you know, because I've I've heard other. Even if I don't know other languages, I can be like, oh, well, that, like, I know German when I hear it.

I know. Yeah, I'm trying to remember. I didn't make out any words, but I wondered if it wasn't just like English, but under the breath quietly and like. It definitely was not English. I was, I was, I was very, you're dropping. You were locked in. You were locked in. I felt a danger.

Like in, in like a, like a, is it Buffalo Bill, the guy from Silence of the Lands that's not Hannibal Lecter? Oh. In like, I was just like mildly uncomfortable where like my brain went into backstory mode and I'm like, this guy has prisoners. That's, yeah, that's funny. I, yeah, we can't hold that against Smashburger, but I was like. Well, you can't, you can't. I don't know. It's like, clientele they attract.

Oh, interesting. You know? So, I mean, did he, so did he not order food? And then he kind of disappeared. Yeah, he didn't. Or he just pounded a full bag of. Were there's cheese? Caramels.

Caramels. And I think he may have had a cup, like a paper cup, but it wasn't even Smashburger branded. So I don't know. And yeah, I think I felt similarly that I wasn't enjoying being his neighbor. But luckily, I feel like he was really there for like eight minutes. Yeah. And older gentlemen made me uncomfortable. but I guess we're popular enough

that he wanted to sit by us. Yeah. And it started a trend. Yes. Another older couple sat down at that table and as we were leaving, are you food reviewers? Which was very sweet.

She was very sweet lady. She was really nice and her husband was just on his phone. But also my jacket was next to me with the belt on it at that point after that guy left. And the husband is like, scooting into the same table and like dragging my jacket on the bench and I'd like reach over a pull and I'm like there's so many available things stop touching my stuff and and I noticed in the middle of the meal the wife pantomiming writing in a notebook to her husband and pointing at us like they're

taking notes I did not catch that oh my goodness because she had a notebook but like like wasn't writing in it, but it was like. Yeah. And then, um, and then the last one was the, there's an older couple sitting. And the quietest woman I've ever not heard. She, yeah. So, so we're here, if anyone watching we're here, the couple pamptimiming is here. And then there's the table here.

And, um, I guess we were, we were misrecognized or a woman asked if we were graduates of The Mount is what she said. Loyola Marymount University, which we were nearby, if I recall. She said, because I feel like I recognized you. And she was kind of talking like this. And then she was pointing back to the table. And I don't know what she was indicating. Yeah, I was a little closer to her.

I think her husband works, or probably is retired, but worked at LMU. What we don't know is the people who she's actually referring to. and maybe they look just like us, and it's very fair. Would be crazy if we're like dead ringers. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like spot on A to A. Like, we are the asshole.

It's like, no, we look like those people. Yeah. And they dress the same way. Yeah, yeah. They hang out together. But it just felt like this like parade of like elderly attention. Yeah. I'm trying to avoid the label of like antisocial Gen Z or like can't talk to strangers.

Yeah. But it's like these. So you take it as a challenge like, I'm going to have this conversation. This is going to be fun. Like the thought that this is painful will not cross my mind, but it did. So I unfortunately proved that stereotype right where I was like, to me, the hard part about it was she was so quiet. Yeah.

The one at the end with like the O'R you food reviewers, that one, I'm a little bit more used to because I do walk around with a notebook to restaurants. So I do get asked that occasionally. Yeah. And I just be like, yeah, fine dining podcast. Check it out. And both of them, both of them are very sweet. Yeah, very nice.

Yeah. The old, the, the, the Wothers guy is the one that I'm, why I'm putting this in not good. Yeah. And I, yeah, and I think in general, like, what would make me being, not interrupted, but like, approach during a meal in the good category would be like, my long lost friend, you know, or you're my favorite musical improviser. Yeah. I saw you at UCB like a month ago. Yeah. You were great.

Unfortunately, to miss. breasts or something. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, yes, sir. But actually, please stop asking me to sign your breasts in public. That's just sort of a PSA to everyone. You know, keeps that happening. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a long year of signing body

right now. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, like, I think being misrecognized, even though they meant nothing by it, it was just, it was just awkward. And that's okay. Yeah. My favorite thing about it was kind of there was an element of like she was like, are you sure?

Yes. As though we're incorrect. Yeah. Do you go to LMU? No. Really? How confident would you say you are that you didn't go to LMU? I guess I haven't thought about it like that.

Maybe I went there. I put it between 99 and 100% certainty. Yeah. Yeah. Can you reconsider? Yeah. I would like it more if you went. Yeah.

Yeah. No, yeah, you're right. There was a feeling that the right answer was yes. Yeah. And that we were disappointing her by not giving that answer. Or that she was like, why would they lie? What are they hiding? Yeah.

And then the other thing I have and not good is these are not smash burgers. Yeah. Smash burgers are thin, have crispy edges. And like, that is like the concept of this restaurant. So I don't know if this location failed at the execution or if somewhere along the way they've kind of thickened their burgers. But like. just sort of tried to appease the average burger goer go thinner yeah smash the burger patties yeah there was no evidence that the any burgers were smashed in the making of this film none none yeah

uh and it was a disappointment because it's like one it's a promise made by the name of the place two this location uh is at least a little bit older because their sign is an older logo and the sign has a smash press in the logo pressing down some letters, the MAS in the middle of smash, there's a press. Yeah, I mean, there are no strangers to being sued. Like, and I think, I think we ultimately have grounds that we ordered three burgers and none were smashed burger. Yeah. That or they were smashed, but like the beef was resisting the weight.

They were like, the beef were trying to like. The beef won. The beef one. Maybe they just needed stronger. bigger people. Big, big, strong people. Oh, just, yeah. Get, get hunks.

Yeah. I want Smash Burger to hire more hunks to operate their, and I want to, and it's like, almost like with the pizzerias where you can watch your pizza being made. It's like, I kind of want to see the burger get smashed. And I want it to be kind of like a strip club where you can like throw dollar bills

so that they like press it more. Yes. Yeah. Flatter. Flatter. Yeah, I mean, I think we ended up paying with, with Apple pay, but like I brought, I brought cash.

You had so many singles and sweatpants weirdly. I am the last thing I would put in the bad and I think, or maybe this is the just there because I'm used to it. This is very personal. But to me, the fountain drink selection was just mid. It's like I'm not a huge soda person. And I really appreciate when I can see one of Blue Powerade, Barry Mountain Blast, Blue Powerade, or high seafood punch.

It's like, it's kind of the fun drink for the non-soda drinkers. And more and more places are carrying at least one. And I think if I recall correctly, we had Coke Zero, Coke Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper. The Dr. Pepper to me is like, that's what I need them to have. Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, to me, that's already four kind of spent on the same genre. And then I think vitamin water, Minut made lemonade.

They also had fresh lemonade. Vitamin water gives you that power aid-ish. Yes, yeah. So that one's just personal. Like on a macro scale, they did check the box with the blueberry, asai, pomegranate, vitamin water. So that's a personal one. I just blue power rate is probably my favorite drink of all time.

And high seed fruit punch is what I get if they don't have blue power rate. So that's sorry, smash burger. You just, you pick the wrong guy. Okay, well, that's everything for not good. Let's talk about the rest of the things that were just there. So I had my shake in just there, the Oreo cookies and cream shake. Okay, and I had the barbecue bacon, so we kind of, we just flip-flopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just thought it was thin and flimsy. Like the taste was there. Yeah. I didn't have any problem with the taste. But there's something where I get mildly grossed out by a shake that's too thin. Yeah, it's like, what am I drinking? Yeah, it feels like... Thicker than milk.

Has this gone bad? Yes, yeah. Like, it seeps into my brain. And it probably hasn't gone bad, but the fact that my brain thinks it was enough to where the texture makes me want to put this on the cusp. So I went six out of ten, could be in the good, but to send a message to them, I put it in just there. I hope you received the message, Smash Burger, and thicken up.

Yeah, let's bring it. Let's thin those patties and thicken those shakes. Yeah. Yeah, they're doing it all backwards. I'm remembering now, I think something I put in the just there is the size of the burgers. Like, I think we lucked out by tasting three different ones. But if I was going by myself and got just one. Just one.

I don't know if it would be enough food, which I think is something I'm feeling in chain restaurants across the board is like, okay, I'm paying for full meal, but getting what feels like 80% of one. Interesting. And I'm like, and so it's, it's, it's a shitty situation because what, you can't justify price or amount of food to, to double up. I guess at a burger place, you can get an extra patty. Yeah. So, but, but, and also that there would be times where I'd really appreciate a compact burger.

So maybe this one depends on the day, which is why it's just there and not a positive or a negative, but compact burgers. So if you're on a day where that's something you want, it's good. But if you're starving, I don't know. You're streets ahead of me in the sense that like you're looking at the full chestboard thinking about future moves. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. I only am like, well, here's what I'm doing right now. Totally. In the sense of I knew that we were ordering three burgers and each having half of each. So we got one and a half burgers. My brain didn't even entertain the idea of evaluating. would this be enough if I just got one? I didn't come in thinking I would think about it,

but that's what I thought of as we dined. You're more complexly wired than I am. I am but a simple, simple-minded boy. I feel like, if that's true, I feel like my expertise really only pertains to burgers. Can I have some of these complex thoughts about life stuff? No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get those.

You don't get to pick. No. This is what your gift is. This is like, you'd be like the shittiest X-Men. Yeah. You go to X-Men Academy. They're like, what's your power? Be like, I know how much is too much burger or not enough.

It's like, I'm really good at helping the group order. Which is a gift. Yes, yes. Makes you a mutant. Yeah. Yeah. The chicken tenders. The chicken tenders.

So I, what I wanted to say in this applied to the smash fries for me earlier, the thing I was going to say. I now understand what people mean when they say it tastes like old friar oil. Okay. Something about what these were fried in. The breading tasted fresh and yet the oil tasted off. These weren't bad, but they didn't taste fresh. I think this might be your X-Man power to taste the oil versus the breading or just

I'm only saying it because I saw Yelp reviews about other people saying they need to change their friar oil. And when reading it, I went, what? What does that even mean? And I felt like this was like, I think that's what I'm tasting. Wow. Now I want to go back and taste. I think because I think I might know what you're talking about. I think in my life, I've always just filed that away as the taste of fried food.

Uh-huh. Like, but yeah, I think my experience for the chicken tenders was. just that they were, they were just there. Yeah. Like, I mean, I went literally five out of ten. I went right in the middle on these. Yeah, they were, they were good. They were kind of light.

Like, they weren't like totally fried. Like, they wouldn't weigh you down. Yeah. Which I, which I like, although maybe it was slightly in the other direction of, but, yeah, just. And good, we got the smash sauce, which is a great sauce. Yeah. Yeah. But I agree with your assessment.

Yeah. And then the other thing I have in just there was the employee that did the cashier bit for us, who was great at cashiering. Awesome. Came over to the table, saw the championship belt and was like, hey, can I ask what that's about? And I was like, oh, yeah, I do a chain restaurant review podcast. You guys are in a burger tournament. I'm doing this. And her face was like showing like genuine interest.

And then I just kind of continue. And I don't think I went on too long. I think there was even follow questions. Like she asked if you'd ever been here before. Yeah. You said you've been to the what you thought was the Austin airport. Yeah. Yeah.

And I didn't hear a phone ring. I didn't hear an employee calling for her. But I was just like in the middle of a sentence. And she just walked away. And I was like continuing. And I was like, is this a thing where it's like, keep going? I'm listening. And then as soon as I realized it was, oh, that was it for her.

I stopped. And then started noticing Wither's guy next to me. Yeah, I, yeah. Maybe she just didn't want to get in trouble for gabbing on the job. Maybe. It was bizarre. It was so weird. Just ask the question, but, but what was, wasn't prepared to stick around for the answer.

Yeah. Oh, another burger tournament. Got it. If I had a nickel. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we need to put all of this. into a score. But Bennett, this is your first time on the fine dining podcast. You haven't experienced the breadth

of restaurants that I have. My zero and ten are defined. Yours are not. So we need to stop at the Calibration Station. All right. You're worst restaurant to experience, your best restaurant experience. You can start with whichever one you like. My best restaurant experience or my favorite restaurant, I think is really easy. At 10, I've got sugarfish, the sushi restaurant. Yeah. It is one. There's also Kazunori and also Nizawa bar. I think it's chef Nizawa operates these three restaurants. And it's like, you can order whatever you want, but you mostly order their menu. And then it's, comes out in several courses. To me, I was kind of a sushi hater for a while. I don't know if I

tried it and hated it, but I just was suspect of it. Same. Yeah. I took a trip to Japan in 2018, 2019 over like New Year and told myself that I couldn't say no to any food except for octopus. Okay. And that's where I like had like an omacase style sushi like chef's selection for the first time. And I was like, oh, I like pretty much all of this. And then since I've come back from that, trip I've loved sushi yeah so I think yeah that but I get the apprehension definitely but sugarfish converted me like it's just it's like simple but it's so good like I just I I just ever everyone has to try it like my warning is if if you try it you might start hating other sushi if you don't want other sushi ruined for you don't have and I'm sure there's people

listening like fuck this guy like I'll show you good sushi like you're such a normie for but but But this is what I'm, this is where I'm at today. And the menu is sleek. The interiors of these places are gorgeous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, really, it'd be hard to go with a big party. I'm sure it's done, but it's like you go as like one to four people.

And those are basically the biggest tables in the place, low light. And then you can, you order the same thing every time. They bring it out in courses. And it's just so fresh and so good. And Sugarfish is such a good name for it also. because it kind of, there's a few of the, there's the tuna sashimi that's in this Ponzi sauce that tastes like candy, but it's fish.

Sure. So it is sugar fish. And then also, it's really their Ponzo sauce. Like if I could have any, if I could be buried and drowned in one sauce. Yes, it would be their, because then the, their albacore, nagiri has the Ponzoon on it and chives. And it melts in your mouth. It's crazy.

Yeah. And they, they, they, They have the best rice. They have the best soy sauce wasabi. Like, it's just, it's just every part of the experience and every part of like the sushi itself is deliberately chosen. I think so. I mean, as someone who is ultimately still young in my sushi journey, right? Like, I'm sure I need to try.

I need to, I've never been to Japan, but I need to try that. Yeah. I'm just picturing the listener who's like, this guy doesn't know jack shit. Yeah. And then you're zero. Zero is hard for, I'm trying to, I think, I think what I'm going to put at zero, because I almost said it as my hot take is like food trucks. Interesting.

Just like in general food trucks. Yeah. And I guess disclaimer, there are some food trucks that punch above their weight class. But I think food trucks is somewhere where you're kind of paying the same you would pay at a restaurant for less food. And like limited menu. And I think something that I was, like, reflecting on my food truck experiences, it's like, whoever opened the business knows they're opening a food truck, but then you're, like, trying to order.

And they look at you like, what do you want me to do, man? It's just me and my truck. And I'm like, yeah, I know, but what? Like, like, they look at you, like, please take it easy on me. Like, like, I'm limited back here with my truck. And I'm like, no, I'm just trying to order something on the menu. you. I, um, so I, I think ordering from a food truck can be like, you, I just, there's been times where I feel like I'm inconveniencing them. And I'm like, I'm just trying to be a patron of,

of your business. And, and I think portions, I mean, obviously like, a food truck can hit when you're like, it's like, oh, yeah, we're at Coachella. It's like, I know I'm paying $20 for this much food, but it's like specialty something in the valley. There's a lobster roll food truck, which is not a zero. I promise. But I think the concept of food truck is what I'm going to put there. Okay. Well, somewhere between sushi so good it makes you hate other sushi and a delivery method of food that makes you feel like you're hassling them. Yeah. Lies today's experience at Smashburger. We're going to put it to the Chili's Test. So yeah, I think this is it the worst, is the best.

Let's put it to the Chili's test. So, yeah, I think this restaurant lives somewhere for me where almost everything is good. It would be a disservice to call this place average. But ultimately, in its execution of good, I don't think it's transcending too great. It's fast, it's definitely on the higher end of fast casual. Like I'm someone who loves to sit down at a more like like so Chili's as a five. I think I would have Chili's higher, but but I'm so sorry. Oh, that's blast me on this podcast.

No, no, no. Insanity. It is the most mediocre restaurant. And you're right. You're like I think I think I'm having rose colored glasses when I look back on my Chili's experiences. Everyone does. Yeah.

So if if I were to teleport, I'm the only who has the balls to call Chili's the space. that it is. Yeah, if I could teleport back to that moment and realize that it's not all, it's cracked up to be. I think that Smashburger for me earned a 6.21. Okay. I'm a little bit lower than you. Okay. Not by much. I would call this the very high end of average in that at the end of the day, it's still a fast, casual place. And I think one of the biggest tells is the clientele. and when I go. I see what you did there. I noticed it as it was coming.

I was like, ooh, this is going to feel sweet. Nice. I didn't know if it was on purpose or not. That was awesome. But like truly felt it like depressed the experience more than I expected it to for me. When you have an otherwise nice room.

But that's not going to be inconsistent or that's not going to be consistent. Or that's not going to be consistent across all smash burgers. that seems more of a, this is the building code for Manhattan Beach. Yeah. And we were there for an early lunch as well. We were there for an early lunch. And the food itself was good. Nothing wowed me.

The best thing to me were those tater tots. And even then they were just very good. Like, I'd say they were great. But like, wow, nothing, nothing. So I don't think they have a leg to stand on. in that perfectly serviceable food. I'm not going to be mad going to a smash burger, but I'm never going to get a craving for like,

oh, I got to go get that thing that I like at smashburger. It had none of that. So for me, I went 5.96. Okay. Yeah. Which close enough to yours. Definitely. It's interesting to have, undergone this experiment because I think when I was driving here today, I was wondering, what is my

preexisting, what is my preexisting idea of Smashburger? And what I came up with, I wanted if you'll agree, is like, Smashburger feels like a compromise location. Like, yeah, I think when, when a friend group is trying to pick somewhere, it's not going to be what anyone throws out. It's what no one wants, but everyone will eat. Yeah. So that, that's exactly what it is. And I think it's in the, it's in the upper echelon of compromise. That's the jingle. Let's find that jingle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's, uh, it's what nobody wants, but everyone will eat. Smash burger. That, oh, let's harmonize on Smashburger. Smash burger. Yeah. Uh, great, we did it. Well, when you put your score together with my score, Smash burger burger, smash burger, smash burger goes up on the chart.

Chotchky of mediocrity, tying with Wadaberger at a 6.09. Wow. Beating out Benihana. Yeah, that Benihanna experience was a nightmare. We waited two hours from the time we walked in the door, despite having a reservation until we actually had food in front of us. Oh, my God. So that was Benihana not living up to a promise. Yeah.

I feel like I could do a whole podcast just commenting on these because it's so interesting. Great. Take it from here. Okay. No, no, no. Well, this means that smashburger is officially and authoritatively. Better than Chili's. Better than the Chili's. All right, Bennett.

Well, I need to go somewhere next week. So I'm going to reach into the You Must Bowl here and pull out where am I going to go? Next week on the Fine Dining podcast, I will be going to raising canes Wow Get some chicken I love raising canes Yeah

Thanks so much for coming on the podcast Thanks for doing this with me Thank you for having you so It was a delight fun Do you want to tell people where they can find you On socials or find you performing Or anything like that Yeah I'm on Instagram at Bennett R. Cohen

And Bennett is two ends And two T's And I'm performing musical improv And some regular improv all around in L.A., but follow me on Instagram and you could maybe come to a show. Thanks so much. Amazing. And you can follow this show on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. You can join my Discord if you want to chat with me and tell me how I'm so, so wrong about some of my opinions. I welcome the challenge of an argument because I love arguing over unimportant things.

Over the scorching tots. Yeah, over the scorching tots. And then if you want to support the show, I do have a Patreon and every dollar that you pledged there supports the show. show directly. So I appreciate anything and everything that you're willing to pledge there. But in exchange for it, you do get discounts on my merch store. You do get an exclusive episode every single month. At this point, I'm up to like 41 Patreon exclusive episode. So there's a whole bunch of restaurants I've covered on Patreon that I have not done on the main feed. And the full extended yield from strangers segments and an interview with my guest where I talk about their preferred restaurant rotation.

Anyways, that is another one in the books. Thank you all so much for watching. I will see you next week. Have a fine day. Well, there's another one in the folks. We judge the service up to the cooks and while we may have gotten

a couple of dirty love not from the bottom down to the top we got and that's because chillies do things up on the charge game folks and we will see you next week and next week, baby.